#4526 Our Lady Of Perpetual Prizes

Summary

Title: Episode #4526 "Our Lady Of Perpetual Prizes"
Release Date: August 6, 2025
Podcast: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Host: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh

---

Introduction: A Playful Start ([00:00]-[09:00])

The episode opens with a humorous skit where Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh impersonate various NPR personalities, creating a rapid-fire exchange of names and roles. This lighthearted segment sets the tone for the episode, showcasing the hosts' comedic chemistry and playful banter.

Notable Quote:

Luke Burbank [00:55]: "GBTl hey, you either get it or you don't. And I don't. But I am so excited to be a part of it."

Segment 1: Cleaning Out the Voicemail Line ([09:00]-[11:00])

Luke introduces the main theme of the episode: decluttering the TBTL voicemail line. Joined by co-host Nora Raum, they discuss the growing number of voicemails from listeners that need to be addressed. Andrew is humorously dubbed the "compiler and stacker of these voicemail messages," highlighting his role in managing listener interactions.

Segment 2: Listener Spotlight – Kate from Greenlake Strength and Conditioning ([11:00]-[13:35])

The first voicemail of the episode is from Kate of Greenlake Strength and Conditioning. Kate offers a generous invitation to listeners, promoting her gym's free bathroom facilities for emergencies. She details the amenities, including heated toilet seats and complimentary toiletries, emphasizing the convenience and comfort provided to patrons.

Notable Quote:

Irene [12:27]: "If you're ever in a bathroom emergency or even like just a regular, normal bathroom situation, please stop by and use the bathrooms at Green Lake Strength and Conditioning."

Segment 3: Heated Toilet Seats & Bathroom Habits ([13:35]-[26:34])

Following Kate's voicemail, Luke and Nora dive into an engaging discussion about heated toilet seats and modern bathroom conveniences. They explore the practicality and social implications of such features, sharing personal anecdotes and debating the balance between comfort and potential awkwardness for guests.

Notable Quotes:

Nora Raum [16:16]: "Maybe it's like if you're already like uncomfortably hot, sitting on a warm toilet seat does not seem to increase the experience."

Luke Burbank [17:20]: "You should do is you should have the control for it on the outside of the bathroom so that while people are going to the bathroom, you can turn the heat up on them."

The conversation also touches on bidets and the cultural differences in bathroom technology, providing listeners with both humor and insightful reflections on everyday conveniences.

Segment 4: Creative Brainstorming – Bathroom-Themed Movie Scene ([26:34]-[29:00])

Inspired by their bathroom discussions, Luke pitches a spontaneous idea for a movie scene centered around a bathroom emergency. Nora adds her creative input, blending commercial-style advertising techniques into the narrative. Together, they craft a whimsical storyline that mirrors the style of popular commercials like Mentos and Red Bull, infusing humor and creativity into their brainstorming.

Notable Quote:

Luke Burbank [27:21]: "There is a... It can't be you. It's a guest, right? Yeah, it's a guest."

Segment 5: The Quest to Clean Voicemails Continues ([29:00]-[34:00])

As the episode progresses, Luke and Nora reflect on the vast number of voicemails still awaiting attention, likening the voicemail line to an "infinity pool." They tease listeners with the promise of more engaging voicemails in future episodes, ensuring that each message receives the spotlight it deserves.

In the closing moments, an additional voicemail from Irene delivers a light-hearted joke, encapsulating the episode's blend of humor and relatability.

Notable Quote:

Irene [34:00]: "What kind of bird sticks to a sweater? A Velcro."

Conclusion: A Blend of Humor and Heart ([34:00]-End)

Episode #4526 of "TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live" offers listeners a delightful mix of comedy, personal stories, and interactive content through listener voicemails. Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh, along with co-host Nora Raum, demonstrate excellent chemistry as they navigate diverse topics with wit and warmth, making this episode both entertaining and heartwarming.

---

Key Takeaways:

• Engaging Skits: The episode begins with a playful impersonation of radio personalities, setting a humorous tone.
• Listener Interaction: The focus on voicemails highlights the podcast's community-driven approach.
• Humorous Discussions: Conversations about heated toilet seats and bathroom habits blend everyday topics with humor.
• Creative Ideas: The spontaneous brainstorming of a movie scene showcases the hosts' creative dynamics.
• Future Content: Teasers about upcoming voicemails keep listeners anticipating future episodes.

Notable Moments:

• Heated Toilet Seat Debate: A humorous yet insightful conversation about modern bathroom amenities.
• Voicemail from Kate: A standout listener message promoting community-friendly facilities.
• Creative Movie Pitch: An entertaining exchange that blurs the lines between podcast and creative writing.

---

Whether you're a regular listener or new to "TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live," Episode #4526 offers a rich and engaging experience filled with laughter, creativity, and community spirit.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew]

From NPR News in Washington, I'm Dave Mattingly. And I'm Jax Beer. I'm Nora Raum. I'm from.

