#4592 High Fives

Summary

TBTL Episode #4592 “High Fives”

Date: November 6, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

Episode Overview

In this lively Thursday edition of TBTL, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh revel in their latest audience-driven content craze: Top Five lists. Building on a listener’s parody idea, TBTL crowdsourced and debated listeners’ best (and worst) “top fives,” ranging from the everyday to the deeply personal and absurd, all with the signature self-aware goofiness that defines the show. The episode pivots through evocative discussions about grocery store music, restrooms—in all their glory and horror—and culminates with memorable audience submissions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin Story of the TBTL Top Five Craze

• Listener Bobby inspired the hosts by parodying the Dan LeBatard Show’s “Top Five” lists, specifically with “drinking beer” experiences.
• Audience response was enormous, birthing a segment in which listeners send in their own “top fives” (02:05–03:20).
  • Quote [02:54]:
    Andrew: "Shout out to listener Bobby, who sort of kicked this off...He did his own take on what they do on the Dan LeBatard show, which is the top five list... we got so many voicemails and emails from people who wanted to add to his list or take exception with his list or our list or whatever."

2. Grocery Store Music: The Ubiquitous Shared Soundtrack

• The hosts riff on the phenomenon of “grocery store music” and how certain songs (like “Pave Paradise and Put Up a Parking Lot”) tend to get stuck in your head unintentionally after shopping (04:10–06:38).
• Luke nostalgically recalls the role of Muzak—specifically its Seattle roots—and its association with “elevator music” (07:47–12:35).
  • Quote [05:08]:
    Andrew: "Maybe it depends on the neighborhood...if you’re in a Crows district or you’re in a Joni Mitchell district."

3. The True History of Muzak

• A debate on whether Muzak was Seattle-based leads to quick Wikipedia research confirming it was, between 1986–1999, with fun Seattle neighborhood trivia. The hosts affectionately roast their own urban legends (09:57–13:09).
  • Quote [11:19]:
    Andrew: "Muzak was based in various Seattle, Washington locations from '86 to '99..."
  • Quote [12:46]:
    Luke: "Elevator music was the worst possible thing you could say about music."

4. Top Five Lists: Content Preservation Methods

• The volume of good “top fives” from listeners inspires a bit wherein Luke suggests “vacuum sealing” content for leaner months—a play on canning versus Andrew’s “summer clothes under the bed” analogy (13:52–15:00).

5. Deep Dive: Top Five Most Satisfying Tinkles (Dave, NYC)

• Andrew reads Dave’s hilariously relatable and detailed “Top Five Most Satisfying Tinkles” (restroom visits), while Luke and Andrew riff and add their own observations (25:24–47:29):

  Dave’s List:

  1. The Work Meeting Pee: Relief after a pointless meeting.
  2. Middle of the Night Sit-Down Pee: That 3 am half-asleep, mostly eyes-shut bathroom break.
  3. One Hour Before Landing Pee: Managing your bladder before descent on a flight.
  4. The Rest Stop Whiz: Long drive salvation in a public restroom.
  5. Perfectly Timed Bar Pee: Slipping away during karaoke or a game for rejuvenation.

• Memorable Related Quotes:

  • Andrew (re: rest stops) [34:28]:
    "You never stop at the first rest stop that you need or want...and by that point, God, that is a good feeling."
  • Luke (re: bar bathrooms) [41:05]:
    "Being tipsy and peeing in the appropriate place is one of the great joys in life."
  • Andrew (re: the surreptitious outdoor pee) [44:47]:
    "The perfect crime. Oh, it's like a second life, because you have two different waves of relief."

• Hosts’ Additions:

  • Outdoor/camping pee for both the liberation and slight thrill of not being caught.
  • The “work pee you didn’t know you needed”—stress relief revealed as bladder relief.

6. Niche Top Five: Saddest Starbucks Experiences (Listener Summer, Seattle)

(48:04–51:56 via voicemail; Summer’s wit earns applause)

Summer’s Top Five:

1. Going to Starbucks at an “odd time” & being met by dead-eyed workers.
2. Full garbage, napkins on the floor, and a dirty service counter.
3. GPS takes you to a Starbucks inside a grocery store.
4. Nitro cold brew machine broken.
5. Bugs in the food case (ants and other horrors).

• Luke and Andrew both agree Summer could do her own Starbucks-focused podcast (51:02):
  • Luke: "I would listen to Summer’s Starbucks podcast 100%."

7. Minor Tangents and Running Gags

• A tangent about Roy Rogers, turnpikes, and the semiotics of different stopover types on U.S. highways (35:28–40:07).
• Andrew’s playful complaints about home recycling etiquette, Luke’s reflection on garbage can etiquette at coffee shops.
• Several comedic callbacks to TBTL’s “meeting notes” as a source for schtick approval (23:23–24:12).

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Notable Quotes

• Luke [06:40]:
  "I like it when the people that work at a place, are actually enjoying the music that's being played on the overhead."

• Andrew [10:58]:
  "Top five things that Luke has gotten wrong."

• Luke [28:01]:
  "If I'm at home and I'm peeing, I'm sitting down. Really. I'm always looking for an excuse, Andrew...I will never miss an opportunity to sit down when it is presented."

• Andrew [44:39]:
  "The surreptitious outdoor pee...my God, the perfect crime. Oh, it's like a second life, because you have two different waves of relief."

• Luke [51:02]:
  "There's nothing worse than when you have garbage to throw away and the garbage can is over full and you're balancing your garbage on top of other garbage."

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–01:23: Playful cold open and banter (“Do you not remember one single thing about me?”)
• 02:03–03:20: Origin of Top Five List segment (shout out to Bobby)
• 04:07–06:38: Grocery store music and “earworm” discussion
• 07:47–12:35: The history and pop-culture of Muzak
• 13:52–15:00: “Canning/vacuum sealing” Top Fives for future use
• 25:24–47:29: Dave’s Top Five Most Satisfying Tinkles
• 48:04–51:56: Summer’s Top Five Saddest Starbucks Experiences
• 51:56–end: Hosts’ reactions, minor tangents, and closeout

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Memorable Moments

• Luke’s misheard Big Thief lyric: He excitedly tells Becca that Adrianne Lenker is Diane Rehm’s granddaughter, only to discover later it’s Diane Lee, not Diane Rehm (18:20–19:58).
• The Surreptitious Outdoor Pee: Andrew’s poetic ode to the “thrill” and “perfect crime” of peeing behind a dumpster while waiting for the bus after beers (44:39).
• Summer’s Starbucks list cliffhanger: Her voicemail ends abruptly while describing the horror of bugs in the display food, to dramatic effect (50:23).

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Recap & Takeaway

Episode #4592 of TBTL is a delightful, meandering showcase of what the show does best: turning ordinary experiences into shared comedy gold. Whether discussing bathroom breaks, regional gas station culture, or the existential despair of grocery store Starbucks, Luke and Andrew—alongside their dedicated listeners—celebrate the trivial in a bighearted, self-effacing fashion. The episode brims with quotable moments and is a thoroughly enjoyable listen or read, especially for those charmed by life’s most relatable minutiae.

