#4527 The World’s Longest Dad Joke

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL #4527 – The World’s Longest Dad Joke

Podcast Information:

• Title: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
• Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
• Episode: #4527 The World’s Longest Dad Joke
• Release Date: August 7, 2025
• Description: TBTL is a daily show hosted by two longtime friends goofing their way through the world the best they can. This episode delves into quirky anecdotes, listener voicemails, and lighthearted banter, all sprinkled with the hosts' unique humor.

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**1. Whimsical Beginnings and Lighthearted Banter

0:00 – 3:00

The episode kicks off with a humorous and fictional recounting of a basketball game featuring LeBron James, setting a playful tone. Luke narrates an exaggerated basketball showdown against the Boston Celtics, filled with amusing twists and over-the-top scenarios.

Notable Quote:

“It was me versus the Boston Celtics basketball team. Ready to lose again...I yelled in a booming voice.”
— LeBron James [00:00]

Andrew quickly shifts the conversation to his love for beans, leading to a comedic exchange with Luke about the endless conversation topics related to beans.

Notable Quote:

“I was just fixing to get me some grub. Beans. I love beans. Big, fat, hot, juicy beans.”
— Andrew Walsh [01:03]

**2. Managing Voicemails and Introducing the Prize Wheel

3:00 – 8:00

Luke and Andrew discuss the process of clearing out the TBTL voicemail line, emphasizing the importance of showcasing listener voices. They introduce a prize wheel controlled by an app, demonstrating the blend of technology and fun in their show’s format.

Notable Quote:

“I have an app that controls the prize wheel now. So I can just do this from my phone.”
— Luke Burbank [04:29]

Andrew raises concerns about the app, highlighting potential technical glitches and the seamless integration (or lack thereof) between physical and digital elements of their show.

**3. Tech Talk: Nest Thermostats and Planned Obsolescence

5:00 – 8:00

A significant portion of the conversation delves into Andrew's experience with his Nest thermostat. He expresses frustration over potential obsolescence and software updates that may render devices non-functional—a topic resonating with many tech enthusiasts.

Notable Quote:

“It sounds like they're bricking the thermostats. I assume they would still work. You can't just brick a bunch of people's thermostats in the middle of winter.”
— Andrew Walsh [06:00]

Luke relates by sharing his own negative experience with Sonos speakers, drawing parallels between different tech products facing similar issues.

**4. Listener Voicemails: Sally’s Bobblehead Tale

9:00 – 16:00

The hosts transition to playing listener voicemails, starting with Sally’s story about bobbleheads at baseball games. Sally recounts how a fellow spectator humorously renamed players, turning the experience into what she describes as “the world's longest dad joke.”

Notable Quote:

“He was just making up names for all the players based on their names...He wasn't doing it in a demeaning way or a bad way. It just felt like the world's longest dad joke.”
— Sally [09:26]

Luke and Andrew engage in a playful discussion about the appropriateness and creativity of renaming athletes, showcasing their camaraderie and humor.

**5. Listener Voicemails: Sarah’s Story on Burns and Cuts

19:00 – 28:00

Sarah shares a childhood memory contrasting reactions to burns and cuts while working in a kitchen. Her reflection sparks a deeper conversation between Luke and Andrew about fear, pain, and the differing experiences people have with minor injuries.

Notable Quote:

“We referred to it as team Burn or team Cut...I always thought that was an interesting dichotomy.”
— Sarah [20:24]

Andrew and Luke discuss their personal aversions to blood and burns, respectively, adding a relatable and introspective layer to the episode.

Notable Quote:

“I'm gonna avoid all sharp things for the rest of the day.”
— Andrew Walsh [22:20]

**6. Blurs Day Celebration and Listener Shoutouts

32:00 – 42:54

The episode culminates with a festive segment celebrating "Blurs Day," where listeners send in birthday and celebratory shoutouts. The hosts read and react to numerous heartfelt and humorous messages, fostering a sense of community and appreciation among the audience.

Notable Quote:

“Happy blurs day, Molly. And if Case's message was a little bit too flirty for you, I do not know the status of your guys's relationship.”
— Andrew Walsh [33:13]

Throughout the segment, Luke and Andrew showcase their ability to connect with listeners, sharing personal anecdotes and playful ribbing, especially when addressing multiple shoutouts simultaneously.

Notable Quote:

“We have a big show to wrap up the week tomorrow, and then I think we'll probably still be going through some voicemails next week.”
— Andrew Walsh [33:13]

**7. Closing Remarks and Teasers

40:00 – 42:54

As the episode winds down, Luke hints at upcoming content related to "birds and bees" conversations, teasing future discussions. The hosts reflect on the episode's highlights and express gratitude to their listeners, leaving the audience anticipating future episodes.

Notable Quote:

“Thank you for listening. Thanks for being part of tbtl. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio.”
— Luke Burbank [41:06]

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Episode Highlights:

• Humorous Narratives: The episode is peppered with imaginative and exaggerated stories that showcase the hosts' comedic chemistry.
• Tech Discussions: A critical look at modern technology's lifespan and user experience, resonating with a tech-savvy audience.
• Listener Engagement: Heartfelt and amusing listener voicemails create a strong bond between the hosts and their audience.
• Community Building: The Blurs Day segment celebrates listener milestones, fostering a sense of belonging and appreciation.

