#4416 Brother Could You Spare A Yub Nub?

Summary

TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live – Episode #4416 "Brother Could You Spare A Yub Nub?"

Release Date: March 5, 2025

In this engaging episode of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh navigate a variety of topics ranging from local neighborhood antics to ethical musings on fried chicken. Their dynamic banter offers listeners a blend of humor, insight, and relatable conversations. Below is a detailed summary capturing all key discussions, notable quotes with timestamps, and the episode's overarching themes.

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1. Music Appreciation: The Unappreciated Original Recordings

The episode kicks off with Luke and Andrew delving into a debate about music quality, emphasizing the distinctive warmth of original recordings compared to modern sound.

• Luke Burbank (00:05): "The thing no one appreciates is these are the original recordings. Oh, you can't get that warm sound anymore."

Andrew expresses surprise that some listeners dislike the music's sound, leading to a spirited exchange about audio frequencies and musical appreciation.

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2. Neighborhood Drama: The Stolen Liberty Bell Backlash

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the recent theft and subsequent recovery of a Liberty Bell replica from Andrew's neighborhood. The hosts clarify location discrepancies and address misinformation circulating in local media.

• Andrew Walsh (04:03): "A Liberty Bell replica was stolen from my neighborhood... it was found on Northwest 83rd Street in Ballard."

• Luke Burbank (05:23): "I also don't even think that's Roosevelt North. It's on Roosevelt Street, but I don't think the neighborhood is Roosevelt."

They receive input from listener Justin in Greenwood, correcting earlier reports and highlighting community pride despite the incident.

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3. Personal Stories: Luke’s New Haircut Experience

Luke shares his recent experience of getting a haircut at a new salon, detailing the challenges of scheduling and the satisfaction with the service received.

• Luke Burbank (02:28): "Yesterday I went to a new place to get my haircut and it went well."

He contrasts this positive experience with previous frustrations at Great Clips, appreciating the professionalism at the new salon despite its quirky decor.

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4. Ethical Reflections: The Divisive Nature of Fried Chicken

The conversation takes a thoughtful turn as Luke and Andrew discuss the ethical implications of consuming fried chicken, touching upon animal welfare and personal consumption choices.

• Andrew Walsh (16:43): "Chickens have kind of rocketed to the top of the thing that I feel a lot of guilt around."

They debate the morality of eating chickens versus other animals, with Andrew emphasizing the visual nature of consuming whole chickens compared to processed meats.

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5. Musical Interlude: Dissecting "Drops of Jupiter"

In a humorous segment, the hosts attempt to recite and parody the lyrics of Train's "Drops of Jupiter," showcasing their comedic chemistry and playful interactions.

• Luke Burbank (10:07): "Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair..."

• Andrew Walsh (10:48): "Can I tell you something interesting I just learned?"

Their playful rendition highlights their ability to transform a popular song into a source of humor and light-heartedness.

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6. Listener Communications: Voicemail from "Dave" and Sports Team Advice

Andrew shares an amusing voicemail from a listener seeking guidance on choosing a baseball team to support, sparking a lively debate about team loyalties and the emotional investments of fandom.

• Andrew Walsh (55:36): "Help me find a team to make the world not terrible. Because I know nothing about sports listener."

• Luke Burbank (56:34): "Can we re-examine the idea of not becoming a Mariners fan?"

The discussion extends to personal anecdotes about interactions with fellow sports fans and the pitfalls of rooting for underperforming teams.

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7. Donor Spotlight: Catherine's Message of Hope

The hosts take a moment to acknowledge their donors, featuring a heartfelt message from Katherine Kachunas in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Katherine emphasizes finding joy amidst chaos and building community.

• Catherine's Donor Message: "If you feel like it's too much a focus on keeping yourself safe, sometimes being yourself can be an act of defiance itself. I want the best for each of you. Love you all."

Luke commends the sincerity of the message, reflecting on the importance of positivity and community support in challenging times.

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8. Analyzing the Enigmatic Scott Hoy Lawyer Commercial

A standout segment involves dissecting a perplexing lawyer commercial featuring Scott Hoy, which has garnered viral attention for its confusing narrative and presentation style.

• Luke Burbank (40:52): "Somebody labeled it on YouTube as the most confusing commercial ever."

• Andrew Walsh (46:24): "We've seen a series of one car accidents recently involving rollovers and serious injuries to passengers."

The hosts speculate about the commercial's intent, client base, and potential scripting issues, ultimately finding it endearing yet perplexing.

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9. Closing Remarks: Adrien Brody Backlash Tease

Towards the end, Luke hints at an upcoming discussion on the Adrien Brody backlash, suggesting that listeners can expect continued commentary on this evolving topic in future episodes.

• Andrew Walsh (63:32): "We didn't get to the Adrien Brody backlash, but I'm sure they'll still be backlashing tomorrow."

The episode concludes with a blend of humor and anticipation for upcoming content, reinforcing the hosts' commitment to providing a mix of light-hearted and substantive discussions.

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Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank (00:05): "The thing no one appreciates is these are the original recordings."
• Andrew Walsh (04:03): "A Liberty Bell replica was stolen from my neighborhood."
• Luke Burbank (10:07): "Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair..."
• Andrew Walsh (55:36): "Help me find a team to make the world not terrible."
• Catherine's Donor Message (32:04): "Sometimes being yourself can be an act of defiance itself. I want the best for each of you."
• Andrew Walsh (46:24): "We've seen a series of one car accidents recently involving rollovers and serious injuries to passengers."

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Conclusion

Episode #4416 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a delightful blend of local intrigue, personal anecdotes, ethical discussions, and humorous interludes. Luke and Andrew's effortless camaraderie and ability to tackle diverse topics make this episode a must-listen for both regular followers and new audience members seeking relatable and entertaining conversations.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

So you're saying earlier that some people, they don't like the sound of this music. Really? Oh, people get fully mad.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

The thing no one appreciates is these are the original recordings. Oh, you can't get that warm sound anymore. You know, the bass, the treble, the mids. Oh, that right here. Oh, here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Yeah, that's the. That's mids, right? Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's really got that thing on it. Well, it's not on it, it's in it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I like it a lot. Yeah, some people, they're just so ignorant to music. It's kind of sad. I would say totally tbt.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, there probably won't be anyone here.

[Luke Burbank]

And if there is, they'll probably think I'm some kind of jerk for wanting just two potatoes.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's your lucky day. You just found a USB flash drive in the parking lot.

[Luke Burbank]

Let the fun begin, brother. Who are you? What are you doing? I'm with the news, dude.

[Andrew Walsh]

See, this is exactly the problem with lamestream media. Leave half what you see and just a little bit of what you hear. And monkey see, monkey doo, monkey pee all over you. Booty. Scoop, scoop, poop, poop.

[Luke Burbank]

I could really use a win here. Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome everybody to a Wednesday edition of TBT all. The show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ah.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hate you because you look different.

[Luke Burbank]

Where it is absolutely beautiful today. Oh, ma pa. It's just beautiful. Blue skies, few wispy clouds. The absolute perfect climate to bring you episode 4416 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Tempted to play my new favorite sound effect there, but it was personally requested. Did I stop doing that? So much from somebody who has a back channel to communicate with us that maybe a little less of the bell tolling, which you know, only means a little more of the bell tolling. Probably from me. Anyway, yesterday I went to a new place to get my hair cut and it went well.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pretty. If you got cute hair, I'm gonna.

[Luke Burbank]

Say, damn, girl, you got some cute hair. Went pretty well. That passes as content here on the show. Yes, it does. An update on my haircut. Also, this is a notoriously audio based medium. Also, the Brody backlash continues. Not just about this long, meandering self serving speech that he gave or his Saturday Night Live rasta character he decided to do, but something involving his chewing gum at the Academy Awards. You're A gross person. So we'll delve into that. And we're going to talk to this guy, the longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships, although he's also known as the man who brought the rock.

