#4594 Don't Look At Me Louis

Summary

TBTL Episode #4594 “Don't Look At Me Louis”

Date: November 10, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & guest co-host John Sklaroff (filling in for Andrew Walsh)

Episode Overview

In this Monday edition of TBTL, Luke Burbank, hosting solo as Andrew attends his mother’s memorial in Ohio, is joined by TBTL super-producer John Sklaroff. Broadcasting from the Madrona Hill studio, Luke and John spend the show digressing (delightfully) through stories of familial interruption, dog ownership etiquette, and the struggle of navigating adulthood’s little indignities. The two meander through topics like the mishaps of podcast production, the lore of small spoons in the Burbank household, their relationships with shoes, and the current news about baseball gambling scandals and the “fedora kid” at the Louvre. The episode radiates the signature TBTL tone: self-deprecating, tender, and gleefully tangential.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Setting the Scene: Handling Parental Interference & Increased Responsibility

• Luke returns home after traveling and addresses listeners from a bustling, interrupted house. With Andrew gone, Luke takes on more technical duties and feels the crunch.
• Show numbering mix-up: The previous episode numbers were off due to miscommunication between Luke and Andrew during Andrew's rush to travel. Luke admits with classic humility, “Trust but verify is one of the, I think, bedrock ideas around this podcast. And I didn't do it, and that's my fault.” (03:35)
• Multiple show restarts: Luke recounts how his parents’ well-meaning but clueless interruptions led to “four or five” aborted attempts at starting the show. His mother, unaware that recording had commenced, kept re-waving goodbye through the studio’s glass door and ultimately re-entered the house:
  • “I've already hugged this woman goodbye...But then I look over and there's just, like, my parents are, like, looking through the glass of the door. They're not coming inside, they're just looking, you know, And I'm like, yeah, it's not.” (09:02)
• John reassures him: “If you called that a meltdown, like, you were very...reasonably frustrated, I think, and handled yourself very nicely.” (05:49)
• King of Comedy reference: The situation reminds Luke of Rupert Pupkin (“King of Comedy”), hosting his imaginary talk show in his parents’ basement, only to be interrupted by his mother (13:02).

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Burbank Family Quirks: Tiny Spoons & Systems

• Tiny spoon system: Luke marvels at his mom’s tiny spoon habit for eating ice cream slowly. John chimes in, “I can 100% relate…for sweet stuff, like something like ice cream especially, I always do the same exact thing, so it lasts...” (19:23)
• Collecting systems: Luke compares his mom’s ever-changing “systems” with a friend’s rigid ones, reminiscing about elaborate sushi-warming protocols and sneaking beers into Dodger Stadium disguised as Subway sandwiches (21:11).
• Memorable quote: “But my mom has a system for everything. And in a changing set of systems, which I think is also funny…” (21:11)

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The Unpleasant Return to Childhood: Stepping in Dog Poop

• Portland Livewire recap: Luke, hurrying to a live taping, steps out of his car and immediately into dog poop, evoking vivid childhood memories.
• Rant about irresponsibility: John, as a current dog owner, expresses his contempt for people who don’t pick up after their dogs. Luke agrees, reflecting on how dramatically society has changed on this front (30:12).
• Lingering effects: Despite many attempts to clean the shoe, some of the dog poop is still there, leading to social stress and deep neuroses. Luke debates whether to clean the shoe, use it for yardwork, or just throw it out:
  • “I have more shoes than I will wear for the rest of my life...part of me wants to just throw the shoes away and not deal with it. And part of me thinks that's so wasteful.” (40:27)

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Weekend Updates: Recap & Merch

• Livewire show: Sold out show in Portland. Notable guest: Jeff Hiller from “Somebody Somewhere,” who also sat for a long-form interview airing on tomorrow’s TBTL (26:09).
• Discussion of sunset times and regional weather habits (26:53).
• TBTL Merch Plug: John and Luke introduce new merch with a U.S. National Parks aesthetic; shirts, mugs, and more. The vibe: earth tones, low pressure to buy, but a fun nod to the “Badlands” segment.
  • “We have merch. It's really cool. But also if you don't buy it, it's fine. And if you do buy it, it doesn't really move our bottom line very much, which is a strange way to frame it. But it is also true.” (62:27)
  • Caution: Don’t let the park rangers see you wearing the merch!

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Donor Thank Yous & Local High School Lore

• Donor roll call: Luke enthusiastically thanks donors…with asides about high school mascots, private schools, and wild disparities in wealth and privilege between New York suburbs (52:39–56:43).
• Notable quote: “We were both the poorest school in the league and many times the worst. So it would suck…to both, like, go play the Bush School and then have them also trounce us.” (56:27)

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Top Story: “Louvre Fedora Kid” Identified

• Backstory: Viral photo of a teenager in a fedora and vintage suit outside the Louvre after a jewelry heist captivated the Internet, leading to speculation he was a detective or even AI.
• The reveal: Turns out, he’s 15-year-old French student Pedro Elias Garzon del Vaux, a fan of Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot, with a penchant for “chic” dressing. He kept his Instagram private for the fun of the mystery.
• Andrew’s reaction (via texts): “To be frank, I still might” (dislike him), referencing Andrew’s deep aversion to “look at me” types.
• Luke’s take: Finds Pedro adorable, refreshingly self-aware, and is happy he’s just having fun with the situation.
• John agrees: “If it was like the detective, I would have been like, all right, come on bro...but the fact that it's just a random passerby and…he's like trying something out, like, good for him. Like, I love the confidence.” (78:59)
• Show title genesis: “Don’t Look At Me Louis”—a riff on both the fedora kid’s French name (“Louis”) and Andrew’s desire to avoid the limelight (60:36).

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Deep Dive: Sports Gambling Scandals

• Baseball gambling indictments:
  Two MLB pitchers (Emmanuel Clase and Luis Ortiz) face federal charges for allegedly manipulating props (first-pitch balls, pitch speed) for gambling conspirators.
  • Luke’s shock: That you could even place such a specific bet—“I am shocked that there was a bet that you could put down that a pitcher would throw a ball as their first pitch…” (82:37).
• Broader discussion:
  The duo reflects on the leagues’ deepening ties to sportsbook companies, how the proliferation of prop bets makes manipulation easier, and the blurred lines as legal gambling has exploded (88:52).
• NBA connection: The Chauncey Billups and Terry Rozier investigations are noted—but the evidence is less definitive.
• Memorable quote: “It used to be so kind of like, oh, don't talk about it. And I always thought that was really hypocritical…now it's just, I mean, I'm watching FS1 and they're starting the broadcast by showing the parlay…” (89:05)

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Classic TBTL Digressions & Quotables

• King of Comedy drop: “Hey, mom, the meatloaf. We want it now!” (13:02)
• Luke on Chris Berman: “You know what Chris Berman is? He's the good and plenty of sports broadcasters. He was invented when we didn’t have as good of sports broadcasting…” (98:12)
• Chris Berman Walk-On: (Literally, Chris Berman singing “Walking on a Thin Line” with Huey Lewis appears on Wikipedia, which the duo considers making the show pic) (97:14)
• Luke’s “trust but verify” maxim: Running joke about Andrew’s absence, technical difficulty, and the pod’s sense of “bedrock values.” (03:35)
• Tiny Spoon Discourse: “She has a collection of tiny spoons that she eats her ice cream with at home so that she eats her ice cream slower.” (18:28)

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Timestamps for Major Topics

• 00:00–01:14: Cold open: Luke and John exchange music, puzzles, Dido, and quick-witted banter.
• 01:14–04:56: Show number correction, Andrew’s absence, returning to real-time.
• 04:56–16:44: Parental interruptions; King of Comedy & Will Ferrell “Meatloaf” moments.
• 16:44–25:38: Burbank family systems, tiny spoons, ice cream habits.
• 25:38–36:14: Childhood memories, Livewire show, stepping in dog poop, etiquette, shoe drama.
• 36:14–49:09: Shoe triage, cleaning vs. hoarding dilemmas, merch segment.
• 49:09–57:40: Donor thank-yous, New York suburb rivalries, high school stories.
• 57:40–61:43: “Top Story”—Louvre fedora kid, Andrew’s aversion to limelight, show title.
• 61:43–66:31: Merch plug, National Parks-style design, holiday gift tips.
• 66:31–79:35: Robin Hooding diamonds, museum thefts, billionaire discourse, morality of excessive wealth.
• 79:35–98:43: MLB/NBA gambling scandals, sports betting culture, hypocrisy of leagues, prop bet risks, Chris Berman critiques.
• 98:43–End: Outro music, show wrap, lost shoes, and a callback to interrupted tapings.

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Memorable Quotes (with attribution & timestamps)

• Luke Burbank [03:35]:
  “Trust but verify is one of the, I think, bedrock ideas around this podcast. And I didn't do it, and that's my fault.”
• John Sklaroff [05:49]:
  “Be kind to my friend Luke. If you called that a meltdown...you were reasonably frustrated.”
• Luke Burbank [13:02]:
  “Hey, mom, the meatloaf. We want it now!” (quoting “Old School”)
• Luke Burbank [19:23]:
  “My mom proceeds to explain to me that she has a collection of tiny spoons that she eats her ice cream with at home so that she eats her ice cream slower.”
• John Sklaroff [30:12]:
  “There's nothing that makes me more angry than people that don't pick up after their dogs, because it makes all of us look like jackasses.”
• Luke Burbank [62:27]:
  “We have merch. It's really cool. But also if you don't buy it, it's fine...which is a strange way to frame it. But it is also true.”
• Chris Hayes (as quoted by Luke) [59:21]:
  “It was so funny when Andrew thought he was the actual detective and was like, I bleeping hate this dude.”
• Luke Burbank [78:18]:
  “He's just like, I like dressing this way because I think it looks kind of cool. He says, I like to dress chic...he's also not trying to overstate the case.”
• John Sklaroff [78:59]:
  “If it was like the detective, I would have been like, all right, come on bro...but the fact that it's just a random passerby and…he's like trying something out, like, good for him. Like, I love the confidence.”
• Luke Burbank [82:37]:
  “I am shocked that there was a bet that you could put down that a pitcher would throw a ball as their first pitch, because...”
• Luke Burbank [98:12]:
  “You know what Chris Berman is? He's the good and plenty of sports broadcasters. He was invented when we didn’t have as good of sports broadcast.”

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Overall Tone & Style

Warm, ragged, familial, gently neurotic, and full of sideways glances at both the big stories of the day and the small vexations of life. The show is a tapestry of self-mockery, affectionate ribbing, and earnest appreciation for the little things (tiny spoons, shoes, parents, and yes—even donors). John slips seamlessly into the TBTL universe, bringing humor, comfort, and the occasional technical acumen.

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Show Title:
Don’t Look At Me Louis
(A play on Andrew’s aversion to “look at me” antics, inspired by the Louvre fedora kid.)

Show Pic:
Contender: Chris Berman singing with Huey Lewis (97:14)—a non sequitur, but in true TBTL fashion.

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*For listeners and the uninitiated alike, this episode is a near-perfect encapsulation of what makes TBTL beloved: life’s messes, inside jokes, heartfelt asides, and a relentless embrace of the ordinary.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

[John Sklaroff]

Do yourself a favor.

[Luke Burbank]

Come and work for us. The glittering prizes and endless compromises shatter the illusion of integrity. So do you want to come and work for us? You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Track one, side one, the Hemispheres album by Rush. Do yourself a favour and download it. Delete one of your Dido tracks. I don't follow you. Let me put it in plain English. I don't dance to Dido, dude. I know there was a lot of Ds in there. Before you say anything, TBTL wow, you're really good at puzzles.

[John Sklaroff]

I did them all the time as a kid. As my mom used to say, when.

[Luke Burbank]

You'Re doing a puzzle, it's like having a thousand friends. Do you have any types of food for dogs who are afraid of spiders?

[John Sklaroff]

It literally, if I'm not wearing a.

[Luke Burbank]

Good outfit, I can't sing a good song. Look, man, you know your stuff, but.

[John Sklaroff]

You'Re like a crazy volcano.

[Luke Burbank]

You have to show me you can bring it down a notch. I'll bring it down a thousand notches if I have to. Eh, tomato, tomato. It's tomato, tomahto. You say tomato, tomahto.

[John Sklaroff]

I say tomato, tomato.

[Luke Burbank]

In a few hours, you're going to be smarter than anyone you've ever met. All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone to a Monday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[John Sklaroff]

This party is going to be off the hook.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I've had a few.

[John Sklaroff]

A few what?

