#4406 Bike Curious

Summary

Episode #4406: Bike Curious
Release Date: February 19, 2025
Podcast: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh

In episode #4406 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, titled "Bike Curious," hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh navigate through a whirlwind of topics with their signature blend of humor and insightful commentary. From critiquing controversial public figures to dissecting the nuances of electric bike technology, this episode offers a rich tapestry of discussions that are both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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1. Super Bowl Anti-Hate Commercial Critique

The episode kicks off with a heated discussion about a recent Super Bowl commercial aimed at combating hate, featuring Tom Brady and Snoop Dogg. Luke expresses strong disapproval of the ad's execution:

Luke: "It's so cringy no matter what. But also, Tom Brady couldn't act his way out of a paper bag." [03:16]

Andrew agrees, highlighting the awkwardness of pairing high-profile figures in such campaigns:

Andrew: "It would be cringy no matter what." [03:58]

The hosts delve into the challenges of crafting effective public service announcements that resonate without backfiring, emphasizing the delicate balance between message and delivery.

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2. Toothpaste Taste Test and Brand Preferences

Shifting gears, Luke shares a nostalgic tale about his favorite toothpaste, Caladont, which he recently discontinued:

Luke: "I like little things in my life that remind me of times and places." [05:13]

The conversation evolves into a spirited debate about mint flavors, with Andrew defending spearmint's sweetness over peppermint's strong cinnamon notes:

Andrew: "Spearmint is a little sweeter. It's not as cinnamony as peppermint is." [07:08]

They explore the sensory experiences associated with different toothpaste brands and flavors, providing listeners with relatable insights into everyday choices.

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3. Dry Cleaner Misadventures

A humorous yet frustrating segment unfolds as Luke recounts a mishap with his local dry cleaners misplacing his tuxedo shirts:

Luke: "I was talking to the woman working there, who could not locate the shirts." [16:38]

Andrew empathizes, adding his own anecdotes about service errors and the impact on personal plans:

Andrew: "You better not forget those are in there, dude." [14:56]

This exchange underscores the importance of reliability in local businesses and the comedic side of everyday inconveniences.

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4. Bruce Harrell's Controversial Joke

A significant portion of the episode centers around Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell's ill-received attempt at humor during a State of the City address. The hosts vehemently criticize the mayor's joke involving a basketball, which left the audience perplexed:

Luke: "What a deep misunderstanding of how jokes work." [24:50]
Andrew: "Like, you don't pull this kind of shit." [25:22]

They discuss the broader implications of public figures misjudging their audience, stressing the delicate nature of political communication.

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5. NBA Talk: Jimmy Butler's Alleged Incident and Paul Pierce

Diving into sports commentary, Luke and Andrew reminisce about the Seattle SuperSonics and debate recent NBA rumors. They humorously speculate about an alleged bathroom incident involving Jimmy Butler, drawing parallels with Paul Pierce's past:

Andrew: "That's as simple as a shart related bathroom incident." [29:18]
Luke: "It didn't seem to stop him though from getting the one on that play." [30:05]

The hosts balance their humor with genuine curiosity about player conduct and its effects on game performance, providing listeners with engaging sports chatter.

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6. Donor Shout-Outs and the Arlen Horst Segment

In a playful nod to their support base, Luke and Andrew incorporate fictional donor shout-outs, featuring a character named Arlen Horst:

Luke: "It's Arlen Horst performing with the Seattle Mandolin Orchestra." [48:57]

They weave lighthearted storytelling with appreciation for their listeners, enhancing the community feel of the podcast.

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7. Electric Bike Technology: Hub Drive vs. Mid Drive and Chain vs. Belt

Transitioning to the episode's central theme, the hosts engage in an in-depth exploration of electric bike (e-bike) technology. Luke shares his journey and considerations in selecting the right e-bike:

Luke: "I want to ride my bike down to town sometimes, but it's very hilly." [49:55]

They dissect the differences between hub drive and mid drive motors, emphasizing efficiency and terrain adaptability:

Luke: "The mid drive motor is generally considered more efficient and better for hilly terrain." [55:44]

Additionally, they debate the merits of chain versus belt drives, discussing maintenance, durability, and performance:

Andrew: "Belt drive is sweeping the nation." [56:04]

Luke ultimately decides on a chain drive for its suitability to urban commuting, providing practical advice for listeners considering e-bike investments.

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8. Voicemail: Blue Man Group Anecdote

Adding to the episode's entertainment value, a listener voicemail shares a quirky experience with a member of the Blue Man Group:

Dan: "Whenever our friend's brother would... he would always have, like, a little bit of blue paint somewhere." [67:13]

Luke and Andrew riff on the anecdote, blending pop culture references with their own humorous takes:

Andrew: "This is like, Arrested Development is actually a documentary." [70:13]

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9. Closing Remarks and Future Teasers

As the episode winds down, the hosts maintain their comedic banter, teasing future topics and expressing gratitude to their listeners:

Luke: "I listen to every episode without fail. TBTL is an essential part of my routine." [46:34]
Andrew: "We're gonna give you so much TV tale, it's gonna make you sick." [70:36]

They encourage continued support and engagement, promising more "delightful tangents" and "collected series" content in upcoming episodes.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Luke: "It's so cringy no matter what. But also, Tom Brady couldn't act his way out of a paper bag." [03:16]

• Andrew: "Spearmint is a little sweeter. It's not as cinnamony as peppermint is." [07:08]

• Luke: "What a deep misunderstanding of how jokes work." [24:50]

• Andrew: "That's as simple as a shart related bathroom incident." [29:18]

• Luke: "The mid drive motor is generally considered more efficient and better for hilly terrain." [55:44]

• Andrew: "Belt drive is sweeping the nation." [56:04]

• Luke: "This is like, Arrested Development is actually a documentary." [70:13]

---

Conclusion:

Episode #4406 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live showcases Luke and Andrew's ability to navigate diverse topics with humor and insight. From critiquing public figures to delving into the technical aspects of e-bikes, the hosts deliver a captivating listen that balances lighthearted banter with substantive discussions. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode promises a blend of entertainment and practical advice that's sure to engage and amuse.

Transcript

[A]

Okay, I think we may be missing the point here.

[B]

The point is that Mark made a.

[A]

Decision, and that decision was controversial.

[B]

Ethically and socially, morally, scientifically. But, Mark, I stand behind you without reservation. So well said.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Absolutely. Dbtl.

[A]

One thing I can promise you is that the sun will come up tomorrow and we'll be attacking it with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you, Clem.

[B]

Fandango. What happened?

[A]

He was telling me how he's the Jesse James of rock and roll, and then right in the middle of a sentence, bunk, a coconut fell on his head. Is what we experience real? Or is reality a computer simulation constructed by an advanced alien race? For more, our sports reporter, Jim Caputo.

[B]

Okay, are we done with the business part? I wanted to start the clown portion of the meeting.

[A]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[B]

The answer, sadly, is not yes.

[A]

My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. You want to do a make believe radio show in a room somewhere? I'm telling you, there's no money in that. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched here high above the mighty Columbia, where it is a.

[B]

Didn't know you like to get wet.

[A]

Though it is a wet February 19th. But as always, it's warm and dry inside the studio and we are ready to bring you episode 4406 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. I got very, very excited last night. I was reaching out to various people in my life when I saw some news in the Hollywood Reporter involving a new a proposed film project. So who needs a movie involving Art Bell from coast to coast?

[B]

I heard about that thing on the AM radio.

[A]

Well, not actually Art Bell. He is. He has left this mortal coil and he's probably remote viewing from somewhere far away right now. But a movie project about Art Bell and Coast to coast, which I'm pretty excited about. I was pretty put off by an attempted piece of humor from Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell that I believe came down yesterday. Jokes are really difficult, I must say. We'll play you the tape and we'll pose the question, wtf? Bruce Harrell. Wtf? And we're also gonna say hi to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. I would like to stress that he asked me to introduce him with this audio tape today. I hate you because you look different. He's Andrew Welsh and he's Joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[B]

I forgot about that. I sent that to you yesterday. You saw that commercial, right? We didn't. We didn't know.

[A]

This is Tom Brady.

[B]

Wait, you don't know about this commercial from the Super Bowl? It was one of the most hated ones.

[A]

Can I guess at it?

[B]

Yes, you can.

[A]

Is it some sort of an anti bullying campaign?

[B]

Well, it's an anti hate campaign.

[A]

Anti hate. I hate you because you look different.

