
Luke is caught in a battle of wills with the British government. He’s also trying to get Andrew to undergo a “regret-ectomy.”
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Luke Burbank
All right, here are some more slang words you can use to sound cool. All right, first up, we have crim, short for criminal. The way you're eating that burrito is crim. All right, next up we have Straunt. Yo, babe, I just heard about this new Italian strawn down the street. We should go check it out. Next up we have liquid laugh. This is Australian slang for boofing. Where's Will? He's out back having a liquid laugh. Then we have voldemode. It's a diabolical state of being. You went voldemode last night and got us kicked out of the bar. Finally, we have Yandy. Far as hell. I'm not picking you up. You live yondy tbtm.
Andrew Walsh
Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is.
Genevieve
It's Friday.
Andrew Walsh
Friday. Gonna get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend.
Genevieve
Ah, gazpacho soup just burned my lips. The gazpacho? Yeah, it's been sitting out.
Andrew Walsh
It warmed up.
Genevieve
It warmed up so much that it burned your lip. Let me expl. Let me explain something to you. If you're expecting something ice cold and.
Andrew Walsh
You bring it up to your lips.
Genevieve
And it's room temp, it's going to feel like your mouth's on fire. It's gonna feel like your body's on fire.
Andrew Walsh
You don't have to make rude noises. That's all right. I don't mind laughter.
Genevieve
A sure sign of a good time.
Andrew Walsh
Hey, everybody, stand by. Here we go again.
Genevieve
Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to. Here we go again. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, my God.
Genevieve
Coming to you from the beautiful south waterfront of Portland, Oregon, where it is cold, my friends. The temperature has dropped, and in a case gone cold. Could a podcast bring the heat? But it is still beautiful. Looking out at the the Willamette river here and bringing you episode 4393 in a collector series, Let the fun begin. I started my morning here before we got to the show, learning something. And I would say it's sort of a good news, bad news situation. I guess the good news if you live in the US is that, you know, when you think we have the absolute worst customer service levels, that we lead the world in bad customer service, we don't. We're. We're at best number two. Because I have been trying to interface with the customs people and the. I don't even know what their exact sort of title is, but the people that are trying to charge me $12 to enter England next week, and, boy, they have really raced to the front of the line in terms of absolutely, brutally bad customer service.
Andrew Walsh
You got to be kidding me.
Genevieve
We'll talk about that. Probably. We're also going to talk to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Isn't he the best? He sure is. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.
Andrew Walsh
Good morning, Luke. Do you know how you know you're part of a young, vibrant community when you get letters sent in the mail to you, Physical notes that say, from the Fraternal Order of Eagles. Dear Andrew, as a Fraternal Order of Eagles member, you have dedicated your time to improving and celebrating the lives of others. In appreciation of that commitment, the Fraternal Order of Eagles has partnered with the Neptune Society, the nation's largest provider of cremation services, to give members an affordable alternative. It bummed me out to read this this morning. I didn't want to be thinking about my own cremation this morning. I'm not scared of death, but it.
Genevieve
Just coming down from the. Is this coming down from the head. Well, also, is your Eagles, which I'm also technically a member of, although more on that in a minute.
Andrew Walsh
Is.
Genevieve
Is this coming down from the head office, or is this something that the Seattle Eagles decided was a good thing to remind their members of that the end is nigh.
Andrew Walsh
I. This is some sort of national thing. My guess is there's some sort of, like, you know, financial arrangements, and so they send the.
Genevieve
Use the promo code.
Andrew Walsh
Exactly. Yeah.
Genevieve
Use the promo code, Eagles, to get 10% off your last dying sobriety. I mean, literally, this is the kind of stuff that. This is the kind of synergy that sounds good to somebody. Some bean counter, Andrew, to use your favorite phrase, some bean counter in God knows where who's, like, approached by the Neptune Society, and they're saying, like, you know what? This is a way that your organization could generate an extra, you know, $50,000 this year by sending out this mailer and by signing people up and we'll kick you back X percentage. And, you know, I mean, this is how business works. It's just when the business is related to the end of our life, it just feels a little more macabre. And it's the kind of thing that, honestly, like, whoever approved that in whatever office did not for a minute or did not properly Think through how it was going to make an Andrew feel.
Andrew Walsh
On a Friday, on a Friday morning.
Genevieve
To be offered a swim when he's a guy who we know has big weekend plans.
Andrew Walsh
Big weekend. The biggest one I've ever had. Big weekend. And I want to say it came in a cute little envelope, too. I think that's what got me. It wasn't like a business envelope. It was like a cute little wedding.
Genevieve
Cardboard coffin.
Andrew Walsh
It was a little wedding. It looked like a wedding invite, you know, And I open it up, I'm like, oh, checking in from the Eagles. And it just. And not that there's anything wrong with talking about death. We should destigmatize these conversations.
Genevieve
I'm big on it, honestly.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, absolutely. It just hit me. It just wasn't the joy that I was looking for this morning. As I look forward to my big weekend. My weekend plans are a little bit in question because you've got to spend.
Genevieve
Some time crying about your own death.
Andrew Walsh
Well, first of all, they've changed significantly in the last 15 minutes.
Genevieve
Something came up. Yes.
Andrew Walsh
I'm going to be thinking about my own incineration, but I. I yelled to Genevieve through my office door yesterday, hey, we're gonna go see the Brutalist this weekend. Or do you want to do that? Like, I just assumed it would be an obvious yes. And she was just like. I mean, she's like, I don't really want to see that. And I was very surprised. We go. You know, we just like to go see any movies. I didn't know that. It sounds like she might go with me. After all, it's playing in that. At that nice Ballard Cinema. I could see, like, taking a bus out there.
Genevieve
The Majestic Bay.
Andrew Walsh
The Majestic. Maybe going to the Ballard Smokehouse afterwards. I think I can bring her along. But I was a little shocked by that. I thought we were all excited for that movie. I guess not.
Genevieve
I am very excited for that movie. In fact, it was one of the things I was discussing with the world's most annoying waiter when we were in Hawaii. I was telling you about this offline. We had this waiter who just, like, he was cordial, but it was as if, like, he had the comedy of Steven Wright, minus any of the punchlines. He just threw. Threw hundreds of non sequiturs at us. But. But then they didn't close the loop on any of them with a funny observation. He was just saying, just a rat, a tat. But saying it in kind of a genial way that uncareful listeners would think, like, oh, this Guy's got great banter. But careful listeners like me, Andrew, were like, what are you trying to even say here? Among other things, he was kind of letting on that he felt okay about the election of the current president because his quote, and I'm talking about the waiter, was saying, well, my 401k is doing better. And I was just like, what a cynical, cynical interpretation of, of this world we're living in. But then at some point, somehow the brutalist came up. Oh. He also was standing at our table for, I would say at the end when he brought the check back. He's holding it, though, right? So he has in his hand the little. What do we call that? It's. It's not an envelope. It's that little.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, yeah, you mean not nothing you put hard into, but just the little. The little holder for the bill.
Genevieve
Yeah, Whatever that thing is called. He's holding it. He's holding it hostage. And he's just. Because if I had it, I would have just filled it out and put it on the table and been like, well, anyway, we better hit that dusty trail. But I didn't have that little thing. He had it. And he was just, just, just in this weird, like, feedback loop with various people at our table saying nothing as I played a drop the other day. Flapping them gums, telling them lies, just nothing happening. And it was maddening to me. But somewhere in all of that, the brutalist came up and I was like, are you an architecture guy? And he was like, yeah. And then we started talking about the brutalist. And I said, I'm really excited to see that. And I forget what he said. Something that made me think, oh, you're not gonna see that movie. And you probably. This is not even a thing you're interested in.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, you felt like he was, you know, I don't want to try to recreate the conversation we had off air about this, but I am still, I remain astounded at the level of engagement of this waiter. And when I say engagement, I don't mean like that he was slinging the apps on time. I mean that. Like, I don't. You've mentioned to me in our previous conversation all of the things you guys talked about or that he just inserted himself on. From politics to his, as you said, financial situation to now the brutalist. Like, I just don't understand how this. Did he have any other tables?
Genevieve
No. It was a pretty quiet night at Old Canaan Canoe. We were, I think, the only table. The other thing that happened that was actually Kind of funny later was we were, we were there, we were having some sort of serious conversations. It was me and Becca and her brother and his wife. And we were, I mean, we had a whole range of conversation, but some of them were kind of family stuff and things where just the conversation was, Was, again, serious. Not, not in a bad way, but in a way that's necessary inside of families.
Andrew Walsh
Talking about.
Genevieve
I swear to God. No, we never mentioned that.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Genevieve
We never mentioned that. But like, I swear to God, there was this. There was like four times in a row where right as the conversation was reaching a point of real, like real, real deep honesty and truth and maybe even a little bit of emotion. Again, not in a bad way, just in a, just in a. In a real way, somebody would show up at the table, like, more Brad.
