#4388 Whale Tales

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4388 - "Whale Tales"

Released January 24, 2025

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Introduction to Episode #4388: Whale Tales

In episode #4388 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh dive into a myriad of topics ranging from personal anecdotes to reflections on wealth inequality, all while navigating their day in Maui. The episode weaves humor with introspection, providing listeners with both laughs and thoughtful insights.

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Weekend Plans and the Return of the Theme Song (00:01 - 06:14)

The episode kicks off with Luke and Andrew experimenting with improvisation, attempting to ditch their scripts to loosen up. This segment sets a playful tone for the show.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (00:30): "Let's just try without the script. Might just loosen you up a little bit."

As the conversation shifts, the hosts discuss their weekend plans, inadvertently triggering a nostalgic moment as Luke remembers the show's beloved theme song. This leads to a light-hearted exchange about the song's impact on their listeners.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (04:09): "The Miami meat tent."

Andrew humorously observes how the theme song has influenced his life choices, hinting at a deep connection between the show's ambiance and his personal experiences.

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Whale Watching Adventures and Boat Talk (06:14 - 15:12)

The focal point of the episode revolves around Luke and Andrew's upcoming whale-watching trip in Maui. They share past experiences, detailing the different types of boats they've encountered and the varying proximities to whales they’ve observed. The conversation touches on environmental regulations and the ethical considerations of whale watching.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (10:09): "I'm wondering if maybe the big boat goes out there and then they put like 10 people at a time on the little one and let it go over near the whales."

Luke reminisces about memorable whale encounters, emphasizing the beauty of being in nature, regardless of the immediate presence of whales.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (14:31): "It's also just beautiful being out there and there are other animals."

The segment concludes with a humorous exchange about Dramamine purchases on whale-watching excursions, blending practical considerations with their signature wit.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (14:56): "This."
• Luke Burbank (14:58): "This is a bigger boat."

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Personal Anecdotes: Tales of Dramamine and Awkward Moments (15:12 - 27:12)

Luke shares a deeply personal story from his college days involving Dramamine, revealing moments of vulnerability and embarrassment. He recounts an awkward encounter where he mistakenly associates a condom with a surreal, drug-induced experience, painting a vivid picture of his youthful indiscretions.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (19:02): "This story is just getting so seedy. I apologize. What a Friday."

Andrew complements Luke's narrative by recounting his own experiences with Dramamine, highlighting the humorous yet disorienting effects of the medication.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (19:28): "It's never too late."

Their exchange delves into themes of self-awareness and the challenges of navigating social interactions under the influence, all delivered with their characteristic humor.

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Acknowledging the Community: Donors and Supporters (27:12 - 37:12)

Luke and Andrew take a heartfelt moment to thank their listeners and donors, appreciating the foundational support that keeps TBTL thriving. They creatively craft personalized compliments for their supporters, showcasing their genuine gratitude and the tight-knit community surrounding the show.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (28:26): "Every has committed. Has written on the tablet of her heart everything that Matt Berry has ever said."

The hosts navigate the acknowledgments with playful banter, seamlessly blending appreciation with their unique comedic style.

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Main Segment: Chris Hayes on the Dan LeBatard Show (37:12 - 56:50)

The core of the episode focuses on Chris Hayes' appearance on the Dan LeBatard Show. Luke and Andrew explore how Chris, a respected television personality and their friend, incorporated elements reminiscent of TBTL into his interview. They analyze a specific segment where Chris discusses the "attention economy," drawing parallels to concepts familiar to TBTL listeners.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (50:35): "We are being conditioned away from it. And the more we're conditioned away from it, the more difficult it is to be with our own thoughts."

The hosts reflect on the nature of parasocial relationships, comparing their deep connection with the Dan LeBatard Show to their own dynamic with TBTL. This introspective discussion underscores the impact of media consumption on personal relationships and self-awareness.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (43:07): "It's an odd thing, but you can kind of identify with it because of your relationship with Lebatar."

The segment also features a humorous analysis of leaked audio, where Chris Hayes inadvertently echoes TBTL's linguistic quirks, leading to laughter and playful speculation about subconscious influences.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (52:19): "He was like, I don't even know what that means."

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Social Media Reflections: TikTok Addiction and Instagram Detox (56:50 - 73:00)

Transitioning from media analysis, Luke and Andrew delve into their personal battles with social media. Andrew candidly discusses his struggle with TikTok addiction, highlighting the addictive nature of endless scrolling and its impact on his mental well-being. He contemplates deleting the app to regain control over his time and focus.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (60:07): "But like, I stopped short of having it on in the car. But almost any other time, if I wasn't engaged in, like, work stuff, if I'm in my house and I'm wandering around, I'm just scrolling it."

Luke echoes similar sentiments about Instagram, sharing his decision to deactivate his account to escape the constant barrage of social media stimuli. Their honest discussions shed light on the pervasive influence of social platforms and the importance of digital detox for mental health.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (60:02): "But you don't have to, like, you don't have to get rid of your account. You can delete the app just off of your phone."

They also touch upon parasocial relationships formed through platforms like Instagram and TikTok, examining the blurred lines between genuine connections and superficial interactions.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (62:48): "It's an interesting way to describe it."

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Closing Stories: Wealth Inequality in Maui (73:00 - End)

The episode concludes with Luke and Andrew recounting their adventurous (and somewhat rebellious) exploration of an ultra-exclusive community in Maui. They describe breaking into a gated neighborhood to witness the staggering wealth disparity firsthand, juxtaposing their humble Airbnb condo with million-dollar beachfront villas.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (68:15): "Look at those poor unfortunate souls who like, what, they brought a Coleman cooler here?"

Their reflections evolve into a critical commentary on wealth concentration, expressing discomfort with the visible signs of inequality even in paradise. This poignant ending urges listeners to contemplate the broader societal issues intertwined with personal experiences.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh (68:24): "It's just honestly disgusting to me that this development has these unbelievably valuable and unbelievably beautiful beachfront homes where nobody is right now because they're at their other places."

The hosts wrap up with their signature humor and camaraderie, setting the stage for future episodes filled with more "Too Beautiful To Live" tales.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (70:22): "And good luck to all. Power out."

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Conclusion

Episode #4388 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live masterfully blends humor, personal storytelling, and social commentary. Luke and Andrew's candid discussions about their lives, media consumption, and societal observations offer a rich and engaging listening experience. Through notable quotes and seamless transitions, they maintain a natural flow that captivates both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Is that it? Just that one word? Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yes. Hey, Stephen, that was really good. Feeling is here that you could be a bit more positive.

[Luke Burbank]

More positive? Yeah. You know, really go for it. You want me to go for it? Yeah. All right. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Very, very good. Let's just try without the script. Might just loosen you up a little bit. Yeah, I mean, it's.

[Luke Burbank]

What is it? One word. You don't really need it, do you? I probably don't need the script. It's just a word. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, let's do it again.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Is that it? Yes. Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hi, Steven.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. This is Clem. Fandango. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you, Clem.

[Luke Burbank]

Fandango.

[Andrew Walsh]

Honestly, this is going so great, but I just think there was a little loss of energy in that last take. Maybe try one more.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you ready to go?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

What? Yes. TBTL Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is. It's Friday. Gonna get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Negligently ruined her iPhone.

[Luke Burbank]

You have to pay for that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Simple as that. Isn't that rocket science? What is rocket science?

[Luke Burbank]

Rocket science is when the scientists find.

[Andrew Walsh]

Out things about space. Ah, gazpacho soup just burned my lips. The gazpacho? Yeah, it's been sitting out. It warmed up. It warmed up so much that it burned your lip. Let me explain something to you. If you're expecting something ice cold and you bring it up to your lips and it's room temp, it's going to feel like your mouth's on fire. It's gonna.

[Luke Burbank]

Your body's on fire. And boom goes the dynamite.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Exactly what America wants. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. Oh, my God. He admitted coming to you once again from Oneala beach on the island of Maui. I feel warm and I'm levitating. Our last day here. The partying is such sweet sorrow with this tropical paradise. We are going whale watching later, which I've never done before.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it too early to get a fish sandwich?