[B]

It's not from the. It's. I can't remember who put it out, but like an anti defamation organization. But it's Snoop. I can't. Yeah, this was one of the most talked about ones, but not in a good way. It was Snoop Dogg and Tom Brady just like saying things like that back and forth to each other, trying to expose Luke. The shallowness of hate. It is so. It would be cringy no matter what. But also, Tom Brady couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. It is so cringy. I hate you because you make bad commercial. Tom Brady.

[A]

I hate you because you look different.

[B]

It is rough.

[A]

Oh, my God. Snoop Dogg and Tom Brady stand up to hate in new super bowl ad Quote. I hate you because I think you hate me.

[B]

Who put on the ad? I'm blanking on the. It's. It's like anti. Anti Semitism and I'm trying to remember the name of the group. It's a very famous. You know, it's a.

[A]

The Anti Defamation League.

[B]

Maybe it's the Anti defamation. It's a good organization.

[A]

Foundation to combat anti Semitism.

[B]

There it is. Yeah. So it's a good organization, but just a terrible. I assume it's a good organization.

[A]

I hate you because you look different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know anything about this organization. And I mean, honestly, not even going to try to speculate, pull it apart.

[B]

But it is cringe. It was right. It was. It's kind of up there with the Jesus, he gets us kinds of things. Honestly, kind of made the Jesus, he gets us commercials more palatable. Hey, I wanted to mention to you it's a bit of an end of an era. I don't know why I said it like you're at all interested in this. I wanted to say this for myself, not for you, because you have no interest in this whatsoever, but for me.

[A]

No offense, but I hate you because you look different and because you said this is the end of an era that I'm not even tracking and that.

[B]

You'Re not even part of this era. I use the. And I tried. I. You know that expression I use? You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've been squeezing every little bit of toothpaste out of this tube of toothpaste that I've been using for maybe four months now.

[A]

Oh, this is a literal tube of toothpaste.

[B]

This is a literal tube of toothpaste that I got when I was in Croatia. It's called Caladont. And I cala don't have anymore because today I use the very last bit of it. And I know I'm a nostalgia monster, but it's like there's something. I don't know. I was like, okay, this is it. There's no more toothpaste. I've squeezed every bit of this out. I guess I just throw away my calidont. Like, I like little things in my life that remind me of times and places. Sort of like every day I brush my teeth and I'd pull out my little calidont and I would just have this, you know, I wouldn't sit there and meditate for 30 minutes on my adventures in Croatia, but it was just a tiny little reminder of my time in Croatia. And now I just got to go back to Colgate, I guess.

[A]

Is it actually kind of decent tasting as a toothpaste goes, or is it just because it reminds you of that fun time?

[B]

Yeah, it tastes like soot in water.

[A]

Hot water.

[B]

Let's see. Here it is. No, it just tasted like. Really? I could maybe buy this online. It just tastes.

[A]

I might be able to buy it on Amazon, although it's a different spelling. I'm looking at the Caledonia that you can buy on a website called Saponia HR and you go, there.

[B]

Sounds good.

[A]

I took a swing on allowing cookies because it's definitely in a language I don't speak. And I clicked on the one that it looked like I was saying, except cookies.

[B]

Yeah, I just said there's something called.

[A]

Calident that you can buy on Amazon.com mine is Caladont.

[B]

I'm seeing Caladont with two L's online. And that seems strange to me. My Caladont. I sent you a photo of it. You'll see it. It looks very much like American marketing. It's blue and it's mostly a white pack with blue and red. And it was just like the toothpaste itself was, just white and minty. I don't know the difference. Can you tell the difference between different kinds of mints? Like, if there was A taste test and somebody gave you spearmint or the other kind of.

[A]

I could, because I buy a lot of gum.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And I like. For instance, I'm not a big peppermint guy. Not a fan of peppermint.

[B]

Peppermint. That's the reddish one, right?

[A]

That's the reddish one?

[B]

Yeah. That's the answer.

[A]

That's big red. That's kiss a little longer. Hold tight a little longer. Make it last a little longer with big red. Ask me the birthday of anyone in my family. Andrew couldn't tell you. Couldn't even hazard a guess. Soon, maybe there's a lot of us, but spearmint is. I feel like spearmint is a kind of. It's a little sweeter. It's not as cinnamony as peppermint is.

[B]

And it's associated with green, right?

[A]

Yeah. It's kind of a greener. Greener coloring and even flavoring.

[B]

If that's a thing in gum, that's what I go for, I think. Yep.

[A]

I tend to go. I'll go. I can. You know, I'll mess with spearmint. But then there's like a. I feel like there's a new one that's not. It's. It's whiter, and it's like a. It's the new mint on the block. And it's, like, not fresh mint, but, like, when I buy Trident, there's. There's the reddish one, which would be the peppermint. There's the greenish one, the spearmint, then there's the white one. Maybe it's like cool ice or some. Some ridiculous thing, but I tend to go towards the. The whiter, brighter flavor of mint if. When we're just. We're talking about the gum space. Although, I'll tell you what, man. When I was in England and I was having. I was ordering a lot from this Beirut garden, which is the name of this little cafe that was kind of near my hotel. They. It was. I think it's Lebanese food. And they put a mint in the salad that was spectacular. I'm gonna start doing that. Like, it was such a perfect. It's not a flavor note in salad that I'm used to, but, man, was it good.

[B]

I feel like every now and then, maybe in a Vietnamese salad or something. I get that. I think. Wait a second, though. I want to clean something up a little bit or. Or dirty it up. Like. I don't know what I'm doing here, to be honest with you, but I think we might be slightly mistaken on something or I am, and I'm not listening closely enough to you. Close up is.

[A]

Don't think you listen very closely.

[B]

The show title definitely is going to have Caledonia. Yeah, I think. But I think that Close up is more cinnamon. Right. That's the red. Weren't we talking or. You were. Close up is the. Is the mouth paste. And then. Yeah, and then what is the. I was talking a little bit longer. Yeah, but those are.

[A]

That's Big Red.

[B]

Big Red. And aren't those both cinnamony? Big Red is cinnamon. Right.

[A]

What were we saying? Pepper.

[B]

You were saying peppermint.

[A]

I think peppermint and cinnamon aren't. I was trying to say what. I think that the. For me, there is a note in peppermint that it hits my mouth as a bit cinnamony. But you're saying that Big red is. Is specifically. It's. It's. It's. It's advertised as a cinnamon gum. It's not advertised as a cinnamon gum.

[B]

Yeah. Like I always think, because I group things together, I think of Close up and Big Red as like the gum slash toothpaste equivalents of each other. They're the red cinnamony ones. And I looked it up. So those are cinnamon. And then you have spearmint and peppermint. And I think peppermint is usually indicated in marketing via a color blue. And spearmint is usually the greener one.

[A]

What's the white one, then?

[B]

And then what is the white one? Maybe that's also peppermint. Maybe that's just a. I don't think it's called.

[A]

I wouldn't buy it if it was just called Trident.

[B]

White Trident.

[A]

Yeah. They're calling it. Let's see. No, they're calling it. Sorry, Andrew. You know what? Some of it is being called White peppermint.

[B]

White peppermint. Okay. Wow.

[A]

I have. I may have been consuming white peppermint and not even realizing it. It's a fairly small on the packaging, but this looks a lot like the stuff that I tend to buy. So there you go. I guess I've been. I guess I've been chewing. I also don't mind minty Bubble pink, and it's basically bubblegum. I don't mind that one also, you know.

[B]

You know that that's what it sounds fun. Like kind of an adult who wants to play around with their. The kid inside them a little bit. Boy, that came out wrong, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Every word made it more upsetting. Adult play around. Okay. How much worse did it get?

[B]

Oh, kid.

[A]

Inside them, Inside them.

[B]

What do you remember? There's a scene in Arrested Development where obviously Tobias is always saying things very much like I just said, like, needlessly complicated and dirty sounding. And Michael at one point just says, I want you to take a recorder and just carry it around with you all day and just listen to yourself. Veebs will sometimes just say that to me around. She's like, I just want you to carry a recorder and just listen back to the things that you say. Like a banger in the mouth.

[A]

There you go. I just blew myself.

[B]

By the way.

[A]

Last. Last gum wreck here for me. Last gum recommendation. This is truly the thing that I probably chew the most of right now. And it's Icebreakers. Ice cubes. Arctic grape.

[B]

Arctic grape. You're going in for that?

[A]

I am. It's sugar free, and it comes in one of those little, like, kind of containers that you can put in the cup holder in your car.

[B]

Yeah, I want to talk about that.

[A]

And I have now taken to buying these in bulk, you know, from, unfortunately, Amazon.com and I'll get. You know, I don't know if it's like, maybe five or six of these containers at a time because there was a run on them for a while. You couldn't find them in the stores. Maybe that was back in the weird supply chain days. But they're very. It's very juicy, it's very tasty, it's very grape flavored. It's a little treat.

