TBTL Episode #4693: "Not So Grand Opening" — March 27, 2026

Hosts: Luke Burbank & David Burbank (with Becca)
Location: Seattle, WA

Episode Overview

This lively Friday edition of TBTL is set against the backdrop of Major League Baseball's Opening Day in Seattle. Luke and his brother David, fresh from attending the Seattle Mariners’ home opener with Luke’s partner Becca, recount the highs and lows of the event—including snack-collecting quests, run-ins with distracted fans, and a surprisingly heated exchange about Middle East politics in the stands. The episode flows through reflections on fandom, awkward social dynamics, upcoming Lord of the Rings movies (and Stephen Colbert’s involvement), and classic TBTL banter about hotel bathroom doors, ramen, and streaming struggles for sports. The mood is affable, digressive, and self-deprecating, staying true to the podcast’s signature blend of heartfelt goofiness and cultural commentary.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Mariners Opening Day: Hype, Pageantry, and Snack Quests

[03:25 – 13:11]

• Luke’s Discontent with Opening Day Excess:

  • Luke laments the over-the-top pageantry ("I don't think I like going to opening day of baseball... the ratio of things that are not baseball...I would like that to be 99% baseball" – [04:29]).
  • He criticizes the extended pregame ceremonies and militaristic elements ("I didn't love the C17 flyover… seems more NFL kind of coded to me" – [05:26]).

• Snack Vessel Frenzy:

  • The team obsesses over the sought-after "ferry snack vessel" (a cardboard food tray shaped like a state ferry). Luke describes waiting until the 8th inning due to massive lines ("more people trying to get those little ferry boat things than there were people interested in the game" – [03:25]).
  • David acknowledges the effect of Mariners' effective social media marketing in hyping up the item.

• Social Scene at the Game:

  • Observation that Opening Day crowd skews less die-hard, more "event" attendees.

Awkward Neighborly Encounters — The Blanket/Politics Saga

[08:49 – 24:35]

• Neighbor Dynamics:

  • Luke & Becca sit next to a family more interested in golf and chit-chat than the actual baseball game. Becca pointedly notes, "They have not said one thing related to the game on the field" – [10:26].
  • Becca ends up sharing a blanket with the family, making for future awkwardness.

• Mid-Game Political Argument:

  • Discussion about what song is played after "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" leads to debate about Macklemore's exclusion for pro-Palestine comments.
  • Blanket-lending neighbor refers to Macklemore as "an anti-Semite" – [15:53], triggering Luke (“…the idea that we’ve gotten to this rhetorical world where if somebody is critical of what Israel is doing… then that means you are somehow anti-Semitic.” – [15:53]).
  • Luke, emboldened by "three Coors Minuses" (small beers), eventually asserts, "I think Benjamin Netanyahu is a war criminal." The neighbor surprisingly agrees, but soon after, the family abruptly departs, collecting their blanket – [20:36-21:25].
    • Memorable Exchange:
      Becca: "Do you want this anymore or no?"
      (re: the blanket) – [21:02]
  • Luke debriefs: "I’ll try to not make that the common… sort of big… cause I know that’s not fun to be around," but ultimately doesn't regret speaking up on this occasion – [24:15].

Life Milestones and Self-Deprecation

[02:56 – 03:19]

• David turns 30, reflects on the weight of adulthood (“For the last couple of years, felt like I was 30 already. So it’s gonna be nice to actually be able to say that I’m 30" – [02:56]).
• Luke playfully frames this as the entrance into “real adulthood.”

Hotel Ramen Adventures & The Curse of the Barn Door Bathroom

[29:51 – 39:44]

• Late-Night Seattle Ramen:

  • Luke and Becca's quest for late-night food after the game: staff at the ramen spot very obviously display their eagerness to close, reminiscent of "the cop in Terminator 2" – [31:27].
  • Generational contrast: Luke is "the oldest person in this restaurant" – [34:19].

• Bathroom “Innovation” Complaint:

  • Luke rants against “barn door” hotel bathrooms ("no privacy... one of the worst developments in hotel design" – [37:03]).
  • Calls for sound-proofing solutions after ramen wreaks havoc on his digestive system – [38:00, 38:33].

Dazzling Donors & Listener Community

[24:56 – 28:26]

• Readings of "Dazzling Donor" messages for Katie Bracken (Tacoma, WA) and James McCracken (Louisville, KY).
• Reflecting on the strength, warmth, and supportiveness of the TBTL listener community (“Your acts of love, kindness and unity shine a bright, bright light into the darkness. Thank you for reminding me that love is stronger than hate and fear.” – Katie, [25:57]).
• Tangent about Filet-O-Fish sandwiches and stadium hot dog sizing.

