#4493 Guess Of Honor

Summary

TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Episode #4493: Guess Of Honor
Release Date: June 20, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

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Introduction and Billboard Hunt

Timestamp [00:00 – 03:24]

The episode kicks off with Luke Burbank issuing a freestyle rap apology regarding the postponement of Payday until the following week. Andrew Walsh joins in with playful rhymes, setting a light-hearted and comedic tone. The hosts reminisce about their setup at Andrew's house in the North Aurora neighborhood, humorously emphasizing the co-ownership of the space.

Luke introduces the primary focus of the episode: the fifth and final clue in the ongoing Great TBTL Billboard Hunt. This interactive game has engaged listeners across America, challenging them to locate the elusive TBTL billboard based on a series of clues released over five weeks.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank [02:58]: "We're getting closer and closer."

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Nostalgic Reflections and Weekend Plans

Timestamp [03:24 – 15:43]

Luke shares a nostalgic journey through Seattle neighborhoods, reflecting on changes he's observed over time. He contemplates the possibility of moving back to Seattle, which leads to a humorous exchange about relocating the show’s operations. Andrew fondly recalls their past collaboration at a radio station, highlighting their long-standing friendship and chemistry.

The conversation shifts to weekend plans. Andrew mentions potential activities, including working in his yard, enjoying a Coors Light, and possibly attending bingo if the weather turns rainy—forecasted at an 80% chance.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew Walsh [15:28]: "It's a bummer."
• Luke Burbank [15:50]: "I've never felt more like a 49 than, like, I just can't get home quick enough to see how the gravel went in because..."

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TBTL Billboard Hunt Updates

Timestamp [15:43 – 31:23]

The hosts delve into the details of the billboard hunt. John Sklaroff, TBTL’s audio equipment operator, joins the discussion to provide updates. He outlines the four previous clues leading to the billboard's location, confirming that the state is Wisconsin.

Andrew explains the rules: participants must submit their guesses via email to ensure accurate timestamping for the prize—a miniature reproduction of the billboard, possibly signed by the Biz Boys.

Notable Quotes:

• John Sklaroff [20:13]: "Clue number two."
• Andrew Walsh [23:48]: "We're looking for the place."

The final clue is revealed: "This place is literally the organizing principle of tbtl," which points listeners towards the podcast’s core identity.

Notable Quotes:

• John Sklaroff [28:14]: "This place is literally the organizing principle of tbtl."
• Luke Burbank [28:40]: "It's in the state of Wisconsin and it's in a place that the name of that place is essentially the organizing principle of this very podcast."

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Technical Discussion on Billboard Installation

Timestamp [31:23 – 32:52]

The hosts discuss the logistics of the billboard installation, including the flexibility within their contract with Lamar Advertising to install the billboard within a five-day window. John emphasizes the importance of the billboard being up for the duration of the contract to maximize listener engagement.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank [31:59]: "How cool is that?"
• John Sklaroff [32:52]: "I can say, like, certainly by this weekend, if you just want to drive around the entirety of Wisconsin, you'll come across..."

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Personal Anecdotes and Light-hearted Banter

Timestamp [32:52 – 76:33]

The episode transitions into a series of personal stories and humorous exchanges:

1. Baseball Memories:

   • Luke and Andrew reminisce about memorable baseball moments, including a playoff game where a Mariners player hit a crucial home run. They engage in playful banter about team loyalties and past games.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Andrew Walsh [35:07]: "In Game 2 of the 1995 American League Division 6 against the Seattle Mariners at Yankee Stadium..."
   • Luke Burbank [36:11]: "Their record is now worse than Houston's."

2. Voicemail and Personal Stories:

   • Andrew shares a story about accidentally getting a splinter under his fingernail, which elicits supportive comments and playful teasing from Luke.
   • Luke recounts a childhood incident where he kneeled on a pencil, resulting in a long-term foreign object in his knee, adding to the comedic undertones.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Andrew Walsh [71:37]: "It was like, I had stopped worrying about it."
   • Luke Burbank [73:00]: "I'm 66 years old and it's been in there for 62 years."

3. Drug Use Stories:

   • The hosts delve into their past experiences with recreational drugs, discussing whippets (nitrous oxide) and magic mushrooms. They reflect on the impact these had on their lives, emphasizing personal growth and the avoidance of addiction.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Andrew Walsh [60:02]: "If I could have gotten to this guy when he was 15, before he started messing around with this stuff..."
   • Luke Burbank [65:53]: "I had migraines. When I was in high school I had a weird bout with migraines."

4. Technical and Equipment Talk:

   • Luke and Andrew discuss their new Rode computers, sharing tips on maintenance and usage while maintaining their characteristic humor.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Luke Burbank [46:00]: "You don't even have to win."
   • Andrew Walsh [47:32]: "Can I see that? This is one of those. These are really terrible for the environment..."

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Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

Timestamp [76:33 – 78:44]

As the episode nears its end, Luke and Andrew reflect on their shared memories and experiences, both humorous and serious. They express gratitude towards their listeners for engaging with the billboard hunt and encourage continued participation. The hosts wrap up with well-wishes for the weekend, maintaining their signature blend of camaraderie and light-heartedness.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank [78:31]: "So I'll check and I'm sure I'll have many travel events, adventures to share with all of you."
• Andrew Walsh [78:44]: "And good luck to all. I know what sex means and is. I know about the clubs and drugs Power out."

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Key Takeaways

• Billboard Hunt: The final clue points to a location in Wisconsin, directly tied to the podcast’s identity, encouraging listener engagement through an interactive game.
• Nostalgia and Friendships: Hosts share heartfelt and humorous memories, highlighting their enduring friendship and shared history.
• Personal Growth: Discussions about past drug use reveal personal growth and the importance of making positive life choices.
• Community Engagement: The inclusion of John Sklaroff and the interactive segments emphasize the strong community around TBTL.

Conclusion:

Episode #4493 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live seamlessly blends humor, personal anecdotes, and interactive listener engagement. Luke and Andrew's chemistry shines through as they navigate topics ranging from nostalgic reflections to personal growth stories, all while maintaining an engaging and entertaining dialogue. The episode successfully builds anticipation around the billboard hunt, fostering a sense of community and competition among listeners.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Quick announcement for two of Greendale's finest. Payday is postponed until next week. So this is my freestyle rap apology. Well, I'm a peanut bar and I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here to say your checks will arrive on another day. Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another.

[Luke Burbank]

Dollar another stuffed shirt with another white collar Criminals, Wall street taking the pie and all the black man gets is a plate of white lies Prisons recruiting them police bees shooting them Rap artists looting them Labels all diluting them Barack Obama is scared of me cause because I don't swallow knowledge and I spit it for free Let me clear my throat. Ha ha ha. I don't know what that was. I don't, I don't know what that was.

[Andrew Walsh]

T, T B T L guess what day it is. Guess what day it is. It's Friday, Friday.

[Luke Burbank]

Gonna get down on Friday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. Alright, you ready? Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Beagle, beagle boggle, boggle boogle boogle. Okay, ready to do it fast? Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Beagle boggle boogle beagle booggle boog. What kind of disco dancing nonsense is going on here?

[Luke Burbank]

Scritching is simply light. Scratching or grooming is a form of affection.

[Andrew Walsh]

If there's a better use for the Internet, I haven't found it.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome. Welcome, everyone to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Shame on everybody involved. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[John Sklaroff]

Welcome to my world.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you once again from the well appointed, comfortable confines of the offices of Walsh Walsh and doormat at Andrew's house. This is special. This is special. In the North Aurora neighborhood. Don't call it Nora. Don't you dare. This is the North Aurora neighborhood and we're so excited to be here. Bringing you episode 4493 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Very excited because it is week five and in fact the final week for us to be giving you a clue in the great TBTL billboard hunt you play to win the game. Folks all over America have been trying to guess where this TBTL billboard is going up or may have already gone up. I don't, I don't. We don't know the official sort of status, I guess, but we've been giving some clues and some hints and I would definitely say people are zeroing in on it. We're getting closer and closer. We're going to give you the fifth and final clue today with our friend, TBTL employee numero uno John Sklarov. So stick around for that. I know this guy's gonna stick around cause he works here. He has no choice. He's also operating all of the audio equipment.

[Andrew Walsh]

I also live here.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh yeah, that's right. You know what? Almost even more important than your job at tbtl, we're in your home that you co own with your partner. Anyway, he's Andrew Walsh. Are you disrespecting my duplication investigation? And of course, he's also the longest running cobra of the show. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning. Welcome back. Nice to be here.

[Luke Burbank]

I love it here.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's pretty comfortable down here. I like having a desk where I can look across from you.

[Luke Burbank]

I was having. It's always, it's, it's always really fun, but a little wistful for me to be back in Seattle.

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe that.

[Luke Burbank]

And I was thinking about this on Thursday when I was kind of. Well, when my initial, when I was initially jogging around Green Lake. This is before the part where I almost had a bathroom accident. And I was looking at all of these homes along Greenlake Way that I've grown up looking at. Like I've grown up riding my bike. And I can see the ones that have been remodeled or where the old smaller home has been raised and it's replaced with some giant city.

[Andrew Walsh]

Some of those on the east side of the lake are astounding.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, it's incredible. And then I'm going by, you know, what used to be, back in the early, early days at where like I think it's Stone Way intersects with Green Lake Way, there was a place that used to be called Peddlers. I think it might be called Urban Cafe. Next to that was this low slung building where Guido's Pizza was and where I worked at Bumpy's Fruit and Yogurt. Anyway, when I'm in, you know, when I'm in these neighborhoods and then I'm driving over here to do the show with you and I'm like passing through Roosevelt and I'm seeing the Trading Musician is gone now.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know. And like just, you know, that place was an institution.