[B]

So the packaging of gum has bummed me out because I feel like more and more of the gum that I want to buy is only coming in those plastic containers, which is great if you're driving and you want to put it in your. In your, you know, cup holder. But if you're just walking around town and you want some gum in your pocket. I don't want that big round thing in my pocket all the time.

[A]

Yeah, definitely not very portable. You're right.

[B]

And I'm in. For me, the texture of the gum is that I'm finding it harder and harder to find the gum that I want. I want a blister pack of gum that when you pop it out, it's got, like the.

[A]

Let me go out like a blister pack of gum.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

That's the Violent Femmes. Let me go out like I blister in the sun.

[B]

I've been listening to the first Violent Femmes record a lot lately. The very first one. It's good. A listener had sent me some, like, live video of them performing in 1984. Which then sort of sent me down a rabbit hole. In the last couple of weeks I've revisited that first record. It's great. The live performance is weird. All of that is to say I want the blister of gum that when you pop it out, it'll have like two little trays in there. You pop it out. When you pop it out, the gum itself should be a little bit square. Like kind of a Chiclet. Yes, classic Chiclet style with the slight candy coated outside or the hard coated outside that breaks up immediately when you bite into it. I feel like every now and then if somebody else offers me one of those like pure cube pieces of gum that are soft all the way around sometimes those kinds and kind of have.

[A]

Like a dust on them.

[B]

Yes. Maybe I'm thinking of the kind that are really soft but a perfect cube.

[A]

Yeah, that's. Well, that's what these icebreakers are like. But they've got a little chalk on the outside, I think. So they don't stick to each other. Maybe in the container.

[B]

That makes sense. And I'll have one of those every now and then. But that's not what I want. What I want is just put it in my pocket and have that more Chiclet style. And I think it's getting harder and harder to find.

[A]

Well, the thing, the other problem, I mean you raise a good point which is that the, the, the car kind of cup holder ones are not. You can't. Unless maybe if you had a purse you could throw them in there. But you just really not that portable for a lot of folks. But what I have taken to doing sometimes if I'm pulling up to somewhere, it's like an event and I want to make sure I've got a little gum. But all I have is that container. Weird container thing is I'll take a few out and I'll put them in like the breast pocket of my suit jacket or something. But that's a dangerous game.

[B]

Really dangerous game. Especially.

[A]

You better not forget those are in there, dude.

[B]

Especially because it doesn't have the hard shell. You know what I mean?

[A]

Doesn't have the hard shell chicken.

[B]

More than that.

[A]

Totally. It's just, it's just, it's a free jack. It's loose in the system and, and you definitely, you better not send that. Well, I guess if you send to the dry cleaners they do go through your pockets. Presumably. By the way, I've got a situation with the dry cleaners in my local town, which is I. I swear to gosh. I took in a couple of my tuxedo shirts. Like, I have to. Like, I have. I probably have, like, four tuxedo shirts, and three of them are from J. Crew. And I really like them. I actually wear them often just with a regular suit because they're kind of. I like the way that they. They. They don't have the. Like, the ruffles. Like, it doesn't look like I'm wearing.

[B]

A tuxedo right now.

[A]

They just look well. Although that's how they're actually sold.

[B]

Like game show host from the 1970s.

[A]

But what makes them a tuxedo shirt, technically is that they don't have buttons. You have to use studs. And. And there is like a, you know, some sort of a thing happening on the kind of chest area, but instead of ruffles, it's just a different piece of material. It's pretty subtle. If you wear a suit with it, it just looks like you're wearing a nicely pressed shirt. Okay. I know that I took two of those down to my local dry cleaner, but I. Of course, I didn't keep the receipt because they always just look it up by my phone number anyway. And I went down the other day, I was in town. I thought, oh, I got. Grab those shirts. We got Livewire on Thursday, by the way, Alberta Rose theater. We'll see you there. And I go in, and I give the woman my number, and she just comes back with a tuxedo and tuxedo pants, which I forgot I had taken in there, and no shirts. And I thought, oh, well, they have two locations. And so maybe the other location is the one that has the most. The world's saddest dying.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Doorbell open. So I was like, oh, they just must be over there. And then I went over there and was talking to the woman working there, who I believe might be the daughter of the folks that own the whole operation. And she could not locate the shirts. So I don't know what's going on. Either I took them to yet a third dry cleaner, which is literally possible, or I've lost them, or they've lost them. I don't know what's going on with that, but.

[B]

And I'm sorry, did you ask. Did you say, were there some shirts with this?

[A]

I asked at the second place because at the first place, she brought out the tuxedo in the pants. And then I thought, oh, I must have just taken the shirts to the other, because I go. I depends on what part of town I'm in, which One's more convenient, who's open, but they're owned by the same family. There's like two locations. It's all the same thing. So I didn't even think to ask. I went over to the other one. I was like, that's where it is. It's like six blocks away. I went over and they don't have them.

[B]

So if you see me wearing tuxedo shirts.

[A]

Well, that was the suspicious. Yeah, that was the very, very. And they were ill fitting. Yes, ill fitting. You see me wearing a barrel on Thursday night at Livewire at the Alberto Rose Theater, you'll know what's going on. Andrew, can we just take a quick moment here to discuss Bruce Harrell, the mayor of Seattle? I know a person whose politics, or at least some political decisions you're. He's made. You are not.

[B]

I am not a fan of Stoke Dunn. Bruce Harrell, I feel like, yes, I'm not a fan of him politically and I guess personally, although I don't really know him personally, but, yeah, not a fan.

[A]

I don't know very much about him because I don't live in Seattle and because what I know is that he was a Husky. He went to the uw, a football player, I think, at one point, which, you know, sadly goes a long way with me. Like, if I know nothing about. There's eight candidates and I know nothing about any of them. I know one of them played football for the uw. I will admit I'm already like, well, okay, I'm listening. But that says nothing about his politics. I don't know anything about his politics.

[B]

Which is why you voted for Brock Hewitt, I believe, right?

[A]

Yes. Sponsored by Muscle Mill.

[B]

Yes. Right.

[A]

So Bruce Harrell was giving a State of the city address the other day, and he paused in the. Now, just a little context, there has been, because of the All Star Weekend, the NBA All Star Weekend, there has been, at least in the Seattle area, a lot of discussion about will Seattle ever get an NBA team back. You know, we lost the Seattle supersonics. Pretty big bummer for those of us that like NBA basketball. And it seems like that it's getting closer. I think it was. Kevin Durant was being asked which city needs an NBA team, which kind of a setup, because Kevin Durant was a Sonic. Nobody talks about this except, you know, the north remembers Andrew, because I saw this. I saw this stat the other day on some website. It was about Kevin Durant's like, I don't know, career stats or something or some progression of his. His career and it was all listed as Oklahoma City Thunder, or at least the parts. You know, the initial parts of it were Oklahoma City Thunder. First comment. He did that as a Sonic now. And I was like, thank you. That's why I went to the comments, to make sure somebody is reminding everyone that Kevin Durant did not start his NBA career in Oklahoma City. He started in Seattle, Washington, as a Seattle Supersonic.

[B]

Can I ask you a question?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is he. This. I'm worried about how dumb this is going to sound, but is he still playing? Yes. So is he, like, the last of the players who would be of age to play on the Sonics and still be in the league? Because it's been 15.

[A]

Well, I believe we also had Russell Westbrook.

[B]

Okay, Russell Westbrook.

[A]

I don't know if Russell Westbrook ever played for the Sonics, but I believe we drafted him. And, and, and I. There was a Russell West. There's a photo, a famous photo of Kevin Durant, and I believe Russell Westbrook in Sonic's jerseys.

[B]

But they're getting it, so I'm looking. Kevin Durant is 36 years old, but I guess my point being that it is. We are in the, like, kind of the twilight era of players who are still in the league who are old enough to have played for Seattle.

[A]

Yes, we have. We have Kevin Durant again. We have. Maybe I forget the details on Westbrook. I was also, and I feel bad about this, I was a little checked out of the Sonics, but by this time, because they were getting major leagued, they were getting the. The new owners from Oklahoma City were intentionally trying to tank the team and make it so that the team was bad and so that people wouldn't go to the game so they could justify moving the team. And it sort of worked. I also lived, I think, in New York at the time, but it worked on me that I was a little. A little distant. But you're right. Yeah. The institutional memory is going away. As far as players who might have been drafted or played for the Sonics, it's probably Durant and like I said, maybe Westbrook. Are they the last two?

