
Luke and Andrew try the Tiktok “Big Mac Challenge” to see if they can each eat the double-decker burger in one minute or less.
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Luke Burbank
How do the little piggies go?
Andrew Walsh
That's right.
Unknown
Oink, oink. Now show me how the piggies eat. This is your trough. Show me how the piggies eat. Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat.
Luke Burbank
TBTL.
Andrew Walsh
Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is.
Unknown
It's Friday. Gonna get down on Friday.
Andrew Walsh
Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. You call hamburgers steamed hams? Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Unknown
I see you got them snakes and sparklers, but where's good stuff, man? Good stuff. This is the good stuff. So you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats? No Roman candles or screaming Mimi's?
Andrew Walsh
No.
Unknown
Oh, come on, man. You don't got no lady fingers, buzzbuttles, snicker bombs, church burners, Gut busters, zippity doo dahs, or crap flappers?
Andrew Walsh
No, I don't.
Unknown
You're gon owning a fireworks stand and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honky lighters. Who's your do's, who's your don'ts? Cherry bombs, nips, a dazers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Andrew Walsh
No. Snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Luke Burbank
Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone to a Friday edition of TBT all, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. It is our turn. My name's Luke Burbank. I am your host. I'm joking. I'm joking. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia on this, the 4th of July and boom goes the dynamite, where we find ourselves at episode 4503 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. And while folks, maybe even as you're hearing this, are eating a truly horrifying amount of hot dogs on Coney island at the Nathan's competition, we too here on TBTL are going to take this holiday. We are going to take the opportunity to also take part in a grotesque eating display. I can't believe I ate that whole thing involving McDonald's Big Mac steamed hams. Got a bag right here in my hands with a Big Mac that was just. Well, actually, it wasn't just door dashed here. More on that in a moment. First, though, we got to say hi to my buddy, the longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships and I would say his confidence in his ability to eat this Big Mac in under 60 seconds.
Andrew Walsh
My boss says he can eat 50 eggs. He can eat 50 eggs.
Luke Burbank
He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.
Andrew Walsh
Good morning. Big day.
Luke Burbank
Yeah. I've been watching so many tiktoks of people trying to do this challenge, and it has definitely lowered my confidence in my ability to do it. And in fact, it has made me wonder if this was really a terrible idea.
Andrew Walsh
I have never seen the Big Mac challenge before on TikTok. I only know about it because you describe it to me. I've never had a Big Mac before, so, yeah, I think I'm gonna win this territory. Yeah. I really feel like I'm not doing this right. I don't even know what it's like to eat a Big Mac at a normal pace. And I also. But I'm also uncluttered with the insecurities of seeing other people fail, so maybe that'll work in my advantage.
Luke Burbank
Well, that actually is a pretty interesting strategy because. Yeah, you don't. I was gonna play you a little tape of a guy kind of failing. Can I play that for you?
Andrew Walsh
Sure. Yeah. Yeah. This is.
Luke Burbank
This is what I was watching just before we dialed up today. This is a guy who is doing the Big Mac challenge and he has, you know, you can. On your tick tock feed, you've got the video, but then you can write all kinds of stuff on it. And I think he's written too easy. They don't nominated the king of eating to finish a Big Mac within a minute.
Unknown
About to be the easiest thing I ever did, man.
Andrew Walsh
Did it start? Oh, it started to start. Hold on.
Luke Burbank
So he's got his little cell phone camera timer thingy. It's counting down. He's already. He's already 10 seconds into it, and he's got about 80% of the big. The Big Mac left. And what I've learned, Andrew, because I have now been studying the format and the process, I could already tell you the guys, He's. He's at 35 seconds.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, there you go.
Luke Burbank
And he's eaten about half of the Big Mac. He doesn't have a chance. Guy has no chance.
Andrew Walsh
What's happening is dry mouth.
Luke Burbank
It's just. He's not chewing fast enough. He obviously doesn't have the jaw strength for this. He's. He's just taking too much time. He's still got like a third now. He's about 13 seconds left. He's gotten all but the last little piece into his mouth.
Andrew Walsh
If you eat like that, you won't die. Oh, no, I didn't want.
Luke Burbank
So that's not the cop.
Andrew Walsh
That's not what I wanted to hear. Right. Well, have you seen anybody?
Luke Burbank
You're gonna die.
Andrew Walsh
Has anybody succeeded?
Luke Burbank
Many people have.
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
Luke Burbank
So I think, yeah, well, let's.
Andrew Walsh
Let's hoist up our heroes.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, well, those guys are all. They're more boring. They don't say funny things like if you eat like this, you're gonna die. Yeah, they're all just kind of like a. They're all just kind of like a kind of blue collar dad type. Typically the format seems to be the wife or girlfriend who's filming it and saying, all right, my husband or my boyfriend, they're like sitting in the car or whatever. He's going to try the one minute Big Mac challenge and then they start the timer. And it's. What is interesting is, and we know this from competitive eating, from like watching those things or whatever, the person's size is not a predictor of if they'll be able to do it or not. You know what I mean? It's just some people can and some people cannot. Now, I've already made a couple of really critical errors on this whole thing today.
Andrew Walsh
Andrew, is one of them that you already started eating french fries like I saw you doing during soundcheck?
Luke Burbank
You mean an entire large french fry container from McDonald's?
Andrew Walsh
Can I tell you that I have not eaten all day? We're recording later than usual. I've had my usual morning coffee, so I have that like empty feeling in my stomach. I just ran to McDonald's and I got the food and I even got my. I got an orange drink to go along with it. Like the uncarbon. Uncarbonated. I couldn't think of it. I'm so nervous. I went through the drive thru. I'm so nervous going through the drive thru. I had to say to the lady, the uncarbonated orange, she's like, hi, C. I'm like, that's the one. Thank you. But anyway, I am so hungry. I didn't even sip my orange drink ahead of time because I want to try to use this hunger. I don't think hunger is really a factor. I think I'm like, not. I don't think it's the smartest notion I've had, but I'm just trying to unsully myself by not eating anything. And I am so hungry right now.
