← TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
#4446 The Manchurian Burbank
01:49:07
Luke saw some very strange things at the airport late last night. He and Andrew also discuss the terrible SNL sketch that is also catching heat for being hurtful. And we get an update on the TBTL Jr. Slugger’s latest little league game.
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- [00:00]
Luke Burbank
I'm telling you, you gotta finish your college and do your bachelor's degree because otherwise you're gonna wake up one day and realize all you got going for you is that you bear a resemblance to the president. Grover Cleveland. And you're putting food on the table, doing historical reenactments, and you're looking at those Lincoln guys and you're getting jealous because they're bringing home the big bucks and you're working three, four times a year, tops. Hey, time Bandits, you're listening to TBTL from the past. Shit just got real.
- [00:37]
Andrew Walsh
I feel a real need to express something, but I don't know what it is I want to express or how to express it. I don't even know what that means.
- [00:45]
Luke Burbank
No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.
- [00:48]
Andrew Walsh
Do not put that on the imaginary radio show. Yeah, okay.
- [00:52]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, yeah, I'll tell them.
- [00:54]
Andrew Walsh
That was the silly goose police. You need to turn yourself in.
- [01:01]
Luke Burbank
This is the craziest interview I've ever done in my life. That's why they call me multi dimensional.
- [01:10]
Andrew Walsh
All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Can't believe you're still on the air. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. First things first, I love my job. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. Oh, Ma Pa. It's just beautiful back home. And it feels good, baby, to be part of this enterprise that is episode 4446 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Gonna be honest with you though, some pretty weak deskbell action. Try that again. Episode 4446 in a collector series is where we find ourselves today on this Wednesday. Lots of stuff to get to, including my. My view into the late night or you might say very early morning culture at Portland International Airport when I got back on my flight from San Francisco last night. Also, the TBTL baseball team of the park side Little League of East Portland, the TBTL Junior Sluggers, AKA the TBTL Sluggin Gators. They had a game recently. Can you. Can you verify. Can you give me some 41 1. And we'll give you the update on how that went. Kids and fantasy. Another dispatch from coach Ben. And then we ran out of time yesterday on this. But the Saturday Night Live has apparently apologized, including the actor, comedian, actor Sarah Sherman, who portrayed Amy Lou Wood from the White Lotus. She, the British actor who has a quite unique smile, you might say. Saturday Night Live did a sketch called the White potus and it was getting some heat because I thought it was offensive towards someone we all now treasure, which is Amylou Wood. I don't think that was the worst part of it. We will talk about. Man, that's so rude. I can't believe it.
- [03:09]
Luke Burbank
That's.
- [03:09]
Andrew Walsh
It's so. We'll get into that. Plus I'm sure so much more with this guy. Okay. A, he's the longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depiction of the tall ships. But did you know he's also. He was king of the Tuk Tuk sound. True story. He's Andrew Walsh. He's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.
- [03:26]
Luke Burbank
Good morning, Luke. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where an airport is actually closed? I heard this on a different podcast recently. Somebody showed up for their flight, super early morning flight or something like that. And I think it was one of the Chicago airports. And they're like, I showed up, my ticket says that I should be boarding now, but I couldn't get into the airport because the airport was just closed for the evening.
- [03:47]
Andrew Walsh
I had this exact thought last night at Portland International Airport, actually, because. So my flight from San Francisco to Portland, which is a very quick hop. I always think of Seattle and Portland as being pretty close together and if you're flying from one of them to a place like Los Angeles or San Francisco, it's all kind of the same. No, it's noticeably shorter. Like it's a quick hop from here down to San Francisco, which is nice. And I was supposed to fly back last night and then I got an update in the middle of the afternoon. I was already taking a later flight than I needed, but the, the film schedule with old Metallica was a bit of a moving target, so I needed to err on the side of caution and make sure that I was going to be around San Francisco all afternoon. So then I get an email, or literally it was an email from Alaska. And the afternoon says, sorry, your flight is delayed. And the flight was, instead of leaving at like 8, was now going to leave at 10:30 at night, which is like, wow, I really don't need to be here till 10:30 tonight.
- [04:43]
Luke Burbank
Like I probably could.
- [04:44]
Andrew Walsh
I could have left at 4, but I just did, you know. So then I get to the airport and then it's 10:30 and we're still sitting around waiting and the. At like about 11 or so the person comes on the like intercom there and says, well, our plane is now here. And, and I thought they were going to say, but unfortunately our crew has timed out. I was like, if I have to go back to the hotel right now, I will be so annoyed. But anyway, no, we got on the flight, we flew home. But it meant that I didn't get to Portland until like 11:30. And that's an eerie time to be in the airport. No, nothing good has happened to anyone who's in the airport at 1:30. You see the occasional traveler who's sleeping somewhere on an area that's not meant for sleep. And I'm talking about on the other side of security. On the side of security that would require you to have a ticket. Okay. And I'm, I'm, I'm thinking, did. There weren't that many of them. There was maybe four people sleeping in the airport as I was, you know, walking towards, like, the parking area and stuff. But again, these were all people that would have had to have a ticket to be where they were. Then I get out into the unticketed area and I look over and both of the areas, like both of the security, the TSA checkpoints, if you will, were both closed. And I thought, boy, what if you were. What if you had a 6am flight and you were just, you know, a sort of belt and suspenders type person and you thought, well, I'm going to get here at three in the morning just to make really, really sure. I don't think you could even get to your gate.
- [06:14]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, that's what this person. And I'm not trying to be vague, it was probably Le Batard related, but I'm not. I just don't remember. I mean, I almost asked you if it was your story. I get so many things conflated these days. But ye. Yeah. Somebody that I was listening to in my headphones, I believe at some point was saying that they had that experience at the Chicago Airport where it's like, they showed up and they're just like, no, TSA is closed. We're like, yeah, but my ticket says I should be boarding. Like, well, what do you want me to do? We're closed for the day. It's just such a weird.
- [06:43]
Andrew Walsh
I went to Philadelphia and it was closed. Famous WC Fields line. A lot of people did not have Luke doing a WC Fields impression on their parlay for this week. I did a couple of people that crushed it. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for trusting me. I hope I've done right by your betting.
- [07:00]
Luke Burbank
I don't know, you guys. I'm thinking about Putting San Fran on the last leg of my parlay that has now become an earworm for me. Like, that's all I hear all the time when that commercial comes up and.
- [07:09]
Andrew Walsh
It'S on constantly during the watching of the Mariners games. Here's the other couple of things that I saw at Portland Airport Last night at 1 1:30 in the morning that were kind of interesting. One was, you know those floor polishers that you ride on? They look like a Zamboni, but they are meant for polishing the. The floors. The tile floor of a large place like an airport. Say I just saw one of those unmanned. I saw one of those just. Just driving through the. The. Like the. Where the bag check was and stuff. And I don't. It wasn't that new. This was not a new fangled. This was not a waymo. Like some fancy new driverless thing. It appeared that one of the people that should have been driving it had rigged it up with like some kind of packing straps. Seriously, like a nylon strap that you might use to, you know, tie some stuff down on the back of your flatbed or something. Somehow this thing had been rigged up so that it. It did not have a person driving it. It was actively polishing the floor and it was just humming along down. It was heading towards a post. I wanted to see what was going to happen. It kind of gently bumped into it and just kept going. It looked like somebody had just kind of gone. Like they decided to do a DIY autonomous floor polisher.
- [08:32]
Luke Burbank
That's pretty amazing. For some reason.
- [08:34]
Andrew Walsh
I should have taken a picture. That was stupid. I'm sorry. I was a little bleary eyed. That's what. That would have been a great show pick.
- [08:39]
Luke Burbank
That seems like something from. I don't know why I'm gonna say, but like quick change. Remember that? I think I raised this recently, that Bill Murray Murray movie Bank robber and then bank robbery, I guess movie and then on the lamb movie. They just. They end up in a weird part of town where just strange things are happening and two men are jousting on bicycles. Yeah, Bill Murray's like, just look away. These are just two men solving their own problems or whatever the line is. Like, I just sort of feel like that's the type of shit you were seeing in the airport last night.
- [09:07]
Andrew Walsh
It was lawless Andrew. So that thing is just. And I look around, I'm like, does any. Is anybody else seeing this? Like. And again, I can't stress enough. It isn't like some newfangled thing that had like a Spinning radar or you.
- [09:19]
Luke Burbank
Can tell it from top.
- [09:21]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, it wasn't a Roomba. Like, you know that like this thing was not designed for, for. It's not supposed to be autonomous.
- [09:27]
Luke Burbank
I freaking love that. And I love the idea. I can picture like, like a custodial person dressed in like full blue jumpsuit, literally picking their teeth with a toothpick, watching their, their machine just to take care of it. Be like, yep, I just solved life even.
- [09:43]
Andrew Walsh
Even better. Andrew. I think I might have figured out the person who was behind this because as I kept going, I end up getting over to where there's a couple of escalators to go up to where my car was parked. And there's a person who is standing there. I suppose it was unclear the gender, so I'll just say a person who was standing there and they had a. Like. Now imagine the other thing I described to you. Kind of like a Zamboni. This was more like a, kind of like a push. Like a push lawnmower sized device that also had brushes on the bottom of it. And they were just standing at the top of an, of an up escalator. Of an escalator that was coming up towards them. And they just had this machine resting on the top moving step so that every time an escalator step came up, it went under this brush. It was like they were cleaning the escalator stairs, but they were letting. They were bringing the mountain to Muhammad, as it were. Does that make sense?
- [10:38]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [10:39]
Andrew Walsh
This person was standing there with this brush device and minimally paying attention because they were scrolling on their phone. They were fully engaged in their phone as they were just standing there letting the steps wash themselves while the Zamboni was on its mission. And I was like, I think that, I think that we're dealing with the doctor who built Edward Scissorhands here, like some sort of mad genius who's like, figured out how to get some real Fantasia energy going on, where everything in the airport is cleaning itself and doing itself and this person just scrolling on their phone. I have to imagine this was the person who would unleash a Zamboni and the cherry on top of all of it. Andrew was at one point, before I get to the person who's at the escalator, I. I look over and I see a person and they are fully on Rollerblades, just rollerblading around the airport and with knee pads and elbow pads.
- [11:34]
Luke Burbank
That sounds amazing if you're a Rollerblader. That sounds like the perfect time and place to Rollerblade.
- [11:42]
Andrew Walsh
I couldn't tell. I did get the sense there might have been a few people in the airport who were homeless, which you see a lot now. Actually, I see that at O'Hare pretty frequently because it's a warm place in the wintertime and it's hopefully relatively safe. But I don't, I couldn't tell if that was the backstory on this person rollerblading, like if they were staying there because now we were out, we're past the ticketed area. We're not out out in the regular area. I don't know if this person was staying. I didn't see, I didn't see like a setup for them that would have indicated that maybe they had like their worldly possessions with them or anything. And I. It's very possible this person just is a nighttime rollerblading enthusiast who loves to buzz around PDX when there's nobody there to bug them.
- [12:21]
Luke Burbank
I would not be surprised because remember when I, in my brief foray into, you know, I'm going to say inline skating because even though I did have roller blades, that is, you know, it's like the kind of Velcro versus hook and loop technology. I mean, let's, let's, let's close the things that close. No, you know, like I never got good at rollerblading, but I gave it a real shot during the pandemic and I was. And by the way, this wasn't a pandemic passion I had gotten into. I don't know why that matters, but a lot of people got into roller skating and rollerblading during the pandemic. This was a, this was a many year thirst. I had to see if I could, I don't know, to see if I could make it as a rollerblade. It turns out I couldn't. But the thing is, you learn pretty quickly that like you look at like a, a parking lot that seems flat and smooth because it's been resurfaced. But as soon as you get those things on your feet and you're inexperienced like me, you realize nothing is actually flat. Everything has some sort of an incline to it and even the smallest little bump feels like a mountain underneath your blades.
- [13:30]
Andrew Walsh
Same with skateboarding, by the way.
- [13:32]
Luke Burbank
What's that?
- [13:33]
Andrew Walsh
Same with skateboarding. There's nothing more dangerous if you're skateboarding than a tiny pebble like you'd think it would be a curb. Anything you can see coming, you're probably okay with. It's a tiny pebble that will stop you in your.
- [13:44]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, just stop you short and then you go flying ass over tea kettle. As I.
- [13:49]
Andrew Walsh
None of that at pdx, Andrew.
- [13:50]
Luke Burbank
No, at pdx, I mean, so I was going to say so that the one place where I was consistently practicing with my buddy is we would go in the specific floor underneath the University of Washington in the parking garage, which was relatively, you know, smooth and flat. And we could just practice, practice going around and around. And we did that a lot. And I could just sort of see somebody being like, you know, the cool place to go is the airport. Like, nobody, apparently nobody's stopping this person from doing it. Which, honestly, I applaud. I understand if there were like a whole bunch of people doing it and it got to be like, if you had these marauders on wheels, it could be a problem.
- [14:25]
Andrew Walsh
Tufts on wheels.
- [14:25]
Luke Burbank
But I kind of love the fact that people are like, hey, listen, there are some people who are sleeping here who are probably not waiting for flights. We got a rollerblader, we got somebody polishing the stairs.
- [14:34]
Andrew Walsh
Like, I like multiplying buckets of water that's eventually going to get out of control.
- [14:39]
Luke Burbank
Nobody's like, I like the fact that everybody just sort of let this ecosystem be. And I could totally see a rollerblader being like. My trick is I go to the airport at three in the morning.
- [14:49]
Andrew Walsh
It was totally like I had just wandered into this little, totally unregulated world where things. It felt also, I just keep throwing out examples. It felt maybe vaguely like a Terry Gilliam film.
- [15:00]
Luke Burbank
People are just kind of doing touch of the post apocalypse a little bit.