[B]

It's. Yeah, it's just for me, I moved to Seattle, and I'm not somebody who followed sports at all before getting to Seattle. And I still don't know anything about basketball, but I arrived in Seattle after the team had left. And so for me, it just always seemed like history. But I didn't realize that I got here within a year of them leaving or something, you know, in the first group of friends I met didn't have any interest in sports. So it wasn't until I kind of was hanging out with you and other people, people in our crew that care about sports that I would hear more about, like, kind of people being sad that the Sonics were gone. I'm like, oh, that's. You must have been kids. I didn't realize it was like, oh, just a couple of years ago, I came. I came into the city when the.

[A]

City was still weeping and also showed up at a very suspicious time. Andrew shows up, the Sonics leave.

[B]

Yeah, no, I. I was waiting for them to leave. I think I showed up right after they. They left town. I was like, there's. This town's not big enough for the both of us.

[A]

But anyway, by the way, the Sonics did draft Russell Westbrook, although six days later they became the Oklahom Oklahoma City Thunders Thunder. So he was technically. Which I just want to. I'm sorry to make this an NBA conversation, because as I continue to make sounds with my mouth, it'll become more and more clear to the listeners. I don't know what the hell is going on in the NBA anymore, but there was a period of time where the Seattle SuperSonics had Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, two generational players on their team. If that's not enough to build around, I don't know what is. So really, really good, young core of a team that could still be in Seattle.

[B]

Okay, so if you ever meet the guy who sold the team away, maybe.

[A]

You'Re going to give him a piece of my mind. Yeah, definitely. So everyone in Seattle who is still grieving the Sonics or just excited about the possibility of getting an NBA team has been feeling this energetic shift where it's, oh, by the way, sorry. Kevin Durant was asked during the All Star break or game which team should get a. Which city should get a team. And he said, Seattle, no doubt. Which. Appreciate that from Kevin Durant when he's not creating burner accounts to yell at people who are criticizing his stats.

[B]

And is he also the guy who's in Uncut Gems? Now? I keep on. Who's the famous basketball player in Uncut Gems?

[A]

Kevin Garnett.

[B]

Garnett.

[A]

So they're both Kevin's.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Both Kevin.

[B]

You got that going for you?

[A]

So Bruce Harrell is doing this mayor of Seattle, former University of Washington football player, state of the City address. He's talking about the city of Seattle, and he just dead stops in the middle of his speech and reaches down under the podium to produce a basketball, which, as you will hear from this tape I'm going to play, has the crowd gasping right now. At this moment, I have an announcement to make.

[B]

Oh, I'm just.

[A]

I'm just kidding. I got. What in the actual crap is that Bruce Harrell? I'm sure that on the list of things he's done that are bad for Seattle, which you could give me, Andrew, if you cared to. This is very low as far as impact on people's lives, but as far as impact on my life, very high. How dare you? How dare you. What a. What a deep misunderstanding of how jokes work. Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yes. Like, I have to say, I don't know anything about his politics, but I would absolutely impeach him over this. Like, this confirms everything you've ever said to me about being disappointed in him on a political sort of. From a political standpoint, is completely validated for me, Andrew, based on this misunderstanding of human dynamics.

[B]

Just human dynamics. Exactly. Like, how did you think that was going to go? Like, listen to that crowd. Like, listen, I will be the first to admit that I pull shit like this sometimes, and I'm insufferable to be around.

[A]

Like, you don't pull this kind of shit.

[B]

Not quite this.

[A]

Not so that the. You make someone happy and take it away from them.

[B]

You don't do that. I have a couple of brain cells, but, like, I will, like, sometimes, like, and for reasons I don't understand, like, I mean, I don't think I do this all that often, but, like, if Genevieve asked me what time it is and give her the wrong time, then the right time, like, I don't know. Like, that seems like such a bad example. I don't know. I'm known to say the wr thing sometime for a split second just to get somebody, but not. I don't know. You know me really well.

[A]

You have. You have at times a very dry sense of humor, and sometimes that will. Which I love, by the way. But. And. And so you'll say something very dryly like, you'll. You'll set it up by going, well, oh, I just had one other question. And then the thing you'll say will be, like, clearly a joke. But what you have, what your two brain cells are helping you not do is something like this, where the setup is, oh, this is a thing everyone is really excited about. And now the. The resolution of the joke is that's actually not happening. Like, it is. Like, it is so profoundly dumb. If you have any sense of how to. How to relate to groups of people. It's wild to me.

[B]

What did he expect? Yeah, what did he expect?

[A]

Also, I don't think it's even an NBA ball. Either Bruce Harrell has the largest hands of all time or this is like a. This is like a fifth grader basketball, which I don't know why that bothers me, but I just. It's like at least get a real basketball.

[B]

I didn't see the tape. I read about this yesterday and it's.

[A]

Sings it in his hand.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

As he's like waiting for the. His perfect. The moment to deploy the hilarious joke of we're not getting a basketball team. Or at least this isn't the announcement.

[B]

Of that you're the mayor, like, of any. Anybody should know not to make that joke because it's cruel. But like, also like, you're the mayor, you should understand the people of the city and how this lands. Now you, the show told me that you knew that bringing up, you know, Bruce Harrell would potentially lead this conversation into spinning into other areas of politics and whatnot. And you were somewhat right, but you were also somewhat wrong. What I want to talk about now in relation to this story is related to the email that I just sent you because I need you to tell me if we really think Jimmy Butler pooped his pants.

[A]

Oh, this is.

[B]

Now, have you been following. This is about maybe a week old. I don't know, late last week or something.

[A]

I'm trying get. I'm trying to get read in here.

[B]

So you read in. I'm going to try to set this up the best I can. And you can maybe correct me where I'm wrong. Jimmy Butler, we don't have to get into all of this, but until recently was playing for the Miami Heat, but then kind of had this sort of like labor dispute with the Heat and kind of basically forced himself to be traded. And I can't remember where he's playing right now, but on his new team he was on the road playing in like his basketball whites. You know, like the road team had to have white uniforms on. And you can picture the big baggy shorts of a basketball player. Player on the court. And people are showing like, on, you know, like watching it grabbing like, you know, clips from the actual broadcast of his white shorts that have a bunch of like. But it's not brown. It's like this. No, it's a shark yellow stain all in the backside.

[A]

The color is. The color is what supports my theory. Also. I'm just watching the play that precedes this, this footage of him. You want to talk about the number one old guy thing to say? I don't understand what is a legal amount of traveling in the NBA anymore, because it appears to be you. It appears that you are allowed to just carry the ball around the court to wherever you feel like it. Okay, fine. But I'm watching the play down Barack, like. But then I'm now, I think the color of the, whatever the situation is in the back of Jimmy Butler's shorts. I think that color, which is kind of, if I can say, I don't mean to be gross, it's kind of yellowish.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I brought it up.

[A]

If anything, it actually, I think strengthens the argument that he had a bit of an accident there because were it to be a richer, darker brown, that would, that would be stranger because that would mean that you had, you had possibly released what we consider to be a traditional bowel movement, which isn't the kind of thing you do in an NBA game. You though you might think you were just going to like let out a little bit of gas and it could be something that was more liquid and more like that color and that would be. I, I can't think of an alternate explanation, alternative explanation other than he did have a, again, I think a shart related bathroom incident. It didn't seem to stop him though from getting the. And one on that play.

[B]

Your simplicity there I really appreciate because I've been going around and around on this. I think I heard about this, I don't know, a coup of days ago. And so I looked at this article that I sent you that had a couple of like still images and like, you know, again, somebody filming their TV with their back and. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, well, it's not, as you said, it's not like a normal bowel movement, clearly. And so I was like, that's not it. I don't. People are saying he pooped his pants. I wasn't on board with that. I was like, maybe there was some just messiness there that ended up kind of, you know, combining with sweat and like. But I was like, that doesn't seem. And I couldn't. But you're right, it's as simple as a shark. It's as simple as a shart. That's what it is. He trusted a fart that he shouldn't have trusted. Now here's my second question for you as somebody who understands basketball more than.

[A]

Me and sharding, would this affect your game?

[B]

No.

[A]

Back people down in the paint do.

[B]

You think that he's like, well, it is what it is, and this is an important game. I'm going to keep playing. I mean, he doesn't seem like the personality of somebody who wouldn't put himself before the team, as we just saw in Miami.

[A]

Well, sure.

[B]

So, like, if.

[A]

No, but he's.

[B]

If he realized this was going on, would there be a moment for him to say, hey, Coach, I got to go to the locker room. I'll be back in, like, you know, like, whatever.

[A]

Lamar Jackson.

