TBTL #4623 "Exhausting Reality’s Bullpen"

Airdate: December 19, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

Episode Overview

On this Friday edition of TBTL, long-time friends and hosts Luke and Andrew riff through their signature mix of pop culture, personal anecdotes, listener interaction, and the ever-present drama of sports fandom. The show covers a wide range of topics, including training pets (and their dignity), a quirky journalistic interaction with David Sedaris, an epic Seahawks game and its attendant rituals, and the slow demise of the penny in the US. With signature warmth, dry wit, and a touch of self-deprecation, this episode encapsulates TBTL’s mix of humor, nostalgia, and friendship.

Main Topics & Key Discussions

1. Friday Vibes & Personal Updates

• Luke opens the episode with playful banter and a nod to the "Friday" Rebecca Black meme, setting a relaxed, end-of-week tone.
• Andrew discusses his lack of water during the show and jokes about Bingo the cat's potential podcast involvement (03:00).
• Quote:
  • "I haven't trained him to podcast, so I'm trying to figure out what's easier, bringing me water or podcasting?" — Andrew (03:09)
• Discussion on pet training—Andrew prefers not to make his cat Bingo “work for treats,” while Genevieve (Andrew’s partner) does.
• Luke recalls his experiences with trying to train past pets, quipping about food motivation and the “absolute independence” of certain animals (04:47).

2. The David Sedaris 'Dog Bite' Mystery

• Luke provides an update about David Sedaris’s controversial essay recounting a dog bite incident in Portland and muses about his own struggle with memory and the feeling of being "loud wrong" about facts this week (06:21).
• After confusion about when the incident took place, Luke emailed Sedaris for clarification. Sedaris promptly replied:
  • Quote:
    • “Dear Luke, it happened in May, and I read the essay all fall. So maybe you heard it then. Sincerely, David. Sent from my iPad.” — David Sedaris (09:26)
• Luke and Andrew discuss the “Mandela Effect” and the odd comfort/discomfort in publicly acknowledging small memory failures (11:24).
• Luke riffs on losing streaks:
  • Quote: “If you’re going to lose 1–0, you might as well lose 15–0. Tire out the Texas Rangers.” — Luke (11:47)
• They joke about the phrase “tiring out reality’s bullpen,” which later becomes the episode’s title (12:03).

3. Pop Culture & Generational Nostalgia

• The hosts drift into the nostalgic culture of the 2000s, reminiscing about David Sedaris’s influence, The Shins, and the era’s “sacred tomes” (15:17).
• Andrew references how much “This American Life” and authors like Sedaris shaped their sensibilities, contrasting past obsessions with current, busier lives (13:57).
• Joke about the cultural prevalence of flash mobs, The Shins, Sedaris, and their generational impact (15:24).

4. Cringe-Inducing Surprises & Social Boundaries

• Luke describes a TikTok about a woman who orchestrated a plane-wide birthday surprise for her husband—a gesture he dubs a “nightmarish over-the-top act” (16:49).
• Both hosts express horror at such public surprises and share darkly comic escape strategies.
  • Quote:
    • “If someone does that for my 50th, I will open the emergency exit door and slide down the slide.” — Luke (17:56)

5. Seahawks Game Recap & Sports Rituals

• Luke and Andrew break down a dramatic Seahawks game, highlighting emotional reactions and fan superstitions.
• Luke details swapping live commentary for Jay-Z’s "The Black Album" as a bid to influence the team’s karma (21:50):
  • “I muted the announcers and played the Black Album by Jay-Z… that was right when Ken Walker busted that long run” — Luke (21:50)
• Extended joking debate about the track order of “The Black Album,” with Andrew nerdily breaking down Jay-Z chronology (22:47).
• Recap of the game’s pivotal moments, including:
  • Sam Darnold’s rocky performance, debatable confidence, and beard authenticity (19:56)
  • The improbable "fumble" play and Charbonnet's heads-up touchdown (28:47)
• Luke admits feeling that the Seahawks “stole one” despite not being the better team (45:55).

