#4643 Subterfuge In Space - TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

Transcript

Pat (0:00)

My name is Pat, I'm from Michigan, and I have 32 teeth. Cool. Okay, just a reminder, everyone. The check in question is, what's your favorite color? I'll go next. I'm Baird, I have 32 teeth and my favorite color is blue. So, okay, and the middle question is, where are you from? None of the questions are, how many teeth do you have? That was what I was picking for my fun fact. I can see how that was confusing. There's also no fun fact. What about favorite color? Can we say our favorite color? Yeah, that's what we're doing. Yeah, do say your favorite color. What if in order to honestly answer that question, we do need to answer the teeth question? This isn't a test. Just like, introduce yourself. Okay, I have 31 teeth. I think the question was, how many teeth would you like?

Andrew Walsh (0:47)

Tbtm. Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is. Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend.

Luke Burbank (1:04)

Here's a 1 0.

Andrew Walsh (1:05)

Swung on. There it goes. Deep left center. That ball is high. It is far. It is gone, but caught.

Pat (1:14)

It's embarrassing and it's gross, but at.

Andrew Walsh (1:16)

Least it's kind of funny. You know, a lot of people may not know this, but I happen to be quite famous. I've only ever said I love you to two men my entire life. Stone Cold Steve Austin and a guy in a dark club who I mistook for Stone Cold Steve Austin. Let's see again. All I know is this violates every.

Luke Burbank (1:40)

Canon of respectable broadcasting. Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. The word that comes to mind is ludicrous. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

Andrew Walsh (1:56)

I'm a professional. Look it up in the book.

Luke Burbank (1:59)

Coming to you once again from Chicago, Illinois, and the shores of beautiful but frigid Lake Michigan, where we have arrived, friends, at episode 4643 in a collector series.

Andrew Walsh (2:12)

Let the fun begin.

Luke Burbank (2:14)

Much to talk about on this Friday, including the hasty return to Earth of some astronauts that were up at the space station, I believe, and who had to come back early because one of them was not feeling great. And NASA is being. They're going to great lengths to make sure that we can't figure out which astronaut was having tummy trouble. Odors cannot travel through the vacuum of space, so we will get into that. Plus, we'll talk about big weekend plans with this guy. The longest running cobra of the show may be best Known for his depictions of the tall ships you face.

Summary

TBTL #4643: “Subterfuge In Space” – Summary
Released: January 16, 2026
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

Episode Overview

In this Friday episode, Luke and Andrew traverse their usual terrain of delightful digressions — from their deep-dive on the covert return of astronauts from space, to the perennial Pacific Northwest debates about truck parking and regional manners, to intensely granular discussions about fonts, cats’ hygiene, and the emotional impact of car cleanliness. Laced with characteristic TBTL banter, the episode delivers both laughs and genuine insights into the oddities of everyday life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Space Capsule Subterfuge

[02:14 - 04:23, 40:04 - 43:44]
- The guys discuss the news story about astronauts returning early to Earth due to illness onboard the International Space Station.
- NASA’s lengths to hide the identity and ailment of the sick astronaut surprises both hosts.
- NASA’s practice: All four astronauts went to the hospital so media couldn’t single out the ill one; no details about the sickness have been released.
- Both hosts express suspicion and curiosity, with Andrew referencing Octavia Butler’s sci-fi about space diseases and the “red flag” raised by this degree of secrecy.
  - Quote:
    "The fact that they sent all four of these aliens to the hospital to cover this up is a red flag." — Andrew [41:20]

2. Baseball Season Anticipation (and Potential Strike)

[02:52 - 06:52]
- Andrew confesses his annual off-season relapse into obsessively listening to baseball podcasts, particularly about the Seattle Mariners and the Kansas City Royals.
- Discussion touches on looming labor issues:
  - The 2026–27 MLB seasons might face strikes/shortened seasons, affecting team management and player contracts.
  - Both hosts recall past pro sports strikes, with Luke reminiscing about "replacement Seahawks" in the NFL.
  - Quote:
    "We...look like we’re going to have a pretty good team, the Seattle Mariners–and of course it would be a season where we don’t even get to play the whole season." — Luke [04:23]

3. Mariners "Donovan" Memes and Text Chain Humor

[06:53 - 10:47]
- Andrew expounds on his joy in crafting Donovan-themed memes when Mariners players share the singer's name, and his hope for new entrant Brendan Donovan.
- A gentle ribbing occurs over how niche the Donovan singer references are.
  - Quote:
    “It’s funny, the amount you think about Donovan the singer versus the amount that I think about Donovan the singer…there’s a fairly wide gap.” — Luke [08:53]

4. Theme Song Origins & Podcast Copyright Perils

[10:47 - 12:28]
- The hosts recount the TBTL theme ("Catch My Disease" by Ben Lee) and marvel at their continued legal luck in using it. Fun trivia: Ben Lee is married to actress Ione Skye (daughter of singer Donovan).
  - Quote:
    “Everybody just be cool, okay? Everybody be cool. And also stop emailing me about backing your truck up.” — Luke [12:28]

