#4456 Jax The Menace

Summary

Episode #4456: Jax The Menace – A Rollercoaster of Pranks, Tributes, and Fast Food Fiascos

In episode #4456 titled “Jax The Menace” of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh embark on a multifaceted journey through high-profile prank calls, heartfelt tributes, intricate discussions on fast food marketing, and personal anecdotes that highlight their enduring friendship. Released on April 30, 2025, this episode exemplifies the show's blend of humor, insight, and spontaneous camaraderie.

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1. NFL Prank Call Scandal

The episode kicks off with a deep dive into a recent scandal involving a prank call made to NFL draft prospect Shador Sanders. Andrew recounts, “We were talking yesterday about this prank call... the NFL is fining the dad $100,000” ([02:17]). The prank was orchestrated by Jax Ulbricht, son of Jeff Ulbricht, the defensive coordinator for the Atlanta Falcons. Jax accessed Shador’s private draft phone number from his dad’s iPad and impersonated a general manager to message Sanders.

Notable Quote:

“This could be somebody trying to kind of own the Sanders family.” – Luke Burbank ([62:00])

The hosts explore the implications of the incident, emphasizing the hefty fine imposed on Jeff Ulbricht and speculating on the motivations behind the prank. They discuss how such actions could tarnish both personal reputations and professional standings within the NFL community.

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2. Tribute to David Johansson

A poignant moment arises when Luke and Andrew pay homage to their late friend, David Johansson, known for his work with the New York Dolls and his alter ego, Buster Poindexter. Luke humorously struggles to recall Johansson’s full identity before correctly identifying him:

Notable Quote:

“Who’s the other guy’s name? David Johansson.” – Luke Burbank ([02:59])

This segment underscores the hosts’ deep camaraderie and the impact Johansson had on their lives, blending humor with heartfelt remembrance.

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3. Fast Food Marketing Insights

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to analyzing recent marketing strategies by fast-food giants, particularly focusing on Subway’s introduction of "foot long nachos." Andrew expresses his frustration:

Notable Quote:

“I’m obsessed with this idea of restaurants... how can we make it subway adjacent?” – Andrew Walsh ([08:00])

They critique the trend of fast-food chains attempting to expand beyond their core offerings, comparing Subway’s foot long nachos to Pizza Hut’s oversized cookies and Taco Bell’s foot long nachos. The discussion highlights the challenges brands face in maintaining their identity while trying to innovate.

Notable Quote:

“Subway is the reason that Sun Chips are still in business.” – Luke Burbank ([09:33])

This exchange underscores the interconnectedness of fast-food products and the difficulty in diversifying without alienating core customers.

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4. Listener Engagement and Personal Stories

Listeners play a significant role in this episode, with Andrew sharing a personal mishap involving a faulty Marina Time Watch. Luke provides a detailed recount of his struggles with winding the watch and dealing with a broken strap:

Notable Quote:

“I have to wind it today, I’ll start wearing it again and I’ll update you and the listeners as to how it’s going for the next couple of days.” – Luke Burbank ([29:15])

This segment adds a relatable personal touch, showcasing the hosts' ability to weave everyday frustrations into their broader conversations.

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5. Mustard Museum and Far Side Inspirations

The conversation takes a quirky turn as the hosts discuss the Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin, and their fascination with Far Side cartoons. Luke praises the museum founder, Barry Levinson, for his unique storytelling:

Notable Quote:

“I love this guy's ability to spin a yarn. I don't, I don't trust any of it as far as I can throw it.” – Luke Burbank ([73:06])

Andrew shares his own creative inspiration drawn from consuming Far Side comics, leading to humorous imaginings of anthropomorphic kitchen utensils:

Notable Quote:

“I could totally see a Far Side cartoon where you see a fork using the restroom. And written on the wall, it says, 'for a good tine call,'” – Andrew Walsh ([48:39])

These lighthearted exchanges highlight the hosts' shared love for quirky humor and cultural references.

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6. Instagram Mishaps and Social Media Woes

Towards the end of the episode, Luke recounts an embarrassing incident involving a misinterpreted Instagram post about Steven Spielberg. He reflects on the challenges of managing social media interactions and the pitfalls of online communication:

Notable Quote:

“I thought it was my job to blow this whole thing up by writing something to the effect of 'Steven Spielberg dropped out of College in the 60s and Jurassic Park wasn't released as a book until the 1990s.'” – Luke Burbank ([81:35])

Andrew sympathizes with Luke’s predicament, emphasizing the sometimes-overwhelming nature of social media engagement.

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7. Upcoming Topics and Wrap-Up

As the episode concludes, the hosts tease upcoming segments, including a segment about garbage bin pickups and humorous plans for gift card apologies:

Notable Quote:

“Tomorrow is the day that the garbage collector is coming to pick up my bins for the first time since...” – Luke Burbank ([85:03])

Their banter leaves listeners eagerly anticipating future episodes, blending anticipation with their signature humor.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• George Newman: “This job really sucks.” ([00:02])
• Luke Burbank: “You know, these heavy mental bands in LA don't have the market cornered.” ([01:04])
• Melissa McCarthy’s Character: “There’s going to be a cash reward for the best piece of feedback.” ([06:32])
• Luke Burbank: “Have you noticed that Amy Poehler is the new voice of Subway?” ([07:23])
• Andrew Walsh: “I’m obsessed with this idea of restaurants... how can we make it subway adjacent?” ([08:00])
• Luke Burbank: “Subway is the reason that Sun Chips are still in business.” ([09:33])
• Luke Burbank: “This could be somebody trying to kind of own the Sanders family.” ([62:00])
• Luke Burbank: “How can you even say that? How can you say definitively it's the most sought after US Coin.” ([32:14])
• Andrew Walsh: “Let me see if I can play this without losing the music?” ([05:39])
• Luke Burbank: “I just love it. It's a thing.” ([06:25])
• Andrew Walsh: “That cash could really get me out of a couple of jams.” ([02:20])
• Andrew Walsh: “Thanks, Kevin. And by the way, Kevin, great job on the pronunciation help there.” ([40:33])
• Luke Burbank: “I have to wind it today, I’ll start wearing it again and I’ll update you and the listeners as to how it’s going for the next couple of days.” ([29:15])
• Luke Burbank: “This could be somebody trying to kind of own the Sanders family.” ([62:00])

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Conclusion:

Episode #4456, “Jax The Menace,” masterfully balances serious discussions about NFL controversies with lighter, personal stories and humorous takes on everyday challenges. Luke and Andrew’s dynamic showcases their ability to engage deeply with topical issues while maintaining the playful, goofy spirit that defines TBTL. Whether dissecting the complexities of fast food marketing or navigating personal tech woes, this episode offers something for every listener, ensuring that even those who haven’t tuned in before will find the conversation both entertaining and enlightening.

Transcript

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So, can I help you? Hi, I'm George Newman. I'm the new station manager. You know, when I first took this job, they told me that this position was only temporary and that eventually, when the time was right, I would be moved up to news, which is really my forte. You know how long I've been working here? Two years. It's kind of hard to get promoted when every other week you have a new boss. This job really sucks. This is my friend Bob. Hi. Nice to meet you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tbtm.

[Luke Burbank]

You wanted to see me, sir? That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess you know why I called you in here.

[Luke Burbank]

Uh, because you're lonely. Their program is loose, but it is prepared ahead to be casual with heavy references to sex, drugs and rock and roll. Now look at some of these outfits. We used to wear some really outrageous clothes. You know, these heavy mental bands in LA don't have the market cornered on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wearing their mother's clothes. I don't know what this is, but Jay says it's a big sea turtle.

[Luke Burbank]

How do you know this? That's what I do. I drink and I know things. Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Wednesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Don't miss the sausage fest. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. Oh, Ma Pa.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's just beautiful.

[Luke Burbank]

It sure is. Just beautiful. Today, the exact the perfect environment to bring you episode 4456 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. We were talking yesterday about this prank call, might have been Monday. Actually, we're talking the other day about this prank call that was made to a would be NFL draft pick Shador Sanders, and that it was apparently made by a kid whose dad is a coordinator in the NFL. And now the NFL is finding the dad $100,000.

[Andrew Walsh]

That cash could really get me out of a couple of jams.

[Luke Burbank]

But there's also a little a line in the recent update on this in the story that I feel like we're not giving enough attention to. We're not talking about enough. And we'll get into that on today's program. We're also going to talk to this guy, longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He loves that heavy mental music. People from Poland are Poles. They are not polar. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me Right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you know who that was who was saying heavy metal?

[Luke Burbank]

That made me laugh so hard.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, it's the guy who unfortunately recently passed away. You know his name? I do not. But he's from the New York Dolls. He's a very famous.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, David Johansson.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was David Johansson, I believe, in his New York, didn't he?

[Luke Burbank]

AKA Buster Poindexter, I believe.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm quite sure that was him talking as Buster Poindexter. Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

And he calls it heavy mental music.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, dust. That's good. Let me see if I can find that again, because I'm glad we're. I want to talk a little bit about tape today because you played something that. Let's see. If I just type in Poindexter. What do I get? Yeah, here. I got this thing. I don't know. Can I play this without losing the music? I don't think I can. So this.

[Luke Burbank]

Everyone's heard the song 4,455 times.

[Andrew Walsh]

And if you haven't, go back to the beginning. Here's the tape.

[Luke Burbank]

Start over. Now look at some of these outfits. We used to wear some really outrageous clothes. You know, these heavy mental bands in LA don't have the market corner.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're wearing their mother's clothes. Is he saying mental, or is it just the way he says metal?

[Luke Burbank]

I think. Well, can we play it one more time?

[Andrew Walsh]

Cause I would say just put the.

[Luke Burbank]

Theme song back on and then play it over. The theme song.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hair down, glasses on.

[Luke Burbank]

Now look at some of these outfits. We used to wear some really outrageous clothes. You know, these heavy mental bands in la. He says mental.

[Andrew Walsh]

You think so?

[Luke Burbank]

This is the hill I'm gonna die on. I think he's saying mental as a joke. I want him to be saying that because that made me laugh.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I don't have a hill to die on on that one. I die on so many hills on this show. I have no More Lies Longest Running.

[Luke Burbank]

Cobra and Hill Dyer.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. But you played a piece of tape in your intro. It feels weird not having music here. Luke. I feel like we need to get some music. It's so early in the show for me to hear myself without this going on underneath me.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, nice. It doesn't it feel better, sort of pep things up?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, it just. It's. It didn't. It never occurred to me how much I need that to ease into the show. Hearing my voice so early without it is really.

