#4657 The Lost Jewels Of Ya Booty

Summary

TBTL Episode #4657: The Lost Jewels Of Ya Booty

February 5, 2026
Hosted by: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

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Episode Overview

In this Thursday edition, Luke and Andrew check in from new and different studios—Luke is slumming it in an office at the University of Washington while Andrew is in the usual “sound bath.” The show ambles through observations on bumper stickers, nostalgia over “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, workplace etiquette, podcast tech woes, and the latest viral mystery billboards. Later, they discuss the perils of digital doomscrolling, AI’s utter inability to understand TBTL lore, and go deep on the Epstein files and the psychology of rule-breaking among the powerful. As always, there’s time set aside for “Blursday” (birthday) shoutouts and some classic TBTL digressions.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

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Bumper Stickers, Rob Zombie, and Misreads

[00:00–01:12]

• Andrew shares a story about misreading a license plate holder:
  • Quote: "I thought it said, 'I'd rather be slamming the back of my dragon.' Turns out it was 'slamming in the back of my Dragula,' which makes less sense to me." (00:30, Andrew)
  • Backstory: “Dragula” is a Rob Zombie song; they joke about the confusion.
• Set the tone with their usual goofball energy and playful apologies for digressions.

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Go-to Chipotle Orders and Fast Food Loyalty

[06:59–08:26]

• Luke reveals he’s developed a “new Chipotle” loyalty—migrating from Northgate to Shoreline.
• Luke’s Order: "Chicken fajita burrito. No beans, white rice, corn salsa, plus the really red hot salsa, some lettuce. Wrap it up, I'll take it." (07:21, Luke)
• The hosts riff on classic rock marketing (“baddest show on earth”) and deadpan whether that means “worst” instead.

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Broadcasting from New Spaces & Workplace Vibes

[05:29–13:12]

• Luke is temporarily recording from Genevieve’s coworker’s office at UW due to electrical work at home.
• Awkward interactions:
  • Luke worries that showing up in a coworker’s office out of context is strange and describes “reliving it in my head over and over.” (09:39)
• Discussion on never tasting the “sweet success” of having an office with its own door:
  • Quote: “I will have gone through my entire adult life, never once having tasted the sweet success of an office with a door that closes... feet up on the desk, farting away.” (13:14, Luke; 13:39, Andrew)

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Choose Your Own Adventure Nostalgia

[16:06–19:44]

• Luke finds a set of Choose Your Own Adventure books in the office and waxes nostalgic.
• Andrew admits he never got the appeal:
  • Quote: “It’s like the self-checkout of reading.” (18:11, Andrew)
• Luke: “Choose your own adventures are the self-checkout of reading—a pull quote!” (18:19, Luke)
• Both reflect on library habits, the appeal of spinning racks, and the culture of the 1980s and 1990s elementary school book fairs.

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Mystery Billboards: Birthday? Burn?

[32:45–36:45]

• The hosts discuss a puzzling Northern California billboard congratulating Congressman Garamendi on his 81st birthday (“elected 52 years ago”)—nobody claims responsibility.
• They speculate: Is it a subtle dig at his age or genuine support?
  • Quote: “If you’re going to spend all this money and try to create doubt about his fitness for office, you played this one a little too chill.” (35:02, Luke)

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The Power and Curse of Billboards

[36:45–38:33]

• Johnny Knoxville’s Billboard for His Daughter:
  • Knoxville’s real estate agent daughter in Austin: “This is the Clapp you want to get.”
• The hosts riff on the power of a dad’s embarrassing but effective marketing.

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Doomscrolling, AI-Generated Gibberish, and the Broken Web

[38:33–41:28], [84:40–89:09]

• Andrew attempts to read an SF Gate article about “offline hobbies to quit TikTok”—but it's just an Amazon ad-farm.
  • Quote: “It’s not really an article … it’s just a way to sell you a bunch of stuff. You can’t even tell what’s an ad and what isn’t.” (40:55, Andrew)
• Later, both are appalled by Google’s AI “overviews” butchering TBTL terms:
  • Quote: “Marsupial Gurgle is a fan created phrase … referencing the Seattle Seahawks with Marsupial referring to the team’s mascot… just a bunch of shit made up with all the confidence of you or Genevieve telling me.” (87:00 & 88:32, Luke)

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Modern Car Tech & Phone Distraction Ethics

[42:19–51:10]

• Long discussion on phones in cars, distracted driving, and whether it’s irresponsible to use a phone app (e.g., SiriusXM for Howard Stern) while driving.
• Andrew: “Do you ever get into a rideshare and the driver is just watching a sports show? It’s like… at a certain point, are we just putting TVs in the driver’s seat now?” (42:19)
• Luke describes his system to try to keep things safe, but wonders aloud about the ever-shifting lines of phone use acceptability.

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On-Phone Judgments & Shifting Social Norms

[51:10–56:55]

• The hosts reflect on generational differences: staring at phones vs reading paperbacks or newspapers.
  • Quote: “If you saw somebody walking, engrossed in a copy of Moby Dick … that would be so charming. But on a phone, it bothers me!” (55:18, Luke)
• Andrew: “We need to … not judge. But if you’re looking down at a phone, you could be reading your shopping list or a novel. Still, it’s easy to snap to ‘Put down the TikTok and buy your peaches!’” (53:50)
• Luke tries to “bring gravity” to oblivious phone walkers by not moving out of the way.

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Rule-Breaking, Parking Etiquette, and Why People Care

[56:55–65:38]

• Andrew’s recurring frustration: people who flagrantly park across multiple spaces.
• Acts as "neighborhood’s policeman of slightly rude behavior”—then questions the point of investing emotional energy.
  • “It’s only putting myself in this little hell. It’s not doing any good, just being steamed.” (61:34)
• Discussion about personality types—rule-followers find it more galling when others break rules.

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The Epstein Files, Power, and Morality

[65:38–76:16] [67:49–76:16]

• Both hosts go deep on new revelations from the Epstein files, the psychology around extreme wealth and boundary erosion.
• Andrew: “The more you’re corrupted, the less those lines appear that you [think will stop you]… The lines in the sand get washed away by the sea.” (75:50)
• Luke is shocked at seeing his anti-conspiracy worldviews undermined:
  • “I always thought Bill Gates was just a generally good-hearted nerd… I can go to bed at night knowing there’s no danger of me being in the Epstein files.” (72:42, Luke)
• Comparisons to cutting corners on taxes or minor personal rule-bending—“Who amongst us aren’t sort of trying to get the best deals, and where are those lines?” (71:47, Andrew)

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Blursday (Birthday) Messages

[77:25–84:38]

• The “Blursday” segment contains shoutouts to listeners and loved ones celebrating birthdays, including inside jokes and long-time show callbacks.
• Tongue-in-cheek complaints about how hard it is to find TBTL lore online and Google’s AI creating nonsense definitions for TBTL phrases.

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Bonus: Name Games and Listener Trivia

[77:02–77:25, 78:24–78:44]

• Luke’s ongoing game: actors with double initial names (“Alan Alda, Frances Farmer…”).
• Listener Denise sends in “Una O’Neill” as a double-O—a rare find!

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Notable Quotes

• Andrew: “Choose your own adventure books are the self-checkout of reading.” (18:11)
• Andrew: “It’s much better when you’re here talking.” (05:29)
• Luke: “It’s only putting myself in this little hell. It’s not doing any good, just being steamed.” (61:34)
• Andrew: “The more you’re corrupted, the less those lines appear… the lines in the sand get washed away by the sea.” (75:50)
• Luke: “I can go to bed at night knowing there’s no danger of me being in the Epstein files.” (72:42)
• Luke (on AI): “Why can’t AI Overview just say I don’t know? … It’s just a bunch of shit made up with all the confidence of you or Genevieve telling me.” (87:00, 88:32)
• Luke: “If you’re going to spend all this money and try to create doubt about his fitness for office, you played this one a little too chill.” (35:02)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–01:12 – Andrew’s misread bumper sticker, Rob Zombie reference
• 05:29–13:12 – New office, sound issues, workplace awkwardness
• 16:06–19:44 – Choose Your Own Adventure! Nostalgia & generational takes
• 32:45–36:45 – Mystery billboard for Rep. Garamendi
• 38:33–41:28 – SF Gate doomscrolling article is a minefield of e-commerce
• 42:19–51:10 – Tech distractions in cars, safety & ethics
• 56:55–61:34 – Parking, etiquette, neighborhood justice, and self-reflection
• 65:38–76:16 – Epstein files, morality, billionaires & systemic decay
• 77:25–84:38 – Blursday (birthday) messages
• 84:40–89:09 – AI-driven TBTL nonsense, Google hallucinations

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Tone and Style

Equal parts playful, meandering, and low-key existential, Luke and Andrew deliver the show in their signature “smart idiots” style—earnest musings on social etiquette, pop culture nostalgia, and deep dives into current events, careening from light-hearted to unexpectedly profound (and back again) at any moment.

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For New Listeners: What to Expect

Expect lots of in-jokes, meta-commentary on podcasting itself, rampant tangents, audience shoutouts (“Blursdays”), and a warm, slightly bemused take on the foibles of daily modern life. This episode is an excellent snapshot of TBTL’s unique mix: part slacker chat, part observational humor, part gentle cultural critique—always with self-deprecating affection and a refusal to take themselves too seriously.

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Power out.

Transcript

[Andrew]

I frequently am behind cars that have bumper stickers or something on them that I wanted to tell you guys about. And I, like, take pictures of, but then I don't send it because it's, like, weird because there's a license plate on it. But I just have to tell you, the person in front of me, the. I don't know what it's called, but the thing around the license plate. So, like, the license plate holder says, I'd rather be slamming the back of my dragon.

[Luke Burbank]

I just.

[Andrew]

I just needed to share that. I'm sorry.

[Cameron]

What?

[Andrew]

I've made a terrible mistake. The license plate cover thing or whatever does not say, I'd rather be slammin the back of my dragon. It says, I'd rather be slammin in the back of my dragula. Which somehow makes less sense to me. I don't understand. But I just wanted to correct myself. I'm sorry. Okay, well, I googled the phrase because it was killing me, and apparently there's a Rob Zombie song that says, I slam in the back of my Dracula. So clearly this person is a Rob Zombie fan. So that was it. I'm so sorry for all these voicemails.

[Luke Burbank]

Tbtl.

[Cameron]

I was just fixing to get me some grub.

[Luke Burbank]

Beans. I love beans. Big, fat, hot, juicy beans.

[Cameron]

Now, don't get me going on beans, or I'll be jabbering away till the sun comes up. All right, you guys like impressions? Here's that guy, Bob from Bob's Burgers. Hi, I'm Bob from Bob's Burgers. How about that show Archer? You watch that show Archer? Here's that guy Archer. Hi, I'm Archer from that show Archer. Now, what if those guys met?

[Luke Burbank]

Could you crawl back out of my mind?

[Cameron]

You want to pick a fight with.

[Luke Burbank]

Your body's sexual chi, it's just going to drive it inwards.