[B]

Yeah, right, Exactly. Like.

[A]

Well, that's the whole problem. Why. How do I know it's a Lamar Jackson? Because Lamar Jackson, he went to the.

[B]

Bathroom and didn't he get carted off? Was it. Didn't he.

[A]

Wasn't he on the jog? He might have been carted, but there's also a point in the tunnel where I think he's jogging.

[B]

Yes, yes and yes.

[A]

Kind of in that way of trying to keep everything.

[B]

Yeah, they have a tunnel shot on him, which is one of the cruelest things in the world. But anyway. But he held it in. So my thing is, like, in the game of basketball, I feel like there's always conversation about sitting starters and starters not even playing in some game. So, like, doesn't. If he knew this was going on in his trunks, do you think he could have said to his coach, hey, I need to go take care of something. I'll be back in. However, I know it's not plays, but. However, absolutely.

[A]

If he would have. If he would have stayed ahead of it, then, like, if he would have said, my stomach's not feeling great. I don't. I should go use the bathroom. Of course that. There's an opportunity for that, whether it's during the game, during a timeout, halftime, you can leave the court and come back. There's. There's two problems with that for Jimmy Butler, which is he is such a notable player on whichever team he's on at the moment that when he leaves, it's immediately noted. It's. Is Jimmy Butler injured? Like, you've got a sideline reporter that's trying to ask one of the assistant coaches, why did Jimmy Butler leave? And they'll say undisclosed reasons. And then they'll say, I don't. We're. We're trying to get more information on why Jimmy Butler went into. So he's drawing attention will be drawn to him leaving the bench, which is fine. But then, I mean, maybe he could just come back and the official report could be stomach trouble or something, or it could just be. Who knows how they would, how they would explain it. The problem now becomes. Once the chart has happened.

[B]

Yeah, this is what I'm asking. Once he realizes it, can't he leave? No, no.

[A]

Well, y. He can, but then he's admitting what happened. That's the problem. He leaves. I've seen the footage now, Andrew, and it's, it's, it's a fairly, it's fairly conclusive. Conclusive. Thank you. And like imagine he, he's. You get that, that video of, of those shorts. He sits down, he leaves, he comes back, he has on a pair of shorts that don't have those markings. Yeah, that's as, that's as good as an admission of guilt. So it's like. Also, it's possible he didn't even realize it had happened. Although if you've ever been through that, I feel like it would be. I've. Well, I've never played in an NBA game. Maybe you're so laser focused on what's going on out there and that's sweaty and focused and you're wearing. I mean, the other thing is he's got on like compression tights and then the shorts. Boy, this had some force.

[B]

Because it.

[A]

Made it through a couple of different layers. You'd have hoped that the compression tight. Yeah, like so. But no, I mean, just based on my quick study of the video. Although here's the thing, it is in its own way kind of humanizing because I think as a writing on whatever the link was you sent to me, everyone's been through that. Just most of us haven't had been through that in such a public way. It doesn't, I mean, honestly, of the various things about Jimmy Butler where it seems like he was being a kind of a note, particularly great teammate. Again, I just don't, I don't know enough about the NBA now just to speculate on Jimmy Butler and if he, if he was the problem or if his team was the problem. But I will say this is actually a humanizing thing to see him with some mustard colored problems in the back of his shorts.

[B]

You know who I feel bad for is Paul Pierce. And I feel bad for this man. I know nothing about him. I know nothing about. I don't know if he's a good guy, a bad guy, somewhere in between, as most of us are. All I know is he's a former basketball player and all of the headlines are did Jimmy, Jimmy Butler just pull a Paul Pierce? And I haven't even looked at the history of Paul Pierce.

[A]

I Will tell you this. Paul Pierce is far, far less conclusive.

[B]

Oh yeah, you remember this from the time or you're investigating?

[A]

I was just watching it in the same link you sent me. I don't think I was aware of the Paul Pierce situation. The Paul Pierce thing is a small quarter size kind of wet spot that is on his rear. But looks to me like it could have also just been sweat, could have been a bunch of things. It has none of the characteristics. The other thing about Jimmy Butler's situation is, as I pointed out in the article, is they were in those white uniforms. Had they been in their other. Because, you know, all the teams will have a light uniform and a dark uniform. Had Jimmy Butler been in the dark version of the uniform, probably wouldn't even know this. Wouldn't even notice it.

[B]

This was the wheelchair game. I've heard tell of this. I'm now googling Paul Pierce. You type in Paul Pierce and you type in one more P and it's just like, Paul Pierce poop game. And I'm like, yeah, I guess so. And I guess there was a game, was it in the finals where he left in a wheelchair and people thought that he had had an accident. And then it was game one of the 2008 NBA Finals. He left in a wheelchair. And there were theories that he had gone to the bathroom in his pants and needed to get out of there. He insists that that is not the case, that he was actually injured in some way.

[A]

Yeah, this is again a very. This is a time where I was not following even, even less closely than I followed the NBA now, which is not very closely. I can't even tell you you, which team Jimmy Butler went to. So this Paul Pierce thing is all news to me. I would be surprised if they wheelchaired him out because of a. Because of a bathroom incident. I mean, the other thing.

[B]

Well, now I'm seeing a headline that says Paul Pierce admits to blinking his pants in the NBA finals against Lakers and faking a knee injury to go to the bathroom. So maybe he later admitted it or I'm being fooled by the Internet. Like this is from six years ago and I'm not watching the clip of tape in which, I mean, do we just want to give 30 seconds? Just give 30 seconds?

[A]

Why not?

[B]

This is from Straight Talk. I guess they avoid drama at all.

[A]

Years ago today, wheelchaired off the floor.

[B]

For reasons he will keep to himself. I have a confession to make.

[A]

Whoa. I just had to go to a bathroom, need a wheelchair.

[B]

And I had to go to the bathroom.

[A]

But why did you need a wheelchair to get to the bathroom?

[B]

It was that bad.

[A]

Something went down, I had to get away. You were streaking.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Any who injuries.

[B]

Injuries are the story of tonight.

[A]

Real injuries by the way.

[B]

Okay. So it's hard for me to tell it if he's joking or not there.

[A]

I, yeah, I, it sounded like he was saying. It sounded like he was jokingly admitting to the fact that he had had an accident and, and didn't want it to, you know, be as easily noticed. Nothing like getting in a wheelchair to leave to low key the situation. How about a towel?

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

How about a towel? Maybe Paul.

[B]

When you're lining up a shot and your shorts start feeling hot diarrhea.

[A]

Paul Pierce. Paul Pierce then had a, a kind of a going career as an analyst and I think was a pretty decent analyst. He was certainly good at chopping it up with the other, you know, kind of ex NBA folks that would do some of these, you know, TV analyst jobs like you know, the halftime shows and stuff. But then I believe he, there was a bunch of, bunch of videos surfaced of him just like doing copious amounts of cocaine while playing, while gambling and, and hanging out with assorted crew of people and stuff. It became clear that and Paul Pierce made a lot of money in his career. Paul Pierce was a very good basketball player. It became pretty clear that Paul Pierce is doing with his millions of dollars exactly what I would do with my millions of dollars, which is not working. Like in other words, he didn't even seem that mad when the network and I can't remember which network it was, whether it was TNT or one of the other ones. He didn't even seem that mad when they said okay, we're parting ways with you. It would seem like Paul Pierce, his theory was, you know, my life's pretty okay right now. Yeah. I'm just being Paul Pierce and I.

[B]

Know that he is fine generally speaking with probably how his life ended up. But I will just say to go back to my original point, like I don't want to live in a world where if somebody famous has an accident in their.

[A]

Andrew Walsh is the autocomplete. He sold it.

[B]

Andrew Walsh, like that's rough. Like. But again, I don't have the success that Paul Pierce has to sort of like pad me from the pain to protect me.

[A]

He was fired from ESPN okay. By the way, back in 2021 just for the sake of accuracy.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, Go, everybody. Razzle dazzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These donors are donating a dazzling amount of dough. A significant donation each month or a very significant one time donation for the year. That. That's the. The financial lifeblood of the show. Without. Without these folks, we would not be here analyzing NBA players and their bathroom accidents. Of course, we gotta start today with Beth Wright of Seattle, Washington. The pronouncer for Beth's last name. I'm guessing Beth put this in as not wrong.

[B]

I hadn't noticed that. Right. I love it.

[A]

I love this trend. We had one with Pam, Sam, Ham yesterday. This trend of people putting in the pronunciation guide for their names, which are fairly clear in what the pronunciation might.

[B]

Be, but then not helping us with the more difficult of your possible two names. Right. Like Beth. I could have.