Luke Burbank
Well, my problem was I actually doordashed to this because I was working on some other stuff and I thought, you know, it's an Extra three bucks of delivery or something. But it's like, then I don't have to drive all the way into town. And it was shocking how quickly this stuff got here. I swear to God, I thought, oh, I mean, I live. I feel like I live 20 to 30 minutes outside of any major city. I hit the order button and like 10 minutes later I get this alert that it's been dropped off. Yeah, the food was out on my porch. I don't know if there's a McDonald's around here I didn't know about. That's like a few blocks away. But it got here really quickly. You and I still were a good 40 minutes away from dialing up. And so what am I going to do? Sit here with these rapidly cooling fries and not eat them?
Andrew Walsh
Well, unfortunately, the burger is probably cooling off too, which could work against us. But I did want to say I have been thinking about this and I hope this doesn't ruin the contest. I think this will be a fun development, sort of. I know you have a Big Mac and you're ready to do this contest. I. Because, you know, I don't eat Big Mac sauce and I don't eat cheese. And it seemed a little bit weird for me to get a Big Mac without those things on it. I instead.
Luke Burbank
Was that why you were nervous to go through the drive thru? Because your order was custom?
Andrew Walsh
Well, no. What I did instead was I got five chicken nuggets and we're gonna see if I can eat five chicken nuggets in a minute. How do we feel about that? That's your.
Luke Burbank
I think you can definitely do that.
Andrew Walsh
It's actually six. And yeah, I literally, literally bought these chicken nuggets for that joke. I also. I also have a Big Mac without. Without cheese, without sauce. I will be eating that, but I wanted to see if I could actually tick you off by saying, I'm not gonna do it. I'm just gonna eat these nuggets. Because obviously you can eat a handful of nuggets in a minute if you needed to.
Luke Burbank
This is the thing, though. From watching all these videos, I think I think of myself as a pretty fast. In fact, anybody I've ever dated or been married to would tell you that I eat my food way too fast. I don't think that that's really your move generally, is it?
Andrew Walsh
You're pretty deliberate. No, I think I became a fast eater. I remember I told you a long, drawn out story at one point about how, like, I don't know how I used to eat. I never Thought about it. But then I had this job where we had a kind of a small window to eat. And I was always eating with my colleague, who's a super fast eater and a high energy guy. And so we'd go out and we'd eat these noodle dishes or whatever, but he's always just like forking it in his mouth so fast so he could get back to work. And I think something changed in me during that period because I do think that sometimes I have to tell myself to slow down a little bit. The. The food isn't going anywhere.
Luke Burbank
I, I think because of growing up one of seven kids, the thing I always say is it was not that there was not enough food. We had plenty of food. It was that there was not enough of the good food. We would often be eating a kind of a. If you wanted to be generous, you call it a hybrid meal where it'd be like, oh, there's three Arby's roast beef sandwiches and then there's also some leftover lasagna and there's something else and it's all kind of out there in the middle of the table. Go for it. So I'd be eyeing those Arby's, you.
Andrew Walsh
Know, or your mom would just break a pool cue over her knee and give one to you, one to your siblings and just like say, go for it.
Luke Burbank
Yes, kumite. Two children enter, one child leave. And so I just, I've always been a really fast eater. That being said, I think that there's another level to doing this. It's pretty strategic. And one of the things I'm talking about trying to get this Big Mac down in, in under 60 seconds. So one of the things I've done here, and you can't quite see because of my camera angle, but I've noticed in the videos that it's very messy. Now, yours might be less messy because you don't have the sauce on there. But I have like a Gallagher style paper towel layer that I'm actually going to put over my computer.
Andrew Walsh
That's smart.
Luke Burbank
On yesterday's show, I spilled water on, I spilled Lacroix on the, on the computer and that was not good. And so I've got a lot of like, sort of protection down. I'm also wearing, I'm wearing. Well, it's an apron, but it's the closest thing I have to a bib because I've noticed that it's like the whole thing. And you know, you and I are both like, we don't like having sauce on our Face. No, there's no way, I think, for this to happen without sauce getting on our face. I've got this apron. I've got my North Central Little League pin that somebody sent me. And maybe most critically, and this is putting me in the right frame of mind for success. Andrew, I don't know if you can see. This is my dangerous pin that I got from Russell Wilson at Alaska Airlines promotional event.
Andrew Walsh
I was listening to Kirkchin, Tim Kirkchen and Lebaton Lebatard was on Kirkjin's podcast recently as I was listening to. And so, of course, they were talking about a lot of the Looks like game where they take famous people and they say so and so looks like. And then Tim Kirchen just laughs his ass ass off for like a half hour. And somebody said, russell Wilson looks like a SeaWorld presenter. And everybody started laughing so hard. And then I took a moment to envision it. I'm like, yeah. And then somebody says, it's the wetsuit. You picture him in a wetsuit, and he is the perfect example of somebody who is giving a demonstration in front of the dolphins at Sea World.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, I can totally see that. That's such a great game. They're still doing that over on Lebatard.
Andrew Walsh
I haven't listened to Lebatard in a while. I think that was one of the things that went away for a long time, but I think it's kind of back now. But this was on the Kirkshen podcast. They were sort of rehashing some of their favorites, and that one is really, really good. Somebody said, david, I'm sorry, who's the NBA commissioner? Silver. Is it David Silver.
Luke Burbank
Adam Silver.
Andrew Walsh
Adam Silver looks like the one French fry that accidentally got into a thing of onion rings. That's true. Okay, now I'm just rehashing. I'm rehashing content that I heard on one podcast that was rehashing it from another podcast. I will let it go.
Luke Burbank
All right, so we have some practical questions here.
Andrew Walsh
So I am, by the way, you.
Luke Burbank
Should go first, because I think you're. I don't want to say worried, but you've mentioned once already today, and you mentioned yesterday the idea of the burger being cold, and that might be distasteful for you.
