← TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
#4387 It’s A Wet Heat
01:33:25
Luke is in Hawaii, but he might not be exactly where he’s supposed to be in Hawaii. He and Becca also almost missed their flight out there after a series of bad decisions. Also, Andrew finally tells the travel-related bathroom story nobody asked...
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- [00:00]
Luke Burbank
Alright, movie first. The one first movie we're gonna talk about is Zero Dark Thirty, which is a documentary about the hunt for Osama Bin Laden, one of the original bad guys in cinema and in the world. And as we all remember so many years ago, a couple years ago we had the death of Osama Bin Laden killed in action after we spent years.
- [00:23]
Andrew Walsh
Hunting him for the murder of 911 and who is responsible for terrible terror.
- [00:27]
Luke Burbank
And about the men and women who did take him out and killed him and all the work that went into going through that with the Navy seals and the attack on his compound because of where they knew where he was. Tbtl.
- [00:48]
Andrew Walsh
Their program is loose, but it is prepared ahead to be casual with heavy references to sex, drugs and rock and roll.
- [00:55]
Luke Burbank
Do you have any idea who I am? I'm a verified Yelp complainer.
- [00:58]
Andrew Walsh
Let me walk through our Donnelly nut spacing and crack system rim riding grip configuration using a field of half C sprats and brass fitted nickel slits. Our bracketed caps and splay flexed brace columns, vent dampers to dampening hatch depths of 1/2 meter from the damper crown to the spur of plinth. I just want to use my muscles.
- [01:22]
Luke Burbank
And my mind and be your number one guy Using my muscles and my.
- [01:26]
Andrew Walsh
Mind hey, Time Bandits, you're listening to.
- [01:29]
Luke Burbank
TBTL from the past. Shit.
- [01:33]
Andrew Walsh
Just not real.
- [01:37]
Luke Burbank
Well.
- [01:38]
Andrew Walsh
All right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Thursday edition of tbtl. It's an audiophiles nightmare. The show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. It is our turn coming to you from an area perched high above Onealoa beach in the far northwest corner of the island of Maui.
- [02:00]
Luke Burbank
I'm sorry, I'm tan. I like to be tan. Feels good.
- [02:05]
Andrew Walsh
It sure does. We got here yesterday and it was torrentially raining, which is always a always a treat when you've traveled halfway across the world to try to find sunny weather. But today looks like it's going to be blue skies and sunshine and just an absolute treasure of a day here on this episode. 4387 in a collector series.
- [02:30]
Luke Burbank
Let the fun begin.
- [02:31]
Andrew Walsh
I've traveled all the way here to Maui, but my animal empathy, my intrusive animal empathy has apparently found a last minute standby seat on the flight out here. Because we were here for, I don't know, an hour and went down to the beach and I was immediately googling. Is it okay if a sea turtle beaches itself? I like turtles. We may get into that also, an 11 year old kid has pulled, that's the term they use. Has pulled what is currently probably the most valuable baseball card in the world. Cause I've got a golden ticket. And I want to be clear, this is not a story about baseball. This is a story about how I may get into collecting baseball cards because of my love problem with gambling.
- [03:23]
Luke Burbank
This is a simple game.
- [03:26]
Andrew Walsh
You throw the ball, you hit the.
- [03:29]
Luke Burbank
Ball, you catch the ball.
- [03:32]
Andrew Walsh
Also, it's a Thursday, AKA blursday, so we'll do the blursday messages and we're gonna talk to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. May be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. After a series of HR meetings, he's finally got his attitude in order.
- [03:47]
Luke Burbank
I agree with everything that you said.
- [03:49]
Andrew Walsh
He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.
- [03:51]
Luke Burbank
Good morning, Luke. Hope you're having a nice quasi vacation. And I realize looking at the show sheet and all of your field notes from Maui that today is, I love that.
- [04:02]
Andrew Walsh
That makes it sound like some real, some real Darwin shit, some real important scientific journaling as opposed to me just writing out my, my various annoying thoughts.
- [04:12]
Luke Burbank
Especially if you have to sketch them first in a mole skin little notepad. Doesn't that mean you just want to do things? Doesn't having a moleskin make you want to fill it up?
- [04:23]
Andrew Walsh
It does. And yet I have so many. And so many. Have the first three pages filled with like the dimensions of a window that I'm thinking about buying curtains for as opposed to like a cool rendering of a dodo bird or something? No, it's just kind of like, wait, what's the opening for that sliding glass door? That's the kind of field notes that I tend to create.
- [04:45]
Luke Burbank
You know, I tend to have a little notebook in front of me when we do the show. Although I'm noticing now that I don't have any. Oh, here's one. But I have a little like kind of spiral notebook with the spiral, like the really cheap kind you just get at the grocery store. Like literally you can slip it in your front pocket, your front like breast pocket and it's got a spiral at the top. And I will just like, you know mine, they're not worth saving because they're just like scratched notes of things that I'll write down, like if I want to remember something you said and I want to come back to it or something. But usually you look down at it and just gibberish at the end of a show, if anything. And the other day I was telling Hannah this, but this happened during tbtl. I looked down after a recording of TBTL and the only thing on my notepad was the word podcast. And then I struck through it and I have no idea. I have no idea.
- [05:31]
Andrew Walsh
How is that not the show? Can that be today's show?
- [05:33]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, because I don't think I realized until afterwards. Oh, hey. But I did want to say, getting back to notes, we don't have to get into this now, honestly, if you don't want to, and we should check in with you and what's going on out there. But I do want to say at some point, I don't know if it's tomorrow or early next week. When you're back. I almost hit back in the States. When you're back in the lower 48. We have to talk about Chris Hayes on the Dan LeBatard Show. Did you have a chance to listen to that yet?
- [05:59]
Andrew Walsh
I watched a clip of it and actually I ended up watching a number of clips of it. So I haven't listened to it all the way through. But what I saw and listened to was spectacular. I mean, that's just two great tastes that taste great together. But I will say this, we don't have to have this whole conversation right now either. But I did say, I texted to Chris directly. I said nice job on Levitard. And also, I think you unlocked something inside of Andrew that Andrew didn't know was there because. And I don't even know what I mean by that, but just this collision course, so to speak, of these two things that you really, really love. Like your reaction to it was, was very. Was a strong reaction. Stronger than I expected it.
- [06:37]
Luke Burbank
And I mean, this is no disrespect to Chris because Chris did wonderfully on the show. He really did. I mean, he.
- [06:44]
Andrew Walsh
I will perfect for that show. Like his sports knowledge, his political knowledge is just being down and able to have conversations is ideally suited for that.
- [06:53]
Luke Burbank
I mean, that's the thing. He can just hang in any conversation, which is amazing. So what I'm about to say does not take away from any of that. But the thing that was blowing my. Because I've heard Chris on other. I've heard Chris talking to Seth Meyers.
- [07:04]
Andrew Walsh
Even on this show.
- [07:05]
Luke Burbank
Even, even on this show. You usually don't let me talk during those segments. That's ok. But anyway. No, but of course we know and love and I agree with everything that you said. But what was blowing me away is my relationship with the Dan LeBatard show. Has gone very far and very deep over the past, I'm gonna say, five to six years, to the point where. And we've talked about this a lot on the show, and we'll revisit it when we really get into this conversation. But, I mean, you want to talk about a parasocial relationship. Like, when I listen to the LeBatard show now, I don't even know if I like it, but I can't stop listening. You know what I mean? It's like I'm. It's like I'm always bickering with them sort of in my head, especially Dan.
- [07:41]
Andrew Walsh
Put a slash through listen and substitute with donate. And you've described our pitch for the next TBT lfo, right? You don't know if you like it, but you can't stop donating.
- [07:51]
Luke Burbank
No, I do like it, of course. But it's a. You know, it's a show that is very kind of personality based. And those personalities are a group of producers and hosts and people who come and go on that show. And you sort of don't realize how you start to feel like you have a personal relationship with all of them until one of them asks a question to Chris Hayes and you're sort of on the edge of your seat, like. And I don't even know who I was nervous.
- [08:12]
Andrew Walsh
Like, don't embarrass us.
- [08:13]
Luke Burbank
Don't embarrass in front of Chris or. I mean, but I don't even. Yeah, there is a sort of a. That gets close to it, but not quite the sensation. But here's the. Here's where I will end this conversation now so we can move on to Hawaii talk. But putting a pin in this, because I would really like to return to it. In fact, I'm going to pull a piece of tape because there's a specific piece of tape where. And I say this with humility, and I say this knowing Chris will hear it, and I think that he will agree. Um, there is a moment where you and I are in that room. Now, I'm not saying we get a shout out or anything like that, but there is a moment that I will play for you where we are 100% in that room. A moment happens on that that does not happen if Chris doesn't know us and I will tell. I will play that tape, and you.
- [08:57]
Andrew Walsh
Are going to delight adjacent. You are being adjacent to talented people doing, you know, my experience with that. I was texting with our friend P. Fletch the other day. Howard Stern was trying so hard to reference a story of mine, I think, the other day and just either couldn't or didn't. And I was telling Phyllis that if he would have just said the words CBS Sunday morning, I would have, my heart would have thrilled in a way that maybe your heart is thrilling to hear. Chris maybe using TBTL language or being somehow TBTL influenced. They call it being TBTL pilled. The thing with Stern was he was interviewing Nikki Glaser after, like, the morning after she had hosted the Golden Globes. And it was clear that he had watched the Sunday morning profile, one, because he's known to watch that show, I think pretty religiously. And two, because he kept citing things from our story as far as, like, I know how you, you know, you practice these jokes by going to these clubs. And he was almost verbatim doing the kind of script. And I just, and he goes, I just, you've been doing so many interviews and I've just been watching interviews with you. And all I needed to complete the sentence was on CBS Sunday morning. And then, Andrew, my life would have.
- [10:05]
Luke Burbank
Had some meaning not even mentioning your name, but at least getting the outlet and just verifying it. But, but, you know, like, you know, right now, sitting here today on the 23rd that he saw your piece, there's 99%.
- [10:18]
Andrew Walsh
I would be shocked if he didn't because. Yeah. And he's citing again, he's citing specific things about her process and her like her longtime partner, et cetera, that were just literally lines from our story. So I'm like, this is, you're all the way there. You're 99% of the way there. Just go the last 1% and say there's no way he's going to remember my name. That's okay. But he could just say on CBS Sunday morning and I would, I would feel validated. But now I have this to look forward to on Monday is hearing about or even tomorrow. Andrew, we don't have to wait. Don't delay, Joy. This could be a Friday topic for us.
- [10:51]
Luke Burbank
But I want to say also, like, I may be exaggerating a little bit. I don't want to get your hopes up too high. He doesn't say big. He doesn't say big ups to my business boys at tbt.
- [11:02]
Andrew Walsh
Why even play the tape?
- [11:03]
Luke Burbank
Like, had I known this is one of those things. I didn't know that, Chris, he doesn't.
- [11:07]
Andrew Walsh
Give us mega booyahs.
