#4463 The Brown Mile

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Episode #4463
Title: The Brown Mile
Release Date: May 9, 2025

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Introduction

In episode #4463 titled "The Brown Mile," hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh delve into a variety of engaging topics ranging from personal health experiences to viral internet phenomena and celebrity discussions. The episode seamlessly blends humor with insightful conversations, ensuring an entertaining listen for both regular followers and newcomers.

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Colonoscopy Preparation

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Andrew Walsh's upcoming colonoscopy. Andrew candidly discusses the complexities and anxieties surrounding the preparation process, highlighting the overwhelming influx of instructions from multiple sources.

• Andrew on Overwhelming Instructions (02:12):
  "I'm getting a lot of information from so many different places... it's making me feel a little bit overwhelmed."

• Luke’s Colonoscopy Experience (47:05):
  "It was not as extreme as I was expecting it to be. I thought I was going to be locked to the toilet all night. And it was not that bad."

Andrew contrasts his experience with Luke's, who opted for pill-based preparation over the liquid solution. Luke advocates for the pill method, sharing his positive experience to reassure Andrew.

• Luke Advocating Pills (49:42):
  "I think it's money well spent."

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Viral Video: "Let Me Poop"

The hosts analyze a viral video featuring Emily Mandelbaum, an 11-year-old who gained fame for her earnest rendition of the parody song "Let Me Poop." They explore the video's charm and speculate on its impact on Emily's life.

• Andrew Reflecting on Emily’s Seriousness (06:36):
  "She looks so serious. I did sort of forget about the delivery is strong."

• Luke on Emily’s Commitment (08:21):
  "She is now that she's turning 20 and presumably... How does she feel about this being her legacy?"

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Katy Perry's Public Image and Dr. Luke Controversy

A heated discussion unfolds about Katy Perry's declining reputation, particularly focusing on her collaboration with producer Dr. Luke amidst allegations of misconduct.

• Andrew on Creative Differences and Ethical Concerns (19:34):
  "It's definitely the Dr. Luke thing that is the final nail in the coffin for me on that particular thing."

• Luke on Public Perception (22:33):
  "If something like that happened to me... my reflex is to be totally defensive."

The hosts dissect the multifaceted reasons behind Katy Perry's shift in public favor, balancing critiques of her artistic choices with the ethical implications of her professional associations.

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The "Nibbles" Incident at the Hotel Bar

Andrew recounts an amusing yet frustrating encounter with a man persistently requesting "nibbles" at a hotel bar, leading to a humorous analysis of the man's social cues and communication style.

• Andrew’s Story (28:03):
  "He just kept saying 'nibbles' to the bartender until they understood he wanted bar snacks."

• Luke’s Commentary (29:32):
  "There's a disconnect between the word 'nibbles,' which is sort of cutesy, and the unbearable ass holiness of this guy."

This segment showcases the hosts' ability to transform a mundane event into a comedic exploration of social interactions.

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Donor Messages and Listener Engagement

The episode features heartfelt messages from listeners, notably Denny Gammar from Edmonds, Washington, who shares his appreciation for the show and his reasons for supporting it.

• Denny's Message (35:32):
  "The TENS community tends to be sharp, witty, gregarious and kind-hearted... spontaneous moments of laughter."

Luke and Andrew express their gratitude towards their donors, emphasizing the communal spirit that drives the show.

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Detailed Colonoscopy Prep Advice

Returning to the main topic, Andrew provides an in-depth look at his colonoscopy preparation, discussing dietary restrictions, liquid intake, and the psychological burden of adhering to strict instructions.

• Andrew on Dietary Restrictions (54:53):
  "If I accidentally violate the rules, it's probably still going to be fine... it's an important thing to do."

• Luke’s Reassurance (55:16):
  "You will get through it. It will be fine."

The hosts offer practical tips and emotional support, underscoring the importance of the procedure while alleviating common fears associated with it.

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Conclusion

Episode #4463 "The Brown Mile" masterfully intertwines personal anecdotes with broader cultural discussions, all while maintaining a lighthearted and supportive atmosphere. Luke and Andrew's dynamic interplay ensures a rich and engaging listening experience, making complex and personal topics accessible and relatable.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh (43:14):
  "I feel like I'm a hockey goalie with a whole bunch of pucks coming at me and it's making it a little bit more difficult."

• Luke Burbank (02:47):
  "What you're hearing right now is not what me and the listeners are hearing. You're hearing a loud blast."

• Andrew Walsh (53:05):
  "But you can't freak out if you accidentally violate the rules."

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Key Takeaways:

• Health and Preparation: The episode provides a realistic portrayal of the emotional and logistical challenges of preparing for a colonoscopy, offering solidarity and practical advice.

• Viral Culture: By dissecting Emily Mandelbaum's viral video, the hosts highlight the fleeting yet impactful nature of internet fame.

• Celebrity Ethics: The discussion on Katy Perry underscores the complex interplay between artistic collaborations and personal ethics in shaping public personas.

• Listener Connections: Heartfelt donor messages emphasize the strong community and support system that characterizes TBTL.

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Whether you're navigating personal health journeys or simply seeking entertaining and thoughtful conversations, episode #4463 delivers a comprehensive and engaging experience.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, morning, Helen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning. I want to thank Mary, Steph and Michelle for yesterday. So could you send them each a bottle of champagne? Aw, I don't know how to do that. Yeah, me neither. Champagne problems, am I right? Wait, is that what that means? I don't know. Me neither.

[Luke Burbank]

T T B T l guess what.

[Andrew Walsh]

Day it is Guess what day it is.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Friday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend.

[Luke Burbank]

So what if I smell like roast beef? This whole place smells like roast beef. I'm sorry, but when I hear an.

[Andrew Walsh]

Undeserved compliment, it makes my ears want to throw up.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, your ears are always throwing up about something. Maybe he saw his reflection and thought, mm, mm, mm.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm flying in hot for that hottie.

[Luke Burbank]

We'll walk that fine line between cutting edge irreverence and trouble with the Federal Communications Commission. All right. Hello, good morning and welco. Welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of tbtl. The show with Jess might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it too early to get a fish sandwich?

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm here, I'm available for y' all.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you once again from Chicago, Illinois.

[Helen]

What a fun, sexy time for you.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful and yet windy day here, perched on the shores of Lake Michigan. And we've got a fun show in store for you on this Friday. It's episode 4000, 463 in a collector series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew is getting a colonoscopy next week and too loud and too specific. We're going to get into the details, the gruesome details, not of the procedure that will leave to your imaginations into the details of what he can and cannot eat and can and cannot do in the coming week. Will, I am petrified. Petrified. With this story. We'll help him work through his fears on this. Oh, speaking of my friend Andrew Walsh, long running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Hello. Ow are oo. He's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. I edited out the part of yesterday's show where we talked about the audio issues we were having at the very beginning of yesterday's show. In the actual show, we talked a little bit about some technical issues we were having and I'm pretty sure I cleaned that out of the. Of the final product because it didn't really. I didn't think it was necessary, but I'm worried that it's happening again because I was Looking at some levels on my end while you were doing your introduction. Is that audio issue happening again?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's exactly like it was yesterday.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's happening right. So what you're hearing right now is not what me and the listeners are hearing. You're hearing a loud blast.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it went down eventually, but it didn't go down at the time. And there's no cutting this out, baby, because the music is still under me. Just so you know, it was the two things that were a little diff. Little different, little BG on me out here in Chicago. One thing is that the music was not overpoweringly loud in my ears, but it didn't duck down the way it normally does from my experience. And then also, your voice sounds kind of weirdly compressed and like you're kind of far away to my ears. Your. Your voice does not sound like full fidelity to me when we first start talking, but then eventually it's fine. And I wonder if it has to do with the music playing in the background.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is really interesting. Okay. Are you ever going to do this?

[Luke Burbank]

Wow, I wonder how this sentence is going.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I started this sentence. I was going to say it sort of, sort of seriously, but sort of, sort of as a joke, and I realize now it sounds like in. Like a real passive aggressive thing. I didn't mean it that way, but I'll finish it as I started it, which I was gonna say, are you ever going to do the show from your place again? Because I'd love to test.