[Luke Burbank]

You're on a high wire without a net.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. And I love Annette.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

So does Genevieve know about this?

[Andrew Walsh]

Do not tell Genevieve about Annette. That is one of the oldest jokes. I think it was a Annette Funicello joke when I first heard that. Did you ever do. No.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought you made that up.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, it was like. It was like somebody said Frankie and Annette. I don't know. Anyway, let's move on. So you played that Melissa McCarthy drop that we play quite a bit. I don't know if you still have it there.

[Luke Burbank]

I sure do.

[Andrew Walsh]

That cash really get me out of a couple of jams. And that, of course, is from a Saturday Night Live sketch. And again, I remember you being obsessed with this, so I'll let you.

[Luke Burbank]

Very obsessed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Set it up. It was a focus group, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. The idea is there's a focus group and they're testing out a new flavor of ranch. And Melissa McCarthy's character is. Let me. Can I just play a little bit of it? I actually kind of got it here.

[Andrew Walsh]

The products we're going to be testing today is a new line of dressing from Hidden Valley Ranch. Awesome. Woo.

[Luke Burbank]

Awesome.

[Andrew Walsh]

In Valley Ranch. Hbo. Hbo, hbr. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

All right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. We love your enthusiasm. I love your product, man. I love your product.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm Linda.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm Linda. Love that product, man. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, Great, Linda. Okay, we're gonna put three new dressings in front of you to taste, and then we just want your feedback. All right, well, they're gonna be awesome, Roger. Okay. They really are. All right, well, let's just wait until we taste them, and then we can discuss. Okay. Okay, let's start with number one.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm getting strawberry.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm getting kiwi, man. I'm getting a big hit of kiwi.

[Luke Burbank]

And then, of course, she utters the iconic line, there's a Hidden Valley Ranch party in my mouth, which has become canon on this program and others because.

[Andrew Walsh]

She'S just dying to get her hands on that cash, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Because there's a. There's going to be a cash reward for the best piece of feedback. And so she says, among other things.

[Andrew Walsh]

That that cash could really get me out of a couple of jams. So. Which motivates her. Now, there is a commercial that I stumbled on yesterday in my after these messages research that we did not talk about on the show. So I want to make it clear this is a TBTL exclusive. Nice. But it's a Taco Bell commercial, and the joke is different. I want to be very clear. It's not the same sett up. It's not about, you know, one person being a super enthusiastic because there's a cash incentive.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you noticed that Amy Poehler is the new voice? Oh, no, sorry. She's the new voice of Subway, not Taco Bell.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I didn't notice that. Although I was talking about a Subway commercial.

[Luke Burbank]

They're playing those a lot during the Mariners now. And there's one where Amy Poehler's voiceover is talking to Marshawn Lynch's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's her talking about the corporeal form. We talked about that in the show yesterday for reasons I don't have to fully get into. Well, no, you know what? I'm fully get into it. This is my podcast. I'm kind of recently been that cash can really get me out of a couple of jams with like the fast food chains attempts to break out of their lane and steal market share of other fast food restaurants. Like very specifically when you're going after their menu. And I had given Genevieve a quiz about this.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you talk stuffed crust pizza?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, hold on. I had given Genevieve a quiz about this a couple of weeks ago and it was all about like, kind of like, did Subway come up with this enchilada melt back in the early 2000s? And they did. And it was clearly like an attempt to get, you know, Taco Bell's. That was Subway trying to get Taco Bell.

[Luke Burbank]

Interesting.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so we did this whole thing about. And there's tons of examples of this. And then I was watching the Mariners game on Sunday and there were two new examples that I saw in a row during the same commercial break. One was that Subway commercial. I didn't realize it was Amy Poehler talking to Marshawn Lynch. But what are they doing? They're doing foot long nachos. I don't remember if that's what the.

[Luke Burbank]

Spaced on the actual product being pitched. I was so caught up in the Amy Poehler ness of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. And the fact that the that like nachos are not something you think about with, you know, Subway, but they're like, how can we make it subway adjacent? Well, we're known for foot long, so we'll put them in a foot long tray. And I'm obsessed with this idea of restaurants being like, well, we need a dessert now, but it has to match the shape of our food because that's our only thing. Like I feel like Pizza Hut was trying to give away or sell like giant cookies for a while that were like basically the size shape of a pizza. And like, it's so weird like, well, I guess we want to do nachos. Let's make them foot long nachos. When really the size of the package or shape of the package has nothing to do. I told Genevieve they should have made those things with Sun Chips you want to make.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, you want to get. You. You want to, you want to lean into the existing branding.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Sun Chip. As we've said on the show, Subway is the reason that Sun Chips are still in business is because of the Doctor's Associates, AKA Subway business model. The. The. That's a. By the way, that sounds like a great topic and I would love to explore this more, but I haven't given it enough thought. But I love this idea of thinking about restaurant chains integrating a food that's not in their wheelhouse into the wheelhouse of their shape of food.

[Andrew Walsh]

I gotta say, that was last week's episode and it was really fun. If anybody's interested, because I'm tempted to go over my qu with you, but just listen to that one with Genevieve. I had made up some fake examples and some real examples and we will.

[Luke Burbank]

Not steal valor from after these messages. Oh, but where I thought you were going with this and you went to a much more interesting place is there's another commercial that's running during the baseball games now which is like, it's like they do this. I think it's Dominico's. I think it's Domino's. And they're doing something where they're like quizzing people about how much if. If they've always loved the Domino's struffed stuffed crust pizza as much as the leading, you know, the other leading stuffed crust. And then they reveal we've never had a stuffed crust before.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, no, I haven't seen.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a real kind of mind f for these poor people who are just trying to eat some free stuffed crust pizza. They're getting busted on their lie about the pre existing nature of stuffed crust. Ray Colon, Domino's like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like that garlic bread comedian that you sent me that we use as intro tape sometimes. He starts by saying, have you heard about the controversy over garlic, garlic bread? And when everybody applauds, he's like, no, you haven't. I. And I'm about to explain it to you.

[Luke Burbank]

That's basically what Domino's is doing, except they're going like, have you always. I'm paraphrasing was like, have you always liked our stuffed crust more than the leading whatever? And then. Or some question to that sort of end. And then they're like, but guess what? We've never done stuffed crust until now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Their ads are so bad. I have a friend. Well, our friend Tierra in Baltimore is always texting me. She's like, why does Domino's always just release commercials that say, we don't suck anymore? Like, stop that. We don't suck. Like, you've.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the noid is now their chief branding officer.

[Andrew Walsh]

And what if the noid was playing the long game? Okay, so Back to Melissa McCarthy here. Yes. So there is this commercial for Taco Bell. Again, I'd like to set up and say, like, I know that the actual plot is different. It's not like this person in this focus group is. Is trying to win money or whatever. It's actually kind of the opposite. But it is a focus group where people are taste testing Taco Bell's new nuggets. By the way, that's why this came up. Taco Bell also has a commercial. Well, that's the whole thing. There's a commercial with Jake John, speaking of famous voices, who's, like, kind of screaming at everybody on the screen, yes, we're a taco place, and yes, we can be a chicken place, too. And that's Jake Johnson, you know, from New Girl, and he was the voice.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, New Girl is a real blind spot for me. I know it's. It looms large in the culture for folks. I didn't ever watch it, but I know who you're talking about now. I can picture that person.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm just psyched I got the name of that show right. Because on the show yesterday, I described it as, you know, New Place. I mean, Good Girl. I mean, Good Place. I mean, New Girl. And I finally got there. Anyway, I don't think Jake Johnson does voiceover on this one. I can't remember. But picture a focus group of. I don't know. It's a relatively small focus group. People are trying these new or these newly revived Taco Bell nuggets. And then they say real people, not actors. And then there's an asterisk. I can't say that word very well.

[Luke Burbank]

Real people steal people.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. And then this shows an asterisk, and it shows one person who is not unlike Melissa McCarthy in her presentation, who is the. The nugget of Nelly instead of a negative Nelly. And they're like, these are all real people except for one person who we put in here. She's an actor, and she's gonna all over these things.

[Luke Burbank]

I have to say, negative Nelly is pretty.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's Kind of funny. So I sent you the link if you want to watch.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. I'm looking it up on I spot tv. Oh, I see. Oh, my friend, when you are right, you are right. I'm just seeing a like a sort of thumbnail of it. 100% Melissa McCarthy based, including the sweatshirt.

[Andrew Walsh]

And now check. Well, now check out the energy, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

So these are Taco Bell's new crispy chicken nuggets. What are we thinking? Anyone? Juicy? I really like it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Real people, not actors. Yeah, abomination. Except her.

[Luke Burbank]

So I think it tastes great. It's crispy. The sauce. Oh, my God, her laughter. I'm watching it, dude.

[Andrew Walsh]

I laughed because I thought it was a joke.

[Luke Burbank]

They should absolutely. Nugget of Nelly. Everyone loves Taco Bell's new they should pay the estate of Melissa McCarthy and.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ben Falcone, her husband, who runs a production company together.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe the backstory on that, my friends, is before the show, we were trying to remember. I could not remember the name Melissa McCarthy, but I could remember her very, very unknown husband, Ben Falcone. And that's the patriarchy for you, I guess.

[Andrew Walsh]

There you go.

[Luke Burbank]

But Melissa McCarthy at least is owed a lot of money from this commercial. It's very clear. The ad agency saw that. Somebody saw that sketch, that SNL sketch, and then just basically lifted it and made it a nugget of Nelly, which again, is a. Is a pretty funny, and I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

She does a pretty good job. You're gonna play this again? Somebody says something nice about it, and then she just starts laughing and there's an awkward pause and then she says, sorry, I thought you were joking. I like it. Oh, I like it. I laughed. Cause I thought it was a joke. Anyway, I think her performance is pretty good. I actually applaud the commercial, but I'm like, my God, this. This is like in that. That. That sketch you played from SNL is like probably 10 years old or something like that, at least.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, that really. I mean, there's no one convinced can convince me that that is. Those two things are unrelated. Like, that is. I mean, again, down to the sweatshirt. Like, she's wearing us. Like Melissa McCarthy's character is wearing a sweatshirt. That's very similar in the SNL sketch.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, down to the costume is Hidden Ranch, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Hidden Valley Ranch party. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just wanted to see the year. My guess is that was probably 2015. Let me see if I'm right. So did this just, like live in somebody. Oh, is 2014. So did that just live in somebody's brain this whole time. Like, at what point did they realize that they were dipping into something that was in their subconscious?

