#4453 The Case Of The Garbage Can Dust-Up

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4453 - "The Case Of The Garbage Can Dust-Up"

Introduction

In Episode #4453 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh delve into a personal and relatable issue: the challenges and frustrations associated with garbage collection services. Released on April 25, 2025, this episode offers a candid and humorous exploration of Andrew’s ongoing struggles with unexpected garbage fees and his creative solutions to manage them.

Main Discussion: Garbage Collection Woes

Andrew's Ongoing Struggle with Garbage Fees

The episode kicks off with Andrew Walsh sharing his exasperation with the local garbage collection service. He explains that despite adhering to the guidelines, he has repeatedly been charged additional fees for "extra garbage." Andrew details the vague nature of these charges, often amounting to $13-14, without clear explanations from the company.

Andrew Walsh [04:37]: "I don't believe I've ever had any extra garbage. I believe sometimes they tack these things on just randomly, cruelly, and people are not looking at their bills. I do."

Implementing the Blue Ski Account

To combat these unexplained fees, Andrew introduces his innovative solution: setting up a Blue Ski account. This system involves taking photographs of his garbage bins each pickup day to provide concrete evidence that he is not contributing extra waste.

Andrew Walsh [06:10]: "I set up a Blue Ski account over a year old now, by the way... I take three photos of my bins: a far shot, a close-up, and everything in between."

This proactive measure allows him to present undeniable proof to the garbage collection service, minimizing the likelihood of unjustified fees. Andrew shares that since implementing this system, he hasn't incurred any additional charges, highlighting the effectiveness of his approach.

Andrew Walsh [06:26]: "Ever since I've been taking photos and posting my garbage bin photos, I have not incurred any extra fees. And it's been great."

The Incident: The Garbage Can Dust-Up

Despite his diligent efforts, Andrew recounts a recent incident where his garbage bin was flagged for "garbage was not bagged" with an additional note about "construction dust getting in [their] eyes." Reflecting on his actions, Andrew admits that while it wasn’t intentional, his use of the bin to dispose of vacuum dust from cleaning his car led to this misunderstanding.

Andrew Walsh [10:28]: "Please bag construction dust get in eyes."

Feeling remorseful, Andrew decides to take responsibility and expresses his discomfort with the situation, emphasizing his respect for the garbage collectors and their rules.

Andrew Walsh [13:18]: "I feel absolutely terrible about this because that makes absolute sense... I feel bad complaining about... the garbage collectors in various ways."

Proposed Solution: Apologizing with a Gift Card

Determined to make amends, Andrew brainstorms ways to apologize to the garbage collector. After dismissing options like Starbucks or Amazon gift cards due to personal biases and concerns about appropriateness, he settles on gifting an IHOP gift card. He believes this gesture is thoughtful and locally relevant, striking the right balance between appreciation and practicality.

Andrew Walsh [19:30]: "I could see a world in which they get the IHOP gift card, and they're like, oh, my God, this is so cool."

Luke supports Andrew’s decision, highlighting the gesture's sincerity and appropriateness.

Luke Burbank [26:10]: "You're being so kind about this and they will appreciate it regardless of if they actually make use of this. I think it's such a nice gesture from you."

Humorous Interactions and Reflections

Throughout the episode, Luke and Andrew engage in playful banter, reflecting on the absurdities of their situations. They joke about Andrew’s attempt to disguise himself as a tree to avoid seeming strange to the garbage truck operators and discuss the nuances of gift card etiquette.

Luke Burbank [08:07]: "You're hiding behind the curtains waiting for them to leave?"

Andrew Walsh [09:13]: "I dressed up like a tree... like a guy who came back not right from the war."

These light-hearted exchanges maintain a humorous tone while delving into serious frustrations, making the content both engaging and relatable.

Supporting Local and Community Engagement

In addition to the primary topic, the hosts acknowledge their listeners and supporters, highlighting the importance of community engagement. They feature messages from listeners like Stephanie Broad, who promotes Indie Bookstore Day, and Tara Simon from Kew Gardens, New York, who shares her support and personal stories related to health screenings.

Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Luke and Andrew reflect on the technical difficulties they faced during the recording, adding a meta-layer of humor to the discussion. They reassure listeners that despite the challenges, they remain committed to delivering engaging content.

Luke Burbank [39:56]: "Please remember, no mountain too tall."

Notable Quotes

• Andrew Walsh [04:37]: "Sometimes they tack these things on just randomly, cruelly."
• Andrew Walsh [06:10]: "I take three photos of my bins far away shot from the front, far, and a close up one..."
• Andrew Walsh [19:30]: "I could see a world in which they get the IHOP gift card..."
• Luke Burbank [26:10]: "You're being so kind about this and they will appreciate it regardless..."
• Luke Burbank [39:56]: "Please remember, no mountain too tall."

Final Thoughts

Episode #4453 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a blend of personal anecdotes, humor, and insightful commentary on everyday struggles with municipal services. Luke and Andrew's candid discussion about managing unexpected fees and their creative approaches to problem-solving resonate with listeners, providing both entertainment and practical advice.

