#4712 Three Doors Up

Summary

TBTL Episode #4712: Three Doors Up

Date: April 23, 2026
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

---

Overview

In this Thursday "Blursday" edition, Luke and Andrew blend trademark banter, irreverent observations, and earnest listener engagement. The central topics orbit around the new ultra-frugal owner of the Portland Trailblazers, the politics of Sasquatch, ongoing debates about “Republican-coded” behaviors, pet adventures (including puppy parenting and pet grooming horrors), and community connections. Sprinkled throughout are delightful asides about sports, internet oddities, nostalgic TBTL anecdotes, and the weekly Blursday birthday messages for listeners.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Art of Giving Oneself Grace

[00:00]

• Andrew opens with a riff on the overused self-care phrase “give yourself grace,” joking he might be causing a global grace shortage:

  "If anything, I might be hoarding grace in bulk. If anyone needs any, I will be selling it, of course, for a little bit of a profit. Because I'm nothing if not a businesswoman…”
  (Andrew, 00:00)

---

Transitioning Weather and Blursday Antics

[01:56]

• Luke welcomes listeners amid Seattle’s "not rainy, not sunny" weather and introduces today’s topics:
  • Portland Trailblazers’ playoff run under a penny-pinching new owner ("El Cheapo"/Scrooge McDundan).
  • Thursday “Blursday” messages.
  • Andrew’s unofficial role as the show’s “depicter of the tall ships.”

---

New Trailblazers Owner: El Cheapo/Scrooge McDundan

[03:43], [60:06]

• Luke reveals Tom Dundon’s frugal (borderline miserly) approach since buying the Blazers:
  • Cuts in staff travel and player accommodations for playoff games.
  • Enforces strict hotel checkout times to avoid late fees.
  • Considers downgrading hotels, nixing fan merch ("no T-shirts for the playoffs"), and plans to merge TV/radio broadcasts.
• Nicknames discussed: “El Cheapo” (Bill Simmons) vs. “Scrooge McDundan.”
• Doubt and frustration about Dundon’s possible aim to move the franchise and lack of community orientation.
• NBA Commissioner Adam Silver’s clueless defense of Dundon infuriates Luke:

  "Adam Silver is the current commissioner of the NBA... went on a podcast to defend this guy, Tom Dundon, calling him scrappy and a winner. And this was Adam Silver's argument for how Tom Dundon couldn't be El Cheapo. He said, well, he paid $4 billion for the team, so how could you call him cheap?"
  (Luke, 64:23)

Memorable Moment:

• Andrew reads Le Batard Show fan jokes about Adam Silver’s appearance:

  “Adam Silver looks like Scott Van Pelt, 15 seconds after opening the Ark of the Covenant.”
  (Andrew, 67:35)

---

Sasquatch Becomes “Republican-Coded”

[05:42]

• Luke recounts an NPR piece observing that Bigfoot folklore now has right-wing cultural coding.
  • Bigfoot “thrives in a climate of disinformation.”
  • Coincided with Trump’s popularity; pro-Trump/Bigfoot bumper stickers often paired in rural Kentucky.
  • Regional variants: “Florida Skunk Ape, Wood Booger of Virginia, Ohio Grassman.”
• Andrew and Luke riff on the idea and discuss the general distrust of expertise fueling Bigfoot/cryptozoology conspiracies.

Quote:

“There's a general distrust of expertise right now… people are really doing their own research, having their own belief systems and not trusting the scientific establishment.”
(Andrew quoting Landau, [08:27])

---

Is Reverse Parking “Republican-Coded”?

[09:58]

• The recurring TBTL debate: Is backing into a parking spot “Republican-coded”?
  • Andrew: Correlation exists with truck culture and conservative men, but not a direct causal thing.
  • Luke: Sees overwhelming anecdotal support for his theory from living in a more conservative area.

  “I'm not saying that everyone who backs their car into a parking space is a Republican, but I am saying it is disproportionately practiced by people... who I think have conservative-leaning tendencies.”
  (Luke, 11:34)

---

RFK Jr. & Internet Oddities

[14:48], [16:15]

• Brief commentary on an RFK Jr. hearing.
• Luke shares absurd Onion headlines lampooning RFK Jr.
• Andrew tries (and fails) to find a viral soundbite, instead stumbles across disturbing “dishwasher photo” content on BlueSky.
• They thoroughly (and comedically) describe a shocking photo Andrew found featuring a nude, elderly man bent over his dishwasher.
  • Andrew: “I was looking straight into the tunnel there.” ([21:51])
  • Luke: “No, I don't. I think you've done a great job of describing it.” ([21:57])
• The blurred version, meant to soften the image, may have made it worse.

---

Life with Lucy: Adventures in Puppy Parenting

[30:02]

• Andrew shares tales of vet visits and advice on socializing his new puppy, Lucy.

  • Vet’s advice: socialize, but keep Lucy in carts at pet stores until vaccinations are complete.
  • Lucy’s first ride in a Lowe’s shopping cart is a mix of pride, anxiety, and adorable interactions.

• Andrew reflects on overcoming anxiety for Lucy’s benefit and embracing new routines:

  “I'm learning these things too, but I need to do it with a certain amount of confidence around her… I was so concentrating on the task at hand and my relationship with Lucy and making sure that Lucy's experience was good…”
  (Andrew, 42:30)

• Luke notes how pets nudge us out of our comfort zones and foster connection with strangers—something both hosts admit doesn't come naturally.

---

Pet Grooming & Nail-Clipping Anxiety

[45:29]

• Andrew and Genevieve attempt to cut Lucy’s nails, a process fraught with dread.

  "I will do literally anything for this dog and for this dog and you. Except toenail cutting."
  (Andrew, 46:04)

• Luke admits he always outsources the task, having had negative experiences with home grooming.

---

Community Life: Feral Cats, Neighbors, and the “Three Doors Up” Joke

[54:07]

• Luke discusses outdoor/feral cats in his neighborhood and a neighbor “three doors up,” inspiring the show title (a riff on “Three Doors Down”).
• Description of a neighbor who feeds birds in the middle of the road, supposedly to protect them from cats.
• Light, affectionate ribbing over “three doors up” being a show title deep-cut.

---

Listener Engagement: Blursday Messages

[49:48], [74:16]

• The show’s signature “Blursday” segment with listener birthday shout-outs (and tangential listener anecdotes).
  • Example: A listener seeking advice about visiting a cat rescue run out of someone’s basement.
  • Memories of the TBTL van tour rekindled.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Grace riff: “If anyone needs any [grace], I will be selling it, of course, for a little bit of a profit.”
  (Andrew, 00:00)

• On Trailblazers’ parsimonious owner:

  “He paid $4 billion for the team that he's already now trying to nickel and dime.”
  (Luke, 64:23)

• On Adam Silver’s looks (fan joke):

  “Adam Silver looks like Scott Van Pelt, 15 seconds after opening the Ark of the Covenant.”
  (Andrew, 67:35)

• On Bigfoot and conspiracies:

  “Bigfoot thrives in a climate of disinformation.”
  (Luke quoting NPR, 05:55)

• On backing into parking spaces:

  “I'm not saying that everyone who backs their car into a parking space is a Republican, but I am saying it is disproportionately practiced by people... who I think have conservative-leaning tendencies.”
  (Luke, 11:34)

• RFK Jr. Onion headline highlights:

  “RFK Jr. quote: ‘I am six animal penises away from curing cancer.’”
  (Luke, 16:17)

• Describing the dishwasher photo:

  “I'm looking straight into the tunnel there.”
  (Andrew, 21:51)

• On socializing Lucy:

  “Just trust me. We have a plan here. And then once we got into the smooth concrete of Lowe’s, everything really calmed down…”
  (Andrew, 42:32)

---

Timestamps For Important Segments

• 00:00 — Andrew’s grace riff; cold open banter
• 01:56 — Episode intro, Blursday preview, Trailblazers topic intro
• 05:42 — Sasquatch goes political; regional folklore
• 09:58 — The “Republican-coded” reverse parking debate
• 14:48 — RFK Jr. banter, Onion headlines
• 16:15 — Andrew’s “dishwasher” photo story (internet surprises)
• 30:02 — Puppy socialization: Lucy’s shopping cart adventure
• 42:30 — Andrew’s reflections on overcoming anxiety for his new dog
• 45:29 — Dog nail-clipping horror stories and confessions
• 54:07 — Neighborhood cats & “Three Doors Up” explained
• 49:48 / 74:16 — Blursday messages & listeners segment
• 60:06 — Top Story: Portland Trailblazers’ frugal new owner (Tom Dundon)
• 67:35 — Adam Silver “looks like…” jokes
• 74:16 — Blursdays and closing thoughts

---

Recurring Tones & Running Jokes

• Warm, meandering, self-deprecating humor
• Hyper-specific, digressive storytelling (“TBTL I-tangents”)
• Blending sincere listener engagement with irreverence and inside jokes
• Affectionate mock-arguments about mundane social phenomena
• Regular callbacks to TBTL lore (“Three Doors Up,” Blursday traditions, old show trips)

---

Summary

This episode is a quintessential TBTL journey: funny, candid, densely packed with stories both silly and sweet. Whether discussing the implications of sports ownership on civic identity, parsing the political encoding of parking habits or Sasquatch mythology, or sharing puppy milestones, Luke and Andrew’s conversational chemistry shines. The episode is peppered with absurd internet findings, listener birthday messages, and the kind of digressive specificity that is TBTL’s calling card. It’s perfect listening for both Portland sports fans, pet parents, or anyone who thinks too much about which neighbor might be feeding the local cats.

---

For longtime fans or new listeners, this episode is a stellar example of why TBTL is, as the hosts would say, “too beautiful to live.”

Transcript

[Andrew]

I love when people are like, you just need to give yourself some grace. Out of all the problems that I've had in my life, never once has not given myself enough grace, charted. Like it's never made the list even a little bit, even at all. If anything, the polar antonym might be true. If anything, I might be hoarding grace in bulk. If anything, I might be causing accidentally, of course, a worldwide grace shortage, a grace deficit, if you will. Again, completely unintentionally. It's just kind of what happens. And I choose to view this as a good thing because if I view it from any other sort of, you know, realistic viewpoint, it could be kind of construed as a negative. And that's not something I. I have to give myself grace in that sense as well and say no. It's kind of like meta when you think about the giving myself grace of it all. I have maxed out my grace card. If anyone needs any, I will be selling it, of course, for a little bit of a profit. Because I'm nothing if not a businesswoman. So what am I saying?

[Andrew Knight]

They are sending shockwaves over the airwaves.

[Luke Burbank]

They are rude and abusive, but want

[Andrew Knight]

you to listen to them.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry, who are you?

[Andrew]

I was asking myself that same question and I did not like the answer.