[Luke Burbank]

I just get into this. I get into a very nostalgic sort of state of mind. And I think to myself, and so the way that I respond to that in the way is I think, could I live here again? Can I just maybe try to sell my place? And I mean, first of all, I don't know if you know this, but the Kalama housing market and the Seattle housing market are not, they're not tracking along the same, let's just say equity, home equity lines. But I think, like, could I move back here? And then this was my next thought was like, well, if I live here again, does that mean I go to Andrew's house every day to do the show?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that would be.

[Luke Burbank]

This is what's playing out in my mind.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's so funny. Cause I used to go to your house every day to do the show. I have very fond memories of that time. Again, I was a full ass adult. Yet I look back, I was in my mid-30s. And I look back, I'm like, how was that so long ago? And how was I so young and filled with hope and energy at the time? But no, that was such a fun time. We worked together at the radio station. But I would also go to your house to do the show either before or after we got done with our regular work. Really, really good. It's funny to think that you would come here to my studio, but it's kind of likely set up because I do the show with Genevieve, you know, so it's set up as a two person operation in here then.

[Luke Burbank]

Dude, I'm not even kidding. I was like, okay, so I move back. This is all I want to let you know. This entire scenario unfolded in my head while I was at a four way stop just in the time I was. This is eight seconds.

[Andrew Walsh]

But isn't exercise brain kind of. Doesn't that do something to you too? Like you're having these thoughts while you're jogging?

[Luke Burbank]

No, but this thought, I was sitting at a four way stop when the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whole thought was not jogging at the stop in your car.

[Luke Burbank]

I was in my car. I was sitting at a four way stop and I thought, I was looking around and I thought, God, I miss Seattle. Okay, maybe I could move to Seattle. But if I lived in Seattle, then I guess I'd do the show at Andrew's every day because we could be in person. And as I've already said, I think the show's better when we're in the same room. And then I was like, but then what if my house is far away from Andrew's house because I can't afford to buy a house in Seattle anymore? So then we have Zoom, then we have the Riverside thing, and then we start off doing the show in the same room every day. And then over time it's like, we're gonna do one Riverside this week and then pretty soon it's all Riverside and then we're in the same city, but we're just still like, emotionally distant. This. I'm telling you, in eight seconds, my brain did that entire.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's so funny.

[Luke Burbank]

Entire arc of that story.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then eventually we get into a fight because Andrew wants to do it in person more and I want to do it in the river. Like, you've already seen the demise.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. You see, I have equivalent of, like, not taking someone to the airport anymore.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do me a favor. Give me that breaking news sounder. I don't know if I need to give you some because I just got important TBTL Breaking news. I realize this is coming from Genevieve, who I thought was in the house here with us, but she is not. She is on a mission to Costco, clearly. And we got a good news, bad news text from my beloved here. It says, good news, bad news. The good news is we may never need to buy toilets. The bad news is I accidentally bought two toilet paper packages and got no paper towels. So we are a house that is going to be short of paper towels for the next month or two. But we have tons of toilet paper, so you could. We're sending you home with a shirt that you basically stole off my back. That made for you eggs. Eggs. Farm fresh eggs from our neighbor down the street. And we're gonna send you home with a couple of rolls of tp Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, honestly, I'm making money handover fist this week.

[Andrew Walsh]

You can't afford not to come here to do. Why do you want to do it over Riverside, you jerk?

[Luke Burbank]

That's how you get me. Now, the thing about that is. Well, first of all, I saw Genevieve walking by holding a massive thing of toilet paper.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, she's back now.

[Luke Burbank]

And the fact that there's two of those is gonna be a lot of toilet paper. I have also 100% made the same mistake. Because at Costco, the sheer amount of the toilet paper and the paper towels, unless you're looking very closely at the sort of demarcation, they're kind of the same size. It's a giant.

[Andrew Walsh]

Two toilet paper rolls stacked up. It's about the size of a paper towel.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a giant cube of paper. And I have done that exact same thing and gotten too much toilet paper and not enough paper towels. Now, the problem is there's really no using the toilet paper in lieu of the paper towel. You could use a paper towel as toilet paper. You can't use toilet paper as a paper towel.

[Andrew Walsh]

You don't want to do that too much, though. I think that's going to lead to some chafing.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

But Technically, you could. Whereas you're right. Imagine coming to somebody's and they just have a roll of toilet paper on the counter. And that's what you're wiping the counter off.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's very upsetting, very unsettling. What I also don't like in these modern bathrooms. Now, I was on yesterday's show talking about my Starbucks experience and how, like, basically that was. I got really lucky that they had a. Excuse me, nice clean bathroom for me to use. The one thing I didn't love about it was that they don't have any paper towels. They just have the, like, Dyson air blower.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, the problem with that is blade one.

[Andrew Walsh]

They gotta slip your hand.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's kind. It's like a stainless steel and then it has a kind of a little V at the bottom.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, I know what you're talking about.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, the problem with that is I've washed my hands. I'm drying my hands. I now have to unlock the door and open the door. And I don't know if everyone else who's been through there has washed their hands.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know.

[Luke Burbank]

And so they have toilet paper. So then I pull the toilet paper off, which is also. Those air dryers don't work, in my opinion. So now I've got kind of slightly wet hands.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Wet toilet paper on my hands that I'm to try to open the lock. And the thing. That's where I feel like they're assuming when they take out all of the paper towels out of a bathroom, they're now assuming that everyone has washed their hands and that things will be cleaned. Well, let's be honest. A lot of people don't.

[Andrew Walsh]

A lot of people don't.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a mistake.

[Andrew Walsh]

Would it be cultural appropriation if I said, preach, Brother Luke, because you are speaking my language here. And yes, that would absolutely be culturally appropriate, really.

[Luke Burbank]

Of evangelicals.

[Andrew Walsh]

Preach, Brother Luke. But no, this is exactly the problem. Like I. You said on the show yesterday that you don't consider yourself a germaphobe. I don't either. I consider myself a neat person. A relatively clean person. Mostly a neat person, though. Not neato, but neat. But. And I don't really get in my head about germs very often, but I will say it has become a thing, especially depending on the type of establishment I'm in. As I'm leaving the bathroom, I very much have become the kind of person who takes a little bit of paper towel that I've already used to dry my hands and use that to open the door. And I wasn't like that my whole life. But at some point in adulthood, I started doing that. Probably because I started going to nasty bars in adulthood. And now when I don't have the opportunity to do that, and especially. I don't know if I've ever done the toilet paper thing that you're describing, but sometimes I just got to kind of like just, just suck it up and like. And then. But your hand is still a little bit wet because those dryers don't work so well, which makes it doubly irritating. You got to. Why am I, with wet hands touching this knob that I know a bunch of handle or whatever that I know a bunch of people, because I see a man. Oh, I missed an opportunity to name blame and shame a couple of weeks ago. And yeah, probably for the best. I was at the fish sticks baseball game down there in White Center a couple of weekends ago. And I, you know, it's played basically at a high school field, right? So I walked into the restroom. I'd never used the restroom there before. And it's just like, you know, an old school kind of, you know, very, very basic. Stadium adjacent and like stall. You do one stall, one urinal, maybe two sinks, but a relatively small thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Plungers says it all.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I go in there and I see a baseball player. One of the people who's going to take this field is using the urinal, right? And I am, I've just gotten there, so I'm a little bit discombobulated. Remember, it was like a three hour bus ride or whatever. So I kind of didn't take in, in the moment that he's wearing the visit colors.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I didn't really pay too much attention. I go, I use the stall very briefly and I notice while I'm peeing that this baseball player clacked on out of there, you know, on his cleats without washing his hands. And I immediately was like, I should have clocked what name was on the back of that jersey. And then when I went out and I realized, oh, they're purple. They were like the Washington Athletics or something. I could have totally jeered that guy at the base. You know, batter doesn't wash his hands.

[Luke Burbank]

Don'T touch the bat.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I totally, I wasn't observant enough in the moment. I would have loved to have done that.

[Luke Burbank]

Stinky hands guy. Stinky hands guy. Oh, yeah. And that would have also been like. Whereas, you know, I go back and forth on that as far as getting into it. With people, I see a lot of guys come out like the airport bathroom that just breeze right past it or you know, in the casino or anywhere where there's like a large number of men using the bathroom, the same bathroom. You then have a large number of opportunities for people to just breeze right on out. And I always wonder about like, what is, what's the psychology of that? Like, what, what are you thinking? And you know, I. Different points in my life, sometimes I've said stuff to people, sometimes I haven't. It's just like. But in the case of a. Of a game where you are supposed to kind of jeer the other team, hopefully not, you know, no, to a degree that's like actually hurtful. I think somebody not washing their hands and then playing in a baseball game, first of all, you know he's going to touch the ball. Unless he's the dh. Yeah, we know he's touching the ball. So that's rude to every other player. I think that's fair game. I think you would have called him out on that.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're probably sharing bats as well. I'm guessing at that level they're probably not. Well, they might have their own.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably butt slaps.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's going to be butt slaps.

[Luke Burbank]

A big from key and peel. A lot of butt slapping.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what I learned at the game? That's only for the players to do to each other. You're not allowed to do that to the players.

[Luke Burbank]

Turns out as they were carrying you out, you were being restrained and tased and you were yelling, he didn't wash his hands.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was saying the succulent Chinese.

[Luke Burbank]

That's exactly who I was picturing. That's exactly the guy that I was picturing. But. All right, so I forget where we were, but I think I was gonna ask you if you had big weekend plans and you just have weekend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice. Johnny on the spot.

[Andrew Walsh]

Biggest one I've had.

[Luke Burbank]

Big weekend.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's a little TBD for me. It's kind of weather dependent. Because if the weather is nice, believe it or not, I will do less socially because I will be working in my yard until it's, you know, until the sun goes down probably. And then I'll crack open a Coors light and maybe fire up the grill. If the weather is rainy and I don't get into that, I might go to bingo on Saturday.

[Luke Burbank]

We have not. Yes, Saturday is looking like your bingo day. It's looking like 80% chance of rain.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a bummer.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm excited.