- [15:05]
Andrew Walsh
But also not bad. Not, not, not grim, you know what I mean? Just kind of like, people are there, they're doing their thing, Nobody's bothering anybody. This all happens every night. And none of us day dwellers know about this.
- [15:14]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I love that. I don't think I kind of like that.
- [15:17]
Andrew Walsh
So that was, that was my, my journey back home. But it of course also meant that I, I got home very late. I, I went to bed at, I think like maybe 2:30, which is not only the time when, you know, it's time to visit the dentist, if you remember that.
- [15:31]
Luke Burbank
230. Yeah.
- [15:32]
Andrew Walsh
2:30.
- [15:32]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. In his 70s.
- [15:33]
Andrew Walsh
Very, very late for me. And so I was moving a little slow this morning. And then I had a whole. I live. I went on this whole crazy journey with the Home Depot company, which was. I was going to have all this cinder block delivered today because my dad and I are building this platform wall that's going to support part of the deck that's out on the side of the house and the base of it's going to be built out of cinder block, but it's 110 cinder blocks. And so I was having it delivered by Home Depot and like I woke up this morning and I had an email from the Home Depot down the hill for me saying we've had to move. Well, I had a, I had a. Sorry, I had an email that said your order has been. The shipping on your order has been changed. It was supposed to be today. I came home last night partially because I wanted to be here for this order. I wanted to try to get the guy with the forklift to put the cinder blocks as close to where they're going to need to go as possible so as to keep my. I'm still going to have to wheelbarrow 110 of these cinder blocks down under my deck and around the house, which I am going to make my workout that day. I'm not working out on that day because that's going to be a pain.
- [16:41]
Luke Burbank
I bet you I wanted to rig your riding lawnmower to get them down there. You don't even.
- [16:45]
Andrew Walsh
I actually, it's funny, going back to the Zamboni example, I actually like was thinking I could get a little cartoon and I could pull it with my riding lawnmower.
- [16:53]
Luke Burbank
Actually, yeah, I was joking. I was thinking of the self driving Zamboni, but honestly. Yeah, get yourself a car. I'll bet you you find yourself using that a lot.
- [17:00]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, probably not a bad idea. But so I, I wanted to be here so I could kind of like try to get them to put the stuff as close as possible. And that sometimes takes a little finessing, a little sweet talking depending on the mood they're in. Because they show up with a big truck and then they've got like a forklift that's on the back of the truck that they can like pop down and then that's what they're driving around. Anyway, I wake up this morning, I have an email from Home Depot saying we had to move your delivery time to like next week. And I was like, well that's bad because like I need these now because I need to start working on this with my dad like this weekend. And so then I immediately take evasive action. I cancel. Oh, I also have this, this. Let me just play this voicemail for you, Andrew. It's very. It sounds to me like the person at Home Depot is kind of making this up as they go along. Let's see, I'm just going to play it Into. Let's see if this will work. When the person gets to explaining why they're not going to deliver my cinder blocks, it sounds like they're making it up a little bit. I don't know. Just take, take a listen here.
- [17:57]
Luke Burbank
Hey, Luke, this is the Longview Home Depot.
- [17:58]
Andrew Walsh
I'm calling to let you know, unfortunately.
- [18:00]
Luke Burbank
We had to reschedule your delivery because of driver. Driver medical issues. And the soonest day I could do.
- [18:07]
Andrew Walsh
Was April 22, so. She said driver medical issues. Now listen, people get sick, people have medical issues. That's fine. I respect that. That seemed for some reason, like, I don't know why. I just, it struck me as, what are the chances that they were going to deliver this update? Then the driver had a medical issue and now they're not delivering. Okay, fine, that it is what it is. But I'm like, I really need this stuff sooner rather than later. So I canceled the order. This is all like on my laptop at 7 o'clock this morning in bed, by the way. I decided I was allowed to luxuriate in bed until 8am Although I was actually doing stuff on my computer. But I, I cancel it. I immediately go over to Lowe's, the Lowe's website, and I buy the exact same amount of cinder block from them. And they're going to deliver it here tomorrow. And it's like the. Pretty much the same price. They're practically the same place. And then I get another call as I'm hitting buy on the Lowe's order. So I've canceled the Home Depot. I bought the Lowe's order and I get a call and it's. I can see it's the long view Home Depot, and it's a totally different person. And she says, hey, do you still want that cinder block order? Our corporate manager got us a truck. And I was like thinking, I thought somebody was sick. Is it a lack of a truck? Is it a lack of a person? And then I said, oh, that would be great, except I canceled the order. She goes, I can go back and just redo it real quick. The guy's almost at your house. I was like, oh, okay. So I gave her my info again. And then at the same time, I'm trying to cancel the Lowe's order because I don't need 220 of these cinder block things. And sure enough, I, like, I'm just hanging up with her and I look out my little door and coming down the street on a forklift is this guy with a bunch of cinder block on the forklift. Anyway, and so I had to. He was actually really nice. We ended up waiting a kind of an awkward, long amount of time just talking. Because from when he delivered the stuff to when the logistics company had processed it in the system so that he could get my signature, there was some kind of a lag. And it's sort of interesting when you get like 20 minutes, you didn't expect. This, by the way, was why I was asking if we could dial up late. When you get like 20 minutes, you don't expect with a complete stranger. Because, like, I. It was a nice enough guy. His name was Charlie. And we were standing around. I didn't really want to. Like, I felt rude going back inside the house. And he just had this forklift. I think his truck was parked way up the road, like his large, you know, semi truck or whatever. So we were just kind of talking about the neighborhood, and he was admiring the view and. And we were just talking about. He was telling me some stories. He had once gone in on a house around here with someone, but his friend was the one who had bought the house. And then he was going to put in sweat equity. He was going to own half of the house because he was going to fix it up. And he fixed the whole house up. And then the feds showed up because his friend had gotten the money for the house by selling drugs. And so they re put, the feds confiscated the house. And this guy ended up getting none of this. So these are the kind of conversations we're having. And then eventually he gets the go ahead, I sign the thing. And it was actually kind of a nice moment because I could tell he was waiting. I didn't realize at the time, but when he said this, I realized, oh, he was waiting to bring this up. As he's walking towards his forklift, he goes, I'm really happy to see that you were a Harris supporter, because I still have my Harris waltz sign here. It's like, I cannot put that in the garbage can. It's not posted in my yard anymore because the wire rack broke, like, or the. Whatever the galvanized thing it sits on. But I still just have it, like, sitting in a different part of my yard. Just like, I don't know what. Just as a reminder, I know we've talked about this before, like, so the.
- [21:29]
Luke Burbank
Holy spirit will pass over your house.
- [21:31]
Andrew Walsh
Exactly. It's a little blood over the. Over the entry of my door. Seriously? Yeah. Shabbat shalom. So, yeah, like, I was really funny because I was like, I could just tell that he, first of all, you know, it takes all kinds. I did not have Charlie pegged for a Harris waltz guy when he showed up with the forklift.
- [21:53]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [21:53]
Andrew Walsh
You know, just didn't, you know, just out here, it's not the default setting. And it was very gratifying. And we kind of talked for a few minutes. I said, yeah, you know, I. I said, I. I know all empires fall. I just didn't personally expect to be alive for the end of America. Like, I just didn't think. Or at least the democracy that we've always had. But anyway, so that was my morning. We now have. The good news is we now have 1108 by 8 by 16 cinder blocks that I now need to transport another like 200ft down a hill under my house. So I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
- [22:28]
Luke Burbank
Yes. I got a little bit distracted there because I think I. It's not the Holy Spirit passing over the house.
- [22:36]
Andrew Walsh
It's the angel of Death.
- [22:37]
Luke Burbank
It's the angel of death.
- [22:38]
Andrew Walsh
We all knew what you meant.
- [22:39]
Luke Burbank
There's a big difference, though. I feel like the. As I like to say, I feel like the Holy Spirit really caught astray there. Holy Spirit's like, what the hell did I do?
- [22:48]
Andrew Walsh
All I did was make people speak in an unknown language in the upper room.
- [22:52]
Luke Burbank
Exactly. Exactly. Well, I hope it all works out. If you end up getting with the, you know, if you end up with the extra bricks. I actually am pretty. I think that now that we've planted this idea of you buying a tiny little trailer that hitches to the back of your writing mower, my guess is that you will have that by the end of next week, possibly. Or I guess I would say by.
- [23:12]
Andrew Walsh
The end of today.
- [23:12]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. If you're doing this project this weekend, maybe before then. I really do see that as something that could potentially like, it seems. Yeah, we had a little trailer like that. Actually. It was probably. It was a little bit like so many things of my youth. I'm now remembering. I'm like, we had a little trailer I could hook up to back to my. To the back of my tractor or my little riding mower. And I was a kid. But the thing is, it was so heavy. I'm like, that thing was. I was like, oh, that's right. Because my dad had the guys at the shop. Fab one.
- [23:37]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, yeah, yeah. Why would you go buy something when you could fab it up? Exactly.
- [23:42]
Luke Burbank
But we had a lot of very heavy things because of that. Because.
- [23:45]
Andrew Walsh
Right. Fab. We're bringing in space age polymers to get the lightest possible thing. Yeah, that might be, that might be useful around here. That might be a fun little, you know, investigation to do. I do have. I am very. So I, you know, I got that e bike which I'm going to try to actually ride this weekend finally. But I also got a tire pump for that. And I have been using the tire pump like crazy. There's so much stuff around my house, like so many things that were losing air. Like for instance, my riding lawnmower. One of the wheels totally went flat and I pumped it back up with my, with my bike pump. It's working like a charm.
- [24:23]
Luke Burbank
Keep an eye on that. How long ago did you have to re. Pump it up?
- [24:26]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I did it like, I don't know, maybe last weekend or something. And it's totally. It's working great. It's holding air. Yeah, yeah, maybe I think it was over the winter. The cold, it like contracted the rubber in some way and then it just started to go down a bad road. But it's totally fine. Also, you know, I still have that one, the boat that you and I took a picture in. Oh, the. For that? Yeah, for that photo that's just been in, in a far corner of my driveway and I noticed that one of the tires was going down on that. So I pumped that up and then my wheelbarrow. I'm, I'm. This is the, this is the weird way my brain works. I was dreading wheeling all this cinder block down in the, in the wheelbarrow because I thought, well, it's going to probably. I don't know, it's going to be a hassle. But then I thought, but if it is a, if there is a problem with the air in the wheelbarrow tire, I can just pump that up. I can do that now. And I don't know why that has actually invigorated me for the project. Like there's nothing about look because there's nothing like looking around your yard in your house and you're seeing things that are slowly, like slowly degrading like this. The boat is on a trailer, but then like one of the tires is just kind of flat and it's just kind of getting rain collecting on it. Just like, oh, this feels, this feels bad for me. But now that I've got this tire pump, I'm just going around pumping everything up and feeling very good about the projects here at old, the old Madrona Hill studio.
- [25:46]
Luke Burbank
I know what I was going to say before when you were talking about like not expecting to have a conversation with a stranger at like 9:30 in the morning. Just like BSing. I had a similar experience today because I had to take my car in over to Ballard to get some things worked on and I had to drop that off around 9ish or something. And I was just ready to take either, depending on how things timed out for me, out of either take an Uber or a Lyft home. But literally the 40 bus line goes almost directly from my house. I mean it's, it's almost door to door. Like I have to walk like two blocks from my house to get on the 40 and like half a block from the dealership to, to get on the 40. So I was like, well that's kind of easy. I can just, you know, probably take a bus home too. But. And they always ask like, do you want to rent a car for the day? I'm like no, I don't need to rent a car for the day.
- [26:33]
Andrew Walsh
But you mean they'll rent it for.
- [26:34]
Luke Burbank
You or not rent a car, give me a loaner. I should say. You can tell I love that getting alone.
- [26:39]
Andrew Walsh
There's nothing I love more than a loner.
- [26:41]
Luke Burbank
Just it didn't even, I mean I.
- [26:43]
Andrew Walsh
Guess absolutely I was doing donuts, all kinds of fast and furious.
- [26:47]
Luke Burbank
This is where like I guess our brains are just different. Like I don't know why I wouldn't get a loner. I was like, no, I just live a couple miles away. Like I don't know. I just like, no, I don't need a loner. I said that to them on the phone. I think a couple of weeks ago.
- [26:58]
Andrew Walsh
This might be an overstatement and correct me if I'm wrong because I can already hear myself saying this. I can already hear you saying it's an overstatement because I know that you're not a not, you're not an anti car person and I know that you enjoy cars and enjoy driving, but I do think that maybe you associate the having of a car with the having of more hassle. And so why would you want to have a car that's not yours in your life? That just adds hassle. Is that maybe I would say that.
- [27:21]
Luke Burbank
That is an accurate like umbrella statement for me. Like when I'm talking about like I have my own car, do I want to drive here or there? And it's like, well, let's just take the bus or a car that, you know, like a ride share. It's just I do. I. And again I always say like well, who wants to find a parking spot? Like, I can't remember the last time I've had a problem finding a parking spot. You know what I mean?
- [27:44]
Andrew Walsh
Like, sure.
- [27:45]
Luke Burbank
Well, I can tell you it's probably in LA because we had this kind of shitty parking situation outside of our apartment where I could find parking, but I had to have my car moved by I think 6am every day for the, for the school buses or something like that. But I was getting to work so early, it was like, fine, maybe it was six, I don't know. But honestly, like I do have sort of a. That is part of this underlying thing of like, well, it's just so it's freeing to go out whether it's day or night. It's just freeing to go out and not have a car, which I know is the opposite of how some people see cars. I honestly don't think it played into the loaner thing. I think maybe it's just kind of like I think of a loner is like, well, it's gonna be a multi day thing. Like I think it's just because we drive so little. I was looking because we were taking it in. I think we have like 36,000 miles on the car now and again. It's a 2017 that we bought new. We just don't drive that. So anyway, point is, when they asked me the other day like, do you need a loaner? I assumed that would be free. I just didn't think about it. I was like, no, I don't need a loaner. Let's take the bus back. But then when I was there anyway, this is where this story, by the way, spoiler alert, no power out. But anyway, the check in process did take a little bit longer than I expected. I thought they'd just have all my stuff in the system, but I don't know, some very nice guy took about, I don't know, 10 minutes to like kind of, I don't know, tippity type a bunch of stuff into a computer.