[Luke Burbank]

A few small beers coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. Bring it back home, baby. Bring it back home where it feels real good to be home. After a week in New York City and then a couple of. Couple of episodes that were on tape. Now we're at episode 4594, by the way, in a collector series, Let the fun begin. And the thing is, you know, we're always on tape. Although sometimes we're like a little bit more on tape, I guess, which is to say Thursday show and Friday show of last week we had pre recorded because Andrew is traveling. In fact, he'll be out until Wednesday of this week. He is in Ohio attending a memorial for his late mother. And what happened last week was we were pre recording the Thursday and Friday show. And you may have noticed as a careful listener that I had the numbering of the shows off on Thursday and Friday. Today is 4594. I know that. I verified it. I have checked and I have double checked, but Thursday and Friday were off. And I want to say that that was. It was kind of Andrew's fault. And I feel comfortable saying that because he's not here to defend himself, but it was also 5% my fault. This is what happened. He said, hey, I got the show numbers. This is what they are. And he reported them out to me. And then he said, you might want to double check that, though, because it can be tricky. And I said, absolutely. And then I did zero double checking. So he gave me bad show numbers. But then I didn't actually do what I was supposed to do, which was verify. Trust. But verify is one of the, I think, bedrock ideas around this podcast. And I didn't do it, and that's my fault. And so what I can tell you is that today we are back on the right track. We're at episode 4594 and we got a cool show for you, actually, we are. If we have time, we'll talk a little bit about the. The. The reveal, if you will, of the young guy, the young kid, if you will, kids in fantasy, the fedora. I'm calling him a kid. He's a teenager. But the young man wearing the fedora outside of the Louvre who looked like he might be from the 1940s investigating the Louvre heist. We now know who that person is, and I think they're a damn delight. This is another topic we might need to get to today or tomorrow because Andrew was not as delighted by that fedora kid, if you remember, so we need to celebrate him while we can. Anyway, speaking of kids and fantasy, you're a gross person. I had a return to a childhood experience on Saturday night that was not very pleasant, which we may talk about. And then my mom. My mom and dad just left my house. They were here yesterday and overnight. I mean, every time they're here, there's about 30 new things that I want to talk about, including, my mom has this system now. There ain't nothing like soup for a system of using tiny spoons that I just learned about this morning. My parents also just massively derailed my attempts at doing this podcast about 10 minutes ago. And honestly, the only person who was here to witness it was my friend and colleague, TBTL employee numero uno, John Sklarov. Hey, Romano. Who is sitting in today for Andrew. Hey, buddy.

[John Sklaroff]

Hey. How's it going, Luke?

[Luke Burbank]

It's great. I'm glad that you're here. I'm also a little embarrassed that you witnessed a true meltdown between me and my parents about five minutes ago. So just to set the scene for the listeners, I am right now, I'm playing the audio. I'm playing the intro music that you're hearing right now. I'm playing those little drops. I'm talking into the microphone. I'm also recording the show here as a kind of a backup. You're recording it where you are. That's probably what we'll end up using. But I have a lot more technical responsibility today than I normally do. Usually. Andrew is handling pretty much everything. And I. My job is to just talk and play my little audio drops. And because I have more responsibility than normal today, I have. This is our. Is it our fourth or fifth attempt at the top of the show?

[John Sklaroff]

Only four. And. And I will say be kind to my friend Luke. If you called that a meltdown, like, you were very, like you were reasonably frustrated, I think, and handled yourself very nicely, I think that I wouldn't call that meltdown.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you for saying that because, you know, I love my parents and I love. And I recognize the privilege, particularly on a week where Andrew is at a memorial for his late mother. I really do appreciate the privilege of having both of my parents alive and well and healthy enough to come bother the living tweedle out of me here at my home. No, they stayed over last night. We had a lovely evening and then we had a really nice morning having coffee today and all of that. But then, you know, it's time for me to come out here and do my job of hosting this show. And so I said to my mom, like, hey, I'm going out to do the show. I'll, you know, drive safe, I love you, and I'll talk to you soon. Gave her a hug and everything. And so then I come out here, you and I are getting ready to do the show. We're doing sound checks. We got it all dialed in. And then I start the show, round one. And then I mess up the audio. I'm like not turning down the music enough. I'm on the wrong kind of audio file or whatever. So we gotta start over. And so we stop, go back to the beginning of that thing that you guys all just heard from Saxandale, by the way, where Steve Coogan's character is talking about the music of Dido. So we start all over again. I play that again. We get to the part where it's time for me to start talking, and I'm talking for about 20 seconds. And there's no sound happening because I. I have forgotten to unmute my microphone. And then now we start over again. We play the Saxondale clip. You're being very patient there in Minnesota. And now it's working, actually. I've got. The music is turned down to the right amount. I'm playing the drops. The volumes on the drops are great. I should mention one other thing, which is, as this is happening, I look out through the window here at the Madrona Hill studio, and my mom is standing on the patio waving goodbye to me. Now, a reminder. I've already hugged this woman goodbye. I've already said I love you. I've said, drive safe. We've done it. We've done the goodbye thing. And she was waving goodbye. I'm waving. I'm kind of distracted. It's a little hard again. I'm spinning a few plates here that I'm not normally spinning. And so. Okay, fine. They're leaving. I see my dad carrying out his. He brings a crate of his snacks. I think maybe everywhere he goes. Now, those snacks include Vienna fingers and some kind of. I think it might be. It's a licorice called, like, wallabies Red licorice or, like, red licorice.

[John Sklaroff]

Red licorice.

[Luke Burbank]

Red licorice. I was shocked the other day. Where was I? Somewhere where they sell snacks. Oh, you know, it was when I was in New York City, and I was. I was like. I think I was going up to one of those, like, a magazine, you know, like, they've still got those newsstands kind of things. They still had Good and Plenty in the window. And I was shocked. I was like, I can't believe we're still selling. There's enough people buying Good and Plenty for that to be something that we're manufacturing and selling. Because that's basically black licorice.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. But not yuck and yum. So. Right. Teach their own.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[John Sklaroff]

I would never. I would never.

[Luke Burbank]

Good point. You're a very good point. If. Thank you for being the. Thank you for being the moral compass on today's show, Josh.

[John Sklaroff]

If I'm the moral compass, we are lost at sea already.

[Luke Burbank]

But. But, like, if you. Yeah, if you like Good and Plenty, keep going. I'm just surprised that there are enough people keeping their business. But. So my dad gets this red licorice, this wallaby stuff. So my dad's carrying out his crate of snacks, and they're getting in the Prius, and I assume they're leaving and I'm here. I'M doing the show. It's working. It's finally happening. Take three. And then I look over, and there's another thing, too, which is I. The door. You know this. I. Because you've been here before, John. But the door on the Madrona Hill studio is one of those doors that. The middle of it is all glass. And I did that because I want as much natural light at all times to be getting to my eyeballs as possible. And so because of that, it's also a terrifying. It's like a terrifying portal into people showing up. It does not happen very often. We're kind of out here. This is a message to the tens of listeners. Please, please don't come out here unannounced, particularly when I'm doing the show. It hasn't happened in years, but there were times there were deliveries to my old house. There were some moments, but I never expect there to be anybody at that door. And when I look over, if it's like the. If it's the ups. If it's the US Postal Service person I have out here, who I love, by the way, and she's dropping off broadcast coffee or something, it's very unnerving because I'm focused here. I'm laser focused on doing the show. And then I look over and there's just, like. My parents are, like, looking through the glass of the door. They're not coming inside, they're just looking, you know, And I'm like, yeah, it's not.

[John Sklaroff]

Not. Sorry to cut you off, but, like, not to. Not to insult you. It's kind of like you are the animal in the enclosure at the zoo. Like, you're just in your natural habitat doing your thing, and all of a sudden these eyes are just peered up against the glass at you.

[Luke Burbank]

I was. It was. It was totally unexpected because I felt like we had. We had said. I had not said goodbye to my dad, but he knows I love him. And you know what? I would say they're gonna hear this, too. My mom is, like, really shifted back into being a hardcore listener, and it's killing me. But, you know, I can't miss you if you don't leave. So I was like, no, that's a joke.

[John Sklaroff]

Should she listen all the way through? Because we can put this segment at the end. Oh, she does? Well, sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, yeah, it's. Again, my mom also supports the show financially. Maybe she has a right to bust in on it. Thanks, Mama. But. So I look over and they're just standing in the doorway. And then I Think, oh, is everything okay? But again, I'm still trying to power through my talking to you, John, and my talking to the tens of listeners. Cause this is. Let me remind folks, take three of the top of the show. And I'm just like, get through this. So I'm like waving to them like, okay, good to see you. And then they open the door to come in, and I'm like, I don't, like, I don't understand how they don't understand that when I'm talking into this microphone, I am actually at work. And they're like, well, you didn't say goodbye to your dad. And again, I love my dad so much. And if he had been in the living room when I was saying goodbye, my mom, I would have said goodbye to him. But I felt like it's implied that I bid him a fond farewell and I wish them safe travels on the road, et cetera. So then, not so much because of them, but because of the fact that I was on my third attempt at doing the beginning of the show. I just was like, I don't know what I said. I'm sure we'll probably make it the Easter egg at the end of the show, but I feel like I just was like, what it was, was like a kid, you know, who I was actually like, when we knew. And I were kind of. After I stopped the show for the third time. You and I were talking about old school when the Will Ferrell character is yelling about the meatloaf.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, from the basement. That was very much kind of what was going on for me. But even more like we might even. We may even have that. Let's see. Do we have that drop? Yeah, here we go. Let's see. Let's see if this will play for us.

[John Sklaroff]

Hey, mom, the meatloaf. We want it now.

[Luke Burbank]

There was a lot of that going on, but you know what it really was, was. And you're a little maybe young for this movie reference, John.

[John Sklaroff]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

There was a film called King of Comedy, which I. Yes.

[John Sklaroff]

I've never seen it. I know it, I know it. Yeah, It's.

[Luke Burbank]

It's actually kind of referenced in Joker.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. Isn't that the whole thing where De Niro's the late night show host? Sorry, cut it off. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no. But no, you're exactly right. Yeah. So that's kind of a. That's an homage to this movie, King of Comedy, which I really, really love.

[John Sklaroff]

It's.

[Luke Burbank]

It's basically Robert De Niro is this guy named Rupert Pupkin. Whose dream has always been to be like a Tonight show host or really he wants to be a standup comic, I think is what it is. And there's a show that's like the Tonight show, but it's hosted by Jerry Lewis, plays the sort of Carson character, and I believe his name is maybe Jerry Large or something. So you've got this like you've got the. Basically the Tonight show. And then you've got this guy, Rupert Pupkin, who's always dreamed of being, I think it's kind of a comedian slash, maybe host slash guest slash. He wants to be in the world of this stuff. And he has built this elaborate set in his parents basement of this talk show. And he's down there all the time. De Niro's character is. Rupert Pupkin is down there hosting a pretend talk show.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

And he's yelling at his mom when his mom interrupts his pretend talk show that he's doing down there. Like, this is. Like this is his happy place is down in the basement on his set of the talk show, hosting his pretend. Or being a guest on his pretend talk show or whatever it is. And I remember there being a scene where his mom interrupts and he gets really mad. That is almost. That's eerily similar to what happened, except this is technically not pretend.

[John Sklaroff]

Again, you are characterizing yourself a lot more aggressive, I think, than you actually were. It was weird that you took off your shoe and threw it at your mom.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, well, that's a sign of. But other than that, I come from the Middle east and that's the ultimate sign of disrespect.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Other than that, though, I think you were.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that George W. Bush over there?

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

No. I'm glad to hear from you that it didn't come off as kind of like peeved as again. And they'll hear this and I'll probably call them after the show and clarify because I do love my mom and dad, but I think my number one frustration was that I kept messing up the show. And then when I finally thought it was working, they just like popping in to say goodbye. But it is also. I don't think my mom will cop to this, but I'll ask her when I call her later. I think it's five or six. My mom would also like to be on the show today.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so I think, you know, she wouldn't have been mad if I was like, come on over and set a spell. The problem with that is it's twofold. One, I don't really have the technical setup going for that today. It's a little bit of. I need to figure out how to have more microphones here. I don't currently have enough microphones to have a guest, so it's always a little stressful. The fact that we don't have Andrew here today, everything's a little chaotic for me.

[John Sklaroff]

And.

[Luke Burbank]

And so I don't need one more chaotic element, which is like my mom being here on the show.

[John Sklaroff]

Also.

[Luke Burbank]

My mom was just on the show like a month ago. It turns out when your parents move in with you, there's a lot of opportunities to have them on the show.

[John Sklaroff]

It's also like. And I thought when I realized what was happening, I'm like, oh, it'd be fun to say hi to Susie and Walt or whatever. But it is. You are doing the intro and you're in the flow of the intro. It's one thing if we're halfway through the show, it's like, hey, mom, come by, come drop it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, right now it would be fine.

[John Sklaroff]

It'd be awesome. But you're just like getting into the intro of the show. You're talking about the numbering system.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the most performative it gets for me during the show. Like right now, if they knocked on the door, I'd be like, come over, say hi to John. This is fun. Like, we are in. We're chit chatting.

[John Sklaroff]

We're just in conversation.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, we're just in conversation. We're just gabbin. We're Gabbin Newsom and just had a huge success with Prop 50.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, he did. That's true.

[Luke Burbank]

But yeah, like right now it would be fine. Right then it was. And again was added to by the fact that I had kept screwing up the top of the show. So I am going to call them afterwards and tell them I love them and. And that they're welcome in here most of the time.

