#4529 The Poobody Award

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #4529 - "The Poobody Award"

Episode Details

• Title: The Poobody Award
• Podcast: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
• Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
• Release Date: August 11, 2025

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Introduction and Opening Banter The episode kicks off with Luke and Andrew engaging in their trademark playful banter. They reference a listener's humorous song about jalapeños and nachos, setting a lighthearted tone for the show.

Listener Voicemail Highlights One of the central segments revolves around answering voicemails from listeners. Originally intended for Andrew to handle, Luke takes the lead in clearing the TBTL voicemail inbox.

1. Teresa's Colonoscopy Experience (09:00 - 18:20) A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing Teresa's colonoscopy story. Teresa recounts her challenging experience of undergoing a colonoscopy without anesthesia.

• Teresa’s Story: Teresa describes waking up the morning of her procedure, confidently believing she could take her usual vitamins and a sip of water before the colonoscopy. However, she was informed that she couldn't have anything by mouth less than two hours before the procedure. Faced with this, she opted to undergo the colonoscopy without anesthesia, enduring the process fully awake.

  Notable Quote:

  Teresa: "I had my colonoscopy without anesthesia. Oh, man, it is tough getting around those corners... you could do this."
  (Timestamp: 09:00)

• Hosts' Reactions: Luke expresses shock and empathy, questioning the feasibility and discomfort of undergoing such a procedure without sedation. Andrew shares a similar sentiment, discussing his aversion to being under anesthesia for medical procedures.

  Notable Quote:

  Andrew Walsh: "I just want them to knock me out for anything... I am deathly afraid of having a cavity worked on."
  (Timestamp: 14:52)

• Discussion on Medical Practices: The hosts delve into the reasons behind the two-hour no-eating rule before procedures, speculating it relates to anesthesia safety. They also touch upon sedation practices in dentistry, highlighting personal discomfort with medical sedation.

2. Reflections on Childhood Regrets (23:00 - 31:35) The conversation takes a heartfelt turn as both hosts share personal stories of childhood actions they regret.

• Anonymous Listener's Story: A listener recounts a traumatic experience from fourth grade involving a pencil point injury, leaving a lasting mark. This segues into Luke's confession about past misdeeds.

• Luke’s Childhood Incident: Luke opens up about putting a pin on a classmate's chair in an attempt to "sink a substitute teacher," inspired by a book titled "13 Ways to Sink a Sub." He expresses deep remorse over his actions and discusses the importance of making amends.

  Notable Quote:

  Luke Burbank: "I just think it was a shocking poke, but I still feel really bad about that... I wish... I really very strongly wish that... I've been able to forgive myself."
  (Timestamp: 27:21)

• Andrew’s Support: Andrew empathizes with Luke, drawing parallels to recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, emphasizing the need for making reparations and seeking forgiveness.

  Notable Quote:

  Andrew Walsh: "Maybe that's something that you should think about doing."
  (Timestamp: 30:52)

3. Discussion on "13 Ways to Sink a Sub" by Hobie Hansen (27:08 - 30:23) The hosts analyze a listener-recommended book, "13 Ways to Sink a Sub," discussing its plot and relevance to Luke's childhood story.

• Book Insights: The book centers around fourth-grade students attempting to "sink" their substitute teacher, leading to humorous and chaotic classroom scenarios. The hosts find connections between the book's storyline and Luke's own experiences.

  Notable Quote:

  Andrew Walsh: "Hobie Hansen and the rest of his fourth grade class can't believe their luck... It's time for class to have some fun."
  (Timestamp: 29:10)

4. Additional Listener Stories and Banter (22:15 - 32:05) Further voicemails include humorous and embarrassing tales, such as a listener's pencil mark on their butt and another's "brainworm" linguistical mishaps.

• Pencil Mark Story: A listener shares an awkward childhood memory of sitting on a pencil, leading to a lasting mark and strained relationships.

  Notable Quote:

  Listener: "Needless to say, old Stuart got in a lot of trouble... that gray mark is still in the middle of my butt."
  (Timestamp: 23:27)

• Brainworm vs. Earworm: A playful mix-up occurs when a listener confuses "earworm" with "brainworm," adding to the episode's humorous moments.