[Luke Burbank]

He's just a silly little guy. He's like your next door neighbor who, who like, has an above ground pool and drinks cheap beer and like, tells fart jokes and he like drives around

[Andrew Knight]

in a used car and like goes to the rodeo. This is ludicrous. I hate not you. I hate not your show. And I, I gotta make a note to myself to not try and do my ab workout while y' all are doing your show because I laugh too hard and I can't do what have I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel happy of myself.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Thursday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. Just study it out and you'll see. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia. Okay, we've moved out of the rainy portion of the week and we're not yet in the sunny part of the week, but we're in the in between. It's transitioning. We're moving in the right direction and I'm very excited to be sitting here getting ready to present to you episode 4712 in a collector series. I'M Let the fun begin. I'm located in Southern Washington, not too far from the greater Portland area. And because the city of Seattle, where I hail from, doesn't have a basketball team, I have for years tried to maybe consider the idea of becoming a Portland Trailblazers fan. In fact, they're in the playoffs right now and they're playing better than anyone expected. But the problem now seems to be that their new owner, this guy just bought the team for over $4 billion. Is very, very, very parsimonious. I gotta figure out how to make money on this thing. It's simply too good. He's immediately instituted a number of rules that has the team and the people that work for the team kind of annoyed he's being called El Cheapo by some in the media. So we'll talk about that today. Also, it's a Thursday, AKA a blursday. So we'll do the blursday messages and we're going to hang out with this guy. He is the longest running co bro of the show.

[Andrew Knight]

Are you sure?

[Luke Burbank]

That's what they said on Ask Jeeves. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships, he's Andrew Walsh. He's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Knight]

Good morning, Luke. I say this not to get ahead of ourselves at all. We're going to be disciplined about it. I say this as a. As a more promotion for that story that you just teased. El Cheapo is a great nickname, but I read the part of the article that was above the paywall and there's another nickname.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I tried to send you, by the way. I tried to jailbreak break it for you.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, maybe you sent an attachment as well. I'm not sure. It's okay. I'm looking forward to hearing the details that I didn't pay for. But there's also, I will say, another nickname that made me chuckle, maybe even more. El Cheapo is a good one. We all will be revealed during the top Story segment.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that's TV Rachel. Today you'll never believe what other nickname for the Trailblazer's owner cracked Andrew up.

[Andrew Knight]

Exactly. I have been interning at the Seattle Times and they have taught me the

[Luke Burbank]

fine art of hiding the pickle.

[Andrew Knight]

Of hiding the pickle. I thought I had that down, but it turns out there's still a lot to learn there.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I know this isn't on the show sheet. This is later on in the show sheet. But I need to just, if I can revel in this for a moment. I also happen to have my emails open here. Since we're doing blurs days today. We won't get to the emails. I just want to. I want to thank listener David for alerting me to the fact that once again, Andrew, I was way ahead of the curve. Much like you have been in the garbage space, you know, with the junk fees.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh sure, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Seattle Public Utilities have been charging fees.

[Andrew Knight]

I thought you just meant. I thought you're just talking about performance again, being in the garbage space. It ran very much like my Thrive review.

[Luke Burbank]

You've been a voice in the wilderness. You've been John the Baptist on this whole issues with Seattle Public Utilities overcharging people for these silly little add on fees and stuff. And yet someone else has stolen your, stolen your valor and been written about in the Seattle Times. I have been way ahead of the curve, Andrew, on pointing out that Sasquatch has now become Republican coded.

[Andrew Knight]

You know, I saw that somebody sent this in. I started to read the article and I didn't get all the way through it. I noted that NPR was reporting about the kind of the proliferation of the Sasquatch. Do they get into the sort of the politics of it?

[Luke Burbank]

They do. It's an Ulaby piece.

[Andrew Knight]

Love this.

[Luke Burbank]

And the headline is a slew of new Bigfoot sightings on screen and off Broadway. It's a general story about, I guess Bigfoot becoming a thing in the culture. But and this is the part that listener David zoomed in on and sent me was that basically midway through the article, Neta talks about the fact that. Let's see, Bigfoot thrives in a climate of disinformation. Online conspiracy theorists have accused his film this is a guy who made a documentary of being AI fiction because it disproves the authenticity of a long standing piece of evidence. Gone are the days when a hoax could be perpetrated for decades by film footage or a photograph. Let's see here. Landau notes that Bigfoot's current popularity coincided with the rise of President Trump in 2016. She noticed a lot of pro Trump bumper stickers right by Bigfoot bumper stickers on trucks in rural Kentucky. I think the Bigfoot does have this appeal in rural white communities, she said, adding that regional variations include. This is the part that I liked. The Florida skunk ape. The wood booger of Virginia.

[Andrew Knight]

My God.

[Luke Burbank]

And the Ohio Grassman.

[Andrew Knight]

I need you to grow up with

[Luke Burbank]

the Ohio Grass Man.

[Andrew Knight]

Well, I did some business with the Ohio Grass man in college. I want you to read that in the voice of who is the serial host doesn't she list a bunch of things like the banana hammock? I can't remember what drop that's actually,

[Luke Burbank]

I believe, Dana Chivas.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, is that Dana Chivas? Am I thinking of a different drop?

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no, you're right. No, you're right. I think it was. It. It was from cereal.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's. It's. It was for. I think again, I was already wrong about one voice today. I thought that it was Scott Baio as Bob Bloblob that was off air.

[Andrew Knight]

That doesn't count. Nobody knew. Nobody knows.

[Luke Burbank]

But I'm just saying I'm in my head about this stuff. I think it's the producer on Serial, Dana Chivas listing some of the names that some character that they're some person that they're sort of profiling in one of their stories. And the various names that this person had, which included the Miami Meat Tent. Let's see, the. The Weenie Bikini, the Ding a Ling Sling, the Grape Smuggler, the Fortis Concave,

[Andrew Knight]

the Wood Booger of Virginia, the Ohio Grassman, as you were reading it. That's the voice I heard it in.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Knight]

Anyway, there's another good quote while you were looking for the kind of meat of those quotes there. I like this, too. There's a general distrust of expertise right now, Landau says. And I think people are really doing their own research, having their own belief systems and not trusting the scientific establishment.

[Luke Burbank]

Study it out and you'll see.

[Andrew Knight]

Exactly. So, yeah, that's. I. I guess I had not made that particular connection. And I had not even really.

[Luke Burbank]

I think you were deeply suspicious of my statement that. No, you just didn't want to believe. You didn't want to believe it.

[Andrew Knight]

I didn't know about it. I wasn't suspicious of it. I really wasn't. I didn't know about it. I am not. And in fact, I wanted to tell you I've been going through a lot of voicemails. The voice. The voice mail machine. What do we call it? The Google voice. Whatever had really filled up. I got to say, it's not overflowing. It's leaking. Or it's not leaking. It's overflowing actually is the appropriate way of saying that. And is what I mean here. I had not. I'd really fall behind not leaking. It's overflowing. And listening to listeners. Voicemails to which I apologize. Or for which I apologize to all of them. But I've been going through the backlog and grabbing some really, really great stories and we'll play them in coming days and weeks, I think. But we did get one that started by saying, I know you guys believe that back in Parking is Republican coded. And I. The whole thing about that beeping sound that you play was me backing away from your take on that. I. You don't.

[Luke Burbank]

But do you still. Not but me. Do you still. Is it that you don't agree with me or you don't want the smoke?

[Andrew Knight]

No, I don't agree with you. I think that there is a correlation to trucks. I think that there's a reason why people who drive trucks or traditionally drive trucks and then get into a car back up. And I think there's a correlation between Republicans and driving trucks. So I think that you're right about all of that. But I don't think the urge to back up is directly related to Republican coding or MAGA coding or anything like that, because I just see two. In fact, I thought of you the other day. I was in the grocery store parking lot and it was almost like a parody. Who's the guy who was like, who's one of our favorite celebs? He plays the doctor in the Portlandia sketch about early onset crazy grumpiness. And he was like the face of electric vehicles. Yes, yes, Ed.

[Luke Burbank]

He was also in Arrested Development, by the way.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, yes, he was.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, he was using his eyebrows.

[Andrew Knight]

Yes, Exactly. Ed Begley Jr. Yes. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Knight]

Anyway, I saw.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm more of an Ed Begley senior man myself.

[Andrew Knight]

Okay. Wanted of. Yeah, yeah, he did some great work. Anyway, it was just so funny because he was like this little, like, he just looked like the typical Seattle little liberal in his tiny little car. And he's backing into a. No, this was in real life. But he just had this Ed Bailey Jr like vibe to him. And I watched him back again. No, no. But I just thought of him right away because he's like this little guy in his little car and his little Ev, or whatever it was, might not have been an Ev. And he was carefully backing into a parking spot. I'm like, that guy has never voted even centrist in his life. Like, I. I don't know. So.

[Luke Burbank]

But I guess this is. Here's what I'm trying to say. I'm not saying that everyone who backs their car into a parking space is a Republican, but I am saying it. It is disproportionately practiced by people, by men who I think have conservative leaning tendencies. There are some outliers, including your Ed Begley Jr. Sighting. But I just. Again, I am Your, in the words of Steve Malkmus, I'm your fact checking cuz about conservative America because I, you might say, unfortunately live in it. And I just see it. This is why I've been right for years about Sasquatches. And I think that, I think we have to take me, you have to take my word seriously on I'm a canary in the conservative coal mine. You're out there in liberal Seattle.

[Andrew Knight]

You're right. I have no connections to conservatism in my life at all. You're absolutely right about that. Listen, that's a long way away from here about this. Like this is one of those topics where you don't have to convince me like it's literally okay for us to disagree about this.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not.

[Andrew Knight]

When listeners say, you guys, all I'm saying is just say Luke, your take on this. I'm not upset that we disagree on it. You haven't sold me. You're not going to. I think a whole bunch of people back up. I've heard, you know, every time you say that we get 10 voicemails from listeners online or from listeners who are leaving voicemails, which I have a backlog of saying that like hey listen, that you know, I, this is why I do it. And I, you know, or this is why my dad does it or my mom does or whatever. I just hear from a million people who say I have no connection to that world at all. I do think that there is a connection between trucks and conservatism and I think there's a connection between backing in in a truck culture. But I don't think it's a straight line. That's okay that you believe it. It's okay that I don't believe it. And I just don't think that it has to be, you know, contentious.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it has to be contentious and I don't believe it. I know it.

[Andrew Knight]

That's different.

[Luke Burbank]

I know it in my core as a person. No, I'm with you. I mean I know that in fact it's a friend. It's funny. Speaking of like, Ed Begley Jr. S a friend of mine spring. Her husband is not a maga guy and drives a Prius and backs it in. And she was quick to tell me, like when she heard me on this, she goes, well, not my husband who drives a Prius and backs it in. So there are certainly outliers. I'm just trying to get some cred on being right about Sasquatches. And I'm trying to expand that to anything else I say about conservative America that you do not instinctively agree. I'm trying to use that as a, as a, I don't know what a character reference on my opinions out here.