For those who haven't tuned in, this episode is a testament to the hosts' ability to transform mundane topics into engaging conversations, all while maintaining their signature humor and camaraderie.

Transcript

[Andrew Walsh]

Again. What? You again? Are you ah again, baby? Can you say T, B, T, L T, V, E, T, B, T, L. Good job.

[Luke Burbank]

TBTL.

[Andrew Walsh]

Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is. It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart car?

[Luke Burbank]

How smart is that?

[Andrew Walsh]

Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic?

[Luke Burbank]

Y I'm so smart. E equals MC squared. I drive a Smart Car. I don't know who that is and I don't care to find out. You're not even a real journalism.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. WW this and WW that. Let's www.explainit.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

It does take time and it is a pain in the ass.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am. It is our turn coming to you once again from Chicago, Illinois, the windy city here on the shores of Lake Michigan. And let's see here, it's kind of a gray, kind of a gloomy day. Also, I'm realizing I've been walking around this hotel room in the, as they would say, all together a lot in the last two days I've been here. And I just realized everyone can see into this room. And there are some apartments that have a real direct view into the madness that is my upper torso. So I want to apologize to everybody here in this neighborhood of Chicago for what they've been forced to observe. You are about to be forced to listen to episode 4453 in a collector series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

We tried to get to this yesterday and we didn't have time, but there are monkeys and they are eating fermented breadfruit. And why not? They're getting frickin ham boned. We're gonna talk about that today ideally, and we're definitely gonna make time for this. A TBTL Junior Sluggers, Gators, Update, Kids and fantasy. Tell you how the last couple of games have been going. And we'll say hi to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. That's a tuna, bro. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. I have something I want to tell you. It's a bit of a story. I'll try not to go on too long, but I'm not gonna make any promises on this. Cause it involves something I'M very passionate about.

[Luke Burbank]

Listen, the secret sauce of the show is us never, ever telling a story in the most efficient way possible. So for you to do that today would be denying the essence of tbtl.

[Andrew Walsh]

I will not apologize. Thank you for my lack of talent on this show.

[Luke Burbank]

That's not what I was saying.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, no, I know. All right, so the. The topic of the day, and I'm sorry, I do believe that sometimes I return to this topic a little bit too often, but this time it's been a while, but it is garbage related. Yesterday was the day that the. You know, I was going to say the city comes and picks up my garbage bins, but we know it's not actually the city itself. It's the garbage companies that the city hires to pick up my garbage bins. That is neither here nor there. But you know that I have an ongoing sort of. I wouldn't say feud or beef. Those are very strong words with the garbage collection service. But it's definitely.

[Luke Burbank]

It also, it also indicates the idea that they know the beef is happening. And this feels asymmetric.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, no, no. I'm the hammer, they're the nail. Wait, wait, hold on. So it is a tenuous relationship, let's put it that way. Because I realized that occasionally, and I've since learned that this has happened to a lot of other people, that occasionally they were putting extra charges on my bill kind of buried deep down there. It would be like $14, $13 or something. They would claim that it was for like a.

[Luke Burbank]

Like a curtain rod. That was not fully diminished.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. Well, the claim, when I called, they're like, I don't know. There's no, there's nothing noting why there's this extra garbage fee, but it's usually because, like, there's extra garbage set outside along with your bin or. And this is when I learned that if your garbage bin is so full that the lid can't quite close and has a gap of measure it 3 inches, that is considered extra garbage. And you will get a fee. I don't believe I've ever had any extra garbage. I believe sometimes they tack these things on just randomly, cruelly, and people are not looking at their bills. I do. I forgot about that garbage. That curtain rod thing. That could have been one time that I threw away this curtain rod thing that I didn't bend up and break down enough. And so it maybe was prying the lid open. Maybe that's why I got those charges. But they had put these on my Bill Several times to the point where when I called to asked them to remove it because there was no evidence that I'd put out any extra garbage, they said, okay, well, this is the last time we're removing this fee from your.

[Luke Burbank]

You're using up your get out of jail pass.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right? And I'm like, well, show. You know what, what's the, what's the. Show me the body in Latin that. We were talking habeas corpus. Yeah, habeas garbage. Like, show me the extra garbage. Don't just be putting the, the fees out there and then just saying, I don't know, you must have had extra garbage when I know I don't. And so what did that lead me to do, Luke? It led me to set up a Blue sky account where every week I garbage bins. Excuse me, excuse me. Blue Ski, Blue Ski. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sorry. Wow. I set up a Blue Ski account over a year old now, by the way, I was going through my blueski account where I take photos every garbage pickup evening. I take three photos of my bins far away shot from the front, far.

[Luke Burbank]

Away shot billboards outside of Ebbing, Minnesota.