Conclusion: Episode #4527 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live successfully blends humor, relatable topics, and listener interaction to create an engaging and entertaining experience. Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh's dynamic partnership shines through, making this episode a delightful listen for both regulars and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[LeBron James]

It was the bottom of the fifth quarter and the baskets were loaded. It was me versus the Boston Celtics basketball team. Ready to lose again, I said to Le James Braun. He was sweaty and out of breath. Please give me another chance, he said sexily. It's basketball time. I yelled in a booming voice. Then I did a layup, which is different than slam dunking. It's where you throw the basketball in the hoop when you're really close to it. I was too quick for them. I was dribbling all over the field, and the Boston Celtics said, wow, she doesn't even double drib. Something I know about. Just then, Seth Curry did a humongous jump and tried to block me from the basketball hoop. But I threw the basketball so hard it went straight through his chest and into the hoop. But he was okay and didn't die. The basketball went in so good that I got 100 points and won the game. Can we please be your boyfriends now? Said the Baltimore Celtics. Sorry, that was a deal. You can only be my boyfriends if you beat me in a game of hoopball, I said winkingly. Then they all cried. The end.

[Andrew Walsh]

TBTL I don't know what this is, but Jay says it's a big sea turtle. I was just fixing to get me some grub. Beans. I love beans. Big, fat, hot, juicy beans.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, don't get me going on beans.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or I'll be jabbering away till the sun comes up.

[Luke Burbank]

Why would either one of you.

[LeBron James]

You know why?

[Andrew Walsh]

Dear God, why?

[Luke Burbank]

Actually, you know what? I could email you. Or, you know, you could email me at splat2pletnet.net Splat1's my father. I mean, it'll be sad to see him go, but it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know?

[Andrew Walsh]

And I also think it wouldn't hurt you to talk to a therapist about your bathroom issues, because there's clearly something going on there.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show. It just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God. I made it.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can't believe you're still on the air.

[Luke Burbank]

It's another beautiful summer day. Oh, Ma Pa. It's just beautiful. It's warm, it's dry. The grass is dying. The only thing that's thriving are the dandelions. Why don't they make the grass out of the dandelions? Right? That's just the kind of comedy stylings you can expect here on episode 4527 in a collector's series, let the fun begin. It's a beautiful day. It's the perfect day to continue the project of cleaning out the TBTL voicemail line.

[Andrew Walsh]

Clean as your mama's forehead.

[Luke Burbank]

And the guy to help me with it is sitting right over there. He is the longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. We did a survey after the TBTL a thon just to kind of see how it went and also just check out where the listeners are at with things. And this was one of the main pieces of feedback we got regarding this guy. They just want you to be normal and clearly you're not. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. We are going to do our best. Listen, I want to be honest with you. I had a great time on yesterday's show.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think we really did some good work.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I know what you're going to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Say, really good work. But we listened to one voicemail.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

And we have so many voicemails to get through. This is about showcasing the listeners and all of their funny and endearing and lovely voices. And you and I are just talking about potty stuff all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, first of all, life's a potty. Wipe your body.

[Andrew Walsh]

True. I can't argue with that. Obviously. I will cede that point.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I mean, that's one of the foundational sort of statements of this show. I believe also that the voicemail that we played yesterday was from listener Kate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

Inviting anyone and everyone to come to the Greenwood, excuse me, Green Lake. Strength and conditioning to use the bathroom there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyone and everyone who considers themselves to be a 10.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or a Luke or an Andrew.

[Luke Burbank]

And there will be a quiz. So if you are somebody who doesn't know about tv, chill and you want to use the bathroom there, just be ready.

[Andrew Walsh]

The bathroom code is Splooch the turtle.

[Luke Burbank]

The bathroom code is the TBTL voicemail line.

[Andrew Walsh]

That would be great.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you imagine someone just doing a jig, a dance, because they have to go to the bathroom so bad and.

[Andrew Walsh]

It'S like, what is that? How many digits is it? Like 10. That's a 10 digit phone number.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, well then, Andrew, without further.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ado, listen.

[Luke Burbank]

I have an app that controls the prize wheel now. So I can just do this from my phone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow.

[Luke Burbank]

When I spin, I did not even get up and physically spin the prize wheel. It's all part of the nest app. Now I can control the heat in my place. I can check the security cameras, I can order myself a pizza pie and I can activate the wheel spin from here.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's called the Internet of anything. By the way, before we get. I know that you're dying to get to the voicemails, but did you hear.

[Luke Burbank]

The guy who said we didn't get to enough voicemails?

[Andrew Walsh]

That was when you were talking. Okay, gotcha. This is me talking now.

[Luke Burbank]

Totally different situation.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's say I have a more vested interest in that. No, we don't have to go deep on this, but this maybe can be an ongoing. I'll give you some updates on this, but I am concerned, based upon a blueski post by our friend Chris Hayes, that, that you know how I got that nest thermostat? It's like a very gently used one that my dad had in his home for a while and then they replaced their system and so he sent.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you have to do some wiring with that?

[Andrew Walsh]

I was gonna try installing it myself and then we ended up having somebody from. From the fur. Somebody was already there checking on our furnace anyway. And while he was there we said would you mind installing this thing? And it's a good thing he did because there were some complications apparently. But last winter, the second half of last winter, Veeves and I were very psyched to like suddenly be in the modern age again. We're very late adapters to things and here I'm using my dad's used nest thermostat.