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Power out! (53:57)

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Tell me one fact that you know about me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do you not remember one single thing about me?

[Summer]

Dude, things have been nuts around here. I bet you don't know anything about me.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were born in Phoenix. You went to school in Tempe.

[Luke Burbank]

You're an only child.

[Andrew Walsh]

Your favorite show is something called the.

[Luke Burbank]

Real Housewives of Atlanta.

[Andrew Walsh]

And your favorite book is Kendall Jenner's Instagram feed. How did you know all that? Because you are constantly talking about yourself. You are the most self. Self obsessed person I've ever met. You should see Kendall Jenner's Instagram feed. TBTL.

[Summer]

Hey, tbtl. You w. You want. You. You could do so You. You do. You could.

[Andrew Walsh]

I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it and what's it seems weird and scary to me.

[Summer]

It may be an ugly world, but at least I have a beautiful face.

[Luke Burbank]

I see you exhaling, sir. We're gonna be with you in just a moment. You've gotta be patient. Okay? We're very, very sorry. Our apologies.

[Andrew Walsh]

We apologize to you. You will not have to wait that.

[Luke Burbank]

Much longer at all. All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

You won't ever find a more wretched.

[Luke Burbank]

H. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. If you want to talk, I've got two ears, and they're tuned to the listening station. Coming to you once again from the Madrona Hill studio. I'm back, baby. Perched high above the mighty Columbia, where we have got a fun show in store for you. It's episode 4591 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. We're gonna do some top fives today. This is really the content sensation that's sweeping the nation. By that, I mean sweeping tbtl. It's where we go through the top five experiences of various things.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is special.

[Luke Burbank]

This is special. And decide where the people who are submitting these were wrong or omitted things. That's the fun part of it. We're gonna do that today with the help of this young man, longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He wants to be very clear about what this show is. In fact, it's just two men celebrating each other's strength. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. How are you doing, buddy?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm great.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good.

[Luke Burbank]

I am feeling good. I'm feeling excited. I like this top five thing that we've started doing. And by the way, huge turnout from the fans. People also really like this. What would you call it, framing technique. A lot of people submitting a lot of things for these shows.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And shout out to listener Bobby, who sort of kicked this off. It was sort of a. He did sort of a. Honestly, started as a bit of a parody sort of. Or his own take on what they do on the Dan LeBatard show, which is the top five list, where they list. They call honorable mentions olis, which means outside looking in. And he did that about beers, experiences of drinking beers. And it just got. I mean, we got so many voicemails and emails from people who wanted to add to his list or take exception with his list or our list or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just worried about it going to Bobby's head. He's a pretty big wheel down at the Cracker Factory. And by Cracker Factory, I mean the Eerie Philharmonic. But he also. Radio appearances.

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe he's also.

[Luke Burbank]

Also is in charge of the music at the Cracker Factory.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. He chooses the playlists every night.

[Luke Burbank]

Regional celebrity out there in the part of the world that he lives. And then he's also doing things on TBTL that are starting entire movements. And I just.

[Andrew Walsh]

I worry.

[Luke Burbank]

I worry that he's going to become insufferable.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, speaking of choosing music at workplaces, this was a list that I. Well, this was an idea for a list that I was tossing around via text with my buddy Nick Jarin a while back, which is top five songs that you hear in a grocery store. I feel like Phil Collins is definitely on that list, so.

[Luke Burbank]

Songs, you mean, but. Or artists?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I. Now I want to back away from Phil Collins a little bit because I have some personal memories of, like, Phil Collins songs coming on in a grocery store. And they're kind of like. They've been little moments for me. But honestly, I don't even know if that's a good pick for that list. Maybe that's an Oli. Because there are some songs that are just like. You hear them in grocery stores. You're like, of course. Like, if you. If you are wandering around your day, it's the afternoon or early evening and you have a song stuck in your head and you're like, how the hell did this song get stuck in my head? I want you to stop for a minute and examine your day. Did you go to a grocery store? Because if you did, I'll bet you a Million bucks. That's how that random song got stuck in your head. Pave the original version of Pave paradise and put up a parking lot. That's a great grocery store song.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't mean the counting. I actually, I would argue maybe the Counting Crows version could. Is actually maybe replaced the Joni Mitchell version. As far as a thing you would hear on the. On the music at the.

[Andrew Walsh]

In a grocery store. Interesting. Maybe it depends on the neighborhood.

[Luke Burbank]

Uh huh. If you're in a Crows district or if you're in a Joni Mitchell district.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

I can only think of one song from a grocery store now. And it's because it's in an intro package that we play. Do you remember the song?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh yes, I know the intro package. They keep. It's like they keep on going to. Over the speaker announcements and they say, please check out our special On Daddy's Home 2. The only store. The only, the only VHS that you'll find in a grocery store.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the story of a girl, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

And who does that song. See, that's an era that I don't really know that that's like that early 2000s, like punk pop music, right?

[Luke Burbank]

I guess. Yeah, I don't. I don't know the name of that artist either. But that song was definitely was pretty ubiquitous at the time. And now because it's used in that. In that tape, that's the song I think of. I think what you're saying, it's not even the specifics of the songs. It's more just the fact that you're absolutely right. I think that probably the. Also you're a heavy user of the grocery store. I was gonna say the grocery store is one of the last public spaces where they're still probably playing music. And so that's when we go into it. I mean, first of all, we're going into fewer and fewer public spaces probably because more and more stuff is being purchased online. I mean, for commerce. Right. Like, and then I feel like the grocery store, they still do bump the tunes. And sometimes, you know what makes me really happy is when I'm in the produce section and they're bumping the tunes and one of the produce folks is singing along.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I don't know if I've experienced that.

[Luke Burbank]

I like it when the people that work at a place are actually enjoying the music that's being played on the overhead. It makes me feel like, okay, they like being here, they like music. This is making their day better. Like when I worked at Dick's Drive in And I used to look forward all day until I would hear, ironically, I guess, Let It Be by the Beatles, because that told me that I was, I think, about 45 minutes from my shift being over because the music was on such a tight schedule that I knew, I knew, like the second or third spin of Let It Be meant, oh, we're almost done here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God. See, that's interesting. Like, I. I rarely hear an employee singing along to the music because I think that they've heard the songs too many times. And while I try to maintain a personality as somebody who does not force grocery store employees to engage with me, like, I just, like, they don't want to chat with this old man. Every now and then I will ask when a song is playing kind of loudly, and I'm checking and I'm like, do you. Do you hear the same songs all the time? And it's always the same answer, which is just like a huge eye roll. And just like this, this moment where they feel very seen and they're like, yes, I've heard this five today.

[Luke Burbank]

See, maybe I don't again. I haven't had that many jobs where, where there was like Muzak or whatever you call that. You know, Muzak is based in Seattle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, no. The original company Muzak.