[Andrew Knight]

Well, the Sasquatch thing I definitely didn't know about. And for the record, I wasn't dubious of. You had just told me about it and then once you mentioned it and it's not like you said, it's not exclusive. You see a lot of people kind of co opting this Sasquatch thing. But what I think I was going to start to say before was even when you were telling me about it, I was just like, oh, that's an interesting concept that they just kind of grabbed this icon or the symbol and it's now sort of aligned in that way. I don't think, think, unless I'm forgetting, I don't think I made the connection to this idea of oh, Sasquatch. What do you call that? Not cryptology, but oh, crypto. Cryptozoology. Yeah, like, oh, that idea of, well, you can't believe what they tell you kind of mentality.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Knight]

By the way, speaking of, I want

[Luke Burbank]

to mention that the Ohio wood booger is a libertarian.

[Andrew Knight]

No, I mean they claim to be a. Yeah. Like most libertarians though, lean pro life, which I think is in conflict. There's wait. Oh, oh my God. And I, I don't want to get into this too much because I haven't been following the news all that closely, but I know there was some sort of Maha hearing. I hate saying, I both hate and love saying that there was some sort of Kennedy hearing yesterday. Right. Was it yesterday?

[Luke Burbank]

I was hearing. I also didn't, like, I didn't watch the hearing or zoom in on the news of it, but I do, I do remember hearing him on NPR this morning sounding ridiculous per usual. I think it was eliminating some Covid stuff.

[Andrew Knight]

Did you hear him breathing? And I'm looking for this now. Somebody took a clip. He's not even the one talking. I think, you know, some member of Congress is talking and praising him actually kind of, I don't know what way, but. And you never see him, but you hear this for a full 60 second clip. And I'm so sorry I didn't pull it. I didn't know I was going to be bringing it up. You just hear this death rattle into the microphone as he's apparently, you know, sitting, you know, in his seat in this.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean that's the irony of this guy. It is. He seems both insanely buff and deeply unhealthy. And unwell.

[Andrew Knight]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, at the same. Let me just read you a couple of RFK Jr headlines from the Onion,

[Andrew Knight]

if I could please.

[Luke Burbank]

RFK Jr quote, I am six animal penises away from curing cancer. Swollen. RFK Jr warns Americans not eating enough bees.

[Andrew Knight]

I'm gonna see if. Can you keep going with this? Because I just remembered somebody wrote, the reason this caught my attention was somebody on Blue sky wrote, this is the sound my dishwasher made before we replaced it. And so now I'm searching desperately for dishwasher jokes. So you keep reading those while I look for sound.

[Luke Burbank]

RFK Jr claims anti protein extremists left head of lettuce on his doorstep. RFK Jr quote, Time in hot cars helps babies to sweat out toxins.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, that leads.

[Luke Burbank]

RFK Jr questions efficacy of skin. RFK Jr coughs up pair of jeans. RFK Jr demonstrates how to remove tapeworm by scooting ass across carpet.

[Andrew Knight]

These are all from the Onion, you said, right?

[Luke Burbank]

These are all from the onion, yeah. RFK Jr. Recommends drinking anything that comes out of cow. FDA approves new drug that reverses the effects of Narcan. That's a thinker.

[Andrew Knight]

Sorry. I'm also, you know, slightly distracted as I fail to find this damn audio.

[Luke Burbank]

Gray, gray lipped. RFK Jr. Touts body's natural ability to transmute lead into gold.

[Andrew Knight]

More people are talking about the sounds their dishwasher make than I thought. On Blue sky. I'll be honest with you.

[Luke Burbank]

Limbless, slippery. RFK Jr quote, Becoming an eel is a sign of good health. Rfk Jr promotes natural immunity with invitation to touch his festering sword. RFK Jr. Warns mistress that condoms cause autism.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, God. Luke. Oh, God.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh. What just happened?

[Andrew Knight]

I just typed in the word dishwasher on blue sky. Now, at some point, I turned off the parental filters on this. Uh. Oh, I just. And I'm still looking at. Although I just. I scrolled down a little bit. Now I'm just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I knew that this joke.

[Luke Burbank]

I saw RFK Jr. Nudes or something.

[Andrew Knight]

I'm seeing nudes. I'm seeing one of the most upsetting things I've ever seen, which is I am. No, it has nothing.

[Luke Burbank]

Secretary of Health and Human Services.

[Andrew Knight]

It's hard to explain, but I'm not doing a search on RFK right now. It'll bring up too much stuff. I'm looking for the quote tweet that made a joke about the sound the dishwasher made. And so because of that, I was Looking up sound my dishwasher makes, I didn't find anything other than people complaining about their dishwashers and more frequency than I expected. So then I'm like, while you're reading those off, I just type in the word dishwasher. I'm like, there's not gonna be. It's blue sky. There's not that many posts. And I'll just scroll and like you know, 20 minutes ago somebody tweeted something and. And then I get to 7 hours ago somebody re quoted some retweeted or quoted something that says quote with one of your best booty pics. And I was suddenly face to face with somebody in their, I would say like modest but clean kitchen bending over their dishwasher.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh no.

[Andrew Knight]

And it seems to be an elderly gentleman and he is completely nude. And his rear I'm seeing. Have you ever been behind a truck? Speaking about Republican coded, is it Calamit county or whatever it is you live?

[Luke Burbank]

Cowlitz County.

[Andrew Knight]

Cowlitz County. Those nuts that hang off the back of trucks. Somebody is just, I am seeing the full bend. I'm just scrolling on blue sky trying to do my job. And suddenly I just got confronted with something I've never even seen in the gym locker room before. And I've seen some old men wait a real long time to put their pants on in the locker room. That was truly upsetting. I was not expecting that to just pop in while I'm doing my job.

[Luke Burbank]

It was. So this was the search result from looking for dishwasher content, but it was an older gentleman with an extremely low hanging set of testicles.

[Andrew Knight]

I don't even know how to compare it. But I've never seen, I've never been presented in this way before, so maybe they're natural and healthy this way. But the reason it came up with dishwasher, I guess is because they. Oh well, shall I read the alt text? Because basically people will create these threads that'll be like, hey, if you're looking, if you're feeling yourself today, post a selfie. You know, and then everybody sort of posts a selfie or whatever. There's all this kind of stuff online. But somebody at some point said quote this tweet or whatever with one of your best booty pics. And so some people are getting some racy on here apparently. And I'm looking up dishwasher. This fella is bending forward full over like bending full over as if getting something off the bottom shelf of his dishwasher. The camera is set back a ways. This must Be a tripod situation. And it's just looking straight up and at him. Like, straight up and at him while he's bent over his dishwasher. Let's read the alt text. Naked man bending over the dishwasher showing his A word. Although my now description is probably more.

[Luke Burbank]

But what you're focused on is not his A word. It's his other stuff. It's his.

[Andrew Knight]

It's his testicles. Well, I would just say the whole thing. I'm looking straight. I'm looking into the. I'm looking straight into the tunnel there.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, echo, echo.

[Andrew Knight]

It's rough.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not. But it's not the. Okay.

[Andrew Knight]

And I mean, do you want me to send it to you?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I don't. I think you've done a great job of describing it. Can we rule out RFK Jr as the person behind the photo? Because you can't see their face, presumably.

[Andrew Knight]

Right. You cannot see their face at all.

[Luke Burbank]

What If I do RFK Jr. What

[Andrew Knight]

if I do this? I need you to see this, but I also want to protect you. So here's what I'm going to do. I am going to screen cap this, and then I am going to put it into Photoshop. As if I wasn't distracted enough today, I am going to.

[Luke Burbank]

I've got more RFK Jr. Headlines from the Onion that I can buy you some time with.

[Andrew Knight]

Sounds good.

[Luke Burbank]

And I will.

[Andrew Knight]

I will try to blur it for you. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

RFK Jr. Recommends eating good cancer to kill the bad cancer. RFK Jr. Encourages Americans to do their own research about dragons. By the way, speaking of the Onion, I'm actually pretty excited. You know, I'm gonna do a TV story on the onions takeover of Infowars.

[Andrew Knight]

Good. You know, ever since you mentioned.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I'm gonna go to Austin with Heidecker.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, nice. I was gonna say, ever since you mentioned that on the show, I've been meaning to do more reading into it, and I never did. What is the. What's kind of the full story there?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's working its way through the legal system, and so we're a little. I was texting with our producer who's gonna be working on the story with me, and we're kind of waiting. There's one more. Let me see if I can get to the actual information there. There's like. Let's see here. There's going to be a decision by the court on April 30, and the onion folks are hoping that will finalize controls of the Infowars Asset. So we're standing by for that. But the idea is that in May, Ben Collins, who's the owner of the Onion now, and Heidecker and actually some of the Sandy Hook families are going to go to Austin and kind of like get the keys to the Infowars hq. Wow. And. And we're gonna go down there and we're gonna film that happening and we're gonna talk to them about it.

[Andrew Knight]

So good that you must.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. That'll be a big. A big plot line on the show. Yeah. Excited about a story for once. RFK Jr. Advocates using beef tallow in home birth tubs. How's the blur job going?

[Andrew Knight]

I'm also trying to Google how to blur things. This whole. This. I've ruined this show in more ways. Just send it to me. No, I'm. I'm gon best to just kind of blur this. I'm just. I'm doing a rough blur job.

[Luke Burbank]

This is not, though. And I. I hesitate to even bring it up on the show because it's deeply upsetting. And this is a family show.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But this, you're not. This is not a photo. This is not the famous photo of what's known as.

[Andrew Knight]

I think this has nothing to do with Ghost. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Gotcha.

[Andrew Knight]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Knight]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's. That's. That's. That's something that one will never get out of their head. I've been unfortunate enough to have had that sent to me by someone, and I can never unsee it.

[Andrew Knight]

Because you made it your desktop.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's part of it.

[Andrew Knight]

I can never unsee it.

[Luke Burbank]

I can never unsee it because I printed it out and posted it in various places in the house. You know, if you don't know your history, if you don't know your goat. See, you're doomed to repeat it.

[Andrew Knight]

That's a diet technique that I came up with.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure is. I put it on the fridge.

[Andrew Knight]

Put it right on the fridge. Okay. This is a. I don't know how this is possible, but there's a chance I made it more upsetting with the blurring that I did.

[Luke Burbank]

No, that'll happen. You know how, like, they do that thing on Kimmel where they, like, unnecessarily bleep things and then everything sounds dirty?

[Andrew Knight]

I didn't know that. But that's a great bit.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Okay, so you're sending this to me. Okay.

[Andrew Knight]

I'm sending you the blurred version here. Are you texting or email. I am texting it to you, so at least I just want you to see sort of the.

[Luke Burbank]

I've got some other Roku questions.