[Andrew Walsh]

And roll edge to the Eagles.

[Luke Burbank]

He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, my friend, Andrew Fingers Walsh. Because I brought the rock and roll edge.

[Luke Burbank]

You did to 2024 is looking like a year that you're squarely back in the driver's seat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Andrew, is that what the press release said or did it say 2025?

[Luke Burbank]

It was 2024.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it was. I didn't even notice that joke yesterday, which is actually leads me into something I wanted here at the very beginning of the show that we can dispatch with pretty quickly. But I'm feeling very defensive about another thing that I either got wrong or I like to think I was so up on the news early that there's been a quiet correction.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Issue. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen this?

[Luke Burbank]

I think I might. And it involves.

[Andrew Walsh]

It involves the bell.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love the bell, by the way. I stand the bell. The bell is amazing. Keep it.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the person who said stop doing that knows the show very well. Yes. And knows that if you, if you tell me to stop doing something, it will likely cause me to do it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It might have been an attempt at reverse psychology, in which case it's working perfectly because I want to hear that bell. So not to bring this up three days in a row, but a bell, a Liberty Bell replica was stolen from my neighborhood. We talked about that on Monday. It was quite the scandal. On Tuesday we reported that it had been found, I believe sometime during Monday. And the news broke that it was found on Monday night. And you and I talked about that on yesterday's show. And I was adamant that it was on Northeast 83rd Street. I had specifically said it wasn't North 83rd because that would be closer to. My neighborhood is North East 83rd Street. I remember reading that in the Times. The story had just broken. I mapped it out to figure out exactly the kind of the. The borders of Northeast 83rd as compared to North 83rd. Got a note from listener Justin in Greenwood, who's. Who's kind of like, you know, pertains to all of this. That neighborhood says actually it was Northwest 83rd street where it was found in Ballard. So don't be maligning the people in the great neighborhood of Roosevelt when this thing was Found in Ballard on Northwest 83rd.

[Luke Burbank]

I also don't even think that's Roosevelt North. It's on Roosevelt. It's Roosevelt street, but I don't think the neighborhood is Roosevelt.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, that's true. If it's. That would be more Maple Leaf, because this was by the res. Basically, let's say. Let's say Maple Leaf.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm trying to connect with our listeners on the east coast by being nervous, pedantic about this meaningless thing that was for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tierra in Baltimore. Go Ravens. Go Ravens. Go Orioles. I need to learn. I promised you I was going to learn about the Orioles before the baseball season so I can bro down the hat, right? So I can wear my hat in public and bro down with Orioles fans as I run into them at the grocery store. Anyway, is there any chance. I just wrote back to Justin. I'm like, you know, I went back to the article. The article says Northwest, but is there any chance that there was a typo? In the Seattle Times when the story first broke about the bell being found, it said Northeast. I looked up Northeast, ran with it the next day on the show. And did they quietly. Is there a chance that they quietly fixed a typo and turned it back into Northwest and didn't.

[Luke Burbank]

In order to make you look foolish?

[Andrew Walsh]

Not in order to make me look foolish. I realize I. I mean, I realize how this sounds, the ego involved, but, Luke, I was. I know. I was standing by my dartboard. It said northeast. I'm like, oh, northeast. Let me map out what is northeast. I wouldn't have. I swear it was northeast. I feel like I'm being gaslit by the times.

[Luke Burbank]

Earth face east, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. That's what we learned.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe you, Andrew, because I think that's the kind of specific detail that you would be sort of double check on, because you are so. How do I put it? You're not overly confident about direction, directional, things, stuff like that. I feel like you wouldn't. You wouldn't shoot from the hip on something like that because you're very cautious. And so I tend to think there must have been a typo in there.

[Andrew Walsh]

I like to think so.

[Luke Burbank]

I was.

[Andrew Walsh]

I saw this this morning. This is how. This is how I wasn't going to bring it up.

[Luke Burbank]

Even though I did put in those intersect or those coordinates and then street viewed around that yesterday or no, no, this morning when I saw the same email, I was not gonna bring it up. I didn't feel like I needed to.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, neg you, but I Pile on like Justin.

[Luke Burbank]

Precisely. But I did go on the Google street view and walk around that neighborhood that Justin was referring to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

To see if it. If it rung any bells for me as it rung because of. Oh, you mean this guy? Because I was wondering if that was over by where I used to play football when I. Ballard Peewees football. And we practiced at a field called Loyal Heights, which was over there. There's that Safeway on 15th. Yes. I think that's called, like, Crown Hill.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah, maybe so.

[Luke Burbank]

Justin may have even been wrong because Justin was calling it Ballard. I think. What? Justin. And again, this goes out to Tierra in Baltimore. I believe. Justin, you might be describing Crown Hill.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. That might be the Crown Hill area. I kind of like that area. It feels like a. Feels like. It does feel like one of those areas with. That's between areas a little bit. No offense to people who live or work there, but Free Lard is sort of a similar thing. That area between Fremont and Ballard. I don't like saying free lard. I guess I'm totally indoctrinated into that now. I remember the first time I heard free lard and I thought, no, that's not a thing. I'm not getting on board with that. And here it is 2025, and I'm just dropping it in a podcast.

[Luke Burbank]

It also used to have a strip club that I believe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Free Lard or Crown.

[Luke Burbank]

No, Crown Hill. That little area. I believe there was a strip club there that on some nights it was male dancers, and some nights it was female dancers. And I always thought Dangerous Game, Dano.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's funny. In most cases, a different audience. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. You'd figure. And I believe it was where on her bachelorette party my first former wife went with her friends. It was a bachelorette party, as one does. And I believe someone reported to me later that she got a dance to the song Drops of Jupiter by Train at. That was the night that they had guys there, I guess, on that strip club in Crown Hill. And, you know, I have fond feelings towards this person I used to be married to. It's very amicable. But maybe that would have been a moment of reflection. We went with Drops of Jupiter by Train as our. As our lap dance.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that was a choice. That was. Is, you know, karaoke. Do they give you a binder?

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I. I wasn't there. I mean, I was in the parking lot.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can you remind me of trying to.

[Luke Burbank]

Look through a peephole, trying to monitor the situation?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I was Making. Just making sure there was.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, just being.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just trying to. What's the word? Control. The situation. I was being.

[Luke Burbank]

That's how the police described it later.

[Andrew Walsh]

How does Drops of Jupiter go? Can you sing it for me? I know it's a song. I know. I just cannot get it. I can.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I don't know the lyrics, but it's something like growl. It looks like she's a. Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair oh, yeah Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet? Did you something to the Milky Way? This is gonna be audio somewhere. I don't like it.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is gonna be.

[Luke Burbank]

This is gonna enter the Monk verse that heaven was overrated.

[Andrew Walsh]

The.

[Luke Burbank]

The. The. The. The line in that song that really kind of presented the exit ramp for me as a fan was something like, she's like, best soy latte that you've ever had. And me. Or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I tell. While you look that up, can I tell you something interesting I just learned? Because I have the video up here, but I'm trying not to play it because I don't. You don't want to risk the Spotify overlords. But you know how a few years back now, or probably a long Time ago now, YouTube started doing this thing where when you scrub the little finder along the bottom of a video to look for a specific part in the video, it'll show you what the most popular parts are, where people will replay things over and over. If it's an SNL sketch that has an iconic scene, you'll see a big bump there. Cause everybody goes right to that part. The drops of Jupiter has something I've never seen before, which is it starts out medium and just gets lower and lower and lower to infinity. By the end of it, nobody is fast forwarding to any fun parts. They're all just atrophying. They're all just. Just. Nobody's getting to the end.