  Notable Quote:

  Listener: "You've got to give me a new ear word. This one's stuck in my brain now..."
  (Timestamp: 31:43)

Closing Remarks and Teasers for Next Episode As the episode wraps up, Luke mentions upcoming obligations, like taking his car for service, and hints at future topics, including a discussion on why baby deer have spots. The hosts maintain their engaging and humorous rapport, ensuring listeners are entertained until the next installment.

Notable Quote:

Luke Burbank: "Thank you for listening, everybody. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you."
(Timestamp: 31:35)

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Conclusion Episode #4529 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live masterfully blends humor with heartfelt reflections. Through engaging stories and candid conversations, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh create an entertaining space for listeners to connect over shared experiences and personal growth. Whether discussing medical mishaps, childhood regrets, or quirky listener tales, this episode underscores the duo's ability to balance laughter with meaningful dialogue.

Key Takeaways:

• Empathy and Vulnerability: The hosts openly discuss personal regrets, fostering a genuine connection with the audience.
• Humor in Adversity: Even when addressing uncomfortable topics like medical procedures or past mistakes, humor remains a central element.
• Listener Engagement: By sharing and responding to listener stories, the show emphasizes community and relatability.

Listeners who enjoy a mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful conversations will find this episode particularly resonant and engaging.

Transcript

[Listener]

Hello. I have a little song. I heard there was a secret food that when you ate, could make you poo. But you don't really care for spicy, do you? Put them on my nachos, please. And when you do, don't forget the cheese. My favorite little pepper. Jalapeno, jalapeno, jalapeno, jalapeno, jalapeno. Love the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out. Tbtm.

[Luke Burbank]

What will your first sequence of the day be?

[Andrew Walsh]

Computer, load up celery man, please.

[Teresa]

He is a fan of the outrageous. He loves to surprise.

[Andrew Walsh]

He loves other things as well. You guys are so fun. Just relentlessly fun. I keep thinking, when are they gonna stop being fun? And the answer is never.

[Luke Burbank]

That was great. That was good.

[Listener]

You went for it. I appreciate that.

[Andrew Walsh]

What do you say we go out.

[Luke Burbank]

And get some Carvel?

[Andrew Walsh]

I got the time if you got the diapers.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. I can't believe I ate that whole thing. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, buddy.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia.

[Listener]

Oh, Ma.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pa.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just beautiful watching a fairly large ship from a company called Ultra Bulk Steam along the Columbia rivers with. With two, not one, two tugboats. I think two tugboats says it all. Two tugboats helping navigate it through the. The not so deep waters of the Columbia. They're going to be out here. Does anybody care about this? Probably not. They're going to be out here, I think, in the coming weeks and months, dredging the Columbia, reducing the. Or increasing the depth, I should say, so that ships can get through there in one piece. But I think we're going to get through today's episode, hopefully in one piece. It's episode 4000, 529 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Now, I was under the impression that over the weekend, Andrew was going to listen through and respond to all of the voicemail messages that had been left in the TBTL voicemail box.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your voice is like a combination of.

[Luke Burbank]

Fergie and Jesus, but I don't know what he got up to, but he apparently didn't do that. So we're gonna once again today continue to clear out the TBTL voicemail line. Speaking of Andrew Walsh, he's right here, right now. Booyah.

[Andrew Walsh]

In your face.

[Luke Burbank]

Known as the longest running cobra of the show and also known for his drawings of the tall ships. Hello. My friend. Good morning.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning. I know that you're not supposed to give yourself nicknames, but I kind of like Ultra Bulk. I kind of like Bulk. I kind of like rolling into a room and people being like, hey, Ultra Bulk's here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Think I can pull that off or.

[Luke Burbank]

I think you absolutely could. Now, the irony.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nobody's listening probably, right? It's early on a Monday.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm barely listening.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So what we need to do is just like, sort of astroturf this a little bit. The next time you and I are hanging out in person at some sort of social gathering, I need you to just sort of spring that on me. Don't tell anybody I came up with it. Just be like, hey, my buddy Ultra Bulk's here. And, like, then it'll just take off like wildfire, which is actually bad this time of year.

[Luke Burbank]

Like my nickname for Jorge Polanco, AKA Rango.

[Andrew Walsh]

Rango. The way that is used.

[Luke Burbank]

Astroturfing that like crazy. Absolutely no impact. Nobody is buying it in any state. Not in Washington, not in Wisconsin.