- [29:05]
Andrew Walsh
I've noticed that at the, at the Mazda place that I take my car to, Ron Tonkin it is. They're always super professional, super friendly and it's a super involved intake process for the like war like warranty or if you have the service, you've already paid for it or whatever. It's like, it's many, many screens of a guy named Braden, like who's in a crisp collared shirt just like, okay, and this, and this is the, this check and the, and you know, it.
- [29:30]
Luke Burbank
Takes a While, well, this guy's name was Kevin. And I know that because when he went outside to take a look at the car quickly too. And while he did that, I looked at some of the things in front of his little workstation and he had a fight. He had a coin that was not dissimilar to the TBTL coin that we give as far as like feel and heft or whatever. And on one side was the VW logo, which of course fits into a circle nicely. On the other side it was like his five year coin of the boy for five years.
- [29:59]
Andrew Walsh
And he's been sober from VW for five years.
- [30:02]
Luke Burbank
Yes, exactly. And then he, and then he also had a little certificate there for like 2023. Like certified, you know, certified gangster. I don't think it was a tech. It might have been technician because he's not a repair guy. I don't know, whatever it was, he was certified something. Then check out this dad joke. He goes out to just, I don't know, kick the tires on my car or something like that. And he comes back in. He was gone for about two minutes. I'm like, oh, did you fix it already? How about that? How about that? Yeah, you fix it already. He's like, yeah, I did. And I'm like, well that's how you're. And I picked up his certificate and I said, that's why you're the 2023 certified. And then he told me some story that I didn't understand about some barista in a cafe who had related a story to him about having to wait four hours in the waiting room of a car mechanic place. Spent fifteen hundred dollars but didn't know what she was having done on her car. I honestly was very confused about the point of his story. Listeners of this show can associate from my stories, I'm sure. But then Kevin asks me not do I want a loner? But he says, do you want a ride home? Do you want a shuttle? And I was like, he's like, do you want a ride home or something? I'm like, oh, well, I don't know. The bus is literally like right outside your door. He's like, well, we have a sign up sheet right over there. We have a shuttle that leaves at 9:30. I'm like, oh, a shuttle. So I'm picturing, I'm such an idiot. I'm so unworldly. I'm like picturing like an airport shuttle picking me up or something.
- [31:24]
Andrew Walsh
That's kind of what I would have pictured too, for what it's Worth.
- [31:26]
Luke Burbank
Well, you're also an idiot and unworldly. I say it all the time. But anyway, he's like, we'll go back to our little waiting area and I'd forgotten it's a very night. I don't know if you've been to that particular. You've probably been to the Ballard vw. Isn't that where you got your Tiguan or something?
- [31:40]
Andrew Walsh
That was all from something in the U district. But I bet you that they are. I bet you they are indistinguishable from each other. Like usually glass and kind of well appointed. There's always, they're always for some reason trying to sell you like a zip up jacket that says Audi on it or something. If you really want to commit to the lifestyle, there's sometimes there's like a. Like a. Like an apparel shop. There's always good free coffee. This is my experience with these kinds of places. Yeah, a lot of.
- [32:06]
Luke Burbank
You're right, A lot of kind of like glass and hard white surfaces and actually it reminds me when we bought.
- [32:11]
Andrew Walsh
This great rollerblading spot. Yes.
- [32:13]
Luke Burbank
That whole area I think was under construction because I remember we actually signed it in one of those temporary like trailer sort of. And so now it's all, you know, brand new and clean or at least within the past five years or so. Anyway, I'm getting into way too much detail. He's like, we'll just go wait in our waiting area back there and somebody, the shuttle driver will come. And he's like, here, sign up on this thing. And I realize I'm the only person who signed up all morning. And then so I'm back in the little waiting area, you know, maybe five minutes or something. And then this guy who I recognize, I saw him earlier, I'm like, boy, that guy looks like a grump. This sort of like kind of pinched face guy. White guy with a bald head probably, I'm gonna guess maybe around my age. I'm not exactly sure. I always look at people and I always think they're older than me. Cause I forget that I'm old. But maybe he's probably around my age. Anyway, he comes back, I say pinch face, kind of, kind of scowly. But again I say that as a scowler myself.
- [33:07]
Andrew Walsh
He had just gotten done not finding a vein somewhere. He does phlebotomy slash the shuttle.
- [33:13]
Luke Burbank
He didn't give me that bad of a feeling. He just look more like kind of a stern mechanic kind of guy. Although not dressed in scrubs or anything like that or whatever. You Call those coveralls. But anyway, I'm like, oh, interesting. It's the kind of the grumpy guy who gives the rides. And then he's like, we come outside. He's like, yeah, it's that Tiguan right over there. I'm like, oh, so the shuttle is just basically you giving me a ride in, like, a new car. Like, that's kind of nice, but, like, with a ride share, I always get in the backseat. I don't even think about it. But now I'm getting a ride from. And I'm like, is the front seat okay? He's like, yeah. So I get in, and we start making some very light small talk. Very light small talk. And it's like, I get a little bit nervous with small talk that even gets close to the edge of anything kind of political or social. And I shouldn't be that way, but I'm just like, I just never want to get into it. I just don't know what this person's background is, and I don't want to be getting into, like, the politics of Seattle. But anyway, so the small talks begins very lightly with kind of, oh. I ask him, like, is this the majority of your job is kind of driving around, or is this just something you do in between? Do you have other responsibilities there? He's like, mostly, I drive. I'm like, oh, so you really know the area? Like, he's not using GPS or anything. I just sort of tell him the. The main intersection by my house. He's like, immediately kind of knows where to go, which I thought was kind of cool. So many people, in myself included, are reliant on the maps, right? And it felt like being in an old taxi cab, right? Just tell them where to go, and they just know because they know the city. And then, you know, I kind of mentioned, oh, I love this neighborhood. I love Ballard. It always make. I said, it always makes me hungry because there's so many different places to eat here. He's like, yeah. And then he's like, yeah, the city's. He's.
- [34:50]
Andrew Walsh
Oh.
- [34:50]
Luke Burbank
And then we start talking about the weather and how what a nice day it is, and then Midwest weather. He's like, the winters in Minnesota are even worse than the. Than. Or, I'm sorry, the summers in Minnesota are even worse than the winters. And so we talked. I guess he spent some time in. In the Midwest or whatever. But then he's. I'm like, yeah, well, I just really love Seattle. He's like, yeah, city's changed a lot. And I'm kind of like, okay, red flag. Yeah, this is. See where it goes. See where it goes. He's like, so expensive. And I'm like, yeah, it is pretty expensive, you know, especially food stuff. Like, I get a. To go order just like two things for me and my partner, and it's like 40 bucks or whatever. And he's like, yeah. And then. And I kind of told him something that I don't know if we've talked about on the show. I think we did recently when I ordered a really expensive pizza and didn't tip 15% on it or whatever because I picked it up myself. Just kind of how I support all of the minimum wage stuff for. In, like, even, like, you know, that we should not consider the tips of service workers and everything. Like, I support all that stuff. But because of that, it has made me change a little bit how much I tip. Like, I went to some place where we ordered from a counter the other day. Veeves and IVs got a hamburger. I got some Loco Moco, and It was like $37 or something. And I didn't. I did not leave 15% because it was like, I don't know. I'm ordering from a counter. I left. I was like, I'm ordering from a counter. And, you know, I know the minimum wage is making sure that people are paid fairly. I don't mind sprinkling a. Sprinkling a little bit on top of that, but I'm not doing, like, the 20% on top of tax, you know, and rounding up, you know, that's what I usually do. And so anyway, it's not like I'm going around stiffing people, but I also carry around this just guilt of maybe not tipping enough, whatever. And so we kind of. We talked about that a little bit. I'm, like, really worried that we're going to start talking about city council politics or something like that. But instead he kind of brings it up like various. He starts to say, yeah, there's this one. He's like, do you know this one bar in Ballard? And I couldn't. I don't know if you're like, yes. Yeah, like, bad album.
- [36:46]
Andrew Walsh
Let me stop you there. Yes.
- [36:47]
Luke Burbank
But it actually wasn't one that I think I've been in, although I think I've heard of it. Olaf's, I believe is.
- [36:52]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I don't. I don't know that one.
- [36:53]
Luke Burbank
But here's. Here's what caught my ear. He said, well, he's like, have you ever been to Olaf's? I'm like, no, I don't think so. He's like, well, it's like a dive. Well, it's not a dive bar. It's just like, a neighborhood bar. And I was like, hey, I really like that distinction. That's like, an issue that I always have is people think, like, unless you're serving, like, $25 cosmopolitans and you have an ampersand in your name, then you're a dive bar. And I don't think that's the case. He's like, yeah. And so we started talking about it. Then as we're driving, he's just sort of, like, comparing notes with me. He's like, okay, now, that place, that's a dive. He's like, you know the water wheel? I'm like, yeah. He's like, that's a dive.
- [37:25]
Andrew Walsh
Exactly.
- [37:25]
Luke Burbank
That's a dive, Mark. And we start, like, turns out, like, he and I both like the same kinds of places, and we're kind of listing all these places, like, is this a dive bar or is this a neighborhood bar? And then, like, literally, by the time he gets to my house, I'm getting out of the car, and he's like, oh, and what about. He's like, kind of talking to me through the window. He doesn't want to stop talking about what bars are good and what bars are bad. And I was like, this is my kind of guy. Very best friends are dope to me. Now I'm wondering. I was. I think somebody asked me, do you want a shuttle ride home, too? And I'm like, well, I can probably just take the 40. But then after he dropped me off, I was like, maybe I should just get this guy to give me a ride Back to. Back to the dealer, back to the dealership. Later, apparently, they'll dispatch him and he can come pick me up.
- [38:11]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, that's not a bad idea. And I know exactly what you're talking about with that front seat backseat thing.
- [38:17]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [38:17]
Andrew Walsh
Like, I am a very big backseat rider. If I'm ever taking a ride share, and I'm by myself 100%. Really, out of respect for the. For the person driving, but also because. I don't know why, because I do feel like it is a business relationship, and it is, you know, it's like a. It's like we're not. We are not like, people who know each other who are just riding around together. This is a thing where it's like, you've been hired to get me to. From point A to point B, but I've Also taken those shuttles, so called shuttles before. I've gotten rides from dealerships under the exact same circumstances. And it would never occur to me to sit in the back seat because that would be a weird power move. Like, like, even though that person is being paid to drive you from point A to point B, there's something about the difference in the expectation or something. It would just be. It would feel very, you know, imperious to ride in the backseat on that kind of a thing.
- [39:06]
Luke Burbank
Well, you know, the weird thing too was. And I knew the answer to this, but I had just in the very, very, very far recesses of my brain, I was thinking, I don't tip this guy, do I? You know, because I'm saying to him, like, I have no problem tipping. And I'm like, this isn't like a huge thing for me, going around complaining about tipping. It's just that, like, I've just been trying to get comfortable with this idea that I don't have to tip. Like, I usually just sort of, like I always round up on everything and tip on top of the tip or whatever. And I'm just like, sort of trying to readjust that a little bit. But I realize I'm having this conversation with this person who is, you know, giving me a ride somewhere. And of course I'm not going to tip. I'm like, first of all, there's no app. I didn't hail him on a ride share service or something like that. But it was kind of funny. I was like, am I going to seem like a cheap sop if I don't tip this guy?
- [39:54]
Andrew Walsh
Andrew, before we thank our dazzling donors, speaking of generous folks, I was going to try to keep going with the sob thing, but I don't. I would never. Even if I'm saying they're generous, I would never use that term for our fine, dazzling donors. But before that, let me. I'm just. Can I give you a quick Junior Sluggers recap? This is from Coach Ben, of course. We have a team that we have helped sponsor in the park. I don't know why I always want to. I think there's. Here's. It's Parkside. Here's what? Here's what. What my issue is there is a neighborhood called Park Rose, and Portland is the Rose City. And I just recorded the voice, the voiceover for like a hype film for the Little League. They have like a. They have a hype video talking about their new uniforms and logos and stuff. And they asked me if I would record it. And it's a lot of talking about roses because the P on the hat is, I think, a reference to a rose or something. I'm having a real hard time remembering. But I'm going to commit it to my brain. I'm going to write it on the tablet of my heart. It is the Parkside Little League. And that's where the TBTL Junior Sluggers, AKA the. Are they just the Gators?
- [41:06]
Luke Burbank
That's what you told me last week.
- [41:08]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, okay. I didn't know.
- [41:10]
Luke Burbank
I'm not, like, trying to remember Gators.
- [41:12]
Andrew Walsh
Not the flaming Gators. I was wondering if there was one more little kind of. What would that term be? An adverb. I. What would be modifiers? All right, here's what Coach Ben has to say about game two. First, you want to clarify, because we were trying to remember or figure out how long the games were for the sluggers. He said, per Little League rules for kids the age of the TBTL sluggers, games last either six innings or two hours. So whatever happens first. So like he says, alas, when there's 20 plus, 20 plus walks in a game, you're more likely to hit the time cap before the inning limit. So that was the game one when there was 20 walks and the sluggers prevailed. I believe that one might have been called for time.
- [41:54]
Luke Burbank
And we're putting a pitch clock on the pitchers, right?
