#4438 Don’t Throw The Bread Out With The Basket

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live Episode #4438: "Don’t Throw The Bread Out With The Basket" Release Date: April 4, 2025

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Introduction In episode #4438 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh delve into a myriad of topics ranging from quirky riddles inspired by 30 Rock to frustrations with modern-day AI integrations. The conversation is lively, filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful commentary, making it an engaging listen for both regular listeners and newcomers.

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Caller Segment: Pete from Manhattan The episode opens with a caller named Pete, who connects with longtime friend Peter Frampton, discussing the intriguing idea of hiding money. Andrew shares a cryptic riddle inspired by 30 Rock, hinting at Tracy Jordan's unconventional treasure spot: “It’s dry and warm. Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft. And although the location changes, it's always in the same place” (00:15).

Notable Quote:

Andrew Walsh [00:14]: "Listen, Tracy, I love the idea of hiding cash at work."

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30 Rock Riddle Discussion The hosts attempt to solve the riddle, initially mistaking it for classic puzzles like the Sphinx's riddle from Oedipus Rex and riddles from The Hobbit. They humorously struggle to identify that the safest place Tracy Jordan refers to is actually Kenneth's coat (16:15).

Notable Quote:

Andrew Walsh [05:02]: "I think of myself as a real kind of 30 Rock head, and I have no memory of that scene."

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AI Misinterpretations and Frustrations Andrew expresses his frustration with AI-generated content, highlighting how AI incorrectly interpreted the 30 Rock riddle as a euphemism for Tracy Jordan's anus. Both hosts lament the increasing intrusion of AI in their daily lives, from email summaries to mispronunciations in audio readings.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Walsh [18:13]: "The AI overview from Search Labs... says it's a euphemism for his own anus."

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CPAP Commercial Critique A significant portion of the discussion revolves around a CPAP machine commercial that Andrew finds misleading. The commercial omits the cumbersome parts of using a CPAP machine, focusing instead on positive associations. Both hosts agree that this portrayal is disingenuous and frustrating for those who rely on such devices.

Notable Quote:

Luke Burbank [30:10]: "He's looking at a little box, a little digital box that... I don't understand it. It's so like, is he... are we seeing a man who can't sleep because he... hasn't put on the CPAP machine yet?"

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Class Action Lawsuit Concerns Andrew shares his annoyance with unsolicited class action lawsuit postcards, particularly one from the Fred Hutch Cancer Center. He expresses skepticism about the actual payouts and frustration with the invasive use of AI in these communications.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Walsh [36:03]: "I threw it away. Like, does anybody get anything more than $50 out of a class action?"

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Baseball Card Nostalgia and Fantasy MLB The hosts reminisce about collecting baseball cards, discussing players like Jim Abbott and Deion Sanders. Andrew narrates his experience alphabetizing his collection and the excitement of finding rare cards. They also touch upon fantasy baseball frustrations, especially with players like Shohei Ohtani and Aaron Judge dominating the stats.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Walsh [11:12]: "But I just think this idea of, like, you... you pay a little money and then somebody opens these baseball cards, and then if you get a good one in there, like an expensive one, then you have a cool baseball card."

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Critique of Talk Show Production and Content Choices A substantial segment of the episode is dedicated to critiquing the production quality and content choices of a fictional talk show hosted by John Mulaney. The hosts analyze how the show mishandles sensitive topics like squatters, leading to awkward and offensive exchanges with guests like John Waters and Wanda Sykes. They express concerns over the lack of proper briefing and the potential for miscommunication, highlighting the importance of understanding the depth of topics before presenting them to a broader audience.

Notable Quote:

Luke Burbank [85:03]: "Nobody who works on this show has produced a talk show... they're not asking these questions. So they go up there with this very, very bad plan of that topic."

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Audience Engagement and Blurs Day Celebrations Throughout the episode, Luke and Andrew read and respond to "Blurs Day" greetings from listeners. These heartfelt messages celebrate birthdays and personal milestones, adding a warm and community-driven element to the show. The hosts express genuine appreciation for their listeners' support, underscoring the show's mission to combat loneliness through daily interactions.

Notable Quote:

Andrew Walsh [107:03]: "Happy Blurs Day to Sheila from Cindy. We can't wait to see you again."

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Closing Thoughts and Future Segments As the episode wraps up, the hosts discuss upcoming segments and the challenges of maintaining engaging content. They emphasize the need for thoughtful topic selection and better preparation to avoid past pitfalls. The episode concludes with banter about personal projects and the enduring camaraderie between Luke and Andrew.

Notable Quote:

Luke Burbank [116:22]: "Everyone rattle dazzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors... Have a great weekend, take care of yourselves, stay safe."

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Conclusion Episode #4438 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and critical analysis of current media practices. Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh navigate through diverse topics with their signature comedic flair, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful commentary. The episode highlights the importance of community, the challenges of modern technology, and the ever-present allure of nostalgia.

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Timestamp Reference:

• MM:SS indicates the minute and second mark where the quote or event occurs in the transcript.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Our next caller is Pete from Manhattan. Pete, what's your question?

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, Larry.

[Luke Burbank]

First time caller adore the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, I recognize that voice anywhere.

[Luke Burbank]

Larry.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's my friend Peter Frampton on the phone. Uh, sure. Listen, Tracy, I love the idea of hiding cash at work.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you be more specific about where.

[Andrew Walsh]

You hid your money? Of course, Pete. I hid my money in the safest place at 30 Rock. Without giving it away. The place I picked is very dry and warm. Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft. And although the location change all the.

[Luke Burbank]

Time, the money stays in the same place. If you are just joining us, we're with Tracy Jordan, who is giving guitar icon Peter Frampton enigmatic clues about a secret treasure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Stay with us.

[Luke Burbank]

TBTL.

[Andrew Walsh]

Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Friday. Friday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Gonna get down on Friday Everybody's looking.

[Luke Burbank]

Forward to the weekend. I don't know, guys. I think I'm gonna add Sam Fran to the last leg of my parlay. Right. What did he say? Said hairs his hair. Jana, he only chopped him down because.

[Andrew Walsh]

He couldn't see you no more.

[Luke Burbank]

What's his mum. Look, I feel a real need to express something, But I don't know what it is I want to express or how to express it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I am not gonna talk about myself.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna talk about you.

[Andrew Walsh]

And if I talk about you, I think I'm gonna talk about me.

[Luke Burbank]

We could not talk or talk forever.

[John Waters]

And still find things to not talk about.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, that. Gotta run. See you on the flippy flops. All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to A Friday edition of tvtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, it might not be good for the mind, but it's most definitely good for the soul.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia on a beautiful day. Oh, my pa. It's just beautiful. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. You paint your bald spot?

[Andrew Walsh]

What bald spot?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't. I don't want my whole personality to be saying, I really needed. I really needed this nice day. So basically, this week has been miserable weather wise here in the Pacific Northwest. And I guess this weekend it may go back to being not so great. But today, on this Friday, it's blue sky, green grass. It's just a perfect day. And I'm just. I'll just. I'm just gonna say it. I needed this. I've already embarked on one questionable landscaping project before the show today. That's how that's how geeked up I am. In the words of Bhad Bhabie, that's how geeked up I am to get out and do some. Do some yard work and stuff on this blessed, beautiful Friday, which is also episode 4438 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. I watched Everybody's Live with John Mulaney last night. Now, I wasn't watching it live because it's on Wednesday nights on Netflix, but I was working on Wednesday night, so last night was the earliest I could see it. And I was watching it and I'll.

[Andrew Walsh]

Write it and we'll do it live.

[Luke Burbank]

It was an interesting experience because it represented some of the best TV and then some of the worst TV I've seen in a long time. It was the best of times. It was the best blurst of times. Speaking of blursty things or blurs days or flurz days. Anyway, we're doing the birthdays on Friday today. It's like when you were a kid. I don't know if you grew up in a house like this, but I think sometimes in the old Burbank house, maybe there wouldn't be. There wouldn't be any food around. And my mom would say, we're doing breakfast for dinner. It would. And we'd be very excited. Oh, we're gonna have breakfast, but at dinner time. That's kind of what we're doing today. We're doing the blurs days, but we're doing them on Friday. So it's very exciting. I'm also very excited to talk to this guy. The longest running cobro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Hello. L are. Do you want to go to Artford? Not live in this L O. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning. I didn't realize that drop was so long. I only hear the beginning of that YouTube.

[Luke Burbank]

I grabbed the wrong one. But then we both delighted in it in the sound check, so we went with it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want to to ask you a question at the beginning of the show, hopefully not torpedoing everything that is on the agenda, but you heard that intro tape that I pulled from 30 Rock. 30 Rock is a show that aired in the early 2000s, early to mid 2000s.

[Luke Burbank]

It now airs in four second increments on this podcast. That's the number one way you can stream 30 Rock is by listening to TBTL.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that if you took all of our shows and rearranged them, you'd eventually end up with a full episode of 30 Rock we used to show.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like Memento.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess I sort of say that sheepishly because it's like, it's, you know, I feel like I. There's. I should feel more pressure to bring more fresh audio to the show and freshen up the intro packages. And then when I do create a new intro package and it's more 30 Rock, I feel a little sense of disappointment in myself that I am not going far.

[Luke Burbank]

I do not share your sense of disappointment. I delighted in that. And the thing is, I think of myself as a real kind of 30 rock head, and I have no memory of that, of that scene.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's what I want to ask you. And also, though. So my plan was to ask you if you can figure out that riddle and I'll help you along with that.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah. I'm very intrigued by that in me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Looking up the actual quote because I could sort of paraphrase it for you and I'll set it up for you again here. AI at the top of Google says something that I find deeply disturbing and incorrect about that quote. So I want to get to that as well. But let's start with the quote itself. So what's going on in the plot? There is some of the crew at 30 Rock are looking for, as you heard, a secret stash of money that Tracy Morgan hid somewhere. And so they're trying to find it. And the clue that Tracy Morgan gave them was it's the safest place at 30 Rock. It's dry and warm. It's hard on the top, soft on the bottom. And even though the location changes, it's always in the same place.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm so bad. It's at these. The only riddle I know is from, like Loader or the Hobbit. And it's the, like, what walks, you know, what. What crawls in the morning and, you know, walks the day? Or it's like, I don't know, it's a man. It's like a something about it. What walks on four legs in the morning and two legs in the midday and three legs in the afternoon? I don't even think that's the one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sounds like me on a bender, honestly.

[Luke Burbank]

What pulls tabs at 8pm and then walks on. So, by the way, I have a. This is such a complete. This is absolutely going to torpedo what we're trying to do right now, which is itself possibly torpedoing what we were trying to do in the show sheet. But I'm here For it. I have what I think should be your new. Your new version of pulling tabs, and I think it's breaking cards. We talked about this with. During the pandemic. We had some listeners, I think, who were really into card breaks because you would never admit this, Andrew. And by the way, I want to say this and then I want to table it because I want to get back to solving the riddle. Also, I don't think that riddle that I proposed is even from Loder. I think it has something to do with an egg. Doesn't Gollum? Isn't there a riddle that Gollum is trying to solve? God, this is gonna. My poor brother. Thank God Walt doesn't listen to this show. This would also make him insane. Do you know that at the PEZ factory, I got my dad. By the way, this is what I being coy about. At the PEZ factory, I got my dad a set of the Hobbit PEZ dispensers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's sweet. That's great. That was a riddle in and of itself.

[Luke Burbank]

And I thought he was gonna. I gave it to him when he stopped by the other day, and I was like, hey, Dad, I got you this. He goes, oh, amazing. He goes, I have the loader ones.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow.

[Luke Burbank]

So he already had a set of. But, like. But not the hobbit ones. I didn't know these were different things.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you know, I'll be honest with you. I'm sort of googling around various things here, looking up Lord of the Rings riddles and listening to you. And so when you just said that, I did not differentiate between hobbit and loader, and I was like, oh, okay. Like, wait, I thought you said bottom the loader ones. I see.

[Luke Burbank]

I like, I just. I mean, I could have very easily. It would have been extremely possible that I flew from Orange, Connecticut. I flew back a set of PEZ dispensers for my dad that he already had.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I already have the. I already have the Return of The King Part 1 Pez dispensers, but luckily, these are Return of the King Part 2 Pez dispensers.

[Luke Burbank]

So back to the Back to card there. It's. It's. I think even though you won't admit to this, I think you're really becoming a baseball man. Like, you got your fantasy team. I mean, you know vastly more about the current state of MLB than I do. I think I might know a little more about the state of MLB from 25 years ago, but you know so much more about it than I do now. I'm happy to. I'm happy to doff my cap to you. And you, like, you're. You're not a. You know, I think you have an extremely healthy relationship with wagering, which is you'll have a little bit of fun with it, but it's never been something that you've struggled with. But I just think this idea of, like, you, You. You pay a little money and then you. Somebody opens these baseball cards, and then if you get a good one in there, like an expensive one, then you have a cool baseball card. Like, I feel like it's. It seems like pulling tabs, but more fun for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, it would be more fun if it weren't so high stakes. You know, by the way, you reminded me of something that I need to address in the show. We are torpedo. This has a real. This has a real Friday feel to it.

[Luke Burbank]

I apologize.

[Andrew Walsh]

We don't know. Me too. Because I'm. We're just going to keep on torpedoing like a torpedo bat. Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

So, first of all, I do love opening baseball cards, and I just wish it was the old days. Like, I would get that kind of thrill if I could just go to a. I was going to say a Bartel Drugs, but would that those still existed?

[Luke Burbank]

I guess really what I'm saying is you should just start buying more baseball cards, but buy like, the slightly more expensive ones so that there's a chance that you'll get an Ellie De La Cruz in there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like a.