[Luke Burbank]

My guess is it was in somebody's deep back pocket. And they were very hungover on a particular morning and, and the boss turned to them in the, in the, in the sort of conference room and said, smith, what do you have? And they were like nugget of Nelly. Like they'd just been carrying that around for 10 years and they had to deploy it because they were in a, in a tight spot. And it worked. It got it, it got on television. I wonder also if we'll see more from that actor.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Is she in other things? Have you seen her in other things?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm not as good at that. You are really good at kind of. And Genevieve is really good, I think, at identifying. I really legit have a bit of face blindness, so it's a little bit hard for me to sometimes draw those lines. I'm always assuming somebody. I, I do both. I don't recognize people and I mistakenly think people are the same people all the time. So no, I haven't recognized her, but we should keep an eye out.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. That is my. I wish there was a way to monetize this because that is my one skill is recognizing people, like background people who have been in other commercials. Like, it's not very useful other than if I were to co host a advertising related podcast, say, or. Yeah, that's the only way I can think of it having any kind of monetary value.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And just so you know, there's zero monetary value after these messages. So it's actually, you know who else.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm getting zero monetary value from?

[Andrew Walsh]

Me.

[Luke Burbank]

Marina Time watch. Oh, did they get [e-mail]? they did.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really? And they shut you down.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, here's what they. I'm scrolling down.

[Andrew Walsh]

So while you scroll, you bought a watch on Instagram. It was a handsome watch. I noticed it from afar, like on this, on this zoom ish link we use. It was a handsome little watch. But you said yesterday, after not wearing it for too long, one of the little straps, one of the little belt buckles, if you will, broke off of it. The actual device that kept it on you, that kept the wristband working, broke on it and it stopped keeping time, which is one of the more.

[Luke Burbank]

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Exactly. So you wrote to some janky address to say, hey, this thing don't work.

[Luke Burbank]

I did. And as I said yesterday, I was coming. I was tempted to come in hot because I had been through a lot with this watch. The poor person on the other end of the line, they weren't aware of every single development. So I said, basically this watch. I told you, I took it. It's funny, now I'm looking at the photo, the side by side. This could actually maybe be the show pick today.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Because the other side is my Apple watch. It's also showing the podcast I was listening to, which was the Ezra Klein show. It's just. It's a. Yeah, right. It's. So it's basically this, this nice watch that I love. If we're to keep time. And then next to it, 14 unread text messages and abundance. And the left, which also sounds like a, A, a band from the. From that probably played at Woodstock. The original Woodstock.

[Andrew Walsh]

I get Ted Leo vibes.

[Luke Burbank]

But they opened for Joe Cocker. I, I sent this email that basically said, hey, this watch is not working, I want a refund. And the response was, hi, have you wound the watch for it to store sufficient energy in the springs already, as per. And I know you don't like that, Andrew, you changed my life on as per, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, right, right. It's just like per. Yes, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

We don't need as per, we just say per.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, well, that's definitely with usual. I don't think you have to say as per usual. It's either as usual or per usual in this case. I don't know. I'm all in my head about it.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, as per our return policy, we do not do refunds. However, we can send you a return slip and send you a replacement watch. However, please check that you have wound sufficient energy in the movement. Now, between you, me and the lamppost, Andrew, I did not know there was some amount of sufficient winding I had to do. I'll also mention it didn't come with an instruction manual.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait a second. So this is not a. What do you call a watch that takes a battery? I can't remember the term for that, but. So this is not a battery powered watch or it's a wind up.

[Luke Burbank]

I get this is the first time learning it might be a wind up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, well, that.

[Luke Burbank]

But it also doesn't like, like it. There was literally there were no instructions with the watch. But the problem is my response was I have wound the watch sufficiently per the instructions. I was just mad this morning.

[Andrew Walsh]

So you didn't. But the thing is, it's also the. Isn't the strap broken?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, the strap is also an issue.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think they call quartz Watches. Watches with a battery, I think. Right, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Because the battery use quartz.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think so I think this is going back to the air.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I do remember hearing about quartz watch. That battery watch.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. Because I like watching wind up watches and I had a couple of vintage watches, but they did end up kind of breaking. So Genevieve got me this one which looks okay, but it's not a. It's a quartz watch. It's not a wind up. But I love a wind up watch. But even if that was it, that's embarrassing for you. But if there's no strap, it's still a piece of junk. Like, you know, you can't wear it.

[Luke Burbank]

To get into the absolute weeds on this. I'll explain to you exactly what's wrong with the strap. The watch came. The watch face is green and it came with a green strap and I thought that was too much green. So when I bought the watch, I was able to buy a different colored strap from the same company for an extra $20 that was brown because I thought the brown and green would be a nice contrast.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's what I saw. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you saw it in that form. But the problem is the way that the band, again this is so complex, but the band, when it showed up, the replacement band, if you will, it had these like basically a little, kind of tubular little slot where you were going to put the arms of the watch face has these little metal things that go into this little slot and you tighten it all up and then it holds the watch band. The problem is the replacement watch band had this weird piece of metal in the slot that I needed to put these other things in. And in order to get that out, I had to wrench it out with some pliers. Therefore, kind of slightly, it kind of messed up the little area where the, where the, where the watch face is going to attach to the band of the watch, if that makes any sense. So they sent it to me in such a state that the only way to make it usable was to pull this thing out. And the only way to pull this thing out was to kind of slightly deform the little area. And so I feel like that is also on them because they should have just sent me a watch band that I could have just slotted in easily. That was not the case. Also, they didn't send me any tools. And let me tell you, Andrew, this is when I really knew my eyesight is not what it was. Not only were my glasses not enough, I needed to shine. I needed glasses and a light on the screw that I needed to loosen in order to take the existing watch band off, if that makes any sense. Like, it was, it was not simply an issue of not having the right glasses on. It was I needed to flood the zone with light to see what I was working with. Do you ever deal with that?

[Andrew Walsh]

All the time. So as you, you know, I've been wearing glasses my entire life, but they're always to see better in the distance, right? My, my, you know, close up vision has usually been fine until like, like they always say I hit my 40s and that started to diminish. And so I got these glasses, this is my second pair of glasses that are progressive lenses. So, you know, so like they are more powerful for reading if I like you know, kind of shift my eyes down. And the first pair I got, I swear it was not strong enough. The magnification and what I found myself doing constantly, especially when I was tired, was I would look at my phone. I was just, without thinking about it, constantly taking off my glasses and holding my phone like right up to my face, to the point where I was doing it so much, it was kind of like, remember a long, long, long time ago, you and I were sharing a hotel room while we were covering the primary in New Hampshire. And besides, my unfortunate Jon Huntsman was robbed. So were you asleep? Because of my snoring, if I understand it correctly. But also you thought it was funny the way I was like, like I would take off my glasses, I'd hold my phone right up to my face as I was like reading a book to go to sleep or whatever. A book on my phone while I was doing that constantly. The point where people around me were like, dude, are you okay? Like, you need to like get better glasses. You look. And like, I didn't even realize how I looked. I'd always like, take off my glasses, rub my eyes and like.

[Luke Burbank]

And Veev's never commented on it.

[Andrew Walsh]

She would, she'd be like, dude, like, get better glasses. Like, everybody was commenting on it. And I did it so much usually by myself that I didn't realize and I don't know, a while back, maybe a year ago, I was in this teriyaki shop that isn't too far from my house. And you know, it's the type of place you order at the counter. I had already placed my order. I'm sitting in a chair waiting for it, and this tall man comes in, a tall man, probably my age or maybe a little bit older. And he makes his order. And then the person behind the counter gives him a slip to sign, you know, his credit card receipt or whatever. And, and the table that he has to sign it on is, you know, he's standing and it's a table that's up to his waist or something. He bends over, he has this strange sort of physicality where he bends over at his waist. He doesn't crouch, he just bends into like a 90 or I guess a 45 degree angle so that his nose is almost touching the receipt. And first of all, like, I give him credit for like that physicality, like I couldn't bend like that. And he might have been a little bit taller than me. It was kind of an interesting look. But also just seeing how it looked when somebody can't see something until it's literally almost touching their nose. I think that inspired me to go get a stronger prescription. It was something. Anyway, sorry, back to your watch.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, just that like I am now in the position where I need both glasses and extra light to see these things. All this is to say that, you know, Marina time watch. I still feel like this was a. Even if even it was the case that I need to just wind it more. Also I'm now on their website. I'm trying to basically find the instruction for winding it because I've already responded hastily to them saying I've been winding it enough, which I don't think I have, but I don't want to break it. So you've had a watch that you wind. What do I do, Andrew? Coach me up on this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, some of them act a little bit differently because that, that thing that you pull out, I can't remember the name of crown on a stem. Yeah, the crown and the stem. You. Some you have to pull out to change the time. Then you push it back in and then you, then I think you us turn it clockwise to wind it. I think you just hold it until it feels like it's getting, you know, until you don't want to overdo it, but you'll, you should feel it tighten up after a while and then, you know, and then you can buy one of those things for your bedside table, which I don't think you'll do. And I wouldn't either. Where you can like kind of put, oh wait, is this a self winder at all? Is this the kind.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's the thing. I'm on there. I'm on their website and these are allegedly self winding. Except they're telling me, they're also telling me. Did you wind it enough?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm like, is it self winding or not? Marina time watch.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, that totally makes sense.

[Luke Burbank]

Gmail dot com.

[Andrew Walsh]

So this is. I mean, it's kind of cool that this is a windable watch. I thought it was a battery powered watch. I think this is way cooler.

[Luke Burbank]

I did too, until.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, but you wind it. You do need to wind it every now and then, especially if you're not wearing it. Self winding only means, like, when you wear it, right. You kind of feel it.

[Luke Burbank]

The movement of your arm kind of like charges up the. The springs.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. But if you're sleeping at night and it's sitting on your bedside table, it's gonna, you know, it's not getting that kind of sel winding when you hold it in your hand. This is one of my favorite things. And again, I had vintage watches probably like from the 60s or something, so I don't know if they still did it. But like, I love the feeling of taking off my watch but then holding it, like the actual watch part sort of between my fingers and thumb. And you could feel the device in there. If you sort of like gently sort of shook it around, you could sort of feel the device sort of like swinging itself around in there.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you ever do that? Interesting. No. But you started to say something about a device I could put on my nightstand.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

And is it like. Does it wind your watch in the middle of the night?