- [41:57]
Andrew Walsh
Well, they started in the minors to see how it went this year, and now next year they may bring it up to the Parkside Little League. Second, says Coach Ben, in spite of Luke's protestations, you are absolutely allowed to list the scoreline with the losing team first. See, I was very confused about the. If the sluggers had won their first game, because when I read the score line from the coach, it said, panthers three, little sluggers six. But I just took it to be. I was told at some point in my childhood, and probably incorrectly, that when you're listing a score of a game, you always list the winning team's score first.
- [42:33]
Luke Burbank
That is my understanding, too. Now, here's the exception is I guess when I look at my MLB app, it's more who the home team is.
- [42:43]
Andrew Walsh
Well, that's what Coach Ben is saying.
- [42:45]
Luke Burbank
Sorry, I'll let you finish.
- [42:46]
Andrew Walsh
Well, no, no, I'm saying. I think. I think. I think you speak the truth, sir. Because according to Coach Ben, the rule is that you always go the away team first, followed by the home team, which I could kind of see being like a deference thing. There's, like, you know, in sports this is kind of like you're the visiting team. We're going to treat you with faux deference before our fans sling batteries at you. Like, we're going to let you call. We're going to let you call the coin toss in football, or we're going to, you know, give you some amount of preferential treatment because we think it's harder for you to be here at our place doing this.
- [43:18]
Luke Burbank
That's interesting, though, because I will say, and I don't want to start a fight with Coach Ben. I mean, I do, but not over this. I have other things, personnel stuff that.
- [43:25]
Andrew Walsh
We really need to go through with.
- [43:26]
Luke Burbank
Oh, yeah, no, I'm. Well, I'm looking at the Mariners schedule here. And let's see here. When the Rangers were in town. Yeah, the Mariners were always listed second. Coach Ben. You're right. You're right.
- [43:38]
Andrew Walsh
Here's what he says. He says, look, I'm happy to always list the Sluggers score first if that means we won every game. Good point. Now I will step off my high horse and eat some humble pie as I recap our game from Monday evening. Cue ominous music. Says Coach Ben. We hosted the Parkside Orange Socks, who, for some unexplained reason, were wearing green socks at our game. I gotta say, if you are the orange socks, it's fundamental to your existence that you have orange socks on.
- [44:09]
Luke Burbank
It's kind of a you had one job kind of situation.
- [44:13]
Andrew Walsh
The Sox are a good team with older players who have experience playing at this level of baseball. Most importantly, they had some advanced pitchers who could consistently throw strikes and an all star catcher who minimized the number of passed balls. That's. That's what you need at this level. You need a solid battery. You know, if you got that locked in, you really got something in comparison. The Sluggers are a younger team. We only have two players who competed at this level before that. Experience deficit along with the short rest between games. And also.
- [44:42]
Luke Burbank
Wow. Jeez, Coach. Lot of. Lot of caveats. Yeah, a lot of caveats. Excuses. My goodness.
- [44:50]
Andrew Walsh
He also mentions that it was very cold that day. There was hail on the way to the game. Seriously, he says, and the cold weather certainly put us at a big disadvantage.
- [44:58]
Luke Burbank
Some of our players are dealing with some, you know, emotional issues. It was a Wednesday, and everybody knows Wednesdays are tough. Actually, actually, do we know what day this game was?
- [45:06]
Andrew Walsh
It was a Monday. This was a Monday. And this is actually now two games ago.
- [45:09]
Luke Burbank
One of our players is. Garfield, famously hates Mondays.
- [45:13]
Andrew Walsh
Yep, exactly. Let's see. We Used three rookie pitchers this game, Micah, Baxter and Atlas, none of whom had ever pitched in a game before. To their credit, each player battled through initial nervousness, found their stride and held on, held their own on the mound. The hardest part of being a pitcher is shrugging off the last hit or walk and focusing on the next batter. I'm proud to report that all three of our pitchers did just that. While they didn't get the results they necessarily wanted, they kept their heads in the game and stayed focused. Given a bit more time to develop, Micah, Baxter and Atlas are all going to be ace pitchers. I think of them kind of as the Logan Gilbert. I'll say Castillo, although, disappointed us yesterday. And then what, Maybe Brian Wu or something. Early in the game, the Sox limited the number of walks and kept the few base runners we did have from causing any damage. After two innings, we were down 7 0. In the third, our offense came alive. Yarrow hit a bloop single off a pitch that was above his head. That. That's a. That's a. That's a feat. I was going to say what we used to call that, but actually, I don't think we. We used to. Can I use a term. We used to use a term for hitting a ball that was that high. That was also the name of the chop that they were doing in, like, that they do at Braves games and stuff.
- [46:32]
Luke Burbank
Oh, I don't know. Why?
- [46:33]
Andrew Walsh
Well, I guess because of the angle of the way the bat was going like that. You should just be in baseball uncommented upon, like, oh, he tomahawked that. That was the thing that you would say about hitting a pitch that was well high in the strike zone. But we don't do that anymore. Anyway, good job.
- [46:48]
Luke Burbank
I mean, I don't know. Can I examine that for a second?
- [46:50]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. I don't know that that's offensive.
- [46:54]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. The idea of mentioning. I mean, the tomahawk chop is an offensive thing because of all the context of it. I don't think like acknowledging the existence of a tool or weapon as a tomahawk is necessarily offensive.
- [47:06]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I guess you're right.
- [47:07]
Luke Burbank
On its own, it's just like it's a. Something that acts a certain way when thrown in the sky, pretending to be.
- [47:14]
Andrew Walsh
You know, to do some sort of faux Native American ritual.
- [47:18]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, obviously that's a problem.
- [47:19]
Andrew Walsh
That's where you start to get into some pretty offensive territory. That was followed by a string of walks from Wilder, Ollie and Armani. I like that these kids are making the pictures work. Andrew. I Don't know if the parents like this. The parents probably all have places to be, but, like, I like that. I like that our hitters are really making the pictures work. I've told this story many times on the show, but, you know, there was a. An entire season that I played for the Greenwood Boys and Girls Club, the positive place for kids, that I did not swing the entire.
- [47:49]
Luke Burbank
Oh, yeah, right.
- [47:50]
Andrew Walsh
I had some kind of a weird, I don't know, hang up on it. And my theory was these. I bet you I was at almost exactly this level. I might have been like a year older than these kids are, Andrew. But my thought was nobody can throw a strike in this league. Like, I'm just going to walk most of the time. Then I get to be on first base. Now, what I learned in subsequent years when I did start swinging is it's way more fun to hit it if you.
- [48:11]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, yeah.
- [48:12]
Andrew Walsh
I was.
- [48:13]
Luke Burbank
Well, that's kind of. That's a lesson some Mariners haven't learned yet either, though. That's just more fun to swing.
- [48:19]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. It was the first time we were able to mercy rule the other team by scoring five runs in an inning.
- [48:26]
Luke Burbank
Wow.
- [48:27]
Andrew Walsh
So in other words, we actually came. We came roaring back, got five runs in an inning, and they don't let you score more than that in one inning.
- [48:32]
Luke Burbank
Oh, I see. It wasn't the mercy rule for the game because I was like, well, then we did win. I see. We won. We won this inning.
- [48:38]
Andrew Walsh
We won that inning, Andrew. You know, we're gonna build on that.
- [48:40]
Luke Burbank
That's right.
- [48:42]
Andrew Walsh
Unfortunately, the sluggers couldn't keep up the momentum and the bats fell silent the rest of the night. End score. The orange socks the.
- [48:49]
Luke Burbank
I would say green sucks.
- [48:50]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Thank you. Had 12 runs and the Gators slash Little Sluggers had 5 runs.
- [48:57]
Luke Burbank
I think the decent showing at this level, sure, yeah.
- [49:00]
Andrew Walsh
Rally pins were awarded to Tommy AKA T Bone, who has catcher in the second inning recorded all three outs, tagging out runners at home. I guess that's one way to do it, Andrew.
- [49:09]
Luke Burbank
That's right.
- [49:10]
Andrew Walsh
I don't know if that's how you draw it up. I don't know if you want.
- [49:12]
Luke Burbank
They got nowhere else to go.
- [49:14]
Andrew Walsh
I don't know if you want all of your outs to be at home, but hey, it worked. Ollie got a rally pin for his tenacity on the base paths. Atlas got one for coming into pitch and relief with no advance notice. And Yarrow, who kept things interesting in the final innings, drawing a walk against one of the best pitchers in the League and then stealing second and third on his own initiative. I like that from Yarrow. Like, that's some, you know, showing some. Showing some, as coach said, initiative. Some moxie, some grit.
- [49:44]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Although, I mean, because it worked out well. I mean, I don't know. I've never been in that position before, but I could see, you know, if you're going on your own and you're getting thrown out all the time. Yeah.
- [49:53]
Andrew Walsh
Well, it sounds like these were successful.
- [49:55]
Luke Burbank
For years, so there you go.
- [49:56]
Andrew Walsh
I think Yarrow has also zeroed in on something, which is what are the chances at this level that the catcher is going to execute a strike to second base and the second base person is gonna throw that tag down?
- [50:08]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, exactly.
- [50:09]
Andrew Walsh
Unlikely. So that's what it.
- [50:10]
Luke Burbank
Force an error, Right?
- [50:11]
Andrew Walsh
That's right. That's right. Great job, Yarrow. Great job, everybody. Even though we didn't win, it sounds like it was a strong showing. It sounds like we're. We are. We're learning things out there, and we're gonna get better and better. So go, little sluggers. They've had another game that we're yet to update on, but we'll keep you posted on that when we find out how they're doing. I have them right now at one and one with a question mark around how the most recent game has gone. So we'll again fill you in on those details when we receive them.
- [50:36]
Luke Burbank
Let me ask you a question here, Luke.
- [50:37]
Andrew Walsh
Just between us, that was the most epic power out of all time.
- [50:41]
Luke Burbank
Sorry. And I ruined it for you.
- [50:43]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, shoot. Sorry. I tried this thing on loop.
- [50:47]
Luke Burbank
What are the rules? I'm gonna say this quietly. What are the rules about betting on this stuff, on these little Leaguers?
- [50:54]
Andrew Walsh
Well, officially or unofficially, like, this is between you and I. I've been shut down by DraftKings a number of times. On it. I do have a guy, though.
- [51:02]
Luke Burbank
Okay.
- [51:03]
Andrew Walsh
I've got a guy you can lay some action with.
- [51:06]
Luke Burbank
Do you know that Stu Gotts on the Levitard Show. Now, keep in mind, the Levitard show is funded in large part by DraftKings. They are on the DraftKings network. But, like, Stu Gotts will go on these, like, almost back in my day waxings about how back in the day, like, you had to meet some guy. Like, you meet a guy, and it.
- [51:27]
Andrew Walsh
Should be, I had a guy.
- [51:28]
Luke Burbank
You had a guy, huh?
- [51:29]
Andrew Walsh
In la? Well, what happened was I had a guy who had a guy. I was. I have never been a huge sports bettor, which I've talked about this A lot on the show recently, how I mentioned how like I had done a story for Sunday morning that was about just when the sports betting was spreading rapidly. And because we talked to like Brent Musburger, who's like a announcer and loves gambling, and we talked to the guy who like owns the Cirque Casino in Vegas, which has this tremendous sports book, it kind of came off, I think, as maybe a little pro gambling, which is probably, probably short sighted of us. And then of course, Ted Koppel came through a few weeks ago about how it's just absolutely the scourge of. And I kind of think it is, honestly, like, I think it's a really pernicious thing for a lot of particularly young men to have in their pocket because of. There's just no friction. It's totally frictionless and it can really, really ruin your life. What's weird is, as a person who has life ruining tendencies myself, it's strange to me that sports betting has never been the thing that my life has been nearly ruined over. Like, I, I like it, I'm interested in it. When I was living in Oregon, I would be putting down silly bets on the Mariners, but somehow I've, I've been working off of the same $500 I put in, I don't know now, six, seven years ago, whatever it was that the thing went active, it's just so. That's kind of odd. It's an odd thing for me, my relationship with sports gambling, because it's, it's one of the only things like that that's totally uncomplicated for me. Like, I just don't, if I, if it doesn't happen for six months, I don't think about it and then maybe I'll have a weekend where like I'm in Oregon and it's working and I'm like putting bets down and then I just forget about it when I'm back in Washington. All that is to say, when I lived in la, we used to go out to these. This is where my whole pool obsession started, which was I was married to my first wife and we would go out to Pasadena to where her sister and her husband, they were a little bit older than us, they lived on this really great street in Pasadena, just like these cool old Spanish style homes and like kids, you know, running up, up and down the sidewalk and playing hopscotch and stuff. It was like a really pretty idyllic little setting. And their friends John and Julisa had this place that had a swimming pool. And then he had like There was, like an outdoor barbecue area that was covered and then a big screen tv. I'd never seen, like, a TV outside like this. And we would just go over there and, like, it would just be like all these, you know, not. These weren't, you know, most of the folks there were not, like, you know, working in public radio or whatever. I don't know if lifestyle wise or opinion wise or politics wise, we would all be in alignment or not. But, like, the energy seems so great because it was just like this great food was being cooked up. The game was on. He was somehow betting on the game. I would be getting drunk and going in the swimming pool, which was just the most fun feeling I'd ever. I had never been drunk in a swimming pool until that point in my life, because the other times I'd gone in swimming pools, I was a child. And then I started drinking, but not around swimming pools. And this was just like. I remember this one moment of just being like, the right, exact right amount of buzz.
- [54:25]
Luke Burbank
God. Yeah. I haven't been in that situation in a while. But being a little buzzed in a swimming pool is one of the best places.