[Luke Burbank]

The original company Muzak. Which is that still a going concern?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that like, you know, are they, are they, is there, are they still building their, their base of customers? Is Muzak out there in the world? I mean, we, we did a story, by the way, we need to get to these top fives. But we did a story some time ago about what we decided was probably a scam operation of people just like sending. And we talked about how this happened to your dad, actually at Walsh Manufacturing at some point.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if it was actually a scam, but he did.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm willing to say it was a scam.

[Andrew Walsh]

Some hold music. So they had to change their hold music.

[Luke Burbank]

I am, I'm willing to say on the record was absolutely a scam.

[Andrew Walsh]

I asked him about that. He has very little, very little recall at all of that whole thing. I'm like, do you remember? You had to. You were using classical music as your hold music. Somebody.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the story of a girl.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sends you like a cease and desist or something, and you had to change your music. And he's like, oh, I just. He just. He barely had a recollection of that, which is why I'm a little Bit uncomfortable with you suddenly saying my dad was scammed in the 90s.

[Luke Burbank]

Your dad was scammed into near bankruptcy.

[Andrew Walsh]

My dad was scammed into the 90s, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

He was scammed. It was cross. What is the. What's the word I'm looking for? It was actually dragged him into a whole other decade. It was cross decade, the scamming that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Went on for Bob.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but like, I do. I do wonder if. If the. If Muzak is still able to get people. I mean, on one hand, I mean, I. There's pro. It's certainly not like more legal to just play a Spotify or Pandora playlist at your grocery store over the pa, Right? Like, I'm sure you're still not technically allowed to do that.

[Andrew Walsh]

You need some sort of clearance. You'd probably have to buy a license.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. And that's kind of. That was part of. I think where Muzak came in was that it was, you know, if you paid them, then you had all the. You weren't going to get in trouble with anyone for basically increasing the experience in your establishment by using music that somebody else wrote and was entitled to money for.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think, let's see, I'm on a Muzak website here. Muzak is still a company, but I think they're now maybe officially branded as Mood Media. And then Muzak background, they call it Muzak background music is underneath that.

[Luke Burbank]

And it also looks like I was loud wrong on Muzak's history.

[Andrew Walsh]

Not. Not Pacific Northwest based.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know, I'm just. I'm on their Wikipedia page. I feel like I'm seeing a bunch of stuff. Why did I think that, by the way?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. Are you. You're not thinking of stock photography, are you? No, because they're certainly based here. What's their name? Oh, my goodness gracious. I actually. Getty Images, of course, is Seattle based.

[Luke Burbank]

How is Getty based in Seattle? That's not named for. Is it not unrelated to the Getty family, like the Getty Corporation of la? The Getty.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is true. There are different Gettys, but I don't know. That's a good point. I do consider Getty to be associated with la, of course, but I thought that Getty Images was based in Seattle. I could be wrong about this. I'm wrong.

[Luke Burbank]

Top five things that Luke has gotten wrong. Top five favorite things that Luke gets wrong I'm going to do, you know, before tomorrow, Angie, Andrew, after today's show and before tomorrow, I'm going to do a little deep diving because it's not that I'm trying to die on this hill about Muzak, but it's. I'm trying to figure out where. Where it is that that got into my head that there's a strong Seattle association.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, hold on, hold. Well, I mean, I know you want to come back tomorrow, but if I just type in Muzak Seattle, I get the Wikipedia page. And the preview on Google says Muzak was based in various Seattle, Washington locations from 86 to 99, after which it moved its headquarters to outside Charlotte in 2000.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, cancel tomorrow's show.

[Andrew Walsh]

We don't have. Sorry I burned your content. But no, I also didn't want you to lose sleep over this.

[Luke Burbank]

You can burn any content. Involves me being less raw.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, exactly. So, yeah, you were totally right. And that would be the era that you would have been, you know, that you would have known of it and been proud of it, probably.

[Luke Burbank]

And their HQ used to be up kind of in the Maple Leaf neighborhood, if I remember right. Kind of like as you would be driving along, you know, you're going past. Well, anyway, it was sort of between, like the Roosevelt neighborhood, but then before you got to, like, where Nathan Hale was over by the. What was the Wedgwood Broiler? Not too far from the Wedgwood Broiler, there was a building and it said Muzak. And the reason that jumped out at me as a kid was because as a kid, what I knew of Muzak was like, oh, that's boring music. Because Muzak had wormed its way into the pop culture as like a quick throwaway line for music that you didn't want to be hearing. Like, oh, God, the Muzak.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, that's what I knew about elevator music, too.

[Luke Burbank]

Elevator music.

[Andrew Walsh]

Elevator music or music like growing up, I feel like those were very boomery references that we absorbed as the children of boomers. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. Like, elevator music was the worst possible thing you could say about music.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, absolutely. And by the way, I mean, for whatever it's worth, Getty Images was founded by somebody who was part of Mark Getty back. Let's see, this says 95. Although that seems so much later than I would have thought. Wouldn't you have thought Getty Images would be older than that? But he is part of the Getty family for whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

But probably in Seattle, right? It is. I do think you're right.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's based in Seattle.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, now, what about the voice of Getty Lee?

[Andrew Walsh]

How did it get so high? I wonder if he talks like an ordinary Guy. Luke, should we. Do we have so many? Okay, I want to say some things about these lists. We asked listeners if they could send in some of their ideas for top five lists and then sort of fill them out themselves. Right. Anything. It could be anything. And we have some good examples of them coming up now. We have as often as the case with this show, we have had a tremendous response from the listeners. And so we're not even going to be able to get to probably. I don't even know if we'll be able to get to a quarter of the lists that were sent in. So I'm wondering if maybe we can hang on to some of these because they're all good. Yeah, you know, it's like I got 10 fingers, but I wouldn't give up any of them.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I mean, again, I don't want to like already start looking forward to special programming, but I did have the thought, oh, these, these lists actually seem like they're really good content and if we have too many of them, we don't want them to go to waste. Maybe we, we preserve them. Yeah, they're vacuum seal them in a mason jar and we put them up on the shelf and we, we bring them back down at some point, we bring them out of the root cellar and we enjoy them during the cold, dark winter months when they'll still be delicious.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now that sounds good. I had one idea too. Let me know if you're okay with this. I got one of those giant bags that you can then hook a vacuum cleaner up to then suck all of the air out of it to like really kind of make it easily storable. So I was gonna put them all, all the ones we don't use, maybe into one of those things, vacuum it, and then put under the bed.

[Luke Burbank]

See, this is the difference in our approach to this. I'm planning on eating these topics. That's why I, you're. You're describing them in a non perishable kind of a way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like I plan on rolling all over them and burying. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

You're talking about them like winter, like summer clothes that you put away, you vacuum seal and put under the bed. I'm talking about them like peaches. Although I guess those aren't refrigerated either, if you can them properly.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, they're not usually refrigerated. Right. Canning means you don't have to do.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you ever done any real canning?

[Andrew Walsh]

Isn't that a surprise?