[Cameron]

This party is gonna be off the hook. Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Spock, sabotage the system. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. Hello. How are. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where just in about the last five minutes, we've been fully enveloped in fog. We've got the fog. Supposed to be a nice day today. At least down there in Portland, it's gonna be nice and warm today. Up here, it's apparently pea soup foggy, but thankfully, that will have no impact. My friends, on the recording here inside the broadcast Studio, we are ready to go with episode 4657 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. You know, we put up a mysterious billboard in Friendship, Wisconsin last summer and it got absolutely zero heat. But that is not the case for a different mysterious billboard in Northern California. The past is history, the future is a mystery. People are trying to figure out what is going on with this billboard that someone put up wishing a particular politician A happy 81st birthday. So we'll get into that. Oh, speaking of birthdays, AKA blurs days, my birthday today. Do some blurs day messages here on this Thursday. Oh, and we're gonna talk to this guy. He is the longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Very exciting stuff today and tomorrow. He is joining us from the new TBTL studios at the University of Washington.

[Andrew]

I say what's up, Doak?

[Cameron]

He is Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Luke Burbank]

Good morning, Luke. How you doing, my friendo?

[Cameron]

I'm doing great. I'm excited for you because you have figured some technology out that it seems like has you Footlo and fancy free.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, sort of. I was thinking while you were doing the intro, as you mentioned, I am not in my usual studio now. I'm hoping that the podcast sounds okay.

[Cameron]

Sounds great where I am.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but you're in that special sound cave that we built for you where everything. It's a sound bath, actually. It's a sound bathtub, actually. So I don't know, at the end of the show we will stop recording and I will listen and I will say, did this, did this technology work or did it not? And I'm hoping it worked. But while you were doing your intro and my microphone was off and I was just fiddling around with the knobs on this new little device that I'm using, I thought this is one of those rare cases where I wish I were just the engineer here and that you were introducing somebody else to talk. So I was like, I'm just, I'm just dialing in how this little machine works. I'm hunched over it, I'm twisting little knobs.

[Cameron]

All this cobra ing gets in the way of your technical times.

[Luke Burbank]

And then it's like, can I just not talk? Could I just engineer the show today? But then how, I mean, how would that work? You need somebody. You need somebody to bounce things off of.

[Cameron]

You know, every once in a while, back in the olden days, I would have to rip off an entire show just by myself. And you know, honestly, like, I didn't look forward to it, but once I got into a zone with it, it's almost. It really is kind of a state of mind. I'm not saying these were good shows, by the way. In fact, I think they were pretty bad. But I can put myself into a weird kind of fugue state where I'm just pretending to be talking to the audience and assuming they're listening. And eventually it just really. It sort of. I don't know how to explain it other than it's. I'm capable of doing it, but it's not great. It's much better when you're here talking.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, thank you. All of that was actually me setting you up to say the show is better when you talk. Andrew. So I have some pretty big news. I mean, I don't know how much we want to dwell on the fact that I am in. I'm in an office, by the way.

[Cameron]

Tbtl breaking news. Well, I do want to ask you about that.

[Luke Burbank]

Genevieve's colleagues offices here at the University of Washington. So I'm trying to not. I'm trying to do this thing where I'm not trying to talk into the microphone in a different way. Trying to be that loud, vivacious person that you've grown to love and need on the show, as we just discussed. But it's a little bit hard because I can hear my voice clanking around in here and I know that even though the door is closed, closed, this is not the same soundproof studio that I usually record in. And people could be walking by and listening and picking up and so. But I'm really trying hard to get out of my head about that.

[Cameron]

Yeah, I know that feeling very well from doing the show in lots of odd places. And there is. I mean, bingo knows it. There's a different tone to one's voice when one is hosting or co hosting this show than just normal talking. It's sort of like being the world's most annoying person on a phone call. Like if you're walking by someone's office and they were, you know, maybe on a speakerphone or just kind of like sitting at their desk, but talking to somebody but being really kind of loud and weird about it. That's essentially what doing a podcast is. So I can understand why you don't want to like go full kind of broadcast voice and disturb the good people of the University of Washington where you are.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. You mean like those guys who walked into Chipotle yesterday? Well, I'm sitting in Chipotle yesterday. By the way, I have a new Chipotle I just realized yesterday. I don't know if that's interesting to you or not. I've been pretty loyal to the Chipotle in Northgate because I figured that's closest to me. But honestly, I think the Chipotle and Shoreline is closer to me, or at least a straighter shot.

[Cameron]

What's your go to order?

[Luke Burbank]

It's always been the same since the first time I ever walked into a Chipotle, which was in the 90s. We had one of the first Chipotle's in Kent, Ohio. No joke. I think it was sort of a testing ground or something. And the first time I walked in there, I got a chicken for fajita burrito. No beans, white rice, corn, salsa. Plus the really red hot salsa, some lettuce. Wrap it up. I'll take it. In the words of George Thorogood, in.

[Cameron]

The words of the fabulous Thunderbirds, are.

[Luke Burbank]

They the same thing?

[Cameron]

Pretty spiritually, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure.

[Cameron]

By the way, I saw a sign for George Thorogood in the Delaware. Destroyers are, I think. I don't know if that's even who he plays with anymore, but it's a. He's coming to a local casino and just a picture of him and his crew, and it was like the baddest show on earth. And I thought, really? Is it really the baddest? I mean, it might be the worst show on earth. Is it the baddest?

[Luke Burbank]

In fact, maybe that's what they mean.

[Cameron]

Maybe they're like, we told you truth in advertising.

[Luke Burbank]

It was right there in front of your eyes the whole time.

[Cameron]

So you're just. But not to over. You know, I don't know, clarify with this. But, like, so you are getting work done at your house, and they're gonna need to cut the power to do some rewiring of things. And so, to be on the safe side, we thought for today and tomorrow's episode, you would head to Genevieve's office or her place of work at the University of Washington, my alma mater. I'll mention and record the show from there. Has everyone been welcoming to you? Did you, like, did you go around and say hi to the folks? What's the vibe there?

[Luke Burbank]

It's been chilly, to be honest with you.

[Cameron]

Well, I think the first salvo was when your longtime partner is displaying a text me back poster in her office, but nary a mention of tbtl, which puts chicken bones in the freezer at your house. Thank you very much.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, what is your reference to chicken Bones.

[Cameron]

I was gonna say food on the table, but then I try to think about a different thing. Oh, I'm joking about the idea that TB Chill is what pays the bills around your house. Ever since Genevieve makes more money than we do. But.

[Luke Burbank]

But my point, Genevieve makes more money than we do and she works at a public institution as a. As a people.

[Cameron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Supports the government. But anyway. Yeah. So I have not gone around and made the rounds. I did run into one colleague of Genevieve's in the hallway who I know, and I actually kind of felt bad because I said a quick hello to her and she looked kind of surprised to see. See me. And I kind of later on was of course, like any interaction, reliving it in my head over and over. It was literally a two second hello. But it occurred to me how weirder it would be for her at her place of work to identify me out of context because I've only seen her in social situations. Right. She would have seen me in those situations. As you know, being there with Genevieve. Now, it's somebody that I've met many times before. However, for me to be in her place of work, it occurred to me later I should have been a little bit quicker with, oh, I'm Andrew. I mean, she recognized me pretty quickly, but I was like, oh, yeah, I'm in her place of work. Of course I'm going to recognize her because I associate her with here. You know what I mean? Right. Whereas for me just to be here, it must have taken her a moment to be like, wait, why is this bald? Who? Wait, who? Where do I. Oh, Genevieve's guy.

[Cameron]

Now, are there people there that ever listened to the show or have listened to the show? Were there any. I don't even know if we'd go with tens, but just casual consumers of the product that might hear this later.

[Luke Burbank]

And is that in your head?

[Cameron]

And if it's not, can I put it there?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, well, it's. It's in my head a little bit now. Let me put it this way. I doubt anybody listens on the reg. If they do, they certainly don't tell me. Or Genevieve.

[Cameron]

Or Genevieve is hiding this from you in a continuing campaign to run down your self esteem.

[Luke Burbank]

Here's the thing about Genevieve is I sneak around a lot. She. When she's asleep at night, I dig through all of her stuff. I get into her digital files. I mean, I.

[Cameron]

You would know if she was intercepting positive feedback directed at you.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. I've teamed up with the particle people to get all of her information.

[Cameron]

You think the Epstein files was a big data dump?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, the Veevestein files are woof. The stuff you'll see in there anyway.

[Cameron]

So you're not too worried about people. They're hearing this.

[Luke Burbank]

On the other hand, though, I have come here into this actual team of people. I have given not presentations, but they've asked me to come in before and like talk to rooms of people about podcasting and stuff. This is really back years. We must have talked about it on the show, but like, I definitely, like joined them for a big kind of meeting with maybe, I don't know, 20 people one time. It was kind of a half a day little conference where they're talking about podcasting and they wanted me to talk about my experience with it. And so the fact that I do this as a professional means met, you know, that that is on their radar. And the fact that I am using a colleague's office. So I'm in an office where a fellow is working from home today. Today is a day where a lot of folks work from home in this particular office. And that's why we thought this would work. Okay. If this were Monday, I don't think there'd be room for me. And also I think I'd be way more self conscious about me blabbing. But I think it's. It's not that nobody's here, but it's a little bit of a thinner crowd today. Sure. My guess is, I mean, if you knew somebody was borrowing. Borrowing your personal space to do a podcast, you might listen to it.

[Cameron]

Yeah, I would tune in, definitely.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Cameron]

Does this guy also have a text me back poster up in his office?

[Luke Burbank]

He does not. But, you know, he does have something. And I'm trying to be very respectful here. I don't want to be rifling through people's stuff, but there is a. It definitely is an office that feels like. Yeah, it's. Sometimes I work here, sometimes I work from home. I feel like back in the day when we came into the office all the time, maybe our offices maybe had a. I don't know, a little bit more to them, more personal.

[Cameron]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Effects and what have you.

[Cameron]

When you say office, I mean, did you ever have an office with a door that closed? Because, you know, I have never. And now, I mean, presumably that part of my possible career has also passed me by. Like, I will probably never, you know, Lord willing and the creeks don't rise. And I continue to do this sort of stuff for my job. I will have gone through my Entire adult life, never once having tasted the sweet success of an office with a.

[Luke Burbank]

Door that closes, feet up on the desk, farting away. Oh, don't do that. No, don't do that in your own office, because then you're gonna do that.

[Cameron]

In someone else's office.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. I don't know where you do that. You do that outside because you don't want to call somebody and be like, I need to see you in my office.

[Cameron]

That wouldn't be the time to do that. But what I mean is I. I've. I never reached the heights. It also. It didn't help that I. Well, I was going to say it didn't help that I assiduously avoided any kind of management jobs, but also, no one ever offered me any. To avoid a management job implies people trying to get you into management. And anyone who'd ever worked with me for over four seconds was like, this guy is not management material.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, and I think you would say that about. I mean, honestly, do you want to be assigning people's timesheets? Do you want to be doing. Do you want to be doing Thrive reviews? No, I mean, entering it into the system. How are you in concur doing these days?

[Cameron]

Oh, we. We're in a detente. They triple charged me for an airline ticket, and I cannot figure out how to fix that one right now. So.

[Luke Burbank]

Triple charged you or. Well, not me.

[Cameron]

My CBS card. But it's. It's going around and around.

[Luke Burbank]

Barry's got you. Don't worry. Just run it up.