[Luke Burbank]

Your firmly retired father who's moved on to a new generation of the technology. Sending you the older technology.

[Andrew Walsh]

My 80 year old dad is sending me his old technology because he's staying up on these things. That's a true story. But also he takes care of things, by the way, meticulously so. It's in great shape. It's like new. I'll just finish my point really quickly. Chris Hayes posted something from the Google website saying we're no longer going to support. We're basically. It sounded like I'm trying to figure out if I'm just being paranoid. It sounds like they're bricking the thermostats. I assume they would still work. You can't just brick a bunch of people's thermostats in the middle of winter. But I don't know if this is fake news or not or if I'm exaggerating it. But they might longer work with like the app or whatever. And like you want to talk about like I Think Chris said this is the most egregious or aggressive form of sort of bricking. Brick. Yeah, bricking. And what is a planned obsolescence? Like, these companies, like Google bought this company and then killed it.

[Luke Burbank]

Since Sonos.

[Andrew Walsh]

Since Sonos, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

That's how. I don't know if that's how that sentence ended, but it's how it should have ended, because they absolutely did that to me, too, with a bunch of these Sonos speakers, which became effectively, you know, useless and obsolescent. Now, can you. With the nest control, you can also just turn the entire thing physically right? If you wanted to go in, like, in the traditional sense, just turn up the temperature. Turn down the temperature in your home.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's a gentle touch with your finger.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't need to turn it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

You can control it without the app if you had to, but you'd ruin the fun.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm guessing that that's why I'm saying, like, I don't understand what the term brick means in this. To do some more research on this, I need to study it out.

[Luke Burbank]

That's all you do is study it out.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think it would be highly illegal. Although. Like, who. Like, billionaires and companies run by billionaires can do anything these days. But it seems like there would be some sort of consumer protection that would not allow you to turn off the thing that heats people's homes.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that heats people's homes from their phones.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's why. But that's what I'm saying that I'm assuming when we say brick, we just mean the remote technology, but I don't know exactly what they're talking about.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you find yourself in the wintertime actually using the. The app?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, all the time. Because I spend my time in the basement a lot. Or you wake up in the morning, it's a little chilly, and it's, you know, maybe hard to get out of bed. You turn up the heat a little bit. Yeah, I use the app all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, well, good luck with that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you spin the wheel already?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, hold on.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hate to do that to the person who it landed on, but I'm getting.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

What's going on?

[Luke Burbank]

The app is trying to update my wheel. Spinning app. Hold on. Let me physically go over to it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

What is this, 20, 24, 2000?

[Andrew Walsh]

Late?

[Luke Burbank]

Absolute. All right, hold on. Here we go. Manually spinning the prize wheel.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that looks better.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, some kind of a. As my friend Jessica once said, a pheasant.

[Andrew Walsh]

What?

[Luke Burbank]

She was trying to joke about like, we. I don't know, we got upgraded to some kind of a thing or whatever.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

She said she was trying to say, look at all those peasants, but she said, look at all those pheasants. So now that's like our go to for anytime we're distinguishing ourselves as fancy folk.

[Andrew Walsh]

So what does the wheel say?

[Luke Burbank]

It is. Looks like it's saying Sally. Sally, if I'm looking at the right.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, I have a voicemail here from Sally. I'll be honest with you. I don't really know what this is about. So let's take a. Surprise, surprise, surprise. Let's take a listen to this.

[Sally]

Hey, dummies. I was listening to bobblehead talk, and me and my daughter.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you remember bobblehead talk?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I believe it had to do with you going. I think either you went to a Mariners game and we're going to get a. No, that's not true. Somebody you knew. Somebody you knew was gonna have duplicate bobbleheads and was offering to get you one or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Genevieve. One. Yes. So our buddy Neil went to the three games where they were giving away the Julio Rodriguez bat flip bobblehead, where the bat actually kind of flips. And Genevieve wanted one. And Neil didn't know that, but he was texting me and he said, hey, I'm going to three of these games if I end up with three bobbleheads. Do you want one? And I said, I do not. But Genevieve actually kind of surprisingly showed interest in that when she saw it on tv. So he kindly gave her one of his bobbleheads. Then Neil and I went to a game maybe a month later, and we both got Randy Rosarena bobbleheads.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a Rosarena.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I gave that one to Genevieve as well. In fact, maybe you wanna weigh in on this, Lu. She has them far apart. She has one on one end of sort of the shelf and the other on the. I feel like they need to be together because they play left field and center field.

[Luke Burbank]

They need to also be close by so that they can confer on what the pitcher is throwing. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Like, basically, is there communication like that there?

[Luke Burbank]

I think there is in the dugout often, like, let's say that, you know, somebody's already. Let's say that, you know, J.P. crawford, who often hits leadoff for the Mariners, has already faced a guy when he goes back to the dugout, maybe let's say he struck out or hit a ground out when he goes back to the dugout, if he noticed something interesting. He might tell the number 7 batter or in fact, any of the next batters. Hey, he's doing this with his curveball or he likes throwing this or whatever. So another reason that I'm with you, that Julio and Randy need to sort of be. Be closer rather than further away.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's how I feel. So anyway, that maybe that was the tales that we were telling when Sally called in.