[Luke Burbank]

What? Larry?

[Andrew]

From NPR News, I'm Jeanine Hirsch. Damn. It isn't it. Isn't it Jeanine Herbst. I'm Jeanine Herbst. I'm in for Larry Mantle. That's a good one. I'm Ari Shapiro. I'm Windsor Johnston. I'm Mary Louise Hirsch. No, it's Mary Louise. I'm Mary Louise Kelly. This is Marketplace. Ari Colvin. That sounds like it should be one. I'm Rachel Martin. Maureen McKinney on the BBC News Out. Is that Jack Spear? This is Marketplace with Saree Ben ashore. And I'm Kai Rysdal. Once you say one, then I can't that that's the only one here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

On All Things Considered. I'm Elsa Jay. And I'm David Barncaccio. It's Weekend Edition. I'm Aisha Roscoe Love. Aisha Roscoe. Ari Shapiro.

[Luke Burbank]

Steve Inskeep.

[Andrew]

This is Weekend Edition. I'm Scott Horsley. I'm Lakshmi Singh. I'm Lakshmi Singh. I'm Scott Simon. Zayn Martinez. And I'm Windsor Johnston. And I'm still Dave Mattingly.

[Luke Burbank]

GBTL hey, you either get it or you don't. And I don't. But I am so excited to be a part of it.

[Nora Raum]

It's romantic and it's full of these sort of situations which turns out to be that's very interesting, very scary at times, but also a lot of romance and really well made.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I blow your mind right now? Chris is laughing because he knows where.

[Nora Raum]

I'm going with this.

[Luke Burbank]

It's nothing like when your lips content a skinless strawberry. You understand that the strawberry was created to be love.

[Nora Raum]

I don't even know what that means.

[Luke Burbank]

No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.

[Nora Raum]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Wednesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. You want to do a make believe radio show in a room somewhere? I'm telling you, there's no money in that. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Ooh. Very excited on this beautiful summery day to be bringing you episode 4526 in a collector series, Let the fun begin. It's a beautiful summer day and it's the perfect weather for doing some summer cleaning. I don't know if that's actually as spring cleaning. Has it extended into summer cleaning? Maybe fall Cleaning. Is spring, the only season that we really associate with a cleaning project. Because I want to change that right here, right now, because we're doing some cleaning. We're cleaning out the TBTL voicemail line.

[Luke Burbank]

Your voice is like a combination of.

[Nora Raum]

Fergie and Jesus Aware. And we are playing a number of voicemail messages from you. The tens of listeners that have been, let's be honest, they've been kind of stacking up, they've been piling up, and it's time that they see the light of day. And they're gonna do that right now with the help of this guy, the compiler and the stacker of these voicemail messages. Also, the longest running cobra of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. The guy is a soulful rocker from New Hampshire. He's Andrew. Well, she's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, good morning, Luke. You said something in your little intro to me that reminds me of a sports related question I have. It's not even sports related. It's a question I have about people when they're talking about sports.

[Nora Raum]

All right?

[Luke Burbank]

And it's a phrase that I hear used on the LeBatard show a lot. But I want to know if this is a common phrase or if it's just a Lebitard ism. One of the guys, Stu Gotz, who.

[Nora Raum]

You know, of collision course.

[Luke Burbank]

A collision course will often dismiss players as compilers. Is that something that you don't.

[Nora Raum]

Can I guess at what it means?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I guess we both will.

[Nora Raum]

Compiler, to me, sounds like somebody who compiles a lot of gaudy statistics, but then doesn't ever actually manage to win the championship. Or maybe they compile these statistics at the expense of their teammates. Maybe they're, as we used to call them, a ball hog.

[Luke Burbank]

Mm. Oh, now that's interesting. I was leaning more towards your first definition too. I just sort of this vague sort of idea that it's kind of like. Yeah, you're just kind of sure. If you look at a whole career, like the numbers could sort of look good, but they weren't in any kind of important moments or anything like that. So therefore you're just kind of a compiler. That's my. That's my guess on it. So it sounds like.

[Nora Raum]

The weird part is it could also be, if you said it differently, a huge compliment. God, that guy's a compiler. Yeah, he just keeps compiling championships and he awards and. Yeah, and all kinds of accolades. Man, he's just compiling so much stuff. But somehow we instinctively know that it's a negative.

[Luke Burbank]

I know, because somehow when you said, he's the compiler, I was like, hey, now. And then I was like, wait, why am I insulted by that?

[Nora Raum]

Well, I meant it insultingly. I think it's why it felt that way to you.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, the fact that you called me a fat compiler really hurt. I mean, that was really the tough language there.

