
Luke and Andrew have a serious conversation about Fresca that they should have had a long time ago. Luke also lets Andrew in on some of the soda scams his family ran in the 90s.
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Luke Burbank
There's any duplicating going around here when you're not present?
Andrew Walsh
Uh huh huh.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, maybe. Do you duplicate alone? I think that's kind of a personal question. I don't really care.
Andrew Walsh
You're laughing.
Luke Burbank
Ms. Tyler, are you taking my duplication investigation seriously or are you disrespecting my duplication investigation? No, no, I'm not disrespecting you. I'm just saying that there's no real way I can check, you know, because I leave at a certain time, I'm not.
Andrew Walsh
Duplicating is taking place.
Luke Burbank
And when duplicating takes place, that means.
Andrew Walsh
There'S more than one.
Luke Burbank
There may be two or three, Ms. Tyler. Two, three or four? Y'all are joking.
Andrew Walsh
No, Are y'all kidding with me?
Luke Burbank
I'm talking about duping.
Andrew Walsh
Duping. Okay. Duplication.
Luke Burbank
I just work here. You in charge of duplication? Yes, sir. Show me how this duplicating machine works. I want to learn all about the process.
Andrew Walsh
TBTs. So maybe this isn't exactly the most polished radio broadcast you've ever heard. I know we suck. I know we're taking a risk. It's a leap of faith. You don't say much, friend, but when you do, it's to the point and I salute you for it.
Luke Burbank
Do you just sit around all day thinking of nice things to say to people? Well, it's not necessarily during the day, but I do like to be nice to people. Dude, give me a brark.
Andrew Walsh
This is grass Clippings.
Luke Burbank
Give us the real deal or we're outta here.
Andrew Walsh
You know, I'm gonna do for you guys. I'm gonna hook you up to the best stuff, okay? Don't you guys jump into my van, Dolphin. For sure. Come on.
Luke Burbank
All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, right over there in Seattle, Washington, is my good friend Andrew Walsh. He's the longest running cobra of the program and he's joining me closer.
Andrew Walsh
Good morning, Luke. I have a question I would like to start with. Today. This is gonna be out of left field. It's just something that's been banging around my brain for a while.
Luke Burbank
Is it Fresca related? Because that's the only thing I really want to talk about today.
Andrew Walsh
No, it's not. But I have some in my fridge. I could. We could have been Fresca Bros. I love.
Luke Burbank
Okay, it's not too late. I can tap dance for a minute while you run.
Andrew Walsh
Maybe we'll get some in a second. Let me just ask you this really quickly. Fresca is one of my favorite sodas. My question for you is. I would like you to fill in the blank on something here and I'm going somewhere with this. There's a reason I want you to do this. I think that maybe I'm out of step, but I'm curious about this. I'm gonna say the first few words of a band name. A musical outfit from the 1980s. I believe their genre was called freestyle music. I'm gonna say the first few words of this band name. And I would like you to complete the name of the band. Lisa, Lisa and the Cult Jam. Let's say it again. Do it again. Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam. Thank you, my friend.
Luke Burbank
Or Cult Jam it is.
Andrew Walsh
Apparently Cult Jam. But just hearing you say the means the world to me because, I mean.
Luke Burbank
That'S what we've all been thinking. I bet you Lisa Lisa think it thinks it's the Cult Jam.
Andrew Walsh
Both of them. Yeah, I bet you both Lisa's think that. I really do feel vindicated because. So this has been clanging around in my head for a while. Actually. I made a reference to the band in a somewhat recent TBTL newsletter. I was writing it from a local watering hole and the bartender had put on a song and was getting everybody to sing along to a song by Lisa. I think you.
Luke Burbank
I was head to toe.
Andrew Walsh
I don't know. I. I think it was.
Luke Burbank
Baby, I think I love you from head to toe.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I think that that's the only.
Luke Burbank
Lisa Lisa Cult Jam song I can do from.
Andrew Walsh
And now we're. Now we're saying it right. But anyway, so I was writing in the newsletter and I wrote Lisa, Lisa and the Cult Jam. And then I was doing. I don't. I don't usually give myself a very heavy edit, as most people know or can intuit, but I. I was. Before I sent it out, I'm like, is that right? Is this. This is not a band I'm super familiar with. They are Lisa, Lisa and the Cult Jam. Right? And I looked it up and then I was, no, it's Lisa, Lisa and Cult Jam. And I gotta say, it feels like it just a tick off. It feels a the off.
Luke Burbank
We're missing a definite article there.
Andrew Walsh
That is weird. Yeah, we definitely are missing a definite yes. So let's move on to your topic of choice, which would usually be my topic of choice, which is Fresca, literally one of my favorite beverages.
Luke Burbank
So there is this. There was anyway, I think this crazy deal going on with soda pop. I don't know if I mentioned it on the show back when I was amassing a small soda empire.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, you did.
Luke Burbank
But it was like, buy, buy two 18 packs, get three 18 packs free. And it's like, I don't understand the math on that, how that could be a profitable idea. But because I was buying, getting so much soda, I was starting to branch out. And I was actually all the way back on Thanksgiving. Addie and I were in the Safeway in my parents hometown and I was. I grabbed a, you know, thing of whatever, diet Dr. Pepper and I was like, you know what, let's get some Fresca. And I bought this Fresca and I brought it to my folks house. And then I was disappointed when I looked at the box because. And Andrew, I'm gonna hold this up to the camera. I think you'll be able to see this. I don't know what the blurriness is. You see what it says below? Fresca. Can you read that? Are you able to read that?
Andrew Walsh
I just can't believe we're having this conversation because I had this conversation a few months ago. Sparkling soda water is what it says under Fresca.