[Sally]

Hey, dummies. I was listening to Bobblehead Talk, and me and my daughter were at that Thursday game where they gave out the bobbleheads. And there was a gentleman sitting next to us, probably a little older than me, by the way, this is Sally in North Bend. And he was just making up names for all the players based on their names. So when Rev came up, it was, hey, Everywhere. Hey, Refacio. Or it was.

[Andrew Walsh]

So wait, hold on, I'm going to clarify that. So Reavis came up and so he was just sort of like doing Leo Revis. That's right. Where's Reavis now?

[Luke Burbank]

D, F, A.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Designated for assignment.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

Which means cut.

[Andrew Walsh]

Basically cut. So anyway, so this guy's kind of doing that. What's that old SNL sketch where the guy would sit by the copy.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, by the way, not too. On this fun week of listening to voicemails get negative. But I had a truly jarring moment a while ago, which was some montage of things that were going on with. It was a larger news story, I think, about a certain conservative movement or whatever within, like, let's say maga. And they just like. It was like talking about influencers and people that are sort of have the ears of a lot of these real right wing folks. And one of them was just Rob Schneider in a fedora, like addressing cpac. And it was offered without context.

[Andrew Walsh]

It wasn't.

[Luke Burbank]

The story wasn't like, hey, the Making Copies guys is like, he's like a right winger now. It was just like a montage of folks. And then one of them was just Deuce Bigelow, male gigolo talking to people. And I just. I don't know why. That just was shocking to me. And not because I, you know, had any particular thoughts about Rob Schneider one way or another. But it did hit me funny that anyway, is the guy who used to say, Steve, the Steve Areno, making copies.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you know that he's obsessed with cork?

[Luke Burbank]

Rob Schneider is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Like cork that you cork wine bottles with or that you line your. I don't know, some room in Your house so you can thumbtack things up.

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe the wine bottle version. Now, this goes back a way, so I think I'm gonna have to let Sally finish her voicemail. Let's do that, and then I'll come back to this. But I want to see if I can find this video that we used to play back in New Hampshire because it is interesting. Okay, Sally. I think I muted Sally accidentally. Sorry. Sally, you take it away. We're talking about Leo Rivas, and this old man is going, revis, Revis, Revis or something.

[Sally]

All the players based on their names. So when reverse came up, it was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey.

[Sally]

Or it was Julio Yoyo.

[Justin]

All kinds of weird names, including calling.

[Sally]

Randy Rosarina Randy Rice Roni at one point.

[Luke Burbank]

That's very funny.

[Sally]

He wasn't doing it in a demeaning way or a bad way. It just felt like the world's longest dad joke. And then Jorge Polanco comes up to that Rango man lets out in a very loud voice.

[Justin]

Let's go.

[Sally]

Sweet peace. Anyway, that's all I've got. Power out.

[Andrew Walsh]

The world's longest dad joke could be.

[Luke Burbank]

A show title and also a way of describing tbtl. Randy Rice A Roni is.

[Andrew Walsh]

I like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Phenomenal. That's his new name. First of all, we've established I can't say his last name. I have trouble pronouncing his last name. And also, I just think there's something about. If you call him Randy Rice a Roni and he has trouble, it just sort of like, well, yeah, it's Randy Rice a Roni.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I mean, you don't expect too much for Randy Rice a Roni.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just Randy Rice a Roni. It helps me manage my expectations around A Rosarena.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do feel, though, that he should play for the Giants, though, if he's going to be San Francisco Tree. Francisco Tree Is. It is.

[Luke Burbank]

Is Randy Rice. Randy Rice a Roni is not. Also, that's not on the line from a sort of, you know, like, acceptable standpoint. Well, that's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's why Sally was careful to say that, like, yes. You know, he wasn't doing it in an offense to. To offend. But I do understand that.

[Luke Burbank]

Should we ask television's Chris Hayes, noted Italian American. Oh, because that's. That's who I think would be able.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who would.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the folks that would be able to say, hey, no, thanks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because Rice a Roni.

[Luke Burbank]

Rice A Roni is Italian coded to me. But why is that?

[Andrew Walsh]

Why is. I don't I did. I didn't get the Italian thing. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What's Rob Schneider's take on Rice a Roni?

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, this is confusing and I kind of regret bringing this up, but way back this says it was posted 16 years ago, but I think it's older than this. I think this is from actually probably like 2004 or something like that. When people were. It was the, it was not the heyday, but.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

What?

[Luke Burbank]

In 1890, Italian born immigrant Domenico de Domenico, not the most creative parents, moved to California where he established a fresh produce store. That's the guy he married Maria Ferrigno from Salerno. They're the family that made Rice a Roni.

[Andrew Walsh]

So you feel like it could be like possibly offensive to Italians to refer to somebody as Rice a Roni.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm saying that would be. Yeah, that to me would seem like the folks that I would want to ask permission from to call him Randy Rice a Roni.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think they'd be fine with it, honestly. But anyway, way back in 2004 when people were kind of discovering the concept of viral videos and then everybody was trying to go viral and creating these things, there is some sort of a cork concern because more and more wine companies were not using traditional cork to cork their bottles. They started using those kind of plasticky ones and whatnot. And I believe that Rob Schneider was hired by whatever association represents real cork. And they had this idea to create something and they created this video series where like for some reason Rob Schneider is going around looking for some guy named Miguel. And it doesn't make sense. It's not cork at all, this viral video. But then at the end you kind of, I think it's all like kind of some sort of rolling publicity for a big reveal that this is some sort of a use cork campaign. And I could play for you some of this. Save Miguel, but what were you about to say?