[Cameron]

But, like, no, I mean, it's just that. That I did at one time, though, I wondered if I would ever manage to, I don't know, achieve the kind of professional success where I could have. Because I'm guessing. Does Genevieve have an office there?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, Genevieve has an office. That's that photo I sent you that has all these University of Washington posters and then one podcast poster. But it is not tbtl.

[Cameron]

It is any pictures of, like, the cast.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you notice that that picture of the text for the Text Me Back Live event was signed by Megan and Lindy, too? She has a signed poster of our rivals. Yes, our bitter rivals in our bitter, bitter rival. Our heated rivals, you might even say. Oh, yeah, but I was going to say. So the office has, you know, it has some stuff in here it doesn't have tons of. Well, there's some tchotchkes and stuff, but on the shelves that are mostly empty, there's like, a set of bookshelves next to me. And there's a chessboard on it. And then a lot of space where books could be. The top shelf is completely empty, but then in the middle shelf, there is a book that is a dictionary of American slang, which I really want to pick up and flip through. And next to it, though, and I think I'm gonna do this. And David, I'm in your office if you're listening, because you wanted to know if I was rooting around in your stuff. I guess we got to be honest. But I'm excited about something here. Hold on.

[Cameron]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

One of those. A little set of books like we would have had when we were kids. It is four books, and they're. They're kind of in a box that you can slide them out. And it is a set of choose your own adventure books.

[Cameron]

Oh, boy.

[Luke Burbank]

And I think this is a more modern printing of it, but it is like, they're classic. Choose your own adventure books. We have choose youe Own Adventure. The Lost Jewels of Nabuti.

[Cameron]

Huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. That's. Didn't you make a movie called the Lost Jewels of Yabuti?

[Cameron]

That was an Alan Smithy production. I did not put my name on that.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Choose your own adventure. Space and beyond.

[Cameron]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Choose your own adventure. Journey under the Sea. I swear I had that one. Or Reddit. I used to get these from the library a lot. And then the Abominable Snowman, which I also think I remember from my youth. And this is giving me feels, my friend. I have not read an actual choose your own. I mean, why would I? But, man, these just brought me so much joy as a child. So much joy.

[Cameron]

I don't want to yuck any yums, but I could never. Those were like, you know, the choose your own adventure books were ubiquitous during our youth.

[Luke Burbank]

Every.

[Cameron]

Every book fair. Yes. I feel like every classroom, there'd be a bunch of them. Kids loved them. I could never get. I mean, I read plenty of them, but I could never get into them for some reason. I don't know why. It didn't quite click for me, but I was.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you find it frustrating? Are you somebody who. You were just like, I just want to know what really happens. I don't want to live in this world where there's, like, a bunch of different possible outcomes.

[Cameron]

I was not ready for sliding doors to jingle all the doors?

[Luke Burbank]

Sure.

[Cameron]

Yeah. But also, I mean, I was a big reader, and I really liked reading books. I think there was something about the. Yeah. Like, I liked reading a book where the author was telling me a story and I was going along for the ride versus, you know, it's sort of the self checkout really if you think about it, of reading.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, that's a poll quote. Remember how we used to sometimes make poll quotes and post them online? Choose your own adventures or the self checkout of reading.

[Cameron]

I understand you choose the adventure for me, bub.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. What do you do? You're the writer. I don't. You know, they've done here. This is different. So these are definitely like slightly new packaging. The spines of the books look exactly like I remember them and that's why it sort of stood out to me. But when you pull the book out of the box on the back cover now they have a sort of like a infographic chart, sort of a flow chart that sort of maps out for you all the different paths you can take on this book. But it's not labeled, so it's not spoilers or anything. It looks like a. It looks like an electrical chart or some sort of a program chart, sort of. But I think what it indicates is on each book it'll show you like kind of how many different outcomes you can possibly find yourself in. Which I think that's a. That's a cool little update, but I don't know. I'm not trying to win you over. If you don't.

[Cameron]

I wonder. No, no. I mean. And again, I know that I'm out of step with people of our generation because people, you know, who are about our age, I think would all say that. That those books were everywhere when we were kids. And again, everybody loved them except me. And sometimes I'd get stuck with them for whatever reason. It would just be like the only book I could get my hands on or something and I'd be alright, I'm gonna do this. But it was never. It never thrilled me the way I was also wondering. I wonder about kids these days. I wonder if kids these days are reading choose your own adventure books or if they're, you know, just, you know, on their iPad in Florida getting a tan.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, there. I do think there's something about choose youe Own Adventure books that did sort of set the stage for kind of gaming, I think a little bit like, I think, you know, like when I'm playing a video game, it's kind of a Choose your own adventure in a certain way, I guess, sort of depending on. Depending on the game. Another thing I wanted to say about these books and I don't know if we've talked about this before, I mean, I know we've Talked about choose your own adventure. And I know that I've also mentioned that there was another series called the Time machine books. I think different publisher, but they were also basically choose your own adventures. But they all had to do with going forward or backwards in time, of course. But anyway, the thing that when I look at these books right now, it's not just the books, it's remembering going into the library and how these particular books were displayed. I don't know if this was true of all libraries or just one of the libraries that I went to as a kid, but they were always in like kind of a magazine rack. One of those would spin. Yes, only they weren't magazine racks. They were, you know, for books about this size, like kind of pocket sized paperbacks. And there was just something about it. It was like going into the proverbial candy shop sort of. I just feel like I have memories of just like I can just take any of. And then like choosing five to take home. But we still to spend time at the library. So like just taking one of them in like I don't know, sitting. I just have a memory of like sitting on a floor, a carpeted floor somewhere in a carpet in a corner of the library with this book and just like letting it take me away. You know, it just. I do think that, that there is something about when I think about the pure experience of reading, that kind of is it.

[Cameron]

You know, I've talked about this before on the show, but what I was really obsessed with was first the Encyclopedia Brown books which by the way is also kind of some self checkout happening there.

[Luke Burbank]

Even more, I would say even more so.

[Cameron]

Hey Don Sobel, why don't you solve the mystery for me? You're making me guess what Bugs Meanie was up to with that. With that broom and dustpan behind the counter during the egg spinning contest.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right, there's always bugs.

[Cameron]

But, but like so I loved Encyclopedia Brown and I mean just devoured those books and then that got me into the. The slightly more grown up version of that, which is to say maybe more tween era which was called like the two minute mysteries written by this, I believe the same guy. But instead of Encyclopedia Brown it was a guy named Dr. Like or Inspector like Halligen or something was not spelled like the light bulb, but a slight different spelling. But anyway I also just. And it was the same exact idea. It was basically like, you know, something mysterious would happen. This inspector would show up and then you would try to guess what the thing had been like it was one where there was like a guy bet. There was a guy who was a famous violinist, but I believe he was blind. And he made a bet for his prized violin that he could sit in a room all night and that there would be no way that someone could come into the room. And somehow it involved like ice cubes that were made of ginger ale. And then the ice cubes melted and then there was a cup of ginger ale in the room. It was pretty convoluted. Now that I'm saying it out loud.

[Luke Burbank]

That reminds me a bit. And I know I referenced this a lot, I want to say a Roald Dahl story, but it might have been a Thurber story. I kind of get those two guys confused. I don't know if I should or not, to be honest with you. I don't know if they're similar. But I remember one of those stories, and it was later turned into a Twilight Zone is a woman kills her husband with a frozen like, oh, knife blade or something. No, no, lamb. It's like a big hock of lamb. Or do lamb. Could it be a ham? It was some sort of big frozen piece of meat. And then she bludgeons them with it. Oh, by the way, trigger warning. And then, and then when the cops come to investigate, she's already cooking the meat and feeding it to them. So they're literally eating the evidence.

[Cameron]

Wouldn't just like a frozen, I don't know, I guess what the point of a frozen knife would be because the person would still have the stab wound. They wouldn't be able to locate the weapon, but it would still be pretty obvious what happened. I'm trying to find this because I feel like I've got to be messing part of this story up. But my memory of it was again, this guy, I don't know why he agreed to this. I don't know what was in this for him. But he agrees to sit in this room all night listening very carefully to someone trying to break into the room to I think maybe even get into a safe where there has, there's a cup with ice in it. But then in the morning it's ginger ale and then he's going to lose his violin. But Dr. Halligen is like, but the ice cubes were ginger ale. Again, why this guy signed up for that, that particular stunt, I'll never know. But anyway, I loved those two minute mysteries. There was another one that involved somebody saying a narrow flight of stairs, but they were really saying an arrow flight. There was some kind of slate you know, it was somehow the mystery was revealed to be an arrow had been shot at someone, even though what they said was a narrow flight of stairs, but it was actually an arrow's flight of stairs or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, can I just take a little quick victory lap here? And again, maybe it's on a victory lap if I've actually looked this up on a previous episode of tbtl. But the story that I'm talking about is called Lamb to the Slaughter. It was a 1953 short story by Roald Dahl and which was then adapted for Alfred Hitchcock Presents, which makes me think that it was some sort of piece of lamb. Some sort of big frozen piece of lamb.

[Cameron]

And a very subtle title as well.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. But what's it about?

[Cameron]

Exactly?

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you, baby.

[Cameron]

All right, let's thank some donors. These are the phenomenal folks who are supporting TBTL with a donation of dough. And it's the way this thing can happen. I did in fact, Andrew, have that meeting yesterday that I've been being a little vague about where I was trying to explain the concept of TBTL to some folks who are uninitiated. And yes, they were quite surprised at the business model and its efficacy, but this is how we do it. 100% listener supported podcasting, supported by folks like Kathleen Jones in Seattle, Washington. Cat Jones. I wonder if anybody ever says that to Kathleen. As Kathleen's walking down the street.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you know the number? I don't remember the number anymore. I used to have Mike Jones number memorized, but I don't remember.

[Cameron]

Oh yeah, doesn't he like. What's he like? Puts his phone number in the song or something.

[Luke Burbank]

He always. Almost every song. Mike Jones would put his phone number in there. When you hear it, you'll know it too. Well, maybe not 2813-30-8004, but was it 1-877-cars-for kids? I don't think so. What's the. It's my money and I want it now. Jg. That's what I said to Kathleen, by the way. Yeah, I said, kathleen, it's my money and I want it now.

[Cameron]

There used to be. Did you ever. I don't know if when you were in LA, this was still happening, but Indy103, there used be to. To be Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols had a show called Jonesy's Jukebox.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I've heard of it. I don't think I listened to it, but. Was that KROC or did you just.

[Cameron]

Say that it was on? I think it was on Indy 103.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, you just said that. Yes, as I'm saying. Oh, yeah, that's on kroc. I'm hearing your voice echoing in my headphones. No, it was.

[Cameron]

I think we may be dealing. I think I heard it with a slight delay in the line, too. So that might be adding to things.

[Luke Burbank]

But in my brain. But, yeah, but.

[Cameron]

But, yeah. So, I mean, that, man, Indy 103 was such a great station, and it was proof that nothing gold can stay because, like, it really did have, like, all kinds of interesting DJs that really just played the music they wanted to play. Like, it felt very much like it was not one of those music stations that's, you know, programmed based on all of the data around. You know, people just want to hear the same. You know, I don't know even what's popular these days. They want to hear the same Far East Mafia. What's the name, who does, like, a.