Luke Burbank
And when I saw that on the box, I was like, oh, no. I mean, you know me, I do love some soda water. But that wasn't what I was trying to buy. I was trying to buy Fresca. And I thought, oh, weird. I guess they're making a club soda now. They're trying to get on the club soda game. And I believe one of my nephews was drinking one of the Frescas. And I said, so is that like a club soda? And he goes, no, it's a Fresca. I said, huh? And then I cracked one open and I drank it. And I was pleasantly surprised to find that it's just Fresca. But they are trying to fool Americans who have. Who have jumped on the soda water craze into thinking this is a soda water. It's just Fresca.
Andrew Walsh
Luke, my. I owe you an apology because this is a journey that I went on somewhat recently and I. I should have brought this to tbtl.
Luke Burbank
You didn't recognize it for the content gold.
Andrew Walsh
I brought it. I brought it to various friends.
Luke Burbank
I had text conversations about you were workshopping it.
Andrew Walsh
I did not know that you were in the Fresca business. So can I lay out here for a we. This literally might be the show. We might get back to listener Kristen's list of words used in 2024.
Luke Burbank
You know what? Don't get comfortable list of words because you too can be not gotten to.
Andrew Walsh
Rethink and be bumped. I'm not saying that's definitely going to happen. I don't want to over promise on my, on my Fresca content here, but this is. I just. There's so much about Fresca that you need to know about me and my relationship to it, which is I did not realize until very, very, very recently that it is even considered like a diet soda. I just have always thought of Fresca as being a soda pop that I enjoy. I like because it's. It is grapefruit flavored, right? Maybe with other citruses, but that's the defining flavor and I like that. And I like squirt and in my head. And they're both grapefruit flavors. Oh, what is that? What is that?
Luke Burbank
From Judge Smails in Caddyshack offering Danny a Fresca. How about a Fresca?
Andrew Walsh
Did you have that isolated or just look it up online?
Luke Burbank
It has been isolated by someone else.
Andrew Walsh
But it's somewhat iconic.
Luke Burbank
It's something that Bill Radke and I used to say to each other for some reason just randomly in the newsroom of kuow. How about a Fresca?
Andrew Walsh
Yet somebody else in the world identified that as a two second drop to isolate and put online. So there's something I maybe because that's kind of what we're getting. Like, I think I have been a lifelong enjoyer of Fresca but on the wrong wavelength with everybody else. Like I did not realize it was.
Luke Burbank
Is this in your diet book you're writing?
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, right. Like that. It is a. It was released as like a diet low sugar, you know, alternative to other sodas. I never knew that. I just liked the taste of it. Now, of course, if I were to drink a Fresca and a Squirt next to each other, I would realize, oh, one of these is almost sickly sweet and the other one is much more sparkly and light and that is the Fresca. But Fresca, I'm not somebody who drinks a lot of soda. So if I'm going to drink soda, I never mess around with diet soda. I don't like the taste of it. And because it's not part of my daily routine, I don't feel like that's a place where I Need to cut. I need to cut down sugars all over the place. But, like, I'm basically like, if it's gonna be between a diet soda and a soda, I'm probably just gonna skip a soda and drink some water. But I just.
Luke Burbank
You're not putting down 12 cans a day.
Andrew Walsh
Exactly. But I love Fresca. So I was buying it and then we were talking about it in the friend group, and it turns out that our friend Katie, who's probably listening to this right now, also really likes Fresca. I didn't realize that it was kind of a locale al and then when I was buying it in the store somewhat recently, like a 12 pack of it, probably for the first time of my life buying a 12 pack of it, I saw that it said sparkling soda as well. And I was like. I was like, is this part of.
Luke Burbank
The sparkling soda water?
Andrew Walsh
Soda water. Right.
Luke Burbank
Even more bizarre it really.
Andrew Walsh
And so I went through the same exact thought process as you. It was like, did they change it? And I guess they just changed the label in the packaging and are trying to be this middle space between, like a full sugar soda and, you know, what you call bubbly water and what I now call bubbly water.
Luke Burbank
Have you had. Did you note the Fresca meter on the. On the, on the 12 pack?
Andrew Walsh
No.
Luke Burbank
Okay, stay with me here. I've got to go to the fridge.
Andrew Walsh
Okay, sounds good. I should go to the fridge and get myself some Fresca as well.
Luke Burbank
I am sorry. I apparently threw out the box. Or actually maybe I left the box in my parents house. The box of Fresca now has a little like, meter that goes between light and. I want to say what?
Andrew Walsh
Heavy?
Luke Burbank
Heavy is a weird way to describe it, but there's an indicator of how Fresca e the Fresca you're buying is. And these ones were marked as medium.
Andrew Walsh
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no. This is not something I'm familiar with at all.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, there's a little like, you know, whatever illustration on the box that is. I don't know if this Internet has taken a picture of this. Somebody's noted this.
Andrew Walsh
I'm looking for it.
Luke Burbank
It indicates how Fresca y it is. And these ones are medium. They taste exactly like Fresca has always tasted. To me. I think they're just regular Frescas. But apparently this meter, it indicates that there is such a thing as a lighter amount of Fresca and a heavier amount of Fresca that you can get.
Andrew Walsh
This is. This is blowing my Mind is the wrong word. I'm incredibly dubious. Not a near story that put this on the rebranded box, but do you think that there are boxes that have that meter needle in a different position, or is it just sort of a silly marketing thing where they're all medium? Because, like, when I went to the store, I, you know, you wouldn't want to intermingle those. Right. Like, the only options.
Luke Burbank
I go, yeah, I found a photo.
Andrew Walsh
Found it. Good. I can't find it. But like, I noticed that they now have Fresca peach flavored and then Fresca something else flavored. I was not interested in the peach. I tried this something else. I thought it was too chemically. So I'm back to the original flavor, but I certainly never had a choice between strength.
Luke Burbank
Yeah. I'm gonna send you a couple of photos here of just the new rebranded Fresca box. And it's got this thing on it and which indicates.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, now I see it.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, it's got a. I think it's.
Andrew Walsh
Sweetness level, sweet, original. Okay, so you have sweet or unsweet. Now the one I'm looking at. Oh, you know what it is? It might change based on which flavor, because I am looking at a box of peach flavored and that is listed at number two original. Then there's touch of sweet is one and unsweet is zero. What is the one you're looking at saying?
