#4437 Today's My Flursday

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4437 - "Today's My Flursday"

Release Date: April 3, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
Guest: Coach Ben
Episode Title: Today's My Flursday

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1. Opening Baseball Mishap and Introduction of Coach Ben

The episode kicks off with a humorous recount of a mishap involving Coach Ben, who accidentally crashes his computer with a baseball. This light-hearted moment sets the tone for the episode.

• Luke Burbank (00:00): "Righty on lefty. First pitch by Duval. Swing and it's fouled."
• Coach Ben (00:03): Describes the incident: "Straight back and off my computer. Oh, my goodness."

Key Takeaway: The hosts establish a playful and comedic atmosphere, introducing their guest, Coach Ben, who brings in his experiences and anecdotes.

2. Discussion on Oranges and Healthy Eating Habits

The conversation shifts to a deeper discussion about oranges, their taste, and the philosophical dilemma of whether to endure the hassle of peeling a challenging orange for better quality fruit.

• Coach Ben (03:17): "Would you rather have a tastier orange unsatisfying and difficult to peel like this one was?"
• Luke Burbank (04:31): "I think it would be worth the hassle to get to the better quality orange. Even if the peeling of it is sort of hard."

Insights:

• Eating Philosophy: Luke shares his approach to eating minimally processed foods, emphasizing fruits and vegetables over other choices.
• Health Considerations: They touch upon concerns like sugar content and digestive issues related to excessive orange consumption, showcasing their commitment to healthy lifestyles.

3. Flight Restroom Anecdotes and Mayhem Commercial Breakdown

A significant portion of the episode delves into Luke's adventurous attempts to use the first-class restroom while flying coach, which leads to a detailed critique of the Allstate Mayhem commercial featuring Dean Winters.

• Luke Burbank (07:15): "The perfect crime. Two times on a recent flight. It was like an ocean's 11 level caper."
• Coach Ben (12:25): "It's like the Conservative Political Action Conference."

Notable Discussion Points:

• Flight Escapades: Luke narrates his successful, albeit sneaky, attempts to access the first-class restroom without detection, highlighting his knack for unconventional problem-solving.

• Commercial Critique: They dissect the Allstate Mayhem commercial, debating the omission of the actual kiss despite showing significant family drama. Both hosts express frustration over the lack of visual payoff.

  • Coach Ben (19:45): "Sheila. Mom. Grill goes down."
  • Luke Burbank (26:30): "It was only a kiss. How did it end up like this?"

Key Takeaway: The hosts blend personal stories with sharp media analysis, offering listeners both entertainment and thoughtful critique.

4. Little League Junior Sluggers Update

In a special segment, Luke and Andrew introduce Coach Ben's Little League team, the TBTL Junior Sluggers, providing an update on the team's new season, uniforms, and player dynamics.

• Andrew Walsh (33:00): "This year, we redesigned the league logo and upgraded our jerseys."
• Luke Burbank (37:33): "The kids are great. You're such a fun coach to talk to."

Highlights:

• Uniform Enhancements: The team sports new jerseys with full logos, showcasing the podcast's sponsorship.

• Team Dynamics: Discussion on pitching strategies, player roles, and the introduction of new, enthusiastic players.

  • Andrew Walsh (40:18): "We have three or four kids who can consistently get the ball over the plate."

Quotes:

• Coach Ben (45:31): "We're going to make sure that you're pretty active because your reputation is on the line."

Conclusion: The segment underscores the podcast's community involvement and commitment to supporting local youth sports.

5. Donor Acknowledgements and Sponsor Messages

Towards the end of the episode, Luke and Andrew extend their gratitude to donors and highlight sponsor businesses that support the podcast and the Junior Sluggers team.

• Luke Burbank (47:07): "Travis says, 'Hey, friendos.' Thanks to Travis out in White Plains, New York."
• Coach Ben (53:31): "Bet your sweet bottom that I'm bookmarking this."

Sponsor Highlights:

1. C Suite Resolutions (51:14): Mediation and negotiation services for individuals and organizations.
2. Forest Wellness Collective (53:57): Offers massage therapies and wellness services.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank (54:34): "Isaac Sosby is an incredible massage therapist. Consider playing TBTL."

Key Takeaway: The hosts emphasize the importance of community support and the role of sponsors in sustaining their initiatives.

6. "Flursday" and Episode Wrap-Up

In a creative twist, the hosts introduce the concept of "Flursday" to extend their usual Thursday show, accommodating Luke's schedule.

• Coach Ben (55:30): "Instead of blurs days on a Thursday, we're gonna do flirsdays on a fly day."

Closing Remarks:

• Luke Burbank (56:17): "Have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall."

Conclusion: The episode concludes on a high note, reinforcing the show's blend of humor, community engagement, and insightful discussions.

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Overall Insights: Episode #4437 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live seamlessly weaves personal anecdotes with broader societal commentary. From light-hearted baseball stories and healthy eating dilemmas to sharp critiques of mainstream commercials, Luke, Andrew, and their guest Coach Ben engage listeners with a mix of humor and depth. The introduction of the Junior Sluggers segment highlights the podcast's community involvement, while sponsor acknowledgements underscore the collaborative spirit that fuels the show's success.

Highlighted Quotes:

• Luke Burbank (04:31): "I think it would be worth the hassle to get to the better quality orange. Even if the peeling of it is sort of hard."
• Coach Ben (12:25): "Look, he says, I'm the guy sitting next to your wife."
• Luke Burbank (26:30): "It was only a kiss. How did it end up like this?"

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For Listeners Who Haven't Tuned In: This episode offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and thoughtful discussions, making it accessible and engaging for both longtime fans and newcomers alike. Whether you're interested in quirky anecdotes, community stories, or media critiques, "Today's My Flursday" delivers a rich and entertaining listening experience.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Righty on lefty.

[Andrew Walsh]

First pitch by Duval.

[Luke Burbank]

Swing and it's fouled.

[Coach Ben]

Straight back and off my computer. Oh, my goodness.

[Luke Burbank]

That just happened.

[Coach Ben]

So my computer is completely cracked. I tried to put my hand up and stop the baseball, and it went straight back. And now that one almost came back.

[Andrew Walsh]

And this became one of the worst.

[Coach Ben]

Days I have had in quite tbtl.

[Luke Burbank]

Here's a sentence I never thought I'd say, but if you thought a sausage couldn't really hurt anyone, frankly, think again. So I'm what's known as a psychic medium, but I'm also clairsentient, which means that I feel my angels. I'm also clairvoyant, which means I can see. I'm also clairaudient, which is most of the time, I actually hear. I hear voices. And I also do financial advising. Listen, I'm not one of those college types. It's gonna talk your ear off. I bought a balloon. And it doesn't mean I think I'm.

[Coach Ben]

Better than everybody else. I have a beta sequence I've been working on. Would you like to see it?

[Luke Burbank]

All right. All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. It is our turn. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Feast your ear tongues on these memory pops. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where I. I think I jinxed it. Yesterday on the show, I said that we had turned a weather corner around here. We had not listener. The weather corner had not been turned. Wednesday was lousy. Today is not actively raining, but not great. This weekend, though. This weekend is supposed to be pretty nice, and I'm pretty excited about all of that. I'm also pretty excited about being at episode 4437 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. We've been talking about baseball a lot on the show this week, and I.