[Luke Burbank]

G. Far east movement.

[Cameron]

They just want to hear Far east movement four times an hour. But I mean, it was like. It was sort of like a TBTL of radio stations. Like, hey, what if we just got a bunch of. I guess this presumes that you and I are fun and interesting, but it's like, what if we just got a bunch of kind of fun, interesting people that have their own kind of vibe and musical taste and let them do their thing? And one of the most amazing things was this midday show that Steve Jones hosted called Jonesy's Jukebox. And he just has this, like, great sort of British cockney accent. You kind of didn't know what he was saying a lot of the time. Sometimes he'd just have his guitar with him. He'd just be playing acoustic guitar while he was talking. There would be so much talking on the show. It was almost like a talk show. But then he'd play a song. But he loved those JG Wentworth ads. He would just sometimes just start yelling. He'd start laughing and yelling, it's my money and I want it now. Just because those commercials make him laugh. It was a great station that could not survive in the marketplace because they weren't playing enough Far east heroes or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I'm just realizing now, the reason Indy 103 rings a bell to me is because that's where Comedy Bang Bang started, too. As a radio show was called Comedy 3 Back in the day.

[Cameron]

Right. That's what I mean. I mean, it was like they were just like, really? Somebody should do, like, a little oral history. It looks like.

[Luke Burbank]

Are they still there?

[Cameron]

Do they still exist? No, I think this is a look here. I'm trying to do this. No, I think, I think indie103 is. Is now gone. But like, it really was. It was really a magical time. I was kind of living in LA and, and, you know, very excited about my life and my work at NPR and driving around in a cabrio convertible and listening to Indy 103. It was all happening for me back in the day.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice.

[Cameron]

It's all happening right now for Hannay Caceres of Palo Alto, California, because we're thanking Hannay. Thank you very much.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you, Hannay.

[Cameron]

Thanks to Scott Rosen of Seattle, Washington.

[Luke Burbank]

Scott, appreciate it.

[Cameron]

Yes. I don't know how close Scott is to where you are right now, Andrew.

[Luke Burbank]

True.

[Cameron]

But I think spiritually he's very close.

[Luke Burbank]

He could hear me. He might be listening to me like right now. Through the walls.

[Cameron]

It's possible. Yeah. That is a service we provide for some donors. You are allowed to sit in an office next to Andrew while he co bros the show. That's going to be a premium. It's gonna be a premium level donation next to you.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, that's what we do. That's what we do. To punish people who don't donate, they have to sit in this room with me.

[Cameron]

I mean, speaking of sitting in rooms, I assume because, you know, I often am doing my half of the show from a hotel room somewhere. And most modern hotels, I think that they try to build them with a certain amount of soundproofing, but it's just, you know, you never know. And I just like, I sort of assume no one can hear me in there, but it's like, dear God, if somebody is trying to catch some sleep during the day or maybe they had a late night or they had an overnight flight or whatever, and you just hear me just hollering through that, like, you know, that kind of connective door. What a nightmare for those people. I feel bad for them.

[Luke Burbank]

At least there's a bit of anonymity. I was gonna say, though, with that, like, you can just move on the next day. And somebody's like, I don't know, I heard some guy through the wall here. Like, you know, yeah, I'm known. I'm Jenna, you know.

[Cameron]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

You cannot, you know, it's like, I can't. I can't shake the stank. Hey.

[Cameron]

Christopher Gay is in Halifax, Massachusetts and is supporting the program.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you, Christopher.

[Cameron]

Thanks, Christopher. I don't know if I knew there was a Halifax Massachusetts. I know about the Nova Scotia one.

[Luke Burbank]

I, I'm not sure either. But I did want you to know I'm taking a little photo here to send to you. While I'm not sitting right next to a window right now, I positioned myself so that I'm sitting and like when I look straight ahead, I do look out this like kind of old school window, which I cracked a little bit, by the way. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do that if that's going to send the.

[Cameron]

I did hear a truck backing up.

[Luke Burbank]

All haywire a little earlier. Oh, you could hear that. Oh, my gosh. And I'm. I have the microphone facing away from the window too, but I thought you would appreciate that I do have a nice little view of that.

[Cameron]

Yeah. I was wondering what you're.

[Luke Burbank]

What you're spiritually.

[Cameron]

I was wondering what your vibe was there and if that. Because, you know, normally when you're at your home studio, you're just looking into this room and you know me, I'm a big. I'm all about the staring. Do you feel like getting to look at a sort of a landscape, an environment out there? Is it doing anything for you? Is it, is it, is it popping off the creativity in your brain in a special way?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I think you can tell that my performance is even better than usual today. So I'm picking up the answer to that question is yes. Yeah. But I do wish I was a little bit closer to it, but I thought that rearranging the furniture in somebody else's office, maybe that's a step too far.

[Cameron]

Rifling through his choose your own adventure books is one thing, but fully re. Reorganizing the office is a whole other thing. Although Brad Baxendale of Norfolk, Virginia, I think would allow it. Brad is. Yeah, Brad. Brad's got a pretty. Gives us a pretty long leash here at the show. Brad's been donating and supporting the show for many years. Thank you, Brad. We appreciate you. And then Annie Johnson is in Seattle, Washington as well. Annie might be sitting in the other. In the other office joining you and overhearing this conversation. We just never know.

[Luke Burbank]

She might be. Thank you, everybody.

[Cameron]

Thanks, Annie. Thank you to our donors. We couldn't do this without you.

[Luke Burbank]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Cameron]

There is a mystery billboard, Andrew, that has gone up in Northern California. That was written about in the. I'm always going to say this wrong. I'm just going to say SF Gate. That's what I'm calling it. That's what it is. I used to think it was associated with the Chronicle. It's not anymore. Apparently Lester Black writing in the SF Gate. No one knows who's behind Sacramento Valley billboard message to 80 year old Democrat. It's just this giant billboard with a picture of the guy that says, Happy 81st birthday, Congressman Garamendi. And then I read it, it says, elected 52 years ago. And then there's the giant photo of the congressman. And they. The paper reached out to the congressman's office and they said, we did not pay for this billboard. They reached out to some of his political opponents. I guess he's been in the US Congress. He's been a representative in the US Congress for many, many years. And I guess there are some people that are running against him in the latest election. None of them took credit for this. They cannot figure out who paid. And you and I know this, and John Sklaroff knows this from our billboard. And particularly in, like, Sacramento. These things ain't cheap.

[Luke Burbank]

Mm. Oh, yeah.

[Cameron]

Like this is. I mean, you know, we went with the bargain basement version, and it was still not cheap. This thing cost somebody a pretty penny and they. No one has claimed credit for it. And so the speculation is it's either someone trying to put a burn on him about the fact that he's 81 years old, or it's just somebody who really likes him and wants to congratulate him. And they cannot figure out what the person's angle is.

[Luke Burbank]

And it is accurate. Is it actually his birthday or was it.

[Cameron]

It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago. I think it went up on his birthday.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, okay, now.

[Cameron]

Now here's a little two years ago.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm now finally looking at it. I've got eyes on it now. Yeah, the fact that it says, Happy 81st birthday, elected 52 years ago. That does seem like maybe a bit of a dig. Like, not to be ageist about it, but especially the elected 52 years ago. Maybe it's kind of like it's. It's implying that maybe that is a too long of a time to be in office.

[Cameron]

There's apparently a small note on the sign that says, paid for by Americans celebrating octogenarians, which kind of feels like. Okay, that's also a slight maybe dig at this person's age. But what I would say to these folks is, you played it. If. Let's just say this is someone that's trying to say Garamendi is maybe too old for the job. By the way, he looks to be in great Health. There's another photo of him in the article. He looks just fine. And he, by the way, had a pretty good response. He was like, listen, if you're gonna fight Trump, you need a lot of experience. So that's my move. But, like, I feel like they went. If this was someone trying to point out that. That he's maybe, quote unquote, too old for the job, they went too subtle with it. Like, they spent a lot of money and they went subtle. Like, not that I'm. I'm not trying to support, you know, the sort of uncouth culture of political hit ads, which are just insane these days, but if you're going to spend all this money and if you're hoping to kind of, like, create some doubt around his fitness for office, I think you played this one a little too chill.

[Luke Burbank]

You need a little bit more of a lamb to the slaughter approach.

[Cameron]

Thank you. Just put it right in the title.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, it really kind of hits you over the head. Luke.

[Cameron]

Yes. So to speak. I gotcha. I'm picking up what you're putting down. There's, by the way, billboards in the news, Andrew. It's not just this billboard in Northern California, but I don't know how to feel about this exactly, but. But Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame, and now I guess he's the new host of they brought back Fear Factor, and he's the host of Fear Factor, which, by the way, is a pretty solid casting, if you ask me.

[Luke Burbank]

That's really his brand.

[Cameron]

But he has a daughter who's grown and is a real estate agent, I think, in Austin. And for reasons that I don't fully understand, I don't know if maybe it's her married name or maybe she has. Well, also, you know, I just realized, Andrew, there's no way Johnny Knoxville's last name is Knoxville. I was like. Because her last name is Clapp. Her name is Meredith Clapp. His daughter and I spent the whole morning going, like, I wonder why she doesn't have her dad's last name. Well, because Knoxville's not a real last name, Luke. That's why she doesn't have it. So he, Johnny Knoxville, paid for a giant billboard for his daughter's real estate business. And he said, meredith Clapp, this is the clap you want to get. And then it had a big picture of her and then her phone number for her real estate office.

[Luke Burbank]

It's definitely gonna get. It's definitely gonna get your attention for sure. I'm also on something here, and I'm sorry I do think that we're dealing with a little bit of a delay, so my apologies for that. I am realizing that what happened is when I got to this office on campus at around 9:00 o' clock this morning, 8:30, no, 9:00 clock this morning, I think I did an Internet speed test and I was surprised at how fast it was. I was telling you this before the show. I just logged on to like the, the only access I have, I believe, which is like the main access for any guest on campus. But I was like, oh, this is going to be dodgy. And I do a test on it and it is really fast. I'm like, oh, this is fantastic. And then you and I dialed up and everything was great. And now the connection is getting worse and worse as we talk. And I'm pretty sure it's because everybody's waking up and they're all on their tiki talkies and doing other things in the dorms. And you have teachers who are streaming, I'm assuming I haven't been in college in a long time. I assume teachers and professors are saying, we're just going to watch a movie today and they're just streaming. It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world or whatever and projecting it. So my apologies if I seem a little bit out of it. But also I was slightly distracted by something else I'm seeing on SFGate which says, and this caught my attention because you were talking about potentially leaving TikTok the other day, says leaving TikTok. These offline hobbies can stop. Can help you stop doom scrolling. And I thought, oh, this might be interesting. I thought it might be cheesy. And I was going to ask you to, like, maybe guess what some of them might be. But what I'm. What I'm distracted by here is you can barely read it because, and again, I understand, like the state of media, media and journalism, especially this week, talking about, you know, what's going on at the Washington Post, which is just unbelievably heartbreaking and makes me feel so much better about not supporting Bezos anymore. But like, this whole thing, it's not really an article. It's sort of an article, but it's just a way to sell you a bunch of stuff. So in other words, the first one on the list is exercise. So. Hey, Luke, you trying to stop. Hey, Luke, you said that you're leaving TikTok, but you know what to do with yourself. How about exercise? Well, first of all, we don't need to tell us that. But then it's like, okay, so it's just like one little graph that says exercise not only strengthens your body but also improves your mental state. Like, just absolutely, like unnecessary words. And then a huge, huge, like kind of illustrated link to Amazon Basics neoprene dumbbell hand weight set or Thera band latex yellow green beginner set, some sort of resistant bands, and then a yoga mat. And then, then the next one is you can knit or you can crochet. And then there's like two sentences and then just three huge ads for various, like, like crocheting needles and, you know, yarn and stuff like that. And that's what the whole thing is. It's almost unreadable and it's hurting me. It's the. It's just like, oh. And it's like, oh, you can read more in here. You can buy an Amazon Kindle or whatever. It's just like. And I know this isn't everything SFGate does, and I know that they do do some real journalism there, but, like, there was something about clicking on this that I thought it was going to be just kind of funny. Clickbait. But it's actually, like, really depressing me, to be honest with you.

