← TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
#4462 Do Electric Lukes Dream of Waymos?
01:14:45
Luke “The Birthday Boy” Burbank just learned about the free soda situation in his hotel lounge, and life may never be the same again. He also had a very confusing soda-based interaction with a take-out restaurant.
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- [00:01]
Luke Burbank
Do you live in a hole or boat? Neither. Okay, I didn't get that. I think you chose boat. Is that right? No. Okay, let's move on. Is your boat a C class licensed boat or is your boat used for commercial fishing? Okay, I think you've chosen commercial fishing. Now I'm going to need your boat's name. What is going on here? Okay, I think you've said targets.
- [00:26]
Andrew Walsh
Is this correct? No.
- [00:29]
Luke Burbank
Just to make sure I've gotten all the information correct, I'm going to need to confirm a few more things. I need some help, please. Your name is Eric Target. Is this correct? Okay, I'll go ahead and make that change. Great. I've made the change. Your wife's new legal name is Target.
- [00:46]
Andrew Walsh
Target.
- [00:46]
Luke Burbank
Is this okay? No.
- [00:50]
Andrew Walsh
Great. Tbtl.
- [00:56]
Luke Burbank
You stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerve herder. Oh, my God.
- [01:02]
Andrew Walsh
That is still good meat on that fish, kid.
- [01:06]
Luke Burbank
Am I lying? No. Oh, my God.
- [01:10]
Andrew Walsh
This is crazy.
- [01:12]
Luke Burbank
Did you see that Liam Neesons movie with them wolves, though? The one with them big ass wolves and Liam Neesons? Liam Neesons is my. Oh, Liam Neesons straight jacked up them wolves, man. And don't even get me started on that one. When they took this daughter straight token Mike.
- [01:27]
Andrew Walsh
If they do good, put it on YouTube. If they do bad, cancel it.
- [01:34]
Luke Burbank
All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.
- [01:43]
Andrew Walsh
We're getting medium play on three independent radio stations in Central Europe.
- [01:48]
Luke Burbank
My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Hello, everyone. Coming to you from Chicago, Illinois, here on the banks of Lake Michigan, where for the second time in three weeks, I'm here to help out with the Wait, wait, don't tell me. Radio program. And you know, you know why I'm here. I did not win last time. And I've made it my goal, not so much to be funny, which is of course the point of that show, but to try to win in a pointless news quiz. That's what I'm focusing on when we tape the show tonight. My focus right now is here on this episode of TBTL. It's episode 4462 in a collector series.
- [02:26]
Andrew Walsh
Let the fun begin.
- [02:29]
Luke Burbank
Interesting story out of Texas, where the Texas lottery has come under fire. The person in charge of it has had to step down because they allowed a guy from Tasmania to run a totally legal but totally savage burn on the Texas state lottery a few years ago. And that cash could really get me out of a couple of jams if you've got $25 million in a dream, I might have a way for you to win a lot of money in Texas. We'll talk about that. So a guy said something in passing, not really in passing, but not for my ears when I was at the hotel in Los Angeles. And I can't for some reason get out of my head. And it makes.
- [03:05]
Andrew Walsh
I've.
- [03:06]
Luke Burbank
I've been walking around across multiple state lines now since we last recorded the show, just in a one way argument with this guy, particularly for one word that he used. You're a gross person. So we'll maybe get into that. Time permitting. We'll definitely make time for the blursdays, AKA the Thursday activity on this program. We do that every Thursday and we're gonna do it today. And of course we're gonna talk to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships Ziggle Zagat.
- [03:35]
Andrew Walsh
Let's get back at it.
- [03:36]
Luke Burbank
He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.
- [03:39]
Andrew Walsh
Good morning, Luke. I have a little piece of tape I want to play for you here, but really, really brief anecdote that I literally am just now realizing. When you and I were doing the soundcheck, I'd run in here at the very last minute to dial up with you. And you and I were doing the sound check and I was sort of like kind of getting my stuff all arranged around me the way I like to do it for the show. And I had like my keys in my pocket. I took the wallet out of my back pocket. Cause I don't like my wallet in my back pocket. But I'm like, where's my watch? And I'm padding all of the four important pockets on me. Chest pockets, hip pockets. Where's my watch? Where's my watch? Must have left it in the bathroom. Must have left it somewhere. That's okay. I can get through the show without a watch. I'm just now realizing it's on my wrist. That's where watches belong. It was on my wrist.
- [04:23]
Luke Burbank
Place you look.
- [04:24]
Andrew Walsh
It's on my wrist the whole time. So good story there.
- [04:26]
Luke Burbank
What color is that watch? Is it a gold watch? Wait, I was just trying to do a Christopher Walkin. Started sounding it. It went somewhere. It went into Forest Gump, that Jenny gold watch.
- [04:40]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, now you're living on the edge.
- [04:44]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Is it like. That's a really good question. To do a Forrest Gump impression, which is itself, I think, sort of kind of Questionable. I don't mean to. Yeah, Besmirch the legend of Tom Hanks, by the way. I want to apologize in advance. They've put me over on the Michigan Avenue side of this hotel, which I'm really enjoying. I'm looking over at whatever they call Soldier Field now in Chicago, and lots of trees in the lake, so I'm enjoying the view. But it is a loud environment, so you're gonna hear fire trucks, you're gonna hear people honking. There's gonna be a lot of stuff happening in the background.
- [05:16]
Andrew Walsh
Well, right now it's being masked by the TBTL intro music that's playing. But actually, if I can just pull this down for one second here, because I can't play two things at once.
- [05:32]
Luke Burbank
Is this for broadcast, Barry?
- [05:34]
Andrew Walsh
That's right. Happy blursday, broad.
- [05:37]
Luke Burbank
He's already checked in from Bangkok today.
- [05:39]
Andrew Walsh
I wish that he shared a birthday with somebody else connected to the show. Happy blurs day, Luke.
- [05:44]
Luke Burbank
Hey. Thank you. Yes. 49.
- [05:47]
Andrew Walsh
I didn't mention anything until this time.
- [05:49]
Luke Burbank
Oh, no, no, no. I don't. I can't remember the last time we sort of discussed this. Our feelings about birthdays. Your feelings are pretty well known, that it's something that you are not. You don't mind it if people wish you a happy birthday, but also it's not something that you're not one of those people that's gonna make a huge deal out of your own birthday. And. And there were times when you were very secretive about it. You've kind of come down more in the middle, I would say. Now, would that be accurate? Yeah.
- [06:13]
Andrew Walsh
I mean, I still actually prefer when people don't wish me a happy birthday the best way. It's really hard to do this, but the best way to wish me a happy birthday is to not wish me a happy birthday. But generally speaking, despite what you just heard, I'm more chill about it than I used to be.
- [06:27]
Luke Burbank
You are? No. I've noticed that there was a period of time where I feel like you didn't want me to know what the day was. And then people were feeding it to me through back channels, and then I was six months out trying to decide what my play was going to be. But I have to say, I think I'm. As the years progress, maybe some of this. It just has to do with aging or whatever, but I'm moving closer to where you are on it. Whereas I've never been a big. As they would say on. On the descendant podcast program, the Dan LeBatard Show, I've never been a. Look at me, Louie, about my birthday. I'm getting. I'm getting even less so. So, for instance, I'm doing. Wait, wait, don't tell me tonight. And my goal and my hope is to go through the entire event without it ever coming up. Certainly I would not bring it up, but I'm hoping it, and I don't think it will, but I'm hoping it hasn't landed on the radar of anyone at the show. The last thing I would want is for there to be a birthday wish to me in front of the crowd.
- [07:20]
Andrew Walsh
Has it ever happened on that show?
- [07:22]
Luke Burbank
I don't think I've ever been doing it. I don't know if I've been there on my birthday before, so. And as far as other people's birthdays, I can't really call to mind. So I don't mean on. Like, it wouldn't be on the radio broadcast, but it might just be the case that if somebody knew, they might say, oh, you know, Luke Burbank's here because they kind of introduce us to the live audience before the show starts. I just want. I don't want to be talking about my birthday with anyone who's not, like, in my immediate family or maybe you or. You know what I mean? Like, I don't. I don't need peace and love, but I don't really need to have this moment with Robert Newhouse, you know, And I love all these people, but it's just like, what? Happy birthday. Thanks. Another year, you know, around the sun. Like, what do you say?
- [08:01]
Andrew Walsh
Hey, short timer.
- [08:02]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, right. Here's the thing. Here's. Here's where I think it's starting to get extra weird for me, Andrew. We have a tradition at the Livewire radio show. Whenever on somebody on the staff, it's their birthday, there's a digital card that is circulated. There's an email that goes out. Everybody sign the card. We all sign the card. They sent me the card this morning. I cannot for the life of me bring myself to open it.
- [08:22]
Andrew Walsh
I think. I think there's.
- [08:24]
Luke Burbank
Can you relate to that? Yeah, I don't want to. It's like, what a weird impulse. Like, people who I legitimately love, I work with them, I respect them, I love them as people. I appreciate. They're so kind to me and so supportive and, like, I so appreciate the friendship, but I don't wanna. Some reason I got the email this morning. I clicked. I started to click on the card and I just said, I'm not ready for this.