[Andrew Walsh]

What do you think of his other nickname? Polo. You know, people call him Polo because it's Polanco. And so our buddy, you endure. You don't realize this because you're not. You've blocked Ders. You've muted Ders on the text out of love. But this is a very true story. You and he are both. And. And you and he are both trying to astroturf something on that text chain. And he actually follows up with me. He's like, do you. Do you like the thing I do? Do you like the thing I do with Polanco? And you're always like, do you like the Rango? Do you like that I call him Rango?

[Luke Burbank]

The thing. I don't ask if you like Rango. I declare that it's sweeping the nation.

[Andrew Walsh]

There is one big difference there, I guess.

[Luke Burbank]

But.

[Andrew Walsh]

But Ders is like, do you like the way I post a shirt? He uses an emoji of a shirt.

[Luke Burbank]

Like a polo shirt.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but the thing is, I don't know what the shirt emoji looks like on an Apple iPhone, but when I receive those, it just looks like a T shirt to me. So I don't know if your guys shirts look more like polo shirts, but it's just like you're both really excited about the thing that you're doing for Polanco. But the irony is you're not even seeing his. His cuz you've muted him.

[Luke Burbank]

Two ships passing in the night.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Speaking of ships, Andrew, the irony that I was doing a horrible job introducing you today and talking about your depictions of the tall ships. Cuz I was distracted by actual ships. There is so much happening in the Columbia river right now, it's wild. So I told you Ultra Bulk all just steamed past.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, I thought you meant I just told you Ultra Bulk.

[Luke Burbank]

The Ultra. I just said your namesake just.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

With two. With two, you know, tugboats kind of helping guide it and then whizzing past it in the opposite direction. A huge ship called Saga. Wco. Not to be confused with Wilco, my beloved band. S A G A W E L C O. Saga Wilco, the name of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your Wilco cover band, I believe.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. Just absolutely bombing down the Columbia in the direction of Port Portland. And then we've got another tugboat that's pushing some kind of a thing. It's just like a very active day out there. A little too active because I'm actually getting distracted.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's a. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know how you, you play your little, you know, used to play your Hex Empire game.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And there's like an amount of. Of occupying your brain that actually helps you to maybe be better at doing the show. But then there's an amount that's too much.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Like one boat per show while you and I are talking is the right amount.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Boat for me. That's just kind of like. Yeah. It's something for my eyes to look at, but I don't get distracted. We've got a full on like shipping. I wouldn't say emergency, but it is a busy day on the mighty Columbia.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have so many boats, so many ships, and we do have a lot of voicemails to get to. And I'm not trying to rush you off of boat.

[Luke Burbank]

Some of them delivered, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

By a boat, I would assume. I would assume some of these were shipped here. Absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

Saga Wilco might be taking even more voicemails down to Portland where they will then be put on the TBTL line.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now I've noticed something weird here the past week there, however long we've been doing this. You stand in front of the wheel and spin it and then you tell me what the name is. For some reason you're standing behind the wheel.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I didn't like, you know, this is a thing with me and round objects. Okay. I can't wear. I have a round face as it is. I have a round Irish face and I can't like, I can't wear sunglasses that are Round. Because this makes my face even more round. I have to kind of. And I realized standing in front of the round wheel was making me look almost like a perfect circle. You know, those little drawings of, like, characters. But, like, one guy is kind of a triangular. One guy's kind of circular. So kids learn their shapes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And, like, one guy's like, a fedora on. I looked like Mr. Circle. And it wasn't very. It wasn't flattering. So it was like being a corn dog at a hot dog party. And so I'm now standing behind the wheel.

[Andrew Walsh]

The problem behind the wheel. It's almost like the perfect Venn diagram. You're eclipsed by the wheel.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. You can just see me. Just my eyes are poking over the top of the wheel like the neighbor on Home Improvement.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Your nose is. Your nose is hanging over the fence.

[Luke Burbank]

What that means is I spin the wheel from here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, you.

[Luke Burbank]

It has a back. There are actually handles and levers on the back, kind of like changing out the score at, like, Fenway Park. That's kind of what I'm doing here. But when I spin it, you're gonna have to tell me where it lands, because I actually can't see the front of the wheel.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, this sounds like, good.

[Luke Burbank]

So we're trying something.

