#4719 Calendar Boy

Summary

TBTL #4719 "Calendar Boy" — May 4, 2026

Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

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Episode Overview

In this lively Monday edition of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, Luke and Andrew ease back into the workweek with tales of weekend yardwork, home maintenance adventures, and the comforts of small routines. They trade stories of minor victories, unexpected technical challenges, and the all-too-familiar heartbreak of being a Seattle Mariners fan. The episode is filled with their signature mix of earnest reflection, inside jokes, and long-form chats that move seamlessly from mundane life hacks to deep listener appreciation.

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Key Topics & Discussions

Weather and Weekend Vibes

• [01:39]–[02:15] Luke and Andrew open with mutual marveling at the unseasonably warm weather—almost 90°F in May.
  • Luke recounts drinking from the garden hose, washing out his stock tank (a makeshift pool), and enjoying a pristine Sunday.
• [04:32]–[05:09] Both hosts agree the nice weather transforms daily life, even as they jokingly worry about climate change implications:
  • “90 degrees in May. I'm sitting in the tank. I don't think that's great for the climate.” — Luke [05:09]

Weekend Recaps: Social Gatherings & Solo Projects

• Andrew’s Saturday:
  • [05:22]–[14:46] A quintessential PNW day: yardwork, burning debris, and listening to the Mariners game. He digs up potentially poisonous bluebells for his dog’s safety, relishes his new garden tool, and hosts his dog Lucy on a 15-foot lead.
  • “It was just such a perfect, perfect day. But then I'm covered in dirt.” — Andrew [11:59]
  • He chooses not to attend a friends’ barbecue—missing out on video evidence of Camaro Kev’s surprisingly skillful nunchuck demonstration, which Luke reports.
• Luke’s Saturday:
  • [15:20]–[18:52] Returns from LA to emcee a fundraising event for a local shelter in Longview, WA. Finds himself both the MC and default stage manager, admiring the organization’s mission but noting the chaos of event logistics.

Mariners Meltdowns & The Power of Sports Fandom

• [13:14]–[14:56] Both hosts vent about the Mariners' loss, especially the ninth-inning blunders on a night meant to honor a beloved pitcher, leaving a bitter aftertaste to otherwise idyllic weekends.
  • “Losing games is one thing, but the way the Saturday night game was lost… spirits could not be higher, then everything is burning and then debris.” — Andrew [14:13]
• [29:56]–[30:14] Andrew laments the sick-to-your-stomach feeling that sticks with him after significant sports heartbreak:
  • “You know how when something bad happens in your life … and you realize, ‘Oh, my rabbit died or whatever.’ … Why do I have this feel—f***ing Mariners.” — Andrew

The Saga of the Failing Riding Lawn Mower

• [18:52]–[29:10] Luke details his ordeal diagnosing and partially disassembling his riding electric mower when its battery loses effectiveness:
  • Attempts to follow YouTube tutorials that prove misleading for his model.
  • Carefully labels and removes all four batteries, has them tested at auto parts stores (“Napa know how”), and discovers only one is dead.
  • Expresses pride at the small victory of forward thinking—labeling the batteries—while acknowledging total success awaits finding a replacement battery online.
  • “I went and I got some painters tape and I cut little squares and put them on each battery. And I numbered with a Sharpie.” — Luke [23:01]

Listener Appreciation: Dazzling Donors

• [31:47]–[39:20] The hosts shift tone to reader gratitude during the “Dazzling Donors” segment.
  • Russell from Kennewick, WA: Sends a heartfelt message about the show’s impact on his mental and emotional well-being.
    • “Your podcast, in particular, has grown into something more than background listening. It's become a daily anchor that helps keep me grounded in this strange existential reality we're all navigating.” — Russell (as read by Luke) [33:08]
  • Laura from St. Petersburg, FL: Encourages TBTL listeners to get involved in local politics in advance of the 2026 elections.
    • “Please give or do one action between now and election day. The more local to you, the better…Thanks, as always, to Luke and Andrew for providing our daily respite from the world.” — Laura [39:19]

Andrew’s Calendar-based Mini-Epiphany

• [41:23]–[52:22] Andrew shares a quintessentially TBTL story about his persistent annoyance with his (now fully-cardboard) Far Side page-a-day calendar falling over. Afraid of being told he’s using it wrong if discussed on the show, he double-checks—and discovers the missing support flap was there all along. This “pre-shame” saved him from a flood of listener correction emails.
  • “It was pre shame that got me there, Luke. It was the pre shame of me telling the story on the air and having a listener point it out.” — Andrew [49:34]

Clean House, Clean Mind

• [52:47]–[55:30] The hosts riff on bathroom routines and the psychological impact of untidy spaces.
  • Luke is haunted by seeing a bathroom sink once so grimy it looked like a “Sarlacc,” motivating him to keep his own spotless.
  • Andrew describes meticulous cleaning routines and the sanctuary-like status of his private bathroom.

Life Hacks: Cleaning in the Shower

• [60:04]–[63:01] Andrew discusses his new model of bringing household items (sponges, dehumidifier buckets) into the shower with him to clean efficiently, a topic recently explored on his other podcast, “Spotless.”
  • “What other things can we bring into the shower to clean with us so you don't have to get water all over the place? That's come up. We've heard some horrifying stories from listeners about college boys taking their dishes into the communal showers and cleaning them there.” — Andrew [62:13]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On fan engagement:
  “Do I wish our fans were a little more hip? Yes. Do I wish they were a tad more on top of Gene? Absolutely. Do they have a… a confused look in their eyes like a dog that's heard a strange sound? Yeah. But strap that dog to a sled and, baby, you'll be flying across the tundra.” — Andrew [00:44]

• Air horn hijinks:
  Luke demonstrates his new mini air horn, bought from TikTok Shop, only to discover it's not loud enough and must be held 'backwards' for max volume.
  “Worst 13 I've ever spent.” — Luke [04:25]

• On practical adult victories:
  “I was so proud of myself, which was… This is the kind of forward thinking that I rarely demonstrate.” — Luke (about labeling mower batteries) [23:44]

• Andrew on handling compliments:
  “Somebody made some analogy… If somebody cooked you a meal and you took a bite of it and you were like, absolutely not… Or, I don't deserve this… The compliment is something the other person is giving. It's meaningful to them.” — Luke [36:08]

• On cleaning motivation:
  “Every time I do that, I think about that sink in Echo Park that horrified me… so at all times, if you walked into my house, day or night, you would find that the sink has no toothpaste buildup, no whisker buildup, it has no buildup of anything.” — Luke [57:10]

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Noteworthy Timestamps

• [02:18] Red Lobster's "Endless Shrimp" returns, and how many shrimp equals value for money (teased for future content).
• [09:36] The virtues of an upgraded gardening tool, courtesy of a seasoned Home Depot employee.
• [14:49] Annual Spring Mariners Meltdown.
• [27:14] The saga of the elusive replacement lawnmower battery.
• [33:08] Russell’s moving listener message, and the hosts’ reflections on listener impact.
• [41:23] Andrew’s Far Side calendar conundrum.
• [52:47] Luke’s horror story about the world’s grossest sink.
• [60:04] Life hack: Clean things in the shower—including tubs, and dehumidifier buckets.

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Tone, Style, and Closing

The show maintains its beloved, meandering, gently self-deprecating tone throughout—balancing low-stakes household drama with friendship, sports heartbreak, and encouragement to embrace civic engagement and mutual support. The episode is punctuated by inside baseball (literal and metaphorical), old-school TBTL gags (air horns, calendar talk), and an emphasis on the rituals that anchor our days.

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No mountain too tall… and good luck to all!

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

We like different things, and that's okay. Cause we dislike different things.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me and my mom like our eggs

[Luke Burbank]

different way, and that's okay. My mom likes them fried. I like them scrambled with cheese.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tbtl.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna suggest that we have a little constructive talking time. Not long at all. I mean, maybe 10 minutes or. Okay. Or maybe 15 is also good.

[Andrew Walsh]

But it'll be so amazing. You'll love it. It's gonna be the best ever. I love this show. Do I wish our fans were a little more hip? Yes. Do I wish they were a tad more on top of Gene? Absolutely. Do they have a. A confused look in their eyes like a dog that's heard a strange sound? Yeah. But strap that dog to a sled and, baby, you'll be flying across the tundra. Hey, can we get back to the funny?