[Coach Ben]

This is a simple game. You throw the ball, you hit the.

[Luke Burbank]

Ball, you catch the ball. But what we have not discussed in the general realm of baseball is that we have a TBTL Little league team in the Parkrose League of Portland, the TBTL Junior sluggers, kids and fantasy. And we're gonna talk to coach Ben today to get a little preview of how the season is looking. So stick around for that. Also, it's a Thursday, AKA blurs day, so we'll do some blurs day messages and we're gonna talk to this guy, longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. He's Andrew Walsh and he' joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Coach Ben]

Boy, did I eat that orange quickly. I got orange in my teeth right now. I was very hungry. We didn't have much time to get rolling here because we have a very important guest coming up in the show. So I didn't want to. I didn't want to hold things back. So I just.

[Luke Burbank]

Very healthy snack, though, I have to say. Like, I'm proud of you.

[Coach Ben]

Did you notice that I turned off my camera while I was doing that because I was eating it quickly? I will. I have a question for you. It's a philosophical question involving oranges.

[Luke Burbank]

Notice me, senpai. Notice me.

[Coach Ben]

There's an oldie orange that I have here or had here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no longer an orange, past tense.

[Coach Ben]

But it was from a bag, like one of those sacks of oranges you can get at the grocery store. And this one maybe had, I don't know, 10, 15 oranges in it. And they're surprisingly good. They're very sweet. They're sweeter than I thought they'd be because oranges really run the gamut. And there's nothing special about these oranges. These were just like. I don't know if they're navel oranges or something. Very, very basic. These were not my fancy sumo oranges or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

You're. You're $10 oranges?

[Coach Ben]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You've been eating as part of the 1%.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, that's right. But I. These oranges are very tasty. They're smallish. They're smallish, but they're not tangerines. They're oranges. They're very, very sweet. I'm very impressed with the taste of them. But they are incredibly difficult to peel. And it sort of raises a philosophical question. Would you rather have a tastier orange unsatisfying and difficult to peel like this one was? I mean, a lot of the white sticking to the outside of the orange, me peeling it into a million different, like, shreds. Like, very unsatisfying in that way. But once that. Once that orange meat touches your lips, Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

That sweet orange meat.

[Coach Ben]

That sweet, sweet orange meat.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I would. I think it would be worth the hassle to get to the. To get to the better quality orange. Even if the peeling of it is. Is sort of hard. I don't think in my life I've ever gotten through a bag of oranges. Actually, I know I haven't because I don't think I've ever purchased a bag of oranges. Which is weird because I enjoy the experience of eating an orange. And yet since I have, I might, somebody might be able to go back in the audio record and find me, you know, find the fact that I'm, I'm incorrect when I say this, but I don't know if I've ever purchased an orange and brought it into my house here in Southern Washington.

[Coach Ben]

Do you know that I think this was from yesterday or the day before? I'm literally looking. I typed is into my Google search bar here to see what my search history says.

[Luke Burbank]

Uh huh. Oh, interesting. I'll do that too.

[Coach Ben]

And it says, is eating too many oranges bad for you? That is what I googled yesterday or the day before because I have been eating so many oranges lately. Like I'm, I'm good for like two oranges at night as a little dessert, as a late night dessert.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a great dessert for you. Again, I'm not, I'm not here to police what you eat and don't eat, but I mean I, I'm, I'm envious. What I think is so weird is that I've never brought an orange into this house that I can remember and yet I like oranges. It's not that I just. But it. And you know, I've been on this project in 2025. Oh, that's a good name for a project. I've been on this thing where I've been trying to like, I, I've allowed myself to now eat kind of whenever I'm hungry and as much of whatever I'm eating. But the idea is I want it to be something that grew in the ground or I can identify it as being something that's not, that's minimally processed. And I would put oranges on that list. They're minimally processed. I used to avoid them because they do have a lot of natural occurring sugar. That's the thing, they're high in carbs as far as a fruit goes. But like again, I've officially decided that I'm allowed to eat as much and whenever I want as long as the thing I'm eating is like say an orange. I just don't think I can go that wrong eating fruits and vegetables and things that grow out of the ground, even if I eat more of them than, than I would normally. So maybe it's time for me to really make a conscious Effort to integrate oranges into my life.

[Coach Ben]

Just a weed, man. How could it be bad for you?

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly, man.

[Coach Ben]

I'm pretty. I mean, I have always loved oranges. And like I say, I eat usually a couple at night, but also now, lately I've been eating them kind of during the day, especially if I'm like having more of a light. If I'm eating a salad, I'm maybe an hour or two later, I'm feeling a little snacky. I'll pull out an orange. But these are like smallish oranges. About the size of a. Maybe a baseball or maybe even. Yeah, about the size of a baseball. And so now I'm like, is four oranges a day too.

[Luke Burbank]

What did the Internet tell you?

[Coach Ben]

The Internet told me look out for sugar, but it also. But aside from that, it's like, can cause digestive issues, like heartburn. Well, I can monitor that. I know if I have heartburn, yes, I'm going to avoid these acidic oranges, but like, not. I can monitor that by just, you know, paying attention.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm sure if you, you know, read down below the fold on the Internet, somebody will have some whack theory about orange poisoning or something, or it can lead to whatever. But I mean, again, I think that sounds like a. That sounds like a very healthy fruits are a very weird thing for me. I mean, I've already established the orange situation. Also, I'm regularly buying green apples now because they're very good for me and. And Becca practically exists on green apples. And they're a very. And they're a very healthy fruit as well. Like, if you are somebody who's thinking about, like sugar content and carbs and blah, blah, blah. And I buy. I will regularly buy like three green apples. I might eat one of them and then the other two just eventually kind of desiccate. And wizen. I know wizen just means to get smarter, but it also seems like a thing that would happen to an apple that's drying out.

[Coach Ben]

Hmm. It's something that I used to do on the farm all the time. You just gotta. Not plugged in before.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I'm telling you, one of the great joys. I've got two, and they both involve urination. Andrew. One of my great joys, because I do live, I have neighbors, but there are certainly areas of my yard where you would not be able to see what's going on with me. And a little like, if I'm out working in the yard and I nature calls, I really enjoy peeing outside. And the Other thing I recently began to enjoy was in the bed, sneaking onto the. Sneaking up to the first class bathroom when I'm not in first class.

[Coach Ben]

Oh, wow.

[Luke Burbank]

The perfect crime. Two, two times on a recent flight. And it was, it was, it was like, it was like an ocean's 11 level caper. Andrew. Which was. I was in the first row of coach, which I always like to say is the first class of coach. And I needed to use the restroom a couple of times on the flight and I did not want to like go from row six all the way back to the very back of the plane. And I kind of needed to go somewhat urgently. And so I just. And they had closed that. They had closed that, you know, what do you call it? Curtain. They put that curtain out that they're letting you know. And both times I got up, I parted the curtain. I went through as the flight attendant was turning their back to me in that little area in the front because they were getting more delicious food and beverages ready for the, for the people that were in first class. And in both cases, the person turned their back to me as I went past them and into the bathroom. So they were unaware if I was a first class passenger or not. They had no idea. They just knew a human body moved behind them and went into the restroom. And then as I emerged, they were. They had turned their back to do some other thing. And like, basically this flight attendant, when we got to Portland, they had literally no idea that not once but twice a person who was not allowed in the first class bathroom had been using it. And I just, I felt like I was a master criminal. It was very satisfying.