[Luke Burbank]

What a fair question.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love to test out on a solid. Because I'm so confused about what's happening. And you know me, like, if I. If I let my mind wrap itself around this too much, it'll pull me and the entire show down with it. So I'm trying to let it go, but I can't experience what you're hearing. And it's such a sticky. I just. I can't figure out what is happening. And I'm wondering if it could have anything to do with Internet. That doesn't sound right.

[Luke Burbank]

It could be Internet. In the words of Elsa from the hit movie Frozen, Let it go, let it go. Or from the Elsa parody song. Let me poop. Let me poop.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God. I forgot about that. I have an important update for you that I want to share with you in a second, but do we have the Let Me Poop song? That was not one of our listeners. Right. That was a viral video.

[Luke Burbank]

That was a viral video that I feel like I loved A lot more than you did, which is kind of in keep. Hey, by the way, no offense. Not no offense. That's not what I meant to say, by the way, with all due respect. You're welcome. Because I played a part of a drop today to talk about your colonoscopy, but I edited out the. The part you don't like. I just left it with. Too loud, too specific. I could have played this. Sir, the doctor's appointment to examine the discoloration on your butthole flaps. Too loud, Cynthia. Too loud and too specific. But out of respect for you, I didn't play that drop.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I would have hated to hear that. So I'm glad you didn't. I don't. You know what? I don't think I have the audio of the girl singing Let me poop, because. That's right. I did not like it. I didn't think it was as funny as you did. I thought. As. I thought it was sign of the coarsening of America's youth. I wrote. I wrote.

[Luke Burbank]

You might not have been wrong about that, Honestly, I think. Why? It tickled me so. And it would be better if we had the actual. I don't have it here on my road computer, unfortunately. But I. First of all, I really love that it was a little girl. I would not have played it if it were, like, a little boy, because I think that's obvious. That's well worn territory for little boys. I like. You know, girl bosses can slay all day, Andrew. And that includes writing songs about having, essentially diarrhea. And so the fact that it was a young. That was a young girl, that made it much more appealing to me. Ladies is pimps, too, in the words of Jay Z. And then also, I just thought it was, you know, it reminded me of a dumb song I would have written at that age because it's, like, not actually. It's not a high. It's not a particularly highly well executed parody song. Just something about the enthusiasm of a kid of that age getting really into it and. And then singing it, you know, singing it with their full chest, as people say now. So, you know, that's why I thought it was cool.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm looking at the video here, and I did sort of forget about. So, first of all, I'm gonna. I'm really bad at kind of guessing kids ages, but I'm gonna put this kid around maybe nine years old here. Something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Sounds right.

[Andrew Walsh]

And this was 11 years ago, so.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Getting ready for college or possibly a freshman but what I did forget is like, so we see her, she's in her bedroom and it's very pinked up, you know what I mean? Like, there's a little thing. It says princess on the wall behind her. There's a little crown. Like, there's just very, very like pink and all that princessy kind of stuff. And then she's looking at the camera, though, and she looks so serious. I did sort of forget about the delivery is strong. That aspect of it is how serious she is here.

[Luke Burbank]

And also just like how tinny. The backing track is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Deep breath.

[Helen]

The poop comes out of my butt tonight no toilet paper to be seen A bathroom with nothing to wipe with there's no way I'm getting clean My stomach's growling with the poop that is inside Couldn't keep it in Heaven knows I tried no one coming no one can see oh, my God. Now I feel like I have to pee. I hate how this feels. Don't let them know well, now they know.

[Luke Burbank]

Key change.

[Helen]

Let me poop, Let me poop can't hold it in anymore Let me poop.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like that's when the song was written in her mind. Yeah, that's because the real song is Can't Hold Me Back Anymore. I think when she heard Can't Hold Me Back Anymore, the real song, she thought can't hold it in Anymore. And thus. Thus a masterpiece was. Was hatched.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'd be interested in knowing what's up with this kid these days.

[Luke Burbank]

Emily Mandelbaum.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you're.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm. Look, though, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm. I'm deep diving as deep as I can dive just using a cell phone because I don't want to mess up our Internet connection.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, sure.

[Luke Burbank]

But this is a really. This is an interesting case because I was saying at the beginning how I find it really charming that this is a little. It sort of seems unlikely maybe for this, this young, young person with her kind of bedroom done up the way it is. And I love how committed to it is she. She is now that she's turning 20 and presumably, you know, maybe off to college or doing whatever 20 year olds do. How does she feel about this being her legacy? Because it's got more than 10 million views. This is. This is. This ain't just, you know, Charlie, you bit me. And that really hurt. This is a. This is a lot. This is. This is. This is premeditated. This is first degree with aggravating circumstances. Number two, related parody, humor and again, I salute her. But I wonder if she's. Either if she's embraced this or she's tried to get away from this in her 20s.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I told you before the show and right a moment ago on the show that I have a quick update for you on something. Today is Friday. I. Yesterday was trash pickup day for us. Of course, everybody knows that by now. They have my. More people have my trash day circled on their calendars than their own. And of course, last week was the week that I had put a little gift card for our garbage collector on top of our bin with a little note saying, hey, sorry, I put all of that what he had described as construction debris, but as much of dust and stuff from a shop vac that I dumped into my bin, apparently it had caused an issue. He got a cloud of dust in his face when he was empty emptying my bin. A couple of weeks ago, I fel bad. I wrote a letter apologizing. I mean, wrote a letter makes it sound longer than it was. I wrote a quick note, put it.

[Luke Burbank]

In an envelope with come complete with sandwich recommendation.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right, it did. In fact, I put a Jersey Mike's gift card in there for like 20 bucks or something. I figured enough for a sandwich. And. And then in the. If you'll recall in the note, I didn't even like, kind of acknowledge. I didn't know how to acknowledge a gift card. Like, please enjoy a sandwich on me. I couldn't think of a way of, I don't know, saying it without sounding weird. So I sounded even weirder. I just put, P.S. don't know if you're a Jersey Mike's person, but I like the number 13 Italian classic or whatever sandwich. Now that. That's all been told before. That's a tale as old as time. Yesterday I went to pick up my bins from the curb after recording with you, Luke, and I saw that the yard waste was emptied. And I saw that my garbage bin was emptied and another one of those tickets stuck to it. Garbage and special items. Oops. With the big red and yellow coloring that is supposed to scare you. And then on the front of it, there's all these, like, check boxes. You know, this is what got me in trouble in the first place, kind of saying, what you did wrong. I saw this for a second when I was going to get my bin and I was like, oh, you gotta be shitting me. But then as I grabbed it, I thought I had a feeling it was gonna be this. I am not in trouble. You'll be happy to hear none of the ch. Check marks. Check boxes are checked. It just says on the back, number 56, the big Kahuna cheesesteak, minus mushrooms and bacon all the way. Thank you so much. So we are in dialogue, me and the garbage collector. Luke. We are in dialogue, and I actually think it's kind of funny. I don't know if he had another piece of paper that he could have used, but I do actually do think it's. I like this move of putting it on the back of the. What I call the garbage ticket, the infraction ticket.

[Luke Burbank]

That's really nice. That's a great end to that story. I kind of had a feeling you're.

[Andrew Walsh]

Trying to make that happen.

