#4389 Eggers Can’t Be Choosers

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4389 - "Eggers Can't Be Choosers"

Introduction In episode #4389 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh dive into a blend of lighthearted banter, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions. Recorded on January 27, 2025, this episode encapsulates their daily adventures and reflections, from grappling with drawing eggs to contemplations on modern societal issues.

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1. Egg Drawing Challenge and Salads

The episode kicks off with a humorous attempt by Luke and Andrew to draw eggs, leading to a playful exploration of their varying artistic skills.

• Luke (00:00): "I came here to do two things. Eat eggs and nothing."
• Andrew (03:00): "I started trying to draw eggs on my notepad. One should know that I am not somebody who's good at drawing."

This light-hearted segment transitions into a deeper conversation about their evolving dietary habits, particularly focusing on the current scarcity of eggs in Maui due to supply chain disruptions.

• Luke (05:25): "It turns out apparently on the island of Maui where I just was last week, you cannot buy an egg. They are out of eggs."
• Andrew (07:24): "I've been trying to commit to eating the food that is in my house."

2. Randy Newman and the Dodgers

The hosts delve into their nostalgic connections with Randy Newman’s music and its association with the Los Angeles Dodgers.

• Luke (12:02): "The theme song is Kelsey Grammer singing 'Give me those tossed salad and scrambled eggs they're calling again.'"
• Andrew (16:14): "I loved the song 'I Love LA' because the Dodgers used to play it after each victory."

Despite their differing tastes, both acknowledge the cultural significance of Newman’s compositions in LA sports traditions.

3. Whale Watching Experiences

Luke recounts his recent whale-watching trip in Maui, highlighting both the majestic sights and the less-than-ideal experiences with tour guides.

• Luke (22:21): "We saw a couple of breaching events where a whale literally jumped all the way out of the water and then crashed down."
• Andrew (24:13): "He kept saying, 'You probably think I'm making that up. I might be.'"

The discussion underscores the emotional impact of witnessing wildlife firsthand and the importance of knowledgeable, engaging tour guides.

4. Tipping and Economic Implications

Luke and Andrew explore the controversial topic of tipping in the restaurant industry, particularly in the context of proposed tax changes.

• Luke (31:00): "Has anyone thought about the economic implications of no tax on tips? It's such obvious bullshit."
• Andrew (32:42): "We're not tipping the servers, we're tipping the company."

They critique how tipping policies can inadvertently shift the financial burden from businesses to patrons, advocating for fair wages over tip-dependent income.

5. Listener Interactions: Mateo’s Wish and Macklemore Spoof

A humorous segment features a listener voicemail about a child’s wish to avoid meeting Macklemore, leading to a comedic spoof insertion.

• Luke (19:22): "My wish is that I don't want to meet Macklemore."
• Andrew (20:14): "He’s holding up. Do you think that's from the Onion?"

This interplay showcases the hosts' ability to blend listener contributions with their signature humor.

6. Hummingbird Feeder Innovations

The hosts discuss the practical and aesthetic enhancements to hummingbird feeders, acknowledging contributions from listeners.

• Luke (21:04): "Evan sent me a hummingbird feeder heater. It keeps the water from freezing."
• Andrew (21:48): "Thank you, Evan, for that. And you're welcome, birds."

This segment highlights their commitment to supporting local wildlife and engaging with their audience's ideas.

7. Listener Email: Mice in Cars

A listener named Abby from Columbus, Ohio, shares her plight of a mouse damaging her car's wiring, prompting a humorous yet practical response from the hosts.

• Abby’s Voicemail (80:41): "A mouse took up residence in our engine compartment and chewed our entire wiring harness."
• Andrew (81:44): "While I can understand Luke wanting to have Gus helping him with his insurance and registration, the risk of having your wires chewed to bits by a mouse is not worth it."

Their reaction blends empathy with humor, maintaining an engaging listener-focused dialogue.

8. Cell Phone Troubles and TikTok Controversy

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Luke’s struggles with his malfunctioning phone and the broader implications of TikTok’s removal from app stores.

• Luke (63:09): "If I get a new cellular phone, I will not be able to put TikTok on it."
• Andrew (65:58): "I always knew that was the story. TikTok is gone now."

They discuss the personal impact of technology issues and express mixed feelings about losing access to TikTok, weighing its entertainment and informational value against their desire to disconnect.

• Luke (67:32): "I need a new phone because my phone literally doesn't charge."
• Andrew (70:03): "I have to think about caring for the phone in a way because if I happen to drop my phone today, there's a beauty in having an old phone that still totally works for me right now."

This dialogue reflects on modern dependency on smartphones and the challenges of adapting to technological changes.

9. Donor Acknowledgements

Towards the end, Luke and Andrew extend their gratitude to their donors, acknowledging specific contributions and encouraging continued support.

• Andrew (53:35): "Thank you, Lavinia."
• Luke (58:39): "Thank you, Sam."

They emphasize the importance of listener support in sustaining the podcast, blending appreciation with playful remarks.

10. Closing Banter and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with more playful exchanges and reflections on personal experiences, maintaining the show's characteristic friendly and humorous tone.

• Andrew (77:32): "But I'm just trying to sound pretty cool."
• Luke (79:30): "I may be in some kind of mild food poisoning causing me to be extra weird."

Their closing remarks continue to foster a sense of camaraderie and authenticity, inviting listeners to return for future episodes.

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Conclusion Episode #4389 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a mix of humor, personal stories, and thoughtful discussions. From tackling the simplicity of drawing eggs to navigating the complexities of modern technology and societal norms, Luke and Andrew provide an engaging and relatable listening experience. Their ability to weave listener interactions and personal anecdotes into broader conversations exemplifies the show's charm and enduring appeal.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke (00:00): "I came here to do two things. Eat eggs and nothing."
• Andrew (05:08): "What if I drew a clock and it was a digital clock that said like 9, 17."
• Luke (12:02): "The theme song is Kelsey Grammer singing 'Give me those tossed salad and scrambled eggs they're calling again.'"
• Andrew (32:42): "We're not tipping the servers, we're tipping the company."
• Luke (63:09): "If I get a new cellular phone, I will not be able to put TikTok on it."

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For those who haven't listened to this episode, it's a delightful journey through everyday dilemmas, technological frustrations, and the enduring value of friendship and support. Tune in to TBTL for more insightful and entertaining conversations.

Transcript

[A]

So, Brent, I see from your file.

[B]

You were in the materials business.

[A]

Oh, yeah, big time. Strings, cords, vinyl, synthetics, rubber. We do vulcanize now, so that's huge. Plus metals. Aluminum, brass, copper. What else? Steel. No, not steel. Steel's a sucker's game.

[B]

Polymers, coatings, internals.

[A]

You crack open an H Vac, that is all us. Is there golf here? There fricking better be.

[B]

Tbtl.

[A]

I came here to do two things. Eat eggs and nothing. And I'm not out of either. The most rewarding part was when he.

[B]

Gave me my money.

[A]

Beepapara Boo. Thank you for the dough.

[B]

Do you have any idea who I am? I'm a verified Yelp complainer, by the way.

[A]

I'm a dentist. Okay, so I read body language very, very well. This is the kind of spontaneous publicity.

[B]

Your name in print that well.

[A]

All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[B]

Two bros throwing it up.

[A]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where. Oh, ma pa. It's just beautiful. We are just in the midst of some absolutely spectacular weather here in the Pacific Northwest, which is nice coming back from a trip last week. It was nice to look at the old weather forecast and see that it was going to be clear and cold here, perched high above the mighty Columbia. We have made it, my friends, to episode 4389 in a collector series.

[B]

Let the fun begin.

[A]

I did do some whale watching out there in Hawaii.

[B]

Louie, what is that? What is.

[A]

I'm like, I don't know. I don't. What is it? And I have some notes for the people in charge of the whale watching tours in Maui, which I'll share with all of you. I will not be sharing it with the people who run the whale watching tour, but I will be sharing it with all of you here on the show. I'm also in the midst of a real and serious and not exaggerated for the purposes of the show dilemma regarding my cellular phone.

[B]

I'm trying to use the phone which.

[A]

Died last night as it's been doing lately. So I woke. I was awoken by the birds and the sunrise today because my alarm did not go off on my telephone because it's not working. And we'll get into that. And we'll get into this guy. The longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. It's a Monday morning, and he could use a little positive reinforcement.

[B]

Please clap.

[A]

He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[B]

Good morning, Luke. How are you at drawing eggs? Can you draw an egg?

[A]

Like, is it just a standard, like an egg, an egg shape? Or is it one of those cartoons that I used to see in the newspaper as a kid where you would kind of, like, add little, like, arms and legs to it and do fun things to it? If it's any more complicated than just the shape of an egg, I'm gonna. I'm gonna disappoint.

[B]

You could add arms and legs and turn it into a video game. What's the video game?

[A]

And I've never been to this level.

[B]

I don't. You know, I don't know what I'm even talking about here. I. During the intro, I heard that drop something from Archer about eating eggs and almost out of eggs, or not. Or not almost being out of eggs. All of that is to say I started trying to draw eggs on my notepad. One should know that I am not somebody who's good at drawing. I've never been good at drawing.

[A]

I bet you're better at drawing than I am. But that would be. That would make you a person. Everyone is better at drawing than I am.

[B]

But there's something specific. I mean, it seems so simple, right? It's one line. It's roundish, but it doesn't even have to be perfectly round in a certain way. It seems like. Oh, that. That. You know, because eggs are imperfect in their own way, they should be easy to draw. But it might be something about my age and my. My hands, the way I grip the pen. Maybe it doesn't work as well as maybe it once did, but I find it, like. It's hard up where the line.

[A]

The kind of oval, the slight oval, kind of. Andrew, I need you to draw a clock.

[B]

Okay. Draw a clock.

[A]

The listeners have reached out to me doing some cognitive tests here. You can't draw an egg. We need to move on to the next level.

[B]

Sorry, I forgot about that. I really am doing some sort of cognitive test on you, but it's like, where it comes back around. I have a lot of trouble.

[A]

I just drew a really shitty egg.

[B]

Here's my shitty eggs. Let's see your shitty eggs here.

[A]

This is good. Oh, those are way better. Hold on, I gotta. I've gotta move my coffee. Oh, this is embarrassing. You're gonna see just how unclean my workspace Is this. There's a coffee stand.