[Luke Burbank]

One of one Ellie de La Cruz.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I probably wouldn't even look for the ones that have, like, probably a high reward because I think, you know.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, looking at Ryan Bliss.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. I would seriously be looking for, like, the. The. The.

[Luke Burbank]

How about. How about one where they have an illustration of Rango, but it's Julio Polanco's car. Sorry.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would love a Jorge Polanco card.

[Luke Burbank]

Jorge. I always called him Julio. Was there ever a Julio Polanco?

[Andrew Walsh]

Not.

[Luke Burbank]

Or am I just being vaguely. Vaguely racist there by. By forgetting his name?

[Andrew Walsh]

But you know what? Somebody wrote in, so. I do. I already explained this on the show earlier this week. I think when baseball cards came up, I bought, like, kind of about 100 baseball cards from across the years from some guy who was selling them for, like a dollar a pack at a yard sale where they were all Mariners players from back in the day. And then I guess last year, a couple of years ago, I alphabetized them. And you were talking about Gorman Thomas, I think Gorman. I'm like Let me see if I. Because they're all alphabetized. I was like, oh, let me see if I have him. But then on the show, because I'm again talking to you and not using my full brain ever, I guess I'm looking up in the GS. I'm like, Nope, no Gorman Thomas. And I got an email from, very sweet email from somebody. They said, hey, you might, but you just like, you know, check under the tees.

[Luke Burbank]

Check those tees.

[Andrew Walsh]

Probably be under the tees. I'm like, oh yeah, that's right. We do things by last name. But I just checked right now. I do not have a storm in Norman, unfortunately.

[Luke Burbank]

Is there anything else in the tees?

[Andrew Walsh]

I do have this Kurt Stillwell that I found. This is not Mariners related, but I found this on the ground on a walk with Genevieve, I think it was last summer. And so I send a photo of this to my Royals love and fans whenever possible.

[Luke Burbank]

I should go like in. Where is it? I guess it's in my basement. I have an old shoebox. I mean it's like the classic. I have an old shoebox that I've been carrying around. 48 years old. I've been, I've been carrying this around with me for, for 30, however many years since I moved to college, probably of baseball cards that I collected. Now, I was not the kind of kid who had them in the folder. I wish I would have. I did it just in a shoebox. But like it would be kind of fun to get that out and go through them and just see because I. There was a lot of them in there that I had collected because my hunch was these will be worth something. One of them. I brought this up before on the show. There was a pitcher named Jim Abbott. And Jim Abbott, what was interesting about him to me was that he was someone who was born with only a partial finger on one hand. One hand was a typical hand. The other hand had, I believe, only one finger on it and maybe not even a complete finger. And he had figured out this incredible system where he would balance his glove on his hand that didn't have as many fingers. He would pitch the ball and then he would quickly slide the glove onto his hand that he had just pitched from. And then he could. And because the first thing that happened was other teams would try to bunt against him and they just couldn't. Like he just had figured this out. And I thought this needs to be a bigger story that we have a one handed dude pitching at the major league level. So I'VE got a lot of Jim Abbott cards. I believe they're worth next to nothing. I've got some Deion Sanders. Now maybe the re. Maybe the, the, the. The re. Emergence of Deion Sanders in the culture would mean something. I thought Deion Sanders is like Yankees cards would be worth something because he was playing football and baseball professionally at a high level. I thought that was a novelty. I was always looking for the novelty of these players. Like, you know, not just purely are they statistically the best, but are they like, are there some. Is there something weird about them? Do they have a weird mustache? Are they Ken Phelps? Okay, so let's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I just. Hold on. I got several things to say. We're going to continue the tournament.

[Luke Burbank]

This is on me. I have no one to blame but myself.

[Andrew Walsh]

I went to a white center fish sticks baseball game last year with some friends and that's a very, very. I don't even know like what you would describe that league as, but it's mostly like kind of, I think college age players who like play just a little bit of summer ball there in South.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably like Portland Pickles a little bit like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think. No, I think the Portland Pickles are probably even more professional. I'm not sure you've been there, but this is not a place where you could even get like a boot for a bat full of beer. I mean, they have concessions and stuff, but it feels more like there. It's a high school field. It feels like very, very, very small, very tiny. Great. But I mean absolutely great. And I'm looking forward to going back.

[Luke Burbank]

So the, the takeaway is you're smuggling in your own alcohol?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, they do have concessions there. I just mean they don't. It's not even a big enough thing that they would be able to like source, I think special bat, you know, beverage holders or whatever. It's not like kind of a thing in that way. I could be wrong. You know, I think somebody who listens to this show is actually the.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Weren't we offered a chance to throw out the first pitch? And my question to you, Andrew Fish, would you. Would you throw out the first fish?

[Andrew Walsh]

It really depends if I could wear gloves or not. I mean, I definitely don't want to touch a fish with my bare hands.

[Luke Burbank]

But it should be a fish stick.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't want to give that. But either way the pitcher team and I'm trying to. Well, I'm, I'm sorry. I know. I'm online friends with the Fellow who I'm thinking of, who does this for the fish sticks. And I'm a little bit distracted here because I'm. Brandon. Brandon. Brandon. Thank you. Okay, I just need to get there to clear. Clear my brain so I can say the pitcher for the opposing team who also had a great name that I can't remember anymore. The name of the team. He had that same thing. He was pitching and then immediately putting his glove back on because he either didn't have a hand or, you know, incredible, that hand. Yeah. And so what. I didn't even. I was like enjoying my popcorn at a huge thing of popcorn. I must have been. My head was in my popcorn because I think Hauser had to point out.

[Luke Burbank]

To me, get your head out of your popcorn.

[Andrew Walsh]

Look, that guy's. That guy's pitching with just like kind of one hand. I was like, oh, my God. That is. That is a real feet.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I had two hands and two feet and was cut from the Nathan Hill baseball team. So that's. That's that. You want to know where my abilities lie. Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Now the. Just cleaning up some things here. We're. Riddle me this thing back. We're moving back. It's the riddle. Is the riddle of the Sphinx that you were thinking of. What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening? Andrew when he's on a bender. That is from Oedipus Rex. It's Oedipus who has to solve that riddle.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. And then is there. Does Gollum have to solve some kind of. I feel like there's a riddle that Gollum is trying to solve. Or maybe it's Bilbo. The fact that I would mix those two up, they represent really different expressions of the. The plot line. Okay, so let's get back to Tracy Jordan.

[Andrew Walsh]

Five riddles. I will not bore you with them, but I'm on Cliff's notes right now. Five riddles that Gollum asked Bilbo in the Hobbit.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, I'll take it. Give me. Give the man a Pez dispenser.

[Andrew Walsh]

The weird thing is. Oh, they do have. They do have the answers. Here. We're going to save this for another time. I'm gonna try to run these other riddles by you, but let's go back to 30 rocks. Now. You gotta remember, I'm bad with riddles too. I find this kind of riddle telling a little bit. I don't know, like even that Oedipus one. Like the riddle of the Sphinx. I'M just.

[Luke Burbank]

I wonder why it's called the riddle of the Sphinx.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. I'm also in my head about how I'm saying Sphinx. I think I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a weird word.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I'm hitting something. Not sure, but let's go. But remember also that 30 Rock is a comedy, so.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. It's not Tracy. This is. We're dealing with Tracy Jordan.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, but.

[Luke Burbank]

So, like, that's why I feel like it's. I'm not trying to solve a real riddle. It's like, it's gonna be like, it's Kenneth. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like, is it Kenneth?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

It was the thing that threw me. My first thought was it would be Kenneth. But then I was like, how is it hard on top, I guess his skull.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So. And. And even though the location changes, it stays in the same place. Now, I don't remember exactly where. At some point, Kenneth hears this, and he's like, it's me. I'm the safest space at 30 Rock. And I think he finds it in his coat or something along the lines of that. However, Luke, when I typed into Google because I wanted to have the actual quote in front of me in case we needed it while you were, like, kind of doing the intro of the.

[Luke Burbank]

Show and what did I type in?

[Andrew Walsh]

I wrote into Google. Here's what I wrote directly. 30 rock, dry and warm, safest place, location changes. I'm like, that should get us there. And then there's some, you know, people who quote that on Reddit or whatever. But the very top of the Google results now, the AI overview from Search Labs, as it's called, says this. In the 30 Rock episode Larry King, Tracy Jordan describes the safest place as dry and warm. Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft. And although the location changes, it's always in the same place. Which is a euphemism for his own anus.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that the AI thinks that Kenneth has the treasure in. He's boofed it.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I think AI thinks that Tracy Jordan has it in his own anus. It says, which is a euphemism for his own anus, which means, like, somebody, maybe somebody wrote that on the Internet somewhere. And I believed it. I don't understand where it's getting this, but, like, I am getting more and more AI intrusion in my life now. I had that. I mean, I guess I invited it in when I went to the chat GPT to help me, kind of sort to help. Not even help me with my fantasy baseball draft, but just to tell me that I did okay with my fantasy baseball draft. Then I got into a fight with it, whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

But then, and then by the way, it was proved ultimately that player is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Out for the player that it insisted was out for the season. I said no, he's not. Here are the headlines saying he's ready for opening day. And then before opening day he got hurt in spring training and is missing.

[Luke Burbank]

A big ass GBT the lotto number this weekend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good lord. So there was that the I don't use Yahoo Mail very often, but I really still have an account because it was my very first like web based account and so I use it for certain things and it's, you know, kind of a legacy account and sometimes I use it when I'm signing up for stuff. This and that, whatever. I use it to test our TBTL newsletter every week and they have added some AI features to it that make it un friggin usable. It is now like trying to summarize emails at the top so you don't have to read the email. And it is so unhelpful. It is summarizing the TBTL newsletter but it doesn't know it's gibberish. Like it's trying to combine the 10 of the week with whatever bullshit I wrote at the top and then combining it with a hey dummies and a recap of the week. Like I can't summarize all this stuff into a coherent message because it's not coherent. It's a whole. It's five different. It's like. And in order to turn this off, I'm like, I go into settings, all the obvious places it should be. You can't turn it off unless you go into your profile. Like it is so buried so deeply how to turn this shit off. I am so just insulted by the decision to use this and how much real estate is taking up in my email and exactly, it's taking up more.

[Luke Burbank]

It's becoming a pop up ad. That's the like which one uses Gemini? Is that. Does that Gmail? Google?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think Gemini might be. Is that Microsoft or is that Google? I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like there's one of these products that I use Google. Google, they're trying to put like half the screen will be this Gemini thing. Trying to like do some bullshit that I don't want it to do.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway. But also let's just get to the fact that. And it's just so wrong. Like this is not a euphemism for.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm smarter than the AI. I knew instinctively it was Kenneth. It thought it was Tracy Jordan's backside.

[Andrew Walsh]

And also, like, I just don't need AI in the morning putting the words euphemism for his own anus in front of my face.

[Luke Burbank]

Nobody needs that accurate I've bumped up against the edge of the modern digital world today two times. I was trying to listen to two different on my little jog, I was trying to listen to two different New Yorker stories that are on the New Yorker app. Because, you know, if you go to the New Yorker app, every story that they've printed, there's also a audio version now. But 90 of them, I'm learning, are AI voiced. Then, like, you get lucky. Like the primo ones, like Ronan Farrow has this incredible expose about actually quite terrible, terrible case in Johnson City, Tennessee, that gets like a real read. And there's a I found this other one that got a real not by him, but by a professional human. I was trying to read this Jill Lepore will read. I was trying to listen to this Jill Lepore article about backyard gardening and this particular figure in the backyard gardening movement. But the AI voice, it was just killing me. I probably listened more closely or because of this being our job, I'm a little more picky about it. Then I switched over to the great writer Kathryn Schulz, who I'm a huge fan of. And Kathryn Schulz had written a piece about basically her and her partner's experience of being sick all the time because of their babies. And it's a great piece. Like, the writing is awesome, per always. But at some point, the AI called it the Aegean Sea instead of the Aegean Sea. And it made me irrationally angry. I was like, this is a knowable thing. It's not the Aegean Sea. Like, fix this, Sergey Brin or whoever's in charge of this.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what I discovered yesterday that I thought was pretty interesting, but I had forgotten about it and now you're reminding me of it, and I'm wondering if it's worth bringing up on the show, but I had to bring it up to somebody. It might as well be you all.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, might as well be for people paying good money to his.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. I was using voice to text in the car yesterday, as I almost always do if I'm driving somewhere and I have to. If I'm picking up Genevieve, I'll just say. I'll say the trigger words for my Google device to wake it up while I'm driving And it says. It makes a little beeping sound. And then I say, text Genevieve Haas. That's right. The computer's got me pronouncing my life partner's name incorrectly just so they will understand me. So they're training me. Note that. So I say, text Genevieve Haas. And then the robot says, okay, what is your message? And then I will read my message. You don't. In fact, it's bad now to try to put the punctuation in there. I used to say, I'm at 45th and the Ave. Now, period. I should be there in about two minutes or something along the lines, right of that. And. And now if you say punctuation, it puts the punctuation. It spells out the word period or question mark. It's just. It just, you know, kind of infers from your voice what the punctuation is, which is easier, except it gets wrong a lot. And so now it's training me again. I kept saying, I'm going to pick up the cat now. And then I would go on to another sentence, but kept putting now at the beginning of the next sentence. I could just tell the way it was reading it back, and I realized, oh, what I have to do is say, I'm now on the way to pick up the cat. Like, and now I'm rearranging how I'm saying words. Yes, in sentences so that the robots won't misinterpret me. But here's what I really found interesting. I'm not even there yet. I'm not even there yet, folks. Talking about this cat stuff. I said, I'm going to pick up some more cat food. The vet gave Professor Bananas some pate, and she seemed to like it. Bananas doesn't usually like pate. The machine understood that I was saying pate, but when it read it back to me, it read it as pate. It was. So I thought that was weird. Like, it's not like I typed in pate and it didn't recognize it. So it's calling it pate because, of course, it's spelled P A T E, right? With, I think, some, you know, special little. What, does it have an accent over it or something? I can't remember. Maybe over the E. But it's weird that the devices can listen, recognize the word pate, spell it out itself, but then when it spits it back to me, mispronounce it as pate. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, again, like, it's. This thing is, you know, it's. It's. How smart is that it is? So Smart. And yet it's like butchering. I literally turned. This is why I was irrational. I just turned the, you know, the article off. At that point, I was like, I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to deal with this robot mispronouncing the Aegean Sea to me. Like, I'm better than that as a listener or reader. So I turned it off. Plus, it was time for me to go take a quick shower. What happened was there's, like, I have this thicket of bamboo. I'll tell you, for years, I've been a bamboo defender on this show because I think bamboo is very cool. And, you know, bamboo is a very unpopular plant with people who, in my experience, don't even have bamboo, but they've heard, oh, that'll run on you. That just goes everywhere once it gets started. And I'm like, okay. But also, you know, it's like, okay, so you have to take an afternoon every year, and you have to trim it back. That's one afternoon out of your life. And you have this kind of cool plant. That's a nice privacy thing, etc. I've got this thicket of bamboo. I will tell you, it is kind of running.