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. These aren't the droids you're looking for, but my name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. I'm an activist and house party enthusiast coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia on an absolutely gorgeous Monday, May 4th.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, ma pa.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just beautiful. It's gonna be another warm day today. Yesterday almost got to 90 degrees here.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm flying in hot for that hottie.

[Luke Burbank]

Was doing all kinds of yard work, was drinking out of the hose, was washing out my stock tank that I like to sit in on hot days, Filled it up with some clean water, sat in there, enjoyed the live and tweedle out of that sundae. Monday's gonna be nice too, though, and we're excited to be here with you for episode 4719 in a collector series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

Red Lobster has quietly brought back the Endless Shrimp promotion, which maybe wasn't the reason that they were in such financial distress, but it wasn't helping. So they're bringing it back, but doing it in kind of a weird fashion. We've also found out from the Washington Post the exact number of shrimp you need to eat in order to get your money's worth at the Endless Shrimp. So this is some news you can use today. Speaking of questionable ideas, let's take on

[Andrew Walsh]

projects that we know we can't do and do them.

[Luke Burbank]

Took my entire lawnmower apart yesterday. Well, significant portion of it. And it remains to be seen if I'll be able to put it back together or not. But I can update folks on that project and how things are going for this guy. He's the longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's also known in some quarters as the Miami meat tent. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. Whoa, whoa. What was that? Oh, you have a little air horn, huh? Wow. I'm ready to party.

[Luke Burbank]

Got a new toy with the best of them. I. This is either gonna be the best or worst thing that's ever happened to the show. I bought this on the Tick tock shop.

[Andrew Walsh]

I like it. You're gonna be surprised by the way. It's actually. It's not like a little sound box that. That sounds like an air horn, but looks like something else. It is a little mini air horn, which is very, very cool. My complaint with air horns. My complaint with it is not that we're over air horns. I don't know if I'll ever be over air horns. My complaint with it is that it's not loud enough. I'm kind of surprised you would think that I would be like, hey, turn that down a little.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what? Let's try this. Let's put the. The business in of the air horn.

[Andrew Walsh]

See, here's the thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Because of its shape, I assumed incorrectly, Andrew, that this was the business end.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It's shaped so that it looks like a traditional air horn, but really the sound is coming out of that. This is purely decorative. Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

The southbound end of a northbound.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that is better.

[Luke Burbank]

Better.

[Andrew Walsh]

But then. But it's not as satisfying, though, because now you're holding the wrong end up.

[Luke Burbank]

I know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, well.

[Luke Burbank]

Worst 13 I've ever spent.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, Luke, what a GD weekend. Man, this.

[Luke Burbank]

Tell me about it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Weather just changes everything, doesn't it? It was so nice. Let me tell you about my Friday. It's. By the way, I would love to and tell you about my Friday. Just because you and I haven't talked in a while, not because it's necessarily leading up to anything great. There's no drama or anything.

[Luke Burbank]

Just let people know sometimes. This is me and Andrew literally just catching up.

[Andrew Walsh]

We just have to catch up a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

We happen to be recording it, but at no time are we thinking is this entertaining.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. I mean, sometimes I think that. And then the answer, sadly, is not yes. And so this time, no. I just. I mean, I won't prolong this, but you just mentioned how nice the weather is, and it's just like. It was like A perfect. It felt like a summer weekend. Now, should we be worried about it hitting record temperatures in May? I don't know, man. That's somebody else's problem.

[Luke Burbank]

90 degrees in May. I'm sitting in the tank. I don't think that's great for the climate. Yeah, let me ask. Let me ask. Chat if it's good for the climate. Hey, Claude, can I say.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm going to assume that he's not listening now, though. You never really know. He kind of lurks around. He kind of creeps. I did feel we can talk about my wonderful Saturday. It was just a wonderful day. It was just wonderful. It was just like a bunch of yard work. And then when I got done with the yard work, I had a ton of old wood I needed to burn. It was untreated wood, but it was from inside walls and stuff. So it was like two by four things. And I just. I got all my work done just in time. A bunch of friends all gathered for a barbecue that I really intended on going to, but I just was like, I might be up to my knees in Y work.

[Luke Burbank]

Was it at Rodents?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. And so what I know is I

[Luke Burbank]

saw Camaro Kev working the nunchucks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, God.

[Luke Burbank]

I got a video sent to me Saturday night at about 11:30 or 12 of Camaro Kev working the nunchucks. And I thought, somebody's been rolling some thunder out there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Whoa. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't see the impression.

[Luke Burbank]

He's actually really good at them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, that I have not seen this. I haven't heard tell of this impression. That it was a super wild time. It sounded like it was kind of a. There's a nice barbecue that the rodents put on that a bunch of different people came to from different, I think, walks of their life, too. It wasn't just our friend crew, which makes me think that, like, I would expect Kevin to be on his just best behavior.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, honestly, I think that his proficiency with the nun Chucks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Or as I used to call them, numb chucks when I was a kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hit him until you're numb.

[Luke Burbank]

He is like. He's doing really well with them in a way that makes me think he was definitely in his right mind.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, Exactly. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

It speaks to his. I don't know if I'm willing to call it sobriety, but not being way, way, way, you know, over the line, as it were. I'm going to send this to you.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I knew that our friends had this. This sort of after you know, late afternoon, very early evening cookout. And we were invited, but I was just like, I just held off. I said, thanks. I'm just not sure if I'm going to go. I really want to make a last minute decision because I had a feeling I'd be doing yard work. And I. And I was, I was. Oh, you know what I had to do. We have a pretty crummy backyard. I love having the backyard. And it's all fenced in. It's been so great now that we do finally have a puppy. Like, it's all working out as it should. But one of the only saving graces of this backyard that has, like, really, really spotty grass, which is basically just growing through old gravel. I'm just waiting for life to find a way. Like, that's my plan for this backyard so far.

[Luke Burbank]

Clever girl.

[Andrew Walsh]

But the one thing that was pretty in it was the wildflowers, because you have bluebells in this part of the country and they just. They're literally. They spread like weeds. And they're beautiful purple FL. Flowers, right? And beautiful purple flowers. And a big chunk of our backyard was covered with them, which I really like. And I took this wonderful photo, purple ball, this beautiful photo of our. Of our dog Lucy in. In the. In the bluebells that I loved and I was sharing with people until somebody said those are really poisonous for dogs. And I looked it up and it's like, apparently, I mean, the Internet said they're poisonous. I'm like, I don't have to run. I don't have to. You know, I'll just dig them up.

[Luke Burbank]

Seem like she wants to eat them.

[Andrew Walsh]

She wants to kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

Not that you should leave them there, but, you know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, she kind of wants to eat anything. So what I did is I started this a few nights ago, but instead of just like mowing them down because they're bulb plants, you know, they'll just grow back. I started one night. It was a nice night. I wanted to be outside anyway, so I started like digging them up with like, this really great. It's not like the weed puller upper we grew up with that sort of looks like a snake's tongue on the end. I want. I love those. And I wanted to buy. I think about this old man all the time, Luke. I should have started here. I was at Home Depot, and I'm a traditionalist and I don't like to go outside my comfort zone. And I just wanted one of those old school weed, you know, things that you pry the dirt up with. And it looks like a little snake tongue at the end. And I couldn't find exactly that one in the Home Depot. This is like last spring, I want to say. And then some older gentleman there who works there asked me what I was looking for. Maybe I asked him to help me find this thing, and he said, listen, you want this? And it looks more like a. You call that a knife kind of knife. It's serrated on one end. It's very, very pointy, but it's a thick blade sort of. And he's like, trust me, you want this. I'm like, I really. I'm like, I used the other one growing up. Like, I know what I want. He's like, well, plus, he's like, trust

[Luke Burbank]

me, you want bend over with knifey Spoony versus either standing up with the Polk eye.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I don't. I've never had a long one. I won't. They've all been handheld for me, so get that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't think I've ever. Are you talking about the dandelion clipper thing? Yeah, I've heard of those.

[Luke Burbank]

That has the. So when you're saying snake tongue, I was picturing. Maybe I was picturing the wrong thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's just like a hand tool that you hold in your hand. Got a bar coming off the end of it, and then the end, it's just flared a little bit, so. So it's a little point, but you kind of like. The idea is it would kind of maybe straddle the point. Would sort of like straddle the weed that you're trying to pull.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's just.