[Luke Burbank]

No, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nope, I have more.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew, please hear me clearly when I say this is a great end to that story. No, you know what? Honestly, if I sound distracted, I am very happy.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, you don't. You don't at all. I keep interrupting you. Sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but no, if I sound distracted because I've just. Just been studying the entire YouTube output of Emily Mandelbaum, which includes a post one month ago of her doing an interpretive dance to the song Hallelujah. I assume the Leonard Cohen song. I'm doing all this muted, you know, looks like Emily Mandelbaum has really gotten into dance at a very high level. Appears very talented. And also. How do you. How do I say this without sounding like I'm being a little bit judgy, but much in the way that if I was her age and I put out a parody of Let It Go and it went viral, as they say, I would probably keep going back to that. Well, it looks like she did go on kind of a hot streak of releasing additional parody songs. Yeah, she does a parody. She's got a parody of the song Bad Blood that's like the. I think the Taylor Swift song, right? Maybe, Yeah, I think bad. But is that that old, though?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's pretty old because it was after Katie. It was. It was pointed towards Katy Perry. That was.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I didn't even know that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Beefing, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I guess we can see who won that argument. The. I mean, the defenestration of Katy Perry is a fascinating thing to watch right now. Like, I'm not saying I don't actually have a super strong opinion on it. And I don't. I guess to me it feels a little bit. Maybe a little extreme. I would be surprised if you were seeing this kind of discourse online. But do you know that there's a Whole kind of. There's been a building anti Katy Perry thing. Not for any one specific reason, but just people just generally deciding she's cringe as a person and then really giving it to her hard online in terms of the criticism.

[Andrew Walsh]

Am I aware of this, Luke? I was on the bleeding edge of this before it became like a big Internet thing. I remember I was in the car with Veeves and we were listening. And this is a while back now, right as she released whatever that last single was, that was like this, you know, like supposedly like kind of girl power anthem. And it was so unbelievably bad. Maybe I was driving by myself and I heard. And then I played it for Viv later. Cause I remember like being like, jimmy, can you believe how terrible this song is? You know, not that I'm against girl power anyway. I was just like. It was like such a. Such a paint by numbers in the worst way possible. Like almost a parody of an empowerment song. And not only was it terrible, but like the vid. I remember the video being like, really cringe as well. And it's produced by Dr. Luke, who is like, famously bad. Like for him to produce that piece of garbage of a song. And he's a bad man towards women. Famously. Like, that's the first thing you know about that guy. I was like, what is going on with her? And then every. So I honestly, like, to the degree that you know those. And then of course, going to the. I almost said going to the moon. Yeah. But of course going to quote, unquote, space or whatever. I know that was cringe. I don't think. I don't think that in itself, in and of itself, is as much of a sin as what led up to it, which is just kind of just. I was a pretty big fan of her. I mean, not a huge fan, but like, generally speaking, I was a fan.

[Luke Burbank]

Of firework kind of slaps.

[Andrew Walsh]

It does.

[Luke Burbank]

I love Get Mad when that song comes on.

[Andrew Walsh]

For the longest time, I would say that she had my favorite halftime super bowl show. I just loved the vibe. I liked a lot of those songs. And like, it really. It seemed like a betrayal. Sort of like I'm. I'm on board with this.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm remembering this now, by the way, that you. That you did lead the charge on this. The thing that's interesting to me. Yeah, it's been. So that album came out and it was just. It was. It was criticized so thoroughly for not only for being kind of creatively uninteresting, but also just how it did terrible sales numbers. Like, I feel like there started to be these articles. Like this might be historically one of the biggest flops of all time. And then she goes to space and then everyone is really down on that whole space crew. And now you remember that Saturday Night Live sketch with Kristen Wiig where it's like the Lawrence Welk show, basically, but there's these sisters and Genevieve dressed up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like one of them for Halloween, Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. And the. I don't. I probably need to explain this to our listeners, but the idea is you've got these kind of like three very conventionally beautiful, demure, kind of, I'm Janice. And then you get to this. The Kirsten Wiig character is kind of odd looking and kind of doing weird stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I'm Julie, tiny little hands and.

[Luke Burbank]

Pretty large forehead and a whole lot going on. And then so the meme. And I don't know why, this, I think just absolutely cuts Katy Perry to the quick. But this meme I started seeing going around and I saw so many people throwing this up onto TikTok and each one would have like a quarter of a million likes. And it's just basically the soundtrack of that Lawrence Welk thing from snl. So it'll be like, I'm Deborah and it'll show, let's say, Sabrina Carpenter being very, you know, being very pop starry and doing a very good job with it. And it's like I'm Laurie and it's, you know, Taylor Swift and then. And I'm whatever the next one is. And that would be, let's say maybe Chapel Roan or something. And then it's like, and I'm Jude. And it's one clip of Katy Perry running around the stage in a concert that just sort of out of context, it just looks, it just looks so silly. So silly. And it's like, you know, if you'd watch the whole show, I mean, I think people talk about. Katy Perry famously puts on these over the top concerts that the people that love, you know, and some of our listeners probably love Katy Perry. People that go to those shows love it. But when you just take this one clip of her kind of running in this exaggerated fashion and you have the. And I'm Judy under it, it is one of the most devastating takedowns of a human being's existence I've ever seen. And it's just kind of like I could see a world in which Katy Perry just kind of goes like, like, it's like she got run over by a truck of displeasure and she's just, like, getting up. She's sitting in the road going, what just hit me?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. You know, actually, even thinking about this now, it sort of does bum me out. Like, I've just been sort of on this journey along with everybody else, but now that I'm sort of waxing nostalgic about it, I'm kind of like, oh, yeah, that is kind of a bummer, man. I really, really. I mean, again, I'm not saying that I had any albums or that I would even, like, necessarily dial up a record, but, like, I just always had a generally good feeling. In fact, I was more like. I remember when. What brought us here, Bad Blood, right? When Bad Blood was out. I think I was like, actually kind of. I've always kind of preferred Katy Perry's music to Taylor Swift. That's not going to get me in trouble for saying that. Wonder if there are any Taylor Swift fans out there. But anyway, yeah, yeah. So it kind of bums me out now to sort of remember, like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but here's my question to you. So you obviously were, and I think rightfully put off by the fact that she collaborated with this producer named Dr. Luke, who has. I don't know what the final sort of disposition or whatever, if it's. They're still considered allegations, if it was proven in court, but let's just say a lot of smoke around this fire of him being predatory towards women, in particular towards the artist Kesha. So that, like, was something that didn't sit right with you, but, like, if we can take that out, is that the. I mean, like. I guess. I guess. What am I trying to ask? I'm trying to say, was that the thing that just kind of like. Is that a bridge so far for Katy Perry that it's just like, you're done with her? Like. Or was it also. The music was kind of lame. Was just. Was it a kind of a constellation of events for you?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that when I first heard the song, and I was like, I can't believe how bad this was. I didn't even know that Dr. Luke had produced it.

[Luke Burbank]

So I think originally this was strictly on creative differences.

[Andrew Walsh]

But not strictly, though, because I don't know that my feelings or anybody's feelings would be that strong without the perfect storm of those things. So here's. Here are the three legs of the stool. One of these I need to be probably more careful with because I don't know if I'm remembering it correctly. And also we get into a little bit about how you know, women present themselves, which is not for, you know, me to judge out loud. I mean, silently judging everybody and constantly, all the time, very harshly. But it's that this song was really bad. But not only was the song bad, but it was a song that was supposed to be about, you know, women empowerment or female empowerment. And you're like, oh, God, what a terrible job of doing that. And then to hear that one of the biggest names of female disempowerment, unempowerment. I don't know what the opposite of empowerment is, but you're right. Like, somebody who just like, is just the definition of toxic when it. When it comes to what female empowerment should be. Those three things, I mean, it's. It is definitely the Dr. Luke thing that is the final nail in the coffin for me on that particular thing. Am I saying that, like, Katy Perry can't. Oh. And then I was going to say, I guess the other part of it was, if I recalled, I'd seen the video for that song too. And I could be wrong. Like, literally, my memory could be wrong. And again, I want to be careful with the language I use, but I remember it being just like a very, like, fake, plasticky grasp at sexiness in this way that also seemed to really cheapen the message. And like, Katy Perry has always had, like, you know, a sexy presentation. Like, there's nothing wrong with it. And again, like, I'm not making judgments on that, but it was like the. It was this perfect cauldron of things around this particular song that just seemed like you, like, are you. Are you even listening to the. These words that you're saying or the meaning behind them at all? It was just. The whole thing seemed really just so tone deaf and gross to me.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I guess when I. Yeah. And I'm not. I don't. I don't think I'm defending her. I guess what I'm. What I'm thinking is because we are never the villain in our own narrative. I mean, most of the time we aren't. In other words, most people are doing things that feel to them to be justified. And so I'm just. It must be the oddest experience for. Because assuming that Katy Perry doesn't realize that that was a mistake for her to collaborate with that producer and doesn't think it was a mistake for her to go to space. Doesn't think that her record sucked, you know, doesn't think she runs like some kind of weird T2 version of the Kristen Wiig character from the Lawrence Wellks kid. Like, assuming that like all of this feels misguided to her. It must just be. She must feel like she is in a Kafka esque nightmare right now. Like, basically, what did I do to make everyone on Earth hate me?