- [08:50]
Andrew Walsh
What if they put your severance package in there? That would be, that would really be something. They're like, luke, have you opened that yet?
- [08:59]
Luke Burbank
Luke, we really need you to open that email. So we had to put it somewhere else where we knew he'd never see it. And it was a digital birthday card. So again, it's such privilege. And I want to be also, I want to be like, I want to be clear about this. I am so privileged. The only way that I can. The only reason I get to feel this way is because I'm so privileged in my life that people, I'm so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who are so kind to me. And I know that we have listeners who struggle with loneliness and there's a lot of people in the world that, that, that crave connection in a certain way because it's harder to find for them for whatever reason. And I am like, this is. This is because of the fact that I feel so loved that I can then basically sort of pass on what is essentially pure uncut Colombian attention from, from the people who love me. And I can just go, nah, not today. Only because I feel very safe in the knowledge that I'm. That I'm loved. So that's a real position of privilege. But that being said, I just, because I was like, I don't. I could not bring myself to read this thing that in every other context it should just be only a good thing.
- [10:06]
Andrew Walsh
You know, I do feel like from my reaction to that, you know, my wanting to like kind of bury, you know, any kind of birthday greetings or whatever on my, on my special day, I got to say, I do come by it honestly and I know I'm retreading some kind of well worn territory here regarding my lore. Regarding my lore, but I told you, I came across that photo of me as a kid on his birthday, maybe his fourth, no, probably like fifth or sixth birthday or whatever. And there's a huge loving family, extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles, all singing Happy Birthday to me. And I'm sitting there in front of a very like, fancy cake that I think is like, I think my mom made it, but decorated it so that it was actually like a three dimensional recreation of my grade school or something like that, which is actually interesting now that I think about it. Yeah, the school wasn't exactly a happy place for me. Right.
- [10:58]
Luke Burbank
How about like your bike? It was something that's purely positive, but.
- [11:02]
Andrew Walsh
It was like a really cool cake. And there I am, a little kid and I'm Literally putting my hands over my ears. Not as a joke and not to be a jerk, but because I simply cannot handle that attention in the moment. And I think about that, and just like you sort of talking about how different people would react to this differently, and it might. I don't think you were trying to draw a direct correlation between where people feel loved or lonely or whatever. And there's always being a direct kind of correlation between that and how they feel about their birthday. I know you weren't trying to take that big swing, but it did get me sort of thinking a little bit there. Like, yeah, like, if I had been brought up differently, would I feel different about my birthday? But I'm like, no. I think that photo proves that very early on, like, I was locked in on this. You know what I mean? I mean, it wasn't like, a lack of. You sometimes talk about, like you said, you grew up, you know, not rich, but certainly secure, and you. You felt love. Right? And that's something that you talk about, which I think is important. And clearly I did, too. You know what I mean? I grew up in that. That photo.
- [12:07]
Luke Burbank
An entire barbecue system named after you. Okay, if that's not love.
- [12:12]
Andrew Walsh
That's right. But there was just something always in me, I think, that just cringed from that kind of direct attention, no matter who it was from and no matter how safe I felt.
- [12:23]
Luke Burbank
And yet, when I was a kid, I was clamoring for that attention, whether it was like, I wanted to be Pharaoh in the school play at Pillar of Fire elementary School or I wanted to be. I was stealing Steven Wright's standup material to get on stage at the Stars of Tomorrow. Like, I very much craved that kind of attention for, like, a lot of my life. And it's only in my later years here where it feels. I mean, again, the birthday thing is kind of. It's just to keep peeling layers off of this onion that everyone wished we would have thrown away now hours ago. The other thing, you'd think I'd be more into my birthday because, honestly, we weren't a big birthday family. Like, I can remember, like, in my childhood, it was worldly. It was fresh. No, you know, it just because, like, a lot of kids, not a, you know, as we said, not a ton of resources. We weren't. We were never the kind of family where it's like, okay, it's so and so's birthday, and here's what we're doing. There's gonna be. It's, it's, it's. It's Star wars themed. And everyone's getting a. We're inviting all your friends. Everyone's getting a gift bag. There's a. We're going. We're going to go do laser tag. We're going to. Like, that was. None of that was part of the deal. As a kid, you would get a cake baked, a homemade cake would be baked, and there would be the singing of Happy birthday. And there would be a kind of a random present that you had not ever specifically requested that was somehow, you know, it had turned up somewhere, probably secondhand. And then in later years, we started to do this deal where sometimes we could kind of put a request in for a present, but then there would be a negotiation. I've told the story of how I got a vision Gator skateboard for my birthday that my dad had picked up. And then he said, but I know that you have that $40 from that other thing you were doing, so if you want to kick that to me, then that'll. We'll go skateboard. You give me the $40. That's the gift. Like, that was the. That was the energy around birthdays when I was a kid. And so you could kind of see a world in which I became like, if. Like if I was a bat. I'm just gonna say this because I'm in Gotham today. I'm in Chicago. If I was a Batman villain who was called what the birthday boy who's like that. My whole thing is birthdays, and somehow I use birthdays for evil. The origin story of that guy would be like, he didn't ever really get a very good birthday as a kid.
- [14:48]
Andrew Walsh
I don't think you know this, but you just said something very offensive to me.
- [14:54]
Luke Burbank
I called Chicago Gotham.
- [14:56]
Andrew Walsh
I do not believe that Chicago was the model for Gotham. I believe that is a New York City.
- [15:01]
Luke Burbank
But it's where Christopher Nolan shot all of the. His Batman movies.
- [15:04]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, so you did say that knowing.
- [15:07]
Luke Burbank
I said it knowing the Christopher Nolan connection. Not that I think it's that you. But, you know, but I was unclear. In fairness, you would do this to me on my birthday. Really?
- [15:14]
Andrew Walsh
I mean, that shit. I was just like. Like, I got something I know what.
- [15:18]
Luke Burbank
I want for my birthday from you. A little respect.
- [15:20]
Andrew Walsh
You know what I want for my birthday? For you to shut your yap.
- [15:24]
Luke Burbank
No, you're totally right. I don't think that when they were creating Batman, they were. Gotham was coded. It was Chicago coded. But I guess I think of it this as being very central to the latest versions, because when you're driving around, like, underneath Wacker Drive. It's this kind of, you know, elevated road, but then underneath, it's real kind of. Kind of scary vibe. There's lots of, like, smoke coming up from manhole covers and, like, kind of trash blowing along in the wind. And. And it's where they shot a lot of those, like, crazy chase scenes with whatever the. You know, the. The latest version of the Batmobile is. But anyway, you're correct. I will absolutely agree that. That that New York is the backdrop for Gotham.
- [16:06]
Andrew Walsh
But I do like your idea of a super villain called the Birthday boy, though. That is pretty good. I think there's a lot to work with there.
- [16:13]
Luke Burbank
I know. How would. How would they be using birthdays for evil, though?
- [16:16]
Andrew Walsh
Well, the first thing I thought of was you're throwing little presents at people that are actually bombs. But I realized that probably garner a lawsuit from the Smurfs creators, because wasn't that. Who was.
- [16:29]
Luke Burbank
Heyo.
- [16:29]
Andrew Walsh
Was it Crank? No. Cranky Smurf or Pranky Smurf? What was Murph? That, like, you would untie the gift and it would blow up in your face, and they fell for it every time.
- [16:39]
Luke Burbank
There is a lot, though. I mean, you think you could bake people into a cake.
- [16:42]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, you could.
- [16:44]
Luke Burbank
I mean, you could do something that's different with a present. I mean, you could throw a. I am gonna throw Gotham a surprise party.
- [16:51]
Andrew Walsh
One that they won't soon forget.
- [16:53]
Luke Burbank
Yes, exactly. I mean, it' really. It's kind of right. It almost writes itself. The comedy. Comedy writes itself.
- [16:59]
Andrew Walsh
The comedy factor speaks for itself. It's Jokey Smurf, I believe. Is the smurf.
- [17:04]
Luke Burbank
Jokey Smurf?
- [17:05]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. No, you're absolutely right, though. Boy, we're doing good stuff. We're. We're creating ip. Not just on the show today, but on your birthday.
- [17:14]
Luke Burbank
Okay, so I have a quick question for you. You said you wanted to play a little tape for me at the top of the show. Was it the birthday music? Okay.
- [17:20]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [17:21]
Luke Burbank
I wanted to throw a couple of things out at you, and these are not. These are not particularly robust talk radio topics, but one of them is I. You know how I've been consuming what is probably a medically dangerous amount of fresco lately.
- [17:36]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, yeah.
- [17:36]
Luke Burbank
Because as I got really into it, as you and I have described, it kind of feels like a breakfast drink. Because it's kind of vaguely. It's like grapefruit adjacent airport.
- [17:45]
Andrew Walsh
You're sitting in an airport at like, seven in the morning, you get yourself a bag of, like, Just. Just plain salted pretzels and a Fresca that is the breakfast of champions.