[Coach Ben]

I would be terrified. I assume that if I go up there, just bells and alarms all just start ringing right away. Now, I also think you had the advantage of often being. You were like, you're a first class customer who's flying in coach. I am a coach customer who would be sneaking into first class. You know, like, I feel like you just sort of have the walk. You have saunter you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. You're not like us.

[Coach Ben]

Like you belong there. Right, Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I'll tell you what happened on that flight. I flew from. This was the flight home from Wisconsin. I flew from Madison, Wisconsin to Phoenix on Sunday night in first class. I was upgraded. This was on American Airlines, by the way, which was interesting because I'm not an American Airlines fancy guy, but because I'm an Alaska fancy guy and they're part of the same thing, I have, I don't have as, as much privilege With American, but I have apparently some because I was able to fly in first class from Wisconsin to Phoenix, but then I was in coach from Phoenix to Portland, and it's like, I wish I could have reversed that.

[Coach Ben]

Wait, really?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Coach Ben]

Isn't it? Oh, I thought it'd be a longer flight from the Midwest.

[Luke Burbank]

I think they were actually almost roughly exactly the same. A couple of hours. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I was on a longer flight. It was more just the experience of it to go from. To go from fancy town to regular town. I'd like fancy town to be the last leg of the trip. I'd like to end on a high note. Something to look forward to, not. Because that's. What if they would have. If the flight attendant would have stopped me in first class on that. On the second leg of the flight, I would have said, you don't understand. I was just like one of these people.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, look at me.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I was just up here for the last leg of this stamp.

[Coach Ben]

On the back of my hand exactly like you.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, you know, you. I know that. I know you think of me right now as part of the hoi polloi, but no, no, I'm much more like these people than you think. And therefore, I should be allowed to use the bathroom. Even though you've. You've pulled a full curtain across the aisle to keep me from doing it.

[Coach Ben]

Yes. I just. I don't know if I've seen bridesmaids and the like too many times, but I just assume that you always have somebody who's gonna be like, excuse me, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. You do not belong here. I do not like people telling me I don't belong someplace.

[Luke Burbank]

It really comes down to the personality of the flight attendant. Some flight attendants are real hodors about it.

[Coach Ben]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And. And some are just like, hey, whatever, you know, so that's. That's really. That's. That's really what's going to impact whether or not you get busted. Now, Andrew, this is a hard pivot, but I feel like I need to close the loop on something from yesterday's show.

[Coach Ben]

Yes, please. I hope it's what I think it is.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it is, but it's going to be very unsatisfying.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

In the words of Nathan Fielder, I hope you're hungry for nothing.

[Coach Ben]

I didn't know that was a thing.

[Luke Burbank]

It's memeified on TikTok. I believe he is pulling apart. He's pulling off a cloche, and there's nothing on the plate.

[Coach Ben]

We should look into what a cloche.

[Luke Burbank]

Has got that name. Somebody will solve that mystery someday. Yesterday on the show I spent a lot of our time together and the listeners time trying to find this CPAP commercial during the Mariners broadcast that made me annoyed because it was extolling what a great night's sleep this guy who was playing the person who has sleep apnea, what a great night's sleep this guy was going to get or was getting from his CPAP machine. But they did not show him wearing the CPAP apparatus, which I think is. It's a clear Federal Trade Commission violation because you cannot tell somebody that the CPAP machine is going to fix their sleep but not show them. The worst part of the CPAC experience, which is the. Not to be confused with the worst part of the CPAC experience, which is just called its existence. The Conservative Political Action Conference. I spent a considerable amount of time, Andrew, looking for this commercial on the recorded Mariners game that I have recorded on my computer because of my FUBO account.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I went inning by inning and could not find it through the first, let's say four or five innings. And I'm wondering if I hallucinated it or maybe I saw it on Chris's show. Television's Chris Hayes, because I do toggle.

[Coach Ben]

I will say I have what I do with yesterday's. Yesterday's game and Sunday's game being an exception. I have watched every inning of the Mariners games on Root sports and I have not seen a CPAP commercial that I remember. Now, some commercials are just so basic and boring that you could see them a hundred times. You don't even realize you've been seeing them. So I don't want to tell you for sure that I haven't seen it. But this rang zero bells to me and there's a lot of repetition. Well, that's one bell. There's a lot of repetition.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you retract that? Ding.

[Coach Ben]

So I bet you it might have been Chris's show.

[Luke Burbank]

You rarely get like, like, I don't think you can even buy one ad on the root app. I think that the. It's like Costco. You have to buy 1 million ads, therefore making it so that everyone is annoyed with your product. Real people steal people by the end.

[Coach Ben]

Of the baseball season right now. Hit a home run with your friends and family. Take them on a train. I don't know if that's going to run this year, but that's one of my favorite commercials. It ran for like five baseball seasons and I just love the they're just trying to put baseball into every single commercial in some way or another. And one of them was just for like a local train service. And it began with a local train service.

[Luke Burbank]

Train heating and cooling.

[Coach Ben]

No, no, actual like choo transit or something. It was like literally about like, hey, book a train trip for you and your family. And it started with hit a home run with your friends and family, take them on a train and Veeves. And I quote that all the time because it. Oh, it's really like I'm there, I'm talking quickly because I know we have business to today, but you. This whole CPAP commercial thing reminded me of something that I. I knew there was another commercial that I needed to talk to you about yesterday. Couldn't remember what it was. It's not a local commercial. So everybody can relate to this one. No matter where you're listening from. If you have all state commercials in your area, you're probably familiar with what's his name? Dean Winters. I want to say mayhem. Mayhem. Or is.

[Luke Burbank]

I always think of him as Liz Lemons no good boyfriend.

[Coach Ben]

Absolutely. Me too. And Genevieve makes fun of me because I say mayhem instead of mayhem. Although I've noticed that a lot of on the radio also say mayhem. Mayhem sounds like something that you serve for Easter. Any wholesales. Have you seen the Allstate? The new Mayhem Kiss Cam commercial?

[Luke Burbank]

No.

[Coach Ben]

You have no idea about this. Let me set this up for you.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Coach Ben]

We see a fella who's like a middle aged balding guy and he's grilling outside in his sort of driveway. His like kind of adult or maybe young adult son is also in the driveway sitting in a chair. They're chilling and grilling and they have an outdoor tv. This is a very kind of suburb. The very nice.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm the guy sitting next to your.

[Andrew Walsh]

Girl on the Kiss Kit.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought that was going to be muted. Andrew, what happened?

[Coach Ben]

I'm okay. I'm okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Sorry.

[Coach Ben]

I'm okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Should we cut that out so we don't terrify the listener?

[Coach Ben]

No, I think the listeners need to go through this the way I've gone through this and now they're carrying this.

[Luke Burbank]

I was trying to be a good broadcaster and watch the commercial that you were talking about. But then I was a bad broadcaster because I did not have my computer muted. And I apologize.