Andrew Walsh
Uh huh.
Genevieve
Like, just imagine, like, cue the dramatic music. And it's like, you know, I've just always, I've always felt like it's been difficult for me to really express this to you in a way that is meaningful, that I have always felt. Are we doing. Is it tasting good? Is everything tasting good?
Andrew Walsh
How's that first bite? How's that first bite?
Genevieve
Like, but it was like, it happened four times in a row. I was like, does anyone who works here have any ability to read the room?
Andrew Walsh
It's so funny because I happen to be on a Reddit thread the other day and like in the Seattle subreddit, and somebody was complaining about customer service, specifically in restaurants here in Seattle. They'd moved from somewhere else. They're like, I just can't seem to get it right. Like, either the service is just straight up bad, cold, you know, kind of just like as far as the vibe is concerned, or it's way too intense. If you're at like a nicer restaurant, they'll come over and like right away be like, how was that first bite? Or whatever it was. Which I got to say, I haven't experienced that. Or it's funny because you're sort of echoing that now, like kind of reading the room, like, when to come over. I don't know that I've experienced it, but it's sort of funny. Like, this guy sounds, I mean, boorish, the way he's just interjecting himself or injecting himself in your conversation and laying down truths about the broader world that you guys might not agree with. Like, that's very uncomfortable.
Genevieve
That's the thing that I'm doing such a bad job explaining it because he, he was Just, he just said so many unrelated weird things with no kind of like exact point or even opinion sort of woven into them that by just by the sheer volume of random one liners he was saying. And again, none of them stuck in my brain except the ones that made me mad. We just kept ending up in these little kind of, you know, areas that I was like, why are we talking about this with the server? But it was just because of the volume of different topics that were being introduced by him, but again, with no cohesive or coherent thought behind them. The other thing that was weird is that it wasn't like they were checking up on us all the time. They were, because, you know, this was actually pretty fancy restaurant. And I think that one of the things they do try to train you at a fancy restaurant is like, as long as, you know, folks food is out there and they're having a nice conversation, you don't have to be going up and talking to them all the time. But it was just like. It also didn't help that. And I don't want to. I don't want to profile any of our surfers listeners. Our listeners who love to hang 10. I don't know if it helped that this seemed like mostly guys who had tens. If we had the Hang 10, if.
Andrew Walsh
We had a contingent of listeners who surf, they'd be the hanged. Listen listeners learn to surf. We need a subset of listeners called the Hang Tens.
Genevieve
It seemed like a number of the people that were working there were guys who had spent a considerable part of their younger life surfing, which is great for them. Bad for a sort of worldliness that you might want when they're now in their 30s and 40s. One guy, the guy who kept interrupting us about bread was also explaining he's a real estate agent on the side. That's not even the main server. It was a different guy who was like, I guess, you know, assisting him and. But he somehow managed to let us know that. That he was also selling real estate on the side, but he wasn't checking on our bread.
Andrew Walsh
That's strong, like Uber driver vibes there, you know, like, I've got a whole.
Genevieve
Thing going with an Uber driver right now that I made a real pickle for myself and screenplay.
Andrew Walsh
What? How did you do? You're not reading this. You know, you're never reading that screenplay.
Genevieve
I have downloaded the PDF, which is my commitment.
Andrew Walsh
Wow, that's more than I would have thought.
Genevieve
Next time I'm on. The next time I'm on an airplane or something, I will Try to read. I wouldn't be surprised to read that the screenplay is pretty good, actually. I was coming. Was in San Diego, and I was getting picked up from this shoot that we were doing for cbs. And I was going back to the hotel, and I started chatting with the driver, who was a really interesting, like, really, really smart dude, and we started talking about. He asked what I'd been doing. I said, oh, I work for cbs. We were filming something, and he said, oh, I'm a filmmaker, actually. And it was like, really? He goes, yeah, and I've got this screenplay. And we start. He started telling me the. The plot. It was an interesting plot like this, you know, and. And I kind of had this moment of thinking, like, you never know where you might meet someone on their journey. I mean, somebody walked into a video store in, like, I don't know, you know, Manhattan Beach, California, and a kid named Quentin was just slinging VHS tapes at one point. And if he would have said, yeah, I'm. I'm. I'm writing a movie, you would have been like, simmer down, Stu. So, you know, you just never know with folks.
Andrew Walsh
Quiet down, Quinton.
Genevieve
Oh, even better. Well, you're really. I feel like what's happening is I'm. I'm kind of swinging for the fences, and you're done coming in behind me and really cleaning up a lot of this stuff and really focusing the energy, and I appreciate it.
Andrew Walsh
Did you turn off your camera, by the way, on purpose?
Genevieve
I did.
Andrew Walsh
Curious. Is it because. Did I look distracted? I was just getting the daily.
Genevieve
No, no. I was starting to get. You were starting to freeze up for me a little bit. We're starting to have some connectivity, and I just felt like we're on such a roll.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Genevieve
With me talking about something that happened two weeks ago.
Andrew Walsh
I'm interested.
Genevieve
I didn't want to. I didn't want to interrupt our flow. This was a. This was an intentional choice by me, but anyway.
Andrew Walsh
It's such a bizarre dinner, though. It really is. Like, it just sounds like the more you describe it, the more weird it sounds. Oh, sorry. And yet you were also talking about the screenplay, too. Sorry about that.
Genevieve
Well, but. And yet, by the way, back to the dinner. And yet, it was a wonderful time. You know what I mean? Like, it was. It's. Every time I try to describe it to you, somehow one other odd element emerges, and it makes it sound like it was dinner for chefs.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, and did I mention that the chef was there? The chef was a chimp. Did I. Did I not mention that part. Wow.
Genevieve
Yes.
Andrew Walsh
Cane and canoe.
Genevieve
No, it was, I mean the entire thing was lovely. It just was. There was this one weird thing which was this server who, again, my main frustration was that I wasn't quietly writing down what he was saying because it's impossible for me to recreate his energy because it wasn't any one thing. It wasn't like he was a conspiracy theorist. It wasn't like he was, was, was in some way a sort of grumpy towards us. It wasn't. There was no overriding characteristic other than this is a person. I would say he was about third. He probably was about 35, had like a hipster mustache, actually very kind of nice looking, kind of hipstery guy. Which is part of why when we started, I think while we were sitting there, someone's phone chirped and it said, vince Vaughn went to the inauguration. And we all said, well shit, now we don't like Vince Vaughn anymore. And then he was like, oh, we, we, we don't like him. Oh, we, we, we don't like him because they didn't go to the inauguration. And we said, no, no, we don't like them because they went to the inauguration. And then that kind of opened a door for us to sort of not try, but for him to start throwing in his little weird comments. But again, he seemed like a person. And again, I blame the surfing. I blame maybe being hit in the head by a surfboard at some point, but like he was a person that thought words don't really have that much meaning. In other words, having a conversation with a group of people at a restaurant is mostly about just generating audible sounds with your mouth that they hear. Is this something that's coherent? Does this really express your worldview? Is there a point to this? None of those were considerations this guy made. It was just him just kind of riffing. But riffing in such an unfocused. And again, I guess because maybe to some degree our job is riffing, which. What a dog.
Andrew Walsh
But we stay focused though.
Genevieve
Exactly. And that's why we're talking about a dinner I had two weeks ago. And also the other thing that I've.
Andrew Walsh
Already forgotten, in our big weekend planned.
Genevieve
Segment, we're talking about weekend.
Andrew Walsh
Weekend. I mean, it's play.
Genevieve
So I'm in the, I'm in the lift and I start talking to the driver. His name is Dragon. He's from. He's actually from Croatia. And, and, and we're. He's telling me the plot of this movie and it sounds pretty intriguing and I had this moment of just you know, thinking. I said look, I'm just a humble radio guy and like a little TV reporter so I have no, I have no sway with anyone anywhere regarding this stuff but if you want to send it to me I, I'll take a look at it. And he said sure. And so you know he, we traded numbers and he sent it to me and, and I'm that you know, I feel like I'm still within the range of. It's not impolite yet, it's been two weeks or something but I will take a look at it. I think I read the first like five pages and I thought it was pretty entertaining. So I don't. Unfortunately I don't have. There isn't. I have no poll in this, in that world so there's nothing I can do other than say this is pretty good man.
Andrew Walsh
Reading scripts is also fun. It's just a fun format to read.
Genevieve
I think totally like int. Andrew.
Andrew Walsh
Right, right.
Genevieve
That just tells you you're reading a screenplay, right?
