#4486 Splinter Group

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4486 - "Splinter Group"

Release Date: June 11, 2025

Hosts:

• Luke Burbank
• Andrew Walsh

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1. Introduction and Light Banter

The episode kicks off with Luke and Andrew engaging in their trademark friendly banter, setting a humorous and relaxed tone for the show.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew Walsh [00:00]: "I need your creative input. I have spent the better part of the last three years developing a portable miniature microwave oven."

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2. Main Topic: Andrew’s Fingernail Splinter

Andrew delves into a personal mishap involving a stubborn splinter lodged under his fingernail. He shares his journey of dealing with the splinter, the ensuing irritation, and the escalating concern from listeners and medical professionals.

Key Points:

• Initial Incident: Andrew accidentally got a splinter from a door frame corner, leading to discomfort and potential infection.

• Listener Feedback: He received numerous emails and messages advising him to seek medical attention, escalating his determination to resolve the issue.

• Self-Treatment Attempts: Andrew describes his efforts to remove the splinter using household items, including trimming his fingernail and attempting to extract it himself, all while battling minor infection signs.

• Progression: Initially worried about infection, Andrew notes that the situation seemed to stabilize overnight, reducing his immediate pain but leaving lingering concerns.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh [03:25]: "I have gotten a lot of emails and text messages from concerned listeners who have a lot of advice on the splinter..."

• Andrew Walsh [10:27]: "How can I help you? As if it doesn't know why it's being summoned."

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3. Satellite Radio Subscription Saga

Andrew shares his frustrating experience with his satellite radio subscription. After a promotional rate ended, he faced a steep price increase and navigated a convoluted cancellation process dominated by automated systems.

Key Points:

• Promotional Rate Ending: Andrew's satellite radio subscription surged from roughly $5.99/month to $25/month after his initial promotional period.

• Cancellation Process: He describes the tedious cancellation steps, including interacting with AI-driven systems that offered decreasing monthly rates ($18, $12, and finally $6.06) to retain him as a subscriber.

• AI Negotiation Insight: Andrew observes the scripted nature of the AI offers, highlighting the absence of human flexibility in negotiations.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh [05:31]: "Satellite radio really is invested in once they have you."

• Luke Burbank [12:30]: "It also raises the question, why did it stop at $6?"

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4. Personal Updates: Gardening and Physical Aches

Beyond the splinter ordeal, Andrew updates listeners on personal endeavors, including tackling overgrown areas in his garden and dealing with additional physical discomfort from activities like raking and shoveling.

Key Points:

• Gardening Efforts: Andrew shares his initiative to revitalize his garden, combating overgrown weeds and restoring order to his outdoor space.

• Unexpected Aches: He mentions developing a blister from labor-intensive tasks, juxtaposing it with his ongoing splinter situation.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh [23:05]: "It was almost like, I'm driving towards a better place, but it's not clear where that is."

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5. Donor Messages and Community Support

The hosts extend gratitude to their donors, Tiffany Heiner and Kate Mueller, highlighting their personal stories and contributions to the podcast's sustainability.

Key Points:

• Tiffany Heiner's Journey: Tiffany celebrates a year without alcohol, crediting the podcast and her support system for her success.

• Kate Mueller's Promotion: Kate promotes her and her husband's gym, Green Lake Strength and Conditioning, emphasizing its inclusive and supportive environment.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank [26:25]: "We've been on this journey together, and Tiffany's support means the world to us."

• Kate Mueller [33:03]: "We celebrate all bodies, all people, and all abilities."

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6. Visit to the World's Largest Truck Stop in Walcott, Iowa

Luke recounts his visit to the Iowa 80 Truck Stop, detailing its vast amenities, including a chiropractic office, dental services, an arcade for kids, and an extensive trucking museum.

Key Points:

• Facilities Overview: The truck stop offers diverse services like dental care, chiropractic adjustments, and entertainment areas catered to both truckers and families.

• Trucking Museum: Luke explores a museum showcasing the evolution of trucks from the early 1900s to recent models, expressing a newfound fascination with automotive history.

• Future Plans: He hints at a return visit to possibly film inside a truck's sleeper, highlighting the complexities and privacy concerns involved.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank [37:27]: "It's pretty remarkable what they got going on at this place."

• Andrew Walsh [42:52]: "I love that. I love the progress you're making in the classification."

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7. Listener Voicemail: Kelly’s Thumb Injury

A heartfelt voicemail from Kelly in Seattle touches on her recent accident where she cut the tip of her thumb, necessitating urgent care. Her emotional response underscores the show's community and empathetic atmosphere.

Key Points:

• Accident Details: Kelly accidentally cut her thumb while preparing lunch, leading to significant bleeding and a trip to urgent care.

• Emotional Impact: She expresses feeling embarrassed about her injury, leading to tears and seeking comfort from medical staff.

• Supportive Response: Luke and Andrew respond with empathy, offering words of encouragement and solidarity.

Notable Quotes:

• Kelly [47:34]: "I cried while I was there because I felt bad about being a weenie about it."

• Andrew Walsh [49:12]: "But it really does sound like what you're dealing with is more severe than my situation."

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8. Final Remarks and Community Engagement

The episode concludes with the hosts reflecting on the importance of community support, sharing gratitude for listener contributions, and reinforcing the show's commitment to fostering a supportive and humorous environment.

Key Points:

• Gratitude to Donors: Luke and Andrew emphasize the vital role of their supporters in sustaining the podcast.

• Encouraging Self-Care: They reiterate messages of self-care and maintaining personal well-being amidst life's challenges.

• Looking Ahead: Teasers for future episodes hint at continued personal stories and humorous takes on current events.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank [51:04]: "Have a great Wednesday, everybody. Take care of yourselves."

• Andrew Walsh [51:52]: "Good luck to all. Power out."

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Conclusion

Episode #4486 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a blend of personal anecdotes, community interaction, and lighthearted discussions. From navigating the trials of a stubborn splinter and battling skyrocketing subscription costs to celebrating donor stories and exploring unique locales like the world's largest truck stop, Luke and Andrew provide listeners with a relatable and entertaining experience. The inclusion of heartfelt listener interactions and genuine gratitude towards supporters underscores the podcast's strong sense of community and camaraderie.

Key Takeaways:

• Relatability: Personal stories about injuries and daily life challenges resonate with listeners.

• Humor and Empathy: Balancing light-hearted humor with sincere empathy creates an engaging and supportive atmosphere.

• Community Focus: Highlighting donor contributions and listener interactions fosters a strong sense of belonging and support within the TBTL community.

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For those who haven't listened yet: This episode is a testament to the hosts' ability to intertwine humor with genuine personal experiences, making TBTL a must-listen for anyone seeking both laughter and heartfelt conversations.

