TBTL #4625 The Burbank Always Promotes Twice

Air Date: December 23, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh
Main Theme: The Top Five Candy-Eating Experiences & Digressions on Nostalgia and Accusations

Episode Overview

In this lively and meandering installment of TBTL, Luke and Andrew—two longtime pals—dive into a listener-submitted Top Five list of the best candy-eating scenarios, courtesy of Luke's brother, David Burbank. What starts as a straightforward ranking of candy experiences quickly spirals into fun tangents involving childhood memories, listener feedback, and the inevitable intersections of candy, nostalgia, and even race. The episode is laced with the show’s signature self-effacing humor, heartfelt asides, and a comfortable banter that veers from the granular details of candy consumption to classic film trivia.

Key Discussion Points

1. The Opening Banter: Talking (Musical) Greeting Cards & Accusations of Disliking Viral Kids

• 00:06–03:29
  • Luke and Andrew amuse themselves with the mechanics behind a musical greeting card, leading to a playful comparison to “Walkmans” and headphones.
  • Andrew brings up past listener accusations about his reaction to the viral “Corn Kid,” clarifying he’s not a racist, just not enthralled by content manufactured to go viral:
    • “People are like, you… I don’t want to get into the accusation, but there were accusations of racism against me because I didn’t find that [viral kid]…” — Andrew [03:01]
    • “My complaint was that it seemed like the cute kid accidentally saying something cute on television seemed a little bit different than a series dedicated to going around trying to get kids to say silly things so that then you can go viral for it.” — Andrew [03:29]
  • Luke offers empathy: “That’s a kind of a serious allegation. And I wouldn’t give you grief on that.” [05:15]

2. Introducing David's Top Five Candy-Eating Scenarios

• 06:00–08:29
  • Luke sets up the topic: David submitted his ‘Top Five Situations in Which You’re Eating Candy’, focused not on candy types but experiences.
  • Andrew encourages listeners to send in their own lists and appreciates the tradition of top five lists on TBTL.

The Top Five Candy-Eating Experiences (with Running Commentary)

5. After-Party Candy

• David: “You always are going to have leftover candy. And then it’s like, what do I do with this? Well, I eat it shamefully in a dark kitchen as I’m cleaning up the dishes after the party.” [07:34]
• Hosts React: Luke questions the ‘shameful’ aspect, suggesting it’s more a “fun secret” than actual shame. Andrew likens it to sneaking leftover sausage after grilling.
  • “Yeah, not shameful, but secretive in a way that it’s a fun secret. It’s a secret you’re keeping between you and the kielbasa, you and the candy…” — Luke [09:33]

4. Free Candy (Reception Desks, Doctor’s Office, etc.)

• David: “This is not a holiday thing. This is year round. Oftentimes these places will have candy and that’s a little candy that you get for doing your appointment, for being there.” [09:54]
• Hosts React: Andrew jokes about dentists handing out candy; Luke praises Andes mints as the gold standard of free candy. They reminisce about the declining tradition of hotel pillow mints.

3. Movie Theater Candy

• David: “The candy aspect of the movies is what is the candy that is going to last the longest throughout the movie?... Milk Duds, Skittles, the peanut M&Ms, something that there’s a large quantity of that you can kind of be munching on a little bit at a time.” [12:42]
• Hosts Discuss:
  • Andrew explains he never eats candy at movies: “I don’t need candy in a movie theater. In fact, I have a question for you for people who do eat candy in movie theaters. Your brother mentioned eating a candy bar. Is that even a thing?” [13:52]
  • Luke shares his preference for M&Ms or Milk Duds, emphasizing the importance of rationing. The pair debate mixing candy and popcorn, revealing Andrew’s aversion to salty-sweet combos. “I like my sweets over here. I like my salty over here.” — Andrew [17:06]

2. Running Errands / Checkout Candy

• David: “You see those candy bars and you think, I’ve been running out... I deserve a little candy.” [17:27]
• Hosts React: Luke admits he sometimes succumbs to impulse buys (“Twix or Snickers”), while Andrew reveals he didn’t have his first whole candy bar until well into childhood, recounting a memory of his first Three Musketeers during a special hotel trip with a friend named Tony.
• Luke shares a childhood Charleston Chew story, motivated purely by the candy’s size and value.

1. Trick-or-Treating Candy as a Kid (Night One Candy)

• David: “There’s nothing better as a kid than when you’ve just gone through all of the trick-or-treating... and you start taking out some of the candy, you start sorting it, and you give yourself a few of the best ones.” [25:08]
• Hosts React:
  • Luke notes his own trick-or-treating career was extremely limited due to his family’s religious traditions.
  • Andrew confesses he never went trick-or-treating at all, living in rural Ohio, but shares his love of Smarties from school Halloween parties. This spins off into a confusion between Smarties vs. Sweet Tarts, finally corrected with a community effort.

Notable Quotes & Banter

• On Viral Content: “This is a classic petard hoisting upon yourself.” — Luke, ribbing Andrew about his painted-into-a-corner viral kid stance [05:04]
• On Candy-Shame: “Maybe shame is the wrong word there, but… it’s a secret you’re keeping between you and the kielbasa.” — Luke [09:33]
• On Candy in Movie Theaters: “I like my sweets over here. I like my salty over here… if I’m in a movie theater, I’m just going pretty hardcore on the popcorn and I’m getting a large and most of it is gone before the movie begins because this is how my doctor told me to do it.” — Andrew [17:27]
• On Childhood Candy Strategies: “I want the most candy for my money.” — Luke, recalling his Charleston Chew purchase as a child [21:44]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:06 – Musical greeting cards, viral kids, and social missteps
• 06:00 – David’s Top Five Candy-Eating Situations introduced
• 07:34 – After-Party Candy (#5)
• 09:54 – Free Candy bowls (#4)
• 12:42 – Movie Theater Candy (#3) + the popcorn vs. candy debate
• 17:27 – Running Errands/Checkout Candy (#2) + first candy bar stories
• 25:08 – Trick-or-Treating Candy (#1) & Halloween memories
• 29:22 – Donor thanks and additional listener shoutouts
• 32:00–39:20 – Extended tangent: “The Postman Always Rings Twice” (film/book), literary trivia, and Library of Congress listener lore

Memorable Moments

• Andrew’s elaborate “graveyard” soda-mixing ritual at the AMC [16:28]
• Luke’s childhood love for Charleston Chews simply for their size [21:44]
• A digression into whether “sweet tarts” or “smarties” are the real Halloween coin of the realm [27:33–28:53]
• Luke and Andrew’s shared love of classic noir films, ending in a deep-dive on the origin of “The Postman Always Rings Twice” title [32:25–39:21]

Episode Tone and Vibe

Playful, nostalgic, a bit neurotic, and openly self-deprecating. The hosts weave listener engagement, retro pop-culture, and personal reflection into a cozy, meandering rhythm that’s both comforting and infectiously fun.

Final sign-off:
Luke: “The Burbank always promotes twice. I think it’s the takeaway from this… In the meantime, have a great Tuesday, take care of yourselves, and please remember—”
Andrew: “No mountain too tall, and good luck to all.” [40:07]

For fans and newcomers alike, this episode is a lovely slice of TBTL at its most quintessential—a meandering meditation on the sweet (and salty) details of everyday life.