[Andrew Walsh]

It keeps your perpetually in motion.

[Luke Burbank]

What does it do?

[Andrew Walsh]

These are like, watch collectors have these things, and they're old school, I think, but they're for this technology.

[Luke Burbank]

Would it fit next to my CPAP with no straps?

[Andrew Walsh]

They should make a watch winder and CPAP machine all in one same demographic. But you could probably look it up while I'm talking here, Luke, but, like, look up bedside automatic watch, winder or something along those lines. I don't know why it has to be next to your bed. I don't know if you put it out in the garage, if it stops.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my gosh. This is.

[Andrew Walsh]

So you put the watch on it almost like around a little like perpetual motion machine.

[Luke Burbank]

How cool.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it moves it around.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, now I'm into this watch because there's one more thing I can buy.

[Andrew Walsh]

But now. But what about the strap? Can you get it to work?

[Luke Burbank]

That part I don't know yet, because I've reaffixed the strap. But I haven't tried to wear it out in the world because at the same time that I got the strap back on it was around the same time that it was starting to run slow, which again is a think because I'm not winding it enough. But so. So I think what I'll do is I'll try to wind it today, I'll start wearing it again and I'll update you and the listeners as to how it's going for the next couple of days. Because what I have found now being on the Marina Time Watch website is they are hardcore with the no returns. All of the FAQs are about returns and all of the answers are no.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it does. You can at least get it to the strap to work enough on your wrist. You can get it on your wrist. It's just not ideal.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, because it's kind of loose. The part of the watch band that attaches to the watch itself is kind of a little loose in the caboose. And I think I can't quite tell because I tightened it all back up with my eyeglass repair kit screwdriver. But again, I haven't really worn it since I did that because it was also running slow. So now that I know that I need to wind this, I'll set it to the right time, I'll wind it it a bunch and I'll try to wear it again and see if it. If the whole thing holds together.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I ask you a question about this website? Because now that I'm. I'm on, are you on their website? What are you saying on their website now? And like, these are vintage. They describe themselves as vintage watches, but they're recreations, right?

[Luke Burbank]

They're definitely not vintage.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, they say 1930s watches and they're listed as 1930s classic vintage divers watch. But like, don't you have to say like, like in the style of, like, why are they making it sound like these are literally vintage watches? I have a related question.

[Luke Burbank]

When you're listening to AM, 32% off. That's a weird number.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is a weird number. When you're listening to the AM radio and you hear a commercial like I've been hearing lately on 7, 10, ESPN or whatever they call themselves, and they say, have you heard a whole lot of 1840 coins have been discovered and we're selling them now. Like, is that just a total lie? Like, there has to be a kernel of truth in those pitches, right? Otherwise you're breaking FCC rules of advertising and broadcasting. But what is the kernel of truth? I've been seeing those cheap commercials on like uhf. Speaking of the intro tape today, since I was a kid, like, have you heard we just discovered a whole like, you know, whatever. What's the word they would use for like a whole bunch of these old coins and they can be yours. And I'm kind of like, well, where did you discover them? And did you just make them and discover them? Were they really from the 1800s?

[Luke Burbank]

It's really funny because for the amount of time that I spent working in conservative talk radio and also just listening to AM radio, I don't think I'm familiar with those particular ads.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh shoot, I wish I could find this.

[Luke Burbank]

But so it's like the idea is that a bunch like a Spanish galleon that was at the bottom, the bottom of the Pacific has been, has been raised like brought back to the surface. And they found a treasure chest of these rare coins which now they're going to sell to you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let me see now. I am. Well, this looks. Okay, this is the official Morgan Silver Dollar commercial. And it looks like it begins with the words just located. Whoa.

[Luke Burbank]

Just located original US Government Morgan Silver dollars. The most sought after coins in American history. Bulletin, 9:45am New York National Collector's Mint releases 3,000.

[Andrew Walsh]

They show a fake bank guard opening up a vault. First, a bunch of bags of money.

[Luke Burbank]

First of all, I'm already hearing some claims that cannot be substantiated, including the most sought after US Coin. According to whom?

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

How can you even say that? How can you say definitively it's the most sought after US Coin?

[Andrew Walsh]

This is amazing. I'm going to continue here.

[Luke Burbank]

Just located original US Government Morgan Silver dollars. The most sought after coins in American history. Bulletin, 9:45am New York National Collector's Mint releases 3,485 of the last surviving United States minted Morgan Silver dollars still in existence. Each coin is 95 to 138 years old. But condition is important. And all the US government Morgan Silver dollars in this release are guaranteed to be in brilliant uncirculated to fine condition. 320 million Morgan silver dollars were melted by the US government for both world wars. Millions more were melted by silver profiteers again and again as silver prices.

[Andrew Walsh]

Profiteers, Profiteers. I'd like to be a profiteer.

[Luke Burbank]

Lusitania steaming towards German U boats.

[Andrew Walsh]

Stop. Exactly. So anyway, you were kind of unfamiliar with that style of.

[Luke Burbank]

But I love it. That's so paid off. I mean, first of all, 100% bullshit, right? But. And also probably illegal, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I don't know though, like.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, first of all, how can you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Again, how can they make these claims? But also These air on TV commercial. You know, these air on TV stat. Like legitimate. They legitimately err. And I feel like there has to be some. They're obviously not as valuable as what they're saying, but. But there has to be a kernel of truth. Right? You're really going to get a coin that was made in the year that they say.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm guessing that yes, there's some, as you said, tiny asterisk that this is melted down from something that could be traced back to some other, you know, know, cash of something. But also like, I just, I just find that for some reason I'm really hung up on the statement of it being the most desired coin in American history. Because I feel like that's right. There is a statement that you can't support. If you wanted to go after these people, you know, you should hire that weird MAGA lawyer that they show all the time during the baseball games. Now. Are you familiar with this?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Yes. This mofo, he's a local guy, I think. Or is it just. I maybe, I don't know, I've never.

[Luke Burbank]

Seen him before this season. But it's basically like, like, it's like, do you want a lawyer who doesn't like trans bathrooms right now?

[Andrew Walsh]

He doesn't actually. That right. It's just all this so coded.

[Luke Burbank]

First of all, it's like, it's like angry veteran for you law. It's it's just wild because I, and I am wondering if that guy is. I don't feel like that person is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Seattle based because I feel like you're probably right.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's weird that they did this by on the Root Sports app and I'm guessing that they have this buy across other apps that are similar, you know, if they're not from Seattle or he just like this guy recently graduated law school and decided to really go hard with the extreme conservative kind of MAGA coded ads around getting you more money for your motorcycle accident.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like, oh, here it is. It's Warrior. I just, I actually, I have yesterday's game on and I'm only seeing a tiny little. They don't have a commercial here, but I'm seeing a little like kind of banner for it. And so if you want to look it up, It's Warrior injury law battle tested injured call 253-warrior.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a local number. Oh yeah, that's like a Tacoma number. So it might. That's in Kent. Maybe this guy has been. Maybe this guy is a local dude. I mean he's wearing An American flag tie in the ads where he's talking about warrior injury law battle tested.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, have you found any actual commercials? I wanted to see if we could play this thing, but I, I am only finding the. The name of it here. I'm not finding the actual ad.

[Luke Burbank]

There's actually there. There are more shirtless photos of the attorney during his time in the Marine Corps than you would expect.

[Andrew Walsh]

Seriously? On the website.

[Luke Burbank]

On a typical lawyer's website. Scott Hoy, take a note.

[Andrew Walsh]

Scott Hoy, lose that shirt. Shirt.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, man. You'll. You'll do more business. I'm. I'm a 253 warrior. Makes me think maybe this is, you know, maybe this is a local and it has like. It's like from the. It was a winner of the best of Kent business Awards. So yeah, I think this person is local.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess so. Yeah. Or like you're a local region.

[Luke Burbank]

Proudly veteran owned. He's. He's collected 1.1 million in wrongful death. Death payouts. He's collected 1 million in motor vehicle accidents. $425,000 in slip and fall. By the way, he's using the clippiest of clip art for the person who slipped and falled.

[Andrew Walsh]

Huh. Is it. It's like a illustration or.

[Luke Burbank]

It's an illustration. It's like a stick figure who's holding their knee which has pain radiating off of it. He's collected a $425,000 slip and feed all. He's collected $34,000 in dog bites. Oh, and he's collected $400,000 in bicycle accidents.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh my God. I'm scrolling through the website. He does. Oh, here. I think the commercial is. If you scroll down. Let me try playing this. I just like sound.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh my God.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was on the bus on my way home from the VA on a doctor's visit. The bus made a left turn and threw people and myself to the other side of the bus. And the scooter that I was on overturned. I began to hurt. And then I seek medical attention.

[Luke Burbank]

And that day it had thrown my.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is making me sad. I just want to hear.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. It's like I'm. I feel bad for the guy who had this, this, this kind of injury, but I also just. This whole thing is so weird to me. By the way, if you scroll. If you scroll down to. Again, I feel like this guy, either. Either Bill Belichick's girlfriend or this guy built this website.

[Andrew Walsh]

Jordan Hudson.

[Luke Burbank]

If you go down to battle tested attorney. So if you scroll beneath the Shirtless photos. You go down below the why choose us? And then there's a Discover More button, and then there's four boxes. And if you go to Battle Tested Attorneys, the clip art that he selected is an attorney person who's wearing their tie as a headband.

[Andrew Walsh]

What? For some reason, I sort of found that, but it's not. Oh, is it Discover More. Is that where I get this?

[Luke Burbank]

Look down and to the right from Discover More. Look where the word Battle Tested Attorneys is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but I. Oh, I see. It's the clip art. Yes. Yes. I thought it was clickable. Yes, it looks like. Is that like Rambo esque?

[Luke Burbank]

It's like Rambo attorney drawing.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is something.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like I need. I listen when. When you show up for. When you show up for a. What's the. What's the term for when you're being interviewed by attorneys?

[Andrew Walsh]

Deposed. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

When. When you're a deposition. When you. When you show up for the deposition and your attorney has a Rambo headband on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But is also wearing suit.

[Andrew Walsh]

You got a match.

[Luke Burbank]

The other side quakes in their boots and they immediately settle. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set, get set now.

[Luke Burbank]

Ready, ready, go, everybody.

[Andrew Walsh]

Razzle dazzle.