[Coach Ben]

No, no, it's fine. But here's what. So anyway, they're outside and they have a. They have an outdoor tv. It's a kind of suburban grilling, watching the game kind of situation. Dad and adult son, right? Or young adult son. And on the TV they show like whatever, there's a break in the game. And they're showing the kiss cam. Now one fallacy about this is they don't really show the kiss cam on tv. Most sporting events jumbotron thing, I want to get that out of the way right now. That's lacking some verisimilitude. But let's, let's just let it be. They're in this, in this scenario, they're showing the kiss cam on television and mayhem is sitting in the, in the bleachers or whatever along with a middle aged woman. And it turns out this woman is the man's wife and this kid's mom, this young man's mom. And they note that mom is on the kiss cam. Well, obviously that is.

[Luke Burbank]

What time will she be back? Oh my God. Andrew.

[Coach Ben]

Are you. Are you.

[Luke Burbank]

I was trying to play my wife. Listen, my friend, we can't all bat a thousand. I was trying to play that's my wife. Apparently there's like the full phone call that that comes from also called woif. I really. We have probably new listeners today because probably coach Ben has told everyone tune in for the junior sluggers update. And they're just hearing me at my absolute worst. I feel like Emerson Hancock, honestly. Send me down to the minors, please.

[Coach Ben]

You're making me look good. So I appreciate it. I need all the help I can get in.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm the mayhem of this show.

[Coach Ben]

That's what it is. Let's spin it that you're just embodying mayhem here, playing random. Okay, but anyway, the thing that drives me crazy about this commercial is the whole thing is about the kiss cam. It's focuses on the kiss cam. The, the son I think is like, dad, look, that's mom. She's on the kiss cam. And again they're in their driveway and the dad's like, what? And he's so concerned about this that he accidentally tips over the grill. The grill sets some bushes on fire. Now it looks like the house is going to go on, is going to burn down or whatever. But the thing is, during all of this activity, the commercial does not show the kiss. We see the kiss cam and then we see afterwards the woman looks a little flustered and of course Dean Winters is a handsome man, so she's like kind of into it. But we never see the kiss.

[Luke Burbank]

The guy sitting next to your girl on the kiss cam. And this game just got a lot more interesting.

[Coach Ben]

Sheila. Mom. Grill goes down.

[Luke Burbank]

Fire I do like that zero scaping they have. You might have to kiss your saviors goodbye. Let's go. Beat it.

[Coach Ben]

So was it just too racy to show an actual kiss in a commercial? And if so, get a different idea. Don't set me up for a kiss cam and don't show me the smooch.

[Luke Burbank]

It reminds me of when I saw the Thunder From down under, right in Las Vegas with the mummy and our friend Jessica for her bachelorette party. And the thing about the Thunder from Down under, they're a. A strip review of Aussies. And every time they were about to get fully down to, you know, au natural, the lights would go out. And I will tell you, by the end of that show, I have never wanted to see a naked man more in my life. Just because of the anticipation and the fact that every be like sexy firefighters are sweeping up the fire station, and then they would like, you know, get down to almost nothing. And then right when they would do the last bit of. Of magic miking, boom, the curtain falls. And I did not like that at all. I'm with you.

[Coach Ben]

I think that's ironic because there's so much frontal male nudity in this all state commercial.

[Luke Burbank]

Gene Winters, totally the father and son. Nobody has pants on.

[Coach Ben]

Nobody has pants on.

[Luke Burbank]

And they're not uncommented on in the ad.

[Coach Ben]

They're not hiding behind beach balls or shrubbery like it is all out there, yet they won't show the kiss.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's odd. The. The FCC rules are very kind of Byzantine. I'm with you. I think what happened was the Allstate people did not want to sort of cross whatever the Rubicon is of mayhem. Kissing people. Mayhem. Having conjugal visits with people during the commercials was a bridge too far for the Allstate folks.

[Coach Ben]

Well, then don't do it. Like, I just. That's what drives me crazy. Like, the Mayhem commercials, there have been dozens of them that create all these different scenarios to varying degrees of quality. I would say some of them work for me, some of them don't. But if you're like, you know what? We can't show the kissing, well, then move on to another idea. I just. I don't know why this irritates me so much. But, like, a kiss is not that big of a deal. We're not talking about what some members of Congress do during Beetlejuice performances at local performing art centers. Like, just show a kiss. Or if you decide that's too racy, move on to another idea. Make mayhem a Drunk fireman, actually. Bad idea.

[Luke Burbank]

But anyway, think about this. Think about this. My issue with it really is that the stakes are very high for this family. Like, and again, I'm not moralizing. People can do whatever they want to do. And also, people can be in whatever sort of, you know, their relationship can look like whatever they want. But in this case, I mean, what we're led to believe is that this is not an open relationship. This is. This family is destroyed by the fact that this mother has decided to go outside the marriage with mayhem. I mean, not only do they have a house fire to deal with, so they're basically probably, you know, they don't have anywhere to live, but the marriage has. Now. The marriage has been absolutely wiped out by, like. I just feel like this is. The stakes are too high. It's like. It's not like the one where it's like, I'm your kid brother you're playing basketball with, and you're trying too hard, and then someone dunks and, like, a basketball hoop falls over. Whatever.

[Coach Ben]

You know, that's his real brother, right? Oh, I.

[Luke Burbank]

You told me that. What did we become the official Dean Winters podcast?

[Coach Ben]

I don't know, man.

[Luke Burbank]

What's crazy is you have a different podcast about commercials that probably focus on him even more.

[Coach Ben]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

But, like, I'm just saying, don't toy with this idea of infidelity. Don't. You know, this kid? Honestly, this kid's life is. He measures it before and after. The day he saw his mother making out with Mayhem on the kiss cam.

[Coach Ben]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

That was when everything started to fall apart. And as a child of divorce, Andrew, you can relate.

[Coach Ben]

To quote my favorite president, look, she didn't go to this game with mayhem. They make it very easy.

[Luke Burbank]

It is our turn.

[Coach Ben]

He says, look, he says, I'm the guy sitting next to your wife.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that.

[Coach Ben]

In other words, they end up. They end up sitting next to each other. They're strangers. I am not saying that. I would love to turn on the TV and see Genevieve in a kiss cam and smooching a stranger. That is not on my bucket list. That is not something that would make me happy to see, but I would probably draw the line at calling that infidelity or a family destroying action. I don't think it's family destroying.

[Luke Burbank]

We're learning about the boundaries of your relationship.

[Coach Ben]

I mean, again, depending on what it is. But again, they. They've set up that scenario. You're saying, like, everything that you're just saying is, like, okay, this is. This is so crossing the line that is causing this. Just show it. Like if all the implication is there, just show it. It's just a kiss. It's 2025. It's really. The more I talk about it actually, the more love is.

[Luke Burbank]

Manuel Miranda says as Linda. Linda Manuel Miranda.

[Coach Ben]

Anyway, I'm sorry, I know I'm going on too long about this, but I just don't get why if you can't show the fundamental linchpin of the commercial, you don't move on to a different concept.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, is it because the premise. Yes, yes, new listeners, we're extending this. Hold on, let me just play an errant sound effect here to make this better. So is it your belief that did they kiss or did they not kiss? Andrew, I need answers. What is. Is your premise? That it's just very, very fear. Thank you. That's a reset. It's a palate cleanser. Is it is your theory that they. That they, they kiss and it's not being shown? You think they kiss?