[John Sklaroff]

Please send my regards and well wishes and I love them too. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

I will absolutely do that. One other thing that I'll just mention quickly because we're on the subject of my mother and her very quirky habits. We were like, nothing like soup. So I have in my. In my little kitchen area where the coffee setup is, I have this, like a little small spoon. I don't know where it came from, but it's teeny tiny. And what I use it for every morning is my stirring my Splenda into my coffee. So I make my coffee, add my little half and half my little Splenda, and I stir it with this spoon. And then. And this is kind of gross because I'm the only one who uses this most of the time. I clean the spoon with my tongue so it doesn't have residual coffee. I wouldn't do that if, like, somebody was over. So I didn't do that today. But I. You know, if it's just me, I don't think it really matters. It's your back. It all sits in a little dish. There's a little dish, like a little saucer that has the Splenda packets in it. And. And then I dry the spoon and I place it back on top. That's my little system. And my. My mom. My dad says, oh, something. Somehow the spoon comes up. My dad's standing over in the kitchen, and my mom goes. I think my mom goes, ooh, that would have been a great ice cream spoon. So my parents love Haagen Dazs ice cream, and last night, they each had their respective pints of Haagen Dazs.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Dad goes with vanilla bean. My mom goes. Pistachio.

[John Sklaroff]

I love pistachio. Pistachio is so underrated, I will say.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I think I should actually. I should think about it, because I think I would like it, too. When I was a kid, I thought pistachio ice cream was weird because it.

[John Sklaroff]

Had the nuts in it.

[Luke Burbank]

And people would be like, yeah, like, you think? I thought of, like, oh, you have sweet things and salty things, but, like, a sweet thing that has kind of a salty thing in it. Now I think I might actually enjoy it. I sort of, like, I wrote it off as a kid, you know, in my. My list of things I would ever eat. But. So they were eating their ice cream last night here as we were all hanging out. And so this morning, my mom was like, oh, that would have been a good ice cream spoon. And my mom proceeds to explain to me that she has a collection of tiny spoons that she eats her ice cream with at home so that she eats her ice cream slower. And you seem intrigued.

[John Sklaroff]

I can 100% relate. So we have, like, our silverware or flatware set, wherever you call it, and we have, like, the larger tablespoons and the smaller teaspoons, I guess. Right? Yeah. And I. For sweet stuff, like something like ice cream especially, I always do the same exact thing. So it lasts, like, a teeny one.

[Luke Burbank]

Or just the smaller one.

[John Sklaroff]

It's like the smaller two, because that way it's like, it will just, like, I'm eating it slower and I'm enjoying it longer. 100%. I don't have a combination of small.

[Luke Burbank]

Spoons, but I get that, like, the smaller spoons, I have those two, like, you know, like you said with your flatware, there's like the kind of large one.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

That you still might eat soup with, but it's kind of almost a little too big.

[John Sklaroff]

And chili spoon, the tablespoon. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But then there's the other one that's a little smaller that you might use. And then. But these are like. These are like you went to Niagara Falls. It's like, I heard he's like a novelty tiny collector spoon. And my dad was like, yeah. When I. When we travel, he said, I. Part of my whole, like, kit of stuff I have to bring is a tiny spoon for your mom to eat with.

[John Sklaroff]

That's adorable.

[Luke Burbank]

He doesn't. It's so adorable. They're the cutest. They are the cutest. They really are the cutest. I love. I love this for them. But I guess my dad, now, one of his KPIs, is bringing. Is bringing the tiny spoon that my mom will use to eat her ice cream so that she eats it more slowly. I thought this might be for, like, you know, controlling how much ice cream she eats in terms of calories or waistline, but that is not my mom. And I also love this. But my mom. My mom goes, yeah. Some people might think I use a tiny spoon and they're like, I'm being cheap because I. But she goes, but I just think ice cream is really rich and I don't need to finish all of it on the first time. And I was like, hey, I salute you on that. You know, So I think it's a good system. I just think my mom has a system for everything.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And in a changing set of systems, which I think is also funny. Like, I know people that have a system for everything, but they have the same system.

[John Sklaroff]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I've got a buddy, Kevin Arnovitz, who's a real systems guy. And like, down to. I've talked about this on the show before, but, like, when I knew that he was a super systems guy, it was. We had been. We had got some sushi. We lived. I lived in LA at the time. We went to some. A particular place that only he knew about practically to get this certain kind of sushi. Right. Like, it was a little store, but they had the best for whatever reason. And we got this sushi that I think I remember it was like smoked eel or something. Was the flavor. Because that's the one to get. Then we brought it, we came back, we were in his car. We came back to his house in LA and we parked and we got out and he shut the door and I was like, hey, you forgot the sushi. And he goes, no, you leave it in the car for five minutes and it warms it to where the smoked eel oil infuses. This was the same guy that figured out, by the way, that you could put two cans of Heineken next to each other. And it was exactly the size and weight of a foot long Subway sandwich, which you were allowed to bring into Dodger Stadium back in the day. So we used to go to Dodger games. He had season tickets and we. He had two season tickets and we would go to so many Dodger games. This is when they sucked, by the way. Which is why I have.

[John Sklaroff]

Sure. I've come to Franklin Court years.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Like the, like, we were like, they. I think they might have gone to the postseason one time when I, while I lived in L. A they seemed rootable to me because they weren't good.

[John Sklaroff]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

And because I loved. I was, I was, I was enamored with everything Los Angeles at the time. And I lived by the stadium. So he had figured out. So for some reason in those days you were allowed to bring your own food into Dodger State.

[John Sklaroff]

I think they still allow that. If I've seen. I think I've seen stuff on maybe so I could be wrong, but I think that's something still out, which is really cool. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

I know it's like I actually, you know, I will give them credit for that one thing. Nothing else anymore. With all their overspending. And if they get, if they get Tarik Scubal, I swear to God I'm gonna absolutely lose my mind. He becomes a Yankee at this point. Yeah, but, but so he, my buddy Kevin figured out that you could. That if you saved. He would save his, like he'd get. But his whole thing was. It needs to, it needs to look realistic. So he would go to Subway and he would get a foot long sandwich of some kind. And then he would carefully like save the paper. The paper that had just enough like oil drips in it, you know, like olive oil and vinegar drips and save the bag. And then when we would go to the Dodger games, we'd get two Heinekens. I don't, I don't think they, if they were, they might have been tall boys. I think it might have been like two Heineken tall boys.

[John Sklaroff]

I feel like that's way too long.

[Luke Burbank]

That seems too long to me too. But I also, I don't see myself as being a person who could watch a whole baseball game on only one regular size.

[John Sklaroff]

Sure. But what if you each went in with your own subway foot long?

[Luke Burbank]

We might have. And he might have given me. He was less of a drinker than I was in those days. He might have given me. He might have just been transporting for me. But anyways, like, yes, it was like two cans of Heineken. I mean, it could have been two cans of anything because they're pretty standard. But like, that's what we went with. And then you wrap them in the subway paper and then you put it in the subway bag and then you bring it through and then security picks it up. And it for some reason seemed to security like this could be a real thing. And then you get into that, then you crack your beard. It was so satisfying.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It was such a satisfying caper.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But my mom has a.

[John Sklaroff]

As a former sandwich artist, I really approve.

[Luke Burbank]

Appreciate that I'm talking to the right guy for this.

[John Sklaroff]

But.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, my, my mom, you know, my mom has a lot of systems, but then I feel like they also. She trades out different systems. And that's where I think it gets a little complicated for her. Because the thing about systems is you gotta really lock in on em and you gotta stay with them. If you're constantly changing systems, then it gets you. Then you don't. Then like it's a tiny. You decide it's a tiny spoon trip. But you forgot that you had changed to a different system. Giant spoons. A spoon so large you can barely fit it into the pint of Haagen Dazs. And I could see my mom next time she's over going, I'm only using the largest spoons they make.

[John Sklaroff]

She's just grabbing like a serving spoon or like one of those carved wood.

[Luke Burbank]

Spoons from sort of like a.

[John Sklaroff]

Some kind of a stir the sauce.

[Luke Burbank]

A Polynesian restaurant where you've got a giant fork and a giant spoon and they're on the wall kind of. Anyway, all right, other little update from my weekend that's a little bit on the gross side. So everybody please, you know, prepare yourself. I had an experience. I don't know if I've had this experience since probably my, my tween years, which was. We had. We did Livewire on Saturday night in Portland, by the way. Really fun night. Really fun to see some tens out there. Thank you. It was a great show. It was A sold out show, which is kind of a fun change of pace. It's really hard to sell tickets to things these days.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so it's nice. When we were able to sell it out. One of the big guests was, did you and Jess watch somebody somewhere?

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Oh, we love somebody somewhere. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What a show. So we had Jeff Hiller. Joel was the guest.

[John Sklaroff]

He's so.

[Luke Burbank]

And that was. Oh, my gosh. And by the way, he was nice enough to hang out with me a bit before the show and I recorded a long interview with him which will be tomorrow's tbtl.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Tomorrow's tbtl featuring the one, the only, the Emmy winning Jeff Hiller.

[John Sklaroff]

Talk about Ford promo.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Right. It was a great night. But I was. Because I had been interviewing Jeff Hiller over at the hotel, I was running late for our livewire sound check. Also, it now gets dark. Man, did we go off a cliff with the darkness? Right. You get that in. Are you. I mean, I know you're two hours ahead of us, but as far as like latitude.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You and the Twin Cities are in about the same latitude as us in Portland. Seattle.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. I think we are. I don't know the exact numbers, but like just eyeballing on the map. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Please do an expert. I'm going to do. I'm going to Google. What time is sunset? Portland. And you do. What time is sunset? Twin Cities.

[John Sklaroff]

What time? I appreciate you saying the Twin Cities and not just Minneapolis because you know of my feelings.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I do know. I believe. I love.

[John Sklaroff]

I love.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll never fly into anywhere other than Bloomington again in my life.

[John Sklaroff]

I love Minneapolis, but you know, St. Paul for life. All right, so I got mine for tonight.

[Luke Burbank]

445 is what I'm getting for Portland. What are you getting?

[John Sklaroff]

448.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, must be nice.

[John Sklaroff]

Three extra minutes. But what about Seattle? Because Seattle will be closer to us than you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you're right.

[John Sklaroff]

Okay. 4:38. So it's even darker earlier in Seattle than it is.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. So because I'm a little south of Seattle, it's amazing that it makes that much difference. It's amazing that it's even three minutes the difference between me and Seattle as far as the. So, yeah, it gets dark really early, so I'm, I'm in traffic. I'm sort of feeling that anxiety when you're late for something and when not only are you late for something, but you are the really central character in the thing. I know everyone's on stage waiting for me. This is not the show. There's no audience. This is the sound check. But still the house band is there. The announcer, Elena Passarello was there. The staff, everyone. No one can do the next thing until I get over there. So I'm feeling that anxiety. It's pitch black. I. I'm getting at the age where, like, I don't. I don't love driving at night. I mean, I'm. I've got many more years of night driving in. In front of me, but I don't. I note it when it's dark, I'm like, I'm not seeing everything as well as I used to. So I'm like. Anyway, I get to the. I get to. Near the theater. I park. I have a suit I've got to get. And I'm getting all my stuff, my computer out of the car and it's. What did you. Did you go grow up calling it a parking strip or a tree lawn there in. In Westchester County? The area between the sidewalk and the street where there's grass. So it's the side. It's not your front lawn. There's the sidewalk.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

There's the grass and then there's the curb. What do you. What do you call? We called it the parking strip. When I was in Seattle as a.

[John Sklaroff]

Kid in Westchester, at least where I grew up, we didn't. We didn't have those green because one, we. I grew up in suburbia, so it was just parking lots. But if it was street parking, you rarely had that kind of thing. But here in Minnesota, it's all over the place and call them the boulevard, like, so it's our house, our lawn, sidewalk, the boulevard, and then the street.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew called them, calls it a tree lawn, which actually I think kind of makes sense because a lot of times there's trees in it. I step onto the boulevard, tree, lawn, slash, parking strip, and I. I feel a familiar, terrible feeling under the ball of my left foot, which is a squishing feeling. And I realized I have just stepped into a massive dog turd.

[John Sklaroff]

Can I just say, I know that is a common topic of conversation on the show, especially like relating to Andrew and garbage bins. As. As the one person who lives with and cares for a dog on a daily basis.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[John Sklaroff]

There's nothing that makes me more angry than people that don't pick up after their dogs because it makes all of us look like jackasses. I just like. I like when I. When my do takes a poop and I pick up the. You know, I use the bag and pick up where if we're going on a walk, like, I make as clear as possible that I'm carrying this thing around. So everyone knows I'm one of the good ones. I clean up after my dog. I hate it so much.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I always joke that, like, when I used to have a dog and I would be walking her and she would poop somewhere, I would pull out the poop bag with a flourish. Like Job in Arrested Development, when he's, like, pulling scarves out of something.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm so demonstrative. Like, everybody note that I have the bags. Yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

The role is unfurling.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Like, I'm being so. Because I. Yeah. I was like. It was one of those moments, too, where it's like, I'm late. I'm holding this suit that I'm trying to not drop because I don't own, like, a. For all the, like, ways that I try to super maximize my life, I don't really own, like, a. A good garment bag. Right. That is, like, a.