[Luke Burbank]

Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair yeah, she acts like summer and she walks like rain Reminds me that there's time to change hey. Since the return of her stay on the moon she listens like spring and she talks like June hey, but tell me did you sail across the sun? Did you make it? Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded and that heaven was overrated Wa. We still got to get to this. Where's that soy latte now? She's. Now that she's back from that Soul vacation. Tracing her way through the constellation, she checks out Mozart. While she does tie bow reminds me that there's room to grow. Hey, hey, hey. Where do we get to this latte?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

How did I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh. Can you imagine? No Love pride, deep fried chicken, your best friend always sticking up for you Even when I know you're wrong. Wait, we're still not at the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, here we go.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you serious about a fried chicken reference?

[Luke Burbank]

This is the bridge. Can you. We're the first people to ever make it this far into the song, including lead singer Pat Monahan. Can you imagine? No. Love pride, deep fried chicken, your best friend always sticking up for you Even when I know you're wrong. Can you imagine? No. First dance, freeze dried romance, five hour phone conversation, the best soy latte that you ever had. And me, I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think the fried chicken is more interesting than the soy latte, honestly.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, it's a. It's a mess of a paragraph.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. We still have no love pride, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

What's that?

[Andrew Walsh]

I just. We live in a neighborhood that now has the world's cheapest fried chicken that.

[Luke Burbank]

Don'T overpay for it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You know, thing I would say threatening to buy, but we still have not tried that.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it advertised as. Is that. Is that the sales pitch?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's.

[Luke Burbank]

This is. We won't be undersold on this chicken.

[Andrew Walsh]

No sars. The. The aptly named Budget grocery store.

[Luke Burbank]

Not just a thing that RFK Jr. Thinks you should use castor oil for.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. They have, like, I think cheap. I know that they had signs for cheap chicken Thursdays at one point. It's my understanding that it now might be cheap chicken Wednesdays and Fridays. I don't know what the price actually is, but they have like a deli there with a bunch of fried chicken. And I will say this, all kidding aside, I will try it because fried chicken is one of those things that you find some real treasures of. You know, I don't see you being a fried chicken guy, but, like, I think in the south, like, some people think the best fried chicken fingers come from, like, gas station, you know, like gas stations and stuff. I feel like it can be a hidden treasure.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Because it comes down to probably the breading. Yeah. And are they doing. Are they, you know, are they dredging it and breading it there? And maybe somebody who's in charge of making them just happens have a. A good recipe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I kind of doubt it, but maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I. I Don't want to. Well, two things. One, I. I only saw the headline in the Seattle Times, but it sounds like the, the rivalry between what, like Isel's Fried Chicken and whatever the. Heaven Sent.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Has expired.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Somebody passed away.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, it's like what happened? Pulled out of the game. So is that he sells? Yeah. He was one half of the team that started a Zell's. No, Azelles is still there. But he split off because of some sort of. You see a lot of this in Seattle restaurants.

[Luke Burbank]

I think now there are three. Three Spider Mans.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, no. Just. Okay, calm down. Telling you what happened. There was a Zell's. It was the place.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm trying to interrupt you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, stop. I'm trying to interrupt you. And somebody else. There is some sort of infighting. So the guy whose name is Azell split off and started Heaven Sent Chicken. Okay. That was years ago. The latest news is Heaven Sent went from. I don't know if at its peak they had two or three restaurants, but they were down to one. And that last one has closed. Ezell is still alive, but he said, I just can't make it in this economy anymore. It's not going well. I'm an older man. So.

[Luke Burbank]

Heaven Sent fried chicken, which was the spinoff. Failure to thrive.

[Andrew Walsh]

But the people who are into chicken culture in Seattle say that Heaven Sent was the real deal. When the spit happened.

[Luke Burbank]

He was a Zell, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

He was a Zell. Exactly. And so even though he left his namesake restaurant behind, he had the good stuff. And now the good stuff is the gone stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, too bad. I. I say that and yet. And I don't want to. I don't want to be one of these sort of unfun people or a scold, but I feel like I've been really, unfortunately driving near too many chicken trucks on the freeway lately. I think it's cuz there's like a Foster Farms down in town like some sort of pro. I think I'm. I'm in a hot zip for where they're bringing those chickens. And you know, I don't think that chickens have a rich inner life, but I really, really don't like being on the freeway next to one of those trucks where they're all in those cages and the feathers are flying out and they're just, you know, bewildered. It's like it, it, it almost. I mean, I, I've got pretty mixed feelings about the whole thing, but I'm. Chickens have kind of rocketed to the top of the thing that I Feel a lot of guilt around. It's because I don't see cows in, you know, I don't see a thing of like a hundred cows in a truck going somewhere, you know?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I'm sure some will be careful what you say because your inbox be filled with people sending you grotesque images of cows. Please don't, you know, unsavory situations. They just don't happen to be in your line of sight right now. Right. But I will say, though, and I eat chicken. I'm not trying to sound like I'm above it, but I understand if you're anybody who has any kind of, like, kind of hesitancy towards meat or some kind of meat, eating something like fried chicken or barbecue chicken or anything off the bone like that, for me, is about as grisly as you get where you can, you know, if you think about the animal that you're eating, you can see the animal that you're eating. And we're not talking about taking chicken and then turning it into chicken sausage or even a chicken. A breaded chicken sandwich at a. At a restaurant, you can sort of like, you know, you're eating a sandwich, it's got lettuce, it's got mayo, it's got other things on it. But when you're just tuck and I. And I like it, by the way, I will continue to eat fried chicken, I'm sure, at least in the. In the near future, unless something significant changes in my life. But I completely understand chickens. You have the morality thing that you mentioned, which would go along with most meats, I think, or all meat. You have the kind of like, yeah, you can really see the form of the chicken while you're gnawing at it. And thirdly, chickens are dirty. You know, like, when I think of birds, I just think of birds as being dirty, and I think of chickens as being dirty, and they're minced little weird dinosaurs.

[Luke Burbank]

Easy, Verner.

[Andrew Walsh]

Stupidity is overwhelming.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, that's a pretty good hurt song.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm trying to remember what the actual line is. Wait, don't play it yet.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because. Is it the intensity of their stupid. The intensity of their stupidity is overwhelming.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe he says something like, the enormity of the flat brains. Or maybe the enormity of their stupidity.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, the enormity. Do you have it? Because I have it right here. The enormity of their flat brain.

[Luke Burbank]

Brain.

[Andrew Walsh]

The enormity of their stupidity is just overwhelming. You have to do yourself a favor when you're out in the countryside and you see, chickens try to look a chicken in the eye with great intensity. The intensity of stupidity that is looking back at you is just amazing. By the way, it's very easy to hypnotize a chicken. They're very prone to hypnosis. And in one or two films I've actually shown that.

[Luke Burbank]

Meanwhile, this is the same guy who got, who, who got emotional when he looked at an animatronic baby Yoda puppet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

He's really, he's a, he's a super feeler.

[Andrew Walsh]

He really is. He's a, he's a, he can, Yeah, I was gonna say he contains multitudes, but I guess we say that about a lot of people. But he is an interesting cat.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm, I think the world is better for having good old Werner Herzog out there. Okay. The other big news today is that I did go to a new place, got my haircut yesterday and I was a little bit nervous because it was livey, laughy, lovey. Oh, by the way, Andrew, after all of the reminders that they were sending me these text auto generated text reminders, I still almost missed the appointment. I was filing it under the wrong time in my mind. I thought it was at 1:30 and at like 12:58 I thought let me double check that. And I did. And of course it was at 1:00. So then I jump in the car and I call down and I, it rings and rings and I said, hey, I have this one o'clock appointment but I'm running a little bit late. I'll be there at like 1:10. And there was kind of a long pause and then the woman said okay. And I was like, oh, is this, does this portend bad things? It didn't. The place was totally empty. Nobody was getting a permanent thankfully. And the one of the owners took care of me, sat me down, gave me a good haircut. She fixed what the Great Clips people had to was basically untapped. He had untapped greatness at Great Clips in the Fred Meyer for one thing. The last couple of times they'd been leaving this little poof of hair on the side, on the left side of my head.