[Cameron]

Yeah, it's just like, like, here are things that you can buy instead of doing TikTok, and by the way, we're gonna get our beaks wet.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. And it's also just. And maybe this is again, my. My own little, I don't know, hobby horse. But it's also just so hard to read because it's just like the, The. The ads that are, I guess, part of the content here. It's just like the way everything is formatted is just so terrible. You cannot tell what is an ad and what is. It's unreadable, actually. And it's just. It's such a bummer. It's kind of like, oh, I'm gonna click on this thing and learn how, like, separate myself from being too online. It's just a bunch of really, really crappy ads trying to sell you junk you don't need.

[Cameron]

I had never occurred to me to do exercise instead of TikTok, because now I do TikTok while I'm exercising.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, what you're going to do.

[Cameron]

That's not true. But I have found myself sometimes, and for me, even this is like a bridge too far. Like, there's sitting and scrolling and then there's like I'm in the kitchen doing something. But I'm also occasionally going over and. And like, you know, flicking to the next screen of Tick Tock like while I'm doing other things but it's like I'm washing the dishes but then I have to like every eight seconds like dry my hand off and then go over and scroll down to the next TikTok feed and I'm like, I, I'm like. That's when I know my brain has really officially broken. I have stopped short of of course ever having TikTok like while I'm driving. But I feel like that's unfortunately the next, that's the next logical step of my slide towards God knows what.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you ever get into a ride share and they have, you know, a lot of rideshares now are Teslas or some sort of a, some sort of a fancy car that is out of my. Is it both out of my price range but then also just out of my awareness. Awareness. Because I don't know cars at all. But like some of you get in one of those cars that's like a robot it. Right. But it's not. But it's not one of the self driving ones. We don't have those in Seattle. But you get into a car and then the driver has like a really big screen and I think Tesla's all have really big screens but then they have on like some sort of a podcast, but it's a video podcast is you know, even though again this is not the life I live as a podcaster. Like the idea, the line between podcasting and television and YouTube is all very, very blurry now. So you just get in and they're basically just watching a sports show or something because it's three guys talking about the playoffs or something like that. And this is kind of like at a certain point are we just putting TVs in the driver's seat now? Yeah.

[Cameron]

In fact there's a product that I was tempted to buy and I did not buy it Andrew, for that very reason, which is supposedly. And you know I've been real hit and miss on the TikTok shop of late what with them not sending my, me my illegal guns that I've tried to buy. But like there is this device that I kept seeing advertised that some sort of a dongle that plugs into your usb. You know most cars now will have like a kind of a little USB port where you plug in your phone for CarPlay or whatever. And like you know, I have a screen in my car that shows like the radio stations and it shows Waze if I'm driving or whatever. It's not a Television though, per se. Or like, I can't watch the game on there. I can't watch YouTube on there. This thing apparently turns that screen into a TV screen that you can play Netflix or YouTube or whatever it is you wanted to watch. And for a second I was like, oh, man, that'd be kind of dope. Like, you know, if I want to watch the game on there or something and I can just kind of stream it from my phone or whatever. And I was like, wait, what? No, I do not need to turn that into a television screen. That's wildly dangerous.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's. It feels like it should be illegal. I mean, I guess it would fall under distracted driving. I guess if somebody saw you driving erratically, then that could. That could be a ding. Undistracted driving. But. Yeah, and I. But I do feel like things are moving that way. I mean, I wonder if I would have a different feeling about it if I still lived in la, where driving in LA is usually just being stopped in la. Right? You know what I mean? Like, you're driving just like, okay, it's just stop and go traffic. You're barely moving, you're creeping along the 10 or whatever. And I could sort of see it there. But like, that's not. I don't think that's really your experience. It's certainly not my experience in the times I'm in the car around these parts, you're moving, you don't need to be having a TV there too.

[Cameron]

And I actually for once demonstrated some sort of foresight and self control to not. To not go with that. What I don't ever understand is how when there is an accident and you read about it or, you know, the. The report is, well, they were on their phone. It's like, how do they know? How do they figure that out that somebody was. Because, you know, not to be a complete sketchball, but, you know, I probably would. That wouldn't be the first thing I would cop to. And then I feel like they'd go, well, were you on your phone? I would go, no. And they go, well, look, it's playing TikTok. And I go, well, that's. I just let it sit on the chair playing TikTok all day. Like, how do they catch people for being on their phone and it causes a crash?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I will tell you that I think about this a lot because I am very rarely using my phone. Like, I'm pretty. You're probably not surprised to hear this, but I'm pretty strict with myself about, like, not believe Sitting at a light and then just like, saying, a. Is there a. Did that email come through? Or something like that. I'm pretty good at just, like, kind of putting it aside. I usually have it plugged in to my. That's the other thing, too. I also have it plugged into my car. And then text messages. The computer just reads them aloud. It'll say, hey, you have a new message from Luke Burbank, and you can hit play on it. It really wreaks havoc with the wordle.

[Cameron]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Though it's like Genevieve has says, green square, green square, yellow square, black square, black square, green square, green square, black square. It really does do that whole thing. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it just drives you up a tree. All of that is the same. On the rare occasion that I feel my phone buzz or something, I pull it out, I'm at a traffic light, right? And I look and I check a text message or something. I think about. I know part of my brain is thinking about stories that I've read, and not to be dark, but maybe these are usually involving maybe a fatality or something like that. But I have read them, look into phone records, and they've said, like, well, they sent this text, like, right before. Right before the accident, or certainly if you're on the phone, they can tell. And so I have sort of. And there's always a part of my brain that's kind of like, if something happens right now, I'll be dead in the water. They'll know right away that I was checking my phone. And there's always, like, some part of me that always feels a little watched.

[Cameron]

Because I feel like. I mean, I guess most modern cars also have all kinds of, like, you know, data that's in the. Whatever the black box of the car is. So I guess you could see, like, oh, a text message went out at this exact second of time. And then the crash was registered with the car's brain at that exact second. It just seems to me like it's a little loosey goosey. Like, I mean, yeah, you could. There's so much going on on my stupid phone at all times, even when I'm in the car, whether I'm looking at it or not. I feel like, you know, if I were to get in a crash immediately, the suspicion would be that I was on the phone and. And I probably wasn't. Although, I don't know. Like, I also. I mean, is it technically illegal? Like, for instance, I listen to the Howard Stern show pretty frequently. But I will say the SiriusXM interface is tremendously not user friendly. The my UX with it is not very great.

[Luke Burbank]

So in what context again, is this?

[Cameron]

I'm trying to get to the Howard. Yes, I'm listening. It's on my phone. I'm trying to get to the Howard Stern show. Like, what'll happen is I'm listening to opb. They'll be on their third story where they're just basically playing long stretches of tape from Trump and kind of talking about how the world is ending but offering no solutions. And I'll go, I gotta listen to something else. I gotta listen to Ronnie the limo driver get mad at John Blitz. So now I'm gonna go on my phone to try to dial up the Howard Stern show. And it's like I gotta go through like six screens to get to what I want. First I gotta go to the SiriusXM app. Then I've got to go to Library, which is a very small icon. Then I've got to go down to the Howard Stern show, but not the clips, because one of the things they try to do is like give you 80 million different channels and versions and clips and best of. And all I want are full episodes. And then I go into the full episodes and then I've got to scroll down because I'm always like 10 episodes behind and find whatever episode I haven't listened to yet or the one I was listening to, which is indicated by this very small blue circle. That the amount of the circle that's filled in indicates how much of the show I've listened to. And I'm doing all this while I'm bombing down I5. I mean, I. This is actually my. The listeners are going crazy. Mark is leaving the room. But like, what I. Here's one thing that I do really and truly as a safety measure, I always put on my anti crash cruise control before I do anything that involves even glancing at my phone, like to try to just get either the mapping system going or the whatever, the Howard Stern, because at the very least, it will not allow me to rear end anyone. You know what I mean? My car has that kind of cruise control that will stop me from hitting anyone. And I've got it set on like four car length, so it doesn't let me get near anybody. And then if my car goes ever goes out of the lane, it starts vibrating either the left side of the wheel, if it's the left side or the right side of the wheel. So there's kind of a lot helping protect me in that moment. But Even so, I mean, I can't. I cannot credibly make the statement that it's not distracting for me to try to dial up the Howard Stern Show. And I guess my question is, should I be pulling over? Like, should I wait until. Because the problem is I live, like, 40 minutes from Portland. So unless I do this in my driveway before I leave, the next chance I'm going to have probably is when I get to, like, Becca's house or something. Is it irresponsible of me to dial up the Howard stern show on i5, is my question to you?

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe. I'm also. I'm looking at my Sirius XML app here, too, and I'm a little surprised that it's so buried. I guess it's because you're trying to pick up where you left off on something. Because for me, I'm almost like, I open up the app, and it's always, like, telling me, well, this is what you usually listen to now. Or this is like, it's always. And let me just see when I open.

[Cameron]

I'm also sure that Phyllis Fletcher has a hack for this that as soon as she hears.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, actually, that's a really good point.

[Cameron]

I'm gonna get, like, nine screen caps of, like, the way that she has, like, completely hacked this so that she doesn't have to do what I'm doing. I'm sure that I'm. This is unnecessarily hard on me because I've never taken the five minutes to just kind of, like, set up my profile in some way. So this is probably on me a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm not. I don't have any information about that. I'm not trying to put you on the spot on that. But also, I'm looking here. Yes. It's suggesting, like, all I have to do is swipe over, like, four little channels, and I'm already seeing Howard 100 and Howard 101, but that's live. And it sounds like what you're trying to do is pick up where you left off, which is probably different. But anyway, I'm getting bogged down in the details of that. But this is something I think about a lot, both in the context of cars, but also the context of grocery stores. Because, look, I don't know if you know this, but I really like to spend time in grocery stores.

[Cameron]

I do know that, and I have.

[Luke Burbank]

A lot of thoughts. Right. And, you know, this also goes back to something I said to you a long time ago about how we view people, maybe especially our generation. You and me, when we see somebody on their phone, it signifies something that is different than when you see somebody reading something else. So, for example, the other day I was walking. I think I was leaving a building, and some guy was walking into a building. It was sprout a different grocery store. And he irritated me because I'm getting more and more judgmental, which is something that I'm really trying to work on. But he almost walked right into me because he was just, like, walking at a pretty brisk pace, but looking directly in his phone, just like, head down, I think earpods in just like, head down, like, fully engaged in his phone. Just walking really quickly across the parking lot into the grocery store. And then kind of looks up at me like I'm in his way. And I. Buddy, like, I'm. You know what I said, Luke, what you said? I said, I'm walking here.