[Luke Burbank]

Since my slip and fall case is currently tied up in the courts, Andrew, I have to rely on this podcast as my primary source of income.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. In fact, yesterday a dazzling donor was one of our law tens. Right. Maybe it's good that we don't have the competition today with the battle.

[Luke Burbank]

Listen, take a note. Danny's et al. More Rambo headwear, please. When we show up for these depositions currently, they are far too committed to. What is it? Actual law practice and not enough theatrics. Well, absent our ship coming in regarding our. Our various lawsuits, we have to rely on the generosity, I wouldn't say of strangers, because we know these people. The generosity of the tens of listeners, and they're folks like Kevin Zentarski out there in Omaha, Nebraska.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thanks, Kevin. And by the way, Kevin, great job on the pronunciation help there, by the way. It was just. It's nothing. It's nothing flashy. It's nothing I need to share with the listeners. Just a very clear pronouncer on the name. And it's really hard to. I think people don't realize how hard it is to write a clear pronouncer until they're up against it, because Everyone.

[Luke Burbank]

Has their own phonetic. Because I've noticed this a lot when I'm doing Livewire, and maybe somebody who's writing out an intro for someone will try to put in a pronouncer. And oftentimes it's like, I know where you're going with this. This isn't how my brain sees these phonics. So Zintarski. It's easy. Zinn, like Howard. Tar, like the movie that Cate Blanchett was nominated for an Oscar in. And ski like the ball thing that I used to do down the shore in New Jersey when I was a kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right, exactly. You could have said tar, like the substance too, but I liked yours better.

[Luke Burbank]

Honestly, I'm going more with the thing that's the movie that starts with Adam Gopnik from the New Yorker interviewing her.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't even know this movie. I've never heard of it.

[Luke Burbank]

Tar is. It's actually a very, very good film. Cate Blanchett is a. Is a orchestra director and a very interesting, complicated figure. She's amazing in it. Kevin says, hey, just wanted to thank you for another year of imaginary friendship. And I'm looking forward to more in 2026 because I'm submitting this late and I'm having trouble thinking of something effortlessly witty. I thought I would lean towards educational and just share some quick fun facts about Nebraska. Kool Aid was invented in hastings, Nebraska, in 1927 by chemist Edward Perkins.

[Andrew Walsh]

Edwin. Oh, yeah, sorry, you said Edward, but yeah, Edwin, I stepped on your.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, but you know, you, you know, like immediately what that. Oh, yeah is a reference to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, yeah. Okay. Busting through the wall.

[Luke Burbank]

This, though, Andrew, brings me to a particular hobby horse that I'm rocking upon these days, which is that show. The, the. The. It's called the Studio. Right, the one with Seth Rogen in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, you. I have not seen it, but you were telling me about it. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So I'm, I've only gotten like three episodes in, so I need to watch the rest of us before I totally roast them on this. But the plot of that, of that show is that Seth Rogen has become the head of this studio and he wants to be making, you know, film films, but instead he is stuck making some kind of a Kool Aid related movie because his boss, played by Bryan Cranston, by the way. So the, the person who owns the studio, I guess, has secured the, you know, the, the, the.

[Andrew Walsh]

The.

[Luke Burbank]

Whatever. The nil deal with Kool Aid. Now the problem is he also wants to. Seth Rogen's character wants to make a movie with. With Martin Scorsese. And the whole thing is Martin Scorsese shows up with this script, which is about Jonestown. It's about the Jonestown cult, the Jim Jones cult. And the dramatic tension of this is that basically, they have to kill this Martin Scorsese movie because it. It puts Kool Aid in a bad light, because the Jonestown people famously drank Kool Aid to kill themselves. Except for the fact that it wasn't Kool Aid.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I was just looking up as you said that. I was like.

[Luke Burbank]

And they never.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think it was actually Kool Aid. That's wasn't Kool Aid.

[Luke Burbank]

So the entire.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was Flavor Aid.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. And that's something that people who know anything about mass cult deaths know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And if you want to use that phrase, like drinking the Kool Aid or whatever, that's how it's been accepted and adapted in society, that's fine. But to make this a plot point and to not realize that you're talking about the wrong brand, like, I thought.

[Luke Burbank]

It was gonna be. I thought it was gonna be. They're out. And maybe it will be at the end. Again, I haven't watched the whole season. Maybe at the end. This is. Because basically what's happening is Bryan Cranston is like, you're not gonna. You're not gonna make that movie with Scorsese where a bunch of people die from drinking Kool Aid when we're about to make the Kool Aid movie, and it's like, are we just going to elide the fact that it wasn't Kool Aid? Are you gonna just assume that we, the viewers, have done so little Googling on this topic that we just buy that it was Kool Aid? Because it wasn't.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, that's such a. Yeah. I mean, gosh. Yeah. I mean, I hope that.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you for sharing my umbrage on this.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, because, I mean, that's. That's the whole. Like I say, if somebody wants to go around and just casually refer to as Kool Aid, we've accepted that in. But, like, if you're making this the main plot point of the show, and again, maybe that's gonna come out, but it doesn't sound like this is a big reveal, because it's. It's. I mean, would you say that's common knowledge? Like, I knew it. As soon as you started talking, I'm like, well, it wasn't really Kool Aid.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's semi common knowledge. And also it could have been. Of course, my critique of this show was that in the first episode there is this expositional moment that felt very shoehorned in little clunky key. But that being said, you could have fixed this whole problem by just having a 20 second conversation where someone says, well, it wasn't Kool Aid. Okay. But no one knows that. Yeah. And now you're back on. Now you're back on track with the plot.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Just like have somebody in the universe acknowledge the reality. I'm with you on that. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And again, it may. It's possible this is acknowledged later on in the show and I just haven't gotten there yet. But as far as three episodes go, no one has mentioned that it wasn't Kool Aid at Jonestown. And that is really, really bothering me. And I believe Kevin Zentarski of Omaha, Nebraska, which is not far from Hastings, Nebraska, where Kool Aid was invented.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I guess like Kevin. See, I don't know if Kevin is proud of this fact, but I would be, certainly. And also, like, I would feel a little protective of Kool Aid. Like, Kool Aid really got a bad rap.

[Luke Burbank]

Wacky wild. Yeah, that's. You know what, that's also, that's a really interesting point. I hadn't thought about that. Like, like you've got to have a pretty strong brand to survive being the drink that killed like 50 people.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Or at least erroneously reported as.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. Like, you know, conceived to be or perceived to be the drink that killed a bunch of people. Yeah, like, that is a real reputational hit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

And, and again, incorrect. But like the fact that you and I, when we were watching after school cartoons in the 80s, were seeing the Kool Aid man busting through walls like they were. It was un. Relatively undiminished by being the thing that killed a bunch of people. Again, incorrectly. So that just speaks to the invention of Edwin Perkins of Hastings, Nebraska.

[Andrew Walsh]

What do you think the Flavor Aid guy does? He goes, hey, heck yeah. Or I'm trying to figure out what the flavor.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, he's like more sarcastic. He's a little bit more.

[Luke Burbank]

And by the way, like, cut to Flavor Aid guy gingerly walking away from the news story of Jonestown.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Like the news, like, you know, it's like Connie Chung dateline, French Guiana. 100 people in a doomsday cult died after drinking Kool Aid and flavored guys. Like, no follow up questions, please.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm picturing that in cartoon form. Which reminds me I really. I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but yesterday, while puttering around the house, I thought of a Far side cartoon. So, you know, I have that far. I mean, I didn't just think of one. I mean, I came up with my own, but it has to be in Far side style. I've been, you know, I have that page a Day calendar now that I love. And I also signed up for a Far side subreddit. So I guess it's been, like, working on my subconscious a lot. I've just been getting a lot of Far side. And when you start, like, consuming a lot of Far side, you know, there's a real. It's hard to say rhythm of it because it's a one, you know, panel cartoon, but there's a tone, whatever, that sort of kind of gets in your head. And I don't. I think I. You know what I was doing? I think I was putting away dishes. I was drying dishes and putting them away, and I put a fork away, and I thought about the fork, and I thought, you know, I could totally see a Far side cartoon where you see a fork using the restroom. And written on the wall, it says, for a good tine call and then, like, have a number there. And I was like, I'm not saying it's the funniest thing in the world, but neither is every single Far side cartoon. And I could totally. I can see how Larson would draw the fork. I can picture it fully formed.

[Luke Burbank]

I love that joke. I think that's a very solid joke. I also wonder, are we the last generation of people who saw writing in bathroom stalls that said things like, for a good time? Well, is that happening anymore? Am I just not going in grungy enough bathroom stalls?

[Andrew Walsh]

There's plenty of grungy graffiti and dive bars, but you're right, it's not usually associated with, like, call this number.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I feel like that was, you know, I was making that Kolegard joke about, like, meet me at the baseball field or whatever, which was, you know, based on my own lived experience of like. Like, doing sports as a kid. And oftentimes when you would go into the, like, the bathroom at the public field, there would definitely be some writing in there, and it would involve literal phone numbers. Again, maybe I'm just not peeing at enough sports fields anymore. But are people. Has the, like, cellular technology of the. Or the facetime of the world or the Internet? Has the Internet basically killed the business model of for a good time, call maybe?

[Andrew Walsh]

And there might be other Cultural, like, kind of shifts that we don't have to get into here. But, like, anymore, people hate good times. Like some sexual behaviors. Not being pushed as far.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Around me, definitely not having that market. Yeah, exactly. So there are other ways to have hookups these days, I think. And also there's, like, kind of, you know, less so I guess there are more ways to meet people than having to do it, like, in such a indirect and, like, kind of shame manner.

[Luke Burbank]

Scattershot approach.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

I will write my phone number inside this bathroom stall and I will just. I'll answer the phone when somebody calls and we'll figure it out from there. This is exactly how Kevin. This is exactly how Kevin, his wife and their kid and their dog were all hoping this would go.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, Kevin says peace and love from the no Coast. I believe that's how they talk about Nebraska. Signed Kevin, Melissa Hammer and Hank and Divot, the pod dog.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, nice.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, by the way, Kevin also said, hopefully this provides a little enjoyment for everyone or helps someone seal the win at a trivia night.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So if you're playing trivia and the question of Kool Aid comes up and where it was invented, just remember Hastings, Nebraska.

[Andrew Walsh]

And if a question comes up about, like, what was used at Jonestown, you know, from us, that's a double. That's a double trivia that you just learned on tbtla.