- [54:32]
Andrew Walsh
It's. I mean, it's really. I have to say, it is a. For me, it was a very powerful, powerful, powerfully relaxing experience and has driven then ultimately a lot of behaviors. Weirdly for me, like, I just remember being kind of drunk in that swimming pool and kind of just feeling like everything in the world was kind of okay. And then dunking my head below the surface and just kind of floating down there for a minute and kind of coming back up and anyway, Benjamin, Benjamin, Benjamin, right. He had a guy. This is a long, long, long way of saying he had a guy. And so when I'd be there and he'd be like, you know, having, you know, we'd be watching, like, the UCLA game, or she was a big UCLA guy and be like, have all this money down, or there'd be a boxing match on or something, and he'd always have money on it somehow. And then I would start giving him some of my money to put on something in my behalf. Now, the thing about having a guy like that, that is to say a bookie was. I don't know how many people actually ever got their money from their bookies. Because if you were kind of deep into it, the problem would be this is all because we asked if we can bet on the junior sluggers. The thing about having a bookie is, you know, you give them. Let's say you give them $100 and then you win. And now you have theoretically $150. Are you gonna say, give me back the 150. Are you gonna, like, bet another hundred the next week on the NFL? And so I felt like I knew a lot of people that had bookies. Well, a few people that had bookies, and I never heard about them getting any of their money from the bookies.
- [55:55]
Luke Burbank
Because there's almost like more of a social obligation there, some sort of social pressure to let it ride as opposed to like DraftKings. Yeah, just give me $5, put it in the account, I think.
- [56:05]
Andrew Walsh
So I'm guessing you have to kind of track the guy down. You have to kind of like say, okay, it's this amount. Transfer it to the. You know, transfer to this account or I'll meet you in this parking lot or whatever. Like, and then, yeah, it's like also bookies, I'm sure, get in over their head all the time where they, like, they're basically on the hook for a bunch of money that maybe they have or don't have. What I do like about the DraftKings thing, although they do have some. I was telling you this the other day. Some of these betting apps will just not honor your bet if they say that it was basically an error.
- [56:33]
Luke Burbank
Can I. Yeah. Can I actually jump.
- [56:35]
Andrew Walsh
Hear more about that?
- [56:36]
Luke Burbank
Well, because you had told me that the other day, and I have this thing on my phone I don't have to do. When you click on a link or something on your phone, it opens up in your browser. Right. Every now and then. It's very rare that I do this, but I have to open up my browser first. And then. I don't even know why this would be. But it's one. What I'm trying to describe is this phenomenon that's pretty rare for me when you just open a browser, but you don't go anywhere, and it's pre populated with like the jankiest headlines, like the most clickbaity headlines. And this is on my phone, so it must know I'm interested in the Mariners. But the. And it used to be a lot of Brown stuff. And it would be like shocking Brown's news. And then you would click it and it would be like just paragraph after paragraph explaining who the Cleveland Browns are. And then a huge ad.
- [57:20]
Andrew Walsh
Like, what do they call that? There's a term now for. It's not sludge. There's a term for this kind of like probably AI generated. Just weird Internet babble that gets kind of created. I Mean, do you think this was probably bot generated?
- [57:35]
Luke Burbank
I can't tell if it's bot generated or just incredibly like kind of janky. And then they'll bury whatever little tiny piece of news at the bottom and it's like. But every now and then something gets sucked up into this as well, like a real story. And I happened to see a headline that said something about like, I thought it was DraftKings, but I think it was bet MGM doesn't honor like almost $400,000 bet or something. And I, and I didn't cl on it in the moment, but as you were talking right now, I was like, oh yeah, what was that story? Because you had mentioned this to me in passing. You said, yeah, there, there's stories of these, these, you know, online or like app based betting sites who are just simply not paying out because they say, oh well, that was what we call an obvious error on our.
- [58:14]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [58:14]
Luke Burbank
And it's like, can you get any scuzzier than this? Now this story is from CBS News. I don't trust this outlet. CBS News, they have some pretty pro.
- [58:22]
Andrew Walsh
They do pro gambling stories mostly.
- [58:24]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. But apparently this was some, some fella who felt. And this was March Madness. So I'll bet you this is what this is from a month ago. Yeah, this is the guy I was talking about. Exactly the one you're talking about.
- [58:34]
Andrew Walsh
I believe he was in maybe Illinois somewhere.
- [58:37]
Luke Burbank
It looks like that is. Yeah, suburban Chicago. Yeah. $400,000, like 390, something like through a bunch of, I don't know if these were parlays or legs or whatever it is. We don't have to get in the detail now. I hate this quote in here. He's like, I was just thinking about my daughter and putting her to college. I was doing this all for my daughter. I'm like, really? Your sports betting for your daughter's college tuition? Like that. Let's not.
- [58:58]
Andrew Walsh
No, this is, let me clarify because I watched, I watched the news special with this guy. He actually did seem pretty sweet. And he was sitting in a living room that had a ton of kids in it. Like that kind of living room that's been clearly taken over by a 4 year old. And I think what he said. I know what you mean, but, but I think what he, the way I interpreted it was he said, when I saw that I won this, all I could think of was, oh shit, my daughter's college is paid for.
- [59:23]
Luke Burbank
He said, I was just thinking about my daughter. In that moment was the direct.
- [59:27]
Andrew Walsh
I took him to be genuine like, he was way less degen than you would think.
- [59:31]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [59:31]
Andrew Walsh
This guy, for what it's worth.
- [59:33]
Luke Burbank
And I don't. And by the way, I don't think that, like, gamble. I don't. I didn't mean to imply that, Like, I don't know, it just seems a little bit like what you say to the news cameras kind of thing. Kind of like, oh, yeah, I'm doing this all for my daughter. I'm like, well, there are other ways that you could plan for your daughter's future.
- [59:48]
Andrew Walsh
It's like nothing comes to mind.
- [59:49]
Luke Burbank
I'm not. I'm not condemning you for being into sports, gambling or. And then being ripped off 400 grand. But, like, also, just take off the halo for a second, you hometown hero.
- [60:01]
Andrew Walsh
But I, but. But I think his point was not he was betting to win his daughter's college fund. I think he was saying he was betting, and then when he hit his crazy number, the thought was, oh, wow, that's paid for.
- [60:10]
Luke Burbank
He says his winning. His winnings banked at $389,000, enough for his daughter's future college education. I was just thinking of my daughter in that moment. He said. But anyway, all that is to say it's exactly what you're talking about. MGM or betmgm or whatever it is, just said, oh, no, no, no. We canceled it, like, moments before the last one would have actually taken effect. They just grayed it out and they said there was something in the buy. He said, they kept spamming me with terms and conditions about the, quote, obvious errors clause. Can you get. I mean, you're making the insurance industry look good here. That's hard to do.
- [60:46]
Andrew Walsh
You got to get up pretty early.
- [60:48]
Luke Burbank
I mean, how can they. How is this legal? And I don't feel like in this climate, like, anybody's going to be, like, trying to look out for the little guy in these. In these.
- [60:57]
Andrew Walsh
Well, they did sponsor the space mission for Katy Perry, so they're doing some good work in the world. Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. Like, these are companies that are. They're profiting. Actually, I heard this amazing quote. We. We gotta talk SNL here in a minute, and we gotta thank dazzling donors. But I heard this interesting quote the other day on one of the. One of the things where people talking to my ears, Andrew, that I couldn't. I can't remember exactly what show it was. Might have been Chris's show or Ezra's, but somebody was saying, also, wasn't Ezra.
- [61:24]
Luke Burbank
Just on Chris's podcast?
- [61:26]
Andrew Walsh
That was. That was A, that was like a, you know, now there are two of them.
- [61:29]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I was gonna say that was.
- [61:31]
Andrew Walsh
Like, that's pretty much. It was borderline erotic for me. I was like, these are the two people that I listen to the most every week. And now they're talking to each other.
- [61:40]
Luke Burbank
What's the, what's the big word for the kind of universal theory that everything is going to come together into one?
- [61:46]
Andrew Walsh
Synchronicity.
- [61:47]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, this was like real synchronicity. Anyway, seriously.
- [61:50]
Andrew Walsh
So. But what somebody said was when you know an economy, when you know a capitalistic economy is functioning, is when the only way you can get rich is by improving people's lives. And of course, improving people's lives could be just defined a million different ways. You just built a better mousetrap. Their life is improved by that. Or you, you could even argue Amazon. You know, for the person who's getting something delivered very quickly and conveniently for that person, their life is being improved. Now there's the downstream effects. Yeah, but these gambling websites were being held up as an example of someone getting rich. And you're making life, you're making people's lives worse. Yeah, that's the idea of a functioning capitalistic system is you can get rich, but you can only get rich on things that make people's lives better. And I had never thought about it that way. I thought, wow, that's really. That's an interesting way to look at it. Maybe that could be a guiding principle. Not with this administration, but at some point a thing to think about. Because the idea that these gambling websites would just like really just destroy lives. And then when one person somewhere gets flipping lucky and actually gets over on them in the sense that they made a good bet, then even in that moment you can pull the rug out from under them. Like considering what you're doing to the rest of these, you know, 23 year old men, it's just, I mean, it's. You're right, I'll just, I'll quote my good friend Andrew Walsh. It makes the insurance people, the insurance companies seem decent.
- [63:12]
Luke Burbank
Yes, definitely. And in this day and age it's so, it's just so easy just to then just start spinning out on this because then you're just like, you get. It's hard not to. And I know we're not going to do this now, but I guess just to clear my own palette on this, but like, I just feel like. And then you start thinking about like, yeah, like it's just like the little guy that like this you Know, quote, unquote, little guy. It just keeps on putting these people in power who are just looking for more and more ways to just, like, just get more blood from a stone from them so that they can. They can pad their own bank account. It's just. It's so. It. It feels hopeless.
- [63:46]
Andrew Walsh
It does feel hopeless. I keep telling myself, the only thing we know about the future is that we don't know what's going to happen. And I try to take. I try to take some comfort in that. And, And. And sometimes I'll just. The last thing I'll throw out, and then we'll thank the donors. This is more of like a personal thing or more of like, this is less macro, like our politics and more just like in our lives. I was reading something where somebody was saying, look, when we're feeling anxious about something, we are, first of all, we're assuming that that thing is then going to happen. Like, the reason we're feeling anxious is because this bad thing that we're worried about, we're assuming it will happen. And so a helpful thing is to think of three reasons why it might not happen that can kind of, like, lower the anxiety around it. Like, just think of three reasons why maybe this isn't what's going to happen. And then the next step is now try to come up with a couple of ways that it could actually be an advantage. Like this thing that seems really, really bad. And I've been thinking about this lately because of the Pez candy story I'm working on where they came to the U.S. they tried to sell their breath mints, and no one bought them. And they probably thought, well, this. This is terrible. And they ended up putting some silly little heads on their dispensers. And now that's the whole business. So I've been trying to think in my life, like, when I'm spinning out on something, trying to think of some reasons why maybe it won't happen that way. And then also, and again, this is very hard to apply to, like, the things Donald Trump is doing. But maybe on a just a very local level in my own life, it's helping me a little bit to think, is there a way that I could sort of come out stronger from this, whatever this is? We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready? Ready, Go. Everybody razzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These folks are donating dough every month to tbtl. And it is how this can exist. I was. We were waiting for Lars Ulrich yesterday over at Metallica hq. I had a lot of downtime with the crew, and we're chatting and talking about TBTL and explaining that. That. That yesterday we had done episode 4445, and they were just, as people often are, absolutely flummoxed by that information. Like, could not wrap their minds around how this could have happened this many times. And did you tell them we never.
- [65:59]
Luke Burbank
Repeat a story, too? That's what. Really.
- [66:02]
Andrew Walsh
That's. What's. That's. I mean, honestly, I think we don't get enough credit for that.
- [66:05]
Luke Burbank
I know.
- [66:05]
Andrew Walsh
That's. That's what makes this so incredible. It's really because of people like Rich Eagles in West Chester, Pennsylvania. You know, I. Of course, I've seen Rich Eagles's name on the list plenty of times. I don't think I realized that Rich is in Westchester, meaning he's obviously a Philadelphia Eagles fan. In fact, Rich's pronouncer is Rich, like a decadent chocolate cake and Eagles like the super bowl champions. This is like your name being Tim Seahawk Andrew, and you live in Federal Way.
- [66:36]
Luke Burbank
Oh, right. I see where you're going with that. I'm sorry. Yes, of course. That is interesting.
- [66:40]
Andrew Walsh
He could get a crazy name. Yes. I mean, he's got the last name of the team. That is the obsession in that state, of course, in the long running, but also because they just won the Super Bowl. Again, Rich says thank you for continuing to podcast in challenging times. It's a lifesaver. Today I'd like to use my dazzling message to attempt to convince my family to listen. Oh, Rich, good luck with this. My family to listen by making them listen to this episode. I've only listened since the 1300s.
- [67:13]
Luke Burbank
And that's the year, by the way.
- [67:15]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, that's right. That's when we started Catch My Disease. We were doing it by candlelight, but if I can convince my family to become tens, I'll be the elder statesman. Ten in the family. Okay, so here's Rich. First of all, what I would say is I don't know exactly how far into the show we are. We're like, probably pretty far. Pretty far. Okay, we're pretty far. Definitely have them. Have them skip to this part.
- [67:41]
Luke Burbank
Yes, definitely skip. Definitely skip. The guy who gave me a ride home and I talked about dive bars for a while because that was a cinder block. Very long story that went.
- [67:49]
Andrew Walsh
Skip cinder block talk. I just skip all of it. Just come right Just get right to the dazzling donor music, which, by the way, is peppy and catchy. I mean, that's like. If I. If I heard that it was the first thing I'd heard of this podcast, I'd be like, oh, this sounds fun. Sounds like they have energy.
- [68:02]
Luke Burbank
Fun for the whole family.
- [68:03]
Andrew Walsh
That's right. Including riches 11, Emily, 98% whose only TBTL episode Listen was live in Philly. If you listen, I promise to ask the tens to donate to amigosofcostarica.org every year.