[John Sklaroff]

Shocking to me.

[Luke Burbank]

Isn't that kind of.

[John Sklaroff]

For as much as you travel to now, you just maximize your life for as much travel as you do?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I have a travel one that I can use, but. But for this, I just kind of. For, like, live wire, I'll just take the suit out of the closet in my house. I'll make sure it has all the components, and I'll hang it on the little thing in my car. But it's still kind of loose, so I got to be careful, because you know how the pants are always trying to slide out of that situation. So I got this. I got my stuff. I'm late, it's dark, and then it's just like. I just feel that. And I really haven't yet. When we talk about dog poop on the show, which you're right, we do discuss it a surprising amount. What I always say about that is like, it's. It's. It's actually, generally speaking, it's a. It's a nice thing about modern life that we do not encounter as much just rampant dog poop.

[John Sklaroff]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

As we used to. When I was a kid. When I was a kid, it felt like it was everywhere, and it felt like I was always stepping in it, accidentally sliding into. I feel like, as a kid, you're encountering dog poop all the time. Was that your experience in Westchester?

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. And I've heard you talk about this on the show, and I do think you've mentioned before, I think there was, like, A proper public shaming and, like, discourse around it where most. Most people are good about it. I also think. I think it's one of those things when you're a kid, you're just out in places you're outside. You know, it's like, go out and play, right? And so you're just out and about more than you probably are as an adult. And so there's more chances to encounter it probably as well, I'm guessing. I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe that's just.

[John Sklaroff]

But like, yeah, yeah, it was definitely thing that was a more of an issue when I was a kid than is today. That 100%.

[Luke Burbank]

So that's why I was so bummed when I felt this. And I thought, well, maybe. Maybe I didn't really feel that. And so then I'm like. I do that thing where I'm, like, walking across the street, and then I get over to where there's a little bit more light, and I look down and, yep, sure enough. Just a fat, smashed thing. So now I'm like, I also have to. By the way, I'm still. These aren't the shoes I'm gonna wear to do the show, but they are the shoes I have to wear to come into the building and to get. Go on stage for the sound check and like, yeah, wear them home. So I'm, like, dragging my foot. I'm looking for anything that looks like grass or whatever. Any grass. Any sort of ridge. Any. Any ridged surface that I can just kind of. And I'm scraping it, and I'm scraping it, and I'm scraping it, and I'm like, you know, get. I think, kind of, like, most of it off. And then, like. So I thought. I thought that I had. So I looked down. It was like, okay, it's kind of dealt with. It's not like. It's not. It's not like there's still a massive amount in there, and somehow it didn't go totally in all of the treads. Like, yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like, this is. This is. This Seems like it's been mitigated enough that I can, like, go into the building without it being disgusting. Because, you know, also, sometimes when you're a kid, it's just like. And it's so much. And you're like, you know, it just. It reeks. And you're trying to get it out of the treads. Usually we would be using, like, a stick or something, trying to.

[John Sklaroff]

Or find some water. You also, as a. As a kid, your foot's smaller, so it's just like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. There's less surface area.

[John Sklaroff]

Surface area. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So I. So. So I go in, and then it's like. And. And then it's like I'm on to the next problem, which is, you know, whatever. I don't mean problem, but just like, I'm. Now I'm thinking about sound check and whatever, and I forget that it even happened. I go upstairs to the. I have this little room that I kind of, like, gets dressed in my suit and whatever, and I take those shoes off, and I'm not. Nothing really pungent seems to be happening. And so then I like. I like, you know, I get changed my suit, do the show. Fine. Get. Go back home. And then the next morning, I get up, I get dressed to go. We had another Livewire event back down in Portland. I get dressed again, put. Put these same shoes on, and then I drive. And I'm like. I'm in the car. I'm like, huh. I'm sort of noticing something is going on. I wonder what's up with that? But I'm like, I know it's not the shoe, because I looked, and it was fine last night. And then, like, I. After the show, I go over to Becca's house and. And I sit down on the couch and immediately Bubbles beelines it for me and just starts obsessing over the. The bottom of that shoe. And I look down, and I realize there's still a significant amount that's caked in. Like, it's hard to explain, but, you know, like, not a tread, but the middle of this shoe. Actually, I could actually show you.

[John Sklaroff]

No, please. Whatever. That's okay. Should we have a trigger warning segment for. No, no, this will not be on the Internet. Should we have a trigger warning for this segment for listeners? Like, don't listen while you're eating a meal or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, retroactively.

[John Sklaroff]

Retroactively. You shouldn't have been eating during this conversation.

[Luke Burbank]

But what I realized is that. And I guess you could say the good news is it's not. It's dried, so it's not like.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not like, being redistributed everywhere. And it's kind of in. The shoe has a recess in the underside, like, you know, like the bottom of the shoe. What do you call them?

[John Sklaroff]

Well, you were talking. The tread. Yeah. You mean like the back portion where I.

[Luke Burbank]

The bottom of a shoe? What do you call, like, this.

[John Sklaroff]

I'm not Ed Bundy. I'm not familiar with all the moving parts of a shoe. But, yeah, call that. I actually. I don't know the technical term. Yeah. I would just say the solar. The tread. Because it's like. It's like you have all the tread lines and then that big gap area and then more tread lines. Like, so that middle portion.

[Luke Burbank]

That middle portion has dried poop in it. So I immediately take that shoe off. I put it in the hallway of the apartment building. I shall not besmirch your apartment with this shoe. And then I will tell you the rest of the day. I was. All I could think about was that shoe.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I didn't want to do. Here's what I didn't want to do at Becca's house. I didn't want to, like, scrape a bunch of poop into the garbage can or. I don't know. I didn't want it to become her problem. I feel like her house.

[John Sklaroff]

Again, as somebody who deals a lot of dog poop. Yes. This, again, this is not the conversation I was expecting to have today. I feel like the move there is scraping to the toilet, because then you.

[Luke Burbank]

Just flush where it goes.

[John Sklaroff]

Because that's where poop goes.

[Luke Burbank]

Good point.

[John Sklaroff]

And then you. And then you could, in the bathroom, clean the bottom of it in the shower and then clean the shower afterwards, like, bleach the. Or whatever product she has around to clean the tub.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what.

[John Sklaroff]

After the fact. But I'm also. I'm also Monday morning quarterbacking this. Like, you are in the moment dealing.

[Luke Burbank]

With it, but it's like, you're. No, you're absolutely right. Like, it's like, here. Here's the problem. There is feces that we don't want to have around. There's a place in the house that feces goes. I mean, I can watch that on a regular basis.

[John Sklaroff]

I must spelled out that directly.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but seriously. No, like, obviously, that's what I should have done. But also, I didn't know what the. I didn't know what kind of implement she had around. I also. I'll be honest with you, I was just grossed out by the whole thing.

[John Sklaroff]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

And so. And so I'm. So then I'm driving home, and I'm like, doing this thing where I'm like, I don't want to put my foot down flush on the. On the carpet in my car.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, because I don't. Which bottom.

[John Sklaroff]

Which foot is it? Is that your right foot? Your left foot?

[Luke Burbank]

Left foot.

[John Sklaroff]

So it's like the inactive. Because you drop foot. Yeah, the inactive foot. So it's like you kind of. Are you doing the thing where it's, like, on the side, like, you're kind of turning on your.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm like, turning it on the side.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I don't want to put it down. Yeah, exactly. Right. And I'm just kind of like. And just everything that's going on, I'm getting out. I'm walking around. I'm doing. I'm going into a store. I'm getting some groceries. All I'm thinking the whole time is, I'm obsessed with this shoe for some reason. And then. And then I said this. I think I might have written this on, like, blueski a while ago, but because this happened to me, you know, I just said that was the first time I'd stepped in dog poop in a long time, but that's not true. There was another time, I don't know, maybe six months or a year ago that I. I think it was probably here at my house. Cause there are, you know, there are animals and coyotes. Oh, I saw a coyote the other day out here. There are animals that crap in my yard. So anyway, I had stepped in some kind of an animal poop, dog poop thing. And what I realized was, oh, I could throw these shoes out. Oh, these are sneakers that I bought for probably when they were new. They were $40, $60. I've worn them a lot. I have way more. I have more shoes than I will wear for the rest of my life if somebody said, you cannot acquire any more shoes. The shoes that you have in your house are the shoes that you have to wear for the rest of your life. I could live 10 lifetimes before the.

[John Sklaroff]

Wear and tear gets to them. And there's, like, holes.

[Luke Burbank]

100%. I mean, these. The shoes that have been befouled now are these Stan Smith Adidas Stan Smiths that I wear all the time? I have. I am not exaggerating right now. Six pairs. Six pairs. Not actually seven pairs. There's a really thrashed. Some really thrashed ones in my basement that I use for mowing the lawn. Six pairs of these shoes. Six pairs. And that's just the Stan Smiths. There are. There's. There's a. There's myriad running shoes. I have 15 pairs of running shoes. Like, it's ridiculous. So I decided I'm just gonna throw these shoes out. That's what I'm gonna do. Or I'm gonna throw. One thought was, I'll just throw out the left shoe. And then maybe at some point, I don't know something will happen to one of the.

[John Sklaroff]

Eventually. You'll eventually have to throw out a right shoe to balance it out. Eventually, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Did I say Stan Smith or Rod Laver? Because they're Rod Laver, Stan Smith. They look like Stan Smiths. They're not. Stan Smith was a tennis player. Rod Laver was also a tennis player. He was Australian.

[John Sklaroff]

Just.

[Luke Burbank]

I need to be transparent. They're not. They're not Stan Smiths. They're Rod Laver's. Both made by Adidas, Both very similar looking.

[John Sklaroff]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

So. But I can't, for some reason, I can't quite bring myself to throw the shoe away. So the shoe is now. But I also can't leave it outside because it'll get rained on and then it'll become officially grotesque. So where do you think it is, John? It's in the far corner of the Madrona Hill studio with its partner. And I don't know what to do because part of me just keeps saying, just throw it out. It's fine. You have many pairs of these shoes. These were not expensive when I bought them. They were again, maybe 50 or $60. And, oh, there was a period of time that I personally drove the cost of these Rod Laver shoes up to.

[John Sklaroff]

Like over 100, because you bought six pairs of them.

[Luke Burbank]

They stopped making them during the pandemic. And. And they were. You could only find them on this thing called Stock X. Have you heard?

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, yeah, I don't do it. So I have a very complicated relationship with, like, shoes and sneakers and stuff because I really like them. I love the look. Like, I'm a big basketball fan. That's like a whole part of the culture. But I also have very wide feet. And so my options for shoes are very limited. Like, I can wear New Balance and a handful of other ones. And so, like, I wish I could wear cool sneakers. And at the same time, I, like, mostly can't. And so I'm very familiar with Stockx and all the, you know, what NBA players come out with, like, different colorways and what looks awesome, but, like, I could never wear. They're never made for me. And so it's like, yeah, yeah, I'm kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not. It's funny because, like, I am not a sneaker head, per se. I don't. Yeah, I don't have, like, I don't get the new drop of anything. I just wanted these Rod Laver sneakers that I'd been wearing for years, and they just. They weren't making them, but they did have them on Stockx and I started buying them. And for those folks who don't know, Stockx is like a, it's. It's described as like the stock market of shoes. So you can buy, you know, these shoes that either aren't being made anymore or are for some reason valuable on the aftermarket. But it also tracks the going price for the shoe. And there was a period of time where I think I was the only person in America buying these rod lavers. So I was. Personally, I could watch the price of the sneaker go up on Stockx.

[John Sklaroff]

You're betting against yourself on them, basically.

[Luke Burbank]

I know, idiot. But so I, I for like, I. Part of me wants to just throw the shoes away and not deal with it. And part of me thinks that's so wasteful, I should just get the garden hose and go to town on them. But then part of me says no. You're a grown person who works hard to build a life for yourself where you have more pairs of rod lavers than you will ever wear. And you can just toss these out and it's okay, you know, like it's fine. And I don't know what, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but that's the lim I'm currently in.

[John Sklaroff]

If you, I would recommend if you say get your hose, if you have like a, like a nozzle head that's adjustable, put on the strongest pressure pressure, wash it exactly. And just spray. And like you do the thing where you put your arm out with the shoe in one hand and you kind of keep as far away from me as possible because it's gonna, there's gonna be some kickback and you just know, you know, you know, clean wash your hands afterwards or whatever. It might be a little messy, but it shouldn't be too bad. I think.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I can also do? That's a good. By the way, that's very good advice. I should do that.

[John Sklaroff]

I'm also again, like I be again being the person that's picking up poop every day. Like, I, I'll tell you a real quick story. When I started dating Jess, she had our dog Thor. She had him about a year before we started dating. And I was walking Thor with my brother in law who was walking their dog, Maggie and Thor, you know, did we have to do. And I was like, ick. And he's like, do you love this girl? I was like, yeah. He goes, then pick up her dog shit. And I was like. And it was this moment and it was like, it Was, wow.

[Luke Burbank]

It's an act of love.