Transcript

[Andrew Walsh]

I need your creative input. I have spent the better part of the last three years developing a portable miniature microwave oven. Unfortunately, Legal just informed me that the name we settled on for our bite sized microwave, the Bite Knewer, is highly offensive to those who speak either French or Dutch. A Franco Dutchman would pronounce it bet neukker. Hey, that's awful. I'm sorry, Ms. LaRoche Vanderhoot. Legal rejected all of our ideas. Every one of the names we came up with was offensive in some language, including English. Frank, they knew what a Hot Richard was. TBTL.

[Luke Burbank]

What I'm about to propose to you is both highly lucrative and highly dangerous. That doesn't seem like your particular brand of vodka. Help yourself to as much food as you like and have a safe journey. No hard feelings. Otherwise, come with me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Boys can be funny.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. I've never found a boy funny. Well, I think boys can be funny.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay? I just think maybe they haven't had the opportunity to be funny for as long as Grandma.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you ever kind of look at each other and go, aren't we a couple of Dapper Dans? Well, that should take care of those.

[Andrew Walsh]

Two evil geniuses for a while.

[Luke Burbank]

I hope that they've learned their lessons, that computers are built by people, for people, to help people, not to control us. This is perfect for radio. All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of tvtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's a waste of time to do that.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm a professional. Look it up in the book.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you once again from Davenport, Iowa. Oh, Ma.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pa.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just beautiful. I gotta tell you, I love this place. Who knew? Davenport, Iowa. Just absolutely adorable. Right here along the mighty Mississippi River. Great little restaurants and music venues and things down here in Davenport. Everybody's moving to Davenport. I don't know if that's happening, but I'm considering it. If not for this one kind of. I don't know what. I'm sure the locals know what this bug is called. It's kind of a moth like thing. And, oh, man, there are so many of them. They were attacking me in the middle of the night. Last night I was jogging out on the Mississippi. Today I probably inhaled, I don't know, 30 to 40 of them. It's the only thing I can see about Davenport, Iowa that needs a little improving. The iced coffee is great, which I'm having right now. You know, I'm a Nice coffee guy. Now it tastes like soot and hot water. I'm hooked. That's my whole personality is liking Davenport, Iowa, and also liking iced coffee and liking the fact that we've arrived at episode 4486 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. I went out to Walcott, Iowa yesterday and visited the world's largest truck stop, trucktober. And it was large. It was as advertised. It's very big. Very big truck stop. I can give you a full report on that if you care to listen. Also, we need to get some updates from my friend Andrew Walsh about his run ins with AI and also his finger. What's going on with that? Speaking of the longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships on this side of the Mississippi, where I am on this side. He's also known sometimes as the Miami Meat Tent. And he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. I have gotten a lot of emails and text messages from concerned listeners who have a lot of advice on the splinter that wedged itself up under my fingernail on Sunday. Confused as to why we gave no updates yesterday. I'm happy to update that story. I'm happy to update it.

[Luke Burbank]

But first, I was actually, I was. I was like one of the listeners on the day after we recorded the Monday episode. And full disclosure, because of my wacky schedule, we doubled up on recordings Monday and Tuesday. So that's why we did not get the benefit of 24 hours in order to find out about your finger. But I couldn't wait and was texting you Monday afternoon, like, how's the finger man?

[Andrew Walsh]

The finger man, yes. And finger man.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry, that needed a comma. How's the finger comma man?

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, didn't have a common there. And I think that I answered your question because I thought you were asking how Fingerman was and that's why I said all great, no problem. Hasn't had a drink in weeks.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, definitely. He played with spoon man sometimes, right? Finger man?

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe so, yeah. He was in the Colgate Comedy Hour. Hey, listen, before I give an update on my finger, and this is what we do, it's called sweeping the quarter hour. I really do want to tell you a story about something that happened to me late last night that I found fascinating. I'm gonna. I'm looking at the clock right now. It is nine. I'm sorry, it is 10:09 my time. I want to get this to you fully, completely by. Let's say 10. 10. No, that's only one minute, 10:15. That gives me basically five minutes to tell the story. Late last night, I'm taking care of business behind my computer. I'm blasting away emails, as my dad might say. I got emails in there that are reminding me of things that I need to get done. I knew we had a little bit of a tight schedule today when we dialed up, so I wanted to make sure I was all locked in and ready for this Wednesday morning recording. While I'm sitting there feeling productive behind my computer around midnight last night, I'm paying this bill. I'm taking care of this, I'm taking care of that. And I see I still have this note here that says either cancel or renew your satellite radio subscription.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now you will remember, I think, because I brought it up a lot, that I had some sort of deal where I was getting satellite radio for $5 a month. I want to say maybe 599amonth, somewhere in that range. But it was only a one year deal. I signed up for it and that one year is coming to an end. And I got an email the other day that said, okay, your price increase is going to jump up to $25 a month now, you know, whatever day unless you take some action. And I'm like, I'm. I'm not into that. Like, satellite radio is good at the five to six dollar a month level. Beyond that, I'm not really probably getting the use out of it I could.

[Luke Burbank]

Because you're not a power user of the Howard Stern show the way I am. Exactly. I hate podcasting. It's just ruined my life.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I do enjoy it. I love having it. As an alternative, there's sometimes I go, go through cycles where I'm listening some of the music programing, but I don't have to get into the benefits and detriments of satellite radio. We are on a pitch clock here, Luke. So anyway, I was like, okay, yeah, I had my fun year, my fun flirty year of satellite radio at a cheap price. I'm going to cancel it now. That's okay. And what I figure is I'm going to cancel this now. Again, it's late at night behind my computer. They're going to call me. I know these people at Sirius. I know some of them personally at this point because they call me and they say, there must have been some mistake. You've canceled your subscription to the best radio service in the world. I'm like, I just can't do it, you know, sometimes you make a human.

[Luke Burbank]

Caller following up on. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Satellite radio really is invested in once they have you. Even after a free trial, I would get a lot of phone calls from very nice people saying, hey, come on, we got this nice deal for you. So I figure I'm going to go ahead and kill this at $25 a month. They're going to follow up sometime the next few days and offer me some better deal and decide then whether or not to take that deal. And so I'm on their website. It's not too bad. You know how some websites or some services really sort of hide the functionality of how to quit their service? Like, oh, yes, literally, I don't know how to quit you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. The absolute most frustrating thing, if I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Recall, it was relatively easy to find. It said, you know, you can upgrade here, upgrade here, blah, blah, blah, or cancel service. And I found that relatively quickly. I clicked the little box and it says, are you sure you want to do this? I'm like, yes. I hit go. And I said, okay, in order to do this, we need to hook you up first with a virtual assistant. And I'm like, what, oh, hell no are you doing to me? I don't. This is basically like when you go to a website and you say, yes, I want some help with something. And they start by having you chat with AI before you get to an actual customer service.