- [11:08]
Luke Burbank
He does not. Which that was one of the, if there's a moment. And again, I don't want to Give away too much. We'll talk more. There's a moment where Dan LeBatard says, Is there anybody you'd like to give mega booyahs to? And Chris mentioned to Kate somebody. I don't know who that is, but I was, like, really disappointed. I was really disappointed. Okay, I will put a pin in it. I want to set expectations a little bit. I mean, the only people who would understand what I say, when I say you and I were in the room would be you, me, and Chris. Like, and I guess maybe the listeners of the show to the degree.
- [11:38]
Andrew Walsh
And the Holy Spirit.
- [11:39]
Luke Burbank
And the Holy Spirit. So just understand that when I say that, I mean that it's a pretty. It's a pretty specific insider y kind of thing. It's like Chris's reaction to something that I know he's reacting to because of us. So we'll talk more about that. How is Hawaii?
- [11:54]
Andrew Walsh
It's actually really, really great. I was. This is a very short trip. Yesterday was Becca's birthday, and we're coming back on Saturday. So as I mentioned on the show the other day, it's like, kind of like it's a weird experience to travel this far for just a few days, but it was how the schedule worked. And I'll tell you, sitting here this morning, looking out at the ocean and the blue sky and the puffy white clouds, I am extremely glad that we jumped through the hoops to get here. The problem with being here is that it really highlights one of my worst, and I think, like, most uncontrolled deficiencies. By uncontrolled, I mean a deficiency that I have not in any way been able to figure out how to fix, which is my sense of geography and space. Like, I have a huge problem with spatial reasoning. I have a huge problem with remembering what any of the names of the Hawaiian islands are or what thing is on what island. And a lot of that's on me. I think some of it's on the naming convention, because the Big Island, I believe, is also the island of Hawaii. Right. But then you've got Oahu is on the Big island, but the island is not named Oahu. Correct. Is that. Or is there an island of Oahu? Bex. Okay, like, we're. We're on Maui, which has Kihei, but does not have. It's just the. What I can't ever keep straight is, is what kind of notable place is on which one of these islands. And also the fact that one of them is called the Big island, but its name isn't Big Island. Its name is Hawaii, but that means big island. This is, for some reason, is information that my brain cannot keep track of to the degree that years and years ago when flying out here for a wedding, I booked the tickets to the wrong island, like to the wrong place, because I, I mean, I understood these were distinct islands, but somehow I thought, it's just called Hawaii. We're going to Hawaii. So the way that this really showed up yesterday was when we, when we got here. So we're staying at a little Airbnb in this like, kind of Gulf complex out here way in the northwest part of the island of Maui. Becca's brother and his wife are also out here. They're doing something, Andrew, by the way, that I kind of want to talk about later, which is they are legit in a news blackout. Like, when we got here, they all came over last night to where we're staying and we went out to get some dinner and stuff and like, it was kind of crazy to talk to Scott and Tiff and try to explain to them without giving them too much information that, like, what Elon Musk did and like the executive orders and stuff, because they came out here on Sunday or Saturday and have genuinely and intentionally not consumed any news from, as you called it, the lower 48. Well, it was like we found like two, like two David Bowie's fell to earth and we're trying to explain to them what planet Earth is. Like they are totally, completely out of the loop. And I was kind of envious.
- [14:55]
Luke Burbank
Now, I mean, you sort of said, you want to talk about it later? I don't know if this.
- [14:58]
Andrew Walsh
Well, that's what I wanted to say.
- [14:59]
Luke Burbank
I was.
- [15:00]
Andrew Walsh
Let me follow up of the thoroughness of their news blackout because there's a.
- [15:03]
Luke Burbank
Difference between a news blackout and saying, like, I really haven't been paying attention. I've been even saying actively blocking it out and, you know, nothing is seeping in and that's a whole thing. But then are these folks also sort of asking or at least implying that please don't break the wall or break the facade for us a little bit, like in conversation, are you sort of like, if I had this, like, if I had the Browns game taped, you know, like. And I'm going to be. I'm going to ask you to be careful about not giving any spoilers. Right. I'm not trying to make light of the situation because it's pretty serious and I understand people trying to protect their mental health. It's been just really horrible week, honestly, to consume the News and just the.
- [15:47]
Andrew Walsh
Absolute plus Wordle this morning, Becca said I need to ask you about that.
- [15:51]
Luke Burbank
Oh yeah, I did mine. I was up late last night, so I did it late last night. I did survive though. It was a sixer for me though.
- [15:58]
Andrew Walsh
It was a sixer.
- [15:59]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, yeah.
- [16:00]
Andrew Walsh
It was down to the wire here in Maui.
- [16:02]
Luke Burbank
But survived.
- [16:04]
Andrew Walsh
But survived.
- [16:04]
Luke Burbank
Okay, the streak.
- [16:06]
Andrew Walsh
That's the streak. I think most people who I know who are serious about this, they can track their streak back to what, Corer?
- [16:13]
Luke Burbank
Yes, yes. Well, Beeves and I both busted out on the same day about, well, less than two weeks ago, so I think I'm on a 13 day streak or something, so. But yeah, core.
- [16:21]
Andrew Walsh
Remember what that word was?
- [16:22]
Luke Burbank
I don't, but I know that it was one of those. That wasn't a specifically difficult word, but it was one where there were just too many options. Like almost everybody got the last three letters right, but then just like punted, punted, punted until like they busted out because they were just. Yeah, I don't know what the construction was at the time. But anyway, all that is to say, you understand.
- [16:43]
Andrew Walsh
That's a good question though.
- [16:43]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Are these folks like kind of like, hey, don't let me know too much. Or they're like, no, no, I mean we can have a conversation about this. We just have successfully sort of come into this conversation without a lot of knowledge.
- [16:54]
Andrew Walsh
Well, no, that's actually a really good question because I didn't stop last night when they got here. I was excited to see them, was excited to be here together to celebrate Becca's birthday. And I didn't actually ask myself the question, do they want to know this? Like they've been avoiding it. Am I the person to tell them that Elon Musk did the Nazi salute twice? Like I thought it was once. You told me it was twice. I have to just believe that. And now I'm telling, now I'm putting that evil inside of them. No, I believe you, but I'm saying I haven't even. I've never watched like, like you're like you're the, you're the first writing on the carbon copy thing and then I'm the next sheet down. And now Scott and Tiff are the third sheet down. So it's like by the time they're.
- [17:35]
Luke Burbank
Like, to quote our friend Chris Hayes, that's a dangerous game, Dan. Oh, precisely.
- [17:41]
Andrew Walsh
So you're right. I didn't, I didn't stop to ask. Are these people, you know, sort of engaging in a self care out here? That I don't need to be the person to bring. I don't need to bring this. I don't need to Paul Revere this all the way out to, to Maui. They didn't seem, they didn't like put their fingers in their ears and. And, you know, start singing da da da da da da da da da da. So they seem to take it, you know, as well as you can take that kind of information. And they were genuinely shocked. But it was, yeah, it was just kind of interesting to. Because they're both very plugged in. They're both very aware of the world, generally speaking. And to be like the person delivering this information, however many days later, you know, three. Three whole days later, it felt weird to be the town crier on that.
- [18:25]
Luke Burbank
Well, the fact that you traveled with that bell, that big clay bell that you clang and a scroll. Politics.
- [18:32]
Andrew Walsh
Hear ye, hear ye. And I unscrolled it and then I read them the news.
- [18:39]
Luke Burbank
Was it one of those things where you unscrolled and we thought it was just going to be maybe like, I don't know, two feet of paper, but then you unscrolled it and ended up being like just like a mile long length of paper.
- [18:48]
Andrew Walsh
And I realized it was actually in the CVS receipt.
- [18:51]
Luke Burbank
Yes, nice.
- [18:52]
Andrew Walsh
But, so, okay, so back to the geography thing and back to where I really, I really need to learn how maps work. So we knew that they were staying down in the kind of the, the slightly more, I guess, you know, populated and active part of the island of Maui, which I guess is sort of called Kihei. I mean, there's a few different spots, but let's just, let's just call it Kihei. And initially Becca and I were going to stay in a hotel kind of down in that general area, but I thought I was looking at the hotel, I was looking at the aerial photos of the hotel and it was like one of those ones where it's not actually on the beach. It's kind of in like a big parking lot with like a, you know, some sort of laser spine specialist, you know, located not far away. Like, it seemed like it was surrounded by a lot of stuff that didn't feel overly tropical to me unless they put a lay on you while they're doing the laser spine specializing. Like, it just didn't feel, I don't know, I just, at the last second, I panicked and I got onto old Airbnb and I was looking around for like a affordable airbnb spot that would be, you know, have at Least kind of a view of the water and would seem, again, more tropical, less laser spine surgery specialists. And I found this place and I looked at it on this map and I. I'm not kidding you. My thought was I was looking at, like a. A map of the island of Maui. I was looking at the town of Kihei, and I was looking at where our thing is, and I thought, that's about six inches away. My brain, like, I understood it wasn't, but I thought, how far could 6 inches be? Like, that's. I'm looking at this and I can see both of these places. That's not. It's an island. It's not very far away, of course. It's like an hour plus away from where they're staying.
- [20:36]
Luke Burbank
Because you said you're in the. Did you say North Eastern? Because wouldn't that be. That would.
- [20:43]
Andrew Walsh
Northwestern.
- [20:43]
Luke Burbank
Oh, okay. So you're just north. You're just north of Kihei. You're not north. I thought you were, like, literally on the opposite end of the island.
- [20:50]
Andrew Walsh
We're not on the. We did not take the road to Hana to get here, but we're actually on something. We're in some complex that's kind of known as Kapalua, which is another thing, which is. This is really funny. This is. I guess you could say this is a weird indication of where my life as an adult has. Has brought me versus my life as a. As a child. And by that I mean when we pulled into this place, because again, we're just renting this for three nights or whatever, I didn't know. And I didn't. It didn't say when I rented, via Airbnb, the actual name of this sort of, like, larger complex. We're in. We're in some subdivision. We're in, like, the Bay Villas of whatever. Right? But when we pulled in, I stopped and took a picture of this sign of this golf resort. It was like, you don't understand, Becca. This golf resort has been my constant companion because. Why? Because my dad used to wear a T shirt from here? Because my parents had been here? No, because my mom got it at the Lakeside School rummage sale. And my dad probably wore this Kapalua t shirt for 15 years of my growing up years. And I don't think I even knew it was a real place. I just knew that my dad used to wear this shirt that said Kapalua and it had this butterfly with a pineapple in the middle of it. I don't think he even thought about it. But I just it's one of those childhood sense memories and then pulling in here and being like, oh, this is actually a place. That's where this shirt was from. And now we're staying here. Now we're not buying a place here. We don't come here regularly. We're just air. We're just pretending to be the kind of people that come to this golf resort. But something about coming to this place that was visually part of me growing up, but in a. But not in a very sort of specific way was kind of a weird. It was a weird experience for me.
- [22:36]
Luke Burbank
It's a weird way to find out your parents are swingers.
- [22:39]
Andrew Walsh
The pineapple was upside down. Just saying.
- [22:42]
Luke Burbank
I don't even know there's.
- [22:44]
Andrew Walsh
By the way, Becca is over there like doing a wordle with Apple Airpod. Max is on and still gave me a look about that swinger joke. I don't even understand how she understood that bad joke you just made, sir.