[Luke Burbank]

Kind of seems like something you'd like.

[Andrew Walsh]

I got to get into it. I got to get into it. I think the thing is I'm not associated with any kind of grow, any kind of garden or growing or even CSA situation that lends itself to having a whole bunch of extra produce that I don't know what to do with. One thing that I would like to get into is pickling. I've said this on the show many, many times because I love pickles and I could and I love also these kinds of projects where the majority of time is spent waiting. You feel like you're doing something, but all you have to do is look at the jars sitting there and you're like, I'm doing something right now. I'm pickling those things.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what my entry into pickling is going to be? Quick pickling.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not. You think I'm joking. Like, I mean that's the, like the easiest and like the kind of requires the least amount of waiting. And again, it's in the name. Quick pickling. I see all these. My brother in law, Josh is a boy, he's a food phenom all around, but he'll quick pickle some red onion. You probably do the same thing. A lot of people do this. I love having a quick pickled red onion. I don't think I've ever done it on my own. I want to start doing that and then once I master that, then I'll move into medium pickling and then eventually long pickling.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, be careful, cowboy. All right, so all of that is.

[Luke Burbank]

How about this? Let's thank some donors. First of all, I like it. You call me cowboy.

[Andrew Walsh]

It feels cool.

[Luke Burbank]

Feel like, you know, I don't know, real, real, real, real mask, real macho. Let's thank some donors and then let's finally, let's dive into some of these top fives.

[Andrew Walsh]

If, if you will. Sounds good.

[Summer]

Thank you, baby.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, let's thank those donors who are making this program, this thing called TBTL possible five days a week. This is 100% listener supported. The way that this is our job and is a job for John Sklaroff is because of folks like Joshua Johnson in Missoula, Montana.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey Joshua. Thank you as always, Joshua.

[Luke Burbank]

I wonder, probably not the one time host of the public radio show 1A.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you don't know for sure.

[Luke Burbank]

We can't say. It's not that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Joshua wouldn't say that to Tom Petty, would you?

[Luke Burbank]

No, you wouldn't, you wouldn't, you wouldn't open a can of whoop up on Tom Petty.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm so, I'm so sorry. I was confused. I don't even know why I said that. I was confusing 1A with. What was the Canadian show that.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I. Billy Bob appeared on you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Was it called something else before that or was it always called Q? Me?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think it was always called Q. And it was Meshi. What was.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it was John Gameshi.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ghomeshi. Gameshi was the last name of that. Of that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. No longer.

[Andrew Walsh]

But there's no connection there. 1A is at WAMU. Like I have 1A used to be.

[Luke Burbank]

The Diane Ream show.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

So when Diane Ream stopped doing that show, they said, well, we can't call it the Diane Ream show anymore because we're down to Diane Ream.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Did I tell you about the. I know we've got donors to thank. We've got top fives to five. They tell you about a very kind of an embarrassing moment that was Diane Ream related that it got me so excited and then Becca had to bring me back down to earth.

[Andrew Walsh]

So this is a. This is. Is a Becca era story, which means recent, yet it's a Diane related Diane Ream related story.

[Luke Burbank]

So I was listening to. I really like the band Big Thief.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And there's a song on the Big Thief. Not this most recent. There's a new album out, which is really good, but they're the previous one. There's a song that's sort of towards the end of the record, and it's Adrian Lenker, who's the lead singer. Big Thief is just kind of. It's kind of a rollicking number. And she says, sitting on the porch, hanging out with Diane Ream, that's my grandma. And I was like, are you kidding me right now? Adrian Lenker of Big Thief is Diane Ream's granddaughter. Like, this is crazy. This is. And I told the one person who would care about this as much as I do, which was Becca, because she of course knows who Diane Ream is, and she also loves Big Thief. And so I was like. I was like. I was like, you gotta sit down right now. Like, this is like. I broke up the middle of her day to blow her mind with the news that Adrienne Lanker's grandmother is radio's Diane Rehm. And she goes, I thought she was always saying Diane Lee. And I was like, no, no, no, it's definitely Diane Rehm. And then later I looked up the lyrics on whatever and it's Diane Lee. It's nothing to do with Diane. I just misheard it. And I got so excited by the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Connection in the song story. She's actually hanging out on the porch with her real grandma.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whose name is just Diane Lee. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's my grandma. And, like, I just got so these two people whose work I had admired over the years and also just who. I kind of was very aware of the idea that there was a connection between the two of them and that it was buried somewhere in this song that Adrienne Lenker is Diane Reen's granddaughter. I just was so psyched about it that I didn't let the actual thing she was saying get in the way of my excitement.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And then I looked it up, and then I. And then the rest of my day was kind of a letdown, honestly.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're still recovering.

[Luke Burbank]

I am. Tiffany Peterson's made it through just fine, actually. In South Orange, New Jersey, Tiffany Peterson was never even under the impression that Diane Rehm was the grandmother of Adrienne Langley.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ignorance is bliss.

[Luke Burbank]

It sure is. This is one of the many reasons I'm jealous of Tiffany. And also Ann Piquino of Everett, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Anne's been supporting the show for EVs, and I've been, let's just say, 50. 50 on saying Ann's last name for EVs.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, we haven't received any corrections that I know of or rec. And everybody knows I have a really good memory.

[Luke Burbank]

But is there also. The other day off air, you were telling me, oh, there's the pronunciation part that you don't see. You were talking to me, and I thought, why don't I see? Wouldn't that be. Is there another cell on the Excel that I don't know about that?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, there's a whole bunch of cells, including, like, email addresses and everything. And the thing is, there's one column that is the F column. So the A. You want to do this. The A column is first name. The B column is last name. The C column is city. The D column is state. And that's all the information we usually need. The E column is where I put notes about what day we thanked people, because sometimes at the end of the year, people will say, hey, you never thanked me. And I can look it up and make sure that I slam them down. And then I just say, listen, you gave us money, and we thanked you.

[Luke Burbank]

And you got E column.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then there's the F column, which it's like one out of every three, 30 or 40 people have a pronunciation. It's so rare that it's not Even worth it. That's blow up the whole email I'm sending you to try to include that. So when I see a pronouncer, I try to integrate it into the. Into something that would be more easily read.

[Luke Burbank]

So I appreciate you doing the advanced work on that. And we're saying that Ann is confident in our ability to say her last name. And so we don't have a pronouncer on Ann's last name.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or you could email John if you want a pronouncer to be added to your name, email John J o [e-mail] and he'll add it to the information for future readings.

[Luke Burbank]

I do not need that help for Casey Anderson of Boise, Idaho, because Casey is, of course, long time. Long time. How many millions of years ago were we actually staying in Boise in that RV parked backyard with Marge the Bulldog?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's been a minute, but Casey still stays in touch and still supports the show. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you, Casey. Thanks to Sam Charner of Chicago, Illinois.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you. You're a real charter.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, God, Sam, I apologize for that. That was a hundred percent, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

And to some degree, John, by it. We have a. There's a meeting yesterday we had a.