[Andrew Walsh]

You stick it in the dirt, and it just loosens the dirt, essentially. But anyway, this old man's like, you want this updated? When I keep calling me an old man. He's probably five years older than me anyway. He's like, you really want this one? I was like, I don't know, man. Like, I just. It looks like a knife I'm not good with. I don't have my totem chip badge. I don't know what I said. I was just really reluctant. He's like, please trust me on this. He's like, this is my favorite tool. I'm like, all right, fine. So I buy this thing whenever it was last spring. Luke. I literally, while I was working in the backyard today, had a fantasy of going back to the Home Depot and running into him again and thanking him and for getting me out of my comfort zone. It is so much better than the Old school ones. It is so sharp it gets down there because I didn't want to leave the bulbs. So as much as possible, I'm on my hands and knees, or worse, standing and bending all the way over, prying, prying. I probably pulled up, I mean, I want to say a thousand bulbs, but maybe somewhere north of 500. I mean, there are just so many of them all over our yard. A whole. It was just like I dug up a whole little like patch of these things. But the one night I was doing it, I was kind of like trying to get it done as fast as possible. But then I had some more. I wanted to go over it some more. There were some more to get. And it's just, you know, I wanted to just tidy up the yard. But I was able to like, tie Lucy up. Like, Lucy's just like when she was a brand new puppy. I couldn't like, just kind of tie her up. She's just, you just. She needed attention constantly in every kind of scenario. But now she's like just getting to the age where like, yeah, she's got wild puppy energy, but you can also tether her to something. We got one of those things that screws into the ground and like a 15 foot lead or something. And it was so adorable. She was out there with me all day as I continued to dig some of these up. And then I weeded and, and cleaned up the yard as best I could and just got everything nice and tidy. And again, it's not like a, an award winning backyard. Far from it, dude. What is that, an eastern thing? Far from it. But I, it was just such a perfect, perfect day. But then I'm covered in dirt. And so Genevieve's like, well, I'm going to rodents. I'm like, okay, well, I'll give you and Lucy a ride over there. So they go rodents because it's an outdoor barbecue. And then I come back home just in time to finish the yard work. I had about an hour's more yard work to do, then take a very quick shower and then come outside with the radio right as the Mariners game was starting. And I was like, this is exactly what I want to do. I wasn't even going to watch it. I was just listening to it. I sat there and I just burned all of this debris, this huge, unwieldy pile that I had in the backyard that was starting to have grass grow through it. So it really just felt like a junkyard, you know, Just gave me a bad feeling. Like, this is not.

[Luke Burbank]

This is your Saturday night, yard burning, all this stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So Saturday day, I'm just working in the yard. Oh, Shonda Torrey swung by. Just popped in and say hello in the middle of the afternoon while I

[Luke Burbank]

was doing Boggle Boogal.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. It was just one of those perfect Saturdays. And then I'm just like, I'm done and I cry. Filled my little TBTL cooler up with some Coors light. I burned things for like four hours. Everything was perfect until the ninth goddamn inning. And. And I was going to say what

[Luke Burbank]

you could really do to improve the evening is not only not watch the game, but listen to it. But then also don't listen to it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, don't. Only What I did was I took. I took that tool and I dug

[Luke Burbank]

a big hole and I under Munoz, buried.

[Andrew Walsh]

I buried my. If you listen really closely, you could still hear the post game show playing from under the earth. It ruined my night. This is a baseball thing. You and I don't have to get into it, but let's just say that, like, losing games is one thing, but the way the Saturday night game was lost on a very special night when we were honoring a pitcher, a retired pitcher, and then we had a pitcher who's actually started the game for us, who was supposed to be our backup pitcher, had a game of a lifetime, did an amazing job. Like, spirits could not be higher. Whiff and Palmer spirits couldn't be higher. The weather is perfect. I'm getting text messages from friends who are at the game, friends who are watching the game. Everything is burning and then debris. And that ninth game, it was. Is that what they call Coors light?

[Luke Burbank]

I think that's what Becca's family calls a course light. They call it a C minus.

[Andrew Walsh]

I like.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, they love them. Minus.

[Andrew Walsh]

You mean, like maybe minus the calories or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

So they're like, yeah, give me a C minus.

[Andrew Walsh]

So anyway, it ended in a real. It really bummed me out like that. Yeah, the Mariners really ruined what would have been an abs. Well, I wouldn't even say the Mariners, because some Mariners helped make my night so special. You know, like, Emerson, I'm looking at you, fella. But I. But then the fact that there was just some absolute, like, just boneheaded mistakes, Little league level mistakes.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry, the junior sluggers wouldn't even make those mistakes.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, they wouldn't. In fact, I need Coach Ben to write in and make me feel better about what happened on Saturday with his poetic we need.

[Luke Burbank]

We need a sluggers update. Because I hear by way of Becca. That they've been having some success on the field. Get at us with that. Yeah, we need that now more than ever.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. So anyway, that's like I said, no big power out, other than just with the exception of a baseball game, which I'm trying not to let ruin the entire day. I know was maybe the absolute perfect Saturday one could have. If one is me.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm envious of your Saturday because I got back from Los Angeles and then I had. I had committed to helping emcee an event for a. A place down in Longview that helps find. Well, they basically provide shelter for families and youth and people who are unhoused. It's a really cool organization. And they had gotten a hold of me because they'd heard I lived in town and said, would you come host this event for us? And I said, sure. And it was a lovely night. And they raised a lot of money. We raised a lot of money. It was interesting though because it was like, clearly what these folks are really good at is supporting people who are unhoused. And they really do. I mean, it's an amazing. It's called, it's called Community House on Broadway. But what they don't do as much is run events like this. As far as the stagecraft goes, I showed up and I was like, oh, I guess I'm also in charge of getting everyone to the stage, of making sure that this thing times out of like all the stuff that a stage manager would do. Because again. And by the way, the event was lovely, the food was lovely, the room was nice, but it was just like I ended up kind of sort of, sort of running the show. But. But I spent all of Saturday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wouldn't you say that that is like at least 50% of the gigs that you do that are not related to your actual like live.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's the two, basically.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're almost always kind of like going in like you're the mc, but you're the only one who has experience putting on shows. So you sort of end up having to. You and I had some off air conversations. But another one of these you did recently where you're. Well, yeah, literally doing production work behind the scenes, trying to get pre interviews and stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

I am, I'm on a hot streak. And in fact. And again, these were both events that I was asked by people to help out with. And I thought, well, these are really, these are really good, a good cause. The other one involved, you know, veterans who are experiencing homelessness in Salem, Oregon. But it's just funny. That the last two ones of these that I've done, which I've done purely because I thought they were really great organizations that do good work. And in both cases, I was like, oh, okay, I'm the main person who understands how this kind of stuff sort of works. But my point in all that is to say I was out doing some yard stuff and various things on Saturday, but it was always with this kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's the worst.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I mean? It was with this. It was with this awareness that I had to be somewhere in a suit at 4:30 and trying to be, you know, charismatic or effervescent or whatever. And so just working kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so. And so then I was all excited because I could tell the event was going to be over and I was going to get to come home and I was going to get to watch the last three innings of the Mariner game. So I zipped home and popped on the television and Saturday night and was, as you were, quite frustrated with how things went down. But the good news was I was able to have the Sunday of all Sundays yesterday. I didn't have anything else that I had to do. Got up actually kind of bright and early. Knew it was going to be a warm day, drained out that, like, basically stock tank, which is just meant to have, like, in the pasture, if you have cattle or something, they drink out of it. Got that thing drained out, got it all cleaned, scrubbed it down, started mowing the lawn. Andrew. And realized that my riding lawnmower is no longer. It went from being able to mow the entire lawn on a charge to most of the lawn to about 20% of the lawn yesterday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can you remind me, I know we've had this conversation, and I know it's not exactly scintillating to the audience, but can you remind me, your battery. What's your battery situation? Do you have two batteries and you always have one charging and you're swapping in and out like.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's internal to the riding mode.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. You've told me this. You have to plug the whole damn thing in like a car.

[Luke Burbank]

You plug it in like a car and you have to leave it on this charger at all times? No. Well, I mean, it's worked, generally worked for however many, I don't know, three years that I've had it. And so. But yesterday I was like, yeah, this is no longer. It wouldn't mow uphill. So for a while this has been going on the whole summer, basically, it Needs a lot of juice to both go up a hill with me sitting on it and to be mowing. It doesn't like to do those. All of those things at once. And so I figured out that I could mow downhill.