[Andrew Walsh]

Super excited for that full report on Monday. Let's focus, though, on the important stuff, which is episode 4388 in a collector series, Let the Fun Begin, which is where we find ourselves on this Friday. Now, we have basically kind of like one famous friend here on the show. It's television's Chris Hayes, and he has been out promoting his Latest book, the Sirens Call. And he was on a show that we really love called the Dan LeBatard Show. And it is Andrew's theory that he, our friend Chris Hayes did something on the Dan LeBatard show that was very TBTL adjacent and that makes us feel like we have value because someone we know did something related to us on a show that we like. So we're gonna play that tape and analyze it painstakingly. I believe that will probably not leave us time for this story, but if we do find ourselves with a little bit of time left, I want to talk about this 11 year old kid who pulled the. And by pulled, I mean like bought a pack of cards and found the most valuable baseball card out there right now. Kids and fantasy. It's a crazy story and we'll try to get to it if we can. We'll definitely get to this guy. He's the longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. I'm not the only one living a tropical fantasy out here in Hawaii. Yes, he's in Seattle, but he's often called the.

[Luke Burbank]

The Miami meat tent.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Luke Burbank]

Good morning, Luke. I have one short.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've got to start with a question though.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew. Yep.

[Andrew Walsh]

Got any big weekend plans?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, shit. Why didn't you tell me that we're doing that? Do I have music? Oh, of course. I have big weekend plans.

[Andrew Walsh]

Big weekend.

[Luke Burbank]

The biggest one I've ever had. Big weekend. Nice pull on that, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was really, really fast.

[Luke Burbank]

Why'd you try to trick me? I could have had that set up.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm gonna be honest with you. I forgot there was a theme song. Which is insane. Which is insane, Andrew, because the week. That's why we're bringing it back. It's the best part of the whole thing. And here's what my broken brain did. It was like, it'll be funny if I ask Andrew, if I make a big deal out of it and ask him weekend plans. And then he's like, I'm going to be puttering around the house, but at no time did I remember that we have an incredible theme song. And I'm sorry, I did not mean to button hook you there.

[Luke Burbank]

Did we ever give credit to Rod Rogers and the Swinging Strings? We went calling and had a nice time. It is a wonderful song.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that's by way of your friend Paulie.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. He sent it to me. Just. He sent it to me in Hauser on a Friday morning and just said, good weekend.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want to say this, Andrew. I think it's already working because since we started playing that audio, you have you purchased tickets to go see the 20th anniversary reissue of the movie Dig. You've at least contemplated the idea of seeing G Love and Special Sauce in Seattle when they pass through before I see them in Portland. I think this song has changed you fundamentally. You are a guy who now is at least open to big weekend plans.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, neither of those things are happening on the weekend, though, I don't think. Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, don't. Listen, don't let the facts get in the way of a good analysis by me.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's see. This weekend. I know you have. Well, first of all, I did want to say we should get Genevieve on the show on Monday maybe, if she's available, because she and I have done a lot of whale watching in our lifetime and it's all due to her. Wherever we go on vacation, whale watching is always on the menu.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was gonna get your tips and tricks. I mean, I don't know what there is to do other than bring some sunglasses and sit on the boat while they drive us around. But, like, I know this is something you have done before. Is it a fun experience? Have you generally gotten to see whales?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can hear you. Clem Fandango.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I'm really working on my map, Barry. I was working on it before the show. The listeners couldn't hear it. I think I need, well, to speak of LeBatard show we need to do. I think I need to find my Matthew Barry voice in what they call. What do they call it? A limited fake. They call the limited fake use like the shortest imitation of a famous person.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like this has become a big thing. It's. There's. I can't remember this comedian's name, but there is a comedian who I've of course seen on TikTok. I was talking to Scott and Tiffany the other night, Becca's brother and his wife, and I said, listen, when I say the Internet, I mean tick tock. I've been saying the Internet because it sounds like slightly more highbrow, like, oh, I saw this on the Internet, but it just means I saw it on Tick tock, at least historically. Although I haven't looked at tick tock at all while I've been out here. There has, of course, been the Pacific Ocean to admire. But a comedian, Tick Tock, who's. I'm sure that there's actually like A relaxing Pacific Ocean live stream that I could watch that would be very satisfying. But basically, there are a number of comedians who have really dialed in this thing you described, which is basically like one second impressions. It's amazing how much right, like now I. Well, I also have context, but, like, that sounds like Matt Berry to me. Like, sometimes the key to an impression is, you know, don't get carried away. One word is sufficient.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, also, this is my trick, which Genevieve loves. The key to a good impression is telling people what the impression is ahead of time and then repeating it immediately afterwards and saying, wasn't that good? Wasn't that good? Wasn't that good? Didn't it sound just like him? That's. And Genevieve just lives for that. She gets. And she lives amongst that constantly. Constantly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Often in a small dinghy while whale watching with complete strangers.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that is something that I'm really interested in hearing about. And I don't know if you have an answer to this yet, but, like, the type of boat, because we've been on all kinds, and I feel like when we were first going, we were more on, like, almost like boats where you're high above the water, almost like fairies. Like small, very, very, very small ferries, sort of. But then like now when we go, we're like, usually in one of those little rubber ones where you're sitting.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're in, like, a Sea shepherd dinghy out there with Paul shepherd. Just in the Zodiac.

[Luke Burbank]

We have these signs that say, stop whale watching. And we tack them to the side of these big hunting ships. We throw paint on them. I don't really know, you know, what I was talking about.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're mixing your animal lib metaphors, but I'm here for.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, right, exactly. So anyway, all of that is to say, yeah, we do go on. Nowadays. We go on the smallest boats possible. Probably last time we were on is maybe like, a group of this would have been in Mexico, I think maybe. Maybe there were a total of 10 people on the boat. So, you know, then that. That's really great. Although when. When it's a small group like that and you don't like somebody on the boat, it kind of, you know, that's not so great. There was a couple on the boat I wasn't the biggest fan of. I did not like the way he talked. I did not like the vibe of their relationship.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oof. Yeah. That's stressful. I don't know, because we didn't actually book this. Tiffany booked it, so. But I do know that it is Becca and I Were laughing because when we were in Europe this summer, every tour that we did ended up there is a company called Viator that has just absolutely flooded the zone. They are, I mean, I get the sense that they're like the, they're almost sort of like the Uber of, of, of tours, which is, I don't even think they do the tours, but they are just now the dispatch.

[Luke Burbank]

They are.

[Andrew Walsh]

When you Google like whale watching Maui, it's like the first. The SEO game is tight with these guys. And this happened to us when we took a tour of like the Vatican. We were like, we bought a Vatican tour from Viator and we went to the place and they were like, oh, this is, you got to go four doors down to this other tour company that didn't even say Viator. We had just been like, we had bought these tickets through Viator who had then basically sold our business to some, you know, random guy with a flag walking around the Vatican that we followed. You know, it's. Anyway, so we, we were looking at whale watching stuff on the plane coming out here and we said, look who's, look who's taken over. Look who's pushed out the competition here in Maui. It's old via tour. And sure enough, when Tiffany booked the tickets and sent us the link, it was via tour. So I don't know what it's going to be like. What I can tell you is from our little rental here, I've seen whale watching boats going around on this side of the island and they are exactly what you described kind of on the larger side. But then sometimes they seem to have like a kind of a small, smaller boat with them. Like, I'm wondering if maybe the big boat goes out there and then they put like 10 people at a time on the little one and let it go over near, near the whales. Because what I was watching yesterday from, from our perch here was I actually saw whales, you know, what do you call it when they, when they, when they're blowing off steam, when they breach and breach and then they do that big breach and blow. Breach and blow. A classic breach and blow. And what I, what I noted was the, the boat seemed very far away from where the breach and blow was happening. And I'm sure a lot of that has to do with, you know, sort of the rules and regulations. Like, I don't think we want these big boats right up on top of the whales. But I was like, am I closer to the whale right now than the people who are out there in that boat?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, we've had all different kinds of experiences. The first time we went out, we were. I think we were up in like, we took sort of a. Not ill fated. Nothing bad happened. It wasn't a Gilligan's island situation, but sort of. I think it was Genevieve's birthday, which is in March, and we went up to like, somewhere in like, would it be Victoria or something around that time. Take a whale watching Columbia. Yeah. And that was not that. That did not work out. It was a big boat. It was the wrong time of year. We basically just sort of enjoyed a few hours on a chilly day, a damp, chilly day in the Pacific Northwest, you know, and so. And then. But we've been in other ones and there are all kinds of rules and regulations around, like, you know, how close you're supposed to get, but then also it depends on where you are. And I hate to say this, but like when we were in Mexico, I don't know, like every boat we've been on, it feels like it's being run by responsible people who care deeply. And that's the truth. Although, yes, I do believe that. I do believe that they're. There's sort of ways to skirt it. Like on the smaller boats, if you, like, kill your engine, you're floating out there, and then the whales come close to you, that's okay, but you're not supposed to get too close to them. And I have wondered at times because we've gotten the. I'm pretty sure is the last time, and we were in Mexico. We were inside a whale. I mean, I was.