- [17:55]
Luke Burbank
Really refreshing. But I just discovered something else here at this hotel. Well, first of all, this. The folks at this hotel that we're staying in, they messed up the last trip I was here because they hipped me to something that I did not even know was happening here. And that is there is like, what's called like an M Lounge. There's like, if you know, because this is a Bonvoy property, there's just, you know, a place with some tables and. And a little kitchen area. And I think they put out some snacks for like a happy hour, maybe some cheapo wine or something. But what it's really doing the rest of the time is it's got two refrigerators. Well, first of all, it's got coffee, which is amazing. I've been going across the street to the other hotel to the Starbucks to get coffee. There's coffee in the building, free all the time. And then they've got. These two refrigerators are just full of different kinds of soft drinks. So, you know, bubble water, as much bubble water as. As. As a boy could want. Different kinds of sodas. And like, this, I realize, is one of the big expenses of traveling is like getting your hands on some refrigerated water. You know, sometimes I have water in the room. The hotel I was at in LA, they had water in the room. It was $14. $14?
- [19:05]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, you can't even. You. I don't.
- [19:07]
Luke Burbank
It's $14 a bottle.
- [19:08]
Andrew Walsh
I don't blame you for not being able to. For choking on those words.
- [19:12]
Luke Burbank
It was $14 a bottle for this bottled water that was just. It was like, you know, was Fiji or whatever, but still it's a Fiji water. So like. And in fact, this is. This is get too long and too specific again and too involved. But like, sometimes I'll like, I'll do this move when I land late at night here in Chicago and I'm really hungry. As I'm coming to the hotel, I will try to doordash something to meet me in the hotel lobby. Because the door dasher can just leave it in the lobby. They don't have to wait for me. And the perfect crime is to, like, get here, come in, check in and look over and like, there's a, you know, some kind of a Mediterranean fare that I've ordered from somewhere or whatever. But the soda thing is always dodgy with these places because a lot of times they'll just like the last time I ordered from this place. It wouldn't let you pick the kind of soda you wanted. It just said Coke product. And so I chose it. But then I called them from the lift and I said, hey, I just put in a doordash order. And I was wondering if I could have a Diet Coke put in my order. And the woman said, sure, fine. And then when it showed up, it had like a Canfields fudge. So it was whatever the opposite of a Diet Coke is like. It was like an extra. It was like a Mountain Dew extra sugar papaya flavor.
- [20:24]
Andrew Walsh
Because the. The only menu option was a. It said, what Coke branded product or something.
- [20:30]
Luke Burbank
It just said, like, had a picture. What it really was was like a picture of like eight different kinds of sodas that I guess are all in the Coca Cola family. But you couldn't say, I want the Diet Coke. You just told them, I want something from the Coca Cola family, which if you think about it, is a really broad range of sodas that is absolutely bananas. Isn't that insane? But I was. But here's the thing. I was about to tuck into some like this, like gyro kind of a situation with rice and lettuce and tzatziki sauces. Hold this whole situation. I was like, I definitely need a soda to wash this down. So I thought, what I'll do is I'll just click on Coca Cola product or whatever, then I'll call them. And just because it was also like 11:30 at night. This is two trips ago. It's 11:30 at night. So it's like, you know, I'll get the person who's gonna. They can see on the computer my name and stuff. They'll just. I'll just ask them, hey, could you put this kind of soda in? The person seemed a little confused. I will mention there didn't seem to be a particular language barrier. It just seemed like they were like, okay, well, we. We can't do this till the order comes through. I'm like, well, I put the order in. Could you just maybe make a little note that when you see this order from Luke Burbank, it just says Coke product. Could you make the product a Diet Coke? She's like, yeah, okay, sure. So it shows up. And it is not only not a Diet Coke, it is. I can't. I wish I could even remember what the soda was. It was an unhinged soda.
- [21:46]
Andrew Walsh
Was it even a Coke product?
- [21:49]
Luke Burbank
No, I mean, it was made by a. Presumably.
- [21:51]
Andrew Walsh
Presumably.
- [21:52]
Luke Burbank
I don't know.
- [21:53]
Andrew Walsh
Sounds like they're totally off their. Off their nut, if you don't mind me saying.
- [21:57]
Luke Burbank
I don't. But it was like also, yeah, it was. It wasn't even like they gave me a regular Coke instead of a Diet Coke or a regular Pepsi or a Root beer. It was like a kind of a soda. It was a. It was an ambitious soda idea that I had never seen before that I should have taken a picture of because I could. It'd be more funny if I could give you the specifics of it, but it was a totally ludicrous flavor idea of soda that did me no good because it was also full sugar. And when I was mentioning this to the gal at the front desk and she goes, well, you know, we have soda and everything downstairs, I was like, huh? And I went down there with my key card, Andrew. And it was like when I scanned into this M lounge and opened the door, it was like Marcellus Wallace's soul from Pulp Fiction just came and washed over me. I was bathed in angelic light and voices. Because the idea now that when I get here, I can go down to that place and I can get my current. Currently, Andrew, I've got four lime bubbly waters here. Am I gonna drink those? I don't know, but they were free and I've got them in the mini fridge now. And also what I grabbed was this is where I'm going with all this. Orange Crush, zero sugar.
- [23:05]
Andrew Walsh
Okay, well, you had me at the Orange Crush and you lost the zero sugar. You know, I'm not a big fan of kind of zero sugar drinks, with the exception of Fresca, because I never knew that Fresco was a drink that was like, marketed towards people who didn't want a lot of sugar. I just thought it was a really crisp, good flavor that I enjoyed. And with the exception of that, though, like, I don't usually like. I love orange soda so much. I just don't think that I'd be able to drink a sugar free version. I just think for my. I don't drink a lot of soda, but when I do, it's full sugar. So I think that would probably turn me off. I'm guessing.
- [23:43]
Luke Burbank
I think that the. Here's the thing, the fake sugar technology has gotten more convincing and, you know, with various, you know, Diet Coke famously doesn't really taste like regular Coke. Coke Zero tastes like regular Coke, if that makes sense. Because in the early days they couldn't get. They couldn't make it taste like Coke without putting sugar in it. So they had this other thing that was kind of One click off. And of course, famously, there are certain people, like our friend DJ Tuna, who now prefer the flavor of Diet Coke. It is their preferred flavor of a thing to drink. But they've gotten better with the zero sugar, to me, usually indicates we're going to make this taste exactly like the real thing or as close as we can. And I grew up loving an Orange Crush or a Slice.
- [24:29]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, me too.
- [24:30]
Luke Burbank
Like a citrusy soda on a warm day. I mean, that's just absolutely the best. And I don't know if I don't think they've been making this for very long. I don't. I think that probably, you know, just because, again, they've got the technology for it, that they've decided recently to look into this. And it's like, this is like. And it's. Maybe it's apropos here on. On the. My 49th year on this planet that I'm like, time traveling back to, let's just say my 12th year on this planet. I'm drinking this orange crushed soda right now in the hotel room, and it's really good. Look out, Fresca. There's a new zero calorie, vaguely citrusy soda on the horizon. And it's Orange Crush, zero sugar.
- [25:10]
Andrew Walsh
It's almost like if I thought of it, if somebody said, hey, do you want a bubbly water? And they gave me that, I'd probably enjoy it. I'm like, oh, this is a good flavor upgrade. But if they said, do you want a Crush? And then I said, yes, and they said there was zero sugar. Now I am focusing in on something that I think is the least interesting part of this conversation we're having. I think a more interesting thing is. Tell me about extracting four cans of. So we'll just call them soda. Yeah. From this free fridge, do you go down. Just grab one at a time, bring it up to your room, casually swangle by, as our friend will say, grab another one. Are you going down there with a little cooler and filling it up like a soda robber, like a soda grabber. And you're like. And just carrying them up to your room in a cooler or a bindle of some sort?
- [25:59]
Luke Burbank
This is the thing, Andrew. Week one, which is to say two weeks ago when I found out about.
- [26:05]
Andrew Walsh
This, I already love it.
- [26:07]
Luke Burbank
I was a fool. I was a damn fool. I went down there just and grabbed like maybe two, like, sparkling water cans. Maybe I put one in the. In the pocket of my, like, running shorts or something that I had on. And then I looked. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
- [26:25]
Andrew Walsh
Hello, sir.
- [26:25]
Luke Burbank
Making. Making friends in the elevator. Because also, I think at this point I was going down to get coffee as well. So basically I didn't have. I did not have, you know, enough free hands to bring back as much of this treasure as I wanted. Literally, when I got here last night, I was like, I'm taking a tote bag. I have a tote bag that I bring my audio gear and the equipment that I'm using right now to talk to you. It gets zipped up into a special zipper bag. And then that bag goes inside a tote bag that says SG Goodman on it, who's an amazing singer out of, I think, Kentucky. And because now the audio equipment is set up, I had an SG Goodman tote bag, which I specifically took with me to fill. I mean, not Phil. I didn't go insane. Although it was very hard for me to stifle that. Like, the fact that I emerged with three lime bubblies and one orange crushed, zero sugar and a cup of coffee. The fact that that was. It actually was me demonstrating restraint because I get. It's weird. You know, we've talked about, like, at work things when there's free food. You and I both kind of don't really go crazy on that because of probably some other stuff going on or whatever. I'm not a person who is necessarily. I get. I get triggered into kind of a weird state of mind by something being free. Except situations like this because it's like.
- [27:49]
Andrew Walsh
Like a lounge.