- [68:20]
Luke Burbank
Oh, that's right. Rich always puts that shout out in his dazzling donor message. Yes.
- [68:24]
Andrew Walsh
And so I think Rich is asking Emily to commit to listening to tbt and then Rich will send even more support to amigos of Costa Rica if Emily will start listening to this nonsense. To my 25 worth of fives. Does that mean five.
- [68:39]
Luke Burbank
Five.
- [68:40]
Andrew Walsh
Five children is Rich Eagles and possibly Emily, presumably Emily. Five. That's a $5 footlong. It's a lot of kids in this day. I come from, you know, seven people. And that's.
- [68:53]
Luke Burbank
I mean, that's.
- [68:55]
Andrew Walsh
That's an insane amount. 5 is a lot. To my 25 worth of fives, who's listening is largely car bound. Oh, God. Sorry. Michaela the monkey. TBTL will remind you of me when you finish your music therapy degree and move to Korea.
- [69:09]
Luke Burbank
Oh, wow.
- [69:10]
Andrew Walsh
Gianna, my black belt daughter. If you really love me, listen to tptl.
- [69:15]
Luke Burbank
Wow.
- [69:16]
Andrew Walsh
Wow. No pressure, no Adam, my history loving son. TBTL is excellent at referencing historical pop culture. And to my future soccer star twins. Oh, this is how you get to five, Andrew. Cheaper by the dozen.
- [69:31]
Luke Burbank
Can you see that as a cheat code?
- [69:33]
Andrew Walsh
You throw a couple of twins on there at the end and you really get it. You really get a goose. The numbers to my future soccer star twin fives, which makes them kind of like a 10. Theo. Theophilus McGillicuddy the third. And Levi Leviathan Cocoa Puff. Listen, listen. Because you're now famous on the imaginary radio.
- [69:53]
Luke Burbank
That's right. Exactly.
- [69:55]
Andrew Walsh
Rich, I love that you would endanger your familial relations. I love that you would. That you would actually hold your relationship with your children and your partner hostage over this TBTL thing. I mean, that is an incredibly kind thing for you to do in the further benefit of tbtl.
- [70:12]
Luke Burbank
I mean, and not to mention what listening to this show could do to developing brains. Like, we haven't even fully studied that yet.
- [70:20]
Andrew Walsh
I know. I think this is great for developing brains.
- [70:22]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [70:23]
Andrew Walsh
Because the. Yeah. The problem with the childhood now is that there's no room for boredom.
- [70:28]
Luke Burbank
Ah, I see.
- [70:29]
Andrew Walsh
You know, you give. You give them an iPad, and they start coco meloning, and then there's.
- [70:33]
Luke Burbank
They.
- [70:33]
Andrew Walsh
They don't ever have to have a moment to be bored. This show is almost exclusively boredom.
- [70:37]
Luke Burbank
It's all boredom.
- [70:40]
Andrew Walsh
They should be distributing us on iPads in every school in America, teaching kids what it's like to feel deeply bored.
- [70:46]
Luke Burbank
And I would like to just revise something that I said earlier, having now read Rich Eagle's note to his lovely family. Hey, kids, when I said there's no better feeling than being drunk in a pool, I was playing a character. Don't take that they're not his actual life advice. That was not. I was saying the opposite. You know, there's no better feeling than being kind to your peers. That's what I meant to say there.
- [71:15]
Andrew Walsh
In a swimming pool, a little buzz.
- [71:17]
Luke Burbank
Hopefully drinking directly from a bottle of vodka.
- [71:20]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, that's right. Thanks, Rich. Sorry, maestro. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready? Ready, Go. Everybody rattle dance. Hey, it's Penny Orlando in Gig Harbor, Washington. What up, Penny? Penny says I wasn't going to submit a message this year, but then the colonoscopy episode aired. By the way, more on that coming up. We've got developing. All good. We've got to develop a flatline with that.
- [71:51]
Luke Burbank
Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm.
- [71:52]
Andrew Walsh
You've got a date on.
- [71:53]
Luke Burbank
I got. I got a. I got a date on the calendar. In fact, at some point. We don't have to do it today, but I'll tell you how that appointment ended up being made. And something very important that I think I learned about the medical industry. Maybe talk about that tomorrow.
- [72:05]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, let's talk about that tomorrow. I'm really glad you're doing it, mostly because it'll get Phyllis off our back.
- [72:10]
Luke Burbank
Yes, right.
- [72:10]
Andrew Walsh
But. But yeah, I want to hear about your experience with it. Penny says, I wasn't going to submit a message this year, but then the colonoscopy episode aired. Luke is such a master at storytelling. Oh, I like this. And Andrew's laughing at Luke's story. Especially when Luke, for whatever reason, decided to take on the Persona of the cologuard box. Well, it just broke me. I was out walking and laughing so hard I almost fell down. This is why I keep listening and donating. Plus, I have grown sons close to your age, so your childhood stories. Hello, ninjas. Let me savor those memories. Thank you. It sounds like Penny's sons were also very into the idea of being a ninja. Did you ever have that particular phase out there in rural Ohio? Like maybe through my gateway was really like Storm Shadow and Snake eyes in the G.I. joe comics. I feel like a lot of kids are our age or a lot of people who grew up, when we grew up got obsessed with the idea of being a ninja because it was the silent assassin that could get in anywhere and was acrobatic and all this stuff. What was your whole relationship with the idea of ninja? Dumb?
- [73:10]
Luke Burbank
Probably around the same as yours. I'm trying to remember. There's also a. One of my favorite action figures was a GI Joe ninja. And I believe it was a woman who was dressed in all red. Red. I want to say, does this ring a bell?
- [73:25]
Andrew Walsh
It kind of does. I want to be clear. I want to be clear. By the way, I had, I, I did not have, nor have I ever had any formal martial arts training. Like this was purely self taught. Like whatever our quote unquote ninja skills were going to be, this was not the result of studying in any formal way what actually the martial arts look like. We just. I just wanted to be able to do like a triple backflip off of a roof and land silently on a different roof. That's what I saw the characters on GI Joe doing a lot.
- [73:54]
Luke Burbank
Her name was Jinx. I don't even remember that name, but I definitely had this toy. I wasn't huge into ninja culture, but it was the 80s and so there were a lot of like, you know, people making, what do you call them? Flying stars or what do you call those?
- [74:08]
Andrew Walsh
Throwing stars?
- [74:08]
Luke Burbank
Stars out of paper. I do want to address something less ninja related in this thing and it's not to take anything away from anybody. I do remember you had me laughing very, very hard when we're talking about colonoscopy talk. And then you were talking about the cologuard box and how they, they animate the cologuard box in these commercials. And then we realized, wait, these are boxes that you go to the bath. You, you put your, you put your waste in them. Maybe it's a little bit of it. And so you were kind of like you were slaying me with this idea of this box, going around saying, put it in me.
- [74:41]
Andrew Walsh
And I believe I said, I'll be down at the baseball field.
- [74:45]
Luke Burbank
That's right, yes. Did you know after we did that little riff, did you. We were basically recreating an SNL sketch with Woody Harrelson.
- [74:56]
Andrew Walsh
What's funny is. What's funny is I don't think I thought of that because I was more in the mind of a different SNL sketch. Like what my impression of the Cologuard box was really more like. My impress was really an impression of Clucky the chicken, which is a different SNL sketch where Adam Sandler is the voice of this kind of kooky cartoon chicken who's the mascot for a chicken restaurant. And then, of course, you realize how dark it really is to be a chicken doing ads for a chicken restaurant. So when I'm doing when I was being Colegard, I'm really kind of doing Clucky, but. But I think maybe in the way back of my mind also. Yeah, I had a vague memory that there was something with that Cologuard mascot being basically, I don't know if I want to say, a sexual deviant. I don't remember how these.
- [75:36]
Luke Burbank
Can I play a little bit of this? You're over 45. That means it's time to start screening for colon cancer. And there's no easier way to do it than with Cologuard.
- [75:45]
Andrew Walsh
The simple.
- [75:45]
Luke Burbank
This is the little box that is talking to your doorstep. Oh, hello. Can I help you? Hi, I'm Cologuard, A non invasive way to screen for colon cancer at home. Oh, yeah, my doctor ordered you. That's right, because I'm safe, easy to use, and I find 92% of colon cancers.
- [76:03]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, cool. How's it work?
- [76:04]
Luke Burbank
I just need to collect a sample, so open me up and, you know, go inside me. In. Inside you? Yeah, just go inside me. It's okay. I like it.
- [76:14]
Andrew Walsh
Are you gonna look at me like that while I do it? Sure.
- [76:17]
Luke Burbank
I'm just smiling because I love my job and I love what you're about to do to me.
- [76:21]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, well, I love that you have.
- [76:23]
Luke Burbank
A face and a little mouth and a name.
- [76:26]
Andrew Walsh
I'm Thomas.
- [76:28]
Luke Burbank
Why do I hate knowing that? Come on, it's fun for both of us. You get the satisfaction of knowing you're doing everything you can to protect the health of your colon. And I get another kind of satisfaction. So go ahead unloading me. It goes on from there. And you have Kenan Thompson, the UPS delivery driver, just sort of standing by his truck enjoying this interaction. I think by the end, he's surrounded by a bunch of begging Cologuard boxes on his porch. Everybody wants him to go in anyway. So it does become a little bit of a fetish, I believe.
- [77:00]
Andrew Walsh
Sure. Well, we'll call it shared brain syndrome. I don't think I Don't actively remember that sketch or ripping it off. I thought I did, but when I heard it, I was like, I don't think I.
- [77:09]
Luke Burbank
Actually, I had never. I will, to be honest. I had definitely never seen this before. It was a listener who sent it to me later, and I was like.
- [77:14]
Andrew Walsh
I'd always thought those ads, though. I mean, from the. It's. It's a. It's a ripe topic. Because even, you know, when I first saw those ads, I was like, this is a. This is a. Surprisingly. This box is a little bit anthropomorphized for me, considering what we're gonna do to this box.
- [77:30]
Luke Burbank
Yes, exactly like that. Also, there was that drug commercial where the woman was essentially carrying around her constipation in a suitcase. Do you remember that one?
- [77:39]
Andrew Walsh
Remember that one?
- [77:40]
Luke Burbank
It's good that you probably push it out. Push it out. Well.
- [77:43]
Andrew Walsh
Well, that's the problem. The whole issue. Thank you, Penny, for paying for that and Rich as well. Hello, and welcome to Top Story. All right. Apparently. Apparently, the actor, the comedian Sarah Sherman from Saturday Night Live sent an apology gift to amylou Wood. This is the. I'm updating the story here. As of a day or two ago after. Over the weekend, Saturday Night Live had a sketch called the White potus, which was like a parody of the White Lotus, but instead of it being this rich family from North Carolina that's there, it's the Trumps. And you have sort of like a larrazza, panned out, depressed Donald Trump. And if you watch this last season of the White Lottery, you can kind of imagine in your mind the kind of overlay of the whole thing. But what. The reason it got a bunch of attention was because they had a moment where they had jon Hamm playing JFK. Wait, RFK Jr. And he makes some comment about fluoride. And then the. Sarah Sherman is pretending to be Amy Lee Wood, and she says, fluoride. What's that? And she's got this. You know, she's got a very kind of distinct smile, which, by the way, nobody needs me to weigh in on this. Nobody needs me talking about Amy Lou Wood's body. But I think her smile is absolutely adorable.
- [79:11]
Luke Burbank
I mean, I do think that plays into this. I mean, that is sort of the. Everybody who saw. Almost everybody who saw White Lotus agrees that her performance was amazing and also that she's incredibly beautiful, but not in the way that we're used to seeing on tv because, you know, usually certain people who look a certain way look that way on tv and So I do think it is worth noting that I think most people kind of agree that she is an absolutely beautiful person.
- [79:35]
Andrew Walsh
But yeah, it's unusual. Like her, you know, her front two teeth are pretty large. There's a gap. It's just not the typical thing we see. So they kind of parodied that. Anyway, the reason it got attention was because Amy Lee Wood wrote on her Instagram page, like, if I'm being honest, that really kind of hurt my feelings or something, which, by the way, I think is an amazingly good way to handle that.
- [79:53]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, she said, I thought it was a little bit mean and there was another word for it. But, like, I don't know if it was petty or whatever. She didn't go over the top. She was like, I just thought it was a little bit mean. You're doing a parody, like, how many parodies focus on the physical attributes? Or if that's the only joke, it's the physical attributes.
- [80:09]
Andrew Walsh
And that was the. That I saw. So now I watched this because I was like, well, I guess I'll see what. What this is all about. What I was struck by, Andrew, was just how absolutely bereft of humor the entire sketch was. It was literally like, I don't know if you've had a chance to watch it.
- [80:26]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I watched it and I made it to the end, by the way.
- [80:29]
Andrew Walsh
I didn't make it to the end.
- [80:30]
Luke Burbank
Some sort of an award.
- [80:31]
Andrew Walsh
You. You should honestly, like, maybe you should take take point on this. Because I only got to where she says, fluoride. What's that? And I was just like, I can't do this anymore. Like, it is literally, like somebody thought, well, white POTUS sounds like white Lotus. And that was as far as they got with the sketch, like, with the premise. Like, it was like, those two words are kind of similar and. And now we'll just reverse engineer it from here. But it made no sense to me. It was. It was just a series of. Of. Of attempts at jokes that were just like, either didn't make sense. Were definitely not funny. Like, it was just. It missed every single joke that it tried to do. Sort of missed. It was also overly complicated because, like, I mean, the whole thing just. It was. It was a round peg into a square hole or whatever you want to call it, because it's like depressed. Donald Trump is there, but then they have Melania there, but then she has Parker Posey's accent from the show, which, because they. They wanted to make it funny and they wanted to make it feel like the actual White Lotus. But of course Melania doesn't have that accent. So then they try to explain it with something. It was just like it was an absolute turd of a sketch at every possible level, in my opinion.