[Andrew Walsh]

They call that Jonah Ink.

[Luke Burbank]

I was Jonah.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's an upcharge.

[Luke Burbank]

I had a little candle I lit in there and you could see, see like the walls of the rib cage.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're like, drop me off at Nineveh.

[Luke Burbank]

That's exactly what I said. And anyway, yeah, so it's, it's interesting. Yeah, I, I'll be.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have a feeling this is going to be very above board in a good way. Like, you know, look, if I, if I. And I'm. They were. We've seen from here. Again, not like super close up, but, but a lot of, A lot of breach and blows going on out in the water. So I have a feeling this is a good time of year for it. I have a feeling we will see something cool. I don't need to be right on top of the whale for this to be a satisfying experience. And if the rules and regulations being followed in any way makes the lives of these whales a little less stressful, I'LL happily be further away. That's kind of my. Kind of my take on the situation.

[Luke Burbank]

It's also just beautiful being out there and there are other animals. I have a wonderful photo if I can dig it up. Maybe I'll make it a show pick since we don't have any from your tour yet of, like, Genevieve just like, kind of like, kind of reaching out to some dolphins that are just, like swimming right alongside our little boat. This was, I don't know, years ago or something. So. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. Like, I enjoy being out there and it's. I mean, it's incredible to see the whales, but there have been plenty of times where I've had the thought, if we don't see a whale, this is fine. It's just a really fun boat trip. Like, you're just out in beautiful waters.

[Andrew Walsh]

One thing that I thought was funny about, I was reading the, like, instructions on the digital ticket. And it's, you know, here's where you meet us, and this is, you know, what you need to bring, and these are the rules, etc. And then they were like, cocktails are available. I think it's like $3 for alcohol and $5 for Dramamine. I was like, it's more for the motion sickness than the, Than the, Than the booze.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that's beers there. Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

This.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. This is a bigger boat. Then there's. Okay. Yeah. What I was picturing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you're right. If they're selling alcohol, it's not a Zodiac.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Solved that mystery.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I just thought it was funny that they're. They will sell you Dramamine, but I think. Or there was something. $3 sounds really cheap for booze, so.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe probably super, like, you know how. I mean, you've been on. Actually, you tell me this when you're on, like, a, you know, Caribbean cruise line or whatever. I don't know if you've been on that particularly, but when you're on a. On a cruise, I always assume. When you get like, drink packages or whatever. I don't know why I assume this, but I always assume it's just like the most sort of, like, stepped on drinks. Like, I. For some reason, I always picture like a, like a whiskey ginger. That is mostly like, ginger. I don't even drink whiskey gingers. I don't know why I picture myself ordering that on a boat. But, like, for some reason I just always, like, I don't know, you get a screwdriver and it's just like, you know, just A tiny, tiny drop of vodka and then some really shitty orange juice. I always picture that that's what drink tickets get you. But I have no experience.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember when I was sort of newly 21, I remember going to Tijuana. Actually, no, I wasn't newly 21. I was underage. But you know, you can drink in Tijuana if you're like over the age of 18 or something. And me and my buddies Joe and Ben went to tj and I remember going into a bar and it was like $2 to get. And it was like all you could drink, but it was just these folding tables full of just like, like, like shitty plastic cups that had. Had already had whatever the drink was poured into them. And I remember having a few of these and just thinking like, holy, I can really hold my alcohol. I've had three of these. I'm also by the way, dancing like a maniac. I'm sweating out whatever minuscule amount of alcohols are these things. But I remember thinking like, man, I can really handle my booze. I've had three of these and I don't feel it. It's like, yeah, no shit. There's probably no alcohol in these things. Let me just read from the ticket. This is pretty crazy. We meet at Boss Frogs Maalea Harbor. The duration of the cruise is two hours. Also available, alcoholic beverages are available to purchase for $3 each. Dramamine is available for purchase for $5. T shirts are available purchase for $20. So the alcohol is the cheapest part of the excursion, which is a little surprising.

[Luke Burbank]

I took Dramamine recreationally one time. It was a pretty weird. I would not snort it or smoke it. I just, I took them as pills. I believe that was. This is a true story.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, oh my gosh.

[Luke Burbank]

You serious? Yeah, no, I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did somebody tell you that was going to give you some kind of high?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, it did take us out of our gorge. Sleepy? No, it didn't just make us sleepy. It was a very, very strange night. I don't have any comp to it. There was a lot of marijuana involved as well. But I just remember like, it's hard.

[Andrew Walsh]

To figure out what was actually doing the lifting.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I kind of understood the effects of one pretty clearly. And adding the new one to the equation was definitely different. I mean, it wasn't something that I necessarily enjoyed. I remember, I remember coming after like hanging out with my friends, whoever I took it with, and then spring the night with them and like kind of hanging out. I finally. My favorite part would be to Come back to my, like, my little hovel, right? And, like, write in my notebook or something like that. I was a real beat poet, as, you know, quite famous podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then cross it out. Yeah, I'm pretty sure what even is a podcast.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably familiar with some of my greatest works. But anyway, that is what I like to do at the time. But I just remember I finally threw away those notepads because I was like, if I die, I don't want anybody to find my sophomore notepads from. With druggie scribblings from college. But I remember the page from that night was, like, all shaky. Like, I couldn't. I remember sitting, like, trying to write and like, whatever was. Whatever was going on with me. And I don't think there was booze involved, although there might have been. I like, I remember being like, oh, I can't even, like, scribble in my notebook because it's all just coming out as, like, these, like, haggard, shaky, like, lines.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that sounds. That sounds kind of like less fun and more like, I don't know, unsettling or something.

[Luke Burbank]

It wasn't tons of fun. I mean, it was okay. It was a weird night. I have. I remember. Well, I'll just tell the story. I've already told the worst part of it. I was a freshman in high school. I was like, you know, whatever. Not high school. I'm sorry. I was a freshman in college, and I was still very shy and inexperienced in the ways of love. Still am. But at this point, I don't even think.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's never too late.

[Luke Burbank]

I may have just kissed my first girl around this time or something, because I know I didn't buddy until college. So anyway, or I haven't yet, but one of the things is, like, I just remember being very disoriented and, like, being out of my damn mind and having a good time. But then one of these young women that I was hanging out with at the time and for, like, I had crushes on a lot of people, but this wasn't even somebody that I really thought about in that way necessarily. She. I remember her and her friend who we knew came up to me and they gave me something, and I was like, okay. And I was like, really, really out of it. This story is just getting so seedy. I apologize. What a Friday. And then the next day, I realized she gave me a condom. Like, I. Oh.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then the next day, her friend on, like, like, these two girls who brought this over.

[Luke Burbank]

One of them, like, I remember, like. But again, this was like, a scene That's a real.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you want to date me? Check. Yes or no. But like the adult version, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And like all of the. Even as I say this now, it all is very confusing.

[Andrew Walsh]

This was the Dramamine night.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Have you seen the movie the Doors directed by Oliver Stone? You know how like when they try to make those really cliche sort of drug induced scenes where maybe somebody's walking down the hallway, but the camera's all.

[Andrew Walsh]

Askew in this Oliver Stone biopics. Is this why you refuse to see a complete unknown? Because you watched Oliver Stone's the Doors? Because I would actually understand that.

[Luke Burbank]

I loved that movie. I loved the Doors and I loved that movie. But anyway, like those scenes of like walking down a hallway where everything is sort of disoriented is such a. Like a cliche in the film. But it. Or in just movies and writ large. But that's the best way I can describe this feeling of walking down this hallway and these two girls who I was friends with coming up to me and one of them giving me something and we're kind of like laughing and I. But I was just like out of my head. I was literally like Andy Warhol saying.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here'S a golden phone or something from like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

[Luke Burbank]

Right? Exactly. It wasn't quite like I wasn't getting visuals necessarily.

[Andrew Walsh]

One of the women was not a lizard.

[Luke Burbank]

They were both lizards, but they were.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, this one is interesting to me because if it's the lizard, I'm going to pass.