[B]

I don't even. Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah, my egg. Although where your line hits. Okay, I'll make that the show pick today. You and I'm talking about our eggs.

[A]

Some care options for Luke. He's not doing well. He can't draw an egg.

[B]

What if I drew a clock and it was a digital clock that said like 9, 17.

[A]

Oh, man. How are you on this Monday morning?

[B]

Or are we doing more than the egg talk? I'm sorry, I had. All I had on the show sheet was egg talk and then we wrap it up.

[A]

No, you've actually led us somewhere, which is that it turns out apparently on the island of Maui where I just was last week, you cannot buy an egg. They are out of eggs.

[B]

Oh, wow. Yeah. I mean, that was a whole thing. Right? Like the price of eggs played into and.

[A]

But it's been right day one.

[B]

I mean, I see all over Reddit people posting photos.

[A]

I filled my tank with eggs for like a dollar yesterday, Andrew. So everything's great.

[B]

Wow. That is pretty extreme though. So. Yeah. And because things are even more expensive on the islands where it's hard to get stuff, and now they're just totally out of eggs.

[A]

And it was. Becca and I weren't actually trying to sort of get our hands on any eggs at the grocery store, but Scott and Tiff were because that's. They're very clean, healthy eaters and they were. Their usual thing is to. To buy breakfast fixins. And they said they went to like four different stores and could not literally, there are no eggs for sale in the store. And they were, weirdly enough, they were being told that it had to do with some sort of a longshoreman's. Some sort of supply chain issues in like, California, which did not make sense to me because I believe this is more of a bird flu issue or something.

[B]

Oh. Oh. I didn't actually even know what was causing it. Although there are in the grocery store saying because of, you know, whatever supply issues. I don't know if it's supply chain issues, but. Supply issues?

[A]

Yeah. You know, the supply of chickens has gone down because they got bird flu.

[B]

Yeah. And it'll say like, you know, limited, like four dozen per purchaser or something along those lines. You know, I've picked a wrong time to be eating more eggs than usual. I've been boiling a lot of eggs lately. Hard boiled eggs. I've been pretty proud of this. I used to keep more hard boiled eggs in the refrigerator. And then I kind of stopped doing it for a while. And then I was. I've been eating salads for lunch, which I love, but I used to put like my salads. And for some reason something switched in me. I don't know if you're like this with foods. I still like chicken, I still like salads.

[A]

You just wanted to have their embryo, right? Yeah, like, I still want chicken, but not at this developmental stage.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Earlier. I want it when it's just a twinkle in God's eye.

[B]

Do you have anything like that? And I'm sure you do, where you're ticking along. Maybe you've even eaten a certain food for years. Like me making like kind of a green salad with various, you know, vegetables on it. Just typical green salad. And then if I have like chicken in the, in the refrigerator, I'll chop it up and throw it on there. That is something I've been doing for, you know, 10, 20 years, whatever. And then the other day, I don't know. Well, not the other day, a few months ago or whatever, I was eating something like that. I was like, I don't like chicken on my salads anymore. Like, I still like chicken, still like salads. And so I just been eating my salads without any protein. And then the other day I was like, you know, I could boil up some eggs. And then I. I've been experimenting. You know, there's the. Let the eggs get warm in the water when you're hard boiling them versus let the water get hot first, then put the eggs in. There's a who that. And it's supposed to. It is the number one issue tearing this country apart as we speak today on the 27th of January. I do think that one is supposed to be better than the other as far as getting the shell off, making it more peelable. That's that. For me, the two biggest things about a hard boiled egg is peel ability and the yolk. And I gotta say, I got the yolk dialed in. It's bright, it's, you know, nice solid, but bright yellow. I don't like it when it starts getting overcooked and starts turning green.

[A]

Oh, can I, can I propose, can I propose an idea here? Poached eggs.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I like those, but I don't know how to make them.

[A]

So, Andrew, you know how it's a great place to start the week. You know how sometimes I don't even know. I assume this is a real thing. Although as I'm saying it out loud, I'm already regretting bringing it up. You know, sometimes when women work together, the rumor is that their cycles can kind of align occasionally from. Or not even work together, but just spend time together. There is the idea that the cycles will align. I feel like there's some weird cycle that you and I are on that aligns when we don't even know it. Do you know that I recently made a salad and put four eggs on it?

[B]

Four eggs?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My boy says he can eat four eggs. My boy can eat four eggs.

[A]

My boy can definitely eggs. He can eat 50 eggs. I have also been trying to get more protein in my life and a little bit more vegetables. And so I. The other. And I've also. This is the thing that I've really been trying to do, which is eat the food that is in my house. Like, eating out is not only expensive, but it's. You know, it's sort of not the reason that. The reason the food tastes really good when you get it from somewhere else is because it's got a lot of, you know, salt and butter and things going on in it that make it taste delicious, but that make it probably a little less healthy for you. So I've really been trying to commit to, like, eating the food that is in my house. And the other night I was hungry, and I thought, you know, what kind of sounds good is, like, a frise salad. I didn't realize frise is a term for the kind of lettuce. Did you know that?

[B]

That's what. That's what I thought you meant, yes. I did not know. I did not not know that you thought it was a type of salad. I only know.

[A]

I thought frise just meant a salad with an egg on it.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

That's the only kind that I've had. I've. You know, occasionally on a menu, you'll see, like, a frise salad will have, like, a poached egg on it.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Which I really like. So I didn't have that. I had some other stuff, and I had, like, some shaved broccoli and other things I picked up at Trader Joe's. I live in the kind of town that doesn't have a Trader Joe's, which means I'm the kind of person that when I'm in the big city, I'm like, I better stop at Trader Joe's. I know you're not a TJ's guy. No, but I, like, stock up. I'll stock up at Trader Joe's. Because it's like, yeah, we don't have. We don't have that kind of cool stuff out here in Cowlitz County. But anyway, so I got the, you know, greens out, and then I don't. I used to know how to poach an egg. I used to be really kind of into this. And, you know, you put. You boil some water, and then you put a little tiny bit of vinegar in the water.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I've heard of it. That's right.

[A]

And you crack the egg. You spin the water. Yeah, Crack the egg in, and then in the spinning of it, it sort of poaches it. And I did not trust myself to try it. I had four eggs left, and I wasn't going to lose one to my attempts to poach it. So I just cooked them, like, you know, over easy. But they were pretty good because, you know, you. You crack the yolk, and then the yolk kind of becomes part of the salad. It adds a real, like, nice savory element. It was delicious. I just think it's weird that you and I, without checking in on each other, without. Without coordinating this, have both been doing a salad. We're really leaning into our inner Frasiers, I think, is the takeaway from this.

[B]

Is that a direct. Is that a direct thing? Are the Frasiers into eggs or.

[A]

The theme song is Kelsey Grammer singing Give me those tossed salad and scrambled eggs they're calling again.

[B]

Oh, God. That is one of the worst theme songs. The only theme song I think I hear you is the Monk theme song. Because it's. What's his name? I don't.

[A]

Is it Tony Shalhoub?

[B]

No, it's the I love LA guy.

[A]

Oh, Randy Newman.

[B]

Randy Newman doing the Monk theme song. Do you know it? Let me see.

[A]

No, I don't. How about Randy Newman doing the Frasier theme song?

[B]

For some reason, they occupy sort of the same space in my brain, and I don't know why. They're not really similar. Let me see if I can even get this to play.

[A]

Is the. The theme song? Police detectives got no reason to live.

[B]

No one seems to care.

[A]

Well, I do.

[B]

Hey, who in charge here? I would say this is the biggest gap between a show that I enjoy and a song that I hate. Yeah. I can't think of any man with the greatest disparity. It's not my favorite show in the world, and it might not be my least favorite song in the world. It might be, but it's definitely, like, the furthest gap between the two that I can do.

[A]

You know that I had a real okay over there.

[B]

Yeah. It's been oh my God. Dude, we just got to get to Tuesday. Having a Monday, man.

[A]

You know, I had a really. I had a time where I was very into the Randy Newman song I love la, which I don't really stand by, like, as a life choice for me or even as a song. I know that, you know, he did the. The. The you Got a Friend in me song from Toy Story and a lot of people love that. And I understand that that song short People got no Reason to Live is I guess, probably supposed to be a sort of arch, right? Like, is there some.

[B]

I've never understood.

[A]

Is there some story I don't understand?

[B]

I don't understand mean. I don't know. I don't think. I don't think it's just mean because that would just be mean, right?

[A]

I'm assuming because Randy Newman has not been rejected by the, by the larger culture. There must be some story behind that song that I don't understand that he's explained in an interview or something. But like that song again, it just seems mean. And, and then the, the. I love la. I loved it because. And I know, Andrew, this is. I'm about to send you into a John Boys esque trolling situation with me with the words I'm about to say, by which I mean last night I was so worked up about Kansas City winning that I decided to go and get into it on the comments of a guy who we both like on the Internet who was just saying he likes the Kansas City Chiefs. But anyway, I loved the song. I love LA because they used to play it after each Dodgers victory.

[B]

I mean, it's kind of. I mean it is a. I know that people who love the Dodgers love that song. And also I see both of those. As much as I really don't like the Dodgers and I like them less with every passing day and every passing signing.

[A]

Did you hear they just got Mahomes?

[B]

Yes, but they don't have like.

[A]

Let's see, let's see. We're gonna. I don't know, we're. We're gonna start him at third base, but they.

[B]

They only have to pay him $1 a year for the next 30 years.

[A]

He's deferred a billion dollars.

[B]

Yes, exactly. Will be sometime in the early 3000s. I believe all of that is to say I am, I guess, I don't know if the word is impressed or I recognize or I appreciate the way the Dodgers are truly a stand in for la. Sort of. It is like something that everybody get. Everybody comes around that logo Even if they don't watch a game. Like, there's something about the Dodgers logo that is so part of LA culture. And it could be like the old Latino man who was smoking cigarettes with his little mustache sitting on a wall near grocery store that I would pass on my way home from the grocery store, or, you know, just some young hottie in the club. You know, like, you can tell I'm young the way I talk, but, like, that logo and that symbol for the city writ large, and then you sort of tie that Randy Newman song into that. I don't like that song. I really dislike Randy Newman's sound, but I kind of get that, and I begrudgingly have to respect it.