[Andrew Walsh]

But when you say running, you mean under the ground? It's running.

[Luke Burbank]

Really? You're getting rhizome. I think they're called rhizomes. You're getting these. Basically, shoots are popping up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

In, like. It's encroaching into the grass part of my yard at a rate of about three inches a year. And all that means is I just. I would have to trim those little. Those rhizomes, those little things that are coming up, and then I just have to do that every year. But really, what happened was there's a. There was a giant boulder that was in my yard somewhere. And when I was having a guy do some, you know, excavating and kind of creating this little kind of roadway so that. Whatever. Boring. But this. He moved this big boulder with his, like, scoop, and he put it. He was like, where do you want this? And I was like, just put it kind of with the bamboo. And now what I've done, what I decided to do this morning, I was, like, on the treadmill in this room, and I'm just, like, staring at this thicket of bamboo that has this huge boulder kind of right in. Pushed into the perimeter of the bamboo. And I thought, I bet you I could trim out all the bamboo around it and create a cool little alcove and Then maybe later, what I'll do is get some kind of piece of wood and figure out a way to drill into this boulder and make a little bench, like a Zen garden bench in the bamboo. I've been staring at this bamboo and thinking about this on every jog for the last six months. And for some reason this morning, because I thought I had a little extra time, I got out the. You know, the. The. Whatever you call it. The what? Trimmers? No, the pruners. And I just went to town on it. And it's pretty cool, actually. I'm actually very stoked about it. But anyway, that was. I don't know why I brought that up other than to say I was in the midst of doing that when I decided I am no longer listening to this New Yorker article read by an AI bot because I find it insulting that it doesn't know how to pronounce the A GNC.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, I thought you were going to have the fellow who was helping you with this boulder. I thought he was just going to roll it up a hill and then have it roll down the other side and then roll it back.

[Luke Burbank]

Sid. Yeah, Sid Sophist. Yes, that's how the AI pronounces it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Sid Sifian.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What if your name was Sid Sifiyid?

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like there's a good. I feel like there is a decent, I guess, company brand name in there if you're. If you're in the boulder removal business potentially, and it's a very specific business.

[Luke Burbank]

Do we want to open this Pandora's box of the CPAP commercial just in the interest of. Yeah, we have a lot to talk about with Mulaney, but here's the thing. Okay? Listen, can we. Can you put one minute on the clock?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I just want to close the loop on this because it was a big fit. One day I was complaining about it to you, the next day I couldn't find it. I just feel like I would like to, you know, just basically pay this off a little bit. I was complaining, I think, two shows ago. Okay, thank you. I was. I was complaining about an ad I saw for a CPAP machine that. Yeah, baby.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whoa.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Calm down.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, you got. You're about a quarter way through your time, Andrew.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you want to. Do you want to, like. You want to experience an actual nightmare? I'm trying to dial this audio up, which I just should have grabbed in advance, and because of the vagaries of TikTok, which is where I saw it, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

TikTok is tough to play audio from live until you get it set up, whereas usually Instagram.

[Luke Burbank]

The problem is it's muted. Yeah, I guess TikTok's new thing is that it's unmuted. But guess what? Because I'm on. Because I'm on Chrome. Chrome is trying to make me solve a puzzle before it'll show this to me. It says, select two objects that are the same shape.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've been getting that, too. With every TikTok link you send me, I'm like, and.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm like, you want to talk about trying to do a. Trying to do a math puzzle while I'm talking to you and trying to play CPAP tape? Not today, Satan.

[Andrew Walsh]

You got two seconds.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, okay, here we go.

[Andrew Walsh]

And you're out.

[Luke Burbank]

Here's the audio.

[Andrew Walsh]

When you have sleep apnea, good sleep is a turn on with a CPAP.

[Luke Burbank]

So it's called ResMed. This was the commercial I couldn't find yesterday. It's called ResMed. And what's happening is the guy is. My complaint was that he was lying in bed. I misread. Understood the commercial slightly to be that he was having a great night's sleep. But the thing I was mad about was that they didn't show him with the CPAP hose and apparatus on his face, which is the uncomfortable part of using a CPAP machine. When I saw the commercial again and sent it to you, I realized, no. I guess the premise is he wants to have sex with the CPAP machine. But in both cases, I still feel like it is. It's very, very. It's misleading to sell me a CPAP machine and not show me the part of the CPAP machine that is going to present me with the worst part of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. So I'm still. I wouldn't even just say as confused. I think I'm more confused now that I've actually seen the commercial, because you described it to me as a very short commercial where a man is resting peacefully and the CPAP machine is sitting next to him on his table, but he doesn't have any of the tubes or anything hooked up to it. And it's like, oh, well, that's not how this works. That's not how this works. It's not like, oh, this machine is like a humidifier or dehumidifier that you can just put. Next year, you have to wear the tubes. Right. And so you said that. I'm like, yeah, that does sound disingenuous. But now you've shown me the commercial, you sent this to me yesterday and I'm more confused. He's, as you said, still not wearing those apparatuses, except there's sexy music and he's. Is he tossing and turning? And he's looking lovingly at the CPAP machine, but again, no tubes. He's looking at a little box, a little digital box that, you know, I assume the tubes plug into. I. What is the point of this commercial? You sleep more easily when you're having wet dreams about your CPAP machine. I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

Listen, as a person who had a wet dream every single night of his life between age 13 and 20, you don't sleep better. Okay, it's a whole problem. Yeah, but no, I think, here's what I think. I think that they wanted to make a commercial where they, they, they created a positive association with this CPAP machine and how it's going to really make your night better. But they don't want to show you putting this hose on your face because that's the part that sucks about the experience. And so maybe somebody was like, well, why don't we just show him having a great night's sleep? And then maybe somebody else said, well, that's kind of, that's a, that's a bald face lie. And they said, well, what if we just make it like. He's like, the joke is. Because it says, you know, when you have sleep apnea, getting a good night's sleep is a real turn on. That's the voiceover. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So he's being turned on by the.

[Luke Burbank]

Being turned on by the cpap.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's. But he's not turning on the CPAP machine. I don't understand it. It's so like, is he, are we seeing a man who can't sleep because he, he hasn't put on the CPAP machine yet? Like, what are they selling me here?

[Luke Burbank]

And did they kiss Andrew and did he and the CPAP machine kiss like mayhem and that guy's wife?

[Andrew Walsh]

And I'm on the RESMED website now and they're showing all kinds of photos of this like very, like kind of modern looking, very, you know, pretty cleanly designed.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

CPAP like device unit. Then they show you the smartphone app right next to it to really indicate. And they're showing all of the photos of all the different devices they sell. None of them are showing any tubes or any masks. They're only showing the tabletop devices, which, yes, look cool. Now it does say right at the top or near the top. What is a CPAP device? And it says a CPAP device is a machine that treats sleep apnea by delivering air through tubing and into a mask to keep your airway open while you sleep. So I wonder if their putting it there because of legal reasons. There's nothing else on this website that indicates you have to wear this thing. It looks like a dehumidifier, you know, like a modern, clean looking like little device. They're not showing anywhere anybody wearing or even tubes sitting on a table or anything. Like in Severance episode seven, whatever Cobell.

[Luke Burbank]

Is carrying around working on CPAP harbor. Right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. CPAP's neck when she went to visit her old homet.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, like I'm going to get my ether without this tube.

[Andrew Walsh]

I am, I am boggled by the commercial. I still don't know what the joke is or what the selling point there is. I don't understand what they're doing other than lying.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that they're lying. I think what they're trying to do is create an association in the mind of the viewer that is this machine plus sleep apnea equals an enjoyable time in bed. Like they're. What they're trying to do is create the association that you will have a more pleasant night's sleep even with your sleep apnea with this machine. But they do not want to admit that the way it works is you put a hose on your face, blows air down your throat all night. They are committed to not. This hose erasure is as extreme and thorough with this company and I think it's inappropriate.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm furious about this. I'm on their website now and I'm looking at all the different tabs and when you go to sleep health you see a very young woman with cool headphones. She's going out for a jog or something. Cute little hoodie show. A guy who's, you know, he's a little bit tired in the morning and very nicely brightly lit, you know, home. There's a. There's a very young, cool looking woman just smiling at her cell phone. There's all kinds of people doing every. There's a guy having a great breakfast in the morning and smiling at his phone while he reads the news because he slept so well. Nowhere does it show anybody using a CPAP machine. This should be illegal. Literally illegal.

[Luke Burbank]

Literally be illegal. Okay, good, we got that out of our system.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sort of. I'm still fuming. I'll shut up. But I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, how about this Class action, Class action. Lawsuit.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I just got a postcard for a class action lawsuit because apparently my data was part of a big breach. But you know what? I threw it away. Like, does anybody get anything more than A$50 out of a class action?

[Luke Burbank]

I've gotten a couple from, like, Verizon and stuff. And, like, I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, this was from.

[Luke Burbank]

It ain't mesothelioma money. I'll tell you what, bud.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right? This was from the. Also confusing me was from the Fred Hutch cancer center, which I've never had any business with, But I just wonder if my. If they're part of a medical organization and, you know, overarching organization that maybe shares my info. But that was another thing, too. I'm like, why am I getting things from Fred Hutch?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And why. But I threw it away. So anyway, if any. If that pays out, like $500 per class action, you know, individual, I will be very bummed. But I. I don't think it's gonna be 500 bucks.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know who the lawyer who's on the case for it is, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, please stop.

[Luke Burbank]

It's so unfair to. After something like this to blame people in the backseat or say they deserved it. I won't, buddy.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sick of consoling parents. But I won't stop until this stops.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll do it until it stops.

[John Waters]

Will you please stop?

[Andrew Walsh]

Will you please stop? I always get the will ya. There's something about the will ya please.

[Luke Burbank]

It's deeply North Dakotan. I love it. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready?

[Luke Burbank]

Ready, Go. Everybody rattle dazzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These generous, wonderful folks are donating a dazzling amount of dough, and that is what keeps a TBTL happening during these incredibly unstressful financial times. And while the sun is shining and the hay is being made and the calf is fattening, we have these people to thank for the fact that this is still a thing that can happen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Five days a week.

[Luke Burbank]

Folks like Madeline Kanai in Chester, New Jersey.

[Andrew Walsh]

New Jersey. Now, when we met Madeline for the first time, I believe we met Madeline and some friends in Arizona in that. In that basement of that bar, I.

[Luke Burbank]

Think, Boy, what a memory on you. What a memory. In fact, I believe this is referenced in Madeline's message. Madeline says cobros, I don't know what I'd do without your daily Banter and hot takes regarding CPAP commercials. God, how did you know?

[Andrew Walsh]

Just amazing. That's crazy.

[Luke Burbank]

That's serendipity. They bring me so much comfort and they guide me out of the dark, dark mental places I've been finding myself in recently. C colon, new admin. I see they have a new admin person at Madeline's work. It's really tearing the joint up. Through the years, I've leaned on you through major life events. An engagement, a marriage, a baby. Congrats. A move from New York City to Phoenix and a move back to the east coast, the adoption of three rescue dogs and four chickens. I'm reassured knowing that you'll continue being by our proverbial side as we continue our adventure now to Minneapolis. Boy, oh, boy. That's like. That's makes. That makes me look stable.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And rooted in one place. That's a lot of moves, Madeline.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hopefully. That's a nice soft landing there for a 10.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I'll tell you, I was looking, for some reason on my. I don't know if it was tick tock or Instagram, I started to get, like, real estate, like real estate tours in St. Paul, Minnesota. I was like, man, I could. Beautiful country out there, Minnesota. If you know, the winter's a little tough, but I could see that being a soft landing for all of us. Maybe because of the tens community. This move doesn't feel so uncertain. I'm filled with excitement as I connect with the Minnesote tens.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice. That's kind of what I was thinking. Like, there's so many tens out there. That's great.

[Luke Burbank]

That's awesome. And because of the community you've built over the nearly two decades you've been cranking out these podcasts, thanks to you, Andrew, Luke and John for continuing your mission and answering and your answer to curing global loneliness. The world is a better place because of you. Oh, wow. How amazing that this is our job and Madeline is supporting us, is paying our bills and is telling us nice things like, the world is a better place because of us. The TBTL world is a better place because of you, Madeline.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Madeline, you are the. You are the model of a 10. Thank you for everything you do.