- [27:51]
Luke Burbank
A lounge where there's just all hey, all of the, like, how much water do you want? And like, I'm like, yeah, but what if I'm in my room and I'm thirsty and I only have one can of bubbly, but I finish it and I would. I'm like, man, I'm going to be bummed I don't have another one. Like, that creates this weird, like, false scarcity kind of thing in my mind where I'm like, well, I'm going to bring two, because I'm going to get two because they're free. And the worst outcome would be, I finished the first one and I want a second one. Well, what if I finish the second one and I want a third one? I mean, I'm already taking two. Okay, we're getting three. And this is how it gets out of control.
- [28:23]
Andrew Walsh
Now, again, I know that this is. This is a story I've already told you, but I can't resist. I had a co worker, and I mean, I guess I will shield their name A little bit here. They're not going to hear it anyway. But this is a coworker at a radio station early in my career who was the closest thing I would say to the face of the radio station, if that makes sense. Hosted the show that I worked on, which was the kind of mid morning public radio show, right? Like the show that everybody knew locally. And this person would come to office gatherings where there was going to be food. Like, I'm trying to think what it would be. Not somebody's birthday in the conference room. That would usually just be cake or something like that. But if it was any kind of like either whether it was on site or even if it was off site, she would come prepared with empty Tupperwares or like whatever. Glad wares or whatever they were, right? And she'd be like, yeah, I got to take it home for the fam. Like, she, like, it wasn't like, hey, we have some extra things. Anybody want to load this onto a paper plate? And in the moment you're like, sure, I'll take that home. The kiddo would love a little extra treat or something like that. Just rolling in hot with the, with the packaging that she could then fill up with food to take back home to avoid, like having to like figure out dinner for the evening. I was always like, wow, that is some strong energy there.
- [29:49]
Luke Burbank
That is something my mother would probably do. Although that would involve the planning step of bringing the Tupperware. I mean, I promise you my mother would be bringing home any kind of, you know, any kind of leave ins, whether it was a kind of a food she liked or not or you know, like. But yeah, coming prepared. And the fact that it was a. Maybe not a potluck, but I don't know how to describe it. Like there's something about that that's quite presumptuous to me because I mean, first of all, miss me with those leftovers. But theoretically, don't we all equally share in the spoils of this event? If we were going, if there was going to be like leftovers taken home, wouldn't it be sort of fair that everyone would take some home, not just.
- [30:28]
Andrew Walsh
One person and maybe there was enough to go around. I mean, and this is where I have my own hang ups too. I mean, there might be people listening right now who are like, well, that food is going to go to waste anyway. Like, why not? Sure. And, and the thing about it is, and I think you know this, but since you sort of put it that way, I guess it's worth considering Like I'm not sitting there thinking, well, gee, that means less for me. Like, that doesn't even come close. My feeling there, it's just like, because I'm not interested because I. The opposite of that. When there's a food thing, I'm kind of probably you know, not. Not going full throttle into it. Like, I just don't think about it that much. The idea of actually bringing, you know, containers so that you could then abscond with a bunch of leftovers is just so far away from anything I could even contemplate.
- [31:14]
Luke Burbank
Well, see, here's the thing with me, Andrew, and this is why I'm such a five tool player. I'm mad on. I don't want it either, but I'm mad on someone else's behalf who might want it.
- [31:22]
Andrew Walsh
Right, right.
- [31:23]
Luke Burbank
You know, like somebody else who was eyeing that leftover shrimp scampi. And then now it's like. And now LC is just swooping in.
- [31:36]
Andrew Walsh
I don't. That's.
- [31:37]
Luke Burbank
Did I guess correctly?
- [31:38]
Andrew Walsh
I have a feeling you're thinking of the right person, but you didn't nail the initials right.
- [31:42]
Luke Burbank
I did that. That's good. I did that to further make it further opaque.
- [31:47]
Andrew Walsh
I'm a little distracted here. In fact, I can't even believe that I've been able to form any of those sentences I just formed. And maybe I didn't. I'll go back and check out the tape later. Because I'm just on Coke's website and it's not easy. I can't. Like there's not just an easy to read list that I can find while I'm talking to you, but I'm going through and just choosing some of the things that are Coke products that you could have ended up with, including core power, 26 protein, high protein, milkshake, banana. You could have gotten that. You could have gotten a Fresca, actually.
- [32:20]
Luke Burbank
Which I would have taken. You know what I realized I can do, Andrew? I can go back in my orders history and I can't tell you what they sent me, but this could. This has got to be the show pick today. I ordered from a place called the Port of Peri Perry. And. And I'm just gonna send you this. Okay, I was a little bit wrong on the details, right? It's. It didn't. This actually, this. You're doing a very funny thing with this. And now I'm ruining it with reality.
- [32:52]
Andrew Walsh
Close the tabs. This is no longer relevant.
- [32:55]
Luke Burbank
Well, it doesn't. It didn't say Coke products. It just says this is kind of actually funnier in a way. It literally just says soda can. Okay, no, but actually no, Andrew, Andrew, stay where you are. You know what?
- [33:07]
Andrew Walsh
Stay where you are.
- [33:09]
Luke Burbank
Okay, so it just says soda can and then there's this very bad photoshopped like mountain of soda cans. I'm gonna send this to you. You're gonna love this. But then beneath that it says choice of Coke products in cans. So I wasn't wrong. Okay, but just didn't say Coke products as the headline. It said soda can as the headline. And then it has this crazy picture which shows a sun kissed with a Sprite balanced on top of it with a pep. Oh, you know what? No, this is definitely multi faith. There's a Coke and a Pepsi can in this. Oh geez. And Adam and Eve.
- [33:42]
Andrew Walsh
Where does it.
- [33:46]
Luke Burbank
Fill in the rest of that joke?
- [33:47]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, no, I dare. Anyway, I, I was thinking of a different joke. I won't go there. I won't go there. Luke, my question for you was going to be. Oh, is there. And there's no like field where you can like say like your choice of the. I mean I guess that's the whole grade out.
- [34:06]
Luke Burbank
So here's I'm going to do exactly. I'm going to take you through. Yes, Andrew, we're doing this. This is my birthday present to myself because this is exactly what I did like a week and a half ago in from the back of a lift coming from o' Hare. It says soda can, choice of Coke products in cans. And then it says preferences, add special instructions. So then I click on that and then it says user preference. And then it just says if the item is unavailable, substitute. And then you click on that and then it just says go with merchant recommendation. And then below that there's something that says the store has chosen not to accept special requests. Like as if the kind of soda from this pyramid of soda, as if that's a special request saying like, like. So in other words, they think that people who are maybe going to get a, who are really hoping for a Canada dried ginger ale would be completely fine with a. Like a Dr. Pepper or a sun kissed orange.
- [35:06]
Andrew Walsh
I'm sort of starting to come around on this now. Now not from your perspective because you're looking for something like you don't want a sugary drink, which is fair, but I'm starting to get like vibes of and I might end up being wrong about this, but like a grade school maybe like in school pizza party or could it even be maybe like a field trip or something where they just say, you're going to get, you know, like a bologna sandwich and a can of pop. We call the pop growing up. And it's not really your choice. It's like, well, you're going to get either an orange, a grape or a root beer. Sort of like, was there a time in your life where you sort of feel like as a kid they were just giving you something and calling it pop or probably soda for you?
- [35:49]
Luke Burbank
Well, yes, or versions of that were just basically you didn't, you just didn't have a lot of say in the matter. But that's the thing, Andrew. This is why, this is why being an adult rules and being a kid drools. Because as an adult who's paying $2 for this can of soda and calling them and asking if it can please be a Diet Coke, it seems like that's one of the perks of adulthood is that you don't just get the soda that they feel like handing you. You get to say, this is the one that I prefer. And I'm gonna go with that. But I do remember that being a kid, a lot of that seemed to come down to like fun size bags of snack chips.
- [36:27]
Andrew Walsh
Oh yeah.
- [36:28]
Luke Burbank
Because you know, those would sometimes come in these kind of variety packs and like, but the variety would be like some, maybe like a little bag of Doritos or a bag of Fritos or a bag of Lays. I think they'd all be in the, you know what the lay's family or something. But that's a big difference when you're a kid too. Like if it's a pre packed lunch at school, you're going on a field trip, they're brown bagging it. Everyone's getting a brown bag and it's got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in it, a banana, a thing of milk, and then a bag of some kind of chips. It's like the difference between Fritos and lay's potato chips. It's a big deal. It's a big difference.
- [37:03]
Andrew Walsh
Do you remember when we as a society, or maybe the parents of America believed that a single ply of tin foil was some sort of miraculous refrigeration system? Because the only time my cans of pop were wrapped up in tinfoil was when we were going on field trips. And there was something specific about that too. Like, and again, now I'm talking about the ones that like my family would pack me, right? Like my mom would probably pack me a brown bag lunch, as you say, because we're going to like some museum or like we're in Ohio, I'm a kid. We're probably going to like some sort of outdoor history type of situation, maybe where somebody's dressed up in some sort of old timey clothes and sweeping out a pantry with like a.
- [37:56]
Luke Burbank
And staying in character.