[Andrew Walsh]

Rain Is a bummer.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm very excited to get home. As much fun as I'm having here. Because as I was leaving my house on Wednesday after we did tbtl, they were putting down some new gravel.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I am. I'll tell you, I, like, I've never felt more 49 than, like, I just. I can't get home quick enough to see how the gravel went in because, like.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, because you said they were, like, doing it. Because I was just laying down stone in a very janky way, bag by bag. Trip to Lowe's.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it turned out great, though.

[Andrew Walsh]

Worked works for me. But you were saying they were laying down first, like, the drainage gravel, Right.

[Luke Burbank]

And then they were doing. They were doing layers. They had a big piece of, like, machinery, like, one guy was sitting in, you know, like, whatever you'd call that. Not a bulldozer, but the one that's a bucket scoop.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And then there was another couple guys that were spreading it around, and, like, they were. That's as far as they had gotten.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe a backhoe, maybe a backhoe, or does a backhoe have to have the scoop coming off the back of it?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't even think there is one with a scoop coming off the back of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I used to have. I mean, not to brag. I used to have a Tonka toy that had. It had a scoop on the front and the scoop on the back. Oh, I wonder if a backhoe has to.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe. So does the. Does the. The guy operating it, can he just, like, turn around and be facing the other direction?

[Andrew Walsh]

Now that you say that, I think my toy did that. I think the seat slipped. God, Tonkas were the best.

[Luke Burbank]

What I was thinking when I was watching these guys do this project as I was. I was jumping in my car and leaving was the one guy had the job of raking the gravel into place, and the other guy had the job of sitting in the backhoe with a joystick. And I was like, how did that get decided?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, did they split it up?

[Luke Burbank]

Cause the guy in the backhoe is basically playing a video game. He's basically living out every kid's fantasy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Just, like, moving stuff around. Like, I feel like I could do that all day and it would be fun. And then the other guy's, like, on rake duty.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just rake duty. And just like, come on, you got to ride the backhoe yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, seriously. But. So I'm very excited for that. Then. I am gonna be flying down to LA on Saturday night. I'm Gonna be visiting with Addie, who lives in LA now.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I had heard that through the grapevine and I've been meaning for weeks to ask you if that was true or not. I don't even know how I heard it.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't either. And you better police blotter when you isolate the source. You better tell me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no, no. Genevieve had asked me, but I don't know where she had heard it.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably on Instagram. She's probably seeing photos on the Instagram. But anyway, yeah, she moved down there like a month ago. She's loving it. What's funny, I was actually, before the show, chatting with John Sklaroff, saying that even though she's lived in Seattle for the last many years and I live much geographically closer to Seattle, we will get to see each other more with her in la, because I go to la. So we're gonna hang out and then I'm going to be filming for CBS in la. A story about mayonnaise, because I am their condiment correspondent at this point. I've got a story, the fourth of July show. I have a story going up about ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise. Not a story about all three. Three separate stories about condiments.

[Andrew Walsh]

All in the same show, though.

[Luke Burbank]

All in the same show. So it's gonna be animation domination. You're gonna be seeing a lot of LB in that. And I know you do. I know you tape it and watch each episode, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do. I don't like anybody else in the room when I watch them. I'll just leave it at that.

[Luke Burbank]

Fair enough, but. And then I'm going to Vegas because I'm gonna be doing at least filming the profile. The footage for the profile of that guy, Dana White, president of the ufc. I've already talked about on the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

You talked about whether or not you. You were going to do it. Debating whether or not to do it. So you are doing it. There's.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, again, I say filming it because you never know how things go. We could film it and decide that it's not going to work as a piece. We could. You know, a lot of things could still happen, but I'm trying to be strategic and smart about. About the thing and be journalistic and fair and all of that. So we will see how that goes. But anyway, so that. Those are my big.

[Andrew Walsh]

Those are your big weekend.

[Luke Burbank]

Very big weekend plans.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that is very big. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And then also I assume that I'll be receiving many emails from our pal John Sklaroff, who is going to be telling us about the guesses that are coming in or the answers even. Maybe not guesses, but answers.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're getting so close.

[Luke Burbank]

Should I activate the top Story sounder? And then should we welcome John to the program?

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's do it to it.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Let's welcome the clue master himself. I heard him. It was weird. I don't know if he knew that he was on the line with us, but he was yelling this off mic for some reason.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it too early? Gonna fish sandwich.

[Luke Burbank]

He's John Sklaroff and he is here with us right now. Hey, buddy.

[John Sklaroff]

Hey, guys. How's it going?

[Andrew Walsh]

Good.

[Luke Burbank]

Going really, really well, I have to say. Last week was clue number four. This is the great TBTL billboard hunt. And I was truly impressed at some of the. I don't know, what would you call it? Cogitation from the. The listeners. Some of the. The thought process. People are really figuring some stuff out.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, there's a lot of people setting in a lot of great guesses and a lot. And most people include the logic of why they're guessing.

[Luke Burbank]

Showing their work.

[John Sklaroff]

Exactly. Yeah. And so it's been really fun to see everyone's. I did our listener, Corinne, our friend.

[Luke Burbank]

Down south of hot air balloon fam.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, she commented. We had a little exchange on Slack. I have not been responding to every comment or every email just because there's a ton of them. But I just want, like I told Corinne, like I'm getting them, we're seeing them. It's really fun to see everyone send.

[Andrew Walsh]

Them in and actually, though, can I just clarify there. If you want to officially join the great TBTL Billboard hunt, all answers or guesses must be submitted via email to you johnbtl.net feel free to chat about this online, chat about it with others on the Slack or Instagram or whatever you want to do. But the way this is going to work and we're down to our final clue and people are getting very, very close to this. So we'll get some more updates in a second and give out the final clue. But I have a strong feeling that after today's clue and after some reveals today, people are going to guess yes by. By the. By the end of this weekend. My guess is we're going to have some accurate final guesses come in that are going to be right and we are taking the very first one. That's one of the reasons it's got to be via email is we'll have the timestamp there because only One person will win the prize of a miniature reproduction of the actual Billboard, possibly signed by the Biz Boys.

[Luke Burbank]

But I want to mention, everybody is allowed to listen to this amazing audio package that I created.

[Andrew Walsh]

You don't even have to win.

[Luke Burbank]

See, those are all songs that reference signs. I was wondering, you're like, what's the through line here? That's what the through line is. Yeah, but good, good point, Andrew. That because I'm with you and John, I'm guessing you agree too, that with sort of how close some folks are getting and zeroing in, it is going to be probably more than one correct answer. And the only way for us to figure out who sort of wins is to be very mindful of the timestamp of the emails.

[Andrew Walsh]

Correct.

[Luke Burbank]

So. So that's why they got to do it that way. Now, can you. Can you update us, John, on kind of where we're at and some of the other guesses that have come in?

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Do we want to run through the four clues leading up to now just to kind of set the stage? Okay, so the first one was it's in the United States. The second one, Andrew, am I bugging you?

[Andrew Walsh]

Don't mean to bug you. That's clue number two.

[John Sklaroff]

That's clue number two. Clue number or the anti clue as it's been dubbed.

[Andrew Walsh]

The negative clue.

[John Sklaroff]

The negative clue, clue three is Luke and Andrew almost hitchhiked through the state that it's in. And then number four, last week's clue, which really so many people like honed in on the state with this one. A place that features one of Andrew's favorite things and one of Andrew's least favorite things. So that's those the clues so far.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And we are looking for an actual location within a state. We're looking for a town, a city, a municipality, the name of the place where this is up. But we really wanted people to get the state first. And that's why you gave that clue last week.

[John Sklaroff]

Can I also. Andrew, you. I think we're trying to save me some. I was a headache last week, but I kept saying a zip code because to me that like defined like what you just said. City, state, or city, town, municipality, wherever. Like, to me I'm like zip code. And you kept saying like actually those words instead of zip code. And I think the reason you did is because I did get about 30 emails of people just sending in just zip codes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was like, are you serious? I mean.

[John Sklaroff]

No, 30 is the exaggeration, but there are definitely people just like sending in Zip codes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. We're not looking for, we're not looking for coordinates. We're not looking for a zip code. We're not looking for a latitude or a longitude.

[Luke Burbank]

Were those bots? Yeah, that seems like a bot's solution to. It's like, oh, zip code.

[John Sklaroff]

Just send every zip code to the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Just submit every zip code and get yourself a free miniature billboard.

[John Sklaroff]

So I think Andrew was. I think maybe you foresaw that or something. But a lot of people just include them when they set the city name to. But so the actual place is what we're looking for.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're looking for the place. And now and I, we talked about this a little bit before the show. I think we're ready to move forward with this. So.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Last week's clue was very specific about the state that this location is in. And can I. Yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

Give some responses?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, please. Yeah, yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

So the one of the responses I really appreciate was Bay City, Wisconsin. Obviously Bay is a big part in the show. I, I personally, I've driven through Bay City, Wisconsin a million times on the way. My in laws. But that's not. Guys, can we say that's not. It's not in Bay City.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not Bay City.

[John Sklaroff]

No, it's not Bay City.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, it's not. But very, very good guess. I have to say I've been impressed with all of the guesses that have been wrong but very clever in their own way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, here's another clever one that we got. I think a few people sent this in B town, Wisconsin. I'm not sure where in the state.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that like B E E town or is it. Yes, like beads. No, bees. Almost the one year anniversary of us getting really into that.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, yeah. So not B Town, Wisconsin. And then the most guessed place after last week's clue was Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

[Luke Burbank]

So I think Milwaukee, Wisconsin, if we're.

[John Sklaroff]

Honing a state, I think maybe those are we.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, we can say it.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think we can say it. Wisconsin. And to explain. Why don't you explain the. The clue number four and why that point is to Wisconsin.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, hold on.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm gonna get a cup of coffee.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll be in a second.