[Luke Burbank]

And if you are all the way through the studio and they actually address this, hit me up so I'll stop embarrassing myself in public.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you really want it spoiled?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. The problem is right now, I am far too immersed in work stuff to have good recreational TV time. And as I was talking about with, like, severance and things like that, if enough time goes by and I haven't watched something, it just kind of molders. And I don't mean that in Next Files way. I just mean it. I kind of forget to go back to it. So, yeah, I feel like the studio is kind of hanging by a thread for me. I may watch the rest of it. I also may not. And then. So don't worry about spoiling it for me, is what I'm trying to say.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it Kobe Smulders? Is that who I'm thinking of? Isn't that somebody from.

[Luke Burbank]

That is an actor.

[Andrew Walsh]

Kobe.

[Luke Burbank]

Kobe Smulders, Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Came up with me and Genevieve recently because she was in Stumptown. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

The show where everybody was in Stumptown, famously.

[Andrew Walsh]

The show where everybody casually refers to Portland as Stumptown in the most unnatural way possible.

[Luke Burbank]

We've considered changing the name of Livewire to Stumptown just to try to connect with the branding of the city. Maestro, on your mark. On your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set, get set now. Ready, ready.

[Luke Burbank]

Go.

[Andrew Walsh]

Everybody rattle dazzle.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, if it isn't Katie Bracken. Katie pronounced madams and moon swas. That's interesting. That's how Katie's brain hears that. Chris. What's his name? T tape.

[Andrew Walsh]

Chris Pratt.

[Luke Burbank]

Chris Pratt. Andy from Parks and Rec. Let's play this. Nope, that's the wrong one. Let's see. I have this because of my terrible file management. Andrew. Let's see. I'm trying to remember. I think it's called announcement, which is the dumbest thing to call this. Yes, big announcement. Let's see Everybody. Madams and Ms. Ms. Waz, Ms. Wa. Katie is in Tacoma, Washington, says Ahoy Hoy. Hello dummies. Thank you for the opportunity to share my gratitude and send you fellas and the beautiful community of tens love and light. I've experienced a challenging, a challenging, extremely difficult year since my last confession. I mean my last dazzling donut message. I feel like this is. Is. This is a theme that is emerging and I think some of it is just the world at large and some of it's just, you know, life and some of it's just what our listeners have been going through. But I know a lot of our listeners and supporters have been through a lot recently and sad to hear, Katie, that you were one of them, but hope you're doing a little bit better. Now. I usually like to use this time to offer an encouraging, uplifting message, but today I just want to express my gratitude for this community, the show, Luke and Andrew. I do not know what I would do if I did not have all of you to keep me grounded and remind me that there are still good people out there who truly do care about fellow humans. I'm submitting this in February and I have no idea what the state of our world will be when this is read. Pretty much the same. Would you say worse? The New York Times really needs to work on its frickin push notification headline writing. Andrew, what's.

[Andrew Walsh]

What'd you say?

[Luke Burbank]

I just find this for some reason and I know, I don't mean to be mad at the messenger, but it's like breaking news. The Supreme Court appeared to open. The Supreme Court appeared open to allowing Oklahoma to use government money to run the nation's first religious charter school. It's like, first of all, no shit, Sherlock. Of course this court went with that, but like, something about the dispassionate way that that's described. Like, the U.S. supreme Court appeared open to completely, you know, upending the entire public school model that we've used for, you know, centuries here. I know. There's just something about when the New York Times write something that's just like the Supreme Court. And by that, by which I mean the majority doing a massive fu to all of us, and they just write about it like Supreme Court appears poised to do it. I don't know why that makes me mad, but it just does.

[Andrew Walsh]

Subway, a traditional sandwich that tends to be 1 foot long.

[Luke Burbank]

Subway introduces foot long nachos.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you know why I'm bringing that up, though? That was something that bugged you about the New York Times. Like, I mean, like, they were basically.

[Luke Burbank]

Trying to tell us what Subway was.

[Andrew Walsh]

There was just one line. There was some story about sandwiches. And I think they took a moment. I think I actually messed up my little dumb joke there. I think they said a sub sandwich named after. Or they did some exponation event. I do remember this. And it got in your cross so bad. You. You're like, we know on first reference, Gray lady. What a submarine. Sandwiches.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I do remember that.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I can't go with you on that. I mean, listen, we need straightforward, you know, detached headlines from some sources, and I count on the New York Times for that. And there's plenty of opinion journalism out there.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. No, I mean, I agree with you. It's. This is not really the New York Times's fault. My point is to Katie's. To Katie's message. We're all kind of hanging by a thread. Yep. Sometimes we lash out at the ones we love.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Like the New York Times. I am submitting this in February and I have no idea what the state of our world will be when this is read. But let's keep the faith, keep the fight. And I will try to keep love and light going on my insta. Oh, this is thankful nurse Ankful. Nurse Katie. I follow Katie on Instagram.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, nice.

[Luke Burbank]

And I find Katie's thankful nurse posts to be very encouraged. Love, strength and peace to you all. Signed Katie and Tacoma. Well, right back at you, Katie. Appreciate you. Thank you for supporting the show and thank you for keeping the faith. Sometimes I'm not doing a good job of that, like you just heard. So glad you are.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. We were talking the other day about. About this issue that happened, this event where this kid named Jax Ulbricht apparently stole a phone number off of his dad's iPad. And by the way, I didn't realize this until you described this on the show, Andrew, but of course, this is how they would do it. They assign everyone a phone number. It's not. I thought this was Chadour Sanders actual cell phone number, but of course it's not. It's like a phone that he's been given or with a number, or it's a number that's been assigned routed to his phone that is specifically for teams to call him to tell him, we're going to pick you next.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. This isn't just his personal phone number. Like, this is all coordinated and then, you know, kept under guard. Right. Like, the NFL has set all this up for draft day. These are like the special numbers. You know, I almost think of it as like. Like you probably used to set up special phone numbers for NPR election coverage. Remember, you'd have to go to the phone company and actually get. Get phone numbers. You remember that at all? Yes, that was kind of a whole process. But anyway, yeah, so this was like a pretty. You know, there's a very guarded, gated sort of ordeal.

[Luke Burbank]

And so this. This kid who's, I think maybe 20 or 21, apparently his dad's. I. His dad is a coordinator for the Atlanta Falcons. He's a defensive coordinator, which also, by the way, Shador Sanders is a quarterback. Why does the defensive coordinator for the Falcons need Shador Sanders is not number. Is he going to be the guy to make the call?

[Andrew Walsh]

Good point. Yeah. He was the. This isn't relevant, but I think also wasn't he, like, the former interim coach of, like, the jets or something like that?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

I think John Scaroff is our official Jeff Ulrich expert. He was sending us things. I think Ulrich was a linebacker for the 49ers, according to John.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah. And is that because John used to be a Jets fan?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know the answer.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think he's rejected the NFL these days. But yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, so basically this kid finds this phone number on his dad's iPad, writes it down again, premeditation, and then calls Shadour Sanders and pretends to be the general manager of the. Mickey Loomis, the general manager of the New Orleans Saints, which is one of the teams that was being, you know, sort of bandied about as a team that might draft this Shador Sanders kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

And was the one that the Sanders family said that they would accept because there's a little bit of controversy, too, about them saying like, early on, like, we won't go to the Browns or whatever, which really, as a draft, you don't have a lot of choice there. But that was something that sort of rankled people, was apparently Shador and his dad, Dion, had sort of already like, kind of publicly said what teams he was willing to go to.

[Luke Burbank]

And I think he said we might pull an Eli.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, yes, I believe that's exactly right.

[Luke Burbank]

Because, like, Eli Manning did not go to whatever team was that wanted him, and he orchestrated a trade to the Giants.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So the NFL figured out, you know, where the call came from and figured out that it was somehow they traced it back to this guy, Jeff Ulbricht, which again, to me, that tells me that he is still paying the cell phone bill on his son's cell phone, because otherwise how would they. How would they figure out it was him?

[Andrew Walsh]

Huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Because it's like they star 69 the number who called Shadour Sanders, and then they get this number. They get presumably a cell phone number. Right. And the cell phone number is this kid. How do they know that? Who's this kid? Who this kid's dad is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but that would also. Then if it's only the dad who knows the number, then the dad self reports it. The coach self reports it.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe. I mean, I. My guess is that every team had this number, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, the number that was called.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, the number that was called the Shador Sanders hotline. Every team had it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

In case they needed to call him. And. But. But again, I feel like. Well, that's neither here nor there. This is the part of the article, Andrew, that jumped out at me days after Sanders. By the way, this is from the New York Times. This is a Diana Rossini and Kale Clinton writing days after Sanders received a prank call from an unknown phone number on the second night of the draft. Ulbricht's son Jax admitted to being the one who obtained and shared the number of Sanders's private draft phone. Sanders received the phone Thursday and only shared the number with the NFL and teams, which prompted an investigation from the league. In a video that was shared on various social media platforms, Jax can be. Jax can be seen next to the person who made the call to Sanders.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it wasn't actually Jax didn't make the call.

[Luke Burbank]

Jax was not the person pretending to be Mickey Loomis.

[Andrew Walsh]

I had heard that there was some social media aspect of it that these kids were maybe potentially, again, kids. These young adults were trying to make a social media splash with this prank, jerky boys style But I had never. Jerky followed up on that. Hey, Jerky. Hey, dad. Hey, dad. Jerky. You said dad. But anyway. Yeah, so it was. Were they filming themselves on purpose? Hope they were.

[Luke Burbank]

I haven't seen the film of them, but they were apparently filming themselves. And here's the thing. Jax is not the one who made the call.

[Andrew Walsh]

Interesting. But Jax is still responsible. It's still.

[Luke Burbank]

She is responsible.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. But I still. I just feel like there's another. I assume. What do we think the other kid's name is? It's probably a derivation of Jack's. Right around the same age. They both come from upper middle class white families. His name is probably Benson or something. Who knows. The other thing is they have fined Jeff Ulbricht $100,000, which is not nothing.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, it's not nothing. What does he make? I'm gonna look at this.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, he's. He is the defensive coordinator for the Atlanta Falcons. I bet he makes in the million millions.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It says he's making 1.6 mil in 20. Okay, but that's.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a 16th of his income.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that says a sixth of his salary. It says here. Oh, so. Or I'm sorry, six. I'm sorry, my apologies. That's very factually incorrect. That is 6% of his salary. Huge difference. My apologies.

[Luke Burbank]

But still a lot.

[Andrew Walsh]

But still a lot of money.