[Andrew Knight]

Yes, exactly. Actually, you know, I heard from somebody who said. I didn't know that about the functionality of skip to live on the Roku remote. I actually needed it.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew, yesterday I skipped to live and I thought of you, and my life was forever changed. I knew that that had to be somewhere. Like, I knew that I was not doing it the right way, but I just couldn't figure it out. And you saying, oh, no, no, there's a button that gave me the courage to actually take an extra 30 seconds and just kind of like boop around on the screen and I got to skip to live. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so much better. Yeah, yeah, so much better.

[Andrew Knight]

Ah, even blurred. That's rough, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Just came through.

[Andrew Knight]

Imagine that. Not blurred, my friend.

[Luke Burbank]

It looks the blurred version. What. What sci fi. What sci fi movie or television show is this reminding of where people are? Like, either I don't know if they're time traveling or being erased or it's sort of vaguely Westworld. I think it's got some Westworld energy.

[Andrew Knight]

Are you talking about because of my.

[Luke Burbank]

Because of the blurring? Yeah, because of the blur. The blur is. Again, I don't. I'm not gonna do a side by side, but I do think this may be more upsetting than blurred.

[Andrew Knight]

I mean, I can send. Yeah, like you said, you don't want to do the side by side. I could send you the original if you wanted.

[Luke Burbank]

But by the way, this guy doesn't look that old. He's got young calves.

[Andrew Knight]

I mean, he looks like maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

I. I feel like he's probably.

[Andrew Knight]

Well, I didn't have a lot to work with. I've never judged somebody's age from that angle before. I like to be very clear, like you. There's no. There's no face. We don't see a face or anything like that.

[Luke Burbank]

I. But I guess the only. I'm not trying to, like, I'm not trying to focus on this detail, but like, for some reason when I pictured it like the old guy from. The old weird guy from Family Guy. Oh.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Who talks like. Like somehow, like this is very upsetting. But. But the fact that he's roughly my age, I can't decide if that makes it more or less upsetting. I also wonder if he knew the photo was being taken. I could see a world in which his wife. First of all, why was this guy nude and doing this particular task? But it almost. This photo almost strikes me as could this be the show pick today?

[Andrew Knight]

What do you think? It's already posted.

[Luke Burbank]

It's blurred. No, it almost. This almost has the look to me of like, this guy, for whatever ridiculous reason, was unclothed in his kitchen, was loading the dishwasher. Unloading the dishwasher, dishwasher. And his wife was like, I gotta take a picture of this. This guy looks ridiculous. As opposed to. Again, I have no evidence to this. I'm just speculating here. As opposed to he set up a tripod and took a picture of himself doing this.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah, there's some freaky dicky stuff online. I mean, he clearly. He posts. I mean, I don't now. I'm not on it anymore, but he posted it, I think. And again, it was in a thread of a bunch of people showing themselves in various sexy positions. And again, I'm not scandalized by seeing somebody kind of pose sexily for the camera. Male or female, whatever. Like, you just see that as you scroll. Sometimes it is what it is. There was something about this particular image, the angle, the everything about it.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it strikes you as a kink.

[Andrew Knight]

It struck me definitely as a kink. Yes, it was something. Also, what do you think of those cabinets? Like, that's what I was trying to avoid.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, that I'm not really there. They're like. It's like a cherry wood shaker. It looks builder grade to me.

[Andrew Knight]

It does. It looks like a. It looks very. And I don't say this, but it looks like kind of landlord quality and kind of something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

The other problem now, Andrew, is our text chain. Your text chain in mind, was absolutely blessed recently by a video of everything. All right.

[Andrew Knight]

I thought you were gonna say, like, now this is gonna live in our texts forever. I thought we're gonna do something where you and I are gonna delete it, maybe together.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the problem is I don't want to delete it because I've also got a video of Lucy in a shopping cart. Okay, that's so freaking adorable. And that was. The most recent interaction that we had was this adorable video of your dog riding in a shopping cart at, I guess, petsmart or something. And that was what was popping up if I went to your text. And now I've got. Yeah, dishwasher.

[Andrew Knight]

E. Can you delete a text? I thought you could. I thought you'd delete a text from without deleting the. Maybe I can.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, you know what? I can. But I can. Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Knight]

Wait, wait, here. I can.

[Luke Burbank]

I just deleted it.

[Andrew Knight]

Delete this Message. You bet your sweet. Whatever that is. You bet you're sweet nuts. And here I'm going to bless you with another photo that I took of Lucy in the grocery cart. So can I tell you really quickly why I did this? I might have already told you off air, but what happened was we took Lucy the puppy to her first vet appointment yesterday, or I guess two days ago. And here I'm cleansing your eyes, too, with another photo of her on our shopping excursion. And I was really looking forward to that. She got her second round of vaccines and whatnot. But we also just asked the doc for some general advice on various things about raising a puppy. And I've been very uncertain about taking her. Right. Oh, my goodness. She's in the shopping cart as I'm pushing her around Lowe's. But I've been very. I've been feeling like, we got to get this girl out more. She's doing a really good job, or we're doing a really good job, I guess, of socializing her. A lot of people have been coming by and seeing Lucy. She's really good with people now. And I told you off air yesterday that I took her on her first little walk outside of our yard and was very careful with it. But I'm very, You know, you're hearing a lot of. I'm hearing a lot of horror stories about, like, Parvo, which is a very, very, very serious illness dogs can get before they're fully vaccinated. And everybody is kind of warning me about this. And so it's kind of like, well, is taking her for a walk, like, what if she accidentally eats another dog's leavings or gets too close to him? Like, you know, I'm just being very cautious, but I want to know, like, how cautious do we have to be? And also. And how sheltered do we want to make her? And how worldly do we want to make.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't want to raise a nerd.

[Andrew Knight]

I don't want to raise a nerd. I don't want to raise some dog that's scared to leave the yard. You know what I mean? So I said to the doctor, I'm like, well, how much, you know, what can we expose her to at this point, basically? And she said, well, if you're on Blue sky and you see a photo of a man bending over a dishwasher, do not.

[Luke Burbank]

She's gotta learn something.

[Andrew Knight]

Do not expose her to that right away. You gotta, like, slowly reveal that one. She said, show her a blurred version

[Luke Burbank]

bending over the dishwasher and jorts

[Andrew Knight]

Then we get down to bike bands.

[Luke Burbank]

It's called habituation.

[Andrew Knight]

We start with Jankos. Exposure theory. We start with Jankos or those big YGs.

[Luke Burbank]

The pants get smaller and tighter, and then they're shorts.

[Andrew Knight]

But anyway, I said, for example, Genevieve and I need to go to the dog. Need to go to the pet store after this appointment to pick some things up. Can we take her into the pet store at this point? You know, she's just getting her second round of shots. Literally, as we're having this conversation, is she safe enough to wander around the pet store with us? And she said, no, you can't take her to, like, a dog park or a place where other dogs potentially unvaccinated, have been and have had accidents, because you just don't know those folks have cleaned up the floor properly. Like, here, you're in a vet's office. We're meticulous about cleaning up after the animals and everything. She said. I said, oh, so don't take her to store. She said, no, take her to stores. Keep her in the shopping cart. She said, you should take her to Home Depot. She said, let her meet men with beards and hats. And then she looked at me, she said, I guess you already got the

[Luke Burbank]

beard bond with Genevieve.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah, right. She said, you know, but, like, just get her out in the world, but don't let her wander around these floors because she could, you know, contract something. So she said, put her in the cart and push her around.

[Luke Burbank]

And.

[Andrew Knight]

And yesterday I had Lucy responsibility all day. Genevieve was at work and then had some after work functions to go to. So, you know, we're not over babying her, but you do have to keep an eye on her at all times. It's been very validating to hear from friends who are just kind of like, how are you doing? Like, puppies are a lot. And I was like, yeah, yesterday was a good example of it. Like, I had to constantly. It took her. I'm sorry, to go here, but it took her forever to go number two yesterday. So it's one of those things where you turn your back on her for one second. Literally one second, and then you can turn around and it can be that she went on the floor, you know, and we're really trying to stay on top of it and take her out, like, constantly. I probably spent, like three hours yesterday just wandering around the backyard with her. I listened to Air. I felt like I needed to, like, to relax a little bit, so I listened. I like that.

[Luke Burbank]

What's Album Safari?

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah, Moon Safari. Exactly. I Hadn't listened to that in, like, 20 years. And so I was like, just. I was like, I'm just out here. Just be. You know, like, just be out here with her and listen to some music and don't be in a rush to get back inside. And so anyway, that's what yesterday was like. But I think I was getting stir crazy. She might have been getting stir crazy. I'm not sure. I'm like, you know what? Let's go on a damn adventure. And so far, Lucy had never been in the car with just one person before. No, that's not true. She and Genevieve had dropped me off at the gym the other day, and then they drove around some. But we're trying to make sure that Lucy is very comfortable in the car. And so I'm like, let's go on a little ride. We'll go up to Lowe's, and I'll put you in a cart, and we'll see how this goes. So I grabbed her little pillow because I figured she might not be comfortable sitting on the bottom of a cart or even trying to stand on it without something solid beneath it. Great. So I grabbed a couple of her toys and this pillow that she sits on that Genevieve got for, and I just put her in the cart. And I wasn't even. I knew the dogs were allowed in Home Depot, but I'm still learning, like, where can you take dogs and where can't you? So I put her in the cart. I'm like, is somebody in a blue vest at Lowe's gonna tell me, hey, you can't have dogs in here? But that's not the case. I got a smile from an employee right away. I said, is this okay? And they're like, oh, course it's okay. Can I pet her? I said, of course. I met some woman who wanted to pet her in the. In the tool aisle. And then I found out pretty quickly that that lady was pretty much off her rocker. I mean, it was fine. I mean, it was fine. Like, she came over, and she was petting a little bit, and then she said, I used to work here. And I'm like, oh, cool. She's like, good place to work. She's like, no, not in my experience. And then she went on for, like, five minutes about how terrible the manager is. And then she. And then I realized later, as I was just pushing Lucy around the cart, that she was just hanging out as if she still worked there. I'm not even 100% sure she ever did work there. Now, in hindsight, but at one point, I was looking for something. I'm like, I'm looking for something to unlock these wire cutters I want. She's like, you look like you're looking for something. And I thought, you don't even work here anymore. I'm like, yeah, I need somebody to unlock that. She's like, that's Greg. And she starts looking around for Greg. I'm like, I'll find Greg. Anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

Interesting move.

[Andrew Knight]

It was very interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, she knew Greg, though.