Luke Burbank
The one I'm looking at is the. The picture is also the actual thing I'm drinking, which is sparkling soda water, grapefruit, citrus original. And that one, I believe is listed as a two as well.
Andrew Walsh
Okay. That's also listed as a two. So let's keep an eye out. I wonder if there actually are any. Maybe if you go to the actual sparkling water section instead of the soda pop section of your local grocer, maybe they have a Fresca product. Now that would be under the unsweet. And maybe it's like it's in there with. What are the other brand? Lacroix and Bubbly Bubly. What is, what is the Buble, Michael.
Luke Burbank
Buble, Lacroix, Bubbly Waterloo.
Andrew Walsh
Waterloo, yes, yes, yes. A slightly more old fashioned sort of looking label, if I recall. Yes, yes.
Luke Burbank
And I feel like Waterloo is more flavorful.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, yeah.
Luke Burbank
Than like a lime Waterloo. I feel it's, it's limier than. Than some of the other leading brands.
Andrew Walsh
You know, I see that they also sell SodaStream Fresca. Apparently you can pop this into your soda stream. But like, the thing is, like, our and maybe the answer is some people are, we still have one Soda Stream in this house that Genevieve bought that I thought she was buying, as I.
Luke Burbank
Thought she was buying a used Soda Stream.
Andrew Walsh
Yes, it's still in our house. And I appreciate Genevieve's desire to find a good deal somewhere. But when she bought a Soda Stream literally out of somebody's car in the parking lot of the 711 on Lake City, way across from the Mother Airy, I really thought it was like, well, let's see if we like this thing and if we like it and use it, we will then buy a new one. And for starters, Genevieve used the bottles that came with this thing. First of all, the bottles have expiration dates on them. I don't know if you know this, but any SodaStream bottle has an expiration date on it. Because I think after a while they worry about the breaking down and maybe fissures being in there. And you don't want those babies exploding, you know, while you're pumping gas into them. Yeah. But also, we're just human beings with a standard of living. And I for one, was not comfortable with the idea of just reusing these sort of single use, not single use, but like in a single serving Soda Stream bottles that some family that we do not know has been using for probably five years. Like, can we at least splurge on new things we put our lips on? Right.
Luke Burbank
It's pretty intimate. It's pretty intimate, yes.
Andrew Walsh
So she got this and a used bidet out of the parking lot. No, I'm just joking about the bidet part.
Luke Burbank
Don't mix those up.
Andrew Walsh
So it was kind of a battle for us to. Hey, was that Andrew I saw just shooting across the sky?
Luke Burbank
I guess he finally is trying a.
Andrew Walsh
Bidet but doing it slightly wrong. But yeah. So anyway, I remember that being a sticking point for us. You're not supposed to put those in the. In the dishwasher either. That's how I learned that lesson because I was like, well, the very least, put them in the dishwasher. And I did. And it turns out you're not putting on sanitize. Yes. But then I guess if you do that, you weaken the bottles or what have you. We eventually got some new bottles. I basically don't mess with it. And if I, and I know that, you know, it's economic or, I'm sorry, ecologically better to use the Soda Stream, but like, I just, it is not satisfying to me. I do not like, like the Soda Stream.
Luke Burbank
Yeah. I, you know, have had a couple, in fact, I believe there is one in my basement right now if Genevieve wants a different used one.
Andrew Walsh
I bet you yours is new. I'll bet you your used one is better than our used one.
Luke Burbank
I would guess it might be just because I don't think it was ever in regular circulation. But you know, I've had them over the years and it was kind of a. It was a quirk, not a quirky thing. It was a trendy thing. Yes, we were all getting into. But I just. Yeah, I. I just don't have the self discipline to keep it around and to use it instead of just buying another half rack of Lacroix or whatever. I will tell you though, who loves that stuff and loves making their own soda is Camaro. Kev and Anita.
Andrew Walsh
Are they still in that game?
Luke Burbank
Well, I haven't been to their house in a little while since the restraining order, so I can't say. But there was a time where they were the only people I knew who were legit. Doing the thing where you're making your own soda with it.
Andrew Walsh
Actual like soda soda, not just sparkling water with some lime.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, because they. That you can buy little powders and potions and things and the, the dream of the SodaStream was it would replace any sort of carbonated beverage need you had. Yeah, but I never saw anyone making their home brew soda except for Camaro, Kevin, Anita, who's got a soda stream of some mildly off brand Coca Cola product.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. And I don't know that I've had that. I remember that being advertised or talked about like hey, you can also just make you know, full on sweet sodas with it. But like my guess is, and this is probably wrong or an exaggeration, but have you ever had the Lacroix flavor? Cola. It's like cola flavor. Let me. Can we look this up? Can we see if we're right. If I'm right about this. Does lacroix.
Luke Burbank
So it's a sparkling water but the flavor that they're. So instead of a hint of lime or a hint of black cherry, they're going with. By the way, a Waterloo Black cherry is really good too. Would recommend.
Andrew Walsh
Ooh, okay.
Luke Burbank
But they'll go with cola.
Andrew Walsh
Let's see here as a flavor. That's my memory. And yes. Okay. Okay. Lacroix, Nicola sparkling water. But I think that might be well there. So I'm typing in cola and they're calling it Nicola and I. Yeah, this is definitely supposed to be like a hint of cola. They call it Ni Cola and I Remember just being. This is the only. Like, sparkling water. Maybe you get a can that you don't love as much as another can. But, like, never have I rejected a flavor of sparkling water the way I rejected cola. It was so bad. And anyway, that's what I imagine.
Luke Burbank
It's not appealing. It is the name of my first wife, interestingly.
Andrew Walsh
Maybe she's lacroix. Maybe she. Yes, maybe she's the one. You know what my first wife's name is? Bubbly. So maybe so. Yeah.
Luke Burbank
Dour woman, too. That was the irony that it was.