[Andrew Walsh]

So can you spin it? Let's see if you can actually.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm gonna give it a spin. It's been sitting here all weekend. I hope it hasn't seized up on us. Okay, here we go, Rusty.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, good.

[Luke Burbank]

Good.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was good.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love that sound.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. The crack of the bat, the spin of the wheel.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, I need to look really closely here, but I think that says. Oh, you got a drum set.

[Luke Burbank]

I have a drum set behind the wheel. You can't see it. I also learned how to play drums over the weekend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow. This is a lot.

[Luke Burbank]

The key is to let. You got to let the stick bounce on snare. That's what snare. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

There it is over there. It looks like this has landed on Teresa. And I do have a little note here. It says, teresa. His voicemail has to do with colonoscopy talk. Luke, do you remember when I had my colonoscopy?

[Luke Burbank]

Who can forget?

[Andrew Walsh]

We talked a lot about the prep.

[Luke Burbank]

I think we got a Peabody award for that. Or maybe it was a poo body.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was a poop.

[Luke Burbank]

I apologize. Did you know that even got.

[Andrew Walsh]

When you said Peabody, did you know what you were doing?

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't.

[Andrew Walsh]

As soon as you said Peabody, I Was going to say more like poop body. But we got there at the same time. I thought maybe you're setting yourself body award winning. Maybe we're going to think on that. So anyway, I know this is in reference, I mean this could be so old that it goes back to your colonoscopy. But my guess is Teresa called in during the, the time that I was preparing for my colonoscopy.

[Luke Burbank]

You got a good one too. I got to go back in three years. You don't have to go back for five years.

[Andrew Walsh]

Seven. I. I was on the seven. Yeah, I'm seven years. Yeah. So anyway, of course I was really obsessed with the, the prep, the diet that you, the diet that you must start like, I don't know, a few eight days out. And then of course you have to drink all that stuff that makes you go to the bathroom and empty out your system. And they very strict about not having anything at all in your system in that like two hour window before you head in.

[Teresa]

Here I go, it's Teresa. And I went in to have my colonoscopy a few months ago and morning of I'm thinking, oh yeah, I'm pretty sure I remember that I could take, you know, my vitamins and a couple of those pills I need to take and I'll just take a little sip of water and off we'll go and get to the colonoscopy place and checking in and they say, you know, when was the last time you had something by mouth? And I'm like, oh, well, you know, I just took, you know, a couple of pills and a little, you know, splash of water to wash them down. And there's this dead silence and they're like, when was that? And I'm like, oh, you know, an hour, an hour and a half ago. And they're like, you cannot have anything by mouth anymore. Time less than two hours from the time we get you started. And I'm like, oh yeah, maybe it was a little longer than that. And they're not believing me, pulling the burbs and they say, well, we can't do the colonoscopy. And I'm like, are you kidding me? I just drank a 50 gallon barrel of this stuff. And you're not going to do the colonoscopy Because I took a couple of pills an hour and a half ago. And they're like, yeah, we can't do it. And well, I'm not drinking this stuff again. And they said, well, you know, you can have it without anesthesia. I'm like, oh, my God, check me. You know, a lot of countries do it without anesthesia, and you could do this. So I had my colonoscopy without anesthesia. Oh, man, it is tough getting around those corners. The good news, you get to watch the whole thing and listen to the nurse and doctors all chat about, you know, what their kids are, you know, doing for lunch that afternoon. And I could have driven myself home.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out. Do you know that that's only the second story I've heard of somebody who's done this without anesthesia? And the first person who told me about it said he just wanted to know what the experience was like. I'm not even joking.

[Listener]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

That is not where I was expecting that story to go. I was expecting it to either be the case that Teresa said, well, can I wait a half hour? Can I time out the. You know, let's say I took the vitamins in the water an hour and a half ago. Can I just wait another half hour and that'll be two hours? Or they offered her the non anesthetized version and she said, I'll just go ahead and drink another 50 gallon barrel of whatever that is. I did not expect. I. I mean, listen, Andrew, I don't want to take this to a. An overly physical place, but when they say without anesthetic, does that mean without anesthetic? Does that mean is there a local?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think so, because I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

They give you. You can't lie to Cane shop.