[Luke Burbank]

Dude, American Airlines was doing that to me so hard yesterday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And it was. It was. They just wouldn't take. They wouldn't take human for an answer. You know, are you typing that?

[Andrew Walsh]

And you're typing human, all caps.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, human, yeah. Like, and it's like, okay, what are. Which one of these three problems best describes your issue? And then it'd be doing other. And then it'd go, okay, which one of these three? And it's the same list of possible. Then I'm hitting other. And then I'm typing human, all caps in between hitting other.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your wife's new name is Targus. Targus, Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like that joke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like that joke is 15 years old, but it's just as relevant today, if not more so than ever.

[Luke Burbank]

Prescient.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so I'm again, in. In this case, it's not even pretending. And I appreciate this. It's not like, hey, we're. We're going to hook you up with Janet, our assistant. You know what I mean? This is just pure AI And I'm kicks.

[Luke Burbank]

What can I help you?

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, how do you spell that? I know what. I know exactly what's going on here. But I'm just like, oh, they're just going to make it a little bit more difficult. Like I should be able to check a box, confirm it, and then, and then say goodbye. They shouldn't force me to have a little window pop up in the bottom right corner of my screen that's going to make me talk to a robot. Like, that just shouldn't happen. So the robot pops up and says, how can I help you? As if it doesn't know why it's being summoned. Right. As if it doesn't know.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a great point.

[Andrew Walsh]

What rubbed that genie bottle? So how can I help you? And so I just write end service or whatever and then it says just to confirm and immediately spits out all of my information. Right. For this account that end these four numbers or whatever you. That is going to renew at $25 a month next month. This is what you want to cancel? Yes. And then Luke the robot says, we have a deal where we could knock this down, I believe, to $18 a month. So 25 down to 18. I'm like, no thanks. Are you interested in this deal? No, thanks. What about one that would be, I think it was $12 a month. And I'm like, no, I don't want this anymore. Like, just, please, just end this. I will deal with this down the road. So I'm like, no. And then it offers me one last offer. It says, what about $6.06 a month? And I wrote, no, just, just end this. And then it moves on. And then all of a sudden I, I realize what I'm doing. I'm like, wait, yeah, no, $6 is great.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

What am I, what am I doing? I'm like annoyed by the robot who like just keeps on like kind of, you know, like saying, what about this? What about this? But here's my point with all of this. So I was prepared for a human being to call me and offer me some deals that I didn't think they were going to go as low as $6 again. So. But I was prepared for them to have some sort of negotiation with me. But it was amazing to see it all pre programmed in. Like they know what the beats are. They're like, what about $18? What about $12? What about 606? They were all very specific, even with the sense, you know, and so I'm like, they. Every time you're talking to a human being, they're just reading off a script. Like, we know all of this anyway and we know how much Flexibility that they have, you know, which is probably none. There are various tiers, and they're just going to flow chart you if they say no to this offer, this whatever. But there was something about just seeing it laid so bare. And it was clear that 606 was as low as they would go. Because when I said no to that, there were. I think they said something like, okay, we're going to cancel this. Are you sure you don't want the latest offer? And I literally just typed in, I'll take the 606. They're like, great. Boom. Just like that, I'm renewed. Like, didn't have to enter in any more information.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And again, I don't know if this story really pays off because I guess what I saw was what we all know is going on, but it's just amazing to see. Like, they don't even need humans anymore. You just keep saying no until they go down their lowest offer. And for people who are interested in satellite radio, the lowest offer right now is $6.06. Get on that.

[Luke Burbank]

And I mean, I hear what you're saying, though, is that the reason that people, sometimes, certain people dread going to, like, buy a car or do these other things where there's this negotiation because you kind of don't know where you stand, and then there's a human element, and then sometimes you feel kind of rude. The person's like, this is the lowest I can go. And then you're like, well, how about half of that? But this is just the pure economic model of supply, demand, appetite, you know, where like, this is just. This gets rid of any of the kind of human component of this that can be stressful. It is just purely like, what's the number?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And. But it did negotiate with me. It wanted to see if I could. I mean, imagine if I had accepted the $18, you know, like what? Like, some people would have just said yes to that. Oh, well, that saves me $6 a month over the 25 or whatever it is. I'm not doing the math.

[Luke Burbank]

It also raises the question, why did it stop at $6? Because if it gets $4 from. If 10,000 people give them $4 a month, then that's $40,000 a month that they didn't have otherwise. Like, I wonder why six is like, they're like, even I am a bot, but even I have my dignity.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right? Well, it's a good question, but I guess you could. That would get into, like, kind of devaluing your service. You could sort of say that about Almost. I guess not almost any service, because they're putting it out there. They're producing it all anyway. They're putting it out there. They just need any money to fund.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, that's what I'm saying. Six dollars, actually. Honestly, Seems like they debased themselves pretty heavily. And. And listen, you've now. You've now helped me realize that I need to.

[Andrew Walsh]

You should get.

[Luke Burbank]

I need to go ahead and play that most dangerous game, or maybe not so dangerous game with them, because I am a fully a subscriber. I don't even know what I'm paying a month.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I'll bet you the fact that you don't know means you're paying at least 25.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sure I'm probably paying. Yeah, I'm probably playing the going rate because, you know, again, I'm. I'm a Howard Stern show listener on a fairly well, sort of dedicated basis. Although it does seem to be piling up now. I'm almost like a TBTL listener who's going, how do I keep up with all these episodes? But that being said, I. I do subscribe to it, and I haven't gone in there and pretend quit in a while.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So I might need to do that and see if I can get them down to that. $6.06. Okay, let's talk about your fingers. Or. So the last that I. The last that, that I heard on this again, it was Monday afternoon. What I noticed you sent me a photo, by the way. The photo was not gross. You said, like, something to the effect of. I said, how's the finger? You go, not great. You okay with me sending a photo? I don't know what I was expecting, like, I don't know, something that looked like a butterfly shrimp at Outback Steakhouse or something. Just a normal finger. But what I could tell is that it looked like you had tried to trim down the corner of your fingernail to close the distance between the edge of your fingernail and where this splinter was lodged or is lodged under your way deeper down under your fingernail.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, and it is the. It's lodged right in the corner of my fingernail. So this is my left index finger, and this is the left hand side of my fingernail. And yeah, I know that that photo wasn't gross, but you never know where you're going to catch somebody. And like, here's a super close up photo of a splinter under a fingernail.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm on a flight, but somebody behind me is like, what is this guy's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Kink what is this guy into then?

[Luke Burbank]

A fingernail shot.

[Andrew Walsh]

I did start sending you some toies photos too though, but just because I thought I'd been.