[Luke Burbank]

Meeting column where they, they do their little jokes. I don't see that one either. I'm not privy to that.

[Andrew Walsh]

And we had a meeting yesterday and I said, what do you guys feel about me making a charmer slash charter joke? And you said, and I quote, you said, that's the best idea I've ever.

[Luke Burbank]

Heard in my life, honestly. That's what I said.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is what you said.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm keeping it 100. And finally, thank you to Leah Farzen who's in Juneau, Alaska.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, that feels so far away.

[Luke Burbank]

And yet in Washington state. You know, I feel like we're growing up in Washington State. You feel very connected to Alaska because we're the closest state.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure, yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

The closest other state. And also I had a lot of friends whose dads were fishermen and they would go and fish out of Alaska like they lived in Seattle, but they'd spend significant portions of the year up in like Dutch harbor and places like that. So cool. I've always felt connected to Alaska, even though it is a fur piece from. From even Washington state. And yet the good news is the Internet makes it all the way up to where Leah is. And then Leah uses the Internet, presumably to send money all the way down to where we are. And this whole thing just keeps going.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm looking at directions now. First of All. I cannot take the E line there. That is so. To me, there's no. It looks like there's. Literally they don't have an E line.

[Luke Burbank]

On the can am.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're not even showing any public transportation options for.

[Luke Burbank]

Because when you go through Canada, it's the A line.

[Andrew Walsh]

See, in the meeting yesterday, you floated that.

[Luke Burbank]

If you remember, you were using the restroom during that part of the meeting. So you actually didn't vote on that. But anyway, thank you to all of our donors for making. Thanks for making TBTL possible. We couldn't do this thing without you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, where are we going to start with these top five?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, it's interesting. You just. I. You just inadvertently changed the plan, Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

Or vertically or maybe it's all part of my system.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, no, because you don't know what's in these lists and I do. And what. And I. So we have a bunch of voicemails from folks and we have some emails from folks and usually I like to emphasize voicemails because, you know, we're an audio medium. Right, but. And so I was going to start with the voicemail and then lead into the email, but we have an email here from Dave in New York City who says, oh, I have a list of the top five most satisfying tinkles. And since you made that joke about me leaving the meeting to use the restroom yesterday. Okay, I figured that. Is fate saying that we must start with Dave's top five most satisfying tinkles.

[Summer]

Did you get drunk and urinate on people?

[Andrew Walsh]

I can't comment on that. It occurred to me, if we're doing Dave's list, should we have some music behind it? That's one thing I did not like.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe the song Yellow by Coldplay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whatever you want.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm trying to make it thematic.

[Andrew Walsh]

What are we allowed to play these days is a whole nother thing. Should we just play the El Robo theme song underneath?

[Luke Burbank]

That's one of the last things that we're allowed to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let me see.

[Luke Burbank]

We could play.

[Andrew Walsh]

How about that?

[Luke Burbank]

That's music from a yellow billed loon.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, well, that's. Are we allowed to play that here? How about this?

[Luke Burbank]

I believe so.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll just play this for now. If you have anything more funny or fun, we can punch it in in post. We can't. It's impossible.

[Luke Burbank]

The most impossible thing to do.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is the music.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, I like this list. I like this list.

[Andrew Walsh]

So Dave in New York City, top five most satisfying tinkles. Number five, the work meeting. That could have been an email. Be it on Zoom or in person, we've all been there. A meeting that no one needed to be in scheduled inconveniently early in the day, just as the morning coffee has had a chance to settle in. When you rush out of that meeting and into the bathroom, the sheer sense of relief reminds you that you should decline every meeting invite ever. Seems like there's a lot going on there that's not just about peeing.

[Luke Burbank]

Feels like Dave might work at the Chair Company. Yeah, he might work at the place that builds the malls. In the Chair Company TV show. I feel like that's Tim Robinson would be running out of a meeting and then taking a whiz that was like he was dying to take.

[Andrew Walsh]

Although I will say so far in that, in that show, in some ways he's not the worst project manager. He's like a pretty go along, get along guy when it comes to the actual project. He's insufferable when it comes to anything else, like his ego or let's just say side projects, side quests, side quests.

[Luke Burbank]

Jeep tours and the like. Yeah, okay, so work. So in other words, the this is number five and we're going to meeting.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're stuck in a meeting and this is number five and you go out and you finally get to use the restroom after the meeting, and it's the number five most satisfying tinkle on Dave's list. The number four is the middle of the night. Sit down. Now that's something you do, don't you?

[Luke Burbank]

There any other kind? I don't trust myself in the dark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Oh, that's right. You leave the lights off because you don't want to wake yourself up too much and you're walking around with your eyes.

[Luke Burbank]

I call it an. I call it a reverse bodetting.

[Andrew Walsh]

We'll. We'll keep the lights off for you.

[Luke Burbank]

We'll leave. We'll leave the lights off for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

He also tends to walk around with his eyes open. And you do this with your eyes closed. Don't you do something where you're trying to keep your eyes closed?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, sometimes if it's the middle of the night and I'm using the bathroom, I will try to stay as asleep as I can during the process. Which means don't turn the light on in the bathroom. Don't open my eyes fully. Maybe have them just kind of mostly closed still. And definitely sit down. But I'm be honest with you, if I'm at home and I'm peeing, I'M sitting down. Really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I don't do that.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm always looking for an excuse, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

To have a good seat.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean that's like. That sounds like I'm trying to be funny. I will never miss an opportunity to sit down when it is presented. Unless if I was at a public restroom. I will always use the urinal, obviously, but if I'm at my house.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but you sit down in the urinal, right? Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't.

[Andrew Walsh]

It really depends on the situation, honestly. Sports bars, I definitely do. Yeah. Here's Dave's context for this. He says you've woken up at 3am you're not exactly awake but not asleep either. You know that you don't actually need to pee, but if you just do it and get it over with, you will fall asleep much faster. That's another thing that I, that's not my experience. If I am on the edge and, or like if I don't really think I need to pee, I'm not getting up out of bed. The problem for me is this cannot. I cannot trust myself to go back to sleep. So then I get up and I use the restroom.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. Well for me, generally speaking if I wake up needing to pee, it's because I really actually need to pee.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, me too.