Andrew Walsh
Exactly. I don't, you know, as I say this, I don't even know if I want to talk about this but I told you like in college like I didn't have the Internet. Right. Like the Internet existed but it would mean I'd have to go to the library and check my email and some antiquated machine and certainly a very antiquated at the time it wasn't antiquated but just like the clunkiest kind of email software. Right. And so it just wasn't. So what did I do with my extra time? Like Well I would as I mentioned somewhat recently go to the library and pick up like the two cassette tapes of Twin Peaks and watch about six hours of that. But then like what I did to occupy myself was write. I just wrote all the time. Not for anybody. I mean I wrote for some classes and whatnot but just also for myself. I was constantly writing whether it was on my old 486 computer or in actual notebooks and I would like sometimes I loved writing dialogue. So sometimes basically I was just writing that any. You know, like basically just writing scripts anyway. I remember sometimes being like why am I even fleshing the rest of this out? But it was never for anything. I never had like I was never, I never sat down to write and thought like someday this will come out of actors mouths or even someday this will be published. Although I'm sure maybe in the back of my mind at some point I thought maybe I'd be a writer. At some point. I am not. But anyway, yeah, it's just you mentioning.
Genevieve
You write the newsletter. And I don't mean that. That's not. That's not a sarcastic comment for me. Like, I always am. Like, I will complain to Becca that my dreams of being a writer died. And she goes, you do write a lot of stuff that you have to read. It's just not what you thought you were going to be writing at some point. And I think that applies to you as well.
Andrew Walsh
We don't have pipes in our mouth and we're not.
Genevieve
And that was really why I was trying to get into the game. I told you about my. My. My failed pipe. Pipe smoking weekend of writing. Of writing the next great American novel.
Andrew Walsh
Your pipe dreams. Quite literally.
Genevieve
It. Literally. And by the way, the other problem, because I have not been a heavy tobacco user in my life, I was so buzzed and sick from this tobacco pipe. Like, I didn't feel good from it. I felt very unwell.
Andrew Walsh
You know, I tried to turn the conversation back. I don't want to put you on the spot, but we were talking about big weekends and I sort of lamely said I'm going to go to see a movie by myself or with another person. What's going on with you?
Genevieve
Well, I've got a big Friday leading into my big weekend. The big Friday is. It ends here. Andrew. I'm finally taking my car into Ron Tonkin Mazda.
Andrew Walsh
How you talking about cremation again?
Genevieve
I've got it. Well, in partnership with the Neptune Society, I'm having my car cremated at Ron Tonkin Mazda because I have driven it for, I would say roughly 5,000 miles past the check in. I mean, actually, I don't know if that's true. It's a little bit confusing because when I go to the website to schedule the service, it. They don't seem to know that I did the 45,000mile checkup. But my car is definitely at like 51,000. I don't think I've driven it for 6,000. I don't think I've driven it across America and back a couple of times. I think it has to do with their organization over there. But I'll point being I have definitely been driving it for too long while this light has been on saying service due. It's not the engine light.
Andrew Walsh
Right.
Genevieve
And if they were smart, if they knew the background of my driving life, they would know that if they need to get me in there, just throw that check engine light on the thing that's Actually an outline of the motor.
Andrew Walsh
That works for you. You're not a Just put black tape over a kind of guy.
Genevieve
No, that was. Or check oil light like you throw on some of those bad boys. Because those meant certain death when I was driving my various shit boxes back in the day. Like, those were not to be ignored. That check engine, that check engine light came on and it was about probably maybe 30 minutes before that car was on the side of the road. Smoky.
Andrew Walsh
Exactly, exactly.
Genevieve
They're. They're. They're treating me like far too upstanding and sort of posh of an individual by saying, service in 500 miles and then service in 100 miles and then service due now and then service overdue. And I'm like, get back to me when this car's about to blow. Yeah.
Andrew Walsh
Start shaking like a dog. You know what?
Genevieve
Yep. So that's actually why I'm here. I'm at Becca's place today because we did livewire in Beaverton last night. By the way. Thank you to everyone who came out. That was a super fun show. We did something in that show, Andrew, that we've actually never done before, that it went really well, which was we. We had a guest on, named Ira Madison iii, who is a writer and a podcaster, has a podcast on crooked media called Keep it that's about pod, about pop culture. But he also writes in this book of his that's out, that his whole kind of mind, his mind was blown when he, as a college student read the Chuck Klosterman book Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. And it just taught him, he said, that there was a way to write about pop culture that was, you know, kind of from a sort of intelligent perspective in the, you know, pop culture matters, I guess, was something he felt like he learned from that book.
Andrew Walsh
Compared to like the growing up and just thinking of pop culture as like the. The purview of US magazine or that type of thing.
Genevieve
Yes, I think that was it. I think he was an intelligent guy who also loved pop culture and had never seen other intelligent people applying that kind of brain power to something like Cocoa Puffs, you know, like taking something that seems meaningless but then really kind of getting into why it might be meaningful. And so what he didn't know, what Ira Madison III didn't know, was that we had gotten Chuck Klosterman to come hang out on the side stage and then go on stage and do a surprise guest thing. And it was pretty fun because we basically, at the end of the show or at the end of the segment with Ira, we said, well. And he had already referenced Chuck Klosterman and that book, like, two or three times in the interview, unprompted. Basically, this book changed my life. And then we said, well, Chuck Kloserman once made the mistake of giving us his cell phone number. And we. And we kept it and we called him, and here he is. And when he came out on stage, I have never had a guest. It was like a this. This was your life moment.
Andrew Walsh
I was about to say, this is your life. It has strong vibes.
Genevieve
It was like this guy, I imagine he went kind of quiet, and he just looked at me, and he was like, kind of put his hand over his heart. It was just kind of like, wow. Like, he was flummoxed by it almost to the degree where it was like. I was like, oh, wait, maybe this is too much for a person. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I guess that would be for me, like, if you brought Jeff Tweedy out to surprise me somewhere. Although I've even had a chance to talk to him. So I don't know, it'd just be like, I kind of had an. I hadn't thought of the fact that it might actually be overwhelming for a person to have someone who is that much of their hero just, like, walk out and, like, shake their hand and do a segment with them. But anyway, that was a fun moment.
Andrew Walsh
This is a very, very different type of scenario, obviously, but I think you'll understand why I am thinking of it. One of the most relatable moments in my adult life that I've had with my dad. And by the way, there's been a lot of them. Like, I feel like we're very similar in a lot of ways, but. God, I can't believe this was. Oh, my God. I think this was his 60th birthday. So this was 20 years ago now, which is hard to imagine. But, like, I think I had somewhat recently moved out to. I can't remember where I was 20 years ago. Seattle or New Hampshire, I guess. New Hampshire. But he was turning 60 back home in Ohio. And my stepmom and I created some sort of a plan for me to surprise them. Like to secretly fly into Cleveland and then surprise him for a 60th birthday.
Genevieve
I'm kind of surprised you agreed to that.
Andrew Walsh
I might have been my idea. Yeah, I know. And that's the thing, too. And I'm not a big surprise person. But it wasn't like, we're. It's a surprise party, and balloon is still Very low key. And it's still a very low key approach to surprising somebody. Maybe it was probably my stepmom's idea, I don't know. But either way, I was. I was down with it. I don't remember feeling any tension about the plan. It was just like, sort of the logistics of, like. And so I had to fly. I couldn't fly into Cleveland airport for some reason, so I had to fly into Akron Canton Airport, I think it is, and which is a small regional airport that I had no familiarity with. But all of this is to say, to make this happen, my stepmom Joyce takes my dad to some restaurants down in Akron or something, which was kind of like, why. I think he was already a little bit grumpy. Like, why do we have to go to this particular. You know, that's the thing with surprises, right? Like, the person is always grumpy because they're like, I don't want to do this thing. Right? You're like a story about that. But anyway, so they're sitting at this restaurant somewhere in Akron or that general area. I don't know exactly where it was. And then I surprise him in the restaurant. Like, they're sitting at a Four Top or something. I just kind of come in, I'm like, hey, dad. And he looks up at me and he looks so angry. He looks so grumpy and angry. And then when he realized what was going on, he was like, oh, you know, he's very sentimental and got a. I don't know if he got choked up or not. I'd like to think he did. I'm a pretty special boy. But, you know, of course, he was not cranky to see me. He wasn't angry to see me confused. He was just so confused. And confusion manifests itself that way for a lot of people, myself included. If you surprise me with something, it's one of the reasons why I don't. I kind of don't love opening gifts in front of people, even people I love and the people I'm closest to, because I just feel like there's all this pressure to, like, sort of be a certain way. And, like, I think it's some of us, it's harder for us to control our facial expressions a little bit or. Or give people what they want in that moment. And I just remember looking at my dad be like, hey, dad, happy birthday. And while he tried to figure out why, he's in Akron, Ohio, and his son, who's supposed to be in New Hampshire, is approaching him, and he's like, wait, does this have something to do with that CRE animation thing I filled out? Am I in the head?
Genevieve
I want to get the deal.