[Andrew Walsh]

And, but, but do you think that she, do you think that it is a mystery to her? I mean, I feel like she kind of has.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's where I can't, you know, I can't speculate because I don't know what goes on in her mind. I'm, I'm, I guess I'm saying if something like that happened to me, which surprisingly it hasn't already. I mean, let's be honest, nobody had me here uncanceled this late into my career. But if that were to happen to me, I mean, my hope would be that I would, I would be able to in some weird way sort of take the negative feedback and, and think to myself, well, is there may be something here I can actually learn from this? That's a, that's a hard thing to do. And I'm not saying I would be able to do it. My reflex is to be totally defensive and to invalidate whatever anybody is saying negative to me, like, explain why it's not accurate, therefore I don't have to confront it as a real thing. But like, I guess ideally if, you know, she would, she like this, she would, she would, she would acknowledge that she must have done some stuff that really kind of rubbed people the wrong way. But what I know about humans is we generally don't do that. So I'm just imagining her at home with. I believe her husband is like Legolas Orlando Bloom.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, really?

[Luke Burbank]

I believe so. It's like her and Legolas and I'm, I'm assuming they have children. I think they have kids. It's like her and Legolas and the kids and they're in a mansion somewhere and she's just kind of going like, like what did I do? It must be a weird experience for her.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I guess so. But I mean, I guess the hope would be that maybe she has some answers to that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, weirder than me walking around saying nibbles to myself. Andrew, I feel like I need to just quickly close the loop. We should thank the donors, we should talk about your upcoming week. But yesterday on the show I said that something had happened at the hotel in la, which is now a couple days ago. Basically I was on my way out of the hotel to go do some filming, but I was famished and so I sat at the hotel bar And I ordered a couple little appetizers. And while I was sitting there, the very nice bartender, for whom English was not a first language, but he was very conversant and totally fine. This couple sits down next to me and they're probably in their, like, I don't know, maybe like late 60s. They look pretty sort of kind of, I don't know, like the, like, maybe country clubish. Like this was a kind of a nice hotel in la. And they, they appeared to be people who probably sort of, you know, had some resources, I guess. And they're sitting there talking and they're having like some champagne or something. And at some point, the bartender guy kind of walks over towards them. And the guy who's sitting there just kind of looks at him and just goes. Literally just says the word nibbles. And the bartender is like, I'm sorry. And he just goes, nibbles. And the bartender is like, confused and goes, I, you know, I don't know what year he goes, nibbles. And I have now put it together what this guy wants, which is like, he wants little snacky, you know, you know, peanuts and like little gardetto stuff, you know, that like little kind of bar snacks at some place have. Now, I will mention, nobody else at the bar, including me, was eating nibbles. There was not a. There was not a system of putting out a little, you know, thing. Like everybody wasn't getting their little tray of peanuts, if you will.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So this was totally. This was his own invention that this bar should have nibbles for him. And he refused to clarify. Like, I almost broke in at one point and said to the bartender, he wants small, little salty things to eat while he's having his champagne. But I didn't, because it wasn't my business, but I just watched this guy, I would say a minimum of six times, just say nibbles to the bartender. Oh, by the way, side note, his. His. The person he was there with, I presume his wife also did not clarify. Now, that was her job. It might not have been my job, but that probably was her job. Somebody needed to translate for this guy that nibbles means bar snacks. And can we please have some? Not. Can we have some nibbles? Not. Do you have any nibbles? Not. Here's what I mean when I say nibbles. Just the word nibbles, Andrew, a minimum of six times until the bartender literally said, oh, do you mean like bar snacks? And the guy just said, yeah. And then the guy disappeared. He was gone for a Long time, by the way. Because guess what they didn't have back in the kitchen, Nibbles. So I don't know what. He found some little thing and literally probably went into someone's lunchbox and was like, does anybody have any gardettos? And brought back some stuff for this guy. I was so mad at this dude. For the rest of the day and into the night. I just kept thinking like. Like, what is it like to go through the world being that much of an asshole? And like, why not explain yourself? When you say nibbles the third time and the guy doesn't know what you're talking about, Maybe then expand on the concept.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's so much to hate here. The fact that his producer is Dr. Luke is where I'd like to be.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, that's. I know that's when you. But was it a creative difference or was it all Dr. Luke Bass when you stopped liking this guy?

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, okay, first of all, let's. This is going to be hard to do, but momentarily, let's just take nibbles out of the conversation.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, and that's part of. That's. That's, by the way, a word I actively dislike.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. So just to take that word out, though, even. Even if it was universally understood what he was talking about, let's say menu. Menu, there's less confusion there. And just going to a bartender and saying, menu. And then if there's confusion and the bartender saying, I'm sorry, menu.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

You might get there sooner. Oh, this man wants a menu. But it is an incredibly rude way to ask for something or demand something. I suppose. Like, even if there wasn't the confusion of that, then take the mistaken assumption that nibbles is some sort of universal understood word like menu. At least you're kind of like, okay, this guy's an asshole, but he wants.

[Luke Burbank]

To call the menu.

[Andrew Walsh]

But then to not, you know, after menu. A couple times you might say, can I have a menu? And this guy won't even clarify. And he's. And you're right, the word nibble, like, there's a disconnect. Yeah, you got a friend in this one, Luke, on your side.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's a disconnect between the word nibbles, which is sort of cutesy, and the unbearable ass holiness of this guy.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, yes, he.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't like the word nibbles either, and I don't like referring to them. But he especially, yes, has not earned the right to call little snack food nibbles. It's too cute. It's too endearing. He needs to call them snacks or appetizers. And also, who assumes that you're going to get any kind of free snack? Like, if I were the bartender had been like, once I understood what he was asking for, I would have said, oh, well, here's our happy hour menu. Let me know if you like any food. Well, you're just assuming that every little bar is handing out free nuts. I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like. And also, it's like, look around, dude. Do you see anybody else? Because I've been to plenty of bars that do that. It's a very nice touch. But you know that that's what the bar does, because guess what happens when you order your two champagnes? They put out a little thing. And. And, like, not every bar does that. And, like, you're exactly right. Him. This is a person who appears to be going through the world assuming that every thing is going to be the way he wants it everywhere, whether or not that's a thing they do there. Like, one time somebody gave him Nibbles, and now he just thinks that's. I could just imagine him, like, at, like, Subway, ordering a sandwich, but before that being like, nibbles. Nibbles, sir. I'm a sandwich artist. I don't like. He just, like, I just can't imagine the audacity of going up to a bar where there's zero evidence that they do that kind of a thing. And then just. And then not again, not really asking more. Saying with the tiniest question mark at the end. Nibbles, like, it was like he had a lost Chihuahua.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like he was trying to find. He was like, nibbles. He was trying to play Super Password like I did with Genevieve.

[Luke Burbank]

Nibbles.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want to say, I don't know how it ended up being for the audience, but I had a lot of fun on after these messages. Listen.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I thought you were going to say my nibble story. But also. But also, I'm glad about your other.

[Andrew Walsh]

Podcast, but I would encourage people to check it out. I had a terrible idea. I wanted to give Genevieve a quiz related to commercials in some way. And I couldn't think of a format. I couldn't think of what to do. I'm like, well, what's your favorite game show? And I'm like, oh, I love Password or Super Password. We've talked about this before on the show, and that's when there's a word that somebody has to guess, and the one person knows what the word is. And the other one doesn't. And so they can give one word clues. So if I was trying to get you to guess the word fetch, I might say dog or.