[John Sklaroff]

So people, for things that Andrew loves, people send him beer or sausages which are both acceptable. And the thing that Andrew hates is cheese. So of course Wisconsin are very well known for those things.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. I hate cheese. Famous in Wisconsin. I do love sausage. And also, yeah, I do drink my fair share of beer, although I'm not.

[Luke Burbank]

An aficionado so that helps. And I believe that that hint had the. Or that clue, I should say had the desired effect.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Which is we want to. I want to say that I've been impressed with the listeners, but also you've played right into our hands because the whole idea was jigsaw over here. Like. Like, basically we were hoping that this, you know, the balance that we were trying to strike with this was make it fun and so that it actually takes five weeks for people to solve it, but that it's not impossible to solve.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I mean? And so it was like the fact that we have a bunch of people who now are in the correct state, that is to say the state of Wisconsin is great. I feel like it's working. If nobody was guessing Wisconsin, we would have not done a good job. And if everyone guessed Wisconsin week one, we would have done a bad job. So I'm very satisfied with how the whole sort of. Of process has gone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And now here we are. So we know it's the state of Wisconsin, and now we're just looking for somebody named the actual town city village in Wisconsin where the billboard will be. Are we ready for clue number five?

[Luke Burbank]

Here's king of the tuk tuk sound. Clue number five.

[John Sklaroff]

This place is literally the organizing principle of tbtl.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, interesting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it? Stay on focus. Wisconsin.

[Luke Burbank]

Say, is it meandering story? Wisconsin.

[John Sklaroff]

It's get to top stories within a reasonable time. Wisconsin.

[Andrew Walsh]

God. Now that I think about it, how could we put the billboard anywhere else? Honestly? Yes. Great.

[Luke Burbank]

So there you go. It's in the state of Wisconsin and it's in a place that the name of that place is essentially the organizing principle of this very podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. And I think that that clue, knowing the state and with that very specific clue, just to reiterate, I think that people are going to get this right. So you better get it in quickly if you want to be the first John without an H. JonBtl.com yeah, as.

[John Sklaroff]

Soon as you hear this. As soon as you're listening. This episode drops Friday. You download it, you're listening. Fire away.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I think there's going to be. Yeah. A cavalcade of correct responses. Do we know if the billboard is up?

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I was about to ask.

[Luke Burbank]

What's our guy say?

[John Sklaroff]

I actually didn't get confirmation yet. Eric is his name. He's the.

[Luke Burbank]

Don't say the company rep. Don't say.

[Andrew Walsh]

The company billboard rep. Because hack into their system.

[Luke Burbank]

No. Then they'll know that's actually, I believe that this particular billboard company is. Is national.

[Andrew Walsh]

It is.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

It's a huge company. And Eric, you know, now we know it's in Wisconsin. Eric is obviously very nordic midwest name, so I don't think that helps either.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. So we're waiting for Eric from lamar advertising to confirm if our billboard. Well, I. Yeah, you hear.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's just pause for one second, guys, and appreciate something. Yeah, we have a billboard guy.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, we have a billboard guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

How cool is that?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, we have a guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Billboard guy.

[Luke Burbank]

We have a guy that we go to for all of our billboard needs.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's so great.

[Luke Burbank]

One of our number one needs is finding out if the billboard is up. It's a key question because, like, the way this works is we've leased the space.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I don't know. That's maybe what the contract says. I haven't seen it, but. But. But it sounds like there's a little bit of flexibility or a little bit of sort of wiggle room about when exactly. In other words, do we maybe get a couple free days? Is that kind of like. Yeah, when we're like, it might go up. It's just because the guy who does. Who. The guy who glues up the new billboard is in town because.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because marin doesn't need his billboard anymore. So we swoop in early.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Late. Yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

Basically, that's exactly what it is. Where. You know, if we're gonna say it. So Monday was the first day of the contract, but there is language in there that they have up to five days after Monday to install it.

[Luke Burbank]

Do they then have to leave it once it's installed, though? We have paid for a certain number of days. Right. So in other words, if they put it up five days after the. The window begins, that means we get to leave it up. We get to terrorize the drivers and other people passing through this particular area, residents of this area with our billboard for the full term of the contract, right?

[John Sklaroff]

I believe so. But they also.

[Luke Burbank]

I will chain myself to that billboard if lamar advertising tries to.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hope that's.

[Luke Burbank]

Tries to steal.

[John Sklaroff]

But they also. They did tell me, Eric, last communication I received from it was it could have been up as soon as this past Sunday, which would been early. So I only. You know, so I'll.

[Luke Burbank]

Can we fire him an email at some point to get eyes on this only reason is because as I'm just moving around my world, I love the idea of imagining that this billboard is literally in existence somewhere in the great state of Wisconsin.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wonder if we'll all just get a feeling. I wonder if I'll just text you guys in the middle of the night. You guys feel that?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think the billboard something shifted.

[Luke Burbank]

I think the billboard something shifted also. Did you see we just got 1 million new downloads from our billboard? I mean, that's the other thing. I can't wait till we can talk about the actual artwork a little bit more because as Andrew has kind of alluded to it is not a billboard that is going to drive very much listener engagement.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I don't think it's going to be. It's not going to spread the word, as I believe we said earlier this week. We could have just put the billboard down in that bunker that's for sale in Lincoln, Washington. It would have about the same effect of getting new listeners, in fact, maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

More just of people touring the bunker. It's for sale.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

So, yeah, but we can.

[John Sklaroff]

I can say, like, certainly by this weekend, if you just want to drive around the entirety of Wisconsin, you'll come across.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a small state geographically.

[John Sklaroff]

I feel like, famously one of the smallest.

[Luke Burbank]

You can knock that out in an afternoon.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, absolutely. Get yourself some road cheese, some road sausage.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And just start. Get the Thomas Guide out.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

And just start. Start traveling the highways and byways of Wisconsin. All right. Well, this is exciting. I am. I'm legitimately really stoked about how this has gone. So, John, thanks again for all the work that you've done on this.

[John Sklaroff]

Can I real quick before I skedaddle? My name got brought up earlier this week.

[Luke Burbank]

I know, I know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Line is breaking up. We got.

[John Sklaroff]

I just need a quick moment of defense for myself. When I say the Yankees are not going to win the World Series. It's not me trying to commiserate with a Mariners fan. That's a sad existence. I can understand. What I am just simply saying is there's a lot of unrealistic fans of. Of Yank the Yankees and many, many of my friends include who every year, like, we're going to win it this year. And I just like to think of myself as somebody pragmatic and say, like, I'm not trying to commiserate with you guys. I'm just saying, like, oh, I think based on the roster moves we made, I don't think we're going to win.

[Luke Burbank]

That's. Well, here's me to put that I.

[Andrew Walsh]

Want to clarify, win or make it to the World Series. I don't know if you're going to Win. I'm telling you, it's going to be the Yankees and the Dodgers for the next five, 10 years.

[John Sklaroff]

I don't think so, though. I don't think so.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, let me. Let me clarify this, John. My point was not that you were being that. My point was not that you. You were being very diplomatic and you were trying. You're here, you're in this impossible position because you are a fan, a lifetime fan, and you come by this honestly of a baseball team in your region. That's a totally normal way to be. It just so happens that that baseball team has had a lot of success over the years. And then people like me who've been a fan of a team that hasn't had a lot of success, it's like. It's basically like you're constantly in the position, at least as of right now, of trying to kind of not in any way sound like you're gloating or you're overly excited about the fact that the Yankees are pretty good and you have good players. So that's not your fault. You're in an unwinnable position. You're like the Mariners playing a good team. You're in an unwinnable position.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's nothing there like the Mariners playing an average team or like the Mariners playing the Orioles.

[Luke Burbank]

How about a team on a historic losing streak that somehow gets right? So I want to clarify, Jon. I wasn't trying to shit talk you. I was saying how when we. You're always trying to be very, like, polite and diplomatic and not do any unintentional gloating. And then later I'll go and I'll. You know what it's like? It's like you're at the casino and you're playing blackjack next to someone, and you see that they're down to their last, like, $20 in chips, and you're like, oh, that poor guy. And then you realize, no, he's got a bunch of $500 chips in his pocket that he's just been stashing, and then he has to pull out one of the five hundo chips and throw it in. And it radically shifts how I've been perceiving this person.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

That was me checking the Yankees record the other day. I was like, these guys are really good.

[Andrew Walsh]

Although I am looking now, get swept.

[Luke Burbank]

By the Red Sox, which must have stung.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that must have stung. Especially because the Red Sox aren't even like, the ones that are, like, kind of nipping at your heels. I will say this. Of all of the number one teams in all the divisions. The Yankees have the worst record. I did not realize that. And it's.

[Luke Burbank]

Their record is now worse than Houston's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. The Astros have a.581 winning percentage and the Yankees are.575. So just a little behind. But then the Tigers are out there with a 6. 35.

[Luke Burbank]

Holy smokes.

[Andrew Walsh]

The Tigers are nine games ahead of the second place Guardians, which is incredible.

[John Sklaroff]

In our, in our defense. Not to. Sorry to listeners who didn't want to hear all this baseball talk. We are in the toughest division.

[Luke Burbank]

So they're fair point.

[John Sklaroff]

The only division with 3:40 win teams at this point in the American League.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a very good point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

And so like. But whatever. Again, regardless, I just need to. I just felt like I needed to get on the record.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[John Sklaroff]

That I understand your life is more painful when you're a Mariners fan.

[Luke Burbank]

But also all, all pain is. Andrew was saying this the other day on the show. All pain is felt by the people feeling it intensely. And so your Yankee pain is real. Just as my Mariner's pain is real. Mine is just more real.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. Yours is absolutely ridiculous. And I dismissed it out of hand.

[Luke Burbank]

And the fact that they didn't just disband the team after Jim Laritz is to me a travesty.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who's Jim Laritz? Was.