[Andrew Walsh]

And a close up one so that everybody can see that there's no extra garbage that I am responsible for. And I post it and it's timestamped and it's social media. So if I ever get one of these extra fees again, I can call up the city and say, look, go to my Blue Ski feed. And then they will hang up on me. I will say, look, there was no extra garbage. Clearly whatever happened was not my responsibility or this is a mistake. Right? So that's my, that's my life these days. I like doing it. I like maintaining that account. I was scrolling nostalgically through that account just the other day, Luke, because I think I posted a new photo, I guess two days ago, and I took the bins out and everything is so green and lush in my yard right now. And I'm loving, loving it. And then I like started scrolling back and I watched the seasons change. I'm like, oh, that's right. In a few months this will all be dead brown grass. But anyway, that. This is not a story about grass. It's a story about garbage. Anyway, ever since I've been taking photos and posting my garbage bin photos, I have not incurred any extra fees. And it's been great. And because I don't want to contest it, you know what I mean? I don't want to say, hey, I have a Blue Ski account. You think I want to call up the city and say I have a Blue Ski account. They'll put me on some sort of a list. So anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

And honestly, I would side with them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Frankly, I would side with them anyway. So I'm just very, as you can tell, on high alert about all of this stuff. And yesterday I am sitting you and I got done recording the show, and my bins are all out at the curb and it's like early afternoon, and I hear a garbage truck pull up and I can hear it empty my garbage bin. And then I'm like, oh, good, I'll go grab that garbage bin right now so that there is. So that it doesn't stay out there in a truck. You know, like dog walkers putting their poo in there or whatever. I like to get that thing back home safe as fast as possible. But anyway, I realized the truck is sitting out there for a while and I'm like, oh, no. As we now say, our mom gardegone.

[Luke Burbank]

That's. How did that get so bad so fast? In terms of my Australian impression, I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Speak for us all when I say r nar about your rnr.

[Luke Burbank]

Indeed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway, so the truck is sitting out there a little bit and I'm like, r nar. When that truck sits out there, they're usually filling out some sort of paperwork like I've done something bad again. Right. Like I'm. Am I. Is this gonna be the extra fee? Like, I know that I'm clean. I know that those three bins out there, I posted them the night before. They're. They're good. Right. So I wait for the truck to go away because I don't want to come off as a total freak. I am a total freak, but I don't want to come off as a total freak. So I wait for the truck to leave.

[Luke Burbank]

You're hiding behind the curtains waiting for them to leave?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I dressed up like a tree. I put on a helmet.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, of course. You know what? I'm sorry. I've embarrassed myself. Obviously. You dressed up as a tree and you stood in your yard very still.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, not a full on tree. I just wore like kind of camo with a bunch of leaves glued to it.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, a ghillie suit and then one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Of those helmets that had like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I was thinking you were like an entire. But you were more like a guy who came back not right from the war.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Like, like the old man on soap. Classic reference. Current, current. Classic reference. Anyway, so the truck pulls away and I see that only one bin has been Emptied. Which makes sense. It's one bin per truck. And it is the black, you know, like, just regular. Whatever they call, like, solid waste bin or whatever. And, Luke, when I say or nor, I mean or nor, I have. I see immediately a ticket, like the size. Kind of the size of a big parking ticket.

[Luke Burbank]

Kidding me.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it has a big yellow and red stripe at the top of it. And as you walk it, it's kind of tucked into my garbage bin. Now, my bin has been emptied, but they've left me this. This kind of ticket thing. And it says up top, garbage and special items. And then in really huge font, it says the word that I've come to loathe.

[Luke Burbank]

Oops.

[Andrew Walsh]

O, P. S. Exclamation point. There was a problem with your garbage. Please see below. And it looks like the first thing you see is in big red, kind of in a big red stripe. No recyclables or food waste. And I'm like, I didn't have recyclables or food waste in there. And then I'm like, oh, wait, wait, no. This is kind of a pictogram list of things or an illustrated list of things. And, like, the collector can check off what the offense was. Right. And so it wasn't about recyclables or food waste being in my. In the wrong bin. Instead, it says, garbage was not bagged. No loose garbage allowed. This is just like. This is what's check marked off of this thing, right? Double bag and tie off any cool ashes or animal waste. And then I see there's another little check box at the bottom.

[Luke Burbank]

You had both hot and cool ashes and animal waste in there, right? That was unbagged.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was using it as a sort of what we call a hobo fire. I was using it. I was actually grilling hobo.

[Luke Burbank]

How else are you gonna warm your hands down by the rail yard?

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. Anyway, I see that also. There's a checkbox that says, see backside of this ticket for additional details. It doesn't say this ticket. I just added that to let people know because I didn't want to say see backside. I guess it says, see backside for additional detail. So I turn it over, Luke, and I see that the pickup. The collector wrote, please bag construction dust get in eyes. And here's the deal, Luke. I don't have what I would consider construction dust. But I remembered that. Didn't I go into great detail the other day about how I had cleaned the inside of my car and I even took my shop vac out there? Well, since My shop vac was outside. Anyway, standing next to my bin temporarily, I was like, oh, this would be a good opportunity to empty that thing. So I just took my shop vac and dumped it into my bin the other day, then went on my merry way. Then throughout the week, added more garbage to the can. Didn't think about all of the dust and like, you know, like, probably like loose cat litter and just like dust, like whatever collects in a shop vac over years. And it wasn't tons. It wasn't like a full shop vac. In fact, you know, I don't know how much was in there, but, you know, enough. I'll tell you what, when I emptied it out, I was like, oh, that's more than I thought I was putting in there. And I did, I think, looking back, have a brief moment of, can I just dump all this dust right into the garbage can? Is that going to be a problem? But then I just went on my merry way. And then, you know, I forget about it until yesterday afternoon when I see this. And like, again, let's review the language here. Please bag construction dust gets in eyes. I mean, your picture gets in eyes.