- [22:56]
Luke Burbank
I know. I don't even like to make that joke because of course, like, I don't. Whatever. I think there's a lot of, like, for a while there, everybody was like, oh, pineapple swingers. I'm like, I think this, this trend or this joke or whatever it is has gotten out of control. At one point, a pineapple might have meant something in the community and maybe still does, but it was sort of like the broader society heard about it, then it kind of got over referenced and I. Yeah, but it does remind me of a story that you.
- [23:19]
Andrew Walsh
My mom has taken time out of her schedule to clarify with me that her and my father are still interested. So that's kind of on her if we get a little, you know, racy with the joke.
- [23:28]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I shouldn't, I shouldn't bring your parents boudoir into this, but it does remind me when. Okay, so can I tell this story without hurting anybody? I think so. So imagine right now you are in sunny Kapalua and I'm going to take you though, to when 2002, winter.
- [23:49]
Andrew Walsh
What a time.
- [23:50]
Luke Burbank
In Boston or maybe Cambridge. And me and my small group of close friends are having drinks and one of them recently went through a divorce. Now, this is rare in our friend group for somebody to already be going through a divorce this early on. I'm.
- [24:08]
Andrew Walsh
I might, obviously before you met me, where I would really, really blow up the curve on that friends of yours who've been divorced.
- [24:15]
Luke Burbank
This is like, I mean, because we're, we're, you know, pretty fresh out of college and everything and I'm Leaving names out of this, I'm there with me and Veeves and a group of close friends, and then sort of a friend that I know, but is more of a friend of a friend. And it's this friend of a friend who I think, has he already gone through a divorce? I can't remember exactly the details around this, but basically he sort of casually says that that somehow there was some sort of transgression that ended up happening and involved a firefighter and, like, something outside the marriage. And it was casually just mentioned that, well, you know how firefighter communities are. They're all swingers. And this was one of those things that Genevieve and I puzzled on for so long first, because we're just like, did. Did he just say that? Like, you know, like, not there in the moment, but as we. Like, as we went back to our respective corners, we're like, is that a thing? Like, were we supposed to know that? And is that a thing we can look up? Like, is that just like firefighters? And I think maybe for a while, we're just like, well, you know, firefighters. They're all swingers. Right. Like, one of those things that, looking back, doesn't. I don't think holds up to scrutiny at all.
- [25:27]
Andrew Walsh
Certainly not. It's not a. Like a trope that I have been aware of before this conversation, and I.
- [25:32]
Luke Burbank
Think that this might have been. And again, I want to be gentle. And also, I probably have messed up a lot of the details here. It doesn't really matter for you and the listening audience, really, but there are some people in my life who might be hearing this and recounting this in their heads in a very different way. But I think my takeaway is this person was cheated upon. And as part of the. As part of the coping or explanation or something, they were maybe really attaching themselves to this idea of, like, well, it's a firefighter. What are you going to do? You know, like, it's just man's search for meaning. Like, I don't know how much I just remember. Veeves and I, for a big chunk of our young adult lives, were just kind of like firefighters or swingers. Like, are they swinging in that firehouse right now? Turns out we live near a firehouse now. I believe no swinging goes on. Some pickleball goes on, but as far as I can tell, no swinging.
- [26:23]
Andrew Walsh
Somehow for this person, that being the case, might have emotionally blunted some of the pain for whatever reason. So that. That was. That was the reality that they were embracing because it helped them probably get through this.
- [26:35]
Luke Burbank
Experience or they're just sorting things out. Yeah, I don't know. God, I mean, this is again, one of those memories where if you tap me on the shoulder then and asked me if I was an adult, I'd say, are you kidding me? Of course I'm a full grown adult. Look at me, I'm. I'm drinking. I'm drinking zombies at Angry Yeeze. Like, of course. Of course I'm an adult. And now I look back and like I was a child, you know, I mean, like, pretty fre out of college. And we're all just still figuring things out then, too. Maybe we are our whole life. Maybe that's the whole point.
- [27:05]
Andrew Walsh
You know, speaking of pineapples, we do have one here. It's right side up, by the way, Andrew. But we picked it up at this cute little local store yesterday on the advice of the person who was flying next to us out here, who was well intentioned. But I believe Becca sort of described her when we got to the airport in Hawaii as kind of the person you don't maybe want to get stuck flying next to.
- [27:28]
Luke Burbank
They were in your row, like right there with the two.
- [27:30]
Andrew Walsh
They were in our row. And the first thing that happened was when. So we had the window seat in the middle seat. Okay. Well, the first. First thing that happened was we almost missed the flight, which was ridiculous because we were there plenty early. But because through a series of unfortunate events which involved me not putting Becca's TSA pre check number in the reservation, we show up at that TSA pre check line. The normal line, I guess, was kind of on the longer side. The PDX employees were helpfully saying, you go here and not there because that line's really long. And so we go through the pre check line and we get up to the front and I have the little check. But Becca doesn't. On her ticket like she has it in real life. But I had forgotten to enter the data.
- [28:12]
Luke Burbank
Oh, no. And the person did. Who. Like, sometimes they have somebody who's standing at the front of the TSA pre check line to make sure you're not even getting in that line if you're not supposed to. They didn't look closely enough.
- [28:22]
Andrew Walsh
They weren't even there. There was nobody. In fact, you know, I usually find that mildly annoying because I'm kind of like, to use the riverside parlance, Andrew, that only you'll appreciate. Yeah, I'm wearing headphones.
- [28:34]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [28:35]
Andrew Walsh
You know what I mean? Like, yeah, of course. Of course. I'm precheck. I wouldn't be in this line.
- [28:38]
Luke Burbank
The program that we use every day asks, are you wearing headphones or not? And like, it's a legit question because a lot of people use this program to record. You know, we've had Nick Jarn on the show who joins our Riverside. Just by using his phone. Yes, just by using his phone. And no ad, you know, so it's a legit question. But there's something about asking us every day as you and I are in our kind of quasi professional radio studios, you know, putting on headphones. It's like, yes, I'm wearing headphones. Like, have I ever said, no, I'm not?
- [29:04]
Andrew Walsh
But in this case, it would have actually been kind of helpful for that person to be standing there. It would have saved us from going up and getting in the line. So then now it's like, okay, we were a little more than an hour early for our flight. Our bags are checked through, and now the question is, do we just go get in the regular line or do we go back to the Alaska Airlines folks and ask them to please re enter the information? And so we decide. I think I decide. And again, this was just a series. There was like three to four bad decisions by me in a row, starting with not entering the info in the first place, then thinking, let's. Because I want to mention the general. The regular boarding line wasn't one of those crazy things that you see on the TV news, like when it's Thanksgiving. Yeah, it wasn't even that bad. But I think I'm so laser focused on this idea of we've. We've maximized the efficiencies of everything with this pre check like this. We're going to race through and we won't even take, we won't even take our shoes off. Can you imagine taking your shoes off that takes over one hour to take off your shoes and put them. Like, somehow in my mind, it was like there was probably 15 to 20 people in the regular line. Like, we could have just walked over, gotten that line. It was fine. I'm telling you. It was also kind of early in the morning. I don't think my faculties were fully engaged. So it's like, all right, we're going back to the airline. So then we go back and it happens again. Andrew, there's the, like the line to get help at the airline desk where you are like, you know, premier whatever. Like I am. And then there's the regular line. Well, the regular line looks like it's moving faster, but I'm like, I'll be gosh darned if I'm not going to take advantage of, you know, all of the miles I've put in. So we get into, like, the fancy line, which sure enough takes longer than the regular line. This is, of course, part of a pattern of behavior for me of thinking that there's something. Something better about the more special kind of like, premiere anything. So we finally get up to the front, and the. The woman who actually had checked our bags in the first place is trying to fix this on Becca's ticket. But it can't be fixed because we're. Now, we're getting close to the flight. Now we're 35 minutes out from the flight. And I am saying to the woman who's kind of on the older side and maybe didn't. Didn't seem like a digital native, if you know what I mean. She's like, I can't get it to go. And I'm like, well, if we're gonna miss the flight, can we just go get. We'll just go get back in the general. And she just keeps, like, getting Becca to give her the pre check number again and again, and she's gone. I don't know. And I keep saying, well, if we're gonna. If it's not gonna work, we'll just go get in the general line. Because at this point now I'm starting to get worried that we were gonna miss the flight.
- [31:34]
Luke Burbank
Is this like, when there might be, like, let's say, like a small audio problem, Like a small crackle in the line or a hiss on the line? And I could probably just use a different. Like, probably just move something over on my board and deal with it later. But I cannot do the show until I've gotten everything squeaky clean and in order. Well, listen, I think that.
- [31:51]
Andrew Walsh
Well, first of all, I don't. I don't agree to that premise because I think that the fact that you care about that stuff is a big part of why TBTL is listenable. So I do not. I am not trying to tell you not to approach your audio life that way, despite the fact that I started today's show with a drop of Kyrizdahl saying it's an audio files nightmare. In her case, it was. She did seem like kind of a dog with a bone. And the bone was. Which, again, that's a can do attitude that I'm usually looking for. You know, if it was two hours before the flight, I love that this woman is willing to move heaven and earth.
- [32:24]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [32:25]
Andrew Walsh
But right now, I'M worried that we may win the battle and lose the war getting on the flight. And so finally she's like, okay, well, I checked her out of the flight. And I'm like, dude, that doesn't sound good. She's like, but that's the only way that I could get her on the pre check. And I was like, okay, so she prints the ticket out. And now, now we're like, legit stressed. We go back to the gate, or rather to the pre check. The pre check is now way longer than the regular, like, orders of magnitude. Like, there are, you know, people that are being wheeled in wheelchairs. There are people with babies. There's the other thing about the pre check line at PDX is it's also where they kick.
- [33:07]
Luke Burbank
Was that a bird? You heard that? Yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah, they're.
- [33:12]
Andrew Walsh
We. Hey, guys, you're on. You're on. Go and go, you're live and action.
- [33:22]
Luke Burbank
Line. It does seem like they shut up. They shut up. The second week. We.