[Luke Burbank]

He was a Yankee former catcher. He was a Yankee catcher. This was actually, this was the first time the Mariners ever made the postseason. It was when we had that unbelievable comeback where I think we were 11 games out behind the Angels in August, came back, had the one, had the play in game and then I believe played the Yankees in the first round. And this was really crazy stuff because it was like Randy, I think Randy Johnson was still a Mariner. The Mariners went into Yankee Stadium and there was this catcher, Jim Layritz was. He's the kind of guy that if he was my catcher, I would love him. But he was the other team's catcher. Like, he was just like, he was a brawler. He was a shit talker. He just was like a guy who was, you know, again, if he's on your team, you absolutely eat it up. And if he's on the other team, it's just like, it's like keeps you up at night thinking about ways that you would love to like throttle him. And I believe he hit a home run. It was, I remember it was lightly raining in, I want to say extra innings of the first game. And I think Jim Lehritz hits a home run, maybe to win the game for the Yankees. And it's just that thing where it's like the guy that I hated the most on the other team was doing us in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And then I think we lost the first two in New York. But the way the series used to work was you would play the first two games on the road because we were the inferior team. And then you got to play three games at home, which is kind of insane.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so I think we played out the series at home and we ended up winning 3, 2. And that was the hit. That was the Edgar Martinez double, the.

[Andrew Walsh]

95 slide that brought home, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Like Joey Cora and Junior, maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that's right.

[Luke Burbank]

Or Vince Coleman and Junior. But I just remember, like. Well, first of all, I also had a baby at the time. I remember bouncing.

[Andrew Walsh]

It wasn't yours?

[Luke Burbank]

No. I found this baby on the street.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember this story now. I remember, like, you did a hard time for that. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I just remember, like, having this unruly baby on my lap while I'm like, just thinking, trying to send the most evil thoughts I can in the direction of Jim Laris.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I just want to say one thing. Obviously, I wasn't a Mariners fan or a baseball fan at all during this period, but do you remember, speaking of my VHS tape finds, I did grab a tape from a garage sale that, when I went to watch it, it contained a replay of that playoff game between the then California Angels versus the Mariners that won 1, 1 game playoff to see who would take the division. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And the reason you said, you know, you thought that Randy Johnson was still a Mariner. I know he was, because it was Langston versus Johnson. And you were the one who told me that Langston was the one who was traded for Johnson. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't probably. I know Langston was a Mariner. Langston was my favorite Mariner. I think he almost had a Cy Young as a Mariner. Like, he was our only good player for many seasons, and he was pitching.

[Andrew Walsh]

For the Angels versus Randy.

[Luke Burbank]

So he must have been traded around because I think we got Randy Johnson from the Expos, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So I don't know exactly how that. But I'm pretty sure Randy came from the Expos. Somebody told me that recently. So, anyway, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I have to say this is. I always mention this, but that was the game where Luis Soho hit an inside the park grand slam or a bases. It was either a grand slam or a triple. And Luis Soho is a guy that Makes rowdy to lez look cut. And I just, I just love it so much. It was like, first of all, it was, I was at that game. I've told this story a million times. I, I had lied my way into that game. I had just shown up at the, at the will call line and said I'm here to cover the team for probably public radio or NPR or something. There was no plans for me to do that formally, but I remember the person in the booth going like, I can't find your press pass. I was like, oh man, okay, let me see. Can we call Dave oust or something? And it's like looking, I don't know, would you just take a ticket? I just have a ticket. And I was like, okay, the ticket is like four rows behind home plate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Fine, I'll let this slide this time.

[Luke Burbank]

There's a whole crazy sold out game just like. And I just remember becoming like best friends with the randos sitting next to me as this like historic, you know, Seattle sports moment was happening. And then, and then somehow that again, it seems impossible. It could have been an actual grand slam. Like I can't see Luis Soho rounding all of the bases, but he at least got to third. But it was like just a seeing eye hit down. I think the one of the lines. Anyway, good memories. See John, this is what happens when your team doesn't win World Series. You sit around reminiscing about a 1A play in game from 35 years ago.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I actually play that tape though really quickly? Do you guys mind? So this is Soho Clears the bases. This is from October 2nd. Look at this. October baseball, guys. October 2nd, 1995. Luis Soho Clears the bases with a double and is able to score himself on a throwing error giving the Mariner.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I see. So it's a triple. And then he scores on the arrow.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it's kind of like an in the park home run, kind of cheating.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like a little league home run.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Let's take a listen to this call. It's only about 30 seconds long. Would it be helpful if I unmuted it on the computer? Let's try this. Now the broken back. It's fair.

[Luke Burbank]

Johnny Miller Flowers has scored.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tino Martinez has scored.

[Luke Burbank]

Flowers.

[Andrew Walsh]

And they all have scored. And here comes Soho Chase.

[Luke Burbank]

Does it show a 21 year old.

[Andrew Walsh]

Luke Burbank behind home plate yet?

[Luke Burbank]

Although out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Soho does not seem as big as rowdy to me. Maybe I'm not getting a great look at him. Langston was literally on his back at the end of that play, Langston is getting from the dirt and he knew.

[Luke Burbank]

It was over once we got there. It was. By the way, Jim Laritz from Lakewood, Ohio.

[Andrew Walsh]

Lakewood, Ohio. That's where I'm from. And that's why you're both brawlers, by the way.

[John Sklaroff]

Luke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Go ahead, John. I cut you off before. John, please.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, well, I was gonna say. So I want to take a very tender and fun moment and sour it again so you can hate all Yankees fans again. Just a reminder for you, anyone listening? Luis soho, after he left the Mariners, signed with Yankee, became a Yankee the following year and played a huge part in the Yankees winning the 96 World Series and then proceeded to win three more rings with the Yankees.

[Luke Burbank]

So, yes, so you claim. You, you claim Luis.

[John Sklaroff]

So my guy.

[Luke Burbank]

Just because he won four World Series as well. Here's by the way, in Game 2 of the 1995American League Division 6 against the Seattle Mariners at Yankee Stadium in rainy conditions, Leritz hit a walk off two run home run to right center field in the 15th inning. I got a lot of that right. I was wrong. I was wrong that it wasn't the first game, but other than that it was raiding and it was an extra inning home run to beat my beloved Mariners. The home run was surrendered by Mariners pitcher Tim Belcher, who was famously involved in a profanity laced incident with a cameraman covering him walking through the tunnel to the clubhouse afterwards.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow. That would be hard to. That would be hard to.

[Luke Burbank]

Tim Belcher was the kind of guy. Tim Belcher looked like one of the actors playing an. A burned out pitcher in the movie Major League.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

The one guy who's like a Gorman Thomas like guy like, he's, he's definitely like, I think he. In Major League, he like puts like something in his nose so that it runs so that he can get more like snot on the ball. And he's just like an old, like you, like a, you know, old crafty veteran. That was actually Tim Belcher like that. I mean, that's the kind of guy Tim Belcher was.

[John Sklaroff]

You mean to tell me Jesus Christ couldn't hit a curveball?

[Luke Burbank]

I say, oh, I was going to say a swear word there. I always like, actually, you know, wasn't the guy who played Serrano the guy that can't hit the curveball and then he has to do a ritualistic sacrifice of fried chicken, I believe, or something?

[John Sklaroff]

To Jobu.

[Luke Burbank]

To Jobu. I say F you, Jobu. That guy ended up being the President.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

In 24. Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

And the Allstate.

[Luke Burbank]

And the Allstate guy.

[John Sklaroff]

It's Dennis Hazbirt.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. As Genevieve says, America's first black president. Truly. I mean, not truly. The opposite of truly. But we should probably leave things there on that awkward note.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. John, thank you again.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Happy. Enjoy fielding all of those emails this weekend.

[John Sklaroff]

Yes, I will, actually. Thank you very much.

[Andrew Walsh]

Take care. Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, man.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not from a female. All right. Emails or v Mails before we. Or as my document on my computer likes to call them, emails and emails. It does not recognize V Mails. It does not formally recognize V Mails as a category of thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Give it time. It's a new computer.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not used to your language, by.

[Andrew Walsh]

The way, I was surprised to see. So this is your new rode computer. Really? Our new rode computer?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. The company's new road computer.

[Andrew Walsh]

Both of these computers are ours as well. I'm surprised that you went with a black cased computer. You seem like you've always had a silver or a white.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, there was a version of this sitting out at the Apple Store, and I just thought it looked kind of nice. I also, I don't know, I thought maybe it will not look as the fingerprints and things might not show up as much. But I don't know because, you know, with a black matte surface, the oil of your fingers. What I know about. Because you're right, historically, I've always had. I think they might call them space gray. Might be Apple's, of course, you know, title for them or name for them. And what I know is that when I've had one of these computers for more than a couple of months, they start to get really dingy. Like there's just like dirt that accumulates and hand grease and things. And it's one of those things that I'll look at it once a day and think, oh, I. I should get some air and dust this out. I should get. I should clean this. I should. And then I never do. I will say I've had this for maybe three weeks. So far, it does not seem to be picking up as much kind of grossness.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here's some air for you here, if you want.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, nice.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I keep a couple of. Whoa, there it goes.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it supposed to also be a little watery?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think you got to hold it in a way so that it does. That'll dry up Pretty quickly, though. Don't worry, it shouldn't hurt it. And I have these little.

[Luke Burbank]

I sprayed a bunch of water directly into the L key.

[Andrew Walsh]

By the way, I'm excited to play for you a voicemail because it'll give me an excuse to give you an update on something. But do you want to know an interesting life hack?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I see that? This is one of those. These are really terrible for the environment, but it's called a blow off duster. It's compressed air in a can. The reason I believe I have this one, it is good for me to keep these on hand for cleaning my board, my audio board, and stuff like that. But I believe the reason I bought this was because we were exploring a life hack on Spotless back when Splitless. Spotless was a brand new show. Luke. So you know how you just got a little bit of moisture out of this thing because you were kind of tilting it a tiny bit. You're supposed to keep it, like, you know, straight like this.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

If you tilt it totally like this, a lot of that stuff will come out and it'll freeze if you hold it, like, let's say parallel to the ground or parallel to the ground. And the life hack was this. I even went to a carpet store and got some carpet samples so we could test it. If you get gum smashed into some carpeting and you can't get it up, you take this stuff, you turn it on its head like this and you spray it down and it'll essentially freeze the gum and then you can break it off.