[A]

Seth.

[B]

Yeah, I could have used a pronouncer.

[A]

Beth is in Seattle, Washington. Hey, Cobros. I'd like to thank Luke and Andrew for all of the delightful tangents they follow. I never know when a tangent will be nostalgic or thoughtful or hilarious. Nor do we, Beth. Nor do we. Case in point, near the end of 2024, the Cobros told a story about NFL Browns kicker Chris Gardaki giving the Steelers bench the middle finger after a late tackle. I don't hear much about Chris Gardaki these days. Again, but Beth, I. I would say that's a nationwide trend.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But I sure heard a lot about him during high school. We both graduated from Redan High School in Stone Mountain, Georgia.

[B]

Oh, stone Mountain.

[A]

In 1988. What's the big. What's the. There's some kind of.

[B]

Yeah, they have the laser show on the side of Stone Mountain.

[A]

Laser show down there. High school football means everything in the south, and Chris was our class hero. This Andrew, kind of confirms what I often say about punters and kickers. More so punters, I think, than place kickers, honestly, because place kicking is so specialized. But find me an NFL punter and I will show me an NFL punter that isn't Michael Dixon from the Seahawks because he's from Australia. Show me an NFL punter and I will show you the person who was the captain of his high school football team.

[B]

You mean in playing a different position? Probably quarterback. Yeah, right.

[A]

Typically. Or running back. You know, Randy Moss, the receiver was the punter for his high school team as well. Like the.

[B]

Oh, wait, that seems backwards, though. That seems backwards. Of what I thought you were originally saying, which is the people who end up punters in the NFL were so good all around athletes that they're actually quarterbacks when they're young in high school.

[A]

And as they progress further, they, they. They end up realizing that their only way in is punter. So you're like your high school. You're Chris Gardacky. You're in Stone Mountain, Georgia at Redan High School school and you're the star of the team. You're Beth right, Not Wrong's hero. But as you move on in the NFL or ends your college progression and then you start to eye the NFL, you realize you're not an NFL level quarterback. And you take all that athleticism and you really focus in on your punting. The Randy Moss thing is just an example of how freakishly athletic Randy Moss is that he played defense, offense and was the punter, I believe. But my point is that most punters in the NFL were also phenomenal some other position at football, you know, in their high school, which it sounds like might have been the case with listener Beth. He was our class hero. Chris also played soccer and our team won the state championship in the spring of 1988. He played soccer after signing with Clemson, which I'm sure wouldn't be allowed today. To be clear, Chris was team jock and I was team nerd. So our social, our social circles didn't overlap much. I doubt that Gardaki Talkie will be a recurring segment on the show, but the trip down memory lane sure was fun.

[B]

I mean, we'll see. We could maybe make it a regular.

[A]

Segment, like figure out what Gardaki is up to right now. Like a Chris Gardaki check in.

[B]

Just checking in. Yeah. It could be sponsored by Beth, right? Not wrong.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

This is your weekly Gardaki check in sponsored by the name.

[A]

I wish Gardaki rhymed with what? Well, she called it Gardaki Talkie.

[B]

Yeah, we could go with that.

[A]

Maybe we get a theme. It's time for Gardaki Talkie. I'm trying to find.

[B]

I mean, we could also get some sponsorship from Gardettos.

[A]

Well, that was a n. I mean, that was a real. That seemed. That seems like a natural fit right there because it's only a few letters off from Gardettos and it takes some.

[B]

Of the financial pressure off of Beth Wright.

[A]

Yeah, it is a lot. I don't know if she knows what the advertising rates are for the show, but they are prohibitively. They've been described as, as and also what are you thinking?

[B]

They've been described as. Who are you? And how did you get this number?

[A]

Maestro, on your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, go. Everybody rattle dazzle. Look who it is. It's Arlen Horst. And Arlen specifies. It's Arlen, not Arlene.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

It's Arlen. Like Spectre. That's not in Arlen's, you know, explanation. But that's an easy way to remember it if you're old like me and you remember Philadelphia senators like Arlen Spector.

[B]

Oh, okay. Oh, yes. I was like, that is just tickling the very edges of my memory. Yeah. Arlen Spector. Yeah. At first I was thinking of Phil Spector. I'm like, oh, yeah. No, very different.

[A]

Arlen Spector, I believe, was. I want to say that he was kind of considered a centrist. Right.

[B]

I remember that during. It was, like, during the Bush administration, he was kind of in the spotlight a lot.

[A]

That would have been the reason, I think. Well, he was on the Judiciary Committee. Okay, so maybe he was part. I don't. I don't. I don't know. I remember that. He was. Yeah, he was. He was definitely in the conversation. Just like right now, Arlen Horst is in the conversation. Arlen says, oh, wow, a thousand words. I guess that's the limit that we put on these things.

[B]

I'm learning.

[A]

A thousand words, exclamation point, exclamation point, question mark, question mark. Well, that's cutting into your words, Arlen.

[B]

Yeah, it's a character count.

[A]

Let me start on one topic, then get interrupted by a delivery van or a hummingbird or maybe some breaking news, then have some scintillating garbage talk for a while then. Oh, right, Sorry. Laffy emoji. Seriously, guys, I'm proud to be a dazzling. Don't. And I want to let you know, even though I'm a serial time bandit, I listen to every episode without fail. TBTL is an essential part of my routine when I'm caught up on current episodes. I've been cruising the archives, listening to the early days of the show. It's so fun. Right now, I'm up to late summer 2013. I have zero social media presence, but any tens in North Seattle might find me hanging out at the Greenwood Fred Meyer. That's a pretty good place to hang out.

[B]

It is. Although now I feel. Am I being gaslit by Arlen Horst? That's my question. Answer, answer.

[A]

Don't look at your Horst in the mouth.

[B]

No, I'm pretty sure that I Ran into Arlen at the grocery store one time and we rode that at the Self checkout. But I believe that was at the QFC on Holman Road, which is very.

[A]

Close to Arts Family Center.

[B]

Yes. And which was going to be a Piggly Wiggly until that. Until that merger fell apart. And I'm glad it. But I feel like maybe I'm blowing up Arlen's spot here. Maybe Arlen doesn't actually want to be seen at the grocery store. So he's like, leading people to the Fred Meyer. But really, I don't know if he's doing.

[A]

He really plays pickleball at the Northgate Community center because that's another place that Arlen says you might find him.

[B]

I believe that, certainly, yes.

[A]

Do you think he volunteers at the Ballard Food bank or is that also a smokescreen?

[B]

I believe it. I believe it. I believe it because I looked it up.

[A]

Could you see him having a flight of beers at the Broadview Taphouse?

[B]

Yeah, actually, now that you say that. Yeah. So, okay, I think this is on the up and up.

[A]

Another fun thing I'm doing these days is playing in the second mandolin section of the Seattle Mandolin Orchestra. Look us up on YouTube. Try to stop me, Arlen. Let me see if I can find a little bit of the Seattle mandolin. First of all, let's definitely get an ad in there for an E bike. Oh, by the way, that's why I've been looking up E bikes now.

[B]

Oh, no, that's really cool.

[A]

So now I'm getting totally. This is. This is a John Gooden number, 1993. It's called Heavens on Earth. This is the Seattle Mandolin Orchestra featuring our friend Arlen Horst.

[B]

Listen for the second mandolin.

[A]

Wow, that's really beautiful. Also, I think. Oh, listen to the banjo coming in. They've got all kinds of things going on in this orchestra. They've got, of course, the aforementioned mandolin. They've got a banjo. They've got somebody playing an upright bass. What a cool thing. That's the Seattle Mandolin Orchestra, where our friend Arlen is performing again, if that's to be believed. If that's not another one of those deep fakes from Arlen. Arlen, thank you so much for supporting TBTL and being a dazzling donor. We really, really do appreciate it. Couldn't do this without you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. I am looking up ebikes these days, Andrew, because I would like to be able to ride my bike to town sometimes, but it's very hilly. Getting back up here to the Madrona Hill Studio. And I wouldn't mind a little e assist for that part. Like, you know, if I want to ride my bike maybe down to town and get dinner or something or just, I don't know, do some errands. I don't want the last, the last mile to just be basically straight up the side of a mountain without assist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I'm also very, as you know, picky about the, the, the look and the vibes of, of the. Like, I don't, for me personally, I don't want to get just one of those things that kind of looks almost like a moped.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or that's just very. And those are very practical things. And probably if I was commuting, if I was doing a daily commute on this or something, you know, there's probably some real upside to just getting something that's a workhorse that isn't, you know, all stylish or whatever. But I'm looking at one, of course, that's all stylish, called the Lake Rev one. What is it called? The, let's see. Oh, the Ride One Up. What terrible name. Absolutely terrible name.