[Luke Burbank]

After taxes, you're probably making 800,000, which again is a lot of money, but now you take 100,000 off of that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, how does this to play players and coaches, though, a lot. Right? Like, you celebrate too much. You spike the ball through the uprights or whatever, and suddenly players a lot.

[Luke Burbank]

Who are making typically. I feel like it's usually associated with. First of all, you have to be good enough to be on the field to have dunked the football over the upright. And that means if you caught a touchdown and then you dunked it like you shouldn't have, you're probably making north of $5 million a season, is my theory. And it, you know, it sucks to lose that money and get fined. But like, this is. This strikes me as a not insignificant amount of money for this guy. That, like, we all did things as kids. We threw a rock and busted a window or whatever, you know, we did something that got us in trouble with our parents. And maybe our parents had to make it right. This feels like, I mean, if I'm Jax Ulrich, am I. There's not enough lawns to be mowed. How are you working off this 100k he's 21.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's, he's not Dennis the Menace. I really feel like, oh, he's a menace.

[Luke Burbank]

He just cost his dad $100,000.

[Andrew Walsh]

Jack's the Menace. One of my favorite cartoons.

[Luke Burbank]

Rip I Jay north did just pass away, the kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Yes. I, I'm not, I'm not shocked by this. Like the, the NFL had to send a message. I think you mentioned to me on this show, that was sort of an aside in these articles that this, this isn't the only time this has happened. Like pranks have happened on draft day before, similar to this, but it's just never been to such a high profile person. And so I didn't realize that. But this time it was hugely high profile, not just because of who it was, but also because of who it was amongst this huge narrative about how far he slipped. Like all of the energy around the draft was about this guy who's not getting picked. And I don't follow these things closely, but it seemed pretty unprecedented as far as I kind of tone and narrative of this year's draft. Huge, huge, huge story. This prank becomes a part of it. The NFL has to send a message that says like, you are responsible when we send out these numbers. You have to protect these numbers. You can't have people just willy nilly pranking, you know, these, these future NFL stars or hopefuls.

[Luke Burbank]

It's basically, this is a penalty for not password protecting your IP iPad.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

Which also I have to say in a weird, very roundabout way, I think this is a strong character reference on Jeff Ulbricht that he doesn't need to password protect his iPad. There's nothing shady doing on that iPad.

[Andrew Walsh]

But here, here's the thing that there's.

[Luke Burbank]

Something you'll never get into any of my phones. Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know both of your passwords.

[Luke Burbank]

I got a lot of dark, terrible secrets.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know both of your. I, I, yeah, there's something about this that seems so.

[Luke Burbank]

If you have a.

[Andrew Walsh]

Phone or a tablet, which are essentially the same devices, only once bigger. Right. You can even go in between and say a tablet. But it's not like you have to jump through hoops to password protect these things or at least even have facial recognition. I have, what is an iPad equivalent is some sort of a Samsung device out there. And I mostly just use it as a secondary screen when I'm podcasting with video thieves or it's what I can keep score with my darts on. Right. That's essentially its two purposes.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that where dartbot Lives.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is where Dartbot lives. He lives inside there. But I don't need to password protect that. I don't have shit on that thing. That is one of the most expensive dart scores. Actually, the more I think about it.

[Luke Burbank]

Your real email's not on there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, no, that is true. I have email. It's a Google device. So it does tie into all of my Google stuff. So. So yes, if I left this unlocked at a coffee shop and somebody had, you know, ill intentions, yes, they could get me. But the thing is, it doesn't leave my house. It moves from two different places by the dartboard. And then every Tuesday for after these messages, it comes in here for about an hour and a half and it goes back out there. That's it. It's wearing a hole in the floor. Just those two places. Like there is no risk to me at all. I don't have to have this thing password protected, but it just is because it comes that way and I think it came that way. When I first got it, it was like, do you want to use your face to unlock this thing? I'm like, yeah, fine, just look at my face and unlock it. And that's usually how it unlocks. If that doesn't quite work, then I punch in like a, you know, a four number key code or whatever. Like I just feel like this is the narrative that this and I don't have an alternate narrative. I'm not like going like, I'm not super like suspicious or have some sort of paranoid fantasy about this, but there just might be a little bit more to it than. Well, it was on my dad's iPad, which was open. Like I sort of feel like these things automatically just lock themselves up after five minutes of non use anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you my friend, have zeroed in on something that the sports writer Jeff Pearlman has also zeroed in on. Who's a Good follow on TikTok, by the way. He was a Sports Illustrated writer for years and has written a number of really, really good sports books. He actually wrote the book that the, the, the show Winning Time was based on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, sure, yeah. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And he, yeah, yeah, his theory, he basically thinks that the dad was in on this.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like there's something missing as.

[Luke Burbank]

Like basically to your point that like, yeah, these things that the default setting is that they tend to lock themselves up and Jeff Perlman's, who by the way is also. He's on the right side of a lot of stuff. He's a person who is, I would say, politically aligned with Us, et cetera. But his. So he's sort of anti. Some of the toxic masculinity of these pro sports. And his point is basically like, this could be somebody trying to kind of own the Sanders family. That is, this could be the dad, Jeff Ulrich Ulbricht, being kind of like, let's put Shadour Sanders, quote unquote, in his place. That's his theory.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or at least. Yeah, return even.

[Luke Burbank]

Just kind of mess with him a.

[Andrew Walsh]

Little bit or even at least turn a blind eye. Or at least maybe not come up with the idea, but he had a feeling that, oh, here comes old Jax the Menace. I know what he's going to probably do.

[Luke Burbank]

Show title.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I think it's got to be right.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Yeah. So you. You are not alone in that theory that there's more to this story than we're hearing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email.

[Luke Burbank]

Every week.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hope that it's from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right.

[Luke Burbank]

Emails or V. Mills, sir.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Speaking of conspiracies, which, by the way, I don't know if you noticed, that was a word I was trying to conjure a moment ago and couldn't quite think of. I don't know if you could see me dancing around that. But speaking of conspiracy, I don't know if I was maybe taking one of your stories that you related to me a little bit too literally. This is the fella who runs the Mustard Museum and Hall of Fame. I want to. Is it a Mustard hall of Fame?

[Luke Burbank]

It's the Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's no hall of Fame situation. I think I was just thinking that because of Gorman Thomas. Yes, exactly. Is he in the hall of Fame? Is he in the Mustard hall of Fame? Of Fame.

[Luke Burbank]

Definitely in the Mustard hall of Fame. I don't think he's in the MLB hall of Fame.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. Because we were joking around. He's the first designated hitter to make it into the Mustard hall of Fame. I believe he might. He.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't. And I also don't know if he's in the hall of Lame or the hall of Shame, which was a thing that Peter Williams and I that we. We curated, which was basically baseball cards where we thought that the. There was Don Russ. I think it was Don Russ. Don Russ had this thing called the. Like. I forget exactly what it was called, but it was basically these oil paintings of the players.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, they most certainly did. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And they were very bad. I think we talked about this on the show before, and they did no favors to these poor people. All they had done was be really good at baseball. And their reward, if you were Lou Whitaker of the Detroit Tigers, was to have one of the worst paintings of you ever reproduced. And so we called it the hall of Shame or the hall of Lame. And we got really into trying to collect the worst oil painting baseball cards.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was it donors? Because I'm looking this up now.

[Luke Burbank]

Might not have been what they were called.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe it wasn't Donrus. Oh, wait, no, here it is. Yes, it is. Yeah, they were the Diamond Kings. That's what they were, the Diamond Kings. And was that Donrus? It most certainly was Don. I'm looking at Bo Jackson right now, and it's not like brutal paintings not doing them a lot of favors. Anyway, the person who founded this and runs this Mustard Museum. And you can break in here if you need to correct me on something, but he was talking about how he got. Got the idea for it. Right. And he had. Did he just lose a case as a lawyer or something? And he had had some sort of.

[Luke Burbank]

He actually won a case. He argued in front of the United States Supreme Court. Although to be honest with you, I don't know if we 100% support. He was holding up the government's side regarding Fourth Amendment question regarding reasonable search and seizure. And I believe he was arguing on behalf of the government that it was reasonable that they searched this guy's vehicle or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

All Mustards are bastards situation, although a mab.

[Luke Burbank]

Although that would be a pretty sick show title as well. I actually think it was gun related. And so I kind of am okay with him. In other words, like, it was like this guy was a felon with a gun. Nobody. Nobody asked for this. I believe the case had to do with somebody who was a felon and therefore was not supposed to have a gun, but had a gun in their car, but thought that it was. It was. They should not have been able. The police should not have been able to search his vehicle, thereby finding the gun, which got him in trouble. But I don't really feel good about felons having guns.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, that's exactly what our listener wants to talk about is the Hunter Biden stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, exactly. But. But her emails.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. This has nothing to do with Hunter Biden. So I had. I had to throw that out there. Okay. But all of that is to say. And again, I think that this guy maybe wasn't saying this literally, but he was telling the story of after a trial being filled with a lot of Emotion. And then, like, kind of going to a grocery store to do it.

[Luke Burbank]

After the Boston Red Sox lost the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay. There it was. I knew that something bad had happened.

[Luke Burbank]

And he was in a Bill Buckner had allowed a ball to go through his wickets. And this sent our guy, allegedly. Allegedly into a tailspin.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that's why. Because I had a feeling he was in, like, kind of a low place. Not a high place after winning a trial, but. Or a court appearance. But, like, yeah, so he's feeling low after this. After this Red Sox disaster, and he's wandering around a grocery store to decompress. Not unlike me. I would totally do that. I find that very relatable. But then he says that he's looking at the mustard aisle, and then. What was the quote, Luke? Something like. Like, he thought, if I build it, they will come.

[Luke Burbank]

Essentially that I think he was like, if you collect them, they will come.

[Andrew Walsh]

Something along those lines.

[Luke Burbank]

And they did.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that is how he ended up coming up with this idea of creating a mustard museum, to which Steve says this.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, my name is Steve. I'm from Port Orchard, but right now.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm driving between Memphis and St. Louis. I went and saw Elvis's house today.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, that's an aside. Been there. I just wanted to comment that if he had that moment. The guy that likes the mustard, Barry Levinson. Yes. If he went wandering around in 1986 looking for mustard, there's no way. He said, if they build it, he will come. Because that comes from the movie Field of Dreams, and that movie didn't come.

[Andrew Walsh]

Out for another two or three years. Sharpshooting.