- [33:31]
Andrew Walsh
So one of the things that I learned, actually from our friend listener Mark, the master of transport, Mark, who is. Who's worked professionally in just about every way that you can move across the planet. When I was telling that story of the flight attendant that was sitting next to me at lax, who was that brought her. She wasn't working, but she was traveling as basically a normal civilian, but had brought her own alcohol in her water bottle, which I found really, like, kind of annoying. Only because the number one thing they tell us is don't drink your own alcohol on the flight. Mark said, oh, yeah, that's. You know, they don't. They don't check our water bottles when we're going through the special security line. But there's also a randomizer for the. The airline employees, meaning sometimes if you're the airline employee and you're going through the special airline thing, they'll kick you over to pre check. Like, just your number comes up and you don't get to go through the regular fancy. I work for the airlines. You get moved over to where we are. And the TSA line at PDX that we go through is where all of those airline employees. And it's a lot of them, it seems like if five of them go through, it'll be like three of them. All. All that is to say there was a real Chris Sullivan choke point. And now Andrew, I'm sitting there, which It's. It's now 20 minutes to the flight. It's actually. I know the exact number because I said To Becca. The doors close in 12 minutes because we. We jump over to the general boarding now. Peep the irony on this. We are now not doing the TSA PreCheck. We are going through the regular thing that we could have gone through now, 30 minutes previously. And we go because it's just. It's the only. It's the only chance. And we go through it and I get my. My bag and I put my shoes on and I'm ready to run. And they're conferring the people that are looking at the scanner or whatever. And here's my theory. I think there was some sort of security breach or protocol where all of a sudden my bag made it through and didn't get, like, a secondary screening. All of a sudden, every single container of stuff that's coming through is just going into secondary screening. Like. Like. Like there was something had been. Some security had been breached in such a way that none of. For, like, I don't know, 10 people, none of those bags were gonna just come out to you, or you grab them and you keep going. They were all gonna go for, like, a closer look. And that included Becca's stuff. And there's like five or six, you know, trays in front of her, and there's like, one not particularly hustle y TSA person who's supposed to come over, get the tray, walk it over to the other place, take the stuff out of it, search through it, wipe it with that Stridex pad that's supposed to tell them something, and then put it in the machine and then clear it. This has to happen like five or six times. And that's when I looked at my watch and I said, they're closing the gate in 12 minutes. The door, rather. So I was like, I'm going. I'm going to the gate and I'm going to plead with them. I'm going to. I'm going to. If I have to throw myself, you know, in front of the door and stop them from shutting us out of the flight. So that's what I did. And I get there and I'm like, you know how I was talking about this the other day with some other thing when I'm going into a customer service interaction like this and I have a little bit of time to prep, I'm, like, getting my whole shtick together and I'm playing through the different things. Do I tell the Alaska Airlines gate folks that the TSA is a complete shit show and that they don't know what they're doing because maybe they have friends that work there that might alienate me. So do I go with that approach? Do I go with the. Could you be a hero? Could you be my personal hero and not close this door, please, before my girlfriend has arrived? Like, how am I going to play this? And I get there and I'm like, oh, man, I'm so glad that. I'm so glad, you know, you're still here. We had a kind of a hold up at the tsa. I think something in the machine was malfunctioning, so I was trying to make it a machine issue, not a person, not an HR issue. And. And I'm telling them the whole story, and they're being very nice. And the guy goes, oh, no problem. He goes, you have eight minutes before we close the door. And I was like, no, no, that. You don't understand. I have as many minutes as we need before my girlfriend gets here so we can get on the flight to go to Hawaii. All he was telling me was like, she'll probably make it. You have eight minutes. And I was like, no, you don't. I was like, you don't understand. I am here to. I am here to expand that window.
- [37:58]
Luke Burbank
I have the rest. You don't understand. I have the rest of time.
- [38:00]
Andrew Walsh
I have. I have until tomorrow morning when I have to dial up with Andrew to do TBTL to keep this, you know, plane here. Sir, like, that's like, you just heard my whole spiel. And my whole spiel was, please don't leave without my girlfriend, or in that case, without us. And he smiled and was very nice and basically said, well, if it's. He said, effectively, if this is going to take more than eight minutes, you're not leaving. It was like. But luckily, okay, luckily, Becca did get there in time. We, of course, get on the flight, and when we get to our seat, which we have the window in the middle, the. The woman who's sitting on the aisle seat, she stands up and she says, I have a very. This is a very important part of the flight, or I have a very important thing to ask you. And we're both like, we are literally the last people on this flight. Like, it's one of those things where everyone's like, what went wrong in your life that you're just now getting on the plane? And I'm like, what? And she says, like, do you want the window seat? And I'm like, darn tootin. I do. Like, I'm a big window seat person. And she's like, just because, you know, when people get up to go to the bathroom. I don't ever go to the bathroom on flights. And I'm like, yeah, we're gonna need the window in the middle. She's like, okay, so we get the window in the middle and then, you know, this is a six hour flight or something. And it turns out that this person is actually very well intentioned and nice and chatty and obsessed with making us eat the snacks on the flight and drink pog, which is the like fruit juice from Hawaii that you apparently only get on flights to Hawaii. They have these special.
- [39:28]
Luke Burbank
What is it? So it was. Paul is pomegranate and is there orange.
- [39:33]
Andrew Walsh
Maybe orange and mango? No, that would be palm.
- [39:35]
Luke Burbank
That'd be palm. Maybe. That's what I'm thinking though actually maybe it's guava.
- [39:39]
Andrew Walsh
But yeah, she's like. So we had both fallen asleep at some point and we woke up and she said they have special snacks on this flight that are only on this flight. And I made them get some for you while you were sleeping, which was actually really thoughtful and sweet. And then she goes on this long, long like basically she's looking at us, waiting for us to eat these special snacks because of how good they are. And she's like, I just love snacks. My whole life is about snacks. And then, and then she's ordering pog and she's like telling, telling Becca, you got to get this pog. And Becca's like, I'm good for now, but I will probably at some point. And anyway, this woman was, was very well intentioned and was giving us all kinds of advice about where to go and where not to go on Maui.
- [40:18]
Luke Burbank
And it was, it was, by the way, I passion fruit. And I'm like, that's not the right color. And I don't see how that, I don't see how that goes together. Well, it's passion orange and guava. My apologies.
- [40:28]
Andrew Walsh
Actually, that sounds really good.
- [40:29]
Luke Burbank
Oh yeah.
- [40:30]
Andrew Walsh
For some of that right now.
- [40:31]
Luke Burbank
Oh yeah.
- [40:31]
Andrew Walsh
So she's. It's just kind of that thing where she's just a fire hose of information and there's only so much of it we're going to be able to use in three days. And she'll like put her headphones in and put her mask back on and start re watching her show. And then she'll take her headphones out and take her mask and oh, and one more thing. You got to go to the aquarium. She was describing this aquarium like it was, I don't know, some combination of NASA and SeaWorld. Like this dome, this white dome that you see from the road and inside you watch 3D films of whales and stuff. When we drove past it, Andrew, when I tell you we laughed our ass off it. It was barely something you would find in a strip mall in, In Cleveland. And I. I say that with peace and love. I was not what we were expecting based on the description. She was like, I don't like getting in the ocean. It's so cold, but I love looking at pretty fish. And this is where this aquarium comes in.
- [41:21]
Luke Burbank
I. I do. I. Here's the thing about this energy. First of all, I think that I've seen or at least, like, I've sort of witnessed this sort of energy at airports before even going through the security line. And I think I've maybe even gotten in conversations or Genevieve has with, like, people who have the. We've been going to Maui, you know, every year for 30 years. I remember one woman talking to her. I don't know, maybe a friend or somebody she just met in the line in front of us, talking about how she and her husband always came and this is her first year going without her husband. Like, I feel like, specifically there are, I mean, to a degree, I'm sure this is universal. People who vacation in the same spot over and over start to feel a sense of ownership. But I feel like, specifically the relationship with, like, kind of maybe older people who've lived in the Pacific Northwest most of their lives and have been going literally to, like, the same island like, almost every year. And there. There's something really beautiful about it. They're so excited to get on the plane because they're going on vacation, so they're amped up and they're in a good mood. But then also, like, they just do feel a sense of ownership and they want to share that with you. And I understand, by the way, I'm not usually super interested in that either, because I'm like, I don't know. I'm probably going to watch. Don't look up in the. In the condo while I make myself some eggs and sausage. Like, don't waste your breath on me. But there is something swee. That I understand.
- [42:37]
Andrew Walsh
Yes. And. And this woman and her family had lived actually in Lahaina, of all places, which, of course, was. Was really, really destroyed by those fires. And so she had lived here, too. So she was really, really, really insistent upon, again, from a good place, trying to help inform us on what to do. But most of it was just stuff that Becca and I kind of knew instinctively was not really for us necessarily. But here's the thing. And I did. I didn't realize this until later, and this is when I became retroactively a little sore at this. This woman. At some point, I think when Becca, you know, like hours into the flight, needed to go and use the bathroom and, and. And ask the woman, oh, can you, you know, can you mind if I step out? Or whatever, she said something to the effect of, yeah, that's why I was asking if. That's why I was asking you if. If you wanted me to take the window seat. In other words, this woman's whole thing is. And she literally said at some point that she eats extra salty food on the flight so that she won't have to urinate, which is a. I don't know even. That's even medically a thing that really. Because what I've learned from jogging is I can be sweating like a pig and still have to pee really bad. I don't know if our bodies, like, if taking a salt tablet will. Will divert the water away from your bladder or not. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But basically what she was saying was she was kind of nagging us, saying like, this is why I wanted to sit at the window because I didn't want to have to stand up during the flight because you guys have to pee. Because I don't pee on flights.
- [44:06]
Luke Burbank
This is interesting too.
- [44:07]
Andrew Walsh
I don't like that. I don't like that approach.
- [44:09]
Luke Burbank
No, no. I mean, this is like a misunderstanding. I mean, it's her misunderstanding of how things work because in her head it's. It's a very clean solution. Right? She's like, I don't pee. I offer the people to. I'll sit by the window. Because to her that's the main thing probably about sitting at the window is you don't have disturb me. And she sort of like passive aggressively, in hindsight, sort of indicated that to you at the beginning of the flight. I'm not taking her side. Obviously people can sit in the seat that they bought because, I mean, the choices.
- [44:39]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, buy a window seat if you like, to not be uninterrupted, be the.
- [44:43]
Luke Burbank
Early bird, you know, whatever it is. And like, nobody gets everything they want on airplanes unless you were. Certainly if you're not traveling first class. So, yeah, I under. I both understand how this woman sounds like she's pretty set in her ways and has a system and thinks that system works and so therefore other people should follow her system. But she doesn't understand that, like Sitting in the window seat is not just a bathroom issue. It's a view issue. It's a personal preference issue, and it's.
- [45:09]
Andrew Walsh
A leaning against the wall to sleep.
- [45:12]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. And there's a lot of reasons people choose the seats that they choose on airplanes. I don't think I mentioned this to you. Well, it doesn't matter. Just me complaining about airplanes. But the trip back from Philadelphia, and if you recall, I had gotten sick in Philadelphia or on the way to Philadelphia or whatever, the whole thing was sort of a somewhat like rough trip.
- [45:35]
Andrew Walsh
Andrew of the Opera and I had.
- [45:36]
Luke Burbank
Gotten a seat that was. I think I got an aisle seat. And it was all the way in the back of the plane. All. And it was one of those things where seats in the back of the plane are not that great because people line up next to you to use the restroom and. And all this stuff. But when you get a seat all the way back, there's a better chance that you're not going to get a seat mate in the middle seat. And that's really important to me. And so. Oh, and maybe it had to do with. I specifically picked a row where I knew the row in front of me couldn't recline. That was it. I knew that my seat. I picked a seat that on paper looks like a bad seat because it was almost all the way to the bathrooms, if not the last row. But I had seen when I was signing up for it or buying it or whatever, it said that the row in front does not recline. Or maybe I clicked on the row in front and it said, warning, the seat does not recline. I was like, hell, yeah. So I go one row behind it, and I had that booked for, you know, a month or whatever. I knew my plan. I am at the airport leaving Philadelphia. Genevieve, I knew, was not going to be sitting next to me. She already had her own seat somewhere. Genevieve's already in front of me in line somewhere. She's on the plane. I get up to the place where they check your ticket, the final person to look at your ticket before you get on the plane. Right. I've gone through every other process.