[A]

I feel like when I moved to la, first of all, I lived probably six blocks from Dodger Stadium. And also, the Dodgers had been bad for a long time. So this is. You know, this is before the current era of the team. When I. Again, I'm with you. I don't find them very rootable, but at the time, it was like, they're in Echo Park. Well, more or less. That's where I was. It felt like a scrappy neighborhood at the time. They felt like a scrappier team because, again, they were not dominant. And I. My friend Kevin Arnovitz had season tickets, and when he couldn't find anyone fun to go with, he would ask me. And then we would sneak in Heineken beers in a. In the Subway sandwich bag.

[B]

Every time I look at a Subway sandwich wrap.

[A]

And the Dodgers, like, when they would win, on the occasion that they would win, they would play It'd be Sunny and they'd play that Randy Newman song. And I was a whole new person down there, you know, like, so it was a whole thing for me. Looking back on it, though, or looking back on the music of Randy Newman, I'm not. I'm not quite sure what all the. What all the hype is about.

[B]

Well, now you just love that Macklemore song.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Ceiling can't stop us that they play it. Mary's ceiling.

[A]

Fire coats be damned. Ceiling is. We refuse to let this ceiling hold us.

[B]

What is it? The sprinklers aren't working. I can't remember. Somebody actually sent me a. I'm not gonna play it because I do feel like it's a little bit cruel. I'm not a big fan of Macklemore. I do think that he's. I know from people who've met him, like you, and people who know him even better, that he's a He's a good man. He's a good, very good person.

[A]

A force for good in the world.

[B]

So I don't want to dunk too much, but I also just find. I just find his. His. His art just so cringy.

[A]

It's like, really, he's like the common of rapping.

[B]

Show title. Or is it? But yeah, I honestly, it's sort of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I mean, honestly, common 100 times over. Macklemore. Somebody sent in and it turns out it was like five years years old or something. It was a funny or die, I think video of a, like, kind of a make a wish is a fake make a wish thing. It was really well produced and pretty long, but it was a little boy. Just saying that, like, all I want is for Macklemore not to visit me. Actually, while we're here, should I just, like, look it up and play it for you? It is.

[A]

We've already offended. We've already offended a lot of people.

[B]

We're really.

[A]

We're coming out hot on this Monday morning. Randy Newman fans, Chiefs fans, Macklemore fans.

[B]

Yeah. This is from a listener. Bill, I'm sorry. I know that you actually have a lot to talk about after coming off a vacation. I'm making you draw eggs and talk about salads. But here, take a quick listen to this. When Mateo Cruz was diagnosed at the age of two with a rare blood disease, doctors said he wouldn't make it to his fifth birthday. All right, blow out the candles, buddy. And yet here the miraculous Mateo is six years later.

[A]

Look at those lines. When we heard Mateo's amazing story, we knew we wanted to make his biggest dream come true.

[B]

And he knew his wish right away. He didn't even have to think.

[A]

My wish is that I don't want to meet Macklemore.

[B]

Family and friends were immediately touched by Mateo's dream. I mean, what can I say?

[A]

Our little guy just can't stand Macklemore. And it's not just his music either. As Matteo would say, you know, he just hates the guy's whole vibe. I don't like his songs, and I don't think I'd like him as a person. I don't ever want to meet him. Okay, Chip, you're gonna see what they can do, okay?

[B]

No promises. When we heard the wish, we weren't.

[A]

Sure it would be possible. Macklemore seems like a pretty nice guy, and surprising sick kids at a hospital seems like something he'd want to do.

[B]

We were just hoping and praying that when he saw just how little his.

[A]

Music meant to our son. He'd understand.

[B]

I can't play this whole thing he's holding up.

[A]

Is that from the Onion?

[B]

It's from Comedy Central. I think I stated it as funny or die. And I man, it's just. Is so funny.

[A]

If somebody did. If somebody. And it would never happen, but if somebody created a spoof like that, but at my expense, I would honestly never recover. Like, it would end me. So I want to just acknowledge that. But that is really well done.

[B]

That's really good. What were we talking about? Whale watching.

[A]

Yes, whale watching and hummingbird unfreezing. By the way, a shout out to my buddy Evan, who heard the show last week where I was talking about the hummingbird water getting frozen here at the. At the Madrona Hill studio. And he sent me a hummingbird feeder heater. Did you know this is a thing they make?

[B]

No, I didn't. I saw that. Our buddy Larry sent us a photo of his hummingbird feeder and he just hung one of those like kind of construction work lights, light bulbs on it just to keep it warm.

[A]

But yeah, they would make a fancier version of that. And it is a light bulb and it's kind of this inverted, like plastic lampshade. And you can attach it to the bottom of the hummingbird feeder, which by the way, the hummingbird feeder comes with a thing for this. Like it's got this little kind of groot, not grooves, but little a space around the base of it, which I think is designed so you can hook one of these kinds of things on. And it was very cold here last night and I came out this morning and there was perfectly non frozen hummingbird water that the birds have been greatly enjoying today.

[B]

So fantastic.

[A]

Thank you, Evan, for that. And you're welcome, birds. Yeah, the. At the end of Friday's show, I was racing out of there because we were going to go whale watching and we, we did. We were on one of those kind of larger ships. I did not buy any alcohol or Dramamine, but it was really fun. We saw a lot of whales. We saw the, you know, there. I guess there's a sanctuary there in. In Maui that like that kind of main bay. Have you in veeves been out in Maui for whale watching?

[B]

Yeah, a few times, in fact.

[A]

Okay, so you know the drill. You've probably done this exact thing.

[B]

Yeah. Did you go to. Did you get on in Kihei? Is that where you went?

[A]

We were in near Kihei. Essentially. We were in. It's another little bay there that I can't remember the Name of by Sugar beach, for what that's worth. But anyway, we, yeah, we saw there's a. The mom. The mama whales and their calves were all out there. I guess they'd come from far away to give birth. We learned some interesting facts such as the, the mother whales will not eat for like three months.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And they, they'll go from like 80, 000 pounds to 50, 000 pounds or something.

[B]

Can I say something just for my own sake and maybe the listeners who care. Lahaina. I meant Lahaina, not Kihei. Sorry. We often will stay in Kihei, but it was always a tradition. I think we've done it like three times. We drive to Lahaina and that's where like that big banyan tree burned. I don't like in the news stories. You heard a lot about Lahaina and that's, that's.

[A]

Anyway, yeah, we were staying, we were staying in Lahaina officially, although not obviously in the part that was destroyed by the fires. But we could. We drove past areas that were, that were ruined by the fires. It was pretty intense out there. But so we had gone more down towards the Kihei area to do this whale watching thing. And yeah, it was, it was, it was really cool. We got to see a lot of the whales just kind of, I don't know, trucking around and then occasionally like the. At first the big thing was I really wanted to see a, A fluke. You know, I wanted to see their tail. I want to see them dive down. Because that's like the iconic, that's the iconic picture that you see with whale watching. Or the other thing is when they jump out of the water when they breach. And we finally saw a couple of those events too where like, we weren't super close to them but like, like where a whale literally jumped all the way out of the water and then crashed down. I'm guessing you saw that as well.

[B]

Yeah, I've seen that before as well.

[A]

That was freaking sweet. But the thing was, our captain, Captain Kiwi was. He was great at driving the boat. He knew some whale facts.

[B]

Oh really?

[A]

But really he was working on his, I think stand up comedy material which was not what we really 100 needed in the moment. He was like, he was giving us some useful information about whales, but a lot of just like weird attempts at comedy which then nobody laughed at because we're there to see whales. And then he would say like, basically like, oh, I guess you guys didn't like that joke. And it was like, this is the second time that Becca and I have gotten somebody leading a tour where it was like, like they were. They clearly thought that they were very entertaining, but they were not. And it made the tour a little less fun. The other time was in San Antonio. We went on one of those, like on the San Antonio river or whatever the river walk is that little man made thing that kind of goes through town. And our, our tour guide would not shut up. And he kept saying, people keep telling me I should be a comedian. And we were like, like we went by these gargoyles on something. And he said, like something the effect of like you can see. And some of the gargoyles looked sad and some looked happy. And he was like, that one is a guy who's married and that's a guy who's divorced. Like, the happy one was like a divorced guy or something. It was so weird, that guy.

[B]

People told me I stand up comedian.

[A]

Yeah, it was brutal.

[B]

That is so, so cringy. Yeah. I gotta say, it's the worst. You know what I was recalling because I knew you wanted to talk about this today. And I think maybe from talking on Friday, I was just. I had it on my mind. And I was going through old photos so I could find that one of Genevieve, that one from the show pick from last Friday. I think it was Genevieve seeing dolphins off the coast. Probably were. That was in Maui. But I, I realized, and I don't know, I definitely have not been on a kind of a boozy cruisy kind of one. I've been on bigger boats back in the day where maybe they had a little snack shop or something. But I was recalling how nerdy. The last one we went on, we had to sit. This was in Mexico. We sat in a tiny room where they set up chairs and like a thing like we sat through a class about whale migration for like a half hour before we got on the boat. And I don't even remember what I learned because I just learned that I hated the guy behind me who was our immediately teacher's pet. It was so crazy how you immediately get back into, like once you start sitting in chairs facing a teacher, everything comes rushing back. All of the bad feelings, I immediately started like, this guy's like, he's jumping out of his hand. He's like finishing sentences for her because he's so worldly. He's been on so many like whale watching things. And you can tell other people there have been as well. They're just not as like showboaty about it or whatever. So All I learned was that I didn't like one of my classmates. But anyway, yeah, so sounds like this was a very different vibe.

[A]

It was absolutely different. There was no class beforehand. I was saying to Becca later, I was like, all this guy needs to do is fill his head with interesting and useful facts about these whales.

[B]

All this. All this whale watch guy needs to do is learn some things about whales.