Andrew Walsh
One of those nicknames, like the way they called me Stretch in high school. Tiny period of time.
Luke Burbank
Yes. Yeah, there's. I. I can't imagine drinking a soda water and thinking, I wish this tasted like someone poured a glass of soda with ice in it and then the ice melted.
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
Luke Burbank
That's what I feel like the flavor of a soda water flavored with cola would be.
Andrew Walsh
Although that might be giving it even too much credit. I remember one time because, I mean, obviously we're a little past the height of people talking about and being obsessed with the sparkling waters. That was a huge craze not all that long ago. And so everybody was like, you know, describing it and joking about it. And I do remember one of my favorite descriptions of a La Croix is like a Lacroix flavor is like drinking a regular soda and then having somebody yell peach from another room. Just like, just a hint. The smallest. The smallest hint of flavor. But, yeah, anyway, I would not be down with a, like, trying to replace any kind of, like, Dr. Pepper, let's say, with just like a soda stream. Dr. Pepper. Like, I just don't trust it. No matter who tells me I just don't trust it.
Luke Burbank
The thing I will say about Dr. Well, first of all, I think we had some Dr. Skipper when I was a kid. We definitely had a lot of Craigmont soda.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
There was a product called Dr. Skipper.
Andrew Walsh
You're shitting me.
Luke Burbank
It was the store brand. I think it might have been the Albertsons store brand.
Andrew Walsh
I'm looking at it, and it's even like. It's even a metallic red, like, kind of a rich red can. So, like, you could really mistake it. Yeah.
Luke Burbank
It was not. It was. Yeah. It was definitely not subtle in terms of what. Yeah. Safeway Select. Dr. Skipper.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, my God. There's a whole. I'm looking at. Somebody on the website known as X has taken a photo of all kinds of cans, and I don't know if these are all made by the same company. And just rebranded. But there is Dr. Choice, Dr. Thunder, Dr. Bold. Are you seeing the same thing? Dr. Perfect. Dr. Bob, food club. Dr. Wow. Are you seeing this?
Luke Burbank
The doctor Dr. Right.
Andrew Walsh
Dr. Dr. Wrong. Dr. Shaw is Dr. Shasta.
Luke Burbank
Dr. Perky.
Andrew Walsh
Wow.
Luke Burbank
I had a Dr. Dr. Becker.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, blue sky.
Luke Burbank
So that's like one of those healthy sodas. They sell it new seasons.
Andrew Walsh
What is Blue Sky?
Luke Burbank
Blue sky is one of those allegedly slightly more healthy sodas or something less bad for you. You know, the kind that you, if you were in like a co op type of scenario and they don't have any good real soda, you might find a blue sky Dr. Becker.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, no, I didn't know that. So you were a Dr. Skipper family. I wonder how much, like how much does a family actually save by buying Dr. Skipper over Dr. Pepper?
Luke Burbank
I mean, I'm sure an incredibly small amount. I mean, this, I've talked about this a lot on the show, but it's like the bizarro foods that my parents bring over because they all the only like the, the, the tree chief driving force in the decisions they make around food are what is cheap. That's it. That's all they care about. So I'm sure that like over the entire my, my entire childhood, I'm sure that we saved less than a hundred dollars by going with Craigmont and Shasta and Safeway select instead of the real stuff. You know, it was really a, a bum deal. We used to go down, we would take, we had a red wagon and we would put a cooler in it, like a Coleman cooler, and we would fill it up with ice and we would put a bunch of generic soda in and we would wheel it down to Green Lake and we would sell sodas to people. And then we would use the money we would raise. We would then go buy a pizza at Guido's Pizza by the wading pool and eat. This was my mom's. So my mom would bring us down. She would dangle us, you know, like bait. People would buy these sodas from us and then we would use the money, she would keep the money and use it to buy us pizza for dinner. This was the, this was the, whatever you want to call it, the pizza logical cycle. We both earned the money and then the money was used to buy us pizza that we then ate. But anyway, what a bum deal if someone's like soda and you give them a dollar and they hand you a doctor Skipper. Yeah, you're pissed. Like, you probably don't. You probably, you know, kept walking until you got over to the, you know, waiting pool area. Then you went up in a real store and got yourself an actual soda you wanted.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, we also have candy. Would you like an N N?
Luke Burbank
Would you like. Would you like a doctor? Right.
Andrew Walsh
Let's see.
Luke Burbank
Hold on, Let me fish around here. I think we have a. I think we have a. A doctor Thunder.
Andrew Walsh
Do you see a doctor A plus is one of these things as well. I like that. Here's. Here's the move. Here's what I think is the move. You go to your. Your Fred Meyer, right? You buy. Buy, let's say two 12 packs of. So that's 24 for those counting at home of real Dr. Peppers. Okay. Or maybe you buy. I don't know if they come in 24 packs. You buy a 24 pack of those.
Luke Burbank
You. Halo Reach is a game that has. Excuse me.
Andrew Walsh
What was that?
Luke Burbank
That was somebody on YouTube called Dr. Skipper, which I thought was going to be.
Andrew Walsh
I almost fell for that too, a second ago.
Luke Burbank
A Dr. Skipper ad. And I thought my computer was muted and I apologize.
Andrew Walsh
The. The giveaway there is Dr. On that one is spelled D O K T O R, I believe, which is why I did not. But I was going to say get yourself some full strength Dr. Pepper, some real deal. Sell it at a little bit of a markup. I'll bet you if you sell those for 50 cents a can, you're still like making money on that. Go back to Fred Meyer, buy yourself some doctor Skipper for home use and pocket the extra money. You see what.
Luke Burbank
I see what you're doing there?
Andrew Walsh
So you Dr. Pepper into Dr. Skipper plus profit.
Luke Burbank
It's kind of a real reverse alchemy thing. Yeah, you're turning gold into something worse, but you are getting some money in the process.
