#4482 There Won’t Be Blood

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4482 – "There Won't Be Blood"

Release Date: June 5, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
Title: There Won't Be Blood

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In episode #4482 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh dive into a mix of personal anecdotes, quirky stories, and engaging discussions that reflect their signature blend of humor and camaraderie.

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2. Clarence Armstrong and Tigre the Cat (00:00 – 01:31)

The episode kicks off with Luke and Andrew sharing an amusing story about their friend Clarence Armstrong and his exceptionally dog-like cat, Tigre.

• Luke Burbank (00:00): "Clarence Armstrong has a unique cat."
• Andrew Walsh (00:09): "I think he's more intelligent than a dog."

Key Points:

• Tigre accompanies Clarence on daily walks and has distinct behaviors resembling that of a dog.
• The duo humorously details Tigre's fashionable attire, including a Christmas sweater and an impressive sunglass collection.
• Tigre's loyalty is highlighted as he patiently waits outside fast food restaurants while Clarence grabs a coffee.

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3. The Challenges of Getting Blood Drawn (01:43 – 18:09)

A significant portion of the episode centers around Luke's recurring challenges with getting his blood drawn due to difficult veins and encounters with a particularly grumpy phlebotomist nicknamed "Grumpy Gus."

• Andrew Walsh (03:46): "He's [Grumpy Gus] a once in a generation storytelling talent who has a loose relationship with the truth."
• Luke Burbank (07:13): "Luckily, most of it just means eating popsicles and watching old episodes of Brooklyn Nine."
• Luke Burbank (14:29): "No, not for a blood draw. And I'm just like."

Key Points:

• Luke recounts multiple attempts to get his blood drawn, often facing difficulty in finding a suitable vein.
• His interactions with Grumpy Gus are fraught with tension, leading Luke to develop strategies to request more experienced phlebotomists.
• The narrative touches on Luke's nervousness and the physical discomfort he experiences during the blood draw, culminating in a memorable bruise.
• Andrew and Luke explore the emotional rollercoaster Luke faces post-blood draw, oscillating between anxiety and fleeting euphoria.

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4. Reflections on Face Blindness and Phlebotomist Interactions (18:42 – 19:48)

The conversation shifts to Luke's face blindness, complicating his ability to recognize different phlebotomists, thereby affecting his blood draw experiences.

• Andrew Walsh (19:20): "But in this case, you're like next to a real, like a legit massage place. So that argument kind of goes out the window pretty fast."
• Luke Burbank (19:48): "There are, I will say, in my neighborhood there are a lot of phlebotomists parlors, by the way."

Key Points:

• Luke discusses the prevalence of phlebotomy parlors in his neighborhood, describing their often unwelcoming atmospheres.
• The hosts delve into the challenges of navigating these environments due to Luke's face blindness, making it difficult to remember which phlebotomist has successfully drawn his blood in the past.
• They humorously compare phlebotomist interactions to awkward social encounters, highlighting the impersonal and mechanical nature of the process.

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5. The Evolution of Massage Parlors and Lingering Past Experiences (21:54 – 24:26)

Andrew and Luke reminisce about past experiences related to massage parlors and adult entertainment venues.

• Andrew Walsh (23:08): "I was having a devil of a time locating it."
• Luke Burbank (24:26): "You stole my joke, you son of a guy."

Key Points:

• Andrew shares a personal anecdote about encountering a teammate's father at an adult bookstore near Pike Place Market, reshaping his perception of childhood peers.
• The hosts discuss the transformation of certain Seattle locales from predominantly adult-oriented businesses to more mainstream establishments.
• They reflect on the impact of such changes on community perceptions and personal memories.

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6. Listener Shoutouts and "Blurs Day" Celebrations (37:54 – 56:27)

Towards the end of the episode, Luke and Andrew engage with their listeners through heartfelt shoutouts and introduce the concept of "Blurs Day."

• Andrew Walsh (30:25): "We couldn't do this without you."
• Luke Burbank (48:52): "There's a right way to rockin't a wrong way to roll."
• Andrew Walsh (55:46): "You've learned how to basically railroad things through onto the program."

Key Points:

• The hosts acknowledge and celebrate their listeners, specifically mentioning supporters like Peter and Sherry Cop from Port Townsend, Washington.
• They introduce "Blurs Day," a playful twist on birthdays and special occasions, encouraging listeners to send in their well-wishes.
• Multiple listener messages are shared, each highlighting personal stories, achievements, and heartfelt thanks to the hosts.
• The segment emphasizes the community aspect of the podcast, fostering a sense of belonging and appreciation among listeners.

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7. Closing Thoughts and Upcoming Attractions (56:12 – 56:27)

In the final moments, Luke hints at future content and invites listeners to tune in for more engaging segments.

• Andrew Walsh (56:10): "Exactly."
• Luke Burbank (56:27): "And good luck to all."

Key Points:

• The hosts wrap up the episode by teasing future discussions, including an upcoming segment on unboxing listener packages.
• They invite continuous listener participation, reinforcing the interactive nature of the show.
• The episode concludes with warm wishes and encouragement, maintaining the show's friendly and inclusive tone.

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Conclusion

Episode #4482 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a rich tapestry of personal stories, humorous exchanges, and meaningful listener interactions. From the quirky antics of Tigre the cat to the relatable struggles of getting a blood draw, Luke and Andrew create an engaging narrative that resonates with their audience. The introduction of "Blurs Day" and heartfelt shoutouts further deepen the connection between the hosts and their listeners, embodying the essence of a show "goofing their way through the world the best they can."

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Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh (00:34): "I consider myself to be an absolutely dead center, normal, average American."
• Andrew Walsh (04:26): "He's a once in a generation storytelling talent who has a loose relationship with the truth."
• Luke Burbank (07:13): "Luckily, most of it just means eating popsicles and watching old episodes of Brooklyn Nine."
• Andrew Walsh (37:15): "That's progress."
• Andrew Walsh (42:49): "It's like, I don't know. Because not all the things that are stuffed are animals."

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For more episodes and updates, visit TBTL's official website.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Clarence Armstrong has a unique cat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, he's pretty unusual. Let's go. Hey, come on.

[Luke Burbank]

His name's Tigre, and he's more like a dog than a cat.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think he's more intelligent than a dog. He likes this. Every day when the weather's nice, Clarence.

[Luke Burbank]

And Tegree go for a walk. And they usually end up at a fast food restaurant in Renton. Would you like that with cheese?

[Andrew Walsh]

Today, Clarence goes inside and gets a.

[Luke Burbank]

Cup of coffee, and Tegree waits for him outside.

[Andrew Walsh]

He'll just sit right there.

[Luke Burbank]

Sits, darling.

[Andrew Walsh]

In the summertime, sometimes when it's too hot, I don't bring him over.

[Luke Burbank]

Tegree will wait for Clarence for hours. Customers are amazed. When I first walked up the ramp, I thought it was a statue. He's the best.

[Andrew Walsh]

We've known him for about, what, three years? Oh, he's a little sweetheart.