[Nora Raum]

Luke, you can go ahead and cut that out in the final edit. The listeners won't hear me saying that, but just know that I did actually say that.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay. Then I'll cut all of this out. It'll be easy to do because it's over the music.

[Nora Raum]

There's almost nothing that could make you less of a compiler than if you start taking things out of the show. Yeah, it's the exact opposite expression of compiling. Then we have a new insult. The guy is just a reducer.

[Luke Burbank]

He's a reducer.

[Nora Raum]

Complete reducer. Also a decent pixie song.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you ever reduced Genevieve reduces things sometimes in the kitchen.

[Nora Raum]

Huh. You do that too, though, right?

[Luke Burbank]

I've never induced anything.

[Nora Raum]

I don't think sauce.

[Luke Burbank]

Or maybe I've done it, and I just don't know that that's the word for it.

[Nora Raum]

Oh, yeah. I can't say that I do it a ton because I'm still. I'm still kind of learning about, you know, the kitchen and all of that. But I do know, like, making a reduction.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nora Raum]

You know, like. And I bet you that sometimes when she's baking one of her cakes or other kind of desserts, you could make, like, a reduction of a kind of a fruit where you cook it down till it gets, like, a nice. Like a jelly kind of a thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

[Nora Raum]

We need to do some reduction here, Andrew, in the number of voicemails that you've compiled.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

This has been really fun, actually. The last couple of days.

[Luke Burbank]

It's been really going through.

[Nora Raum]

We're listening to the. The folks that have left us messages. Still got this huge prize wheel.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That is Father Dunphy's prize wheel.

[Nora Raum]

Yep. It's looking a little bit. Anytime you talk about Father Dunphy, was he a St Ignatius guy or a Walsh Jesuit guy?

[Luke Burbank]

He was neither. He was our hometown priest in Paris.

[Nora Raum]

Our lady of Perpetual Prizes. Is that the parish?

[Luke Burbank]

That is Our lady of Perpetual Tote Wheels.

[Nora Raum]

Hold on. That's for later.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't wanna. I was writing down a possible show title there. Father Dunphy was our kind of, you know, hometown priest or whatever in Valley city. Ohio at St. Martin of Tours Church.

[Nora Raum]

St. Martin of Tours?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I don't know.

[Nora Raum]

I wonder the context of that tour.

[Luke Burbank]

I should really know that we were very involved. It was a small country church growing up and we were very involved. And there was a big kind of, I think some sort of an anniversary celebration of the church. It might have even been a hundred year celebration that our family sort of participated in. And we were very, very close to the priest there, Father Dunphy, who was just a really, really great man. And he would let his dog, his golden retriever into the ch sometimes. And when I was a kid and we had this new like relatively young priest come in and then one day I was like an altar boy. I was doing altar boy responsibilities, maybe after mass or something. And he comes, he comes from out from behind the. The altar or whatever and he's kind of wearing like more casual clothes or whatever. And then I remember his dog just running up the aisle like it was like it was a bridesmaid or something. Do bridesmaids do that?

[Nora Raum]

No, sometimes in my weddings they run down the aisle away from me. I've been involved in a few runaway bride type of stitches.

[Luke Burbank]

Why do all of your fiances wear tennis shoes, running shoes to the wedding?

[Nora Raum]

Honestly, I'm starting to look for that now.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

Before the ceremony because I've been burned too many times. Saint Martin of Tours is the patron saint of soldiers, beggars, France and tailors.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, Tours. That's the Tours, right? Tours, France, maybe Tours of duty, I think. Tours Fr.

[Nora Raum]

Maybe that's a place. T O U R S France.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought so.

[Nora Raum]

He's the patron. This is according to the Internet, of course. Actually, this is Wikipedia.

[Luke Burbank]

Tours is a city in France. So I think that's why it's St. Martin of Tours.

[Nora Raum]

He's the patron saint of beggars because of his sharing of his cloak.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh yes, of course. That's the big they hand. A fellow who went to the church hand carved this big beautiful wooden sign. Whatcha do?

[Nora Raum]

It's a beautiful cloak.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful cloak. And it is Saint Martin. Yes, with a sw. My. I'm losing my record here.

[Nora Raum]

It's important we record these things.

[Luke Burbank]

And he's. He's cutting off a piece of his cloak with his sword. Yes, nice. Now I'm. It's all coming back to me.

[Nora Raum]

He is also the patron saint of wool weavers and tailors. This is owing to the cloak thing. Also the patron. The patron saint of the US Army Quartermaster Corps. This is also because of the sharing of the Cloak.

[Luke Burbank]

He.

[Nora Raum]

Some say he is the patron saint of geese.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, they gotta have it. They gotta have a saint because he.

[Nora Raum]

Gave away his hiding place when he tried to avoid being. This is. Let's see, I'm getting down here now. I'm fully immersing myself in the Wikipedia, which is taking us only further from listening to any of the voicemails.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, and I have some voicemails.