[Luke Burbank]

Awesome.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. I love the specificity of where you're calling in from. Calling in from your car phone is.

[Luke Burbank]

We say, having recently left Tupelo, Mississippi, which is where Elvis's childhood home is. I. You know, Andrew, I visited that after I left you in Mississippi, after we did the. Remember, we did the road trip down there. And then I had to head up to, like, Illinois to do a monster truck story. So I bounced from Mississippi, and on my way north, I was like, oh, next stop, Elvis's childhood home, Tupelo, Miss, Mississippi.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what? This is not. Oh, my God, this isn't even good conversation that I'm about to engage in. I would be embarrassed bringing this up with you over coffee, Luke, let alone into a microphone. But this is the world we live in. And I'm going to continue this thought.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's funny how my brain can really latch onto very specific sort of memories Especially when they're sort of odd, you know, they stand out from your normal day to day day, yet also be so wrong. And this is what makes me nervous about doing this show is so much of it is like me chatting about things that have happened to me in my life or things that I've done in my life and then realizing, wait a second, that that timeline doesn't add up a la Field of Dreams there. Because I remember the airport that I flew out of in Mississippi because we were visiting listener Jamie, and I can't remember what the nearest airport was, but it was potentially the smallest regional airport I ever flew out of. It was so tiny. I remember having, like, various emotions after such a long, kind of arduous or adventurous, at least road trip. We were literally hitchhiking a few days earlier. Right. Like getting out of my comfort zone. And I remember that airport I feel like, so well, but I'm just now realizing that you weren't there with me. I would have sworn that you were there, that we had traded notes on that airport, but you would have never. You don't even know what the airport looks like. You did not.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I'm looking at photos of it. You're probably talking about the Columbia Marion County Airport, maybe. It was tiny in Marion County, Mississippi, and I'm getting eyes on it. I love those kinds of airports, by the way. There's one in Bentonville, Arkansas called, like, I think it's called xna. Same thing. It's like maybe two, like jetways or something. And it's just. It's so much better than the, the. The hustle and bustle of like an lax. But, yeah, I was not with. You weren't and flying out, because I was. And you know, when I got a speeding ticket in. In a town like in southern southern Illinois, and it really jacked up my insurance rates. Honestly, like, it was so annoying because I was like, why is my insurance going up? And then I was calling around. I was probably talking to Kevin O'Brien and it was like, well, you got a speeding ticket in, like, Mound, Illinois.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was just.

[Luke Burbank]

It was a classic speed trap. You know what I mean? I'm velocitized. I've just been driving this rental car for hours and hours and hours. Oh, you know what I was listening to? Out of Towner, out of town plates. You know what I was listening to was in the Dark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[Luke Burbank]

The great podcast from apm. And it was the one that involved a guy in Mississippi who had been tried five times for the same Murder and had had five mistrials.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And the prosecutor kept going back at him. So I'm driving through Mississippi, listening to this, what sounds like a real miscarriage of justice based in Mississippi. And then I get pulled over by the lawman. Granted, I was in Illinois at that. That point, but.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you were in a certain mental state. I remember. I think I could be wrong about this. So now I'm remembering it. When we got done, when we did that live show at Jamie's in Columbia, Mississippi, my friend Monica drove down from a near, like a neighboring state. I believe she was living in the south at the time. And I think she and I spent maybe some time before my. Before I got out of there, before my flight. I think she and I spent some time like driving around like maybe an old cemetery or a park or something and just catching up on old times and like kind of seeing some of the rural sites. And then she dropped me at the airport. But I still think that you and I maybe had a phone call because I remember like having my laptop out and maybe doing some editing on maybe the show that we just recorded because it's Monday show. And I feel like you and I had some sort of a confab that maybe via the phone while I was sitting in there, which is why I place you there. Maybe I don't. Again, not even interested.

[Luke Burbank]

Back to the caller's point. Point. Barry Levinson of the Mustard Museum. Let's be honest. And I think I even said this, I think I said this the day after I was there, which was, I love this guy's ability to spin a yarn. I don't, I don't trust any of it as far as I can throw it. Yeah, but that seems to be some factual, like that seems to be some real timeline problems for that whole. If you collect it, they will come. And they did, because he said that to me multiple times throughout the week. And then when I was reading up on him before we went and interviewed him, he had said it to other news outlets. It's clearly his kind of like stock thing on that.

[Andrew Walsh]

But does he mean it literally, though, is my question. Like, maybe?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the whole problem with Barry Levinson is people take him seriously, but not literally. You teed that one up.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know I can never hear the word literally now without thinking of that. Some people took him seriously, but not literally.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I tell you, as we wrap this up, can I tell. Tell you a really embarrassing thing that I did the other day that I don't know how to undo because I Don't think you can take a comment down in Instagram.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, can't you?

[Luke Burbank]

I think you can. I don't know. I'm very bad with Instagram. As you'll hear when I tell you.

[Andrew Walsh]

This story quickly, you have to wind it. Did you wind your Instagram?

[Luke Burbank]

It's supposed to be self winding. That's what Zuckerberg told me. So I saw this. I saw one of these just like very zerg Nady kind of posts on Instagram, not somebody that I follow. It's. It's like a. I think it might even literally be called like Pubity, which is a very weird name. It's just one of those like clickbaity silly things that just sometimes shows up in your feed. You're not following them. You didn't ask for this content. And the headline was it was a picture of Steven Spielberg and his wife, Kate Capshaw, and maybe one of their kids. And he's in. Steven Spielberg is in his, like a graduation outfit. Even though he's like, you know, at that point, probably in his 50s or 60s. And the thing was the, the, the writing below was like, Steven Spielberg submitted Jurassic park and what was the other movie?

[Andrew Walsh]

Jurassic Park?

[Luke Burbank]

It wasn't Close Encounters. It was something like the two of his really, really big movies. It was like Steven Spielberg submitted a Jurassic park and let's just say Raiders of the Lost Ark for his college thesis. And it's like a picture of him, whatever. And I read this to be that they were trying to say, and I was totally wrong about this, but I interpreted this to mean that Steven Spielberg had, when he was in college, had written these screenplays and had submitted them for his college graduation. And the idea was, was greatness is maybe not appreciated in its time or something. I wrote this entire crazy version of. All they were trying to say was Steven Spielberg didn't get his college degree until he was like 60.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And he submitted this like, insane body of work. All of this being kind of like funny and interesting and, and, and pro forma in a way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Or perfunctory.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I decided to Google when Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic park. And because, you know, it was obviously based on the book and when Steven Spielberg would have gone to college would have been the late 60s. Because I had gone down the totally wrong path with this post. I thought it was my job to blow this whole thing up by writing something to the effect of Steven Spielberg dropped out of College in the 60s and Jurassic park wasn't released as a book until the 1990s Scott Hoy voice. Please stop. And I didn't write Scott Hoygwich, but basically I thought I was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you write Please stop. You didn't write.

[Luke Burbank]

I wrote something to that effect. Like, stop doing this. I thought I had discovered basically just like a bullshit clickbait thing that was factually, wildly off that the. And of course I had like 70,000 likes. And I was just like, we have to live in a fact based world. You cannot go around claiming that Steven Spielberg invented the idea of Jurassic park while in college. I wrote the comment and then I immediately realized, oh, no, that's not the point of this post. And then I didn't know how to take it down. And then I just blocked them.

[Andrew Walsh]

You just blocked them so that now you're thinking that you won't appear on this?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. I just panicked.

[Andrew Walsh]

You took a puberty blocker.

[Luke Burbank]

It was for the three people that are still listening. I hope that that paid off somehow. It was an absolute moment of weakness. Like, I just hate myself so much for everything associated with that story.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh my go. That is that. Yeah, that one kind of hurts. I'll be honest. Can you do me a favor right now? Can you learn? Because I think you can delete your comments. I'm quite sure you probably hit three dots and something pops up. Learn how to do that before the next thing happens. You know what I mean? Let's do a little fire.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm at my. First of all, how do I even find my comments? I'm at my profile. You're not even on Instagram anymore. This is why you quit Instagram, because.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have to trust yourself to figure out how to delete my old man comments. No, I. Well, yeah, I mean, I think I got the app for TBTL related Instagram related stuff. But I'm pretty sure you can do this. I don't know that this. I mean, honestly, I mean, I know that I'm the one who really took the show to some places that people don't care about, but this might really test the patience of the listeners if I teach you Instagram on the show. But I'm pretty sure that you can delete your own comments. It would be very, very strange.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's actually funnier if it just lives there as a testament. It's basically like hanging. Hanging someone outside the city gates, flayed man style to Ramsay Bolton style so that it's an example to everyone. I think that that comment from me needs to live in perpetuity as an example to me and everyone else of what not to do.

[Andrew Walsh]

But, like, you're the only one who can't see it. Now, there's something very strange about that.

[Luke Burbank]

My solution was to block them. Like them.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like when I have to take off my shirt in public because I'm in some sort of swimming situation. And taking off my glasses makes me feel better about it, and it doesn't affect other people's ability to see me, but it just takes me out of. It. Takes me out of.

[Luke Burbank]

That's it.

[Andrew Walsh]

A little bit. I'm not even here.

[Luke Burbank]

Puberty, then they can't. No one can see me.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I want to do a setup here. Luke, if you don't mind. This is maybe a little bit bossy of me or pushy of me maybe, but tomorrow is. Is the day. It's the day that everybody's been waiting for. It is the day that the garbage collector.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Coming to pick up my bins tomorrow for the first time since leaving me a note saying, please don't put, like, a bunch of dust and construction debris.

[Luke Burbank]

You were in the market for a gift card?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. So I got a lot of it. I was going to get an IHOP gift card of, like, 20, 25 bucks and put a little apology note on my can tomorrow morning. I did not get a IHOP gift card. I got a different gift card. There's a lot of advice coming in from the listeners about what kind of gift card to get. I'd like to share that tomorrow. I'd like to tell you what I ended up with and when. By the time we are speaking tomorrow, this envelope that I have here should be taped to the top of my garbage bin. And I want to tell you where we are on that. And also the bad dream I had about this last night, that was a literal bad dream about this particular situation.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, I'm on tenterhooks. I'm actually. For once, I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow's show.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, me. Me, too.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, well, we'll get into that tomorrow. In the meantime, thank you for listening, everyone. Have yourselves a merry little Wednesday, and we'll see you tomorrow. In the meantime, please remember, no mountain.

[Andrew Walsh]

Too tall, and good luck to all. Power out.