[Luke Burbank]

And weirdly, you didn't ask me those. You just fired away.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, once you gave me permission on the first one, I sort of enthusiastic.

[Luke Burbank]

Consent, as Paul calls it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. So I don't know, do you? I. I've been doing some googling. Do you know what gangrene is?

[Luke Burbank]

I sure do. Gangrene. I'm gonna put gangrene up there with hot lava and quicksand.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

As a thing that loomed very large in my. In my childhood brain that I thought was going to be more part of my life than it was. Because you read a lot of books when you're a kid about like, you know, shipwrecks and also just various. I remember I've talked about this book before, but there was a book called Hatchet that we read in like seventh or eighth grade about a kid who is in a plane crash and has to survive. And I don't think he technically has gangrene, but he has an infection that he has to go in and kind of do some. Some surgery on. Anyway, gangrene was. Was something I kind of weirdly knew, or at least I read about a lot as a kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, whatever's going on with my finger is the same thing that Henry VIII had going on with his leg. In his. In his. After getting wounded, I believe in a joust. I was reading all those books about that era of English history. I can't remember now. I'm blanking on all those books that I read. Some were pretty heavily. God, I can't remember the names of the books, let alone the order of his wives, but man, the descriptions of this wound that he had suffered that like, then just like he carries around as this infected. I mean, I'm not even going to say the words that they use to describe this stinky, stinky wound that people like, had to like, you know, every night try to clean and cut away stuff. It was so gross. Anyway, no, the truth of the matter is situation has stabilized, which I know probably a lot of listeners don't want to hear.

[Luke Burbank]

My dude, they hear is Andrew is not going to push this issue further.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, it's weird because here's the deal. I don't want this thing under my fingernail. And when I talk to you on Monday, a quick reminder. I got this totally randomly reaching into a closet. Apparently the corner of my door frame had a little splinter waiting for me or kind of a bigger splinter, kind of a wide splinter, I'd say. And I was just putting something in a bag and just like one in a million shot got this splinter up my fingernail. And that was Sunday afternoon. By the time I talked to you Monday mid morning, it was starting to do that thing where I was getting a little bit infected, like in a way that I've. I'm familiar with. Like if you ever have like sort of a. I don't know if you cut your fingernail back to far and then it grows a little bit funny and you kind of get that like inflammation along the side of your finger. Well, that's exactly where this splinter is. And so when I talked on Monday, it was, you know, swelling a tiny bit. It was a little red, it was irritated, it was sensitive. And I told you I couldn't wait to take a long shower. And then I was really going to go to town with like a needle and some tweezers and I was just ready to do it. I was like, I don't know how I'm going to get through this, but I'm going to get through this somehow. Cut back the fingernail as much as possible, try to get to it. So I did that and took a really, really long shower. Softened everything up in the shower. I'm start to like, do some prep work on it, kind of pulling the skin back. You know, the infection kind of, you know, kind of takes care of itself, if you know what I'm talking about. Sort of pops out there, but it's getting all nice and clean or whatever. And then I get to work on it in the bathroom and I just can't reach the son of a gun Luke. I just can't get. I mean, I'm. Genevieve keeps saying like, just like you just hand me your hand and I will get this thing for you. And I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. I keep saying you're not a nurse. And she keeps saying, and then it gets into some real kind of bedroom stuff. But, but so I love that.

[Luke Burbank]

That's your. Your role play is can you dress up as a Not nurse.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can you dress up like a.

[Luke Burbank]

You dress up like a person who speech rights for the president of the University of Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Too real. Too real. You dress up like a physician's assistant. Anyway, so. But I'm like, you know, dress up.

[Luke Burbank]

Like a person who can successfully draw my blood. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

At Swedish Hospital in Ballard.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sexy phlebotomist. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Who is competent.

[Andrew Walsh]

Competent Phlebotomist. What's better than a sexy phlebotomist? A competent phlebotomist. Oh, is that a baby needle that you're using? Thank you, nurse.

[Luke Burbank]

So, heck, yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

[Andrew Walsh]

All I'm saying is, I refuse to let Genevieve go to work on this. She's like, I'll just cut your fingernail away. I'm like, that is not going to happen, sweetie. I can't. Are you kidding me? So I basically tried to dig up there using various instruments. I could not get to it, but I did sort of release the pressure from the minor infection that was starting. And I'm like, I know what's going to happen here. It's going to get infected again. You know, I'll probably wake up the next day and it'll be slightly inflamed again. And I'm getting emails and text messages and voicemails from people who are, like, on all different sides of this, like, but all saying the same thing. Go get the. To a doctor. People are telling stories of their splinters under fingernails. They got majorly infected and inflamed, and holes being drilled into fingernails and people talking about their recuperation process, et cetera, et cetera. I also got some pretty detailed notes from some doctors and other people who work in the medical profession saying, like, you really need to get this taken care of. Some really compelling arguments from an urgent care doctor up north and shoreline. And so by the end of Monday evening, I'm like, I'm going to have to take care of this. I know this now. I'm gonna have to go to urgent care at some point. But the thing is, Luke, that was Monday. I woke up on Tuesday, and it was mostly fine. Like, it wasn't infected at all anymore, if anything. I mean, it's the tiniest, tiniest, tiniest bit tender, but I would barely notice it. Last night, I was playing darts, thinking, boy, this finger doesn't even barely hurt anymore. I looked down at it, and I realized I was looking down at the wrong finger. Like, I didn't even remember which finger it was. That's how much pain I'm not in, if I can speak in negatives. And so here it is, Wednesday. I was looking at it in the shower. I'm almost thinking it might be. Maybe it's moving a little bit. It might be moving more. I don't know for sure. I did get a great suggestion from someone. At least it sounds like a great suggestion. I don't know if it's going to work or not. But somebody texted and said, epsom salt. This is something I've heard of before, but I've never used. They say you soak that thing for between 30 minutes and literally maybe two hours. Depends on what's in there and how wedged it is. It has a miraculous tendency to pull things out from your body. I don't know how that works, but I'm going to the store later to try that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, that sounds. That. That sounds like the kind of thing that Epsom salt would be good for. But I also don't understand what the properties of Epsom salt is. But I know that that's definitely something that people are often saying, like, when you've tried everything else, get in a bath of Epsom salt, and it'll. It'll draw it out of you, whatever it is. So I also think it'd be kind of a fun thing if our whole deal as a show. People often ask me, when I bring up the podcast, what's the show about? Or what sets the show apart when there are just so many podcasts out there. And it could be the show where both guys have foreign objects stuck in some part of their hand for many years. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because you have that. What is your.