[Nora Raum]

Okay. Okay. All I wanted to say is when you say Father Dunphy, I think of Phil Dunphy, the character from the show Modern Family.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, sure. Which one is he?

[Nora Raum]

He is the dad. He's the Ty Burrell.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, okay, sure.

[Nora Raum]

I think he is without a doubt the funniest character on that show.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, we love him. We do. I have some tape of him that I play sometimes during the show that I. Lol right now.

[Nora Raum]

Wtfy the face.

[Luke Burbank]

Why the face?

[Nora Raum]

Cool dad, so on and so forth. Okay, let's, let's. You know, I don't have this friggin prize wheel taking up like about 70 of the Madrona Hill studio for no reason. Let's.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, break this thing. We're gonna do. We're gonna spin the wheel and wherever the wheel lands, that is the voicemail that we will play. Play. Okay. And I think you have the best eyes on it today, so why don't you spin it?

[Nora Raum]

Okay, here we go.

[Luke Burbank]

Where'd it land?

[Nora Raum]

Looks like Kate, the patron saint of Green Lake.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, good. I know this voicemail. I've been wanting to play this. Oh, this is good. Let me. All right, we'll explain. You know, since I know this one, since I remember this one. Let me just set this up instead of being coy about it. Do you remember when you almost pooped your pants about, I don't know what, a month or two ago, you were running around Green Lake on one of your visits to Seattle and you had a bathroom emergency and you came out unscathed. I did. You found a. I wish I could.

[Nora Raum]

Say the same thing for that Starbucks.

[Luke Burbank]

Toilet, but yes, exactly.

[Nora Raum]

Paint job.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, well, well, well, well, well.

[Nora Raum]

If it isn't Colton at Starbucks.

[Luke Burbank]

So anyway, I had asked you during that show, I said, you know, that's that area where you were running. One of our listeners, of course, Kate has a gym there, Green Lake Strength and Fitness. I think I got it wrong last time. Or is it conditioning?

[Nora Raum]

I know Kate and her husband have that place.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. And we encourage all of our tens to check it out.

[Nora Raum]

And please do find TBTL sponsors and friends.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, absolutely. And I Had asked her. I'm like, well, what if you had gone into the gym to use Kate's bathroom?

[Nora Raum]

And I was a hard passer and.

[Luke Burbank]

You were like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Irene]

Luke, Andrew, this is Kate of Greenlake Strength and conditioning.

[Luke Burbank]

Conditioning. You got it.

[Irene]

That both of you and any of the tens, if you're ever in a bathroom emergency or even like just a regular, normal bathroom situation, please stop by and use the bathrooms at Green Lake Strength and Conditioning. Right by the lake. Right by Green Lake Cycles, right around the corner from pcc. If anyone, like, gives you a weird look, just say kate said it's okay. That would be weird if people gave you a weird look to go into the bathroom. Anyway, we have really nice bathrooms. We have two of them. We got some air fresheners in there. We got deodorant. My husband loves to be in the bathroom and he actually installed heated seats.

[Nora Raum]

My kind of guy.

[Irene]

Which I think is gross during the summer to sit down on a heated seat. But in the winter it is quite nice and toasty. Yeah. So please come visit. And, you know, you could stop by the gym too. But yeah, yeah. Bathrooms are free, open to use. And I will say my husband loves bathroom talk. So this may just be the thing that gets him to be a 10 rather than a. On the fence 11. Okay, love you guys. Power out. Bye.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you, Kate. That is a very generous offer.

[Nora Raum]

Incredible generous offer and very safe for me.

[Luke Burbank]

And you said the tens of listeners. I thought that was really, really sweet. That's an open invite. Will she regret it?

[Nora Raum]

Come for the duty. Stay for fixing your booty.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it rhymes.

[Nora Raum]

I cannot tell you how fast my brain was spinning during that voicemail. What rhymes with muscle? What rhymes with diarrhea?

[Luke Burbank]

What rhymes with muscle?

[Nora Raum]

Like, this is a great. I mean, first of all, a generous offer from, let's be honest, an incredibly generous and wonderful person, Kate. And her wonderful husband, who I've met both of them. But also it's pretty smart because I'm looking at pictures of Green Lake Strength and conditioning right now and what a frigging cool place. I could see myself going in there because I was having an emergency. And then when. When that was handled, coming out of the bathroom and then just seeing all kinds of people, all kinds of shapes and sizes, doing all kinds of different physical things based on what kind of where they're at on their journey. I mean, it just looks like a very welcoming, very healthy place.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And I don't know if I am crossing a line here or saying something Sort of out of turn. But I would also tell listeners that if you are running around Green Lake and then you suddenly do feel the urge to do a deadlift, you should also go to Green Lake.

[Nora Raum]

Don't go to the Starbucks for that.