Andrew Walsh
But you're getting money. Real actual gold. Actually, you sell it for actual gold doubloons. What you were doing was probably illegal too, right? Because did. Oh, I'm sure did green. Because the park now has a. Like a little concession area and everything, which I'm sure they wouldn't love it if you were trying to like, take their boots.
Luke Burbank
They didn't have, like, we would go to the. So there's two swimming areas at Green Lake, and there's one over by the pool, Evans Pool. And there's one by what we used to call the Bathhouse Theater. I think now it has a new name. It's called the. A Seattle theater. Something. Anyway, they were doing a Die Hard Christmas when Becca and I walked around there around Thanksgiving and it was sold Out. But anyway, there was. There was a small little kind of hut that could have been for selling snacks, but it was never open. I don't know if the city didn't want to staff it or what, but there was. So there was not anybody competing with us. That being said. Yeah. I mean, to sell a food or drink to random people on the street, I think you're supposed to have some kind of a permit for that. There's supposed to be some sort of a quality control situation which we were absolutely running afoul of. That was just one of the many money making scams that my mother employed us in. You know, I've talked about the coloring contest, talked about her paper route that we would have to go on with her. I'm trying to think of some of the other ones. I mean, there was a. We were all. We were hustling.
Andrew Walsh
I thought of you guys the other day, you in the, in the Burbank clan. Because this is, this is a while back now, in fact, trying to think, could it have been Thanksgiving time? I feel like, yeah, maybe it was. Maybe it was the march towards Thanksgiving, the cultural march towards Thanksgiving. But I was in QFC and I was doing self checkout and I just kind of overheard a snippet of a conversation between two people who work there and it became clear that what they were talking about was, where are the rest of the coloring contest submission?
Luke Burbank
Oh, wow, they're still doing that.
Andrew Walsh
If this was qfc, I don't know if that was the same one that you did as a kid. But the thing is, I heard them say they were disappointed because there was only one submission. They're like, this is all we have. We just have this one. And I'm like, sort of just like beep. You know, it's like kind of like checking out my goods, but thinking like, if the Burbanks could get in on this, if there's only one submission right now, they don't have to know how old you are.
Luke Burbank
You drop the four kids and their iPads, Andrew.
Andrew Walsh
You drop the four from your age. You're eight, Luke. Like, think of it that way.
Luke Burbank
And that's the level I color at.
Andrew Walsh
That's.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I'm coloring at an eight year old level, John.
Andrew Walsh
That's right. You know, you get to a certain age and they're like, think outside the lines.
Luke Burbank
Do not tell my mother about this. She hears.
Andrew Walsh
Too late.
Luke Burbank
Now, if she hears that there's only one entrant in one of these things, she will literally invent a child she'll have another baby.
Andrew Walsh
She will.
Luke Burbank
I mean, she's always capable of it, honestly.
Andrew Walsh
She will. She will.
Luke Burbank
Will create a fake Social Security number for a fake child and enter that fake child in the coloring contest. I mean, I told you about the Barnes and Noble rule, the Susie Burbank rule, too. That where she, for a while had figured that she would go to garage sales and stuff, and she would buy books that people were selling, but they were relatively new books. Maybe they were six months old or a year old, or they were books that were still for sale at Barnes and Noble. And then she would return the books to Barnes and Noble with no receipt.
Andrew Walsh
They didn't ask.
Luke Burbank
Well, they would give her credit. She was packing, like $500 on a Barnes and Noble card for a while. And she had a whole rap she would do. Because my mom. The funny thing about my mom is that she's pretty sketchy. This is where I get it from. But she's also, you know, a fairly observant, like, Christian who doesn't believe in actively lying. So she would have to. I forget what her exact. She was explaining this to me at Thanksgiving. She had a way of. They would say, well, was there something wrong with the book? And she would have a way of describing. She was like, no, I just don't need it or something. She had some vague term she would use that wasn't technically a lie, but that was misleading about, like, the origin of the book. And so she was like, everybody was getting Barnes and Noble stuff from her for a couple of years, and then one day she went in and they had printed and, like, laminated and displayed a sign at the customer service. That sign said, you have to. You cannot return books that were not purchased at this Barnes and Noble.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, they really called her out. So they. Okay. Because I have. I thought that. I was like, is she going to a whole bunch of different Barnes and Nobles? Is she spreading this scam across, like, the greater Tri county area?
Luke Burbank
No, no, no.
Andrew Walsh
She's returning. I mean, it would seem like by. By the second, she almost wanted to get caught. That's. That's what it is. She wanted it. Because the second time you walk in there, like, I wouldn't be able to. I would be nervous. Return book. I legitimately bought from there without a receipt. Because it's like the whole point of a book is it's information. Like, when you're done with it, we could all return books.
Luke Burbank
I didn't like the ending.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, right. Like, what do you. We could all.
Luke Burbank
Is there even A return policy. I mean, I guess maybe especially without a receipt. You bought a book for someone as a gift, but then they already had the book.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
Unnecessary. Maybe that's. I'm just trying to think of. Yeah. Like, once you've consumed the story into your brain, you've now basically, you've drained the book of its value, at least to you. What are you returning to?
Andrew Walsh
It's like returning a newspaper.
Luke Burbank
But.
Andrew Walsh
And also, I'm thinking about your mom. Like, if she's truly. She's trying to do this. Which, by the way, this isn't. Again, with all. With some due respect to your mom, like, this is where you really get into this whole thing of, like, well, I don't want to lie, but I want to pull off this thing, which is generally a big lie. But, like, if I use certain words, it's okay. But, like, if you are. If you really do want to, like, stick to that. What are the word. You can't even use the word return like, anything. Right.
Luke Burbank
Because you didn't purchase it. The return is itself a lie.
Andrew Walsh
The word return from the jump is a lie. So now I'm thinking, if your mom is sticking with this, is she walking in and she goes to the customer service, and she.
Luke Burbank
We could have her on the show to break this down.
Andrew Walsh
At some point, I think I shouldn't be on the show because clearly I have, Like, I'm dealing with this like a. Like a da. Like, I have too many questions. But you set the book down, and you can't say, I'd like to return this. You have to.