[Andrew Walsh]

Localize the trip through the. Through all the twists and turns, you know?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, to me, it's like, okay, none of this sounds. None of this sounds like something I would probably survive. But my sense of it is, once something is actually in the interior of your body, if I understand right, you don't have a lot of nerves on. In your organs because the organ. Now, now the question is, do you have nerves? You must have nerves within your digestive tract, though, because that's why you can feel if you have a stomachache, if you have discomfort. Right. You can actually feel that. Probably. Cause there's a use for that. It's. Your body is able to tell you, hey, we're hurting. Meanwhile, I don't think you have nerves in some of your internal organs, because I guess the idea is your body doesn't need to know if those organs are kind of in pain or not.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just wondering if this was, from the word go, an intrusion into Teresa's body that then just continued for the better part of an hour. I don't know how a person'. That sounds horrendous.

[Andrew Walsh]

That sounds horrendous. But as Teresa said, like, some countries don't put you under for this. And I'm not joking. I met this guy. I mean, he was a guy who was dating a friend of mine, and I think I saw him at a holiday party or something. And I don't know him. I don't know him all that well. He's a really sweet guy, though. I really liked him. And he just said. It was around the time I think I was getting ready to have my colonoscopy. And he said, oh, yeah, I just had mine. And he said, yeah, I did mine without anesthetic. I'm like, why would you do that? He's like, I just wanted to know what the experience was like. And I know that other countries do that. And I just wanted to know what it was like. I was like, well, more power to you, buddy. But that's not how I. I would have.

[Luke Burbank]

I would have been knocked out a week before. Are you kidding me?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I'd want.

[Luke Burbank]

Medically allowed.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want them to knock me out for anything. I had to. I woke up this morning, I was brushing my teeth, and for a very split second, I. I was worried that I felt a little sensitivity in one of my teeth. Now, I have never had a cavity. I think you know that about me. So I am deathly afraid of having a cavity worked on. And today, you know how it is. I was just brushing my teeth. And your mind wanders. And I think, what if I'm getting my first cavity at age almost 50? I'm just like, well, then you have to get it drilled out. But they'll just put you under for that. I'm like, you're an idiot. They don't put you under for that. That is one of the things you hear about all the time. Of course, like, millions upon millions upon millions of people have cavities, you know, taken care of all the time. Nobody's knocking you out for that. But for me, the idea of somebody drilling into my head, it's an impossibility. It's an absolute impossibility. So I just brushed my teeth even harder. But like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, right through that enamel.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Right down to the nerve.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wanted to. I wanted to be. I was honestly fantasizing just this morning about being knocked out for a cavity filling.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know, that is a service sedation, dentistry, advertising it on Cairo. I feel like there must have been lawsuits. I haven't heard. Yeah, Live ads for it. I always, I don't want to, you know, make a glib joke about a potentially dark thing, but I mean, it does. Sedation dentistry does sound a little bit like I would like to be. Here's the thing, I don't want to be maximally conscious when stuff's happening. I don't want to be for that minimally conscious either. Like, you know what I mean?

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, I don't want you. I want sedation everything. I want sedation breakfastry. I want sedation.

[Luke Burbank]

I want Sudacius dentistry.

[Andrew Walsh]

I want Sudikis dentistry.

[Luke Burbank]

I want the actor Jason Sudeik. I want. What's his name? What's the cute. I want Ted Lasso himself.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

To drill, baby, drill.

[Andrew Walsh]

One other thing that stood out to me about this is you think about the colonoscopy prep as you need your body to be fully emptied for the purpose of them, you know, snaking up there and looking at everything with the camera. But what I forget is that last two hour window, it's not about keeping your bowels empty for the cameras, as it were, but because it goes along with any procedure that you need to be sedated for, like with anesthesia, you, no matter what the procedure is, that's the rule, the two hour rule, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Are they worried that you'll choke?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. I'm. I'm thinking that must have something to.