[Luke Burbank]

No, just go right to the strength and conditioning.

[Nora Raum]

Absolutely. If I don't clean and if I don't power lift something. If I don't. Is it clean and Snatch?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't want to respond to that.

[Nora Raum]

You haven't done any Olympic style powerlifting. Oh, Clean and jerk, I think. Oh, yeah, there's a snatch. There's a Clean and jerk.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, wow.

[Nora Raum]

There's all kinds of things that you can do there at the Green Lake strength and conditioning.

[Luke Burbank]

So don't worry, guys. I'm going to beep all of that.

[Nora Raum]

On the subject of warm toilet seats.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. This is what I wanted to ask you about. What are your thoughts?

[Nora Raum]

Well, I have personal experience in this department because, you know, I have two bidets at my place and one of them was an aftermarket. It was something that I installed on like a, to be honest with you, not particularly great toilet that was at the house. When I bought the house, it was in the one bathroom that existed and I wanted to have a bidet. And so I bought this device. You basically swap out the toilet seat. And the way that this particular bidet keeps the water warm, the water that you're about to cleanse yourself with the waters of Lake Minnetonka that it will be applying to your nether regions, the way it keeps that warm is that the toilet seat itself is, I guess, sort of hollow. It's kind of a reservoir.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Nora Raum]

And it has a heating element in it. So it's heating the water.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

Because otherwise things about it. How would they do it? Because the water in the tank, you know, is like, again, this is. This toilet is not. The other toilet that I have in the bathroom that I remodeled is. It's. I don't know what's going on there. I don't know what sort of sorcery they use, but it's the. The toilet came built in with all of the functionality and it does not need to keep the water warm in the toilet seat. It's keeping it warm somewhere else.

[Luke Burbank]

And how do you. How do you enjoy it?

[Nora Raum]

Oh, thoroughly.

[Luke Burbank]

You do.

[Nora Raum]

And multiple times a day. But here was the thing.

[Luke Burbank]

When I could see it being shocking, especially if you didn't know it was a heated toilet seat and you sit down on it, I could see that being disconcerting.

[Nora Raum]

I do. Sometimes when people are visiting, you hear a certain murmur of surprise.

[Luke Burbank]

Seriously?

[Nora Raum]

Maybe not so much from that, but just for the whole situation, you know.

[Luke Burbank]

You should do is you should have the control for it on the outside of the bathroom so that while people are going to the bathroom, you can turn the heat up on them.

[Nora Raum]

That would feels like powerful. Benny Hill. Not that he. Not that Benny Hill. Actually, he might have known what a bidet was. I mean, he was from Europe.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh yeah.

[Nora Raum]

Where it kind of started.

[Luke Burbank]

I forgot this is a British show.

[Nora Raum]

But here's where I'm going with this. When I first got this, the aftermarket toilet seat installed, I noticed that it was perpetually warm. And I thought, this is gonna really be a problem in the summertime.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Nora Raum]

Like when it's already too hot and then who wants to sit on a hot toilet seat? It was never a problem. Has never seemed to be a problem. I don't know why. Maybe it's like if you're already. If you're already like uncomfortably hot, sitting on a warm toilet seat does not seem to increase the experience. And I will. At least for me, it has never been an issue where I've sat down and thought, oh, this is too warm, because the day is already too warm. And in the wintertime. Wonderful.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

Hot cross buns, my friend. Hot H, C, B.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that what that means? Is that also. Is that what cat on a hot tin toilet seat is about too? Okay, there's a Stella.

[Nora Raum]

The cat is named Stella and he's trying to get of that toilet seat.

[Luke Burbank]

Familiar.

[Nora Raum]

I'm familiar now I think I am mixing up. You are named Desire.

[Luke Burbank]

That Stella's streetcar, I believe. Yeah, yeah.

[Nora Raum]

Stella is streetcar.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nora Raum]

But. But back to this whole conversation with Kate's place. This is awesome. I also like that they have two bathrooms there because, you know, I mean, if they have an all gender bathroom, they could have stopped at one potentially, if, you know, depending on how many folks are there. But I really, really like that they have two bathrooms. That's important. And in fact, not that I want to not to shout out corporate America when we're here honoring an amazing local small business in Seattle, but I do also appreciate that. That Starbucks had two bathrooms. Yes. Because if they would have had only one bathroom, it would have been a situation.

[Luke Burbank]

And you did say that somebody used the bathroom right after you used it. Right. And you were just like, good day, sir.

[Nora Raum]

What happened was I exited the bathroom I had been using, which for all my jokes about paint jobs, it was not a Disaster scene in there. It was just a bathroom that had been recently used by somebody who was having tummy troubles. So I washed my hands and then walked out. And then a guy saw me walking out, and then he went to his wife excitedly and said, honey, one of the bathrooms is available now. And I wanted to say, honey, you're gonna want to give that five minutes.