- [81:39]
Luke Burbank
What is this thing? I don't follow SNL and I know that they're still celebrating their 50th anniversary after like a big kind of two day celebration that I think neither of those days were a Saturday, which was sort of interesting several months ago. But like one thing I noticed. So this is one of those sketches that's like a, you know, it's like a pretty lush pre taped production and it's got all kind. It's got Jennifer Lawrence in there. I didn't recognize her at first, but the crowd went crazy and I had to look it up.
- [82:05]
Andrew Walsh
And then all of a sudden to play Ivanka.
- [82:08]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, Ivanka, yeah. And then, and then Jon Ham, you.
- [82:12]
Andrew Walsh
Mentioned, by the way, very unconvincing. Not, no offense, we love John Ham, but not a convincing RFK Jr. No.
- [82:17]
Luke Burbank
None of it is very funny. There were two other I, at least one or two more famous people that were just like peppered into this. Is this what SNL is doing now? Maybe because of this special celebratory year? They're just like grabbing super famous people to put them in like just tiny cameos in these sketches. I was kind of surprised. You know, usually the thing is, like, who was the star that week?
- [82:37]
Andrew Walsh
They started doing that I think as the election was ramping up when they would do these big, you know, like they would, they would bring Maya Rudolph in to be Kamala and stuff like that.
- [82:47]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, there's.
- [82:48]
Andrew Walsh
They would have, I think they had Dana Carvey playing Joe Biden. But, but, but I don't think that like 10 years ago they would have done that. I think this is a relatively recent thing where they'll go out. I feel like it sort of started with having Alec Baldwin play the, the first Trump that they had on there where they kind of like were like, we're gonna like basically get someone who's not a cast member, but we're gonna bring them in. The Scarlett Johansson thing was so tortured to me because the joke they wanted to make was that nobody's heard from Ivanka Trump during this administration. She's been lying low because, you know, she just wants to basically hang out with her very rich husband Jared Kushner and spend all of this ill gotten money that they generated through shady stuff during the first Trump administration. So they have to then do this thing where it's like she's actually their daughter, the daughter who's considering Buddhism. But then there's a speech where it's like, Buddhism is about releasing, you know, all of your material wealth. And then she like gets up and runs out of there. It's so complicated. It. It presumes. First of all, you have to tell the audience that we haven't seen Ivanka Trump for a while. You have to remind them of this being a fact. So one of the characters is like, has anybody seen Ivanka? Then there's the fact that she physically doesn't look anything like the character in the show. So you're already like, as a viewer, I'm already taken out of the joke of it. The parody of it is already ruined on me because she looks nothing like the actor who plays the daughter in the White Lotus. She's just Ivanka Trump. And then it's like, again, it's just this one little nugget of a nub of a joke, like, oh, she just cares more about money than other things. And so now she has to leave this ashram or whatever. Like, it was just like, oh, my God, this is. This. This makes Lord of the Fries from the Capitol Steps seem like nuanced, high level humor. Like it was just one thing after another that just flatly didn't work.
- [84:38]
Luke Burbank
Now, I mean, you gotta admit, though, the fact that Donald Trump isn't actually in sleeping pills, he's actually taking.
- [84:45]
Andrew Walsh
What would he be eating?
- [84:46]
Luke Burbank
Oh, Chicken McNuggets, Luke. He's taking them. Like, pill. I mean, that's brilliant.
- [84:51]
Andrew Walsh
Who could.
- [84:52]
Luke Burbank
Have. Come on, that's pretty brilliant.
- [84:54]
Andrew Walsh
Just have him on lorazepam. That'd be more interesting.
- [84:56]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, right. I guess ketamine would be a different kind of effect, but, like, put him.
- [85:00]
Andrew Walsh
On a lot of ketamine. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, like Trump in a K hole would be really something to observe. But like, yeah, that was like. Also that joke didn't work for me because I. Okay, yes, I know that he has a terrible diet, even though apparently he claims he has less than 4% body fat. That's the latest sound that he's like.
- [85:17]
Luke Burbank
He says he's he's like 6, 3 and 250 pounds or something like that.
- [85:21]
Andrew Walsh
6, 4, 250. And this happened the last time that he, like.
- [85:24]
Luke Burbank
So you have been following it?
- [85:26]
Andrew Walsh
Well, I saw a meme of it yesterday. What the meme was, was. And a version of this happened the last time he tried this bullshit. It's like they Showed it. They showed a pro athlete who's actually 6, 4, 250 pounds. And it's. And, you know, they showed Donald Trump. And it's. It's striking. It's striking the difference between these two men who apparently have the exact same composition.
- [85:45]
Luke Burbank
And by the way, for the record, I do not give two hoots what my president looks like or whether or not my president is attractive. You know, I mean, I don't go in for, like, the body shaming. I don't call him the orange one. Like, first of all, this just seems to. It doesn't seem strong enough for what we're actually dealing with right now. Like, I just say give up on that stuff, but I've never really been into that. Like, of all of the things to talk about, the body is not it. But when he's going. But it. But when it ties into this broader. This broader context of this man just pisses on your head and tells you that it's raining all the time. From things that are really, really important to things that are completely unimportant, like his weight and height. It just. That's the only reason it's galling and the only reason it's worth talking about.
- [86:31]
Andrew Walsh
No, I totally agree with you on that for everything that you've just said. But so then they. Yeah, they have him because, you know, in the White Lotus, obviously, the. The dad. Is it Tim?
- [86:41]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, we finally got. We finally got. I was embarrassed that I didn't remember that.
- [86:45]
Andrew Walsh
No, I was the look like. Of Jason Isaac the whole time. Tim, you know, takes his wife's Lorazepan and this. In this sketch, Donald Trump has stolen. But also, by the way, here's the. Here's why the joke doesn't work. Was Melania taking McNuggets?
- [86:58]
Luke Burbank
Right? Yeah, it just doesn't.
- [86:59]
Andrew Walsh
He stole Melania's McNuggets. Like, I don't think. I don't know what Melania's diet is. I don't see her as a highly McNuggeted person. Like, it doesn't. It just. None of it made sense. It just. And they're also. They've got this thing that they. That they used to do that honestly never really worked for me ever, which was. They want to make this. They want to. They want to try to have this premise that the Trump sons are dumb. That part I buy, but that one of them is like, almost like a simple Jack. Almost just like a childlike, you know, like just a. A childlike understanding of the world that is just so simplistic that it's, you know, it defies. It defies, you know, what we would expect. And they've been doing this forever. They've always shown the two Trump sons. I think that they think it's working. And one of the guys, I think his name is Alex Moffatt, who I didn't even know is still on the show. Is he still on the show?
- [87:51]
Luke Burbank
I don't know who that is, but I was googling to see who some of the other famous people in the sketch were, and I'm not yielding a lot of results, but they mentioned that they brought him back. Him and the other son, Mikey Day, I guess they both were brought back.
- [88:04]
Andrew Walsh
And, you know, Mikey Day is. It's literally a legal guy.
- [88:07]
Luke Burbank
Oh, okay.
- [88:08]
Andrew Walsh
So they have, like, Mikey Day play one of the Trump sons, and then they have Alex Moffat play the one that's very, very, very stupid. And, like, they have this moment where it's like, I forget exactly what the allegedly smarter Trump son says. He says, like, it's time to make this smoothie or something. And so then the one that's supposed to be really dumb literally drops his watch into the blender and blends it, and he's like, you said it was time to make this. It's like, are you. I mean, are you seriously playing this on national television as humor now? I could see a lot of unfunny shows and unfunny people making a sketch just like this. This is why sketch comedy is hard, because a lot of times it ends up being like this. A lot of times it's like a thing I walked by in New York recently called Singfeld, which was a music unauthorized musical version of Seinfeld where all the people in it were looked. If you squinted and you had just taken a tetherball to the eye, kind of like the people from Seinfeld. There's a lot of bad parody going on out there, and this is right at the top of the list of bad stuff. I just usually expect something kind of better from snl.
- [89:10]
Luke Burbank
You know, I don't before I saw this, and maybe even I'm trying to think it might have even been before I started hearing all the buzz about this. Although this is only a couple of days old, YouTube suggested a different SNL White Lotus parody to me. I don't usually click on it, but, like, especially when I'm logged in, as after these messages when I'm doing the show with Genevieve, for some reason, it really thinks that that account loves snl. And so it's always saying, hey, check out this. And they can be old sketches. And they suggested an SNL sketch from two years ago. So I'm guessing that was the first season of White Lotus, but it was called Black Lotus. Are you familiar with this?
- [89:49]
Andrew Walsh
And it was like, I don't think.
- [89:50]
Luke Burbank
Basically the whole point of it is just like, you have, like, I think Kenan Thompson, and I'm guessing, I think it was Eggon Wodom who was like, like, running the front desk of this hotel and basically just, like, putting up with rich white people's foolishness. It was just like. And again, I'm not saying that, like, you would double over laughing at this, but at least it was just like, certainly compared to White potus, it was really good. And like, by comparison, go back and watch black lotion.
- [90:19]
Andrew Walsh
Because that, yeah, because that is, that. That derives from a premise that's more comedically rich. Like, you know, which would be like, the white privilege of this show. The way that black Americans have observed and had to deal with white people's over the years. Like, that's, that's something that you could get some comedy. This, this thing was. I, I, I've already said it a couple times, so I can stop, but it's like, it really feels like somebody just saw, like, the words White Lotus and then thought of the words white potus. And then that was, and then they, that was the extent of the comedy in. It was like, okay, we'll just put Trump there. And then it really, it just felt like, it just felt like the lowest level of parody. That was, it was, it was awful. I, again, the, the Amylou Wood thing I thought was, you know, I could see why it would hurt her feelings because you're right, it's like they're pointing a physical thing out about her, and that's pretty much the extent of the joke.
- [91:09]
Luke Burbank
And she said this, not me. I didn't even remember what the joke was, other than, like, they put her in these, like, you know, big prosthetic, like, buck teeth. But she even, she mentioned, like, it's just such a quick little scene when they're parodying her. But she's also like, my teeth have nothing to do with fluoride. I mean, that's exactly kind of what I'm saying. It just has nothing to do with.
- [91:33]
Andrew Walsh
A fluoride in your ears.
- [91:36]
Luke Burbank
Right, exactly.
- [91:37]
Andrew Walsh
But.
- [91:37]
Luke Burbank
And also, I was not thinking about this on such a, Like a. I had a little bit of a distance from the story because I didn't see it, and I was like, okay. And I was. Even though, whatever, like you said, it's not my place to be weighing in on these issues. I was kind of like, if they had done more with this character, would those teeth have been that bad? I'm like, well, either way, it did hurt her feelings and all. She didn't say, like, ban SNL or boycott it. She just said this kind of hurt my feelings. Right. And I was like, yeah, you could portray me, like, literally, Andrew Walsh, like. Like, I could see you doing a parody of me that would maybe sting a little bit, but it would make fun of my, I don't know, intellect or stumbling or something. Or you could portray me as I sometimes see myself in photos, and I'm like, oh, my God. If you like. If you did like, some sort of, like, kind of fat guy parody of me, that was kind of accurate, but it was based on my physical appearance, that would hit very differently. And she also. I think it was her who said it, or maybe it was somebody else kind of in her defense. Like, God, like, we were so used to just, like, women have women and men, but like, especially women having to look a very specific way and then getting procedures done to live up to that. And, like, how refreshing that you have somebody who is like, you know, kind of just like a really beautiful, physically beautiful person. Great performance. And it's just. It's just nice to have people that don't. Is. Aren't constrained by the norm. You know what I mean? To show that beauty looks like this.
- [93:02]
Andrew Walsh
Absolutely. There is some television that I am excited to see tonight, Andrew, and I'm going to be home. I've got a lot of. Oh, by the way, we're going to be at the Alberta Rose Theater tomorrow night doing Livewire. I have a lot of reading, a lot of research to do before that, but if I get it all done, my treat is I am going to watch Everybody's Live with John Mulaney live tonight because one of the guests is David Letterman, and I think that is a very interesting guest to have.
- [93:31]
Luke Burbank
Yes.
- [93:32]
Andrew Walsh
On that show. Right. Like, I want to see what David Letterman makes of this whole situation.
- [93:38]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Because in a certain way, like, what Malenia is trying to do is capture the early, like, kind of like around.
- [93:43]
Andrew Walsh
The edges, Andy Kaufman days of Letterman.
- [93:46]
Luke Burbank
But even Letterman, though, had a little less unpredictability in his show. You know, it was still had a bit more of a format. And so it'll be interesting to sort of see if he's somewhat put off by the truly unhinged or Loose nature of this.
- [94:02]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, yeah. I'm actually like, this is. I'm very, very excited to watch this one. And just for the Letterman factor also, I keep wanting to send you these things. This is. This is, you know, it's impossible to describe, and I'm going to do a very bad job with it. But, like, they have shot this whole kind of subplot of these promos for the show. Have you seen any of these?
- [94:22]
Luke Burbank
No.
- [94:23]
Andrew Walsh
I guess Netflix made them. But basically, the frame, the sort of vibe of it is like, I don't know if it's maybe like late 70s, early 80s kind of crime movie or something, cop movie where it's. John Mulaney and Richard Kine are always having these weirdly tense conversations in, like, an airport or, like, in an apartment. And they're shot, like, in this very specific film style from a previous era that I can't quite lock in on what it is. But ultimately, what they are, is they're describing who the guests are gonna be next week.
- [95:00]
Luke Burbank
But they're so stylish.