- [37:57]
Andrew Walsh
And staying in character, but then teaching us about history or something. I don't know what, I don't know what the hell I was doing as a kid, but I feel like I was going on those kinds of field trips. And then it would be like, okay, it's noon, it's lunchtime, we're taking a break. And then you would open up the brown paper bag, the only thing you've been thinking about since you got on that bus in the morning. And then you peel off the tin foil or the aluminum foil, maybe, I should say, and you got it like a grape can of soda in there. And it's like it's lunchtime. Bologna sandwich and a can of soda. But thank goodness there was a single ply sheet of aluminum foil around it because that's what kept it cold all day.
- [38:34]
Luke Burbank
Also, the entire premise of that is so weird to me because it's like your lunch bag was going to sit in your desk at school on a regular day or it was going to go in some cubby or your locker maybe, if that's where you stored it. I don't think that there were any temperature implications for that soda that were different if you were at Colonial Valley City.
- [38:56]
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
- [38:57]
Luke Burbank
Or at your school. Right. Think about it. It's either sitting in a locker or it's sitting somewhere on a school bus or whatever. Like the idea that the temperature of the soda needed to be regulated differently. It's kind of interesting to me, but I totally remember that move.
- [39:11]
Andrew Walsh
Well, I think for me it was because we didn't take soda to school on a normal day. That's also one of the reasons it was so special. Like for me, I usually go to school and I think I would buy. Even if it was a. Even if my parents had packed me a lunch, I'm pretty sure I would buy a thing of milk or chocolate milk at school for like, maybe. Could it have. I mean, I'm an old man here, Luke. Could as are you Happy blurs day? By the way, could it have been a quarter, 50 cents maybe for milk? One of those little things of milk that nobody.
- [39:41]
Luke Burbank
Oh, it was five cents at my school.
- [39:42]
Andrew Walsh
Whoa.
- [39:42]
Luke Burbank
Five cents at Daniel Bagley. It was probably heavily subsidized. But because, but, but it was I remember because I eventually started stealing lunch in my school. And, and the, the reason was because, I mean, first of all, I want to be clear. I was sent with a lunch that was. That was totally fine and sort of, I am. My life was not that Dickensian, like where I didn't have money, or rather, I didn't have lunch. I just didn't like the lunch my mom sent with me, sent me with. And I wanted to get, you know, macho nachos or like a sp. P. A rectangular slice of pizza. And so there was. There was two lines. Or there were. Sorry, there was one line. No, there was two. One line was the milk line. So if your parents sent you with your lunch, but you did want to buy milk, you would get in this one line. And then if you were getting your full on lunch, you would be in this other line, but they were just next to each other. And if you're getting your full on lunch, you would show your lunch card and then they would, you know, you'd go over and get your pizza or whatever. And what I realized at some point was I could just bring a nickel, get in the milk line, go over to where the milk was, and then just kind of slip into the full lunch line. And it turns out, Andrew, Seattle public schools were not carefully policing the fourth graders and the lunch they might want to get. It turns out nobody cared, probably. But that was my move. For. For a whole year. I would just. I would just. So I knew exactly what the price of milk was, which was 5 cents. Sense.
- [41:07]
Andrew Walsh
Do you think that the fake mustache you wore helped, though, as you were pulling this?
- [41:11]
Luke Burbank
I actually think it made it worse. I think it called a little bit more. That's why I had to see the school psychiatrist. And look at, look at. I always say this wrong. Take a Rorschach test. Roar. Shock. It's not shark, right?
- [41:23]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, yes, Rorschach. Yes.
- [41:24]
Luke Burbank
I had to do. I. That was actually because I got in so many fights, which was not. Not.
- [41:29]
Andrew Walsh
Wait, they didn't really give you Rorschach?
- [41:31]
Luke Burbank
Yes.
- [41:31]
Andrew Walsh
Wait, really?
- [41:32]
Luke Burbank
Andrew? Listen, I'm 49 years old, okay? Let me tell you something. I went. When I went to Daniel Bagley Elementary School, I had to see the school therapist or. I don't know what her exact accreditation was, but the, you know, counselor there, who was a very, in my mind, very old woman, she was probably. She was probably 49, but she seemed impossibly old to me. And among other things, she made me look at ink blots. That was A thing that was still being practiced also. They still spanked you there at the public school.
- [42:01]
Andrew Walsh
We got spanked. We had this. Yeah, I told you about Mr. Simmons. He was a real son of a gun. He would, like, save that.
- [42:07]
Luke Burbank
Was that a public school also?
- [42:08]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, yeah. And he would save a paddle for each year, and everybody would sign it. It was like kind of a rite of passage to go through.
- [42:13]
Luke Burbank
No, thanks, Gauntlet.
- [42:15]
Andrew Walsh
And he was. He was. He was really cruel to me. But. Yeah, but hold on, though.
- [42:20]
Luke Burbank
So there were some. My point in that is there were some, like, really ancient holdovers of both psychiatry and punishment.
- [42:26]
Andrew Walsh
I don't. Listen here. What I don't know about Rorschach tests could fill a book. But I feel like that also probably is true for whoever was giving you the Rorschach test back in 1986. Like, I don't know if that is something that is no longer considered a useful tool. Like, I literally don't know if you told me that some psychiatrists or therapists still use it and, you know, it can kind of be an insight into someone's way of thinking. I would actually believe that. Or if somebody told me, like, no, no, that's a dusty old thing and nobody use it anymore. I don't know. But what I do know is it was probably a more involved, like, sort of, I don't know, modality or whatever than the people in your grade school had a handle on. You know what I mean? Like, I just don't. I don't. Who was analyzing your answers on that? Were they sending them off? Were they sending them out to D.C. where they had a laboratory of people, like, saying whether or not Luke Burbank was gonna grow up to be a psychopath.
- [43:25]
Luke Burbank
They were sending him off to the Chicago. The University of Chicago psychiatry department where they were being studied by the greatest minds. I believe Freud was there at the time. Yeah, like, that's a really good point. It's funny that you said that. I would equally believe that the Rorschach test has been completely and totally debunked. And I would also believe that they. It turns out it was more predictive than we thought. Yeah, I would. I would read either of those New York Magazine stories.
- [43:48]
Andrew Walsh
Yes. I have no idea.
- [43:50]
Luke Burbank
I would listen to either of those New York Magazine stories read by automation while on the treadmill. I got caught by automation the other day, and I was mad at it. I was listening to a story. I was listening to, like, an article on tape through the New York Times thing. And it. I'M trying to remember. Oh, it was. It's the story about a guy who's been in a ton of legal trouble. He's a sort of a. I don't know. He's this guy who was selling jewelry, but then he was basically connected up with all these celebrities and, you know, Anyway, just a tangled legal web of this particular guy. But I'm listening along and I'm listening along, and then I noticed two things. One was that this person reading this article said, like, it was something like 7 to 0. Like, let's just say the score of a game was 7 to 0 or 50 to 0. And the thing just said it was 500 or whatever. Like, it just said it wrong. And I was like, did the person just misread that? And then I was listening, and then they got to the name Manny Pacquiao.
- [44:52]
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
- [44:53]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Who's, of course, a boxer from the Philippines and politician and karaoke star, among other things. And this person. This person I put in quotes, just reading along, and they just said, like. And also that he had an association with Manny Pacao. Like, just said it just like. Yeah, but not even. Like. They were just pronouncing it in the, like, more tagalic way or whatever. They were like, just. It was like the computer didn't know what to say with the letters in that order. And you just, like, your human ear can quickly pick up when the computer's glitching. And I was literally mad at myself that this was kind of the first I was piecing it together because it felt like, oh, shit, they're getting better. Getting better than from, like, three weeks ago when I tried to start listening to one that said read by AI. And then. But then I was on high alert for it. I mean, that's really what the story here is. It's about expectation, I think, because when I was listening to some story a while ago and it said read by AI, I tried to give it a listen. I think it was a New Yorker story about your kids getting you sick, written by Katherine Schultz. And I couldn't get through it because I kept hearing the AI Thing do dumb stuff. But because this one didn't have a disclaimer, I didn't figure out till it tried to say Manny Pacquiao. And then I was like, oh, no, they got me on this one.
- [46:03]
Andrew Walsh
That's like, what is the name of the test at the beginning of Blade Runner? You're not a. You're not huge into the Blade run.
- [46:10]
Luke Burbank
You know, I rewatched it a while ago.
- [46:13]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, the Voight Kampf test.
- [46:15]
Luke Burbank
Oh, good memory.
- [46:16]
Andrew Walsh
No, no, no. I looked it up. I was sort of stalling there because I couldn't remember it. And it's at the beginning of Blade Runner, it's like humans are running this test on people that you think are also humans, but they're trying to figure out if actually these are robots. Right. Essentially. Not really robots.
- [46:32]
Luke Burbank
Kind of a Turing test of sorts.
- [46:34]
Andrew Walsh
And they're not robots. Right. They're clones, I think is the thing. But anyway, I would say that the Void Kampf test of AI is ask it to say Sepulveda. Well, this is probably very dated now. I'm sure they got a good handle on it now. But I remember back when I was in LA, and this is 10 years ago now, driving around using Waze, and it would just be like, take a right on Sepulveda. And I'd be like, yeah, you're not a local.
- [47:01]
Luke Burbank
I had a moment with that. I was on my way to be on this podcast, and la, this is many years ago, and I was using the mapping function in the car, and it correctly pronounced coanga.