[Luke Burbank]

Every once in a blue moon, this is what it'll be. It would be second time. So first time I wake up needing to pee it's like you got to do this. But let's say that's at 3 in the morning. Sometimes there might be at like 4, 4:30. A little like a 30 percenter to kind of wake up and go. Like I could go. And this is what I do. I don't. I go back to sleep because now my body has set a new alarm that will definitely get me out of bed at 6, 6:30. Like I literally harness that discomfort to be something that will propel me out of bed. Because I know like, oh, in an hour and a half this is going to be not great. And that's fine. I'm good with that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I used to have that, but now my wake ups happen too early to push if that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like I know what you're talking about. It doesn't apply to me right now. Number three on Dave's list and this is the first one that I start to associate with more is number three, the one hour before landing P you know that the flight is almost over and that if you don't go now you run the risk of not Being able to go until the concourse. So you slip out of your seat and you make your run and you come out of the door to find five people lined up outside the lavatory. There is something about that for me because I don't often have. I don't usually have to pee in the first part of any kind of an airplane trip.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that because you've made sure to go in the airport itself? Are you trying to get on that airplane completely evacuated, as it were?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think so. Also, I'm probably drinking water, which obviously makes you pee. But for some reason I always think of coffee as being more of a trigger. And usually on a flight I'm not drinking coffee before or during because I don't, you know, if I could be decaffeinated and maybe, you know, accidentally get a little bit of shut eye, I'd prefer that than being like wired on coffee on an. In an airplane seat. So. But there is something about like, you're especially like, let's say it's a five hour flight and you're like, boy, I haven't used the restroom at all. But maybe you've watched a movie, you've read half a book, and then you're like, well, we got about an hour left. You can start counting down safely because you're like, well, we have an hour left. And then that means in about 20 to 30 minutes they're going to start the descent, which means it would just time out well for me to use the restroom. And also I could do something to break up this monotony a little bit. And so the one hour before landing P speaks to me.

[Luke Burbank]

But this is where your strict adherence to the aisle really helps you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Because you're not doing any calculating. And this is the whole reason you do it. You're not doing any calculating of like, how many times have I made these folks get up in this aisle? You don't even want to have that be something you're worried about or considering. For me, it has to do with a lot of it has to do with did I get upgraded or not, if I am, because I'm a window guy. But if you get upgraded, if you happen to be up near the front of the plane, a lot of times you can get out of your window seat and go past your seatmate with consent, and they don't have to actually get up. There's that much room up there. And so that's also very nice because again, I'm getting both the window seat and I'm not stressing about bugging the person next to me. But, yeah, I know. Particularly. Oh, man, back in my boozier days. Because that'll really kick it in, too. On the flight. Right? There would be. Let's just put it this way. I don't agree with anything about this guy's behavior, but there were times where I sort of vaguely understood how it was that Gerard Depardieu was peeing in the aisle of a flight. Yeah, I've never done that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would never do that. He was super drunk, right?

[Luke Burbank]

He was wasted drunk. But what happened was. Again, I'm. I. I promise you, I'm not trying to defend his actions, but I think what happened in that flight was it was one of those things where the plane has pushed back. It's out on the, you know, the Runway, the tarmac, but for some reason, it's like. Like it's in an active Runway, which is like you can't get out of your seat. But it's not just, like, taking off. It's like kind of in purgatory, which can sometimes be a really long time. And the thing about drunk peeing or drunk needing to pee is I feel like that just goes from zero to 60. Like, probably because it's a diuretic, probably because, you know, all this chemical elements of it. That's the. That's the. Like, you just don't have any. You just don't have any discretion anymore about. About if you need to pee or not. It's like you have to pee, and you have to pee so bad that you're now almost about. Have an accident, which is, again, not defending Gerard Depardieu, but just making. Making it known that I'm. I'm grateful that at this phase of my life that's less common for me, where I'm sitting in the seat and looking around, and we're, like, beginning our initial descent, and I'm thinking, can I actually hold this until we're at the gate?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And more on. Because more on the peeing that is influenced by the Boozy Peas. Yeah, in. In a moment, because I want to return to that, but let's get on with Dave's list here. Number two is the rest stop whiz. You've been on the road for four hours, and you start to feel that press at the bottom of your pelvis. And just as you feel it, a sign appears, rest stop ahead. You pull in, you do your business, and you get back in the car and on the road like a champ. That is a good one, because usually you're Pushing it. You never stop at the first rest stop that you need or that you want. You stop at 1, 2, or 3 down where it's kind of like, I can't deal with this anymore. We're stopping. And by that point, God, that is a good feeling.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what they should do, honestly? They should put gas pumps at the rest stop that are operated by the state and the revenue should go to the state.

[Andrew Walsh]

Interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I guess then you just have a gas station. But what I mean is, like. Because I feel like I haven't been to a rest stop in the longest time because when I'm in charge of the vehicle, I'm with you. Like, I'm always like, going, well, a few more miles, A few more miles. And then it's like, well, I'm going to go to the gas station because I need gas. So while the car is getting filled with gas, I am getting emptied of urine at the gas station. Like, the fact that both of those things can happen at once means I'm spending less and less time in. In your finer rest stops. Whereas when I was a kid, we were a rest stop family, we would stop at the. I mean, there's a lot of kids, too, but it'd be like, they'd have. Sometimes there'd be like a sweet lady from the, like, Elks Club that would have, like, coffee and cookies for a donation. Did you ever see that when you were a kid?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know if I saw that. And I'm going a little bit bananas here, Luke. And I'm sorry, my brain sort of wandered here, but I need your help with something because I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

How dare you. During my entertaining story from my childhood.

[Andrew Walsh]

I am struggling with a very, very common word that I can't think of, which is the highway, the toll highway that you travel on when you're going on a very long road trip. But the kind that doesn't just have your regular mobile gas stations or whatever, but they have true, like, truck stops and rest stops. And then they'll have like the. The little, like, stops that have a Roy Rogers and something called the wrap and whatever like those other fast food restaurants are. That are only in these. What is the word for that kind of highway?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I would call that turnpikeway.

[Andrew Walsh]

Turnpike.

[Luke Burbank]

Turnpike.

[Andrew Walsh]

The turnpike. That's different than a highway. Right? The turnpike is a specific toll road that has like a turnpike rest. Different than just pulling off the highway and using the restroom.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. But like, I don't know if that's called a rest stop. Do you think Dave means when. When I hear rest stop, I think of that very specific. And again, it's very northwest coded for me. Okay. I. When I hear rest stop, I think a thing that you pull off and what it has is a bathroom.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe a vending machine. Somebody's walking their dog. There's some grassy area. There's a couple of big trucks parked. That's what I think of with rest.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I mean. And aren't those usually on turnpikes? I think of that as a turnpike phenomenon.

[Luke Burbank]

I only know about. Well, first thing I. The only turnpike that I ever knew about was New Jersey turnpike. Did they have turnpikes in Ohio that were like that?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I feel like we went on a lot of road trips as a kid and it was often turnpike focused, which is why I went into all that detail. You have the rest stops like that that are almost like publicly maintained. But then another thing that you'll have in a turnpike is like a.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

A place where you're turning off and there's places that are restaurants and stuff, but you're still not in a community. It's still something that is very turnpike locked. Right. And that's why Roy Rogers. It's like it's these very specific restaurants that are usually there with a. Then maybe like a. A mall area with like a. A cheap gift store or whatever where.