[A]

And, like, not. He kept just saying things and he's like, you're probably. He also, he was from, like, Australia or something, so he had an accent, which I'll spare everyone, but he. He kept saying things like, he would say. He would say something into the ether. No one would respond. And he goes, you probably think I'm making that up. Am I making it up? I might be. He kept saying, you probably think I'm making that up. That was like one of his go to's when he got no response from people, which I was like, we're not. But at Zany's in Cleveland, right now, we are on a. We're looking out at the Pacific Ocean, trying to see whales. I'm sorry we can't give you more auditory response to one of your. By the way, at one point, vaguely sexist jokes. I forget what he said. He said, like, a nice tail on that one or something. He said something that was just like a real kind of like, old man dumb joke about, like, the female anatomy and the woman taking pictures on the boat, who Beck and I agreed should have been the tour guide because she knew everything about whales and was really smart and helpful while she was also taking pictures of everyone who was, I learned later, not associated with. I think that there's like a freelance position where you basically, like, you get on one of these boats and you take all the pictures and then you try to sell the pictures to people when they get off the boats. But you don't work for the company that runs the tour, if that makes any sense. It's kind of a sort of a freelance position. She was literally, like. Like she was taking a picture of something and I heard her say under her breath, what is up with this guy?

[B]

That must have felt good, though, just.

[A]

To know that I'm not losing my mind.

[B]

Yes. Yes. This. This type of cringe, I. I honestly think I would have ended up in the drink. I think they say that on boats. I'm just trying to sound pretty cool.

[A]

I robo tripped. So much drama. But I. I swam home.

[B]

I'm just remembering that I got into that on Friday show. Yikes. But Any. Anyway, yeah, I, I can't stand that kind of cringe, but just a tiny sliver of somebody else feeling your pain sort of goes a long way. And by the way, and this is not me. This is not me at all reprimanding you or anything, but just so you know, I am on the line with Zanies in the flats to see if they'll sponsor the call in line. So just.

[A]

Yes, just a little.

[B]

Just a little careful on the Zanies.

[A]

We gotta call her on the, on the Zany's Roxino line. Absolutely right.

[B]

Tread carefully on that.

[A]

On the chainmail addiction line. But. So the other thing was, he was. He kept saying that there was going to be a prize. This is, this is a view into my girlfriend's brain. You want to talk about, like, everyone kind of reverts back to their school age version of themselves. He said, like, if you want to come up and ask a question. Because he's like, driving the boat, but he's got this microphone. He's like, if you want to ask a question, there is a prize at the end of the tour for the best question from an adult and the best question from a kid. And so Becca did ask a question, a reasonable question, which was why he said, oh, you've got these male whales that are chasing this female. And Becca was wondering, why would the males be chasing the females when the. The female is there to have her calf? She's either. Either has her calf with her, so she's probably not, you know, fertile, or she's about to have her calf, like. And he basically didn't have a great answer for it. He was like, like, because they're crazy. I was like, okay. But for the rest of the trip, Becky kept going, so how about that prize? What's going on with that prize?

[B]

I love that.

[A]

And literally the next day, she brought up, she was like, you know, I don't make a big deal out of it. But he never followed up about the prize. There was no prize. No prize was awarded for best question, both in the adult or juvenile category. And to this day, I think it's not sitting well with her.

[B]

Maybe I just have that Comedy Central sketch in my head, but I love the idea of a little kid just raising his hand and being like, like, why don't you know about whales? Like, that would be the best question.

[A]

Well, that was the thing. Finally at the end, they came around and they handed out these comment cards. Now, I was, I was planning on tipping on my way out because I do know that you know, and by the way, welcome to Vegas. We haven't even gotten into that. This whole, no, this whole no tax on tips thing that the current president is trying to push. Like, has anyone thought about the economic implications of that? Which are businesses will just pay their employees less and will offload more of the responsibility on us to support their employees with even more tips. Has anyone thought this through? It's just such obvious bullshit. But, and I, you know, I say this with peace and love to people that are servers. They deserve to get paid a living wage and they should make more money. But I don't think it should be. It should be passed on to us even more so because now it's all tips.

[B]

Well, that was, we got into this kind of locally and I remember I was on that. I guess I was on KOW on the radio side and the review and this sort of came up. And I don't know if quoting myself is the classiest thing here, but I just remember kind of saying at one point, like, it sort of seems like the argument for, from business owners about like the issue here. I'm going to make this too complicated, but the issue here in Seattle was more of a minimum wage issue. And they were saying, you know, if we run a small restaurant, like, we can't pay the minimum wage. We need to have the tip subsidize the, our employees essentially. Otherwise we can't afford to pay our bills and pay our, pay our employees essentially. And I'm just like, so we've really come fully around then. It's not me tipping for service. And I know we're a long way past that too. I'm not trying to do a Reservoir Dogs thing here, but like, we're no longer even tipping for service. We're tipping.

[A]

I get to be Mr. Pink.

[B]

We're not tipping the servers, we're tipping the company.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because they can't. We're now subsidizing the, the employees payment for the company. So basically I am tipping the owner so that they can sort of like not pay their employees. That's sort of what it felt like it became here. Or that's what that argument here is.

[A]

And I do think that that will be the case. I mean, I just, I, again, I want everyone to get paid a living wage, but I would like us to be more clear about who's subsidizing what. But anyway, I was, was, I was planning on tipping when I got off the, the ship. I've been on tours like this before and generally speaking, the, you know, the folks who are running the tour will kind of line up to say goodbye to you, which is also a casual way of letting you know that. That, That a tip would be appreciated. And. But this was different. They passed out like. Like at a restaurant. Like, what. They bring you your bill in. They passed out these comma, car, these comment cards. They were like, we're hanging around these comment cards. Cards. Which, when I opened it, I realized, oh, this is just a very formalized way for you to get the tip from us. Which, by the way, I thought it was interesting. It. It said on the thing, I'm not kidding. Suggested tip, $20 per person. I was like, oof, that's a. It's a healthy tip. The ticket was $50 and now we're gonna tip 20. Or it was. Yeah, it was like, yeah, $20 per person.

[B]

What was it for a couple. What were you thinking before that? I was. Maybe I'm just really cheap. I was thinking, especially for this, which doesn't sound like a super personalized experience and also not very informative. I would have probably just, you know, either Genevieve and I, one of us would have given the tip, you know, and probably just. I'm. I was sitting here thinking, like, probably $10 total. I don't know if that makes me sound.

[A]

I think I was thinking 20 if I had a 20 on me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm. It's. I'm assuming it gets, you know, it gets distributed throughout the crew.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everybody seemed nice. Even Captain Kiwi didn't seem like. I want to be clear, he made one mildly, like, off color joke. That was. That was it. It wasn't like a. It wasn't a, you know, a barrage of that kind of stuff. He was mostly just, you should go.

[B]

On after dark tour. And then he really lets it rip.

[A]

Horse. I'll beep it once a week I say it, and once a week you bleep it. And it makes Phyllis laugh. So that's why we do it. But the comment card I did write in, is he making this stuff up?

[B]

And did you give him.

[A]

I gave him the 20.

[B]

Did you give him the suggested 40 for each of you?

[A]

No, I gave him 20. I gave him. Which I was planning on doing, but I was like, I wonder if this is going to get back to him. And I wonder if he is. I wonder if this is actually going to ultimately push things in the wrong direction, where now he's even more adamant that he is or isn't making things up. He just kept saying it. It was like his verbal crutch. You probably think I'm making this up. I might be making it up. I don't know. And I was like, don't make things up. Just. He told us, like, one fact about whales, which I still remember, which I already quoted to you, which is that they come in weighing 80, 000 pounds and they can lose 30, 000 pounds during their time there, traveling there, feeding their young, etc. That was the one thing he told me. And it was like water in the desert for me. I was like, all you need to do is, is just learn everything about whales. Oh, and also do give out a prize for best question because it's really bugging my girlfriend.

[B]

You should follow up today, I would say. I know that we actually tried to see if Genevieve could join us for this conversation today, but apparently she's an important person with a lot of important meetings. But if you ever find yourself in a situation again, like, maybe when you're in London, where you find yourself, maybe in a place where you could go whale watching, cheerio. And again, not to force the issue, but if you enjoyed any part of this, it sounds like it was such a bad experience. Ask Genevieve to, like, kind of guide you, maybe. I mean, I know that you didn't book this last time was a group activity, blah, blah, but if you sort of got a little taste of it and you saw what it could be, she could probably help guide you to the type of, you know, because ours has sort of evolved what we go on and like, it's really like, yeah.

[A]

You'Re literally in Greenpeace now.

[B]

I mean, but it is more like science.

[A]

I'll make the same joke I made on Friday.

[B]

You can, like, and I'm such a, you know, I'm so immature. Like, I'm half paying attention. I'm just sort of like, letting the water splash. I just like being out there, you know, And I've probably heard some of this same kind of lessons over and over and over again. And, you know, like, it doesn't really stick to me that well. Genevieve is absorbing it. Like, like you'd expect, like, there's going to be a test at the end, but, like, there's a. And again, it's not, It's. It's not uniform. But I just think about some of the people in the last few that we've gone on and their absolute. I'm appreciating this more now that you've told me your story. Their absolute, like, love of the game and, like, they're actual scientists. And their care for the creatures and how much they, like, live it. And, like, they're. They're real scientists. Like, a couple of times they'll. I was on a boat where they'll drop down. I think you would love this. A little microphone. Deep, deep, deep down.

[A]

We did that, too.

[B]

Oh, did you get anything?

[A]

Not really. But I'm gonna tell you this. It was like. There was one moment where I heard one whale song come through, and I almost started crying. I'm being totally serious. Like. Like. And it was. It was like my, like, audio. My audiophile brain was kicking. And I was like, I think there's a better way to do this. Because they were like. They had this microphone which had this, like, tinny, shitty speaker which they were holding their Re 52 that was then.

[B]

Putting out the PA system for the bigger.

[A]

Yes. But it was like, I was like, there's got to be a way to line this directly into the AV of the boat. I was like, there's a better way to do this. But, like, for one second amidst it, it was kind of getting windy towards that part of the day, there was one moment where this jank system actually delivered to my ears an underwater sound of a whale. And it hit me, like, in some deep, primal part of me, I believe that.

[B]

Yeah, I can. And also, just because you're an audiophile as well, and the technology is kind of cute and cool. Like, it just. It does.

[A]

It reminded me, though, of the. Do you remember the Far side comic where they were dropping one of these hydrophones down and the whale is singing Louie, Louie.