Luke Burbank
What's the first line?
Andrew Walsh
And you have to say, I would like to get.
Luke Burbank
I would like to receive credit. Right?
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
Yeah. I would like to receive credit on this gift card for this book that.
Andrew Walsh
Now, that. Actually. That's really good, what you just said. That's. None of those words are a direct lie. I would like to receive credit. Those are all true things. I would like credit for this book. And so maybe that's it. But then you got to really parse that language to, like. Because you can't use the word return.
Luke Burbank
Well, you know, this is the same woman who, like. And again, I say this with just absolute peace and love. And my mom is hilarious to me, but she reported to me at some point as if she was. My mom is also a person who's sober. She reported, like, you know, like, people talk about their sober date or I'm five years sober or whatever. She reported with great pride that it had been. I want to say like two months since she had gone to Value Village and randomly gone through all the pockets on the jackets to see if someone left money in there.
Andrew Walsh
Now that.
Luke Burbank
I haven't even done that for two months.
Andrew Walsh
Now that I would say is not a crime. That. That is. That is just like being there and open to the universe and.
Luke Burbank
And one time, and it changed the chemistry of her brain.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I believe it.
Luke Burbank
She bought some. I think she bought a jacket or some pants, and they had a 20 in.
Andrew Walsh
That is the and goddamn dream. I love that.
Luke Burbank
And it, like, literally sent her into a spiral where she was going. She had a route of secondhand stores in her town where she would go and just. Just rifle through everything looking for money, not buying anything, which my dad thought was poor form. I thought it was fine.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, spending time in a store and not buying anything.
Luke Burbank
Well, just going through it to take the money. It's one thing if you buy some pants and you get them home and there's a fiver in there. It's another thing if you're just, you know, sort of going through the pockets of everything with no intention of buying anything at all to just. And then leaving the store with the money. You went into the store without the money. You, You. You separated the money from my product in the store, and then you left the store without buying the product. In my dad's mind, that is theft.
Andrew Walsh
You know, I might have been a little bit. You know, I came down a little bit hard on your. On your mom with the book return thing. I'm going to. I'm going to take Susie B. Side on this one. Like, if you have the time and wherewithal to engage in this project, like, you're not. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with going into a store, spending some time in there and deciding you don't want to buy anything. I don't think there's anything wrong with while you're in that store being like, I wonder if somebody left some money in this pocket. So if it becomes like, if you just sort of stretch that out to its illogical conclusion. And now you're just, like, making a circuit of the. Of the secondhand stores in your neighborhood and you're looking for that particular thing. But, you know, my, My relationship with found money is somewhat psychotic, too. Like, I love. There's nothing I like more than found money. I. And I still dream some. I mean, I tell you, I go to a hotel room and I ask Genevieve, don't forget to look for the money belt. Like, you know, let's pull out all the drawers. We don't actually do it, but I have this dream because of one episode of. Of Cheers that I saw when I was a kid, and they introduced the idea of a hidden money belt to me. I think that there are hidden money belts all over the place, and if we're not finding them, it's just our own fault for not looking hard enough.
Luke Burbank
I think that of the many things we've lost in this modern society because we're so digital.
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
Luke Burbank
The cash finding experience, because we're using so much less cash. Like, the kids of America will have so much less of a chance of kicking over a paper bag and finding money in it.
Andrew Walsh
Like Tony. Yeah.
Luke Burbank
Which was the dream because we're all using crypto and power gloves.
Andrew Walsh
You're. You're. Exactly. And you're. You're just. You have such a good grasp on these things. And I. And also, you're right. Like, we are more likely to find a phone. Phone and where the. Where the virtual money is kept. Like, I think in the past, let's say, handful of years. I know that Genevieve found a phone that she found it on, like, the walking bridge over the highway near the bus. And I think. So she made an effort. I think she might have even printed out some flyers and put them around the area that she found this phone. Because losing a phone, you lose so much stuff, you know? And so she even put up some flyers. I found your phone. We never found the owner of that phone. And I think eventually she just took it to, like, some sort of e waste place. I did try to hack into it, by the way. I'm not gonna lie to you. I spent a good deal of time thinking I could hack into it. I could not.
Luke Burbank
And were you trying to see if you could figure out whose it was, or were you trying to find some tasteful nudes?
Andrew Walsh
Do you know that the food that we feed our. Actually, maybe not so anymore, but there is a brand of cat food that is called tastefuls that we feed or used to feed our cats. And I just couldn't believe that they didn't call it tasteful foods because it's so close. Decent show title, to be honest with you. And this doesn't paint me in a very good light, but it does explain why we take it classes or cybersecurity classes to, like, not put, like, found USBs into our computers. Is because.
Luke Burbank
What if it's my lucky day?
Andrew Walsh
Well, it might be the Thing is, like, I totally associate with that. If I find a USB drive, it's very hard for me not to want to know what's on there. And it's not because I think, ooh, I can see nudity. Because I don't want to. Like, I don't. I don't want to tell any tales outside of school, but I can find nudity, like, online. I don't need. It doesn't need to be on a USB drive underneath a tire of a Ford Focus. You know what I mean? Like, there's nothing on a USB drive or a phone that's more upsetting than.
Luke Burbank
What you are able to look at all on your own.
Andrew Walsh
That's exactly. Or that I can create all on my own.
Luke Burbank
Stick with the Pink Panther gifts, please, sir, with your space tv.
Andrew Walsh
But I. I love my space tv. I made a new space, but I. I was. Yeah, like, I was. Once we had this phone and we'd made a Genevieve, made a real deal effort to find the rightful person. And if I were to find anything like, you know, personal banking information or anything like that, I would. I would not touch it. I have no desire. You know, I'm not trying to be a creep or a. Or a thief beef, but once I have a phone that has been totally abdicated and lost or whatever, and we couldn't get it back, like, yeah, I'm just deeply curious as to what's on somebody. A random person's phone. I would not feel that way about your phone or anybody that I knew or. You know what I mean? But the fact that it was totally random. Absolutely, totally random. Made me incredibly curious, and I wanted.