[John Sklaroff]

It was also just like, get over it. Like, so for me. For me, like, deal with dog poo. It's like, yeah, it's gross, but it's also like, I don't know. People have babies, they clean up baby poop all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, here's the funny part. Here's the funny part. Yesterday we were walking Gigi.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And Gigi stops and drops a massive deuce. And Becca just looks at me like, would you. And I'm like, yeah, of course. I'm not grossed out by picking up dog poop. If I'm using the bag. The bag. That does not gross me out for some reason, because my hand is protected. I have a system. I am not disgusted by that. It's something about it being in my shoe. And I'm blasting it, like you said. I'm blasting it with the pressure washing. But it's spray. It's spraying back on me or something that's.

[John Sklaroff]

You have to angle it. Right. So it's like this.

[Luke Burbank]

It's something about not being. I don't mind it if I can tightly manage the situation.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Where I've got the bag on my hand and did. It's a system. You. You roll it back out. You know, like it's a thing.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But this for some reason is kind of gross. What I should. I should. What I should really do is what you're suggesting, which I should just spray it down. But if I don't want to do that, at the least what I can do is. I told you I have some really thrashed rod lasers in my basement that are my lawn mowing ones. Those ones seriously have probably 10,000 miles on them.

[John Sklaroff]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I could throw those out.

[John Sklaroff]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

This. Because, by the way, after a summer of walking around the lawn in these, there will be, like, we know, evidence of this mild amount of dog poop that's on them.

[John Sklaroff]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Anymore. Like, I will naturally, in the process of the next spring and summer's yard work life, I will wear off whatever is on the bottom of these rod lavers.

[John Sklaroff]

So these.

[Luke Burbank]

These might just need to move down to.

[John Sklaroff]

They become your new lawn shoes.

[Luke Burbank]

New lawn shoes. And I think I can throw away because the old lawn shoes really are very thrash.

[John Sklaroff]

I think that's a good idea. And I still would recommend spraying the hose. But to psychologically, like, if you're comfortable picking up Gigi's piles, put, like, on your hand that you're holding the. The shoe with. Yeah, exactly. Or like, if you don't have in the house just like a plastic, like, shopping bag or whatever, put your hand hold the poop a shoe with that and spray the other. And. Because, like, even if it goes in your basement, becomes your lawn shoe, you don't want that just sitting in your basement till next spring or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

And so, like, you've not seen how gross my basement is.

[John Sklaroff]

That's the one place in your house I don't think I saw.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no, you and you shan't. I had somebody over doing some. Doing some stuff on the house, and she was sort of getting the tour of the place and doing some kind of, like, estimation of various things. And she was like, well, what about downstairs, the basement? I was like, I go, I can show you the basement, but I just really want to, like, prepare you that it may feel unsafe because it is literally. No, I was being very serious. I was like, I will show you the basement, but I want to just be really clear that it's kind of like. It's kind of upsetting because it's not finished. I mean, it has a concrete floor, but that's it. It's unfinished other than the fact that it's not dirt, but it's just the low. It's low ceiling. The lighting is very poor. It's just full of tools and sawdust and piles of things. And it's. It is. It's like, I wouldn't, you know, I wanted to let her know that I knew that it was unsettling, and therefore, I don't know, I just wanted. I didn't want her to walk into it and feel unsafe. I wanted to somehow try to get in.

[John Sklaroff]

You're saying expectations, like, I wanted to.

[Luke Burbank]

You're not.

[John Sklaroff]

You're not going to like it down there.

[Luke Burbank]

And I didn't also. I also didn't want to make a joke that was like, yeah, a joke. That was her going like, is he kidding or not kidding? So I didn't say to her, like, okay, it's my serial killer basement. Like, I mean, really don't do that. I intentionally held off on a joke like that because I also didn't want to, like, introduce that into the conversation. Like, she's like, is he saying that as a joke? But it's not a joke. I just wanted to say, like, I want to let you know that this basement is really, very, very kind of unfinished. And it's. It's really messy. And if you want to see it for the purposes of square footage, sure. But I just want to, like, prepare you. And she was like, oh, okay. And then it was fine. But I just want, I wanted to, I wanted to level set before we got down there because I didn't want her to be like, oh, and this is where. This is where things get really dicey.

[John Sklaroff]

This is where all my closest friends come to stay and just open the door.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's a, It's a, it's a. It's a basement that if you wanted to leave a shoe that has some amount of dog poop in it in over the course of a winter, sure, it's. It's not going to hurt the property value at all.

[John Sklaroff]

It's okay. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, John, this is our donor music today.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, yeah. Awesome. Because the donors get things done.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. How donors get more done at work. It's because I still don't have the real music from Andrew. And the thing is, the last time Andrew went out of town, it was, it was, it was a little bit more sudden.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I had plenty of time to ask him to send me the music and I just forgot.

[John Sklaroff]

And, and like, Andrew always does when he can, especially if he knows he has, like, he, he's planning to take a quick trip or something. He, like, sends lists and intro tape and like, he's so on top of like, here's these things you need and.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, and if I would have asked him, he would have sent to me. But I, I don't know. I kind of.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, hey, I feel like this is.

[Luke Burbank]

Kind of like this sort of badass, kind of propulsive.

[John Sklaroff]

It's good.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel very motivated to thank our donors today. These wonderful people are supporting TBTL with a donation of dough, and it is really and truly the only way this thing can happen. I was trying to, as I often am, trying to explain what the show was to somebody, and that somebody was. Jeff Hiller.

[John Sklaroff]

I love Somewhere knows about tbtl. Do you think he's listening today? Hey, Jeff, I'm a huge fan. Oh, no. Okay, never mind.

[Luke Burbank]

I did get the digis though, Dice. So I think we. I think we're good with him, by the way. Like, I think if we want to have him on down the road for special programming, I think, I think we're in.

[John Sklaroff]

But that's awesome.

[Luke Burbank]

But I was, I. I set up our. The little sound recording thing at this table at the, at the hotel in Portland and. And then he came down and now he was also going to be on Livewire. And Livewire is a big production. There's lots of. Right there's lots going on, and this was a little more humble, and I was trying to explain. Yeah, well, this is a podcast that I do with my buddy, and we have a colleague we work with and been doing it for 17 years and trying to explain it to him, and he seemed. He seemed pleasantly confused. And. And I get that because it's a weird thing, this tbtl, and it's. It's a weird thing that's only possible because of folks like Christine Pernula of Renton, Washington. Thank you, Christine. Hey, it's my old pal Stacy Sledge in Bellingham, Washington. Thank you, Stacey. Stacy wrote. Stacy wrote an article about. About me and TBTL once, many years ago. Stacy's a journalist in Bellingham, and I've said this on the show, and I'll say it again. It was the only article that's ever been written about me or TBTL that has been actually 100% accurate. No. No kind of factual errors. There are. Some have more factual errors than others. And I think. I know. I think. You know what I'm thinking.

[John Sklaroff]

I was gonna make a joke, but I wanted to be nice. I was gonna say, was this the article to Stacy? Right. I heard a lot of tens over the years reference an article they read in the Stranger that turned them on to tbtl. Is that this article, or is that.

[Luke Burbank]

Something that was written by a guy named Eli Sanders? Oh, yeah, right. I know that Stacy's article was in a Bellingham news operation, but it was. I would say maybe Eli's and Stacy's were the only two articles that have ever, in fact, and there may have even been a. A flub or two in Eli's article. Just. Again, nothing. Nothing particularly important, but just kind of like a timeline of maybe when I grew up, where or something. And the thing about Stacy is our friend Stacy Sledge is that she's not only a fine journalist, but a TBTL listener. So it was like a donor. Yeah, well, hugely a donor. Maybe most importantly, a donor. But, like, Stacy was able to write the article with, like, without, like, making, like, little mistakes, because Stacy is deeply familiar with my life from listening to this show for all these years. So, Stacy, thank you. We really do appreciate you. Thanks also to Kathleen Clymo, who's in San Francisco, California. Thanks to David Zuckerman, who's in New Rochelle, New York. That sounds like a place that you know about.

[John Sklaroff]

Literally, let me say. My mom is from New Rochelle. My grandparents were there. It's, like, were there my whole childhood while they were alive. And so I would go to New Rochelle once a month at least to go visit my grandparents.

[Luke Burbank]

How far is that from, like, Westchester?

[John Sklaroff]

Well, it's in. It's southern Westchester, and I grew up in. In northern Westchester. So, like, it was like, 25, 30 minutes from where I grew up.

[Luke Burbank]

And were you in Scarsdale?

[John Sklaroff]

No, Yorktown. Scarsdale is.

[Luke Burbank]

That's fancy, right?

[John Sklaroff]

Scarsdale's, I think, literally one of the richest per capita, like, municipalities in the country. Yeah, we.

[Luke Burbank]

Zip codes probably.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

Zip code. I always mix up. No, no, I mix up area code and zip code constantly.

[John Sklaroff]

I will say. So. I went to Yorktown. Yorktown High School. I'm from Yorktown Heights and very lovely suburb.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, what were the. What's the mascot at Yorktown?

[John Sklaroff]

So we were the Corn Huskers.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice.

[John Sklaroff]

But we had our football team. So we had a person, a mascot dressed as a giant corn. But our football team, like, our logo, we just aped the Oakland Raiders. So it was like the Raiders logo?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

So it was like the skull and crossbones and black. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

So interesting pastiche. Is that something that the students get to vote on that at some point?

[John Sklaroff]

If they did? It was before my time there. Like, it was just what I knew.

[Luke Burbank]

And I love the idea of, like, some, like, kids in Westchester, but it's during the, like, Al Davis, Kenny Stabler.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. John Coach. Years.

[Luke Burbank]

Era. Exactly. Era. Raiders, they're just like, there's the freaking coolest team in the world.

[John Sklaroff]

We're called the Huskers. But so I played. I remember I played freshman football. And we. One of our first games was at Scarsdale, and, like, we grew up again, nice suburbs. Like, you know, very privileged and well off. Comfortable, you know, very, you know, but it's like. But no, Scarsdale was one of those moments where we're like, are we poor? Because, like, we show up and their high school is literally a castle. And they have their. Each football team, their. Their. Their freshman team, their JV team, and their varsity team. Each had their own fields. Like, we had, like, a dirt field that rocks in it that we practice on.

[Luke Burbank]

And probably the baseball field during part.

[John Sklaroff]

Of the year, that was like, our practice field. And then we had, like, a reg. We did have, like, a dedicated football field, but that's what all the teams played on for games. And so we show up and, like, we're on, like, the freshman field or whatever. And they. And we have like. Because we're the freshman team, some of us had, like, gray pants, some of us had white Pants. We had, like ratty jerseys. They all show, like, come running out in like matching Adidas uniforms. And it was like. But we beat them like 21 to 7.

[Luke Burbank]

So I hope that was the best. I was gonna ask.

[John Sklaroff]

Best bus ride back home. We were so happy. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like when I was in high school, when I was going to Jesus Creek, even though it was technically a private school. Yeah, it was like the cheapest. It was mostly like a religious cult that, you know, was trying to further indoctrinate the young people of the world. And so it was. It was in only the most hyper specific sense. Again, a private school. There was a very nominal tuition fee, but again, it was mostly so. So we played in this league with other private schools, but then there was a real range. There was the legit private schools that were like. We played against a school called the Bush School, which was like, very Tony. It's a weird name, right? But that was the name of the school. We were. We were too small to play, like Lakeside. Lakeside is the school where Bill Gates went. It's where I think he met. Okay. Is that where he met Paul? Did Paul Allen go there? No. I don't know. Anyway, the Lakeside School is very, very Tony. But anyway, it. We. The thing that sucked about going to Jesus Creek was we were both the poorest school in the league and many times the worst. So it would suck. Yeah, it would suck. It would suck to like, go to it. It sucked to both, like, to go play the Bush School and then have them also trounce us.

[John Sklaroff]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

And be way richer than us.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. We at least beat Scarsdale. Listen, Scarsdale's beautiful little Hamlet or whatever they call it. But it felt really great to beat up on them. But going back to David Noreschell, I love Noreschal. Spent a lot of great times there in my youth.

[Luke Burbank]

And Marissa Uterberg, who's in Lakewood, Ohio, Andrew may be in. I don't know where Bob Walsh is living these days, but he may be literally somewhere near Lakewood, Ohio. Even as we're recording this, Marissa. So, you know, just know that. That you're very. You're even closer than normal to the TBTL experience. And then Brian Covey is in Seattle, Washington, a place. Brian, even though you're. It's getting dark there three minutes before it's getting dark here. I want you to know that you and I are very, very close as well. And I'm thinking of you right now. And I feel extremely connected to you. So thank you to all of our donors for making BTL happen. We absolutely. And again, I've got the right co host today. The person who knows even more than Andrew and I do about how this couldn't happen without those folks is right here with me.

[John Sklaroff]

Absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

Mr. John Sklaroff. Thank you so much, everybody.

[John Sklaroff]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, I've got an idea. John. Yeah, we are, by my count, we're approaching the 58 minute mark, which is great because I can talk about this fedora story for two minutes and then we'll be in the badlands and then we can talk about whatever we want, which is sports, gambling.