[Luke Burbank]

Clarence says he takes Tigre everywhere, to the grocery store, bowling alley and library. Clarence and Tegree are best friends.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tegree, you ready to go? Hey, you ready to go home? And this is his Christmas sweater.

[Luke Burbank]

Elton John would be impressed with Tigre's sunglass collection. And when it comes to hats, Tigre has a different hat for every occasion.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here's his Christmas scarf that goes with it. When he wants to swing in it, he'll push it and get it started.

[Luke Burbank]

And just when you think you've seen it all, Clarence pulls out Tigre's favorite snack food.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now this is my cat's Grey Poupon.

[Luke Burbank]

Now you've seen everything. Scott Rensberger, Cairo News Channel 7TBTL. Hi.

[Andrew Walsh]

Podcast.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

I consider myself to be an absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

Dead center, normal, average American.

[Andrew Walsh]

You negligently ruined her iPhone. You have to pay for that. Simple as that. So, isn't that rocket science? What is rocket science?

[Luke Burbank]

Rocket science is when the scientists find.

[Andrew Walsh]

Out things about space.

[Luke Burbank]

As far as I'm concerned, they're the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Worst looking things I've ever seen.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, they are pathetic looking. They're homely. I don't know what exactly the attachment is. I think they're cute, but kind of funny looking. This is what happens when you hire two guys with a podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's get to the jokes. Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a third Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Everything I'm saying happened last week. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where we are looking at another gray day. What gives, weather gods? Oh, I see. Exactly. Supposed to get sunny in like an hour. Okay, fine, I'll allow it. Here we are, Everybody at episode 4482 in a collector's series.

[Luke Burbank]

Let the fun begin.

[Andrew Walsh]

If you'll allow that. And if you'll allow this, the surprisingly interesting story, now that's interesting. Of the rise of the Toto toilet. Of course, the toilet, the washlet really is the actual name made by the Toto Corporation of Japan, which is growing by leaps and bounds in America. But there's great article in the New York Times today, the whole history of the washlet and how it was not popular at first, but then they put out this commercial that scandalized everyone in Japan and they sort of turned a corner. Watch the potty wipe your body. So we'll get into that. Plus it's a Thursday, AKA a blursday, so we'll do some blurs day messages and we're gonna talk to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. This is sort of how I describe him. He is a once in a generation.

[Luke Burbank]

Storytelling talent who has a loose relationship with the truth.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Luke Burbank]

Good morning. I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you. I did not fully edit that piece of tape.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you expect Mike Daisy to be co hosting with you today? What is that tape from?

[Andrew Walsh]

You are a Kind of magic. It's actually a guest on our friend Chris Hayes podcast this week, the why is this Happening podcast who is an expert on AI and she wrote a book about. She's describing Sam Altman.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, you. Sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

The open AI guy. And, but, you know, I, I thought maybe this also, you know, there were some. He is a once in a generation.

[Luke Burbank]

Storytelling talent who has a loose relationship with the truth.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought I'd also, you know, could apply to both of us.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. I mean, I don't know if I, I would just, I would accept the back half of that. I do have a loose relationship with the truth. Certainly. I don't know if I'm a once in a generation storyteller. I was trying to be a bad storyteller there.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I did realize something about you in that intro tape is that you really would, I think, enjoy the life of Tegre the cat.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, am I Tigre or am I Tegre?

[Andrew Walsh]

You're Tegr. Because Tegre gets to go everywhere with Its owner and they. Everywhere the owner goes is the grocery store, the bowling alley and the library.

[Luke Burbank]

And a Jack in the box, I believe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Throw Teddy's in there and we've got the complete Andrew Walsh loop.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. I haven't been to a bowling alley in a long damn time though, unfortunately. But I should, I should.

[Andrew Walsh]

Could you bowl again? Is your joint issues? I mean, you played whirly ball, so.

[Luke Burbank]

I did play that, yes. Believe it or not, bowling might be more athletic than whirlyball. We found it. We found, we found the sport that is less athletic than bowling. No offense to our B.O. bowlers out there. I love bowling. But yeah, no, I, I remember even as I was getting better, as I started to take these medications that I guess like this whole ordeal with my rheumatoid arthritis started about, about Luke. Happy anniversary, my friend. It's happened about a year ago. I'm gonna say it just started, but it was mysterious. Didn't know why I was in so much pain. Etc. Etc. We've already gone on the whole journey. Everybody, I assume listening right now has listened to that entire journey. If not, let me recap it for you minute by minute. As only a once in a generation storyteller can't stumble. He is a once in a generation storytelling talent. But even as I got better, I was like, well, there are certain things I just won't be able to do again. And that's fine. Like bowling. I enjoyed bowling, but I was like, I won't bowl anymore. But I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Coincidentally, kind of checked in with my.

[Andrew Walsh]

How'd the blood draw go? Were you properly hydrated?

[Luke Burbank]

She had a little bit of trouble. Well, let me. Before we get into that, I'll just finish by saying, yeah, I think that, I mean, I said to my doctor, I'm like, I. I'm still in the grateful phase of this. I don't think there's anything. I wouldn't say there's nothing I can't do because there's a lot of stuff I can't do, Luke.

[Andrew Walsh]

But that's unrelated to any sort of rheumatoid arthritis.

[Luke Burbank]

So much stuff I can't do. But I don't think there's anything I can't do today that I couldn't do a year ago before all of this started. And that is, I don't know, I think about that a lot and I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Think you mean that you do before. But we're fine.

[Luke Burbank]

I couldn't do what I. I couldn't Care less about your corrections.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can't do.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway, in other words, you're able to. Whatever it was you could do before this, you're now back to doing that stuff, including yard work and darts and if you wanted to, bowling.

[Luke Burbank]

Luckily, most of it just means eating popsicles and watching old episodes of Brooklyn Nine. Nine. I can do that actually, even. Maybe even better than I could before, to be honest with you. These drugs are a miracle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So I'm feel very grateful for that. But I have not tried bowling again. And the blood draw, I get nervous about that because I have a little bit of trouble finding veins. I drink a lot of water. I skipped coffee yesterday because I know that dries you out a little bit. And I go in there and it's always this dance. I don't even. This is so difficult to explain, but the first time I went in to get my blood drawn in a long time. This was again probably about a year ago as I was going through this stuff. There's this little lab in the downstairs of the medical facility that I go to, and it's kind of run by its own, but kind of a third party called LabCorp. I think a lot of people are familiar with LabCorp anyway. And I got a.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's how I describe my fashion.

[Luke Burbank]

LabCorp. Yeah. A lot of white. Lot of white name tags. Yep.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I got this guy who I. I don't want to be rude, but the only way to describe him would be like a grumpy Gus.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is he still there?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, guy is still there, man. And so this is where things get kind of interesting. So he couldn't find a vein. He was very grumpy with me. I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, this is yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, this was. No, no. I'm just recapping.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

So I can't remember. I think that he ended up calling somebody else in. I am pretty quick to get lightheaded in these situations. It's a bad combination of me being especially nervous and squeamish and them always kind of having a little bit of trouble, like finding a good, solid vein. And I don't remember exactly how it ended up unfolding with this guy the first time, but I know that somebody told me, like this woman at the front desk at one point, you know, there are people here who are more experienced. You can sort of ask for that next time. But it was unclear how I go about doing that. But I'm going to say that's four times, maybe even five times that I've gone in to get my blood drawn. I've said to the person at the front desk, sometimes it's the same woman, hey, I've been. I'm. I'm a little bit hard to find veins with or something along those lines. Sometimes I get assigned to a fellow who really has trouble doing it. And I've been told, yes, and I've been told that I could ask for somebody with maybe a little more experience. I think that was the word, the magic phrase in the words of James.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hendrix, Are they experienced?