[Luke Burbank]

As the cartoon spirits kind of exactly exited the bathroom.

[Nora Raum]

Honey, that's. This is not the droid you're looking for.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, honey, I skunked the bathroom.

[Nora Raum]

Now, that's a show title that listener, Kate. Husband will love because he likes the bath. Also kindred spirit. I love that he loves to spend time in the bathroom the way that I do.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

Are you a. I don't want to get too personal, but are you a person who can really kind of while away.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

The time in the bathroom?

[Luke Burbank]

I can, yeah. And you mean while going to the bathroom in this particular case. Right. You don't mean just, like, showering and puttering and.

[Nora Raum]

Well, I mean, yes, a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

I really. I have my own bathroom for the first time in my life, and that we kind of did a, you know, little modest home improvement project on. So it's kind of really made it mine in some ways. And, yeah, I really love my bathroom. You can find me in there sometimes. Like, if I'm, you know, like, I get done maybe cleaning up my beard a little bit, then you start wiping some of the little whiskers off the sink, and then you're like, well, maybe I'll just clean this mirror a little bit here, do a little dusting or whatever. It's a safe space for me.

[Nora Raum]

I. It's. It's interesting because I live alone. I find that I actually spend less time in the bathroom than I used to. I think there can be. There can be a sort of a maybe subconscious thing that can go on when you live with someone or multiple people, like maybe you've got kids or whatever, where the bathroom can become kind of your sanctuary. Might be the one place where nobody's asking anything of you or you're not, you know, needing to be involved in a conversation or a negotiation, and you can kind of, without even meaning to start to linger. In the words of the Cranberries.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. In the way that, like, during the pandemic, I found myself. I would. I would get home, I would park my car, and then I would start taking out my phone. I would just stay in the car for a little bit. And I remember talking about the side. Yeah. And it wasn't a conscious thing. It was. I was. Started doing that for a while and then I realized, hey, I've gotten this weird habit I now get. I arrive home, I park the car, and then I take out my phone and I started spending more and more time in the car. And I was like, oh. Because I'm trapped inside all the time. I just linger, like you said.

[Nora Raum]

But so what I found with my behaviors at my house now is that because as soon as I'm done going to the bathroom, I'll just, you know, I'll flush the toilet, I'll. I'll hose down my undercarriage with the temp water that is at a perfect temperature, wash my hands, and then head right on out into a different part of the house where I'm also in a moment where no one's asking anything from me.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure.

[Nora Raum]

Like, I definitely think I was, you know, in previous lives when I was married and living with people. I think I was more of a bathroom hanger outer.

[Luke Burbank]

I understand that. I just had a thought. I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted. I just had a thought. So I got a new phone recently. I'm going somewhere with this. It's connected to. I'll allow it. Because I will say, like, I think probably the vast majority of people listening, I would guess, are in the habit of probably looking at their phone while they're sitting on the toilet. Right. Do you do that?

[Nora Raum]

I do.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not a fun thing to think about.

[Nora Raum]

Not. It isn't. And it is. Yeah, it's a. It's a very disgusting habit that I have and that I would say probably 90% of Americans have. Although, actually, I'm just assuming that.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if that's. I don't know. We gotta ask our friend Bob. That could be a question on the. Oh, the Wisconsin 106.

[Nora Raum]

Yeah, yeah. The friendship. A question to ponder.

[Luke Burbank]

A question to ponder, indeed. How quickly I forget. But I was just thinking, you know, I have this new phone now, which I like a lot. And then I was thinking, you know, I could take my old phone, which is still like, functional to look at the Internet on or whatever. Yes. I could make it a bathroom phone, Andrew. The way people used to put magazines on the back of the toilet. I could just put the bathroom phone on the back of the toilet.

[Nora Raum]

That is a really good idea.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not bad.

[Nora Raum]

And I'm surprised that nobody that there hasn't been more kind of, you know, commerce related to that, because we all take our phones into the bathroom. We all. I think if we're decent moral people, we all kind of feel gross about it. Not so much that if we're decent.

[Luke Burbank]

Moral people, we feel gross about it.

[Nora Raum]

Yes. And that's how decent moral people act. Andrew, I don't know if you know this. I'm a decent moral person who just constantly acts indecently and immorally. But I feel bad about it.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the shame that makes you a good, even call.

[Nora Raum]

I wouldn't even call it shame. I just feel a little bit bad about it. But, yeah, like that idea that you would just have, you know, I mean, although, then it starts to. It starts to sort of. There's a mission creep. Because when you said, like, oh, a cell phone that just lives in your bathroom, then I start thinking about, well, you could sell those. Well, then how about just like a tablet, Like a tablet in your bathroom. And then maybe you put it on one of those arms, One of those kind of like attenuated arms.

[Luke Burbank]

You just get a big screen TV in there.