[B]

Oh, Nelly, you say that. I did forget about that. Did I tell you I did buy myself, my dad last year as a surprise? Kind of like a. I don't think that. I don't think he realized how much it meant to me that he happened to be at Costco or something in late 2023. And you saw the old Far side Off the Wall calendar, which they started reprinting. We talked about it a lot at the beginning of last year, and I hadn't had one of those since I was a kid. I used to get that every Christmas for a while there. I love the Far side page. A day calendar, essentially. Then they started reprinting them with. With old ones with old cartoons, and I loved it. I loved just tearing that. Just like, what do you got for me today, Gary? And, like, sometimes it's completely incomprehensible. So I ended up buying my own this year. I'm like, I don't know if dad plans on Buying it for me or not, but I don't want to start January without my own page a day far side calendar. So I'm back in it, baby. Never missed a beat.

[A]

I had such a good time out there considering the fact that it was pretty light on the sort of intro informational content. I had such a good time and I totally. I think I'm going to go on the same journey that you and Veeves have been on of getting into smaller and smaller and more scientifically based vessels. I will also say that I don't. It didn't seem like our guy was in any way worried about any sort of, sort of issues around how close to the whales we could get. But the fact of the matter was we were in such a big boat that even if they wanted to get too close to the whales, they couldn't have.

[B]

I can imagine that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you just kind of like see them somewhere at like 1:00 and then you'd, you'd go over near them but you, they'd be gone by the time you'd be getting super close. So it wasn't really an issue. But I mean again, I was, I was super. Now here was the incredible thing. That night we were, we had been spending the day hanging out in different parts of Kihei and we were driving to get dinner and this was Scott and Tiff and Becca and I and we just happened to be driving along this kind of beach area when the sun was setting and it was like, you know, so perfect as it is in Hawaii. And we jumped out, we went to look at the sunset and I think Tiffany said, wouldn't it be amazing if there was a whale just breaching right now? And I swear to God, Andrew, a huge ass whale breached four times or four huge ass whales breached. I don't know. As the sun was setting, imagine a sunset. The sun is, is, is touching now the sort of horizon in the water and in front of that sun is a giant whale breaching. It was like some kind of incredibly shitty art you'd buy at the mall.

[B]

I was gonna say it's like the. What was Spielberg's early logo for his films?

[A]

Amblin Entertainment.

[B]

I'm getting an Amblin Entertainment, dude.

[A]

It was like exactly the kind of nightmare thing that your aunt, who has more money than taste would have bought from the mall in Maui and brought home. But, but, but in real life. And it was stunning.

[B]

That is. And so just to be very clear though, this is you having dinner at.

[A]

A place where this was not this Was not the whale watching excursion. But what I'm saying is I had never in my life until Friday I had seen zero whales ever in real life leave the water and crash down. And by the end of the day, I'd seen it like, 10 times and it changed me.

[B]

Yeah, I believe it. So how did you feel about the length of the trip you mentioned? Just sort of offhandedly a couple of times, like, what a short trip it is to go to, like, paradise and back so quickly now that you're back home. Like, do you feel like, God damn, if I could have just had, like, four more days there? Or are you kind of glad you're able to go on a small little jaunt and get swing right back into a Monday?

[A]

This was something Becca and I were talking about on Saturday before our flight home, which was the many similarities between the two of you and the many similarities between Veeves and I. And one of them is that she also needs a buffer day.

[B]

I love a buffer day.

[A]

So we could have flown home on Sunday, but the only flight available would have gotten us back at midnight last night.

[B]

Oh, and she was like.

[A]

She was like, absolutely not. No, no, no. We came home on Saturday.

[B]

She's a real job, like, right. Well, that was part of it.

[A]

And a big week. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You can't just roll out of bed and do this bullshit, Talk about Randy Newman, talk about eggs, draw an egg and talk about Randy Newman and call it a day.

[B]

Sometimes I think about people with real jobs and I feel so guilty.

[A]

Hold on, I gotta take my 15, Andrew. But so, yeah, we came home on Saturday night, and you know what? And this is. I mean, I should just be sort of grateful for this. It felt like the right duration of a trip, which is kind of strange because it is a pretty far flight. But, like, this might just be where I'm at in my life or how things are going here at the Madrona Hill studio. But, like, and also, it seriously helped that I was coming home to a week of blue skies here in the Northwest. I think if I would have been coming home to just, like, sideways rain, maybe I would have felt differently. But I was like. Like, I got to, you know, go out yesterday and go on a nice long run. I got to make a very mediocre gumbo last night here at home and watch the football games and get into it with Kansas City Chiefs fans online. Like, I had a nice Sunday that I was kind of looking forward to having. So it was the exact right amount of time. I. I don't think I wanted to stay in paradise for an extra day. Which is very strange to say.

[B]

You know, I'm just thinking as I'm sort of, like, now living sort of vicariously through your short trip there. I'm remembering various things about Maui, and I'm coming up with a theory right now. This is hot. Like, this is hot.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Right under the green. We're getting to see.

[A]

We're getting to see the process sort.

[B]

Of working it out here.

[A]

Yeah. Peel the curtain back, Dud.

[B]

But I would say that the Maui airport is one of the best airports to arrive at and one of the hardest airports to leave out of because you land and, like, there's so little. There's so little barrier between you and paradise already. Like, the moment you land isn't like, half the airport, like, just outside, basically some under canopy trees or whatever. Like, yes, there's a Burger King there. But, like, I mean, it's just like. It's so poor.

[A]

I love that you mentioned the Burger King. When we landed, Beck and I were gonna have a flight, and a guy just. Just said to his wife, I'm getting a Whopper. I could see that became our catchphrase for the rest of the trip. It was the weirdest thing to say upon arriving at the airport. I'm getting a Whopper.

[B]

But it could be part of his little tradition, you know what I mean? I've known people that have very, like, good taste in food, but still are kind of like, oh, well, this is my. This is my one little. Like, I just love when you literally.

[A]

Cited the burger at the Maui airport, which was on our radar.

[B]

But anyway, you know what I mean? Like, so when you land there, you're just like, oh, my God, this is gonna be the best week or whatever it is in front of us. But then you show up at the airport, you're like, I gotta leave this place. Like, can't you just make the airport, like, the outgoing airport, like, more dismal to like, ease us back into.

[A]

Can you just sever me? Put me on a people mover? That severances me.

[B]

Oh, God. Are you now two episodes into that? I have not seen any of the new season.

[A]

No, no. I. I was meant to watch it last night, but I was too busy burning my roux and then. And then going to sleep. Dude, have you made gumbo? Have you tried to make gumbo?

[B]

No. You know, I get it confused with jambalaya. I have a jambalaya recipe that I make, but I don't think that maybe.

[A]

That'S what I should have made.

[B]

I don't think what I make is as complicated. I don't think I've ever made.

[A]

It was like everybody on the recipe sites was like, you know, you gotta really babysit this thing. It's flour and oil basically. And you have to stir it continuously for like, like 30 to 45 minutes because it's. It instinctively and inherently it wants to burn. And you're trying the whole time to make sure it doesn't burn. And I still had a slight, slight kind of essence of having ever so slightly burned. There was nothing burned on the bottom of the pot. I don't know what I did wrong. I was cooking it at a very low temperature. I guess I could have cooked it at even lower temperature, but like it was so much work. I had to go to three stores trying to find beyond sausage Italian. You know, I got this, I got this idea yesterday as a kind of a. A nice cozy football Sunday thing to make. But like, I don't know. I think that. I don't think. I don't think gumbo's gonna work for me. It was so much work for such little payoff. Also, when you make rice, what is your water, cup of water to cup of rice ratio? What do you do?

[B]

It's less than what they say on the package as far as the amount of water to put in this thank you lesson. I just recently had to rele because.

[A]

Take that Padma Lakshmi who led me wrong the other day randomly on. On like Instagram or something.

[B]

The I stopped making rice for a long time just because I didn't like cooking on our old stove and it just limited the amount of things I cooked. And so it meant I wasn't like making meals that needed rice. So whatever. Long boring story there. I used to make rice a lot more frequently and I think I even like humble bragged on this show or I guess just brag bragged on the show. They're like, I've always been pretty good at making rice. Like it seems like something that is somewhat temperamental, but it comes out okay for me. And I think it was maybe that brag that as I like to say, Luke God said ha. Because my.

[A]

My first batch of rice one guy show on that.

[B]

I'm thinking about it. As long as nobody's got the rights. God. Just dropping Julius Sweeney jokes like we are on it today, but just keeping it current. But anyway, I followed the directions on this inaugural pot of rice that I made a few weeks ago. I just followed the instructions on the back of the bag, like I usually do. And they always say like two to one, right? Like one way, way too much. They say, yeah, one cup of rice, two cups of water. I think I do that, but I cut back by a quarter of a cup or something like that. So I think the last one I made and now we're just really getting into details, but I just cut it back a little bit. Yeah. So it's like maybe 1 and a half, 1 and 3 quarter cup to of water to rice.

[A]

I made a bunch of rice a couple weeks ago in my instapot and I again, not only am I looking up baked potato recipes, which includes put olive oil on it and salt it and cook it for an hour. That's the recipe. I'm also looking up instapot rice recipe, which is just basically put it in there and hit rice on the instapot.

[B]

Oh, it has a setting. Oh, that's cool. Cause I was gonna say I don't know how to. We have some device that I've talked about that it's like, I call it the air fryer, but I guess it's got a million different things. And it's also like a pressure cooker. Genevieve has a special lid that she pulls out and clamps on it to make rice and hard boiled eggs. I think I'm just like, I've never messed with that before. I don't know.

[A]

So the first time that I did this, I just hit the buttons. I read the recipe and I hit the buttons and then it was like, it's giving. It gives you these confusing messages. Has to do with pressure cooking. It's auto, but then it has. It says like L O O and it's counting down. I think that might be like letting the steam off, off. All I know is that the first time I did this, at some point I was like, this seems like it's been long enough. I could smell that the rice was cooking. It smelled really good. And I just let the pressure off and took it out. And the rice was perfect. But I don't really know what I did. Like I, I interrupted the process, but I just got lucky that it was at the exact right moment. Then I was watching some Internet thing, probably TikTok, and Padma Lakshmi, who I'm a big fan of, was making rice in her kitchen and she was like, like, you know, you got to wash the rice. And she was like, you know, two cups of water, one cup of rice. So then last night when I was making my rice for my gumbo, I was like, well, Padma said two cups of rice. Two cups of water to one cup of rice. I do that in the instant pot. I put it on auto. Whatever it finishes, it is porridge. Just like it looked like Matt. It was like the consistency of mashed potatoes. It was such a bummer. So I threw that out, and then I made a new batch.