[Luke Burbank]

Gets in eyes. And please bag construction dust. That's handwritten.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's handwritten on the back. So in other words, it's kind of like on the front it sort of says, you know, you know, see backside.

[Luke Burbank]

They don't have a. There's not a pre printed thing that says get in eyes that they.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, no, no. Just on the front it says, you know, get garbage was not bagged. And then more details that the pickup person can write it on the back. And so they wrote please bag instruction does gets an eyes. And it's like, you know, they're saying please. They're saying, it gets in our eyes. Like, I feel awful. I feel absolutely terrible about this because that makes absolute sense. Like, I remember dumping this stuff in there and being like, something about that seems wrong, but then just moving on. And like, I think a lot of places these garbage bins are emptied by, like a robot arm. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

At my house, where the guy angrily wrote in like a grease pencil. What was it, like three feet apart or something? In my neighbor's garbage cans because his robot pinchers couldn't grab it. Yeah, that's what they do out where I live. They would never be like, gets in eyes because their eyes never get out of the truck.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. And. But this does remind me, and when you've given that example before, I've mentioned that our buddy Roden I will name and blame. No, he, you know, does a lot of woodwork and woodworking, and one time he must have put a bunch of sawdust in his comp. In his compost bin, because I've been to his house, and somebody took that grease marker and wrote, no sawdust. And so that's maybe what was in my head when I was emptying out this. This vacuum cleaner. Just. But again, it wasn't like a fully formed thought the other day. I just did it and thought, huh, that seems strange. And moved on. But, like, this person, like, out there emptying my bin and then gets this plume of dust and crap that has just been in the bottom of my. Of my vacuum cleaner for God knows how long and that stuff. And if it is like, mostly, like, kind of cat litter, probably clean cat litter that's, like, fallen on the ground, but it's been vacuumed up. It gets really dusty. I'm like, I feel absolutely terrible about this. And so here's what I do, and this is where I get even. This is where the crazy man sounds even crazier. I call the city, like, immediately, and I say, when I finally get through to somebody, it doesn't take that long. A person picks up and I say, she's like, how can I help you? And I say, okay, just so you know, this is going to be a really weird phone call or something. Something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

This is all unfolding yesterday afternoon.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yesterday afternoon. Immediately. As soon as. So I see this thing, this little. Like, I'm not even going to call it a reprimand, because I think the tone is totally right. It's a request. Like, please.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a humble request.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. It's like, please, my eyes. Don't put this.

[Luke Burbank]

Dr. My eyes.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so I. So I bring the bin back and I come inside, and I'm like, God, I feel like a real hill heel here. Like, that's a really. That is, like, that makes sense. It's not some arbitrary rule that makes it seem like they're trying to, like, you know, just add fees to my. To my bill, which, by the way, I will see. They may add a fee to my bill for this because, like, basically, I think if you break any of these rules, you are sort of on the hook for that $13 fee. I would not contest it. I feel like this is a totally fair rule that I should have followed, but it just wasn't quite formulated in my brain. And so I called them up, and I'm just like, hey, listen, you know, I just got a Little note in my, in my bin. I had dumped a bunch of dust and stuff in there from a vacuum. And our garbage collector kind of went in their eyes and left kind of a note saying, don't do this anymore. I'm like, frankly, I just feel terrible about this. Like, is there a way for me to like, kind of get them a note or even like, if I, Is it, like I said, is it the same person every week? Like if I wanted to give them a gift card or something? And they're like, oh yeah. And they're like, that's really nice that you, you know, you didn't have to call, but that's, that's a really nice thought. And they're like, yeah, we can put a note in your, in your file that could probably get to the, to the garbage collector. And it is usually the same garbage collector week in and week out. They have regular routes. So if you wanted to leave them a note or a card, you could, you know, probably leave it on your, on your garbage can or something. Which I've always been reluctant to do just because of like kind of this particular road, which is like, kind of like right off of the main thoroughfare, has a lot of like foot traffic on it and, and people who are, you know, oftentimes digging around looking for cigarette butts. I wouldn't, you know, like, I could also see somebody saying, oh, here's a note with, you know, a potential gift card in it or something. But like, you know what, I love.