[Cameron]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. He didn't hear me. And headphones and no, we didn't get into anything, but I just was like kind of this. This ping of sort of irritation. But contrarily, when I'm in the grocery store and like I told you, like, I am pretty conscientious, I try to pull my card over to the side if I'm going to look down at my phone, but my grocery list is in my phone, right? And I have a list app, as I'm sure most people do these days. And so if you see somebody and they're looking down at their phone in the grocery store, you could immediately judge them. Be like, put down the TikTok and buy your peaches, you know? But you don't. They're probably looking at a grocery list. And if you see somebody walk by with a paper grocery list looking down on it, that'd be quaint as hell. That'd be sweet, right? And I remember saying this to you a long, long time ago, the same deal. Like, if you're in a. And I don't know if this holds up now, like it would have maybe when we were talking about it in 2015 or something. But you might be in a. In a restaurant, you see a couple, right? And they're sitting across from each other at brunch and both of them are ignoring each other and their noses are in their phones. That gives you one kind of a feeling. If you're judgmental, yes. But if they're both reading a different section of the Sunday New York Times.

[Cameron]

Charming as hell.

[Luke Burbank]

Charming as hell. I remember being in Boston, I loved what I would see. People reading a Paperback. As they walked down the street leaving the. Leaving the train station, I remember being like, oh, I love the city. You got these nerds reading their paperbacks. But if I were to see somebody reading their Kindle app on their phone, I'd just be like, get off the TikTok. Because I know old and cranky, and it's just kind of like, we need to. So that doesn't get to the safety issues that you're talking about. But I was sort of thinking, like, back in the day, you might be going through a triple A triptych or that. Or the Thomas guy, the Thomas guide, or the map that you keep in your glove box because you. Or the instructions that you wrote down because back in the day, to get to somebody's house for the first time, you had to say, okay, then I'm taking it. So the instructions I wrote down on the telephone is you take a right by the oak tree.

[Cameron]

That was back in the day of. And if you hit such and such, you've gone too far.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Now, the difference here is because the phone does do everything, the idea of looking down at a map in your car is a little bit different because you can look down at your map and then you see, oh, I just got a notification. And then you check that notification, and that leads you to this, and that leads you to that. Like, the fact that it is everything in one does lead to. How many times have you opened up your phone to check something, then you check a notification instead, and then all of a sudden, you're just standing there in the middle of the room watching TikToks. You put your phone back in your pocket, and then you're like, God damn it. I pulled my phone out to change the temperature of the house. I never even did that.

[Cameron]

My move, and this is kind of aggressive, is. And by the way, you're absolutely right. For some reason, for me, it's like. Like if I saw somebody walking and they were reading a copy of Moby Dick and they were, like, engrossed in it, that would be so charming to me. Even if they were about to walk into me, I'd just be like, this person loves books so much that they're a danger to society, but it wouldn't bother me. But when people are on their phone and they're walking towards me mindlessly, I will not deviate my path. I will let them almost bump into me, which is kind of a. Kind of a jerk move, because I am. You know, I could just take one step to the left, and it would just be a non event. But I, like, kind of want them to have that moment of like, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You know, presuming that they. Or assuming that they are gonna, you know, be apologetic about it or be a little shook from it, I kind of want them to have that moment. I don't want to. I don't want to just step to the side and allow them to continue kind of blithely on their way. I kind of want them to. I want to bring a little gravity to the situation for them. But I don't know. I don't think I'm making the world a better place with that move either.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And I'm just kidding. I, you know, I don't think I've ever said this on the show before, but you know that my reputation, especially when the conversations turned to this kind of thing or, you know, back when I was living in Roosevelt and I was getting so mad at cars that would just park in bike lanes or just park across three parking spots or something, because people just don't. They literally don't care. They're like, well, I got my spot. I don't care if somebody can fit next to me. And it just. It irritates me in some fundamental level about humanity, I think. But obviously, I'm insane, too. Like, you know what I mean? Like, there's a level of. I mean, to a certain degree, you can have these conversations and you can talk about the fact that we live in a society and you should be looking out around you and not making other people's lives harder just because it's easier for you to roll your SUV up onto the curb directly in front of the door or what have you. Right? Those are the things that bother me. But as I truly. I've always been a bit of an old man about these things, but as I truly become an older man, like, it's not so. It's not so funny. It's not so, I don't know, acceptable. And I always think of something that our friend Tierra told me. Now, this is Tiara, who lives in Baltimore and listens to the show regularly. And she's also a friend of mine. And I. I'm always feeling a little chagrined when I get into my really judgmental mode. And her voice sort of echoes in my head, not unlike Marge Simpson's voice sometimes echoes in Homer's head. I don't know if that's something that you can sort of picture, but I remember when, you know, we always use the phrase Polite car on the show. Because one time I was taking a photo of some car that was parked, like, really sloppily and what looked rudely to me, and I was taking a photo of it, and then some guy was like, why are you taking a picture of my car? And like, truly, I was obviously doing that hoping somebody would see me doing it. I was obviously trying to be provocative. I wasn't going to do anything with that photo. And. And I just said, I'm. Oh, I just yelled at him. Nice, polite car. And then I put my headphones on and walked away and thought to myself, what the hell did I just say and do? And what am I? What am I? Just like the saddest vigilante Batman of the Roosevelt neighborhood. Just, like, passive aggressively hoping people see me notice that. Like, what the hell? Like, that was kind of an embarrassing story anyway. And I remember Tiara just writing or texting me, just being like, but for real, why do you care? Like, that car wasn't in my way. I was walking. I was on foot. She's like. And she just wrote something that wasn't. Wasn't super judgmental. But it was also just like, I just can't get in that headspace. Just like, you live in the city, everybody's doing their own thing. Like, she didn't say all of this, but I always think about that. I'm like, yeah, why? Why do I get like this? And I don't think when I get cranky about these things that it's really about. I think it's probably more about me and my mood and where I am. Because I started to say earlier that I was sitting in Chipotle yesterday. My new Chipotle up in Shoreline. It's a nicer Chipotle, Luke. And there's. They have this area where they have several stools and like a little. Little. I don't know how to describe a little counter area, but it faces out into the parking lot. So you can sort of like, eat your burrito and. And watch cars park, you know, it's just a parking lot. It's not a nice view. And I noticed when I came in that somebody was just parked literally across two spots. Not for any reason other than it sort of seemed like they just didn't care. And then. And then there was some young woman in the Chipotle who was, like, running around like she was in some huge hurricane. And then she ran out, and I was like, oh, that was her car. And it sort of irritated me. And then I'm sitting There eating my burrito. And then some van pulls in and these two guys get out of the van and it's clearly. It's clearly a work van. It's a big white van. It's also smashed to hell on one side. I don't know what they were doing. It's just like two guys and they're. They're clearly, I don't know, doing some sort of labor. Right? Like, they have dusty boots and stuff. And they park kind of similarly, not quite as bad, but basically they just park on the white line. Like, their tires are on the white line. I'm eating my burrito and I'm even thinking. I'm thinking about all of this. I'm thinking, like, why are you sitting here in this window enjoying this burrito, playing wordle, which I think I got in four yesterday. If you want to congratulate me, I mean, that's a big deal. No, I have no idea what the word was. But anyway, I'm sitting there playing wordle or whatever, but I'm getting distracted by people who are not following my rules of society. And I'm also thinking about these guys. I'm also like. These guys are just like. They are. I don't know anything about them, but by all appearances, they work a lot harder than I do.

[Cameron]

Harder than this, Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. I'm just like. Like, who cares that they parked a little bit rudely and then they came in and that's what I was like. And then they're, like, getting their drinks behind me and the two of them are having some sort of a conversation with somebody on speakerphone that is just on blast. And. Okay, well, that is really. This is really irritating me, but I really had to. I kind of was always thinking about, like, kind of tear. I'm like, well, like, just don't care so much. I don't try to be the neighborhood's policeman of slightly rude behavior. It's only putting myself in this little hell. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not a. It's not doing any good, me just being steamed.

[Cameron]

But, you know, I also would say, and I think this is almost exactly what I said the last time this topic came up, which is my guess is that Tierra, sort of like me, is maybe less of a rule follower. Again, I don't. I don't want to speak for Tierra, but, like, what I would say is that the people who are also not following the rules as much like myself, I think can let this stuff go a little easier because it's kind of like, yeah, well, that's maybe what I would be doing too. But then you spend a lot of time thinking about other people's experience, doing things the right way, being polite. And so I can understand why it's particularly galling to you. It's like you're playing a game and you're obeying the rules of the game and everybody else is just, like, doing whatever they want. That would be more frustrating than if you were just one of the people who's just doing whatever they want.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but still, though, that's me, though, that's not. I mean, again, I do. I'm not taking back everything I've said about people behaving boorishly in society. By the way I use the word boorish. It's like an inside joke to me because I think I've only heard one person use the word boorish before in my life. And he used it a lot. And he was really annoying. And he would. Ironically, he was a guy that I was interviewing, Borish. I spent a day with him. Genevieve, and I think Genevieve went with me. I spent a day with him with a recording kit for New Hampshire Public Radio because he was like the. He was like an ultimate garage sale hunter, kind of. And so I did this, like, audio piece that was, I think, a nary. What would you say, no narration, audio piece I put together of just him taking us to different garage sales and showing us his finds or whatever. And I remember he was talking about people who like it real boorish, that you see boorish behavior early and not following the understood rules of whatever it is amongst this class of people. But every time he said boorish, I thought he was telling on himself a little bit because it was just like such a. Interesting word to use. But it also meant that he had this sort of sense of being better than everybody else in a certain way. And so when I use that word, which now is entered my own lexicon, I'm using it like half secretly, sardonically or sarcastically, because to say that word, I feel like I am telling on myself. But it just like you can go through the world and have opinions about whether or not people are, you know, putting themselves first in a way that could inconvenience others. I do think that's shitty. That's a word that I will use, but pretty boring. But you can't be obsessed with it. You know what I mean? And if I find myself getting obsessed with it, I think I need to take a step back and realize I think I'm upset about the state of the world. Well, Luke, I mean, literally, I didn't want to bring this up, but let me. Let me just say. Let me just say how crazy I was yesterday. So I'm sitting there, I'm watching this. These guys parks just like quasi rudely. And then I would say pretty rudely, come in with their speakerphone, but then. Then leave. And. But I'm reading an article that is related to the Epstein files. Right. And it's about the allegations against Bill Gates. Yeah. And I'm thinking. And that's really shocking. And you think about what you know of Bill Gates. I mean, there are some people who are just like, seem like sleaze balls anyway. And then of course, you put them in the billionaire class and then it's just going to amplify that. But then you think about like kind of somebody who comes off as like kind of, kind of dorky and also buying mosquito nets. Exactly. In things that turn pee into drinking water. That's not quite right, but. Oh, it's absolutely right.

[Cameron]

I remember that you took a sip.

[Luke Burbank]

Didn't you use one of those straws one time? But actually here on Red Square in the University of Washington. Do I have that wrong?