[B]

Oh, you did? Okay, good.

[A]

Where I did one cup of water to one cup of rice. And it's great.

[B]

One to one. Okay, well, then maybe I'll even try.

[A]

Maybe that's just instapot. I don't know.

[B]

Well, the instapot might help too. Yeah, I mean, but I could maybe even try backing off the water levels as well. I was, like, actually very curious because I told you that sometimes I make jambalaya. And I'm probably not even pronouncing that right. I sound very.

[A]

You got to say it with a little more.

[B]

New Orleans is the economy stupid. I got. I gotta pull out of this. Gotta pull out of this fast. But anyway, I guess they wait till.

[A]

We get to the donors. I want you to. I want you to say something Cajun to each donor today.

[B]

Okay? I will not. But it says this is, like the AI answer to the difference. It says both are very similar. I know I probably shouldn't be going to this, but it says they're very similar with similar ingredients. The key differences. Gumbo is typically a super. A soup or stew served over rice, while jambalaya is a rice dish where the rice is cooked directly in it. And that is what I do. And I do remember now the last batch of jambalaya that I tried to make on my old stove, I also messed up the rice. I didn't cook the rice enough on it. So we had this really, like, good tasting jambalaya. But the rice was like, I like, we're just doing the. We're just doing the. You got to chew the rice, dad. You got to. I mean, it's got to give.

[A]

Dr. Katz.

[B]

Dr. Katz. But it was just, like, hard rice, and it was, like, really ruined the whole. It's amazing how, like, one little mistake in it in a pretty simple dish like that can really ruin an entire pot of jambalaya because the rice just wasn't cooked through. And it was like it was past the point of reheating it to a certain softness, you know?

[A]

Totally sucked. Well, yeah, I think it was my one and only foray into gumbo territory, which. Which, you know, lesson learned.

[B]

Thank you for being a town.

[A]

Hey, let's thank some donors by the way a quick housekeeping mention here at the top, we have emails going out to folks who are a dazzling donor. Our guy, Mr. John Sklaroff himself is reaching out to get those dazzling donor messages. So if you see that in your inbox and you feel so inclined, feel free to get back in touch with us. And if you feel so not inclined, feel free to not get in touch with us. It's, it's, it's your money. Do whatever you want.

[B]

Don't feel pressure. I'm just so impressed with you right now, Luke, because John sent us an email late last week asking us to put that message in there. Then another one this morning. I'm like, yeah, of course we'll it. And I, that was the furthest thing from my mind right now. I would have never remembered. You could given me to the end of the week and I would have forgotten every day. I don't know why my brain is so bad that way. So thanks for reminding everybody. Keep an eye on your email inboxes if you're a dazzling donor because we're going to start reading your special messages on the air very, very soon. And thanks to everybody who donates.

[A]

If you are a new listener, this is your first episode. First of all, welcome. It is a lot of Randy Newman talk, generally.

[B]

Draw an egg. If you're a new listener, draw an egg.

[A]

Start every the listening experience starts with drawing an egg. This is fully listener supported podcastery and it's thanks to donors like Lavinia Axel in Hammond, New York.

[B]

Nice. Thank you, Lavinia.

[A]

I don't know where Hammond is, but I'm going to guess that Lavinia was sad that the Buffalo Bills did not prevail.

[B]

I think, I think you're absolutely Hammond.

[A]

Sounds like Bill's mafia. Country. Country.

[B]

Is that where the Hammond organ comes from?

[A]

I'm gonna say yes.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna say yes. I'm not gonna look it up. I'm just gonna tell everybody that yes.

[A]

And Aaron Loinson of Santa Monica, California, don't you dare correct us. Although actually you could if you want. You've been donating to the show. You have certain rights and privileges and they include correcting us. So feel free.

[B]

Do you think that's the same Santa Monica that Everclear sang about?

[A]

Swim out past the breakers, watch the world die. So I love that song actually, by the way.

[B]

Me too. And I, I never even considered it. It was just one of those song songs that was on all the time in the 90s and I don't Think I liked it. And then one time on tbtl, we had Camaro. Kevon, I was joining you from Santa Monica, I believe I worked at the time, and maybe one of you mentioned that song and then you played it. We played a little bit of it. I'm like, yeah. Why have I never considered how amazing the song is? And ever since that day in, like, 2014 or 15, I would die for that Everclear song.

[A]

And yet, if I never hear the Weezer song Beverly Hills again, I'm fine.

[B]

Oh, I don't know that one.

[A]

I don't think Weezer definitely. Let me say the most uninteresting thing that ever that's been said a billion times. Weezer has some really good songs and then some songs that I just don't need in my life. And, like, Beverly Hills, that's where I want to be. Living in Beverly Hills is one of the songs that I'm. I can miss.

[B]

I don't. I literally even. Yeah, I don't.

[A]

I can't believe you haven't heard that song. That, like, Weezer is hugely popular song.

[B]

Well, there you go. And somehow I like a lot. I mean, Weezer is. Seems like it would be especially right in my. Right in my wheelhouse, right. Like, kind of indie rock from that era. Like, so many people I know love Weezer. I mean, I hear about that Blue Album as just being, like, one of the best albums of sort of that musical generation. And it's just like, for some reason, and never heard the whole record. Never kind of got into Weezer that much. Know the Sweater song. I think I kind of disliked the Sweater song when it was new, and then I think I came. Really.

[A]

I think that's. I feel like Weezer is just. Is a. Is a. Is kind of a unique. You were talking about, like, the Monk theme song being maybe the song that you like the least for a show you like the most. And Weezer, to me, is such an interesting band because I think they did really cool stuff. And then at some point, I don't know what happened. They just said, we just. We really want to be the soundtrack of a budget rent a car ad. Like, just the music became, to me, so unimaginative, but so catchy and. And so widely played and so, like, widely embraced, but just zero nutritional value that are zero. I don't know. Just. It's. It's just weird because, like, Rivers, Cuomo used to be this kind of weirdo, this kind of interesting weirdo, and then he just became an uninteresting Norm, in my. In my estimation, again, I would just say if you're listening to the show today and you hold anything dear, buckle up because this is going to be the show where I make you mad at me by saying mean things about it anyway. I would never say mean things about Ashley Renner of Everett, Washington, or the things that Ashley loves. Everything you love, Ashley, is perfect and the best. Okay. Unless it's the song Beverly Hills by Weasel.

[B]

Sir, did you ask for Everett?

[A]

I. I'm. I've embarrassed myself again. I meant ever.

[B]

Sorry to correct you like that publicly. I'll clean it up.

[A]

No, honestly, like we. It's all about accountability on this show, Andrew and I, I would. You wouldn't be a good friend to me. Oh my God, Andrew, something incredible is happening. Birds have freaking figured out for the first time that stupid high tech bird feeder of mine. Not the hummingbird feeder, which is also high tech in that it's now being warmed by a light bulb, but the other one that has like a camera on it. That thing has been sitting there forever with zero interaction from the birds, except for right this moment.

[B]

What kind of. Well, do you know what kind of bird it is?

[A]

They look like a sparrow or like a starling, but with a red breast. So imagine the shape and size of a starling. Just kind of like those regular ass starlings that are just usually hopping around on the grass doing God knows what.

[B]

But those starlings are beautiful too, right? They're blue. Don't starlings have big streaks of blue? Know much about?

[A]

The ones that I'm thinking of are a very kind of brownish color with points. No brownish color. That's a kind of a. They're not a particularly beautiful bird. But these ones, the ones that are coming over to this bird feeder are look like that except their breast is more red. You know what? I may have a photo to send you later, Andrew. If this thing is working, we'll find out. I'll also send it to Ann Marie Kugelman of Seattle, Washington. Ann Marie and I share many bird pictures throughout the year here. It's our love language.

[B]

Let's keep it.

[A]

Thank you, Anne Marie. And also Anne Marie, donating to the show is another love.

[B]

That is a huge love language.

[A]

I love having this job. Anne Marie makes it possible.

[B]

People giving me money is my love language.

[A]

That's right. My favorite part was when Anne Marie gave me the money as well as the time when Sam Viner gave me the money. Sam Viner in North Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

[B]

Thank you, Sam.

[A]

Long time Sam, are you taking. Are you excited, Accepting. And I'm going to use the proper phrase here, proper term. Are you billeting people right now? I. E. Can we come live with you in Canada, please?

[B]

Oh, billeting. Is that where you put somebody up?

[A]

Yes, I know that because in, like, high school choir, we would travel into Canada to perform our Jesus songs, and we would bill it with people. We would go and stay with people who would put us up in their homes.

[B]

Maybe we just draw that little Canadian boundary a little bit.

[A]

Just bring it. Just breeze it down to the Mexican border.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And then over east to the Atlantic.

[B]

Yes, please.

[A]

I have never had this thought before. I'm not. How do I say this, Andrew, in a way that doesn't sound totally glib? I've never kind of wanted our country to be taken over by another country as much as I do now. Like, I was always, like, that would be a bad thing. Except recently I thought, well, maybe that's the. Maybe that's the, as they say, exogenous event. Maybe some other, better country takes us over. I would be fine with Canada taking over the US Right now. I mean that, not jokingly.

[B]

Yeah, no, I, I.

[A]

And I'd never. That's. I've never had that thought before. We need. We need other parents to come take this thing over. Over.

[B]

I'm not going to explain the backstory on this because I just know that you have read the news, so you know what I'm talking about. And if we get into details, we're really going to spiral on this ship. But I'm just going to say that before I woke up this morning and I saw that the Colombian president had kind of backtracked after the tariffs were threatened on Colombia, I was like, last night I was thinking, like, well, we all have to buy Colombian flowers this year for Valentine's Day. I was just kind of like, okay, we need to start the campaign right now. We need to keep. Because this president is just asking for. For us to treat people with human dignity. They are the good guys and we are the bad guys, and we need to make sure that these tariffs don't work. And, like, what?