[Luke Burbank]

That there's the concern is both people putting things in and taking things out of the garbage can.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right? Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Both directions.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. But here's what I've decided I'm going to do. So apparently, I don't know exactly what the note said, but apparently the people of the city have put something in my file that hopefully the driver will see, the collector will see that sort of says, oh, that was like a legit mistake, and customer apologizes. That's all I want, just to let them know that like I do legit feel bad about that. Like if I've, if I've gone through, if I've dedicated so much of my time and energy and life and this podcast to complaining and the listeners lives. That's what I mean. I feel bad complaining about, you know, sort of like in my guys being either mistreated or unfairly treated maybe is a better way of putting it by the garbage collectors in various ways. Like in this case it is clear like I am in the wrong. This is a rule that makes A lot of sense. I do not like the idea of somebody emptying my can and being like, oh God, what just blew up in my face. So I have decided I will take out the garbage bins next week in the evening as I always do. But in the during, like in the morning when I wake up, I will then tape an envelope with a little apology note and a gift card to the top of my bin. And I assume that they will get it within a few, within a few hours. I think it'll probably be safe in the light of day. Now my question was what?

[Luke Burbank]

Where?

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, yeah, like where do you get the gift card for?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, yeah, yeah, what, what, what does the discerning waste management driver and can emptier. Where do they like to eat?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's. Eat is an interesting, interesting word there because. So here, here was my mental process on this and let me know what you think about where I ended up. So in Seattle, I feel like, or maybe just in America, writ large for the longest time, like when I worked in an actual office or whatever, it felt like, it felt like Starbucks gift cards was sort of like the main currency. But frankly, like, I don't have. I don't even know where the closest Starbucks is. I'm sure there's one around here somewhere. It's Starbucks. But like, I don't go into Starbucks. I don't really. It's not, it's not usually a moral thing. I'm just on a Starbucks customer, but now it sort of is a moral thing. I'm not, not a huge fan of their union busting and all of that. Like, I feel like I can do better than a Starbucks card. Certainly not going to give out an Amazon card. I've. I break with the, I break with the. When it comes to Bezos and Amazon. But then I thought, like, what's something local around here? Or at least like kind of like in this area. Who knew, by the way, who knows where this person lives? I'm taking the game. I'm taking him to the game on Saturday. They have to go with me.

[Luke Burbank]

You're. But you're taking them out of the game during the seventh inning stretch because Macklemore said f American.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

And bringing them back in for the eighth inning.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I'm like, I will shield you from the remix of Louie Louie by the Kingsman. No. Lewis, what do you think of this? So there is a local coffee shop in kind of in the neighborhood. But I'm like, ah, I don't. It's kind Of. I don't know how helpful that would be. But then, you know what I thought of? Next to that coffee shop is ihop. Like, IHOP is in this area, but also it's a chain. There are IHOPs around the region. Like, what do you. What do you think is right? Like. Like a. What's a token?

[Luke Burbank]

This is. I'll tell you. I'm getting powerful Mitch Hedberg vibes. He had a great joke that was like, I don't understand gift certificates. Here's $20. You can spend anywhere, and now you can only spend it one place.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I. It feels like ihop. It's very possible that this person would get the IHOP gift card. And. Well, first of all, regardless of what you do, they're gonna be so appreciative. Like, you are going above and beyond here. So this is all gravy. You're being so nice. But I could see a world in which I could see two worlds. One is, they get the IHOP gift card, and they're like, oh, my God, this is so cool. I'll take my family to ihop. We'll have a fun, you know, have a fun Sunday morning. Could also be. I could also see it being a thing where they're like, oh, okay, I'm not really a rooty tooty fresh and fruity person, but I guess I will be. Now, let me put this under the visor of my personal vehicle, and let me try to remember to go to ihop.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I just say one thing about that, though? Yes, I do believe that everybody is on a rooty tooty fruity spectrum. Like, I don't think there's anybody who isn't a rooty tooty fresh and fruity person. It's just, like, where you are, how much of one you are. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

So, like, Cliff from IHOP was. He was probably on the far end of the spectrum.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

But then there's people like me that only went there once. Like, because I was studying for finals at the University of Washington, and there was an IHOP on Capitol Hill. By the way, what a time to be alive. There was an IHOP on Capitol Hill.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's still there, I think, is it not? Down by.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that still there?

[Andrew Walsh]

The union. And maybe I had lunch with Bean there before he moved to England, but I guess that was some time ago. Deeply.

[Luke Burbank]

Bean Baxter.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. I don't think we could find a Denny's. Literally, we couldn't find a Denny's. So we met at the ihop. Capitol Hill.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know, What I would say give them do the IHOP thing because again, it's just you're being so kind about this and they will appreciate it regardless of if they actually, you know, make use of this. I think it's such a nice gesture from you. I'd say do the ihop, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think not Union. It's Madison. I kind of get those, but Madison. And it is still there. That little. Little triangle lot or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that.