[Andrew Walsh]

So in other words, it'll drive you uphill, but the energy is being mow me uphill. It actually slows down the blades and the. And.

[Luke Burbank]

Or it turns them off, stops them if I'm going uphill. And before, that only happened at the end of the session.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

So towards the end, when I only had a little, small area still to mow, start doing that. And so I developed this technique which should just mow downhill.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God. You know? Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And. And so. But. But yesterday, what happened was I.

[Andrew Walsh]

It.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, it maybe five minutes, ten minutes into the session, it didn't want to mow uphill. And I was like, all right, well, this is a problem. So got on YouTube and watched a couple of tutorials about how to try, which, by the way, were completely wrong. Just because it was a version of this mower that looks exactly like mine, but it must be a year older or a year newer. So that what the guy was doing in the video was it didn't work for mine. He was able to kind of like, slide this tray out, which has these four surprisingly heavy batteries on it. They're 12 volt, and they're designed for, like, an EV kind of a thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I was trying to do that, and it didn't work. And I realized, oh, this is all welded in place. I'm not. I'm not using the same lawnmower that the guy in the video is. But so then I had to kind of, like, improvise. And I did. Took the seat off, undid all these little harnesses, these little, you know, areas where basically little wire harnesses that snap together to kind of have the power go, and the steering wheel and the brake, you know, all the stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

These are harnesses to keep the batteries not just in place, but also to send the charge to various parts of the mower.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, the batteries are strapped down with this whole rack system. These are where basically electric electrical cables are connecting between the battery and other things. Like there's headlights on the mower, which I didn't even realize until yesterday. I'd never looked at the front of the mower from the angle I was at. I was like, oh, this thing has headlights. Okay, that's good to know. But I. There was multiple times where I thought, I don't really know how to do this. And it's not working. And I'm bad at this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just taking it apart at this point.

[Luke Burbank]

Taking it apart.

[Andrew Walsh]

And the plan is to go replace these batteries and then bring new ones home. Is that what you're talking about?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, yeah. What I ended up doing was, well, a pushing through. Because I was like, I don't have any alternative to this. I'm not going to call someone and have them come out here. I don't even know if that's a service that's provided. I can't put this thing on my car and drive it down to the Les Schwab or whomever. I can't drive it doesn't have enough juice for me to drive it into town straight story style. Remember that movie?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, but I haven't seen it yet. It's still on my list.

[Luke Burbank]

So I was like, nobody's. There's no cavalry. Nobody's coming for this mower except me. So I was just like, I gotta do this. So. Because it was complicated. Like, you have to pull the seat up and then you have to detach the seat. Then you have to. There's this housing around everything that's kind of plastic but fitted together very specifically. Take all of those, you know, screws out and bolts out. And then like, I just kept taking more often thinking, like, is this even gonna work? Like, is. Am I even. Like, should I be underneath the mower? But anyway, I managed to get the whole thing off and get the batteries out. I was very proud of myself. Took them down to the Napa know how and had them.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have to carry all four at once because they're still on some sort of.

[Luke Burbank]

They're so heavy. Yeah, surprisingly heavy. Like maybe not as heavy as your car battery, but like, heavier than I was expecting. I was carrying them two at a time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. So you don't have to carry them all as one unit at least.

[Luke Burbank]

No, they're four. I can send you a picture there.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, I understood that the mini car, but I thought that they were all. Maybe you had to pull out like a whole tray of all four of these things at once and then wrestle the whole thing into your car. So you're able to actually separate them all out as individual units, which is great.

[Luke Burbank]

And they all have their own handles. Yeah. Which is kind of convenient. I did something that I was. This is the smallest thing, Andrew. But like, I was so proud of myself, which was. I got the whole thing out. I got the seat off. I got down to where the batteries were and they're Indistinguishable from each other, right? Like they all have the same serial number. They're not really marked in any way. And I was like, this is going to get confusing. So I went and I got some painters tape and I cut little squares and put them on each battery. And I numbered with a Sharpie the batteries.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the kind of forward thinking that I rarely demonstrate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. But if they're all the same. So my question, I'm wondering if I'm not fully understanding this. So, Mike, my concern is, at this point in the story, my concerns are global. No, my concern is if all of the batteries are identical. To me, it doesn't sound like it matters where the batteries end up. It matters if you know which things hook up to which terminals.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I took a picture of it and the batteries are essentially interchangeable. But here's why I needed to know which one was which, because only one of them was bad when I went and got it tested.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you weren't replacing all four? You're gonna get them tested?

[Luke Burbank]

I needed to find out, no, they're like a couple hundred bucks per battery. And so I was hoping they weren't all. All of them, you know, needed replaced. And I wanted to find out which one of these or how many of these are, are not holding a charge. And so the guy at the, at the Napa was nice enough. They, you know, they, they do free battery testing there. And so he hooks it up to this machine and he's like, oh, yeah, this first one is dead. It's not holding a charge. And that was battery number one. Which if I wouldn't have had them, I guess I could have just put it to the side and been like, that one sucks. But there was something about just this small. And the other thing I did that was very small. And this is so hyper specific. But again, it is an example of me showing a rare forethought that I just don't have the batteries. The terminals on these little batteries, right, are like a screw, like some kind of a. You know, you screw it down and then you screw down over a little kind of round flat thing. That is what attaches the battery eventually to the mower. So I'd taken all these screws out and I'd put them in a little tray carefully. And I was holding the batteries. And now the batteries have no, nothing sticking out of the terminal, if that makes sense. It's just a screw hole, right? And I had these batteries in the car and I was like ready to take them down to Napa know how Napa Auto Parts. And I was like, but how's he gonna test these if there's nowhere for him to attach the little alligator clip? And I was like, oh, that's. The screws have to go in here. So I went and got the screws and put them in, and sure enough, that's exactly what he needed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Again, you know what you would have been if you hadn't brought him Screwed. Yeah, ironically.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. I. Again, that's such a small thing. It's so sad that that's a victory for me, Andrew, but, like, that's. It would have been. I would have said it's 90% probable that I would have showed up at that nap. And again, I'm also just getting into a world that I'm deeply uncomfortable with.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Which is, like, time is of the essence. Well, this is Sunday, so you don't have that thing hanging over your head. But, like, how long of a drive is. It's probably 20 minutes one way at least, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, 15 minutes.

[Andrew Walsh]

20 minutes. You had to go there and back and then realize I didn't bring the right thing. And then there and back again. A half hour just travel time becomes an hour travel time.

[Luke Burbank]

Time, totally. And just again, the embarrassment. Because what I would have done is I would have carried the batteries in, I would have put him down, then the guy would have come over and he was. Would have said, where are the screws? How do I test this? And I would have been like, oh,

[Andrew Walsh]

you know what, though? He's got screws.

[Luke Burbank]

He would have just.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

But.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway, it's good that you did

[Luke Burbank]

well, you'd think, Andrew, but guess what? He couldn't even find these batteries in his system. I was like, can I buy a replacement? He was like, these don't even exist. These. These are not the batteries you're looking for these. And then I went to oh, oh, O'Reilly's. Same problem. Couldn't find them in the system. I've got to buy this on, like, sadly, Amazon or maybe Home Depot. I still have to source this battery.