- [47:15]
Andrew Walsh
Oh.
- [47:16]
Luke Burbank
And I was, like, shocked. Shocked. I was like, oh. I mean, that was. That was another moment of being like, they're learning. Because that is a word that, you know, you would not imagine that some kind of a, you know, Waze robot.
- [47:29]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
- [47:29]
Luke Burbank
Take a left on Coho.
- [47:32]
Andrew Walsh
Yes. Right. Oh, that was a. That was a Waymo.
- [47:36]
Luke Burbank
No, no, no, it was. Oh, by the way, they do have Waymo in LA now.
- [47:38]
Andrew Walsh
I know. I was gonna ask. Did you end up getting into one of those?
- [47:41]
Luke Burbank
I didn't, because where I was trying to. Basically, they didn't service the area where we were filming. We're filming at this place called Vibrato Jazz Club up in Bel Air. And for some reason, they didn't go all the way up there. But I. I will. Will. I will say that, you know, if I'm in a place now where there are Waymo about and it's faster or even equal to a human ride, I don't. Am I being a bad person if I do that? I mean, first of all, the novelty is. Obviously, I'm interested in the novelty of it, but I also just. I mean, for one thing, I don't have to worry about if I'm gonna have a conversation or not with the robot. I don't have to worry about tipping. I don't have to. You know, I mean, I do feel like I'm. Is it bad if I'm costing humans Jobs that are oftentimes sort of grinding down the humans who are doing those jobs. You know, like, is it a bad thing for me to, for me to. Yeah. Basically go towards the robot driver that.
- [48:37]
Andrew Walsh
I don't know. I, I guess. Have we had this conversation? I don't think we talked.
- [48:41]
Luke Burbank
Do Electric Luke's Dream of Waymo.
- [48:44]
Andrew Walsh
That's the show title. My bell's across the table. Thank you. I, I hadn't, I guess I hadn't thought about it from a moral standpoint as far as like kind of jobs or whatever. Like, God, I don't even want to talk about this because I feel like I've already been fumbling around too much today and this is like way outside my pay grade on that. Like, obviously I, I am, you know, supportive of labor rights and that type of thing. But like there are all kinds of job. But I mean, like, well, I mean, wouldn't that be the same question about me preferring to use the self checkout at the grocery store? And I definitely unapologetically choose the self check out. Now I'm almost always buying beer or I'm almost always trying to balance too many things on that little tiny scale. So I'm always interacting with a human being at some point anyway.
- [49:33]
Luke Burbank
You have to buy that beer to try to preserve those jobs, right?
- [49:36]
Andrew Walsh
Exactly. So I'm doing it for them, Doctor. But anyway, yeah, like, I don't know, I hadn't thought about it from a moral standpoint. Like if the technology is there and you prefer that technology, I don't think you have to go to a more old fashioned way of doing things simply because it is more humor, human interaction.
- [49:55]
Luke Burbank
I don't, Well, I was, I was having. And we're, we haven't even gotten to a top story. We still need to of course do the Dazzlers and the Blurs and all that, but. So I don't want to open up a whole new sort of thing here. But I did have. When. So yesterday in the afternoon. We were filming in la. We were filming at actually this studio. It's called Squeaky Clean, but it used to be called Crystal Studios. It's where like Stevie Wonder recorded songs in the Key of Life. We're like in the room where he recorded. It was very cool. And it was more of this conversation with the band War. Then we went and drove around in lowriders and stuff. But like I had to jump out of the lowrider. I was like in the lowrider calling a lift. This is increasing me my increasingly my.
- [50:40]
Andrew Walsh
Life Is that the first time anybody's ever called those?
- [50:43]
Luke Burbank
I don't think those words have ever been said in that order. You're absolutely right. So I'm. Because I had a flight from lax. We were over in, we were in a far across town and that's like an hour plus trip at any time of the day or night now in Los Angeles. And I, so anyway, point was I'm in this lowrider. They have all these GoPros set up. These guys are this lowrider guys driving it. I've got the band in there, we're talking about how they're going to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. We're driving down Hollywood Boulevard, there's a chase car that's filming us. Like it's a whole thing. And low key, I'm like, I'm so tight on time that I'm calling the lift as the lowrider is getting back towards our home location so that the lift can meet me. Like I could jump out of the lowrider and jump into the lift. So it was pretty tight timing. It all kind of worked out. But like I say goodbye to everybody, I grab my suitcase, I jump in the lift and I realized that the guy who's driving the lift, who's this very nice young man, is, thinks he knows better than the software. And what I'm looking at is the timing. And the, the timing is going to work for me. We're going to get there an hour before my flight, which is fine. I'm not going to miss the flight. What I'm worried about is if we get there when they've cut off bag check because I have a giant suitcase with me right now because of how much ground I'm covering. And so I did. Last time this happened, they told me I wasn't going to be able to check in for my flight because the, the, you know, checked bags had closed and my bag was too big to bring to the, to the, to the, you know, gate and check it there. I ignored them and I just went to the flight. But the woman told me I have to rebook you on another flight. So I was like worried about this happening. And every time this, this guy driving the, the lift would get on a route because I can see it on his phone, like, you know, it'd be. Lift would say, go this way. And then he would say, ah, this is, this is too packed, I'm gonna get off here. And he would get off the freeway and it would add two minutes and it would that little illuminated line just kept trying to u turn us like back to the freeway. And I'm just like. And I'm watching the, like the thing tick up as he's kind of going his, as he's migtowing, you know, like through la. And then we, and then finally, you know what would happen is we'd end up on a route where it'd be like, I would look at it, okay, we're 59 minutes out. I can live with that. That's still going to be okay. And then he would get tired of that route and then he would go into a different mapping software. Like he would, he wouldn't trust Lyft. He'd be on like Google Maps. He kept trying to, and I kept saying to him, trying to say gently and nicely, like, I'm okay with this, like, I can live with this route. What, you know, what's a worse outcome for me if we, if we keep, keep route jumping and losing time. Like this is how much the, these, these, you know, mapping softwares now have me completely in the bag. Right? I just believe that if the thing is saying it's 59 minutes between here and LAX, it's telling me the fastest route. That's what I now believe deep in my heart. I just don't, I just don't think we humans are, are actually better at this than the mapping software is. With some exceptions. You know, there can be times when it glitches, but generally speaking, like if it's saying it's 59 minutes and you take these roads, I'm like, that's the fastest way to get there. You don't know faster, sir. And I feel like I wouldn't. And we got there, it was okay. He was a very sweet dude. He was just trying to, he was, yeah, trying to get me there early. He was trying to do me a solid. But I kept being kind of like low key. Don't do me any more solids because these keep adding time to the journey.
- [53:55]
Andrew Walsh
See, here's where I am on that. I am with you, that I mostly believe that the computers know the best and fastest way. But if you could convince me that you might have a savvy driver who could maybe find a faster way. But the one thing I definitely trust with those things is that they are accurate. So even if I don't trust that they're definitely the fastest, like maybe there's a way to shave a couple of minutes off. There's no way to kind of guarantee that where I really trust the ETA countdown on Those things. So if you see it and you're like, well, maybe we could gamble and do better here, but I can also.
- [54:33]
Luke Burbank
I can live with 59 minutes live.
- [54:35]
Andrew Walsh
With what I'm seeing right now. Why take the gamble there?
- [54:39]
Luke Burbank
That's what I was trying to. Through a certain language barrier, like, transmit was like, I. Exactly what you just stated. What I basically wanted to say was, let's not gamble on this. Like, I can live with the house odds. I can live with 59 minutes. What I can't live with is 74 minutes. If we keep. We keep rerouting and rerouting and rerouting. But, you know, all's well that ends well because I got there on time again. The guy was actually really sweet. We had a nice little chat. Things were fine, but. But for instance, that Waymo. The Waymo wouldn't have been trying to get creative. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set.
- [55:21]
Andrew Walsh
Get set now.
- [55:22]
Luke Burbank
Ready? Ready. Go, everybody. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These folks are donating a dazzling amount of dough, which is keeping TBTL going, is keeping me in free orange crush, zero sugar, like some kind of a king. We want to say thanks, say, to Robert Rowe, who's in Sammamish, Washington.
- [55:44]
Andrew Walsh
Hey, thanks, Robert.
- [55:45]
Luke Burbank
What up, Robert? Robert says, hi, friendos. This is the first I've been a dazzling donor, and I'm very happy that I was able to donate at this level, and I plan to continue. That sounds like a great plan, Robert.
- [55:55]
Andrew Walsh
I really support that co sign that.
- [55:57]
Luke Burbank
I probably could have been a dazzling donor before now, but my main reservation has been a sense of dread regarding having to come up with something fun and creative to be read on the show. That is. You know, that's an interesting kind of question right with this. Some people, I think, see it as a opportunity to talk about the show or promote something that is important to them. Some people see it as an assignment.
- [56:19]
Andrew Walsh
Yes. But nobody has to do it, though.
- [56:21]
Luke Burbank
That's right.
- [56:21]
Andrew Walsh
If you want it, you can do it. I don't like the idea of forcing people to do something they're uncomfortable with.
- [56:27]
Luke Burbank
Right. So if you. If you. If. Let me just say this to other folks out there. If the thing standing between you and donating a dazzling amount of dough to this program is the feeling of dread around writing this message. Don't write the message.