[Luke Burbank]

That. That warms my heart that. That somehow is, you know, gentrification proof.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. Tiny, little, tiny little plot there. So anyway, yeah, the thing is, because, I mean, just to go back. The Mitch Hedberg thing, like, I don't know, even though. Even though it does lock you into something, it seems a little bit more. I don't know, there's something about like, I guess I could just go buy a gift card that is one of those Visa spend anywhere gift cards. But like, that just doesn't. That. I don't know why that turns me off. Like, I don't. Like, I'm not gonna leave cash and that is. I kind of just like leaving the equivalent of cash. And I'd rather have something that is tied to, I don't know, something that seems somewhat thoughtful. And I sort of feel like, I mean, a breakfast chain, even if you don't want it, you get.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, they're up early. Like to do this job to also. It somehow. Garbage. Garbage worker. It feels like a breakfast job.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, so I think that that's like. That's especially on brand. No, I think this is extremely thoughtful and kind of you and. And you know, I. I hope you do it and I hope that they appreciate it because that is. You are. See, I'm. I'm touched. And also it makes me really consider my thought process because I would have been annoyed as hell with that note.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really, even.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not a good. It's not a good look for me. It's not a good look. But I would have been. I don't know, it's just like. I don't know, bro. Throw it in the back. Like, like, don't be like, I'm so. Let's not be precious about this. Like, now again, that's a bad impulse by me. But I would have had that impulse. And the fact that you didn't. That you were like, oh, man, I see the humanity in this person. And I. I did this thing that I wasn't meaning to do, but it made their morning worse, their day worse. And that you want to really make it right. Like, this is a good statement about you and it's a bad statement about me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I also, I think maybe it's a good statement about. And this is a very short note, right? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 words. And one of them is only a two letter word. So I don't even know if you count the word in, you know, but like, it includes the word please and explains why this policy is in place. You know what I mean? It's not like bag up debris, exclamation point.

[Luke Burbank]

Or like the note on my can, which was just basically like three feet apart. Like, it was all caps and not. Not. Please. Hey, could you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, so anyway, so I'm gonna do that. And what do you think? Is there like 400, $500? Like, what is the right gift card amount, do you think?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, how much. How much is a Rudy Tutti Fresh? How many eggs are in a rooty.

[Andrew Walsh]

Too fresh and fruity?

[Luke Burbank]

What are you gonna do? Like, what do you do? 20 bucks.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was thinking 20 bucks, which is really nominal in this day and age, but it's also something that I'm clipping to the top of my garbage can.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, and no, I think it's great. I mean, there's also an IHOP not far from y'all down there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's right.

[Luke Burbank]

Ihop. That's near the Mandarin gate. Still there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's why. Yeah. And again, I know this person doesn't probably live right in my neighborhood. That's not how this stuff works. But I was just sort of like thinking, like, okay, I don't want to do Amazon. I don't want to do Starbucks. But then I thought, oh, there is that local coffee shop, but it's not a chain, and that really locks them into this neighborhood. That just felt wrong. But then it's like literally like two or three doors down from that local coffee shop is the ihop. And I'm like, okay, that's both like hyper local, but also a national chain. Like, I feel like that. That locked. And like, who does? There's something. Some. You can buy a $20 orange juice at IHOP. I'm sure you know what I mean? Like, there's something on the menu for everyone.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no, I mean, you've really brought me around on this. I mean, this. This was a. This is a very thoughtful and I think, think well executed mea culpa.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do think they're gonna think I'm crazy now, though, because I called the.

[Luke Burbank]

City I Mean to apologize, though.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, crazy.

[Luke Burbank]

Like they're. They. If they don't get specifics on you, they might think that you're a lonely housewife looking for friends.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, should I not put a bunch of perfume on the notes?

[Luke Burbank]

Leave the white shoulders out of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, dear.

[Luke Burbank]

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set now.

[Luke Burbank]

Ready?

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready. Go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle daddle. Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These wonderful, generous folks are dazzling us with their donation of dough, and it's how we're able to do this five days a week, even on days, Andrew, when we may have to cut things just the teensiest bit short. Because I am now getting fairly close to missing my flight out of O'Hare because of the traffic and the thunderstorm that's happening. And I'm watching this all unfold, and I'll tell you about it in a minute. First, though, we have to thank Stephanie Broad. Stephanie says Broad. Like Broadway or abroad. Not as in the broadcast. Oh, I am.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm very.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, because you lived in la, so you know about the Broad.

[Andrew Walsh]

I did, but I think that it took me a long time to remember. I don't. I think I just avoided saying it because I think in my head I would see it and I'd still say Broad in my head. You have to remember. Nope, it's Broad.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm. It's. One of the things that makes me feel special is that I know it's Broad. I think Eli Broad is the philanthropist slash very rich person who's built a bunch of stuff, but this is Stephanie Broad, and she's in Portland, Oregon, and she says hello. I wanted to say something fun and cool and shout out some friends doing amazing things, but I'm so tired. My little guy, August.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, this is August's mom, Jake, and August and Stephanie.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep, we love it. My little guy August is the best, but also takes all my extra brain power. Lol. So, thanks, you guys, for always being around. Thank you to August for being the cutest little gentleman. And he is. Can I can confirm he's an elegant little gentleman.

[Andrew Walsh]

He really is.

[Luke Burbank]

And thank you to Jake for getting him to fall asleep way faster than I could. Is this what people do? Say thank you? I'm so confused by myself right now. I'm acting like I won an award. I would like it if somebody would write in one time, like, turn the music off. Okay, Stop the music.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've done this before they go full.

[Luke Burbank]

Adrian Brody. Adrian Brody.

[Andrew Walsh]

Not Adrian Brody.

