TBTL #4540: The Second-Greatest Story Ever Told

Date: August 26, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh
Special Guest: Susie Burbank (Luke’s mom)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Luke and Andrew are joined by Luke's mom, Susie Burbank, for an energetic and laughter-filled discussion. The trio covers an eclectic mix of topics, including the perplexities of arbitrary baseball rivalries, the peculiar experience of timeshare sales pitches, smoking habits, thrifty Goodwill hacks, and family travel scams. Classic TBTL digressions abound, but Luke’s mother steals the show multiple times with her wit, charm, and tales of low-key grifting.

Main Themes & Discussion Points

1. The Vedder Cup Nonsense

[00:08–13:00]

• The episode opens with Luke, Andrew, and Susie dissecting baseball’s so-called “Vedder Cup”—a manufactured rivalry between the Seattle Mariners and San Diego Padres, named after Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder.
• Susie is perplexed by the concept:

  "I don't look at them as our rivals because they're not even in the same division." – Susie [05:46]

• Andrew and Luke poke fun at the cup’s forced guitar-themed iconography:

  "They gave [Mariners catcher] Cal Raleigh his trophy, which was a guitar with a Vedder Cup logo on it." – Andrew [09:37]

• The absurdity of awarding a guitar when Vedder isn’t even known primarily as a guitarist is a recurring punchline.
• Notable Moment:
  Andrew reveals his superstition about “jinxing” Mariners wins by tuning in late, and Susie admits her unlucky Mariners shirt tradition. [10:04–11:02]

2. Family Chat: Baseball, Luck, and Trash Talk

[11:00–13:50]

• Luke boasts about his mom’s blossoming baseball lingo:

  "My new favorite is when my mom says, 'We gotta get some traffic going out there.'" – Luke [10:58]

• The family gently roasts Mariners star Julio Rodríguez’s celebratory streaks and etiquette about showboating after errors.
• Baseball fandom blends with family lore, superstitions, and their collective confusion over MLB’s attempts to force rivalries.

3. Cat-Controlled Extermination (and Extermination Fees)

[02:55–04:07]

• Andrew reports on letting his cat, Bingo, prowl Luke’s suspected mouse closet, leading to no sightings of rodents.

• "If you've solved this without poison and without traps, just by the very nature of having a cat in the house, well, then I think I owe you an extermination fee." – Andrew [03:27]

4. Smoking, Cigar Rituals, and "Meditative" Vices

[12:08–15:25]

• Susie discusses her lifelong relationship with cigarettes:

  "When I was a teenager … I started smoking when I was probably, like, 12 … I enjoy a cigarette, so I will look forward to my cigarette or two cigarettes in a day, and then I'll cut it off." – Susie [13:00, 13:37]

• Smoking is framed as a meditative ritual and a small pleasure, now that she’s quit drinking.
• Andrew jokes about his own parallel with Twisted Tea:

  "I pour Twisted Tea over ice … You bet your sweet ass I am." – Andrew [16:08]

5. Timeshare Meetings: Jedi-Level Grifting

[16:24–29:51]

• Susie reveals she and Walter (Luke’s dad) are masters at attending timeshare sales meetings solely for the free points and perks—not to buy.

  "I like to tell them right off the top, look, I'm here for the points … Years ago, [they] gave you a $100 Amex card. I said, 'That's why I'm here.'" – Susie [17:41]

• The salespeople’s tactics, from sweet rookies to pushy “big guns,” are described in hilarious detail.

  "After they get the idea that we're not going to up our credits, then they go for the big guns … and that is how we've bought more, because it's like, we will never give this offer again…" – Susie [22:16]

• A tale of an angry salesman ripping up his notes provides an example of their unflappable negotiation style.
• Amusing family lore: The time Luke, Susie, and newborn David finagled a personal ride to the airport from a Joe Namath lookalike sales boss, despite buying nothing.

  "We walk out and the Joe Namath guy is there in his like giant … some big old Cadillac type of deal. You know, just real Palm Springs energy." – Luke [29:52]

6. Grifting at Goodwill & Sneaky Philly Childhoods

[38:51–41:23, 34:08–37:43]

• Susie describes her thrift superpower: returning shoes at Goodwill, then “hiding” them until they’re deeply discounted.

