← TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
#4459 The Thin Gray Line
01:02:50
Pigeon’s are going missing from New York’s parks, and one woman (dressed as a bird) aims to crack the case wide open. We also get the most poetic update on the TBTL Junior Sluggers yet. And Andrew opens up about the time he disguised himself as an...
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- [00:01]
Andrew Walsh
LADIES ON Gentlemen, if you will please direct your attention to the center of the room.
- [00:07]
Luke Burbank
It is now time for the kick. You're 25?
- [00:13]
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
- [00:14]
Luke Burbank
Can you believe it? Finally old enough to rent a car.
- [00:24]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, it feels good to laugh. TBTL hey, now don't you tell me.
- [00:34]
Luke Burbank
You don't remember me, because I sure.
- [00:35]
Andrew Walsh
As heck fire remember you.
- [00:37]
Luke Burbank
Listen to me. You're the lowest of the low. You bring shame on your family, your country and your ancestors. They're watching you. God's watching you. And we're watching you. That was great. That was good. You went for it.
- [00:52]
Andrew Walsh
I appreciate that. I can say big loud thanks.
- [00:55]
Luke Burbank
I can be demonstrative. Don't worry because they call me Devo. Cause I can whip em good.
- [01:01]
Andrew Walsh
I'm sorry, but when I hear an undeserved compliment, it makes my ears wanna throw up.
- [01:05]
Luke Burbank
Oh, your ears are always throwing up about something. All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.
- [01:16]
Andrew Walsh
Scatman's World.
- [01:18]
Luke Burbank
My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. No one believes a word out of your mouth. Why do you keep talking? Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it's an absolutely beautiful day. Oh, Ma Pa. It's just beautiful. Had a nice weekend. Went yard crazy. It's just. It's been a nice couple of days, and I think this is gonna be a nice show. It's May 5th. It's Cinco de Mayo. I think, actually, I don't need to be the person weighing in on who gets to celebrate and who doesn't get to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. But if you call it the Gulf of America, I don't think you're celebrating or you should be allowed to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. That's just me. That's just me getting that out of my system here. Early in the show. On May 5th, as we've arrived at episode 4458 in a collector series, let the fun begin. Someone is stealing pigeons out of the parks in New York City.
- [02:12]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, my God. That's so crazy.
- [02:14]
Luke Burbank
Why? And there are various theories, and it all revolves around someone who I have a kind of a long personal history with. Believe it or not, we will get into that. Also, we have an an update from the the world of the TBTL Junior Sluggers, our Little League team there in the Parkside Little League of Portland, Oregon.
- [02:36]
Andrew Walsh
Kids and fantasy.
- [02:37]
Luke Burbank
So we tell you how the kids are doing and we're gonna say hi to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is, you seem to me to be a pretty righteous hombre. And he's also named Andrew Walsh. And he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.
- [02:53]
Andrew Walsh
Good morning, Luke. This is not my sole decision to make, but I would recommend that you probably get to that junior Sluggers update sooner rather than later because all I want to talk about is this weird TV tale dream I had last night. I know how that doesn't go over well, so let's.
- [03:09]
Luke Burbank
No, no, it goes over fine, but I appreciate. You know what? Let's just get right into it. Good, Good call. Because I know Coach Ben works hard on these things. Not only the coaching of these young, young people, but then filling us in on how it's going. We, of course, sponsor a little league team in Portland, Oregon. And here's the update. It's been about a week and a half since my last report from the field and unfortunately, you know, this is starting to feel a little bit like one of those Ken Burns.
- [03:35]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Feels very.
- [03:36]
Luke Burbank
My dearest Elizabeth, I hope this morning finds you well.
- [03:40]
Andrew Walsh
Never bodes well for what's coming.
- [03:43]
Luke Burbank
Keeping the morale of the men up has been difficult.
- [03:46]
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
- [03:46]
Luke Burbank
Here at Gettysburg. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of great news to share, at least when it comes to the scores. And I'm gonna say this, Andrew, I think the scores are highly overrated when it comes. Yeah.
- [03:57]
Andrew Walsh
I'm realizing that it's probably beneficial for us to continue to adopt that standpoint.
- [04:02]
Luke Burbank
Yes.
- [04:03]
Andrew Walsh
That outlook. Yeah.
- [04:06]
Luke Burbank
Your junior Sluggers have run into a buzz saw of great teams and mid season malaise. This is also the first time hearing we're at the mid season, which means. Yeah, wow, I gotta get me to a game. What the heck.
- [04:18]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [04:20]
Luke Burbank
Back on April 26, we took on a team from the rival Hollywood Rose City League. Clutch hitting and quality pitching kept us competitive through the first two innings. After that, the game slowly slipped away. A series of misplays, gratuitous walks and aggressive base running resulted in a 4 to 12 loss for the Sluggers. Now I wonder, was the aggressive base running on the part of the sluggers, as in we ran ourselves out of some innings, or was it the other team? I guess it probably sounds like the other team.
- [04:45]
Andrew Walsh
I'm. I was assuming it was the former, but it could be. It could be both.
- [04:50]
Luke Burbank
Maybe overly aggressive.
- [04:52]
Andrew Walsh
Here's one thing that I'm noticing about Coach Ben. His use of language. While both beautiful and at times even poetic, it also favors the sluggers. So in a way, referring to maybe some. Maybe baserunning mistakes more as well. What we got here is some aggressive baserunning. I can sort of see that being the chosen words.
- [05:11]
Luke Burbank
The default setting, if you will, is we are talking about the sluggers. We're not spilling a lot of ink on the other team, except when necessary.
- [05:18]
Andrew Walsh
Do you know, I was. Sorry, just one quick aside. In the middle of the sluggers update, I was flipping through, as I often do when both the Mariners game is over and then. And if there's no Mariners game on, sometimes I'll click around and I'll look for another team that I kind of vaguely follow, like the Royals. And then if there's nothing there, then I am just, like, sort of scrounging through satellite radio if I'm in the car, just looking for, like, these national, like, just like again to use it.
- [05:44]
Luke Burbank
Let's be honest. You're chasing the dragon.
- [05:46]
Andrew Walsh
I'm chasing the dragon.
- [05:47]
Luke Burbank
Just trying to get something in your system to feel okay to steal or.
- [05:52]
Andrew Walsh
Adopt a friend's metaphor. I'm like the person, like, sifting through the ashtray outside of Teddy's looking for a butt or 2Y of baseball smoke a little bit.
- [06:01]
Luke Burbank
Is there anything left on this Milwaukee brewers game?
- [06:04]
Andrew Walsh
Right. I'm like, all right, Diamondbacks. Looks like I got a puffer to left on you. So anyway, I was doing that in the car, and I was. Something was wrapping up, and I was trying to figure out what broadcast am I listening to. I can't even tell you what the matchup was, and it doesn't matter, but I was like, am I listening? Like, which is the home team or not even which is the home team, but who is the broadcast team that I'm listening to right now? And once I honed in and I was like, oh, because they said that so and so won. Let's say it was the Giants. And I don't know what the Giants did yesterday, but it was. If it was the Giants, they would have said the Giants beat the junior sluggers. Or they would have said the Giants fell to the junior sluggers. You know what I mean, right?
- [06:45]
Luke Burbank
Yes. I could even tell by centering the team that they call in the narrative, whether winning or losing.
- [06:51]
Andrew Walsh
Exactly. Because they said that so and so won. And I'm like, well, that must be the broadcast, because they would say so and so lost otherwise. So anyway, that's just a little bit of an insight as we look at the Language used here.
- [07:01]
Luke Burbank
Quickly decoding. Who am I listening? I want to say that there's a ascendant broadcast team that I've been seeing clips of on TikTok that I may have to do a compilation of at some point and play it for you. It's the Phillies TV crew and it involves a kind of pretty standard, I guess, you know, announcer guy. And then the one time Philadelphia Philly great John Crook, who is just a kind of a noted weirdo and he is now their color guy for tv. And they just. He just keeps telling these stories of like various things from his career to like his personal life to the hotel and the charging station in the hotel. Like why would you have that in a drawer? Like he's really filling some of these downtimes with some high quality content that I think you would really like.