- [46:55]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [46:56]
Luke Burbank
It's not until I am literally boarding the plane that the woman scans my ticket. She says, oh, yeah, your seat's been moved. What do you mean, my seat's been moved? She's like, yeah, we moved your seat. And like, that was it. And I was so taken.
- [47:08]
Andrew Walsh
Let me guess, let me guess. Did they think it was an upgrade?
- [47:11]
Luke Burbank
No, I think that there were two because I. When I got on the plane, I look back to what my seats should be, and I'm pretty sure they were the very last row. So I knew what it was. And now I was maybe like, eight rows ahead or something. So, like, within eye contact distance as I'm boarding the plane, I shot daggers to the two young women who were in my seat. And I think what happened was they were probably flying together and they said, hey, any chance. This is my guess, they probably said, hey, you know, we have seats that are separated. Any chance we could fly together? They saw me, the airline saw me as a solo traveler because me and V didn't book our tickets at the same time. And like, oh, yeah, well, this guy is way in the back. We'll just move him up. Same exact seat. That's right. Because I didn't get a window. Sorry I'm making this so long. But basically, I had an aisle seat. But it was an aisle seat that I chose very specifically and was very much looking forward to because they could not recline their seat in front of me. And that's a real issue for me because my legs are made weird. And so they're like, oh, we'll just move this guy up eight rows. Who. Who doesn't want to be moved up eight rows? Who cares? Like, they didn't probably think about it. And then they put these two travelers together. But then I ended up having a row where the person put their seat back in front of me. And I was so furious because I was like, I bought that. Like, I went online. I specifically chose a specific product that is offered and described in a certain way on your website. And you're just gonna move me? And you don't even. Like, I didn't even have a chance to make a stink, which I'm not great at making stinks anyway. They become very bizarre very quickly.
- [48:36]
Andrew Walsh
It's not right.
- [48:37]
Luke Burbank
It's not right as they drag me to the TSA dungeon. But it is both. That's right. Is very much my energy. But I'm just like, I. This woman just took my dick and said, we moved your seat. And then, like, I'm halfway down the ramp where I'm just like, what is happening to my life anyway? So I get very angry.
- [48:55]
Andrew Walsh
Wrong.
- [48:56]
Luke Burbank
You buy. You should. If they're gonna move your seat, check with you first. Like, is there a reason you pick, like, yes, because.
- [49:03]
Andrew Walsh
Well, anyways, I'm sure that in their mind, I'm not defending them in any way, shape, or form, Andrew. Because they should never move someone before asking Them. Because people have, like you said, myriad reasons why they want to be where they are. I'm sure that they looked at this and thought, oh, from row 28 to row, like, 18. That's a big.
- [49:21]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, yeah.
- [49:22]
Andrew Walsh
Or whatever it was, I bet you that they were like, well, why wouldn't this person want to be closer to the front of the plane? Like. Like he's in one of the worst seats on the plane. He would never be complaining about moving up, except you had a very specific thing going.
- [49:33]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [49:34]
Andrew Walsh
Now, did the person. If you remember, did the person in front of you actually recline on the flight?
- [49:38]
Luke Burbank
I. In. In my retelling of the story, I just indicated that they did. I gotta be honest with you. I don't totally recall in spirit. They did. In my soul, they did. I think. I think they probably did. And. But I probably just survived it. I mean, you survived these, but I'm.
- [49:55]
Andrew Walsh
With you that you. This is. This is an unpleasant enough experience as it is. They cannot move people without asking them because. Because of exactly what you're describing.
- [50:06]
Luke Burbank
When they charge. Sorry, I was drinking a sip of coffee. But when they charge so much extra for all these different things that used to just be part of flying, like, well, okay, like, we can charge you more to be in the exit row, you know, or what have you. It just sort of seems like it's a really big, like, breach of faith to do that. But anyway. Okay, so I do. I want to mention something about your story. I don't know if it's fully wrapped, but I. And this is. I got to say, I was thinking about this earlier. There's something I like about your story in the way that you depict it. And now I am going to make it like the biggest backhanded compliment and force you to talk about something. But when you were first rejected by the TSA person. So you went through the TSA line, the short line. TSA PreCheck, I should say. You get to the front of it. You obviously have the pre check number on your boarding pass, and Becca doesn't. Are you tempted to get sassy with this person who's, like, not allowing her to go through? Because I do think they have that power. There have been times, maybe not recently, but there have been times where I've flown with Genevieve and she's pre check and I'm not. So they just, like, say, I'm good to go because why would she be flying with a terrorist? Like, whatever. And so I was wondering, did you get shirty at all or did you get tempted to get shirty with this person. I'm glad to hear that. It doesn't sound like that was a huge point of only stress for you.
- [51:28]
Andrew Walsh
Only because I don't think I knew that was possible. Like, I don't. I've certainly. I don't think I've ever like, gotten, you know, Becca through minus the, the pre check at that level. I assumed, I did not. I did not think that that was a thing they were allowed to do.
- [51:44]
Luke Burbank
Maybe they're not even. Maybe in my cases that when they printed out the tickets, they just included me on pre check. That could be the case. I don't exactly know how much flexibility they have. But the fact that you didn't even question it, I still think is. Is still growth.
- [51:57]
Andrew Walsh
Surprising. Yeah. Well, again, only because that's one of those things that I assume is ironclad. You want to talk about petty. One of. One of the. Just one of my pure joys in life is watching people get turned back at the. Which is ironic considering how this went. One of my great joys in life is watching people get turned away from the TSA pre check line because they don't have it. Because let's just say there's not a person guarding the opening, right? And there's like a big long line in the general. And then there's the pre check line. And. And you know, this is a thing that, like, initially to get this, I had to go to some weird office at the Costco in Sodo, or it was near the Costco in Soto in Seattle and sit down there. And I mean, this was years and years ago. I think it's easier now. But in those days you had to go to this weird, random, like office and basically swear you're not a terrorist, pay all this money, do face scans. It was a whole thing. And I did all of this so that I would have this green check mark. And when, when there is a long line, again, this is gross of me because it's not hurting me. People, you know, I don't want people to miss their flights. But when someone gets in that line and I know they know they don't have it and they get to the front and the person is like, you need to have pre check to be here. And they're like, they're like, what is this? This isn't a general. It's like, no, you had to go through a whole cattle chute to indicate this is pre check. I find that very validating that I did. The hassle of going to that place in Sodo. And so all that is to say, I've seen a lot of people get turned away there, and I love seeing it. And somewhere in my mind I assumed, this is immutable. This is ironclad. It did not even occur to me to try to sweet talk him, probably for the better. But now that I know that there's even a small chance I could, I will now.
- [53:44]
Luke Burbank
I mean, now I put that evil in you. Yeah, you. I do think that it might have been more in the days of printed out boarding passes, because as I'm thinking about it, I have not gotten looped in with Genevieve in a while. And maybe it wasn't printed out boarding passes, but I feel like there were times where if Genevieve booked tickets for both of us at the same time and she's TSA pre check. In fact, I'm not even 100%, I'm assuming here that she still is TSA precheck. They. If we were traveling together and she booked the tickets together and punched her number in, sometimes that number would also be printed into mine because we're traveling together. But my guess, now that I say it out loud, my guess is that was sort of predetermined on the boarding pass itself. I don't recall. I can't say for sure that there's ever been a time where an actual agent face to face said, ah, get out of here, you're not a terrorist. Go ahead. Did.
- [54:35]
Andrew Walsh
I did have a moment, and we should thank some donors and do some blurs and all of that, but I did have a moment when this is how. This is how insane my mind is. When we were now 12 minutes from the flight door closing, from the. The gate closing, and I was watching the guy who was studying the bags coming through the X ray, and I realized that he was sending everything for secondary screening. I wanted to say to him this, and I'm going to use a swear word here, this isn't the frickin Carry On. You're not Taryn Edgerton. Calm the hell down. This was what went through my mind. Now let me unpack that.
- [55:12]
Luke Burbank
Who. Who did you say?
- [55:14]
Andrew Walsh
The guy who is the star of the Netflix movie Carry On. So I don't know if we actually got into this on the show or not, but like there was this. This movie that kind of was sort of on Netflix and kind of around the holidays and became like the number one movie on Netflix for a little while called the Carry On. And it's like a. Kind of like, it's like die Hard in an airport. It's basically like Jason Bateman is the bad guy and he is trying to smuggle some sort of a, you know, world ending weapon onto a flight for some bizarre terroristic plot that I don't know if we ever really get the, the whatever the full explanation on, but it really centers the real the Bruce Willis, the John McClane of this movie is a guy who's a TSA agent and he is there, it's his first day on the scanner and he ends up, you know, inheriting this very, very terrible situation where he's got to try to save the world, as it were. And it's such a weird movie because it, it's both trying to. I mean, the premise of the movie is that this guy is a TSA agent because he's kind of given up on his ambition. But they also need to make being a TSA agent a high risk, high reward, kind of quasi. You know, like they both, they both need to sort of denigrate the job so that it, it works with the plot of like what he really wants to be is a cop, right? And he failed the cop test or something and so now he's kind of lowered his ambition. That's part of the plot. But then also the part of the plot is you know that like all of the, like they have a pre meeting. The dude from Breaking Bad, that. Walter White's brother in law from Breaking Bad. I don't know that guy.
- [56:53]
Luke Burbank
Oh yeah, I can think of his name. But he's, he's a good actor and.
- [56:56]
Andrew Walsh
A shield and stuff. He's always, yeah, he's always a kind of a hard boiled dude, you know, he's like in charge of the LAX TSA and they have one of these like, it's just. I don't, I kind of wish you watched this movie because it's just this classic like setup piece for the, for the movie. It's like the TSA all hands meeting before they get out there and get after it. And he's like, it's like you see this in every movie where it's either a military force or firefighters who are swinging or any kind of group of folks who are like, all right, you be safe and kick some ass today. And they're like going through. And everyone in the tsa, by the way, is like cool and interesting for different and diverse reasons. You got the guy who's trying to get his rap career off the ground. You got this ex Navy seal. You got. It's like, man, the, the multitudes that this TSA crew contains is, let's just say I haven't seen it borne out in my experience going through the actual tsa. Yeah, but, but, and so anyway, one of the things that struck me about the movie is like, what must it feel like to watch this movie as a TSA person? And does it. It must be inspiring because, again, you know, they're held up as a kind of like a critical and important tip of the spear to keep people safe in the skies, you know, which in a generous interpretation, I guess you could say they are. But also, has it now made the people that are sitting on the scanners take it 5% more seriously than they should? And that was what I was puzzling through at 6:40am yesterday standing in Portland International Airport, being like, it's not the carry on. Just, it's a water bottle that's been empty. Just let it go.
- [58:31]
Luke Burbank
Right, right, right. Well, I don't know how much flexibility they do have there, but I regret putting the idea in your head that you have wiggle room there.
- [58:41]
Andrew Walsh
You've definitely, my friend, you've just dropped a depth charge that's going to explode at some point in the next three to four years.
- [58:47]
Luke Burbank
It's not going to explode on me. Like, that's the problem. I did it to others.
- [58:51]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, you did.