[Andrew Walsh]

It wasn't symmetrical.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it was like a little ledge. It was like a little ledge of hair that came down to kind of where I'm indicating.

[Andrew Walsh]

I saw it yesterday when you pointed it out, but I assumed it was on both sides of your head. It's weird. I guess it was just cause you part your hair on one side so that caused it. I Guess.

[Luke Burbank]

And so I said, yeah, this kind of weird ledge thing. She goes, yeah, you know, a lot of times on men's hair, it tends to grow a lot around the sort of temples area. You know, I mean, that's why even when people go bald, usually that area doesn't go away.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Generally speaking, there's something about. Why don't they make the whole airplane out of that, Andrew?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

Something about that part of the hair that the head that tends to be pretty, pretty fast growing and pretty lustrous. And so she said, yeah, you gotta really kind of like stay on top of that. Like, she was immediately talking about the haircut in a technical way that I realized I'd been missing. I like that my, at my great clips. I mean, all nice people, but like this was a person who co owns a salon. Were they selling a lot of regrettable chainsaw art that might have been made by her husband? Yes. Like there was these. Would you walk in and I please, everybody be cool. Don't, don't. I want to go back to this place.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You also have not said the name of it and you won't. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

But the people figure out everything. The hive mind is, is. I've already given probably too many details. But all that is to say, you walk right in and at the front counter there are these two, I just have to say, very rudimentary wood figures of some kind of a. I don't even know what it is. A kind of a part demon, part cocopele type of a thing. Like it's a little wood figurine that stands up, but its head is kind of swooped back like the predators. I don't know. Anyway, and it's like two of them and it's like custom art by. And they're like 40 bucks a piece. And I was like, wow, this is, this is a reach. But anyway, despite all of that, the, maybe some of the aesthetic differences I have with, with some of the live, laugh, loving of the place, I wanted to take a picture of one of the things to send it to you, but there was, it was empty. So there was no way for me to go subtly take a picture of one of these signs without the owner of the salon seeing me do it. And I didn't want to have to make up an elaborate lie about why.

[Andrew Walsh]

I used to say something earnest like, oh yeah, my cousin is.

[Luke Burbank]

I love this. My cousin's also a barber. It was some kind of like a wordplay around hairstylists or something. But it was in that, like we Were talking yesterday. That kind of font, the live laugh, love font. Anyway, all of this is to say.

[Andrew Walsh]

It says I should tell the listeners. It does say live laugh love in a script. Shaved into the side of your head, kind of looping around the back of your head.

[Luke Burbank]

It was free.

[Andrew Walsh]

I like it. No, it's nice.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like, yeah, I will get full service on this. I will.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pizzazza.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Anyway, the haircut took like 15 minutes. It was $25.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God, are you serious?

[Luke Burbank]

And she did.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's even cheaper than my guy. That's five bucks off of my guy.

[Luke Burbank]

And the hair is so much better than it was. Like, I can just feel the difference of having somebody who knows what they're doing cut the hair. So this was a big success.

[Andrew Walsh]

And what about the experience, aside from the decor? Did it. I was saying yesterday that I sort of feel like there might be a spectrum. And I don't know much about this stuff, but it seems like there. There's kind of. There's barber shops, there's salons. There's probably a. I'm guessing there's a bit of a spectrum between those as far as just experience is concerned and, like, what you expect as far as, like, I don't know, trimming around a beard area versus maybe getting your hair washed in a tub or whatever. Although they do those that at barbershops as well. Did this feel a little bit more saloni than some of the barbershops you've gone to?

[Luke Burbank]

And did you like it?

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you get any advantages of that?

[Luke Burbank]

Just that the person cutting my hair really knew what they were doing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. But no, like, I didn't get like.

[Luke Burbank]

A hair wash or a mani, pedi or. Yeah, there was no extra, you know, anything other, like, you know. Yeah, I didn't avail myself of any of the salon aspects of it, but it was just like, super fast. 25 bucks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Love that.

[Luke Burbank]

Did a nice job. Yeah. So I'm very excited. I'm like, you know, this is my. This is my new thing. This is my new spot down in town.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is incredible. And again, I love Rudy's, but I. All you have to do, Andrew, $60 tip.

[Luke Burbank]

All you have to do is move to MAGA country.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well.

[Luke Burbank]

Where every day is a living hell of analyzing bumper stickers on lifted trucks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

But the haircuts are cheap.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you in the mode where you're seeing symbols? You're like, I don't even know what this symbol means, but I'm going to look it up only to Be appalled.

[Luke Burbank]

No, unfortunately, I know what the symbols generally mean. You know, I just. I'm just constantly having these battles. It's the. This was coming. This came up on Chris Hayes's great podcast this week, why Is this Happening? Where he was interviewing someone who has written extensively about troll culture and how basically troll culture, which started off somewhat apolitical, has now become the language that the right uses on, you know, in. In, like, moments of politics and things. But one of the things that they were saying, which I totally agree with, is it's built around this idea of, like, f your feelings. Like, the idea is, like, facts don't care about your feelings. I forget who. Who it. Who on that. You know, I don't know if it's Shapiro or whoever's credited with that, but it is a deeply. They are deeply butthurt at all times. They are. It is so much about their feelings. And when I, like, pull up to Home Depot and there's just a truck and it's got, like, a stick figure humping feelings, and it says, f your feelings, I'm like, you are so triggered right now. Like, you put. You put. Is it. Was it. Is it the great Ian Carmel, who has a bit about bumper stickers?

[Andrew Walsh]

Not that I know of. Are you sure that I even know the bit you're talking about? Because I don't think I do.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe this is Ian's bit, I think, where he says, like, when you see someone with, like, one of those really just, like, hateful, aggressive bumper stickers, just imagine them putting it on their window.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here, let me just imagine the moment.

[Luke Burbank]

When, like, the person had to, like, kind of position. It did clean the window. They had to take the back off. They had to place it on the window. Is that Ian?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think this is Ian. This is a little bit tough to do because it's Instagram, so you're going to miss the first couple of seconds here, but let's go.

[Luke Burbank]

Ever see one of those guys with one of those stickers and you're like, whoa. Like, you're a little intimidated if. It's like, if you get an abortion, I'll kill you. You know, like on a sticker.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just picture him putting the sticker.

[Luke Burbank]

Picture him standing up in the back of his Ford F350. Like.

[Andrew Walsh]

He'S pulling out a sticker, very carefully, peeling it off, very calmly straightening it up, taping it down. Very calm, very visual. Now he's wiping out any bubbles. Any air bubbles? Yep. Looks a little bit very. Oh, had to peel back the I'm glad we got Ian doing this. I'm just describing what he's doing.

[Luke Burbank]

I love it.

[Andrew Walsh]

At one point, he was pulling. He was pulling. Oh, shit, I stopped this. I can't fast forward. It looks like he peels back the corner. He's trying to, like, fix something. It doesn't work. And now he says, honey, bring me another Calvin pissing on Hunter Biden. Honey, bring me another Alvin pissing on Under Biden. I ruined the joke there. Sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I have to. I. I have to go there in my mind. I think you know what I mean when I'm seeing these things, because they're so triggering to me, and it feels so unfair, and it just feels like such a deep misreading of who has their feelings hurt all the time. Like, you know, like this, like, super guy who identifies as very macho and, like, I'm not about feelings, I'm about facts. And it's like, why are you spending so much time worrying about people who's using what bathroom where?

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, it's all so feelings driven, and I can't even talk about it. I get so spun up. I mean, it's literally all hypocrisy. And it just. This is the gaslighting part, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Underappreciated Nirvana song. All hypocrisy.