[Luke Burbank]

Which, by the way, causes me no discomfort. Yeah, it's just there. And if this thing, you know. Yeah. If. If your body eventually kind of finds a stasis with this. I know this is not what the listeners are advocating for, by the way. I couldn't be less shocked to hear, Andrew, that their advice wasn't. Ah, just play it by.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let it ride.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I can't. I'm so unshocked to hear that our listeners did not encourage you to let it ride, but instead gave you the most gangrenous possible outcome.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I mean, yes and no. I'm portray. I mean, so some listeners who had had this happen to them and they were concerned about it, but I. It was very compelling to hear from so many medical professionals. Like, I'm thinking of at least, like, four different emails or notes that I've received. And when they're like, hey, listen, like, just come. Like, honestly, this happens all the time. This is why it's medically important like this.

[Luke Burbank]

And they were telling you not to be embarrassed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. And so it just sort of seemed like. And that's what the Internet says too. But I got to say. And so yesterday, I finally started that big project of trying to whip our, like, kind of garden into shape. It was like, getting overgrown. It was I was getting the bad feeling when I'd come home, walk through our cute little gate, and look over and see these weeds that had just become tall grass growing up between stones. So yesterday I spent a lot of time. And in fact, I am in rough shape today. What's bothering me more is this blister right in the cr. Like, in the. What do you call the crook of your thumb, like, where your thumb meets your hand from, like, raking and using shovels and stuff. The blister is affecting me more today, but you should have seen me. I was so scared about reinfecting the splinter that it didn't hurt. But, like, I had band aids on it. And then I had those band aids wrapped up in a whole bunch of. A whole bunch of, like, masking tape. And then I had a band aid on the corner of my thumb. And then I'm like, I've got. And so my half of my hand is sort of wrapped up in this. In this masking tape that is now getting, like, just full of dirt and, like, trying to come off. And I have to keep on wrapping it up sort of. At one point, Genevieve looked at me like it was again, the opposite of. Of, hello, phlebotomist. She was like, that is the most disgusting thing, you going on on your hand. But I was like, but it's kept everything very clean. And even after a very hard day of like, literally digging in the dirt to get weeds and stuff out, my finger still seems pretty good today.

[Luke Burbank]

I love the move of using masking tape, a piece of it, or painter's tape or anything like that, Even duct tape maybe as a way of holding some kind of a thing onto a part of your body or hand that's giving you trouble. That feels really macho to me. It's not a move that I do often or that I can even pull off. But like, my brother in law, Jason, he's like a woodworker, and he's like, imagine a sexier Matthew McConaughey. Okay? That's what this guy's all about. He's from Mississippi. He's got, like, you know, big, strong working hands that he uses to do woodwork and all these other kinds of things. And, like, he's the kind of guy that you'll see he'll just have, like, a piece of, like, duct tape or masking tape just wrapped around some part of his finger that's just, like, holding the entire finger together.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's because he was just out in his shop doing something, and he doesn't have, like, band aids out there. Meanwhile, I'd have like three SpongeBob Band Aids. Like one on the thing and then two. Kind of holding it on or something. He's just like, yeah, I don't know. I just cauterized it out there. I just wrapped it up with this, you know, whatever. I had some leftover flashing from when I was installing part of the roof, and I just kind of bent that around the thumb, and that's holding it all in there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Of course, he could just be saying that. He could just be putting tape on his body and then impressing you.

[Luke Burbank]

It's working.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's absolutely working.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, you could hear the swoon in my voice.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know. I do.

[Luke Burbank]

I talk about my brother a lot.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love it.

[Luke Burbank]

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set, get set now.

[Luke Burbank]

Ready, ready, go.

[Andrew Walsh]

Everybody, razzle.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These folks are donating dazzling amount of dough. They are making this podcast possible. This is 100% listener supported podcasting coming to you today from Davenport, Iowa. And it's thanks to Tiffany Heiner. Heiner pronounced. This is Tiffany's description. Heiner like heine.

[Andrew Walsh]

So there you go. Now, I wouldn't usually allow that kind of language on the show, but it's a dazzling donor message. I am powerless here.

[Luke Burbank]

Tiffany's dime. It's Tiffany's. Tiny. So here we are, Tiffany's in Campbell, California. Ahoy hoy, y' all. In 2023, a therapist said to me, sometimes you have to make your world small for a while in order to be able to make it large again later. And I have to say, this year was much smaller year than last. I celebrated a full year without booze by focusing on what was in front of me and relying on an incredible support system. Shout out to Amanda Moon in Walnut Creek, the tens and recovery, Dharma. Well, congratulations, Tiffany. I'm really glad to hear that you're on that journey and that it's working for you. With daily meditation and therapy, I feel more like myself than I remember ever being. You know, I have this. We can just call it what it is. Possibly regrettable tattoo on my arm, Andrew. That's the joy bottle of detergent. And it's.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're just saying that to be somewhat humble, right? You don't really. Do you regret?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I don't regret. I actually like the tattoo. But I mean, what I mean is I tend to get a lot of tattoos that are supposed to help me remember something that I could just probably try to remember. I don't know. I. I get into this kind of. I don't want to say performative tattooing, but I get into this kind of, like, attempt at meaningfulness through a tattoo that may or may not hold up over the lifetime of the tattoo, the actual tattoo of the joy bottle, the detergent bottle, I actually kind of, like, still as an as. Like a visual.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I look of it, but it's.

[Luke Burbank]