[Andrew Walsh]

You still haven't. Oh, you haven't replaced it yet. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

No, they do. You cannot. This is not an item that you can go to a store that I'm aware of and buy maybe one of those, like, batteries. Plus maybe a store that their whole thing is batteries. But that's all the way down in

[Andrew Walsh]

Vancouver or the company itself, if you're having it shipped.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Although I'm going to buy a knockoff because the real Ryobi ones are like very expensive. So I'm going to. But. So that's the other thing. I'm both kind of proud of myself that I figured out how to get this thing taken apart and get these batteries out and get them tested and identify which one was the bad one. It was battery number one and had the forethought to label it, so there's no confusion. But I still have yet to put the thing back together.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah, that's the. Taking things apart is always easier. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Ask Trump. It's much easier to break things than to fix them. And I am. Yeah, we'll. We'll see how that goes. It'll have to be, I think, when I'm taking a very quick trip to Boston this week, so it'll have to be when I get back from that. I did mow the entire rest of the lawn with my push mower, which is not self propelled by the way. Boy, did I ever blow it on that decision because, you know, I just thought, oh, I just need a little. A kind of a push mower, as you would call it, to clean up some areas I can't get to with the riding mower. And I think this was cheaper. It didn't even occur to me that I might want a mower that kind of pulls itself up the hill and helps me out a little bit. And boy, when you, when you're lacking that functionality, you really notice it on a 90 on an 85 degree day as I'm pushing that mower around the yard trying to get. Because I had, I had already mowed like half of the lawn, so I couldn't just leave it in, you know, chaos like that. So I had to go. But then when it was all done, I was, it was very gratifying because I filled my little, my little swimming pool. That's an overstatement. My little tank. Filled it up with clean, pristine water. I put the lawn chair in the pool because it's a little too cold to fully sit in, but it's perfect to be sitting in a chair in the pool and listen to the Mariners once again destroy my dream.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, look, I was totally tuned out for the Sunday one because my schedule on Sunday isn't great anyway. But also as lies, but also just like, why, you know, again, not to make this all about baseball, but I told you guys on the text chain that like Friday or I'm sorry, Saturday's loss. And again, even if we had just gotten swept by the Royals, it would have sucked. And you and I Would be in sour moods about that aspect of our weekends either way. But the way Saturday went down, like to blow such a amazing start by a surprising picture. Just like the way. And with just a bulk. Somebody forgetting how many. How many balls there were. Like, just like the stupidity that went into that loss. I woke up on Sunday with that weird pit in my stomach that sometimes you get when. Real bad.

[Luke Burbank]

You said that on the next.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, like, you know, like the type of thing. And again, I don't want to. This is just sports. So my point here isn't that I am going through actual, real trauma. But you know how when something bad happens in your life, like kind of legitimately bad, and you kind of wake up on a morning and you have the moment where you just sort of feel bad, but you don't know exactly why, and then you realize, oh, my rabbit died or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, and you're. It was like I woke up with that feeling. And first of all, I realized my rabbit had died. Didn't even know I had a rabbit. But also I was just like, wait, I'm probing around. Why do I have this feel. Fucking Mariners. Like, I was just like. And that pissed me off so much. Like, they should not have that. My entertainment choices should not have that power over me. You know what never did that to me? Better call Saul. You know what I mean? Like, I need to make some better decisions. Hey, can I just say this, though, because we need to take a quick break. In fact, I don't think I sent you dazzling donors. I needed to do that. But your talk of. Of taking apart and hopefully putting back together this. This device reminded me of something I've been meaning to tell you. Something that happened to me. It's very, very small. Small marbles, as they say. I'm just going to barrel through it because we're be. I wanted to keep an eye on the clock today, but this is a very small issue. But it was driving me absolutely bananas. The small thing in my life. And then it was fixed tangentially because of you and the listeners. And I will explain why.

[Luke Burbank]

Excellent. That's a great forward promotion. I just like to know that I did something good in your life. Or maybe it was most of the listeners, but I.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was mostly. Well, I'll just say it was mostly the. The. The ghostly whispers of you and the listeners. It wasn't actually anything you guys did or said, but it was.

[Luke Burbank]

We were living in your head.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were living in my head. And this time it paid off.

[Luke Burbank]

We was hoping for Some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle.

[Andrew Walsh]

On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set. Now. Ready? Ready. Go, everybody.

[Luke Burbank]

Razzle dazzle. You know, it can always pull me out of my Mariners. Inducement funk is the dazzling donors.

[Andrew Walsh]

They always dazzle.

[Luke Burbank]

Like the fact that. Yeah, exactly. They never. They never throw the ball to second randomly in extra innings, thereby advancing the runner to third. They never do that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do they ever forget. Do they ever forget the count when they're on second base? Or they just forget the count.

[Luke Burbank]

I just realized something, though. Our first donor is Mitch Garver, and our second donor is Randy Rosarina. So actually, I have to take that back.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, actually, though, kind of good news, bad news situation because. Because it's nice to have the Mariners on board supporting tbtl, I suppose.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. We've done so much to support them.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

These fine folks, these wonderful people are donating to tbtl, keeping us in business, making this my job and Andrew's job and John's job. And we're very grateful for that. We're very grateful for Russell Swanick of Kennewick, Washington.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, that's one of the Tri Cities. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I was going to say. Okay, I believe it's a Tri City. Can we do this off of the Dome? Probably not. Kennewick, Richland and Hanford.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think you're right. I knew one of Hanford. I wouldn't have had Richland, but I think you're right.

[Luke Burbank]

Proud of myself for once. Russell says. I've been wanting to share something with you both for a while. Though I've struggled to find the right words.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, damn it. It's not Hanford. I'm not yelling at you, Russell. And that's the one that I said I knew. It's Pasco.

[Luke Burbank]

Pasco. Sorry.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I think I have a. I think I have a sad horn. I'll play that one in a second.

[Luke Burbank]

So it's Pasco, Richland, and Kennewick.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Not Hanford. Yeah, my bad. Russell says, I wanted to share something with you, but I've struggled to find the right words. Even if I exist only at the periphery of your awareness, please know that your presence in my life through the work that you do and the conversations you share has a real and meaningful impact on me. In many ways, you've become an emotional barometer I use to gauge my own responses to life's challenges. Your perspectives help me recalibrate when things feel disordered or overwhelming. Your podcast, in particular, has grown into something more than background listening. It's become a daily anchor that helps keep me grounded in this strange existential reality we're all navigating. There's also a deeply meditative, almost spiritual quality to what you create that I find centering in ways that are difficult to fully articulate. Well, Russell, you're articulating it very well here, and it is such a kind thing to say and a bit overwhelming to read that, but my goodness, thank you. Thank you so much for saying that. I mean, that's a. That is so far and beyond whatever the aspirations for this show were. That to hear that that's how it's working for you is, like, really super gratifying. Russell says so. Put simply and sincerely, thank you. Your voices, your thoughts, and your shared humanity matter more than you likely realize. I particularly like how you definitely know the Tri Cities now. I think Russell will probably. Will probably.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought that was the sad one.

[Luke Burbank]

Regret that final line.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's the one.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that hbo? Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I had Hannah years and years and years ago on TBTL when she was in for you, I believe. Oh, yeah. Record some air horns for. See, that's pretty good. But it's good to remember I need to label them as sad. Like, this is the sad, which you need that sometimes when you're talking about the Tri Cities and getting it right

[Luke Burbank]

and we're messing that up. But Russell, I mean, thank you for that really thoughtful message. And you're right, it's. It's hard for me and probably Andrew to fully wrap our. Somehow John doesn't have a problem wrapping his mind, and I find that weird. No, it's hard for. For me to fully wrap my mind around that. But it's just. Again, it's really, really humbling to think that like. Like this. This thing that we're doing has that impact for you. So thanks for telling us that. And I'm gonna try. Somebody said something the other day I can't even exactly remember, but it had to do with essentially taking a compliment. And how. Because, you know, I. It's something that I definitely struggle with. And when people will say something nice, I have this reflexive response to invalidate what they're saying because for whatever is going on with me, and somebody made some analogy. I can't remember. It was maybe like if somebody cooked you a meal and you took a bite of it and you were like, absolutely not. You know, or something, it's like.

[Andrew Walsh]

Or, I don't deserve this. I'm trying to think, how could you

[Luke Burbank]

like, yeah, maybe that's a better example, but just kind of like to think about a compliment not just in terms of, like, me, the recipient of it, and do I believe it or not, or do I think the person's gonna think I'm conceited if I accept the compliment, but to see the compliment as something that is the other person is giving and it's meaningful to them, and they.

[Andrew Walsh]

They.

[Luke Burbank]

They're. They're giving us.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're.

[Luke Burbank]

They're giving me the compliment because they really feel that way. And for me to be. I mean, Becca reminds me of this a lot because she'll say something nice to me and I'll be like, no. And then she'll be like, you know, when I'm giving you a compliment, and then you just dismiss it. It kind of ruins it for me in a way, you know?

[Andrew Walsh]

So.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm trying to compliment you about my

[Luke Burbank]

lawnmower skills, your nunchuck skills, my nunchuck skills, my BO staff. Nothing in the bedroom, honestly, that has not made the list yet. But I'm. You know, I'm hoping. I'm hoping for that, but you know what I mean. Like, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you, Russell. I really appreciate it. And even if I can't fully wrap my mind around, I'm gonna. I'm going to accept that gratefully and. And just say thanks because that's a really kind thing that you wrote in that message. So thanks for supporting the show. Maestro.