[Coach Ben]

Oh, very much so. I don't think that's even a question. Let me re watch this and maybe you can make sure you're completely.

[Luke Burbank]

But they don't show it. In other words, could it just be that the very proximity of them is enough to scare the dad and the son and then they have the fire.

[Coach Ben]

I need you to zoom in. Enhance. Enhance at the very end. So now the house is on fire, but they show a close up of the TV again. And the woman has a look on her face like, whoa. And she turns like she's like kissed. She is like her eyes are wide and she's turning to her girlfriend next to her. She's like, that just happened. Like, like it is very clear that the kiss happened. They just won't show it on root sports. And I don't know why. I need to see this kiss. I need to see this kiss.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew, to quote the very fine band the Killers, it was only a kiss. How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss. Okay.

[Coach Ben]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I'm just. I don't want to keep going back to this, but I think this would be a very destabilizing event in the family structure of this family.

[Coach Ben]

Okay, that's fine. I mean that could be. It depends on your family, like you say. I don't know. Yeah, that doesn't explain.

[Luke Burbank]

This is not. Well, yeah, the if. Listen, this dad is freaking out, which tells me that they, that they have, you know, sort of parameters in their relationship or he doesn't like get out a video camera and start filming it, which would be a whole different kind of. Of family structure, more like your family, as I'm led to believe. Now, whenever you get up to over.

[Coach Ben]

There, there's a chair in the corner of my bedroom. It doesn't mean anything. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, you know, what color is your pineapple?

[Coach Ben]

Let's move on.

[Luke Burbank]

All right.

[Coach Ben]

All right.

[Luke Burbank]

I know this. Of all the shows, of all of the shows. For us to go here or go there, I want to apologize to the listeners, Andrew, and I also want to tell you about a really good apology that I recently got. Quickly, before we thank some donors and call up coach Ben, I had a guy that was coming over to look at some landscaping stuff that I need. Mostly I need them to spray some kind of an anti weed thing on the various parts of my yard that are prone to growing weeds, like these rockeries. And just the other day, even though it's been cold and rainy and terrible, I looked over and I saw the beginnings of these thistle plants that grow very rapidly around here, and they're a nightmare to deal with.

[Coach Ben]

So I am the kind that are really bad for dogs. I just learned about those.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I don't. I don't even know. Not having a dog out here, I can't imagine they're great, but. So I'm going to try to literally nip it in the bud. Is it nip it in the bud or nip it in the butt?

[Coach Ben]

Bud, I believe.

[Luke Burbank]

Bud. Okay. I'm going to try to literally nip this in the bud by getting some weed killer sprayed on these things before they take hold again. Because it was most of my summer last year, was crouched over in the baking sun, pulling these things out from between the rocks. All that is to say we had an appointment for my guy Cesar to come over and take a look around and kind of give me update on what this is all going to cost. And he just never showed up. And that was weird because I had hired him and his guys last summer and everything went great. And I said, oh, hey, I. I need to head out, so I'm guessing you're not coming by. This was last night. And I said, how about like Friday after 5? And then this, this morning got this text from him. Good morning. Sorry, I completely forgot yesterday and forgot to put it on my schedule. Friday is perfect. I'll be there after five. I was like, that's how you do it.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Just totally cop to it. Just like, hey, you know what? I forgot about it. And I didn't put it on my calendar and that's why I wasn't there. It was very refreshing. I feel like we in these, in these post factual times, I feel like we very rarely get a straight up. Yeah, that was. I just totally forgot to do that. But I'll come over on Friday.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, no, I like that as well. I think I try. I try to do that. If I. I think that's.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that's your move. Maybe. I appreciate this because that is not my move.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, you do. I don't want to beat up on you, but you have talked on the show sometimes like, I can't remember what the last.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, this has been through enough today with those sound effects.

[Coach Ben]

Wait, you're now the victim of your sound effects?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my goodness.

[Coach Ben]

Andrew, what's wrong?

[Luke Burbank]

TBTL Breaking news. We've got somebody sneaking into the studio and it is none other than TVTL. Breaking news. We got a Suzy B. Sighting.

[Coach Ben]

Oh, what's happening here?

[Luke Burbank]

Hi, mom. Come on over and say hi real quick. Hi, mama. Hi, love. Good to see you. Say hi.

[Coach Ben]

Hi, Susie. How you doing? Oh, you can't hear you because you.

[Luke Burbank]

Just have the headphones on. But how long are you guys gonna be around? Ma? 12, 20 minutes. Okay. Okay. We're gonna take a little break. I'll come out and say hi. Okay. All right, see ya.

[Coach Ben]

Bye.

[Luke Burbank]

My parents are dropping a vehicle off here and then on their way to Seaside, Oregon, their favorite place in the world outside of Florida. And, yeah, they're gonna go visit my sister and my nephews and everything. And then on the way back, my dad's gonna stick around and help me out with the house.

[Coach Ben]

So they're leaving their car at your house?

[Luke Burbank]

They drive down. They have a whole system. My dad packs up his truck with like, literally every tool known to man and then spends the next week telling me, I can't believe I forgot that one tool. Like it's. There's always something that he wishes he would have brought, but he didn't. But he drives his truck down with all the stuff in it. They leave it here, and my mom follows in their Prius. My parents are rocking a relatively new Prius, Andrew. Things are really coming together for the Burbanks. And then they continue on their journey to Seaside, Oregon, to their timeshare in the Prius.

[Coach Ben]

So can you get me a catalytic converter? I guess a Pre. Oh, wait, yeah, yeah, because that would be out of your. Your dad's truck, right? Because a Prius, I assume, doesn't have a catalytic converter.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, right. Because it's a. Theirs is a hybrid.

[Coach Ben]

Oh. So maybe. Yeah, it does both electric. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But I will check under his truck, just see if I can snatch one off of there. But anyway, that was truly terrifying because nobody ever comes out here. I don't expect anyone to knock on the door. And also, heaven forbid they text. Heaven forbid they throw a heads up to a guy. Hey, we're gonna be there in a half hour. It's just radio silence for two days. And then. Hi, we're at the door.

[Coach Ben]

Well, I know that we do have. Also you now have folks there who are mumbling about. We have a guest who should get on the line here.

[Luke Burbank]

So maybe we should get donors to thank. Let's do it. It.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

Our top story today, Andrew, the TBTL Junior Sluggers have reconvened in the Park Rose Little League. Now, you might be saying this doesn't sound like baseball music. This sounds like roundup from NFL Films. But this is, this is the music that coach Ben of the TBTL Junior Sluggers requested. And so that's what we're playing for him. Coach Ben, welcome back to TBTL for another season of Junior Sluggers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you, gentlemen.

[Luke Burbank]

I am so excited about this and that this is happening again. Not the least of which is because we have the, I should say we, they, the children, the small children have cool new TBTL jerseys. How did we get the upgrade to where the TBTL pendant is on their jerseys?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, this year we decided as a league to really step up our uniforms in general. So we went out there, we redesigned the league logo, we got some new vendors for our jerseys, we upgraded the style of them and we really insisted that we wanted all of our sponsors to have their actual logos on the uniform, not just the ironed on letters. And so this year, tbtl, your full logos on the back of the jerseys. We're super excited about it. And I gotta tell you, Luke, there are a handful of middle aged baseball moms on our team who are also very excited for you and Andrew to be sponsoring us again this year.