[Cameron]

No. A good memory, though. It was at a college. It was at Berkeley. Oh, is that Berkeley? And that's LifeStraw, which is different than this thing that he was part of the Gates foundation was part of, which was this big device, this big thing that took. Yeah. Like basically wastewater and turned it into drinkable water. Then he went and had a cup of it. Famously. I think Carrie was working on the filming of this project or something is why I knew about it back in the day.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I. So. So I'm sitting. And this is. This is absolutely bananas. But like I'm sitting there and I'm sort of thinking about rude behavior and I'm thinking about myself being petty about it. And I'm also reading like Melinda Gates responding to these allegations against her ex husband. And so I'm thinking about that. I'm thinking, like, how does. How does somebody like Bill Gates end up in this super, super gross, awful scenario?

[Cameron]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And you think, well, because with money you get to a certain point where you just sort of. Because I. I'd be surprised if he would end up in like these kind of really awful, icky situations if he didn't end up super, super, super, super rich. Right. Like, if he were a.

[Cameron]

You don't think his good looks would have bought him.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Cameron]

Bought him access to this world or his charisma. Or chair jumping abilities or even that.

[Luke Burbank]

His brain would seek out these sort of icky pleasures or whatever and then what he would do to cover it up or whatever. Again, the allegations, if people know it, it's just really gross and awful. But I'm thinking about that. I'm like, well, because then you get money and it can even take somebody who might not be like this anyway, but they just start to realize the rules of the world don't apply to them. And then you have tons of people who like already kind of have that mentality and then the money kind of, kind of, you know, triples it or exponentially rises it. And so I was sort of thinking about that and I sort of think about again, there just are people in the world and they tend to be more successful who feel like even before they're successful, they feel like the small rules don't apply to them and then they get more and more money and more and more power and then the big rules don't apply to them. And it's sort of, and this is just my obsession. It kind of goes to the almost like the Hein Rand, like kind of Superman theory thing, you know, I don't think it's her theory, but that she bought into and just kind of like. And that's just always bothered me. And then, then I really get into my. You can hear like you, you're literally listening to me rat attack my psychosis out at you right now. Because I'm just kind of like, why can't everybody just follow the rules? And then we wouldn't have the Lolita Express, which is obviously not a direct line of logic.

[Cameron]

I am, I mean, I'm just struck by how many people, like I'm a very non conspiratorial person by nature and in fact have, you know, been kind of like when you hear about the users like QAnon and I heard the guys on Pod Save America say their minds were kind of blown because they were like, you know, QAnon was kind of right, they were going in the wrong direction on it. But like this idea of a shadowy cabal of the ultra rich doing awful things and kind of colluding on it and sending each other messages about it, et cetera. Like, I just, I've always said that's not a real thing, like most of this most bad. And I actually, it's, I still think this is true. Most awful stuff that happens in this kind of area is happens within home environments between, you know, existing family members and people that are known to each other, et cetera. I, you know, I'm just somebody who didn't really think about the world as partially because what I grew up with, with the kind of Christianity I grew up with, there was a lot of conspiracy theories and a lot like there's Satanists everywhere. And so once I got out of that movement, I was like, I don't think any of that's real. And I'm like, well, damn. There really was a thing going on here where these people with a lot of power and money really. I mean, the owner of the New York Giants, like Bill Gates. Yeah, I always thought that Bill Gates was just kind of a generally good hearted nerd. You know, like that was the, that was the category that I filed him under. And as you see people like Bezos and Musk and stuff, stuff who are sort of awful billionaires, I always kind of fell back on, well, at least Bill Gates has given out the mosquito nets and now it's just like, just crazy to read these back and forths and then also just to go like, what was like, what was the appeal of this guy to all of these people? Like, if you already have all the money, you could ever, you could have your own island and I guess do whatever you want there. Like just the idea that they were jazzed about this, that they were like, oh, there's going to be a party at his island. Like, isn't your life fun enough just from being super wealthy and having anything you want? Like, I, I literally just don't understand why so many of these people were so intrigued by this dude, Jeff Epstein, the financier.

[Luke Burbank]

I think, I think I would know. I, and I, but. And so this is where, yeah, we should probably just end it there. But I, but we all sort of do it to a certain degree, right? Like, it's like, have you ever, like, I don't know, I'm trying to think of something like sold something online but you know, like you, you're not reporting it as like anybody or like when the tax season comes. This is a better idea. When tax season comes. Like people are even people like me who truly believe in, you know, tax.

[Cameron]

You're a tax and spend liberal.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. I'm, I'm a tax and don't spend liberal. I just, I just like taxing. But you know what I mean? Like, I truly believe in that we should have that system and that we shouldn't just let people hang onto the money and then hope that they're going to put it back into systems that we all agree help society, because they're not going to. They're going to be pet projects or whatever. So I don't have to explain why, but when tax season comes and somebody says, well, if you write it this way, I mean, technically you can save yourself $1,000 or $500 or whatever. Who's not going to do that? You know? And so then you think to yourself, well, like, well, okay, well, then, then you, you put that on the. And just raise that to the highest levels of power. And that's how you see. And then you're reading Russell Wilson trying to buy a jet but not wanting to buy it before his contract has been settled with the Seahawks. This is all stuff that kind of came out of the Epstein files because there's plenty of stuff in there that isn't, that isn't like, icky in a sexual nature. But you're just seeing how, yes, the inner working people in the world interact. And it's kind of like, oh, Russell Wilson is like doing this thing where he's trying to buy a plane but not trying to buy it right away because it'll look bad and it'll impact his negotiations with the Seahawks or whatever, and spicy. And you're just like, okay, that's fine, like you're in the Epstein files. But saying that implies something different.

[Cameron]

I mean, Punxsutawney Phil is in the Epstein files four times. It was pointed out on the Colbert show.

[Luke Burbank]

I think Clippy was in the file as well. I was posting that online the other day. But anyway, the point is. But you're just sort of. You read this, this email, but you know that supposedly it's not from Russell Wilson, but it's supposedly people sort of representing his interests, sort of saying, well, you're gon bend over backwards to try to get this jet. Like, how gross these rich people are. But is that a lot different than saying, well, if I sort of like, kind of check this other column on my tax return and it saves me $500, I'm going to do that too, but I'm just in a different tax bracket than these people. Like, who, who amongst us aren't sort of trying to get the best deals, you know? And like, where are those lines?

[Cameron]

Yeah, I would hope that. I mean, you want to know how crazy my brain is? Like, I was like, like I was, I was like yesterday thinking, you know, what's one nice thing for me? I'm not in the Epstein files. Like, I, like, as if I would be. But you know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

I thought like, God, that bar has gotten low for you, buddy.

[Cameron]

That's what I'm saying. That's what's so sad. I was like, you know, there's plenty in my life I'm not proud of, but, like, I can say. I can say definitively, like, I can go to bed at night when my head hits the pillow. There is no danger of me being in the upsteed files. But I guess I would hope that if my life had gone differently and I had been some crazy, rich, wealthy person, that regardless of if I was trying to, like, you know, you know, invest, you know, put my money offshore or whatever, you know, I would hope that at some point my moral compass would kick in and that there would be. I would. There would be some. Some lines that I wouldn't cross. You know what I mean? And, like, no matter how rich and famous I was, was that there would still be something that I would say, well, no, but that's just messed up. I would never do that, or I would never interact with that kind of a person. I mean, what's also nuts is this latest tranche. It's like, so much stuff that happened after he was convicted the first time and got his sweetheart deal. It wasn't even, like. It wasn't even like, oh, Jeff Epstein, the financier. We don't know anything about him. It's like, no, this guy is a convicted bad guy. And you're like, again, what's. So. This is. This is like, the weirdest thing for me to say. And also that I don't know if you'd called an argument or not, but the strangest and weirdest observation for me is like, these people could have done whatever they're alleged to have done. They probably could have done it by themselves or under. Like, they're rich. They can throw money at any problem. They can probably hire somebody, unfortunately, of whatever age to do whatever thing. You know what I mean? Like, I don't understand why these crazy rich people that already can kind of do probably whatever they want want, were so obsessed with going and. And. And hanging out with this guy. Like, it was exciting for them to go hang out with this dude when it seems to me like they could have all. And I'm glad they didn't, but they could have all had their own islands. Like, they could have. You know what I mean? It's like. I don't. It was. It's just weird to me to see the glee from these people about, like, being friends with this gross dude when I didn't understand anything. He was really, quote, unquote, providing to them that was not accessible to them, just as part of the 0.0001%.

[Luke Burbank]

And I will just say what you said about, like, well, I would hope that as I got richer and more powerful and, you know, we'll see how.

[Cameron]

The next one goes.

[Luke Burbank]

You never know if I say, yeah, I mean, we will see that there would be a line. And I think that's the problem. And I think it's. I think it's human nature, but I also think that the systems that we've set up to have this billionaire class is a huge problem and contributes to it. But I think the problem there is is you think, oh, but I wouldn't cross that line. Something would go off. But no, the more you're corrupted, the less those lines appear that you. That. That's kind of what I was trying to say before is like, we're all looking to put ourselves in the best position to win, whatever that means, you know, in any particular situation, if it means winning a faster burrito because I haven't taken the care to park in my spot and I would. You know what I mean? Whatever is.

[Cameron]

Is like at the same level as Epstein personally.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Have you seen they call them the Chipotle files, and I got a bunch of them. But anyway, I think that those lines become. Even the goalposts move. I think that the lines in the sand get washed away by the sea. I just don't think that it's like that, like, oh, well, the old me will kick in at some point. No, that's literally what corruption does to a person, I think.

[Cameron]

Well, I would say the. The amazing news for us is we're in no danger of having to test that theory.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Cameron]

You know what I mean? I'm going nowhere fast. There's a right way to rock in.

[Luke Burbank]

A wrong way to roll. You can't just listen to your song. Just remember that life is number one. You can be heaven. So much fun. Just remember you can be nothing. Hey, Luke, do you remember way at the beginning of the show, I said, I have some breaking news for you, and you play the breaking news.

[Cameron]

I played the sound.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't have to. Yeah, you don't have to play it again. You've already played it once. Okay, but this is not. Not really breaking news. I was being somewhat sarcastic because literally nobody cares about this but me. But, you know, I'm obsessed lately with coming up with actors whose names, their first name and last name begin with the same letter. Like a. You have Alan Alda, etc.

[Cameron]

Etc.

[Luke Burbank]

And I said that there's nobody that fits that bill for the letter. I. Yeah, well, somebody did send in. Well, a couple of people. I mentioned that my F is usually Frances Farmer, but sometimes it's Farrah Fawcett as well.

[Cameron]

And so. Oh, that's more up there.

[Luke Burbank]

Fawcett is a double F. You know, the truth is the reason I. I use Faris Fawcett. But then I think. I don't know. Wasn't she more of a model than an actor? And then I looked it up the other day. No, she was an actor. I think it's just because that really famous poster of her that was sort of iconic before our time. I always assumed she was more of a model, but no, she's an actor. Charlie Fawcett is a great F. Oh, right. She was a Charlie's angel.

[Cameron]

Be careful when you say Farrah Fawcett.

[Luke Burbank]

Is a great F. Did I say that? I did say those words. Didn't I just let that one go? No, but somebody sent in. It was a listener. Denise, I think, sent this. And I was very excited because I told you, I can't find any double eyes, double O's or W's. Not double W's, but Una o'. Neill. Do you know who Una o' Neill is?