[A]

Colombia, a place historically, like a narco klepto state.

[B]

What a world is it that I'm, like, spiraling out of control in my kitchen last night, just being like, well, how are we going to save the Colombian economy? Like, what is going on? I am not Colombia.

[A]

Would you consider taking us over?

[B]

I am not. Well.

[A]

Thank God we got Thomas Seagrove of Spring, Texas, in our corner.

[B]

Yes, Spring.

[A]

Oh, Thomas, thank you. The donors today. You're the only good thing happening in this country that I could think of right now. We appreciate you. Thank you for making TBTL possible even in these trying times.

[B]

Hello and welcome. Welcome to Top Story.

[A]

All right, Andrew, if I. If I seemed a little. A little, I don't know, behind the eight ball this morning when we dialed up, it's because I got off to a. A weird start. My alarm did not go off on my phone. I was. Luckily, I don't have any curtains yet in my bedroom. That's not true. I do have curtains. I just never. They're like blinds, and I never pull them down. So I had that very unsettling experience this morning of like. Like the daylight coming into my room and hearing birds chirping and going like I should be this time of year. I'm generally awake before the sun is up. That sounds extreme. It's just that the sun comes up at like 7 or something. I had this very unsettling experience of being like, why am I not awake yet? And why is it totally bright outside? And it was because my phone died because the little charging port. The port on my phone where you plug in the. The lightning thing or whatever they called on the iPhone. The older version doesn't work very well. It's constantly. It. It comes disconnected. If a strong breeze blows on it, it'll be connected and then it'll just stop charging for some reason. Or if I'm in the car and I'm trying to play something with Waze on my, like, you know, car system, it'll just stop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For no reason. It's basically busted. And last night I was. Thought I was charging my phone and it wasn't charging and it died overnight.

[B]

So did you end up. Maybe you said this and I missed it. Did you end up sleeping later than you usually would? Like, was it a real, like, you woke up like, oh, like you didn't even know what time it was?

[A]

I didn't know what time it was, and I couldn't even check on my phone. And I don't have a clock in my bedroom. Like, I literally had to like, go out into the living room and look at my good old brick and mortar clock and that. I mean, it wasn't crazy late. It was probably 7 in the morning, but it was later than I usually sleep. And it was just that feeling of being like, I don't actually know what's going on right now. Like, I'm other forces than I'm just very habituated or very used to my alarm on my phone waking me up in a certain way five days a week. It didn't do that. And it was a little unsettling. And this is part of a larger pattern of my phone's. That little input not working. And I've been needing to get a new phone forever. And when Becca and I were driving around Hawaii and trying to map things so we don't know where stuff is, my phone was constantly like, it would show us on the ways, you know, on the little display in the Jeep, it's like, here's where you're going. And then it would just stop talking to the car all of a sudden because of problems. And she was like, this phone is really kind of bs. I was like, yeah, it is. And you know me, I am not the kind of person who ever denies myself something that I think I need like a new cellular phone. This is not the kind of thing I think long and hard about about. But for whatever reason, cell phones are this odd thing where I'm not obsessed with the. Whatever the newest, coolest version of something is like this phone, other than this charging port or this input or whatever you call it, other than I would. I have no problem with this phone. It's an iPhone. It has the stuff on it that I need. It generally works like I'm not. I think it's a 12 and I think they're on like 16 now.

[B]

They are 16. Yeah.

[A]

But here's the thing that I realized, so. So I kept saying to Becca, I'm like my. One of my big things for this week is I'm going and I'm getting a new phone from somewhere. Because the Newer iPhones use USB C, which is also just going to make my life so much easier. Because right now I'm toggling between most of the stuff that I need to charge or plug or interface with is USB C, including my computers. It's just this one thing that has this stupid now non functioning little lightning port deal. But here's what I realized, Andrew, last night. If I get a new cellular phone, I will not be able to put TikTok on it.

[B]

This was news to me. You put this in the show sheet and I told you before the show we didn't talk much about it, but I said, oh, I really want to talk about this story because I'm curious. Yeah, you know, obviously I knew that TikTok went dark temporarily before inauguration day, then kind of came back online. But the original story was oh, TikTok will still be there. It's just not going to be available for people who haven't already downloaded it and it won't, like, have updates and it could get glitchy over time and sort of die over time. And I always knew that that was the story. But then the sort of taking TikTok down temporarily to cause this sort of panic totally obliterated the rest of the story for me. I stopped thinking about what the original.

[A]

Plan was, as did I.

[B]

And so when I saw on the show sheet today that you wouldn't be able to download the app on the new phone, I was like, is that true? I had to Google it. I was like, oh, yeah. Like, it is not in the Android or Apple stores anymore. Like, it is, it is gone now. I still believe it's going to come back. But I think the interesting question here is maybe where we left off on Friday. Because you were talking about how, because you were on vacation and, you know, you were staying in paradise, you weren't as drawn to opening up Tik Tok as much. And at one point you even said you had a moment. You're like, oh, maybe I should see what's going on TikTok. And you're like, no, why would I do that? Why would I. Why would I open up this K hole, you know, like to drop down. Where are you now? Were you like, on the plane, kind of getting back into it or what?

[A]

I did get back into it on the plane in a way that I don't feel great about because I brought two books with me that I needed to read for work and I had my laptop. I was going to try to do some, like, expenses, some travel expenses for cbs. Becca watched an entire movie which looked really good called like between the Temples or something. It's like, it's Jason Schwarzman and a bunch of other really great folks. And at the end of the trip, she goes, were you on TikTok the entire time? And I was like. I also checked some emails, which it was like a Saturday night at 10pm I promise you. Very few emails were coming in. So I kind of got back on the plane. I kind of didn't feel great at the end of the flight about that. I was like, I did nothing productive. And I think where I'm. I think where I'm going with this is that I am going to get a new phone this week and I'm going to not have TikTok on. On it, and I think that's going to be kind of good.

[B]

For me, yeah, it might be.

[A]

You know, I do feel like there is a very small professional element to this for me, which is like the whole way that I got into TikTok lo those many years ago was because I kept seeing funny things online that had the tick tock watermark on them. And at some point, you know, this was, as the pandemic was, was sort of raining down on us. I thought, thought, well, I should just see what everything funny that I'm seeing says TikTok on it. That must be where. That's the kind of origin point for this. Let me see what's really going on there. And then it was just like, man, I just fell down a well with it because of its, for whatever reason, its design is, is, is perfectly suited to my broken brain and my ways of needing to distract myself. And so, you know, I got obviously really into it. But then also I do find stuff on there that does come up on the show, whether it's audio intros or just I find out. It's where I find out about a lot of things now, you know, pre election, it was where I was getting a ton of like, I, I've mentioned him before, but like the really great writer and sort of political scientist Jamelle Bouie. I love this guy. And he just does these great TikToks where he's just walking around. I think he might live in, like, Charlottesville. He's just walking around talking about what's going on in the world. And I find it very informative. And I don't know, that's probably also on Instagram. Maybe I just have to follow him on Instagram. But, like, there is content that I get on TikTok that I do think is actually kind of useful for me. So part of me doesn't want to totally lose access to that, but I really need a new phone because my phone literally doesn't charge. Right? I mean, it can charge if I put it down on one of those contact chargers.

[B]

Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.

[A]

But I, I, this is, this is a very, this is very much a Luke story. But I bought, bought, of course, I didn't just buy any content charger or contact charger. I bought this, like, fancy one made by a company called Current, but it's spelled like British, like C O U R E N T. Okay. Like instead of Current C U R R E N T. But it's a, like, charging company. But I got this very handsome, beautiful, like, kind of, it's covered in like pebbled leather and it's Like a little, a little thing you might have on your nightstand that you could put your keys on and you could put little like things in. There's like a little dish and then next to is where you're supposed to place your phone to charge. And it is a beautiful item that does not charge my phone for shit because it's so well made and looks so nice that it's not functional for the thing it's supposed to do.

[B]

But it also doesn't solve your problem with the car thing, you know, the attachment to the car.

[A]

Yeah, there's so, there's so many times when I need this little input on my phone to work and it just doesn't. So I need to get a new phone. But, but yeah, it will be at the expense of TikTok. But I just, I feel like what I'm, what I'm trying to say, Andrew, is you need to be our eyes on TikTok.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. I guess I do have it on this phone. Although Quentin, not unlike our egg cycles, our phone cycles may be lining up as well because I've been actually last night I was watching that game and seeing a lot of commercials for the new Google Pixel. I've been using a Samsung like phone for, I don't know, the last three or four generations of my phone. I think I have a Galaxy S9 right now, but that thing is getting pretty old. But I'm like you, even though I do like new technology, I love playing with new things. But like until my phone is actually not working for me anymore, if it slows down to a point where it's like essentially not working, I just don't think about it that much. And I will say this, this is one thing I was thinking about last night is. And this, this, this is not about TikTok, but it's about ownership, I guess is when I get a new phone, I'm so excited to have the new phone. But I'm also not paralyzed is too strong of a word. But the phone owns me more because I'm constantly worried about it. I'm worried about dropping it or I say I'm constantly worried about it as a bit of an exaggeration. But I have to think about caring for the phone in a way because if I happen to drop my phone today, there's a beauty in having an old phone that still totally works for me right now. But also I probably should replace it because if I drop this phone right now, I don't care. It's like, ah, good, I needed a new Phone anyway. And there's something so freeing in that. But if I get a brand new Google Pixel and then it gets a tiny little scratch in the top right hand corner, I'm going to be so pissed at myself for, like, months. You know what I mean? And there's something about, like, having something brand new new that is almost. It's. I don't know, it traps you a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, that's definitely. I've had that thought with this phone because, like, yeah, when you drop a phone, particularly if it goes jelly side down, it's just like. Is there a longer. There are two. The two longest units of time are reaching down to pick up your cell phone to see if you cracked it. And then the other is when you're at the airport and you're taking off a sweatshirt and it pulls your T shirt up, that's underneath it.

[B]

I would never even dare pull that.

[A]

Which literally, literally happened to me in Maui.

[B]

Oh, really? I would never do that.

[A]

I was sitting in one of those massage chairs but not paying for it while Becca was using the restroom and I was.

[B]

She had a little nickel tied to a string that you were putting in there.