[B]

Is it Ride R I D E then the number one?

[A]

Yeah, no, it's, it's bad all the way around. Except the bike itself is so freaking cool looking. It just looks like a real. It's called the Roadster V3 and it just looks like a regular kind of mountain bike or even sort of stylish, I don't know, road bike or something like it. It doesn't. First of all, it doesn't look like a 10 speed because I don't want anyone, I don't want anyone thinking that I think that I'm sort of some sort of serious cyclist. Although, you know, who apparently the most serious cyclist in America is now the.

[B]

Most serious cyclist in America right now.

[A]

Right now.

[B]

Right now is. I can't think of one cyclist. Is it Tim Robinson?

[A]

It's Barry Bonds.

[B]

Oh, I read this juicing. Does he need E assist?

[A]

He does not appear to be. His body has radically transformed in retirement. He is extremely trim now and his head also appears to have reduced down in size. Size by many, by many sizes. So he did have to go get a whole new set of hats, presumably from his totally legal days of, of hitting baseballs out of the park. But he, he is apparently in his retirement, an obsessive cyclist who posts every single ride on Strava. Which is that. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's that exercise.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can put your runs on there. Our friend Barry broadcast Barry. He's puts his stuff on Strava, I guess.

[B]

Very motivational.

[A]

I don't like, I don't have Strava. I don't want my stuff on. I don't want anyone to know what I'm doing ever because it's. I'm not particularly proud of it. But Barry Bonds is apparent. I read this article yesterday in SF Gate that he is cycling thousands and thousands and thousands of miles and posting it on Strava and is setting speed records around the Bay Area for certain sections of roadway. Like, but these are very short sections like quarter mile areas of from this point to this point. And he's doing them at a pace that is the fastest pace anyone's ever recorded doing these little areas.

[B]

It must be over in a second then because a quarter of a mile is so short and if you're breaking the record it must be over the blink of an eye.

[A]

They're weird. They're very odd. It's not like he's like he did it in three hours and no one had ever done it in three hours before. It's like Bonds cycling. It's like weird. Let's see, they think that BA cycling. It thinks I'm looking for a bomb cyclone in the Bay Area. Barry Bonds cycling. Barry Bonds is now putting up mind bending stats outside of baseball. This is an article from Alex Simon at SFGate. Yeah, like some of the records that he has set. Let's see. When Bonds was 53, he covered a popular 0.27 mile stretch of road in Mill Valley. So that'd be a little over a quarter of a mile in just 31 seconds. Tying the fastest time recorded out at more than. Out of more than 120,000 attempts by 22,000 people. At 58 years old, Bonds posted the sixth fastest time for a 68 mile stretch along shoreline highway in Tamalpus Valley, a ride that has been attempted nearly 400,000 times. And six weeks later he posted the fastest time ever on a 65 mile portion of Mill Valley's Blithedale Avenue that starts at Highway 101 and ends just short of Camino Alto. He covered it in 69 seconds which was the top spot out of 80,000 attempts at the time. What a weird, what a weird third act for Barry Bonds.

[B]

I want to. Was the second act the congressional hearings.

[A]

I think first act was. First act was. Was leadoff hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates who was. Who could hit and steal bases. Second act was monstrous headed man who hits the ball out of the ballpark every five seconds. But we're all no one can quite prove that he's juicing. And then third act is uploading his workouts to Strava, blazing through the streets.

[B]

Of the Bay Area. I have a question for you that is going to lead us through this isn't going to be good podcasting, but as a bike curious friend, I wanted to ask you, have you been doing research on the I've been described as bike curious. It doesn't occur to me how close to curious, but I'm bike curious. Have you been looking at hub drive versus mid drive? Because I remember our friend Lee Lambert, who is our expert on all things biking here in the TBTL community, wrote to me and gave me a very clear, interesting breakdown and specifically said one is much better for Mike Needs than the other. But that was on our old email system. I can't find the email and I can't remember which is which. One is like a hub that is kind of in the center of the bike and the other one is like around the rear wheel. Right.

[A]

A hub drive electric bike motor is located within the wheel hub while a mid drive motor is positioned in the center of the bike near the pedals.

[B]

Okay, I kind of had that meaning.

[A]

The mid drive motor is generally considered more efficient and better for hilly terrain as it can directly utilize the bike's existing gear. I went down this whole rabbit hole of all this stuff, including belt drive versus chain. Andrew, do you know about this whole situation?

[B]

I assumed it was all chain.

[A]

Oh, no, no, no, my friend. Belt drive is sweeping the nation.

[B]

You're like that guy from that clip from the Good Place where he's listing medals and then I throw in a medal. You're like, oh God, that's a fool's game. That's trash.

[A]

Belt drive versus chain. The thing about this. So the belt is some kind of like a very, you know, engineered kind of, I don't know, carbon fiber, futuristic product that it, you know, it is on the part of the bike where normally we would have the bike chain if we were kids. And the thing about the belt drive, apparently is that you don't need to. It doesn't get sort of stretched out, it doesn't need as much tune up as much attention as a chain does over time. Because a chain, you know, could, could, could come undone or it could kind of just need to be sort of, you know, maintained with oil and things like that or grease or whatever you use. The belt drive is good, I guess, if you're doing a lot of off road stuff because it's less susceptible to getting dirt and water and things in it. Things get jammed in it less because it's a closed system. If I understand right, I'm looking at.

[B]

Is it also, is it easier to be replaced as well? I'm wondering that part.

[A]

I don't know. I ended up. I'm going with a chain for this by the way, because I'm not going to be off road in. I have no interest in being in some sort of a Mountain Dew commercial. I'm going to be on roading. And so I went with a chain and I also went with eight. I think I went with eight speeds because that is by my reading supposed to make it. How do I put it? If you are trying to preserve a little bit of your E assist, a little bit of your battery life, a little bit of your oomph, it helps to have multiple gears because then you can kind of put it in a higher gear to ride. Like you can help it out a little bit going up the hill.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whereas if you don't have any, it's just like a regular 10 speed or an 8 speed or whatever. Like you remember from riding a bike, it's, it's, it's easier to ride up the hill when you can shift into a different gear. And so presumably this also applies on E assist bikes.

[B]

So you are now talking in the past tense. You started this conversation saying that you're in the market for. But now you're saying I got this. So where.

[A]

Well, I don't got it. It's, it's, it's, There's a waiting list, but I got on the waiting list.

[B]

Because you said I went with. So you've officially put in your order. This is very exciting.

[A]

I have an order in. I don't know when it's, I don't know when it's, when it's going to get here. I also have to assemble the bike, which I'm a little nervous about.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But yeah, I'm excited about it and, and we shall see. Again, I'm not, I'm not probably going to be an everyday bike rider, although maybe so I don't know, I, I here. The thing is I, I don't like the fact that where I live as of right now, I have to drive everywhere. You know, you, it's nice to be in a walkable place. I'm, I'm sort of in a quasi walkable place. I mean, I could walk, but again, it would be down some pretty kind of steep hills. And it would be along shoulders of like kind of sort of busy country roads where there aren't any sidewalks. You know, it doesn't feel inviting, but I don't like the fact that if I want to go down to the, like the market and get a thing of milk or whatever, I have to just get in my car and drive. Walking would be kind of unrealistic because even that's a mile and a half away. I'm think I'm hoping that this bike could actually be a way for me to go do a few things down in town, particularly down in the town of Calama, which I live pretty close to. So. But without walking because again, walking isn't very realistic. But, but maybe this is a way to bridge that divide. I'm hoping anyway.

[B]

We'll see. I like that. I'm envious. I hope that, I mean it seems like you, you've ordered it at kind of a good time because it still winter. Yeah. Springs around the corner. Yeah. And maybe by the time it's ready for you, it'll be, you know, the weather will be just be turning. I don't know how long this, this waiting list is, but that's, that's really exciting. I'm a little envious. I, I was, you know, like I said before, I made it very clear I'm bike curious and I, I was sort of thinking about it. I, you know, I'm a nervous person. I've told you this story before about how when I finally did, some big things happened to me in eighth grade. We moved to a house that wasn't quite as much in the country. Instead it was just like the buried in a cul de sac in the woods. But it was still less countryish than where I grew up. And I got a new bike and I was able to ride my bike about four or five miles into town to watch movies in a tiny little movie theater in downtown Medina, Ohio. But I remember seeing Father of the Bride and just sitting in the theater and just sitting in that theater the whole time being worried about my bike that was chained up outside, which, that was Medina, Ohio and literally next to a gazebo in 1992 or whatever it was. Now I'm in Seattle and I don't want to be like, oh, Seattle, so dangerous and crime ridden. But you really do have to keep an eye on your thousands of dollars worth of bikery.