[Luke Burbank]

I was stuck in a very long, very interminable conversation with a guy at a, at a get together recently who spent a significant amount of time explaining to me about his time where he was selling cork.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

And I was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And, and I, you know, I feel like even with the, sometimes the most uninspiring of conversational topics, I can find a way in usually to them in my mind and just kind of like, you know, just ask questions and maybe find an interesting part of it. But this, it was impossible with this guy. But he, it was a lot of conversation about how he was a, he was a cork salesman, he sold cork, he basically worked probably for some part of this outfit that had hired Rob Schneider to get out there and try to find Miguel, AKA the cork.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what I am seeing here that. So this video that I was going to play is at least from 2008, if not earlier, but also on YouTube is something that was posted four days ago that says, Rob Schneider, the woke empire is collapsing. And you know what? I've decided I'm not going to listen to his voice. Right now. We have voicemails of listeners whom I love to play the voice of somebody who says the woke empire collapses.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I'm trying to tell you. Do you still have that Ryan Cork ball that you thought?

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe that for a second. You got to spin the wheel. You're spinning the wheel.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, man. How about. Oh, look at that, Justin.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, Justin, now here's the deal about this one. Oh, I think this one needs a bit of a trigger warning. I think this is about. Yes, this is about bodily harm. It's not a dark story or anything. It's an observation by Justin from his time. If I recall working in the kitchens.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I don't. This might have also been related to that. The splinter up my fingernail. We got a lot of voicemails about kind of bodily harm. And I think Justin had an observation. But I do remember listening to this one and being like, do people want to hear about these kinds of injuries? I'm not sure. So if the answer is yes, we will play it. But I've given you enough time. You've heard me sort of vacillate here for a little bit. That's giving you time to maybe fast forward if you don't like to hear this kind of stuff. Justin, it's your turn to shine.

[Sarah]

Hey, friendos, Justin from up and was just listening to Wednesday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you like the way that Justin. He didn't want to give away. He didn't want to give away his assassination coordinates. So he super clever beeped himself.

[Sarah]

Hey, friendos, Justin from up. And was just listening to Wednesday's episode. And the end of the episode, you guys were talking more about Andrew's finger. And a listener called in where she had cut her finger. And Luke was talking about that moment of time right before you cut yourself and how long and short that feels. And it kind of reminded me back when I worked in a kitchen how people were kind of divided up into two groups. We referred to it as team Burn or team cut. And you had people who were very scared of being cut. And it would make Them queasy and they didn't want to see other people getting cut and they didn't want to talk about it. Those people usually were fine getting burned and wouldn't really mind getting a pretty big burn and be like, oh, hey, yeah, look at this burn. Whatever. And then you'd have people on the other team who, yeah, getting cut all day long didn't really bother him too much besides the annoyance of the pain and the stinging and stuff, but would be so scared of a burn or wouldn't want to talk about it or see it. And. Yeah, I always thought that was an interesting dichotomy. I was team burn.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

I've been all day with some fryer grease coming up and getting your arm and bubbling up and whatnot. But even just thinking about the potential for what could happen with knives in there, I just couldn't even think about it. It just. Yeah, whatever. So, yeah, just. You guys made me think of that and hadn't thought about that in a while.

[Justin]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Have a good day. Power out.

[Luke Burbank]

So, yeah, I don't team burn all the way, dude.

[Andrew Walsh]

Team neither.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, yes, obviously. But if you had to.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I'm cut. Believe it or not, I hate blood and everything. But did you. I don't know if you heard it or if I was talking over, but Justin sort of described the kind of burns he's talking about where your skin does things. And when I think about that and I think about how you have to treat a burn afterwards. Again, I'm a team. Neither. I want to stress that I do not need to jinx myself today. I'm gonna avoid all sharp things for the rest.

[Luke Burbank]

And all hot things.

[Andrew Walsh]

And all. And all hot things. But I sort of feel like by.

[Luke Burbank]

Choosing to even gazpacho. Because if you think.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let me explain something to you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Okay. What does he say? If you think it's going to be cold and it's room temperature, it burns your mouth, it burns your. What does he say?

[Andrew Walsh]

It burns your whole body. Yeah, it burns your mouth, it burns your whole body. I think he says that I could be getting that wrong. But anyway, when you think about kind of how you have to treat a burn afterwards and the lasting effects of a burn, I actually think a cut. You kind of. Especially at this, you know, I hate seeing my own blood, but when I was a kid, cuts really freaked me out. Now, I gotta admit, if I'm in the kitchen and I'm using a very sharp knife, and so it's a clean cut. It's not Something nasty. You know, I'm probably gonna take the clean cut and then like go and then bandage it up and then let my body start, you know, like bandage it and let my body start stitching it back itself back together. Whereas I think about a burn and you can't even. You gotta cover it to keep it clean. But then you covering it sounds awful. Like I don't wanna burn.