[Luke Burbank]

Do with it because at first I was, I sort of missed the part where I just sort of selectively forgotten the part where Teresa, she took some vitamins. And I was thinking, well, if you drank water, I know that's one of the things, right? Like no drinking any water. It's like, what possible harm could water do at that point? It seems like if anything it would be, it would be helping. It would be further kind of rinsing everything out. Like you'd think, like, because the other stuff makes sense. Because they don't want to come along and find something and think that it's a polyp and actually it's just a skittle, you know, or it's a brown M and M or one of those.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pills if they didn't dissolve.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. I guess that's. But the, but you're saying that the, the issue was less about the camera work down in, in the gutty works and more about the fact that you cannot have ingested anything orally within 2 hours of them putting you under. That makes me think it's because there's some sort of a danger.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Of choking or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, Teresa definitely said they. Well, I mean. Well, that's obviously it. If they were able to do the colonoscopy knowing that she'd had a splash of water and a few pills, it wasn't about. It wasn't about the colon, but it was about the anesthesia. And that's why they did it without putting her to sleep.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I don't want to see. Forget the physical discomfort. I don't. The idea that that person that you were talking to, Andrew, said they wanted to understand the procedure, that's also just like. That is impossible for me to understand. Wanting to know more about the procedure.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I mean, I couldn't agree with you more. I don't want to be awake for this conversation, to be honest with you. This is a little bit much and I will say this. I did not. I. This is hard for me to say here because the listeners listened to me for weeks get kind of nervous and not, not complain, but certainly fret about my colonoscopy prep. But having been through it, and I don't think this is one of those things where I forget got the onerous parts of it because I remember saying this even while I was going through it once I was finally going through it. I mean, like drinking all of the. All of the chemical stuff that makes you go to the bathroom and whatever. Like, I remember thinking like, okay, now I'm doing it. It's doable. It was all of the unknowns. It was like the people hearing a million different stories, good and bad, about what it's like to drink this stuff and how it's going to affect you. And. And I was just really in my head about it. But once I was doing it, I was like, okay, well, this is what it looks like. You know, you go to the bathroom and it wasn't great. I'm not going to do it all the time, but I would certainly do that again before going in there without anesthesia. Like, I would say, just give me a couple more weeks. Then, you know, you do. You do these, you know, every again, 10 years or something anyway, between five and 10 years usually. So it's like a few weeks isn't going to be the difference. So like, give me a few weeks to get regulated again. Just enjoy my life for a little bit. And then I'll batten down the hatches and then open up the hatches.

[Luke Burbank]

Down and then throw the hatches wide open.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just wide open. Well, and I would just do it again. Like, I, I don't. I, I Know, it takes a lot more time as a course of days. And. And I guess Teresa was like, well, just let's get this over with. But I would just have been like, you know what? I'll. I'll do this another day.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I mean, that would have absolutely been my. Well, first of all, I would have been really mad. I would have been like, come on. But then I would have been like, okay, well, see, that's the thing. I feel like. I don't know if you heard me muttering when we were playing Teresa's voicemail, but I muttered checkmate, because I thought that was checkmate from the medical professional. Like, well, you know, there is a way we could do the colonoscopy. Colonoscopy today. But it involves putting you on a medieval rack.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

And full on Ramsay Boltoning you like. And then I'm sure that that's the point at which most people go, all right, I'll see you in a couple weeks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So I guess when I said checkmate, I guess I meant checkmate from listener Teresa.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, she's.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I would like to see the look on that nurse's face when Teresa said, I'll see your non anesthetized colonoscopy and raise you. I'm a freak.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was wondering what we were going to be raising. I'll tell you what, it's. It seems like a great time to spin that wheel. Can you spin?

[Luke Burbank]

Probably. All right, here we go. All right, hold on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you were far away from this.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, sorry. Oh, where did it land?

[Andrew Walsh]

This says anonymous. Does that. Is it somebody's name? A N o N, or is it. Actually, I think it's just anonymous.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's. It's Anne Nemus. It's Anne.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's an Nemus. Okay, well, I don't. I'm not gonna.

[Luke Burbank]

First name Anne. Last name Animus.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I'm going to just cross reference.

[Luke Burbank]

I can't see the name, so I'm kind of. I'm sort of winging it on that.

[Andrew Walsh]

It says Anon and I'm cross referencing it here. I do have a voicemail here that says Anon, so I have a couple of them, but I'm going to assume it's this one here. I don't know what this is about.

[Listener]

Hey there. Just finishing up Friday's show and listening to middle self Maggie talk about the pencil point that's in her body.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh. Do you remember this a little bit?