[Luke Burbank]

Appreciate you. Maestro. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready?

[Luke Burbank]

Ready.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wanted to get into some Gilbert and Sullivan patter there.

[Luke Burbank]

The very, very model of a major gentleman.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I knew you. I knew you'd get closer than I would.

[Luke Burbank]

I just heard him pretty far away. I just, like, threw the word Model out there.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm like, let Lou clean this up.

[Luke Burbank]

Hold on. Let me see what I can do here. The very. Oh, gosh. This is gonna make.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is a modern gentleman.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Oh, thank. I was forgetting about modern. We have got some Gilbert and Sola heads out there that are just like. They're throwing their pinafores right now.

[Andrew Walsh]

We call Dave Ross. Can we get him on the line?

[Luke Burbank]

Man, that guy's retired now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Modern military major.

[Luke Burbank]

The very model of a model of modern major, gentlemen. But there's one more word.

[Andrew Walsh]

Major. It's not general. Modern major General. General.

[Luke Burbank]

General.

[Andrew Walsh]

You are the model of a modern major general. Look it up. Are we there? Did we do this?

[Luke Burbank]

Hold on. Okay. Did we do this up? Model of a modern major general. Well, Gemini doesn't even know what this is.

[Andrew Walsh]

The modern major. Gemini.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Tracy Morgan's butthole. Yeah. Let's see. I am the very model of a modern major general.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, we. Okay, we were putting in the second person. We got. We got first person. Second person messed up. But, like, we ended up getting there. And honestly, in a more sort of poetic, musical, lyrical way than even.

[Luke Burbank]

From the Pirates of Penzance. This is the Utah Symphony and Utah opera from a 2022. Credit where credit is due.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice.

[Luke Burbank]

Maestro.

[Andrew Walsh]

Again. Well, I wasn't ready for this.

[Luke Burbank]

Couldn't remember if we done it now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready to reload the mustard.

[Luke Burbank]

That takes a while. Well, that's what I. I mean, I know I've said this many times on the show. This is my entire take on gun control, which is why people tune into this, which is why Brant Severson in Moraga, California, is donating.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who had this? Who had this on their bingo card.

[Luke Burbank]

I. I feel like any gun that was available when the founding fathers wrote the second Amendment, you should be able to own. And I would wish you good luck with that blunderbuss.

[Andrew Walsh]

Should you be allowed to use a blunderbuss that you made with a 3D printer, though?

[Luke Burbank]

That's a ghost blunderbuss. I just think. I mean, it's like, it's. Good luck reloading that musket or whatever that shoots like a little metal ball in a not very straight line.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, I created a ghost blunderbuss.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry, Brandt. I am sorry to drag you into this debate, this toxic debate. I'd like to. Brandt says I'd like to put in a plug for mentoring younger people. Appreciate it so much. And the mentor can also also learn so much in the process. The workplace is obvious. If you have experience but I just recently retired so I'm finding other ways to make myself available to share guidance and just generally support younger people. LinkedIn is a good place and it's easy to label yourself, label yourself as available to mentor. I always feel like I'm rewarded with good karma. So perhaps others would enjoy mentoring younger folks as well. Brandt, what an interesting idea.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that is interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like you're really good at that, Andrew. Like the times that I've, you know, seen you, I guess it would have been more in LA than other places but like I feel like you have, you're a good manager and I think you think about managing and mentoring and kind of like you know, helping people along in their career arc you think about. I feel like you think about that more than I do or you did. But when we had normal jobs, you know, I will. I was just trying to go get my eggs during the News break at.

[Andrew Walsh]

8:05Am I do like, you know, I don't know if there's a big difference between mentoring or training. I'm a very pragmatic kind of person when it comes to like kind of big picture life advice or long term planning. I actually don't have a good brain for that and so I don't have a lot of advice to give. But I do love like in the, in the sit where I was in a workplace throughout my career I would end up being the default person to train somebody in a new system whether it was new audio system or just the process of booking a guest or a show. Like just like the step by step. I like make, you know, one of my first job. Maybe not one of my first jobs. One of the major modern general jobs I had when I worked worked for my dad was putting together like technical manuals stuff and so I think that maybe that like I'm a very orderly person, you know, A then B then D then C. I'm not good at reading.

[Luke Burbank]

Gorman Thomas.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. What a show to brag that I know the Alphabet. But anyway, like I do sort of my mind moves in a very linear matter manner. So I like to, I do like to like kind of try. I haven't had the opportunity to do that in a long time but maybe this is it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Well Brandt, thanks for the idea and thanks for the financial support. We really appreciate it. Thanks Madeline as well. Thanks for making TBTL possible today. Hello and welcome to Top Story. All right. I know that TBTL along with playing very brief moments of 30 Rock over the course of Weeks and months and years. Along with that, we've also become apparently the number one Everyone's Live with John Mulaney recap podcast. I don't know how much the listeners care about this, but it's big in my world. For some reason, Wednesday night, I could not watch. I could not watch the show live because I was doing an interview down at this, the Tomorrow theater in Portland. And then yesterday in the afternoon, I was up actually on Whidbey island doing some TV stuff. And so I got home and I turned on my Netflix and I saw that there was a new recording of it. I know you're not big on watching it on delay.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I need to change that system, though, because now I've missed two weeks and, well, there's only a limited supply of these things. I either need to just suck it up and watch it on delay or make make it more of a priority because I have it on my calendar. My calendar keeps reminding me, hey, go downstairs and watch John Mulaney now. But I'm kind of like, if I'm in the middle of something, it's really hard to get myself just to stop and then go turn on the tv. I have to be in like a in between things mode.

[Luke Burbank]

So I turned it on last night and the top of the show was, I thought, absolutely sublime. I guess we'll call it the monologue.

[Andrew Walsh]

That you and Chris sent me this morning.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So good. It is flawless.

[Luke Burbank]

Do we want to play some of it or do we want me to just describe what it was, try to do it briefly?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, maybe. Do you have it there? Can you start the tape? I mean, it's 10 minutes long and I will say solid 10 minutes. I was late dialing up today because I started watching it five minutes before our dial up time. And I could. Did not stop it. It was flawless from a narrative arc start to finish. So it'd be kind of hard just to sort of kind of needle drop and scrub through. I'm just going to start playing the beginning of this.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, we kind of run out of steam or whatever. We'll see how this works.

[John Waters]

Okay, Mother.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh.

[John Waters]

Let me tell you about the week I had. We had something very special planned for you this evening that we had to scrape very recently. I know, but listen, I'm just as mad as you are, though. I have way more information.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, this is neither here nor there, but he is not wearing a sport coat for this. He is, which is a new look. He's always had a sport coat. On every episode. And now he's just trim.

[Andrew Walsh]

Very trim.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, he's a very trim, fit, individual, it would appear. But he's got, like, a nice collared shirt on and a tie. But I thought that was also interesting, sort of in the way that, like, when they had the musical guest a couple of weeks ago be like, the first thing that happened. It's like, normally it'd be like, well, no, this is the show where you wear a suit coat. You've been wearing a suit coat or you've been wearing a sport coat, you know, every single episode of this. But now you're just gonna not have one on, which I think is great. I like that they are not. They don't seem to be precious about any part of the show. Like what? Whatever has been happening doesn't mean it has to keep happening that way, which I just kind of like.

[John Waters]

Tonight on the show, we were going to announce that Richard's pet tortoise had died and that Richard was very sad. This was a bit. Don't worry, Richard doesn't have a pet tortoise, but we're gonna say he does and that it died and that he was very sad. And we're gonna be like, oh, my God. You know, no one should outlive their pet. And it'd be very, you know, we play it very serious. Then we were gonna be like, how can we possibly pay tribute to this dead tortoise here on our show? Then ding dong, the doorbell would ring, I'd walk up there, I would open the door, and it's Bone Thugs and Harmony. And they were gonna say, our tour bus broke down and we heard you guys are sad. The setup didn't even make sense at all. But then, in honor of the tortoise, they were gonna perform Crossroads. If you're not familiar with Crossroads, it was an enormous hit hit that Bone Thugs in Army had in 1996 about their friend's tragic death. And I cannot overstate how hugely popular it was with horned up junior high kids at Catholic schools to grind with each other during the Clinton administration.

[Luke Burbank]

Tell me what you gonna do when judgment comes for you. By the way, I believe they're from Cleveland.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think they are.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. They're from the Cleave Bone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, Bone Bone.

[Luke Burbank]

What I think is interesting about this is they did. There's clearly. I don't know if it's Mulaney or his head writer. There's somebody there who very much has the Same kind of like 90s hip hop sensibility that I have, because they did a bit that just absolutely died like, two weeks ago where they were setting it up. Like it was sort of a. Maybe was there some sort of holiday where we honor the military or something? That happened a couple of weeks ago. You think I would know. They basically set up this thing like they were going to honor, like, a U.S. military person. And then instead from the. From the no Limits Army, I think it was Silk the Shocker, maybe they brought.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it was. I was totally unfamiliar with this. With this piece of.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like a whole, like. Yeah, like that song. Make him say, no, no, no, no. That's like the no Limits Army. I think that's like. Is it Master P? Anyway, like, there was like this thing called the no Limits army that was just putting out, like, you know, and there's like 30 people who are. Were ancillary members of the no Limits army. And they would do these, like, that make him say, huh. Video. They're like dunking basketballs. But I think there's like a tank that's sitting in the middle of the, like, gym or something. So they bring Silk the Shocker out and they, like, present him with a flag. And literally nobody knows what's going on except me. I'm like, oh, it's because he's in the no Limits Army.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, they met. They said no Limits army at some point during the thing.

[Luke Burbank]

But I guess if you don't remember the videos or if you weren't, like, tracking no Limits army in the 90s, it's you. If they have to tell you it's the no Limits army, they've already lost you. I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I guess I thought it was. I mean, I. Well, I'm the exact. I can tell you that I wasn't lost and I had no idea who he was. Like, it was live. The whole show has that awkward energy to it.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you enjoy the bit? I guess, thought it was.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought it was incredibly ballsy. I'm like, this is knocking on the door of sort of. I mean, I had no problem with it, but I could see somebody who's more sensitive being, like, where he set it up. Like, we want to honor those in uniform. And then this rapper comes out and cancels from The, I guess, 90s or early 2000s, I don't know the era. But again, like, from context, I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, I thought it was funny and super, super awkward. And I thought that he. What was his name? Silk Touch. No, that's a Silk the Shocker.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that's Right. Silk touch is the thing you're not allowed to do at the massage parlor anymore.

[Andrew Walsh]

Silk touch is, I believe, a enchantment you can put on a pickaxe in Minecraft. I'm not even joking.

[Luke Burbank]

I wouldn't believe it.

[Andrew Walsh]

But yes, Silk. The shocker actually sounds more dirty to me. But anyway. Anyway. Yeah, no, I. I feel like I had no context for it, but they did a good job of making it funny universally. I thought.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, well, I didn't get the sense that the live audience was like. Was. Was. It felt to me like it kind of died in the room. That could have just been my. My, you know, my perspective on it or my read. I find it interesting that after that now, Bone Thugs and Harmony are way more well known, probably at least to a certain group of people, than like the no Limit Army. But I thought it was interesting that they were going to do another 90s hip hop kind of like, you know, thing where they bring somebody else in because again, my. My feeling around the, The. The. The military one was. It kind of flopped a little bit. I mean, I love that they did it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was deeply awkward. Yeah, I remember that. Like, it was more like titters in from the audience. Like, kind of, where is this going? Yeah, but so let's, let's like kind of recap what we've heard so far in just like the first minute of this and why it's just so. So this. Again, I did not even see this clip of tape until right before we started recording. And it had me immediately. It gripped me immediately, and it kept me to the very, very end. I could not turn this thing off. And the setup is so brilliant. Like, first of all, just saying, take you behind the scenes here. The original, like, kind of just the small idea of the joke is Richard as a tortoise that died. And it's like, it's so sad when you outlive your pet. That is so funny because obviously tortoises live forever. I mean, it's just so right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, what a good. What a great pet.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's so good. And now we're in the. Like, okay, well, how do we get out? How do we get out of this little bit? Well, it'd be funny if Bone Thugs come by and sing the song that was. He's absolutely right. Like a weirdly horny song about a dead per. A dead young man.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, dead people.

[Andrew Walsh]

Dead people generally.

[Luke Burbank]

Because each. I think each verse is maybe they dedicated to somebody else in the video. I remember just like people disappearing, I guess that you Know, or, like, kind of graying out, and then, like, I don't know if they got wings or they go to heaven. It was like a. It was a. It's a very serious topic for it to be, like you said, such a pop hit and something that was probably being played at high school dances. I mean, it is a memorial song. It's a funereal song. Really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. So that. Yeah, that's. That's where we're at with this. And continue Mulaney, we really want to make this happen.