Andrew Walsh
What is going on? And it was just he looks so, so, so grumpy and almost angry at me. And it's like, well, that's kind of the element of surprise is you really can't control your emotions. And so anyway, I'm thinking about your guests. Like obviously this is a great moment, but in front of all these people, how do you respond to that when your brain is just trying to connect all these things that don't make sense?
Genevieve
Yeah, that's a really good point. And again, I think I'd underestimated what an intense moment it could be in real time for someone. And you're right with that, you know, with a whole crowd and you're on a stage, it's already just like a weird environment. And now they're bringing out this person who's literally name checked in page one of your book as being the mode. He literally had said something like I think of this book as being kind of in conversation with the Chuck Klosterman book. And it was like the lead into us going well, guess who's here. So yeah, surprise parties obviously can be pretty dicey. I think I've told this story before on the show, but I have a pretty strong memory of being a Boston Celtic in a double overtime game. And I just want to try to keep reminding people it's not real sweat. Friggin spot on. I was with that. No, I have a memory of being pretty young kid. I'm going to say Maybe I was 10 or 11 and the plan was to have a support surprise party for my. I don't believe he was my Uncle Mike at the time he was a guy named Mike who went to our church. He would later marry my aunt Mary Lou. He remains my Uncle Mike. Now this is, you know, 30, 40 years ago. But the idea was there was a surprise party for him that was being planned at some location I think at somebody's house. And we were trying to get him. I was in the backseat of the car. I'm a little kid in the passenger seat, I believe, or maybe driving the car was a guy who went to our church named Kelly Potts. And then my future Uncle Mike. And I just remember all my Uncle Mike wanted to do was to go to Black Angus on Aurora. And actually by the way, a Black Angus you would have walked very close to when you were on the interurban trail the other day.
Andrew Walsh
Well, I was gonna say, I think I've heard this story before, only because it's usually in the context of. Isn't that the place that's now the 125th Street Grill?
Genevieve
I believe so, yes.
Andrew Walsh
Yes. I've darkened the door a few times.
Genevieve
And we were just driving. I remember this thing where my Uncle Mike was. Was so mystified and angry that he, on his birthday, was being outvoted about us going to Black Angus.
Andrew Walsh
Huh. It's my birthday.
Genevieve
It's like, what? Like. And it's like, eventually Kelly Potts, like, pulling the car over and going, we have a surprise party for you at Maureen Pearson's.
Andrew Walsh
Okay. Like.
Genevieve
And I just went in the back. See, just like realizing, oh, this is why this shit is complicated.
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
Genevieve
You better, like, you better move the surprise to where the person. The person said they want to go to Great Wolf Lodge. We're having the surprise party at Great Wolf Lodge. We're not trying to take them to a location they don't want to go to and therefore, borderline ruining the night before it even gets started.
Andrew Walsh
It's funny. I think it's okay to say this. I don't want to tell too many tales out of school, but I was talking to my dad earlier this week, and we're just sort of reminiscing about a whole bunch of stuff. And coincidentally, the topic of surprise parties came up because he was telling me about a surprise party that me and Joyce. Apparently, me and Joyce really get up to some surprise party stuff. Because I don't even remember this when I think I was still in high school for this. And I think they were more recently married. Well, obviously they were more recently married because this is 30 years ago, but I think they were somewhat recently married at this point. Dad and my stepmom, and I guess there was a surprise party, maybe his 50th. I don't know what birthday this would have been, but he's like, don't you remember? Like, we had to, like. I guess Joyce came up with some sort of MacGuffin regarding me and, like, me. Andrew. In other words, like, we have to take. We have to take. They call me Andy. We have to take Andy. Boy to whatever. Not practice. I don't know what it would have been, but apparently I see. I was. I. Andrew was the McGuffin that gets him out of that house.
Genevieve
Yeah, you were the story, if you will. Or you were the. I can't think of the term. Yeah, McGuffin might be it. But, like, you were basically the Bait.
Andrew Walsh
I was the bait. And I danced. Don't you remember that? I was kind of crabby. I was like, why can't he just do it himself? Or whatever. And I'm like, dad, honestly, I don't. I'm sorry, I don't even remember that party. And I don't remember you being crabby. But what that. Now, I. Now I've told two stories in a row where I make my father sound like a crab ass. But my point here is what I.
Genevieve
Found the most point is Joyce needs to basically get a clue. How many times are you going to anger Bob Walsh in the service of a surprise?
Andrew Walsh
Joyce, you know, the funny thing is, is my dad is much like me. He's not a big, like, kind of surprise party guy. My uncle, his brother is the complete opposite. He was telling me the last time I was home or at some point we were reminiscing and apparently Uncle Frank one time showed that he had his speech written and in his pocket because he was expecting a surprise. Like, my uncle is the. Uncle Frank's the best. But like, he. I mean, it's not even just a.
Genevieve
Bit like he related to my mom.
Andrew Walsh
He literally had, like, something pretty prepared in case something was a surprise party. There are those of us who are avoiding surprises at all cost, and then the others that are expecting at any moment for people to yell surprise. But anyway, one thing I just wanted to say, and I didn't say this to my dad, but I've been thinking about it, is how he remembered what he remembers. He said, don't you remember that I was all crabby in the car? And it's funny. And I was like, you know what's relatable about that story is that's your first memory of it, is that you were probably. He feels chagrined. You know, like when you're crabby and it's like, oh, you were being crabby, but people were doing something nice for you. Well, that's a bad feeling. And his memory of that is forever, sort of. I don't think he's losing any sleep over it. I'm not trying to make this over dramatic, but when he said that, I was like, yeah, because another surprise party. There was a surprise party, I believe, for my Uncle Frank that was being held at their workplace or something. And it was my job at Walsh Manufacturing. At Walsh Manufacturing, in the shop. It was like a weird thing. This was years and years and years ago, but I was old enough to drive. And I remember it was my job to pick up my Grandma and grandfather. And I was also there with this woman who I was hanging out with, who was my close friend. But I was head over heels with this woman. And it was me and her and my two grandparents, and my grandmother was. And it was my job to kind of shepherd them all to the party. And my grandmother was like, she's like a stereotypical little old white lady. Like, if you can literally blue hair. Like, hair so white that it was blue and just, like, cute as you could possibly imagine. Just like a quintessential little grandma. Right? That was Grandma Walsh. And I remember after driving them, you know, to the party, my friend Julie said to me, you know, just be. When you're driving older people, you should maybe just try to take it easy a little bit or something along those lines. And I remember thinking I was driving very slowly and very carefully, but clearly I wasn't. And I think maybe she was in the backseat with my grandma. So. And my grandma was such a nervous person. My grandma was just. She was scared of water. Like, she was just so nervous about everything. So I'm sure she might have been maybe a little bit clutching something. But I remember. I don't know what I said to my friend Julie when she sort of gent. So. So gently just said, hey, if you're driving your grandma around, just be a little bit more gentle. I remember, like, having some sort of defensive reaction to that. I don't know what it was, but, like, that is the key thing that I remember from a surprise party. Like, I don't remember Uncle Frank walking in and everybody yelling surprise. I don't remember anything except for somebody just so gently chastising me. Not even. Just so gently trying to correct me, but me acting like I'd been chastised and acting like a little brat about it. And that's all I remember. Do you have things like that where, like, the only memory you have is your. Some small, like, behavior that you didn't appreciate about yourself, and it clouds everything.
Genevieve
I have things that I'm, you know, embarrassed about. There are certainly things that. The interactions I can remember or, like, mostly just things I did that were not responses to other people, that were just. Just like, stupid things or embarrassing things. That stuff that I still remember, but I don't have the thing that you're describing that is very obviously kind of, you know, sort of a generational trait, because your dad remembering. Your dad describing that other thing as being when I was crabby and you describing this other thing as being when I responded poorly to gentle criticism. Is so clearly your inheritance.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Genevieve
Yeah.
Andrew Walsh
Not a generational thing so much as a genetic thing, maybe.
Genevieve
Well, that's what I mean. I mean, going down from generation to generation.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Genevieve
And. And. And I mean, I. I definitely can say, just knowing you, as long as I have and as many conversations we have have, it is. That's not that. When you described your dad talking about that party, that didn't sound dissimilar to the ways you've described things to me that have happened in the past where you're like. Even just things within tbtl, like, oh, that was where I. I kind of got a little shirty with that person or whatever. Like, you definitely. It seems like your brain holds on to the part about those interactions that you don't feel great about. And I wish I could just like, I wish we could. I wish I could go in and we could do that kind of a brain surgery where you're still awake. I know you would love this, too, because one of the things you love.
Andrew Walsh
Is you had me at surgery while I'm awake. Go ahead.
Genevieve
You know, they'll do the thing where they're putting stimulation in your brain and you're saying the Alphabet, and then you start forgetting, like, T through Z, and they're like, okay, not that part. And they can kind of figure out what part.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I didn't know.