[Luke Burbank]

Are they experienced? And so I'm like, I don't know how to say this. Are you familiar with that little statue outside of the Blick Art Store on Capitol Hill? Yeah. That is a man named James Hendricks the first.

[Andrew Walsh]

And. And I'd like to quote him when trying to get away from this guy that we all know kind of sucks at his job.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. And it's just so weird to have, like, everybody outwardly kind of acknowledging that this guy is bad at his job when his job is to stick needles in people and draw their blood into vials. It seems like you should just be good at that or you get a different job. But it's also his bedside manner, his tableside manner or whatever, his chairside manner is a little bit weird. And so. And just, like, very. Is Reddit sent the right word? I don't know. Just like, not really. Very chatty and a little gruff, and I didn't like him. And so the first time I go in there, feeling like I can ask for somebody, okay, I go in. Remember one time. You know what it was, Luke? One time I went in there and I knew I was going to be assigned him, and I left. I just. I left. I'm like, I'll come back tomorrow when somebody better is working here. And I literally left the building. I didn't say anything. I just saw. I can't remember how I knew I was going to get this guy. Maybe I went in there. I know what it was. I went in there, and I think he probed and probed and couldn't find something or something. I'm just like, you know what? I'll do this another day. I said, I'll come back and I'll drink more water. But I knew the issue wasn't the amount of water I had had. I. This is like last summer. And I'm just like, you know what? I'll come back tomorrow. And I got up and I left. And I didn't stomp out of there. I didn't stamp out of there. I Just said, I'll drink more water and come back tomorrow. And I was just, like, not feeling great. I hate this process of drawing blood. And I did not like this fella. And for the second time in a row or something, he was struggling with me. And I was like, I'll drink water. I'll come back tomorrow. And then I was literally outside the building, and I thought to myself, and again, this is a year ago. And I said to myself, andrew, I don't want to come back tomorrow. I want to get this done now. I'd been kind of drinking water and Gatorade all day leading up to this moment. I don't know that anything will be better tomorrow. I. I'm going to go back in there right now and say, I need somebody else. And so I think that's when I went in and I said to the woman at the front desk, this fella couldn't find a vein. I can't come back tomorrow. Is there somebody else? And she said, yes, and you can always ask for somebody more experienced. I will do it for you. And I really like this woman. And she had drawn my blood before, no problem at all. In fact, this is the phlebotomist who tricked me into thinking that I was a big boy, that I could handle this stuff because she's so good at her job that she would make some small talk, take some blood, I'd be out of there. And then this other guy's like, give me another vein. Give me another arm. Oh, can like, then grunting as if it's my fault he can't find a vein. I just did not like the. So anyway, I started this little trick going in and sort of saying, hey, I've been told I can ask for somebody with more experience. And that worked like, two or three times until this woman went on maternity leave or something. And then I'm, like, trying to use an old code to other phlebotomists who don't know what I'm talking about. And I don't know the last time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Punching it into the Bed, Bath and Beyond website as you're checking out, hoping you can still get 10% off.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm, like, looking. You're guessing you're going Aug10 scouring for codes.

[Andrew Walsh]

U M10. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

TBTL.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, use the code. TBTL.

[Luke Burbank]

That didn't work. Just jamming with a bunch of other unnecessary needles. But anyway, so it kind of got tricky there for a while. And then the last time I went in, not yesterday, but the last time I went in. It was a crew that I didn't know, but I did see Grumpy Gus kind of walking around somewhere. And I said to the woman at the front desk, different person. Like, I was told that I can always ask for somebody with the most experience. Cause I'm not very. I said, like, you know, it's hard to find a vein on me, and I get a little bit passy outy or something like that. And then it started, this whole conversation between these two women behind the desk being like, wait, how can you describe this guy? And I'm like, I don't know, maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

And he's gonna walk by at any moment.

[Luke Burbank]

And I couldn't remember. And what happened was, I later learned is they hired another man. I think this used to be the only man who worked in that office. And now they had another guy in there. And they were trying to determine which guy I have trouble with. And so then I'm. And I couldn't remember him that well. I'm like, I think he might be my age or older or younger. And there's like, okay, well, that covers.

[Andrew Walsh]

This doesn't help that you have face blindness.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. And anyway, so that. So they end up pairing me up last time with another guy who. I never did get a different. I did get another guy, but it was the first time that he eventually found a vein. But it literally hurt while he was drawing the balloon. Usually it's like, once it's in there, it's in there, and you just got to think about England or whatever, and you're fine. But like, this time, it got increasingly more painful. Not terribly painful, but I'm just very much in my head about this stuff. And it's as if somebody is pinching you, but then the pinching is getting more and more and more intense.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's not how that's supposed to work.

[Luke Burbank]

No, not for a blood draw. And I'm just like. And then I got through it. Turn into the Hulk. As you could hear, I got through it. And then I ended up with a big bruise on my arm that day. Or like later that week, big bruise on my arm where they drew blood. I'm like, that's weird. So that was last time. And then yesterday. God, I really am a storyteller. Do you regret asking this question yet?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I'm hanging on the edge of my feet.

[Luke Burbank]

He is a once in a generation storytelling talent. So, like, my whole system of asking for more experience and trying to, like, wink and nod, but not wink too much. I don't like to just wink at these young women at the. At the phlebotomy center. And so I. Winking at the women at the phlebotomy center could be a magnetic field song. I think that was the 70th love song.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was gonna say that was the 70th love song.

[Luke Burbank]

You stole my joke, you son of a guy. But anyway, so yes, I went in there. I just sort of. I kind of said again, I'm like, I am sometimes diffic to have find a vein. And I am a little bit in my head about this stuff. So I think I just sort of said, so if you could put your best person on the case or something. And then who comes out? But I see the little troll man. Sorry to be rude, but I see Grumpy Gus and he's walking around and I'm just like, oh, no. Like I wasn't as specific this time. But I'm like, you know what? I got it. If I get him, I'm just going to deal with it. I'm just going to. However, I'm going to withdraw into my. Withdraw into myself, or I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Withdraws from yourself?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm just gonna deal with whatever they give me. Yes. And then I see him. He walks behind a. You know, he walks into a little room where he's about to draw blood. I don't know if there's a patient in there or not. I assume I'm about to be called into his little room. Instead, I'm called into the room across the hall and who's back from maternity.

[Andrew Walsh]

Leave, baby Florence Nightingale.