- [58:53]
Luke Burbank
Thank you for being a t. All.
- [58:57]
Andrew Walsh
Right, let's thank some donors. These are the. I mean, truly spectacular and generous folks who listen to a thon. I don't know if it was many years ago. I don't know if it was the most recent one. And we implored them to support TBTL financially so that this can be our job, so that we can do it five days a week. And they didn't wait for somebody else to do it. They said, yeah, okay, I'll help out with that. And we really do appreciate it. And we want to thank Bill Woitra of Seattle, Washington.
- [59:30]
Luke Burbank
That's my wife, Bill.
- [59:32]
Andrew Walsh
Woitra. I hope. Bill, I hope you. I hope you take it in the spirit it's intended. But, man, does your last name sound like that drop to us.
- [59:39]
Luke Burbank
That's right. That's my Waitra.
- [59:41]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, it is. And Bill, thank you. Appreciate you also. Thanks, Eric Jose of Longmont, Colorado.
- [59:50]
Luke Burbank
Nice.
- [59:51]
Andrew Walsh
Trying to think if I've ever been through Longmont, I think I would just.
- [59:56]
Luke Burbank
Say that I have not.
- [59:58]
Andrew Walsh
You feel confident you can say with certitude, you have not personally visited Longmont. You didn't drive through it maybe either on your way to or back from Denver Racked with. I think that I've misremembered the timeline on your window crack. Yeah, I thought that it happened. I thought you drove all the way back, worried about it, but it happened somewhere on the way back.
- [60:20]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, it happened somewhere on the way back. So on the way to Denver, I rented a car and I just paid the smallest one in the lot. Like a Simpsons esque small little car. In fact, if you want to see it, I think if you go to the about page on tbtl.net, you'll see the photo of me. My profile photo is me leaning up against this car, which looks like a Matchbox car next to my hulking frame. And so that created a lot of anxiety for me going through the mountains because I didn't realize that you can't drive through snowy mountains in a Matchbox car. And so then that's when you and I got in the car and then drove to the rental place at the airport outside of Denver. And you were like, we're gonna get you an upgrade. And they were just like, no, there are no upgrades. It's a holiday weekend. It was like Memorial Day or something, I think. And they were just like straight up. No. And you were like, straight up. I'm not taking no for an answer. Like you like in the airport yesterday to the gate agent. And so I know he doesn't have.
- [61:19]
Andrew Walsh
Precheck, but you have to give him a Scion or a Kia.
- [61:23]
Luke Burbank
And they gave me a Kia and I love the Kia. But then like on my first, like within like three hours of driving back to Seattle, I had this huge crack in the windshield when a, when a pebble hit it. And it was such a big crack, it grew into a crack that crossed from top to bottom within hours. Like, I'm watching this thing like crack in front of me and just wondering how much glass will eventually be in my face. And will I get fired from American public Media when they realize that I, I have taken over the entire in the dark budget with windshield replacement, safe.
- [61:58]
Andrew Walsh
Light repair, safe light replace.
- [62:00]
Luke Burbank
Exactly.
- [62:01]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I can't wait for baseball season. I can't wait to thank David Youngk in Golden Valley, Minnesota. How do you know they're gonna be boys?
- [62:10]
Luke Burbank
Golden Valley, it's probably cold there. Got a note from our friend John Sklaroff. I'm sorry, our business partner and patriot John Sklaroff. Yesterday, indeed, it was like something like 14 degrees in Minnesota. But his phone made sure it said feels like two.
- [62:27]
Andrew Walsh
The feels like temperature. Hope the feels like temperature is good for You, David, where you are also Patty struck feels like is in Kent, Washington.
- [62:37]
Luke Burbank
Oh, yeah, Kent White. Now, I've been through Kent, Washington, my friend.
- [62:40]
Andrew Walsh
You certainly have, my friend. I'm trying to think if you've been to sir Mix A lot's house. I think you've. Which I know you.
- [62:46]
Luke Burbank
Oh, I have.
- [62:46]
Andrew Walsh
No, nope, I haven't definitely been through Kent, Washington.
- [62:49]
Luke Burbank
You know, you're confused. I went to Kent State University, which people.
- [62:52]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.
- [62:53]
Luke Burbank
They kind of casually refer to as Sir Mix A Lot's house, but it's a different kind of house.
- [62:58]
Andrew Walsh
I see. Got you. Thank you, Patty. Thanks also to Andrea Dennison of Lake Forest, Illinois. I almost said Park. Lake, Forest. Park, Washington. No, Lake Forest, Illinois.
- [63:09]
Luke Burbank
That's Chicagoland area. Andrea is a long, long time listener and part of the TBTL fam. Thanks, Andrea.
- [63:16]
Andrew Walsh
And then look who it is. It's Dan Poss in Snohomish, Washington. Dan has been an awesome supporter of the show, a friend to me, and, and a photographer of many cool ass things on the sidelines of the Seahawks games.
- [63:28]
Luke Burbank
Oh, really?
- [63:29]
Andrew Walsh
Sometimes I'll see Dan. Like, it'll be a thing where like the ball goes out of bounds and then I just see Dan over there with his, like, camera and everything and I'm like, man, that seems fun.
- [63:37]
Luke Burbank
Interesting. Now, do you know Dan through TBTL or did you know Dan?
- [63:40]
Andrew Walsh
I believe so. I believe so. But yeah. So, Dan, thanks, man. Nice to see your name on the list. Appreciate you. And, and thank you to all of our donors today for making TBT will happen. I. It's sometimes on days like this when like, it's like maybe Becca and I are doing something together. So she's here and sees me setting up this little microphone in this little laptop and I'm like, yeah, I gotta work today. Okay. So just like, you know. And then she sees what my working is, which is talking to you about TSA issues. I. I realize how lucky I am to have this as a job. I realized how lucky I am that this is the work I have to do today. So it's. It's only thanks to people like we thanked today who have donated their money to this show. So thanks very much. There's a right way to rock in.
- [64:26]
Luke Burbank
A wrong way to roll. You can't just listen to your song. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can be nothing but one. All right, it is time to wish some people some blurs days. If you want somebody A blurs day. Email me andrewbtl.net and put Blurs Day in the subject line. I'm getting a note here from our friend Levi asking me if I saw the story in the Seattle Times today. Luke and I did. I almost suggested as a potentially a top story, but did you see that they got Jesse get Jesse is now going to be part of the state government looking for inefficiencies.
- [65:25]
Andrew Walsh
I was, I saw the headline. Well, first of all. And boy, what a weird place to take this for the blurs.
- [65:32]
Luke Burbank
Well, I took this.
- [65:32]
Andrew Walsh
When I saw it, when I saw Jesse Jones in the headline, I was like, I hope he's okay, because I know he had been through some health stuff years ago. And I thought it. I, I saw his name and I was wondering if it was going to be an obit. And then I read the rest of it and I was like, really?
- [65:46]
Luke Burbank
Like the government? Like, kind of you feel like. Well.
- [65:48]
Andrew Walsh
Cause I'm assuming that. Well, I guess I don't know enough about that program. I guess it's. It's statewide. So this isn't part of. This isn't officially part of, you know, the dojification of the federal government, which is to say, you know, Elon Musk coming in and firing a bunch of people under the, under the sort of headline of quote, unquote, efficiency.
- [66:08]
Luke Burbank
If this makes you feel like this.
- [66:09]
Andrew Walsh
Is the Bob Ferguson thing, if it.
- [66:11]
Luke Burbank
Means if is Ferguson appointed him. But if I read the paper correctly today, which I think I did, I don't know how deep I got into this article. I'm pretty sure it's a program that's been around, that Inslee created in 2013.
- [66:23]
Andrew Walsh
Well, okay then.
- [66:24]
Luke Burbank
So, yeah, I trust Inslee and I trust Ferguson too. So just appointing him to it, like. And I was thinking about this.
- [66:29]
Andrew Walsh
Congratulations.
- [66:29]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Because you think about government efficiency and what's that code for? And everything that you just said.
- [66:34]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. That sends up my.
- [66:36]
Luke Burbank
Here in Washington, I think that we have some good people. And I was legit happy for him. Like, yeah, you know what I mean? Nobody wants to see inefficiencies. Nobody wants to see, you know, why give people like the late Dori Monson more fuel to point at programs that might not be as, you know, shape as they should be so that they can, like, leverage that and try to make broader points.
- [66:56]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, well, that's a positive.
- [66:57]
Luke Burbank
Tighten it up. Let's get. Let's get Fergie. That's what I call Bob Ferguson. I just came up with that now. Let's get. Let's get Fergie, let's get Jesse and let's do it. I don't know what I'm doing.
- [67:06]
Andrew Walsh
Your voice is like a combination of Jesse and Fergie.
- [67:10]
Luke Burbank
All right, I promised you a blurs day and here it is. Happy belated blurs day to Eric from Walla Walla, Washington. As his mom says, Eric is the first. Eric is the first 10 I met in the wild. He's the son of a good friend of mine. I hope your blurs was wonderful. This is from Fluffy, pronounced Fluffy.
- [67:31]
Andrew Walsh
Okay. Gabriel Iglesias, the comedian is a listener. Amazing.
- [67:35]
Luke Burbank
As far as I know. There's also a regular at Teddy's whose name is Fluffy. And he's like a. He's a golfer. A guy probably maybe 10 years older than me.
- [67:43]
Andrew Walsh
But that's really funny because Tiger woods caddy for many, many years was known as Fluff.
- [67:49]
Luke Burbank
Really?
- [67:49]
Andrew Walsh
That's a real thing? That's a real thing. He was like a guy with a kind of a big old John John Bolton style mustache. Is that the best rep. Best reference for that stash? He was like a guy with kind of wild hair and a big old mustache. And his name was. He was called Fluff. I wonder if that's a golf.
- [68:04]
Luke Burbank
I wonder. Yeah, it does sort of seem like a kind of a nickname of a certain type of like you give. I feel like you've described this before sort of too, right. I'm not speaking of Fluffy, who sent that in, but maybe this guy at that I used to know at my old watering hole. Like, he was a very. He was exactly what you think of as a. He's. It's like a kind of an older guy who can bro down. But he wasn't super bro y. You know what I mean? He was, but he. You just feel like, oh, yeah, he could go. I feel like there's something about golfing and golfers that they can just sort of hang sort of. You know what I mean? There's a certain sort of casual culture. My uncle Bob was a big golfer and he's the type of guy who would just sort of ease into a room and be like, Bobby's here. How you doing, Bobby?
- [68:46]
Andrew Walsh
There's something cool about golfers being out here in basically golf land usa like everything. And the reason that maybe the. A typical person would come stay out where we are here on Maui is because they're really into golf. Like everything. We are enmeshed in golf courses. We. We are not golfers. Did not bring any golf clubs. They're not doing any golfing. But I was like, I can kind of see the appeal of it. I can. You know, you particularly see a lot of couples out here, you know, maybe older couples golfing together, getting some exercise, hanging out. Like, I mean, again, high level of privilege if you can come golf out here.
- [69:20]
Luke Burbank
Like, that's, you've.
- [69:21]
Andrew Walsh
You've already probably won the financial lottery of some kind. But I was like, I kind of get the appeal. And also, this is kind of a dumb place for us to be staying. Like, it's like, I don't know, staying somewhere where the entire point of it is one thing and you're not even engaging in that thing.