[Luke Burbank]

You're right that the aftercare on a burn. And also this, the actual, you know, effect of having your skin burned can be really bad. And you're right, probably in a way worse than the cut. The problem is, I guess the thing of this is, is that if you have to. If you choose Team Cut, it doesn't mean also then you just like put your hand down on a cutting board and someone comes along and cuts your finger. You're saying if I have to choose the accidental thing that's going to come out of nowhere and surprise me, then I would choose one or the other. In other words, for me, the cut thing seems so it's not the healing part. It's the moment where I'm feeling something passing through my skin. Seems so unpleasant. But I guess I wouldn't know it was about to happen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Usually you don't notice it when it happens. It's afterwards, right? Or like the exact moment afterwards. I mean, I think I would just.

[Luke Burbank]

To call back to our days in Wisconsin. I think I would choose 400 paper cuts over the burn.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, lifetime. That's right. Well, that's about how many you would get during a lifetime. So let's do.

[Luke Burbank]

Can we sneak one more?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, you have the wheel. I. Of course I do.

[Luke Burbank]

Here, hold on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

It cut me. That's my Tim Robinson impression and it's not good. And. Oh my. Are you kidding me? Sarah. It landed on Sarah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sarah in Maine.

[Luke Burbank]

I had bet so much money that it would land on Sarah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now I see here and I'm not being quite. I do not remember what is in this voicemail. I listened to it at some point and I have it tagged here as F word. Oh, so am I going to have to beep this? I really don't know what's in here, but I guess if you have delicate ears, beware. Because it looks like Sarah in Maine is about to shock us all.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Sally]

Hey, friendos. This is Sarah in Maine. Parents and the F word. So that just caused me to flashback to a child.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Do you have an idea what parents in the F word means?

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, well, I have a bit of an idea. I Wonder if it has to do with me talking about my dad, Walt.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Letting. Letting some profanities fly, which was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And not the house I grew up in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, this is a guy who likes to describe certain products that are hard to assemble as being, quote, unquote, Chinese bullshit. And when the subject of the sitting president comes up, he'll sometimes, because he gets pretty worked up, he'll let. Maybe let an F word fly here or there. And how kind of weird it is to hear your dad talk that way when you grew up. Very much not talking that way in the household at all.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, yes, Now I totally remember that. And also, I think then you asked me, do I remember the first time I heard my dad say the F word? And the thing is, I. I said yes. And then I started to tell the story, and I realized that the story I was telling was not, I think, right or true or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, right, right, right.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway. All right, we're going back to Sarah the shock jock here.

[Sally]

Hey, friendos. This is Sarah in Maine. Parents and the F word. So that just caused me to flashback to a time when I was 7 years old and on a walk and I asked him what the F word meant. He told me. He really told me. And I remember just really wishing I had never asked and also wishing that there was a hole in the earth that might just swallow me up so that I could just leave the. Leave completely. Yeah. And also being confused because the explanation did not really make any sense because, you know, I had only heard it in the context of a swear. And it's confusing. It's still confusing, to be honest. But anyway, that's my. That's. That's. That we're out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait a second. Sarah's still confused. Do we need to explain it again?

[Luke Burbank]

It does seem like a weird way to find out about the birds and bees.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, it does. It doesn't sound like the dad had to get. Had to give that definition of it. It could have just been. Well, it's a word that people say when they're angry or surprised or when they cut and burn themselves with a knife that's on fire in the kitchen.

[Luke Burbank]

Or eat gazpacho that you think is going to be cold.

[Andrew Walsh]

And you could just. And you could let me explain something to you. And you can. You could like sort of just sort of say, don't use that word. It's a crude word. And then later on have conversation. I don't feel like in that. In that situation, Sarah's dad needed to get into details.

[Luke Burbank]

That being said, I am guessing that it did ward Sarah off from using the word a lot. Because if, you know, if you ask your parent, like, hey, what does this mean? And they go, oh, it's a bad word. You're not supposed to use it. You're like, whatever. If you ask your parent, hey, what does this mean? And they say something that absolutely rocks the foundation of your life about what adult humans are doing with each other. Because the first time you learn about that, no one's ever learned about the birds and the bees and been like, I would like to do that immediately. You learn about it and you go, that sounds horrific, don't you think?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm still not entirely clear as to what it is. So I don't know, Luke and. Okay, that's a joke. I know. I know a thing or two. No, but I.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, the thing is, in the.

[Luke Burbank]

I was horrified.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't remember. Like, I know that my parents did not explain it to me. I know for a fact that one time when I was a little kid, I asked my mom where babies come from, and she pulled out these diagrams. No, she said, you. You. She said, you pray really hard.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. That was literally what my parents told me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really? And that's just like. I really feel, as an adult, let down by that answer. Although maybe. Listen, nobody likes awkward conversations, and I certainly hate them, so maybe that was fine. She said, you prayed very hard. I no longer believe that that's where babies come from. I remember kids talking about that.

[Luke Burbank]

That is, by the way, the current, official White House policy.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I know.