[Luke Burbank]

You get a totally. I know exactly what you're talking about. And you're right. Those are very turnpike associated. You're absolutely right. Like I sometimes when I've been doing stories in like the greater New York area, but outside of New York. So maybe in Jersey or Connecticut or something where I have to like rent a car, maybe in Manhattan and drive out. Then I'm on the turnpike and then I'm seeing exactly that thing you're talking about where you, you get off, you get into this kind of environment that's like. Yeah, these kind of chain restaurants that barely. That almost only exist as a turnpike, whatever you'd call it. Again, rest area to me usually means that more park like environment. But yeah, you can pee there. You can buy some. You could probably buy some weird CDs that they're still selling for some reason and some other crap. And then you could use the bathroom. And I think in those cases you could maybe gas up. You think?

[Andrew Walsh]

Probably there are some. Well, then usually I don't know about the gassing up there. And again, I'm thinking of 80s and 90s when I grew up. And I'm also thinking specifically I guess here of the Ohio Turnpike. But yeah, then the third one would be like the truck stop. I feel like then you have a truck stop and that's where you gas up. And usually it's this huge gas station area where the trucks go to one part and your cars go to the other part. And if you accidentally are in a car and you end up in the truck part, you feel like a Lilliputian. You feel so tiny amongst these giants and you're so embarrassed and you just want to get out of there so quickly.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm looking up the Ohio Turnpike.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, me too. Where is this? Where does it go?

[Luke Burbank]

It looks like it run. Well, the one that I'm seeing looks like it kind of runs east, west a little bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

That would make sense because I just feel like growing up the turnpike was like a big deal. It wasn't like we're not on the highway, we're on the turnpike.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. And there are no turnpikes in Washington. So I'd never, I always heard about the turnpike, but it was again, it was always the Jersey Turnpike that I had heard of. But yes, it's a. You're right. It's its own very specific overland driving ecosystem is the turnpike.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Also, by the way, always stresses me out because you're right, it's a toll road. So like driving and being like, how much is this racking up right now or do I have the proper change at this thing to like, you know, like there's a lot that goes into being on the turnpike that you don't get on like i5.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. But and also you're kind of at the turnpikes whims as far as like what you can get access to. And again, I think it's the only reason places like Roy Rogers exist. Although I could be wrong about that.

[Luke Burbank]

I have been to a Roy Rogers in. Speaking of New York, where I just was. I've been to a Roy Rogers in Times Square. So they do exist, but I think they're probably are few and far between outside of the or the turnpike experience now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, so I want to, I want to, I want to finish this list. I have some input of some things that I think were omitted from this list that we needed.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so we got, we've got Dave's.

[Andrew Walsh]

List now we have one more here and then I. Then I have another list that I don't have any input on. So I think we can zip through kind of quickly. But the number one most satisfying tinkle according to Dave is the perfectly timed bar Pee. Oh, yes. It says you're at the bar about three to four beers in, depending on your bladder. You might be watching the game or having a song queued up for karaoke that you're dying to sing. You want to wait until. Until either the commercial break or a new singer takes the mic, but you cannot wait. So you run in, you relieve yourself, and walk out to either a huge play on the screen that you just missed or the KJ calling your name to come up and sing your song. You're fresh. You're relieved and ready to take on the world. All you need is another drink to own the night. It sounds like you are familiar with this.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Being tipsy and peeing in the appropriate place is one of the great joys in life. Being a little, like. Not like you're sloshed, like you don't know which end is up, but just like being kind of a little blissful because you're a little. A little, little drunk and you're in a. And it's like, you know, again, it's not like it's interesting. Peeing in a bar bathroom when you're a little drunk is one of the most fun experiences you can have. Having to go number two in a bar bathroom when you're a little chunk is one of the worst experiences you can have. It's like they're very different. But, yeah, I know that feeling. And now I don't want to be gross, but let's say you get that bar bathroom and you're by yourself and maybe there's just a little flatulence going on, too. So you're just like your body is being relieved of all the things that are all pressure that exists in your world, both physical and mental. Andrew is being relieved at the same time. Alcohol is doing its job. You're urinating. You're maybe letting out a little pressure in the other direction and everything in the world is right. I know that feeling. And that's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's a good feeling. I definitely can associate with a good pee. When you've had a few drinks. This very specific. You're sort of holding it for various reasons. The debar. I find that a little bit harder to relate to, and I don't know why. I watch a lot of sports. I will say I remember in game five of the alds, I know I was in the restroom or just coming out of the restroom when Kell Raleigh, I think, reached base or did something that started to change the dynamic of that game a bit, because then I remember People were like, you got to stay in the restroom. I was like, I wasn't technically in the restroom. I just remember that. That whole thing. But the specifics of, like, sort of when I'm at a bar, it's very rare that I'm holding it in. Like, I just got to go when I just go. When I got.

[Luke Burbank]

Sometimes you even go to the bathroom for it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sometimes. It really depends on the bar and who I'm with.

[Luke Burbank]

But those places with peanuts on the floor, you let it fly.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I will say I'm going to add a couple to this list that I'm surprised were not mentioned. Like, first of all, generally speaking, the outdoor pee is huge. Like, especially if you. If you own the place or you feel comfortable, like, going in your backyard. You're like, you know what? I don't want to go inside, and I have a yard, and I can go pee in the corner. You don't want to do it too much because it will build up after a while. But, like, you know, every now and then, the outdoor pee is good. Or maybe put that in camping or something. But also, I would add to that. And this is where it gets a little bit on the edge, is the surreptitious. Do I say that word? The syruptitious. The surreptitious outdoor pee usually involving alcohol. And for me, you mentioned earlier that when you're drinking, that has a very specific effect on your bladder. And things aren't just, like, working the way they are when you're drinking water. Because I know this happened to me at least twice, if not three times. There was a little watering hole that I used to like to go to on kind of an early Friday night. Take the bus there or whatever, have some pizza, have a few beers, and then I would always go to the bathroom around the time I was leaving the bar to head home. But I'm waiting for the bus, and then suddenly it hits again, and you're like, how do I have to go to the bathroom so badly when I was just in that bar? But it's already dark out, and I can go behind this dumpster and quickly relieve myself and hope nobody sees me before my bus comes. It is really unnerving and in some ways terrible during it because you think somebody's gonna catch you, some cops gonna come up, you know, like, kind of spinning a billy club or something. But when you're done and you get away with it, my God, the perfect crime. Oh, it's like a second life, because.

[Luke Burbank]

You have two different waves of relief. You have the physical relief of you just urinated and you have the mental relief of I didn't get caught by the cops.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

So it's really compounding interest on that investment in your future. The other one that I would add, and it's sort of like a. First of all, definitely outdoor Pete. It's the main reason that I own this house.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's funny because, like, there are, you know, I have neighbors, but also my neighbors can't really see onto my property. And also they're not even home half the time. I have a lot of privacy here. And even to this day, I feel a little bit, like, edgy. If I'm, like, peeing in my yard, let's say I'm mowing the lawn and whatever, or it's nighttime and maybe I've had a beer of either the na or the A variety. I. It's so fun. But I also still feel like I'm kind of doing something a little bit illicit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah. And you're also marking your territory a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

The one that I would lastly throw in here, which is kind of a cousin of what Dave was talking about, which was the, like, the work P. I guess after you've been in a meeting or something. Mine would just be the work P that you didn't know you were holding in. And this would be in the office environment. This used to happen to me so much when I worked at radio stations, particularly when I was a producer. Producer. So this would have been more in my KUOW era, my early days at NPR era. Like, I sometimes would just feel super duper stressed out, and I wouldn't be able to figure out why I was feeling so stressed out. And it would take me the longest time to realize, oh, you have to pee and you've been holding it in literally all day. And then I would finally go use the restroom and I would pee and I'd be like, oh, my God, I feel my anxiety has dropped precipitously. I feel so much better. I was. I wasn't nervous. I was holding in pee and not realizing I was doing it.