- [07:49]
Andrew Walsh
That literally makes me want to listen to Phillies games. Like that's the thing about baseball. Like you, if you're just looking for anything to listen to a good broadcast former player, kook, color commentator like that, that will tune me in.
- [08:01]
Luke Burbank
He, John Kruck. There's a famous clip of him. I believe it was the All Star Game and he was facing Randy Johnson and John Kruck, I believe. I'm still feeling really bad about how off I was about Polanco and his hitting his side of the Platonists. But I think John Crook was a righty or whatever side of the plate John Kruck hit from. Naturally it was the same side of the plate that Randy Johnson pitched from.
- [08:26]
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
- [08:26]
Luke Burbank
And Randy Johnson buzzed him in with a pitch where it was like, you know, kind of over his head. I don't think it was on purpose. Again, I think this might have been the All Star Game. And John Kruck, who is not a switch hitter, put his batting helmet on backward and went into the other side of the batters. No, the next pitch within the at batter.
- [08:47]
Andrew Walsh
I didn't know you were allowed to do that.
- [08:48]
Luke Burbank
I don't think you are. That's why I'm saying John Kruk is just. That's who Major League baseball needs to bring back Those, those young people that have been. That have been flooding out. Anyway, speaking of young people in baseball, back to the sluggers. Okay, so we lost four to 12. Two days later we played another Hollywood Rose City team, probably the most skilled team we've seen all year. There's something going on with this Hollywood Rose City League and it stinks to high heaven.
- [09:11]
Andrew Walsh
Something in the water. And when I say the water, I.
- [09:14]
Luke Burbank
Mean the cream and the clear.
- [09:16]
Andrew Walsh
There's something in the human growth.
- [09:18]
Luke Burbank
Has anybody seen Victor Conte lately? Yeah, there's. Yeah. HRC or hgh.
- [09:25]
Andrew Walsh
What.
- [09:26]
Luke Burbank
What. What is really going on in this league? The sluggers were absolutely skunked. 14, 0. I'll highlight one sequence of plays to illustrate as a metaphor the kind of game this was. After striking out to flamethrowers all night, the sluggers had. And I will mention this too, like, I remember this from my Little League days. There's kind of a. There's a. There's a window of time in Little league baseball that the sluggers might be experiencing where one kid who just is weirdly like two years more advanced than everyone else can just pitch really fast, relatively speaking, and kind of down the middle. That can just completely eliminate your team. And, you know, you get to the high school level, you get to, you know, I don't know, college baseball, which, of course, I didn't play. I think things tend to even out. You have really good players, but everyone's kind of got a certain competence. Level of competence. There is this time where it's like two kids on a certain team just are. They just figured it out a little earlier than everyone else, and now they are just basically running roughshod. Yeah.
- [10:25]
Andrew Walsh
This is a period of life when, like, you know, people have growth spurts at different times. You can see some. And not that it's all about growth, like physical growth, but that can play a part.
- [10:35]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Confidence. And just like I remember when I played for the Domino's Pizza team, we faced. I believe it was Police Guild, and they had this kid named Kyle. And I would have told you he was easily throwing upper 90s. He's probably in the 40s.
- [10:49]
Andrew Walsh
Maybe. I still couldn't hit it.
- [10:52]
Luke Burbank
Upper 30s. And he. He almost no hit us. And I think I might have been like, maybe one of the last. You know, it was. Might have been the, like seventh or eighth or however long we played to in that league. I think we went nine bunted. I did the equivalent of that. I was super late on the swing because this kid was, again, a flamethrower. And I made the worst contact ever. It was kind of like down on the. Sort of down near the handle of the bat, like close to my hands. So it just, like the bat was like. Like just vibrating in my hand. Like it was a terribly uncomfortable connection. It didn't feel clean at all. I was hitting it to the right side of the field. Not because I had any training about going with the pitch, just because that was literally the fastest I could turn the bat towards the ball. And somehow it squibbed past the second baseman. And it was like we got one hit. But I remember the coach being like.
- [11:41]
Andrew Walsh
Up the no hitter. That's.
- [11:42]
Luke Burbank
I broke up the. No, no. And that was back when they used to let kids pitch nine innings. Andrew, none of this BS now where it's like, you know, all of the stat guys, the stat geeks in there. Okay, so let's see. After striking out to flamethrowers, the sluggers had an opportunity to put runs on the board. In the final inning, Hollywood Rose City put in a quote mop up man, a kid with limited pitching experience to get practice in a game that had already been decided. This is the equivalent of a position player.
- [12:08]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, we've been seeing that lately.
- [12:11]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, when the Mariners were. I totally missed that game where we won by like a hundred runs because.
- [12:16]
Andrew Walsh
I was working, I was there, I was in the seats.
- [12:20]
Luke Burbank
But like I just saw a text on the chain. Position pitcher in.
- [12:24]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, this is. This happened like two days ago. This is. Yeah, yeah, we've seen. Yeah, we've seen this happen a couple of times. But yeah, on Saturday.
- [12:31]
Luke Burbank
Do you know, was that them putting in a position picture?
- [12:33]
Andrew Walsh
I am not sure. I assumed it was them, but maybe we did as well because that game ended up being. It was, I believe, 13 to 1 at the very end, but really it was like 11 to nothing throughout. And I think the position players gave up some runs.
- [12:48]
Luke Burbank
That sounds like a Hollywood Rose City kind of score out there. They put in a mop up, man. The sluggers got two quick walks and one of our best hitters, Saul, came up to the plate on a 30 count. The pitcher lobbed a ball right down the middle of the zone and Saul teed it up. An absolute laser of a hit. Alas, the line drive went directly at the shortstop, who number one, made a clean catch. I can't stress enough how much catching a line drive at this level of baseball is. First of all, hitting a line drive is really good. And catching it is really unusual.
- [13:17]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [13:18]
Luke Burbank
Made a clean catch, then ran to second to catch the runner off base and then tagged the runner coming from first.
- [13:24]
Andrew Walsh
Triple play does this player. And it's fine. I'm not body shaming or judging, but does this player have like a beard or a five o'clock shadow? Like, we need to know.
- [13:36]
Luke Burbank
I want to. I want to hold up a picture of Gorman Thomas next to this pitcher's face. If I see any similarities.
- [13:42]
Andrew Walsh
Right.
- [13:42]
Luke Burbank
I've taken this whole freaking thing down. An unassisted triple play. A fitting, if not happy end to a deeply upsetting game.
- [13:49]
Andrew Walsh
The only triple play I've ever gotten was at Taco Bell. I believe it was Taco Bell.
- [13:54]
Luke Burbank
I was gonna say.
- [13:55]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [13:55]
Luke Burbank
I'm not just talking about some offering from Xfinity.
- [13:59]
Andrew Walsh
Right.
- [14:00]
Luke Burbank
Which will give me Internet, cable, and some kind of a pad phone line. A tablet. Yeah, Right. A tablet that I don't want. That's preloaded with some bull crap. Okay. After being on the road for the last half dozen games, junior sluggers returned to the friendly home field confines of Sacramento Field this Saturday. I do. I do want to say maybe this is named for Tony Sacramento. Maybe he was a longtime groundskeeper. I think Sacramento Field in Portland is confusing. I'm just gonna say it, and it could be part of the issue here. It's a beautiful facility. We have a banner hanging there at Sacramento Field. Andrew, it's actually really cool to go see.
- [14:34]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, it's hard for me to take that stance. I understand why it could be confusing, but I like that. It's. It's a good name for a field.
- [14:40]
Luke Burbank
How about Burbank Field?
- [14:41]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, God.
- [14:43]
Luke Burbank
We've done a lot for these kids. They returned to Sacramento Field Saturday. Hopes were high as we were taking on fellow Parkside Little League team and the only team we've beaten this year, the Panthers. Unfortunately, we weren't able to capture our early success. Solid pitching from Saul, Baxter, Atlas and Armani kept the Panthers mostly in check, but our offense just could not get anything going. If you thought about maybe some consulting from Kevin Seitzer, the Mariners hitting coach.
- [15:07]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [15:08]
Luke Burbank
Who I remember. This is how I'm old. I remember when Kevin. First of all, I didn't know he was our hitting coach. I thought it was still Edgar. And then I was like, Kevin Seitzer. I remember when that guy played.