[John Waters]

I am so committed to making this. We reach out to a contact we find online for Bone Thugs in Harmony, and we schedule a zoom with their manager. Three weeks ago, my writers and I get on the zoom with just the manager. Let me be clear. The members of Bone Thugs in Harmony, that is Busy Bone, Lazy Bone, Crazy Bone, Wishbone, and Flesh and Bone are not on the zoom, but the manager assures us that they're really into the idea and want to do it, and they really like the script. We're in business. I mean, I could already picture the Emmy in my hand, you know, best. I don't even know what. But the manager then says, hey, you won't get all five of them. One of them is not available. I ask which one, and I'm 100% serious. He says, busy Bone. Which makes sense that he would be the hardest to schedule. If you had said, lazybone can't be there, I'd be like, is he busy, or does he just not want to do it? Apparently, Busy Bone, they say, rarely performs with the other bones. Okay. I take him at his word. I was fine with that. I had such confidence in the bit working, and I had such faith in you, the audience, for either not caring or not even realizing that one of the members was missing.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, by the way, Andrew, this. My thought on this whole thing is, did this really happen? And this, to me, is on the side of the ledger that it really happened, because if Bone Thugs and Harmony were in on this, if their management was in on this, they would not, like, allow Mulaney to kind of slightly neg them by basically saying most Americans would not be able to pick all of the Bone Thugs out of a lineup. And, like, it wouldn't really matter if you didn't have all of them there. This is a slightly. You know, this is a little bit of a dis. Because it's just kind of saying, like, you know. You know what I'm saying? So that I'm, like, looking for any kind and then there's something later that I think is evidence that it might be made up too.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, really? For what it's worth. And I'm always looking for people to be, like, spoofing me or whatever. I'm very defensive about that stuff. I just also believe it because this is a full 10 minute long monologue that I feel like they. They were like, we now have a 10 minute hold at the beginning of the show. Like, what are we going to do? And so. Well, let's just.

[Luke Burbank]

When judgment comes for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So I felt like, so that. That alone, I truly believe this.

[John Waters]

Okay, we're off to the races. Production, production, production. First sign that something's out of the ordinary. We asked for their sizes so that we can provide wardrobe. They said, we've got that covered. I say, okay. I say, sure. We then speak to the audio department here at the show, and they say, hey, after they ring the doorbell and enter, they have to pull out hand mics. Can you make sure that they have pants with back pockets? Okay, so this gets back to the manager. FYI, they gotta have pants with back pockets to pull out the mics. The manager says, the pants we bought don't have pockets. If you want pants with pockets, you should get some yourself. Okay, Weird. On Thursday of last week, just this past Thursday, I checked back in because they had not signed their contract yet. The manager says, in order to get there next week, we need $2800 cash of just running around money. He says, they're in the middle of a tour, and it's not so easy to just dip out. I check online. They have a show April 19 in Inglewood and then another one in June, also in la. But this is what they need, and I'm happy to provide what our talent needs. And they needed the cash by Friday. Okay? I don't want to get into, like, a tax thing, so I would ask that this next part of the story not leave this room. I had the cash had to come from me. Like, I couldn't pay it through the show budget. Okay? So now I need to withdraw $2,800. Okay. A few years ago, in an effort, in an effort to safeguard my sobriety, I set up certain measures, right? I set up a system where I cannot have at any time more than than $300 cash unless I alert certain people.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, you could get a decent amount of Coke for $300. Just may want to crank that number down.

[Andrew Walsh]

Mulaney, you know, now you're in my head about, like, the Verisimilitude of this. What do you think of this idea that it couldn't come through the show.

[Luke Burbank]

But this is the number one red flag for me. I still, I want to say, on balance, I think this is real. I think this might have been fabricated because it's a funny story, which we're going to hear. I'm going to let this part play, and then I want to get into that with you.

[John Waters]

So on Friday, I call my wife, Olivia, who is in New York, and I say, hi, how are you? And I say, I need to get $2,800 cash, and I need it today. And she said, what is it for? And I said, it's for Bone Thugs and harmony. Well, only four of them, $700 above.

[Luke Burbank]

So that I do not. I mean, listen, a show with this level of production and this kind of a budget, there's petty cash, there's $2,800 at the show. Would. I mean, that would. I can't see any universe in which that would be on John Mulaney to pay that money, even if he's the executive producer. Like, it just. That's just not how any of that works. And it feels like a setup to make the joke about asking his wife if it's okay for him to have. And also, I mean, I don't know what that looks like, but is it like Olivia Munn has to call the bank and say, I authorize him to withdraw this amount of money? Like, this part of the story does not check out for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

I actually kind of believe, just. And I think you're more familiar with his backstory than I am. I don't think I watched the full special that he did about his whole, you know, addiction and sobriety and everything. But, you know, it was real dark and he was in real deep for a while. So I honestly believe that he might have strictures on his.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe that part. I believe that part 100% that that's real. But what I have a hard time believing is that it somehow fell on John Mulaney to go get the $2,800.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, for instance.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's just go with. Let's go with the idea. John Mulaney, who's the host of the show, so he has a lot of things going on with this that he. The idea that it would fall on him to go, like, go to the ATM to get the money, like, that wouldn't be something. They would send the co executive producer to do a behind the scenes version. How about the, you know, the Lawyers for the show. How about the accountant? There's a million people who would go get this money out of their. Or out of some kind of a fund before they would send John Mulaney.

[Andrew Walsh]

Down to like to call Olivia Munn.

[Luke Burbank]

Call Olivia Munn in New York to be like, he's standing at the ATM on Gower, Right. And trying to get money out like that. This, this, this part does not check out for me. I still think this happened, but I think it has been maybe augmented for comedic value, which is something we should consider doing once in our life.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm not taking up that burden. I would say also. And, like, I kind of. I sort of clocked to this early on, but it was kind of like, I don't care. Like, I also think that he's probably not as in person in these meetings as he's making it sound.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think the initial meeting with Bone Thugs and Harmony's manager is something that John Mulaney sits in on. But I'm. I don't do that for Livewire.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm a much smaller fish.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but I mean, but that, I mean, I could believe, but I also sort of. And maybe this is just because I kind of want to believe it or at least want to believe. The narrative that he set up here that I'll just go along with it is this idea that he is. He is doing something really weird here that is very much an extension of his personality. Even more so than like the. The Tonight show or something. Like, obviously the host imprints on that, but it's a legacy that you come in and you take over and you can drive and you can put your own. We'll call it stank on it. Yeah, like, what he's doing here is like. I mean, with. His whole show is crazy. Like, and it's very. And it feels like he could potentially be the madman running this shit a little bit more hands on than maybe you would if you were just like, I don't know, get me Jeanine Garofalo for the B segment. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, yes, I think you're totally right. I think that he is way more involved in the minutiae of this show than any Jay Leno or maybe even a Conan O'Brien, you know, when he was doing that kind of the Tonight show or whatever. A Letterman, certainly. Like, I totally agree with you on that. Here's what I think happened. I think this really happened. And we'll, you know, we'll. We'll sort of skip Ahead here. I think what he. What the story he is telling is a real story. I just think John Mulaney was not as central to it as we are being led to believe. But it's a great story, and I'm enjoying it. And I love that they're airing it out, and I think it's a very smart way to air this story out, actually.

[John Waters]

And she's like, john, you know I love you. If you want to tell me something, you can tell me it. And I, in an effort to calm her down, said, you don't understand. I have to have this. I have to have this right now. I get the cash out of the bank, all right? Then I hear, forget the $2800 cash. Just give us all the money for the appearance up front. I said, I can't do that. I cannot give you all of the money up front. I can give you half. Okay? Because I totally respect and I empathize that you sometimes show up to a gig and you get stiff, but I can't give you it all up front.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can give you half.

[John Waters]

You just have to sign your contract. I don't hear back. Two days ago, on Monday, I am told that Bone Thugs in Harmony, booked on this show since the first week in March, are in the studio all week and cannot be on the show. But he's like, don't worry. We can get this all wrapped up and be there next week for blank, blank dollars. How much do you think that the original fee was going to be? $15,000, half up front. How much do you think they asked for on Monday? They asked for $100,000.

[Luke Burbank]

I absolutely love the specificity of this, and I absolutely believe all of this, by the way. I very much believe this really happened.

[John Waters]

$100,000. Half that day, I said, there is no way I can do this. I said, there's no way I can make that happen. And then I said, very uncharacteristically, you have disrespected me and you have disrespected my show. I braced for an apology. I don't get one. It turns out there isn't a sorry bone. Two hours later, he writes back, we can get this taken care of for $75,000. I was like, hey, you screwed me over and you screwed our show over, and I won't forget this disrespect. Now, I didn't tell you all this just to air the dirty laundry of what it's like behind the scenes of a show. Many guests have shaken me down for a Couple thousand dollars and then canceled last minute. It happens all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

I. I think that's a meta joke. That is very funny, actually, and very subtle because, like, they've only had 10 episodes and I promise you, zero guests have shaken him down for. But I mean, that's the joke. But I love that that was the joke. I think that's very subtle and funny.

[John Waters]

I'm telling you about it because I'm genuinely worried. After a little investigating, I have come to believe that the man I was talking to was not the manager of Bone Thugs in Harmony. In fact, several sites list a different person. Also Busy Bone is scheduled to appear at all upcoming shows. So it appears it isn't so hard to get the fellas together. I'm concerned now that I never had any direct contact with Bone Thugs n Harmony. As you know, on everybody's Live, we always keep the phone lines open for people to call in about our show's topic. I want you to know the phone lines are open right now on this show. The number will come up on your screen. I would ask that you. Or if.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay. This now is making much more sense. Andrew. I'm sorry. This is a personal journey. I'm on. On. I'm watching this clip as we're playing it. It's on TikTok and the phone number is showing up as Melania's talking. When I was watching last night on tape, it said, phone's not open. And I thought that was a meta. Another meta joke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you were watching the tape?

[Luke Burbank]

I was watching the tape. I was watching the tape on a Thursday night, and I thought that their new joke was just going, the phone number will appear on your screen, and then it says, phone lines not open or phone's closed or something. And then it happened later in the show. He gave out the number, said phones.

[Andrew Walsh]

Closed because watching on tape delay.

[Luke Burbank]

And I just thought their new joke was to, like, never give. This is like, I'd believe anything from this show at this point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But that makes a lot more sense now. It was just because I was watching it as a delay. But anyway, he goes on to basically, like, say that the. He says, you know, if, you know, Bone Thugs and Harmony, call us or get them to call us. And also basically, he says that the manager, this person pretending to be their manager, could have actually probably gotten more money out of them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Just not $100,000 or $75,000, but, like.

[Andrew Walsh]

And walked it a little bit and held them over a barrel by, like, getting some of Them there or some.

[Luke Burbank]

Guys who pretend to be bone thugs. So now, one thing that you pointed out in the text chain with you and. And me and Chris was like, you're fascinated by. Let's just go with the premise that this was not really their manager. You're fascinated by the fact that this pretend manager was saying, busy bones is not going to be there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. I'm like, okay, the whole thing was a scam. Why would the manager go through the trouble of saying, well, I can't get you all five. I can only get you four, and maybe it's.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe it's really smart. Exactly like you were. I always think about the story you tell, about how you actually called a scammer back and you were. You had just woken up and you had gotten some notification about some, like, we're going to renew your. Your subscription to something that you didn't even remember paying for in the first place. But you said, like, if that was a lower dollar, AM wouldn't have paid attention to it. You would have let it roll. If it was a much higher dollar amount, you would have known it was a scam. But, like, they just found this.

[Luke Burbank]

This specifically per $300 is my.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

And my activation point.

[Andrew Walsh]

And, you know, we. And you know, when somebody pretending to be a sheriff called me and knew my name and number the other day, like, there's these little things they can do to really make you feel like, oh, no, this is actually happening. And maybe that's why. Why busy. Why he was like kind of saying, I can't get you busy bones. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

I think there's an also. I think there's another possibility, which is I think that this person that they called was at some point in the orbit of Bone Thugs in Harmony.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ah, yeah, that's.

[Luke Burbank]

But did not have the access that they once had.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so that's how they came up on the Internet search. And probably. Or maybe they had just lied to someone and overstated their friendship or professional association with bone Thug thugs. And maybe they thought, like, well, you know, I'm not going to turn this money down. And now I've got to set about trying to actually get ahold of these guys and get them to go do this thing. My guess is that if this person had had direct access to. And again, I don't want to count bone thugs as money, but my sense would be that it would be a big deal for them at this point in their career to be on that show. And it's in Los Angeles. I get the sense they probably live in Los Angeles, a lot of them, because of where the industry is.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sure from the mentions that the two shows they have coming up this summer are in la. They seem very la.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm sure that. I'm sure Bone Thugs does just fine on the circuit they're on, which is probably playing casinos and stuff. I mean, dang, if they came through town, I might even trade in my Don Fender Felder tickets at the Cowlitz County Fairground to get me or the Clark County Fairground to get me some Bone Thugs tickets. So I'm not trying to act like Bone Thugs in Harmony are on hard times, but I do think Finger Bones.

[Andrew Walsh]

He could be one of the. He could be one of the members of the band.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. The Bone who brought the rock and roll in. The Bone Thugs in Harmony, like so I have a sense that the person that they were in contact with at one time had had some sort of association with this band, but maybe no longer did, but was gonna just try to fake it till they could make it and then they couldn't make it. Or at some point they just like maybe they called Bone Thugs and they said, hey, you want to go do this thing? And they said, how much does it pay? And he was like, 15,000. They were like, that's. We're not going to do it for that. And then I don't know. That's my theory. Now, again, not to be no fun, but I also, I have the theory that I've already stated, I don't need to restate it, which is that this all happened, but it all happened to a mid level producer and not John Mulaney. And they realized, rightfully so, that it's a much more compelling story when John Mulaney is at the center of it. But there's just nothing about the way that television shows are produced. Even with what we've said about Mulaney probably being much more hands on. There's no way that John Mulaney is the person who's in charge of this negotiation on a day to day basis. It just does. That part does not.