[Andrew Knight]

I think maybe she did work indicates

[Luke Burbank]

maybe she did work there. Yeah, I couldn't pull out a name like Greg at random.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, and also, she was the second person to tell me I was looking for Greg. So it was. She definitely had the right person. And then eventually, some guy with a beard came up, and I said, are you Greg? He said, no, but I can help you. And then he helped me. And then the whole time, we're just having this conversation about why your lady is still there. No, she's gone. Or we've walked away from her, but we're having this whole conversation about wire cutters. And he's telling me about these. I should get the Craftsman kind or whatever. And then at the end of our conversation, he just says to me, can I say hello to her? And I was like, oh, of course you can. I was like. So I was so nervous the whole time about her comfort. At one point, she kind of jumped out of the cart, or didn't jump out of the cart, but showed a tendency to be nervous. And she kind of came towards me a little bit when I first put her in the cart in the parking lot. And so I was just trying to, like. I was trying to keep her calm. And she mostly was a very, very good girl. But then once we were on those very smooth floors of Lowe's, I'm just pushing her around this cart. She's like this little queen. She was real.

[Luke Burbank]

Real passenger, princess energy.

[Andrew Knight]

It was awesome. It was really great. So, anyway, I'm sorry. I'm all over the place. That story had no power in and no power out, but I was very. I think I'm even nervous. I was just like, kind of like, genevieve isn't here. You know, if anything goes wrong, like, I'm kind of, like, just taking this little puppy out on her own. I have to worry about. We did see some other dogs in there. I saw a woman that I know. The woman who runs bleachers. You know that woman? Yeah, yeah, she was there.

[Luke Burbank]

Sports bar down in Columbia City?

[Andrew Knight]

No, the. No, no. Bleachers. You're thinking, oh, the pub.

[Luke Burbank]

The pub in Greenwood.

[Andrew Knight]

In Greenwood, yes. You're thinking of another.

[Luke Burbank]

What was that place called?

[Andrew Knight]

I liked that place.

[Luke Burbank]

I liked it too. Did it close down, though? Eventually?

[Andrew Knight]

I hope not.

[Luke Burbank]

We used to watch the football games there occasionally, and I feel like the floors were made out of, like, an old, like, gymnasium floor or something.

[Andrew Knight]

It might have been. Yeah, it was.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. That was a really cool sports bar.

[Andrew Knight]

I remember what it is.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Bleachers is the one on Greenwood.

[Andrew Knight]

Rookies.

[Luke Burbank]

Rookies.

[Andrew Knight]

That's the one. Yeah. But anyway, I saw her there and she had. This was kind of sad. She. I saw her, she was walking her dog, and I was like, oh. And she's like, she. She was like, oh, you little puppy. And I was like, yeah, she's not quite vaccinated yet, so, you know, maybe keep the dogs apart. And she said, oh, okay. And I was like, oh, wait, I know you. I'm like, and I didn't mention bleachers. But I was just like, I haven't seen. I haven't been in there in, like a year or something. But I said, hey, it's baseball season. We'll swing by the bar soon or whatever. She's like, oh, great. Yeah, we're dog friendly. Then I look down at her dog. I'm like, oh, well, how's your dog doing? But I'm like, that's not your pooch? And she said, no, she had this pooch that was like her shadow. She loved this dog, but I guess it was an older dog. I don't think anything specifically tragic happened, but I think the dog just passed away. And she was walking this very big but young dog. She said, yeah, she said, right there in Lowe's. She's just like, I've just been through it. She's like, it's just been really, really awful. But now this little guy is helping me through a little bit. I was like, oh, that's really sweet. So I just like, I don't know. You know me, I love running into neighbors or just neighborhood people as I think, is this a life hack? Luke is like, me just taking Lucy from time to time on little. Like, I was actually thinking, today I can't go back to the Lowe's because we were just there yesterday, but I have her all day. Can I take her to the Home Depot? And if so, what do I need to buy from the Home Depot? Or what's the cheapest thing? Can I just go in with her and ask somebody what's the cheapest thing I can buy from the Home Depot after I wander around in here with Lucy for an hour.

[Luke Burbank]

Buy some of those yard, like. Like, you know, bags. The paper bags that you throw, like, clippings in or something.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, yeah, you'll probably need.

[Luke Burbank]

You'll probably need those. Springtime.

[Andrew Knight]

Good call.

[Luke Burbank]

So just go get some of those. Yeah, no, it's. It's so interesting because I think you and I. Well, I don't know. I don't want to paint you with the same brush, but like, I both. Sometimes I mildly dread having interactions with strangers. Or at least, like, you know, you get in an elevator and it can be awkward or just like, on the one hand, I sometimes think. I don't know if I really want to, like, have a conversation with someone. But also having a dog, like when I'm walking Gigi sometimes when I've had Gigi out here and I've actually taken her to Home Depot as well. Cause I needed something. There's something really disarming and like, it, like, lowers it weirdly. Like, lowers the stakes in a way to talk to somebody who you don't know around the subject of a dog you have or a dog they have. It's some weird thing where it just makes the. It gives you a reason to talk to them. It's pleasant, it's fun. You know what I mean? It, like, really changes the interaction with a stranger, I think.

[Andrew Knight]

Well, it was interesting. I'm kind of bummed that I told that story in the way I told it because I feel like I made no sense when I was explaining my day with Lucy. But I have. There's something that's going on with me that is a little bit hard to explain, but I will say that I'm relatively proud of myself. I am a nervous person. Did you know that, Luke? I tend to have some anxiety around. Around certain things.

[Luke Burbank]

I've heard stories.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah. I also have never cared for a dog before. You know, an occasion I've dog sat. And those occasions have not usually gone super well for various reasons.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't blame you for that.

[Andrew Knight]

And I don't have. I just don't. I didn't grow up with dogs. I don't have a natural comfort around dogs. I've seen people come over and play with Bingo, and they're not cat people. And so they don't have. They don't. Like, I can be around a cat and I can tell when a cat is actually being, you know, leave me alone mode, or I'm just playing or Whatever. And I'm just very, very comfortable around cats. And I've seen non cat people not be comfortable around cats. Well, I'm like that around dogs. But the thing is, I'm also, I've met really, really good dogs in my life and I've met some ill behaved dogs in my life as well. And I've met some very nervous dogs in my life and I really don't want Lucy to be a nervous dog. One of the reasons it took me so long in my life to get a dog was because I never thought I'd be a good dog owner because I thought I'd put too much anxiety into the dog. And I have met high anxiety dogs and it doesn't seem good for anybody, to be honest with you. So while we're going through this, you know, puppy dumb with Lucy, brand new experience for me. I am really, really trying not to let anxiety ever overtake me. And just like in the relationship with Lucy, show that I'm not nervous about things. Show that we're just, we go out and we do things. And you know, and also in that I'm the alpha, which, Luke, I don't know if you know this about me, but that's not a role. I'm sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

Uncharted territory, I believe is, but you

[Andrew Knight]

need to describe it, you know, and

[Luke Burbank]

I guess, no, good for you, man.

[Andrew Knight]

And I feel, you know, I feel like it's going well, like, and part of it is like, I'm learning these things too, but I'm learning them, but I need to do it with a certain amount of confidence around her. And so when I tell these stories, I don't want to sound like, oh, I'm super scared to go to Lowe's with my puppy. But it is a new experience for me. And Veeves and I are going through this together and we both care for her a lot. And there is a little bit of like, okay, is it okay for me to like put her in this cart? And if so, should I hang onto the leash? Because she did sort of like at first look like maybe she's not comfortable in there and could she jump out of the cart? But also I don't want to be like nervous the whole time. Like, that's not good for her. So that's why I'm sort of having trouble maybe telling some of these stories. Yesterday was a really good time for us. I go, I get a cart. I didn't even kind of want to walk her across the parking lot. I'm like, I'll just Put her in the cart. And it was true. Pushing her in that cart across the bumpy pavement, she was kind of like, what are you doing to me? I'm like, just trust me. We have a plan here. And then once we got into the smooth, you know, the smooth concrete of lows, everything really calmed down. And then I. So this is me reacting to what you just said about the conversations you have. I was so concentrating on the task at hand and my relationship with Lucy and making sure that Lucy's experience was good. But also, I needed some wire cutters and some more plant spray and a carabiner. And so I'm also wandering around the store, I don't know very well, looking for things and talking to her. And so I would kind of forget what we probably looked like, if that makes sense. You know, what I look like. And now I'm pushing around this little puppy who's growing. Yeah. She's getting kind of big. She's like, daughter puppy on a pillow. Yeah. And who's, like, looking around is probably like, what is going on? And so then people. So that's why I was kind of shocked when I'm having this conversation about pliers. And the guy finally just sort of says, as if, like, we're all ignoring the Lucy in the room. Can I say hello to this dog that is between us right now? This adorable puppy that is looking up at me with puppy dog eyes? And then a couple of other times in the store, I had to remember that, like, oh, yeah, other people are seeing this, and they want to talk about Lucy and talk to Lucy as well. And it was really, really sweet, honestly. And, you know, I went in there thinking, is somebody gonna tell me you can't bring dogs in here? And I left just thinking, like, oh, my God, all these people love Lucy. I love Lucy. I'm gonna make a show about it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I think that's really cool, man. And not to be corny about it, but I think this is the thing that having a pet can do for us is, like, it. You know, you're kind of pushing yourself,

[Andrew Knight]

too, a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, like, you're. You're. You're doing stuff that doesn't feel super duper comfortable because, you know, it's good for the dog. You know, it's good for you. And sans Lucy, you would not have been. You might have gone to Home Depot yesterday, but it would have been a different experience, and you would not have been kind of pushing your comfort zone a little bit. So that's awesome. And I Think that that's. I think that's a really cool development for both of you.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah, it really is.

[Luke Burbank]

What do you need the wire cutters for? That makes me nervous. Do you have somebody chained up somewhere? What's going on?

[Andrew Knight]

Well, no, you know, Lucy's toenails grow out.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, dude, I'm so afraid of that. I. That is something I have always paid for. Becca cuts Bubbles's toenails and Holly's toenails.

[Andrew Knight]

Cats. Yeah, that's hard.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm like. And also with Rudy, I like. It's almost. You know how I get when. With cotton balls, if I tell you how, like, the kind of high frequency thing, it makes my hair stand up, if I think about clipping a dog's toenails and go clipping it too far to where it hurts them, that is. That is, like, a profoundly uncomfortable thing for me to consider.

[Andrew Knight]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm so afraid of that.

[Andrew Knight]

Well, that's really relevant to our life right now, because when we first got Lucy, it might have been the ride home. I think I told Genevieve, because Genevieve will clip our cat's nails as well, which is, like. That's really tough. You got to kind of like, you have to push down a little bit and express their nails a little bit. And she's. Genevieve's just kind of, like, not fear. Yeah. She's kind of fearless when it comes to animals. She does her research, and she's just comfortable around them, even for the tough tasks like that. And I remember telling Genevieve very early on, if not day one, I said, I will do literally anything for this dog and for this dog and you. Except toenail cutting. I said, I will get. Did I tell you this on the show? I said, I will get another job. I will get several other jobs.

[Luke Burbank]

I will earn those money.

[Andrew Knight]

I will earn the extra money which

[Luke Burbank]

you buy a professional to do this.