[Luke Burbank]

Florence Nightingale. I think. I think it was the same woman. Jalapeno. Jalapeno. Jalapeno. I'm a little. I'm a little bit face blind, so I think it was the same woman. I treated her like. It was. I was like, hey, I'm so glad I got you. And then we talked. I just sort of nervously talked. It was. I think I got a little bit awkward because I was just. She said, oh, yeah, I'm just back from maternity leave. I'm like, oh, great. I told her, like, I'm nervous, so I'm going to make a lot of weird small talk. I didn't say weird, but I said, I'm just going to make a lot of small talk with you to distract myself. I'm like, engage as much as you want. Anyway, how did like. I'm like, tell me, like, is this your first kid? How did it go. And I'm just sort of asking her a lot of questions about the far. Did you dilate?

[Andrew Walsh]

General small talk.

[Luke Burbank]

That. And then I winked again, which was again, like winking at phlebotomist. Anyway, we got through it. But I do think, because I'm just so nervous in those situations, that I'm just talking a lot and saying weird things. And I remember leaving. This is the part that is. I thought about this later in the day, and I cringed. I was so glad to be done with all of this. And I left and I said, this is a true story, too. I said, the doctor says if these blood levels look right, I don't have to come back in three months. I can come back in six months. And she was, like, taking off her gloves or whatever. She was pretty much done with the conversation at that point. But I felt like a child being like, if this blood comes back right, you don't have to see me again for six months, teacher. By the way, I looked at it today, the blood did not come back totally right. I think I'll be back there in three months. But I get that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know that excitement, though, that kind of like you're. You've just gotten through something that you're sort of dreading, and then there's this huge euphoria.

[Luke Burbank]

Be like. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or like endorphins or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're suddenly like. Yeah. Euphoria is the exact word you were right. Yeah. Just you're flooded with this, like, excitement that you just want to, like, tell the world or something. You go from just being, like, feeling about as bad as you're going to feel to feeling ecstasy.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And I. I got real as I left. That's right. I said, oh, thank you so much. I was like, I've been wor. I've been. I start worrying about that about a week out, and then I'm like, but I might not have to come back for another six months if the blood turns out right. But again, at. And I'm kind of like, wow, you're talking a lot, Walsh. Get out of here. But, you know, I mean, I got out of there.

[Andrew Walsh]

It sounds like. Because you've had. You've had your blood drawn by. Is this. Is this woman there? If she is the same person, the only woman there who has drawn your blood, or have you had blood drawn by different staffers who are women versus different staffers who are men?

[Luke Burbank]

That really is all predicated on whether or not this was the same woman. And I went in there treating her like she was and talking to her like she was. But then about halfway through it occurred to me she might not be. And so I'm not exactly sure, I would say about two different women probably have drawn blood from me there, I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it sounds like you've had not great experiences with the two guys that have tried to draw your blood and that it's been much, much more successful with women. And I mean, it would be, it obviously could possibly send the wrong vibe if you just wanted it said, could I have a pretty lady draw my blood, please? Because it does seem like that's the constant.

[Luke Burbank]

There are, I will say, in my neighborhood there are a lot of phlebotomists parlors, by the way, Luke, that are just like by the hour, sort of.

[Andrew Walsh]

You can walk in, no natural light can penetrate. It's just tons of decals, tons of weird sun faded photographs of people having blood drawn. It's like one little illuminated sign that just says open. You're like, they're open at 3am they.

[Luke Burbank]

All have the same big window covering that shows a woman laying on her back with a rock on her shoulders.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's been there since literally next door to the UPS store that I go to and, and that UPS store is packed because of the Amazonification of life. It's just, there's just, I mean, there are people that are, that are mailing things and there are a few people using the notary services, but it's usually just a line out the door of people holding an item that costs under $10 that they're now returning, that's been shipped from somewhere far away to their house and now back to whatever landfill. By the way, I'm often one of those people, so I'm not even judging them. But next to that is fully one of those massage parlors that like. Now here's the crazy part, that one of those massage parlors that very much appears to be a place where typically men go to have a sexual experience is next to a totally legit regular massage parlor that has lots of light coming in and is called like, you know, holistic whatever or something, you know what I mean? And like if you were to be walking into the one that has no natural light and, and someone was going, oh hey, I was at the UPS store, I caught you going in there to get your massage. You would, you would really have a hard time making the argument that was the only place in that strip mall you could get a decent massage.

[Luke Burbank]

You're saying if you ran into somebody later who happened to put eyes on you as you walked into a massage thing, I thought you were going to say, how many people are walking in. If these places are next door to each other, how many people are walking into the wrong one?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that I guess could also be a first of all. That may just happen. And it also might be a cover story, because if you look at these two places, you see very clearly one of them is pretty sketchy and one of them is just like a total. Like I said, you know, it's got like palm, like, I don't know what. You know, like things that indicate good health and aura and everything. And like I said, plenty of natural light going in the large glass windows that are all totally wide open. I guess my point is that, like, if you were to get kind of. And busted, I just mean, like, somebody saw you coming out of a massage parlor that was pretty clearly intended towards a sexual activity. If you were somewhere else, you might be able to go, I don't know, I just had a sore back. I wanted a massage. But in this case, you're like next to a real, like a legit massage place. So that argument kind of goes out the window pretty fast. Like.

[Luke Burbank]

But let me ask you this. Let's talk about words for a second. Because words are important.

[Andrew Walsh]

They really are to this show.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you think to say whenever you refer to it as a massage parlor, that kind of implies the kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're absolutely right.

[Luke Burbank]

Because otherwise you'd call it a spa. Right? You go for a spa treatment or whatever. Like, so it sort of sounds like this is a spa next to a massage parlor. And I don't know if that's official, but that's how we use it.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, you're. I'd never thought of it that way. But yes, if I were like getting Becca and I a massage or something, like, you know, a gift certificate, I would. It would never be at a place that had a parlor in the name. Yeah, that only indicates a certain kind of thing that's going on. And yeah, none of those other places, the places that are, you know, non sexual in nature, they're. They're never called a parlor that. You're right. That's a dead giveaway of. Of what the. And I don't even know what this place is actually called. You know, I don't know if they use the term parlor, but that's what I would. That's what I would call it. If I saw my buddy going in or out of there, I would say, hey, I saw you going into the Old massage parlor the other day.

[Luke Burbank]

It does remind me. I gave you and Becca a kind of a homemade coupon for a free couples massage by me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Have you lost that at Andy's parlor?

[Luke Burbank]

Just occurred to me that you haven't even cashed that in yet. I'm here, buddy.

[Andrew Walsh]

I. You know what? I don't. I gotta figure out where I put that thing. I. Yeah, I got one hand for each year. I might have put it on the fridge, but I am having a devil of a time locating it.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, when you do.

[Andrew Walsh]

On the subject of this kind of stuff. You know, when I was a kid, I once saw a little League. A little league teammate of mine. I once saw his father emerging from an adult bookstore near Pike Place Market, and my mind exploded. I could never look at this kid again the same way, you know, as we. As we were playing. As we were playing little league baseball together, because I had seen his dad coming out of a porno shop back when Pike Place Market, you know, was not unlike Times Square in New York. It was mostly pornography around there. You know, in the 80s in Seattle.