[Luke Burbank]

Just. They fired everybody who did not sign that as the official way that babies are made.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can see that. It's got that RFK seal on it. And then I remember in grade school, kids would talk about. I'm going to use a word here that is very graphic. So another, I guess, trigger warning. But they would talk about humping.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

And there was a lot of humping talk going on. I remember asking somebody. I don't even think I asked. I remember kind of being in the. I was gonna say the men's room. It's not a men's room if you're like. Like eight, I guess. But I remember being in there, and two kids were talking about humping. And then one of them turned to me and said, you probably don't even know what humping is or something. I'm like, no, I don't know what humping is. And he said, it's. It's When. It's when a boy and a girl roll around together. And I was like, okay, well, rolling around sounds fine. Yeah. And those are my two only, like, specific memories of being educated on this topic. And then everything else I just learned from watching the raunchiest videos I could find online.

[Luke Burbank]

I. Online?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

So in your. In your mid-20s. Oh, starting in your mid-20s, early-40s. I remember my parents said the same thing. Or my mom, you know, said something like. I said, where do babies come from? She said, you know, Jesus puts a baby in the mommy's tummy or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I just, like, Jesus gets around.

[Luke Burbank]

I bought that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know. Really? Really.

[Luke Burbank]

Jesus?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

How'd you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, taking advantage of your kind of cult status there.

[Luke Burbank]

So then I walked around just, you know, believing that no problem. Then I was friends with a kid named Aaron. He had a single mom, and I think she was probably, like, you know, a little bit less. Well, certainly less churchy than we were. Her name was Monique, and I thought she was the most glamorous person I'd ever seen in my life. She had, like, a bottle blonde hair that was all blown out. She was, I think, a hairdresser. She drove some kind of a cool, fancy car. She smoked cigarettes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just.

[Luke Burbank]

I was in love. And so. But he was a little more worldly than I was. And he said, you know, I was like, hey, do you know, hey, I just found out where babies come from. God just puts them in the belly of the mom. He goes, no. He goes, my mom read me a book. And then he explains it to me in his very, you know, we were probably both in kindergarten kind of way, but his was more correct.

[Andrew Walsh]

How did he feel? Did he feel kind of embarrassed? Or do you remember him being, oh, my mom read me a book?

[Luke Burbank]

No, he. This is the thing. He didn't seem. He didn't seem to have shame around it or to be embarrassed.

[Andrew Walsh]

I still have shame around it.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's because our parents would not sit us down with a book and say, here's how it works. So then he explained it to me, and then I said, you're absolutely wrong. God puts a baby in the mommy's tummy. And that is. Is the end of this conversation. Aaron and I believed that up until my daughter was probably six or seven.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were like, I don't remember praying for this.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I, in fact, may have prayed for this to not be the case at age 17.

[Andrew Walsh]

Why, Jesus? Why? All right, Luke, before we get out of here for the day, how about we celebrate some blurs day?

[Luke Burbank]