- [15:15]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I didn't know he was a former player. I've heard that name. I knew that Edgar came in for the back half of last season and then said he was. I don't. They're always like, this is like early 2000s era public radio, when everybody, like, every time you were somebody quit, you would, like, redefine their position when you were going to hire somebody new. I don't know if that was just a public radio thing. That's just my experience. That's where I happen to be in the early 2000s. But you know what I'm talking about. The program director quits. But then it's kind of like well, it's more of it.
- [15:44]
Luke Burbank
It's the Marco Rubio effect.
- [15:46]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [15:46]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [15:47]
Andrew Walsh
Right. Yeah.
- [15:47]
Luke Burbank
I believe he's on his seventh job over there.
- [15:50]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Yeah, he's the web developer now. Right. Like, I'm pretty interested. That's how John Greenberg got the job over at. Back in the day. Yeah.
- [15:57]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [15:58]
Andrew Walsh
It was just kind of like, well, do we want a program director? But like, we're new media now, so maybe we call it a. Maybe we break the job into two. We call it like a content moderator and supervisor role. You know, whatever, all this. And I sort of feel like that's what the Mariners are constantly doing. So I don't know. Edgar is still there in some capacity.
- [16:14]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, he's like senior hitting advisor or something.
- [16:17]
Andrew Walsh
And web developer. Developer. I'm quite sure about this. I'm really. I feel strong. I believe it.
- [16:22]
Luke Burbank
I believe it. All right, back to our matchup with the Panthers. Only in the final frame did our bats come alive. Gritty at bats from Wilder, Ari and Bryson, along with a majestic home run from Yarrow. Yes. I owe him another Starbucks coffee. Geez, Yarrow is. Honestly, this thing's paying for itself. Yeah, for Yarrow, it helped us hit the five run limit. But it was too little, too late. The sluggers fell again, 13 to 6. So, Andrew, we do have an update on the season record. Your TBTL sluggers are currently one in eight.
- [16:58]
Andrew Walsh
I had a feeling it was around there. Yeah.
- [17:00]
Luke Burbank
Am I on the managerial hot seat? Perhaps. I've heard Andrew is itching to replace me with some Moneyball esque data driven coach. Maybe Art Howe or Eric Wedge are available.
- [17:11]
Andrew Walsh
Eric Wedge. Wedge.
- [17:13]
Luke Burbank
One time Mariners manager, I believe.
- [17:15]
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
- [17:16]
Luke Burbank
Here's the one solace I have. The kids seem much less upset about the losses and less burdened by our record than I do. They're out there having fun, cheering each other on and doing their best. This sism between the experience and the outcomes of Little League makes me quite philosophical. I love where coach Ben is going with this. Honestly. There's a quiet, unfiltered magic to Little League baseball. A little piece of America. God, I wish I had Jeff Bridges voice right now. I feel like I'm not really the right instrument for this job. I think things are going to get poetic here. Or like maybe what's. Who's the. Who's the guy from. From Lebowski. Who's the mustache?
- [17:58]
Andrew Walsh
Sam Elliott.
- [17:59]
Luke Burbank
Yes, Sam Elliott. I wish I was a Sam Elliott right now. I wish I was a little. I wish I was a Sam Elliott. I wish I could tell you it better. That was an attempt to do a Skilo joke. Really work.
- [18:11]
Andrew Walsh
Do me a favor.
- [18:11]
Luke Burbank
Was a little bit taller right when.
- [18:13]
Andrew Walsh
You were getting to the like, sort of like reflective part of this. The music naturally sort of went down there for a second. I thought you were doing that on purpose, but now it's back. So like. But now, like it really had me leaning in as you were getting to this point.
- [18:24]
Luke Burbank
There's a quiet, unfiltered magic to Little League baseball. A little piece of Americana served fresh on dewy grass, with kids clutching oversized gloves and dreams that reach the outfield fence. It's a world where every inning wipes the slate clean and every at bat is an opportunity to be a hero. The dugout, our home for 120 minutes every Saturday, is all chaos. Shoes untied, batting orders forgotten. Kids debating whether to bunt or eat more orange slices. Empty juice boxes, sunflower seeds and hastily discarded helmets litter the floor. Players bartering over a pinch of big league chew, the gateway drug to looking like you're in the majors. The drama, good and bad, comes from the little things. Discovering you've been bumped up in the batting order. A ground ball that got under your glove. The player who struggled all season finally getting a hit. Every pitch holds the suspense of a high wire act. A yet unknowable Schrodingerian promise of success or failure. We're playing for nothing. But the small stakes sometimes feel colossal. When a 9 year old hits a ground or to short and sprints towards first like his life depends on it, time seems to fold in on itself. It's pure, unfiltered. It's everything. Werner Herzog couldn't script it better if he tried. At its best, its most pure form, Little League mutes the rat race of one upsmanship and existential competition found so many other places. Childhood awkward, brave, sometimes posing, but more often blindingly earnest, takes the field for six innings. We watch kids navigate the highs and lows, work together and find joy in both the actions and the mundane. In a world full of cynicism, Little League reminds me how sweet it is to just play ball. The Gators slash TBTL sluggers play it out this Wednesday against the Parkside Dominators. Coach Ben out. That was beautiful.
- [20:34]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. That's a man who's trying to hang onto his job, isn't it?
- [20:37]
Luke Burbank
Take that, George Will.
- [20:38]
Andrew Walsh
A tradition like no other.
- [20:40]
Luke Burbank
There's a new baseball philosopher in town. I mean, honestly, I do think he is adding a lot of what. What might not Be working out in the wins and losses. I feel like is. It's. It's like when you prune a tree, you sort of cut back parts of it and then it grows stronger. I feel like coach Ben's updates are growing stronger as the team's record is. Is. Is struggling.
- [21:00]
Andrew Walsh
So what's our magic number?
- [21:02]
Luke Burbank
Oh, until we. Let's see. Seven.
- [21:06]
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
- [21:06]
Luke Burbank
To be 500, which I think if we got to 500, we'd probably win the league.
- [21:10]
Andrew Walsh
Do we have that many games left? How many games?
- [21:12]
Luke Burbank
I don't think so.
- [21:12]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, so this is problem. The work there.
- [21:15]
Luke Burbank
No, listen. He said mid season Malays and there's nine games. So maybe we have nine more games. We listen. There was a time when I was. And you saw this, Andrew, and you heard it and frankly the listeners do. There was a time where I had fully written off this Seattle Mariners team this season and.
- [21:35]
Andrew Walsh
And you will again.
- [21:36]
Luke Burbank
And I will again. Multiple times. And I'm not making any predictions, but I'm just saying that they have. In the short run, they have exceeded my expectations. Teams can surprise you and it could be, you know, the sluggers could go on a surprising run. I could see the sluggers finishing up with a decent record, which would be. Which would be cool. I also really do like to hear from coach Ben that the players are having fun.
- [21:58]
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
- [21:59]
Luke Burbank
That's honestly because, you know, as I kind of sort of went through the levels of like little league baseball and then, you know, whatever they call this stuff where you're on a real pitching mound and it's like the normal dimensions of a major league field, it got sort of less fun because it got more competitive. There was more kind of being in trouble with the coaches. There was more kids kind of sniping at each other. Like it. It can be the case.
- [22:23]
Andrew Walsh
Throwing your glove up in the air in the.
- [22:26]
Luke Burbank
Spinning around.
- [22:26]
Andrew Walsh
Spinning around and trying to catch it.
- [22:28]
Luke Burbank
That was frowned upon once we got up to the level where like kids were hitting the ball really hard.
- [22:33]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [22:33]
Luke Burbank
At the Triple A when I. Once I was at Tacoma Rainier, that was really frowned upon. I was like. But coach, I just did four spins.
- [22:39]
Andrew Walsh
Four spins. I was a little too dizzy to catch it at.
- [22:42]
Luke Burbank
Hey, coach, look how crusty this lace is on this glove. I've been chewing on it and then it dried out and I wasn't sure.
- [22:49]
Andrew Walsh
If you remembered that.
- [22:50]
Luke Burbank
It's like jerky or something.
- [22:52]
Andrew Walsh
That's just me, right? That wasn't a you thing too, was it?