[Luke Burbank]

And wasn't there a famous dance club there, too? Is that. Isn't that where, like, the dance club that had all the very clever sayings on the sign?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, dance club. No, a. Well, I don't know. It was called the lusty lady.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I'm sorry I called it a dance club, but I meant that women are dancing for men in a lusty way. Sorry, I don't. Words are important.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, Andrew. Haven't we established that?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was the kind of place where you could go in, and it was like. There was the open your heart to me, the Madonna video of the sort of peep show.

[Luke Burbank]

That really was the style.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was the style of the lusty lady. You would put quarters in and this little. This little thing would go up, and there was just a room full of women who were naked and they were just kind of. I'll be honest with you, my memory of the times that I was in there as a young person, there seemed to be a certain lack of enthusiasm on the part of the gals that were behind the glass. I think clearly there was something where you could be tipping and probably getting things going in a more exciting direction. But I just remember the window going up and just seeing. It was just kind of seeing some gals kind of. Sort of sitting around without clothes on, kind of thinking, looking like they might have better places to be. And I thought, well, that's. That's enough of this. For me.

[Luke Burbank]

And when you say a young person, you don't mean you snuck in as a child, but as a young adult.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were a young adult. I was probably in my early 20s or something. But it's funny because I think that is the plot of that video, which is. I want to say it's a young River Phoenix, I was going to say, who's having his mind blown. This came up on the show.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I never knew that that kid was a famous actor because I know that video, but never put that together.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I think, like, Madonna is the one that's doing the one in the dance club.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. It's actually a pretty cool video. I wonder if somebody famous directed that video. Now that I think of it too.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, like a Herb Ritz or.

[Luke Burbank]

That would be the right era. Yeah. I'm not sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Although, you know what, let's see here. When I put in River Phoenix Madonna video, I'm getting a lot of lucky star, but there's no way she was in. In lucky star was he. I could have, by the way, I could have totally and completely misremembered this. So don't quote me.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow. I got to be careful about quoting you on that thing because that. I know that's a very interesting detail if. If that is River Phoenix or somebody famous playing that little boy in that.

[Andrew Walsh]

In that let's open your heart to me video. Was that the song? Did we establish that's the song?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I think that's the song open your heart.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, it was. It looks like it was directed by somebody named Jean Baptiste Mondino.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe I'm that guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sounds artsy.

[Luke Burbank]

Definitely. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now I'm just waiting for a couple Google workspace ad to play on YouTube. Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

It takes influence from Liza Minnelli's performance in the 1972 film Cabaret. So it was a sort of cabaret, but I don't see any mention of that being a famous.

[Andrew Walsh]

No. And also. And also. So, okay, am I crazy? Is like. I don't wanna watch the whole video silently. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, this is. This is. Yeah, I think I might be right about this. There's. It's not. Listen, it's a big step up from the lusty lady, but it is a thing where Madonna is dancing on stage.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Kind of, you know, suggestively. And there are those little sort of like peep show booths. It was very artsy the way it's shot. But now I'm no question about that.

[Luke Burbank]

Luke, by the way, I have that video burned into my brain, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

There is no.

[Luke Burbank]

There was no. Nobody was. Nobody was questioning the veracity in the basement Burgundy Bay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Somebody was.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's just say that I was very into art films. I. I bet you I. But I am on the Wikipedia for this, and I'm just not seeing any.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm not trying, you know, this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe he was in another video for her. For some reason, I have that connection in my mind of him being somehow associated with a Madonna video. But, you know, again, I've been wrong so many times just today that this could just be another example of that. Somebody will figure this out and email me and let me know what I'm actually thinking of.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I tell you something very interesting about this song and then we can move on?

[Andrew Walsh]

Open youn Heart.

[Luke Burbank]

Open youn Heart was originally written as Follow youw Heart, a song for Cyndi Lauper. But then there, for some reason, management got in there and Follow youw Heart wasn't recorded or something. I'm trying to read this at the same time as telling you about it, but that's really. Because all over this Wikipedia page for Open your heart, parentheses Madonna song, there's all these photos of Cyndi Lauper. And I'm kind of like, why is Cindy. I mean, God bless Cindy Lauper. Love that woman. But why is she all over this Madonna page? And apparently this was originally conceived as a song for her. I find that to be interesting.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is really interesting. You forget how many freaking hits Cyndi Lauper had.

[Luke Burbank]

I do. Like, until.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, like, True Colors.

[Luke Burbank]

True Colors is a good thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Girls just want to have fun Time after Time.

[Luke Burbank]

Those are the three that I would know. What's the best part of Time after Time? If we're on the Newlywed Game, what is Andrew's favorite part of time?

[Andrew Walsh]

Favorite part of time. After I've said this to you before. Yeah. You say go fast. I walk behind the second hand unwinds. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just trying to know. It's at the end when the music fades out, but her mic, when she's just whispering, time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. By the way, Felix Howard. Felix Howard is the young boy in the Madonna open your Heart video.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I thought.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what. Yeah. And I'm sorry I argued it so hard that it wasn't Felix Howard, by the way. And I say this with peace and love. Don't look up a picture of Felix Howard right now because he's a man who's as old, if not older than us. And, like, you know what I mean, he's got a shaved head and he's got a nice white beard. He's a nice enough looking guy, but he is like. There's something about observing the passage of time on other people that is really. It's really depressing because it indicates the passage of time on yourself.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God. This is my phlebotomist.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, print out a picture when you go. Next time, say, please don't have the Kid from the Open youn Heart parenthetical Madonna video. Do the blood drop. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set.

[Luke Burbank]

Get set now. Ready?

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready, Go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattles dazzle.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. Despite me spreading obvious lies about River Phoenix being a Madonna video. By the way, AI told me that he is, in fact, definitively not in any Madonna video.

[Luke Burbank]

No. Well, what is AI despite?

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, despite these kinds of mistruths, these dazzling donors continue to support tbtl. In fact, maybe it makes them like the show more. I don't know. I don't know what's going on with Peter and Sherry Cop in Port Townsend, Washington, but I know that they have been steadfast in their support of TBTL over the years.

[Luke Burbank]

They really have.

[Andrew Walsh]

Cop as in cop, not Coop or Knop.

[Luke Burbank]

That makes sense. Cop.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what we're going with. Peter and Sherry say, given the unsettling events coming fast and furious, it's a challenge to hear the news. We recently signed up for NPR to support their good journalism. We hear fewer ads and the news goes by more quickly. Thankfully, TBTL gives our ear holes a break five times a week. We love tbtl, the Tens and the business boys. Sherry ends her Morning Listening with BirdNote Daily Bush Tits Today.

[Luke Burbank]

I wonder if that's their private version of that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sounds like a thing that you and Genevieve would call birdnote, Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Because we call our bird game birds.

[Andrew Walsh]

Actually, the Bird Note. Daily Word of the Day, the Good News podcast. And once a week, the economics of everyday things not to be out nerded. Peter listens to CBS Mystery Theater.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it's up my alley.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pop Culture Happy Hour and the Album Years. That's a word I can't say. Album.

[Luke Burbank]

I think you say. I think you think you can't say it.