Andrew Walsh
I do think it's going to be rough. Now, here's my deal. I was planning on doing cartoon style. Oh, I like here I'm putting a napkin in the front of my shirt, and I have a whole bunch of napkins here. I didn't think to set them out the way you did. I also. I'm a little bit worried. I. This is not my ideal situation. I'm very crowded around equipment and stuff right here. But I'm putting some of these down.
Luke Burbank
But you mentioned protect your equipment because it's going to get. It's going to get juicy.
Andrew Walsh
You mentioned the sauce. So I really do have a Big Mac here. Of course. And I did get it without Big Mac sauce and without cheese. And of course, I had to pull around in the parking lot, open it up in the car to make sure that they got that order right. Usually specialty orders. Yeah. You know, they're just so used to slopping it on there or whatever. But it does look like they got it right. But I do think it's actually a bit of a liability not to have any sauce on here at all. They didn't agree. So what I'm going to do, unless. And again, if you have. If you object to any of this. I don't have to, but I was going to put barbecue sauce on mine. I think sauce, even though it's going to be messy, I think it's going to be a little important to. To kind of slick this down. I think sauce. This is a challenge.
Luke Burbank
I agree with you. I am so fine with that. I think you should do that. It will mean that if you do it under a minute. This is not a qualifying event for you to get into the Professional Eaters Association.
Andrew Walsh
What if I do it without the sauce?
Luke Burbank
Then it would be. I just want to let you know, I want you to have full awareness that when you do that, if you put barbecue sauce on there, that means that your official time will not count. It's wind aided.
Andrew Walsh
This is interesting that I've never had one of these before. And it is interesting to see a bun in the middle of a. Of a sandwich. I'm putting the. I'm putting barbecue sauce on here right now. In fact, I'm doing. What I'm going to do here is. This is probably stupid and I might not need to do this, but I'm also going to put a little barbecue sauce on a plate. I have a plate here because I might dip. Is that okay?
Luke Burbank
Absolutely. I think anything that you. That I'm just actually really excited that you're doing this, Andrew. Now, listen, my love and admiration for you would have not been diminished if you would have said, no, thank you. But there's so much about this that I think is not your favorite.
Andrew Walsh
I don't like people watching me eat when I'm even Doing that politely. Yes, exactly.
Luke Burbank
And then trying to horf this down and then like a kind of a burger you've never had before. So I really appreciate you. If you want to cover your body in barbecue sauce and lick it off as some sort of, my goodness, weird celebration, I'm fine. You do whatever you want over there. I'm just. I'm just stoked that you're participating in this.
Andrew Walsh
Okay, well, first of all, are you going to time me and I'll time. Yes.
Luke Burbank
So, yeah, that's, I think, probably the way to do this, because a lot of the people I've seen on TikTok have these little. Like, A lot of the people that are showing up are literally competitive eaters, or they're people who.
Andrew Walsh
Their.
Luke Burbank
Their deal on TikTok is eating, like, large volumes of food in under a certain amount of time. And they special little, like, holders for their phone or they use an iPad so that we don't have any of that technology here. So I will just. I can time you, and I'm gonna. I'll hold it up. You know, I'll hold the phone up so, you know, I'm not messing with.
Andrew Walsh
You, but can you give me. I think it's gonna be hard for me to see that with a glare.
Luke Burbank
No, I'll count you down.
Andrew Walsh
So you can, you know, give me. Give me some updates. Not.
Luke Burbank
You know, I'll check in at 45, 30, 15, and then maybe count you down from 10.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, that sounds good. That sound all right? That sounds good. I thought I had another question. So you're gonna. You're gonna. Oh, and do we have any. Do you have any kind of music or anything to.
Luke Burbank
Well, I have this stopwatch, which is exactly.
Andrew Walsh
Okay, yeah, that's good.
Luke Burbank
This is exactly a minute.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, okay. Well, then that'll be good, too. Then. Does it ding or anything at the end, or does it just end.
Luke Burbank
It doesn't ding. But if. But if you're eating and I'm controlling, I do have a little buzz I.
Andrew Walsh
Can play or something more celebratory if I've accomplished.
Luke Burbank
Yeah, you're right.
Andrew Walsh
You know, what are we gonna do with the extra 30 seconds after I.
Luke Burbank
Let me get a fanfare here? Let me get. Now, one other thing that is technically a rule of this is you're not supposed to drink any, like, water or soda or Hi C. During the minute that you're trying to eat this thing. I actually think that would probably honestly just eat up time anyway.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. But it does mean that I took. I did Take one little sip of my.
Luke Burbank
I've been taking my dc. Nothing. I have to be honest. Nothing hits like a McDonald's Diet Coke.
Andrew Walsh
It is. I was going to say Orange High Sea. I'm drinking this here. It's so perfect. Oh, you don't have a straw, huh?
Luke Burbank
They didn't bring one. It was the only. That was the only part of the door dash experience that was not ideal. They didn't bring me a straw. But I'm. Listen again, we're. We're not professional eaters. We're. We're but humble podcasters. So even if you wanted to take a drink in the middle of it, I don't really care. I don't. I don't see this as a competition between you and me, Andrew. I see this as a competition between us and good taste. Us versus the world, Us versus propriety, Us versus taking our job as podcasters in any way seriously. And it's like, you know what?
Andrew Walsh
Let's name the show man vs Food. I just came up with that because I'm a man and I'm like kind of challenging myself to eat food.
Luke Burbank
What about Mac and me?
Andrew Walsh
Well, that's when we do the macaroni eating contest. Okay, so. Oh, Big Mac. Luke, I didn't get your joke. I literally didn't get the Mac part of that. Mac and Me I actually like as a show title.
Luke Burbank
Wasn't that a movie?
Andrew Walsh
It was.
Luke Burbank
Isn't there? Doesn't Paul Rudd.
Andrew Walsh
Yes, he does.
Luke Burbank
There's a Paul Rudd continuing joke about Mack and me because Mack is like some kind of extraterrestrial.