[A]

I promise you that you have. The second thing I did after I put the deposit down on this little bike, the next thing I did was start trying to Gorgle around for like, well, how do you lock these things up? Yeah, because it is, I'll tell you, it's more expensive by. It's probably three times more expensive than the first car I ever purchased.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, they're very expensive.

[A]

You know, they can be. The one thing that's kind of nice about this is that it doesn't look like an E bike very much or like doesn't immediately present. So hopefully. And also my plan is literally to ride it to the McMinimans, have dinner and ride it home. So I'm not planning on leaving it, you know, highly exposed for hours and hours and certainly nothing's going to happen to it up here. But I really. But, but you're. You're right. I immediately started thinking like, you know, okay, now when I get this thing and I assemble it, how am I going to make sure that somebody doesn't, you know, steal it from me?

[B]

Now imagine you're me and you live in North Aurora. You know what I mean? You want to ride it to the grocery store, you want to write it to anything in oak tree. You know, like you really got actual concern, like Pee Wee Herman level. Do you remember that scene you just keep pulling the chain?

[A]

One of the top five film scenes of all time. Yes.

[B]

As he just keeps pulling the chain. I had a VHS of that where the framing was off, the cropping was off. So some of those visual effects were actually ruined for me because I could see the bottom of the chain coming through. I could see the effect. Did I ever tell you that?

[A]

I think you did, but I forgot about it.

[B]

I lost that VS tape.

[A]

Oh, I wonder how many copies of that were out in the world where they just didn't quite realize that they were. It's amazing that that made it onto the tape. Like, what?

[B]

Cute. I don't know. And I also, there was another thing because I thought it was a joke growing up until I grew up and I saw like an actual, a different version of the movie. This is a store bought cassette tape. There's also a scene where they're driving at night. I think he's with. He's in the car with the con who's on the run because he tore a tag off mattress. Anyway, you could see the track. So obviously the, the senses that you're in a car moving forward at night, but these signs are passing you on the left and the right. I could see the tracks that the signs were on. And I thought that was a joke in the movie until I could actually.

[A]

Be like A very funny. Yeah, funny meta joke too.

[B]

That's what I would kill for that tape. I think my friend Kristen took it and didn't take it. I think I gave it to my friend Kristen and I don't think she's gonna hear this. I think I've asked her about this before. I think I let her borrow it in high school and I never got it back. She denies it. We haven't spoken in 30 years.

[A]

I'm just trying to think what the. How that version would have ever been presented to the public, even accidentally. Like what would. It must have something to do with aspect ratio and basically like the way that the movie looks before it gets formatted into a certain format and they're just somehow in the transferring of it to the vhs. It didn't get put into the format it was supposed to. So it allowed for this extra stuff.

[B]

You know, I just typed in there's got to be a website dedicated as quickly as possible. I just typed in Pee Wee Big Adventure VHS crop wrong. And the very first thing I See is a 30 second video on Instagram that says do you remember the poorly cropped VHS and TV versions of Pee Wee Herman's or Peewee's Big Adventure? So it wasn't just me. And sometimes just seeing a little bit of this just make it. It eases my brain to know that I wasn't totally making this up because I again, like all kidding aside about Kristen, like I have not seen this version of it since I was in high school at the latest.

[A]

Speaking of films, Andrew, Golly Lee, am I excited about this project? You know, here's the thing. There are lots of, lots of ideas for projects that never quite get off the ground. But Deadline Hollywood reporting that Paul Giamatti is attached to play Art Bell in a movie about Art Bell and about the radio show coast to Coast.

[B]

I did not see this.

[A]

If I heard that they were making a Coast to coast movie, I would be pretty excited anyway. But I could really see that movie going wrong. Like just being something really hokey or just somebody who's not particularly talented portraying Art Bell or whatever. But the idea that it's a Giamatti of. I could really use a win here. I could really use a win here that like Paul Giamatti is going to play Art Bell. Like that is so encouraging.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For the, for the prospects of this film being good and watchable and like I am, I'm absolutely psyched about this idea. I really, really, really hope that it comes to fruition.

[B]

I think I'D watch Giamatti in anything. And it's not just because he's a good actor and a charismatic screen presence in his own way, but because he does. Doesn't seem to choose bad movies. Right. Like, he's just very discerning in what he.

[A]

Big Fat Liar with Frankie Munoz.

[B]

Oh, no. Has he been in some shock?

[A]

No, I think that movie is beloved, actually.

[B]

Oh, I don't. I've never heard of it. And it sounded like you were. You were.

[A]

We talked about this a while ago. It is a movie where Paul Giamatti gets dyed blue. I think he is. He's like some bad guy who's out to kind of get Frankie Munoz and his. Whoever the co star is, and somehow they managed to turn Paul Giamatti blue. But I think even that movie, for people who are of the like, who were basically tweens when that movie come out, I think that movie is actually very beloved. It supports your point. I don't think Giamatti's been in very much bad stuff.

[B]

Speaking of turning people blue, I would love to play a voicemail for you.

[A]

Here I go once again with the email.

[B]

Every week, I hope that it's from a female.

[A]

Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[B]

I meant to tease this at the beginning of the show, and I forgot. I wanted to say if you've ever wondered what it's like to hang out with a member of the Blue man group, you're about to find out. I'll hand things off to Dan in Miami. Hey, guys.

[C]

What's up? What's up? This is Dan calling from Miami. How are you? I live in Chicago about 20 years ago, and a friend of mine's brother was actually a Blue man in the Chicago show. And it was hilarious because whenever our friend's brother would, like, come out with us or go to parties or whatever with us, he would always have, like, a little bit of blue paint, like behind an ear or like around his eye or whatever. I mean, I mean, it was just the weirdest thing. And then to boot. So this buddy of mine, just to kind of put the time frame in context, it must have been Halloween of maybe 2006. So this guy, he shows up in his costume. He's wearing a T shirt, or maybe he had, like, on his head like a book. And then there were little cutouts pasted onto the T shirt of people's faces. And we were like, matt, what the hell are you? He said, oh, I'm Facebook. And we were all like, I don't know. What the hell? That is like, none of us had any idea what Facebook was. And that was, I think, the first time I had heard of it, anyway. Blast from the past, Matt.

[A]

I'm afraid I just blew myself.

[B]

Matt, that of the Blue Man Group, always with a little bit of blue paint somewhere.

[A]

That's like, kind of in keeping right, with the Tobias character.

[B]

It really is. This I thought of immediately, because when he joins the Blue Man Group, then you'll see him in other scenes, and there's just always a little bit of blue paint somewhere on him or on.

[A]

The wall, like the fridge maybe or something.

[B]

Yeah. I think also. Yeah. Isn't there some infidelity or something that is. That is discovered because of blue paint being in inopportune places or not in a place. A place can't be inopportune, but anyway.

[A]

But wait, does he actually. Does he ever go through it? Wait, Tobias being unfaithful? That's not Tobias.

[B]

I know I could be wrong about this, but I believe Tobias, during his Blue man phase, is also working in a place that is a restaurant during the day, but an S and M club at night or something like that.

[A]

Sounds like I could hear this at the tertiary pot.

[B]

Obviously, he doesn't quite realize, or he pretends to not realize, the sexual nature of the place he works. And I believe he does take up with at least a very heavy flirtation with another worker there. I believe I. You know what? As much as I prefer to think.

[A]

Of Tobias crying in the shower.

[B]

Yes. Wearing his cut off is true. There are dozens of us.

[A]

Well, thanks for that voicemail.

[B]

Yeah, I loved it.

[A]

Yeah, that's great. It's good to know that Arrested Development is actually a documentary.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Based on real events. All right, well, I guess that's gonna do it for today's episode. But here's the thing about tbtl, and I've been trying to explain this to people for years. It's about quantity over quality. We are going to be right back tomorrow doing. Doing this again.

[B]

We're gonna give you so much TV tale, it's gonna make you sick.

[A]

I. I was thinking about this a little bit because I, you know, I listen to the Howard Stern show a lot, and I'm actually a little behind. And they only do on a good week. They do three shows and. And they're off. It feels like about every other week. And they take, you know, very long durations of time off. But even I'm still behind like five or six episodes of that show. And then, so I'm catching up. And then I. I think, oh, these poor, poor TBTL listeners. Like five of these a week for the rest of your natural life. So we're back here tomorrow with more of it. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall, and good luck to all. I could really use a win here. Power out.