6. Media, Hot Mics, and Marshawn Lynch

• Andrew shares the story of a Flyers announcer caught making an inappropriate joke on a hot mic (34:08).
• They dissect Marshawn Lynch’s heavily censored pregame appearance and debate the football player’s somewhat overblown “legend” in pop culture:
  • Quote:
    • “I feel that the charm and kind of character of Marshawn Lynch is and has been for a while now vastly, vastly overrated.” — Andrew (37:24)
• Luke agrees: “I can't remember watching something he did and belly laughing… it was a bit of a novelty.” (39:03)

7. Rams, Relocation, and LA Football Culture

• The hosts bemoan the state of the LA Rams fanbase, expressing sympathy for St. Louis fans and analyzing the business politics of NFL franchises (40:06).
• Chris Pratt’s guest appearance and his diplomatic answers about Seahawks fandom in LA are discussed (40:07).
• Quips about Rob Lowe’s infamous “NFL” hat and celebrity spectacle at SoFi Stadium.

8. Listener Feedback: Pennies and Practicalities of Currency

• A listener voicemail from Andrew in North Carolina (69:31) details how banks collect old or “bad” currency and return it en masse to the Federal Reserve, informing the show’s musing on how pennies are “retired.”
• The hosts ponder the logistics and equity issues around the US discontinuing the penny, especially regarding pricing, taxes, and cash-based transactions (72:29).
• Conversation also includes a thoughtful aside about the persistence of physical cash for certain workers and communities (75:27).

9. Listener Support Shoutouts

• Luke & Andrew thank their community of financial supporters in signature, silly style. Banter about city names, congratulatory asides, and fake bylaws around “no spanking” at the TBTL home office (55:05–57:16).

10. Viral TikTok: The Sliced Cheese Spotify Wrapped

• Luke plays audio of a TikTok imagining a Spotify Wrapped–style end-of-year report from your refrigerator—revealing how much sliced cheese you really eat (65:23).
  • “You ate so much sliced cheese right out of the package…that puts you in the top .01% of people who eat sliced cheese, which is not good. We are worried about you.” (65:39)
• Luke admits to being a big consumer of pre-sliced cheese and recounts a broccoli salad hack (66:37).
• Discusses an NYT headline about cheese and dementia, ultimately landing on the eternal truth: eat more fresh fruits and vegetables (68:13).
  • "It was odd that [the NYT article] ended with the shrugging emoji." — Andrew (68:10)

11. Listener Voicemail: On the Fate of the Penny

• Andrew in NC's voicemail details how banks handle the phasing out of pennies, adding practical color to the debate (69:31–71:32).
• Conversation about idioms (“bad penny”) and how language will shift as physical currency dies out (77:04).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You're trying to tire out reality's bullpen. I feel like if you just keep losing, the universe will have to go to middle relief." — Andrew (12:10)
• "If someone does that for my 50th, I will open the emergency exit door and slide out the slide." — Luke (18:03)
• "I muted the announcers and played the Black Album by Jay-Z... It gave us swag." — Luke (21:50)
• "[Marshawn Lynch’s] charm and character... vastly, vastly overrated." — Andrew (37:24)
• "The existence of LA Rams fans is... not a strange thing to me, but..." — Luke (40:06)
• "I have to give you that much. By the way, who's Eric Saubert?" — Andrew, on a random player having a pivotal game moment (44:54)
• "My refrigerator would just tell me I had eaten too much sliced cheese." — Luke (65:47)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Pet Training & Dignity: 03:00–05:52
• David Sedaris/E-mail Exchange: 06:21–13:06
• Millennial Nostalgia: 13:57–15:35
• Plane-wide Birthday Surprise Story: 16:49–18:03
• Seahawks Game (Black Album ritual, play breakdown): 19:48–28:47
• Marshawn Lynch/Amazon Pregame: 31:53–39:03
• LA Rams Fandom Rant: 40:06–45:55
• Text Chain & Football Fan Meltdowns: 46:22–52:51
• Listener Voicemail: Currency & Pennies: 69:31–73:08
• Cheese Consumption TikTok: 65:23–68:41
• Cheese & Dementia NYT Article Banter: 68:41–68:46
• Idioms & Language Changes ("Bad Penny"): 77:04–78:40

Tone & Language

Consistently irreverent, self-aware, and warmly conversational—Luke and Andrew sprinkle their dialogue with subtle sarcasm, affectionate mutual mockery, and a fondness for deep dives into everyday minutiae. The episode features equal parts pop culture, sports, and pesonal sharing, buoyed by running inside jokes, nostalgic reminiscence, and gentle acknowledgment of their own foibles.

Takeaway

This episode of TBTL is quintessential: sublime nonsense, sports heartbreak and ecstasy, pop culture sidebars, and the oddly comforting reassurance that even if you eat too much pre-sliced cheese or fumble the facts about a famous writer’s dog bite, reality’s bullpen is always waiting with a fresh batch of jokes.