[John Sklaroff]

Those are the rules this.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, they're the rules that I made up and I feel very strongly about that. We got an update from Unpaid. He's typically the, I think unpaid TBTL bidet correspondent Television's Chris Hayes, but he, you know, he branches out into other areas of content.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. You allow him some free time to do some other projects.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And he sent me and Andrew this update from the Associated Press. Meet the mysterious teen behind the Louvre fedora man mystery photo. We talked about this on the show a couple weeks ago when the Louvre heist went down and they, you know, the, the next day or maybe even later that day, the, the press descended on the Louvre. There was a photograph of some French police and standing next to them was this very arresting figure of this young man dressed like he had walked out of like a Mickey Spillane novel or something. Just like a fedora and kind of a very smart suit and a overcoat. And the Internet kind of went wild. There were a bunch of theories. One was that he was actually the detective on the case. The other, the other was that he was actually AI Right. Because he looked so put together that it was like, is this even a real person? Andrew was very. Andrew was weirdly put off by this kid. I think when he thought it was a detective who likes to dress up, he really didn't like it.

[John Sklaroff]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna violate a certain amount of personal privacy here and I'm gonna read you a little bit of our back and forth between Andrew and television's Chris Hayes and myself over the weekend.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Chris sent us the link. He said, we found him, boys, and it's a link to the real identity of the fedora kid. And then I said, oh yeah, top story tomorrow. And then Chris said, he's also 15, which makes much more sense, by the way. So spoiler alert, he's a 15 year old. And then Andrew said, haha, I Just saw that. And Chris said it was so funny when Andrew thought he was the actual detective and was like, I bleeping hate this dude. Here's the response from Andrew. Tbf. Like, as in, to be frank, I still might. So Andrew's really got it out for this person.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's because. And again, I feel comfortable speculating because Andrew's not here and he'll never hear this. I think Andrew himself is very much not someone who likes to be observed in the world. He's not, as in the parlance of the Dan LeBatard show, he's not a Look at me Louie at all. Right. And so he is a Louis. You're right. He's not only. He's a Look at me Lewis, which is really different. He's a Don't look at me Lewis.

[John Sklaroff]

Don't look at me Lewis. There you go.

[Luke Burbank]

We should make that the show title.

[John Sklaroff]

I'm writing this down.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's call this don't look at me Lewis.

[John Sklaroff]

Look at Me Lewis.

[Luke Burbank]

And you know how he spells it too, right?

[John Sklaroff]

Is it.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the French way. It's the French. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As opposed to what? For some reason? Yeah. L, E, W, E, S. Right. Which is how I think of Lewis. To me, Lewis, that's the American spelling of Lewis.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. Like Jerry Lewis.

[Luke Burbank]

I live near a place called Lewis county, and it's L, E, W I, S. To me. When I hear Lewis and I'm in the States, I don't think of Louis. Yeah, but he's got the Louis. But he's Louis. So look at me Louis. Oh, don't look at me Louis. That's the show title.

[John Sklaroff]

Don't look at me.

[Luke Burbank]

And then everybody be cool. Yeah, everybody be cool. Okay, Sean, you don't mention it to Andrew. I'm not. Let's see if he gets 61 minutes into the show.

[John Sklaroff]

Nobody at him, please. Zach, Blue ski. No email.

[Luke Burbank]

Don't tell him. I want to see if he finds out about this and why we called the show. I want to see if he can figure out why we called the show. Look at me.

[John Sklaroff]

Don't. Don't look at me Louis.

[Luke Burbank]

Don't look at me Lewis. We'll see if he makes it all the way to where we are right now, John.

[John Sklaroff]

To the Badlands.

[Luke Burbank]

El Robo. Speaking of the Badlands, John, we've got merch, and we have done the worst job promoting it. Could you tell us and the listeners about our cool new merch at the TBTL? Merch site.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Yeah. So if you go to tbtl.net.net shop and I do want to preface this because this is a point Andrew made and I agree. This is not like, please go buy the merch today because. Yeah, yeah, we, we just thank donors and that's how this show makes money. That's how we. This can be our job.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a very weird sales pitch because what we're saying is we have merch. It's really cool. But also if you don't buy it, it's fine. And if you do buy it, it doesn't really move our bottom line very much, which is a strange way to frame it. But it is also true.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, it's. This is not how we sustain this show in our jobs. But we know folks, we've have written in over the years and check in and like, can I buy something for my 11 or my 10 or whomever, or my 5? And so, so it's available if you're interested. And so.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's cool stuff.

[John Sklaroff]

It is.

[Luke Burbank]

This was a. By the way, you click on the shop [e-mail] that's.

[John Sklaroff]

Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

And John, this was a co production, really a kind of. Of you and Andrew because you had the idea for doing this kind of national parks vibe, which I thought was really smart.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And Andrew went out and he had to. To actually buy a font for this.

[John Sklaroff]

He purchased font. He did use TBTL funds to purchase a font because we're all on the up and up here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, we are.

[John Sklaroff]

And so, so we. It's, it's, it's. And again, nobody. Everybody be cool. But a listener did also message me was like, hey, the National Park Service might like send you a cease and desist for doing this. So, like, nobody don't tell. I mean, I think the, the shutdown helped us out in that regard. But nobody, nobody tell the National Park Service.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what, if they want us to come, if we get arrested and our punishment is we have to do the podcast in front of Old Faithful, I'm fine with that. I want us to get one of those wacky judges who sentences us to like a sentence like, you got to stand in front of. You got to go to Yosemite and wear a sign that says I borrowed the national font or something. I'll do that absolutely.

[John Sklaroff]

Next thon in front of Old Faithful. But so, yeah, so it's. So it's, it's the design that, yeah, I kind of conceptualized it, but Andrew's the one that put it together. And it looks really awesome. Is. It's. It looks like a sign, like, if you're going into a national park. And it says, entering TBTL Badlands. And it's just like. It's very simple.

[Luke Burbank]

Trying to get as much use out of the song as I can. Yeah, it's absolutely. It's. It's a very. I'm. I really love this. Again, whether or not we're legally allowed to have it, I really love this little piece of art.

[John Sklaroff]

It really came together. And we. And we also. We have shirts, hoodies, and we also have coffee mugs if you wake up with in the morning. And also water bottles in case you're, like, somebody that's going into the parks. You want a water bottle for it.

[Luke Burbank]

But don't let any of the rangers.

[John Sklaroff]

Rangers see it. And then the colors. I was actually really happy with this because, like, obviously we have some options on the website. We. The service we use for merch and stuff. It's all kind of like earth tone colors and stuff. Kind of the parks color. Like, that vibe was the palette that we went with for the options. So I'm really. I think it all looks really sharp. So we have that as one new design. Totally brand new. We also have. Because people loved it during the Thawne.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, I got my tambourine. Thank you.

[John Sklaroff]

You did good. There you go.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I'm so excited. My postal service woman, who I talk about a lot of it was. It was adorable. She was like, I don't know what this is, but it was like it was tambourining away as she brought it to be.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. She's like, what's this jiggling?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. But so we on that. There it is, the tambourine. Our friend Max in Brooklyn designed the chipmunk.

[Luke Burbank]

The logo for the chipmunk logo, right?

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Chipwrecked. And so. And so we have shirts and hoodies of that available on the website, too.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. So the logo of me and. Me and Andrew. Andrew and John as chipmunks that Max did. Yeah. That's on the tambourine. It was so popular, and it's just such a good design by Max that we.

[John Sklaroff]

It's awesome.

[Luke Burbank]

Wanted it to be wanted. Like, you can't wear a tambourine.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So this is. Now you can. Now you can wear this. Yeah, I guess so.

[John Sklaroff]

Strap it on somehow.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

It would be effort. It would be effort.

[Luke Burbank]

So that's the story on the TBTL merch store. Please go there. Please appreciate all the hard work that went into it, please buy something there if it, if the mood strikes you. But also realize that we still need you to support the TVT because that's how we actually pay the bills around here.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. And I will say real quick, I put this actually in the newsletter that just went out the other day. I sent information about this. Like it's, it's early November still, early part, early half November. Like if merch or whatever, if you do want to get something for somebody as like a holiday gift. As long as you order something by the end of the month, like you should be fine with like shipping and mailing and stuff. But I, I get super anxious and paranoid about that stuff. And so I'm not saying I would say order sooner rather than later. Not because we, again, we're like desperate for the money, you know, we don't need the cash to get us out of any jams. But I don't know, I just for my, for your sake, you might want to order it sooner and that way you have it in hand in time for the holidays. And we have a good track record with the company we work with for this. But like in case something goes wrong and you need to email me and say, hey, they sent me the wrong thing. Just, just throwing that out there too. That's, but that's a me anxiety thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, no problem with your anxiety, John. Let's harness it and use it for the good of tbtl. Which is why all the stuff that has gone out since you've had the job that you have has been like great. The, you know, the thank you gifts and everything. So I, I salute your anxiety and.

[John Sklaroff]

Thank you very much.

[Luke Burbank]

It's making the experience of the donors better and I appreciate that. By the way, the, the Louvre kid is a 15 year old. His name is Pedro Elias Garzon del Vaux. That is D E L V A U X. That is an extremely French sounding last name. Yeah, he is a fan of Sherlock Holmes and Hercules Poirot. He was visiting the Louvre with his family and they were just there to see the Louvre and it was closed, he says because of the robbery that had just happened or the whatever, the burglary. And I go back and forth on this. I guess that was a, I don't think it was a robbery because they didn't threaten anyone with weapons. I don't know why this matters to me. I think a burgling, my theory is a burgling is the theft of something where they come, you like somebody burgles you, they come into your House or your business or your Louvre. They take stuff. They didn't pay for it, but they didn't put a gun in someone's rib cage. That's a robbery. You don't burgle a bank.

[John Sklaroff]

That's true.

[Luke Burbank]

I just like rob a bank. Because you threaten them with the threat of violence.

[John Sklaroff]

I just like, I, in this case, like, heist. I'm just a big fan.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, heist is good.

[John Sklaroff]

But I think you're, I think you're right in the difference between a burglary and a robbery. I think you're.

[Luke Burbank]

I meant to talk about this the other day. We were, this came up surrounding the Louvre. The fact that the Louvre's security camera system, the password for it was Louvre.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I didn't actually, I didn't go quite far enough into this as I meant to, but like, here's you want to know my hot take on the Louvre thing?

[John Sklaroff]

Okay. Yeah, give it to me.

[Luke Burbank]

I DG af.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What happens to these colonial ass monarchic diamonds? Yeah, I just don't care. Like, they're like, oh, they stole. I mean literally they're pearl clutching about the pearls that got stolen. Like, like, oh, they, it's, it was the like, okay, if you steal the Mona Lisa, I'm like, all right, that's a pretty famous painting. I have gone to see that at the Louvre. You know, like, it's a whole thing. But like, as far as, like, have you been in, like I was in this summer, I was traveling in Europe and I went in some, you know, big museums and I looked at some precious baubles and it's like, I don't know, man. I just don't really give a crap if some guys got away with some tiara from Some like, yeah, 35 generation ago royalty that like, also like, if you, it was, if it was England and if you stole the like, I don't know, the, like the, the particular thing that like the queen wears when the like coronation and like, it means a lot to the people of England. Like, okay, don't steal that. But like, I was actually underwhelmed that the real actual story of the, when they said that was a Louvre heist, I was like, well, they got the Mona Lisa right? And it was like, now they got a bunch of technically valuable but basically to me, obscure jewels.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, I, I, I think I have a very similar reaction to this. And I wonder if, like, I know you often talk about like how you grew up and like the kind of upbringing you had and like, and your.

[Luke Burbank]

Relationship it was no Scarsdale.

[John Sklaroff]

Well, that's what I'm saying is like, your relation to money and. And things. And, like, I feel like I have a. Again, I definitely grew up very privileged, but, like, not as privileged. You know, it's like. So it's like you see these, like, obscene items of wealth, and it's like. And it's like, like, so I had the. I was fortunate to go to Rome a handful of years ago, and as we were walking through the Vatican and we're walking through these halls, and it's like, there is my biggest takeaway from seeing all these items have been pillaged over the centuries is sitting in the Vatican is tax the churches. You have so much money. I know church is different, but the.

[Luke Burbank]

Catholic Church doesn't have a history. I. I mean, in fairness, the Catholic Church has a spotless record of behavior throughout time, so they should have more fucking stolen shit than they could ever use in 10 lifetimes.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. It's like, I'm not like, whatever. I might make it weird going from museums. There's all this kind of complicated stuff, but it's like, you see this stuff that could feed a nation or whatever, and it's like, yeah, okay, some diamonds got stolen from the Louvre. Cool. Like, yeah, I know. It's for the security guard who lost their job. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like. And also, I don't even blame the security. What is he supposed to do, Fight a bunch of guys who just frigging chainsawed their way in the building? Like, you're not paying me enough for that. Like, I think that also. And to our listeners who are historic jewelry fans, I apologize if I'm yucking your yum. But, like, Rome is a great example. We were in Rome, like, two summers ago and went to the Vatican and, like, went to the Vatican museum. And it's like. Like, I just glaze over at some point. You're walking around, you're looking at all this stuff. It's like. It's just like, I can't. I can't stay interested. I can't stay interested in this amount of this stuff. Right. And it. It's. To me, it's all connected with a period of time where people even more oppressed, like you could Only the thing that I say about billionaires now is, like, the only way someone can become a billionaire is because of wealth extraction.