[Luke Burbank]

I remember that your. The thing that you had stuck under your fingernail led to A long conversation and many pieces of listener feedback about the stuff that's stuck in their bodies.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. So I had that splinter, and then I was like, maybe it just lives in there forever the way you have a splinter or something. Like that thorn that has. Yeah, thorn that must have. What do you call it when vegetation turns into stone?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, petrified.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have like, a petrified.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm petrified. Petrified by this form.

[Andrew Walsh]

So anyway, and then Maggie from the middle shelf said that, yes, somebody. I can't remember exactly what happened, but in grade school, somebody stuck a pencil in her knee and there was still some lead in there. And that's what this person is referring to.

[Listener]

Hey, there. Just finishing up Friday's show and listening to middle shelf Maggie talk about the pencil point that's in her body. And it reminds me. It reminded me that I have a pencil mark on my butt, which is a more appropriate TBTL story.

[Andrew Walsh]

That wheel knows what it's doing, man.

[Luke Burbank]

It is all butt stuff today.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, there's your that.

[Luke Burbank]

We always end up talking about buttholes at this poker game.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't know you had that drop, but that is perfect. Back to annenonymous.

[Listener]

So I was probably in fourth grade and went to sit down in my desk chair. We were arranged in groups and Stuart Pesco held his pencil out and I sat on it and the point went into my butt. Needless to say, old Stuart got in a lot of trouble and. And I was invited over to his house by his mother, who was a judge, so that she could tell me that he only did it because he had a crush on me.

[Luke Burbank]

Very true.

[Listener]

You know, yada, yada, yada. But meanwhile, all these many years later, that gray mark is still in the middle of my butt. It hasn't moved anywhere, but it will always remind me of Stuart Power out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow. Not putting a name to that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, well, you know what? You did the crime, you got to do the time. I. E. You have to get, you know, referenced on the show. I'm trying to see if we can find. I wonder.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hate this kid, by the way. I'm so mad at him right now.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it. No, that's a different spelling. I'm trying to locate the adult version of this guy. Yeah, I'm having a little bit of trouble. Also, we don't know how Stuart is spelled, if it's S, T, U A R T or S T, E W art or what. But this reminds me, Andrew, of. I've told this story on the show before, and we don't have A ton of time today because I gotta. I gotta toddle off to Ron Tonkin. They are on me like this pencil mark on that listener on Anne Nemesis. They are on my ass, Ron Tonkin. Because my car's been saying, bring it in for service forever. And I don't want to do it because it's a hassle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

I did something like this where I put a pin out. I put a pin on like a. Like a. I put something sharp on the seat of a classmate. I think it was. I think I started out wanting to put it on the seat of my teacher, and then I got scared and then I moved it to a classmate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was it like a tack or a push pin?

[Luke Burbank]

It was sort of like attack, but worse. Because I think what it was was maybe an actual pin stuck through like one of those puffy stickers. So it was worse than just a tack. A thumbtack doesn't go that far. And I. I might have been more like a needle. I don't know. It was so bad. The. The quick story is there was a book at the book fair, I've talked about it before, called like 50 Ways to Sink a Sub or something like that. And I got into my head that it was our sworn duty as students if we had a sub to sync them, like, we had to take down a substitute teacher at all costs. And so in my mind, somehow this. Putting a pin on their chair seem like that was going to get the sub. But then of course, I got afraid of doing it to the teacher. So I had made this little weapon, and that's all you could really call it is a weapon. And I think instead of putting it on the teacher's chair, I then put it on a student's chair. And I remember her sitting down and getting poked and jumping right back up. And I remember when she was almost sitting down being like, I don't want this to happen. I don't want. I don't want to do this. But I couldn't stop it. I mean, I could have stopped it. I could have yelled. Anyway, I, to this day feel horrific about that. Like, what a mean thing to do. And it just one of those things where like, sometimes you're a kid and you just like, well, obviously you don't think things through. But also it's just like, I don't know. I wish very. I really very strongly wish that of course I would have never done that. It's one of my major regrets from childhood. So I'm standing up for Stuart.

[Andrew Walsh]

You didn't have A crush.

[Luke Burbank]

Stuart might also regret it.