[Luke Burbank]

Stop trying to make this a thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. I know. I was thinking that I would have.

[Luke Burbank]

Actually gotten it off of that.

[Andrew Walsh]

But it has to be like one word, right? Cat.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, one word.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You know what I mean? So what they do is as they're saying the one word, they start putting a different emphasis on it. Sort of like catch or return. I don't know how you do fetch, but anyway, I can see this guy just kind of getting more and more into his nibble. But like, after a certain amount of time, just say, oh, do you have any nibbles? Anything I can snack on? Like, good Lord, man. So I need more biographical information or not biographical. What's. What I'm looking for. When you think about, like.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so you want more details.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want more details. I want like, age range and like, does he come off as. I mean, he's drinking champagne. Does he look like somebody who's like, well, to do and living that. That, hey, champagne lifestyle like we heard.

[Luke Burbank]

About at the beginning of the show, that nibbles lifestyle? Yeah, he. They were. They looked to me again, I'm kind of. I'm guessing here, they looked like they were maybe in their mid-60s.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, they were.

[Luke Burbank]

He had. He had like, kind of gray, like, whitish hair.

[Andrew Walsh]

Demographics is the word I was looking for before I was caught up in my own words.

[Luke Burbank]

And he was wearing. They were not in, like, he was not in a suit and tie. He was maybe in like a collared shirt and some slacks and maybe like a. A kind of a jacket. Like they'd been out, you know, the hotel I was staying at was at Hollywood and Vine, so people were out doing touristy things and they. So. But again, that's not. The hotel I was staying in is not a super cheap hotel. My guess is that they. He had, I mean, just his whole vibe struck me as somebody who's very entitled, of course. So my guess would be he. He looked like a taller version of Ian Holmes, like in, you know, like maybe in Lord of the Rings, but not dressed like a hobbit. He facially looked a little bit like the actor Ian Holmes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm looking. Oh, so Ian Hole. It's home, I think, right? Ian Holm, and he played Frodo.

[Luke Burbank]

Played Bilbo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Bilbo. Bilbo. Okay, gotcha.

[Luke Burbank]

So kind of that guy's face, kind of that guy's age in that movie. Again, not dressed like a hobbit. Not trying to get a ring back from Frodo.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no. No hair on top of his toes.

[Luke Burbank]

No hair on top of his toes. Not smoking a long pipe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, but.

[Luke Burbank]

But otherwise, basically that. Not going on a quest.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, okay, perfect. I got it.

[Luke Burbank]

Not solving. Not. Not solving a riddle. Not going in Smaug's lair. But otherwise exactly the same.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. How does he feel about my precious?

[Luke Burbank]

Precious?

[Andrew Walsh]

Precious.

[Luke Burbank]

Precious. Precious. Sir, I don't know. Precious. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set now.

[Helen]

Ready?

[Luke Burbank]

Ready. Go. Let us thank some dazzling donors who are dazzling us with their donation of dough. It's a significant amount of money that people are voluntarily prioritizing for tbtl. And without this, we would not have a show. This would not be our job. Katy Perry's reputation would be unscathed. The guy, the Nibbles guy from the Lowe's Hollywood Hotel would be lost to history. We speak his name here because it matters. Nibbles guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's all thanks to folks like Denny Gammar who's in Edmonds, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Edmonds. I was the other. Well, I was in the Shoreline. I was in the part of Shoreline that we call culturally Edmonds the other day at that Spin alley bowling alley.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. Spin alley bowling alley.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm pretty sure this is what got us onto the whole culturally Edmonds joke is because that is. That's like kind of. I kept thinking.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't even. Do I know where that. What. What did that used to be? Is it a new.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no. It's an old school bowling alley. We did this.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's not Linwood. It's not Linwood bowl away.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no. And it's not the other one that wasn't actually Edmonds. Remember you told me about a bowling alley that you knew of an Edmonds.

[Luke Burbank]

That was Robin Hood Lanes back in the day.

[Andrew Walsh]

And this place has a tribute to Robin Hood Lanes. Like one of the old Robin Hood Lanes posters is in the lobby of this place.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it? But it's not in the. Obviously it's not in the building. Yeah, yeah. Look at this. The. The police are coming. They're arresting me for being uninteresting on the show. I'm just really. I just really want to know about this. I want to figure out what this Spin Alley used to be. Oh, you know what? I'll tell you what the problem is? I'm in Chicago, and they're trying to show me a bowling alley on State street in Chicago. Okay, back to our friend Denny Gammer, who's in Edmonds, slash, Shoreline slash, the bowling district of that area. Hi, Luke, Andrew and John. I'm not sure why I listened to TBTL. Inertia, I guess. When I retired in 2013, I learned about podcasts. I thought to myself, hey, I'm gonna have a lot of free time on my hands. Maybe I should look into that. I heard Luke on Wait Wait, and I remembered him from Rewind and heard he had one of those newfangled podcasts. I listened a few times. And after. And after the laundry episode, I was all in. Boy, I couldn't do. I. Do you know what the laundry episode is?

[Andrew Walsh]

I do. That was one that people would reference for a while because we got out of our studio and I think I had been talking so much about my routine of going to the Laundromat and, like, I'd go to this Laundromat on Capitol Hill, and then I would go to, like, the. The one of the bars nearby to wait in between cycles. And I think you and I did that one time. You're like, well, let's take our microphones. Let's do the laundry. And then you and I recorded. We were super embarrassed about it, too. But it was in that place that I think was an Irish bar that was next door to that. You know where that Laundromat is next to the convenience mart right up on the hill. They always had the signs with the funny drawings outside. Yeah, I'm blanking on the name of that. But they were same ownership. It was this little, like, kind of couple of. Couple of businesses there that were related to each other. And so anyway, we were. We kind of kicked around that area, recording ourselves, waiting for my laundry to finish.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. And I can't. Yeah, I can't exactly remember the. The name of that Irish bar, but I know the one that you're talking about also, by the way, this is interesting because Spin Alley is in Richmond Beach.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Which is. Is. Is. I wonder if this is always a bowling alley. I just didn't know about it. I had a different name or if it was always called Spin Alley, but funnily enough, the old Robin Hood's Lane was. Was very close to Richmond Beach. It was bordering. It may have. It may have technically been Richmond Beach. Who knows? Yeah, I mean, you know, who would know? Denny Gammar.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Denny. Get at Us again, I think, you know, I get a lot of text messages from somebody on the TBTL line that is giving me a lot of Edmonds information. I wonder if that is Denny because there's not a name associated with it.

[Luke Burbank]

But anyway, Denny, you've done so much for the show, but do a little bit more and tell us what the origins of the spin alley bowling alley are, please. Okay, so Denny says, after the laundry episode, I was all in. It was the podcast for me a good fit. I judged because I was already a techno geek with spreadsheet. I suppose that paragraph partially answers the why. Another big part of the why is the TENS community. TENS as a group tend to be sharp, witty, gregarious and kind hearted. If I wasn't awkward and antisocial, I would mingle. My donation supports the crew at TBTL and TBTB as well as the TENS community. Finally, I listen for spontaneous moments of laughter such as Alvin and the Chipmunks covering Bob Dylan laughed out loud. Keep up the good work, Denny. Well, you. You keep. Well, I was gonna say keep up the good work of supporting the show, but I don't want that to feel like pressure. Keep up the good work of being a friend of the show. Cause that's really important to us. And yeah, it is fun when we have a truly kind of surprising moment like that happens about three times a year. But they're fun and you know, you only have to wait about 90 days and it'll be time for the next one. So.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, and that whole thank you, Denny. That was the amazing thing about that.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, that's. That's really where we've improved as broadcasters is making those highly scripted moments feel unscripted. That's how we've gotten better. Thanks, Denny. Appreciate you. Maestro. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now.

[Helen]

Ready?

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready.

[Luke Burbank]

Go. Everybody rattle. Settle. It's Julie Lim in Phoenix, Arizona.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, Julie.