Andrew Walsh
Every time he was brand et, every time he was on the Conan o' Brien show, he would say that he brought a clip from his latest project. Conan swears that even though this was going on for years and years, he was still sometimes caught off guard by it. Paul Rudd would go through this whole thing of setting up a clip from whatever movie he's working on and then they'd toss to it and it would always be the scene from Mac and me where he's very fake looking kid in a wheelchair. It's like a dummy in a wheelchair goes over a cliff. And he would have set that up for coded decades. I think that joke went on.
Luke Burbank
All right, so are you ready, my friend?
Andrew Walsh
I guess so. I took a little sip of that orange and now I feel a little glottal y as you sometimes say. Like I feel. Can I drink a little bit of water first?
Luke Burbank
Drink whatever you want, buddy. Take a. You know what? Take a Shot of BBQ sauce if you need to.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, no, not on that. I'm kind of bummed that I bought all those. Usually I would have devoured those chicken nuggets as a sort of an appetizer to the entree, you know?
Luke Burbank
But you're trying to harness your hunger.
Andrew Walsh
I'm trying to harness, in the words.
Luke Burbank
Of Steve Malchmus, yes, I'm harnessing my hunger. Your hunger for the podcast. And then you'll eat a Big Mac and put it on the net.
Andrew Walsh
I. I think I'd be breaking the rules if I cut this in half, but I'll bet you it'd be easier if you cut it in half.
Luke Burbank
I think it would be.
Andrew Walsh
And again, I don't even have a knife. Don't worry about it.
Luke Burbank
I'm not sticklering for the rules because I honestly do not care. And I don't see this as a competition between the two of us. I think if either of us are able to get this thing down in a minute, I'll be kind of amazed.
Andrew Walsh
So.
Luke Burbank
But, but.
Andrew Walsh
So I'm gonna hold it here. I'm gonna hold it. I'm gonna dip it. I need it in my hands as we begin.
Luke Burbank
Okay, I've got the stopwatch ready to go.
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
Luke Burbank
Okay. Are you ready? In three, two, one, go.
Andrew Walsh
Mm. All right.
Luke Burbank
I would. I'd say he took about a medium sized chomp out of the Big Mac. He just did another one. This guy, my friends, at the 12 second mark has half of the Big Mac, roughly half of the Big Mac inside his head. He is chewing it. I think he's running into the problem that other people have, which is not so much the biting of the Big. He's taking another bite, guys. Taking another bite. It's not so much the biting of the Big Mac. We are at 30 seconds now. 30 seconds left. It's the chewing of the Big Mac that seems to really, really kind of slow people down. All right, he has taken another gargantuan bite. At the 42nd mark, he is chomping away. I would say there is about 15% of the big Mac in his hand. He is actually doing much better than I expected. At the 52nd mark, we are at the 10 second mark. 7, 6, 5, 4, 3. He's got the whole Big Mac in his mouth. And time. I am giving you huge credit, buddy. You now, you know, technically, officially, we're supposed to get down my throat.
Andrew Walsh
It didn't get down my throat.
Luke Burbank
You did so much better on that than I expected, though.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, damn.
Luke Burbank
Man, you only missed it by about seven or eight seconds.
Andrew Walsh
I feel like with practice I could do. It's my new now life.
Luke Burbank
This is the worst possible way for you to experience. That was good.
Andrew Walsh
I was so hungry.
Luke Burbank
Okay. That's what I was gonna ask. Like, I know. That's like the worst. And that's like the worst way for you to experience your first ever bite of a McDonald's Big Mac. But did it taste kind of okay in the midst of all of that, like, forcing it down?
Andrew Walsh
That experience was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was really geared up to really. Especially if that guy said that I was gonna die.
Luke Burbank
Yeah.
Andrew Walsh
But scary to hear.
Luke Burbank
I was trying to psych you out with that.
Andrew Walsh
To get so close to get. I mean, I had it all in my face. It was all in my body, but.
Luke Burbank
It definitely inside your body, but it.
Andrew Walsh
Has to be swallowed. Right.
Luke Burbank
The problem is it was on the top floor. It was on the. It was on the penthouse and needed to go down to the basement.
Andrew Walsh
And that is a stated. That is a stated part of the competition. Right.
Luke Burbank
That's the big thing is. Yeah. Because a lot of people, you can.
Andrew Walsh
Just shove it in your mouth and leave it there.
Luke Burbank
Yeah. Well, yeah. People get to the point.
Andrew Walsh
RFK Jr. With tobacco during a hearing.
Luke Burbank
Exactly. Yeah, Precisely.
Andrew Walsh
Just want to like, Happy fourth of July, everybody.
Luke Burbank
You have it, like.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
A lot of people will be still working, still chewing through the end of the thing. That's what I'm trying to decide for my strategy. If it's get as much Big Mac into my mouth as I can and then start working on it. Or maybe smaller bites that are easier to masticate.
Andrew Walsh
I'll be honest. I was going for the big bites right away. I did think that year. I mean, I was a little. Not insulted is a strong word. I had some issue with the home plate umpire saying that my first bite wasn't. I don't remember what you said, but I'm pretty sure I got about a quarter of the sandwich with my first bite. I think I just chomped. Maybe I just.
Luke Burbank
On the camera. Maybe I'm having a little bit of a hard time seeing it. I wasn't trying to be denigrating. I was trying to just.
Andrew Walsh
No, I know I accurately describe this for the.
Luke Burbank
For the listeners.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. No, I, I. So here's the funny thing about this. Right now. I'm a little adrenalized. I've never done any kind of eating competition before, ever. And I'm weird about Food and people watching me eat. So this whole thing is.
Luke Burbank
Thanks for. Thank you for challenging yourself.
Andrew Walsh
Well, here's the deal. So now I'm a little bit adrenalized. But the thing is, I've never eaten anything so fast before, especially something with so many calories, yet I ate that so quickly. And I told you how hungry I was. I'm so hungry. You better go for the nugs. I'm so hungry. Like, I'm still hungry. Because it hasn't the message.
Luke Burbank
Your body is not.
Andrew Walsh
My body doesn't know what's going on. It's like that old toast. May you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead. My body doesn't know that the devil is dead or whatever.