[Coach Ben]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

So there was a level of awareness of what TBTL is amongst the parents.

[Andrew Walsh]

The folks from last year. We've got some repeat families who are on the team. Last year, they're on the team again this year. Some of the new families, I had to bring them along, update them.

[Luke Burbank]

Take me through that conversation. We're really excited to have your kid on the team. But there's something you should know. It's sponsored by a podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's sponsored by a podcast, yes. And I usually start with, well, so do you know who Luke Burbank is? And their first response is no, never heard of.

[Luke Burbank]

Huh, Typical.

[Andrew Walsh]

Then I have to walk them through.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, well, who's Andrew Walsh? And they know who I am right away, though, I assume.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

They're like, he's the Rogan of the left.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, right. Sorry. Go ahead, bud.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I slow walk them into the podcast and, you know, I. We have some folks who wonder what it's about, and I shared some clips from last year, and so people are really excited about it now. Once they kind of get their mind around it, they're excited about the partnership. And we've got great players this year. So I'm excited to send you updates.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, let's talk about, let's talk about the season. What, what age division and kind of like, what are the rules tend to change in Little League from, like, when it's coach pitch to kid pitch, do they have pitching mounds, etc. Where, where are we at in all of that?

[Andrew Walsh]

So last year we were in double A, which by baseball league rules means, like, it's a mix of kids pitch. But, you know, if the kids aren't getting it over the plate, then a coach might jump in there. If there's a kid who's struggling, maybe they get four strikes, five strikes, seven strikes before they're out. This year, whole new ballgame. So it's real baseball. Three strikes, year out. The kids have to pitch the entire time, regardless if they're getting over the base or not. If there's a pass ball, and there are lots of pass balls in this league, kids are running on the bases.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, wow.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's going to be complete chaos.

[Luke Burbank]

Chaos ball, good. That's. I believe the last decent Mariners season was marked by chaos ball. How do the kids feel about playing for a podcast team?

[Coach Ben]

Do they.

[Luke Burbank]

Have they asked about it? Do they ask, what is a tbtl? What is this thing I'm wearing on my back?

[Andrew Walsh]

Not, not. A whole lot of kids have been asking about that. I mean, some of them, the players from last year, they recognize it and, you know, they love hearing their names shouted out in the game recaps. The new kids, they don't quite get it yet, but I'm sure they will.

[Coach Ben]

Now, let me, let me jump in here, though. While we're talking about, like, the name of the podcast on the back of the jerseys, I am sincerely concerned that I'm going to make things very awkward for Both of you right now. Because I don't know if Luke wants me to go here or if I should, but I want to talk about this with you, Ben. When we first hooked up with you guys last year, we were talking about what we would put on the back of the jerseys and whether it should say TBTL or the full name of our show, which is Too Beautiful to Live. And we're thinking about it for a second until it occurred to us, wait, maybe children shouldn't have the words Too beautiful to live on their shirts. Maybe parents don't want to see that on the backs of the T shirts, Too Beautiful to Live. So we went with the abbreviated tbtl, which is how we're mostly known anyway. Do you think. How would it have gone over if we just put Too Beautiful to Live on the backs of the kids jerseys?

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I wouldn't have had to explain anything to the families.

[Coach Ben]

They would have loved that.

[Luke Burbank]

You'd have been explaining something to law enforcement. Yeah, this is probably.

[Andrew Walsh]

We got some swagger here in Portland, so I'm sure people would have loved it. I know the kids would have liked it.

[Luke Burbank]

This also might explain why. And you know, things tend to work out in life. I mean, some of the time anyway. Like, the initial idea behind us having a Little League team was I really wanted us to sponsor a team in my childhood Little League in Seattle, the North Seattle Little League and where I played as a kid. They turned us down, which was shocking.

[Coach Ben]

Because we had the explicit little thing on our podcast for a while, the little label. That's an explicit yes, which I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Our old bosses maybe talked us into. This show is, generally speaking, I think, pretty. Pretty PG, maybe PG 13 on a bad day. But anyway, we're turned down by my childhood Little League, which seemed like God closing a door, but then he opened the window. Which is your team, Ben, which has been so much fun. The kids are great. You're such a fun coach to talk to. We love the updates. It all turned out really well. But I. I did find it at the moment disparity when my childhood Little League passed on the opportunity of us sponsoring one of the teams.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, you burned them once already.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Coach Ben]

Oh, as a player, I did.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, listen, I was a standout on the Domino's Pizza team. Yeah. Speaking of standout performances, what do we think the strengths of the team? Oh, by the way, what is the team's real name this year? Have we picked one? I call them the Little Sluggers or Junior Sluggers interchangeably. But what were they Last year, the Blue Eagles or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

They were the Blue Eagles last year named because during practice there was a bald eagle that would fly over our field. This year, our color is kind of a hunter green. And I've challenged the kids to come up with some names. They haven't picked one officially. I can tell you, with all the shortcuts.

[Luke Burbank]

Please, please.

[Andrew Walsh]

We've got the Dill Pickles.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, nice. Kind of Portland Pickles. Like, you could be the farm team to the Portland Pickles.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. The Dillies for short.

[Coach Ben]

I like that one. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Fighting Papayas.

[Coach Ben]

Nice.

[Luke Burbank]

I like it.

[Coach Ben]

Love it.

[Andrew Walsh]

The Cobras.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, intimidating.

[Andrew Walsh]

The Slugging Slushies, as slushies and ices are very popular amongst the players these year.

[Coach Ben]

Oh, I kind of love the slugging slushies. Ye.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's good. I actually honestly don't think there's. Well, the Cobras again. The Cobras is a. It's a cool name, but it doesn't seem to have the joie de vivre that I observed last year with this team of the kids just being, like, really fun, kind of like. And also, by the way, nice to the other team. Like, I just. I think you have such a great group of kids. I think the Cobras would be a little. A little ominous for this group of folks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, and if you remember, last year, there were a lot of, like, flaming cobras, Fire sharks, stuff like that. But I think that's played out. We're going the opposite direction.

[Coach Ben]

Yes. Which I really am into.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Coach Ben]

The Slushies.

[Luke Burbank]

In these turbulent times, can we just have some Little League names that spark joy in people instead of fear? What do we think that's what we're going for? What do we think the assets are going to be? Is this going to be a strong pitching team, a strong hitting team? Is it fielding? What are we looking for?

[Andrew Walsh]

So, you know, I'll say at this level of baseball, there's two key things. One is, can you get pitchers who can consistently get the ball over the plate? And we've got three or four kids who can consistently do that. Some who could throw the ball a little harder than others, but, like, just getting it over the plate so the ball gets into play. The other important position is catcher, because, again, there's a lot of pass balls in this league, and kids are running on the bases on those fastballs. Fortunately, we have a player named Yarrow who has got some catching experience. He's going to be our primary catcher, and I'm feeling real optimistic about what that looks like.

[Luke Burbank]

Does he call a good game? Is he good at managing the pitchers?

[Andrew Walsh]

I told him he's in charge of the team when he's out on the field. So making sure players in the right position, making sure the catcher. Sorry, the pitcher is doing what he needs to do. Yeah. Yarrow's got experience and he's taken charge. So I appreciate.