There's a right way to rock? Get a wrong way to rock? Oh, you can't just listen to your song? Just remember that life is number one? You can be having so much fun? Just remember that life is much fun? You can be nothing but one.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, we're gonna do something a little bit different here today, Luke, and I don't know if you're gonna like it, but I want you to not talk at all. No, Luke, do not say a word. I do not want you talking at all during this segment. I'm not trying to be rude here. By the way. I apologize if I'm coming off as a little harsh, but I need you to save your voice. We still have so many voicemails to go through. We have a big show to wrap up the week tomorrow, and then I think we'll probably still be going through some voicemails next week. So I need you in your freshest top performance mode for the next few shows. So I don't want you straining any voice muscles or even don't even play any sound effects during today's blurs day segment, if you don't mind, because again, I need you in top form for the rest of these shows. Okay? I know I can tell you that you're trying to jump in. Do not jump in here. I know that you're worried that people think you're not actually here for this segment, that I'm just doing it by myself, but that would be bonkers. That would be absolutely bonkers. Nobody thinks that. Don't worry. Everybody knows that you're here at work today, okay? And we're gonna do the blurs a segment, but you're just gonna kind of sit this one out, okay? And for the rest of you guys, if you are celebrating a blurs day or want to celebrate somebody else's blurs day, please email me andrewbtl.net and put blurs day in the subject line and write a little note. That's what we do on a blursday Thursday. Case says Monday, August 11th is the birthday of the gorgeous 10 in both senses of the word, Molly. And I'd appreciate a birthday shout out from case, a grateful 11 in only that one sense of the word. I guess that makes sense. Happy blurs day, Molly. And if Case's message was a little bit too flirty for you, I do not know the status of your guys's relationship. So if. If that was a little bit too flirty for you, let us know and we'll have an internal review. Justice says a very happy blurs day to my brother from another mother and number one billboard spotter, Biaggio in Duluth. That's right. Biaggio was the very first photo we saw of the billboard with a 10 from Biaggio. I think so. Biaggio made that trek a few weeks ago. Justice says, you keep trying to be as old as me, but I keep winning. From your co bro justice in the Thunder Bay City. I really need to find out if that billboard is still up or not. I'm guessing that it might be down by now. Danny, I believe this is our friend Danny in Arizona who says. I think in Arizona who says happiest of blurs days to Jackie, a great friend and model 10. She's also a lawyer advocating for some of the most vulnerable folks tangled up in the system. The kids. Fun fact. I spent the first three to four years of our friendship not being sure if justice was really Jackie's last name. I still wonder sometimes. Happy, Happy Blursday to my first IRL10 friend. Oh, look at this from Corinne. Happy blursday. Happy golden blursday to Katie from your Facebook friend and birthday buddy, Corinne. All right, so we got two blursies at once here. I've been and I've enjoyed getting to know you on the Stens page this past year. You seem to be someone who brings much needed light and positivity to this messed up world. Hope you have an absolutely delightful day. That's from Katie from birthday buddy Corinne. Oh, Cheryl. And Corvallis says thank you for being a 10 and a real life friend. This is also for Corinne, by the way. I should have mentioned that Corinne's getting two shout outs today. This one's from Cheryl. Well, late. Hold on. I've messed this up as I often do. It was Katie who was receiving the blurs day from Corinne. Corinne slightly mentioned that it's also her blurs day. Now Cheryl is saying, hey, listen, is anybody out there giving a blurs day shout out to Corinne? I'll do it. And here's her message. Are we all clear now? Great. Glad we're all back on the same page. Cheryl in Corvallis says thank you for being a 10 and a real life friend. I treasure the time we spent at the Japanese Gardens in Portland and I hope we get to hang out again in person soon. Happy blursday, Corrine. To Josephine in Tooele, Utah. Happy golden blurs day, Mom. We can't wait to spend the day with you. We hope that next year is full of cats, books, chocolate, scrapbooking, and maybe a trip to Europe next summer. Question mark. We love you very, very much. From Allie, Cassie and Maddie. Happy blursay Josephine. Vernon does not want to be left out of this though. Vernon says, happy blursay to my wife Josephine. May the next year be full of many happy experiences with our wonderful family. Hey, we just heard from that wonderful family. You are a great wife and mother. Okay, we got more Katie and Corinne action going on here. Now Katie is saying happy blurs day to myself. It's my blurs day today. But more importantly, it's also my fellow 10 Corrine's birthday. My goodness, there's a lot of lot of people in the circle of birthday wishes today in honor of our birthday. I want everybody. This is Katie talking here, not Corinne. This is Katie talking to all of us related to Corinne's birthday. We're all on board with this, right? Okay, we're all on the same page. Katie says in honor of our birthday, I want everybody to avoid the news today. Go have fun. Create something. Dance, sing, laugh. Please take care of your mental health. Find some joy. Sending big hugs and love to all of you. That's really sweet. And finally, Angela says, hey, happy blursday to Jess from ya nurse. I know it's been of a rough year for you, to say the least. But I wanted to wish you the best blursday ever. Jess, if you have the bogo coupon, I have the gift card for Bigby. So let's go drink it down, my girl, and spill some tea because I miss you to pieces. So let's see, we got a gift card and a bogo coupon for bigby. Now this is not the place for me to get into this, but it should be bogoth. Buy one, get one free. Buy one, get one. We all know my rant on this and I believe it's also Luke's rant on this. You buy one, you get one. That's the normal understanding of buying things. Hey, I bought one, I get one. If you want to make it a deal, you should buy one and then get one free bogoff. But those are the blurs days for today. And Luke, thank you so much for being quiet for all of that. I'm going to let you speak now. Let us get out of here. Can you wrap up the show here with me? We had a lot today. We covered a lot of ground today. We had some bodily injury talk. We had some birds and the bees talk. In fact, will you, will you fill me in on some of the rest of that birds and the bees talk when we get off the air. Yeah, I still have some questions.

[Luke Burbank]

I've got. I've got a whole kind of like, you know, a series of writing and some photographs.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

That kind of like, lay it all.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have some sketches.

[Luke Burbank]

I have some hand drawn sketches that have been described as troubling.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's that closing music that I would love to.

[Luke Burbank]

Love to. I'll send them your way.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can't wait to see it. Oh, wait, you're holding one up. It looks like it's. Oh, it's a picture of a bee. Oh, that's cute. Oh, that is cute. Okay. Oh, is that a bird?

[Luke Burbank]

That is right. And then I smash them. They roll around together. Okay. It looks like anyway, if I'm keeping track of these things properly and I'm usually the one that has to. We still have more voicemails.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. What's left on the wheel, you know?

[Luke Burbank]

So we're gonna go ahead and get to some of them tomorrow. In the meantime, thank you for listening. Thanks for being part of tbtl. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all.

[Justin]

Hey, Luke and Andrew, this is Elizabeth in Seattle. I was just listening to an episode from a couple weeks ago when you're talking about Joe versus the volcano and Andrew, as he was recounting the plot, his voice kind of trails off as he realizes that. Just kind of how preposterous his memory of the plot and all that stuff. And I had a similar reaction when I was trying to explain the plot of Bedknobs and Broomsticks to a former co worker who we were about the same age, but his parents were in the diplomatic corps, so he didn't live in the US for most of his childhood. So he had zero context for any like 1980s pop culture or anything like that. And he didn't know, like the old Disney movies like that Broomstick. So I was explaining how Angela takes place like mid century. And Angela Lansbury was a witch, but not a very good one until she gets an actual sort of magic talisman and then they go off to this magical land, then they come back and then they have to fight Nazis. And that's when I had a similar realization of how utterly ridiculous and bizarre the plot point was of this Disney movie where Angela Lansbury had to fight Nazis in World War II using witchcraft. So anyway, I just thought that you might enjoy that story, have a great day. Bye.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out.