- [22:55]
Luke Burbank
Hugely a thing I did.
- [22:56]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, that's so funny. I thought you were saying that just because you remembered my thing, because, yeah, I didn't even play. I wasn't even athletic enough to play this spin around game that you played. I simply. My game was just, how much of my mitt can I turn into beef jerky? Like, I just was out there chewing and chewing and chewing on that little strand.
- [23:15]
Luke Burbank
But it was so great because after you would chew it down and then it would be, like, kind of soggy and wet, and then it would dry, and then it would be, like, really desiccated, and you would think, well, this is done. This will never. I will never be able to turn this leather, you know, lace back into that soggy, wet thing. And then you just start chewing on it.
- [23:36]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [23:36]
Luke Burbank
And you apply enough water to the situation, and then you're back to, you know, you're back to square one with it.
- [23:42]
Andrew Walsh
It doesn't just retain the flavor. It accumulates new flavors.
- [23:45]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [23:45]
Andrew Walsh
Time. It's what? It's like a cast iron skillet. It gets better with time.
- [23:49]
Luke Burbank
Season the mitt.
- [23:50]
Andrew Walsh
Yes. Anyway, that's what they mean when they say season the mid. Right?
- [23:54]
Luke Burbank
Yep, that's exactly right. Other other weird things I did with my baseball mitt. Don't worry, this is family friendly that I've probably talked about on the show before. But I was really obsessed with trying to break in my mitt so that it would be optimal and then I would be a better baseball player. So I would sleep on the mitt. I'd put a baseball in. I would rub it with, like, knead's foot oil or something, and I would get it very, very kind of oiled up. I would put a baseball in it, and then I would put that under my mattress, and I would sleep on it at night, real princess and the pea style. I would also put the ball in the mitt, and I would wrap it up with a belt, and then I would hit it with a baseball bat.
- [24:35]
Andrew Walsh
No.
- [24:35]
Luke Burbank
I'd heard tell of kids having their dad back the car over the mitt.
- [24:40]
Andrew Walsh
Imagine being a parent and you don't know what the kid is doing. Like, if a kid is doing this in the mid, it means they're really committed. But you don't know anything about sports, and you're just like, so I don't think my kid's gonna make it as a ballplayer. Why not, Sally? Well, he just wrapped it up in a belt. He wrapped his mitt up in a belt, and he's out in the backyard.
- [24:58]
Luke Burbank
Beating it, talking to it. He's talking while he talks to it.
- [25:01]
Andrew Walsh
And hitting it with a bat on the ground. And I don't know. Yeah, maybe this is how baseball is played these days, but I don't think he also.
- [25:08]
Luke Burbank
He hasn't swung at one pitch this season.
- [25:10]
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
- [25:10]
Luke Burbank
Which would have been a real statement about me. Then I got really obsessed with having the smallest mitt possible because Omar Vizkel, who was a Mariner shortstop at the time and like a Gold Glove winner, like, what I realized was those infield guys really liked very, very small mitts because then the ball couldn't get lost in there. You get that ball out really quick. So then I was like always trying to get. I had a mitt that was like only bare because I was like playing shortstop. Then I started at third base and then my arm wasn't strong enough. There was other kids that could throw it faster. And so then I got moved to shortstop and then second base eventually. Which is why we thought Polanco to third was a bad idea.
- [25:47]
Andrew Walsh
Right.
- [25:47]
Luke Burbank
Somebody was not the strongest arm. But Rango can do. By the way, let me mention something that I've been meaning to mention in the text chain. I love to make this joke about Jorge Polanco, this Mariners phenom this year, who I had totally written off that I think he looks like Rango. And I always put this silly Rango picture in. And then I think maybe was it you or David put in a buff Rango?
- [26:11]
Andrew Walsh
I did. I don't want to be negative, but let's just. I'm just worried about. I don't want to put in the universe. I'm somewhat worried about Polanco finishing the season with us. He's been suspended before for, you know, some little help here and there and.
- [26:28]
Luke Burbank
Are you saying he may have. He may be transferring to the Hollywood Rose City?
- [26:32]
Andrew Walsh
I'm just saying that when it's a. It's somebody where they can.
- [26:36]
Luke Burbank
Stunning turnover, nothing.
- [26:37]
Andrew Walsh
And then suddenly they have like. They're like. They're Bonds.
- [26:40]
Luke Burbank
They're putting up Barry Bonds.
- [26:42]
Andrew Walsh
Exactly.
- [26:43]
Luke Burbank
But Andrew, in fairness, famous non cheater Barry Bond.
- [26:45]
Andrew Walsh
Exactly, exactly. No, I. I have no evidence of that. It's just sort of like. It's one of those things where it's like, wow, this was. The stats ain't very fast turnaround. But I love Jorge Polanco, by the way. I do too, for him.
- [26:57]
Luke Burbank
But here's what I think. I think I may have realized. I don't think that thing that I've been sending you is Rango. Oh, I think I. He's in the Rango movie. I don't think that's the character Rango.
- [27:08]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, well, I don't know.
- [27:10]
Luke Burbank
What is that?
- [27:10]
Andrew Walsh
No, I think it is. I just. Rango. Yeah. Okay.
- [27:13]
Luke Burbank
Okay. He is Rango. Okay.
- [27:14]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I think so.
- [27:15]
Luke Burbank
I thought I saw some kind of other meme or there was some other character, and then I was. I got in my head that maybe, like, there's a different character named Rango, and that. That thing I've been sending around is like another character in the. In the movie, but is not so that is actually. So at least that is Rango. Okay, good.
- [27:31]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Yeah. Because Polanco sort of has these very big eyes, which I love. And I remember.
- [27:35]
Luke Burbank
Well, I've come to love Andrew. That guy can do no. No. Do no wrong in my mind.
- [27:39]
Andrew Walsh
I mean, I don't know if I said this on tape or not, but, like, honestly, I remember. Even last year, I remember having this thought, and I think I shared it with somebody, but, like, I remember thinking, like, I love Polanco, his face so much. I love how expressive it is. And even when he was doing terribly and you were like, really, like, you couldn't stand looking at him anymore, I remember thinking, like, but imagine if he were doing well. Like, you would love this manifest. Honestly, like, there's something about his face I always love, and even when he was strugg, it made me feel really bad for him because I was like, God, I'd love to see that face light up with a big smile. And I just think he's so damn cool. So.
- [28:15]
Luke Burbank
Well, I mean, again, Lord willing and the PED tests don't rise, we'll keep going with that guy. All right, let's. Well, by the way, go junior sluggers. And I want to tell coach Ben, your job is safe for how many more games? For as long as I. I definitely say we finished the season. We finished the season out, and then we. You don't change horses mid Street.
- [28:43]
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
- [28:44]
Luke Burbank
And we'll.
- [28:45]
Andrew Walsh
We're gonna pull a Don Wakamatsu.
- [28:49]
Luke Burbank
I. I go. I go entire years of my life forgetting about the Don Wakamatsu era.
- [28:54]
Andrew Walsh
I think that might have been the era that I started watching. It might have been the era that I started or around the time I started watching the Mariner. So I have this vague memory of him not. Not quite making it to the finish line. But, Ben, obviously I tease because I love. This is.
- [29:08]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, we love you. You're doing a great job, and we are absolutely gonna get this fixed one Way or the other.
- [29:13]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I'll be down there.
- [29:17]
Luke Burbank
We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, Go. Everybody rattles dazzle. Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These amazing, generous people are supporting TBTL with their hard earned money. And it's the way that this thing can happen every year. And then it's the way that we are able to sponsor the Junior Sluggers.
- [29:46]
Andrew Walsh
That's right.
- [29:47]
Luke Burbank
So. So your money comes to us and then we're able to make a living doing this. And then if there's anything left over, we're able to brighten some kids some kids day by forcing them to wear a jersey that says tbt.
- [30:01]
Andrew Walsh
That's right.
- [30:02]
Luke Burbank
And it's all thanks to folks like Guillermo Ubia, who's in Durham, North Carolina.
- [30:07]
Andrew Walsh
Guillermo.