Luke Burbank
You were unsuccessful.
Andrew Walsh
I was unsuccessful. So, by the way, I will say. And this was an Android. I don't think I would have even had a. I wouldn't have known where to begin with with an iPhone, because I probably wouldn't have the right connectors. But congratulations to them for having it locked in. Well, like, I thought, well, if I can't get their password, I could still, like, I extracted. This is terrible.
Luke Burbank
Luigi Mangione on the home screen.
Andrew Walsh
3D words. I can't remember what they were.
Luke Burbank
Okay.
Andrew Walsh
But anyway, I even took out, like, the. You know, they have a little SIM card in there. I'm like, well, I can probably at least read the SIM card. But no, whatever security measures are built into those phones, it truly worked, at least to this, like, wannabe hacker. I've never hacked anything before, so maybe somebody with more skills could have gotten in.
Luke Burbank
I get a little bit the quarterback remained untoasted.
Andrew Walsh
The bread was very soft. The bread is soft. So, anyway, that probably makes me sound like a really terrible person, but I just. I was very curious and I don't know why. I'm a bit of a. Maybe a voy. Digital voyeur.
Luke Burbank
But you. But again, you just wanted to see. You're just curious about what someone's. It's basically like finding a diary in this day and age, kind of.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Or a lot.
Luke Burbank
You know, it's a. It's, you know, because it's like you get to send, like, what was their home screen, what are the apps that they, you know, prioritized. What? Like, just like, little details about a person's life. And again, maybe I do feel like looking at the photos might be a bridge too far.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, maybe you're right. And the truth is, if I had, I think it was just a challenge. And maybe it sounds like I'm digging myself out of a hole here. Maybe. Maybe I'm just an asshole and a creep and people don't like this, but the truth is, if I had actually gotten access to that phone, I'll bet you within moments you, like, you saying that makes me realize, oh, open up Lyft. See what their profile says, you know, and if they have any kind of a unique name, then probably the first thing I would have done was start Googling this person and try to contact them and let them know I have my phone. And I probably would have never even gotten to the photo app or anything like that. I think I like a mission. Remember that time I found a wallet? I'm really just trying to, like, gild the lily and make myself sound like not a terrible human. I found a wallet in Los Angeles, and I was so proud because there was no. There was no ID in there. But I used the medical cards inside, like the. The insurance cards to reach the.
Luke Burbank
The phone they visit from Hawaii or something.
Andrew Walsh
Indeed they were. They gave me some macadamia nuts as a thank you. And I did not tell them that I don't love macadamia me your notes. But, yeah, they didn't have an ID in there, but they did have some medical IDs or like a medical insurance card. So I called the insurance company that put me in touch with the doctors. And I remember it being so quaint. It was their actual answering service. It wasn't a voicemail. And so I told a human being just like, what about Bob? Remember there was an answering service for the psychiatrist? I was just like, hey, I found this Guy, this person's wallet, like outside, I have it now. If there's any way you could get a message to the owner of this wallet. It was such a weird thing to go through Blue Cross Blue Shield, but those people end up getting a hold of me and I gave it back. Like I think I do, like a mystery. And it would have been satisfying to maybe break in here. And I'll bet you I would have been able to get it back to the person.
Luke Burbank
So you're the takeaway is you're a perv with a heart of gold.
Andrew Walsh
That's exactly right. They should make a movie about me and I'll eat a, I'll eat a pancake like a cookie. Thank you for being a 10.
Luke Burbank
All right, let's thank some donors as we're heading out there. The door today. You had a great idea for tomorrow's show, Andrew, which is we should just go through all of the top stories that we didn't get to in last year that we didn't get to during these segments where we're going to talk about them and just give our one sentence thought on each one in many.
Andrew Walsh
Of these, some of which I have read and forgotten, some of which I never read and didn't have to forget, and some that I probably only remember a tiny bit from. So.
Luke Burbank
So yeah, I don't even know if I've read all of them. So it's going to be really interesting tomorrow. In the meantime, we want to thank Britta Jackson of Aberdeen, Washington.
Andrew Walsh
Hey, I know that somewhat recently we had another Aberdeen. We have a good show.
Luke Burbank
Aberdeen has been showing up and showing out here.
Andrew Walsh
Nice.
Luke Burbank
Thanks to Lindsey Llewellyn who's in Westfield, Indiana.
Andrew Walsh
Nice. Thank you, Lindsay. Appreciate it.
Luke Burbank
Don Melnick. Well, how would you say that? Yeah, don't. Melnick.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, that's how.
Luke Burbank
It's probably in Highlands, New Jersey.
Andrew Walsh
Thank you, Don. You're my favorite. Melnick.
Luke Burbank
Yes. Appreciate you. Also, Amanda Triggs is in Seadro Woolly, Washington.
Andrew Walsh
The wolves. You, you've run through that town being chased by law enforcement.
Luke Burbank
Wait, was I being chased by law enforcement?
Andrew Walsh
No, I have done a run, though. You did do a run there, though, didn't you?
Luke Burbank
Yes, and I have been chased by law enforcement. I'm just trying to figure out if that was all the same.
Andrew Walsh
I was conflating some stories different times.
Luke Burbank
Jessica Shard is in Portage, Michigan. That must be on a lake. That must be on Lake Michigan because Portage, that indicates that you could park your boat there.
Andrew Walsh
You know what? Of course, Portage, because I Was thinking there's a, you know, a very small restaurant can not a. It's not a small restaurant, but it's like a chain. It's not really a chain. What do you call it when you have just like a small business, but there's more than one location? Is that automatically a chain?
Luke Burbank
A Spiros.
Andrew Walsh
A Spiros. There's a Spiros of restaurants called Portage Bay, right?