[Luke Burbank]

When he said, literally, this isn't my first rodeo. And we're like, we know you won. You've already won one Oscar. We understand. This is not your first rodeo. All right. Stephanie says, oh. Support indie bookstores. Indie Bookstore Day is in April, and it is the best day of the year.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, Andrew, I think it's tomorrow, right?

[Luke Burbank]

If I've got my calendar right, it's tomorrow.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you double check me on that?

[Luke Burbank]

No, but I did. Here's what's so not interesting, and we don't have time for this. I did a story on Livewire last week about a bookstore in Michigan. It was the best news, but we did it in the live setting with the live audience. And it was talking about how this town in Michigan, everybody turned out for this local bookstore. This woman was moving the bookstore down the block, and they formed basically, like, a book brigade.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, cool.

[Luke Burbank]

And they all just, like, everyone handed a book to the next person, and all 9,000 books got moved down the street.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is a really good story.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a really, really cool story. I think it's called Serendipity Books in a town in Michigan that I'm forgetting now, but my memory of it was. I said, oh, and they did it in time for National Book Day. And then my thought was, will this air? Will this episode of Livewire air before it's been National Book Day? So I've been walking around wondering if that reference by me on Livewire is going to be out of time with National Book Day, which makes me think.

[Andrew Walsh]

Indie Bookstore Day is the day. And that is.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't mean national. You don't mean the most national of bookstores.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe there is a National Book Day, but Indie Bookstore Day, and it is the last Saturday in August, so it is tomorrow the 26th.

[Luke Burbank]

Not August, I hope.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I'm sorry. April. The last Saturday in April. Which is tomorrow. April 26th. Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. It's not National Book Day. It's Indie Bookstore Day. And Stephanie is encouraging. I was gonna say admonishing, but this is not an admonishment. This is an encouragement to support indie bookstores. Okay, here are some favorite books of Stephanie's favorite books of last year, in no particular order. Maud Martha by Gwendolyn Brooks. A Very Original Dinner by Fernando Pessoa. The Bee Sting by Paul Murray. When We Cease to Understand the World by Benjamin Labatu. Translated by Adrian Nathan West. Now you're just showing off, Stephanie. I mean, we can't get a Like a Amelia Bedelia in here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I'm actually Stephanie. What, you couldn't read it in the original language?

[Luke Burbank]

I was gonna use Nathan west to translate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, I don't even know what the language is. I love, I'm assuming French. I don't know, like.

[Luke Burbank]

I would just love a little, like, books that I love. This year, in no particular order, the five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom. Very little red meat here, Stephen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Where in Europe is Waldo?

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Chilean. I see. Benjamin Labatu, if you're saying his name correctly, is a Chilean writer. And yes, I'm not sure if we're saying that right or not.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, and then the Lumumba plot by Stuart A. Reed is the fifth book, in no particular order, that Stephanie really enjoyed this year. So, yes, Independent bookstore day is tomorrow. Get out there and support independent bookstores, please. And Stephanie, thank you so much for supporting our program. We appreciate you. Maestro, on your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, go. Everybody rattle dazzle. Look who it is. It's Tara Simon in Kew Gardens, New York, in the shadow of. I don't know what they call the stadium where the Mets play anymore, but I know it's near Kew Gardens. Luke, Andrew and John. I've been a dazzling donor for years, but have always avoided writing a dazzling message. But that all changes this year. Why, you ask? Because my imaginary friendo Luke went for a colonoscopy, which made me so very happy. Who knew, Andrew, that letting a doctor go way up my butt would mean so much to so many people. I'm glad it worked for Tara. As a dazzling donor message writer, inspiration. I've worked as an oncology nurse for the past 25 years, and I absolutely love what I do. I've had many patients share their regrets about delaying or avoiding screening. So this is my plug for everyone to take a moment and schedule whatever screening you are due for this year. There are fewer things, more important. May 15th, right, Andrew?

[Andrew Walsh]

May 15th, I believe, is my date. Yes, it's definitely mid D day.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, D day, as in they're going up dabut.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's that what the D stands for? I never knew that's what the D is.

[Luke Burbank]

The D is for.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

With that said, is it too much if I ask you both for a huge favor? Have I taken this dazzling message a bit too far? Could you please play the introduction to the cereal episode? Wait, this is the second request for this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, when was we?

[Luke Burbank]

Like a week ago?

[Andrew Walsh]

It was literally Last Friday. This is my fault for I didn't read this through enough. We just played this last Friday, and this is probably too close to do it again, but I am. I am raging.

[Luke Burbank]

I know that Tara wants to hear it. Can you. It's one minute. Let's just. You know what? It's Tara's dime.