[Andrew Walsh]

That reminds me actually of the most unsatisfying P, which is when you think you have to go to the bathroom, but you actually don't have to go as bad as you thought. And I think of that usually, like, in a situation where you. This is a later in life thing for me. And I don't even think it's about. I don't think it's physical. I think it's mental. You're talking about having the airline seat that is closest to the window. If I end up in that seat, which I never choose for myself anymore, the moment I sit down, I start thinking, do I have to go to the bathroom? Oh, shoot. I think I'm gonna have to go to the bathroom a little. Or if I'm on a bus and it's like, ooh, this is an hour long bus ride. Am I fine? Am I fine? And then you start thinking about it in the back of your head. You're like, oh, shoot, I think I've just talked myself into having to go to the bathroom. And eventually you use the restroom. You're like, I didn't barely have to go. This was all in my head.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I definitely think as we get older, I mean, I'm not saying anything here, but it's like fewer and fewer of our systems work the way they used to. And so it's this amazing combination of both having to pee more than you used to and also somehow sometimes not having to pee when you thought you did. None of it's. None of it's great.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, none of it is great. All right.

[Luke Burbank]

List was great, though.

[Andrew Walsh]

The list was great. Thank you, Dave. Now, I want to play one voicemail for you here, Luke, and then we'll get out of here. But I want to mention that I don't have any input on this one. So luckily, this isn't going to be something that I drag out more. And it's a voicemail from listener Summer.

[Luke Burbank]

It gets dragged out. This is my first.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. No, I don't want you to worry about me, like, kind of extending this too long. But we do have so much good stuff. And this is a really interesting list. I love the uniqueness of this list. And it's from listener Summer, and I will let Summer explain it.

[Summer]

Hi, this is Summer in Seattle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Which, by the way, Summer in Seattle. Just absolutely beautiful time to be in Seattle. I would like to point that out.

[Summer]

Yes, hi. This is Summer in Seattle. I live in the beautiful little suburb of Kirkland. The top five sad Starbucks experiences. So I'll start with number five. When you show up to a Starbucks at an odd time of day, so it's like maybe late morning, maybe it's 2pm who knows? And you're met with only two workers who are probably at the tail end of their shop, and you're greeted with just dead eyes, and they don't care if you live or die. Number four, a full garbage with napkins on the floor and a dirty service Counter. You know that countertop where the garbage generally lives underneath and you can get your napkins and you can add cinnamon to your coffee or you can put a little half and half and it's just dirty. It's just littered with people's leavings. So gross. And let's see, list number three. Number three, saddest Starbucks experiences. When your navigation takes you to a Starbucks in a safe way. Oh my God, just a general grocery store Starbucks. Oh, that makes me so mad. Number two, and this one really sends my, my spouse when the nitro cold brew machine is broken. And I will tell you one out of, I don't know, maybe six times and we. You just get a hankering for a nitro cold brew and their machine is broken and literally nothing can pass hairs. Number one saddest Starbucks experience is going to have to be bugs in the food case. I have seen ants, which send me and I have seen.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's where it ends the voicemail.

[Luke Burbank]

First of all, I would listen to Summer's Starbucks podcast 100%.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was on the edge of my seat.

[Luke Burbank]

If Summer just did a pod, a weekly podcast about her experiences at Starbucks, I would listen. That was a truly elite voicemail. And list. I totally agree. I'm more of a Starbucks power user than you are, Andrew, but I am nowhere near Summer's level of sort of fidelity or fealty to the brand. But I can identify with almost all. Maybe not the when you go in the wrong time of the day one, but everything else and not the nitro.

[Andrew Walsh]

Have you seen bugs?

[Luke Burbank]

Bugs? Oh, sure, yeah. I mean, well, because you know, it's, it's food that's in a, you know, it's in a kind of semi refrigerated case. But it's like when it's bug season you could. I haven't seen ants, but certainly I've seen flies. For me, the overflowing garbage can is the big one. Like just, that's just a general thing. Like there's nothing, there's nothing worse than when you have garbage to throw away and the garbage can is over full and you're balancing your garbage on top of other garbage. I feel like I know I'm making the problem worse, but also, you know, I do want to throw this away. And so like there's just like nothing as opposed to showing up. There's a mostly empty garbage can. You toss your garbage in there. You feel like I'm putting my, this stuff where it's supposed to go and I'm getting it out of my life. But I'm not making someone else's life worse. But when you're just like balancing it on top of a bunch of undealt with garbage, Very unsatisfying.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't want to throw Genevieve under the bus. But that is one thing that I find as you know, I take out the garbage here, I take it to the curb. I tend to take garbage out of the house. But one thing sometimes feels insulting to me, which is when we have a recycling bag that we keep underneath the sink and I'll go to throw something in it. And it's more of an art structure at this point because the bag is well beyond filled up. But there's like an uncrumpled half gallon milk carton that is sort of balanced on top and then maybe some sort of a strawberry thing that's, you know, discarded on top. And it's kind of like, well, I don't mind taking this stuff out, but at a certain point, you know, you're no longer using a bag, you're just creating a pile. And how do you expect me to carry this?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, yeah, you're just placing it in.

[Andrew Walsh]

The general area and just saying it will go away, it will disappear. And I don't mind disappearing it. Of all the things. That's not a very big complaint though. I think I got the good end of this relationship.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm remembering Andrew. Talk. Actually, we can't even talk.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry, did I start the music too soon?

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no, no, you didn't. This is the perfect time for the music because it tells my brain that I need to stop talking.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know if we can get into pee, by the way. I'm not even joking. I don't even know if it was that list.

[Luke Burbank]

If we want to get into this tomorrow because we, I, I want to do more top fives. And if I, I did something like a week or two ago while out with Becca that as I was doing it, I was basically, it involved me explaining a lot of your garbage anxiety.

[Andrew Walsh]

To her as we were out for.

[Luke Burbank]

A walk and I don't know, maybe it'll come up tomorrow, maybe it won't. You'll have to tune in to find out. My friend intrigued.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it gum related?

[Luke Burbank]

Not gum related. Maybe we'll talk about it tomorrow. In the meantime, we are at the end of today's program. So that's going to do it for the Thursday episode. But we will be back here tomorrow with more of this imaginary radio. We hope you can join us for. For it. So please do that if you can. Have a great Thursday, everyone. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all.

[Summer]

Power out.