Genevieve
You're not familiar with this?
Andrew Walsh
No.
Genevieve
Yeah, it's. It. It makes your tongue surgery sound like a walk in the park.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Genevieve
Yeah, it's really. I mean, it's. It's pretty insane. They. They open up your skull. Sorry, this is kind of gross, but they open up your skull. They can go in and they can basically kind of press on different parts of your brain and have you. You're awake and talking, and they can figure out where things in your brain, where information and. And pathways are, and that way they don't. Ideally, they don't injure the parts that you need, and they're able to take out things in your brain. Maybe it's a tumor. Maybe it's something else. Maybe it's Parkinson's tremors. They can kind of isolate it and focus it where they need to focus it. We need to find the lobe for you that's doing this remembering. That's just remembering the thing you don't feel great about from stuff where. I am so sure. Much like your dad and that surprise party where he said it was the one where I was a little crabby. I bet you that was such a fun day. I bet you everyone had such a good time.
Andrew Walsh
Sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Genevieve
And I know everyone on earth is remembering it as a thing where your dad was a little crabby. And I'm sure that your friend Julie has absolutely no memory of you being what you felt was overly defensive about.
Andrew Walsh
Your drive, which I might not have even been. The more I think about it, I almost wonder if maybe I was just. Maybe I didn't get defensive. Maybe I just felt really embarrassed because it was coming from her or somebody who I wanted to impress so badly. I don't remember what it was, but like, that. That's, by the way, what you're describing. You almost described a Far side cartoon from, like, the 80s. Do you remember the Far side cartoon where somebody. It's like a bunch of surgeons around somebody that they're operating on, and it's like, you see that the. The person on the table, their leg is kicking in the air, and the one surgeon is like, oh, that's a good one. Put your finger right where mine is on the brain or whatever.
Genevieve
Oh, my God. I mean. Yeah. Basically, a less frat house version of that is, I believe, what now goes on in some of the greatest medical centers in the world.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Well, honestly, this is. What you described is also what you want to do to me and potentially my dad. Although maybe leave him out of this is eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Genevieve
You know, but only just that one part.
Andrew Walsh
Very razor sharp.
Genevieve
Yeah, just. But only. Yeah, but not the. You know, I don't want to erase. I don't want to erase Genevieve. I don't want to. Certainly don't want to erase the part of your brain that knows how to upload the show, because I got nothing. We need to keep the important parts of your brain intact. Loving your girlfriend and posting the show.
Andrew Walsh
Let's make that part bigger. The staying up all night thing. Let's make that part smaller.
Genevieve
We can shrink that down. We can shrink down. Andy Times if we need to.
Andrew Walsh
Thank you for being a.
Genevieve
All right, let's thank some of our donors who are supporting tbtl. And it's. It's critical to the mission. There would be no show if not for these folks. This is listener supported podcasting. Talking about Kathleen Jones, who's there in Seattle, Washington.
Andrew Walsh
Thank you, Kathleen.
Genevieve
Also thanks to Meredith Gibbons, who's in Farnborough, England. Andrew. Which brings me to a thing I mentioned in the intro of the show. I am. The nation of England is on my list right now.
Andrew Walsh
Oh. Just make sure you're not on their list, because that will.
Genevieve
Well, I'm trying to, I don't know if I'm trying to get on the list or off the list. I don't know what list I'm on. I'll tell you about it after this. But Meredith, I, I've said this, I think recently because we had another listener in the UK but I may need you to come pick me up at Heathrow. I don't know if they're going to let me out of there based on the current paperwork situation. So thank you for your donations, but your, your contribution to TBT may only be beginning. Also thanks to Joan Wheeler of Baraboo, Wisconsin.
Andrew Walsh
Hey, thank you, Joan. Good to see your name on the list once again.
Genevieve
Love. I love. I never, I never feel more powerful than when I pronounce Baraboo, Wisconsin correctly. Andrew.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, did. Was there an incident?
Genevieve
Well, I think that kind of looks like Baraboo or Baraboo.
Andrew Walsh
And, but you know, you're saying this.
Genevieve
I know, because it was one of those towns when I that briefly hosted that call in show on npr.
Andrew Walsh
Okay. Yeah.
Genevieve
Filling in where. I'm just looking at the list. I mean, that's how long ago it was, Andrew, that public radio was still doing call in shows. Like, I'm looking at the phone screening software.
Andrew Walsh
Are they not doing that at NPR anymore? That was sort of a long standing tradition. I hope they're still doing that.
Genevieve
Yeah, I know Carrie Miller has stepped away to do more of a book focused, I think, you know, more monthly type of show. I don't know. I don't think, I don't know if public radio stations are really doing that thing anymore where they just kind of like put out a topic and take calls.
Andrew Walsh
Larry Mantle, he's still doing it, isn't he?
Genevieve
Air talk.
Andrew Walsh
Isn't Air talk with Larry Mantle still going?
Genevieve
I remember staring at all of these calls coming in in Minnesota and realizing, oh, there are a lot of towns in this network that I am not familiar with. Shakopee comes to mind. Baraboo comes to mind. And others. Anyway, that's where Joan is. Thanks, Joan. Thanks also to Denise Stock, who's in Export, Pennsylvania.
Andrew Walsh
There you go. Does Pennsylvania lead the country in cities that are named after industry? And have we already said that on the show before? We probably have.
Genevieve
Well, I think it leads the nation in cities that are named for a verb. You've got Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
Andrew Walsh
That's not a verb.
Genevieve
That's a noun.
Andrew Walsh
That's a thing one engages in.
Genevieve
But isn't it also a verb in that it's an action.
Andrew Walsh
Can you intercourse me?
Genevieve
I thought you'd never ask.
Andrew Walsh
I swear to God, if I ever hear that tape again, I'm making my own list. Nobody touched that. Nobody.
Genevieve
Denise, we got him. He fell right into our trap. Okay, so export is a verb, because you can export.
Andrew Walsh
You can export something, certainly.
Genevieve
But enter God, this Kent State English tutoring program.
Andrew Walsh
Well, I don't know if you know this, but I was right. I was a peer writing assistant there.
Genevieve
Oh, I do. You'll never let me.
Andrew Walsh
For the problem is I had no peers as a peer writing assistant.
Genevieve
Thanks also to Katherine Bradford, who's in Spokane, Washington.
Andrew Walsh
Hey, now, that's another town that is often mispronounced by people who aren't from here.
Genevieve
They'll say Spokane.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, yeah.
Genevieve
You've. You've not done your time in the Northwest yet. You. You are unfamiliar with the Inland Empire and also the birthplace of. Of the actress Sydney Sweeney from White Lotus.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, really?
Genevieve
From Spokane, Washington. Which is. It's an interesting thing to have a person who is so big in the cultural conversation as Sydney Sweeney is. Be from Spokane, Washington.
Andrew Walsh
How are you? I know we have one more donor to thank.
Genevieve
White Lotus 3.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. How are you feeling about White Lotus 3? I don't. I enjoyed the ride of White Lotus 2, but it was done. I was like. I didn't love the ending, and I was like, I might be done.
Genevieve
Yeah. I mean, I will. I think I'll probably watch. I'll give this one a go. I'll give it a day in court, as Kamaro Kev says. But I definitely feel like. I mean, the first season was spectacular. This is just the case so often with. With these kinds of shows. It's like the first season was just amazing. Second season was sort of fine. Kind of losing a little steam for me as well as it got towards the end. And so. So I would be shocked if the third season comes in stronger than the first. My guess is that it will continue to be a little bit ebbing for me, you know, waning, as it were.
Andrew Walsh
But who knows? I mean, they could come back. I mean, the. The promos are really strong, you know, and. And they always give you that sense of place. Like, why not just be in a beautiful place for an hour on a Sunday?
Genevieve
Exactly. That's precisely what I was about to say, which is just like. Like, even if I'm not buying everything that's happening, I am wanting, particularly, like, in the month of, let's say, February in the Pacific Northwest, I'm wanting to be in whatever locale they're in it just as a nice feast for the eyes for an hour, if nothing else. Also, I do, like. I think that this one includes. I think it's following the story of the woman from season two who was trying to open the wellness spa, who Jennifer Coolidge kind of has the complicated relationship with. You know the one I'm talking about?
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I do.
Genevieve
She's in these trailers, so I think it's like we follow her to a new location or something, kind of what.
Andrew Walsh
You get the sense, you know, I wasn't paying close enough attention, and I didn't recognize her because it's been a really long time since I saw that and face blindness. Boy, what was I watching with Vee's the other day? I was like. I could not tell who was who. But anyway, I. Yeah, I did not realize that. I kind of like that. And also, as I'm thinking back to, like, the second season, like, there were moments, like, I really liked the young woman who was Jennifer Coolidge's.
Genevieve
Yes.