[Luke Burbank]

Cause do you remember when you were a kid that you would use an ice cube?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I didn't know that. No.

[Luke Burbank]

That was the home remedy for getting gum out of something was you rub an ice cube on it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Which is the same theory, but a little less messy with this.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. And maybe like a little contact high.

[Andrew Walsh]

And a little bit for the gum.

[Luke Burbank]

A little bit for the. Do they let you just buy those?

[Andrew Walsh]

Funny story, I was at the hardware store, the Little Ace on Holman road by the McDonald's there. I don't know if you have any memories of that place growing up. It seems like it's probably been there for a while. Tiny world's tiniest hardware store.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was looking all over for this stuff and I couldn't find it. So I finally asked the guy, he's like, oh, yeah, I got that behind the counter. I'm like, oh, I can't. I can't buy that. He's like, no. Some people get high off It. I'm like, ooh, yeah. And then he's like, yeah, you want a two pack? And I'm like, no.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's kind of a compliment.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was sort of a joke, like, you sort of kidding around. He's like, or I think he said, do you want one or two? And I'm like, oh, just one is fine. And he says, yeah, I got to keep it back here because people get high off. And I'm like, oh. And he's like, now, do you want to.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you have to show an ID or anything? No, I just kind of something where they. Well, this drop famously from. From. I think the show Intervention was a person who was very much addicted to these things, and this is her on one of them.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember you telling me that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, she. It's like, I'm walking on sunshine now. The only reason. So for a while, I was like, I'm not gonna play that. But then, first of all, I don't have enough drops that reference Sunshine. Honestly, I just.

[Andrew Walsh]

Most people wouldn't know.

[Luke Burbank]

And also, this woman made an incredible recovery.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, good.

[Luke Burbank]

She got sober. She testified in front of Congress. She absolutely.

[Andrew Walsh]

About the dangers of this stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

About the dangers of this stuff. And by all accounts, went on to live and has been living an incredibly healthy, fulfilled life. So I also feel like that kind of maybe makes it a little less terrible because it's of kind. There was a happy end to the story. But, yeah, in fact, that show Intervention, there was a different guy who we're not playing audio from, who also was in a bad relationship with that stuff. And what it does to your brain over time and the way people respond to it is, let's just say, pretty intense.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. I won't get into it now, but do you know my huffing story that I did it once? No, I don't think now is the right time. I mean, it is buried at the end of a show.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, if not now, when?

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, I'll tell it very briefly. Although it admits to a lot of drug use, so my journey with recreational drugs started. It kind of had a. It kind of went from milder to slightly more intense, which was like, I think, you know, like, I remember my friend came over one time. I remember the very first time I got drunk. I remember because we were drinking outside. I remember saying, I don't think this stuff is affecting me. And as I said it, I just let go of my bike and it just fell. Fell on the ground. I wasn't on it at the time. Yeah, it's like, this stuff isn't affecting me. And I gestured and just let my bike crash right down in the middle of the street. I'm like, maybe it is. And then I don't remember the person who introduced me to this. But then whippets came next.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, which is like, I guess, kind of a part. A way of huffing, you know, it's. What. What is the stuff in a whippet again? Why am I blanking on it?

[Luke Burbank]

Nitrous.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nitrous oxide. Right. And so I remember somebody, you know, came over with one of those crackers and a balloon. A cracker is how you kind of like. Like get to fill up the balloon with that stuff. And it kind of gives you this intense. A very short, intense sort of climactic high that lasts maybe a minute or two, but you can't take a big huff off of this balloon. And at first you're like, I don't know. And then it's like, oh. And you sort of feel floaty and floaty and like, you feel almost like you're out of your body for a little bit, and it gets more and more kind of crazy. And then it all just sort of like slowly lands you back down. It's a very short little high. Then I think I smoked weed or something after that. Like, somebody introduced me to that. And then. And this is where the story is just like, I'm just listing all of my drugs. But I think it's important for the context of this is sometime late in high school, my buddy said, well, do you want to try acid? And I said, well, of course I do. And so we had a day set aside. It was a Friday. And I remember it was like a beautiful spring day or something like that. And I think we. School was out, and then we took this stuff, and it was literally a trip, right? Like, it's. There's.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you, like, see things that weren't there?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't remember it being super visual for me, but it was like. It was like we went on this odyssey together because he was living in Parma with his dad, and we were going to school more like kind of on the west side, but kind of like more like downtown Cleveland sort of, and. Or near downtown, I guess. And so we had a whole long bus ride to take, and we stopped off at places we went. I remember one time he was teasing me because I didn't know this bus line at all. Going Parma's a bit of a trek from Cleveland. But it was the bus that he would take to School every day. So he knew it well. But then he would tease me and be like, I think we're on the wrong bus.

[Luke Burbank]

No, that's not a fun joke for somebody that's tripping.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think he let it ride that long. And I remember. Very cliche, but we went to a graveyard, I think at some point. Wandered around just like. It had the whole, like, whatever it was, five, six hour ordeal. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

This is such a. I was so afraid of that stuff because my mom. And it's funny because I didn't listen to my mom about anything but this one thing, which was. She was like me and my girlfriends when we were, you know, whatever, 17 or something, we decided that we were gonna take acid. And we were down the shore. And I remember we took the acid and I saw lizards crawling up the wall. And she was describing it as such a terrible experience that you kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can'T get out of too. I was nervous about being locked in.

[Luke Burbank]

And that really, again, it's very funny that for all of the advice from her. By the way, my mom would like to clarify that she did not say my dad was ugly. She heard that episode, of course, and very quickly she said, I'm taking a rest at Lizzie's and I'm listening to Monday's tbt. Retraction needed. I never said your dad was ugly. I said something like, he's not looking so great either. Mention that to your listeners. Angry face.

[Andrew Walsh]

Don't know that that's better.

[Luke Burbank]

I just. I wouldn't. She's official ordered me to read that. And I read it as typed to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me in the middle of a story about how she did acid as a youth.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's like that really. That did do a number on me as far as, like, for whatever reason, if I heard about people doing acid or stuff, I'm just offering this. That I just was like. I was afraid of that. So it's interesting to me that you were not afraid of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, not at that time. I think I was just very excited to try various things that made me feel loopy. And so, like I said, and it was like sort of this progression as again, kids listening, don't. Don't experiment. But I was in that mode. So I was like, oh, whippets were fun. And then I spoke a little weed that was fun or whatever now and then. Okay, so I try acid. And we. And me. And I'll say his name. His name was Henry. And Henry was a really cool guy. He had very different taste in kind of Music and stuff than me. But he would. It was one of those friendships where he would make me mixtapes. I get he was into industrial music and stuff like that.

[Luke Burbank]

But I really like Skinny Puppy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Literally. And, like, having it curated by a friend like that who's introducing you to something he loves. Like, we were really good friends. And it was during a time where I was finally making real friends after only having, like, maybe one or two friends and being, you know, kind of an outsider most of my life. I was getting in with people who were cool.

[Luke Burbank]

Was this power Denny's era.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is, like, leading up to that. Yeah. And Henry, I gotta say, now that I think about it, he's kind of. Kind of important to me. We're not really in touch much anymore. Although I did track him down. He's an artist in New York City now. I'm glad to know he's doing well because he was never on social media or anything, but. But he was, like, maybe the. One of the very first people who was kind of a cool kid who was just kind of like, straight up. I think he, like. He just knew me from an art class we took together and just said we should hang out or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so anyway, we became friends, and he became a pretty fundamental friend as far as my development was concerned, including my development as a drug user, apparently. So we take this acid and then we have this whole trip. And it's like, wonder. It was a wonderful day. It's a. It's a fond memory. I believe that's when I fell in love with this scent, Luke, which is Egyptian musk. Henry used to wear this oil, Egypt musk. And I bought myself a little.

[Luke Burbank]

I was at my house. I couldn't be smelling.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, you couldn't. I remember that. That smell is very much associated with my trip because he brought a little bottle of it and we put it on our wrists. And it was like a very sensual thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Love it.

[Andrew Walsh]

And anyway, then we get back to. And this is such a. Like, I'm just such a. This is such. This paints me in such a bad light. It's such a. Like just a little drug freak. And I apologize for that. But I remember we have this whole day, and then we go back to here, his house, and he's got, like, kind of the ideal situation. He lives just with his dad, which really sounds like I'm celebrating divorce there. But when you're in high school, it's like he lives just with his dad.

[Luke Burbank]

Have their own TV trays.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, he had the entire upstairs Attic to himself, which was like kind of a big bedroom, but it had the vaulted. Is it vaulted ceilings and everything. So it was like a really cool, quirky bedroom for a teenage boy to have. And pretty big too, right? And so. And I think he had like a couch up there. And we're just kind of hanging out. And this is where I'm just, again, kind of a. Is retrobait.

[Luke Burbank]

Reprobate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Reprobate. I knew I had something wrong there. I'm just kind of like, the acid kind of wore off and I was.

[Luke Burbank]

Kind of like, what's next now?

[Andrew Walsh]

Now what? I'm like, it's like nine o' clock at night or whatever. It was ten. I'm just like.

[Luke Burbank]

But now, do you have any darts?