- [69:37]
Luke Burbank
Hey, I did want to pivot here, by the way. We only had one blurs day today. I think that was historic. Maybe a single blurs. A single blurs day. But while I have the mic here, I want to share this email. And I'm hesitating here because I just read this during the show and then I wrote to the person who sent it in to make sure that it's okay to share it on the show, but I think it is. This is from listener Mary, who. You know Mary. Mary and her daughter Kelly both listen to the show. Mary is famous in my world for being the person who often writes into the Seattle Times Rant and Rave column and often, basically a celebrity.
- [70:16]
Andrew Walsh
To you, she's the Ronnie, the limo driver of Rants and Raves.
- [70:19]
Luke Burbank
Exactly. In fact, I think we need to probably get Mary on the show at some point to talk more Rants and raves or something. Mary also one time wrote in to give me advice on how to, like, tips and tricks for getting published in the Rant and Rave column, which I appreciated. Well, she was inspired to write in after hearing a couple of conversations we've had about air travel recently, and I felt like this was fitting for today's show. The reason I was hesitating was because I wanted to make sure it's okay to share this, and I think it is. I'm gonna have to write back to her and say, ignore my previous email. I read it anyway. But regarding bringing booze onto airplanes, you know, I was a little confused because I remember being at the airport and people always saying, you know, you're. You're not allowed to drink your own alcohol on airplanes. But I kind of guess I never really examined it, like, does the TSA not let you bring the booze on? Or if you have them in less than 2 ounce bottles, is that fine? And if you get through with it, you just need to sneak it onto the plane and like, just make sure nobody stops you, because I know it's an airline rule to not drink your own booze on a plane.
- [71:21]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I don't want to take any of. Of the. I don't know what. I don't want to sort of cannibalize what you're about to play for. Mary. But our friend Mark, the airline pilot, said basically, there's nothing illegal about bringing your own alcohol onto the flight. It's just you're not supposed to consume it. So, like, if you were going somewhere and you wanted to bring a bunch of airline bottles for your final destination, maybe a golf resort in on Maui, you could bring it. You just aren't supposed to drink it on the flight.
- [71:49]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, and I don't even. And to even say illegal, it's probably just the policy of the airline and maybe partially, you know, a good policy so that people can, you know, the professionals on board can monitor somebody's alcohol intake so you don't have a problem. But also because they want to sell booze is probably partially it as well. I mean, there's probably a lot of read, but I bet you it's not illegal. It's just. It's the same way. It's not really illegal for me to sneak booze into t mobile park during a ball game. No need to get the cops involved. I'm sure it's just like the policy of the. Of the place, you know. So anyway, all of that is to say Mary says, I still bring my own airplane bottles in the regulation plastic bag. You know how TSA after 9 11, you're like, okay, you can bring two ounces of whatever, as long as they all fit into this little bag. I still bring my own airplane bottles in the regulation plastic bag. I get through tsa. I buy orange juice at an outrageous price. I add vodka. I order one bloody Mary on the plane. Then I use my own bottles the rest of the time. I really hate flying. Addressing another episode.
- [72:50]
Andrew Walsh
Is it the hangovers?
- [72:52]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, right.
- [72:54]
Andrew Walsh
God, flying gives me the worst hangover.
- [72:56]
Luke Burbank
Whenever I fly, everything is really blurry. And I find myself very funny. Let's see here. Oh, and I had mentioned being in Mecca. Veeves and I traveled down to Mexico, was it maybe last winter. And I had said that I had brought some, like, you know, edibles with me, little gummies, little weed gummies. And I wasn't too nervous about it, but I was, you know, a little bit when you have to go through customs and they have people in, you know, when they have literal soldiers, you know, they're kind of checking your bags as you enter another country and you're kind of like, well, I know I'm not really supposed to be sneaking drugs into Mexico. And I also mentioned that in that same exact line, I saw a very obvious, like gummy wrapper on the ground that I pointed out to Genevieve said somebody before us had to, had to eat what they had. Anyway, Mary says, addressing another episode, my daughter Kelly, you know, Kelly talked me into taking some weed gummies on a flight to Costa Rica a few years ago. I had them in my carry on. I was standing in line waiting to board, and a man with a German shepherd came walking down the line of passengers. Oh, that's right. I had mentioned, Luke too, that like, I know that these dogs are like usually bomb sniffing dogs. Not in the US not drug dogs. Yeah, because I was listening to another podcast and they called them drug dogs. I'm like, TSA doesn't have drug dogs. Anyway, Mary says, I was holding my breath when the dog went by, but they passed me by because I don't think before I talk. I then said aloud, I'm sure glad that wasn't a drug dog. Someone on the plane later told me that the dog was actually looking for cash because drug trade is big in Costa Rica, I guess. And this is where it gets interesting, Luke. This is the final line of Mary, who knows how to write in to media organizations like TBTL and the Seattle Times says, the drug trade is big in Costa Rica, I guess. Talk about coals to Newcastle. Have you ever heard that phrase before? I had to look it up and it's perfect for what I was saying about sneaking my own drugs into Mexico.
- [74:57]
Andrew Walsh
Coals to Newcastle. Can I try to guess?
- [75:00]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I mean, I think from context you probably have a chance.
- [75:03]
Andrew Walsh
Well, yeah, I'm guessing that Newcastle is a place that has a lot of coal and its idea of sneaking something into a place that already has a lot of the thing.
- [75:13]
Luke Burbank
Exactly. Yeah. I don't know much about the background of it, but the dictionary definition is just used in reference to the supply of something in a place where it's already plentiful. And by the way, I now I realize that, you know, I'm joking here. I'm not trying to turn. I'm not trying to imply that Mexico, of course, is just some, some sort of drug filled awful place as it's being portrayed in, in the national conversation by some pretty awful people right now. So take it all with A grain of salt. But anyway, that. That's what I was teasing Genevieve about, is that we are sneaking gummies into Mexico.
- [75:47]
Andrew Walsh
Right.
- [75:48]
Luke Burbank
Taking coals into Newcastle.
- [75:49]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I feel like you could have. I remember. I think I talked about this, too, years ago. But I. Like, I went to Tulum one time during a little TBTL kind of winter downtime in Tulum, Mexico. And coming back through the airport, I felt like. I felt like I owed it to myself to buy every single thing in the airport pharmacy that I would need a prescription for in America.
- [76:12]
Luke Burbank
Right? Yeah.
- [76:13]
Andrew Walsh
It's like, stuff I. Stuff I don't do, like, oh, Mexican Xanax. Hell, yeah. Do I still have that? Yes, I do, Andrew. Have I taken any of it ever? No. There was something about the fact that it's like I'm. They're just going to sell it to me, and I'd have to jump through a lot of hoops in the US for this. I better get it here. Like, that's. That's how my brain works, you know.
- [76:34]
Luke Burbank
I like the availability of drugs myself. And I got to say, I really whisked out. And I. And when I say whisked out, I'm. I'm glad I was careful the last time I was in Mexico. Like, they have all those little pharmacies all over the place, and in the past, I might go in and get something that's maybe a little relaxing or something. I don't know. I never went overboard with it, but I always loved the idea of it. But this last time, it just looks like Veeves and I were looking it up, and, like, somebody had just recently done, like, a legit news organization. I want to say the Washington Post had done an investigation of, like, fentanyl, and it's like, oh, it's just, like, so cut. And we're just like, we don't need to come down to Mexico to get Fentanyl. We live in Seattle.
- [77:15]
Andrew Walsh
I would not.
- [77:16]
Luke Burbank
You have Fentanyl that hosts.
- [77:18]
Andrew Walsh
That is so not wussing out, Andrew. That is wanting to stay alive because it is a dangerous, dangerous world out there. And I would probably never ingest anything that I wasn't extremely sure of the origins, regardless of what it looked like, what kind of a blister pack it was purchased in. It is rough out there. And I'm personally glad that my more experimental days happened back when the worst thing would have been, like, some laxative or something, you know, like, you know, the stuff that was being put into stuff that people might be taking was. Was mostly to try to thicken it up and extend it and step on it and not, you know, something that would just kill you immediately. Like, yeah, I'm glad to hear that you're not getting experimental south of the border.
- [78:04]
Luke Burbank
I'm sorry that they were stepping on your xlax. Man, that really sucks.
- [78:08]
Andrew Walsh
It's like, God damn it.
- [78:10]
Luke Burbank
I keep taking this.
- [78:12]
Andrew Walsh
I keep taking this xlax and it turns out it's just drywall. I am literally more backed up than I've ever been, actually.
- [78:20]
Luke Burbank
Oh, you mean in this scenario? For a second I thought you were being serious. I thought you were just like throwing in a truth bomb there. Because I do know some people who travel that does it to them. But you travel so much.
- [78:30]
Andrew Walsh
I know. Those people are called every woman I've ever been in a romantic relationship with.
- [78:36]
Luke Burbank
Really?
- [78:37]
Andrew Walsh
And also my sisters. I don't want to over gender it, but this is a report that I've heard many times, particularly from the women in my life. Life. I'd. I'm happy to report to all of the listeners that everything is. Everything is flowing smoothly here in Burbank town than usual.
- [78:52]
Luke Burbank
That's never been an issue for me, like regarding travel or life. But I will say the one time it happened was when we landed in Croatia. And so that was like, whatever. Was it like a 13 hour flight? No, it was maybe 11. I can't remember exactly, but it was a long day of travel. And I don't know what to attribute it to, but. But I went. I went a couple. I went a few days, I want to say. Or maybe a couple of days without going. And like that is just like. I never think about that. It's like I don't know what happens when it happens. I never think about it. Yeah. And then so I was like, wait, it's been six weeks since you looked at me? And no, I was. And then I. And I, we guess we shouldn't get into it. But like when. When the dam finally broke and it was. It didn't break in like in some sort of like super high volume fashion or anything. I don't want to make it sound like that, but it was just like the absolute worst timing. I put it up with one of the worst craps I've ever taken in my life. Let me see if I can describe this and then we'll get out of here because I'm really taking the show literally into the gutter here. But. So we arrived in Not Comiska. That's the island where we spent most of our time. But why Am I blanking on the Split? Split. Thank you. I knew it's very. How can I remember a name like Split, Luke? Anyway, when we arrive, it is split.
- [80:12]
Andrew Walsh
It's unique. There's not a lot of places called Split, America.
- [80:15]
Luke Burbank
True. But it's also. It's monosyllabic, though. It's not like trying to remember, like, the native names of, you know, Dubrovnik or something, right? Or even you in Hawaii. You know, it is sort of hard when you don't, you know, when you're not a native Hawaiian speaker or whatever. Like, you don't. It's understandable why some of these names would sort of blend together for you as you're trying to make your way around the islands or what have you. But Split seems like it's a pretty easy thing for me to remember all of that is to say it was the day that we. We had spent like a day or two in Split where we landed, and then it was time to get on the ferry and head out to where we were spending most of our time on this island of paradise. But it's super hot there, right? And. And we're rolling around our luggage because it's like kind of a travel day a couple of days in. And like, oh, I think we had to check out of our room. And then we left our bags, like, in the base sort of this downstairs area of this super, super, super old hotel we were staying at. And they wouldn't like, sort of check them for us or something. We just kind of piled them up with other people's bags or something. Oh, no, that was a really. That's right. It was a rough day for me for a bunch of reasons. I chipped my tooth eating the softest scrambled eggs I've ever eate. Know what happened there? I was just sort of out of sorts. And then we all.