- [95:02]
Andrew Walsh
They're so stylish, intense and taut of like, that's the one for this week. It's like. It's like Richard. It's like John Mulaney. And it's always. It's almost like somebody's shooting them on, like, a surveillance camera or something, and they're having a very furtive. The conversation is always very furtive. Right. And the one for this week is like, Richard Kine is describing how he wants to go play golf on Wednesday at this one club, but also how much it's gonna cost, but that he can't go play golf because it's also the day they have to do the show. This is a Wednesday. And it's just. And it's just. It's really, truly weirder than shit. All of these, they're so good. They're almost better than the show. I wanna. I want someone. I. I need to figure out if someone has collected all these up, because I just see. I'll just see them on Instagram or Tick Tock or something. They'll show up in my feed somewhere, and then they're just kind of gone. But I want to, like. I want someone to string these together, string the promos together, and then I'm gonna send them to you. Because they're, again, they're so, so stylized. They're just like. They're great. I. I can't quite. Oh, by the way, I was. When I was having dinner in San Rafael the other night, their Jukebox was on, and they were playing To Live and Die in LA by Wang Chung, which is the theme song.
- [96:21]
Luke Burbank
Do you think that's a coincidence?
- [96:23]
Andrew Walsh
Total coincidence. It was just a serious. It was.
- [96:25]
Luke Burbank
I guess. I mean, do you think that the culture is. Because it was a jukebox? Do you think the culture is more interesting?
- [96:31]
Andrew Walsh
It wasn't a jukebox. Oh, it turned out it was. I thought it was a jukebox. It was serious satellite, and it was Rick Springfield's Sirius Satellite channel. And Rick Springfield was the dj. I didn't pick this all up until later because I was just sitting there eating my dinner. But I heard the song and I was like, immediately. That song now puts me in a state of mind for that show. And then I was like, what is this? And then I was like, Asked the guy, is this the jukebox? He's like, oh, no, it's satellite radio we're playing. So maybe Rick Springfield, he didn't say anything about it. Maybe he put it in because he's watching everybody's live.
- [97:02]
Luke Burbank
That also could have been a repeat of a show that he recorded a year or two ago.
- [97:06]
Andrew Walsh
You know that those satellite shows are so canned sometimes, depending. But I just. It's funny that that song now I'm, like, activated by that song. I'm like a sleeper cell. But if I hear that song now, I'd be like. I go into, like, some kind of. You know. I don't know, some kind of. Like, it's like, it's time to watch John Mulaney and Richard Kine do this thing.
- [97:24]
Luke Burbank
If I see you hanging out with Angela Lansbury, I know the country's really in trouble. I learned something. Oh, there's your show title. I learned something about that intro, too. Because again, I've only watched the show once. Cause I wanted to watch it live. And then I missed the other two. And we'll see if I can watch it tonight. But you are enamored with that intro package, which has that song. But also, like, a bunch of shots of LA that recreate this idea of sort of like a Saturday Night Live, like, showing New York around the city with, like, energy. But they also put in just, like, weird shots of somebody just riding a bicycle with fat tires. Like, sort of anticlimactic or whatever.
- [98:02]
Andrew Walsh
Tai chi and.
- [98:03]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, but then what I learned. And I don't know where they're sourcing all of this. This stuff from, but I saw on some subreddit, some geeky subreddit. Did you ever see the movie Inherent Vice.
- [98:14]
Andrew Walsh
No, I always ask you that.
- [98:15]
Luke Burbank
We haven't. But anyway, again, I don't even know if you'd like it or not. It's pretty long, like kind of weird, winding, you know, like Southern California kind of mystery movie. And Joaquin Phoenix plays like the main character Thomas novel. I think so, yeah. Yeah. And I think it's P.T. anderson who directed. But all of that is to say he plays this like kind of, you know, there's this style of 1970s, sort of like reluctant sort of private eye kind of guy who's also kind of like a dropout. I feel like the. Oh, I feel like it's kind of in the style of the Rockford Files a little bit. Living down in like Santa Monica and like Doc specifically lives in like some sort of, I think small. Either a very small house. It might even be a converted trailer or something down like in Santa Monica specifically. And some eagle eyed viewer noticed that. I don't know if it's the exact shot from Inherent Vice of the outside of his house or if they just went and collected that, but Doc's house is basically part of that package as well. Which makes me wonder like how many other little Easter eggs are in there. Like things that I thought were just like funny because they were random, but actually they're nods towards cinema or the like.
- [99:28]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I am, I'm. I'm trying to find. I was like Netflix, John Mulaney promos. But I of course misspelled promos to be poor Miss.
- [99:36]
Luke Burbank
That's gonna get you closer to something else.
- [99:38]
Andrew Walsh
Just got a headline from the Chicago Tribune column, colon, John Mulaney holds Netflix hostage, Week six. Love it.
- [99:46]
Luke Burbank
I love that dynamic. That's why this is the one thing where it's like I feel guilty when I don't watch it. And it's kind of like, well, I've had my little calendar alert me two weeks in a row now that this thing is starting. But I've been, I think one time I was cleaning and one time I was cooking and I was like, I don't want to stop everything for this. But then I know someday this is going to be over. They only have so many more shows left on this particular run and headlines like that make me think that they might not get another shot at this and I should really be enjoying it in the moment. It's just, I wish it wasn't during the time where the weather's getting nicer and I'm just feeling less and less like sitting down for an hour, you know?
- [100:23]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, totally. Can I play you? This is totally not going to work. I think I found one of these. This is the April 17th promo. Now I'm just gonna set the scene for you. They're on the set. It's John Mulaney and Richard Kine. They're on the set of Everybody's Life. But it's dark. It's clearly like maybe one in the afternoon. The studio lights are out. There's just crew walking around doing things. And they're just in silhouette. Mulaney and Richard Kine are just in total silhouette. Okay. And they're having a very intense conversation. I don't know if I've even seen this one. Let's just see if this pays off, and then we can. We can end the show and everyone can go back to their life. I love doing this. I don't work enough and I want to be part of this. It's like everything else that you can have me do.
- [101:02]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [101:03]
Andrew Walsh
100%. However. But I was supposed to go to Montecito today. One of the great golf courses of the world.
- [101:12]
Luke Burbank
Okay.
- [101:15]
Andrew Walsh
And by the way, those interstitial things are just quick cuts of like the crew doing a soundboard or like somebody's looking at a monitor. So it's like this intense conversation with Richard kind of saying he's already paid for this golf thing. And then just like show stuff. Show stuff. If that makes kind of sense.
- [101:30]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [101:31]
Andrew Walsh
For a caddy. $200 for the caddy and you have to stay in the hotel. So that's a sixteen hundred dollar day.
- [101:43]
Luke Burbank
Wow.
- [101:43]
Andrew Walsh
For one round of golf. Maybe some hair. But that's when we're doing this. Well, I'm sorry that we're doing this. I'm so happy to be here. Yeah. I'm your host.
- [101:58]
Luke Burbank
I'm John Mulaney. We are live on Netflix around.
- [102:01]
Andrew Walsh
And you really. I mean, you really have to see it. Also, it's super saturated. The, like the. The look of this show, I swear to God is like, it kills me. It's so great. I still haven't got an explanation on why there's like five dishes of glass grapes on, like, there's five, five to 10 bunches of like glass balls that are sort of grapes that are in these. These dishes on the coffee table for the show.
- [102:25]
Luke Burbank
Every episode.
- [102:26]
Andrew Walsh
Every episode. They haven't gone anywhere. Like, there's just like a million weird little things that I want to know.
- [102:31]
Luke Burbank
More about, so I'll try to. Oh, yeah. I don't know what's going on. Are the. The Mariners are They playing early again? Because they're playing at 3:30. Okay.
- [102:39]
Andrew Walsh
So, I mean, this kind of. This honestly lines up pretty well. You could. You could be watching everybody's live.
- [102:46]
Luke Burbank
Live.
- [102:46]
Andrew Walsh
And you'll already have seen the Mariners, too.
- [102:48]
Luke Burbank
You know what was a nice little pleasure this morning? I was driving, as I said, I had to drive the car out to Ballard, and I was doing my damnedest to listen to Morning Edition, and it just got the best of me.
- [103:03]
Andrew Walsh
Yep, sure. No, I know the feeling.
- [103:05]
Luke Burbank
And it's had nothing to do with, you know, it was literally the newscast. I believe I heard the end of a segment and then I listened to the newscast.
- [103:10]
Andrew Walsh
I was like, that's enough.
- [103:11]
Luke Burbank
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then I just started, like. So I changed it. I'm like, I don't know. Let's see what. The sports station had a commercial on it, so I just, like, flipped over to Kixie. Once you're in the AM groove, it's kind of hard to get out of there. And KIXIE radio, I thought I'd just hear some oldie or maybe even some John Tesh giving me health advice. I'm sorry, that would not. No, he. He doesn't give health advice. That is.
- [103:35]
Andrew Walsh
Well, he gives more life. Yeah, he gives you intelligence.
- [103:38]
Luke Burbank
Intelligence for your life. It's Connie Celica who gives you intelligence for your health. I want to make that very clear. I do not want to step on Connie Celica's toes here, but all of that is to say I switched over. It's a Rainiers game. They were playing a morning game. For some reason, they're in okc, but they're playing this early, and they were playing super early. And I just got to listen to. I didn't even pay much attention to it. I just kind of zoned out. I heard Col Young got a double, or maybe. No, maybe. I think maybe hustled out a single, actually. But I was like, this is what I need.
- [104:10]
Andrew Walsh
It was.
- [104:10]
Luke Burbank
I don't know if you saw this on opening day, but my buddy sent me a meme of like, some building in some part. I don't know what part of the world, but the building was literally falling over and crumbling. And it was such a dangerous site. But somebody had taken three, like four by fours or six by fours and wedged it underneath. And you just have these three boards holding up an entire building that's about to collapse. And each of the boards was just labeled as opening day. And it's basically other things that, like all of the world's problems or whatever and basically, like, opening day is just like the only thing, like, keeping any of the baseball is the only thing keeping any of us going.
- [104:50]
Andrew Walsh
I feel the same way. I feel the same. That's why I wish Dan Wilson would have pulled Castillo at 90 pitches yesterday.
- [104:56]
Luke Burbank
I was following that via the text chain because I had work to do. You know, it was nice that you guys were able to enjoy that. But anyway. No, no, but for real, I was only following that via the text chain. That sounds like a real. That sounds like a real bummer, man, that guy. It's almost like they should have seen if he could manage a major league game, like maybe even once or twice before. Just locking him into a contract like that would be pretty cool.
- [105:21]
Andrew Walsh
That hurts me. That hurts me. I think you're right. That hurts me to consider because I love Dan Wilson so much.
- [105:27]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I have.
- [105:28]
Andrew Walsh
No, I just wanted him to be. I wanted him to be like a revelation. But there definitely appears to be. I mean, I don't know, like, there's. There's just a million formulas now for how many pitches and who's coming up and, you know, like, what the matchup is with the batter, etc. I almost feel like it's almost autopilot for the manager now. You know what I mean? There's just all these rules, like all these statistical rules that you now follow. Whereas it used to just be, you know, Sparky Anderson going out to Jack Morris on the mound and being like, you got any more in the can, you got any more gas in the tank? Now it's more like, well, this, you know, he's his 0.03% less successful with his slider against the person who swings the bat with this exit velo, you know, just so freaking mathematical. But, yeah, Castillo basically was cruising and we were up four to two, and then he just couldn't find the strike zone. And then they didn't take him out, and then he gave up four runs, like, boom, boom. And then it was like, game over.
- [106:24]
Luke Burbank
And I'm not saying that all of the responsibility for this specific thing falls right on Dan Wilson's shoulders, but you really start to understand the importance of a manager, like, literally managing your team of coaches and players or whatever. When it, what was it, the eighth inning and our reliever was all the way to the middle infield before he realized that it wasn't even his time, I couldn't remember who it was before.
- [106:51]
Andrew Walsh
Santos then gave us.
- [106:52]
Luke Burbank
Before Somebody said, no, you have to go back. Like, a reliever walked, walks out on the field. He thinks, turn. And then they're like, no, it's not your turn. Like that kind of miscommunication. Just. See, we're so used to everything in baseball, like you say, sort of being like, well, when X, then Y. Like, it's also wrote that you can really see that when you have an inexperienced person doing this, you end up having pitchers wandering around the field. Yeah. Like, that is. I was like, okay, this is what it's like when. When you kind of don't know what you're doing. I mean, again, I.
- [107:25]
Andrew Walsh
You've got the Mariner moose warming up.
- [107:27]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. They're like, something must be wrong here. And like, the announcers doing their best to not be mean to Dan Wilson. Everybody likes Dan Wilson, and they're all paid by the same company. Like, can't be too mean, but kind of, like, delicately kind of saying like, wow, like, I don't know, man. And again, I have no. Why not just give him, though? Like, why not make him the interim manager for the rest of last season, then just see what's out there, go shopping a little bit. Instead, they're like, oh, you've only managed two minor league games before. You're our new MLB manager. Like, seems shortsighted.
- [108:00]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. It's unfortunate that we're seeing. There seems to be more. There have been more scenarios than I would have liked this season where he seems very green, you know?
- [108:09]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Yeah.
- [108:10]
Andrew Walsh
I wanted him to be like, a JJ Redick with the Lakers or somebody who just, like, is. Is just preternaturally good at this because that would just be the most fun narrative ever. It's just like, one of the most beloved Mariners of all time. Time also turns out he just naturally knows how to manage a team, and now the Mariners are good, and it's all. You know, it's like, that would just be such a great story. I don't know if that's going to be the story, but I guess we'll see. We're going back out against the. Against the Reds today. We'll see what we do.
- [108:35]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I'll try to watch this one.
- [108:37]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, everyone, thank you so much for being here for today's tbtl. We are going to be back here tomorrow with another episode for you, so please do jump on the horn for that. That. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall, and good luck to all.
- [109:01]
Luke Burbank
I don't know, guys.
- [109:02]
Andrew Walsh
I think I'm going to add San Fran to the last leg of my parlay. Power out.