[John Sklaroff]

Absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that. I feel like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett might be the only sort of like. And even then, if you got down. I mean, here's what I'd say about Bill Gates, by the way, we're in the Badlands, people. I'm allowed to speculate about what lies in the heart of Bill Gates. I feel like Bill Gates is really doing his best to try to make the world a better place. I do think the Gates foundation does really good work. I don't think that Bill Gates. I'm sure that there's some kind of. There's something that he supported that supported something that you don't support. Jon, I know you've got a list. I know you've got your Arya Stark. Listen, what I would say is. I would say is, to me, Bill Gates is not the same as Jeff Bezos. I think there are billionaires. My basic thing is I don't think it should be legal to be a billionaire because I just don't think you can ever get that much money without people getting their lives ruined in some way, is my general thought on billionaires. I do think Bill Gates is also trying to give away all his money, which again, makes him, to me, a little bit more of a forgivable billionaire than the rest. But, yeah.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. So this is my position on billionaires. And this is. I'm the resident Swifty on the. On TB at tbtb. And Taylor Swift, famously a billionaire. And like, a lot of people criticize her and come after her for that. Like, there's no ethical billionaires. And I'm sure I'm biased because of, like, I'm a fan for work and I, I do think, I mean, who knows with any celebrity ever? But like, I think she's probably a good person at heart, it seems. But like, seems to be my stance on this kind of stuff these days is like, there, there is billionaires, like you're saying through extraction exploitation. Like, if you're a billionaire because your family owns coal companies, that's not the same as somebody who's a billionaire because they're a musician and people choose to buy their music, choose to go to their concerts.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, obviously, Jay Z is probably a billionaire too, right? Do we think.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, Jay Z. Yeah, absolutely. And so Beyonce. And so it's like, like, it's like capitalism is broken and. And we live in a broken society in terms of that kind of thing, like, period. But like, and I know, like, around, like Taylor Swift especially, there was like, with Errors Tour, there's all this stuff of, like, the prices for the shows were outrageous and how much control did she actually have versus secondary markets and Ticketmaster and all this stuff. And it's like, but no One has to spend $3,000 to go to a concert. Like, yeah, I really want to go. One of her shows, I couldn't afford to go. We didn't go. And so, like, there's a difference between people getting incredibly wealthy off of something like that or Taylor Swift, famously. And other artists do this too, a lot now. Like, she'll sell, like, 10 different versions of an album, like, in different colors, so people feel like they want to buy all the colors. And. And it's like, again, like, it's exploitative in the sense that, like, you're, you know, your fans will buy into it, but, like, nobody has to buy into it. We all need to heat our homes. Right. And so, like, if you're wealthy from energy or something, it's not the same thing to me. Or if you're wealthy because you own a financial institution that does predatory lending, like, these are not the same things. And so I do think, like, yeah, all billionaires are evil. I think capitalism is the problem. And there are levels and nuance within that of, like, who the uber wealthy are versus, like, so I don't know. That's my big hot take on billionaires.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, whatever. Like, I feel like the. The. These museums that are full of. Of stuff that was, you know, either plundered or just created at a time where the only way you could make this crazy, you know, jewel encrusted thing was because most of the people in the area you lived were serfs.

[John Sklaroff]

Right, Right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like, I just don't. It's just. And again, this is my personal thing is I just. I don't care about it anyways. And I just also don't care. Like, I kind of wish that they would have gotten away with it and they just would have. Robin hooded it.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, get away with it. Shave it down, sell it. Use the money to get to help some people, you know, who need help. And, you know, I don't think that's what was gonna happen. I think they were pocketed.

[John Sklaroff]

We'll never know because they got caught.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, they did. Which I also. We talked about this the other day, but I was shocked to find that. It also seems very French to me that nobody at the Louvre thought to call 911. It was a person cycling by, right.

[John Sklaroff]

Like, that actually decided, oh, those guys look legit. They're in the vests.

[Luke Burbank]

But by the. So this kid Pedro, he's all decked out. He shows up at the Louvre, it's closed, because it's just been heisted. And. And I think the story is actually very cute because he started seeing himself pop up and he basically decided that he thought it was fun that nobody knew who he was and there was a mystery. So he set his Instagram account to private so nobody could find him. And he basically just thought, like, this is funny. Let me just, like, let's just see how this plays out. Let's see how long it takes them to figure out who I am. And then they finally did find him. And he just basically said he. One thing I thought was pretty funny was he said, I've been dressing this way for like two years. Or for. I think he said, I've been dressing this way for less than a year. He goes, which I think is kind of cute that he admits to the fact that when you're 15 years old, you couldn't have been doing anything for very long. He's not trying to go like, yeah, I don't know, man. It's just how I dress. Whatever. Like, this is how I've always dressed since I was two. What's the. Like the way an adult would handle an affectation.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Might be to be like, hey, this is just who I am, man. This is like, whatever. He's like, yeah, I've been doing this for like about a year. Been trying it. I'm liking it. It's working for me. Like, he. In the interview in the ap, which I just would recommend everyone go find if you care about the story. This kid comes off to me as very charming, very self aware. He's not trying to be something he's not. He's just like, I like dressing this way because I think it looks kind of cool. He says, I like to dress chic. I think he says in the article. And like, he's not. He's also not trying to overstate the case. And, you know, I just, I don't know, he seems. Seems like a likable kid to me.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. I'm 100% on board with you and anti Andrew on this one. Like, if I agree, like, if it was like the detective, I would have been like, all right, come on, bro. Like, you're not the Pink Panther or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. That would be maybe a little. It would also be sort of a little unprofessional potentially.

[John Sklaroff]

Right. But like the fact that it's like just like a random passerby and he happens to be 15 and like you said, like, he's like trying something out, like, good for him. Like, I love the confidence. Like, if I was 15, I'm just doing whatever my friends are doing and, like, not trying to, like, go against the tide in any way. This kid's like, just doing his own thing, trying new stuff. And you looks. He looks great. And he looks.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, he does look good.

[John Sklaroff]

Looks dashing and so, like, I'm happy for this guy. I think he looks. He's like a sweet. Sounds like a sweet kid or.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, we support him. Good. Andrew is outvoted.

[John Sklaroff]

Okay, well, don't look at me. Lewis over there. Is this real mad.

[Luke Burbank]

Before we did the show. You're fitting right in as the cobra of the show, John, because you and I did the classic thing that Andrew and I do, which is we did not an entire show, but we did a healthy amount of content that we didn't record about the latest in the world of the sports gambling kind of sort of. Well, there was some. Some new. I guess a new indictment over the.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Over the weekend or late last week with these. With a couple of major league pitchers, including a guy named Jonathan Classe. Guardians. Emmanuel, Class A. Jonathan, Class A is a different. What is Jonathan Class A. He's a. Jonathan Class. He's. There's another.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, he's another different pitcher.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. John, he's more. Jonathan.

[John Sklaroff]

Jonathan. There's no H. Yeah. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Emmanuel Classe, you're right. Who's, by the way, if I remember right, a pretty. A pretty well regarded pitcher. Like, is he a closer?

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, he's a closer for Cleveland and he's an absolute stud. Like, he's been one of the best relief pitchers in baseball the last four or five years.

[Luke Burbank]

And he was pulled last season right. Over suspicion around this. Am I right about that?

[John Sklaroff]

Or did he just hurt him or his teammate maybe? Or T's like, who I think was also one of the people also that got arrested or indicted over this too. I think. I don't. He was hurt. The class A had been hurt. He was hurt. I'm looking. Actually, he's looking up his numbers right now because he was hurt for a season or so, dude.

[Luke Burbank]

His ERA is 1.88.

[John Sklaroff]

He. He, like, seriously, he is unbelievable. Like, he has. He's had this run, like. Yeah. Since 2019.

[Luke Burbank]

Really?

[John Sklaroff]

Where he's been. Oh, interesting. I forgot this. In 2020, he did not play because of PED suspension.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that's what it was. I knew that. What I remember was the guardians got this guy or there was some talk about. I don't know if probably the Mariners were going like, we got to try to get this guy or something. And it was like, and then he got popped for PEDs, and it was like, well, thank God. Yeah, we didn't get this guy. Emmanuel Classe and Luis Ortiz have been placed on administrative. Well, they were placed on administrative leave in July while MLB investigated them for potentially violating the league's gambling policies. Now they're being indicted on this. And basically the DOJ alleges that between May of 2023 and June of 2025, Class A and RTS coordinated with at least two bettors in order to manipulate prop bets on specific pitches. According to the indictment, the unnamed bettors won at least $400,000 on these prop bets. The mechanics of the scheme as described in the indictment are simple. The bettors, using multiple gambling platforms would wager large sums of money that Class A or Ortiz's first pitch of a specific inning would be a ball or would be under a certain speed. Ortiz and Class A would then start the inning off with a breaking pitch well outside of the strike zone, and the betters would cash in. Now, this is all alleged, obviously, and I know allegedly Class A's attorney is saying that he has never done this and he would never do this. So this is alleged. But what I will say to this is I am shocked that there was a bet that you could put down.

[John Sklaroff]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

That a pitcher would throw a ball as their first pitch, because where. The whole thing with the sports betting, the reason that I've always said it's not rigged was because I was always thinking of. Of it in the larger sense of team sports, where it'd be so hard for, like, the Seahawks as a team to agree to not cover. Right. Like I've always been.

[John Sklaroff]

The White Sox. The Black Sox scandal.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[John Sklaroff]

Like, that was a whole team. Right. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I've always been. I'm. I'm so naive. I've always just been like, the reason there's not, like, you know, the reason that there's not more cheating as it relates to gambling in team sports is because you'd have to get so many people on the same page. And even then, it'd be hard to do because you'd have to. Actually, it'd be as hard as just doing the thing you were like. It'd be as hard as winning to nail some exact, you know, point spread or under or whatever.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But what is really easy to do and what we're learning, too, on the basketball side with the allegations against, like, Terry Rozier.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Excuse me. Is like, if you have a bet where all the pitcher has to do is throw it in the Dirt for the first pitch. That's insane to me.

[John Sklaroff]

Yes. Yeah. And you could see, or now that we're talking, as we're talking about. I do remember it came up like in this season. There was a game where Ortiz literally like bounced the pitch in the dark, his first pitch. And everyone at the time was like, that's a very fishy. Like, that's not even like. Like guys have wild pitches and stuff. But like, it was. It.

[Luke Burbank]

The situation of it was like made no sense.

[John Sklaroff]

It seems so deliberate at the time even that people were like, there's something fishy about this.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. So I mean, you were saying before we were recording that, like one of the. I mean, here's what I was saying. I feel like we're going to hear more and more about this. And there's. I mean, you got the NBA thing. Although the thing about the NBA, the Terry Rozier thing and the Chauncey Billups thing is I was reading an article today that's saying at least as the Chauncey Billups and Chauncey Billups is the coach of the. Well, he is technically the coach of the Portland Trailblazers right now, although he's on suspension.

[John Sklaroff]

Technically, Thiago Splitter is the coach of the Blazers right at this moment.

[Luke Burbank]

That definitely sounds like a DJ that you would see in Vegas.

[John Sklaroff]

He was with the spurs back in the day with Duncan and stuff. Thiago Splitter, big Brazilian dude.

[Luke Burbank]

But Chauncey Billups, the erstwhile coach of the Portland Trailblazers, was one of the people named in this investigation. And the main allegation to him, I think there's sort of two things, but the main one is that he was involved in these illegal poker games where he was the celebrity there to get rich guys to come play. But then the game was rigged. What I was reading this morning is that the FBI is going to have a really hard time proving that Chauncey Billups knew that those games were rigged. Now, it doesn't mean he didn't do it, but it does mean that the case is probably not rock solid ironclad. And that also the point shaving that there's also some allegation that Chauncey Billups may have been involved in some point shaving stuff, but that's also going to be very hard to prove. What I was reading this morning was like the FBI's case against Chauncey Billups is not. It's not a slam dunk, so to speak.

[John Sklaroff]

You know, with the crack team at the FBI these days that's really shocking to hear. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And that's the thing too. It's like, of course, with this FBI led by Cash Patel, I would be very unsurprised if this whole thing ends up falling apart.

[John Sklaroff]

Also, the irony of not to get too political. I know people listen to TBTL to get away from politics, but Jon, we're in the badlands.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. We can say whatever we want. Horse cocktail.