[Andrew Walsh]

And I was kind of like, you got any, you know, got any weed or anything? And he's like, no, I don't have any weed, but. And then he's kind of like, well, I got this stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

And he's like. He's like, it's kind of like a whip it. And I'm like, oh, okay. Now, I had done whippets before. And he's like. And he pulls out this stuff. And I believe. And you'll often hear me refer to something as like, huffing VCR cleaner, because I believe he said it was VCR cleaner. And I'll tell you what, to this day, I don't know what that means. I've messed around with a lot of VCRs in my day. I never had a aerosol bottle of VCR cleaner, but maybe it was a thing. I remember him just saying, well, this is like VCR cleaner or something like that, but basically it's like a whippet. So I think he, like, instead of like filling up a balloon, like, sprays into a bag or something, he sprays it into like a plastic. Yeah, yeah, Baggie. Like a. Like a sandwich bag, sort of. And I think he has me go first. He said, here. It's basically like a whippet.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm like, well, you did ask.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I did ask.

[John Sklaroff]

No, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think he was being very polite. And. And so I'm expecting to kind of like breathe it all in like a balloon, but it's a little bit of a different experience. So I'm kind of like, oh, you kind of take a bunch of short little breaths.

[Luke Burbank]

Got to be really intense, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And it's the only time in my life I've ever done this, by the way. But again, I described the feeling of a whippet before because I think this is important, by the way, we will get to the voicemails in just a moment. But I described the whippet as being a very smooth crescendo. I think I said before, it's like, builds up, and then it sort of like sets you back down.

[Luke Burbank]

This.

[Andrew Walsh]

If.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, if. If a. If a whippet is like a hot air balloon that goes up and down kind of quickly but gracefully.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

This stuff was also so a climax or a crescendo, but it's the equivalent more of like a cartoon skeleton getting electrocuted, or when a cartoon gets electrocuted, you can see the skeleton or whatever I'm picturing there. It's more of a. It was like a pulsating, intense, same kind of up and down. This is more like.

[Luke Burbank]

Instead of the hot air balloon, this is like one of those rides at the fair where they strap you down and then kind of shoot you up.

[Andrew Walsh]

But more like it almost was like the equivalent of a truck backing up, making that beeping sound. Only imagine that's your brain.

[Luke Burbank]

It's got to be good for your brain.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, it was great for my brain. Imagine how good I'd be at the show if I hadn't done any of this shit. By the way, are you right now just thinking, like, God damn.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

If I could have gotten to this guy when he was 15, before he started messing around with this stuff, he'd be able to remember Nicole Kidman's name.

[Luke Burbank]

But then what would the show be? Do you know how much mileage we've gotten out of the fact that you couldn't remember Nicole Kidman?

[Andrew Walsh]

You need your broken footage.

[Luke Burbank]

It's so much less interesting if you remember her name. But so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Which is weird because I did just remember her name. Did it feel.

[Luke Burbank]

Did it. Was it a good feeling?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, in the moment. And this is kind of the key to this story. I didn't have tons of experience with this stuff. I was. You know, I tried whippets once maybe, and then, like I said, I was very kind of early in. In my experimenting with this stuff, but. And because I was expecting the feeling of a whippet, and because it was sort of like that, but much more intense and maybe slightly more abrasive in this way, I thought I was dying because I thought that this was supposed to feel like a whippet. It didn't feel like a whippet. And I had just tried acid for the very first time. I see John's back in the room. He's probably wondering what in the. Where the hell did this conversation go? But I thought I was dying because I was like, this must be having a bad reaction with the acid that I just took for the first time. And it's not feeling like what I thought it was going to feel like. So I. In like as I'm. As this thing is building up and I'm still on the, like the ramp after this. I remember saying, I think I'm dying. And I remember Henry. And by the way, Henry.

[Luke Burbank]

And Henry is yet to. He's yet to partake.

[Andrew Walsh]

He hasn't tried it.

[Luke Burbank]

You're standing around in the attic.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think he's tried it. I believe we were sitting on his car couch. But he just starts laughing his ass off. And that sounds like cruel, but I'm telling you, like, Henry was one of the sweetest guys in my life. He was.

[Luke Burbank]

He knew you weren't dying? He knew.

[Andrew Walsh]

He knew I wasn't dying. And I probably said, I mean, I still to this day, I've have a tendency to freak out and overreact to things. And so probably he just knew that I was overreacting and saw me like kind of totally spaced out and then said, I think I'm dying. And he probably just thought it was funny in the moment, laughed his ass off. And again like 30 seconds later, I'm totally fine. And I probably punched him in the arm. So that's what that was laughing when I was.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I was wondering. It was 30 seconds.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm gonna say the whole thing. This is a story from a long time ago, 30 years ago. I tried this thing once. I haven't seen it.

[Luke Burbank]

This is a story from seven years ago.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you have a headache?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no. It was a very quick. It was an up and down. And then I think also I was probably at the end of that being like, now what are we gonna do with the rest of our evening again?

[Luke Burbank]

Right?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I always had maybe an issue with being too sober on a Friday night.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that that's what always with like whippets and things like that. That's all. Not that my mom me about it, but that's the thing about that stuff or like huffing. We, of course I'd heard a rumor. I don't know if it was. Well, you know what? It was probably a rumor I in high school had. It was like somebody's friend's sister or something had died. This was the story. And they had died from huffing Scotchgard. That was the story they had huffed Scotchgard and died.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think I know what Scotchgard is. I've heard of it.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's. Well, I think that has a lot of uses, but. But I think what I know it as is something that you spray onto furniture and stuff and carpet so that it's more stain resistant or so that it kind of. It's like a protectant.

[Andrew Walsh]

So an aerosol can like hairspray or anything.

[Luke Burbank]

And I think that's probably whatever's in the duster is maybe not duster, but whatever's in the other stuff. You know any of these industrial sort of things. Is it probably the propellant that's really doing the aerosol that's doing whatever it was. But we heard a rumor that a kid had died from huffing Scotchgard. Now what I'm thinking about now as a 49 year old man is realizing I think it'd be pretty hard to do that upon first. I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Again, I don't know. I honestly don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to be very careful. We're not encouraging any kind of behavior for anybody out there who's listening, who's maybe younger and trying to chart the path of their life. But I'm wondering if that wasn't one of those kind of stories that goes around so that you don't do it. But it really worked on me. The other thing was, as it should. I was very worried about getting headaches as a child.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really, when you're in the back of the classic Wall Street Journal.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you know that I had migraines?

[Andrew Walsh]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

When I was in high school I had a weird bout with migraines. Well, this is. I hope my mom is. If my mom's listening to this, that she'll get probably I'll have to do another retraction. But I remember I was at a pep rally at my high school and I remember the. I was seeing in the periphery of my eyes. I was starting to see like it was like channel three. Like it was like snow. And then it got small. Like my field of vision got smaller and smaller and more and more of my vision was like channel three.

[Andrew Walsh]

And at this point you're not feeling any pain yet.

[Luke Burbank]

Not feeling any pain. I'm getting that aura and then at some point it shifts into like the most intense headache I've ever had in my life. And I remember like staggering. We had a payphone next to the soda machine in the gym. By the way, worst place you could be having a migraine.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Clink pep rally. It's like a gym full of kids screaming, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

And then you go to the soda machine where it's just like bottles.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm like, I'm like, I'm getting the, like I'm getting the receiver off of the payfoot. I'm calling my mom, like having a migraine. She's like, it'll probably go away or whatever.

[Andrew Walsh]

You knew that it was probably a migraine.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I had heard something about the like about the visual aspect of it. And then, and then that happened a few more times when I was in high school. So I think I was away. It went away.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've never heard of it going away. I've never heard of it affecting somebody so young.

[Luke Burbank]

I had then, I don't know, a year, maybe a year ago, I had the visual thing, but it didn't manifest into the headache so bad.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ooh, were you scared? This is a year ago. Yeah, I was like, I was like bracing for it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I was. And I knew, I mean, and again, I don't want to steal anyone's life experience with this because there are people that this is a really common thing and they make, you know, medicine for it's Imitrex and things like that. So if I were to come back, I guess I'd just try to deal with it. But I think I was always really worried about giving myself a headache. So something like huffing seemed like instant headache to me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I could imagine that's kind of a good, that's a good kind of built in breaker.

[Luke Burbank]

Instead, I just excessively drank for 30 years, giving myself a non instant headache the next morning every day of my adult life. Good you to see.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway. Yeah, I'm embarrassed by that story because it really does make sound like a degenerate, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think so. It makes you sound to me like a teenager who's experimenting with things, which is a thing that happens in teenage life. And also that like a lot of people, myself included, when you're kind of feeling good and loopy and then the loopiness wears off, there's a tendency to want to get back to feeling good and loopy.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I never knew that like huffing could really be an addiction like that. I mean, I guess that I did see that movie Love Life with Philip Seymour Hoffman, which is just like the most depressing movie.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think I've seen that.

[Andrew Walsh]

All I remember is he's addicted to. I think he's huffing a model airplane fuel or something and There. And he ends up like, imagine. I mean, it's a Philip Seymour Hoffman film. You know, how dreary some of his work was. And imagine him playing this, like, busted out character who's addicted and has this ring around his mouth and face the whole time, like. But you telling that story about walking on sunshine. I'd heard that drop hundreds and hundreds of times before. You told me that that was somebody who was sort of bunching. Honestly, that story gives me the bad feeling because I had totally forgotten about that background until you reminded me of it. But I didn't know you could get addicted to it. And again, it's one of those things where when I see somebody who's in a really rough shape, I think there, but by the grace of God, go I. I had so many safety nets built in my brain chemicals in a certain way that I didn't end up getting addicted to it when me and Henry were goofing around or whatever. And so when I. When I realized, oh, other people just experimented once or twice, too, but they find them in a different situation and it totally wrecks their life. And here I am in 2025 with a pretty comfortable, you know, life and gig and, you know, everything. And it makes me feel very lucky and also, like, I really dodged a bullet with some of that stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Well, the new thing, or a new thing that's. That I was reading an article about recently is when you talk about, like, whippets, which the way obviously you go get. They're called whippets because you'd go get a can of whipped cream.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. Yeah, we would do that.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that would be a thing that people would do. But.