- [30:08]
Luke Burbank
What up, Guillermo? I am 99% sure Guillermo popped by when I was doing. I think Guillermo may have lived in Richmond early previously, or at least was visited Richmond when we did. Wait, wait, don't tell me. There. And he gave me some famous Virginia peanuts.
- [30:26]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I remember those peanuts.
- [30:28]
Luke Burbank
And I literally consumed all of those famous Virginia peanuts between Richmond and I had to drive back to D.C. that night and I was just a peanut eaten fool. And it was delicious. And thank you, Guillermo. Guillermo says, hey, Luke, Andrew, John, and all my fellow tents. I love the show. I've been a TBTL listener since the radio days. Coming over from the Bryant park project. That always amazes me that we managed to pry free. I'd say it's on the order of about maybe 10 or 15 folks that were like. Like our friend Maura in Massachusetts back in the day, in the early days of the show, there was just a few people who were like, oh yeah, we like this Bryant park project thing. And now what's this guy up to now? And cool to hear that Guillermo is one of them. Through all the years, all the hot dog stories, all the dazzling details, and the TBTL drops that now live rent free in my brain, this show has been such a fun, comforting, and truly unique part of my daily routine. I love talking about my friends in Seattle, Minnesota and all over the world. I'm relaunching my freelance design and illustration business this year and thought it would be a good place to help spread the word. If any of the tens or anyone they know needs any kind of design or illustration work, big or small, I'd love to help. I focus on Fun hand drawn designs that tell a compelling story. I'd love to work with some fellow tens. You can check out my work at G as in Guillermo, X as in the letter X. And then u images. Gxu images.com. that's Guillermo's website. Love the show and love everyone listening right now. Things are rough out there and I can't think of a time we need community more than right now. Here's what we will say about Guillermo's artwork, which I'm looking at right now. Guillermo was one of the artists who contributed to our postcard project. Right. And did the duck. What was it? There was a scandal involving the duck stamp and we got really into it. And then Guillermo made this amazing postcard of us based on that story.
- [32:27]
Andrew Walsh
There was some story regarding the duck stamp contest, I believe, which is taken very seriously. And then remember, Colbert got involved and Colbert did some parody of it.
- [32:37]
Luke Burbank
Wait, I think it was John Oliver, right?
- [32:39]
Andrew Walsh
Was it Oliver and not Cole?
- [32:40]
Luke Burbank
I think he might have done. I think he might have taken it on as one of those Oliverian kind of projects.
- [32:46]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. So anyway, so we have a parody of that, but then also Guillermo. And by the way, if you go to GXU Illustration. Nope, I'm sorry. GXUImages.com you'll also see a whole tab of all of Guillermo's TBTL work, including the Archie and Jughead cover that looks like you and me drinking from a milkshake together. That is one of my favorite pieces of TBTL art. Plus things in here that I hadn't even seen before, like little stickers that say TBTL10. This is one part of the website which, by the way, love this layout. This is very much up my alley as far as just visually just like visual candy. Well, well done on this website, Guillermo. Love this.
- [33:25]
Luke Burbank
Absolutely. Definitely. Go check out gxuimages.com for any kind of illustration or design needs and hit up our guy Guillermo so he can keep supporting TBTL and we can keep supporting the sluggers. Guillermo, thanks. Appreciate you. Maestro. On your mark.
- [33:41]
Andrew Walsh
On your mark.
- [33:42]
Luke Burbank
Get set.
- [33:43]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, boy.
- [33:43]
Luke Burbank
Now ready?
- [33:45]
Andrew Walsh
Ready?
- [33:45]
Luke Burbank
Go. Everybody rattles Dance. It's Sara Vella. That was me, Andrew, putting a little Spanish on it, but not too much.
- [33:55]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I'm. I think Sarah gave the same type of pronouncer advice last time, but I'm always confused by it because there's only one L, so I think it would.
- [34:04]
Luke Burbank
Be I think I'm Vella.
- [34:05]
Andrew Walsh
But then you have the V as a B, so maybe it's more Like Bela, Sarah Bella, Bela Vela. But I'm putting too much on.
- [34:12]
Luke Burbank
That's too much, Andrew.
- [34:13]
Andrew Walsh
A little, but not too much. Yeah, I'm pretty embarrassed about this whole thing and I apologize, Sarah, but thank you for being a friend and thank.
- [34:20]
Luke Burbank
You for sticking with us despite our pronunciation challenges of what is probably not a very complicated name. Sarah's in Booth Bay, Maine. I don't know one thing about Booth Bay, Maine, but I can tell you it's stunningly gorgeous.
- [34:33]
Andrew Walsh
I've been to Booth Bay, Maine. I believe I weekended there in a beautiful cabin that was a friend of Genevieve's family at once.
- [34:42]
Luke Burbank
So is it as beautiful as the name Booth Bay Main one to believe?
- [34:45]
Andrew Walsh
If I'm thinking of the right place, it is. It's all of the most wonderful. I want to say stereotypes. That is a negative connotation, but it's what you think of first when you think of beautiful Main life. From coastal views to lobster rolls to the whole kitten caboodle. I think there's a big flea market nearby, like huge, huge summer flea market that we went to a couple of times and I believe brought back these cute little ash trays that we still have.
- [35:16]
Luke Burbank
Sarah is in Booth Bay and says almost exactly a year ago I was laid off from Dell, which really sucks. Sorry, Sarah, if other tens out there have been affected by the myriad layoffs taking place, and I'm sure they have. My heart goes out to you. Despite how unfun that was, I was ready to move on to other things. So I kept my dazzling donor status because I knew that in about a year I'd be able to make this one time pitch advertising, baby. I'm also not super on the ball about managing money. Well, Sarah, I have mixed feelings about this because the fact that you're letting it ride on tbtl, I really appreciate it. But I know what you mean about not being great at managing money. And sometimes that lack of organization allows certain entities to continue receiving donations, even if it may or may not make sense. We're hoping this makes sense for Sarah. Okay, anywho, I am now the proud owner of Pinecone Coaching, a leadership coaching company. I work with leaders who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or ready to level up their careers. Whether you're navigating a toxic workplace, preparing for a leadership role, or struggling with burnout, I have got your back and I'm excited and delighted to offer a 15% discount for tens. You can book a free discovery call@pineconecoaching.com to see if we're A good fit. Or reach out to me on the slack channel if you'd like more information. Thank you. And power out. So this is Pinecone by first of all, great name, Pinecone Coaching. Like I love. I mean, I don't know if Sarah's. One of Sarah's areas of expertise is sort of branding and naming, but like, there's something about the name Pinecone coaching that just sounds unfussy to me but also effective.
- [36:57]
Andrew Walsh
And I can smell it. It's got a nice tiny scent to it.
- [37:00]
Luke Burbank
It seems fresh. It seems simple but effective. Like a pine cone.
- [37:04]
Andrew Walsh
It's fresh but earthy, you know, as.
- [37:06]
Luke Burbank
Opposed to like if it was kind of like executive leadership coaching.
- [37:11]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, we're dropping vowels, right? Yeah.
- [37:14]
Luke Burbank
Leader, leader.
- [37:15]
Andrew Walsh
L, E, A D, R, capital ldr.
- [37:19]
Luke Burbank
Leader coaching. You know, pine cone coaching at it's. I like it has a good ring to it. And you know, Sarah said you can book a discovery and see if, if, if you're going to jive. Well, I would just say that if you're hearing this mention of Pinecone coaching, I bet you you're going to click with Sarah in Booth Bay, Maine, because you have this to agree on. You're all tolerate now. Now even tens can tolerate TBT like you. You're both listening to this and. And that means you're going to have something in common. So check out pineconecoaching.com and Sarah, thank you so much for supporting TBTL. We really, really appreciate it.
- [38:02]
Andrew Walsh
Hello and welcome to Top Story.
- [38:05]
Luke Burbank
All right, let's talk about pigeon theft in New York City, which I saw in the Times this morning. The New York Times, the headline, who would steal New York City's pigeons? Mother pigeon thought she knew. So it's a story about pigeons going missing from city parks in New York City. But also this woman, this woman, Tina Pina Trachtenberg, who's known as Mother Pigeon, kind of leading a campaign to bust one particular pet store that she thinks is responsible for the pigeon theft.
- [38:39]
Andrew Walsh
Do people sell pigeons at pet stores?