Andrew Walsh
What is the word? Attache. That's not the right word, right? Like companion.
Genevieve
Sure.
Andrew Walsh
Assistant. I guess she was just an assistant. Why am I looking for a more complicated word? But. But I really. I'm thinking about a couple of moments with her. I was like, oh, yeah, I really did like her. There were definitely, like, moments where I loved being in that world. I. But when I think of season two, I only think of, like, the last two episodes or whatever. And I was like, I don't know, man. Board with all that.
Genevieve
Can I ask an incredibly dumb question that. That will both spoil season two of White Lotus. So sorry if you're just getting to it and also show you how what a sort of sieve my brain is.
Andrew Walsh
I'm gonna. You're gonna embarrass both of us because I'm not gonna. I already know. I don't know the answer to this question.
Genevieve
Jennifer Coolidge's character is 100% dead. Right? That was like.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. I mean, that's the way it's played.
Genevieve
If she falls off the boat and she's bonking around like Goldie, Han, and Overboard.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. She won't take the shot.
Genevieve
But I was wondering if they were trying to do it, because, I mean, she is. She's the breakout star of that show, essentially, like, this is. You know, this, this. It seems to be the case that she, like, the more they put Jennifer Coolidge in this, the more viewers they would get, presumably. So it seems like a bad thing to kill her off, obviously she seemed very dead. Also, they may have pulled. This is the part I'm forgetting is like she falls off the boat. You're like, well, she's definitely dead. But then do we see her like on the, you know, on the rolling stretcher being zipped up in the body bag? Do we get. And that's the part I don't remember. Do we get a final shot of her like this is definitely over or could it be a stunt thing where she somehow emerges and we find out that she was just knocked out or something?
Andrew Walsh
Well, here's the deal. My memory on that is about as good as yours. I took her for dead. I mean, I remember that last scene. I took her for dead.
Genevieve
I picked them for maybe being shady.
Andrew Walsh
Now they were also getting so broad by the end of that season though, could they just lean even more into their over the top like so pop.
Genevieve
Oh, you mean bacchanal where all kinds of fabulous people were doing fabulous drugs and dancing around in a Roman orgy.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, well, that and then everything, everything that happens on the boat I thought was just so over the top. Like everything leading up to it with the, the ropes and the. It was just so. But let me tell you this. I am looking at an article here in people.com okay. That I guess it's okay for me to say this. Jennifer Coolidge says she's not in the new season. Now. They could be doing it really deep. Keep kayfabe on us and have her surprise us at some point.
Genevieve
I kind of, I don't see her having that in her. Do you think Jennifer Coolidge could keep a secret like that? I mean, the actual, the human being, not the character. I mean. Yeah, you're right. Jennifer Coolidge today.com Jennifer Coolidge explains why Tanya had to die with White Lotus variety. White Lotus ending. Jennifer Coolidge on Tanya's death, colon gay memes, et cetera, et cetera. So yeah, all right, that's been settled. If we didn't get clarification on the Internet, I was going to ask Kristen Arnson in Thunder Bay, Ontario.
Andrew Walsh
Thank you, Kristen. Now, Kristen, I am pretty sure now I have been guilty of mixing up some of our Kristen's in the past, including this particular Kristen. But I am more confident than I am in my memory of the ending of White Lotus that Kristen is the person who put together that words list that we were going through over the holidays. Remember that?
Genevieve
And I believe I was talking to Kristen after the TBTL event in Philadelphia.
Andrew Walsh
Well, I hope you, I hope you kept it clean. I know you have a foul mouth sometimes. I don't want you scaring.
Genevieve
Well, you get a couple of. You get a couple of athletic brewing nas in me and it's just. We just don't know.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Genevieve
And. And so anyway, I want to apologize to anyone who was at that after party in Philly. The real takeaway from that after party in Philly was that the attention from the tens is oxygen and my mom needs it to breathe. She had so much fun at that after party talking to everyone. And what was so great about it was her two sisters were there. My aunt Mary Lou and my aunt Kathy and my two cousins. Her two nephews Tim and Mike were there actually, as was my cousin Kellyanne. All of these people who, you know, it was very awesome for my mom to get to look like a big wheel at the cracker factory in front of all of these people, like as in her actual family and sibs. So. So it was a beautiful, wonderful night and I want to thank everyone who came out and I want to thank everyone who's been supporting TBTL and making this possible. Couldn't do this without you.
Andrew Walsh
Hello and welcome to Top Story.
Genevieve
The top story is Andrew. My issues with the UK visas and immigration home office.
Andrew Walsh
Okay, be careful here.
Genevieve
Are allegedly processing my eta. What's that?
Andrew Walsh
I just said be careful with this conversation. I don't want this to land you in some sort of international prison somewhere.
Genevieve
You want me to become a cause celeb for the left Free Burbank. I could see the T shirts. I'd be down for that. That could help the brand.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Now that could be good for us.
Genevieve
So the UK recently rolled out this thing, I guess it was maybe as of 2025 or something that if you're going to be traveling through, through the United Kingdom, you have to apply for this thing called an eta. And as far as I can tell, it is just a. It's a way to charge $12 to everyone who comes through. It's probably just revenue generation because there isn't anything. I did the application and there isn't anything on there that you don't have to do when you're getting a passport, which I have. I don't. It's. It's. You know what I mean? I don't really get what it is trying to solve for. I mean, someone probably. There's probably an explanation somewhere, but I guess I just kind of don't believe it. But when I'm going to England next week for a job and people were getting at me, as was Becca, saying, you better fill this thing out or they might not let you in. And so I went online and I actually went to the app. I downloaded the app, I put in all the information and I sent it in and it said. And I sent in the $12 and it said, this usually takes three days. It takes three days for us to process this. Sometimes it takes longer. Well, that was the 20th, so now of January, so it's been 11 days, which feels like a lot longer than three. And I just want to make sure that there's not a hang up, because at some point they sent me an email that said, dear Christian, which is my middle name, we're processing your thing. Which I thought, oh, no, do they. Because this has happened before with flights where they think my name is Christian Luke Burbank or Christian Burbank.
Andrew Walsh
And isn't there a reason for that? Is it because it's listed in the wrong order on a document or something?
Genevieve
It might be. Also, my name isn't actually Luke Christian Burbank on my birth certificate. It's Luke Christian Kelly, which I've just used Burbank for so long that it's technically my name. But there was never the formal process, so. So there's a little. There's a little gray area around my name. So this morning I thought, well, I should try to. I should try to get ahead of this. I don't want to be standing in Heathrow being. I don't want to be turned away at heathrow over this $12 fee. And so I went to the, the. The app and, and basically was trying to use the help function. And they were like, first it was like, like, this is on the. Again, the app that I downloaded. They were. You go to the help thing. And they were saying, like, here's what we. Here's what we cannot help you with. We cannot tell you what the status of your ETA application is. We can't not give you a schedule of when your ETA application will be through. Like, they basically were saying, these are things that we cannot do. Any of the things that you would want to know, any of the things you would be trying to get in touch with us.
Andrew Walsh
But if you'd like, if you'd like a robot voice to read information to you that is available on our website or just tell you to go to our website, we can do that on.
Genevieve
A. Oh, Andrew, have you been to this app?
Andrew Walsh
I've been in the world.
Genevieve
Literally, what they did, they were like, we have all the answers here on this Link. And I'm like, dudes, I've been to that link. I've been to that. Then this was the part that I thought was really over the top, Andrew. They were like, if you want to call. If you want to call in for help, it's this number. And it's. I don't know if maybe I can find this again. It was like a 1900 number, but to the government of the UK, not like, let me. Let me just try to.
Andrew Walsh
You mean it was literally, you'd have to pay for the call, not you'd.
Genevieve
Have to pay per minute. Per minute. And I was like, am I on a sexy voice? I was like, am I on a scam website that, like, is. Is sort of, you know, what's the word I'm looking for? Am I on it? Am I on a scam website that is pretending to be this thing and is actually just trying to, like, get my personal information? And it was like, no, I'm not. I'm in the app. App. And let's see. I'm trying to get to the help function. It literally was like, it's gonna. Okay, I'm going to help. And contact. Let's see, contact UK visa and immigration. The other problem, Andrew, was I didn't understand the amount of money they were going to charge me per minute. It was an amount of money that I don't, like, I'm not familiar with. Like, let's see here. I'm going with something else. Next step. I don't know if it was like, farthings. It was like 8 farthings a minute or something.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, you had to wear an onion on your belt. As was the.
Genevieve
As was the farthing at the time. I was like, okay, let's see. Next step. I want to get to this because English. Okay, go with me. It was telling me that, okay, here we go. To contact them. Well, first of all, by phone. You can get help on the phone with English by speaking to staff. Call costs 69 pence per minute on top of your standard network charges. How much is 69?