[Nora Raum]

Exactly. This is what I'm talking about. And then pretty soon you live in the bathroom.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly.

[Nora Raum]

You walk into the bathroom and you just start, you know, like, watching your shows and responding to text messages and all of that in a bathroom specific context screen.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, you want to go to Walsh's house to watch the game? No, It's a bathroom TV situation. It's nice. It's great. I mean, he's got the sound bar in there. Yeah, it's 4K, but it's hanging above the commode or. No. Wouldn't be hanging above the commode, would it? It would be hanging across from the commode.

[Nora Raum]

He asked me to bring some ridged chips and a roll of toilet paper, some mozzarella bites. Cube those up.

[Luke Burbank]

Cube those up.

[Nora Raum]

I do. I don't have a television in my bathroom that I remodeled, but I do have. I think I've told you about this before. I have this sort of banner. Banner is overstating it. But I have this framed kind of. I don't know, sort of a framed series of words. But they're stitched. They're hand stitched onto a little flag. And I think I saw that our friend Bobby Pape also has this in his home. So shout out to Bobby. Good taste, bro. It just says, you'll think of something.

[Luke Burbank]

Really? Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

And it is directly across. This is in my newer bathroom. So if. If you're sitting on the toilet and you're looking straight ahead, you just see this framed picture that is hand stitched letters on a black background that just says, you'll think of something.

[Luke Burbank]

And Bobby has the same exact one.

[Nora Raum]

With the same phrase I think I saw on Instagram. He has something similar.

[Luke Burbank]

Interesting.

[Nora Raum]

And I love this because it is. You know me, I'm like, I'm just constantly tattooing little aphorisms on my body and putting them up in places to try to remind myself that things will likely be all right and you'll think of something. It's pretty obvious what's going on there. It's like me reminding myself that in the history of my life, I have most of the time thought of something. I've most of the time figured a way through and past whatever challenges I'm facing, whatever situations I'm dealing with. Sometimes when I feel really anxious, I think it's because my brain has forgotten that I'll think of something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

You know, my brain thinks we're all this. We're not going to be able to think of something ever again going forward, and then the entire world's going to crash down on us. But the true fact is I'll think of something.

[Luke Burbank]

I am, as we speak, writing and mentally directing a scene in a movie.

[Nora Raum]

And I am mentally buying a ticket.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, great.

[Nora Raum]

You want to hear about this, the multiplex to see this movie that you're writing in your mind right now.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just coming up with this right now. So there is a. It can't be you. It's a guest, right? Yeah, it's a guest. And they're in this particular bathroom. I don't know if I'm actually gonna have this, like, Luke Burbank's house or I'm just gonna kind of steal this idea for some scene, but steal away. Okay, cool. So name, image and likeness. Okay, got that. Your permission on that. But anyway, so there's somebody and they're visiting somebody, maybe you. And they have to use the bathroom. They don't like a lot of people. They don't like to go number two at other people's houses during social call. But they have to. They have some tummy trouble and they've been out jogging.

[Nora Raum]

They jogged it to my house.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. And they heard you had an open door policy, like Green Lake strength and conditioning. And so they're in your bathroom and luckily, you know, everything works out okay. But then they look down at the toilet paper roll and it's empty. It's just a cardboard. Mm, just like cardboard roll there. It's got a little bit of that, like, just like that toilet paper that sticks to the.

[Nora Raum]

That's just not going to be enough.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And it's not. It's just nothing. And they start to panic. And then they look up at this stitched piece of art and it says, you'll think of something. And then it cuts to you going in the bathroom later and you see that that thing is gone. Because they did think of something and they broke open that frame and they used it as toilet paper. Do do, do, do, do.

[Nora Raum]

Ah, Mentos, the fresh maker. I think you've actually just. I think what you've done is you've just pitched a new Mentos commercial.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I did. I had it as a film, but maybe my ambition was a little bit too much there.

[Nora Raum]

Guy gets in the bathroom, cannot, there's no toilet paper, looks up and sees the banner and then pops a Mentos.

[Luke Burbank]

On the toilet seat. And then now we have eating on the toilet. We've added that to the list of transgressions.

[Nora Raum]

And what's. Yeah, what's great is. I mean, I wonder the thing about those Mentos commercials, much like the Red Bull commercials, the Red Bull give you wings. I have, like a tremendous amount of respect for people who are able to come up with a commercial style that is not language specific.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, that's interesting. You know what I mean? The Red Bull ones.

[Nora Raum]

The Red Bull ones. And famously those Mentos ones. Because it's like a person finds themselves in some kind of a situation, they pop a Mentos and then they have a creative solution.

[Luke Burbank]

First one you think of right away when you think of a Mentos commercial.

[Nora Raum]

First one, the guy who gets some kind of a schmutz on his suit, his black suit.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I don't know if I know that.