[Coach Ben]

That's great. Any ringers? Do we have any like 30 year olds who look quite young, like playing in the hot corner or anything?

[Andrew Walsh]

None of those. But I do have some players who are probably a little bit small for their age, but are the unexpected sluggers of the team.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you considered putting two of those players in the same trench coat and making them one player.

[Andrew Walsh]

But then you would expect more. I like the fact that they're going to come up to the plate and the other team will bring their, their outfielders in and then we're just going to slug it over their head.

[Luke Burbank]

That's so that's really smart. Plus smaller strike zones. That's right now, as far as I don't know. Do we have any. Were there any TBTL fans other than me who showed up to a game last year and is that frowned upon? Is it encouraged? What's the. Can people come watch the. The slugging slushies if they want to?

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. I'm not sure if we had any fans. If we did, they. They kept to themselves and were very quiet about it, which I can't blame them.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe it's better.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. We welcome everyone. Our games are on Saturdays at Sacramento elementary School in Portland. We've got an awesome Snack Shack.

[Luke Burbank]

Dude, that Snack Shack is top flight. I'm telling you. I've been around a Snack Shack in my time and that one, that was probably the best run Snack Shack I've ever seen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, and I remember you had some issues with nacho cheese last year. So I've been guaranteed by the snack managers that we will have ample nacho cheese and it will be warmed to the ideal temperature for you.

[Luke Burbank]

I did, I did get under cheesed.

[Coach Ben]

If I remember our kids. Still, I think under cheese. Is that a baseball term? I got under cheesed. I think it was at my little League diamond where I first learned the move of combining a whole bunch of different flavors of soda into one cup. We had a name for it where I grew up. It was kind of dark. I think they called them graveyards around here. Are kids still doing that? And if so, what are they calling them?

[Andrew Walsh]

We don't have a soda machine, so the kids aren't doing that. I'm sure they do it elsewhere though. The version we have in our league is at the end of every game, kids get a free snow cone. Now I think somewhere written in the bylaws of our league, it's like you get maximum two flavors per snow cone but kids are just going wild dumping every kind of color. It all comes out kind of a brown icy color. You know, it's flavor liquid banana, grape sour, apple, all combined. You see a lot of that going on.

[Coach Ben]

The sluggins snow cones could also be a decent.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that would work. And also that's a baseball term. When you catch it and the ball is kind of protruding from the mitt, but you do successfully catch it. That was a snow cone when I was a kid. Here's what I'm wondering. Is there going to be walk up music this year for the players?

[Andrew Walsh]

There is. I've not gotten that locked down quite yet. So you know, we just got our team like three weeks ago. The rosters, I've had one and a half real practices so far and our first game is Saturday. So I'm a little bit behind on the razzle dazzle. You know, that's like 90% of my coaching philosophy. Just wow. With the pinstripes and so we'll be adding that in later in the season.

[Coach Ben]

I thought it was interesting that you came here to the show today with your own walk up music. I was not privy to those conversations. What did you. Luke, did you say that's an old NFL theme. What is that? This?

[Luke Burbank]

I believe it's the. It's called Roundup from. Although of course now I. Ben, you don't know this yet because you weren't listening to the show early. I've been having a lot of problems with playing sound effects on the show when I don't mean to. And now I'm trying to get back to the. The theme song. But why does this song have such special significance for you?

[Andrew Walsh]

Because I just want to be like the coach on the frozen tundra field.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's the frozen soggy tundra of east side of Portland.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah. Little Lambo.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what they call it.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Ben, listen, I'm really, really looking forward to this. I'm going to get out to as many games as I can this season. I only got to one last year and it was like probably the highlight of my like spring and summer. But. But yeah, I really appreciate you guys having us along again for another season. We love your updates too. So So I don't want to add work to your already full plate, but if you can keep those coming this season, that would be great as well.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. You know, after every game last year I would sit down on the couch and write out a four page essay, but in text form to you. So I plan on doing that again this year and I'll throw in as many humorous jokes as I can figure out at 11 o'clock in the evening.

[Coach Ben]

Sounds good. And also we are going to be keeping an eye on things, you know, as the deadline approaches about halfway through the season, the trade deadline, we're going to kind of make sure that you're pretty active because, you know, there has been some complaints about talent acquisition and sort of a quiet payroll stuff. So a lot of payroll stuff has been talked about amongst the fans and.

[Luke Burbank]

So like go out and spend on that big bat is what we really like.

[Coach Ben]

That's what we're saying. Especially as the people putting up the money. So we're going to be keeping an eye on this stuff, okay?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, absolutely. I mean, it's your name on the jersey, so your reputation on the line. We're going to make.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if you're familiar with Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys, but it's going to be a lot like that this season. Gonna be right there on your shoulder all year monitoring this stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

I look forward to it, guys.

[Coach Ben]

Thanks, Ben.

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Hey, Ben. Thanks, man. We're really excited about this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me too.

[Coach Ben]

All right, talk to you soon. Bye now. Good luck out there.

[Luke Burbank]

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, ready. Go. Everybody rattle dazzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These, these are the fine folks who are, in a roundabout way, sponsoring a Little League team.

[Coach Ben]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I might have said. I think it might be Parkside. I think I said Park Rose. It's one of the two. But anyway, these, these fine folks are helping sponsor the Junior Sluggers with their donations. Without these donations, we don't have a show and we don't have a Little League team that we're sponsoring.

[Coach Ben]

No slamming slushies.

[Luke Burbank]

No slamming slushies. No what?

[Coach Ben]

No storm and normal snow cones. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Without Travis Spokes in White Plains, New York.

[Coach Ben]

Hey, Travis. Thank you as always.

[Luke Burbank]

Travis says. Hey, friendos. So another year has come and gone. The world has gone a bit topsy turvy, but it's good to know that there are good people like you and the tens out there fighting the good fight to make the world a better and saner place. Thanks for doing what you do and being our imaginary radio friends. Cheers. That's from Travis out there in White Plains, New York. Well, Travis, thank you very much. We would not be here doing this. I wonder, are there White Plains in New York? I mean, it's called White Plains. Are there? It's like the Cliffs of Dover.

[Coach Ben]

I'm the wrong person to ask. I'm not allowed in New York.

[Luke Burbank]

I almost flew to White Plains, New York once because I think I might have told the story. The last time White Plains came up, there was like a weird. I forget the name of. When I worked at KVI as a cub radio producer, there was some literally fly by night airline. It was not anyone. An airline anyone had ever heard of. I had the weirdest name. I want to say it was named like Romulus Air or something. There was some. There's some airline.

[Coach Ben]

Trekkies. Aren't Romulans part of Star.

[Luke Burbank]

They are. It was Dothraki Air. I know that's not Star Trek.

[Coach Ben]

It flies, but it looks like a horse.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, there was. I remember we were doing ads for some airline that flew to, like two places it flew to, like Detroit and like White Plains, New York. And I was a much younger, much less traveled person at the time, and so I was like, oh, if we get free tickets for doing these ads, can I fly to white planes? And again, that's nothing against white planes. I just didn't know anyone there. There was no reason for me to fly on the odd airline that had two, like two stops, Detroit and White Plains. But I. If they would have offered it to me, I would have been on the next flight to White Plains.