[Andrew Knight]

I said, I will take whatever day, but I will not ever try to cut her nails. Because you hear stories too, and it's not. You know, people sometimes do make a mistake in cutting their dog's nails, and they cut it back too far. It's a very common thing. And I hear that it's a very, very scary experience for everybody involved. And the dogs are okay, but it's scary. But Genevieve just this morning said, I gotta get. I gotta get. Lucy's toenails are getting too long. And so. So I did help her a little bit. We were sitting on the couch together, and I held Lucy, and Genevieve kind of held Lucy. We both held her together. And Genevieve did get about. She got four. How many nails does a dog have? Four on the, like, I think five, maybe. There's like, on a paw, there's four that stick out the top and one out the bottom maybe. And she got the four on one paw. She got four front ones. And it felt like, oh, great.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, now Lucy's gonna be walking in a circle.

[Andrew Knight]

That's why she's been walking in a circle all day. Damn it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, of course. Dang it.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah. But I'm with you. I just, I. I held her a little bit there, but that's as far as I will go. Like, I just, I. Again, like. And also, let's not. Let's not associate us with that trauma.

[Luke Burbank]

Right? Well, yeah. I used to take Bubbles to the sketchiest, like, pet grooming place because it was the one place that you didn't need an appointment for this in Portland. And it, by the way, it reeked. I mean, the gals were nice enough, but it was a really down market pet grooming place. They only charged $5 to do the nails. Everywhere else, it was like $20. And you needed an appointment like two days out. But of course, you know me. I found the one kind of walk in clinic for this. And again, I. Because I was like, I am not getting anywhere near this. This cat's nails. It's very, very scary to me. So.

[Andrew Knight]

And is this the clinic where they also had, like, the bowl full of little dog condoms and other kind of prophylactic?

[Luke Burbank]

There's a lot of posters around.

[Andrew Knight]

No,

[Luke Burbank]

for some reason, they were just playing TLC the entire time. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle.

[Andrew Knight]

On your mark.

[Luke Burbank]

On your mark.

[Andrew Knight]

Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle dazzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the folks who are donating money to tbtl, which supports the entire operation. This is how we can afford to buy passenger princess pillows for Lucy.

[Andrew Knight]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

And I could take Bubbles to have her nails trimmed and not do it myself. This is because we get paid to work here at TBTL by the listeners. It's 100% listener supported. And we're gonna thank Lauren B. Castelli in Atlanta, Georgia. Lauren, long, long time friend of the show. I. I probably brought this up last year. I probably bring it up every year. But famously, Lauren, I believe, called into the vaniversary show.

[Andrew Knight]

She did one of the first. It knows, in the very first episode

[Luke Burbank]

of that I can Kind of picture it. I think we might have been in my driveway in Bellingham. That's.

[Andrew Knight]

Or. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Or out of the driveway. That's like. That's the mental picture I have talking to Lauren.

[Andrew Knight]

My memory as well, for leaving from Seattle, but then getting to Belling and also. And I knew there was a connection here, and I looked it up to make sure Lauren either does or did work for the Home Depot. Speaking of my adventures with Lucy.

[Luke Burbank]

It's all connected, my friend. Yeah, that would also make sense. Lauren living in Atlanta. That's Home Depot hq.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, I did not know that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Ooh.

[Andrew Knight]

I'm starting saying that as a sidekick. I did not know that.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, what a good idea. Lauren says. Okay, before I get started, can you please play the Cooking with Sean theme music as bed music for my dazzling donor message? Let me see. I think I can find this.

[Andrew Knight]

Okay. I know I also have it, too. My apologies. Oh, you got it. Yeah. I'm sorry that I didn't read ahead. I should have had this ready to go.

[Luke Burbank]

I've got it right here.

[Andrew Knight]

Okay. Yeah, I guess if you can do it, that would be.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you play the Cooking with Sean theme music as my bed music for the message? Sure. I can't get enough. Even all these years later. Now that that's settled, let's get into it. Lauren's really kind of back producing the show here today. Dig it. I am proud. Not even less shamed, but capital P. Proud to be a nearly triple dazzler this year. Whoa, Lauren, golly, that's so generous of you. Your sweetheart part TBTL is so fundamental to who I am at this point that I truly can't imagine my life without y'. All. And given I also listen to after these messages, Livewire, and to a lesser degree, Spotless.

[Andrew Knight]

He could have just left Spotless off.

[Luke Burbank]

Text me back and sod that stack of dimes. Stack of dimes. JD And Thunder. I feel I spend more time with y' all each week than I do any other humans, which is wild. But I'm also so, so grateful for the hours you pour into creating content that sometimes makes me laugh, other times causes me to roll my eyes or throw my phone or cry. And more times than I care to admit gives me a reason to keep going when I want to give up in every sense. You're that important. Now answer me this. Should I visit the local cat rescue whose founder tolds me, told me she runs it from her basement? And then, Parenthetically, Lauren writes 100 plus cats.

[Andrew Knight]

OMG if you have a hundred plus cats in your basement, are you a rescue shelter or do we need to

[Luke Burbank]

talk to some, you know, I mean, I don't, you know, I don't want to judge this person. That does sound like a lot of cats for your basement. But also, I'm guessing that I'm gonna, I'm gonna choose to be optimistic, Lauren. I think, in fact, you know what, Lauren? I'm gonna say yes. You should go visit because one of two things will happen. Either you'll get to see a bunch of cute cats and that'll just be a fun day and they'll be doing great, or you'll see something that you need to alert the authorities about.

[Andrew Knight]

Report.

[Luke Burbank]

We need you to get eyes on this one way or the other, Lauren. So. So the answer is yes. Now, the thing though is, I don't know, Lauren, what your current pet situation is, but you've got to be careful going to a cat rescue because you may end up going home with a cat of some kind. I. I'm not gonna do it, Andrew. This has been a lot of pet talk today. But there is, you know, there are a bunch of like, I guess you just call them feral cats that live in my neighbor. There's outdoor cats. And in fact, I just saw one running through my yard a minute ago. By the way, one of them clearly pooped in my driveway and then tried to bury it in the gravel, but the gravel was too difficult to move move, so there was just like a cat poop and then all these claw marks in the ground. Nothing to move the gravel. But, but yeah, there's, there's. I mean, there's got to be like 10 cats that just live in the yards around here. And of course cats have kittens. And the other day I was driving down the road and this little black kitten popped its head up and I was like, I gotta adopt that. I'm not going to listen, if I'm going to get a cat, it needs to be. I need to bring Bubbles home. But I was like, I had an overwhelming compulsion to stop the car, get out, get the cat, and raise the cat as my own?

[Andrew Knight]

I'm sorry, how close to the actual home is this? Are you tempted? My question is, are you tempted to put like bowls of food out or anything and then sort of have them kind of as like outdoor cats that aren't technically yours but under your sort of purview?

[Luke Burbank]

You know, that wouldn't be the worst thing that. My neighbor Gail does that already. It's the weirdest Thing. Thing. She feeds the birds in the middle of the road because she says that's the only place where the cats can't attack them. So when you're driving. So she feeds the cats too.

[Andrew Knight]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

So that's kind of the locus. She's like, three doors up from me. She's about, you know, a city block away from me up this road. And so she's. But she obviously feeds the cats because that's really where the cats tend to hang out, is around Gail's house. But she also feeds the birds, but she can't feed the birds in certain parts of her yard because the cats will kill the birds. So her solution is she feeds the birds in the middle of the road.

[Andrew Knight]

That's interesting, because the cats are worried about the traffic. The birds are more out of the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. It actually seems to work. But it does mean that many times I'm driving down the road, I have to be very careful because there will just be a bunch of birds sitting in the middle of the road eating bird seed in their safe space away from the cat.

[Andrew Knight]

Cats. I just want to really quickly mark the fact that you said three doors up, and I thought that was kind of funny. So I might name the show Three Doors up, but it was such a passing reference, because isn't there a band called three Doors Down?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Knight]

Okay, so that's the joke. If somebody's like, three doors up, what is that even a reference to? You said Gails up. It was very, very quick. It wasn't even a joke. But I wanted to just acknowledge that. Secondly, one other thing about Lauren's message here, and you can switch of. Hear the hesitation of my voice to bring this up, but I was thinking about you the other day in relation to a news story. Lauren says sometimes she cries with the show. And you and I are no strangers to crying on this program. Right. It happens more and more as we get older and older. But of course, I think in your head, one of the more notable moments that you got pretty choked up was when Prince passed away. And we were talking about it on the show. And I don't bring that up to give you any negative feelings, and I hope it doesn't. But I was so blown away. So blown away. When was it? Yesterday or the day before? I see all these posts on social media marking the 10th anniversary. Whoa. I was like, wait, is it really 10 years since that happened? 10 years we've been without Prince? That is. And I'm not trying to make you cry again, but that blows my mind. That's just old man talking. But, like, my goodness, how that was. I swear, that was, like, three months ago.

[Luke Burbank]

That's crazy. I remember where I was. I was doing the show from the Livewire offices in Portland. I was in the, like, upper room because we rented out these. This office space in this old converted house on Mississippi in Portland. And I remember I was sitting up in the kind of, like, conference room in this old house talking to you down the line about Prince and getting Vercle.

[Andrew Knight]

I can't believe that was 10 years ago.

[Luke Burbank]

That is just absolutely crazy and just wild that we've been doing this show for so long and we've been doing it with the help of people like Lauren. So, Lauren, thank you so much. Do report back on how the basement cat shelter is, please. I'm now very curious. And again, thank you for all of your support of TBTL over the years. And to a lesser extent, spotless.

[Andrew Knight]

I just say.

[Luke Burbank]

Maestro, Maestro, It's our friend Mark Dean in Edmonds, Washington.

[Andrew Knight]

Hey, Mark.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful Edmonds, Washington, a place that has been. It's become a big part of the show of late because it's where Lucy hails from. It's where, of course, that Arby's is and.

[Andrew Knight]

And other.

[Luke Burbank]

And where Rick Steves lives. Those are three reasons that we talk about every. Mark. Excuse me, Edmonds. Mark is in Edmonds. And Mark is keeping it short and sweet. He says, go Cougs. Yes, it's me, Luke. Go Cougs.

[Andrew Knight]

Is this an ongoing thing that you and Mark have, or are you just.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe. And maybe it's slipping my mind. But you know, Mark, honestly, it's your dime. I don't really have. I got to be honest with you. I, as a University of Washington Husky. Well, first of all, I'm. I have a strange relationship with the idea of my alma mater, which is like, I'm glad that I went there. I guess I would say I'm sort of proud. Ish. Of going to the University of Washington. I think it's cool that Genevieve works there. It's not core to my identity. And I also just don't have a dislike, really, for Washington State the way that you might. I do have a big problem with Oregon, which is not great because Becca is a graduate at. As are all of her siblings, as are her parents, as is everyone in their. In their world. And so it comes up a lot. But. But, yeah, no, you know, Mark, I salute you. Go Cougs. Indeed. I remember being a kid even, and thinking like, hey, if Washington State gets into like the Rose Bowl. I remember thinking like that's just kind of props to the state of Washington. People don't know the difference. You know, like I, I would choose to take some of the reflective shine off of Cougar accomplishments because I thought the national audience doesn't know the difference between the University of Washington and Washington State. So when they see that the Cougs are in the Rose bowl there, I'm getting some credit for that as a Washington State sport, as a Washington sports fan, and I'm going to accept that even though they are the cross state rivals.