[Luke Burbank]

What up, Julie? Ahoy hoy. My original plan for my dazzling donor message was to have the guys freestyle into some sort of wild tangent in the middle of reading my message. That's my absolute favorite thing that they do, Julie. Wait till you hear the Alvin and the Chipmunks bid. Julie's two years behind. Yes, I forgot to mention, which is that's my favorite thing that they do. Which is followed closely by discussions where Andrew cannot remember Nicole Kidman's name.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who's that?

[Luke Burbank]

Who's Andrew or who's Nicole Kidman?

[Andrew Walsh]

Both.

[Luke Burbank]

Somehow forgetting feels good in a place like this. Instead, I wanted to say how Much I appreciate the cobros, including John and all the tens during these uncertain times due to our current political situation. I am truly so anxious all the time now, and I feel very unsettled. I'm very glad to have TBTL as my safe space where I can hang out with consistently kind people who can still make me laugh even when I am sad. Well, Julie, I'll tell you, it makes us feel better to do it too. We live in this world with you. I heard. Okay, first of all, we need to get to, you know, your prep for next week. But I'll just say there was an interview last weekend with the writer Ocean Vuong, who has this new book coming out that I'm now totally obsessed with and will want to read. But the interview was the Dale, the big interview on the New York Times app or whatever, David Marchese. And it was just one of the more phenomenal conversations I've heard in years. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you listen to this kind of, if you listen to, I don't know, long form interview kind of stuff, go check out the Ocean Vuong interview from last week. But one thing he said, he was quoting someone else, but he said, I don't try to write about people, I try to write with people. And I just thought, oh. And it helped that he said that about two thirds of the way into an incredibly meaningful conversation that had unfolded. But I thought about that. I was like, man, that's really powerful. And that's a really good thought for any of us who are making stuff that's content, you know, whether it's writing or hosting these things or my TV to the degree that I can do with my TV stories. But this idea that instead of writing about people, you can write with people. That, man, that's such a cool idea. And when this show is doing its best stuff, it's because we're not kind of podcasting at the listeners, we're kind of podcasting with the listeners, if that makes any sense.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

So appreciate you, Julie, and, and, and thank you for the kind words. And we'll keep it going as long as. As long as you all the listeners are willing to help keep us doing it by supporting it. So thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, our top story today, Andrew Walsh and the longest six days of his life. How many days are you? How, how quickly we forget. I just did one of these colonoscopies, but I'm already forgetting how, how long the preparation process was. You've now gotten your paperwork what are you seeing?

[Andrew Walsh]

So I believe. And the thing is I'm getting so much information from so many different places. Like they really want to make sure and you know, for good. Cause they want to make sure that I'm getting all of these instructions and following them because otherwise the whole experience, which is, you know, which is expensive and involved, it would be all for not so invasive and invasive. And so I'm getting a lot of. Like I'm getting. I got a voicemail that I haven't listened to yet that where they're reviewing what I need to do in preparation for this colonoscopy. I keep getting emails and I keep getting text messages and I see that I have something sitting in my, my chart box right now. So they're just hammering me all over the place, which is good. But it's also making me feel a little bit overwhelmed. I feel like I'm a. I feel like I'm a hockey goalie with a whole bunch of pucks coming at me and it's making it a little bit more difficult. Like I wish they would choose one form of communication and send it all there and so I could kind of keep. Keep better track of these things. But it's my understanding if I get some of this a little bit wrong, no listeners freak out on me because I'm going to be going over this homework much more diligently tomorrow and over the weekend. But I'm pretty sure that Sunday, next Sunday, or this coming Sunday, I should say, is going to be a pretty normal day for me. That'll be my last normal day as far as diet is concerned. And then starting on Monday, I got to go to like one of those. What did you, what was it like the Clear. The clear diet or something or. No, no, no. Low fiber. That's where the. Low fiber.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And so I need to go and I read a lot of the low fiber stuff a few weeks ago or a month ago when I first booked this, but I don't remember what it is anymore. So I need to get that in front of me, figure out what I'm doing low fiber for Monday and Tuesday and the first half of Wednesday. And then about halfway through Wednesday I have to kick into the whole fasting situation. And at some point, I believe on Wednesday night I take the solution that is going to make me start going to the bathroom a lot.

[Luke Burbank]

Let me ask you this. You are going for the solution. You're not opting for the pills?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, they didn't give me an option on that. They Just told me what I was going to be taking.

[Luke Burbank]

It's. I think that, I think they're trying to make you do like, it's like Gaviscon or something or whatever it's called. But here's what I. I would recommend maybe asking if you could do the pills. And then it was $50 more for me to do the pills. And from what I can tell, it was money well spent.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just as a. I see. So I didn't realize. Co. Okay, so that sets me up well for what's going on here, by the way, as far as this is mapping out, it looks I start fasting at 2pm on Wednesday and then I start drinking the colon below at 4pm on Wednesday. And then I have to, let's see here, take the second dose of Colon Blow at 8am on Thursday morning and then I leave for my colonoscopy, let's see here, around noonish or something on Thursday. So anyway, I, you know, you telling me or reminding me, I guess because I'd forgotten that you didn't drink the liquid you took. Something else might have to do with your whole journey with this because what I've had in my head since I kind of booked this appointment was, well, it doesn't sound great, but, you know, everybody does this at some point. And Luke had such a good experience with it. You had said that like you took whatever you were supposed to take and you were, you were ready to like, you know, be volcanic. But it didn't work that way for you. You said it was a pretty, you know, smooth transition into that part of the, of the press.

[Luke Burbank]

It was not as extreme as I was expecting it to be. I thought I was going to be locked to the toilet all night. And it was not that bad, and.

[Andrew Walsh]

It wasn't that bad. And I've been thinking about that that might be because you had the pills. Because I've been like relatively chill about this whole thing until I got again one of these messages from my provider a couple of days ago. And I wasn't going to print it out at first. I was just sort of scanning it. And then it's like three pages and it's well laid out as bullet pointed. It's not confusing. But as I was reading this, I was like, I'm losing my chill here, which is ironic, is one of the first things it says is you're going to be cold. And I'd heard that friends as well, that when you drink this stuff that makes you go to the bathroom, you're also going to Start getting really, really cold. Is that something that you experienced?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, because I didn't drink it. I don't know about pills.

[Andrew Walsh]

Didn't make you cold?

[Luke Burbank]

No, the pills did not make me cold. They. I wonder if that has to do with the volume of liquid that you're ingesting. Maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe. I mean, I think it's maybe something a little bit more maybe physiological than just that. Like, I don't think that drinking a bunch of Gatorade would have the same effect. Because I was talking to some folks about this who were comparing notes a few weeks ago. And they're like, oh, my God, I was so cold for so long. Like, it sounded pretty extreme. And then it does. But then I'm like, okay, I gotta drink this stuff. I didn't really think about what this stuff was gonna be like that I'm drinking. I'm like, I don't know. I'm sure it never even occurred to me to think about what it tastes like. And then it says, if you're using a large container to kind of prepare this beverage that you're gonna be drinking. Make sure to divide it into smaller containers. That will help make it not so overwhelming to drink. And I'm like, what do you mean, overwhelming? And then it's says, drink it through a straw. I'm like, what? And it says, put a lid on the cup or hold your nose to avoid the smell. Did you know about this?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I didn't get any. I didn't get that far down the road with it about the avoiding the smell. But basically what happened was some people who I talked to told me definitely the pills are so much better than drinking the solution. Because the solution is disgusting. And there's such a large volume of it that that's the worst part of the experience. And so that's when I called because they were telling me to do the solution because it's cheaper, I think. And I called Kaiser and I said, can I get the pills? And they said, we don't cover the pills. I said, how much more is it? Then she said, $50. And I said, sign me up. So everything that I'm hearing from you about this solution, it squares with what I had heard from other people about the solution. And I will say, for the record, I think part of why I didn't find this process to be as bad as some is because I didn't drink the solution.