Luke Burbank
It's that thing called the caloric vanishing point that the junk food companies have engineered into junk food so that you can eat tons of Pringles before your body figures out the calories. You just did that like old school.
Andrew Walsh
That's the stuff thing I've ever heard.
Luke Burbank
You just hofed it down so fast that your body's not going to realize for hours.
Andrew Walsh
I'm sort of tying these nuggets. That's what. I'm kidding. I mean, that's. That's a little Burbankian because I. I remember after, like, that, the Dick's hamburger eating contest. I think you were still chowing down on stuff and slugging whiskey in between. Yeah, Cheeseburgers. Anyway, so. Okay, now it's your turn. Now I'm going to give you a.
Luke Burbank
Lot of sauce on mine.
Andrew Walsh
They put a lot on a lot.
Luke Burbank
Can you. Can you get a shot of this? I'm trying not to get sauce on my.
Andrew Walsh
Ah, pretty saucy. I do think you're. It's also the cheese. I mean, we should remember that mine did not have cheese on it. So that's a little bit less of a burger than what you're eating, too. I mean, I'm trying to be fair about that.
Luke Burbank
I'm not. Yeah, I don't think that that's that big of a deal, I guess. So listen, without further ado, should we just get into this?
Andrew Walsh
I guess I just want to say in the moment, it didn't seem like I should dip the burger, but I am starting to wonder if I. Because I'm looking at the sauce here that I poured out on the plate that I was ready to dip into. Yeah. I feel like that was maybe a mistake that I didn't take advantage of that. More so if you had any Extra sauce that you wanted to put down. I wouldn't.
Luke Burbank
I just have.
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
Luke Burbank
I just have this thing as it came.
Andrew Walsh
All right, well, go ahead. Okay, so I'm not going to hold up a clock for you. I'm just going to give you the countdowns because I have it on my computer here. I don't have the sound effect, unfortunately. I'm sorry.
Luke Burbank
I have it. I can play it from here. I can activate it and then start eating.
Andrew Walsh
All right. When you activate that sound, I will activate the timer.
Luke Burbank
Okay, here we go. So in 3, 2, 1.
Andrew Walsh
I'm giving you an extra second here. Okay. I started it with the first bite, so I give. Oh, he's going. He just kind of took like three small bites. He has got shit all over his face. He is a nightmare of a person that he does not want to be. I'm sorry. I'm trying to help, but now he's laughing. Oh, no. The person who's judging is affecting the contest. This is not fair. He's about halfway through. It looks like about no more than halfway through. I think I don't have the best vision of it on it, but yeah, yeah. We're about a quarter. Quarter to go with Luke Burbank, and we have 30 seconds to go. I forgot to give you an update. We have a full 30 seconds. I don't see a world where you don't do this. He is down to about one bite of this burger now. I think one or two bites, one big bite. He has 15 seconds to go. We're at the 45 second mark. More is shoved in. It's all in the mouth right now. All in the body still in the upper deck. He has five, four, three, two, one. It's gone. And he stuck out his tongue at me and it was nasty, but it proved that he ate it all. I'm sorry that I made you laugh during that. That was unfair. I wasn't trying to make you laugh. I was just trying to say things. You okay?
Luke Burbank
Is it weird that I feel slightly emotional because you.
Andrew Walsh
Because you accomplished something?
Luke Burbank
No, because I think some of the burger went into my sinuses.
Andrew Walsh
Oh. He has special sauce coming out of his nose. I see.
Luke Burbank
Oh, my God. Okay, sorry.
Andrew Walsh
So you did it, though?
Luke Burbank
I. I mean, I did. And yet what hath I wroth?
Andrew Walsh
I mean, you said good thing or.
Luke Burbank
A bad thing that I was able to do that?
Andrew Walsh
I'm jealous. I want another stab at this.
Luke Burbank
I can tell you that, unlike you, I am not feeling hungry.
Andrew Walsh
You are. Yeah, that. Well, you also fry Beforehand, my dude.
Luke Burbank
Oh, yeah, that was dumb. Well, because see what's happening? There is a. There is 60% of a big Mac that is just above my lungs in your sternum.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I don't like this.
Luke Burbank
It's not in my mouth, but it ain't in my stomach yet.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
And there was a. There was a moment about a third of the way in when I realized, oh, the key to this is to not properly chew all of it.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, sure. Yeah.
Luke Burbank
The key to this is to swallow a size that. An amount that if it doesn't exactly clear your. Whatever it is. Throat, I could be. I would have to self Heimlich here. You know what I mean? Like, what is a kind of a dangerous size. I want to just say to the people at home, try this at your own risk. Please don't come for us if you, you know, end up choking on a Big Mac. Trying to do this. But I realized, oh, I cannot chew this to the normal level that I would chew food. You got to just start swallowing it kind of not fully. Not fully chewed down. And I think because of that definitely feels lodged.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I was expecting that. I'm kind of surprised I don't have that. But again, I didn't succeed. So maybe that's why you were so close.
Luke Burbank
You were five seconds out.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, I do think I could have gotten another five seconds, but. But I don't have it. That's what I was worried about. That's what I expected for myself. But honestly, I think I'm. I think it's starting to hit my stomach now because I'm not quite as. But it was really weird to have eaten that whole thing and then be like, I'm hungry still.
Luke Burbank
Right.
Andrew Walsh
It was strange, but now I think it's maybe starting to get there.
Luke Burbank
Yeah. I'm just sleepy now.
Andrew Walsh
You done?
Luke Burbank
I'm done. I'm in a weird place. A. I didn't think I was actually going to be able to pull that off. And then I also was thinking, damn it, this is going to be on the Internet. Like, the whole point of this is to create some content for the Instagram page. But I'm like, that is probably without a doubt the. The least attractive I will ever be.
Andrew Walsh
You had all over your face. I did you. Were you looking at yourself at all on the screen?
Luke Burbank
No, I was going to town on.
Andrew Walsh
The burger that you should.
Luke Burbank
There was no. There are things you couldn't.
Andrew Walsh
No, I just mean I think in the moment, it would have just distracted you and it would have. It wouldn't have.