Kind of a little bit. It's. It's related to what Tiffany's talking about here, about sometimes you've got to make your world small for a while in order to make it large again. You know, the idea that. The idea of this joy tattoo is to hold on to your joy. That is something that I found out about from one of those sessions where that radio advisor, that. That radio coach, Bill McMahon, who came in where we get the term power out from where we get the term madmanning, where we get so much detail, dazzling detail, so many things that we mercilessly roasted and now use without any irony. Do you remember the other story he did? He showed, like, a painting, and the painting was a painting of some women. It looked like maybe in Africa. And they were standing on these rolling hills, and some of the hills were very sort of yellow and dead and sort of fallow. And then some of the hills in the background were very green. And he was talking to somebody who had painted the painting, and they said, this is about. Your joy is like a flame, and sometimes it's very small and you have to hold onto it and protect it. And sometimes you're in a phase of life where you can let it out and it gets huge and big. And the idea that, like, just think about your joy as this. As this. This fire, this flame that can be very big sometimes, and sometimes it's windy out, and you've got to kind of just keep it pretty small and kind of keep it contained to keep it going. It sounds a little bit like what Tiffany is talking about with saying, you know, her world got a little smaller so that it can then get bigger. It's hard to find words of comfort in the current climate. I'm reading from Tiffany's line again. I'm not quoting Bill McMahon anymore. A normal person can become overwhelmed multiple times a day just with the breaking news of it all. Boy, this has been an extra bad week. Tell you what, I'm on weight. Wait this week, and I'm like, What are we even gonna, like, if we're talking about the news, we gotta talk about the invasion of the state of California by the federal government. That's the news. But what am I going to make a joke about it? You know, it's like, yeah, what do we. I don't even know what we're going to do. Like. And then I, like, I have to read the news a little bit. So I have a vague. So I don't fully embarrass myself when they're asking me news questions, but I don't. It's. I mean, I'm not saying anything novel here, but it is just. It is just unbelievably traumatizing, honestly, to, to see what's happening in this country and to read it so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, it was night. I know that a lot of progressives have issues with Gavin Newsom lately regarding some of the things that he's said, advocated for and enacted. Having said that, reading some highlights of his speech last night was invigorating. Did you.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. I do appreciate that he is, He's. Yes. And with the caveat offered of all the things that he's done that progressives don't agree with. Appreciate about him, the fact that he is. Is incredibly direct with. About what's going on to his state and about what Trump is doing. That is kind of refreshing. And that's not me, you know, endorsing him for office or anything, but. Yeah. Anyway, so Tiffany was saying, please remember that it's okay to make your world small sometimes. Turn off the notifications, unsubscribe from the updates, stare out the window, even if just for a few hours. The term self care is overused, but it is vital. Seriously, friendos, what you do is so important. I know I could not have made it here without you. Wow, Tiffany. Well, that's a really, really kind thing for you to say about our little show and our little project here. And I can say to you with 100% confidence that we could not have made it here without you. So congratulations on your. On your personal growth in your life, and thank you so much for making TBTL possible. Maestro, on your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready?

[Luke Burbank]

Ready, go. Everybody rattles well, if it isn't Kate Mueller. Like the Mueller report. No relation.

[Andrew Walsh]

Spelled differently. You have cover there. No, you don't have. Yeah, yeah, the. The Mueller report had an extra.

[Luke Burbank]

The funny part is I feel like the Mueller report. I feel like the Mueller report should have been the Mueller report.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know. I haven't heard that term in so long, I started to get like in my head about that. It's funny that you say that because I started to really lose even more confidence in what I was saying as I was saying it.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. It's. I, I was exactly the same journey. I was like, it is the Mueller report, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I was going too far back in the old memory banks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Or is it Kate Mueller like the Mueller report? No relief.

[Andrew Walsh]

Mueller like the Mueller report?

[Luke Burbank]

Mueller, anybody? Mueller. Kate is in Seattle, Washington. Hi, business boys. As in previous years, I'd like to use my dazzling donor message for some shameless self promotion. My husband and I. Oh, we know this, Kate. My husband and I own the best small gym in Seattle. Green Lake strength and conditioning.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hell yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Wasn't there one year where they were mentioning this and I was sending people to the wrong gym in the area?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, is that true? I don't, I don't think so.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like I, I think I've either misstated the name or I was remembering a gym nearby or something. It's extremely gratifying to see that Kate and her husband are still supporting the show, even though I think I might have given them kind of a bum read one of these past years.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no, it's right there in the center of, of the Green Lake area. Right by the lake there.

[Luke Burbank]

I passed from Little Red Hen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly, exactly. In that bike shop and everything. It's a wonderful place. And before I even let Kate go ahead and continue to kind of drum up support for her business, I want to say like a really great community business as well. This is me. This is not me reading from Kate's message, but Kate has reached out to me about ways that she and her business can, can work with the pop up kitchen I work with. I know that they do a lot.

[Luke Burbank]

Of other things also kind of over there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's in that area. And I know that they do other things for the kids community as well. And they're just great, great people.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Kate says. Okay, telling you a little bit more about Seattle, the Green Lake strength and conditioning. We would love it for any tens to check us out. We welcome and celebrate all bodies, all people and all abilities. And we have coaches who can meet everyone where they are, fitness wise. I'm personally about the furthest thing from a gym bro, as you could imagine. And I want everyone to experience the community acceptance and fun that I have found at our gym. Tens, please check us out. It's GreenLakeStrength.com GreenLakeStrength.com Special shout out to Carl and Brian, who joined our gym after hearing last year's dazzling. See, it's working. It's working.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. So go like go hang out with Carl and Brian and Kate.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. And I love to hear about the inclusion. I mean, listen. Well, I think most of us anyway, unless you're some kind of a T12. Wait, what's the kind of. What's the T1? Which one is the Terminator?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

111.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I thought you were doing. I thought you were talking about one of your exercise things because they always have letters and numbers involved, right? I guess they do.

[Luke Burbank]

P90. Unless you're some kind of P90s.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I thought you were talking.

[Luke Burbank]

I was trying to say unless you're like either like Arnold Schwarzenegger from the Terminator or even the other guy that runs after him. That's real kind of scary. Unless you're like that kind of a person. I think we can all relate to the idea of the intimidation of maybe setting out on a new course of action with like, exercise, particularly around strength and conditioning. I mean, that's something that does not come natural to me at all. I am not a person who enjoys the experience of weightlifting and things like that. And then you're going to go to a gym and there is that whole depending on the gym. There's that whole culture around the equipment and who's using it and what the protocols are and what you know, what your body allows for, etc. So this idea that you could go to Green Lake Strength and Conditioning and just know that every. You're like, it's cool. Like, whatever your scene is, it's going to be fine. And you've got these great people who happen to be tens that are going to take care of you and, and, and refer you to the right coach just to kind of like make this something that doesn't have to be intimidating. I think that's a really cool idea.

[Andrew Walsh]

Indeed.

[Luke Burbank]

Back to tbtl. Kate says, I've been a dedicated daily listener since Eli Sanders 2008 Stranger piece. I honestly don't know what my daily life would be without tbtl. I love you dummies. Well, we love you, Kate. And also, man, I had a thought the other day, which is I need to find. I need to see what, where Pulitzer Prize winner Eli Sanders is these days and send him a note saying, bro, thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no kidding.

[Luke Burbank]

Boy, that article really helped us out. I mean, not just in bringing Kate to the show. But so many people in the Seattle area, if you ask, well, how'd you hear about the show, they'll say, I read this article on the Stranger, and it was such a. I mean, Eli's. There's a reason Eli has a Pulitzer Prize, but it's like just such a nice article. I mean, it does involve me talking about having a bathroom explosion in my pants at the Kingdom as a child. But that article was really a help to the show. So Eli Sanders, wherever you are, thank you very much. And Kate Mueller, wherever you are. And we know exactly where Kate is. That's Greenlake Strength and conditioning or greenlakestrength.com. that's exactly where Kate is. So thanks to all of you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. I went to the world's largest truck stop yesterday. I'm actually going back there today right after this. And I have to say it's called the Iowa 80, and it's out in Walcott, Iowa. And, you know, it was really, I hate to say it, it was pretty cool. Like it is. It's pretty remarkable what they got going on at this place. It is. There's a chiropractor there. There's a dentist. I got my back adjusted in the chiropractic office.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are there any rides?