[Andrew Walsh]

But in the thinking that I can't say it, I then struggle internally with the saying of it. We also enjoy the sounds of birds in our backyard. This morning was the chirping of a flock of bush tits is there. Did one of these, did Peter or Sherry make the other a bet that they could get me to say bush tits three times? Because it worked.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll beep it.

[Andrew Walsh]

On those days when we need to get out of the house, we'll often clear our heads by going for a walk at north beach in Port Townsend. I know it and love it. Peter and Sherry. Gosh, I missed that place. Here is an 11 second audio spackle segment so all the tens can be there too. Now do you want to play that from your end, Andrew?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it does say, I'll set this up. It says, we hope you can relax and enjoy the calming sound of rocks rolling in the waves. So let's take a listen to that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Too short.

[Luke Burbank]

I wish I could go forever.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was 20 seconds. I would have gone to sleep.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Also, Peter and Sherry, you know, I used to walk Rudy on North Beach. That was a big, big kind of Zen place for me that walking along that section of north beach with the dog, listening to the, the waves. It was extremely healing back in the day. So thanks a lot. Thanks for reminding me that I used to live on the Strait of Juan de Fuca and now I live out in Trump country. But no, that was very relaxing.

[Luke Burbank]

You could never wear a T shirt.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is true. That was a problem out there. It looked very beautiful from inside the house. But other than, I mean, seriously, the hottest day of the year. There was one really warm summer day where I remember my Aunt Kathy and my mom came over and I think my Uncle Chuck might have been there and they were all sitting on a little outside kind of couch thing, looking at the ocean. And that was the one time I remember there being any fun outdoor activities in however many years we lived at that place.

[Luke Burbank]

You loved it there though.

[Andrew Walsh]

I sure did. I sure did. I was a fan of that place and I'm a fan of Peter and Sherry.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you so much for supporting tbtl. We couldn't do this without you. Maestro. On your mark. On your mark.

[Luke Burbank]

Get set, get set now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready, Ready, go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle dazzle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Look who it is. It's Harley and Amy. Cody. Harley says Harley like an annoying motorcycle. I wonder if Harley drives a Harley. I mean, if he's calling it an annoying motorcycle. It sounds like maybe not.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm guessing not. And also, it's just too on the nose. You want to avoid those jokes.

[Andrew Walsh]

My neighbor drives a Harley and, and he loves to take it out. He's such a sweet guy. Though that, like, you know, I don't begrudge him that, but I did have a little. Did have an embarrassing moment yesterday, Andrew, as I was working on my raised garden beds, and I was talking to my neighbor. We were chatting about, you know, neighborly things because he's also building a garden. We're talking about deer proofing our gardens. And I said, hey, well, sir, are you gonna be up at the lake house this summer? Are you gonna be down here? And he goes, no, that's my ex. Oh, she got the lake house, So I will not be going to the lake house. And I was like, oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, so that's.

[Andrew Walsh]

How about face blind? Man, I had no face blind. I had no idea the gal on the back of his Harley is not the gal that used to be on the back of his Harley.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay. But. But wait a second, though. But you said that to him, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

I said that to him. I didn't say it to the. The new girlfriend. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, Gotcha. Okay, well.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I clearly had. I did not in any way note that there was, like, a different woman of that certain age that was coming and going from the house and also occasionally sitting, you know, on the back of his Harley as they would go off for a little fun ride.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's good. It means he knows that you're not. He's not under, like, super intense scrutiny.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, there couldn't be less scrutiny going on between me and old Bob. Anyway, Harley and Amy are in Stanwood, Washington. We love Stanwood, Washington. Beautiful place up there. And is it technically Skagit County? You would know, Andrew. Is it technically Skagit County?

[Luke Burbank]

Why would I. Why would I know?

[Andrew Walsh]

I. I don't think you know Stanwood, Washington. Let's figure out what county. This. Let's get to the bottom of this. This. It's in Snohomish County. Of course. These are our snohomies. Harley and Amy. They say, hi. Beautiful business boys. That's a lot of bees, dude. It is beautiful business boys. I really don't have anything to say, except for what you do is so important. And we love the stuffings out of both of you.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I love that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you. That's really sweet. Thank you, Harley and Amy. We appreciate that. Thank you so much. And keep it up. Power out. You know, I had a whole little journey the other day with, you know, how it's become the case that we don't call them stuffed animals anymore. Now they're just called stuffies.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Which, I mean, I don't do That I don't either come up in conversation a lot for me. But no, I. I've never said stuffy. I don't think I ever will.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't like. It doesn't feel natural to me because I didn't grow up with it. But I heard someone say it the other day, and my immediate knee jerk reaction was like, get real. And then I thought, you know, I don't know. Because not all the things that are stuffed are animals.

[Luke Burbank]

No more and more. I think that's probably why. Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's probably what they're solving for.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's think about it. Our generation called them stuffed animals, but before that, we might have had an older generation saying, in my day, we called them teddy bears. You're like, yeah, but Fleegle the beagle's a beagle. He's not a teddy bear. What do you want me to do with that, Grandpa?

[Andrew Walsh]

Right? This is just the march of time. This is progress.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So. Because so many of the things that have stuffing in them are not an animal. They're like a, you know, who knows what? Some kind of. Yeah, they're a Minecraft sword or something. It's like, I guess that's why we have to call them stuffies. And I realized that I was like, okay, I'll allow it. I still probably won't use it in my life.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I. I want to apologize to everyone who I've judged for saying stuffy.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was being a little stuffy about the how. What we're calling these things.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, you were. So this is just you kind of coming. You were kind of quietly. I mean, this has probably come up on the show before, but you, You've always taken a. You've looked down your nose a little bit at that, and now something has. Or you've just aged, you've mellowed, and now you just want it on the record that you apologize for that original sort of tone.

[Andrew Walsh]

If you had said stuffy around me. If you've said. If you or someone you know has said stuffy around Luke Burbank in the last 10 years, call the law offices of Burbank and Burbank. You may be entitled to a settlement. Now, if somebody. Somebody said stuffy around me for the last. Since whenever that started, I was always like, get real. But now I'm like, oh, no. Actually, that is kind of a. That's a necessary thing, because we're not. I wouldn't like it if someone was calling a Minecraft sword a stuffed animal.

[Luke Burbank]

That's true. I suppose, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So anyway, I just want to. I just want to clear the record on that. I want to say thanks to Harley and Amy for supporting tbtl. Yes, we are forever in your debt.