Luke Burbank
Oh yeah, the Portage Bay Cafe.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, exactly. And there's maybe like four of those in the Seattle area or something. And so I always think of Portage Bay. It seems nautical, by the way.
Luke Burbank
Portage, Michigan appears nowhere to be nowhere near Lake Michigan.
Andrew Walsh
Completely landlocked. That's probably. That's probably climate change, though.
Luke Burbank
It's close to Kalamazoo.
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
Luke Burbank
So it looks like it's maybe an hour drive. Drive from. From Lake Michigan, but it's not on the lake. So that name Portage is a little. A little confusing.
Andrew Walsh
Is Lake Michigan shrinking, though? That's what I'm saying. It's like when Jessica moved there, was it lakefront property?
Luke Burbank
That is a really, really good question. I'll ask that when I go to Michigan this summer with Becca. We are going to a place called the Milkweed Inn that's run by a chef named Lane Regan. And they have this little tiny kind of in where you. It's all. It's all inclusive. So you go there and every meal they make for you and you walk around in the woods and it's. It sounds like a really nice time and the food looks really good on Instagram. So we're going to be going there in June and I'll swing through Portage and see how everybody's doing.
Andrew Walsh
Get me those dates. Do I need to find a fill in? Do we have to preach?
Luke Burbank
No, no, no. We'll figure it out. We'll make it work. Chris Murray could fill in for me. Chris Murray's in Kingston, Ontario.
Andrew Walsh
Kingston. That is a. That's.
Luke Burbank
That's two.
Andrew Walsh
That's two Kingston Tens. Kingston.
Luke Burbank
We used to have Bill. The Toronto is now a Kingston 10.
Andrew Walsh
Exactly. So you guys could cut it up as well. Canada style.
Luke Burbank
Kingston tens. That's my UB40 impression.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, you.
Luke Burbank
They do a song called Kingston Town.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, okay. I don't know that song. Although I have generally good feelings about UB the 40. Is that what it's called? You be the 40 or is it UB 40? Yes, it is, man.
Luke Burbank
It's Lisa. Lisa and the UB 40.
Andrew Walsh
That's what Lisa, Lisa the UB 40s. I love that band.
Luke Burbank
Thank you so much to all of our donors. Thanks for making the show possible today. We are all wrapped up for this Thursday, but we are going to be right back here tomorrow with another show for you. It's gonna be a. It's gonna be a door buster. It's gonna be a barn burner. We're gonna try to rip through 10 top stories.
Andrew Walsh
Stories in 20 minutes.
Luke Burbank
In 20 minutes. What are the chances we get through two stories?
Andrew Walsh
Two? I think the odds are good. I think two and a half.
Luke Burbank
The odds are bad.
Andrew Walsh
I'm taking the under on two and a half.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, you're probably right. All right, thanks, everyone, for listening. We'll be back here tomorrow. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.
Andrew Walsh
And good luck to all. Power out.
Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4372 – "Blessca This Fresca"
Episode Details:
The episode kicks off with Luke Burbank initiating a quirky investigation into the concept of duplication within their environment. A humorous exchange ensues as Luke questions whether duplication can occur without his presence, hinting at playful conspiracies about their surroundings.
The conversation teases the idea of multiple duplicates possibly existing, setting a light-hearted and inquisitive tone for the episode.
Andrew introduces a nostalgic discussion about the 1980s band, prompting Luke to engage in a memory lane stroll regarding music and personal anecdotes. They reminisce about misremembering the band's name, ultimately settling on the correct title: "Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam."
This segment highlights their camaraderie and shared history, blending personal stories with pop culture references.
The primary focus of the episode revolves around Andrew’s favorite soda, Fresca. He delves into recent changes in Fresca’s branding, noting confusion caused by labeling it as "sparkling soda water." This sparks a detailed conversation about the beverage's identity, taste profiles, and market positioning.
They explore the nuances between regular and diet sodas, discuss the introduction of new flavors like peach, and compare Fresca with other brands such as Squirt and Lacroix. The hosts express their preferences and skepticism about the brand's marketing strategies.
The discussion extends to the SodaStream Fresca option, where they debate the practicality and personal satisfaction derived from using such devices compared to purchasing pre-packaged beverages.
Transitioning from beverages, Luke and Andrew share nostalgic and amusing stories from their childhoods about money-making ventures orchestrated by Luke’s mother. These tales include selling generic sodas at Green Lake and engaging in questionable book return schemes at Barnes & Noble.
They recount the lengths to which Luke’s mother went to save money, such as returning secondhand books without receipts and rummaging through jackets at thrift stores for overlooked cash. The hosts humorously critique and empathize with these entrepreneurial but ethically gray endeavors.
The segment delves into the moral implications of these childhood hustles, balancing humor with reflective commentary on ethics and necessity.
Andrew shifts the conversation to his recent experiences with found items, particularly a lost phone and a USB drive. He describes his attempts to uncover the owner’s information, highlighting the challenges posed by modern security measures.
They discuss the temptation and ethical considerations of accessing lost devices, emphasizing privacy concerns and the responsibility to return found property. Andrew shares a successful instance of returning a wallet but admits his curiosity often leads him to tinker with found electronics.
The hosts navigate the fine line between curiosity and respect for others' privacy, illustrating personal growth and ethical boundaries.
As the episode nears its end, Luke and Andrew express gratitude to their donors, acknowledging the support that keeps the show running. They tease future episodes, including a planned deep dive into top stories they previously missed, promising engaging and rapid-fire discussions.
The hosts also share personal updates, upcoming trips, and humorous interactions about their past antics, maintaining a warm and entertaining rapport. They conclude with lighthearted banter about potential challenges in future episodes and a heartfelt sign-off.
Conclusion:
Episode #4372 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers listeners a blend of humor, nostalgia, and thoughtful discussions. Through engaging dialogues about favorite beverages, childhood memories, and ethical dilemmas, Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh create an entertaining and relatable listening experience. This episode not only entertains but also prompts reflection on consumer culture, personal ethics, and the value of community support.