[Andrew Walsh]

All hypocrisy. Just, like. I just feel like screaming, like. But don't you see whether it's, you know, booting somebody out of Congress, a Democrat, for standing up and saying something during the address yesterday when Marjorie Taylor Greene did the same exact thing. What, last year or two years ago or whatever. It's like, no, they are. It's just absolute hypocrisy. And that is the most maddening thing. I woke up this morning, I'm flipping through news headlines, not even clicking on articles. I'm flipping through news headlines, and I just said to Genevieve, I'm like, I just don't want to wake up in this world anymore. And she said, you could have just stopped it up. And I was like, yeah, I guess. Yesterday. Yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to be cryogenically frozen and then woken up later. No, never woke up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Never woken up. Yesterday, Venus and I did a for. After these messages, we spent all afternoon just talking about why nothing matters. And it's hard to feel like anything matters. So we did a whole show on commercials based on existentialism, which, by the way, do you remember?

[Luke Burbank]

High concept. I like it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I only found about, like, maybe five, six, seven examples.

[Luke Burbank]

But the American existentialism The one that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought of first, that I was so proud of remembering was. Do you remember the toilet paper? I think it was quilted northern. Mr. Froggy or Sir Froggy commercial. This is literally one of my favorite commercials of all time, if not my favorite commercial of all time. It shows a toilet paper holder in a bathroom. It's just a quiet home bathroom. Looks kind of cozy. There's nobody in it. There's no action. And there's. I'm kind of stumbling around while I look for this as well. And you just see a close up of it. And the toilet paper holder is a little bit. It looks like maybe it's for maybe a kid's bathroom or something. It's like this cute little frog and his arms are sort of sticking out. And the arms are what you put the toilet paper roll into. Right. And he's kind of got these big cute eyes or whatever. And this is how the narration goes. Quilted Northern works so well. People can forget their bathroom experience, but Sir Froggy sees all and forgets nothing.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm watching it, too. He always knew he was destined for a life of service.

[Andrew Walsh]

He wasn't made to do anything else. He just didn't realize how unrelenting it would actually be. What's worse, he thinks that my arms can never relax or my eyes can never look away. Quilted Northern, Designed to be forgotten. Designed to be forgotten is. That's the way to sell toilet paper? Not look how clean my bare butt is or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, what if we pour 3 gallons of iced tea onto the. Let's enact something that's fecal like, to show you its whateverness.

[Andrew Walsh]

Give me a toilet paper commercial that admits that pooping is shameful and gross. Yes. That's all I want. Can we acknowledge that it's gross.

[Luke Burbank]

That's really. That's a great commercial. I'd never seen that before.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think it was maybe five, six years ago or something. I love that. But that was my existential commercial capper.

[Luke Burbank]

That sounds like a good episode of after these Messages. When does that. When does that hit the air?

[Andrew Walsh]

Last night. So I'm sort of stealing from that now. But yeah, it was a fun. It was kind of a fun episode. If you just want to hear me and Genevieve just keep on saying why nothing matters.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it also generated. It sounds like it. It led you to that tape that you were playing me some of before the show. Can we do this? Maybe we thank some dazzling donors and then maybe we can hear that tape.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, that's what the Donors want.

[Luke Burbank]

I want it. I need to. I need it to be introduced into the cannon so we can start chopping and screwing it. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set now. Ready?

[Luke Burbank]

Ready. All right. Let's thank those dazzling donors. These folks are donating a dazzling amount of dough, keeping TBTL in business. Folks like our friend Katherine Kachunas out there in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hi, Catherine.

[Luke Burbank]

What up, Catherine? Nice to see your name on the list again. Thank you so much. Katherine says I'm gonna be honest. If this is too much of a downer, you can just tell the listeners I love them. Well, Catherine, that would imply that I pre read these, and since I don't, I'm just gonna read the whole thing. I have not made a judgment as to if this is too much of a downer, so we're gonna read. It's your dime, Catherine. It's your multiple dimes that you're donating every single month. Thank you. If this is too much of a downer, you can just tell the listeners I love them. The donor message. This donor message request came one week since the big, terrible power shift happened. We all might be carrying around our fears and worries and care and love in a messy ball. I know I am. And if you are, I wanted to take this moment to encourage people to find joy in these times of, well, not easily found joy. Focus on the care and the love and hold it. It will make carrying the fear and stress easier. Find things that matter and try to make them joyful when the big things are failing. Build smaller, stronger places to hold community. If you feel like it's too much a focus on keeping yourself safe, sometimes being yourself can be an act of defiance itself. I want the best for each of you. Love you all. No listener Captain Katherine. That wasn't a downer at all. That was a message of hope and inspiration. And I guess you could say, unfortunately, as necessary today as when you wrote it, if not more. It's, like, interesting, this idea of Catherine contextualizing this and kind of saying, look, look, I'm writing this right after the inauguration, so it's very fresh. And I'm like, oh, no, hold my beer.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's gonna get worse. It's gonna get way worse. So that's a great message, Catherine. And I think a big part of, you know, our little show and our little community of listeners and how we've kind of banded together. You Know, around this time, I feel like I'm seeing. This is anecdotal, but I'm seeing a lot of emails where people kind of say, look, I needed this. You know, I need this world of TBTL and, you know, chipmunk talk and things that are maybe a little bit on the lighter side. Because like you were saying today, Andrew, everything out there is just so bleak. It's just unrelenting. So I'm really, really glad and honored that we can hopefully be a bit of a distraction from that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here's how we want to look at it. Right now, we're going through the Empire Strikes Back, but we, the tens are like the hobbits, and hopefully. Or not the hobbits. I'm sorry, the Ewoks.

[Luke Burbank]

I really wanted this to be a cross episode.

[Andrew Walsh]

And soon we will be hoisting C3PO up on a chair and parading him around in celebration and singing.

[Luke Burbank]

What's the song they sing? Ruck, ruck, chip, chup.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. Ruck, ruck, Jubjub.

[Luke Burbank]

They sing some kind of silly. The Ewoks sing a silly, silly song as their jubjub. Right? Is it jubjub?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm gonna write a note to your brother right now saying, hey, what song do the hobbits sing in Star Wars Part 3? And just see what he says.

[Luke Burbank]

Do the e. E. Chug. Chub.

[Andrew Walsh]

What?

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's like. I think it's like yubnub.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yubnub.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Yubnub, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Of course it is, Mom. It's not real. It's a yub nub.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a yub nub. The Ewok celebration. Hold on. I'm. We're skipping through a couple of preloaded ads. Oh, I hope this isn't. I hope that yubnub isn't on the left channel, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hallelu. We've really found our. Found our lane recently.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's small, furry rodent, like creatures from yesterday. Yesteryear. Come on, get to the yub nub.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I heard a yub.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, they're playing the drums on this? Yes. On a stormtrooper helmet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow.

[Luke Burbank]

Now Ian Carmel is unspooling the back of the sticker, placing it on a redwood tree. The song kind of slaps, actually.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it like.

[Luke Burbank]

I kind of like that chord progression or whatever when it's kind of going up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe we need that. Maybe we need to, like, isolate that and have it on hand for when we're spinning out of control into a Negative spiral. We just play that to pull ourselves up.

[Luke Burbank]

We Yubnub.

[Andrew Walsh]

We Yubnub.

[Luke Burbank]

I had. That's why I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Brother, could you spare a Yubnub show title maybe?

[Luke Burbank]

Very possibly. Maestro. On your mark. On your mark. Get set.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set now. Ready?

[Luke Burbank]

Ready. Well, look who it is. It's Luke Hertel of Wakefield, Rhode Island. And a Yubnub to you, Luke.

[Andrew Walsh]

And a Yubnub also with you.

[Luke Burbank]

And with you, Luke says. Picture this, if you will. It is Monday, January 27, at one in the afternoon in Panama City, Panama. Outside, the real feel is 100 degrees. But I'm not outside anymore, having walked two miles to a cozy, hip, moody bar called Mangle. The chill wave in hip hop and classic Latin music playing over the hi Fi is absolutely perfect. I don't know how to pronounce Mangle, so I didn't. Instead, I ordered a $6 gin cocktail called Good Grass. It is delicious and minty and wonderfully refreshing. And as the alcohol hits the blood. You know, I don't think I've ever thought of it that way.