[Luke Burbank]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, when there's bidet talk in the New York Times, Andrew, your boy Luke is going to be zeroing in on that. He's going to be laser focused. Because there's two things I love, the New York Times and toilet talk, particularly toto talk. This was River Akira Davis and Kyoku Natoya writing in the New York Times, the rise of the Japanese toilet. And it tells a story of the Toto Company of Japan and how in 1982 they put a TV commercial up on Japanese television and it features an actress in a pink floral dress and she's. She gets paint on her hand. She puts a kind of a smear of paint on her hands and then she tries to wipe it off with toilet paper in a futile way. And then she looks at the camera and asks everyone, if your hands get dirty, you wash them, right? It's the same for your bottom. She continues. Bottoms deserve to be washed too. And this apparently caused an outrage in Japan because many people were eating dinner and they thought this was a very inappropriate commercial. It is, of course, exactly the point that I'm always trying to make when the question of the bidet comes up, which is, you know, most things that get dirty, if we want to clean them, we apply water to them. That seems that our backsides are the only ones where we've decided that paper is going to do just fine. But what I was really interested in was that the bidet toilet or the toto washlet is actually an idea from the United States. Somebody who worked for the Toto Company noticed that there were these medical toilets in the US that had some sort of a water feature, you know, probably for people that needed some help or had some kind of a medical condition going on. And they got the idea to develop that into a consumer product. And it was very unpopular in Japan for many years, like, because they couldn't get the angle of the water right. They said a lot of times the water would shoot the researchers in the face.

[Luke Burbank]

Setting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, they couldn't quite figure out the temperature, but they stayed with it. And after many years, they finally toto, they, they, they, you know, broke through in Japan and now they're breaking through in the United States, it looks like. Let me see if I can get the exact stat in front of me. It's a pretty big number it's like something like half of all the toilets that are sold now in the US have basically a bidet feature on them. And even more when you're talking about new construction. It's more and more the case that when someone's just building a new house, if they're, you know, putting their bathroom together, they're putting in one of these robo toilets like I have. There's a. There's a great line in here about the. About the exact temperature. In the current models of the Toto Washlet, a water spray is kept at a precise 104 degrees Fahrenheit, a temperature that the company describes as warm, but not surprising. It just feels like those Japanese way to describe the temperature of the water that's watching your bunghole. Warm, but not surprising.

[Luke Burbank]

I saw this video bouncing around. You know, when I saw this story in the Shoshee Today, I was like, oh, I don't think I'd read that. But then you were describing that commercial and like, oh, yeah, I just saw that commercial last week. I don't know if people have been sending that in or if it was just making the rounds. And I don't know if this story sort of like, prompted the resurgence of this video, of this commercial, or vice versa, if this was written up because everybody's been talking about this commercial. But it did make me think of that. I mean, what was. I know that you thought that you had made something up, that it turns out it was somebody else's sort of. Of reference, but like, oh, yeah, peanut.

[Andrew Walsh]

Butter and a shag.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I always lean up peanut butter in a shag rug. And I was like. So when I saw that, I hate to say, but I thought of you right away because you had said that so many times. I don't. When somebody. When somebody's talking about cleaning paint and specifically, like, how that would be in your butt, I just didn't like thinking about you in that moment, honestly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Would you consider. Andrew, if you guys ever, like, are redoing your bathroom or something, would you ever get a toilet that has a bidet built in? Are you. Are you pro? You think I would know this? Are you pro or anti?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I've never used one. I don't really like the idea of them. I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's funny because you're so clean. You're a clean person. You're not of the opinion that this makes one less clean than toilet paper, right?

[Luke Burbank]

No. I would say that as somebody who's very into cleaning, generally speaking, clean People can be clean using different products. We see that when you're. Not everybody uses the same method. Not everybody uses the same methods when they're cleaning windows either.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure, I guess. But. But what I'm hearing, I, I'm hearing. I feel like I'm hearing a wet wipe reference here or something like. Would you agree that. That we have had somewhat of a cultural shift around the question of dry versus wet? Whether it's someone using a bidet or someone using wet wipes. I have a lot of friends who will, you know, who bring wet wipes with them now because there's. I feel like at some point, not that long ago in America, a lot of us woke up and said, okay, the just straight up, strictly toilet paper thing is it's. Maybe there's a better way. And if they're not using a bidet, I feel like a lot of people are using wet wipes. Now, a friend of ours who I don't think they have to remain nameless because I think they've talked about it on the show, but I will anonymize it. Friend of ours has a whole situation for throwing the wet wipes away in their bathroom so that they don't flush them down the toilet.

[Luke Burbank]

She was on the show talking about it. I mean, I guess I'll go along with this, but yeah, I called it her poo bucket and I don't think that she loved that too much. But yeah, that's why I don't go for wet wipes either. No, I'm just a traditional Ohio guy who grew up in the 80s and sticks and weak for your underwear. But okay, no, I live your life. I'll send them to you if you want to inspect them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here's one.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm doing fine over here. Don't you worry about free. Don't usually charge me for that. Well, it's like the foot picks, the first ones are free. God, this is. We really got to put a lot of adult content on the show today.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't consider clean backsides an age related conversation. I think it applies to, to, to people of every age. One of the things they mentioned in the article though is that there is now this kind of class system within the bidet situation, which is there are. Remember, did we actually do ads? Speaking of old TBTL ads, I must have at some point done an ad for what's the. What's the. What's the company that was making them in the US that still makes them and they mail them out to us. Tushy Tushy oh my gosh. Of course we did. Tushy ad, right?

[Luke Burbank]

That's a blast from the past. That's a, that's a blast of the past.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's a blast up your fast. Those tushy bidet ads were brutal. But I had one of those at my house and, and it did work. But the thing about the tushy bidet is the reason that it's relatively affordable and easy to install is because it's not heated. The water is not heated. Whereas the I've, I have. Of the two bathrooms of mine here that have a bidet situation, one is just a thing I put on the toilet, but it's, it plugs in and it heats the water in the toilet seat seat. And then the other one I have is just a full on robo toilet that also heats the water. But now people in the article are talking about if they go to someone's house and that someone has like a tushy bidet where the water's not heated, it's like, oh my goodness. I mean, what is this, the stone Age now? It's, it's not just, do you have a bidet? It's like, are you working with heated water or non heated water?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm just not a bidet person. Again, this might just betray my lack of, kind of understanding of them, but, and, and total disinterest in them as well. It's not, you know, it's kind of like karaoke. You know, people are like, oh dude, you don't sing karaoke and they give you a hard time about it. You're like, dude, I'm not missing out. It's not like I go home at night and say, boy, I wish I could do karaoke like the other cool kids. It's like, oh no, I'm living my life. I'm fine not doing karaoke and I'm fine being around it and whatever. The same with, the same with bidets and bidet technology. It's like, I don't, I'm, I'm fine. I'm doing, I'm doing fine over here. But I will say that when I think about a bidet and using somebody else's now, I don't have that same issue using somebody else's toilet. I guess also it's very rare that I am doing anything that would need a bit at somebody else's house. I can't remember. I mean, God, I don't know if I've ever done that. You know, I like, I like a little bit of privacy. And luckily, I've never been in a situation, I think, where I've had to do that. I mean, I must have at some point. But generally speaking, like, I don't like the idea of sharing a bidet with somebody.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I understand how that could seem. It's not any. In my experience, it's not any more gross than sharing a toilet, just generally because the thing that. Where the water is shooting from is very far away from anyone's body parts, which is apparently that was the whole technology that Toto had to really dial in was literally the angle and the whatever, because it's all kind of. And then it, you know, it retracts. This wand kind of comes out. It's very far away from you. It's washing things and then it retracts and then, you know, you. So you never even actually see it. But I could see how you, if you haven't used one, it could seem a little. A little intimidating or gross or whatever. But I will tell you, if you ever do, and again, I know you're not going to, but if you, if you ever did find yourself using one, there's, in the words of Katy Perry, there's no going back. I think, because it is, once you get used to it, that certain feeling, it would just be like the difference between if you took a shower with water or not with water. Like you, maybe you rubbed yourself down with a dry shampoo and you cleaned everything off with the towel. And you, you, you were effectively clean. But if you were used to the feeling of water washing over your body, like, that's. You get in. At least that's the. My experience with it. And I will say also, I do not go. Nobody asked. But I'm gonna tell. I do not go bidet only because I do think that's a bit of a dangerous game too. In other words, I do a little wipe with the paper. There's toilet paper in there. I basically get things to the point that I used to get them to with toilet paper, where things are very clean. And then the last pass, the coup de grace, if you will, is that's where the water comes in. So I feel like, worst case scenario, this is already clean. I've already used toilet paper, but now I'm just taking it to another notch. You could eat off of this butthole is really what I'm trying to do.