[Luke Burbank]

But I had a lot of. Not a lot, but I had experiences like that in college where I was just like. Again, I was so, so shy. I mean also I was just out of my gourd. So I didn't know what was going on in that moment. The next day being like. But then it never came up again. Like we never dated, never flirted. I don't even know. I can't remember that person that you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Had missed your window of opportunity.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I've done a lot of rueing. I've done a lot of ruining in my life. I could tell you stories that make your ears bleed about like, I think of this one time a girl that actually did sort of have a crush on came over and essentially looking back, like base throwing herself at me is the wrong word. But like, I don't even want to get into it. But I mean, I remember literally having just gone through like orientation and just being like. I don't think I just. And by the way, I just remember being like so obsessed with the idea of maybe doing something wrong or just unable to grasp the fact that a girl would actually have a crush on me. It was so far out of my, like, kind of realm, outside the realm of possibility for me, that I just remember, like, just shutting stuff down all the time because I was like, well, this isn't really happening, or this is a trap. I don't know what I was thinking.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I just remember probably thinking, if there is even a.0001% chance that I'm misreading this, it will be a mortification that I will never recover from.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

So let's not even. Like, there's, like, this person could. It could be like the movie Carrie where they dump chicken blood on her, except it's a pot full of condoms and you would still be like, but there's a chance that they don't. That this is not where they're going with it. My Dramamine story is much more innocent, but much stinkier. I've told this one before, but the one and only time I took Dramamine, I was like, I want to say maybe in, like, seventh or eighth grade. And we were going out to Neah Bay to the Native American reservation on Neah Bay where my friend Ben's uncle was a teacher. So I was with his family in, like, a very small, I don't know, Toyota of some kind. And the drive out there was very windy, and I was. I was a pretty car sick kid. And so I remember feeling very poorly on the way out. And so I don't know if it was like, his parents or whatever said, oh, if you want, we'll get you some Dramamine for the drive home. And I was a small, reedy type of boy, so maybe the Dramamine just hit me extra hard, but all it did was knock me out so that when we got to, like, a stop to gas up and use the restroom or whatever, at the kind of the beginning of the drive back home, I didn't get out of the car. And then a little bit later, when I started to come to a little bit more, I realized that my stomach was in great discomfort. I love that we ended yesterday's show with this kind of discussion. And we're picking right back up where we left off. And the whole. It was so bad that I was. And this is Ben, his sister, both of his parents, and a giant German shepherd named Zorba who was riding in the way back of this tiny Toyota. And I was just ripping farts, like, uncontrollably and trying to Blame it on the dog. But pretending to be asleep. Ripping. Terrible. Just horrible. My body was. My body was digesting itself and then waking up long enough. Pretend waking up long enough to go Zorba and then going back to sleep. And that was the one and only time I've taken Dramamine, and I never will again because of that experience.

[Luke Burbank]

Don't take it today. Or if you take it today, I recommend taking the entire package and then just seeing if the ladies just robo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tripping around that boat.

[Luke Burbank]

As I'm trying to, like, piece together the story, I. I told you, I can't remember. I remember. I can sort of picture these two girls that we were friends with. I don't remember their names, but, you know, what probably happened was that was probably her shooting her shot. I mean, in some way. And I'm just, you know, Andy Warholing out of my mind, right? And so. And I probably just took it and kind of smiled and laughed and then went on my merry way. And that might have been kind of, like, really embarrassing. That was probably really embarrassing for her. And then again, I wasn't big.

[Andrew Walsh]

She had the experience you were working. She had the experience you were working so hard to avoid.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. And I wouldn't be surprised, she put herself out there. We probably didn't hang out much after that. And I was just like. And again, this wasn't one of those things where it's like, oh, I did something wrong to him. But I was just, like, literally just completely unaware of what was going on in the moment. I mean, I couldn't have even. It might have been the coolest I've ever been.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because I was gonna say, if I.

[Luke Burbank]

Was sober, I would have been like. Just like. I would have been like the. I don't know, the cat whose eyes pop out of his head. And then I would have fainted. But instead, I was just like, nice. And I walked on like McConaughey.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Like, imagine a cat with a ball or a ball of yarn. That would be you with the condom, if you were sober, dropping it. And instead, you were just like, another day, another victory for the OG that's right.

[Luke Burbank]

Then I just keep sauntering down the hall I've ever sauntered in my life.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love you. Are probably, to this day, that person probably was like, I went to college at Kent State with this complete Mac. Like, this guy. I, I. This guy gave zero F's. He had a. He had a bench from a van that was in his apartment. He, I once. I once handed him a Condom and he just kept on trucking.

[Luke Burbank]

And this guy never got motion sick like ever. He had that shit on lock. That's awesome. Thank you for being a tam.

[Andrew Walsh]

Alright, let's thank some donors. These are the wonderful, generous, thoughtful, beautiful, handsome, chill people who are donating to TBTL and making. I was trying to think of every kind of every sort of complimentary thing I could say there are compliments, you know, that haven't even been invented yet, Andrew, that we need to be, we need to be on the cutting edge of compliment invention to try to describe these folks and just how amazing it is that they're keeping TBTL going.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you, you said generous? Of course I said generous.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's the main one. Then I got weirded out when I started saying beautiful and handsome. Like didn't want to, you know, I didn't want to get into describing people's looks. Although we know this to be the case.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean this is, this is a given. When you're talking about Stephen Kitch Panich who's in Tacoma, Washington.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're, you're, you're playing a dangerous game, Daniel. Setting up a. You're gonna have to Matt Burry every one of these.

[Luke Burbank]

I was literally thinking they're like, what are you doing?

[Andrew Walsh]

What do you got for Catherine Dennett of St. Louis, Missouri?

[Luke Burbank]

You know this.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's good.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm out of lines.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who can you say? Get off that bounce. Bounce. That's a bad. That's a bad Matt Berry. But I am, I think I'm remembering the line for you. I'm feeding you the line. I'll tell you who knows. Every has committed. Has written on the tablet of her heart everything that Matt Berry has ever said. And that's Laura Grace Linsky of rally. Excuse me. Raleigh, North Carolina.

[Luke Burbank]

Get off the bounce. Bounce. I'm stretching too far. No, no. I love this, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

I take another drama, man.

[Luke Burbank]

I am dying out of it. Laura Grace. I think Laura Grace joined us for our zoom calls.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

During the. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Mine is a little more. Mine is more. Marv Albert, the longtime NBA on NBC. Announcer. Yes. Jordan. Able to connect. Like I'm getting further away from Matt Berry. You're getting closer to Matt Berry sort of.

[Luke Burbank]

I, you know what? I'm going to end that experimen. I can hear the confidence leaking out of me and that just goes really off the track.

[Andrew Walsh]

I appreciate that you trotted it out for Stephen and Catherine and Laura Grace and I think Vicki Foggin of Hertzville, New South Wales, Australia will understand Andrew, that you pushed your personal envelope and you also knew your boundaries. And we appreciate that about you. We appreciate that Vicki is checking in from Australia. I said to Becca when we got here, because the day that we got here, it was actually, like, raining and kind of cold. It was a really. It was a odd thing. We got here hours before we were allowed to check into the Airbnb, and it was just like the first place we kind of couldn't. We didn't know what to do with ourselves for a few hours because it was, like, raining and, like, we just wanted to get our stuff into the Airbnb. We didn't really, you know, that, like, just weird, uncomfortable, or just unuseful amount of time between things where it was. We ended up at this, like, very depressing kind of, like, mall that had seen better days, just sitting in the parking lot trying to decide what to do next.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, we had a flight out of Hawaii. This is years ago now, but it was like a nighttime flight, but we had to be out of our, like, hotel room or whatever at 11am and we had just an unprecedented amount of time. We went to a, like, sugar museum, like, a tiny sugar museum that was like an old house or something. And we. We went to, like. We ended up going to an arcade that was connected to a mall and getting a bunch of, like, tickets that we trade in for, like, toys. Like, we have marbles somewhere in this house. Like, toy marbles that I still. When I see them, I'm like, that's the time we had to kill, like, eight hours before our. Our red eye flight home.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was rough because, A, it was Becca's birthday, and B, we had come all this way in search of tropical weather and the kind of, you know, the things you associate with this part of the planet. And it's like that where I was like, well, let's get some coffee. So we put it like, let's find a coffee shop. It's like, there's a Starbucks. Okay, fine, we'll go to a Starbucks. It's like the most rundown Starbucks in the most rundown mall amidst, like, a bunch of abandoned buildings and things. And Becca kind of dryly joked her mom was like, send me some pictures of Hawaii. We were joking about the thing, the photos we would send her, because it was like, these were depressing things, wherever you put them in America. But all that is to say, I said, well, should we see if we can go back on the plane and just fly to Australia? Because we know it's warm there because they are in the summertime, Vicki is enjoying a warm. I don't know what the temperature is. I can't do that conversion between Fahrenheit and Celsius. But I think Vicki is probably living that summer lifestyle there in Hertzville, New South Wales, Australia. So, Vicki, thank you for the support. Thanks also to Kayla Harris in Stockton, California.