  "I might have hid them. Yeah. But still, I hid them so … I am like a kid on Christmas morning from a wealthy family…" – Susie [39:27, 40:03]

• Stories of sneaking into Philly movie theaters as a kid (“Mary Poppins,” “The Greatest Story Ever Told”), and having no shame:

  "The usher comes with the flashlight … my brother Chucks with the usher because he got caught. He's out of there, right?"
  "And then I looked at the usher and I said, 'I've never seen him before in my life.'" – Susie [36:05–36:25]

  • Luke’s reaction:

    "I want listeners to understand this person … creates me inside her body and then sent me into the world." – Luke [36:41]

7. The Magazine Rack Saga

[54:05–66:46]

• Luke relates his frustrating experience assembling a DIY magazine rack ordered from China—no screws, unclear instructions, German wood glue, and mishaps galore.
• Andrew offers sympathy and advice (perhaps too late), and the two riff on what magazines should fill Luke’s new rack.
• Notable detour: childhood memories of folding away National Geographics for their “inadvertent” nudity.

  “I was just fascinated, riveted by this thing. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop looking at it, but I couldn’t.” – Luke [66:05]

8. Listener Voicemail: Hood to Coast Relay & Running Motivation

[73:52–79:16]

• Listener Allie calls in to thank TBTL for inspiring her running journey—she participated in Hood to Coast, the world’s largest relay race (~20,000 participants!) after starting with 5Ks less than a year ago.
• TBTL-inspired running pride:

  “I heard Luke ran the half marathon last year, and I thought, maybe I can do that…” – Listener Allie [77:41]

9. Relay Race Team Name Fun

[78:55–87:33]

• Luke and Andrew delight in funny and punny Hood to Coast team names:
  • “Whisker Biscuit”
  • “Legs Miserable”
  • “I’ve made a huge mistake”
  • “Worst Wine Tour Ever”
  • “Pooh’s Honey Bucket Adventure”
  • “Pass the Kielbasier”
  • “Jogging to Conclusions”
  • “Electrolyte Orchestra”
  • “Devil Wears Strava”
  • “Fool Runnings” (Andrew’s pitch)
• Stories about van life, the perils (and joys) of sleep deprivation, volunteering, and the one jerk who yells at volunteers.

Notable Quotes

• On Timeshare Honesty:
  “She said, ‘Why are you here?’ … I said, ‘For the American Express card.’” – Susie [18:03]

• On Sibling Loyalty (or lack thereof):
  “He [Chuck] says, ‘There she is.’ He rats on me. He puts the flashlight at me, and I said … ‘I’ve never seen him before in my life.’” – Susie [36:08]

• On Growing Up Thrifty:
  “I don’t have to sneak in anymore. … I don’t have to only go to Goodwill on Monday and I only look at the stuff that’s a buck 99.” – Susie [38:28]

• On Family Grit:
  “This person created me inside her body and then sent me out into the world.” – Luke [36:41]

• On Magazine Rack Triumph:
  “I put this really heavy cutting board on it so that it was weighted down … then when it was mostly dry, I stood it upright, put it in its place, and started putting magazines in because I was excited.” – Luke [63:18]

Memorable Moments & Tangents

• Andrew’s fake “maintenance fee” joke, paralleling podcast business meetings and “exterminator” fees [03:40].
• The family’s creative use of buy-one-get-one and “kids fly free” airline offers, stretching tickets—and the definition of “under two” [32:51–34:04].
• Detailed riffing on Honeydew melon, cantaloupe, and generational fruit salad trends [43:23–47:47].
• Luke’s nostalgia for sneaking glances at National Geographic, and curiosity about a Braille edition of Playboy [65:58–69:11].

Key Timestamps

• Vedder Cup and baseball rivalry absurdity: [00:08–13:00]
• Cat-based rodent control: [02:55–04:07]
• Timeshare tales and negotiation strategies: [16:24–29:51]
• Goodwill trickery and thrift culture: [38:51–41:23]
• Sneaky childhood cinema stories: [34:08–37:43]
• Magazine rack assembly frustrations: [54:05–66:46]
• Listener voicemail & relay race team name roundup: [73:52–87:33]

Tone

Laid-back, irreverent, and peppered with witty asides. The episode orbits around family warmth, shared frustrations, and life’s small hacks—anchored by Susie Burbank’s unfiltered wisdom and humor. If you love detail-rich family stories, good-natured ribbing, and the TBTL brand of meandering hilarity, this is a must-listen.

End of Summary