[Luke Burbank]

There's like an arcade for kids, but it's not, they don't have rides that I saw. They don't have rides like a roller coaster next to the, the thing. It's not, it's not really like a family fun center in that way, but they do have like a, an area for kids that has, you know, probably like some like a motorcycle that you put a quarter in and kind of does a little ride thingy or something. But yeah, they got. I went to the dentist there. I, I went and talked to the pastor. And that was kind of, that was a. They have like a chaplain who's there and had this little room and it was, it was. So that was maybe for me just low key. The most interesting part, because, you know, that's not a worldview that I really hold anymore. And these people. I was looking at all these religious tracks that they had set out, and it was like, oh, these were. Some of. These were literally the kinds of religious tracks that my dad would go hand out on the Ave. When I was a kid, which mortified me to no end.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're not talking about the ones that were little, like comics, were you? Those little traps. Oh, I used to, I used to love finding those in the city, those turn and burn.

[Luke Burbank]

Turn or burn? I should say, yeah, turn and burn is a much less compelling argument because, like, what? I'm still gonna burn if I turn.

[Andrew Walsh]

That sounds more like a Fast and the Furious move, to be honest with you.

[Luke Burbank]

Turn and burn.

[Andrew Walsh]

A Fast and Furious movie.

[Luke Burbank]

I believe they had a. They had a variety of. They had. They had this Bible that was called the Trucker's Bible, and it had a picture of a truck on it. It was just the New Testament and they're free. And I said, what makes this the Trucker's Bible? He goes, well, there's a truck on the COVID I said, oh, okay. It's just the same Bible. It's the King James Bible, but it's got a semi truck on the COVID It's a trucker's Bible. Obviously, that's.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think it's the hall sketch. Like, somebody's trying to buy a keyboard and they're like, what's the difference between the XL50 and the XL100? And he said, well, it's 50.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Basically, it's right there.

[Luke Burbank]

Talking to the pastor was kind of interesting because, again, I don't. He was this very nice kind of older gentleman. He's there with his wife. He was very much like. Like a lot of the people that I grew up around in the very, very evangelical movement. And it was clear that that's the. He's the Baptist church here in Iowa somewhere. So it's a. As far as the. Like. As far as the. What's the word I'm looking for? I guess the philosophy or the particular kind of approach to quote, unquote, Christianity. It's very similar to the one I grew up with, as opposed to, like a Unitarian church or something. You know, this isn't like just like a quiet place for meditation where you can come in, you know, and happy pride. And, like, everyone is. All are welcome, you know, I mean, all are welcome, I guess, but you know what I mean? It's like. It was. It was. I could just tell the energy in the room based on everything I was seeing was like, oh, this is the version of Christianity I grew up in. And instead of it being kind of off putting, I was like, well, let me just flex a little bit. So we're doing the interview and it's like, well, who comes in here? And he goes, well, people who are, you know, feeling lonely or at the end of their rope or whatever, and. And they want to know about the Lord. And I go, is that when you break out John 3:16. And then he's like, huh? Like, I was like, huh? Yeah, game recognized game. And then after we did this interview, the producer was like, do you do a lot of stories about religion? I was like, no, I do zero stories about religion. He goes, well, how did you know that stuff? I go, well, it was a lifetime of preparation.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, listen, I'm not trying to steal your valor. I know that you can go d deep and hard on this stuff and that is not me talking sexually.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know, Sorry, I just couldn't think of another word. But John 3:16. I mean that is the, I mean that is the sergeant Pepper of Bible verses. Right? Like we could, we can go.

[Luke Burbank]

No, obviously. But it is the. But here's the thing. It's, you know, for God so love the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. It is the. You're right, it is, it is definitely maybe the most well known Bible verse, but it's also the one that is always offered as the like if you're going to accept Jesus. If you're wondering how to accept Jesus, it's laid out in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's the gateway verse. It's the gateway verse.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but, but so we did that and then we went over. This was actually also surprisingly cool. I thought something is happening to me, Andrew, as I age, which is I'm getting more into like automotive type museums and things. As part of this huge truck stop, they've got this trucking museum that's this enormous building that's just across the parking lot that's owned by the same family that owns the truck stop. And I got to take a tour of this place and man, these like semi trucks and just trucks generally throughout the years, you know, starting in the, like in the early 1900s, all the way up until, I don't know, maybe 20 years ago or something. They're so cool. I basically this is a weird comparison because, you know, I'm obviously not a fan of the guy, but you know those memes of like Donald Trump in like a, I don't know, semi truck or something or when he's like for some stupid reason they'll pull like a fire truck or a semi truck into the like White House parking lot and then he's doing some kind of a whatever. He's always in there being like, you know, like sitting in there. He looks like a four year old kid, like excited that he's in like a truck. Truck that was totally me yesterday in this trucking museum, sadly.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love it. I love that. I mean, you are my dude. You are going to be reading books about submarines in no time. I love this progress you're making in the clancification.

[Luke Burbank]

And you know, you know that when I read those books about submarines, what device will I be reading them off of?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, your iPad for sure.

[Luke Burbank]

IPad, 100%. Then if need be, taking photos of other things that I see with the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Eye, with the iPad.

[Luke Burbank]

That's where you read the Tom Clancy. That's, that's. That's how you take the photos, the whole thing. So anyway, yeah, if you're in. If you're in Walcott, Iowa, and you're passing through, I would recommend you at least, you know, take a look, see around the world's largest trucks up some really nice people that run that place. And, and yeah, so I'm gonna go back there today. I'm gonna. Now, this might be a little weird where we're basically trying to find a trucker who's going to let us film the inside of their truck. Because the modern trucks are kind of marvels of technology, right? They've got a sleeper. Most. Most of them like a sleeper car. They're a whole little kind of apartment you drive. And I don't know if people are going to, like, let us do that. Like, I feel like, you know, they might be like, well, it's kind of a mess in there. Or, I don't know. That's my private space. So my job is to, when I get done here and go back over there, my job is to wander around the parking lot of the world's largest truck stop asking strangers if they'll allow me and a film crew into where they live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Basically. Yeah, I'll bet you. I mean, yeah, some people are going to be shy about that, but I'll bet you some people will be excited to have the opportunity to. And I'll bet you some of them, you know, you find the person who probably keeps a very, very clean scene in there and is excited to show it off.