Luke Burbank
No, I did do a face wipe.
Andrew Walsh
I did.
Luke Burbank
I did lose two seconds on a face wipe in there in the process because I. Because I was. If it was going to be between finishing the challenge and. Sorry, I've still got some. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese. Kind of attempting to make a return to the surface level.
Andrew Walsh
Yes. It misses the outside.
Luke Burbank
I realized I was like. I was like, if the only way for me to do this thing is to not wipe my face, I choose wiping my face.
Andrew Walsh
Yes. Yes. No, you had. I do think, though, seeing how much sauce was on there and thus probably. No, no, I think it. I think that. That. I think I. If I was truly competing, I think I should have sauced up mine more. And even if it was. Even.
Luke Burbank
Even if I was, I'm saying I had. My. My having more sauce helped me.
Andrew Walsh
I'm thinking the opposite. I feel like even though the sauce lubricated and might have helped you a little bit, I do think that, like, the. The feeling, because, I mean, look at me. Like, I didn't have anything on my face afterwards. And I think that that would have gotten in my head and slowed me down even more. I actually think that I. I think I did as well as I did and again, didn't even fully accomplish it because of my own special rules. Honestly, if I had just gotten one door dashed, as is with the cheese and the sauce, I think I would have done worse.
Luke Burbank
I just am kind of in a moment of realizing that, like, this is probably the one Big Mac that I'll have maybe for the rest of my life or maybe for the next five or 10 years. Because if I were to go to McDonald's, which isn't very typical for me, I don't go for the Big Mac. I go for, like, the Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Andrew Walsh
That's what I love.
Luke Burbank
But, like, so for me, eating McDonald's is a very rare treat. And so again, it's. It's something that might happen every few years. And now that was it. For a few years, it was like smashing it down my hamburger hole as fast as I could while being videotaped and also cracked up by my friend. Slash Cobra.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. I don't even know what I was saying that got you, but I was. I was honest. I was looking at you horrified. I'm like, I'm not trying to do that.
Luke Burbank
I'm sorry.
Andrew Walsh
I'm just. I thought that if I went silent, it would be bad for the show.
Luke Burbank
No, I appreciated it. I mean, I didn't appreciate it.
Andrew Walsh
I'm like tripping you while you're trying to run a marathon. Let me ask you a question. Do you have any cinnamon over there or ice buckets or anything else we could challenge ourselves with?
Luke Burbank
Actually, no. That is a thing, Andrew, that people are doing with this. I left that part out. But they'll usually have the Big Mac ready to go, and then they'll just say, I'm so and so I'm going to do the Big Mac challenge. And I call out and they call somebody else out. So we missed our chance. Should we call out Tim Kirkjin?
Andrew Walsh
Who's up next? Tim and Jeff.
Luke Burbank
Yes.
Andrew Walsh
You guys have to do.
Luke Burbank
This is tbtl. We just did the Big Mac challenge, and we're calling out Tim and Jeff Kirkjin.
Andrew Walsh
That's right. That would be the. That would be a very funny end game, I guess, for this whole. For this whole thing.
Luke Burbank
But, I mean, here's the other thing about this sauce, dude. You know me. I've got.
Andrew Walsh
What is it? Pickly kind of. Is it a pickly mayonnaise? Yeah.
Luke Burbank
You know what? It's like, there's still a little bit.
Andrew Walsh
Well, don't do that.
Luke Burbank
No, no. I'm. I'm trying to. I'm trying to refresh my memory of what it actually is, because also, again, I don't get Big Macs because I'm not into this sauce either. You know what it's like? It's like a thousand island sauce. What's that got? Mayo and ketchup?
Andrew Walsh
I don't know exactly. I gotta say, I don't usually go in for that kind of stuff. But then I have all these little rules that I break because one time in college, I was eating a bloomin onion with my friend Andrea, who came up on the show recently. And I remember being like, well, I need to dip this in something. And there's this sauce here, which must. You know, it was one of those very, like, kind of tannin, like between white and brown onion.
Luke Burbank
Onion. I know exactly the sauce that you get with a bloomin Onion sauce.
Andrew Walsh
And that's probably. Is that close to the. Is that close to the Big Mac sauce?
Luke Burbank
Yes. It's basically kind of all in the same family. But this is the thing that I have a kind of a. A A weird. And my mom has this. I've noticed now because as we mentioned on yesterday's show, my parents are kind of moving in with me. So now I've had. I've had so much more coffee with my mother in the last, like, six months than I had in the previous 26 years of my life. And so my mom definitely has the same thing, which is she's like violently clearing her throat all morning because she's drinking coffee that has half and half in it. And like, when I eat anything that has any kind of creamy, whether it's a milk product or like, you know, that sauce or my beloved ranch from Taco Time, I then go into care. Used to call it Sling Blade because I'm just. I'm just constantly clearing my throat. I will be clearing my throat like that probably until the next Fourth of July because of how just my body responds to that stuff.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah, we. It's funny, we used to say the same exact thing about my dad, too, when he would Sling Blade. The funny thing is my dad also does an impression of Sling Blade that is not terrible, to be honest with you. I remember.
Luke Burbank
Have you seen. Sorry, yes.
Andrew Walsh
You are about to say what I was about to say. Go ahead, go ahead. But I was about to bring this up with you.
Luke Burbank
William Robert Thornton doing Billy Bob Thornton.
Andrew Walsh
Yes.
Luke Burbank
I was just giving him a funny name. What if he had acted under the name William Robert Thornton, he'd be a really different vibe. Billy Bob Thornton's T Mobile ad that he's doing that they're playing during the baseball game.
Andrew Walsh
I've only. I've seen it with the sound off a couple of times, but the first time I saw it, I saw it with the sound on and Genevieve was in the room and I got incensed. Like, the thing is, I used to love over the fact that they're trying.
Luke Burbank
To make Whoop Up a thing.
Andrew Walsh
Oh, I didn't, you know, I didn't even.
Luke Burbank
That they want to say. He wants to say that T Mobile opened a can of Whoop Ass on.