[A]

Weren't we in the Minnesota airport when it started yelling at me?

[B]

I wasn't. I don't think I was with you. I think you just told me about it.

[A]

It traumatized me for life. I'm so afraid to sit in those chairs now because some of them have an alarm that if you're not paying for it, it just starts. Like, because they don't want people using it. Like. Like a chair now, if I ever sit on one of those, I'm like, is this gonna go off on me? But I was sitting in that thing. And now we're in Hawaii, so it's a lot warmer than Portland, which we had left at like 6am and I'm like, this sweater I'm wearing is too much. But I'm like, but I know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna take it off and that T shirt's coming with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I tried my darndest to not do that, but that's exactly what happened. And I. Boy, that was. It was a long tenth of a second. Anyway, all that is to say. I know what you mean. I mean, like, the nice thing about this phone is that I kind of don't care what happens to it. Although the other thing. And I think I talked about this before on the show. This is not very interesting. We should just get to the emails. But, like, I switched My cell phone service from Verizon to actually, believe it or not, Comcast.

[B]

You did that. I remember there you were like, canceling your cable and they're like, yeah, but we have a pretty good deal on cell service. And you're like, I'm listening.

[A]

And it's been fine. It's like, cheap, cheap. It's the same, supposedly. I mean, I can't tell you any difference in terms of my, like, bars, my number, of my amount of coverage. Like, I have no problem with the cell service. Except when I went in there, the. The woman who was switching my plan over basically told me like, oh, we're having some sort of a deal on, you know, you trade in your phone and you. You get the new iPhone for whatever. And I was like, yeah, I'm fine with my phone for now, I think. And this was before it started acting up. And I assume that those promotions were just total BS like that. They're just always running a version of that. But then I went back down there later to say like, hey, I am going to get that new phone. And they were like, that promotion's over. Basically what I did that was really dumb was I signed up for this new service and I didn't get a new phone at that moment. So now the problem is I'm already. They have no reason to try to like, sweet talk me. So now I'm going to have to pay full retail for my phone or like, do some crazy shit where like add a line, you know, to get the whatever. It's like I just assumed that cell phones, I mean, I know they're not free. Like, I understand that it's all built into the thing, but I assume that you just. Basically when you want to get a new cell phone, you just add another year onto your contract and they kind of give it to you.

[B]

That's something. Yeah, I buy them so infrequently. That's how I thought it worked still too.

[A]

But now I'm cursed to wander the earth with a cell phone that I need. If I want to get a new one, I kind of like pay re. It's like 800 bucks.

[B]

They're very expensive. I have a. I have a thought that this probably doesn't work work in reality, but just hear me out because I'm thinking about me getting a new phone and how, like, one of the reasons why I've been reluctant to get a new phone is I have. I know that this is the last phone that I'll ever own that has an actual, like, old school Headphone jack on it. And I actually use this. It's a little bit complicated because of all the ins and outs of various aspects of podcasting. There is a moment on one podcast that I do once every two weeks called Spotless. At the very end of the show, I need to play audio both from my computer and I need to layer something on top of that and send it down the line. And because of my setup in here, I only kind of have one input. So I always play the spotless Outro off of my phone. I have to have it sitting here aux cable plugged into it. And so I just like, this is such a small thing. It's so tiny. It's not the reason I'm not getting a new phone yet, but I do think, oh, if I get a new phone, then how am I going to play the Spotless Outro, right? I got to get an adapter. I'm not saying I'm stopping me. I'm just saying it's just one of those little things that's hiccuping in my brain. And then I thought to myself, well, honestly, this phone still works. Like, it could just literally have one function of my life, which is it plays when I need to play audio out of my phone and into a board. I play it off of this device. My current phone just becomes a playback device for Spotless. So turning that back to tick tock tock, is there any world. Because, like, your phone is not functioning in the world when you need to plug it into your car or whatever. Maybe you go through a period where you get a new phone, but you keep your old phone with the TikTok charged up. It's got, you know, you don't need a cell plan for it. You just keep the wifi on. And it might sort of almost be like the regulator that maybe you need to sort of not get too obsessed with it. Like, tick tock.

[A]

Yeah, you're blowing my mind.

[B]

But you sort of. It's almost like back in the day when we. We would sit down to watch TV in the room with the TV in it. You know what I mean? Like, It's. Yeah, it's TikTok time. I'm gonna go grab my phone, which is charging on the wireless charger and still functional. But you can go grab it and sit on your couch and go through TikTok a bit. But it's not like kind of constantly in your pocket. It's not the one that you're carrying with you. Run out to the grocery store or whatever.

[A]

Exactly. Wow, Andrew. I mean, that is a really. And in fact, that. That would make this whole fact that I missed the window to trade my phone in kind of an advantage because I got pretty much got this thing anyway. It just put it on the WI fi at my house, put it on the pole and then just use it for TikTok. But. But not every moment of my life, in every airport and everywhere I go.

[B]

Yeah, or you could use.

[A]

I'm not going to carry two phones. That's the other thing. I'm not going to like, bring. I'm not going to bring the TikTok phone with me to the airport, which is one of the times that I just really just absolutely melt my brain with hardcore TikTok viewers is anytime I'm in a boring environment somewhere out in the world. So maybe that's a really interesting idea. I don't even think I realized that was possible. I guess I thought when I got a new phone, this one just gets bricked or something. But it doesn't have to.

[B]

No, you won't have cell service on it because you don't want to pay for cell service for two phones. You can still do WI fi. So anywhere you have WI fi, which would be on a plane if you would, you know, I had.

[A]

But I'm not going to bring this phone with me. So the new phone, the real phone that I use won't have it on there at least until. Until it's re. Added to the app store. Then the question is, do I re. Download it ever? I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, because it will. I do think it'll be available sooner rather than later, I'm guessing, for better or worse, your buddy John, your colleague, the producer John from cbs, he and I were having drinks a couple of weeks ago and he was up here in Seattle for, you know, covering something, and he's, as we just said, producer for cbs. And like, he has two phones. And there was just something about that. Like, I don't think I ever had a job where I needed two phones. I think I was always able to just like, use my phone for my work phone. But there's just something about that that I can't explain it to you. Like, it exhausted me to my core. Like, just seeing him, like, having to, like, kind of battle. Like he was like, texting his wife one thing, but then also, like, texting the crew about the interview with Bill Gates the next day or whatever. And I'm just kind of. And there's just something about that. I'm just like, great, Dingus.

[A]

Pass.

[B]

No, it's okay. But there's just kind of like something like, oh, man, you're hustling. You're hustling. I mean, when I say exhaust me, I just mean, like, how deeply lazy it made me feel that this. This guy, you know, like, there's still people out there who are just, like, chasing stories and stuff. And I'm drawn eggs. Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female.

[A]

Oh, man, it's not from a female. All right, Emails or V mails?

[B]

Yeah, let me play a quick voicemail here for you, Luke. This is in regards. And I have no idea how or why this came up on the show last week, but we're talking about sometimes little rodents like mice or rats can get up into cars. Oh, I know, because I think you saw a feral cat that was warming itself underneath your car right after you had parked it, and you felt so bad for the cat that was out in the cold weather. And I was saying, yeah, but sometimes mice can get up into your car either into the engine area or. Or in this cabin filter area. And I think we even started talking about how maybe it could be cute if you had a little mouse living in your glove box who could, like, kind of hand you over your, like, license and registration if you get pulled over this voice.

[A]

Maybe take a field sobriety test for you.

[B]

Exactly. Maybe blow to get the car started. Whatever you need that mouse to do. This is from listener Abby. Hey, friendos. This is listener Abby from Columbus, Ohio, and I am calling to you from my car on my way home from the repair shop. I'm listening to Monday's episode where you're talking about animals living inside your car for warmth. And the reason my car is on its way back from the repair shop.

[A]

Is that a mouse took up residence.

[B]

In our engine compartment and then decided to chew our entire wiring harness to the tune of 2000 jaws worth of repairs. So I would say while I can understand Luke wanting to have Gus Gus helping him with his insurance and registration, the risk of having your wires chewed to bits by a mouse is not worth it. So power up two grand. A little mousey two grand.

[A]

Wow. Two grand. And you know Gus. Gus is going to chew those wires.

[B]

Where did Gus Gus come from? I don't remember. Did you. You. Did you give them. He's one of the mice.

[A]

He's. Gus and Jacques are like the two. They're the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern kind of of the Disney Cinderella oh, okay, gotcha.

[B]

That's right. You went on that whole Cinderella thing. I didn't remember that. When Abby said Gus Gus. I wasn't sure if Abby was just giving the mouse the name Gus Gus or if I was missing or forgetting a reference. Okay, gotcha. Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

They are. I'm trying to find. If I can find a little tape. They are. If you ask me to imagine acute mice, I immediately imagine Jacques and Gus, who call her Cinderelli. As we mentioned on the show the other day, they are the. They're the platonic ideal of cute mice to me. Let's see here. Oh, no.

[B]

Hey, freak Prince.

[A]

Down here. Oh, get out of here.

[B]

What's going on? Somebody remake it, I believe.

[A]

Yeah, no, thank you. I'm looking, I think. Wait, am I. Yeah, this looks too new. I think they must have rebooted it or something.

[B]

You're allowed to make new Gus Gus as they just can't eat spinach.

[A]

No, you're not.

[B]

That's a great joke.

[A]

Anyway, yeah, I was trying to find some of the original Disney stuff with them, and I'm finding, like, a new version where they're calling him Prince Prince. I don't like that. That's, like, too much of a good thing. We like that they call her Cinderelli. We like that they call him Gus Gus. We don't call him Prince Prince.

[B]

We don't like change.

[A]

Get down from there.

[B]

Come off of know this. You know this Disney.

[A]

We don't call him Prince Prince. All right, that feels like.

[B]

Jeez Louise. Matthew Barry.

[A]

I think the problem today was that I. This half and half was really on the line.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And I may be. I may be in some kind of mild food poisoning causing me to be extra weird.

[B]

Oh, great.

[A]

All right, thanks for listening, everybody. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for all. All of you. So please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Monday. I apologize if I yucked any of your yums today. We'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. Please remember, no mountain too tall.

[B]

And good luck to all. This is all very amusing, but I have to be going now. Power out.