[Andrew Walsh]

But now I also think those chargers, maybe, like, the little canisters were for industrial whipped cream machines or something like.

[Luke Burbank]

That, and now they sell. There are these companies, and for some bizarre reason, because there's a. Technically. You could technically argue that there's an industrial use for them. There are these basically vape shops and tobacco shops that are legally able to sell these giant canisters of nitrous, like the size of your thermos. But they're all labeled. Like, they have weird names like strawberry cream and stuff. And they're like. It's as if you were gonna buy them to take them to your bakery to power your frosting, whatever you would do with them. But they are 100% for people to just use. And people get. They can get this frozen lung thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I've heard about that.

[Luke Burbank]

And the stories from the People who worked at a couple. It was this couple of brothers, brothers down somewhere in the south who had had like a. Basically like a cigar shop or like a tobacco shop. And they were younger, I think maybe it was their dad's shop. And they took it over and then they figured out, oh, we can make a bunch of money selling. They figured out how to buy these industrial quantities of basically nitrous and then repackage it and sell it to people. And then that became their whole business model, just selling this stuff. And what was wild is like the stories of the people who worked in a couple of these stores. They were the ones who quit and then were like whistleblowing to like whoever this reporter was, was about, like what it looks like when a person goes down that road with that stuff. Which again, it's pretty innocuous for a lot of people. You know, it's like, it's not. It does not ruin everyone's life. But for the people who it did get to, it was like wild. And it's this weird loophole where it's very clear that these are not being sold and produced for any kind of whipped cream related purposes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I remember, I mean, people used to get tanks like that were actually like, kind of like. Like you would get a tank that you would fill like balloons, only with nitrous. I remember going to a. Going to a nitrous party one time. I mean, it was just a college party, but I think it was advertised as a bit of a nitrous party. Of course there was a keg, there was beer. There's all kinds of stuff going on. But the main event was like, these people who. I remember they were even the attic. This always happens in attics, or at least the upstairs of a house, because that's where the tank was. And you would get there and there was a huge long line of people with their balloons.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh my gosh.

[Andrew Walsh]

And we'd get in. I think I only went on the ride once. But you would get in line with your balloon and then make your way through the line as it went upstairs. You got to the guy with the tank, he filled your balloons, and then you and your friends would go somewhere in the house with your balloons and go use them. But I. I think the line, it wasn't out of any kind of caution.

[Luke Burbank]

It was just tired of waiting in the lines.

[Andrew Walsh]

Luke, this is a through line for me. And this.

[Luke Burbank]

You talk about getting lucky. Well, that's what saved you from that particular version of your life, was that there was a line Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's see here. So back to the voicemail. Very quickly. Back to the voicemail. I made a big, huge deal last week on the show because I had accidentally gotten a splinter up under my fingernail.

[Luke Burbank]

I haven't even asked you about that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. By the way, it did sort of grow out. It was like very.

[Luke Burbank]

You were right the whole time.

[Andrew Walsh]

I got a lot of warnings from listeners, and I really appreciated it. I was keeping a close eye in case it got really infected. But it got slightly infected, got cleaned up right away, and I tried to dig it out and I was very worried about it. I couldn't quite get it. But over time, because of where I had loosened up my nail and just like usage and taking a lot of showers, eventually it sort of softened up and I was able to just take my other fingernail and sort of dig it out. The other day kind of came out.

[Luke Burbank]

Still have a little mark where it was a little. But you're saying the actual object itself.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is sort of pulled back there. That'll throw.

[Luke Burbank]

But the object is gone.

[Andrew Walsh]

But the.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you see it?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it came out and it kind of came out.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you take a picture of it?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, it wasn't that impressive.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you frame it?

[Andrew Walsh]

I thanked the mouse.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I want to see it on a gauze, like a piece of gauze frame.

[Andrew Walsh]

It wasn't that impressive because it was kind of broken up. It had been in there almost a week or something. So it just kind of came out in chunks and. And it was like little flecks of dirt by that point. But I was very, very glad to kind of get it. I was like, I had stopped worrying about it. I'm like, either this is going to be in. In me forever, but it's going to be fine, or I'm really glad that.

[Luke Burbank]

That worked its way out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And. But you had mentioned that you have a little, like, lump on your knuckle where you got a thing. I remember this. Yeah. So it's right here between your pinky and ring finger. Yeah. And anyway. And I've heard that from other people as well, that some. Maybe you get a thorn or you hear this story sometimes. Well, from the middle shelf.

[Luke Burbank]

Hola, bros. It's Maggie from the middle shelf. Speaking of foreign objects in your body. When I was four years old, I kneeled on a pencil and I've got a pencil lead stuck in my knee and it is still there. It grew with me as I grew. It went. It went up. It's up above my knee now. But it stayed in there. It's still there. I'm 66 years old and it's been in there for 62 years. And I will die with that pencil lead in my knee. How out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or that pencil lead will keep you alive forever?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, that is a possibility. Now that's interesting to me that the. So this Maggie switch said she was 4.

[Andrew Walsh]

4.

[Luke Burbank]

4. So it's. But it's going. It's going up her body. It's like it's above the knee. It's. Is it like. Like how. Like it's. So it's not staying in the same part of her body that it went into when. When she first did it, when it first happened. It's somehow migrating. What does that mean about the human growth process?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know either, but I don't know. It reminds me like, I remember my grandparents lived next to my aunt and uncle for a while. And I think one of the trees on one of the. Their yards, you guys didn't need to know that they lived. Whatever. There was a tree in my life at one point is what I meant to say, where, when it was a very young tree, somebody tied like a cable around it. Like a very small. You know what I mean? Like a metal cable that was probably coated in red plastic or something like that. Like maybe something you'd lock your bike up with. I don't know why. But the tree grew around it and so it ended up being like part of the cable went right through the middle of this old tree and the other part of it was sort of loose, sort of. It was like. So it sort of reminds me of that. Her.

[Luke Burbank]

That's Maggie's leg.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's. That's Maggie's leg. Exactly. So anyway, Maggie. I've heard other people say that before too. That like a kid in school, maybe stabbed.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that's probably the most. If you. I think that would be the most frequent for an object that would be like under somebody's skin would be the lead of a pencil.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

I think probably a Ticonderoga.

[Andrew Walsh]

Probably from a certain generation.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Probably not true anymore.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you ever do the thing where.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were like, I end up with a smartphone.

[Luke Burbank]

I would.

[Andrew Walsh]

Under your skin.

[Luke Burbank]

Get a Roblox under there. I don't know how that works.

[Andrew Walsh]

Somebody stabbed me with a Roblox.

[Luke Burbank]

I was so, like, obsessed with trying to sharpen a pencil to the most perfect point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. With. With the wall mount.

[Luke Burbank]

With the wall one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You get a real. And it had different settings on it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Remember, for the different thing around different size of pencil. Yeah, I kind of missed those things. I think I had one of those. I think my dad installed one of those at home in the basement. Like, talk about privilege.

[Luke Burbank]

I actually would like to get one of those. And I think it's within my means not to be overly optimistic, but that would just be fun to have around.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, one of those 60s or 70s era. Yeah, I agree.

[Luke Burbank]

But it has to be screwed into the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Has to be screwed into the wall.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Luke Burbank]

If you would get the emptying it out duty.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the other thing about being.

[Andrew Walsh]

I volunteer. I just did that all the time. I think I was the guy who would just grab it and do it. And sometimes you would take it off of that spiral and it was just like overflowing. Cause nobody had done it. Very satisfying.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. It's funny how being. And I know we need to wrap things up and get into the weekend, but it's funny how when you're in particularly grade school, just getting to do any of the jobs at the school, you're so psyched about it. There was this.

[Andrew Walsh]

The clapping of the eraser.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't like that as much.

[Luke Burbank]

We had these huge ones. There was these. They were. I forget what they were called. They were. We kind of called them the rainy day courts. But there was something else from the. There were these big indoor. But there were cement walls and chain link fencing. But you could play games in there. And there were blackboards. And the idea was on rainy days when we couldn't go out on the schoolyard, we could play in there. If it was rainy day recess, you might be in these big. Whatever they were. But also they had these big blackboards. For some reason, they had these erasers that would go out there that were so big you'd put them on a machine that would erase them. Have you ever seen one of those?

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, clean them even?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that would clean them, rather. No.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is what I'm thinking of now. And I don't even like to think about this because I don't remember chalk giving me a bad feeling when I was young. But now you can taste it. And chalk. Well, I can feel it, like. But I don't know if it was music class or handwriting class or both, but do you remember the devices that held five pieces of chalk and you would drag them across the board to do the lines of the. I guess the bars of a musical. Yes, whatever you would call that.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that a clef?

[Andrew Walsh]

I was going to say clef. And then I got. I got backed away from it.

[Luke Burbank]

Like a bass clef?

[Andrew Walsh]

No. Well, you have a bass clef and a treble clef. Those are at the beginning. But I guess this would be the. I don't know, the bars. I can't remember what they're called, but might have also been for a handwriting, remember? Or maybe you take out two of the pieces of chalk and use the three for learning how to. How to write in cursive. But now the idea of dragging one of those across a board gives me.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, as you said, as you're saying it, I'm having my. My hairs are standing up on end.

[Andrew Walsh]

So let's get out of here.

[Luke Burbank]

I know this is a sign that we need to wrap things up, but I want to say thank you everyone for spending this week with us. It's been a fun one. We are going to be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you and we sure hope that you can pop by for that one as well. I will be in Los Angeles, I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah. On Monday.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. So I'll check and I'm sure I'll have many travel events, adventures to share with all of you. And that never gets boring. So that's exciting. Anyway, we'll see you Monday. In the meantime, have a great weekend. Take care of yourselves and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. I know what sex means and is. I know about the clubs and drugs Power out.