Andrew Walsh
The other carriers, but he.
Luke Burbank
But they have to have him say. So they pretty much went out there and opened a can of Whoop up on those companies. And I'm like, don't try to make do it or don't Whoop up is not a thing.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah. And also. But I just like, I don't know. Seeing his face makes me so angry right now. Just because he acted like such a petulant brat during that interview. Because somebody acknowledged that he's also an actor. But he was supposed to be there, like, being interviewed as a musician. But he was so mad that the interviewer introduced him as a, you know, mentioned his acting career. And so when I see him, I was like, genevieve, look, that musician is doing a T Mobile.
Luke Burbank
Ad.
Andrew Walsh
Oh man, has Billy Bob Thornton gone into acting? Boy, you wouldn't say that's a Tom Petty, would you? I don't know, man. Just like seeing super famous people like, like punch down. And again, that was Gmeshi, right? Who. Yeah.
Luke Burbank
With his own issues.
Andrew Walsh
He's got his own issues anyway, but we didn't know that at the time. And all he's trying to do is do his job, which is interview somebody. And somebody just comes in like somebody with so much more like kind of, you know, kind of capital is fame or whatever it is and punches down like that. It is like that is such a trigger for me. And I'll see his face again. And it's funny because I used to love him. He's a great actor.
Luke Burbank
Well, now he's in that show Landman, which is like. I think that's made by the same people that do Yellowstone or something.
Andrew Walsh
I've never heard of it.
Luke Burbank
And it's. He's like an oil prospect. Not Prospector, but you know what I mean? He's like in the oil industry. But there's a certain like, look to those shows and to Landman. And what's funny is he's in, in the T Mobile commercial. He's walking in a landscape that would have been out of the show Landman.
Andrew Walsh
I was wondering when you told me that he's in that show, I was wondering if maybe. Do you think that there's synergy there, as they would say?
Luke Burbank
I think he might be in his Land man character.
Andrew Walsh
I wonder if it's supposed to evoke that. And there's.
Luke Burbank
Because he's walking around on like a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, which is a thing that he's constantly doing in the show Landman. I could see that being a corporate tie. And like there's a longer version of that. Like there's a longer version of that commercial where it references it or, or more likely in the show Landman, somehow T Mobile gets a bunch of shout.
Andrew Walsh
Outs or they're picking up their phones and you see the T Mobile logo in the corner.
Luke Burbank
Something like that.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
I just, I'm just offended by them, by them trying to, to. To get us to believe that whoop up is a thing that people are saying. Instead of whoop ass opened a can of whoop up on them.
Andrew Walsh
That again. And you don't have to use that right around it. Like if you don't, if you don't have the cajones. I guess I'm kind of doing the same thing there by but people say cajones. Yes, but you know, if you don't. If you don't. If you don't have the gumption to just say the right thing, to just write something else into the script. I hate that.
Luke Burbank
You know who would never say, whoop up, Tom Petty. Rest in peace.
Andrew Walsh
I thought you're gonna say Toomgus for some reason, but maybe I just got marketing RIP Tungus. All right.
Luke Burbank
Last time we saw Tumgus in an ad.
Andrew Walsh
That is a really good. Good point.
Luke Burbank
Well, you listen when you. When you're out there running for mayor of Aurora.
Andrew Walsh
Yeah.
Luke Burbank
Do you see Tungus still like, represented within the AM PM environment.
Andrew Walsh
He tried to sell me a rabbit curve for you left out the fact.
Luke Burbank
That you buried the lead so hard on that with Tomb.
Andrew Walsh
Gus, I am trying to see here. If you go to the AM PM website here. AM PM Home. Is there any sign? Because I'm not gonna. If I search for Tomb gifts, I'm sure I can find them somewhere on the page. But if you go to the page, he's been. This is erasure. I don't see him anywhere, Luke. And you're right, it's been. I can't remember the last time that that crazy snack bot walked onto my screen.
Luke Burbank
I'm looking at the website as well because I could see a world in which they just took him off of the. They just didn't do more TV commercials. Yeah, but you're right. There's no. There would have been a period of time where when you were@ampm.com, you would have seen friggin Tomb. Guess.
Andrew Walsh
Yes. And why wouldn't you? So I just typed in where is Tomb Gifts?
Luke Burbank
Where in the world is my friend named Toomgis?
Andrew Walsh
Didn't Slash have a little sign on his back in the November rain video that said where's Tungus? Let's see here who I see Huffington Post says who or what is Tumgus? But that's from 2018. Nobody seems to be reporting on the disappearance of Tomb Giss. But I think we should maybe get on this.
Luke Burbank
This. That's our next limited series for this show. Yes. Whatever happened to Tungus finding Mr. Tungus. Yeah. Previously on Cereal.
Andrew Walsh
That's right. All right, Luke. Oh, I didn't think so.
Luke Burbank
There was this guy, okay. His hair was completely licorice. His hands, I think were some kind of a cinnamon. Like a cinnamon roll or something.
Andrew Walsh
Roll? I think so. Yeah. Like a Danish.
Luke Burbank
And he was on TV constantly during baseball games for at least an entire season. Before I realized his name Toomgis was too much good stuff abbreviated. And then something really interesting happened. Toomgus disappeared and nobody was talking about it. But we're gonna talk about it right after I go lie down for a while because I still have a mostly non masticated Big Mac in my stomach.
Andrew Walsh
Okay.
Luke Burbank
Or somewhere north of my stomach.
Andrew Walsh
How about this to add to the mystery, Luke, I'm on the official I spot website which is like, yeah, that's your go to for all these like official commercials where they're officially loaded. I found a Tumgus commercial. It won't play Spinning Wheel of Death.
Luke Burbank
Somebody's not not want us to get to the information.
Andrew Walsh
I don't like this. Oh, by the way, it goes all.
Luke Burbank
The way to the top.
Andrew Walsh
His beard is Cheetos. I don't know if I ever realized that before.
Luke Burbank
I don't think I realized that either. I mean, that's the thing that's so amazing about tomb guess is you could. You could stare at him for hours and still find new things.