[Andrew Walsh]

It is hitting your blood right bloodstream.

[Luke Burbank]

Makes it sound kind of weird. Makes it sound kind of not great for you, but, I mean, this sounds amazing, Luke, what you're describing. I open my email app. A gentleman, a gentleman by the name of Sklaroff is imploring a response from me. I know that I can no longer ignore his pleas. A task such as this calls for a second Good Grass. And this is a good decision, the last that I will make today. I will make good decisions in the future, and one of the very best will be to support my beloved podcast and the cobros that conjure podcastery magic out of thin air. Thank you, cobros. Thank you. Wow, what a dispatch.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

That's like some Rum Diaries shit. That's some, like. It's like a less annoying Hunter S. Thompson.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm behind on the White Lotus, but that gives me sort of that, like, vacationing White Lotus vibes, which makes me stay safe out there, Luke, as well, because bad things happen sometimes in White Lotus properties.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you know that my takeaway from that show, which is very basic of me, was I need to figure out where these hotels are and start staying at some of them.

[Andrew Walsh]

One of our listeners and friends. Oh, yeah, I just remembered who it is, but I won't identify her, just in case it's not public knowledge. A family member of hers, I want to say her father. I'll tell you off air, Luke, but somebody who we are both personal friends. With. I believe her father runs or ran one of the hotels that White Lotus is based on. I think season two, maybe season one. I can't remember. Definitely not season three.

[Luke Burbank]

I do believe it is something that has now been like the. I think it's the four seasons. Like, one of them was, was a four seasons which now is offering, you know, the White Lotus. I think they may have even. They might be selling, like, branded, you know, like polo shirts and things. Like, it's definitely been monetized. But. But yes, I am as, as I mentioned yesterday. But as my sort of frustration with severance grows, my love of White Lotus also grows kind of in opposite directions. Anyway, thank you so much, Luke, for the nice message and thanks also, Catherine, for supporting TBTL today. Couldn't do it without you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, let's talk about this tape that you were playing for me before the show started that I just was like, this needs to be in the show. This is. This is gold. How did you land on this audio so yesterday? Scott Hoy.

[Andrew Walsh]

So let me just give you a little background and after these messages, a podcast about commercials that day with Genevieve. It lands in your pod catcher every Tuesday evening, wherever you cast your pods. We usually, wherever you catch your pods, where I usually, you know, we will come up with some sort of a theme and find commercials that fit that theme where we heard that before. And the theme can be just something absolutely silly sometimes. One of my favorite episodes going back years and years now was Sell it. Like Selleck and I just found a bunch of commercials with Tom Selleck back in the day, played them for Genevieve audio only, and she had to guess whether or not Tom Selleck had a mustache in that particular commercial. One of my favorite theme. So anyway, we do stuff like that. Well, yesterday I was down in the dumps and feeling definitely some existential dread about the world. And Veeves was, too. And so I just came into my studio. I didn't even tell Genevieve what the theme was. I'm like, I'm going to work on the show. I'm like, I'm just going to find commercials that sort of like kind of capture that feeling of existential dread. And I did that. But it was hard. It was a difficult thing. Like, sometimes you're just kind of like, I don't know, commercials that take place on an airplane. Easy to find those things. You Google it. A whole bunch of things come back when you start looking for these more kind of existential. Yeah, what's the. I almost said Nietzsche which would have been a really proper.

[Luke Burbank]

That would have been great.

[Andrew Walsh]

These Nietzsche. In both terms, both meanings of the term commercials were hard to find. So I found maybe a handful of them. But in my. In my scouring the Internet, I also just sort of like I just kept on stumbling on a bunch of weird ass or sometimes good.

[Luke Burbank]

What were you binging?

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I first started with just existential commercials. TV commercials that bring back anything. Yeah, that brought back a progressive commercial where. I mean, I don't know how much we want to go into this, but there's a progressive commercial. Where do you. Do you know that Flow for a while had two nemeses in progressive. They were these two guys in silver suits who represented the competition. And they were just like these two, like white guys, very generic looking, who were her foils.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, I don't know if I.

[Andrew Walsh]

It doesn't really matter.

[Luke Burbank]

Those are really the TBTL of. Of insurance ads. And that they're making so many of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Them all the time expanded the universe so much. It's. It's really impressive, I think. But anyway, these two guys, there's a scene where they're just talking to each other, being like, why are we doing this? Why do we even like flow? What is the point of anything that we're doing? And so that was. That was actually the first thing that I got when I searched that. But I started searching for the meaning of life. Life has new meaning. What's the point? Followed by TV commercials. Not a lot. As I throw my net overboard to try to capture as many existential fish as possible. I didn't catch a lot of existential fish. I found some. But I also just started bringing up some other weird and interesting commercials. And so I told Veeves, we'll also just talk about what else I happened to dredge up today. 1. And I don't know how I landed on this particular one. Somebody labeled it on YouTube as the most confusing commercial ever. And people put a lot of stuff on YouTube. People will overdub commercials. I got a lot of people like overdubbing commercials to make them seem existential. And it's like, okay, guys, let's all grow up here a little bit. I have a podcast to produce, but this one is real and it is from a lawyer. This has all the hallmarks of one of those lawyer commercials where if you live in a specific town or area, you know the local lawyer commercials. And I was unfamiliar with this guy. His name is Scott Hoy, and I.

[Luke Burbank]

Don'T know, he appears to be in South Dakota.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, thanks for that. Okay, S.D. this was posted to YouTube 11 years ago. Not by him, not by his office, but by somebody who grabbed it off of TV and wanted to share it. And they titled it the most Confusing Commercial ever. And apparently it's Scott Hoy who looks, I think, like, again, I don't. I told Veeves on the show last night. I don't love getting into like, kind of making fun of how people look, but he's definitely got an interesting look. A Tim Heidecker esque character.

[Luke Burbank]

AI generated or somewhere between. Something a bit uncanny.

[Andrew Walsh]

White hair. About the vibe, kind of. Oh, back to Star wars. Kind of, as Genevieve says, sort of a Lucas. Yeah. Bottom of the face, sort of without the beard, kind of nice head of white hair. And he's sitting. I mean, I assume this aired around Christmas time. If not, it would be really bonkers. He's sitting in front of a Christmas tree and a Christmas stocking. They never are remarked upon. And he's just talking directly to the camera. And I'm assuming here, Luke, that some of the things he's referring to. He says some very specific things in this commercial that don't make any sense. And I'm just assuming that he is referencing things that were large in the headlines and. Did you say south or North Dakota?

[Luke Burbank]

South Dakota.

[Andrew Walsh]

South Dakota, 11 years ago. Can I just play this now and let people. And the reason I played it for you is we're often talking about the brilliance of Tim Robinson and his sketches that he writes for I Think youk Should Leave and how one of the brilliant things he does is he makes people talk in a slightly OD pattern. It's almost more realistic than most scripted tv, but it's just off by a tick. And one of this guy's sentences, we'll play it all the way through once and then we'll dissect it. But one of his sentences really sort of has that sort of odd structure. He uses the same verb twice.

[Luke Burbank]

We've seen a series of one car accidents recently involving rollovers and serious injuries to passengers.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if it's video games or what, but it's so unfair to, after something like this to blame people in the backseat or say they deserved it. I don't like consoling these parents about what's happened, but I'll do it until it stops. Will you please stop? I'm Scott Hoy and I approve this message.

[Andrew Walsh]

I approve this message. I guess he doesn't use the verb twice. He Splits his verb. He says to. What does he say in the middle?