[Andrew Walsh]

God dang. I wish I'd paid more attention to the show.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not too late, isn't it, though? Because it's not too late to start paying attention to the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

They already shipped to me the stuff would. I. I don't think I'd be able.

[Luke Burbank]

To save that for a rainy day.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, save that for.

[Andrew Walsh]

You like to party.

[Luke Burbank]

You want to get weird on a weekend.

[Andrew Walsh]

But did you pick up the pills or were they shipped to you?

[Luke Burbank]

I did. It was actually, no. I went to a pharmacy and it was a whole thing. Actually, not a whole thing. I'm here to try to advocate on behalf of the idea of you doing the pills if it's not prohibitively expensive, if it's like 50 more dollars, I think it's a good spend. But what happened was when the person at Kaiser realized I was willing to pay the upcharge, she then gave me these instructions. Like, it turns out that most of the pharmacies, at least where I live, they might only have one. If they only have one thing of the pills, if they have any. So you have to kind of like source a place that has the pills. Pills. And then you got to go over there and get the pills. Like, it wasn't. It was. That was a little bit of a. You know. I don't know how to put it. That was kind of like. I had. There was a. There was some moving parts to that. But again, overall, from my experience, it was well worth the time and the extra money.

[Andrew Walsh]

I might look into that. I. I don't know. Yeah, Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

I would think about it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It says. But let's just assume I'm going with.

[Luke Burbank]

This because let's assume you're holding your nose. Yeah. And drinking this and drinking down gallons and gallons of whatever that is.

[Andrew Walsh]

It says to get the salty taste out of your mouth, try sucking on a sweet or sour item. Like hard candy or lollipops. No. Red, purple, or blue, because that's the whole dye thing. So then what does that leave? Like, orange, I guess. Is orange okay?

[Luke Burbank]

I. Boy, I don't. Again, this really ticks the listeners off when I take. When I. When I wing this. So I won't wing it. But what I will tell you from my experience was that was the thing that started to really frustrate me about the price prep and how I felt like they had kind of under. They had under explained it to me. Everybody made it sound like, oh, yeah, whatever. You know, you just. You just can be careful what you eat. But it seems like there are a lot of scenarios in that instruction guide where they've removed all of the possible options. It's like, well, you can have anything you want as long as it doesn't have yellow number five in it or red dye or has seeds or is smooth or is rough.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Or as sweet or as salty to feel. Yeah. You're just like.

[Luke Burbank]

You're going, what does this. What does this leave? What's, what's. And you're nervous about it too, because you know me, I. I generally am not a good rule follower, but in this case, you don't want to mess this up. So you're really, like, legitimately trying to do it, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. But then you started going twice.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. So you're like, what is. What am I actually supposed to be doing with this? Because it. And the other thing that happened to me was there was three different troves of information. There was the paper, the paperwork they mailed me, There was the stuff on the website, and then there was just the general web discourse around the topic. And not none. None of the three things were exactly the same.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, yeah, that's a little bit of what I, Maybe I was describing before. I'm just getting so much information from so many different, like, again, portals, sort of, that it's a little bit hard for me to like, keep track of this. It's been kind of like on my. On my, like, kind of calendar to maybe spend Sunday, which I'm thinking of as sort of my last normal day for a while, to spend Sunday, like, really making, like, kind of gathering all this stuff together. But, like, certainly talking to you is increasing my panic along with these bullet points.

[Luke Burbank]

They opposite of what I was supposed to be doing.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is still the. I'm just trying to remind myself that even though you didn't go through this process, still, like, so many people I know did this exact process. Other people drank this liquid. I will get through it. I can do that. But like, it says, try menthol cough. Try menthol cough drops to numb the. Try menthol cigarette to numb your taste buds before you drink. No, they're telling me to numb my taste buds before I drink this. Luke, this is.

[Luke Burbank]

See, this is. This is well intentioned, but this is just like a room full of people sitting around and they're like, okay, we got to write up the instructions for this. This weird solution that Andrew has to drink. How do we make this less bad for him? And everyone's just throwing ideas up on the whiteboard. But, like, there's. It's one of those very judgment free situations. Like, Tony was like, what about. What about cough drops? All right, we can put that in there. It's just like, too many suggestions. It's overwhelming.

[Andrew Walsh]

And they better be clear. Menthol cough drops. Not bad ones, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

It says, if your stomach becomes upset, take a break for 15 to 30 minutes, but then restart drinking at a slower rate. Some liquid preps can be flavored. This is another thing where I am confused. It says some liquid preps can be flavored to make them easier to drink. Check with your provider or pharmacist to see if they prescribed you a flavored one. Again, whatever I'm drinking is already up in my cupboard. But then it says, flavor your prep with Crystal Light or something similar. A lemon flavor works best, so I could do that. I actually am sitting on a whole bunch of powdered lemonade because I use it for my volunteer gig in the summertime. I make lemonade. I have two big things of that. So I guess I can just put some of that powder in here to make it better flavored. I don't even know what we're talking about here anymore. Salty. The salty taste of this. I don't know. I'm starting to get a little bit freaked out.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, here's what I would say. Many, many people in the history of the world have done this successfully. Even the drinking of the stuff part. Like, I. I of course, used my net, my access and my re. My tremendous assets to buy my way out of that problem. Okay? But even if I hadn't, I feel like I would have gotten through it somehow.

[Andrew Walsh]

We all get through it.

[Luke Burbank]

We all get through it. You will get through it. But I doesn't. That does not sound fun. And the things they're trying to put in there to be helpful do not seem like they're helping.

[Andrew Walsh]

This isn't even the stuff that was really freaking me out. So that's just the drinking of it. Then it says, wear loose clothing as you may need to get your pants down quickly, which is just a fun sentence, literally. I will. I will read this again. And I will read it.

[Luke Burbank]

There is no. There needs to be an industry standard for the writing of these directions because none of this was in mine. And I would have loved it if the pants down one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, hold on. Actually, I skipped over a really good part here because this is divided up by, like, kind of sub topic. So the topic I was just reading from was tips for drinking the liquid prep colon. And then it had. Well, I said colon. You know what I mean? And then it had all those bullet points I just read for you. Now. The next. The next section literally Says this. Grab a book or your tablet and be prepared for having urgent and watery stools. That's the next. That's the subject line of the next set of bullet points.

[Luke Burbank]

Urgent and watery stools.

[Andrew Walsh]

Grab a book or tablet. Like they're telling me how to entertain myself on the bathroom.

[Luke Burbank]

As if you need that advice.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then the first bullet point under that is. And I will say it here, and I will quote it directly. Wear loose clothing, as you may need to get your pants down quickly. Be prepared. Sometimes the prep starts working right away. However, it may take two to three hours before your first movement. In either case, be ready to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. Yes, I know. I got my tablet. Apply a barrier cream on my tablet.

[Luke Burbank]

I've got four Tom Clancy novels loaded into my tablet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Apply a barrier cream of Vaseline or diaper ointment to the skin around your anus.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, they mean butthole, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, they said.

[Luke Burbank]

Can't be your butt cheeks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, they said. I mean, I think that's pretty clear that I mean this. Are you confused as to what that word means?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, no, but they said the skin around it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, like. Well, I mean, I get.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I think they're being a little coy. Lube that up, baby, baby up. That was not in my instructions, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought I would have heard about it if it was. You would have.

[Luke Burbank]

I would have played that full clip.