[Andrew Walsh]

You could see it up level though, to a degree that he shoots off an email or two or is looped in because he's going to be the name, you know, I mean, that's happens with you too on the shows you work on. I know somebody's like, well, we're trying to get this guy. Hey Luke, could you send a note? You have some connection to this person or whatever So, I mean, I could definitely see him having some, you know, sort of hands in the tape in this, in some way, given everything that I'm presuming about his relationship to this kind of personal project. But certainly the, like John Mulaney trying to get $2,800. You're right. That. That, that does raise some, I guess, red flags for me. Now I want to share something with you. So while we were listening to that, again, $2800. I need. I can just. 17 free.

[Luke Burbank]

How many Fubos is that?

[Andrew Walsh]

I. I wanted to see if there was any update on this yet, because I wonder, like, eventually, like, it would be really like he has a feelings from Bone, you know, I have a.

[Luke Burbank]

Feeling that's the next part of this story.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway, I have something that's going to make you angry here, Luke. And this is no longer a story about John Mulaney. And it's not a story about sports. It's a story about the media. Here are the top five headlines. When you type in John Mulaney, bone Thugs.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, I want to Seattle Times. You won't believe which thugs John Mulaney had an issue with.

[Andrew Walsh]

This national comedian had an issue with.

[Luke Burbank]

With these thugs, with these Harmony guys.

[Andrew Walsh]

So here's the deal. Four of these headlines are great. I'm going to share all of these with you. Okay? The Daily Beast says John Mulaney admits to falling for deeply embarrassing scam. All right, Good stereo gum. John Mulaney claims Bone Thugs and Harmony's fake manager tried to scam him.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the headline. Claims, not admits. Admits.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I see. Sure. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Presumes the story is true as told. Claims is the modifier that I want.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good point. You're right. Even that. That's Daily Beast one about admits. Maybe that's a little drinking. The. Drinking the Kool Aid that John Mulaney is serving. But then you have, well, barstool sports great John Mulaney tells the story of how a fake manager for Bone Thugs and Harmony tried to scam him. Tells the story. I think that's fine. HuffPo. John Mulaney spills the tea on how a fake Bone Thugs in Harmony manager duped him. Okay. All of those, I think, are serviceable.

[Luke Burbank]

The A.V.

[Andrew Walsh]

Club comes around.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, we love the A.V. club.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought we did.

[Luke Burbank]

We love them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, good, because we can talk about this with them if we're in a relationship. John Mulaney has a bone to pick with Bone Thugs in Harmony.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't like that he does not.

[Andrew Walsh]

Have a Bone to pick with bone thugs in harmony. He has a bone to pick with a scammer. They just wanted to use this. This terrible, obvious wordplay there is totally selling out on the reality of what.

[Luke Burbank]

You'Re gonna do when punment comes for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, come on, man. Literally, you are misstating. What, even the premise of this whole story is just so that you can employ a pun. And it's a lazy ass. Obvious pun.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, no bones about it. I didn't realize. Oh, sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry. The bone sent you. No, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. Now, Andrew, if I can. If I can continue my crusade to absolutely extract any fun from this show that I do clearly love. Love. I must now tell you about the theme of the show and also the very bad thing that happened right after that that had me. I'm going to show you something, Andrew. Last night I texted. I sent myself an email because I did not want to forget the chain of events because sometimes it can be easy to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is there writing on that? That just looks.

[Luke Burbank]

There's. Right. I know, I know. Because of the light. It doesn't show. There's. Believe me, it's. I wrote it in lemon juice.

[Andrew Walsh]

So you got to hold it up to a certain. This.

[Luke Burbank]

I. I basically was like, I got to document this so that I don't mess parts of it up tomorrow because. So the theme of the show, you know, each episode has a theme. It was squatters. Okay, now what I know I. You know that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess I knew that because our friend who knows somebody who works on the show said that that person reached out to them and said, hey, do you have any stories about squatting? It's an upcoming. It's an upcoming theme on the show. I didn't realize I was getting a little. I thought that was an old show. I didn't know I was getting a little. Their info there.

[Luke Burbank]

So. And. And here's the thing. Here's what Mulaney says. At some point in after his Bone Thugs talk, but before they, you know, get into the couch portion of the show, he says, we're talking about squatters this week. And he goes, I don't mean people who are homeless. I don't mean people who are trying to find somewhere to live because they have nowhere else to go. And what Mulaney is thinking about, which he didn't actually even express very clearly in that moment, he disclaimed, he said, we're not talking about homeless people. We're not about people that are you know, trying to just stay out of.

[Andrew Walsh]

To survive.

[Luke Burbank]

Desperate to survive. Yeah, we're talking about this other weird subset of people who. And I'm sure Mulaney got obsessed with these people because it's a weird story where, like, somebody figures out that there's a house that's unoccupied, or the people are away, and they go in there and then they file this, like, cascade of weird pretend wills and deeds and paperwork, and they can sometimes effectively tie up the question of who owns this house. They'll change all the laws box. And the person who owns the house will come back from their vacation or they'll come visit their rental house or whatever, and they'll be like, what the hell?

[Andrew Walsh]

What is Randy Quaid doing here?

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. The star whackers will come home, and they will find that Randy and Evie Quaid have. Have. Have, you know, taken over their home and created this, like, paperwork nightmare that takes months and years to untangle. That is an. It's a. It's a weird topic, but it's a topic I can get behind, potentially. So then they get to the first two guests, and they love to do this, where they bring out a couple of. Well, in this case, it was a little bit less, you know, in the other ones I've noticed, they'll bring out a celebrity and then someone who's an industry expert.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Not trying to be funny or just, like, more not trying to be funny.

[Luke Burbank]

Not trying to give anyone the worst day of their life at their job. Horse cock. But this was not the case. They brought out the first two guests. On the topic of squatters, was. Was Wanda Sykes and John Waters, the. The great director John Waters, who I'm a huge fan of, I think A Date with John Waters, one of the greatest compilation CDs of all time. And I love his movies. I love him. I've interviewed him, which tells you that I love him. Andrew. So John Waters comes out and sits down, and. And the first thing that happens is Mulaney goes to Wanda Sykes. He goes, are you from Maryland? And she says, or he says, are you from Baltimore? He asked her some question, and she says, well, I'm from the dmv, which means, like, the District of Columbia, Maryland or Virginia, they kind of call that general area the dmv. And Mulaney seems like, I don't know, slightly confused by that. He's not quite tracking, and he goes. So then he just kind of goes right over Wanda Sykes. Never a great look when you're talking to, like, a Woman of Color on your national television show, to just kind of like, next her. I felt it was a little weird.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you notice, and I'm sorry to interrupt, in the one episode that I saw, which was two weeks ago now, there was also a lot of awkwardness with the sort of positioning when the people come out to sit on the couch. And both times the women involved, it seemed like they were put in sort of awkward positions because, like, it seemed like Mulaney knew Ben Stiller better than he knew, like, well, certainly the woman from the cruise ship. And so, like, he kind of, like, Ben Stiller has to, like, step in front of this woman in between her and the camera, and she has to sort of get out of the way so that he can hug his friend, the host of the show, while she sort of. And then I think when Quinta Brunson came out, it was something sort of similar as well, even though she's obviously famous. But it was like, there were two times where I feel like the women were almost, like, physically not pushed, but moved out of their space so that the friends. So that Kroll could say hello to his best friend, Mulaney. And both times I was like, I'm not saying I'm. I'm calling for anybody's cancellation, but I'm just like, well, let's be a little bit more aware of. Mindful and aware of, like, sort of how this is looking, and. Because it just sort of felt like a little boys club.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it was. It struck me as a little odd that he asked a question of Wanda Sykes, but then didn't really, like, really wait around for the answer. And then he just goes right to. To John Waters. Well, you live in Baltimore. Do you live in Baltimore still? To John Waters? And then John Waters is like, yes, I live in Baltimore. Now. If I was one of Mulaney's producers, I would have said, by the way, here's the thing you could talk to John Waters about. The bathroom at the Baltimore Museum of Art are named for John Waters because he donated a bunch there. And he asked, they said, do you want a building? He said, no, I would like the bathrooms to be named for me. I think that's kind of a funny detail. Easy. Like, talk show banter, right? And I know they're not trying to make the typical talk show, but, like, let's put this in Mulaney's head. Let's let him know one dazzling deet about John Waters and Baltimore. Then he. I think he says something. I think Mulaney says something about squatters. But then John Waters says, I know I'm going to get in trouble for this because you're supposed to call them one kind of thing, but I just call these squatters. I just call them chuds. And then he goes on to define cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. And you realize in this moment, if you're a careful viewer, that nobody has explained to John Waters that we are not talking about unhoused people. We are not talking about people with mental health or drug addiction. We are not talking about people who are living in. In. Presumably in John Waters experience in Baltimore, abandoned buildings. Because John Waters goes into this thing about how, like, people are, like, living in his friend. Like, people broke into his friend's building he owned and you can't get them out. And then. Then, like, like. But again, not in this very specific way of people that are all sort of fine and safe and okay and have decided to try to steal a house, but in a. Like, again, a person who's probably unhoused, who's, like, in some, you know, abandoned rental of some friends of Malay, of. Of John Waters. Basically, John Waters goes on like a very, very bad look, kind of like shitty description of people who. My point is this. John Waters has not been prepped whatsoever about what. What we are and are not trying to talk about in this segment. And the fact that nobody.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tough thing that he's asking for, too. Like, he wants to open up the phones on a very specific topic, where the vast majority of stories around this would be more like somebody who's struggling with, you know, addiction or, like, just looking for survival or something. I mean, what do you want? How many people have. How many average people or even guests have even stories about this? I'll tell you what. Again, I was talking to our friend whose friend works on the show, and the person reached out and said, do you have any stories about squatting? And our friend said, are you talking about, like, the living in somebody else's space? Are you talking about the exercise?

[Luke Burbank]

And I was like, I could talk about squats.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's why I said to our friend, I'm like, well, would you have a story about either? And she was like, yeah, I would have a story. I would have a story about the exercise I could do. But, like, who's got a story? I mean, how many people off?

[Luke Burbank]

No, please.

[Andrew Walsh]

But what is. What a strain? Again, I don't think this is an accident. I mean, I think Mulaney is trying to make things awkward. I think he's refusing to Give in to the traps and the tropes that make these other shows kind of unwatchable. Like these style of shows unwatchable to people like me. And I really do appreciate that. I'll bet you people are warning him like, hey, that's not a great topic. And he's saying, I just want to do it. You know, Like, I do appreciate, I mean, I love that about the show. But also in this case, though, as a producer, I want to say, like, what do you want people to call? You think there's a lot of people you couldn't get that great of calls about cruise ships where, like probably two out of three Americans have been on a cruise ship or at least have driven somebody to a cruise ship. You know, like, what are you expecting the phone calls to be?

[Luke Burbank]

And this. Andrew, thank you. This brings me to my moment of insight, my moment of clarity around this show and why there are so many things that don't work. And it's because nobody who works on this show has produced a talk show. Certainly they've never produced a public radio call in show. They're not. They're comedians. I'm sure that this show is staffed with their favorite funniest friends who are comedians and who maybe worked on a sitcom or maybe worked on a comedy special or maybe worked on Tim and Eric or whatever. But what none of them have asked themselves is who will the callers be? They've not. They need to hire us or some other people that make talk shows to ask the question, how many people are gonna have a story about squatting that isn't a story about a person who's obviously experiencing homelessness or drug addiction? Like, this topic is far too nuanced for us to make it the topic for the show. And also, whoever is the segment producer, how did somebody not get to John Waters and explain to him what this was and was not? He also then turns, I think John Waters, I think it was John Waters said to Wanda Sykes, again, weird oper optics. Have you ever squatted? And then Wanda Sykes in the only funny joke that occurred during this segment, said, well, my parents might have told you that I was squatting after college. It's like, good, good save, Wanda.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like I, I just, I don't know if I'm turning to a woman of color and asking her if she's ever squatted either. I mean, maybe I'm just too sensitive about everything. But like, I think that the, the issue with this show is that nobody who is making the show happen, including John Malone, Delaney has ever tried to produce a talk show or even a radio talk show or anything. So they're not asking these questions. So they go up there with this very, very bad plan of that topic.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do think the topic is a huge problem there. And again, I, I understand and I'm making a lot of assumptions about this show, but the assumptions are based on what I like about the show, which is they don't want to let it slip a little bit like you don't want. So what's the opposite of this? It's the. When the producer goes in and says, what are your three stories, guest? And then how can our host set those up? And it's like all like, so fake. And it's just like the most, you know, it's the worst of this type of stuff. Yes, I'm talking about Fallon. So. And so then Mulaney might be like, well, okay, how about this is a topic. And maybe somebody says, I don't know if it's a great topic, like, or. Or here Waters has a story about this. Like, don't tell me that. I don't want to know. Because then the show, if we start letting it slip a little bit, then the show, then next thing you know, know, it's like I'm getting too prepped. And so I sort of love what I assume. And again, this is all assumptions, but what I love is the stubbornness of avoiding too good of advice, you know. But I do think there's also sometimes a happy medium. And I feel like I've been through this even professionally, obviously not on such a grand stage, but as a producer sort of saying, like, well, we really had like, in produce, in like producing, or I should say like sort of planning to launch a brand new talk show. There were certain ideas that I was just obsessed with. Like, I really wanted a talk show on public radio. That was mostly the type of like, kind of chat that you expect from a public radio talk show. But I wanted music breaks. I wanted to play two cool modern songs or just something that the host wanted to play. Let's take a break.