[Luke Burbank]

Kayla, long time in Stockton. We've been through Stockton and Kayla and our kiddo have joined us on various zooms as well. While I'm focusing on the zoom interaction. Indeed. Hope you're doing well, Kayla. Thanks for the time, Kayla.

[Andrew Walsh]

We appreciate the support. We know that. We really do appreciate coming from you and hope you and the fam are doing well. Thanks also to Kelsey Bannon in Woodinville, Washington.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, I've been through Woodinville a time or two.

[Andrew Walsh]

You sure have if you've been to Chateau San Michelle, my friend.

[Luke Burbank]

That's exactly right.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, free. Enjoy it. Enjoy the free press. Chateau.

[Luke Burbank]

First time I ever had a what. What used to be called a Mexicry at Taco time was in the backseat of your car as we were driving Chateau San Michelle. Yes. And I remember, like, it was not. I mean, now, I know it's sort of. I realize it's sort of a cliche joke, but I remember, like, hearing about these things for years and then pulling them out and literally saying, these are tater tots. Not that that's a bad thing. I love tater tots. But I was just shocked. I thought they were going to be like, I don't know, some sort of curly fries with, like, you know, hot, like, powder on them or something. I just pictured them being way more blazing and flavor blasty. They were good. I was just really shocked at what they actually were.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember Rudy was riding in the way back.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep, that's very true.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I kept pretending to be asleep and ripping farts and going, do you.

[Luke Burbank]

Want to know the truth? I've never told you this because I don't want to hurt your feelings and I want to hurt Rudy's feelings because you know, I love Rudy. I never told you this. There was a moment, I think it was on the way back. I think it was that night. And I was in the back seat. Rudy was in the backpack. And I was just, like, loving on her. And we're having a good time, and she did something where she wanted to crawl onto my lap or something. I don't know what it was. She tore totally accidentally and not acting aggressive, obviously, at all. She's not an Aggressive dog. But just in her loving scramble to get on my lap, she ripped the shit out of my back with her claws.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, no. I've been thinking that you had some splaining to do.

[Luke Burbank]

Genevieve Viva's like, oh, well, never mind. I was gonna make a dirty joke that we don't need to get into. But yeah, she really ripped my back. But that's okay. I believe it or not. I don't raise that to make you feel bad. It was a total accident, was me playing around with a dog and like, we were in this kind of weird situation. I think she was just crawling over the seat or something, kind of got stuck and maybe like, panic for a second. It's not a reflection. It was not a reflection on her or her behavior or her loveliness at all. And truly, I love that dog. And I never told you that, you know, because I didn't want you to feel guilty because it was. I was the one who was like, kind of playing with her. And it's a fond memory, honestly. I love that dog.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that dog was and is. She's. She's still with us, thankfully. She's still doing well. But yeah, it was a bad when, you know, mother nature evolved that yellow lab to have those talons bad combo because she. When she would get excited, she would want to climb up on you or anybody or whatever, but then had these like, fingernails or whatever that were like, very, very destructive. I remember once when we had the Burbank Springs place, and I was, for some reason initially, I was really obsessed with this idea of her swimming in the pool, which turned out to be a terrible idea because the one time I got her in there, like, there was fur in that swimming pool for like months afterwards. So I had this idea that, like, in the dog hot days of summer, like, she was just gonna, like, swim around in the pool and, and, and love it. She hated that swimming pool. She was. It was her bet noir. Like, she would just run around on the edge of the pool barking at anyone who was in the pool because she thought they were about to die. But once in the early days before I figured this out, I tempted her into the swimming pool with I think it was some like, turkey lunch meat or something what the trainers would call a high value treat. And it was so high value that she did deign to get into the swimming pool. But the second she'd eaten the turkey, she was on a mission to get out of the pool. And the way that she could do that was to climb up my body like a Jungle gym at a Gymboree. And when I tell you, to this day, I still have scars from that incident. She. It was, it was wild, the damage that she did, because also, I'm not wearing a shirt at this moment. It was. So anyway, I feel your pain and I, I apologize on behalf of Rudy.

[Luke Burbank]

No, literally, no apologize. No apologies necessary. I don't know why I felt like breaking that out today. I just remember that was just part of that. It was just part of that whole experience. When we did an event at Chateau.

[Andrew Walsh]

San Michelle in Woodinville. That was what started this whole thing. Thank you to all of our donors. Thanks for making TBTL possible.

[Luke Burbank]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right. I am very. You sent me a message yesterday, Andrew, where it was a list. So at the end of yesterday's show, we were talking about the fact that. Or at some point in yesterday's show, we were talking about the fact that television's Chris Hayes was on the Dan LeBatard Show. And Andrew, you promoted this piece of tape where you said, if, you know, you know, if you're a TBTL head, you can hear some of the influence of TBTL or some kind of element of the show, our show, in a certain maybe answer that Chris gives to Dan Lebatard.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Chris's reaction to something I've really, I, I've spent the past 24 hours regretting how I set this up. It's. I really want everybody's expectations to be very, very tempered.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tempered.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tempered. They consider them tempered. But then yesterday you sent me a. A screen cap of a listener, said, I'm on the edge of my seat. And I was like, me too. But then I realized they were on the edge of their seat about the show pick, which was of the guy named Fluff, who was Tiger woods caddy that was like, this poor person has no idea what a minor role Fluff played.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. I think I scrolled back and I did find that listener's name because I try to when people text into the text line, by the way. 2064-1482-8520-6414. TBTL I'm usually monitor. I can't respond to every text message that comes in. But this was a Chris in Everett, as you would say, Luke. Nice. And yeah, so yesterday after the show, I'm like, oh, well, Luke's in Hawaii. We spent all day talking about your travels out to Hawaii. You probably snapped a photo or two of something we can use as a show pick. So I say, hey, do you have anything on your camera roll that can make a good show pick? You're like, well, here's a sign of the area we're staying in. I can't remember. The other one was a turtle, a sea turtle, which you mentioned briefly. And the other one in between was just a grainy photo of a super zoomed in photo of Fluff, a guy who looks like the janitor on Futurama, essentially. And you just like, screen capped it.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I just did that to make you laugh.

[Luke Burbank]

And it made me laugh and I visual joke. And I was like, of course, that has to be the show pick now. And so like, as just again, kind of as a joke between us, I'm like, well, we'll make it. We'll make Fluff. And again, I love that it's so grainy and like, just stepped on.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that's his official Wikipedia photo, I believe. So crazy.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's like a photo of him and another golfer from sort of across the way. And you just zoomed in on his face and cut it out. It's so jank. And then I love. I love that, like four hours later, I get this text message from Chris and Everett who says, I'm literally on the edge of my seat waiting for context about today's show pick. It appears to be Fluff McGowan, a notable quite recognizable golf caddy. And this one's for you, Chris. And.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, Chris. Well, hopefully we added a little bit of nutritional value to the Fluff conversation by re referencing it today. But. But let's get to.

[Luke Burbank]

Also, while I'm in the text messages, Nigel wants you to know that Nate Burleson was also a Seahawk. I didn't remember.

[Andrew Walsh]

Our friend Larry from the School of Visual Concepts said, you remember this, right? And you know what's funny? I didn't. Which is strange because I'm an obsessed Seahawk fan. I don't know if it was that Nate had his more kind of like his more productive years, whereas a Minnesota Viking, for some reason, he's essentially a Viking in my mind and not a Seahawk, even though he spent, I think, as many, if not more years as a Seattle Seahawks.

[Luke Burbank]

There you go. Well, it was all new to me and I just know him as Mr. Hollywood Squares.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Okay, so let's hear this tape that everyone has now tempered their expectations around of our friend Chris Hayes on the Dan LeBatard Show. And the thing that makes us feel kind of validated, or at least in.