Top Story: Stephen Colbert to Write New Lord of the Rings Movie

[40:48 – 55:54]

• What’s Actually Being Made:

  • Peter Jackson’s team is developing two new films: "The Hunt for Gollum" (a minor story from the books) and "A Shadow of the Past," which Stephen Colbert and his son will help write – [40:48, 48:45].
  • Due to rights restrictions, new movies build out minor moments from the main "Lord of the Rings" texts and appendices: "most of the good stuff has been done... now it's all these, like, expanding... one event" – [42:19].

• Colbert’s Deep Nerd Credentials:

  • Universally acknowledged as a "world renowned Tolkien head" – [51:46].
  • But, skepticism about whether scholarship translates to screenwriting skill:
    Luke: “Being a Tolkien scholar, I don’t know if that makes you a Tolkien screenplay writer — they feel like they're different skills to me" – [52:00].

• Casting & Franchise Concerns:

  • Discussion of de-aging tech for returning actors and the creep of nostalgia mining in Hollywood: "At this point it’s kind of like oh great, they’re just retreading the same stuff from my childhood…" – David, [51:26].
  • Light-hearted musing on whether Colbert should play Tom Bombadil, but worry his presence would break immersion – [54:48].

Emails, Mariners TV Frustrations, and Listener Letters

[57:06 – end (~74:39)]

• MLB’s “Robot Umpires":

  • Listener email about new automated strike zone challenges and the surprising side effect: players’ heights are now precisely measured ("Gavin Lux ... was listed officially at 6'2". He's 5'11". That is a lot.") – [61:07].
  • “Reckoning” for “not-so-tall kings” with inflated official stats on their Tinder profiles – [61:22].

• Mariners Player Meme Drama:

  • Discovery that new Mariners player Brendan Donovan wears a Blue Lives Matter-style headband, prompting mixed feelings about rooting for him despite on-field success and beloved memes – [62:25].

• Streaming Sports Woes:

  • Rant about fragmented access to Mariners games due to exclusive carriage deals; frustration with paywalls and apps: "The fact that you can’t just watch a Mariners game on a local channel if you are in Seattle is crazy." – [73:00].

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the crowd at Opening Day:
  "It felt like a big, fun social event to be at... show me a Tuesday night or, better yet, a Tuesday afternoon. Give me a businessperson’s special, baby." — Luke [05:20]

• On Macklemore/Israel argument:
  "I just wanted to let her know where I was, and I just said, 'Well, I think Benjamin Netanyahu is a war criminal.' " — Luke [20:36]

• On blanket gate:
  "Do you want this anymore or no?" — Becca, after the political argument causes awkwardness with the blanket-sharing neighbor [21:02]

• On generational divides at the ramen joint:
  "We are the oldest people in this restaurant. She goes, 'You are the oldest person in this restaurant.' " — Luke/Becca [34:19]

• On hotel bathrooms:
  "If you’re going to put a barn door in, please, hoteliers of America, please put in some kind of sound noise for me. My relationship needs it." — Luke [39:44]

• On robot umps and player height:
  "Gavin Lux... was listed officially at 6'2". He’s 5'11". That is a lot." — Luke [61:07]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:05 — Cold open, playful banter about knock-knock jokes and careers.
• 03:25–13:11 — Mariners Opening Day review, snack vessel madness.
• 08:49–24:35 — Blanket neighbor story, heated Israel/Macklemore exchange.
• 24:56–28:26 — Dazzling Donor messages; community appreciation.
• 29:51–39:44 — Seattle ramen adventure & curse of the barn door hotel bathroom.
• 40:48–55:54 — Stephen Colbert/Lord of the Rings news and deep nerd analysis.
• 57:06–74:39 — Listener emails: robot umps, player height reckoning, sports streaming rage, and Mariners fandom woes.

Tone and Style

• Language & Vibe: Loose, chatty, and digressive, mixing smart cultural insights with self-effacing humor and vulnerability—classic TBTL.
• Attribution: Speakers often identified by name; Becca adds an outside perspective and humor.
• Listener Engagement: Regular call-outs to the TBTL "tens," with a strong sense of belonging and affection.

For Newcomers

This episode offers both quintessential TBTL DNA—quirky personal stories, sports nerdery, and tangents about life’s little absurdities—and an unfiltered, real-life look at how easily hot topics can bleed into the background of our everyday adventures. If you want a summary of what the show’s like in one episode, this is a prime example.

End of Summary