[Luke Burbank]

Some kind of bailiffleck, probably, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

But it was kind of modeled after what they do on some shows on the cbc, which is really cool. They just mix music and talk in a way. But it's not like Zoo Crew talk. It's like smart public radio style talk. But also, hey, check out this song. And it doesn't even have to be new. It could just be the host saying, I've been listening to this a lot Lately. And it's from the talking head second record or whatever. Like, it's just like, play a song and then come back and say, you know, we're gonna be talking to the mayor after. After this song. Like, I. You wanna be somewhat careful tonally. But it's absolutely doable. I truly still believe that's doable. I no longer work in public radio, and they said they'll never hire me again. But there were people who were just like, listen, this isn't working. This isn't the vibe. If you're going to do it, it's got to kind of come naturally from the host. The host isn't into it. You can't have a producer forcing musical breaks into something it's not. So we had to say, all right, I give up on that one. To me, that was a really big one. That was going to be sort of a. It was really going to be sort of a guiding light of the vibe of the show that I was trying to make. And we had to give up on it, and we ended up making a show that just sounds like every other public radio show. But, but. But at a certain point, you have to say, if. If the. If it's not working, you gotta, like, kind of rethink it a little bit or at least, like, find some things around the edges and say, yeah, okay, we can find another topic that doesn't totally sell us out.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Because I think also with their show, and I know exactly what you're talking about, and I've done this. Well, this is sort of why TBT is a podcast now. Right. Part of why. Because we were, you know, in the early days, Jen and I were intentionally obtuse with the management and doing things, a lot of things that were very bad. Ratings radio. Because we were so obsessed with not becoming like, every other show or whatever. But, like, the thing with the. With this show is I. It can. It can keep. It can be very, very weird. Still, like, you don't have to throw the. What does PETA say about babies in bath?

[Andrew Walsh]

They don't care about humans at all.

[Luke Burbank]

This is why we lost the election. PETA has no feeding a fed bird for babies and Bath boys. But. But, like, you know, for instance, last night they had a callback. So there was a previous episode where somebody in the audience, presumably a paid performer, kind of stood up and challenged John Mulaney to represent every single male height between like 5 foot 7 and I think, like 7ft or something. And so they started some kind of, like a fake. They started Some kind of fake thing called, like, Height Aware or something, which was, like. Because the premise is most guys don't know what their actual height is. So it was like a public service announcement about Height Aware. But anyway, so they flash back to this woman saying, you know, you don't have the guts to show every height going up by one inch. And the idea is that there would be on stage a guy who's five'seven standing next to a guy who's five'eight standing next to a guy who's five'nine five'ten five'eleven going all the way up. And then last night, Mulaney checks in on how many heights they've collected, and there's just this graphic of this kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, that's pretty good.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like a graphic of the. What? I think I just described a guy who's five'seven or whatever, going all the way up, and all they had was one guy who was five'eight Like. Like, it was. These were, like, drawings. These were, like, faceless drawings of guys of different height and the one, like.

[Andrew Walsh]

Filling them in to show, like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but only one was filled in. And it was just like, they knew one person who was five'ten that was it. That's as far as they gotten.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, none of the just, like, sort of more average heights in the audience, just.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, like, there was one. And again, it wasn't even a person. It was an illustrate. It was like a. It was like a CDC graph or something. So, like, that's brilliant. Like, you can do all of that. You keep doing all of it. You can keep sending Waymo a. Say mo out, you know, do all of the weird shit, but just, like, produce it up a little. Like, hire somebody who's.

[John Waters]

Who.

[Luke Burbank]

Who's good, who's done a talk show before, who could say again, on this particular topic, this is a bad idea, and here's why. And, like, there's other really good ideas out there, other really good themes that we. We can. We can focus on. And again, the problem is, like, the bummer was. And I'm not calling for anyone's cancellation, but also, it's like Mulaney did nothing in the moment to. To. To. To mediate what was going on with John Waters. John Waters just looked. No offense, John Waters just looked kind of like an asshole. And again, I love John Waters, but it's like. And I. He. He was just being his sort of edgy self. I mean, he's a known, like, sort of transgressive guy. That's the kind of art he makes. But, like, I just didn't like him calling homeless people chuds.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

At all. Like, it was a very bad look, and it was a look avoidable if they would have asked a few questions before. Or again, the producer just, like, sits down with. With John Waters and says, okay, I know this is kind of, like, weirdly nuanced, but, like, this is the kind of thing we're trying to talk about.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And this is the kind of thing we're not trying to talk about. And, like, just if somebody would have just given him that talk, I don't think it would have ruined the show. I think would have made the show better or, like, less offensive.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did they get any calls?

[Luke Burbank]

I stopped watching after that. Yeah, because I was kind of. I was really. Again, I don't. I don't think I'm that much of a snowflake, but I was a little put off by the whole thing. Also, it was. It was by. I can see my timestamp. It was 10:58pm Andrew, which is when I turn into a pumpkin.

[Andrew Walsh]

How about don't throw the bread out with the basket. How about that? Don't throw out the bread with the basket.

[Luke Burbank]

I could go. I could go with it. I like that. It's b. You got basket, baby bath water.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's got to be bees.

[Luke Burbank]

What about don't throw the bread out with the bathwater? I just like the idea of soggy. You sitting. Sitting in. You sitting in a bathtub eating a baguette.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, shades of Gummoe.

[Luke Burbank]

I was gonna go more with a Trumbo reference. With a Dalton Trumbo. Wait, was Dalton Trumbo the baseball player or the writer?

[Andrew Walsh]

I. That name rings a bell. I feel like it's a writer, but I don't. I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, there was a baseball player named Trumbo, and then there was a writer named Trumbo, and famously, Trumbo the writer. He had back problems. And I would write, almost exclude Dalton Trumbo was the writer.

[Andrew Walsh]

Writer.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, well, then who was the Trumbo Trumbo? Because, like, Trumbo, baseball player we had. I think the Mariners had Trumbo the baseball player. Mark Trumbo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that name. That does. Should I look for the baseball card?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. It's under R. It's under M. Oh, wait, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just went through all the T's. I don't think I saw Mark Trombo, but I can take another look if you want.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's see. He was a Mariner for one season in 2015 here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, 2015. Oh, yeah. These cards don't go there. These are not modern baseball cards.

[Luke Burbank]

Thirteen home runs for the Mariners in. In. In 2015. Mark Trumbo. That would have. That would take Julio Rodriguez 13 seasons.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's weird. I think he actually got. Oh, well, what am I doing? Sorry. No, no baseball talk. I think he got like 30 last year. It just all happened in like a week.

[Luke Burbank]

Julio did.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think so. Didn't he have 30 last year?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. Dude. Listen, it's. We. We need to do the blurs days, but like the floors days. So I don't want to flirt this up, but. But like. But like, the thing that's hurting me right now is that the Shohei Ohtani's and the Aaron Judges of the world are just battering the baseball. And I know that, like, nobody. I was. I was listening to. Oh, I was listening to Wyman and Bob yesterday as I was driving home from. From my film shoot. That was actually very fun. Sitting in traffic was not very fun. I really hated that. I have lost. Lost the ability to sit in rush hour traffic. Nobody likes it. But like, I honestly was like, do I pull over and get a hotel?

[Andrew Walsh]

Good Lord.

[Luke Burbank]

And it was like, people do this every day of their life. But I was on 405. I was on my way from Whidbey island back down to this area, and I was so overwhelmed by the feel. I was so claustrophobic sitting in this traffic on 405 that I literally thought maybe I pull over and get a room and I just leave at five in the morning because I can't do this.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just need to. I apologize. I was way off. He got 20 home runs last year. I don't know. I know 30 is a lot, but I thought that I had heard that he had gotten 30 because I had to go back and like, recheck myself because I'm like. I always think of Julio is just like spending most of the season is not being very good and then having a. A month that's really hot. And then everybody thinks that's his real personality. And when will Julio be Julio? I'm like, I think Julio is usually not hitting the ball and then every now and then heating up to some impressive levels. But I guess just 20 last year. I'm pretty embarrassed that I got that so off.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's see this season. Let's. Right now he is hitting.182 with one home run and three RBIs. I bet you those three RBIS came on that one home run. He has four hits. He's hitting.182. He makes $200 million. He's hitting.182. You're absolutely right.

[Andrew Walsh]

He did get 32 the year before. So 2023 season, he did get 32 home runs and 28 in 2022. So those are, that is a lot.

[Luke Burbank]

I, I guess I just, it's like I'm so mad because I feel like. And this was. I was listening to Wyman and Bob when I was driving yesterday and they were playing oh. And then I was like, they, they're in some. I don't know, they were like doing some other thing that I got bored with. So then I talked about the Kale Raleigh show.

[Andrew Walsh]

They couldn't shut up about that yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

Literally what made me change the channel.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then they kept on saying like, yeah, isn't it amazing he's gonna have his own show. Show. Like he can, he. They're basically saying he can barely talk. And we all love Kel Raleigh, but he's like a very kind of stoic turn kind of guy. I don't know, does taciturn, I think maybe. Taciturn? Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

He's not unfriendly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, he's kind of reserved. And now he's in these commercials where he's trying to act and him saying sun drenched grass is one of the most painful things on TV right now. Have you seen that commercial where he's sending it?

[Luke Burbank]

I've seen it muted anyway.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love that man. I'm not trying to diss him, but it is. I'm literally thinking, even though he's a really popular player, I don't think his, his qualities translate to being a radio guy.

[Luke Burbank]

Well.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then the people who are supposed to be like promoting it are basically saying, yeah, this is interesting. He's not much of a radio guy. I'm like, guys like either do this or don't.

[Luke Burbank]

But that was it. I'm in the car, it's like 4:55 and they go. Coming up at 5, the Cal Raleigh show. It's going to be Every Thursday at 55 with Shannon Dreher. And I'm like, it's not even you guys. It's like Shannon Dreher. God bless. I think Shannon Dreher is great. Good broadcaster, good journalist. But like, I don't want to hear like a 15 minute segment of Shannon Dreher interviewing Cal Raleigh and trying to. Don't, don't Cal on my leg and tell me it's Raining. It's not a radio show. If Cal Raleigh has a radio show, it's an hour long. He's the host of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, you know that they do this all like they have the Pete Carroll show and now. I mean they always do this on the.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. And I find these things generally, generally horrific.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It's not the Pete Carroll show. It's Pete Carroll's our guest every, every week during this particular segment. Then they call it the Pete Carroll Show.

[Luke Burbank]

But they're not even the ones interviewing Cal Raleigh, if I had it right. No Shannon Dreher. Why? Because Cal Raleigh is on at 5:00 on Thursday. Not available generally.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, so it's pre recorded.

[Luke Burbank]

It's some pre recorded pablum, like. So anyway, I changed, changed over to 93.3 FM, which used to be cube 93 of my childhood. Chet Buchanan Cannon and Eric Powers to the people. And it was, I was listening to Softy and whoever it is. Softy and Puck. I don't know, it's, it's, it's crazy for me to listen to Seattle sports radio and hear these various voices. I mean, I used to be the intern on the Mikey and Vidi show in the morning and Dave Softy Mahler was producing the midday show when he wasn't working at Red Robin and he's now a Seattle sports institution. But in all of that, I was hearing highlights. I was mad at the person who does the updates on KJR because she was, she said all rise. She's a KJR person, right? She's the KJR update person. And she goes, all rise. Aaron Judge has another home run and she's like giddy about it. I'm like, come on, we're not giddy about Aaron in this house. We believe the Yankees are war criminals. Okay? Bozo did the dub. The Yankees and their fans are war criminals. We do not go all rise for Aaron Judge. Out of here with that. When Julio Rodriguez is hitting 184. Like don't, don't rub it in my face. And then on Wyman and Bob, they were playing highlights of Otani hitting that like the, the, the, the Dodgers were losing five nothing. I forget to whom. But they came storming back. This was to win their eighth game. They came back and won on a walk off home run by Otani. You know what the Dodgers announcer said when Otani hit the home run? Now listen, I get why they're excited. It's their team. Ohtani hits this home. He's the mv he's the mvp, right? He's the reigning MVP of the National League. I would. He would have to be, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, he could. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, he's a. Like, he. He's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Speaking of, didn't he go 40 for 40 last year or something crazy like that? Or am I just throwing out crazier stats and crazy?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I. You mean like 40 home runs and 40 stolen bases.

[Andrew Walsh]

So.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I believe that. I. 100%. So Ohtani, who is the highest played payer, highest paid player in baseball and also the best player in baseball and also, also just like he's not human. He hits a walk off home run and the Dodger guy goes, Ohtani with the hit and it's over, you know? Oh, Tani for the home run. Inevitable. I'm like, yeah, it's inevitable. It's inevitable.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are we beeping today or are we.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, maybe. As we go into a heavily child centric segment called the FLIR stage, I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Trying to put markers in between you, me and. No, I dropped one. Male Delaney dropped one, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Boy, that was really.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love that on Netflix Live. He starts his monologue. We'd even talk about that. He just starts his monologue by saying MFer like that. That must be historic.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no, that's a good point too. I like, I like the casual nature of it. But anyway, I'm just really struggling. I'm struggling with Julio, who is our one, supposedly our one, you know, our one treasure, our one shining star. We're paying him all this money, money. And like as these other shining stars do, what shining stars are supposed to do, the we are shining star is dull. And it's so hard to not compare it to the Ohtani's of the world and the. And the Aaron judges of the world and even the Teoscar Hernandez.

[Andrew Walsh]

And Eugenio Suarez is cooking wherever he is now too. I heard he's cooking. I know. My favorite thing, though. So here's the evolution of how Dodgers fans talk down to you. For years and years, it was about like, oh, no, you don't understand. Like this is all homegrown. Like because of the farm system. It's. You don't understand.

[Luke Burbank]

We took this land from bunch of people who were living in Chavez Ravine.