- [56:38]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. You don't have to submit anything. You can just say, the boys can Say whatever they want. I'll write one for you. I'll make up a lot of details of your life that you may or may not find suitable.
- [56:50]
Luke Burbank
Well, here's what Robert did finally come up with. Having received my third and final notice from employee numero uno to submit a message, my weeks of procrastination are at an end. My message is simply this. Live your best life and be kind to others. And if you are in a position to be a dazzling donor but are similarly afflicted with dread about submitting a well thought out and meaningful message, I say go for it and don't worry about the message. See, Robert got there. It's okay to half ass it like I just did. As Dr. Nick Riviera from the Simpsons might say. The best part was when we gave TBTL our money. Looking forward to many years to come. Power out from Robert and Sammamish. Robert. Well, thank you so much and thank you for that message of hope to other would be donors, letting them know. By the way, I think in setting the bar low for yourself, Robert, you actually sent a very nice message. And not that we're ranking these things.
- [57:48]
Andrew Walsh
Yes, it's a very nice message, but I, my, my offer does hold. Yes, I will be careful.
- [57:56]
Luke Burbank
Be careful what you ask for. You're gonna get a flood of people who are like, yeah, I want Andrew to write mine this year.
- [58:01]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, right. Exactly. Okay, offer rescinded.
- [58:04]
Luke Burbank
Thank you, Robert. Appreciate you. Maestro, on your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready.
- [58:11]
Andrew Walsh
Go.
- [58:12]
Luke Burbank
Everybody rattle dazzle. Well, well, well. It's our pal Ben Neal in Tacoma, Washington. Ben says, my business boys, first of all, thanks for all you do. Second of all, thank you to my wonderful wife who appreciates that TBTL makes me happy, but also doesn't get it. But also doesn't question the money I give. Oh, what a partner. I mean, find you somebody who doesn't like this show, but likes the fact that you like it and therefore lets you live that part of your financial life in freedom. In the light. Andrew.
- [58:48]
Andrew Walsh
Indeed.
- [58:50]
Luke Burbank
C of all. This year, a partner and I bought my dad out of the family business. Okay, so officially I'm a business boy too. So if anyone needs any avionics work done? Not yet, but someday, Ben, I'm hoping go to avionics shop at ktiw. I know a guy. Okay, ktiw. This has got to be a. Is that a. Is that a regional airport?
- [59:20]
Andrew Walsh
I'm going to look this up right now.
- [59:23]
Luke Burbank
Avionics shop. So any of our Listeners who have an airplane.
- [59:26]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, Maneros Airport.
- [59:28]
Luke Burbank
Okay. Oh, my God. I bet you that's just. I bet you that is such a cool airport to take off and land in. Because once you're up in the air, you're probably down there in the greater sort of Gig harbor area right above the Tacoma Narrows. And oh, man, that must just be such a cool place. It also makes me think, Ben, Ben. If Ben is fixing airplanes, Ben's got to be an airplane. An airplane boy, too. Maybe flies them.
- [59:52]
Andrew Walsh
Fly boy.
- [59:53]
Luke Burbank
I saw this is. Don't worry, listeners, I'm not going to do this. But I somehow ended up seeing this guy on Tick Tock a lot who is flying a. How do you describe it? It's sort of. It's basically like it's an airplane technically, but instead of having two propellers on the wings or a propeller on the nose, it has kind of a large fan or propeller on the back. And because it's very light, it's not an ultralight. It's something a little bit north of an ultralight, but south of like a Cessna plane or anything, it only weighs maybe, I don't know, a couple hundred pounds. And it's, it's very, it's the, the specifications on it and the rules around it are very, very. You don't have to go to flight school to fly it. It's very easy to fly. It has a huge glide ratio. So, like, if your engine were to go out, you could just kind of land it like a glider. Anyway, he's just been flying this thing around in his town and like, he has got a buddy who's got an airstrip and he flies from his house to his buddy's house.
- [60:52]
Andrew Walsh
It's so freaking cool looking.
- [60:54]
Luke Burbank
I was like, I was like, how do I, how do I learn about this lifestyle? I'm not going to in the short run. I've never been with a romantic partner, Andrew, who's thought it was a good idea for me to get into small aircraft flying, which I think probably means something. It's been across multiple relationships where the people have said, why don't you give that one a second thought?
- [61:13]
Andrew Walsh
I remember a lot of the anxiety you had. Getting boats in and out of the water.
- [61:18]
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
- [61:19]
Andrew Walsh
Even keeping water. Yes, exactly. Did you watch that video that was going around recently of somebody, some plane was in some sort of distress, a small plane, and it landed in the middle of a golf course and somebody was just like taping it on their phone and they were just like, these golf golfers were just like Slack jawed, they couldn't even think of what to say as this plane got closer and closer and then had like a sort of a. I don't know if anybody was hurt or not, but they essentially landed on the golf course. It was a pretty, you know, unsmooth, rough landing. No unsmooth I think is what I'd said. Just not really word but you know, kind of a rough landing. It was like kind of bouncing all over the place. And you know, golf courses aren't totally flat. But I take it you did not see this. It was quite the perspective.
- [62:02]
Luke Burbank
And was it Harrison Ford?
- [62:04]
Andrew Walsh
Dude, I was literally going to say like I saw this. I was going to write some Harrison Ford joke in the comments, but I need not because it was just filled with tell Harrison we said hello.
- [62:14]
Luke Burbank
I mean not only is Harrison Ford and I think it was like a classic like World War II aircraft that he crashed on a golf course. But then there was another thing with him where he like saved somebody. And I don't know if that was avionics related or not, but there was another story where like basically somebody was in distress and a person saved them and that person happened to be Harrison Ford. Like and it was not like Harrison Ford was leading a search for someone and adding his celebrity to the project. It was like just Harrison Ford, right place, right time. And I. I feel like it was like this guy keeps ending up in the news for non Harrison Ford related things.
- [62:50]
Andrew Walsh
That's interesting. Now he's crashed more than one plane though, right? That's why he has that reputation. It wasn't just one time what he did.
- [62:57]
Luke Burbank
He crashed a couple.
- [62:57]
Andrew Walsh
I mean I feel like. Or he's had like emergency landings or something.
- [63:01]
Luke Burbank
Should have taken them to avionics shop.
- [63:03]
Andrew Walsh
That's right. W. That's right.
- [63:05]
Luke Burbank
Keep them running. Right. Number four on Ben's list. John is the best. Okay, I guess we have to assume that this wasn't inserted by our colleague John. Okay. Number five. Thanks. TBTL Community. I don't interact with you much, but I appreciate Jens oh said in the style of a Yinzer.
- [63:24]
Andrew Walsh
Well, this is a Tacoma right there.
- [63:26]
Luke Burbank
Yep. We appreciate Yin's Ben and we couldn't do this without you, so thank you so much for the support. There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll.
- [63:38]
Andrew Walsh
You can't just listen to your song. Just remember you can be having so much fun.
- [63:50]
Luke Burbank
Just remember you can be nothing.
- [64:03]
Andrew Walsh
All right, Luke, are you emotionally and mentally prepared for some blurs day wishes here?
- [64:09]
Luke Burbank
I mean it does feel like they're kind of trying to steal my spotlight today, but okay.
- [64:17]
Andrew Walsh
It is actually your golden blurs day, as we say on the show. Which actually that could use maybe a little cleaning up too, because I was talking to a friend who listens to the show and was alerting me recently. I think you guys are confused about what a golden birthday is. That's when you turn like 21 on the 21st or you turn 30 on the 30th or whatever. And I said, I know that's what a golden birthday is, but a golden blurs day, of course, I mean it's. I mean, how could you get this confused? It's so clear. A golden blurs day is when your birthday falls on a Thursday on the day.
- [64:53]
Luke Burbank
I thought you were telling me it's May 49th.
- [64:55]
Andrew Walsh
Yes. So it's actually May 40. Check your hypotenuses, dude.
- [65:00]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, man.
- [65:00]
Andrew Walsh
Happy May 49th. No, so today is actually your golden blurs day because you actually are celebrating.
- [65:07]
Luke Burbank
It actually falls on a Thursday. Okay, I like that. That's a good clarification because I don't think I've ever realized that this is probably something the listeners have worked out on some, you know, web blog somewhere that I'm unaware of.
- [65:19]
Andrew Walsh
It pops up every now and then and again it's as clear as mud. So I don't blame anybody for not getting that straight. But it is your golden blurs day, Luke. And your sister Hannah says, can I give a very happy blurs day to my big brother Luke. Happy blurs day to my favorite big brother and my only big brother today. I love ya. Love Hanzer.
- [65:39]
Luke Burbank
That reminds me, I owe her an email.
- [65:41]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, you do.
- [65:42]
Luke Burbank
Not birthday related, but something else I'm supposed to. I'm supposed to talk to a like media class at the school that my sister is the principal of.
- [65:53]
Andrew Walsh
Oh, nice.
- [65:54]
Luke Burbank
Yes. And I'm Hannah. I will def. This is now how I just talk to my family. It's easier. Hannah, I'll get back to you on that, I promise.
- [66:00]
Andrew Walsh
Will you talk to them about like in a pre fade post fade buttons on audio.