[Andrew Walsh]

You didn't have a crush on this kid. It was just somebody who happened to just like, have a seat near you or is there a reason.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it was a girl student, So I probably did. I had a crush on every single female student in the class by virtue of the fact that they were a girl.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

So probably I did. But I don't think this was not my way consciously of trying to get her attention. In fact, I think when it happened, they couldn't figure out who did it. Thankfully, this was, I guess you could say, thankfully back in the day, before there was any. Like, there was no documentation of this. There was no cameras. There was like. It was kind of just like a. Well, somebody did something really bad. And I remember the person, the girl was. Okay. I don't. They didn't. Like, she didn't have to go to the nurse's office. I just think it was kind of a shocking poke, but I still feel really bad about that.

[Andrew Walsh]

By the way, 13 ways. I think it's 13 ways to say 13 ways.

[Luke Burbank]

Only 30.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And it's number one in the Hobie Hansen series. Apparently. Hobie. This is Hobie Hansen, book number one. So apparently Hobie Hansen is a. Is a character that a bunch of books are written about. And this is the official description on Amazon. Although I will say this seems like a. It doesn't seem like a hugely popular book. There's no art to go along with it. There's no, like cover art on this. I'm kind of surprised by that. But it says Hobie Hansen and the rest have. How am I doing?

[Luke Burbank]

Good.

[Andrew Walsh]

Starting over. We're gonna take a breath. Hobie Hansen and the rest of his fourth grade class can't believe their luck. Mr. Star, their teacher who never gets stick. I think that's supposed to be sick, but it says stick. Their teacher who never gets stick is not in school. That means they're getting a. That means it's time. Can you tell? Try to figure out which words are all caps. That means they're getting a sub. That means it's time for class to have some fun. The words are the. Those are words capitalized. It's boys against girls in the fight to see who can sink the sub faster. And what starts with simple name changing leads to an all out flood in the classroom. Does any of that ring a bell?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. So name changing, of course, would be not telling the teacher your real name.

[Andrew Walsh]

Pretending you're one of the other students. And everybody's swapping around their name.

[Luke Burbank]

And this is the thing about when we had this sub and I tried to sink her and then got scared and then assaulted a fellow student.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Nobody else, I think, was in on this. It wasn't like anyone else was reading that book. So it wasn't like we had. Everyone's like, ah, we got a sub, let's sink them. This existed only in my mind. I may have been the only person who read that book. I may have been the person who wrote that review.

[Andrew Walsh]

You might have, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that is fun, fun.

[Andrew Walsh]

Fun. By the way, on. It's also listed on Goodreads with kind of a more confusing summary that I'm not going to read the whole thing here, except for the very end. It says they are prepared. No, this is the students. No stranger could possibly withstand the volley from their vast arsenal of sub sinkers. Except perhaps Ms. Ivanovich. It soon becomes clear that it might not be the sub who sings this time. It might just be the students. I'll bet you it is. Oh, first published in 82, Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

Huh? That would have been about the time that I. That I was going to the book fair.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I wish that listener the best with their. With the lead in their butt. I hope they were able to. You know what? Honestly, resentment is a prison that you live in. So I hope they've been able to forgive old Stewart and I hope whoever that was that got their butt poked by my pin at Bagley Elementary School has been able to forgive me, because I haven't been able to forgive myself, I'll tell you that much.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is like when people go into, like, the Alcoholics Anonymous program or whatever. You got to make. What is it? Reparation? Or you got to, like, reach out to people and make.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah. Amends.

[Andrew Walsh]

Amends. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe that's something that you should think about doing.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my gosh. The deer family is walking through the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yard right now between boats and deer.

[Luke Burbank]

I know there's a lot. Sorry, I apologize. This is what happens when I. When I do my part of the show from an absolute. Like a wonderland, a wonderland of stimuli here.

[Andrew Walsh]

I have an answer for you, by the way, about why baby deer have spots, but they lose them as they get older. This is.

[Luke Burbank]

Tell me on tomorrow's show.

[Andrew Walsh]

I will try to.

[Luke Burbank]

We were discussing that at length off air, but I love that. For tomorrow's show.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah, I love it.

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Thank you for listening, everybody. We will be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you. So please do join us for that in the meantime, have a great Monday, and please remember, no Mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to Ultra Bowl.

[Listener]

You've got to give me a new brain worm. This one stuck. I just said brainworm. I meant ear worm. Let me start over. You. You've got to give me a new ear word. This one's stuck in my brain now and I can't get it out of there. All that YouTube talk on Friday, or.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whatever day it was.

[Listener]

Bye. Power out. Power out.