Andrew Walsh
Yes. Do you think you could eat a tomb gas in under a minute?
Luke Burbank
You know what? After my success with the Big Mac, as long as you slap it in sauce, yeah.
Andrew Walsh
All right.
Luke Burbank
I think I could do it.
Andrew Walsh
All right. Well, here we go. I guess. Let's start our holiday now, I suppose. Well, thanks for doing that. That was. Thank you, Andrew.
Luke Burbank
For real. For really and truly. Thank you for participating in that slightly outside of our normal thing kind of adventure here on this fourth of July show. So that was fun.
Andrew Walsh
I don't feel nauseous the first time I've ever wrapped up this show and didn't feel nauseous.
Luke Burbank
That's the thing you need to eat. Your Big Mac levels are dangerously low. Your body is literally eating itself. If you ate one Big Mac during every program, I bet you that it would balance out your blood humors.
Andrew Walsh
You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to eat nothing but McDonald's for a full year and make a movie about it.
Luke Burbank
Oh, that is such a good idea.
Andrew Walsh
Thank you.
Luke Burbank
All right, thanks for listening, everybody. That's going to bring us to the end of our broadcast week. Hope you're having a fun and safe 4th of July. We'll see you on Monday with more imaginary radio. In the meantime, take care of yourselves and please remember, no mountain too tall.
Andrew Walsh
And good luck to all. Power out.
Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4503 - "Big Mac And Me"
Release Date: July 4, 2025
In episode #4503 titled "Big Mac And Me," hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh dive into the quirky and entertaining endeavor of tackling the infamous Big Mac Challenge. Celebrating the Fourth of July, the duo combines humor, personal anecdotes, and a spirited competition to engage listeners in their unique take on fast-food feasting.
Embarking on the Challenge ([02:25] - [05:20])
Luke introduces the day's main event—the Big Mac Challenge—where participants aim to consume a McDonald's Big Mac within a minute. Displaying a mix of excitement and apprehension, Luke shares his preparations, including protective measures to prevent mess on his equipment:
Luke Burbank ([10:12]): "I'm wearing... an apron, but it's the closest thing I have to a bib because I've noticed that it's like, the whole thing."
Andrew expresses his nervousness, highlighting his lack of experience with Big Macs:
Andrew Walsh ([03:09]): "I've never had a Big Mac before, so, yeah, I think I'm gonna win this territory."
Setting Up for Success ([07:41] - [10:39])
Luke discusses his strategic approach to the challenge, emphasizing speed and minimizing mess. He humorously references past mishaps, like spilling beverages on his equipment:
Luke Burbank ([10:39]): "I'm putting this Gallagher style paper towel layer that I'm actually going to put over my computer."
Andrew reveals his concerns about competing without the traditional Big Mac sauce and cheese, opting instead for chicken nuggets to stay true to personal preferences:
Andrew Walsh ([08:09]): "I have five chicken nuggets and we're gonna see if I can eat five chicken nuggets in a minute."
First Attempt ([19:56] - [22:30])
The hosts initiate the Big Mac Challenge with Luke timing Andrew as he attempts to devour the burger. Luke provides real-time commentary, blending humor with genuine analysis of Andrew's technique:
Luke Burbank ([20:05]): "He took about a medium sized chomp out of the Big Mac. He just did another one."
Andrew, battling nerves and the physical act of hurried eating, narrowly misses the one-minute mark:
Andrew Walsh ([21:19]): "It didn't get down my throat."
Luke applauds Andrew's effort despite the near miss:
Luke Burbank ([21:23]): "You did so much better on that than I expected, though."
Analyzing the Experience ([22:30] - [31:37])
After the challenge, both hosts reflect on their performances. Andrew discusses the adrenaline rush and his new perspective on eating quickly:
Andrew Walsh ([23:08]): "I've never done any kind of eating competition before, ever. And I'm weird about Food and people watching me eat."
Luke humorously contemplates the long-term repercussions of their Big Mac escapade:
Luke Burbank ([30:30]): "This is probably the one Big Mac that I'll have maybe for the rest of my life or maybe for the next five or 10 years."
Diving into Pop Culture and Ads ([32:01] - [38:12])
The conversation takes a playful detour as Luke and Andrew discuss various topics, including pop culture references and frustrating advertising campaigns. They particularly focus on the elusive character "Tombgus" from AM/PM commercials, blending conspiracy with humor:
Andrew Walsh ([37:24]): "It is like that is such a trigger for me. And I'll see his face again."
Their banter showcases their camaraderie and ability to weave unrelated topics seamlessly into the podcast narrative.
Wrapping Up and Looking Ahead ([38:12] - [42:18])
As the episode draws to a close, Luke and Andrew share their thoughts on the challenge's outcome and tease future content. Luke expresses both pride and amusement over his performance, while Andrew contemplates a humorous yet extreme commitment to McDonald's:
Andrew Walsh ([41:59]): "You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to eat nothing but McDonald's for a full year and make a movie about it."
They conclude by extending holiday wishes to their listeners and hinting at more imaginative radio adventures to come.
Andrew Walsh ([03:09]): "I've never had a Big Mac before, so, yeah, I think I'm gonna win this territory."
Luke Burbank ([10:12]): "I'm wearing... an apron, but it's the closest thing I have to a bib because I've noticed that it's like, the whole thing."
Luke Burbank ([20:05]): "He took about a medium sized chomp out of the Big Mac. He just did another one."
Andrew Walsh ([23:08]): "I've never done any kind of eating competition before, ever. And I'm weird about Food and people watching me eat."
Andrew Walsh ([41:59]): "You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to eat nothing but McDonald's for a full year and make a movie about it."
Episode #4503 of "Too Beautiful To Live" offers listeners a blend of humor, friendly competition, and relatable content. Through the Big Mac Challenge, Luke and Andrew explore themes of perseverance, personal limits, and the joy of shared experiences. Their lighthearted approach and candid reflections make this episode both entertaining and memorable for fans and newcomers alike.