- [66:04]
Luke Burbank
That's where I'm going to start.
- [66:05]
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
- [66:06]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I'm blocking out a, a tight 20 for that and then we'll just see how many follow up questions they have.
- [66:11]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, exactly. You might have to come back for a second day. All right. Got one here from Jake who says many years. Oh, this is Jake, the perfect daddy, of course in Chicago who says many years ago when the perfect 10 and.
- [66:23]
Luke Burbank
I got together Here in Gotham with.
- [66:25]
Andrew Walsh
Me, another roommate and friend of ours. Robbie also started listening to the show at some point. He seems not to be as vocal a 10 as me or my perfect son. Wow, this is getting weird. But every time his name comes up, I think I should send him a blurs, a shout out, but I always forget. So, Robbie, Happy Blurs Day. It's been too long. Hope you're doing well. That's from Jake in Chicago.
- [66:50]
Luke Burbank
Happy Blurs Day.
- [66:54]
Andrew Walsh
Got kind of a more serious message here, Luke, and one that comes as quite a shock to me. This is a message we got from Jen in West Seattle. And bear with me as I read this and try not to get too emotional myself, but Jen says it's with the heaviest heart, but with pure love and fondness that I write this Blurs Day message in honor of one of my best friends and longtime tens, Dawn. We would have celebrated her birthday together this past Monday had she not passed away from her long battle with cancer last month. This is the first time hearing about this. We know Dawn. Dawn's been a long, long, long time.
- [67:28]
Luke Burbank
We've been talking to Don for years.
- [67:30]
Andrew Walsh
So this is really shocking. And Jen, thank you for writing in. Jen says early on in our friendship, we discovered that we're both fans of this weird little nighttime radio show. I asked dawn what it was.
- [67:41]
Luke Burbank
Is that the part that is going to be emotional for you?
- [67:45]
Andrew Walsh
Because I wasn't part of that.
- [67:46]
Luke Burbank
When we're being called a weird little radio show, that's kind of.
- [67:49]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, well, I wasn't part of that. I. Everything was normal once I joined. But dawn says I asked. I'm sorry. Jen says I asked dawn what it was about TBTL that hooked her, and she told me about how hard it was for her when she first moved from the Midwest to Seattle. But when she started tuning in every night to hear the gang stories and antics, she became part of this fiercely loyal group of listeners who did the same. She said it made her feel. This wasn't even supposed to be the hard part. It made her feel a lot less lonely.
- [68:20]
Luke Burbank
Yeah. I mean, we say this as we always joke about curing global loneliness because we know that that's an impossible task. But it's very emotional to hear about it working a little bit, at least in a singular moment, you know, for a person. Like, it's weird that it's this thing that we kind of. We sort of say somewhat comically, but then you hear about it providing that for someone, and then it really hits home.
- [68:45]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. And the message goes on from there, and it's very, very beautiful. But, Jen, I have to bail on it now because I literally could hear me.
- [68:51]
Luke Burbank
I lost the ability to talk and, you know, so. Happy Blurs day to Dawn Rip. And I don't know if this has already been posted, but maybe that could be something that could go up on the Stents page or other places. Sounds like it was really beautifully written and a real nice testament to our friend Don. And if people want to go check it out and kind of learn more about Don's legacy, I think that would be a cool thing.
- [69:14]
Andrew Walsh
So, really weird time to bring more Tim Heidecker bass riffs into the conversation, I think. But I'll try to do that as. As subtly as possible.
- [69:23]
Luke Burbank
I'm just telling you this next Thursday. This next Blurs. They better be meaningful. Don't give me some I'm 38 shit. This better be an important. I don't know why I just decided 38 was an unimportant number.
- [69:39]
Andrew Walsh
You know what I should have done here is. And I didn't even include it, but I saw earlier this week, somebody sent a happy blursty message to Schubert Dip, which apparently had its anniversary yesterday.
- [69:50]
Luke Burbank
That's a good power out.
- [69:52]
Andrew Walsh
I really should have put that one there. But instead, I will go ahead and bring this music back up again. I'm sorry that I crashed out on Jen's very soon.
- [69:59]
Luke Burbank
No, no, no. I. I think that's very, very, very understandable, my friend.
- [70:03]
Andrew Walsh
Very sad news. But let's get the. Get the music back up here. And we got a message from Julie, who says, happy Blurs day to Rhoda, my TBTL daddy.
- [70:13]
Luke Burbank
You.
- [70:14]
Andrew Walsh
It says in parentheses. See, that's what I like. Use the nomenclature, but then acknowledge that it's weird. That's what we like around here.
- [70:22]
Luke Burbank
Absolutely. You get to. Yeah, it can be both things.
- [70:26]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. But let's see here. So Eroda is a Grateful Dead super fan and librarian extraordinaire who knows the reading level of all 200 plus students in our school. Whoa.
- [70:38]
Luke Burbank
Wow.
- [70:38]
Andrew Walsh
You'd be amazing at fantasy baseball because you would just have all of those stats in your head.
- [70:42]
Luke Burbank
You would know the reading level of every player.
- [70:45]
Andrew Walsh
That would be an amazing fantasy game where you have all the stats on their reading levels and then give them books.
- [70:52]
Luke Burbank
Polanco just finished Gravity's Rainbow. He's gonna have a good season. Wait, was he reading at that level before?
- [71:04]
Andrew Walsh
Rowdy, we know you didn't read the Count of Monte Cristo, my dude. Rowdy, come on, let's See here, Julie says I. What you do is so important. I can only hope to be as cool as you one day. I'm so lucky to call you my friend and so happy to still be working together after all these years. Hope you have the best Blurs day ever. That's two Rhoda from Julie.
- [71:26]
Luke Burbank
Happy Blurs, Rhoda.
- [71:31]
Andrew Walsh
Gotta wait for it now.
- [71:33]
Luke Burbank
I'm probably out of time with you.
- [71:34]
Andrew Walsh
No, no, it's good. And finally, from Ruby, happiest of Blurs days to, like, the coolest person I ever met, my mom, Susan.
- [71:43]
Luke Burbank
Cute.
- [71:43]
Andrew Walsh
Happy Blurs day, Susan. You're an inspiration every day, and I hope you had a delicious fancy pants dinner. I look forward to getting back to New York sooner than later so we can sing more cover songs with hippies in the Bronx. Again, much love.
- [71:58]
Luke Burbank
Wow, that sounds like a night to remember.
- [72:00]
Andrew Walsh
Certainly does. Happy Blursday, Susan. Ooh, that got loud. All right, that's what we got for the Blursdays today.
- [72:09]
Luke Burbank
You know what? I've decided to officially share this golden Blurs day with all of those people.
- [72:13]
Andrew Walsh
Nice.
- [72:14]
Luke Burbank
So I want to let them know that I've released all of my animus towards them for stealing my sunshine. And in fact, it's a big tent. It's a big Blurs day tent. We can all enjoy it.
- [72:25]
Andrew Walsh
38. Luckily, no.
- [72:27]
Luke Burbank
Thankfully. I mean, it would have been amazing if the next. Again, that's just a. That's a view into my mind of, like, I was thinking, well, I don't want to say a young age, because when you're turning 7, it's a big deal. I don't want to pick an older age because that can be a big. I was trying to think of a number that would not get anyone that twisted. And, yeah, I landed on 38. It's kind of like 49. Honestly, like, here's what I'm doing. I'm spending the next year getting. Getting my bleep together so that I can actually really have a good 50s decade. That's my plan. I'm like, I'm gonna try to just. Whether it's, you know, paperwork, health, this, that, and the other just, like, life stuff. I want to be in a really, really good spot for. For 50 so that I can make 50 to 60 some really productive years. So that's. I don't know. That's my. That's my strategy.
- [73:16]
Andrew Walsh
Can I offer a word of advice, please? What if you. Now this has become a question less advice, but what if you kind of made your entire 50s the decade that you are in your 50s, a 1950s themed decade. You dress like a guy in the 50s. You go to sock hops.
- [73:37]
Luke Burbank
Yes.
- [73:37]
Andrew Walsh
Maybe you. You go to a soda fountain and get a soda from a soda jerk.
- [73:42]
Luke Burbank
Powerful Archie vibes. Not Archie Bunker, but Archie. Archie the comic.
- [73:46]
Andrew Walsh
Exactly.
- [73:47]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I double digest things. I gag bags.
- [73:52]
Andrew Walsh
After you double digest, you have to gag bag.
- [73:54]
Luke Burbank
Yeah, exactly. That's a good idea. Well, I'll think about that. Speaking of the aging process tomorrow, I want to talk to you about your upcoming colonoscopy and how you're feeling about that.
- [74:05]
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, because I have been pretty chill about this. It's now just a matter of days away, and I've been very chill about it, I think, because your experience went so well. But I got some paperwork that I printed out, and I'm getting more and more nervous based on some of these bullet points, man. So I want to share the. I want to share with you the bullet points that are making me literally sweat as I read them.
- [74:24]
Luke Burbank
Okay, we'll do that tomorrow. In the meantime, thank you for listening, everybody. Have a great rest of your Thursday, and please remember, no mountain too tall.
- [74:31]
Andrew Walsh
And good luck to all. Power out.