[Andrew Walsh]

It says use wet wipes or hemorrhoid wipes. Wipes to reduce irritation. Consider a full water bottle or other clear liquids in the bathroom to stay hydrated as long as you have finished drinking the prep. That's in bold. They really want to make sure you finish drinking the prep. And then, you know, what you've described that it gets. Or the. What we've talked about from your prep was, you know, everything is going to get clearer over time. But then, okay, here's where the. Let. Let the freak out begin. When it's time to leave for your procedure. A few final helpful tips. It may be useful to take an extra pair of underwear and pants for after your procedure. Put a towel or other protection on the seat of your car. What they're not saying there is, you're gonna poop yourself in the car.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think you're going to. And again, that's where I think I understand this. All of this is being offered from them with the right intention. They're just being like, you know, what if somebody did poop their pants? They would be really happy if they had a towel down, they'd be really happy if they had an extra pair of underw and whatever, if that were to happen. But it's like, is that happening to the majority of people? I can only speak for myself and Walt. Those are the people. And to some degree, our friend P. Fletcher, I think, would have told us if she crapped the seat on her way to the place. Because this is one of her. Along with Ronnie the limo driver. This is one of her favorite topics in the history of the world. So I. They're trying to be helpful, but I think they're having the opposite effect, because I don't think you're going to crap your pants driving to the place where they're doing the procedure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that is the end of the list of the things that are kind of apply to me. But the things that I was kind of like. I was seriously being like, okay, well, I got this thing coming up. I'm glad. You know, I mean, again, I'm thinking about everybody in my life I'm thinking about. I know my friend Paul already had his second one. I think recently he's been taking care of himself because we're reaching 50 now. You're really supposed to do this, you know, in your early.

[Luke Burbank]

I recently turned 49.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I know. By the way, happy birthday, Luke. I'm sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

We didn't give you enough.

[Luke Burbank]

It's still my birthday month.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's my birthday month. It's my birthday year. But anyway, you know, like, I can call myself down by just thinking, like, this is a very common thing that so many people in my life have already done, and so many people throughout the country in the world have done. You know, I mean, it's just. I gotta.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's what you have to go back.

[Andrew Walsh]

Deal. But, like, I was feeling okay about this until I started reading what they sent me. And now I'm like, I don't. Maybe. Maybe I should just roll the dice. No, I was gonna make a joke about not getting it done. Obviously I'm gonna get it done. But this is definitely way more in my head than it was a couple of days ago.

[Luke Burbank]

You're. All I can say is you're having exactly the experience that I did. I thought it wasn't gonna. They told me it wasn't gonna be a big deal. And then I got the instructions, and the more I read into them, the more it felt like a big deal. And I'm like, I cannot believe people have been doing this, you know, for however long this has Been a procedure. And then when I actually finally got to it, it wasn't a big deal, but you have to go on the journey. Just. Just keep reminding yourself, keep grounding yourself in the truth that lots of other people who have way worse organization, willpower and whatever else than you have done this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And you, you will get through this. It will be fine. And like I said, you'll be on a real high the second you come out of there. Like when you wake up up. Like, that was probably as. I was as happy as I felt in a long time when I woke up in that thing, because from a. The drugs. But then it's also the relief of it being done. Euphoria.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I believe that.

[Luke Burbank]

And also the drugs. It's a. I mean, I would honestly almost recommend it just as a kind of recreational experience just for how good I felt when I was done with it. So I just, I mean, again, my advice to you as a friend would just be to keep reminding yourself that lots of people have done it. They've all survived. It's it. And, and, and it's a. It's a. You know, it's an important thing to do. But yeah, I mostly just here's. I also think you might be a little bit better off on the diet stuff because you eat meat. Like, for me, the problem was a lot of the stuff that I eat in lieu of meat, which makes it sound like I'm, you know, some kind of raw food vegan. I'm not. But, you know, anything with seeds is out. You know, there's a lot of stuff that, like, that's vegetable based that will somehow seem like it was on the no fly list. But like, you could eat a steak, I think every single night. I think you could eat a. You know, you could eat a hamburger and a ham and a. And on a bun. As long as it wasn't sesame seed bun. There's a lot of stuff that you can eat that you enjoy, I think. So you should be actually, I think pretty okay with the dietary stuff until, like, Wednesday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I'm assuming I can't eat, like, it seems like sausage would be a. I mean, not that I can't live without sausage, but I just sort of think about, like the things like I keep in the fridge, like kielbasa being a good. Good.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think that would be. I mean, don't quote me on.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would avoid that because when I think about what's in there, it is sort of a. I don't. Maybe it does. Yeah. I guess it doesn't have seeds, huh? I guess those are like. I don't know why it's kind of marbled. I guess that's because of the proteins and the fats or whatever. I don't know. It seems like it could maybe be. I think you're right that if I'm going to eat meat or like, or eggs, it seems like eggs would be very straightforward. Steak seems very straightforward because it's like, it's not. I think that's what I'm getting at here. Here it's not processed in any way so you don't have to kind of guess about what else is in.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Steak is steak, you know what I mean? As opposed to sausage, which is, you know, it's all kinds of ingredients going in there and then becoming a cased meat. I think I'm just going to avoid that, anything like that. I think, I think I'm going to avoid processed foods probably.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the last thing I would say is do your best but don't freak out if you accidentally violate the rules. It's probably still going to be fine because I think they also. So they set the bar at about a 12 for what they're telling you to do and avoid because like, why not? Right? But for instance, one of the things with the taking of these pills was also Gas X. You know, I was supposed to take Gas X and I bought Gas X at the store and I guess I bought some that, you know, because they wanted to be chewable. I had red dye in it. I didn't even think about that because, you know, it was like candy that was actually Gas X. So I, I'm eating all this red dye right before I do this thing, which is like totally not on the list. But I was like, it's too late now, so. And everything was fine. So I would just say do your best. But also if you, if one, you know, if one BlackBerry seed makes it into your body, I don't think, you know, it means you got to cancel the procedure. I think, I think that they're kind of making it really extreme so that if most people hit 70% of it, they'll still be able to do the procedure.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do think it's interesting though that there's a built in incentive to follow it as close as possible because it sounds so onerous that you don't want to run the risk of them saying it's inconclusive. Let's do this again in a couple of months, you know.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And, but I will also say that I was getting stories from the nurses about people that apparently did like zero prep and then just went in. That's. That right there is a true sociopath. Like what. That is a true magical thinker. Or maybe more like a magical stinker. Like what are you. Can you imagine having the audacity to just of ignore all of this and then just go in there and then just get into that hospital robe and, and play along with the whole thing while you're sedated. And then just for them to go in there and just enter Fudge Mountain. Like it would be like this. The nurse was telling me this is something that happens on a semi regular basis. It becomes clear that the person followed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Zero of the directions as like a prank. Like who is doing.

[Luke Burbank]

Actually that would be a kind of a. That would be. I mean maybe not funny for the medical professionals, but that would be a really interesting prank.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that sounds awful. Anyway, I will, well enjoy this weekend. Thanks. I'll get, I'll. I'll figure out. I'll. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna gather all of my materials and. And sort of put together a little bit more of a map of myself about when I need to sort of shift to the low fiber diet and what that means. And then it's the. At some point, am I right, that there's three phases. It's like low fiber then clear non die diet and then the fasting is the very last part. Which fasting is at least clear.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. Yeah, the fasting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I can drink water.

[Luke Burbank]

Although. Well fasting. Okay. The fasting is like, like there's like a no liquid period, but that's the last like few hours. I think there's, I don't think that there's ever a. I think that there's. Yeah, there's like the restricted diet, the like the like low fiber diet and then there's the like drinking things that, that can be of a different kind of viscosity and color. And then there's like the only clear stuff and then there's the fasting. And mine was like no chewing gum, which was like what? Like this is as you're getting into the final hours when the warden has come to see. To give you. When the, the priest is there to give you your last. Right. And the warden is coming to tell you that the governor is not called in those hours. It's like no gum.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I've read the Brown Mile. I know what you're talking about.

[Luke Burbank]

And we've got a show title.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not just nibbles.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, enjoy your weekend and enjoy, enjoy your weekend of eating whatever you want up until Sunday night. You should really, you should really lean into that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, hopefully.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, well my friends that's going to do it for the show today and for this broadcast week we really appreciate you all spending the time with us. We will be back here on Monday. I'll be in New York City because I'm not. I'm flying to Las Vegas this afternoon to attend a Elvis themed vowel renewal of Becca's brother and his wife and then I'm going to New York, Andrew. So on Monday I'll be in New York and excited to tell everybody how the weekend was and we'll do that on Monday. But for now thank you so much for listening. Have a great Friday. Have a great weekend everybody. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.