5. Truck Parking, Regional Stereotypes, and Listener Blowback

[12:28 - 20:26]
- Luke updates Andrew on the storm he stirred up about people backing large trucks into parking spaces, especially in "suburb-adjacent" areas.
- Andrew recounts his confrontation with an SUV driver over misusing compact parking spots.
- Discussion expands to regional differences in manners, including unsolicited observations from both hosts.
  - Quote:
    “It just seems the people around here don’t think about it as much...what do they say about cats? ‘If it fits, I sit.’” — Andrew [20:12]

6. Regional Differences in Public Behavior and Driving

[20:12 - 22:38]
- Andrew asserts that Pacific Northwesterners are less spatially aware than people elsewhere, referencing firsthand observations from Ohio and Massachusetts.
- Observations on aggressive driving in different cities: Massachusetts (“massholes”), Los Angeles, Vegas, Phoenix, and more.
- Luke notes how every region thinks its drivers are the worst (unless it’s you).
  - Quote:
    “If you’re doing standup…just talk about, ‘Get a load of these Chicago drivers’—everyone will laugh knowingly.” — Luke [20:26]

7. Travel Logistics: Trains, Ubers, and Airport Parking Hacks

[24:16 - 28:51]
- The duo exchanges travel hacks, from Andrew and Genevieve's recent airport parking epiphany to their general preferences for driving versus ride-shares and the misery of public transit after a long trip.
  - Quote:
    “You gotta schedule in an extra hour of travel…that’s pretty significant. And I don’t mind it as much on the way out of town, but, God, it’s a real bummer on the way back.” — Andrew [25:05]

8. Clean Cars, Emotional Well-being, and Tools of the Trade

[28:58 - 33:41]
- They wax poetic about the transformative power of a clean car and share details about their beloved Bissell upholstery cleaners.
- Andrew laments a mysterious seat stain and the obstacles of cleaning cars during a Pacific NW winter.
  - Quote:
    “My emotional well-being is directly related to how messy my car is.” — Luke [29:12]

9. Listener Donations & Arm Wrestling Anecdotes

[34:37 - 39:12]
- The show takes a break to thank TBTL’s donors, with classic TBTL tangents, including:
  - Luke’s immersive journalism: entering (and instantly losing) the Washington State Arm Wrestling Championship.
  - Andrew quips about participants' "Larry the Cable Guy energy."
  - Over-the-Top and custody-by-arm-wrestling jokes.

10. Listener Emails & Voicemails: Regional Hostility, Cat Hygiene, Applesauce & Fonts

[44:11 - 56:11]
- Inconsiderate People [45:28]: Jeffrey, a listener who moved from Cleveland to Eugene, finds Northwesterners markedly less considerate in public spaces.
  - Quote:
    “People here tend to just act as if they are the only ones using a shared resource… I bristle at it pretty much every time.” — Jeffrey [46:23]
- Cat Stove [46:41]: Biagio shares humorous woes about cats lounging under the wood stove and the unique horror of cat “butt maintenance.”
  - Quote:
    “It’s as fantastic as you think it would be.” — Biagio [48:26]
- Font & Applesauce Nerd-out [51:31]: Jeffrey discusses the technical history of serif fonts (good for print), sans-serif (good for screen), the origins of red applesauce (Red Hots candies), and Courier’s fixed-width properties.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Odors cannot travel through the vacuum of space, so we will get into that.” — Luke [02:12]
“If we land Brendan Donovan, it means we have a new lease on life when it comes to Donovan related humor on the text chain.” — Andrew [07:32]
“We would not be here without folks like Jody Patterson of beautiful Bothell, Washington.” — Luke [34:55] (exemplar of their self-referential donor banter)
“Why do they say ‘compact’ on this? I can park my Toyota 4Runner here just fine in the compact. But I didn’t even realise how rude I was being.” — Luke [17:34]
“If your body is a playground, play.” — Andrew [50:51] (on cat grooming rituals)
“I wish I knew more about design. That’s what I should be doing… Should I just sign up for a class at the community college around the corner?” — Andrew [56:07]

Timestamps for Major Segments

00:00 – 01:14: Cold open, joke about teeth and favorite color.
01:40 – 04:23: Opening chat; intro to the “subterfuge in space” story.
04:23 – 10:47: Baseball strike predictions; Mariners and Donovan memes.
12:28 – 20:26: Truck parking and "suburb-adjacent" stereotypes.
20:26 – 22:38: Regional behavior and driving styles.
24:16 – 28:51: Airport transit and parking hacks.
28:58 – 33:41: Car cleaning talk, Bissell endorsement.
34:37 – 39:12: Donor thank-yous and arm wrestling journalism tale.
40:04 – 43:44: NASA’s secrecy on astronaut illness.
44:11 – 56:11: Listener feedback (regional habits, cat woes, fonts, applesauce).

Final Notes

The episode is classic TBTL: rambling but relatable, packed with specificity (how else would you get an in-depth discussion on Red Hots in applesauce and font kerning?) and fueled by that particular chemistry only lifelong friends can exude. At its heart, it’s a mini time-capsule of the obsessions and irritations of 2026, lovingly filtered through the TBTL lens.

Power Out.