[Luke Burbank]

The moment that I was listening to this. And as you mentioned, I'm gonna reset this up for those who didn't hear yesterday's show. But like, the relationship I have with the Dan LeBatard show is very deep and complicated at this point. If you wanna talk about Paras relationships.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like dating Squiggy from like dating.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. She is difficult. When they went on break during like this is my relationship with that show. When they went on break for the holidays, which was a huge sports, like they went dark for basically two weeks and essentially played reruns or greatest hits. And that is such a huge time for football playoffs and college football and so much that we would turn to them for. And I was like, I was during that two week time listening to other podcasts and thinking I'm mad at the LeBatard show for not posting anything, I'm not gonna listen to them anymore. But then constantly checking to see if there is any new material in there. Like me, I'm just constantly either frustrated with them or frustrated with Dan, the main host of the show. But it's a show that has a whole, at this point, a big cast of characters on their various producers and people swinging in. And I love some of them and I kind of dislike some of them and I would. On the show. I'm not going to try to like subtweet anybody here, but. But it's just so funny how like if I were to play something, especially even you, you're the one who's listening to Lebitard. Well, before I was, but even now I would be kind of embarrassed if you listen to it because it's changed so much and you think it's one thing. Every now and then I'll clip out something that seems like old school Lebitard, like the, you know, the. The Stugotz's weekend date or whatever. And like I'll send you that because it's like, it's like the purest version of. But like it's really. It's changed a lot. They don't work for ESPN anymore, which means they can't be in a constant battle with espn, which was a huge part of that show. Like it just sort of. It's just evolved a lot and I do love it. But also I kind of didn't realize that like, oh yeah, it feels like I have a personal relationship with these people. I don't think about it that way, but I'm pumping their voices into my ears, like directly into my head for years and years and years now. Hours upon hours a day.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I'VE made this comparison a million times. It's an obvious one. But this is where you are probably having the closest experience to a person who's been a TBTL listener for many years. Right. In that this, you know, parasocial sounds a little bit pejorative, like there's something, you know, bad about it. But just this idea that you. If you. If you listen to a group of people, or in this case, two people, you and I, enough over the years, you really do start to have this intense relationship with them. And sometimes it's great and sometimes you're mad at them. And it's a. It's an odd thing, but you can kind of identify with it because of your relationship with Lebatar.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, absolutely. And I think you can to a degree with. Probably with Stern. Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Stern is my version of that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like I caused.

[Luke Burbank]

You wouldn't want me just to, like, randomly jump into Stern. Probably. Like, you'd probably want to set it up for me in some way. Like, okay, well, here's the deal. Like, you got to know this about this guy, and it's a little bit cringe, but if you can get past the cringe part, like, Right. You would very much want to, like, kind of present it to somebody who was not from. That you respected. Let's assume you respect me, that you would want to present it to them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Until I heard about the drama meme.

[Luke Burbank]

That sort of protected your reputation because of your love of the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

The other day I was driving and I was listening to Stern and I paused it to go on about a seven minute out loud discourse to no one about how I was upset at Howard Stern. Yes, Andrew, this is a. It's a real thing that happened. It was completely unhinged. I literally just hit pause and then I just talked out loud about my feelings about what was going on to absolutely no one.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Dude, that's it. Genevieve could tell you we really should just get her on the show at some point. Soon. Do a wrap up. Yes, because I know that she would tell you that she just hears me. Because often I will be listening with my headphones on, and I'm sure she just hears me. I'm quietly in the corner doing something to her. The room is quiet. Quiet, Right. Because she's not hearing it as well. Although she does sometimes we put on the speaker and we'll listen together while we play darts or something. So she's pretty familiar with the show now, but she's also very familiar with just having a quiet room with. When suddenly the silence is broken by me saying, yeah, right, Dan. Oh yeah, because you know, you know, funny Dan. Like it's like, what are we doing? So anyway, now I've set that up because I do think our listeners probably say things like, oh, whatever Andrew, or yeah, whatever Luke. But you're still listen to the show. Well, maybe the first one. So as I set up this tape, just understand that that is my mindset. When our friend, our famous friend Chris Hayes, I find out from you via a screen cap of somebody else's like Instagram.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think it's the PR person for maybe his, you know, the publisher of his book. Or maybe they're a PR person for NBC. But there's somebody who's like taking pictures of Chris's incredibly successful media tour for his new book and his various high profile appearances.

[Luke Burbank]

So you just saw this while scrolling.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just saw that on Instagram and I just recognized the logo and I was like, oh, Andrew needs to see this.

[Luke Burbank]

And it was, I think it was a, like it was a behind the scenes photo too, right? It was just sort of. But you wreck, you're like, that's Chris. And you recognize the sort of the logo on the wall. So you send it to me. I immediately text Chris. I don't know if you did prior to texting me, but I'm like, dude, you're in Lebatard and you didn't tell us, like, how did you not tell us you're going to be on Levitard? This is like two, two of my interests intersecting, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

And so anyway, all about intersectionality.

[Luke Burbank]

It really is. So I will tell you this. I actually even thought of you making fun of me about something I almost did, which was Chris. Yeah, that's how much you're in my head, dude. Chris was an hour too. But like they released the show daily. They released five different files. And this is all part of a way of getting more downloads and serving their advertisers. And boy, one of the episodes had four minutes of commercials before you got to the actual content the other day. That was to start the show like they are packing.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's no way to drive someone happy.

[Luke Burbank]

It was like, it's getting a little bit rough, but whatever. That's how they make their money. I can skip ads pretty easily. But I saw that Chris wasn't on until what they call hour two. But that's actually the fourth file in the day's show. And I love listening to things in order and I almost like held off. I almost delayed gratification by Like I was going to listen in order until I got to his part, but then I couldn't take it anymore. I just skipped ahead. And I did miss a couple of references. Apparently at one point before, Chris was on there talking about deep dish. Deep dish pizza. And Chris being from Chicago, they run that by him, what his attitudes about that is. But I'm very excited. I put on my headphones, I'm listening to Chris Hayes. This is interesting. And like I mentioned to you guys in a text.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I ask you one, One, like question leading into this? Did you, as I sometimes do when I'm listening to Chris, do something? Did you think is there a chance he will somehow mention tbtl?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I sort of wondered. I didn't think he would, but I did sort of wonder because. And this is a, this is a little bit of a spoiler, but it was spoiled for me as well. So I think this is. I'll take you and the listeners on my personal journey of this. When I texted Chris earlier in the day and said, dude, you're on Levitard, he's like, ye. I even. I even got a Dangerous Game Dano in there. And so that is something that like Stu Gotts, the co host, will often say to Dan Lebatard, like if Dan Lebatard. Let me put this in context. Usually you would use that phrase if like Lebatard, like back in the day he called Tom Brady's career like basically winding down and then he goes on to win like three more Super Bowls. So that would be a moment where it's kind of like saying, I think he's wrapping up. He'd be like, don't count him out. That's a Dangerous Game Dano. Like, that would be sort of the context of which one would say Dangerous Game Dano. But you and I will quote that on the show from time to time. And so Chris told us via text message, he's like, I got a Dangerous Game Dano in there. And then he said in the text, I don't even know what that means. And I think that sets up this tape kind of well, because that is what I mean. When I play this for you, it's going to probably be a little bit anticlimactic, but I told you, it felt like we were in the room when something happened. And it's hard to explain why it's not a reference to us in any way trying to make our non involvement in this, you know, more than it is. But here, let's start with this tape. They're talking Kind of earnestly here. The beginning of the interview is pretty earnest. This speaks well to the segment when it was over. I'm like, I can't believe they only gave him 10 minutes. And then yesterday went into the tape and he was on for like 20 or something or 20 or more. So I was like, well, it just zipped on by. And this was the day after the inauguration, so there was just like a lot of serious talk about what was going on in the news. Chris is. I mean, as you know and as our listeners know, he's just such a calming presence in talking about those things because he's very straightforward about it, but not. What's the word, Hyperbolic in any way. I find him to be very calming in talking about these things. And then the conversation shifts to talk about Chris's book and the attention economy, as Chris calls it, and talking about the piece that he wrote for the New York Times regarding that. And so Chris is talking about that, and here's. Here's him, I think, kind of quoting from the book and probably something he says often in interviews when discussing it. I mean, I think, I don't know if you guys are this way.

[Andrew Walsh]

You walk around all day with podcasts in your ears.

[Luke Burbank]

If you leave your phone in the car and you stop and double park.

[Andrew Walsh]

And you run to a Starbucks and you're getting a cup of coffee and.

[Luke Burbank]

You reach for the phone and it's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Not there, then you have this moment of panic. You're like, oh, what's that moment of panic? Like, why has it become harder and.

[Luke Burbank]

Harder to live with our own thoughts, to be alone with ourselves?

[Andrew Walsh]

And the reason is we are being conditioned away from.

[Luke Burbank]

From it. And the more we're conditioned away from it, the more difficult it is to be with our own thoughts. But being with our own thoughts is the stuff of life. It's all we got.

[Andrew Walsh]

We don't get to run, outrun our own head.