- [38:42]
Luke Burbank
Well, that's what the story gets into, by the way. This is reported by Sarah Maslin near and it's a really, really well done story. Like this feels like some only murderers in the building shit kind of going on. Some very New York stuff. Now I'll mention that part of what's funny about this is Mother Pigeon. Tina Pina Trachtenberg is part of the family that I did a documentary about many years ago, the Trachtenberg family slideshow Players. This is Tina's second act in the public eye. She's no longer running the slide projector for her family band. She has shifted and she actually has been doing this for many years as a A woman who dresses up like a pigeon and goes out to parks in New York and feeds the pigeons and makes pigeon outfits out of felt and sells them. And that is how she supports herself.
- [39:31]
Andrew Walsh
Do pigeons prefer to be fed by other pigeons?
- [39:35]
Luke Burbank
Unclear. Unclear. The what's the science behind this? The avian science? I don't know what you call it. The bird science behind this. It's definitely something that Tina's into. Tina's always been into elaborate and colorful outfits as long as I've known her. I remember reading like a Talk of the Town some years ago about this woman who was going out and feeding the pigeons dressed kind of loosely like a pigeon. And then they mentioned who it was. Gotta be kidding me. I know this person. So here's from Sarah Maslin Near's piece. Someone is stealing pigeons off of New York City streets, captured in grainy bystander video. It happened on a day in early April in Manhattan when a man, his face obstructed by a low slung hat, swooped a giant butterfly net over a small flock, scooped up dozens of birds and popped them into the trunk of a car parked on 10th Avenue. So then later on in the story it says, who would steal pigeons? Well, Mother Pigeon, a pro pigeon activist who feeds flocks of pigeons dressed as a pigeon while also selling felt figurines of pigeons, was sure she had the answer. Two brothers who own a pet store at the edge of Bushwick, Brooklyn. Their shop caters to the city's dwindling core of pigeon keepers, and she believes they are reselling the birds for use in live pigeon hunts in Pennsylvania.
- [40:50]
Andrew Walsh
Oh my God, right?
- [40:53]
Luke Burbank
And so last month, she and a small collection of pigeon activists showed up at the store Broadway Pigeon and Pet Supplies, waving placards and chanting on the sidewalk. The owners deny having anything to do with the stolen pigeons and say they've been unfairly attacked by pigeon partisans. There is a quote from one of the store owners who said, let me try to find this. Show me some pictures of me pigeon napping, then I'll start quaking in my boots. Yeah, said Mr. Scott in a telephone interview before hanging up. That's from the pigeon store owner, Joey Scott. So let's see. Reach at the store. Michael Scott, who has been accused in the past of selling pigeon shooters pigeons to shooters, vehemently denied involvement. He said he adored his own 600 pigeons and was being wrongly and unfairly targeted. The accusations, however, have not dimmed his nearly lifelong love for tending pigeons. He added, so you basically got these, I think, two brothers who own this pet store that really tends to sell pigeons to pigeon enthusiasts. And Tina Pina Trachtenberg, AKA Mother Pigeon's, theory is that they are paying someone to go capture New York City pigeons and bring them to them, and then they're reselling them to people in Pennsylvania where it's legal to hunt pigeons. You cannot hunt pigeons in New York City. They're protected wildlife. They're like raccoons or There's a list of animals that, you know are protected in the city of New York, pigeons being one of them. But in Pennsylvania, there's this kind of long running that goes way back, this kind of, like, culture of pigeon hunting. It's called flyer shooting. And in flyer shooting, a bird is tossed by something called a columbare, and once the bird flaps to a certain height, the shooter may take aim. According to the people that do this in Pennsylvania. You know me, Andrew, I was immediately very turned off to this whole idea.
- [42:49]
Andrew Walsh
So there's like, a clay pigeon launching thing that launches real. Until they, like, kind of start flying themselves to get out of this scary situation.
- [42:59]
Luke Burbank
That would appear to be the case. I haven't gotten eyes on a column bear, but that's exactly what I pictured him. I know, right? So I, of course, me being the sort of, I don't know, overly obsessed with animals person that I am, I was like, come on. Then they did point out, if they're to be believed, that the pigeons that are typically used in this sport are pigeons that are considered nuisance birds, Birds that would have been exterminated anyway because they might nest under a bridge where their highly corrosive droppings can erode the bridge pilings. So, like, there are.
- [43:31]
Andrew Walsh
It looks like they're part of M13 or whatever that MS.13.
- [43:36]
Luke Burbank
They've got the wrong tattoos or any tattoo. How about an autism tattoo? Yeah, exactly. Thank you. These are what. What the metric is for, if these are nuisance birds or not is.
- [43:47]
Andrew Walsh
I don't like any of this.
- [43:49]
Luke Burbank
I don't like it either. Because here's the thing. It is probably the case that there are. There are instances where. Where pigeons. A nest of pigeons is damaging something or is dangerous in some way, and they need to be eliminated. Fine. If you have to euthanize them, euthanize them. But I think there's probably a better way than putting them in some trebuchet yeah, right. Flinging them in the air and then letting Delco county dudes take shots at them. It's like, no, thank you.
- [44:14]
Andrew Walsh
I agree.
- [44:16]
Luke Burbank
According to the article, there's no evidence that any of the New York City pigeons have been. Have sort of entered the supply chain of these Pennsylvania pigeons.
- [44:28]
Andrew Walsh
Well, I think the real way to break this story is. What's her name? Tina or Trina.
- [44:34]
Luke Burbank
Tina Pina Trachtenberg, AKA Mother Pigeon.
- [44:38]
Andrew Walsh
I'll just go with, well, Mother Pigeon, maybe. I mean, she's dressing up like a pigeon anyway. Maybe not realistically enough. But, like, the real story, the way you break this story is you get scooped up in the next pigeon. Yes, Right. Well, and then you. You find out where. Where you go with the rest of these other pigeons. And obviously, hopefully you save yourself or somebody saves you before you go in the trebuchet. But, like, yeah, you know, like, that's how you break this wide open.
- [45:02]
Luke Burbank
Exactly, exactly. You have to get. You have to yourself get caught up in the supply chain.
- [45:06]
Andrew Walsh
Pigeon like me is my belief.
- [45:09]
Luke Burbank
Yep. Inside her workshop in Bushwick, where wire pigeon feet. This is Mother Pigeon's place in Brooklyn, where wire pigeon feet were piled in baskets and a live street pigeon and a fat squirrel darted freely in an open window onto the kitchen table. Ms. Pina fretted over the fate of her lost flock and reaffirmed. By the way, I will say there seems to be real evidence that there is a diminishing of the pigeon population in certain New York parks. Like, this is not a fantasy. This is really happening. It's unclear who's doing it, but. But there, it does seem to be somewhat measurable. She. This is the. Andrew. This is. This is what really sold me on this article, though she was fretting over her lost flock and reaffirmed. Reaffirmed her certainty that the Brothers pet store was somehow involved. This wasn't the first time she had targeted the shop. Several years ago, she claimed she put on a nun's habit, posed as a customer, and secret secretly released caged birds out of the back of the store. No one, she said, found out. Quote, she needs help, said a woman answering the phone at the pet store who would only give her first name, Lisa, for fear of backlash. Quote, she thinks she's a pigeon, end quote. The nun's habit. Tina Pina Trachtenberg putting on the nun's habit to infiltrate. First of all, I would just go with a mask. I would just go with, like an N95, which is a fairly common sight to this day. I Feel like nuns habit is drawing more attention to me. There's a nun in the pigeon store.
- [46:39]
Andrew Walsh
Well, there's a little bit of. Also probably looking around your costume collection and being like, boy, I'd love to dress up like a nun today.
- [46:47]
Luke Burbank
Well, that's it. I'm look. Yeah, we're looking for a reason. We've had this nun's habit.
- [46:52]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [46:52]
Luke Burbank
And. And we're trying to fit that into the whole scenario. Tina, again, this just delights me deeply because I know Tina, but like Tina in a nun's habit, infiltrating the pet store. And then when no one's looking, releasing the pigeons, and it's just amazing. And then somebody at the pet store saying, the woman needs help. She thinks she's a pigeon. I just. This is the most quintessential New York story I've heard in a long time, and I absolutely love it.