[Luke Burbank]

To show it off.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I'm not trying to go negative here, but I do have a question. I'm almost wondering as a favor to whatever PR people you are working with, because this is going to bring, you know, CBS is going to bring a lot of attention to the world's largest truck stop. I'm on their website now, which is very well filled out, make some design decisions that probably wouldn't be our vibe, but I think really Fits the vibe of what you're going for. If you're world's largest truck stop. I don't have any major issues with this website except when you scroll down, there's this huge area that looks like a chalkboard sort of and it says welcome to the Iowa 80 Truck Stop. This is a huge part of their kind of splash page or their front page of their website. And there's just a big, huge green space there. And it looks like you can interact with it in some way, but there doesn't seem to be any interacting going on. I don't know if you've had a chance to look at this, but if a bunch of people are going to be going to this website, they need to kind of figure either maybe I should turn off my pop up block or maybe that's causing some issues, but there's something going on.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it YouTube? Is it the thing that I'm seeing, does it say welcome to the Iowa 80 Truck Stop. And then below that are you seeing something green?

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's see here. So you have welcome to the world's largest truck stop. Then you have the huge sign of it, right? The actual photo sign. You scroll down, you can see the gallery, you can see the truckers jamboree. You scroll down and then what is this big huge green space there serving?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's not green on mine. I think it's maybe ad blocking for you. It's the countdown to the trucker's jamboree.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is good to know. Okay, good. Then I need.

[Luke Burbank]

I've turned mark your calendars. 2025 Walcott Truckers Jamboree involving Andrew the trucker Olympics where they have like these like physical competitions of things that truckers have to do. And one of them I think is like rolling up, you know those nylon kind of ratchet down straps that you might use on like a flatbed truck? Yeah, that, you know, there's like, there's like ratchet strap rolling as one of the competitions.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh man, that's kind of good, those things. Now hold on a second though. What do you see underneath the counter? So I got 28 days, 13 hours, six minutes.

[Luke Burbank]

And then you scroll down. Then there's like a chalkboard that says welcome to the Iowa 80 Truck Stop. And then there's a big YouTube screen that I can click on and it would play, it would, it would play me a YouTube video about the truck stop. I think that this is, I think this is your system not talking to the Iowa 80 system.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well then I'm glad I Took the show into a really good place, but I was kind of earnest.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you did, because you. Their reputation was cleared. There was a moment of reputational damage which we then were able to clear. So I do think it's good.

[Andrew Walsh]

There was a mini narrative arc there.

[Luke Burbank]

That I provided, and that's what this show is. It's just a series of eensy, weensy mini narrative. Hey, speaking of mini narrative arcs, do you have maybe an email or a V mail that you can fire our way before. Before we get out here? Before I return to the world's largest truck stop?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. How do you feel about this? Here I go once again with the email.

[Luke Burbank]

Feel really good about it every week.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hope that it's from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[Andrew Walsh]

More on this green screen I'm seeing. No, just joking. I got a voicemail here that I. That sort of tickled me. Yesterday, Kelly told a little story about having to run to urgent care herself. This just came in, I think yesterday or the day before, because I was talking about my splinter situation and people saying I should go to urgent care. And Kelly said, oh, I just had to do that the other day. So I guess minor trigger warning for squeamishness because Kelly did injure herself and she's going to talk about it. It here.

[C]

Hello, this is Kelly in Seattle. I was just listening to you talk about your finger, and I'm so sorry about the splinter and the location. That sounds terrible, but I just wanted you to encourage you to go to urgent care.

[Luke Burbank]

I.

[C]

Yesterday, Sunday, I was making lunch and I had, like, waited too long, and I was hungry and not super focused, and I chopped most, but not all of the tip of my thumb off. And after I spent about a half hour on the floor recovering well, kind of recovering, trying to not feel queasy and like I was going to pass out. And I called my mom for moral support. I drove myself to urgent care, where they soaked it in novocaine for three.

[Luke Burbank]

Or four, soaked it in novocaine, cleaned.

[C]

It and dried it and then put some. Some tape and some wound glue on it. And now I'm all wrapped up and good to go for a few days. And I cried while I was there because I felt bad about being a weenie about it. And he was like, it's fine. That's why we're here. You shouldn't feel bad about it. And I was like, thank you anyway. Incredibly sympathetic and empathetic to your plight. But, yeah, you shouldn't feel bad about going, because. Let them deal with it.

[Luke Burbank]

We're.

[C]

We're not meant to. I don't know. Anyway, I'm really sorry, and I hope you can. You can get it out soon. Okay, bye.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, thank you, Kelly. But it really does sound like what you're dealing with is more severe than my situation.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Mini trigger warning high. I cut my thumb off.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Sorry. Did I need to. Should I go back, have a better warning?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, what's done is done, but. Yeah. That sounds intense. That is. Again, I'm not trying to add to the triggering nature of this, but it's weird when you cut your finger for me again, typically, if I'm trying to make dinner or something. And there is kind of, in my experience, this nanosecond between when you realize that you're going to do it, but you can't stop it because it's already. You've already mispositioned your finger as in relation to the knife or whatever. And that is just like there's both the longest and shortest amount of time ever because you're just like, oh, this is happening. Ah, that just happened.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, you.

[Luke Burbank]

You know it's about to happen, but you cannot stop it from happening. I hate that period of time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. And it's like. Well, the same thing when you break something too, sort of. Although this is obviously worse. But I told you how I. Like, it was on my, like, my fourth coffee pot. I kept breaking them, and then it was like, sitting at the edge of the sink and I just moved a towel a tiny bit, and I just watched this thing flip over and land in the sink and shatter into a bunch of million and million different pieces. And I was like, ah, God damn. Like, it's like I. I saw it all unfold. Like, I. And I. And you see your evening and potentially your. Your. Your week, or especially with a physical thing potentially, like your life changing, and you're like, oh, shit, this ruins my night. Oh, shit. Like, am I ever going to use this finger the same way again?

[Luke Burbank]

It's. Yeah, it's. And also, Kelly sounds like kind of a kindred spirit to you, Andrew, in that she was crying at the urgent care because she felt like she was being a weenie.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like not crying because she cut her thumb off, which I think would be a pretty reasonable response. But the feeling that she wasn't doing being a patient at the urgent care correctly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Was now making her feel equally sad.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah. I wonder what her phlebotomist situation is, too. That's. Trade notes.

[Luke Burbank]

She asks for. She asked for the least and most experienced phlebotomist. Then she has them arm wrestle.

[Andrew Walsh]

She gives them each a syringe.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ties their left wrists together. And then. Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

And then whoever draws blood first, that's who she's going with.

[Andrew Walsh]

What a dark show.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, listen, Kelly, hope that your thumb recovers. And thank you for listening and letting us know what's going on in your life. Thank you to everyone else out there for listening in to today's tbtl. We are going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. I'll be in Chicago trying to figure out how to be funny about the news. So hopefully you can all join us for that as well. In the meantime, have a great Wednesday, everybody. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.