[Cameron]

That is sounds like. Was that Eugene Oneals? Was that person related to you?

[Luke Burbank]

I believe, yes, I believe a daughter or granddaughter and married to Charlie Chaplin and also an actor in her own right. And so not only do you have an Una o' Neill who is a double O but married to a double.

[Cameron]

C. Una with an O. Una o'. Neill. Okay. I was.

[Luke Burbank]

Love it.

[Cameron]

What a great name, too.

[Luke Burbank]

It's pretty cool. Great. Yeah, I know. So anyway, thank you, Denise, for that. I really appreciate it. That's not. We're supposed to be doing here, though. We're supposed to be wishing people a happy birthday. This is the Blurs Day segment. If you have somebody in your life you'd like to wish a happy birthday to, and maybe that person is yourself, you can email me andrewbtl.net and put blurs Day in the subject line. Laurel did that. And Laurel says, I'd like to wish a very happy Blurs day to Monica in. In Burbank from Laurel in Burian. Insert Luke's Burbank comment here. I'll wait. Do you have a comment?

[Cameron]

Well, whenever we read, I believe that is our friend. Is that Monica Regen Ball in Burbank, Washington?

[Luke Burbank]

It's Monica and Burbank.

[Cameron]

Yeah. And that's when I always say I didn't know there was a Burbank, Washington. Although I kind of do at this point. Okay, not Burbank, California. Burbank was Washington.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, see, I didn't get that.

[Cameron]

I thought.

[Luke Burbank]

I just assumed it was the. The Burbank with the airport. Anyway, happy birthday, Monica, from Laurel and me and Luke Burbank. Lara says happy birthday to my partner Chris and Ballard. Chris called into the Tradio show and successfully got rid of the very expensive robot cat litter box that my stupid cats.

[Cameron]

Oh, I remember that. Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm glad that. That. That he ends up getting rid of that using trading. That excites me. Lara says he does not like to celebrate his birth. His birthday. But I know he would be over the moon to get a shout out from you guys. Oh, thanks.

[Cameron]

Happy birthday, Chris.

[Luke Burbank]

One of the people who wrote in to remind me that Farrah Fawcett has a letter. I have to be very careful here. Yes. Has a letter F that starts both of her names is our friend Larry from the School of Visual Design. I'd like to send wishes for a big blowout blurs day to. Oh. To Burbank, California, home of my offspring and 66 Carmen Ghia Co restorer. Oh, Lauren. What is a Carmen Ghia? That must be a car.

[Cameron]

Yeah, it's a wonderful. It's a. I think it's a Volkswagen. Wait, how did I say that?

[Luke Burbank]

Right? Right? Yeah, you did. You said it with a K. Did. Did I say Carmen Gia correctly?

[Cameron]

You did.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, nice. Okay, it's available.

[Cameron]

Those are. Those are really cool old cars. The VDub Karman Ghia. That used to be one. Me and my buddies had a game when we were kids.

[Luke Burbank]

Called.

[Cameron]

We called dibs on things. I know I've told you about this before. This is the dumbest game of all time because we didn't get anything out of it. But if you saw like, a limo, you go. I call dibs on that. Which meant it's mine somehow.

[Luke Burbank]

Like Tim. Right? Robinson Spider game.

[Cameron]

Yeah, precisely. Except we didn't have phones to take pictures of these things. So you also. Sometimes you'd find like, there was this over on, like, Stoneway and Ashworth, not very far from where you are, actually. There was a. Like an auto garage that specialized in. I want to say.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's still there, I think. Yeah, like.

[Cameron]

Like a big kind of storage. It was like a brick kind of storage garage. And it was full of, like, really cool cars. And I remember Remember happening upon it, like, during my paper route and just being like, I'm dibzing all these cars, but nobody's here to, like to know that nobody's here to know that I'm dibsing all of these. I also thought that it was. I remember thinking I would call dibs on. By the way, I would call dibs on a lot of Carmen Ghias, is my point in this story, because they're a beautiful car. But also I remember there was a. I think it was a Mercedes that was a diesel at the time. It was a Mercedes something or other. And I remember I thought it was desile, so I'd be like, oh, I dibs that Mercedes dizile that Mercedes dzile. I dibs that, like only years later learning that's how diesel is spelled.

[Luke Burbank]

Lou. If I have the same garage in mind, I believe it's still there. And I believe that is the garage that above it was the pizza billboard that inspired, through a very strange, twisting logic, inspired our own billboard, I believe.

[Cameron]

Oh, you mean the Spiros. Always in a relationship with.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Relationship always. All of that is to say happy blurs A to Lauren, who apparently helped restore this Carmen Gia from Larry. Larry says she was born on Valentine's Day 39 years ago and it's been a love fest ever since. Adorable. Alex says, I want to wish a very happy birthday to my favorite 10, Christina. Your first birthday with a five and first Blurs Day in Portland. This is one to celebrate the whole year round. Alex. Alex and Ernest love you. Alyssa says, this is a blursday message for my little brother Justin. And Ferndale, who's turning the big four zero. I'm prouder every day of the man he's become and the delight he brings to everything from fang exchanges to caftans. No one does it better than J. Bones. Well, I've been saying that my whole life. Elizabeth. Yeah, explain that. I know times are hard under a fascist regime, but knowing my family is made of such great stuff, like my brother Justin keeps hope alive.

[Cameron]

Fang exchanges.

[Luke Burbank]

Fang exchanges. And finally we hear from Penny, who says, happy birthday to my wife Kristen. I'm sorry, oops. Happy birthday to my wife Kirsten in San Francisco. I'm pretty sure this is a thing, right? I googled TBTL boy blursday, how to and of course was met with garbage. So I'm sending this email. If you're doing birthday shoutouts, then please set one aside for Kirsten, who has heard every episode and I know will audibly shout with glee from the other room if this happens.

[Cameron]

Good looking out, Penny.

[Luke Burbank]

Indeed. That reminds me of something, Luke. Something that bothers me. Happy blurs to everybody. But this. This whole like looking TBTL lore up online and then having the robots be sort of useless. This? Yeah.

[Cameron]

I mean I. I would be shocked if AI Overview knew how to get a message to us for the blurs days. Doesn't that seem a little niche for them?

[Luke Burbank]

Listen to this. I got an email from Isaac the other day. He says my wife is a huge fan of your show and a while back she introduced me to the glorious website known as Marsupial. Gurglers. Know that that is the website that our friend Lynn set up that had a whole it was like a storehouse of clips. It is a storehouse house of clips of you and I saying weird things on the show. Anyway, according to Isaac here, whose email just disappeared on me recently, I was searching for that Beast Mode Seahawks rap song that you guys play and I couldn't find it or remember the title. But I knew it had been on tbtl. So I typed into Google Marsupial Gurgle Seahawks I thought you might be amused by the AI overview that I received. Okay, you ready? And it says here by Tricia says hi by the way. Go Hawks. Okay, here's what if you type in Marsupial Gurgle Seahawks into AI Overview, this is what you're going to get. Marsupial Gurgle is a fan created phrase slash term, likely from online communications referencing the Seattle Seahawks with Marsupial referring to the team's mascot. A Seahawk, though technically a bird, is linked to the Northwest wildlife and and its themes and Gurgle possibly a funny sound or play on words for Seahawks, often appearing in fan chance or memes. Not official team lingo, but embraced by some fans for its quirkiness. Here are some key points. Luke Origin It's a nickname or inside joke among some Seahawks fans, not an official term like Legion of Boom, meaning it playfully combines a Northwest animal reference Marsupial with the sound Girl Gurgle for the bird Seahawk, creating a unique fan expression usage. You'll find it in older fan discussions, videos and social media, especially around content related to the team's iconic defenses. Now what you, me and every Seattle Seahawks fan knows is this is all.

[Cameron]

Total in the words why Tracy Jordan hunky grandmas be tripping.

[Luke Burbank]

Why can't AI Overview just say I don't know like it is? It bothers me so much to know that it just spits out this information that is just patentedly false, but with all of the confidence of you or Genevieve telling me, I was gonna say.

[Cameron]

You'Ve already got two people in your life that do this. You don't need the robots. How about this, Andrew? I was Googling how to send a TBTL birthday message to see if AI Overview could figure out by, like, going to tbtl.net and clicking on the button. This is what AI Overview says. Sending a too bad they're late TBTL or belated birthday message is best done by immediately acknowledging the delay with humor or sincerity, followed by warm wishes to show you still care. Use lighthearted phrases like fashionably late or extending the celebration and keep it personal to ensure they feel special despite the missed date. So the robot decided that there's something called a TBTL birthday message, which stands for Too bad There late it is. You monster.

[Luke Burbank]

It's so infuriating to me that it just can't. Like back in the day when you were Google Googling something and there was no results, it would say no results. This doesn't seem right.

[Cameron]

Which is also kind of scary when you do a Google just gives you that little, like, broken screen and you're like, oh, am I peering off the edge of the Internet right now?

[Luke Burbank]

Right, Exactly. It's a very Shel Silversteiny. Yes.

[Cameron]

Thank you. Where the sidewalk ends.

[Luke Burbank]

Where the Internet ends. Right. You're always like, oh, gosh, yeah. But I. It just drives me crazy that it's just like, it doesn't say, oh, this isn't a phrase that I'm unfamiliar with. It just makes a bunch of shit up. And there's no reason why we're just going to be creating the bullshit is going to seep into reality. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, it would be pretty amazing if, like, the Seattle Seahawks fan base did pick up something called the marsupial gurgle that they did at games to cheer on the team. That would be really amazing. Actually, you know what? I've turned around on this, and I do also.

[Cameron]

I owe you a too bad they're late birthday card, Andrew.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, you do. All the way from November. Anyway. It's irritating the world as. As we discussed today, today got much heavier than I thought it would given my. My studio, my temporary studio set up here. But I think we can all agree that it's tough.

[Cameron]

It's tough out there.

[Luke Burbank]

But we've.

[Cameron]

We got each other, and that's a lot, lot for love. So give it a shot.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Cameron]

All right.

[Luke Burbank]

All right.

[Cameron]

We're halfway there. Whoa, living on a prayer. Oh, that song. I'm just going to tell you, it's a beautiful song. I love your song. It's a beautiful song. Really. Everybody, let's think long and hard before we sign up for Living on a Prayer. For the karaoke. There are roughly 11 key changes.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no.

[Cameron]

It just keeps going, going. Whoa, living. And you're like, okay, well, this is as high as this is gonna go. And then it's just another.

[Luke Burbank]

Keeps going.

[Cameron]

Just keeps going.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no. So your warning is to the people who choose that song. Not on. You're looking out for the singers.

[Cameron]

Just saying. Know what you're getting into. No, no, no. What you're getting into. And. And just be aware that it's. It's. You think that it's gotten as high as it's gonna get, and then somehow it gets higher. All right, that's gonna do it for today's episode, but we're gonna be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for all of you. So please, if you can tune in for that. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna lie to you. There's gonna probably be some football talk tomorrow on the Friday before the Super Bowl. I don't. I don't know any way around it. So please, again, if you come hang out with us for that, that would be awesome. In the meantime, everybody, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves, stay safe, and please remember, no mountain too tall, and.

[Luke Burbank]

Good luck to all. Power out.