[Andrew Knight]

The halo effect. No, that's not what the halo effect is, is it?

[Luke Burbank]

I think that is.

[Andrew Knight]

Is it? Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think that, I think the halo effect is that you get a little bit of, of sort of. You get some goodwill because of being adjacent to something that's seen as kind of good. So. Yeah. So go Cougs.

[Andrew Knight]

Indeed.

[Luke Burbank]

Marks.

[Andrew Knight]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And thank you for supporting the show. We really do appreciate it. We could not do this without folks like you. So thank you.

[Andrew Knight]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

Just a quick little mention of this Top Story related to the new owner of the Portland Trailblazers who bought the team for like a little over $4 billion, but has apparently. His name is Tom Dundon and he has already made a name for himself by basically like cutting a bunch of costs around the team. Like a couple of things. One, he, he, he didn't bring. So the two way players are basically like the players that play on the G League team, but then they also contractually could sometimes be called up to the main NBA team. He didn't let them travel to the playoffs because they weren't going to play. He didn't let them go just kind of to be there and support the team and sit on the end of the bench in their street clothes, which is very typical of teams. He told. He cut dramatically the staff that he brought because the Trailblazers were playing in San Antonio in the playoffs. He drastically cut the number of staff that get to go to the playoff game. And then the staff that did get to go, he created this hard and fast rule that everybody needed to make sure they were checked out of their hotel room by 12:30. So there were no late fees, There was no late checkout fees. So apparently the hotel in San Antonio was just full of all of the luggage of the Portland Trailblazers staff because they had to get out of their rooms before the team bus was ready to take them to wherever they were going. And he also has apparently openly questioned if the team needs to stay in five star hotels. There's some kind of NBA rule about the accommodations of NBA teams that's sort of like a minimum. You know, you're not going to find them at the Holiday Inn. They get to stay in very nice hotels. He's basically questioned if that's necessary or not. He's apparently famous for telling people that if he sees a penny, he picks it up. That's his like his little kind of mythology around himself that that's his move. Now this is the thing. I mean, first of all, this also. Oh, the other thing that he talked about doing. I mentioned this, you off air yesterday, Andrew, is, is he, I think wants to fire the radio play by play team or, you know, like he, he wants to basically just play on the radio. Next year if you tune in to the trailblazers radio broadcast, you would be hearing the TV broadcast that would just be simulcast on the radio. He doesn't think you need two guys calling the radio version and then two guys calling the TV version. He thinks it can all be the same thing. And so, so he's gonna. That's just something he wants to do, which I think is unprecedented in the NBA. Now, you know my feelings around the NBA, which are skeptical because they let. Well, that's the big problem, you know, you know, I kneel for the. I kneel for the flag and I stand for my country. Or. Yeah, sure, what were they saying?

[Andrew Knight]

I kneel for the cross, I stand for the flag or something.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah. Don't kneel for the flag. Right? Oh God, heaven forbid you kneel during the anthem.

[Andrew Knight]

Them.

[Luke Burbank]

But, but, but you know, I have a really like, I have a very, very kind of antagonistic relationship with the idea of the NBA because I blame David Stern, who's no longer, I think he was no longer on the planet.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, really?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know.

[Andrew Knight]

You go ahead, I'll look it up. Go ahead.

[Luke Burbank]

Check me on that one. But anyway, David Stern was the commissioner of the NBA when he allowed, in my opinion, the Sonics to leave Seattle and become the Oklahoma City Thunder, which was something that I think shouldn't have happened. And in fact, I think most people who, who follow the NBA are like, yeah, that was really a bum deal because Seattle loved the Sonics and they, Howard Schultz sold them to a couple of charlatans from Oklahoma City who always planned to bring them to Oklahoma City and in fact were effective with that. There's Some speculation that this guy Tom Dundon might actually already be trying to do that with the Blazers. Like he might want to try to get them out of Portland. And so he's basically just doing a full on like major league, right? Like where the, the owner buys the Cleveland, then called Indians and tries to run them into the ground so that she can get permission to move them. He's, he's just seems like, by the way, Bill Simmons. Exactly. Bill Simmons is the one who nicknamed him El Cheapo, which is pretty great. They're calling him Scrooge McDundan.

[Andrew Knight]

That's the one I was teasing at the beginning of the show. I love Scrooge McDonald.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to step on your.

[Andrew Knight]

No, no, that's okay. I just wanted to, I wanted to highlight it. That one made me giggle.

[Luke Burbank]

Legal. Now this is the thing though. Adam Silver is the current commissioner of the NBA. Slash guy who is looking for the Baudelaire twins to lock them in a dungeon somewhere. He looks like a bad guy from a, from basically like a. What do you call that? Kind of young adult YA fiction. Yeah, he looks like the bad guy from A Series of Unfortunate Events. Count Olaf. He's just like a weird looking dude. Adam Silver. And I, he, I don't have any patience for him personally because I think he was working for David Stern when the Sonics were allowed to move. So his, he's complicit in all this as far as I'm concerned. But he went on a podcast to defend this guy, Tom Dundon, calling him scrappy and a winner. And this was Adam Silver's argument for how Tom Dundon couldn't be El Cheapo. He said, well, he paid $4 billion for the team, so how could you call him cheap? And that is such a, a fundamental misunderstanding of what people are mad about, that it just perfectly checks out with this stupid, stupid league. And it's stupid weird commissioner that he thinks because Tom Dundon paid what he had to pay, because he paid the market value for this basketball team, that that means he couldn't possibly be cheap. He paid $4 billion for the team that he's already now trying to nickel and dime. Another thing, when your team gets to the playoffs, it's very typical to pass out T shirts to the attending crowd. It's just kind of this thing now and sometimes the teams will actually do something really cool where the T shirts are color coordinated. So if everyone puts the shirts on it, like does a message or it looks really cool and it's just kind of a reward to the fan base for being fans. And it's just kind of a fun little perk of your team getting to the playoffs. Tom Dundon decided no T shirts this year. He's just like cutting all of these corners that are just so dumb to me. Like, like they don't, I don't know, it just like it doesn't add up to very much and it's a tremendous amount of bad will with the fans. And anyway, it's a real bummer.

[Andrew Knight]

So I don't like to go in for making fun of people's looks for, well, obvious reasons. First of all, the whole glass houses kind of thing. But also, well, we saw that picture

[Luke Burbank]

of you in the dishwasher.

[Andrew Knight]

Right, Exactly. But I do love the classic Le Batard bit of. Of the looks like game where listeners. And it's always in good. It's always in good humor. Right. And like it's not.

[Luke Burbank]

They're not comparing them because of perceived unattractiveness. It's just someone that they tend to look like exactly.

[Andrew Knight]

Like I remember, like one of my favorites of all time. And I'll mangle it because this was years ago, but it was like, Pete Carroll looks like the man who's driving down the highway with his ragtop down and his right hand on the back of the passenger seat headrest. And there's like something so, I mean, that's the vibe of it. It's like so specific. And so I knew that there were great Adam Silver ones. And so I'm going to read to you a few of these that I found on a LeBatard subreddit. I will say that there are two really good ones. I'll save the best one for last. I'll save the best for last.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know. As Vanessa Williams once instructed us, just in case people don't know, Adam Silver is a very tall, very slender, very bald, very pale man.

[Andrew Knight]

Yes, yes. In fact, I swear at one point somebody said he looks like a Q tip. That wouldn't really make sense, though. No, I must be making that up because he's bald and Q tips have fuzz. But it says Adam Silver looks like a fake scientist from a detergent commercial. Stern sternly shaking his head in disapproval at the competition's stain fighting power. That one is fantastic. Adam Silver is really good. Let's hear. Adam Silver looks like a matchstick. Adam Silver looks like a bowling pin. Adam Silver looks like roll on deodorant. And the best one is. Is Adam Silver looks like Scott van Pelt, 15 seconds after opening the Ark of the Covenant,

[Luke Burbank]

I. I hope you were going to get to a Van Pelt reference. That's great. That's great. That's really good. Anyway, I don't have a ton to say about it other than it's just so dumb to me because it's like, again, first of all, the guy is a billionaire, or I don't know if he's a billionaire, but he cobbled together $4 billion and like, whatever money he's saving with this is so not worth the way that he's now perceived. What it really makes me wonder about and what it makes me sort of sad about is they didn't run a stronger background check on this guy because, you know, the trailblazers, like the Seattle Seahawks, were part of Paul Allen's estate, and so they had to be sold off by the terms of his will. Oh, so. So I don't know how instrumental Jody Allen, his sister, was. I know she was very instrumental with the Seahawks. I don't know how close of a hand she was keeping on the trailblazers. But again, it was one of those things where eventually the trailblazers had to be sold per his. His, you know, last will and testament. And I don't know if there was, you know, I don't know how long the line was of people to buy the team, team at $4 billion. But it just seems like if there. Let's just say there was maybe more than one ownership group that wanted. Considering that, like, think about this. This money that's being generated by the sale of the team, it's not just going to some people who owned the team. Right. It's going into, like, Paul Allen's, like, estate to be then distributed to, like, charity and stuff. Right. Presumably, or whatever. I don't know the exact terms, but that's the idea is, you know, he's going to give away all his.

[Andrew Knight]

His.

[Luke Burbank]

All of his, his, his money and his assets, including these teams. But it's like, I feel like this was one scenario where they could have sold it for not as much money to, like, a local ownership group in Portland. Like, they sold it to a guy who lives in Texas and is. No, he already owns, like, the Nashville Predator. He owns a hockey team already. So you could have looked, you could have called the hockey team and been, like, off the record, low key, as the kids say, is this guy a good owner? And they would have said, said, he sucks.

[Andrew Knight]

He.

[Luke Burbank]

He makes us check out of the hotel at 12:30. Like, like I wish they would have run a stronger background check on him. And considering that this money again, is not just going back into the pockets of like some wealthy group of owners, I would have. It would have been nice if they would have sold it maybe at a lower bid to a more, I don't know, Portland associated person. Because what this really makes me think now is that this guy really does just want to, like, he, he clearly does not care how he is perceived by the people in Portugal. Portland. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Knight]

Like, if he did, probably doesn't. I mean, well, who knows? A billionaire from Texas doesn't sound like a Portland guy. Yeah, he probably doesn't even like the people that this team plays for.