[Luke Burbank]

He just played again.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, here. Just like, it's that middle line about. And also, like, what are you talking about? Why are you blaming people in the backseat? Is it about distracted driving? What are you talking about?

[Luke Burbank]

And how does this relate to his, you know, his attorney practice, his personal injury? Is he defending people who are part of one car crash, rollovers? But he only represents the clients that are truthful about what happened. Like, what's he.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did somebody sue the person in the backseat after they crashed their own car, saying, the person in the back seat distracted me? But also. So video games take a stray here.

[Luke Burbank]

We've seen a series of one car accidents recently involving rollovers and serious injuries to passengers. I don't know if it's video games or what, but it's so unfair to after something like this to blame people in the backseat or say they deserved.

[Andrew Walsh]

It, to say they deserved it.

[Luke Burbank]

Is he representing. Are his clients people in the backseat?

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I'm starting to wonder. Please stop.

[Luke Burbank]

But, like, was there a script for this ad or was it just. Did somebody just say, let's just get your feelings on this, Scott, and then we'll turn it into the commercial? Because this feels real. This is real jazz. This is real stream of consciousness, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It feels like. I feel like there were maybe several takes, and it's kind of like I want to react to these stories. I don't know. I mean, I feel like the more I explain it or try to explain it, probably the less beautiful it becomes because it really is beautiful.

[Luke Burbank]

We've seen a series of one car accidents recently involving rollovers and serious injuries to passengers. I don't know if it's video games or what, but it's so unfair to after something like this to blame people in the backseat or say they deserved it. I don't like consoling these parents about what's happened, but I'll do it until it stops. Will you please stop?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm Scott Hoy. Does consoling stop?

[Luke Burbank]

Is that where he gets the billable hours, is consoling the parents?

[Andrew Walsh]

But he'll console until it stops. But you don't. That's not how you stop things. By consoling.

[Luke Burbank]

I will con. I don't like consoling these parents, but I will until they stop. Please stop. Yeah, I'm really trying to figure out where the lawyering comes in here in this whole scenario. Like, I feel like these are generally like, you know, I'm a Law tiger, and I'll fight for you. And I have absolute zero insight as to who the clients are in this. Potential clients are in this commercial.

[Andrew Walsh]

Somebody said this like the script was written by repeatedly hitting a predictive text button over and over again until it became a sentence. I'm seeing if any of these people in the comments section have any kind of insight. Like, oh, yeah, I see this guy on TV all the time and this is what he's talking about. I see some people trying to explain it, but maybe not doing any better than we have. So I don't know, man.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, what I would say is a lot of these types of commercials, you know, for, for lawyers, like you said, some of them are just kind of. They're a little amateurish just because they are. Some of them are intentionally amateurish because they're in on the joke. Some of them are just like very repetitive and just kind of hit you over the head with something. But they, they sort of. They're effective in the sense that you remember them. You might remember the phone number. You might. If you were, you know, involved in some sort of illegal thing, you might think of this person. In fact, most of the billboards in LA now it seems, in fact, I think somebody wrote a piece about this somewhere that basically lawyers are like. Other than maybe the movie industry in LA are like the main people keeping billboard companies in business because there's so many illegal billboards. But in all those cases, even if the commercials are bad, they do stick in your head. I don't know what would be the circumstances that I would call Scott Hoy based on this commercial. I was a passenger in the backseat who was blamed. A person was playing a video game or what while driving. And then they rolled the car over and I was in the backseat being blamed. And he is. I will retain his services to console my parents.

[Andrew Walsh]

You forgot video games.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if it's video games or what, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I guess it's definitely aimed at teen drivers, right? Because it's like video games are making them drive their cars recklessly. He says specifically one car accident. So it sounds like these kids are joyriding and then hitting things. I am Googling around frantically trying to find something that I think I need to give up the fight on because it's going to distract me too much. But I like this comment from somebody who says, I'm surprised it took this long for one of his ads to go viral. They're just as weird as this one. His last commercial was a lengthy explanation I want to find this so badly. Can somebody help me find this? His last commercial was a lengthy explanation on the new phone system in the office and how it will better serve the client's needs. I think the target audience was people who get confused easily and end up repeatingly jabbing zero until a person comes on the line. I want to hear Scott Hoy explain the new phone system in his office.

[Luke Burbank]

From findlaw.com brilliantly confusing lawyer ad brings viral fame, more business question mark so.

[Andrew Walsh]

We'Re late to this. This has been celebrated internationally already.

[Luke Burbank]

Hoy told the Argus Leader, which I believe is a South Dakota paper, that he's been writing his own commercials for 20 years and suspects that trimming the commercial from 39 seconds to 30 seconds caused the confusion. Yeah, I think that is kind of what happened.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know what edits in this.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know what that nine seconds could have done.

[Andrew Walsh]

But also, I can tell you I'm watching this. There's no edits. Like, I'm familiar with clips like that. I don't buy that.

[Luke Burbank]

It would be one thing if the contents of the commercial were offensive, like that miserable racist law firm ad from late last month. They have a link to it. I'll just leave that alone. We don't need to hear that. That. That ad likely did an incalculable amount of damage to the firm's reputation. Hoy's ad was confusing and yet some might also say argue that it's endearing. Even Fallon. I'm probably Jimmy Fallon's late night mocking of the lawyer and his ad had a jovial tone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, so we're definitely late to this. And is this. What is the date on that? Is that like 10 years ago or something?

[Luke Burbank]

This was written in. This was written by William Peacock, Esquire. If you write for findlaw.com I believe. And this was. It says last updated March 21, 2019.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, sounds good. It looks like some of these are going back. The commercial itself on YouTube that I was playing is from 2013. So I guess we're a little bit late on this. You know, I want to take back something that I said and I want to clarify or ask you a question about something you just said. First of all, when I said I was like sort of challenging the fact that this was cut down. He must be talking about the script. Probably not. It was cut down in post. Right? Sure. He's like, well, I was trying to get my ID ideas out there and we had to cut out certain lines. So I guess that does make sense. I'll. I'll back off of that. And just to be very clear, when you were talking about some sort of, like, racist ad, that was not Hoy. Right. That was another. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

It was referencing some. Something that happened with some other law firm where they had put something out that was regrettable.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But, yeah, that was. I want to make sure that that's not. None of that is connected to Scott Hoy attorney. And also, he seems to be taking it all in stride, and here we are talking about him years and years later. So.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. What a legacy.

[Luke Burbank]

I will say. Well, I don't know. I will say that, like, the absurdity of that commercial would be a. Would dissuade me from retaining his services.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure. Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, personally, I'm not telling people in South Dakota what to do. He could be a great trial lawyer. He could really know his stuff. But that would. The incoherence of that isn't what I want to pay $200 an hour for to have standing up in court representing me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't instill a lot of conf.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not from a female. All right. Emails or v. Males.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. You know, I was looking for something at the last minute here. I have a voicemail from a listener. They are anonymous here. They did not leave their name. But I'm going back in my archive. Do you remember I use this in intro packages sometimes. Somebody called our voicemail years and years and years ago and was very excited because they were using. I think they were using the bathroom for the first time after it had been cleaned in a Mall. It's 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm in the Charleston Town center mall, and I think I'm the first one in this bathroom this morning.

[Luke Burbank]

It's perfectly clean, so power up.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know if you remember hearing that over the years. I was charmed by that voicemail probably 10 years ago. I think this might be the same person. I did not have to play that. I was just thinking of it on the fly. And I have this problem of having thoughts and then keeping them to myself. I think this might be the same person. Andrew Luke. I need help. I'm spiraling because the world is terrible and I. I'm thinking about getting into baseball, but I need to figure out what team I should get into. Obviously, I can't do the Mariners because That would be. I would be sucking up to you guys.

[Luke Burbank]

So I'm. I'm thinking about the Orioles. I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Help me find a team to make the world not terrible. Because I know nothing about sports listener.