[Andrew Walsh]

And now, good story. In this last off season when they just kind of went around with a money vacuum and just sucked up all of the talent in the league. And the thing was now. But it's still baseball. You just never know who's. It's always going to be. I mean, you can get all the talent you want. And I'm telling you, you're still going to potentially have the Rangers in the World Series or whatever. And like here we are eight games in and the Dodgers, they're about to.

[Luke Burbank]

Go 162 and 0.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Inevitable ways to talk down to us.

[Luke Burbank]

It is inevitable. That's right. You've. Sir, you've accurately described the inevitability of the Los Angeles Dodgers being eight. No, because they have the best players at every position. This was something they were saying yesterday on the thing. And then we'll blurs. I promise. The, the, the Mariners pitching staff is sometimes described as maybe the best staff in baseball. And the other staff that is, that is, is, is vying for that title is the Dodgers. And guess who has never even pitched for them yet. Arguably the best pitcher in the game, Shohei Ohtani. They have the best rotation without even using the best pitcher in baseball because they want to preserve his arm or whatever.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like now I will be interested seeing if he's still as good of a pitcher after two seasons of not pitching. And that injury, you know, like, I.

[Luke Burbank]

Mean, I wonder why they even would, why would they even have him pitch?

[Andrew Walsh]

I wouldn't. He's on my fantasy team. And I would say it almost just creates more of a headache at this point. I would almost. If he was on the mound, I'm not even sure because there's. Good Lord, I keep doing this. I don't even want to talk about this. And I'm talking about it. I'm talking about my fantasy baseball team. There's still this messed up rule and fantasy where even if Ohtani is pitching and hitting in the same game, you as a fantasy player can only pick one. He can either be your DH or your pitcher. You cannot rack up stats on the same day. For him, it's just a glitch in the system because he's the only player who does that. But it's a, A real, it's a real. I don't know, it's a real bummer. But I guess I'm lucky to have him at all, especially since I inherited him. So whatever. So my point is like if there's a day late this season where he is both pitching and hitting, I don't know that I choose him as my pitcher. I mean, we'll see what, we'll see what happens, but I think he's like, we see what he can do at the plate. So.

[Luke Burbank]

Inevitable.

[Andrew Walsh]

Inevitable. Glad I got my fantasy talk in there.

[Luke Burbank]

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll?

[Andrew Walsh]

You can't just listen to your song? Just remember that life is number one? You can be having so much fun? Just remember that life is much fun? You can be nothing but one. I always think that's a real dog. I mean, hey, say hello to your real dog for me, Luke, and then get some money out of that cash register and give it to the dog. Hey everybody, the goat wants some too. Oh, are we in severance? Hey everybody. If you would like to wish somebody a happy birthday or a happy birthday, email me andrewbtl.net the week of their blurs and we'll read it usually on Thursdays, but we had to move this segment over to a Friday. Today, Judy says happy blurs day to my TBTL daddy and amazing daughter. Don't you love how that works? Her daughter is also her daddy.

[Luke Burbank]

It's very, very like the old riddle.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's very Chinatown. Yes, that's dark. Happy birthday to my TBT daddy. An amazing daughter. Long time to 10, Jen. I hope the family and I made your birthday as special as you deserve. We all love your creativity, warm heart, generous spirit, and delicious sense of humor. You are the light of all of our lives. Love ya, mom.

[Luke Burbank]

Sweet.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is sweet. And also, Jen wrote in also celebrating her blurs day. It was supposed to be a golden blurs day because it was actually yesterday and I was supposed to be reading this yesterday, but Jen mentioned that she's gonna be celebrating in Vegas at the Golden Tiki. Where.

[Luke Burbank]

How do you know it's a girl?

[Andrew Walsh]

My grown five is hosting a guest DJ set. Jalapena.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, nice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Egregiously late. Happy blursday to Sheila from fellow Ithaca10, Cindy. Is it really possible that the last time we saw each other was on our road trip to the TBTL live show in Philly? That wasn't that long ago. I thought it was gonna be like, I remember that.

[Luke Burbank]

I remember that road trip.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. Was there a dog? I swear there was a dog in the car though, wasn't there? Or cash register.

[Luke Burbank]

That cyclist went by.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can't wait.

[Luke Burbank]

And then those cops, they did not like the dog riding the bicycle. Oh, yeah, you know what? That I shouldn't play that. I'm taking it off the list. I hate it when there's a siren in a song that I'm listening to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So stressful.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway, so this was for Sheila from Cindy. We can't wait to see you again. We will have two things to celebrate your Belated birthday and your upcoming retirement from Cornell. And no, Luke, Sheila does not know Dave Ross. She just saw him in an Ithaca parking lot.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, isn't Sheila and Shrub Oak? We're being super specific.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're asking questions that my.

[Luke Burbank]

I think she's in Shrubbo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can't answer.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, what about Tracy Jordan's patootie?

[Andrew Walsh]

Eric says, happy birthday to the wonderful Lisa of the Olympia area. We all grimace at the thought that you could actually be 52. Who would ever know by looking at you? Here's to a tremendous year from your coolest friendo, Eric.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice, Nice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Happy blursday, Lisa. We're seeing Lisa at a Mariners game years and years and years ago now. It was cold. It was the end of the season, Chad. And, oh, it was raining. There were dogs barking.

[Luke Burbank]

Really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Cash. Mariners were making tons of money at the concession stand. Oh, wait, Somebody bit into too hot of a hot dog.

[Luke Burbank]

All that. Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Chad and Amy say we'd like to send out a happy 66th Blurs Day to the only 10 we've ever met in the wild. Todd in. Well, we don't know exactly where he lives. Somewhere in the Twin Cities. Bloomington, maybe. Okay, let's not dox Todd here, but we do know that Todd is a great guy who makes excellent choices in his life. His 11 is super cool. He makes excellent cocktails, and he listens to TBTL.

[Luke Burbank]

Not the. Does the 11 make the. His 11 make the cocktail cocktails?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I think just like we're listing the attributes, Todd. One of which is that his 10 or his 11 is super cool. Also, he makes excellent cocktails, and I don't even think he uses the Keurig of cocktails. I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really? Don't call it that. That was me throwing my Keurig of cocktails machine out because they don't make the pods anymore.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what that sounds like? You know what? It sounds exactly like something that is completely unrelatable to you and the rest of our audience. Do you remember I got obsessed with a very, very basic but addictive, like, flash video game on my computer called, like, the Waitress or something?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you're making hamburgers.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have to, like, go. You have to, like, put in an order, and then you have to grab the order. But there's all these, like, little things, and it starts slow, and it's, like, easy. Okay, this person ordered this. You go get it. You order it from the cook, you walk it back. Oh, but they want. So you grab a can of cola from the cooler. Whatever but as it goes on, you start running out of room to throw things away. You have to discard. You have to clear the tables, and you have to throw cans into this recycling bin. And every now and then, the recycling bin fills up, and so you gotta call this guy from the back to empty it. And some ogre looking guy comes out from the kitchen, grabs the recycling, recycling, throws it away, and it sounds just like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Is there ever a sword fight between the customers then?

[Andrew Walsh]

Often with. With. Those are actually butter sounds.

[Luke Burbank]

No, those actually sound like they could be like a spatula that you're using on a big griddle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure, yeah.

[John Waters]

Cheeseburger.

[Luke Burbank]

Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, absolutely. All right, you want to do one more of these? Got Brian.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to do two more because I got a special one after this.

[Andrew Walsh]

We didn't. Hold on. We didn't discuss. Hey, Luke. We didn't discuss that in the meeting.

[Luke Burbank]

The music's doing a weird thing, Andrew, where it's going down. That's only for your benefit.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, Brian.

[Luke Burbank]

No idea what I'm talking about.

[Andrew Walsh]

Brian says, I was listening to yesterday's show, and I took note that Blurs Day greetings were being moved to Friday this week. That's right, Brian. We're calling them FLIRs. It just so happens that my son Bobby's 32nd birthday is today, April 4th. He's a huge Mariners fan. He's.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry, he's in the.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's on the severed floor.

[Luke Burbank]

Sorry for your loss.

[Andrew Walsh]

He is a huge Mariners fan that has only known baseball pain for his 32 years. Happy, happy birthday to Bobby. I love that boy. Let's hope his birthday wish of a Mariners offense comes true.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, we're with you. You know, we're all. We're all together. On this Cloudy With a Chance of Flour's Days. Is that a. Ooh.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You know, maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

Do we have a show title already?

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, can I tell you a little behind the scenes? This is probably not a conversation I should have on the show, but I'm gonna tell you it anyway. So yesterday we talked to Coach Ben about the upcoming Little League season for.

[Luke Burbank]

The TBL Junior Slugger, Junior Sluggers.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I had a lot of. I struggled to come up with a show title. And I had written down, today is my FLIR stay, because you had made that joke. We're talking about doing FLIR stays today. And I actually had that in the system. But before I hit go, I'm like, I just think we can do better. We've made so many flirzies and blurs, these jokes and show titles over the years.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I was thinking, you know how yesterday, you know yesterday I was obsessed with this story about the kiss cam in that commercial, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so I was trying to like think, is there anything? And I thought habeas corpus produced the body. You were joking about that earlier in the week. So I was like, produce the kiss. So I named it Habeas Kiss us. So habeas kiss us. And then, I mean, I literally had that in the system. I hit go. It actually published for a few seconds and then I went to publish it.

[Luke Burbank]

On the website and I thought better of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then I was uploading the photo and who's the photo? It's of a young junior slugger wearing the tbtl. A baby faced junior slugger, Ben. Sluggish. And underneath it, it said habeas kiss us. And I was like, you know what? We already had too many inappropriate conversations. You told me you were not going to use that sound anymore.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you for not tape tossing this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

So I thank you for not being so close to the forest that you could not see the tree. And also, I know that coach Ben sent the link around. I asked Becca. I was like, hey, did Ben send around a link to the, you know, folks that like, hey, the team got talked about? She was. He actually did. Can you imagine if that link was like, kiss us and it's got a picture of a. Of a child and then you and.

[Andrew Walsh]

I talking about that kiss commercial and the implications.

[Luke Burbank]

I already regret everything about that show that I, from my contribution of playing the wrong tape and too loud and too specific and all that stuff when we had, you know, I don't know, 20 or 30 new people probably dipping in and then like, here's the thing, I don't think Ben did. I'll let you ask Becca, actually, I'll ask her this. When people are on the show, which doesn't happen all the time on our show, and then they share the link and then they say it's at the 39 minute mark. That's a way of saying, yeah, you know, you don't want any part of the rest of this. Here's. Let me. Let's get to the good stuff. Let's gather around the good stuff. Yeah, I need to find out from Becca if he did that or not. If he said, hey, I'm on at the X mark or if he just basically just said like, buckle up, hucklebuck.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, if you were on the Stern show, And you sent it and you were in like. Because that show, do they usually record for about two hours or so.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, they'll go like three hours.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So if you appeared at like, you know, the halfway mark or something, you're like, hey, guys, I was on the Stern show. You'd probably. It's not necessarily a comment on the content that comes before, but just. I want you to hear me on the show, and the expectation isn't that you're going to spend a half hour to get there.

[Luke Burbank]

That's an. Good point.

[Andrew Walsh]

That.

[Luke Burbank]

No, you're right in that example, I would absolutely do that. Even though I generally think. Although my new. My new love language with our friend P. Fletch is just complaining about the Stern show to her in text form. And. But generally speaking, I think it's all. It's all really wonderful. But yes, I would not force someone who doesn't listen to the show to listen to two hours to get to the part where I was on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now we have one more blurs day. Hold on.

[Luke Burbank]

We sure do.

[Andrew Walsh]

For.

[Luke Burbank]

This is a.

[Andrew Walsh]

You didn't waste for the P to drop. Okay, go ahead. You're new.

[Luke Burbank]

Was that part of the. Was I supposed to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, just sort of like. There's a rhythm. Wait for it, Luke. You'll hear it. You'll feel it. Do it until it stops.

[Luke Burbank]

Will you please stop?

[Andrew Walsh]

Look for the happy numbers, Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

A happy golden blurs to my actual beautiful baby brother, David from the basement. Wow. Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was just. I thought you were going for something. I killed the music.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what?

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's just keep going. What is it?

[Luke Burbank]

Actually, this is perfect. This band is called Brothers from another.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Song is called Tacos on Broadway.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Happy Blurs Day. Happy 28th Blurs Day to my brother David. It was actually last week.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't know. I didn't know about this. David. Happy blurs day.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And. And I love you and happy blurs. And I love your family. And I can't wait to see you April 11th when we do the Livewire show there at Benaroya Hall.

[Andrew Walsh]

So how do all these blurs guys keep escaping my radar?

[Luke Burbank]

All these blurs blurs bros. Okay, we gotta go. Dude, I gotta listen. I got a lot going on. Andrew. I gotta try to mow this lawn, which is a thicket, before I have a production meeting for Livewire. Before I have to go to the ophthalmologist to see what is going on with my continued eye problems.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, really? The same thing?

[Luke Burbank]

That same thing. My sty my Cal. My Chalazad.

[Andrew Walsh]

Still going on?

[Luke Burbank]

It's getting better, but not fast enough for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Live by the swords. Die by the sword.

[Luke Burbank]

Live by the Zod. Die by the soda.

[Andrew Walsh]

We did a week of shows.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, you know what that brings us to the end of our broadcast week. Thank you so much, everyone, for spending this time with us. We will be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you, including the announcement of what the Junior Slugger's real name is. I'm just getting that hot off the presses. Which name? They went with Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I'm excited.

[Luke Burbank]

Talk about that on Monday, and I'm sure a whole bunch of other things. The meantime, have a great weekend, take care of yourselves, stay safe, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all.

[Luke Burbank]

Power out.