[Luke Burbank]

Jesus, we done here?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's blurs day time.

[Luke Burbank]

There's a right way to rockin't a wrong way to roll. You can't just Listen to your song. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can be nothing but one. Webster's defines a blurs day as a fun way to say birthday. If you'd like to wish somebody a happy blurs day or a happy birthday, you can email me andrewbtl.net that's my email address. Put blurs day in the subject line so I don't miss it.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're writing this blurs day term paper on the bus on the way to school. I really am.

[Luke Burbank]

Webster's defined it's a wedding toast. Webster's defines love as. All right, so we got a blursday here from Michael, who says, I want to send a ninth blursday shout out to my five. And now officially a ten, Luke. We're converting them one by one. Finley. Happy blursday to Finley. He's also my TBTL progenitor. Wait a second.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, Finley.

[Luke Burbank]

Hold on. I wanted to send him so a five. So a ten. So maybe that refers more to age than listening to the show. Because 9th floors day. Maybe now the 5 has become a 10. But Finley is the one who turned Michael onto the show. It sounds like he's also my TBT progenitor. I was having a driveway moment in 2017 while he was napping in the backseat and the spooktacular show came on wbez. Luke, we found the person who started listening to our podcast because of the spooktacular special on the radio. What? Michael, I want to do a whole interview with you. I want to make a documentary about you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want an oral history of. That is crazy. So for those of you who don't know or forgot or whatever, when we were at American Public Media, one of our things that we tried to do to grow the show was make occasional actual radio shows. And we would try to base them around, like, holidays. And then they would, like, APM would send them out to radio stations and say, hey, if you're looking for something to play on whatever Halloween or Fourth of July, that was the salute to the American Hot dog or whatever, and we never heard back about any of it. I don't think I even knew it played on Bez.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I vaguely remember that we were excited or I was excited to know that it was playing on Bez. And the thing is, I remembered the hot dog one well. We put a lot of work into that one. We recorded that in several different locations. I remembered other. Remember the Valentine's Day one? I think because we had a pretty great voicemail I remember from listener BET amongst other people, the Halloween one I kind of forgot about. But of course that was the. That I think of that as the only show where you and I recorded a segment that we didn't use. You and I use Spirit Halloween. We use everything like, like we actually did a field piece that even we couldn't turn into that even we couldn't excuse.

[Andrew Walsh]

We were just like wandering around a spirit Halloween waiting for something to happen.

[Luke Burbank]

And didn't forget nothing happened. But you know what I do remember from that now that I'm sort of reminiscing on this, thanks to Michael and Finley, is that incredibly charming interview we did with a colleague at APM who we never worked with before or after and unfortunately I'm forgetting her name. But she talked about how her she came on the show and came on the show and talked about the candy tax. She and her siblings would go out trick or treat, come back with a bunch of candy and then her dad would take some of the best candy and called it the candy tax. Right. He had a whole system for it though, I believe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Uh huh. It was wealth redistribution. It was taking. Was taking candy wealth from the young children and sending it to the adults who could buy their own candy.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you can't do that anymore. Certainly. Michael anyway wants to wish a happy birthday. Finley, who was napping way back in 2017. That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because Finley was asleep in the. I know that move, by the way, from when Addie was little. Kid falls asleep in the car seat. You get back home and you're enjoying a little few, a few moments of relief like so that created the driveway moment that forced Michael to listen to the spooktacular on Bez, which then turned him into a TBTL listener. How cool.

[Luke Burbank]

That's great. Well, happy blurs day to Finley. Michael says we've been hooked ever since that special. Finley's an amazing athlete, dancer and all around great person. Love you. Ugt says here it's a long story, but it's like nugget without the end. I love that. Ah. Julie says happy blurs week to Howard and Albuquerque. I hope that your blurs day was fun and relaxing and in between dosing Astrid with her doggy meds for her gutty works situation. Thanks for being a friendo. So explain that. So explain that happy blursday to Howard. And I really hope that Astrid the doggo is doing better and that everything is settled down there. All right. Finally. Christina says happy, happy 50th Blursday to Brad. Brad belongs on the Mount Rushmore of family men. He's the best, most patient papa to our little slugger Lee. And my real cool guy. He's a fantastic cook. Riffing off recipes. Ooh, I like that. Riffing off recipes like the jazz drummer he is. He's also extremely proud of his perfectly adequate lawn. And he's been working out, so he's looking pretty ripped these days.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nice.

[Luke Burbank]

His day job is to save the freaking environment. Happy birthday to Brad from Christina. Okay, happy blurs day, everybody. Hope you all have a wonderful blurs day or had wonderful blurs days. And Again, email me andrewbtail.net if you'd like to wish somebody such greetings.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely happy blurs to all. And to all, a good blurs indeed. All right, I think that's gonna wrap things up here on this Thursday. Hey, if you are, I don't know, somewhere in southern Washington or northern Oregon and you're. You're looking for something to do tonight, come on down to Livewire. We got Paul F. Tompkins. And we've got music from Sir Woman. Melissa Febos will be there. I'll be there. Critically. I will be there hosting the show. It's at 7pm at the Alberta Rose Theater. Hey, Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

Tomorrow on the show. So here. Can I ask you something?

[Andrew Walsh]

Please.

[Luke Burbank]

This is more just out of my own self interest here, but I have had a tote bag filled with a couple of boxes and packages from listeners sitting under my desk for like a month or two now. It occurred to me it would be real nice to kind of clear this space out and also to celebrate the tens of listeners who sent us things at the P.O. box. Can we do that tomorrow?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Open up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's do a big round of what's in the Box.

[Luke Burbank]

What's in the Box. We'll do that tomorrow on the show. I really put you on the spot there. It would have been awkward if you had said no.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's, you know, you've learned how to basically railroad things through onto the program. You just ask me in front of the listeners. I have no choice. But, yeah, if you've mailed us something and you've been wondering if we got it, well, tune in to tomorrow's show and we'll all find out together.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, thanks for listening, everybody. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for all of you. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Luke Burbank]

And good luck to all.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out.