[Andrew Walsh]

On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle dazzle. Look who it is. It's our friend Laura Gerkin in St. Petersburg, Florida.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, Laura. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Laura says I've put off writing this because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. Would you have those sad sadhorns still somewhere?

[Andrew Walsh]

I do. We're gonna have to interrupt the.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, they can't. We can't play the both at the same time. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, now I'm switching screen. I went back to the script.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. And it's just been hard to find something meaningful to say in the midst of the horrors we all try to escape via tbtl, but between John.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sorry, email.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I like it. Let's get our. Let's get our money's worth. If we're not getting razzle dazzle, we

[Andrew Walsh]

might as well just be prepared for that throughout. If the is going to continue. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I, I, I'm, I'm enjoying it. I think it's adding a little energy to the whole thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Between John's last call email and my recent election to the president of the Stonewall Caucus of my local Democrat Party. Heck yeah, Laura, congratulations. I figured I need to get my positive messaging together. That is good, Laura. You've got to be strong for a lot of people now, now that you've got that position. To that end, we all know the elections in 2026 are going to be important. I beg of each 10 to get involved in at least one way for a candidate or cause you support this year. Whether that's going to a candidate session, a call or text, banking, a small donation, or even joining your local party or caucus or club, whatever is within your capacity. Please give or do one action between now and election day. The more local to you, the better. Check out your city council election, mayoral race, tax levies. You get it. Thanks, as always to Luke and Andrew for providing our daily respite from. Did you say respite or respite?

[Andrew Walsh]

I say respite.

[Luke Burbank]

I think respite is the right way to say it. Our daily respite from the world. And John, for all you do. Yeah. Like, I've been wondering if. We cannot go into a conversation about voter intimidation right now. We don't have the time or the expertise.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I've been thinking about, thinking about the energy.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I've just been thinking about, you know, I've just been, you know, when I get done listening to the Mariners, I like to sit in my stock tank and spiral about the upcoming election and the fact that the Voting Rights act has been gutted and that, you know, it's very likely there will be ICE and other federal officers deployed to voting stations. I have a weird feeling, Andrew. I mean, I had a weird feeling Kamala was gonna win. So don't trust me on this. But I am optimistic that people are going to show up because of this. I know that I'm going to, to whatever degree I can, although I live in a state where it's voter by mail only. But, like, I think that this feels so existential. And also I think that if they try to mess with polling places, I think good natured, democracy loving people are gonna show up in droves. I think it's gonna, I think it's gonna backfire. I haven't, that's, I'm not repeating a talking point from Pod Save or anywhere else. I don't even know if this is conventional wisdom. I have a weird spidey sense that people are going to show up to protect their fellow neighbors and voters and that there's more of us. What I'm trying to say is there's more of us than there are of them. And I really hope that people take Laura's advice to get active and to. At the local level, really just, you know, make your voice heard and be there for other people who maybe don't have the ability or the safety to do it, you know, without the. The threat of being deported or messed with. So, yeah, Laura, thanks for what you're doing. And everybody, let's. Let's follow Laura's example and get out there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story. All right.

[Luke Burbank]

We were going to talk endless shrimp, but we may punt that to tomorrow.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, would you like me to punt my thing to tomorrow? Because this, even though it's about a calendar, it's not time sensitive, ironically.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no. I want to hear now. I'm intrigued, okay? I'm intrigued at how me and the listeners helped you through something and we didn't even know it.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it's not a very long story, although it's coming from me, so that means I can probably do it in 45 minutes or less. No, I actually think it's a pretty quick story. As I told. I told this story to Genevieve in the car the other day, and I said, don't worry, it's not a long story, but it is tedious. I have a Far side page a day calendar. You know this about me. I used to have these growing up. I would get them for Christmas every year. I loved them. Hadn't had one in decades. And then they started reprinting them again, you know, using just Far side cartoons from the archives, not really filled with new stuff. And. And so I think three years ago, my dad got me one for Christmas here or some. Something like that. It was. Maybe it was my birthday, but he just happened to be in Costco or something and he saw them and he grabbed one. And I was like, oh, my God. I don't think he realized when he just sort of had this impulse by how much it would mean to me because, you know, I'm a very nostalgic guy. I like the Far side. There's something about a Far side. I'm sorry. There's something about a page a day calendar as a gift. That is nice because every time you rip a page off, you think about the person who gave it to you. It was just really. It was a gift that really hit for me. And then the next year I bought myself one. And then this year my dad got me one again for Christmas. So anyway, that's how I feel about this thing. But since they rebooted these calendars, they have kind of changed the stand that the calendar sort of sits on. Right. It's something. It's not quite square. Last year is square. This year it has a little bit more real estate on it, but it's like basically like a square. You can picture it, 365 pages, obviously. And it sits in a little stand, right. And I keep mine up on my medicine cabinet. So I have like a vanity that is kind of an old school even. It's not actually from the. It's not actually vintage, but it's kind of a retro style kind of vanity where I have a mirror and then below the mirror, but above the sink is one of those little rectangles with the sliding doors you can slide back and forth. Your grandparents had one, right? And so anyway, I keep mine up on that thing. I have my little AM radio up there and that. And every day I peel the page off. When Three years ago, when I first got this calendar, it had some sort of a plastic base that it sat on, but it wasn't like the ones we used to have in the 90s. It was a little bit cheaper, but I could tell they were doing it to like, kind of use less plastic. Plastic. Last year they had a new design that used even less plastic. It was a little bit more janky, but still did the job. This year, the page A Day calendar is completely plastic free, which I truly, truly appreciate. I think that's pretty good. I think that. I don't know how much Gary Larson has a say in those kinds of things, but I really appreciated that they're trying to cut down on plastic. Having said that, it sucks. It's made of cardboard. And every single day, multiple times a day, if I close the drawer too hard on the vanity or whatever, the whole thing will fall down. It's like it's got these two little cardboard legs that come out the back of it and they just. And you just lean the calendar back up on it, but those legs will not stay in place. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's kind of the equivalent of a compostable spoon.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. Like that melts when you put it in.

[Luke Burbank]

That goes El Salvador Dali when you're trying to eat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Although I think those have come a long way, by the way, I have not had any issues with. We buy a lot of. Of compost I think, just for whatever it's worth. And, like, I like those compostable straws that are not made of paper, but plastic. Those are fine for me, too. But anyway, I just, like, it was really bumming me out. But I would. Every day, I'd be like, but, you know, I know that they did this for a reason, and that's good. And then I was literally brushing my teeth the other day, Genevieve and I. I think maybe we were leaving for. For doggy kindergarten or whatever. Puppy kindergarten. And. And it's the afternoon, and I'm brushing my teeth, and the damn thing falls over again. And this is what I do. I start picturing myself telling you this story. I start picturing you and me on tbtl, and I'm just telling you about this little annoyance in my life. And then as I'm telling the story to you in my head, I start thinking, well, you know, you're going to get emails from people that are going to say, well, you're not doing it right. Because I'm also thinking to myself, what this needs? I'm imagining telling you this, and I'm thinking, what this needs. When you eat pasta, what this needs is a little piece of cardboard. It needs one extra piece of cardboard to hold these feet together, to hold them in place so they don't keep splaying out, right? And then the thing falls backwards under its own weight. And I'm thinking, if I say this on the show, will somebody say, you know, you didn't look close enough when you unpacked it. There is that little extra piece of cardboard, like, you had to pop it out or something. I was like, I don't want to do one of those things where, see,

[Luke Burbank]

you're doing the opposite about it. You already assumed that this was operator error, whereas I'm the opposite. Like, I'm just like this. They did not mail this POS with all of the. Well, that. It just turns out there's a very good explanation for why it's not working.

[Andrew Walsh]

Keep in mind, though, and again, this is calendar talk, so it's fair for me to point this out. It is May. And so for five months, or I guess for four months. By the way, thank you to everybody who explained to me why this is the 50th Mariner season. I understand it now. It's not the 50th anniversary. That would be next year. It's the 50th season of play. I understand the math now. I have gotten more emails about that than you could possibly imagine. I understand it. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to just quickly throw in there, my friend. Spring is with you on this. She said she was telling me basically, like, you're 1 years old when you're at the end of the one year, not the beginning of the one year Here, let's celebrate what you've accomplished, not what you have in the sort of like on the horizon. So she's. She understands the fact that she feels

[Andrew Walsh]

like it should have been the 50th anniversary year that they celebrated, not the 50th season.