[Luke Burbank]

Days from New York City and I'm in a bathroom.

[Andrew Walsh]

Please. You. Do you think it's the same person?

[Luke Burbank]

Sounds similar.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I don't know if it's the same person or not. Either way, I enjoy both of these voicemails. Yeah, absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

Keep them coming.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can we re examine the idea of not becoming a Mariners fan? Like, first of all, it's not sucking up.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And by the way, would that be the worst thing people to suck up to us a little more?

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Now, if it's between rooting for the Mariners or donating during the team tbt, I would encourage you to donate during the tbt, although on. And screw the Mariners. Having said that, I don't think it'd be sucking up. Now, I would say this.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a recipe for pain.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. If you're looking for escapism that will make you feel better about things. I don't, don't know that the Mariners are the solution for that. Because what if they have the type of season that they've had in the past and you end up being very, very frustrated? You will start bringing all of the bad energy you have about the world onto the team. If you're mad at millionaires and billionaires right now, you're going to start getting really mad at the millionair and billionaires who are very cheap about running the Mariners. So that's where. That's the one thing I would warn you against with the Mariners, but I would like more people to celebrate and bemoan with. So I would reconsider that for starters. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Not to mention that if. If this listener. They said their name was Dave, they.

[Andrew Walsh]

Didn'T say a name. That's the whole thing.

[Luke Burbank]

They said Dave in New York at the end.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, is that what he said at the end? I thought. Oh, I thought he said something about he doesn't want to root for New York at the end.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're probably right.

[Luke Burbank]

I heard enhancement help me find a.

[Andrew Walsh]

Team to make the world not terrible because I know nothing about sports listener days from New York City. Oh, listener Dave from New York City. I'm sorry, I misheard that. I apologize to you. And Dave, who I referred to as anonymous also, Dave, was that you who pooped in that clean toilet? Okay, so. Well, I love that. I mean, no offense. But I love that he's not just, like, going straight to the Yankees or the Mets.

[Luke Burbank]

Although the Mets, for some reason seem more rootable, but they're not. You know, the Mets are not underfunded.

[Andrew Walsh]

Either, but again, lovable losers, which is what I'm drawn to. Like, you don't want to root for the Dodgers, For God's sakes, that would be a bad move, right? In 2025, suddenly becoming a baseball fan and rooting for the Dodgers would be. I can't. I can't scare you away from that enough, Dave.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I mean, if you're going to do that, just become a Yankee fan in New York. Like, if you want to root for the Empire, then you might as well just stick with the pinstripes. But, yeah, so a team's. I mean, I honestly think Seattle would be a fun team to root for, not because of the on field product, but because there is a high probability that Andrew and I will devolve into much baseball talk this summer and. And then you'll kind of know what's going on. That would be an argument for the Mariners.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's the thing for me, as a. As a listener to the Le Batard show, I. I now root for the teams that they are invested in. You know what I mean? Like, I. If the Heat or whatever, unless it's against a team that I have a rooting interest in as a Mariners fan. Like, yeah, I like hearing about the Marlins. And so if I happen to be somewhere in a Marlins game is on, or if I'm. Or if I'm looking for something to listen to and I look at a big, long list of baseball games that are currently playing, I might choose the Marlins. Certainly when it comes to basketball, there's no competition in my heart, I would always root for the Heat. There's something nice about turning on a podcast that isn't specifically about that sport or that team, but just knowing that you're going to hear updates about them. So again, I guess I'm just pushing for the Mariners here, but other teams.

[Luke Burbank]

That I would include Minnesota Twins.

[Andrew Walsh]

Twins.

[Luke Burbank]

The Kansas City Royals.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I was going to say. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

What are some other.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would say, oh, I like the Orioles.

[Luke Burbank]

I like maybe Milwaukee Brewers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Brewers I don't know much about. But I did stop a guy. I shouldn't. Why do I do this to other people when I don't want them to do it to me? But I stopped a guy in the Sprouts grocery store the other day. We were in the bulk Food section. He had a little daughter there. They were very, very cute together. He looked like he had maybe just had a run or something like that. He was in kind of workout gear, but he was wearing a real. That brewers logo was cool. Isn't it? Like, that's the only thing I know about the brewers and that they used to be the Seattle Pilots. Right. The brewers were a Seattle team, so that's fun. But I was just like, hey, man, I love that brewers cap. How are they looking this year? And he said, I don't know. We always get close and we always get. We always get to the playoffs, but never anything after that. So that's all I know about them.

[Luke Burbank]

I would also throw in the Pittsburgh Pirates.

[Andrew Walsh]

This might be the. Like, you've got.

[Luke Burbank]

They've got that big mountain of a man pitching.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. And I've been hearing a lot of buzz about the Pirates. So if you wanted to sort of like get on board.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, on the ground floor. This might be the year for that.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just basically avoid anything from New York, Los Angeles or Boston.

[Andrew Walsh]

Although, I mean, the Mets, I gotta say, the Mets colors are really cool. Like, it's fun to look at the Mets and their uniforms and everything, don't you think?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And I remember being like, I really liked this pitcher named Ron Darling who was a Met back in the day. And they had. I think they had. Who else do they have? They had a few guys that I thought were. Seemed like kind of cool dudes. So I remember kind of liking the Mets when I was a kid. And they do have. They have Mr. Met too. The guy with a big ass baseball.

[Andrew Walsh]

Head and Mrs. Met. Oh, do you know that there's a Mrs. Met?

[Luke Burbank]

Is there a Mrs. Met?

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you know that's the joke that me and Paulie when we were at the All Star Game, we're actually at the draft, what was it, the 2023 baseball draft that was here in Seattle because it was part of the festivities and we saw a Mrs. Met kind of hanging around and she's like, she is like Mr. Met. Only her outfit is like what you would. What they wore in like, what's the. What's the movie with Geena Davis and.

[Luke Burbank]

League of Their Own.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, she's kind of got this League.

[Luke Burbank]

Of Her Own base start naming other Geena Davis movies. Like that uniform.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, death becomes her. Wait, is that Gina Davis? No, it's not Gina Davis. God damn it, Andrew. Beetlejuice.

[Luke Burbank]

Uh huh.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Beetlejuice is one anyway. But yeah, Paulie leaned over to me. He says, is there a Mrs. Mr. Matt? Which is just one of my favorite jokes of all time.

[Luke Burbank]

Great.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. I'm looking through the list of baseball teams here, and, yeah, I would honestly, like. I get. When I think of teams that give me the good feeling, I think of the Kansas City Royals, certainly, I think of the Twins. I still am pushing for the Mariners, and I think those are. Those are the main ones. Stay away from the Blue Jays, if you don't mind.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, peace and love to our listeners in Toronto and. And in Canada, generally.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Good call. Good. We love them.

[Luke Burbank]

We love them. We love you. But. But, you know, it's not great when. When the Blue Jay fans descend on our ballpark park. It's. It's a raucous time. So, anyway, and give us, Dave, if you are the same person that called from that bathroom, keep us posted on, you know, your various bathroom adventures. Although now we will know it's you. But.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. Maybe you didn't leave your name the first time on purpose.

[Luke Burbank]

That was exactly. We've outed you, sir, as a person who enjoys clean bathrooms.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep. All right. We didn't get to the Adrien Brody backlash, but I'm sure they'll. It'll still be backlashing tomorrow. So we'll.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm getting into that.

[Andrew Walsh]

We'll make a production suggestion here.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Genevieve might be working from home tomorrow. I might try to hook her in on that conversation.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I'd love it. I. Mostly the listeners would love it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. And before we got into this Oscars talk earlier this week, I had just neutral to good feelings about Adrien Brody, and boy, has the worm turned. And Genevieve has been on this tip for a long time. She says, I've been telling you that ever since Tina Fey warned us about him 15 years ago. So I'll see.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow. Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Would love to get some clarity on things. All right, that's gonna do it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.