- [47:20]
Andrew Walsh
I don't mean to take focus away from the story. I don't know if there's more to say here, but it does remind me of an adventure that I had where I was worried about being caught on camera, and so I wore a different team's baseball hat. And I don't think I ever told this story on TBTL because it paints me as quite, quite the hypocrite. Like, in a major way, actually. I'm looking at the clock, though. I'm winding up for a story. Do you have to get out of here? What is your timing like today?
- [47:49]
Luke Burbank
I've got. I've got another. I've got 15 minutes.
- [47:52]
Andrew Walsh
I'll keep this five minutes or less. But I told.
- [47:54]
Luke Burbank
I want to hear this.
- [47:55]
Andrew Walsh
I mean, it does not paint me in a very good light because.
- [47:57]
Luke Burbank
Well, that's especially why I want to.
- [47:59]
Andrew Walsh
That's how I got you.
- [48:00]
Luke Burbank
That's kind of the. That's kind of the.
- [48:02]
Andrew Walsh
Draw them in. I told this in great detail on Spotless, like, I don't know, quite. Quite a while ago. I think several years ago. But I was living in this house. So let's say this was about three years ago.
- [48:12]
Luke Burbank
Okay.
- [48:13]
Andrew Walsh
It revolves around garbage, like so many of my stories do. But in this case, I'm the. I'm the bad guy. I'm the black hat. I. I had put some pretty gross stuff in our, like, what we call the yard waste bin. But it was appropriate for a yard waste bin. It was like food scraps. But what the food scraps was this time was a bunch of. And this is like, literally the worst thing you can put into a bin. It was A bunch of shrimp. I think I had bought some shrimp somewhere for a stir fry, brought it home. I'm really iffy about any kind of. If anything even has the. I'm very iffy about, like, fish and seafood and anything smelling too fishy too soon. And so I think I brought a bunch of. I was gonna make a stir fry. I bought some shrimp to put in it, you know, not, you know, whatever. Like less than a pound, probably. And then I opened it up at home, and I'm like, you know what? I don't like the smell of this. I'm ditching it. And so I put it all in our compost bin, where I believe I was supposed to. I think that was the proper move there. And I can't remember all the ins and outs, but it was near the beginning of the week. I believe this was a Sunday meal, and my stuff isn't picked up until Thursday. So it was getting, like, really nasty in there. Like, really nasty in there. And I believe it even attracted maggots. And I'm sorry, this story is. It's literally as gross as it gets. You and I were talking, I believe, off air the other day about how. And that's somebody who usually, like, just gags from a smell. That did happen to me somewhat recently, and I was telling you about it, and this happened maybe about three years ago. It's the first time I can remember this happening. It was like Goodfellas when they open up the trunk and there's a body in the back and somebody gets sick. Like, I was almost like that at one point. I opened up this little green garbage bin, and I saw that my shrimp was still in there, and there was a whole bunch of little white critters all over it. And the stench was as bad as it could possibly be.
- [50:01]
Luke Burbank
Oh, I can. It's as you're describing it, I can.
- [50:04]
Andrew Walsh
Sick thinking about it.
- [50:05]
Luke Burbank
Well, it's not making me sick, but I can. I can smell it. You know what I mean? Like, I know. Yes, I know. I know exactly what you're describing.
- [50:11]
Andrew Walsh
And I felt bad putting this to the curb, but I did it. And this is where my memory gets fuzzy about what exactly happened. But I thought that the truck had missed our house, and I was upset about that. I was like, the truck can't miss our house. On this. On this, of all days like this, my mother.
- [50:32]
Luke Burbank
The day of my daughter's shrimping.
- [50:36]
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
- [50:36]
Luke Burbank
The day of my daughter's. All you can eat shrimp.
- [50:38]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, God. So I was like, I can't believe of all days, the truck missed me. And I don't remember being like, I don't remember. I don't know why I thought the truck missed me or whatever. And I was like, I can't keep this here anymore. And also, I don't know if I told Genevieve about this. I remember just being like, I went into some mode that I had never gone into before. I opened up the little green bin, and it was as disgusting as it could possibly be in there. The truck had already gone. I'm like, I have to deal with this. I believe I put on a mask, you know, like the kind that I used to wear.
- [51:07]
Luke Burbank
The truck had already gone, right?
- [51:08]
Andrew Walsh
Or had it. Yeah. I mean, the way I told the story at first, I just knew that the truck had gone. Later on, the. The pin on the end of the story is. I think I just freaked out too early. You know how somebody, like, they're so panicked that they confess long before they need to. Like, that's basically what happened. I don't know exactly what was going on, but I went outside. I saw that the bin wasn't emptied. It was as disgusting. It was alive. It was alive with vermin in there. It was making me wretched. So I'm like, I got to take care of this right now. And so I got some garbage bags, plastic garbage bags. And again, this is a small bin, right? Like, it's the kind that goes up to your knee, if that, you know. So I'm emptying it out. I'm wearing one of my Covid era masks now just to, like, kind of, like protect myself. And I'm dumping it into these bags. I double bag a triple bag or whatever. I tie it up. The bin itself is just still squirming and disgusting. I take it. I grab, like, my hose, and this is where I'm so, like, one of the, like. Honestly, the most life changing thing about being a homeowner is having access to just hoses that can easily go on the outside of your house.
- [52:11]
Luke Burbank
I was using a hose yesterday, thinking that I was like, this is also. I. I bought a new hose that's near those star Jasmine.
- [52:19]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, yeah.
- [52:20]
Luke Burbank
And I pulled the hose down and I turned it on and I watered them, and then the hose retracted. And I just thought, yeah, this is home ownership in a nutshell.
- [52:26]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. And. And hose technology coming a long way since I was a kid trying to wrap that thing up. But anyway, yeah, so. And that is true, like, because the last apartment we lived in absolutely loved it, but it was that weird space that was up above street level, you know, no hoses. If I had to clean something out, I had to do it in the tub. So it was just like living in a place now with hoses really helps. So I remember on this fateful day, I'm out there. I believe it's summertime. I'm hosing out this thing. I'm glad that the bin is super clean. But now I got, like, this triple bagged. Just grossness, right? And I don't even know what to do with it. I throw it in the back. Back of my little Volkswagen Golf. I think I'm wearing the. Maybe my face mask still. And I know of one bin that I'm gonna go dump this in. It's a dumpster. And this is why I'm such a hypocrite, right? I always preach, like, don't put your dog poop in my garbage bin. This is why I don't want to tell this story, because it's terrible. I felt awful about it, but I.
- [53:22]
Luke Burbank
I'm already composing an excuse for you, by the way, so I know you're not totally silent.
- [53:27]
Andrew Walsh
I mean, it was a really. It was a dire, dire situation, but it was like.
- [53:31]
Luke Burbank
It was double bagged, right?
- [53:33]
Andrew Walsh
It was triple bagged. I believe I had to put it in my car.
- [53:35]
Luke Burbank
Triple dukes.
- [53:36]
Andrew Walsh
And there is a dumpster. I'll tell you exactly where it is. And if anybody rats me out, I'm pretty sure that the. I'm pretty sure. What is it? When a crime times out, the statute of limitations has been reached here. But it is. It's a coincidence. But also, of course, it's right over the shoreline border. It's like, not quite Seattle.
- [53:56]
Luke Burbank
It's in international waters.
- [53:58]
Andrew Walsh
Literally 145th there is this pho restaurant I like to go to. And then next part of the pho restaurant is a place called. I want to say it's called the Back Door. I'm sure it is called that because I think the entrance is through the back door of this place. And it's like they have a lot of open mic nights and this kind of like, they kind of fancy themselves a sort of like a honky tonk sort of like, you know what I mean? It's a little. Well, it's like a little dive bari with, like, a lot of, like, kind of sausages and barbecue stuff on the menu or whatever. We've been there a couple of times, but I had. I had clocked because to get to the. The pho restaurant or the back door, you have to Go back through these.
- [54:34]
Luke Burbank
Maybe the hidden door.
- [54:35]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, that makes more sense. Backdoor just has. Yeah, I knew that that wasn't right for various reasons. I think it's hidden door. Can you picture this, or are you just looking it up?