[Luke Burbank]

Something along those. I have to scroll back in the messages, but it was just basically like agreeing with you in a way. Even though she understands what the. You know, she understands how the calendar and math works, but she doesn't like it.

[Andrew Walsh]

So. So to go back to the calendar, though, it's May, which means it's been four months, not five months, even though we're in the fifth month. So for four months, I did assume that it was a flawed product and it never occurred to me that it would be operator error. But I'm sitting there brushing my teeth and thinking about telling the story and then thinking about how you or the listeners, but most likely the listeners would be like, well, maybe, maybe that does have the. That extra flap or that extra piece of cardboard that would hold these two legs together. And toothbrush still in my mouth. I transfer it to my left hand because it's an electric. You can't stop. Once that train is going, you can't stop.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you know that it stops when you've brushed your teeth long enough. And did you know that? I did not know that until Becca one time was like, why'd you stop it early? I was like, what do you mean? She goes, it goes until it's done. I was like, oh, really? I guess I just got bored.

[Andrew Walsh]

You and I have had this conversation. I think about it a lot because it also does something that you say it doesn't do that. I know your toothbrush does. Because I've had a bunch of these things. Is at the 32nd mark, it does a very, very, very quick hat like hap tick, sort of where the buzzing changes. For a second home stretch, you can do 30 seconds that you're supposed to do. 30 seconds of the upstairs teeth on the outside. 30 seconds. And it do. It does that every 30 seconds. And then it stops after the, you know, after two minutes. Anyway, so I'm brushing my teeth mid brush. I shift the toothbrush on my other hand. I use my right hand. I pick up the calendar. I'm like, like, wait, could it have a third flap? I need to pull down. I pick up the calendar and I turn around and son of a biscuit. If it doesn't have it built in, Luke. The whole time it was. And I wouldn't have got. And I'm just like, wait, if I break this third tab down, pull it down, clearly it locks the two legs in place the exact way that I was imagining. Why didn't they design it this way?

[Luke Burbank]

And you think Gary Larson would do you dirty like that?

[Andrew Walsh]

It was pre shame that got me there, Luke. It was the pre shame of me telling the story on the air and having a listener point it out to me that made me double check my work and then realize, wait a second, it does have that thing. And I can't tell you. I mean, you want to talk about the small things in life that.

[Luke Burbank]

Just really getting ahead of those. Damn it. Getting ahead of those emails. Although I have to be honest.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, not just that, but just the pleasures of life, of just now going into my bathroom and not having the calendar flop backwards every time. It's like such a small thing, but, like not living on edge that my calendar is going to fall and slap down onto the top of the medicine cabinet.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, something else about this that I find intriguing is I at no time realized this was a bathroom calendar situation. I assumed when you've been talking about this, it's just sitting on your desk somewhere, and that's where you, you know, you look at it and you rip the calendar, you know, the day of the. Whatever week off of. I. I don't know if I've ever heard of a bathroom calendar.

[Andrew Walsh]

I like it in there because that's where I have my little daily routine, you know, like downstairs. I. And also like my.

[Luke Burbank]

It makes sense, actually.

[Andrew Walsh]

I used to have it on kind of a. Kind of a chest that Genevieve refurbished that is outside my bathroom. And I have too much clutter on my desk in here. I've got a lot of equipment. I got this VCR here. I just get. My desk is very cluttered and I can't add more clutter to it. And my bathroom is sort of like my space, you know, it's. Or as my friend's dad used to call MySpace, the website, my space. Are you on my space? Anyway, and so like, I have my little. When I look in the mirror in the morning, I have my little. And I keep my bathroom very clean. This is going to be a little bit rude to Genevieve, but I've seen her sort of clean her bathroom before because it's kind of so chaotic in her bathroom now. I like just have nothing to do with. And I'm like, that's your room. You deal with it. And she, you know, doesn't deal with it all that often. And when she does this is rude to her, but it is honest. And I will say this, I've not said this to her, but I find it interesting that my bathroom is cleaner on just a resting non cleaning day than hers is after she cleans it. Like she just does not have the same priorities around that that I do. And so my bathroom. Not that people can't use my bathroom when they're visiting or Genevieve is downstairs, she uses it.

[Luke Burbank]

But like, I've done a couple paint jobs.

[Andrew Walsh]

It is the one place in the house that is sanctuary in control of the cleanliness in there. I'm constantly, you know, sometimes if I'm just listening to the baseball game, maybe I'll just like spray a little glass. I keep glass spray in there and a roll of paper towels. I'll clean the mirrors. You know, the vanity that I'm talking about is. Has mirrors on it too. So I'm always wiping the. Wiping the sink down, keeping it shiny. I don't have. I don't let clutter build up in there. Like everything has its place and it's my space. And so I have my little far side page, a day calendar in there. And I go in there in the morning and I brush my teeth and I flip the page. It just works for me.

[Luke Burbank]

Me, absolutely. And. And also you're getting your use out of the calendar. Because what would happen to me is I would put the calendar somewhere and then I would forget to interact with it and it would just. And then I'd start to get. I'd be like people with their TBTLs. I'd have like, you know, 30 days of calendar that I needed to rip off. And then I would maybe just eventually just kind of not even interact with it. Whereas you're going to be brushing your teeth every morning. You're going to be looking at the calendar. You're in your sanctuary.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Have I told you that, like, I have. You want to talk about weird moments living in your head? I'm a pretty. Particularly now that, like, I live on my own. I'm a pretty fastidious guy. I think at this point, like I used to be. The story with me was that I was somewhat tidy but not clean. So I would have a lot of piles of things. So if you walked into my house. It didn't look messy, or my room or my office, but it also wasn't cleaned. I've kind of like, turned a corner on that to where I actually do sort of. Not as. As I'm not as cleanly as you are with the projects, but I do keep things, you know, pretty, pretty clean these days, both tidy and clean, both good and thorough. But, like, where I really started to turn a corner on my bathroom cleaning habits is never letting there be any kind of, like, buildup of toothpaste or other things in the sink.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Because one time when I was living in la, I went over to the mummy's apartment to pick him up. I think he had, like, a roommate situation. There was two things that were shocking to me. One was that there was no furniture. If I remember right, in the living room, there was a plate on the floor, on the carpet. It was a plate and it had. I think the contents had been. It was like a pumpkin puree or something that was like some sort of pumpkin, but it was pureed like, it was basically almost like the consistency of applesauce. And someone had microwaved this bag and emptied most of the bag out onto the plate, but then not eaten it. So you're just. You walk into a room, there's carpet. There's a plate on the carpet that has pumpkin or squash puree that's squeezed out of this bladder that had been microwaved in but then not consumed. That was like something right out of gummo. And then in the bathroom, in the bathroom, somebody, and I think it was the mummy, had been for probably a year or more, been shaving. Oh, God, into this sick. And I would say brushing their teeth, but I don't know if that was a big thing for the mummy or not, but there was somehow the sort of scum of like soap or toothpaste or whatever was in the sink had been trapping the hair, the beard hairs. This thing looked like a Sarlacc.

[Andrew Walsh]

The whole place down. Only fire can purify.

[Luke Burbank]

I literally had, like. I'd never seen anything quite like it. And it has haunted my nightscape. So I now use a. Most days I actually use like a Norelco electric razor, which is honestly not very effective. But luckily I don't have that much facial hair. If I'm doing a TV shoot or an appearance or something important, I'll actually break out the disposable razor because it actually gets everything off all that.

[Andrew Walsh]

The Norelco, like, safety razor with shaving safety razor?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

And do you try to do that. Not too close in case you nick yourself. Do you try to do.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just that they're kind of expensive and I don't want to like, I don't want to, I don't want to like go through one of them a day. So I try to like, I try to save those for special occasions.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I just need. On the occasion that you use it though, because it's for a shoot, I would imagine it would be very crucial that you don't nick yourself right before you go to.