[Luke Burbank]

So I don't know if you've heard Chris say that before. I don't know if you finished the book. I think that's just one of those amazing great examples that you should use in interviews to really get people to understand what you're talking about and really relatable. We all know that feeling of realizing we left our phone behind. And again, Chris said, being with our own thoughts is. Is the stuff of life. It's all we got.

[Andrew Walsh]

We don't get to run outrun our own head.

[Luke Burbank]

And then the conversation goes a little bit off the rails because Dan asked some really long Confusing. Confusing question.

[Andrew Walsh]

Everybody's laughing, which filled you with embarrassment, kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

I was honestly just confused. I was like, he literally. We could try to play the long form of this if you cared. I don't. He, like, called Chris a whore, I think. And there was, like, this confusion about what? Dan's a real weirdo, and I swear, getting weirder. And it was unclear what he was saying. Everybody's sort of laughing at Dan at this point. They're like, dan, where was the comma in that? And did you just call Chris a whore? And everybody's sort of laughing. I've cut that part out because it was confusing. And then this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Put it on the poll at Levitard show juju, being with your own thoughts. Is it the stuff of life? No, I think he's. I think the reason on the poll, Dangerous Game Dano.

[Luke Burbank]

I. I show that when I say I felt like I was in the room. That is Chris, who, as far as I know, his only exposure to the LeBatard show is you and I quoting Dangerous Game Dano. And put it on the pole, Juju, or put it on the pole, Guillermo, as it used to be. And so the laugh, because the whole thing is fun. I mean, they're talking about some serious stuff, but there's laughter. But again, I want to play this for you again. Listen to Chris's almost uncontrollable laughter when he hears Put it on the pole. He recognizes that and he can't help himself. And just in. And I say this with all love, Dangerous Game Dano makes zero sense there. Like, it just didn't make any sense. He's just saying it because he was elated by getting on the pole, I feel like. And he just blurts out a Dangerous Game.

[Andrew Walsh]

Put it on the pole at lebatard show juju, being with your own thoughts.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it the stuff of life?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I think he's. He's.

[Luke Burbank]

He's.

[Andrew Walsh]

I. I think the reason on the.

[Luke Burbank]

Pole, Dangerous Game Dan. I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

It.

[Luke Burbank]

It just. I. Again, I don't know if I set that up right, but that just delights me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hold on. I'm updating my LinkedIn top line kind of friends with a person who was on leotard who kind of did a thing that he probably picked up from listening to our show. I believe Chris also used the term showoff demon in this conversation, which I. Which I. I feel like. I feel like has some TBTL DNA in it.

[Luke Burbank]

Did he tell you that or did you hear it? Or did somebody.

[Andrew Walsh]

I heard It.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, you did you. So you listened to this whole thing. You knew what I was setting up up there.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't know which part of it you were isolating. So.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. But you. So did you. Well, this is interesting, though, because I thought that you had not heard it. Did you have at all the same thought in that moment? Like, when you hear Chris erupt with laughter there? Like, I was kind of like, he's laughing because he's hearing something that he's heard on TBTL a lot.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't put it together that way because I don't talk about Lebatard. Like, that's your.

[Luke Burbank]

That's.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's your lane on the show. So I didn't put that all together. But then once you set it up that way, I was like, oh, of course. Course.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And. And, yeah. But, like, you're right, though, that Dan is getting kind of weird. I don't. We don't need to, like, we don't to spill any more, you know, podcast ink on. On the Leitard show or Dan's weirdness. But he. I feel like it's getting weirder and. And, like. But again, I also don't listen to that show nearly as much as you do. Is it. Do you feel like that. Do you feel like, what is it about the show that still draws you in? I guess, is my question.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's a really good question. And, like, would I.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I ask that. No one ask themselves that question related to. Just continue listening and downloading, please. Well, it's.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, it's very much habitual for me. And, like, I really. I mean, there are moments where I set this up, like, where I'm just grumping about the show, and I make it sound just like an addiction that I don't want, and that's not true. Like, it brings me joy. Like, there are times where I am laughing my ass off. There are also times where I'm maybe skipping a little bit ahead, or there are times where maybe I'm yelling, I don't skip ahead all that much. I'm kind of a completist. There are just some parts. Dan Lebatard explaining comedy is just one of the most painful things you can listen to, and he does it a lot. So I've gotten into, like, just sort of skipping those parts a little bit instead of complaining about it. And I really don't want to, like, sometimes I will make fun of people who will, I don't know, be cruel about TBTL or something that I perceive as Being cruel to TBT and like couldn't you have just like kept that thought in your head and maybe just skipped that part or whatever? So I'm not trying to use my podcast to air my grievances of this other podcast. I can keep them in my head as well. But obviously I'm a huge fan. It does bring me joy. It also is just so habitual at this point though. And one, one, one thing about me is I don't want to pull out my podcast app and start scrolling and scrolling me. Like what am I in the mood for? This is a real problem for me in general when it to content. Like I don't watch a lot of like TV because I'll just like one of the reasons I turn on the TV and it's just I end up just clicking through all of the apps looking for the perfect vibe for 45 minutes until I just turn on Veep again. Like I just, I can never like, I don't know, like kind of. Well, I don't want to get into something new. I don't want to pay tons of attention. And Chris has said this about TBTL before. I remember him saying it's the type of show you don't have to pay attention attention to every single word. It can just be there, you know, your companion. I mean my words you're going to want to pay attention to because my words, I'm a man of few words, but those words count.

[Andrew Walsh]

I knew we were going towards Harvey Denton.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that Harvey Denton?

[Luke Burbank]

It was. Yeah. Yeah, Good, good call. So anyway, all of that is to say it does bring me joy, but it is also very habitual. And like I said when it wasn't there because I didn't listen to the re like the recaps or whatever they did during the holidays, I truly missed it. I was like irritated that they weren't there. And that is like I used to have this relationship with on the media. I was, this is years and years ago, but I was so into on the media that when I would hear a story like on a Monday that was a media related story, I was like, I couldn't wait to get to Thursday or Friday when that show dropped so I could hear Brooks take on that media story. You know. And that is definitely something I have with various sports things now. Like I don't follow the NBA at all. So I hear about it from them exclusively. But if I'm, if I watched an NFL game, I definitely like after that round of, of like playoff games where there was Some, you know, pretty spectacular games. I really wanted to hear the gang weigh in on it, whatever they had to say, you know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You know, I was thinking about my podcast kind of listening habits and things, and, like, I am also in some pretty. Pretty solid routines. Although when the election went sideways, it really messed with my routines because a lot of my stuff was related to politics and everything. And then I was like, well, what do I do now? And I also realized that, like, this is why I think I wanted TikTok to go away for longer. Why? Why when it. When it briefly did the complete, you know, manufactured shutdown that was purely a tactic to try to make Donald Trump like them. When it did that, I really and truly felt kind of like some shackles had been unshackled in a way, because I was. Was like, what? I like the time that you're listening to Lerd and puttering around. I'm probably, if. If I'm, you know, done with work for the day, like, when I'm. I'll be watching Tick Tock when I cook, like, I'm walking Let Luke cook. I'll. I'll be wandering around my house like the. The way that Tick Tock had. And I feel like being out here again. Maybe it's because I'm in one of the most beautiful places on earth. Maybe it's because I'm spending all this time with Becky. Rebecca. I have not really looked at TikTok hardly at all out here. And it feels good. It feels good to. It feels like. It feels like I was addicted to a drug. And I'm kind of kicking it right now, and I'm past the worst of it. Like, I'm past the kind of shakes and the DTS of it or whatever, and I'm really gonna try to carry this home with me, you know, and. And have it be much more limited in my life because it had moved into a place where I'd be walking from the living room to the bathroom and I would be scrolling TikTok and then I'd be in the bathroom looking at TikTok. I stopped short of having it on in the car. But almost any other time, if I wasn't engaged in, like, work stuff, if I'm in my house and I'm wandering around, I'm just scrolling it. And it started to feel actually really not good for me. And, And. And so anyway, I'm going to really. I'm going to try to. I'm going to try to limit it in my life actively, because, I mean, I could Just delete the app. I guess that would be one way to do it, and maybe that's what I should do.

[Luke Burbank]

But you don't have to, like, you don't have to get rid account. You can delete the app just off of your phone.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've had what about my one video that's still doing numbers of me putting up an aluminum Christmas tree.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, nice numbers. Because at first I believe you were disappointed in the engagement on that one.