[Andrew Walsh]

Of course.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna finish reading Tara's message and then we'll play this thing real quick. I will not go on that whole diatribe I went on last week about cereal and. And how I thought we were going to really explode as a podcast from your production on that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let me. Let me jump in here and quick, production note. Here's what we're going to do, because listeners don't know this, hopefully, but you and I have been through the ringer with technology today. We have stopped and started about a hundred times, and because of that and some other things, you are racing. You are racing to get out of there. So here's what I'm going to do, especially since we did just play this on the show recently, I am going to. When we say goodbye, I will play the beginning of Serial, and I might even let it linger a little bit more. We'll listen to the first few minutes maybe of the actual show, and then we'll power out.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you, Andrew. That's a very good solution to the problem called me being in Chicago on Bad WI Fi because, yeah, we've stopped and started this episode roughly 100,000 times, and that's on me, and I apologize. So I'm going to have to kind of bounce after this, probably. I'm watching Lyft. I was telling you this during one of our many breaks. Andrew. The dynamic pricing of Lyft is wild right now because there's a thunderstorm going on, and I have watched the price of a ride to O'Hare go from $90 to $180.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whoa.

[Luke Burbank]

And then back down to $160.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whoa.

[Luke Burbank]

It's completely tracking with the amount of rain that is falling.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I want listeners to know this is not TBTL money. You are on another.

[Luke Burbank]

This is on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Karen Chi is paying for this. Everybody. Okay, Tara says could you please play the introduction to the Serial episode? It is truly one of my favorite things, and it makes me laugh every time I hear it. You and me both. Tara, thank you so much for all that you do. This show has gotten me through some of my darkest days, and it is such a comfort for me. Tara, you are such a Comfort for us. And. And your support of the show is really, really meaningful. If I need to get a colonoscopy every year to inspire you to write a dazzling donor message, I will do that. I'm committed to it. And also, again, I. I did enjoy. I was on a real high from the medication. I don't get. I don't get high anymore. I don't. Well, not that much anyway. And it's. It's a. It's a rare, fun thing for me to be just absolutely loopy. And I got to get absolutely loopy off of that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know if I remembered that. I didn't know that that was part of the thing. You mean. Oh, you mean afterwards? You mean from the drugs they gave you on site, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming off of it. Yeah, the lead up was kind of. Kind of a bummer, but the coming off of it, I just felt. I felt kind of euphoric. I was taking pictures of myself. I was taking selfies post the procedure, just in the hospital bed by myself. And they were like, your girlfriend's here to get you. And I was like, hold on, I gotta take one more selfie.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hold on, I gotta. Never mind. Doesn't make a gross joke. Tara, thank you very much. Me not making a gross joke. There is part of my thanking you for your dazzling donation. Thanks for making this all possible. And now, Luke, I think we must let you fly like a bird.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry, everybody. I know this has been a. Hopefully it's been less annoying for the listeners than it was for you and I to put this together. And Andrew, I am sorry, man. This has been.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, that's okay. I just.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I know hassle.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't care. I just. It's just funny. The listeners hopefully won't know this, but, like, right now I'm talking to you, you're on a phone, and I'm in my studio. Like, we have tried so many different ways. I have a million pieces of tape, some of which have my voice, some of which have your voice, some of them have both. And we're going to puzzle this all together. And hopefully the listeners are only learning about this now. Hopefully.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm going to be uploading you my local recording in the lift somewhere between here and O'Hare, using my phone as a hotspot. So it's a boy. This is gonna be a. It's gonna be an adventure. But again, ideally, the listeners will know about almost none of this other than what we've been telling them. So all right, that's gonna do it for our broadcast week. Thank you, everybody, for listening. Thanks for being part of tbtl. We will be back here on Monday. Hey, amazing news. I'll be home. It'll be normal. Ish. So please do join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Friday. Have a great weekend. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck. Luck to. All right, now's rolling. And it's pronounced Chateau San Michel. Support for TBTL comes from Chateau chateau.

[Luke Burbank]

Support for TBTL comes from Chateau St. Michel, located in Woodinville, Washington, featuring a.

[Andrew Walsh]

Variety of amazing wines for your upcoming holiday celebration, including their Riesling, which is the perfect. Which is the perfect turkey, which is.

[Luke Burbank]

The perfect turkey wine.

[Andrew Walsh]

Look for the Chateau St. Michel display in a grocery store near you. And don't forget to tag your fun holiday photos on Twitter with the hashtag atoast2. Chateau St. Michel, official wine sponsor of TBTL. I actually drink Chateau St. Michel. Really? Look at this stuff. Some cereal supposed to be good for you.

[Luke Burbank]

Previously on Cereal. I gave my wife a bowl full of Frankenberry, and she took one bite of Frankenberry, and she was, like, weak in the knees. Hello, my name is Boo. Let me finish. Booberry. Is Booberry actually blueberry flavored, or is it just called Booberry because it's a ghost?

[Andrew Walsh]

There are no female cereal characters, like, at all.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, this is a global tell link prepaid call from. It's Captain Crunch, an inmate at from Maryland, Korea. Wait, Captain Crunch is in prison in Maryland? That does not sound good. This sounds good, though. A TBTL edition that we're calling cereal. That's right. An entire episode of our little imaginary radio show, which we like to say just might be too beautiful to live. An entire episode dedicated to the top topic of cereal. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. This is episode 1727 in A Collector's series. And this show is meant to be listened to in order. So if you're just joining us at this point, you're gonna need to go back to episode one, and I guess we'll see you in, like, three years or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out.