[Luke Burbank]

It doesn't sound like his vibe. Right. Portland. And so it's like I, Yeah, I mean, again, I guess it's like not everybody has $4 billion. Maybe nobody in the Portland area, no group of people were able to put together the bid. But I almost feel like, I don't know, like it should be the, the law or something that like, like if you're going to sell a team, you have to sell it to a ownership group that's based in the city that the team is based in. I think I could get behind that rule because here's the thing. Professional sports teams are already monopolistic to a degree that's probably illegal, right? Like you have a monopoly. Nobody else is allowed to start an NBA team unless the NBA owners allow for it. Therefore their, their franchises are valuable because there's a scarcity around it because, you know, know you're in control of it. And so at and. And pro teams are some of the only assets that historically have literally never gone down in value because of the monopolies. It seems like it wouldn't be the worst thing to say, okay, you get to own this appreciating asset that like it again, is worth so much more than you paid for it and will continue to rise in value. But the one deal is, the one stipulation or caveat is, is when you get around to selling this asset, you've got to sell it to people in the town where the asset is based. I would totally support that rule.

[Andrew Knight]

And also we probably should have said this at the beginning of the show, like we know we're talking about here, but for full disclosure, we are of course the sponsors of the TBTL Junior Sluggers, or you know, as they're known, the Jalapenos.

[Luke Burbank]

Keep jalapeno.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, oops. I tried. I tried to play. I Just went to marsupial gurgle and hit the first thing this jalapeno. There it is. You know what? I'll let you play the jalapeno drop. There's a reason you did not entrust me with that one, so I'll let you do that in the future. But yeah, you know, I mean, we have a little bit of experience in this world and we let the. We let.

[Luke Burbank]

We are team owners.

[Andrew Knight]

We let the kids check out a late checkout. I mean, you're the. You're the king of late checkout. Do you think that we're going to be holding in that arena?

[Luke Burbank]

I've extended my bonvoy benefits to all of the jalapenos, including Armani and Atlas and Fox.

[Andrew Knight]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

And all of them. Yeah. So that's. Yeah, you're right.

[Andrew Knight]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, we are team. We are. We're basically like a pro, you know, pro franchise ownership group ourselves. So we know what we're talking about here. But anyway, there was one other thing he did that was super el cheapo that maybe I'll remember later and talk about tomorrow. But I just. There was just something so rich about Scott Van Pelt after opening the Ark of the Covenant, describing this guy as scrappy.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You cannot describe a guy who already owns one pro team, bought another team and. And raised $4 billion to do so as scrappy. Yeah, that is not that word. Does not work in the context of this guy.

[Andrew Knight]

Real boot heels kind of guy.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. There's a right way to rock and

[Andrew Knight]

wrong way to roll. You can just listen to your song. Just remember that life is number one.

[Luke Burbank]

You can be heaven.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, we had a close call today, Luke, as we prepare to say happy blurs day to our listeners. I had gathered all of the blurs day. We have a decent showing today, but nothing overwhelming in quantity. And then I thought I was all done and then I'm like, I should check the spam folder, Luke. And there was a blurs day message caught in the spam folder. And I saw that. I'm like, oh no, how long has it been in here? Did I check? Was this from several weeks ago? But no, it was actually for this week. And I'll start with that one, by the way. If you do want to wish somebody a happy blursday, including yourself, by the way, give yourself a little shout out. Email me. My address is andrewbtl.net and put Blursday in the subject line and make sure it doesn't go to spam. Kyle Says wishing a very happy golden blurs day to my wonderful wife, Lisa. Hope you have a fantastic day.

[Luke Burbank]

My wife.

[Andrew Knight]

Happy blursday, Lisa. And by the way, there's absolutely nothing spammy about that message at all. Like, why would. Why would Google be too aggressive on that? He did send me some information about some gentleman's pills I can try out. Maybe enhancement. Yeah, exactly. That's probably related. Sorry about that, Lisa. I shouldn't be joking about that. On your blurs day. Golden blursday at that Jesse says, I want to give a special ninth blursday message to my five.

[Luke Burbank]

Vincent.

[Andrew Knight]

Vincent, we love you so much and we're so lucky to have you in our lives. Keep doing well in school, being kind to others, and staying curious about the world around you. We hope you have an awesome birthday celebration at Tabletop Village playing Pokemon with your friends. Love, dad. That's sounds great. You know what you gotta do? Catch them all.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I've heard that.

[Andrew Knight]

I read that. Watch a YouTube video about it. Happy blursday, Luke. To our good friend, Lynn. Lynn. This might be an inaugural blurs day message that Lynn sent in. And Lynn says in 2020, I made a grand plans to celebrate my golden blurs day with a live taping of Wait Wait in Chicago on my 40th birthday. But it got scuppered. I never heard that term before. Is that. Is that a soccer term or is

[Luke Burbank]

it a. I think it's maybe nautical.

[Andrew Knight]

Interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

Canceled is typically, I think, how I think of scuppering.

[Andrew Knight]

I'm gonna start using that. So you just gave me a gift on your blurs day. But anyway, Lynn says I was gonna go to this live taping of Wait in Chicago on my 40th birthday, but I got scuppered due to waves at what happened in 2020. Six years later, I'm finally in Chicago to be at a Wait Wait taping on my birthday.

[Luke Burbank]

Whee.

[Andrew Knight]

Yay.

[Luke Burbank]

Awesome, Lynn.

[Andrew Knight]

Indeed. That really makes my day. I'm so glad that you wrote in Lynn. And thanks for pulling that clip that I put you on the spot about yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

Have fun.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah, indeed. Who are the panelists?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know this week, but in a few weeks it'll be me on the show that's gonna air on May 23, which will be Bill Curtis final episode as the announcer. So that's gonna be a big. It'll be a big show. It's gonna be probably a trip down memory lane.

[Andrew Knight]

Speaks very well of how they think of you. I bet you they chose a special panel.

[Luke Burbank]

I would Love to take credit for that, but I think it's unrelated. Cause I think if they were gonna pick, you know, if they were gonna, like, pick a special panel, it would definitely be, like, Paula Poundstone, Mo Rocca.

[Andrew Knight]

And you don't think you're in the mix?

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe Tom Beaudet. I don't. I think I'm kind of B team.

[Andrew Knight]

You think that?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, in my heart, I'm. I'm A team.

[Andrew Knight]

I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm BA Barakas. I'm on the A team if you need. I have a fear of flying, but if you give me milk, I fall asleep. Do you remember that plot about BA Baracas?

[Andrew Knight]

I don't know if I do.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. One of the things was he was a real tough guy, but he was afraid of flying.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, this is on the show. This isn't the.

[Luke Burbank]

On the A team.

[Andrew Knight]

Oh, no, I didn't watch it.

[Luke Burbank]

So, yeah, on the A Team, he was, like, the real tough guy, B.A.

[Andrew Knight]

baracus.

[Luke Burbank]

But the quirk was he was. He was nervous flyer. But for some reason, milk knocked him out. So they'd have to give him milk before he'd fly him somewhere, because that would just conk him out.

[Andrew Knight]

Maybe it was milk of the poppy. Ah, like the old Game of Thrones.

[Luke Burbank]

Happy blurs day, ladies.

[Andrew Knight]

Did you just play something? Did I hear my voice saying Milk in the background?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think so. I was trying to. Let's see. Hypnotized, drugged, disguised. 8 Ways to Get BA Baracas on an airplane. Let's see. I'm not gonna play a compilation. So these are just all different ways, I guess, on the A team. Oh, this is 33 minutes. That's way too long. I'm not gonna play this whole thing. But apparently they just had a bunch of different ways that they would trick him into getting on airplanes.

[Andrew Knight]

Steve says, happy birthday and happy.

[Luke Burbank]

I was.

[Andrew Knight]

I was practicing practicing this before, but I was not practicing the word practicing, unfortunately. Happy birthday and happy Konings dog to Jen. Do you know dog is like, maybe a Belgian holiday? I want to say I was looking this up before Conan's dog.

[Luke Burbank]

That's. They would give B.A. barack as a. Koning's dog is one of the things to put him to sleep.

[Andrew Knight]

They used to give him away free on Spirit Airlines.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Andrew Knight]

Koningsdog is a national holiday in the Netherlands. Dutch. Yes. Okay. It marks.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Knight]

Birth of King Willem Alexander. Okay. So happy birthday and Coney's dog to Jen. I can't believe it has been 11 years since the notorious Orange Feather Boa even evening. I owe you a $3 baby grand Marnier shot. Probably at least $4 now, adjusted for inflation. From Steve, aka the sniffer.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, sure.

[Andrew Knight]

This is where we just go with that. There ain't nothing like soup. The guy that I saw online accidentally earlier might be.

[Luke Burbank]

I bet. By the way, you know, I deleted that from my computer, but that didn't for whatever reason, delete it off of my phone. That photo you sent me. And so then you sent me the picture of Adam Silver and Scott Van Pelt. And I looked at my phone and was thoroughly unprepared to revisit the dishwasher photo. It really shocked me.

[Andrew Knight]

Re traumatized. I'd like to point out once again you saw the blurred version.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. But they're both stand by the contention at might be worse.

[Andrew Knight]

And finally, our pal Slapjacking Cheryl and Corvallis and family would like to wish Irene a very happy golden blurs day. She is turning 13 today. How is this possible? Irene is smart, sassy and has a great sense of humor and is the kind of caring friend anyone is lucky to have. She's also an amazing self taught artist and digital animator. We could use some help over here. Here's to another year of seeing all the awesomeness you have to show the world. Happy birthday Ire Irene. Indeed. Happy birthday, Irene.

[Luke Burbank]

I remember getting to visit with Irene and Julian all those years ago. Back when we were on the van tour.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah, the very first.

[Luke Burbank]

Not the vaniversary show, but the first stop on that.

[Andrew Knight]

Right. We did it during the tail end of the pandemic. But we didn't want to be gathering people into enclosed spaces. So we went around in that little van delica. Right. And did shows from people's driveways and Corvallis. Am I right? Was that the first stop?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, it was. Cheryl and Corvis.

[Andrew Knight]

That was really sweet. You know Luke, can I just be. Can I just say at the end of the show here we have. We have. So we have gone on so many little fun adventures.

[Luke Burbank]

Really looking forward.

[Andrew Knight]

We have another one coming up this summer for the TBT I found. But honestly, like how many? Oh, not the 24 hour van one, but the van one where we went around doing shows from the driveway.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, Andrew. Andrew Knight. Not the time that we drove through the outback.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah. Not the time that we hitchhiked. Like it's nice to be able to constantly kind of have these shared memories with you and the listeners.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely.

[Andrew Knight]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

We've had some really fun adventures, and we're really, really blessed to get to do this show and do all the stuff around it. It's all thanks to the listeners, too. So thank you, everybody, for making this possible. All right, that's going to do it for today's episode, but we are going to be right back here tomorrow with more, more imaginary radio for all of you, a big Friday show. So please join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Knight]

And good luck to all. Power out.