[Andrew Walsh]

But actually I don't think it's got that much engagement.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sort of going through something similar with Instagram. I did deactivate that account. So I kept like the app on my phone for TBTL related stuff because TBTL is still on Instagram. But I was just feeling really gross about just like Zuckerberg and the oligarchy and just everything. I'm just like, I just don't need to, for my personal fun times, be engaged with Zuckerberg anymore. So I did actually deactivate my account. I was sort of, I don't know, kind of like worrying about the right way to go. Like, do I just leave it up and just ignore it from now on? But that just felt. I changed my bio to say, like, I'm not here anymore, but you can reach me in these places. But it just seemed weird. People don't look at your bio. And I didn't want people send. That's right. Somebody kind of was sending me jokes or something. I'm like, people just still think I'm here and think this is a way of communicating with me. And that feels bad, like, to have a phone number, but you just never check the voicemail line or something. I don't know. It just felt. It felt like I shouldn't have this out here. So I was just, like, feeling frustrated and I just deactivated my account. I don't know if that means it's going to be deleted after a while or what. I didn't overthink it, but, like, I don't. You know, I'm not engaged with Instagram the way you are with TikTok, like, to that degree. But, like, it was like a constant scroll thing for me. Like, any downtime, open up the app, scroll through some people's stories, mostly stories, but all. And the thing is, we talk about parasocial relationships and it's like, they don't always have to be, like, between podcasters and listeners. You know what I mean? I realize I. And whether or not there's a negative connotation to this, like, I Had parasocial relationships with, like, designers. Like, there's this. This designer who works for Adobe, who's coincidentally out of Miami, who has published a new children's book. I just really loved her style and I like, realized I've been following her for like a year and just like, I know when she gets new glasses, you know what I mean? And now I'm creepy. Like, it's not creepy. She's just really cool. I've never met her before in my life. I just started following her because I started following more designers and illustrators and stuff on the app and I really enjoyed that. And I just had. And then with some listeners, I had some, you know, like, that was during Mariners games where I would chat up certain listeners, you know, when we would bust chops or whatever. And so, I don't know, I felt a little bit weird getting rid of it. And I'm still going through a little bit of withdrawal. Not in the down moments. Not like, oh, I need something to do with my. With my browsing thumb. You know, it's more like every now and then I'll think, oh man, that's right. I don't know what's going on in that stranger's life anymore.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah, that's a really good. That's an interesting way to describe it. And yeah, we'll see. I'm the king of. Of sort of trying to reinvent myself and change my ways and whatever. But like, I think it'd be really interesting if. Because what everyone has said about the tick tock ban, which they've said this accurately, is that it was bs, like I already said, meant to promote Donald Trump. And also was not very long. It was just a matter of hours. It would be amazing if that was still enough time to break my addiction, because it might have been. I feel fundamentally different about it than I did whatever that Saturday night was at 7:30 something when it went dark. It. There was something about the. The intervening 14 hours might have actually shifted something inside me. Now again, maybe it's just because I'm not in my real life right now. I'm on vacation and whatever, but like, there's been a couple times where I've been tempted to break it out here and then I might. I've been like, why in the world would I poison my brain with this bullshit when I can look out at, you know, incredible natural beauty and splendor and like, why, you know, the choice is so clear between the two things that I'm hoping that like, a new groove is being Worn in my brain. There's actually. There's two things that are happening to me out here, Andrew, and we probably need to start getting towards wrapping the show up today because I got whale watching to do. But two things have happened. One, I think I'm seeing just how unique, unhelpful, or how un. How, how unnutritious TikTok is for me when juxtaposed with this beauty of this place. And the other thing that I've learned in the last few days is that the amount of wealth that is sort of consolidated within the 1% is truly sickening. Truly sickening. We are staying in this. We're renting a condo through Airbnb, right. And these condos themselves, I'm guessing, guessing, even though they're nothing to write home about because of where they are, because they're on Maui, are the ones we're staying in, I'm guessing would be a million dollars if you wanted to buy it. And again, that's not because this is in any way fancy. But then across from where we're staying, basically what happened was last night Becca and I broke into this, like, super exclusive community that's adjacent to us. So what they are is these standalone, insane, like 15 to $18 million homes that are right on the beach. We just wanted to walk around in this culdesac. And then the gate was locked, and then there was no one in the guard tower. And then we realized that we could actually, if we got on our bellies, we could slide under the security gate. So we did.

[Luke Burbank]

Just to poke around.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just to poke around. Because basically you can see from from where we are. If you look over this kind of undeveloped little patch of land, you can then see over to these, like, insane villas. And what really, what it was was I wanted to see if one of these insane villas had what I thought it had, which was like an infinity pool. I couldn't quite tell from our vantage point, but I was just staring at it all day yesterday, kind of like, curious about it. So we were walking around and we ended up at the entrance to this ultra exclusive community. And again, because there was nobody in the guard tower and there didn't appear to be any security cameras, I talked Becca into us just basically breaking in. Like, we literally shimmied army crawl style underneath the security gate and then. And then walked around. And this is the thing that struck me. There are, I think maybe nine of these villas. They're all numbered. That's how I know there's not one person, Andrew, in any of Them, These are places that if you have enough money to own one of them, you're at your house in Aspen right now. Like, it is insane. Like, and these, like there are, like I said, maybe eight or nine of these villas. And we walked around, it was a ghost town. Somebody. There are people who own these places who have probably come here twice in the last five years. I mean, other than the people coming out to like mow the lawn or whatever, have, you know, maintain it or something, keep the, you know, pipes from bursting. Although that I guess wouldn't happen in Maui. Like, these are just like, these places should not exist. They. Or they should have unhoused people living in them. Like, it is just honestly disgusting to me that this development has these unbelievably valuable and unbelievably beautiful beachfront homes where nobody is right now because they're at their other places. I mean, I don't know why that's the reaction I'm having, but it was really striking me last, last night. Like, that should be illegal to have that much wealth as far as I'm concerned. Like, it's just if you were looking at a colony of ants and five of the ants had all of the resources and then there was like 20,000 other ants with no resources, you'd be like, these are some messed up ants. And it's like, I don't know, there's something about being here. And then the thing I was saying to Becca that was also kind of blowing my mind was we were now standing in this totally abandoned ultra wealthy development where there were no people. And we were looking over at our condos and we were thinking, you know, the people who own these condos that we're staying in are wealthy almost beyond belief themselves. They own a million dollar condo in Maui. And yet if you're over in the ultra community and you look at this way, we look like this place looks like, you know, one of my parents timeshares in Leavenworth.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, they probably complain about it. They probably complain about exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like there was a balcony here in this condo complex we're in. There was a balcony that had a blue Coleman cooler on the balcony. And I just thought, look at those peasants.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Look, look at those, look at those poor unfortunate souls who like what, they brought a Coleman cooler here? I mean, give me a bra.

[Luke Burbank]

Like kind of an eyesore.

[Andrew Walsh]

And, and, and yet to have a condo in this community we're in also represents an amount of wealth that also you probably shouldn't have in your life. Like consistent considering what's going on for other people in the world, like, I don't know. So I'm. I mean, I'm really enjoying being here, but I'm also really struggling with thinking about the ways that wealth is consolidated amongst small and sadly smaller groups of people. And then there are so many people that are really hurting. What a great way. What a great way to end the week, Andrew. What a. What a super, super upbeat note to end this week's tvtl. But anyway, that's just what I'm kind of experiencing dancing out here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. How about that to get us out of here. God.

[Andrew Walsh]

Way to get the nose up, Matt.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, well, I did. I did my best. Well, that was. That was actually me doing that one. Luke. That wasn't. That was. Yeah, no, that was. That was actually me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I hear you, Clem Fandango.

[Luke Burbank]

I really got. I gotta say. Oh, I'm sorry that I don't have the person's name in front of me, but the tape that I've been obsessed with all morning was sent in by a listener and it really makes me want to watch the show Toast of London, which I believe that is. That is from. But thanks for that. And you've watched more of that than I have, right? Or just clips on. Just in clips. Yeah, just on.

[Andrew Walsh]

All on. Just on the descendant social media platform TikTok.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, right, exactly. Hopefully.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening. That will bring us to the end of this broadcast week. Can you believe it? It really flew by. But we will be right back here on Monday with more image. I'll give you a full report, Andrew, on how much dramamine and $3 alcohol I consume on the whale watch.

[Luke Burbank]

Sounds good. Chances are you'll get. You'll get heartburn before you get drunk, so just watch out for that.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's being 48, I think. All right, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you on Monday. In the meantime, have a great weekend. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Luke Burbank]

And good luck to all. Power out.