[Coach Ben]

It does seem like it's geographic in nature, the White Plains. It says that. I'm not going to try to pronounce this word because I don't think I'll do it justice, but apparently the Native Americans had a name for this area that meant White Marshes or White Plains.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay, gotcha. That's where it comes from. Well, Travis, out there in White Plains, which I almost visited once. Hell of a story, Burbs. Hell of a story. You'll get them. You'll get them tomorrow, kid.

[Coach Ben]

Why won't they show the kiss? I just do a different commercial if you're not gonna show the kiss.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the thing.

[Coach Ben]

That's.

[Luke Burbank]

Travis, thank you so much for your support. We couldn't do this without you. Maestro, on your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set. Now. Ready, Ready, Go. Everybody rattle daddle. Oh, look who it is.

[Coach Ben]

Is.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Judy Bornstein. Judy In San Mateo, California.

[Coach Ben]

Is Judy always checking in from San Mateo?

[Luke Burbank]

I think she might be our only San Matean. And this is. I bet you this came up last year, I believe, also the home of Tom Brady.

[Coach Ben]

Oh, that sounds about right.

[Luke Burbank]

San Mateo kid.

[Coach Ben]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

By way of the University of Michigan, I think Judy says, ahoy hoy. Wonderful Luke, Andrew and John and amazing tens. In these challenging and divisive times. I've started a new thing. Andrew, I'm saying divisive.

[Coach Ben]

Oh, yes. Well, wait, that's Judy's word though, right?

[Luke Burbank]

But I'm pronouncing it divisive instead of divisive.

[Coach Ben]

Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah, I think I go with divisive.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you go with divisive. I feel like that's classy. Yeah, it's not. The. The thing itself is not classy. It's terrible. It's tearing this country apart. But saying it as divisive is pretty cool.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, divisiveness is not cool, but saying it that way is.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I'd like to use my dazzling donor spot to highlight two businesses that can bring peace and healing to our troubled world souls.

[Coach Ben]

Great.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, number one. For tens who are experiencing conflict at work, at home, in your community, I offer mediation, negotiation, coaching and ombuds services for individuals and organizations. You can find me at C Suite Solutions. Wait, Resolutions. Sorry, hold on.

[Coach Ben]

What happened there?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I was trying to read this kind of long word that is C Suite resolution.

[Coach Ben]

If you look past the link, though, it's spelled out in a very helpful way.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Is that what the parentheses part is? I should start looking.

[Coach Ben]

I mean, listen, I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to give you a hard time.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not feeling triggered. I'm not feeling triggered.

[Coach Ben]

Yeah, you were reading it from the link where it all. All looks like one word. That's where I just was curious as to what happened.

[Luke Burbank]

But I want to be clear, Andrew. If you and I were having a dispute right now, Judy Borenstein would be the person that we would turn to at C Suite resolutions dot com. And that's the letter C. Yes.

[Coach Ben]

You know, C suite, right? That's like. Is that corner suite? Is that what.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's a kind of. That's not relatively new. It's probably been in the. In the conversation for, I'm going to say a decade, or at least I've been aware of it for a decade.

[Coach Ben]

About that. Yeah. But feeling like it was new at some point.

[Luke Burbank]

Definitely me. Me too. And so it is one more time. C suite, the letter C. Oh, wait.

[Coach Ben]

No, it's not about the corner office, though. I knew as I was saying that it's wrong. It's like if you're a CEO, a cfo, a coo. That's what the C stands for.

[Luke Burbank]

Right? It means high level. You're like a top level person.

[Coach Ben]

For a second I thought the C stood for corner. Like corner office, which is.

[Luke Burbank]

Could also. Those people probably have corner offices, some.

[Coach Ben]

Of them working around building buildings, though. Okay, well, see why I'm embarrassed.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no, I think we both embarrassed ourselves during this Judy Bornstein read. I especially love working with tens and discounts are available. So there you go. Listen, I'll say this. I have been through some. You don't live the life I've lived, Andrew, without going through some conflicts. Some of them legal, some of them marital, some of them otherwise. And. And it can be really. The whole difference in the experience is the person you have have helping with the mediation, the negotiation, coaching, all of that stuff. This is real. This is really important work that Judy is doing. So check it out.

[Coach Ben]

Bet your sweet bottom that I'm bookmarking this. Yes, I'm working with you any longer.

[Luke Burbank]

C suiteresolutions.com Then this is the number two thing that Judy points out. For tens who live in the Seattle area and who could benefit from the world's best massage, please consider Isaac Sosby. See what I did there, Andrew? I looked at Isaac's last name, which I didn't know how to pronounce. And then I looked ahead where there was something in parentheses which was how.

[Coach Ben]

To pronounce it, which is interesting. I'll give you. I'll give you a little chance to dunk on me here. I'm not even the one reading it. And in my head, even with the perfect pronouncer from Judy, I had that as Soza be and I don't know why. And you were reading it cold and got.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I just learned. Look for the pronouncer.

[Coach Ben]

We're already getting along better, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Judy, mission accomplished. Isaac Sosby is an incredible massage therapist. He can be found at Forest Wellness Collective, which is like forestwellnesscollective.com Isaac uses. You want to say something there?

[Coach Ben]

Oh, yeah, I was just gonna say I kind of see what's going on here. It's like Forest Wellness Collective, but it's Fore. Rest. It's all spelled the same way.

[Luke Burbank]

Imagine you're in the forest, but you're also resting in the forest. Isaac uses myofacial and neuromuscular therapies, Swedish Swedish massage, lymphatic facilitation, and sound healing to support his clients on their wellness journey. He's the best, Isaac. I'm just saying, consider playing tbtl. I'm sure that'll really. Yeah, you know, forget the pan flute. Let's just get me randomly playing audio from the Internet over at, like a thousand decibels, and I'll play.

[Coach Ben]

I'll play tape of guys in the casinos talking about their parlays as loud as possible.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just saying think about it. I think that's all.

[Coach Ben]

Considerate.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Coach Ben]

We're very relaxing.

[Luke Burbank]

Judy, thank you so much for your support. We really, really do appreciate you. We couldn't do this without you.

[Coach Ben]

All right, Luke, I know that now is the time where I'd usually fire the sound of Tim Heidecker singing our blurs day song, and then we'd be wishing a whole bunch of people happy birthdays, but we don't have time for that today, so we're gonna do that tomorrow. Instead of blurs days on a Thursday, we're gonna do flirsdays on a fly day.

[Luke Burbank]

It's my flirs day today. Today's my. Today's my flirs day.

[Coach Ben]

Today's my flirs day.

[Luke Burbank]

I love this idea. Yeah, we're doing. We're recording a little earlier than normal today to accommodate my schedule. And instead of. Instead of pulling down the. The, you know, the sort of like the door on the ticket gate or whatever, you know, early. For people that want to wish someone a blurs, let's leave it open extra long. Let's extend this into the Friday show so that everybody can get their proper blurs day celebration.

[Coach Ben]

And the way you wish somebody a happy blurs day is by emailing me andrewbtl.net and make sure to put blursday in the subject line and I'll grab it and we'll read those tomorrow.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. Thank you for your flexibility, Andrew. Thanks also to coach Ben for popping on the show. I'm excited. Thanks to all of you for listening. We will be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Coach Ben]

And good luck to all. Power out.