Andrew Walsh
I don't know. Let's Google that. I love the idea of calling, though, because it's a, like, paid by the minute. I like, hello, big boy. It looks like.
Genevieve
I know.
Andrew Walsh
It's like, is this your E.T.
Genevieve
I mean. Yeah. Will it be both helpful and sexy? Like, I have not. I've not called a phone line that was charging me per minute in most of my life, other than when I was a little kid and called a phone sex line. Not understanding what it was, I don't know the last time I called something that said, this is gonna cost you 69 pence per minute.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, 69. I was trying to figure, I wrote in six pence. I'm like, there's no way that that's a band. Let's see here. How much is 69 pence in US dollars? Let me see here. I have no idea because it's kind of like, oh well, it's like you said, like the original thing was like, oh, it's 1/40 of a pound or half a shilling. Okay, that's not helping me. Okay, let's see, that was six pence though.
Genevieve
None the richer.
Andrew Walsh
I know that's what I've been trying to get out of my head. I guess that's three. It's about three and a half dollars. I guess that's more than I thought.
Genevieve
Wait, no, no, no, no, no. 69 pence is three and a half dollars.
Andrew Walsh
That's what it looks like. I don't know, I might be doing.
Genevieve
This very three and a half dollars per minute.
Andrew Walsh
I could be very wrong about this. I'm on websites. I thought this would be an easier. I thought, I don't know what a pence is. I'm so confused.
Genevieve
Okay, well the other thing is I thought, well, maybe I'll just do some online chatting with them through this app. Contact UKVI. Online queries cost 2.74 pounds. You will not be charged for any follow up emails about the same enquiry. So in other words, it's with converting. It's like $3 a question if you email it. But if you're asking about the initial question, they won't recharge you $3. What madness is this?
Andrew Walsh
I don't know. I'm so confused. I gotta stop looking at pence because I'm feeling dumber and dumber as I try to figure this out. How is this so complicated?
Genevieve
Isn't there like a conversion table?
Andrew Walsh
Yes, that's what I mean. Like it should be. You know what I found? Okay, this is huge. Right turn here really quickly. We'll come back to your woes in a moment. But speaking of the value of money again, I was telling you my dad and I were chatting the other day and we were just kind of of much like this show, we're just kind of all over the place talking about stuff. And he was telling me about something that he bought when he was young. He spent $5 for it in 1957 and his dad was mad that he spent so much money, it couldn't been. He's like, what do you think that would be in today's dollars? I'm like, oh, like 25 bucks. He's like, no way. More than that. I'm like, no way. How much, Luke, do you think $5 in 1957 is worth in today's dollars?
Genevieve
Five. $1957, 30 bucks.
Andrew Walsh
I'm doing this off the top of my head, but I looked it up a couple of days ago. I think it was $56.
Genevieve
Geez.
Andrew Walsh
So my dad in 1957 as a, what would he been about 10 years old there? So he goes into a store, spends $5. I'm like, $5 is not that much. It's like the equivalent of spending $56 or $57 or something like that that I was shocked. Like, I'm familiar with the idea of inflation and etc. But like, I was just so shocked that that is how much $5. It really did make me think of Grandpa Simpson and like wearing an onion on your belt. I'm like, that doesn't even make sense to me.
Genevieve
By the way, I'm getting no closer to figuring out what. 69 pence. Thank you.
Andrew Walsh
Like, it keeps on converting it to pounds, right? Then it's telling you, oh, 69 pounds are. Is like $86 or something thing. $85. I'm like, I'm not trying to do pounds, I'm trying to do pence.
Genevieve
So then I. I went to the website and amazingly was able to find a non pay to play way to contact them. But then I said, so in other words, I found a chat screen, which of course was a bot. And it was like, hi, what can I help you with? And I was like, well, I haven't gotten my ETA thing back. And they were like, I don't know how to answer that. I need you to rephrase the question. I was like, really? You need me to be better at question asking? How about you be better at AI ing me? So then I wrote the question. Then I wrote the question as a statement, I want a human. And then it said, I don't understand that. Was this answer helpful? Yes or no? And I was like, no. And then it said, I need you to rephrase the question. I was like, I want to talk to a human. And then I told it for like the fourth time that the question. Their answer was not helpful. And then it said, let me put you in contact with a human. Human. I was like, all right, sweet. So then I'm now on, I'm in the queue and I'm using that term advisedly for a human being. And it's like you're number 25 in the queue. And then I'm like, so I'm waiting, I'm waiting like 10 minutes go by, 15 minutes. Now it says you're number 24 in the queue. And it's doing one of those things where it's constantly chirping into the chat function does just tell me the same thing over and over again, which really messes with your emotions because you just keep thinking, oh, something's happening. So I was like, okay, it's been 15 minutes, I've gone from number 25 to number 24. I am going to go on my jog and then come back and I bet you I will be, you know, number 10 in the queue based on how long it took me to move one position. So I go do my little jog, I come back and then it's like I have just been number one in the queue. Somebody named Mary was trying to talk to me. I wasn't there. They hung up. They said, oh, no, log back in if you need help. Help, Andrew. I log back in. It says our customer service hours are over because it is England. It is a Friday. It's that. I mean, it makes sense. But I was like, boy, my luck. So I did read in all of this that you are allowed to travel to the UK if you have an application pending with this. I am not going to push it this far. I'm going to try to get this completely sorted before I get there. But I am pretty confident that if I show up there with my passport and my application has been, has been filed unquestionably, I got a confirmation from them. I have a confirmation number. I have a feel, and I've paid for it, they've taken the money. I have a feeling that if I were to show up there with all of this information, they will allow me along my way. I think there's some kind of a glitch going on. I don't think it's because I'm on an international no fly list that I.
Andrew Walsh
Know of, so I'm going to raise some. This is so, I think, coincidental, or maybe not. Maybe there's a very logical reason why this is all sort of coming up in these conversations. But by the way, I don't have any emails or voicemails today, so I'm going to tell you this quick story that is just fresh off the headlines.
Genevieve
The thing that delays Me going to Ron Tonk, and I'm here for it.
Andrew Walsh
You don't want to be hollered at. No. I'm just amazed at sort of the parallels here. Earlier when we were talking about kind of cringe moments that we remember or that I remember, like, how things will be sort of overshadowed. I've had this little bit of cringe over something that I did yesterday regarding customer service that has been living in my. That's literally been in my belly just a little bit all morning while we've been having these conversations. And I mentioned the other day, actually related to your Ron Tonkin thing, you were talking about how you're delayed in getting your car service there. And I told you that, like, I have been sort of hiding from my financial advisor because I had this work to do of, like, sort of trying to consolidate, like, these various random retirement accounts that I've accumulated through my various jobs over the years. And I'm just trying to, like, kind of get them all under one roof and just sort of like, be done with all these. Just a million different logins I've had, you know. And anyway, one of the larger ones, I guess the one I'm working on now was from our time at American Public Media, which we, you know, spent some time there. So I'm trying to roll over all of my retirement accumulations from our time with APM into something else. And so I'm working with the bank that handled that or the financial institution that handles APM's retirement accounts. And I got the ball rolling. In order to get that money out of their hands and then into a different bank, you have to be very careful. There's all kinds of systems that they have in place.
Genevieve
They are so worried. I'm sure when you and Veeves bought your house, the escrow process is bananas because they are constantly telling you, like, are you being scammed right now? We're not a scam, but we might be. Do you think we're a scam? Are you a scam? If anyone's scamming you, you're not getting your money back. And I'm like, you guys, I have to at some point transfer this money to you. But like, the. I guess because if it's gone, it's gone and they don't want to be on the hook for it. But, boy, that is a hassle.