[John Sklaroff]

You have to celebrate, sir. The irony of Cash Patel, the FBI director who famously lives in Las Vegas and is flying back and forth in the private. Is like, like the irony of him living in Vegas, presumably because he loves Las Vegas, a city known for gambling. It's just, I don't know something about that. I don't know if it's irony, but it's very funny to me, the coincidence of it all.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, and the fact that this FBI is obviously now, I mean, unfortunately, Donald Trump has been able to achieve what he always accused like Biden of doing, which is like. Yeah, weaponizing the dea, the FBI, any sort of governmental organization that he can.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Before the FBI I believe was generally speaking, maybe post J. Edgar Hoover, like a fairly down the middle organization which by the way, probably slightly leaned conservative. You telling me these FBI agents are raging libs. At best it was fair. At worst it was probably generally leaned a little law and order. But it was not what it is now, which is run by. Yeah, it was apolitical and now it's just run by this guy who's. So when I see that Cash Patel is trying to go after Chauncey Billups and Terry Rozier, I immediately go, what's the play here for the Trump administration? Politics. I can't not see. I can't not wonder what that is.

[John Sklaroff]

I'm guessing Chauncey Billups, like hitting some game winning shots for the Pistons back in the day.

[Luke Burbank]

Really Back in the day, the day.

[John Sklaroff]

Screwed cash out of some cash or something. So now it's coming back.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably illegal bet, right? Yeah, but. But all of that being said, I do think so. You know, we're trying to hold multiple concepts here at the same time. One is that this case from the FBI could be hard to prove and also could have been deployed because of the particular news cycle of that week. It's also possible that Terry Rozier did try to like, you know, pull himself out with a foot injury so his buddies could make some money. That's also possible. It's also very possible that it's a terrible idea for these sports leagues to all have gotten so friggin deeply in bed with the gambling interests. Because now it's just, I mean, and it's also possible. And like a fourth thing is possible too, which is that I used to always say, like, when. And when there was. When everybody was betting on sports, but through their bookies and stuff, and, and the sports leagues were being very like, high and mighty and very, very sort of like, you know, what's the word I'm looking for? They were being very, like being very precious about no gambling mention ever.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, they want to be separated from it. Like, they know it's happening. They. But it's like. And that drives interest in these leagues and viewership. But they didn't want to like, associate with it directly.

[Luke Burbank]

They were like, they were above it all and better than it. And I remember, I don't know, was it like Al Michaels getting in trouble for, like, Al Michaels sometimes during games? Because Al Michaels loves gambling.

[John Sklaroff]

Oh, does he?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah. He's actually, I have to say, like, I kind of love him. I interviewed him. I love story about sports betting. But Al Michaels loves gambling. But he knew that he wasn't allowed to actually talk about. You were never allowed to talk about the spread or the line if you were one of the announcers. So he would just say something like, like someone would miss, like a chip shot field goal. And he would go, well, that's very interesting to a certain group of people right now. You know, he's basically.

[John Sklaroff]

I don't think I ever noticed that.

[Luke Burbank]

He was cutely referencing the fact that something just happened, you know, that didn't involve the line. But that's how the sports league used to be. They used to be so kind of like, oh, don't talk about it. And I always thought that was really hypocritical because it also drove interest. But actually I would take that again over. I'm watching the Mariners play the Blue Jays in the American League championship series. And FS1 is starting the broadcast by showing the parlay. And not in just the lines, but like the recommended parlay.

[John Sklaroff]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

The Official Fox Sports 1. Whatever it is. FanDuel. God knows who, they literally are, like, putting it on the screen. Like, here's our Official FOX Sports 1 Recommended Parlay you should be playing.

[John Sklaroff]

I mean, yeah, it's funny you talk about the Al Michaels thing. I guess I never really picked up on that. So, like, maybe there's certain naivete. Like, I. I've done some sports betting over the years, like, in my life. Like, but it's choosing spreads or money lines. It's never been like this, like we talked about before the show and like, kind of referencing with Kerry Roger, like, the prop betting or stuff like this. But I. It wasn't until about two years ago, and this is embarrassing to maybe say, because I. I grew up, like, watching SportsCenter every morning, like, before, you know, getting ready for school. Like, I grew up on that stuff for the first time, like, 18 years of my life, like, all the time. And it wasn't until a couple years ago when, like, there was really this proliferation of ESPN, BET or whatever and DraftKings, and all these things were just in your face all the time that I realized when I was a kid, Chris Berman, big NFL guy on ESPN that a lot of folks know was doing exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

You're with me Leather.

[John Sklaroff]

Well, he was, but he up on that. He. When he was that when he was yelling at the people off. Off screen or.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I don't know. Do you know about you're with me Leather?

[John Sklaroff]

I don't know that one.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the story that, like, made the. You know, man, it's so rude.

[John Sklaroff]

I can't believe it. That's it. So was he, like, yelling in between takes or something? No, no.

[Luke Burbank]

You're with me Leather was a totally different story that was like. It made Deadspin, like somebody's story of being. I think, being in. I want to say it was like Arizona, maybe Super bowl, because, you know, they. There's some law they have to play it in Glendale, Arizona, three out of every four years. And so I think it might have been around super bowl time somehow. There was this thing, and the story goes, there was a guy and his buddy, and they were at some sort of event, party, open bar situation, and his friend, his buddy, had been really interested in the affection of a certain young lady at the event, had been talking to this person and had been maybe hoping that they might spend some time together later and thought that it was going in a good direction for him. And then the woman was wearing, like, a leather coat or something that was memorable.

[John Sklaroff]

And apparently, right when he's going, right.

[Luke Burbank]

When his friend thinks that maybe he's making some progress in this department, Berman breezes through. This is, by the way, not a young Chris Berman. No, this is a Berman of 10 years ago. Berman breezes through and, like, looks and goes and says, you're with me. Leather exits the function. And I believe the person in the leather jacket may have exited the function with Berman. That was the story at Deadspin.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Well, so that Chris Berman that, that. That feminist Chris Berman.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. He.

[John Sklaroff]

When I was a kid, he would every, like, Sunday for Sunday NFL Countdown or wherever they called it back then, he would say, like, give his predictions for games and you'd be like, Jacksonville 27, Chicago 19. And there's always these, like, obscure, weird scores that you don't.

[Luke Burbank]

Why do you care?

[John Sklaroff]

And it's like. But not only why care, but it's like, there's scores that just don't really happen regularly in football. And it was only a couple years ago I realized I'. Oh, because he was doing that based on the spread. It wasn't like 21 to 14, the very common score. It was always like 23 to 18. And you're like, it only scores 18 points. And then it was like, I realized, like, later that was like, oh, yeah. He was just telling gamblers, my prediction is, like, you're going to beat the spread or not here. And it was like, subtle, but which. Yeah. I don't know. So it was always there. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't really watch that much football. Did you see that the Giants fired Dable today?

[John Sklaroff]

I. That was in the group chat with my friends who are Giants, some Giants fans. I saw that. Yeah. I don't watch for.

[Luke Burbank]

So you don't watch, like, Monday Night Football very often?

[John Sklaroff]

Never.

[Luke Burbank]

It's because, you know, Berman is still doing. They still have Berman doing the fastest three minutes. And I'm just like. I mean, God bless him, but, like, we're ready. We're ready. We're ready to retire that bit. Like, when I was a kid, I'm. Because I'm older than you. I remember. I remember when Sports Illustrated wrote an entire piece about how unbelievably funny Chris Berman's nicknames for people were.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I remember reading it and being like, this guy's great. He calls Jim Deshay's two silhouettes on Deshay's. Like, these. These are the worst. These are the absolute. I mean, Chris Berman just happened to be, like, in Bristol, Connecticut, working at ESPN when nobody before had ever liked, like, said funny nicknames for players during, like, highlights. So I guess I give him credit for that, but they are really the worst. And it's like, it's so funny to me that, like, they still let him do the. They let him do the recap, like the quick, you know, sports recap of the football games during Monday Night Football at halftime. Because he's just manifestly bad at it.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. He also occupies the space that I just, like, find. So. Oh, obnoxious. But, like, so he's famously. Like, what. He went to Brown, right? Like, he went to an. I. I think he went to. I know he went to an iv. I think it was Brown.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[John Sklaroff]

And so, like, he occupies a space, like, and this isn't across pro. Pro sports, but I think it's especially egregious and full.

[Luke Burbank]

He went to Brown, by the way.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. So, yeah. I'm so glad that occupies. Occupies brain space in my head. No, we're. Chris Berman went to college. But, like, it's one of those things where it's like. Especially in football, if anyone is like, went to a prestigious university, coaches, players, anyone. It's like, they're special because of that. Because they're not just like a meathead or where. I mean, like, not to be. I played football, right. Not to be derogatory people play football. But, like, it's just this, like, well, look at this. Put him on the pedestal. He's a. Chris Berman's a genius because he went to Brown and he's so much. He's such a smart football guy. And I think, you know, like, Ryan Fitzpatrick, who was a mediocre quarterback his whole career.

[Luke Burbank]

I do like. But come on. Fitzmagic. You're not a Fitzmagic guy.

[John Sklaroff]

He was a Jet. He had some fun. Like, I'm not anti Ryan Fitzpatrick, but. But my. But it's like, people like, he still has this career in broadcasting because he was like the Harvard guy. You know, like, they're like, he's funny or whatever, but, like, that became part of his whole.

[Luke Burbank]

Mark Sanchez, another current broadcaster who went to some usc.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I just, like, I just think maybe I'm just overblowing it because Berman especially is kind of grading. But, like, there is this. I always.

[Luke Burbank]

Let me ask you this. How would you feel? I'm. By the way, I'm with you. See, I didn't know Berman went to Brown, so I didn't know the rep. The rap on Berman of being, like, smart. Like, smart guy who likes football.

[John Sklaroff]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

What I can tell you is on his Wikipedia page, and I have to assume he was the one who asked that this would be his. I feel like if we were to go into the edit history of this Wikipedia page, you would be. So it'd be Bis Kerman. It's Brownalum 01 Berman. The photo. Official photo for him is a photo of him on stage singing Walking on a Thin Line with Huey Lewis in the news. And he's just. And it's like it's the goofiest picture I've ever seen, but I have a feeling that Berman thinks it's badass. Should we use it for the show Pix today. Is that giving him undo? Is that giving him what he wants? I was further promoting this photo.

[John Sklaroff]

I just pulled it up as you're talking about it, and my me thought was like, oh, should we use this for the show? I really wanted to use the kid from the Louvre as the show pick, but. But this might have to be it. This might have to be, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

In following the tradition of the photo being non sequitur to the show title. Because if we use the kid and then we call it don't look at Me Lewis, that's I think, don't look at Me Lewis with this picture of a very sweaty Chris Berman singing Walking on a Thin Line with Huey Lewis from the news. Yeah, I think that might be great. So, yeah, that.

[John Sklaroff]

That deal. That's the show pick for sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah. I don't know. Wherever. And like, Chris Berman seems like benign, other than the fact that he's kind of like an obnoxious person.

[Luke Burbank]

I think he's both benign and banal. It's the problem for me with him. You know what I mean? Like, I just don't. I just. I. It's one of those things where I think, you know what Chris Berman is? He's the good and plenty of. Of sports broadcasters. He was invented when we didn't have as good of sports broadcast.

[John Sklaroff]

Right, right. You know, we have better.

[Luke Burbank]

He was invented when we didn't have Mina Kimes. He was invented when we didn't have. We didn't have. We didn't have Katie Nolan. We didn't have good. We didn't have the sports gossip show. We didn't have good. We didn't even have Dan Patrick and Kenny Maine. We just didn't have as good of sports people doing the. The broadcast. And now we do. Now we have better people and now we should use them. And we don't need Good and Plenty and we don't need Chris Berman. That's what I would say.

[John Sklaroff]

I wholeheartedly agree.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. I'm struggling to find the. Let's see here because again, have I mentioned before that I'm doing a lot of things here today.

[John Sklaroff]

You're doing a great job.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you. I'm trying to find our little outro music here. And I'm why I spelled it rods, W R O D S, which I think is. I'm gonna say that's been Part of the problem here. Let's see here. I got the song here. Do I have the song? Yes. Words. TBTL Outro now. Now we're cooking with gas. All right, that's gonna do it for today's edition of the program. Hey, John, thank you for hanging out today. It was really fun, man.

[John Sklaroff]

Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Great talking to you and love doing it. Love talking to the tents.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice. We're gonna have Jeff Hiller on the show tomorrow who doesn't know what a 10 is, but still was an absolute delight to talk to. So we'll look forward to that. In the meantime, everyone have a great Monday. Stay safe, take care of yourselves. I've got a phone call to make to my parents now. We'll see you tomorrow for more imaginary radio. In the meantime, please remember, no mountain.

[John Sklaroff]

Too tall, and good luck to all. I didn't screw it up this time.

[Luke Burbank]

You nailed it, dude. But sometimes we also record it days in advance and put it on the Internet. That's what happened with Thursday and Friday because of Andrew's travel. And when we were getting ready to record those shows, he said, okay, I got the show numbers for you. And he gave them to me. And they were wrong. Hi, can I help you guys? Sorry, John, my parents are here. I'm trying to do my job. What's going on? You guys are saying goodbye. Okay, bye. Love you. Drive safe. Okay, see you later. My God in heaven. Mom, I'm recording the show. What is wrong with these people? All right, take four, power out.