- [81:33]
Andrew Walsh
Also, by the way, your body was kind of also still not 100% right in terms of the kind of, you know, rheumatoid stuff.
- [81:40]
Luke Burbank
And so I guess the thing is we're catching a ferry later on in the day, but we want to all go out to some breakfast or do some more, like, kind of roaming around. Split, right? Do some tourism. So we dump all of our bags, we just kind of pile them up in this hotel where we'd been staying. But we're checked out. We go explore the town some more. You know, maybe we're out for a few hours, but, like, we're kind of hustling around, I'm pouring sweat. It's really hot. And then we come back to the hotel to grab our bags so that we can then head to the ferry again and then drag these. We're all dragging our suitcases across cobblestone in the blazing sun. But before we get to that, I'm like, I'm just gonna stop in here and use the restroom. There's like a very old school, sort of like single occupancy bathroom down in the basement of this super, super old hotel. I mean, literally, like, the walls were made of stone. That's how old this hotel is. And I go in this tiny little room and I'm not a super comfortable. Like, these are friends who will call you out if you're in the bathroom for too long, sort of. This is. This is a group of friends that like to talk about poop. I'm very shy about it, despite the story that I'm telling right now. And they're all like, right outside this door and they're all waiting. Nobody said anything, but the whole time I'm in there, I'm like, if I take too much time in here, first of all, jokes are gonna come, and secondly, I'm gonna make us miss the ferry. Like, I can't settle into this, but I haven't gone in like a couple of days. And I go into this hot room and I sit down. And by the way, the bathroom is fine. It's very clean. It's in a very old historic.
- [83:11]
Andrew Walsh
You're by yourself. You can close and lock the door.
- [83:13]
Luke Burbank
Yes. In fact, there was even a. Like, there was a chamber you walk into where you can wash your hands. And then a single, like a single fully closed stall with an extra actual door. Door to the left and one to the right. And I believe one of my friends goes into the right. I go to the left, so there.
- [83:31]
Andrew Walsh
But does the door go all the way to the ground?
- [83:33]
Luke Burbank
Yes, it's a full. It's not a stall room. It is a tiny little room. And again, not bad for a facility. If I had more time and I wasn't sweating and I just sit down the toilet and I'm like sweating and I feel like. I'm like, I feel that it's going to have to happen now. But now I have this other thing going on, which is people are right outside these doors and they're waiting for me. But I got to. I got to do something here. It was just like, you know, and I did something there. And, you know, I didn't do everything there, but I did something there. And it was. And Then, you know, I just. I just felt awful for. For a while after that. And by the way, do you know what broke the spell for me? I'm just realizing I'm left out. The interesting. No bookstore. Of course it was a bookstore. English language books, Luke. I'm telling you. We were out and we were kind of going around. We went to some candy stores, we did this, we did that. And then the last thing I did is my friends were sitting at a table. I'm like, I'm gonna go check out that bookstore. I go into the bookstore, and all of a sudden I'm just like, I'm back, baby. Where are the restrooms in this country?
- [84:39]
Andrew Walsh
Amazing. That's your go to my version of that. Which was, I could say in some ways better and in some ways worse than yours was. Was. Becca and I were in Paris this summer. We had gone to Italy. We're on our way back. And I'm glad that in this phase of my life, this stuff doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to. I don't know what's, you know, what has adjusted or settled down, but when I was, you know, younger, you know, particularly in my twenties, but also my teen years, I would very regularly find myself in a moment where I went from not thinking I had to go to the bathroom to thinking I'm about to have like an incident. Incident, like 0 to 100 in terms of progression. It doesn't happen to me as much anymore. But we were out walking around in Paris and it was one of those things where it just started raining out of the blue. And we had like one tiny umbrella that wasn't quite sufficient. And we're just getting rained on and we're kind of walking and it's kind of getting unexpectedly miserable. And. And I had. I forgot what I'd eaten, but I'd eaten something that didn't quite agree with me. And all of a sudden I realized we're out in the middle of randomly places in Paris and I am. I need to be using the bathroom, like, you know, right this very second. And so we duck into this, like, very, very crummy, like, weird cafe bar. And they. It's literally, you have to pay to use the bathroom. And I have to go up and get change. I have to go up and get change from the guy and pay him so that he will let me. He'll give me a token or give me a code or something so that I can get into this tiny room where there is, Andrew, no toilet seat on the toilet Weirdly, a thing we saw a lot in Europe. Like, porcelain bowl, no seat. And then just like the thinnest, kind of worst ply toilet paper squares. And like, it's a million. Even though it's raining, it's a million degrees. Like that. So. So it's like so wet heat. It's a wet heat. It's like, it's. It's like a wet heat. The least hospitable toilet I could be sitting on. My girlfriend, who I'm trying to preserve at least a tiny amount of mystery still around these matters, even years in. I just, you know, it's not. It's not the. It's not the sexiest thing since the toothbrush for me to be in there. And it's like a pay toilet. It's like people are. I don't think anyone's coming up and knocking, but it is the only. In this entire little weird bar cafe, it's the only bathroom room. And like. And I can also just tell this is where it gets really specific. I can also tell that this is not going to be like, if you're at your own house, let's just say you're alone, your stomach's not feeling great, Genevieve's at work or gone. You can go in your bathroom and you can give this the amount of time and energy that it deserves. You know that this. You'll go in there. It may not be pretty, but by the time you emerge, you're going to feel a lot better. It's going to be handled. Most. Mostly this was like, how. Like, how much can I take the edge off of this situation in the next five minutes while then get out of here and then figure out how to get back to the hotel stat. You know what I mean? Like, I knew I wasn't going to solve the problem. I was going to just try to avoid the worst case scenario. Like, you leave the bathroom not feeling actually better. Better. The crisis has been reduced by 30%, which is meaningful, but you're not. You're not back to zero. That's just the worst feeling that we just walk back out into the steamy Paris Reign and then walked up to the Sacre Coeur, which is like 600 steps straight up.
- [88:03]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. So you're really understanding the exact vibe I'm talking about in this scenario. And there was one other thing that I want to mention here, which is because this was an old building and we were sort of in the basement of it. You know, it was the Alamo. The more I think about it, no, we were in the basement of it.
- [88:21]
Andrew Walsh
Right.
- [88:22]
Luke Burbank
The odor mitigation was in the negatives. In other words, it almost enhanced the odor. Like, again, I brought this up, and I want to tell this story because it's my truth, but I also don't love talking about this stuff. But it was also one of those things where I was like, oh, no. It's like, not only is there not a window to crack, somehow the hundreds of years that this building has stood, I am now releasing the odors from, like, I rolled back the rock.
- [88:56]
Andrew Walsh
Stone has been rolled away.
- [88:58]
Luke Burbank
Stone has been rolled away. We've unlocked the spirits of the stone, and they're swirling around. I'm like, how am I going to open this door and then close it so fast that. No. And, you know, it's funny because at least I'm trying to think at least one person on that trip will probably hear this story. And I do want. I don't think anybody was the wiser. I think I, you know, I. I think I was relatively speedy, but I don't know.
- [89:21]
Andrew Walsh
This isn't 100%, I promise you. This is the plot of a Nicholas Cage film during his kind of lull, his career lull, when he had to take every job offered. It's a movie about a guy who visits a castle but has to use the bathroom in the basement. And then the severity of his dump unleashes some sort of otherworldly creatures that he then has to defeat.
- [89:46]
Luke Burbank
It's like looking in a toilet, only not. Is that even Nicholas Cage's line in that movie? I don't see you as a big Face off person.
- [89:55]
Andrew Walsh
No. And I have to be honest, I don't. That's one of those movies that I think now, if I were to watch it, I would watch it with the Burden of History, which is people loving Face off because of how bad it is. You said this, I think, yesterday on the show or recently on the show. We're not big. I have a hard time time engaging in content because I know how bad it is. Except for the room. I have no problem watching Tommy Wizzo's the Room. So maybe it just has to be a certain level of bad. You.
- [90:22]
Luke Burbank
I think the room. You. You were in the ground floor of the Room phenomenon. And I think that, like, if you heard about the Room now for the first time, you'd have no interest in it. I think it maybe so, like. And because you and I are very similar that way. In fact, like, I don't like Face Off. That's like John Woo Right. Like, I don't like action movies, and I really don't like watching movies because they're bad or campy. I just don't get that. I appreciate people who do. And did I ever tell you the way I saw Face off was in la, and this is both, like, one of those things that I loved about la, but also, this wasn't the room for me, which is. It's interesting how in la, people will just hold little events when a store closes or, you know, I mean, what was what. I mean, famously, what was the. What was the venue in the back of the comic book store that launched very.
- [91:08]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, sure. That Dan Harmon would do his show from.
- [91:10]
Luke Burbank
And, like, you know, and there were little spaces like that. And I remember we met some friends or we met some friends of friends and the Fourth of July fireworks thing, and we kind of hit it off and they said, oh, you know, next week, you know, we're hosting a viewing of Face off in the back of some store somewhere. I can remember where it was. Maybe it was even the front of some store. And we got there, we're like, okay, that sounds fun. There may be, like, I don't know, 10 rows of chairs set up and a group of, like, kind of nerdy people who wanted to watch Face off. And everybody just made fun of it the whole time. It wasn't, like non stop jokes, but everybody in the room just be like, oh, and, like, laughing and then, like. But, you know, total blank check on just, like, saying something funny if you want to try to make the room laugh or whatever. Wasn't for me. Movie wasn't for me. And just, like, watching a movie with a bunch of people who, you know, want to make jokes about the movie. That's not. That's not how I watch it.
- [92:04]
Andrew Walsh
Movie Meltdown. That's the comic place.
- [92:08]
Luke Burbank
Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's right.
- [92:10]
Andrew Walsh
That's my contribution to the show today, is my broken brain. Somehow you did get there.
- [92:15]
Luke Burbank
You weren't Googling it.
- [92:16]
Andrew Walsh
No, no, no, no, no. This is all natural, baby. No. No enhancers. No performance enhancers here, as Becca will tell you.
- [92:24]
Luke Burbank
But that was the name of the performance show, so that was. That was Joan and K. Nerd Melt.
- [92:29]
Andrew Walsh
Was the nerd mouth. And then the Meltdown was the show.
- [92:33]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. And Jonah Ray. All right, there we go. Okay, Are we done here? You're the one who actually. We should keep these shorter. Sorry. You should be out enjoying.
- [92:42]
Andrew Walsh
No, no, that's okay. That's. You know what Becca is. Is lounging in the sun and I'm here toiling away over a, over a hot podcast mic like a real hero. So no complaints from here. I still, as is often the case, I still can't ever bring my myself to say on Maui instead of in Maui. But yeah, that's the report from here in Maui. All right, guess what? We're going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio from right here on Maui. So please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Thursday, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.
- [93:17]
Luke Burbank
And good luck to all. Power out.