[Luke Burbank]

I try to be really careful and I also have nicked myself.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

At times like I've managed to do the worst case scenario. But the Norelco is again, if I had like a normal amount of, of typical like you know, 49 year old, soon to be 50 year old guy facial hair, the Norelco would be great because it would knock that down and you'd look basically the way I look. The problem is my facial hair is so scraggly that I used this Norelco this morning, Andrew. And if you were to get up close and personal with my face, you'd still see about 80% of my little sad chinny chin chin hairs and the like. Because it's almost like my facial hair is not robust enough to integrate to interact with the Norelco. That being said, when I do shave with that, that I pop the, you know, it's got a little release on top and I bang, I bang the thing in the sink and a little bit just a dusting of my facial hair comes out into the sink. And every time I do that, I think about that sink in Echo park that horrified me. And I immediately run the water and I get my hand and I clean everything out and I run a little hand soap and I kind of rinse out the sink bowl and then I run the water around. So at all times, if you walked into my house, day or night, you would find that the sink has no toothpaste buildup. It has no whisker buildup, it has no buildup of anything. Because of that one time when I saw that sink at the Mummies.

[Andrew Walsh]

So couple of things here. I was gonna say, could you. Mine doesn't, I have a beard trimmer, but mine doesn't collect it. It just kind of drops it down on the sink. So I always lay out like, let's say that I'm going to trim my beard. I do that about once or once a week or once every couple of weeks. I take the shower, the towel that's hanging on the rack that I've using, like, my bath towel that. That's already been used. I. I put that all over my sink. I cover my sink with that. I drape my sink with that, and then I shave my beard.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I love that yours traps, but yours wouldn't be good for a beard. Right. Yours doesn't have a beard trimmer function. It's only, like, I don't think it.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's. It's just that those three little.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, like.

[Luke Burbank]

Which, by the way, also weirdly expensive to replace. I don't want to sound like I'm doing a Harry's ad, but, like, I switched to this thing, this Norelco thing, because I was like, I'm spending so much money on razors, and then now I'm spending so much money on the replacements for those little blades because they get kind of dull over time. And I'm buying the knockoff ones because they're cheaper, but they're actually not as good as the Norelco ones, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, wait, let me ask you a question, though. And this is again, it's going to maybe sound a little judgy. It doesn't. I don't mean it to be. But it also might be something that you'll think about it, maybe change it. But my question would be, why are you. So you have this thing that's collecting all the hair that's great, but then you're knocking it back into the sink, which is not great. Why aren't you knocking it into the garbage?

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I never thought of that. First of all, I can't overstate, what, a minimal amount.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Of course, I don't even mean it from, like a not clogging your pipes thing, but, like, you. Then it's just kind of a pain cleaning that out of the sink, and then you're just wiping it out and, you know, you try to. You try to get it down the drain, I assume. But don't you end up having to get a paper towel and wiping it to.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I can use my hand and run the water. It's pretty effective. But you're right, the garbage can would make sense, too. And there's no reason to not do that. Although, again, weirdly, when I see. And again, this is also different for me since I switched to the Norelco, because previously, if I'm using. If I'm standing over the sink and I'm shaving with, like, a disposable safety razor, it's weird. It's like somehow there's not whiskers flying everywhere. They've been cut off in my face. I don't know where they've gone. But it's not this direct thing where, where when I empty that Norelco again into the sink, I immediately. It reminds me to make sure that the sink is clean so that it never turns into that sink that I saw that one time. So it's almost like an effective way to remind myself to keep the sink clean. Whereas if I, if I, if I knocked it into the garbage can, who knows, maybe I would let toothpaste build up in, in the. That's another thing I really try to be careful about. That's another very gross thing is like I try to spit the toothpaste right into the drain. And then any part that doesn't go into the drain in that moment, I'm running the water, I'm helping it down the drain. Because I also don't like that effect of just like toothpaste, dried toothpaste everywhere.

[Andrew Walsh]

We don't have to, we literally don't have time to get into it now. But Hannah and I, the last couple of shows we did on Spotless, I talked a lot about my transition into actually taking things into the shower with me to clean them. It started with me having a little sponge in the shower and then kind of cleaning the shower while I'm showering, which kind of recovers.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm still recovering from the news that used to read like Reader's Digest in

[Andrew Walsh]

the shower when I was a kid. That was the move I would stick my hand outside.

[Luke Burbank]

That's been in my head ever since you told me that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I would spend. And my parents, my dad eventually had to get like one of those egg timers. I got one of those click, click, click, like 60 minute style timers that he forced me to use to take five minute showers because he didn't know why it was taking me so long. But I was reading Reader's Digest. I was literally sticking my hand outside of the shower curtain while the hot water hit my back, reading Humor in uniform from 1970. Like, true story. And it was great. I would do it again if I could.

[Luke Burbank]

But anyway, you're taking a sponge in, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, what I did is I was, I would start clean instead of like making, instead of cleaning the shower because you're gonna get water all over the place or whatever. I would just be like, let me just clean the tub part of my shower. I have a pretty crummy kind of bathtub shower situation that was kind of Hastily installed and not very nice. But yeah, I like to keep it clean at least. Right. So I have like a sponge on a pole that I use now because when I got my arthritis, it just made it easier when I having flare ups. So I have. They use them in like hotels to clean the tub without having to get down on my hands and knees. I like soft scrub down there and I like scrub it around on this pole or whatever. But then when it's time to like, really make sure that all of the soap is out of there, it's like easier. Like, let me just get in the shower if I'm gonna. I do this before I take a shower now and then I just take the soft scrub in the shower with me and I have a little sponge and now I can just do the walls. So I started doing that and I'm like, well, this is great. And then I had this other object that I needed to clean. It's like the, the. I guess we're just talking about it, but I'll wrap it up. This like the thing that catches all of the water in my dehumidifier. It's like a big plastic bucket, essentially. But it gets really nasty in there. Water collects. Water collects. It starts to get kind of gross and grimy and stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

The bathroom is kind of landlocked.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So I keep a dehumidifier outside the bathroom. But that canister or whatever, the bucket, that the water accumulates and gets nasty after a few months or whatever. So I realized what I need to do is take that into the shower with me when I taking a shower and I take like that Tylex stuff or the Clorox, you know, bleach spray, and I just like spray it down. I put it down the bottom of the shower. I clean myself, then I pick that thing up. Everybody gets more. Everybody gets clean. And my whole thing that I'm talking about on Spotless now, or what other things can we bring into the shower to clean with us so that you don't have to get water all over the place? That's come up. That's come up. We've heard some horrifying stories from listeners about. About college boys taking their dishes into the communal showers and cleaning them there.

[Luke Burbank]

For some reason, I'm picturing you like Steve Martin in the Jerk. You've got like a chair and that ball on a paddle thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know why? There is a famous scene of him in the tub in that movie. And he's probably got one of those, like hair protectors on Right. Like one of those plastic. You're not. What do you call it? Shower cap or whatever. Yeah. Do you have.

[Luke Burbank]

Is your shower nozzle. Is it one. One that comes off.

[Andrew Walsh]

It does, yes. Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

Because that's my. That's. That's. That's the pro move is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I just like for my. The shower in my smaller bathroom, which is, you know, it's just a shower, isn't a bathtub.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's.

[Luke Burbank]

It's kind of like a. One of those mounted thingies. I just. Every time I'm done showering, I hose it all down and I probably don't scrub it as much as I should, but I'm keeping it at bay, if that makes any sense, so that I don't end up with the. The one time I was thinking saying it, Kevin and Anita's. And like a day later, Kevin was like, Anita was curious what those black things are in the shower. And I was like, oh, I washed my hair and it washed out my balding powder.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh. So it was just like.

[Luke Burbank]

Just like a little, like a. So like imagine like a thing of soap, but then it has black little, like, dots in it. I was mortified. So now it's another life lesson to keep that under control. So, anyway. All right, that's going to do it for today's episode. But I have incredible news. We're going to be right back here tomorrow with another episode of tbt. It's going to be a Cinco de Mayo show. Andrew's going to have a sombrero on. It's actually going to be a lot

[Andrew Walsh]

of questionable things, a lot of appropriation.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's going to be rough, but we still hope you will join us for it.

[Andrew Walsh]

So thanks for throwing me under the bus there. You're not wearing the sombrero. Andrew is going to be wearing this umbrella.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought it was a bad idea. I actually told you that I didn't think it was culturally very sensitive. You insisted.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I am what I am.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Anyway, we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio, so please join us for that. In the meantime, have a great Monday. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.