- [54:44]
Luke Burbank
I'm just looking it up on here.
- [54:45]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. Yeah. So it's, like, right next to Tic Tac fa, I believe.
- [54:49]
Luke Burbank
Oh, I know that.
- [54:50]
Andrew Walsh
So, anyway, I have. Since I always have to go in when I'm going to the pho place, I pass this dumpster. And at some point in my. In my passings, I clock like, that's. That's an open dumpster. Like, I never. And I don't do a lot of illegal dumping. I swear. I just, like, clock like, oh, that's an open dumpster. Maybe because it's so rare these days. And so I. During this moment of panic after I'd hosed out my green thing, and I don't know what to do with this garbage. And this was a weekday, by the way. I remember just being. Oh, it was. I know it was a weekday because it was Thursday. It was trash pickup day. But I just flew into motion. And then I'm like, okay, I got to go dump this illegally behind the back door. And I still feel bad. Or the hidden door. And so, Luke. And this is the part that Hannah on Spotless found so funny and confounding, but I think it makes a certain amount of sense, is I ditched my Mariners hat and I put on. I put on my Baltimore Orioles hat only because I thought, if I get caught on a camera, and again, who's gonna, like, really? Who? Except for me, unless I own that dumpster, who in the world is going to be going to camera footage to try to identify the person who put, like, a relatively small bag of garbage in a dumpster? Right? But I was, like. Felt so bad about it that I was like, well, all they'll see is it was a Baltimore Orioles fan who did this.
- [56:05]
Luke Burbank
Everybody knows you're not an Orioles fan. Noted non Baltimore knower Andrew would never wear that. Would never wear that cap.
- [56:14]
Andrew Walsh
Hannah's argument was, no, you leave a Mariner's hat on because everybody in the city is wearing Mariners hats. So you would blend in more when somebody goes to the closed footage or whatever.
- [56:25]
Luke Burbank
You leave a hat behind that says, does not belong to Andrew Walsh. You leave it behind, plant it at the.
- [56:30]
Andrew Walsh
I remember just running out the door and ditching, like, literally taking off a Mariner's hat and being like, oh, this will get him. And I Put on my Baltimore Orioles hat, and I did this illegal deed. And then. And then. Yeah. And I don't know if anybody ever. I don't think everybody found out. It was. Again, it was a full empty dumpster. And this was one little bag of garbage relative.
- [56:50]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [56:50]
Andrew Walsh
Also a place that is terrible.
- [56:51]
Luke Burbank
A place that is likely throwing away other food waste.
- [56:54]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, yes.
- [56:54]
Luke Burbank
I mean, triple bagged it. I think it'd be very unlikely that this would get on anyone because, you know, it was. Seems like it was safely contained. I don't think that this was. I. I think this is a lot different than someone throwing their dog poop into your personal garbage can. So I don't think that this is the height of hypocrisy. I would just say this, too, though. And this just hit me the other day because I had a bunch of, like, cardboard that had, like, Styrofoam associated with it. And I will be honest with you, like, 5% of me was tempted because I do a lot of cardboard recycling. I go down to. There's, like, you know, various parking lots kind of down the hill for me, where they've got those big recycling cardboard. And you can do your cans and everything. It's like a, you know, whatever recycling center, I guess. And it's. I will admit there was a small part of me was tempted to like, just kind of throw this stuff in whole hog, which was going to also involve some stuff that you're not supposed to throw in, which would be, like, the plastic and the various things that are associated with. With this cardboard. And then I just thought, guess what I could also do? Go to the dump with this. I have a bunch of it. Like, my entire car was full, and I just went to the dump. And granted, it's probably cheaper out here. Was like $7. But, like, you could have also.
- [58:04]
Andrew Walsh
Were you able to recycle that Styrofoam? I don't know if they have that there. One of the things here in. Well, in the Shoreline, again, slightly sketchy, that I go to the Shoreline dump. I have the sticker. I'm allowed, but they have a huge thing for free. Styrofoam recycling. So I get this medicine now or twice a month. No, I get it once a month delivered. But it's delivered in these small, really sturdy little Styrofoam coolers that are really cute and awesome, but they're too small to reuse for anything just for medicine. And so they stockpile in my garage over a few months. And then I go. Go to the dump. And it's free for me to take them directly to the. Recycle. The Styrofoam recycling bin.
- [58:43]
Luke Burbank
You know what? I didn't even look for that. So I will look for that next time. But I did, in this case, just. There's also a minimum, right? So, like, I threw the Styrofoam, which, again, I should have put it in. If there was Styrofoam recycling, I didn't notice it. But all that was to say, like, to me, it's like, well, how am I gonna. How am I gonna dump. How am I gonna illegally dump this? And I thought, or I could spend $7 and just. Just put it where it goes or whatever. So that's another thing. Next time, if you find yourself in that predicament, you could just actually take it to the dump. It would be kind of an extreme behavior. You'd be paying, yeah, probably, what, $10 to dispose of your rotten shrimp.
- [59:18]
Andrew Walsh
I think it's a little bit more than. I think it'd be, like, closer to 25, but still, like, it's still the right. I'm trying to slightly wrong on that. But that is this thing where it's like, recycling is totally free. If it's just because last time I went through, I'm like, hey, I have a whole bunch. I pulled up and my backseat is just filled with Styrofoam, some of these coolers, and then, you know, Styrofoam from other things we had purchased. And I pull up and there's this woman, I really like her, who always kind of works in the little booth there. As you pull in, she says, ah, looks like you're doing some recycling of Styrofoam today. And I said, that's right. And I said, I also just have one half bag of trash from my garage. Can I throw that away, too? She said, the recycling is free. You throw that half bag of garbage away, it's going to cost you, like, 25, 28 bucks or something. And she's like, just take that back home. And I said, we'll do. Because the thing is, you can go from a half a bag of garbage or literally, like, I think a pack of the refuse from a pack of refuse. That's not the right word. Yeah, refuse from a pack of gum. Anything from that to like, I don't know, £3 million is $25. So she's like, it's not worth you paying the high cost of that. But to go back to the story really quickly, so I don't I don my Orioles hat. So some poor. Some poor tourists from Baltimore is probably in jail right now for illegal dumping. I get back home, as I get back home and park, the truck drives by our house and I'm like, why did I still, to this day, don't know why I thought the truck had missed me. But again, I was so panicked over the state of this.
- [60:48]
Luke Burbank
You're not making rational decisions.
- [60:50]
Andrew Walsh
It was so gross. It was so, so gross. And I was not rational. I got back home and I did that whole thing, including, although I gotta say, looking back, I don't know, man. I. I don't know. I think throwing that fish away in my recent. My composable bin is okay. But given the whole adventure, you know, now about. Maybe that wouldn't have been very nice to the.
- [61:13]
Luke Burbank
To the number of Jersey mics.
- [61:16]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [61:17]
Luke Burbank
You would have owed them.
- [61:18]
Andrew Walsh
I could have gone to the dump.
- [61:19]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Seriously. So. All right, we better wrap things up because I am running off. I am about to embark on a truly unhinged week of travel for work stuff. Andrew, I'm happy to announce I don't think very little of which I think will affect us is the good news. Oh, well, maybe later on the week we can talk about that. But the point is, I'm going to go to the Nike campus right now to talk about the 40th anniversary of the Air Jordan sneakers. If there's ever a story that I was excited for them to assign me, It's Jordan's turning 40.
- [61:55]
Andrew Walsh
Can you do a little side story about the success of the Oregon Ducks?
- [61:59]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I'm asking. I've asked the management there at CBS if I can wedge in as much Pro Oregon Duck content as possible, then I'm going to be down in Los Angeles. Then I'll be doing wait Wait in Chicago. Then we're going to Vegas for a vow renewal from Becca's family that I'm going to New York. So that's the plan. We'll see if I survive it. We'll see if the show survives it. But in the meantime, that's going to wrap it up for today's episode. We will be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. I'll be in la. Hope to join you all. You will be able to join us. That is, I hope you can join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Monday. Take care of yourselves and please remember, no mountain too tall.
- [62:36]
Andrew Walsh
And good luck to all.
- [62:47]
Luke Burbank
Power out.