Andrew Walsh
If. Yeah, this one is. It's not quite. I do remember that very clear. They're like the second this with house sales or property sales, because it's a matter of Public record. They told us that you have to be very careful because the fact that you're engaging in this business with us is somewhat public. So therefore, there are unscrupulous actors who will follow these things and then try to get you to. They'll try to get your money away, separate you from your money through some sort of wire fraud by pretending that you're the institution. This isn't quite like that. I think this is a little bit of. First of all, these institutions don't want you to divest from them. Obviously, their whole point is to have as many accounts as they can, these retirement accounts. But also, it's just a. You know, I really do think that they. They haven't been paranoid. It's just the process. And part of that process is getting things notarized. Like, there's, you know, whatever you have to. I had to go get this thing notarized at the. At the UPS store yesterday, and, like, there's all these things. But then I have this paper where I'm very proud of myself for finally picking this up. I had let it linger too long, and I thought my. My chance to blow had expired, if you will. And it turns out it didn't expire. I still have, like, a week to get this done. So I'm like, great. So I print out the paperwork, I get it signed, I go to the UPS store to get it kind of notarized or whatever, but now it's time to send the paperwork back. And then once I send this paperwork back, then they'll literally cut a check from my retirement account and then send it to me. So I read on the paper, it's like, you can upload this through our portal. I'm like, great. So I come back home, I take photos of it to scan it, and then I'm all over the website looking where I can upload. I'm like, I'm not seeing it. I'm not seeing it. I look more closely at the paperwork, and it says via our mobile app. And I'm like, well, if you can upload documents securely via a mobile app, obviously I will be able to do this via a desktop computer that's even more secure. And you must have the same thing on your website. So I'm looking all over the website, and I'm like, do they not allow secure uploads of documents on the website? I'm like, I am here. I'm ready to do this. And I've been on the phone with these people, like, twice now, and they're so Great. On the phone. The last time I was on the phone with this woman a couple of days ago, she was so delightful and helpful and kind and I have such a good feeling about this company. But when I looked for some help yesterday regarding this uploading thing, I'm like, I'm not going to call them. I'll just use the in person chat function like you were just mentioning, right? Like there's a real, supposedly a real person on the other end. It's not AI. And so I'm like, I need help with something. It's like, hi, my name is Joanna or whatever and I'm here to help you today. How can I help you? And I'm like, is it true that I have to upload this via one of your apps? Which I don't want to. In the back of my head I'm like, I'm saying goodbye to this institution. I don't want to download their app just so that I can say goodbye to them, which is so stupid. I could delete it in a second. But I don't know, I'm just old and I was just feeling cranky. But the responses from the supposedly real life person on the other end of this chat were so robotic that I started. I'm like, there's either no way this is a real person or this is a person who's just like firing pre written things, you know, Because I said can I do this via the website or does it have to be via the app? And then the response is, I'm so glad you came to me with this. And I'm like, there's no human being that is so glad I came to them with a question about whether or not I can do this on a website or an app. Like I'm like, is this an auto reply or a button that a real human pushes?
Genevieve
Or you know, I visited a tarot reader a couple of weeks ago and they said something incredible was going to happen for me and I had just put it out of my mind, but now I realize how right they were.
Andrew Walsh
Yes. I just, I don't. I was so mad because I thought I was talking to a robot instead of a person. But they were clear. They specifically said it was a real person. And so anyway, I'm on hold. She's like, I'm going to look into this for you. I'm like, you're going to look in this for me? Like if you're a person, you should just know this. This is uploading documents to your company, right? So I kind of sit There for a response, waiting for a response for like five minutes. And then she. I'm kind of putting that in quotes. I still don't know if it's a person or not. Comes back and says, I see that you can only upload things via the app. And I'm just like, I guess I already had that information. I didn't need to come here and get cranky just to have a robot pretend to be a person to tell me that. But it really pissed me off. And then she's like, do you have any other questions for me? And I wrote, well, I guess I'd like to know why I can't do this via the website, but I assume you can't answer that. And then I just, like, hung up. Or whatever you do on a chat. Yeah. And I was pretty sure that. That I was talking to a robot, which is what made me mad. But it was so petulant.
Genevieve
Question of if it might be a.
Andrew Walsh
Human, it might be a human. Uneven and Luke, this is insanity, what I'm about to say. I have been wondering, like, I can't even put words to it because this is the first I'm talking about it. It's just like a lingering feeling I've had like about 12 hours now, which is like, they were so nice to me over there. They were so nice to me and I had such a pleasant conversation. And, like, I feel like I like, am I blacklisted now? Is there a mark next to my name about this guy being an a hole to a customer representative via chat or something? I feel so guilty about being so rude and just old Manish about this. And it's been living with me all morning.
Genevieve
I could totally identify with that feeling. And I think they're a victim of their own training because if everyone would have been sort of rude who you dealt with, who were humans, then you would been like, well, this is definitely a bot. But they were so nice to you. The humans were so nice that it lives in your mind as a possibility that this. They could. This person could just be like a sweet, kind of a Grandma Walsh type, which is like, oh, I'm so excited you came to me with that question. I assume that's exactly how you grasp it.
Andrew Walsh
You know me, fresh from Ireland. Is that what you were doing? Yes.
Genevieve
I don't even know. I was channeling that. When you were describing your grandma, I was picturing the grandma on the bag of grandma's cookies.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, that's pretty good. Yep.
Genevieve
But no, I know what you mean. Like, if if they hadn't been so cool in other ways that you wouldn't be so worried that maybe this is. They were just being nice and you were just being, you know, being stampy with them. You were telling them it's not right. It's not right. Well, I mean, I guess you'll never know because you've now completely disentangled from this company.
Andrew Walsh
Right? Well, I'm in the process of doing it. I don't know. Maybe they won't let me have my money anymore because I was so rude. But I just think that, like, whatever I was mad at, like, I do think it was a bot. But if it wasn't a bot that I was talking to, well, then I really think that they should train the. What they're trying to do. If there is a human being on the other side of that is eliminate any chance for, you know, a mistake or, you know, so it's all scripts and just will click this button. This is a standard response. Like, what I know is this person didn't by hand type in, man, I'm so glad you came to me with this. That's just not a human response to that. If they really are humans on the other end, they should give them the leeway to talk like humans. Like, if the response had been, huh, I think it's only available via the app, but let me look into that for you to confirm. Like, I would have been like, that's a human being on the other end. You know what I mean? But it was so robotic. It was so robotic that it really made me mad. And just like, outsourcing all this stuff to AI kind of pisses me off. And so anyway, I guess that's what I'll reach out. I'm going to call them later today and just kind of see where we are as far as my relationship is concerned. And if they can track down who that person is, I'll send them an apology note and maybe even some Sherry's berries.
Genevieve
What about a Vermont teddy bear? We'll see what we can do without sending them four. Four foot two pile of awesome.
Andrew Walsh
That's right.
Genevieve
All right, that's gonna do it. It for today's episode and gonna bring us to the end of our broadcast week. What fun we've had. And the fun's just getting started, my friends, because we're gonna be right back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you. Please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great weekend, Take care of yourself, stay safe, stay mentally safe, and please remember, no mountain too tall.
Andrew Walsh
And good luck to all. Power out.
Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4393 - "A Real Kick In The Pence"
Podcast Information:
The episode kicks off with Luke Burbank introducing a series of modern slang terms aimed at helping listeners sound "cool." Terms like "crim" (short for criminal), "straunt," "liquid laugh" (Australian slang for boofing), "voldemode" (a diabolical state of being), and "Yandy" are humorously defined and exemplified.
Notable Quote:
Andrew Walsh hints at the excitement surrounding the weekend as Genevieve, likely a co-host or recurring guest, joins the conversation. They touch upon minor mishaps, such as burned gazpacho, setting a light-hearted tone for the episode.
Notable Quote:
Genevieve introduces a pressing issue regarding her experience with the UK's Electronic Travel Authorization (ETA) system. She expresses frustration over the $12 fee for the application and the subsequent poor customer service she encountered. The discussion highlights the inefficiencies and lack of support provided by the UK's immigration office.
Notable Quote:
Andrew shares an amusing yet frustrating experience at a Portland restaurant where a server continuously interrupts their deep conversations with unrelated and perplexing remarks. This encounter underscores the challenges of dealing with overly intrusive customer service in high-end establishments.
Notable Quotes:
Genevieve and Andrew delve into their thoughts on the upcoming third season of the acclaimed series "White Lotus." They discuss the potential direction of the show, Jennifer Coolidge's character, and speculate on the implications of her character's fate within the narrative.
Notable Quotes:
Both hosts reminisce about past surprise parties involving their families. Andrew recounts a surprise 60th birthday party for his father, highlighting the emotional turmoil and confusion that often accompany such events. Genevieve shares a childhood memory of a surprise party for Uncle Frank, emphasizing the lasting impressions these moments leave.
Notable Quotes:
Andrew shifts the conversation to his struggles with consolidating various retirement accounts. He details the bureaucratic hurdles and the frustrating customer service interactions he faces while trying to manage his finances. This segment offers a relatable glimpse into the complexities of financial management in adulthood.
Notable Quotes:
As the episode nears its end, Genevieve takes the time to thank various donors and listeners who support the show from different parts of the United States and the UK. She also touches upon the importance of community support and the behind-the-scenes efforts that make the podcast possible.
Notable Quotes:
Final Thoughts: The episode "A Real Kick In The Pence" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions about everyday frustrations. From navigating foreign immigration systems to dealing with perplexing customer service scenarios, Luke and Andrew provide an engaging narrative that is both relatable and entertaining. Their dynamic interplay and willingness to share personal stories create a welcoming atmosphere for listeners, making the podcast a beloved daily companion for many.
Highlighted Quotes:
Key Takeaways:
Conclusion: Episode #4393 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live delivers a rich tapestry of humor, personal experiences, and thoughtful commentary. Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh continue to engage their audience with authenticity and wit, making each episode a must-listen for fans seeking both laughter and relatable stories.