[Nora Raum]

So then he realizes that there's a freshly painted park bench. And then he lies down on the park bench and makes pinstripes on his face.

[Luke Burbank]

I do remember that one. Now, my first go to is somebody is driving a small car, but they're blocked in by two cars parallel parked. And I think they get a bunch of their friends and they lift their little car up and move it out into the street. Do I have that right?

[Nora Raum]

Something like that, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Nora Raum]

I think maybe they get some buff dudes walking down the street.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, maybe there's some buff dudes or something involved. Yeah.

[Nora Raum]

By the way, that is a commercial that would only work in Europe because we drive canyon arrows here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. I do feel like it was like a mini car trap.

[Nora Raum]

Car trap between how smart is that?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Equals MC squared. Luke, I hate to say this.

[Nora Raum]

Well, we're done with the voicemail.

[Luke Burbank]

We still have so, so, so many voicemails to get to. But we have to keep this short today, unfortunately.

[Nora Raum]

Okay, so wait, I thought that that was the last voicemail. You're saying there are more?

[Luke Burbank]

No. So you were just kind of trying to, like, kind of add breadcrumbs to the meatloaf there because you thought. Oh, well, I don.

[Nora Raum]

I just thought we had finally, you know, we'd cleared out the closet on this. You're saying there are more voicemail messages for tomorrow?

[Luke Burbank]

Are you familiar with the idea of an infinity pool?

[Nora Raum]

Oh, am I familiar?

[Luke Burbank]

That's the voicemail line right now. Every time I want to.

[Nora Raum]

I want to sit in it and look at a sunset, and then finally, I'll feel like. Enough.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Actually, you know what? I'm sorry. I'm using the term infinity pool incorrectly. Those are beautiful. But I'm thinking of the type of pool. I think I'm thinking of a lap pool, one of them that you swim against, but you're not going anywhere. That's what I meant. Now I just want to be in an infinity pool.

[Nora Raum]

Do you know that I almost. I don't mean this in the bowling alley sense, but I kind of almost bought one of those lap pools. I really did.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't mean this in the bowling alley. Only if you know what that means. Congratulations. You've been listening to the show for.

[Nora Raum]

A long, long time. They call them swim spas now.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay.

[Nora Raum]

And I liked that they were. Because, you know, I've had this whole dream of trying to put a shipping container swimming pool in at the place, and that was just going to be prohibitively expensive for a bunch of reasons. So then it kind of. My ambition got smaller and smaller, and then it got down to, well, maybe one of these swim spas, because they're still pretty sizable. They're kind of a big rectangle. And then it had that thing you're talking about, that current that you can swim in. And I was pretty close to telling myself that the new version of me is a guy who goes out and gets into this swim spa and swims a couple miles every morning. And then I asked myself, have I ever done that in the history of my life? And the answer was no. And for once, Andrew, for once, I said, this is a bad idea. This is not the thing that I want to do in order to try to make myself into a new person. But I did, for a While think like it's, you know, it's good on your joints. I was like in the.

[Luke Burbank]

Fully in the process. I love swimming as a.

[Nora Raum]

Talking myself into it. But I also don't know, we might have listeners that have one of these that could tell us about it. I wonder how, how much it actually approximates the feeling of actually swimming.

[Luke Burbank]

It seems frustrating to me. I just said something that is not true that I'd like to retract. I said I like swimming as a sport. I don't know anything about swimming as a sport. I don't follow it as a sport.

[Nora Raum]

Well, the fact that you play is swimming versus sinking. That's the sport.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Nora Raum]

It's you versus possibly drowning.

[Luke Burbank]

And people have called me a compiler in that sport, to be honest with you. No, I really like swimming as an exercise. I guess I would say, like, it seems very appealing to me if I did have access to a pool that I could swim in. Now I used to go to a pretty gross gym in the Northgate area and they had a pool, but I would never go in that. But if I had like access to some pool that seemed clean to me, whether it was my own or something convenient, like, I really like that. But I don't and I've never tried it. So I don't mean to besmirch it, but I don't like the idea of staying in one place and swimming like in a water treadmill. That seems very unsatisfying to me. I'd rather have even a small pool that I can just go around in a circle like a goldfish.

[Nora Raum]

Goldfish. You remember that we have to keep things short today. All right, that's going to do it for today's episode. But as I think I said in yesterday's show, if you are fans of hearing voicemails played, boy, have I got news for you. We're going to play a couple more tomorrow as we continue to clean out this swim spa of listeners content. So please do join us.

[Luke Burbank]

Well done. Thank you.

[Nora Raum]

In the meantime, everybody, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves. We'll see you tomorrow. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Luke Burbank]

And good luck to all.

[Irene]

Hi, my name is Irene and I have a joke for you. What kind of bird sticks to a sweater? A Velcro. Power out.

[Luke Burbank]

Power out.