#4728 American Band Saw

Summary

TBTL #4728: "American Band Saw" (May 15, 2026)

Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh
Theme: Airline customer service woes, dog ownership, quirky personal stories, community shout-outs

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Episode Overview

This Friday edition of "Too Beautiful To Live" finds Luke and Andrew winding down the week with their signature blend of gentle irreverence and story-driven banter. The main themes revolve around everyday frustrations with corporate policies (especially airlines), the evolving relationship with technology at home, little life mysteries, and the peculiarities of dog parenting. The show features several memorable anecdotes, an unexpectedly detailed investigation of a speeding ticket, lively shout-outs to listeners, and—threaded throughout—a gently comedic vibe.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. AM Radio, Show Intros, and Hosting Idiosyncrasies

• The episode opens with an audio collage paying tribute to Luke's "holy trinity" of broadcasters: Conan O’Brien, Howard Stern, and Stephen Colbert.
  • Luke: “It starts with Conan O’Brien... then we get a little dollop of one Stephen Colbert. That’s like a straight flush, right?” (02:22)
• Luke playfully doubles down on introducing himself twice, chalking it up to mental fatigue and the challenges of running a podcast for years.

  “Mentally for me as we've made it to episode 4728 in a collector series. Let the fun begin.” (02:34)

2. Audio Board Mishaps & Cat Chaos

• Andrew confesses to occasional technical slip-ups caused in part by his cat, Bingo, walking across his audio board.

  Andrew: “Sometimes Bingo the cat gets up on my audio board and steps on that thing... we don’t even know until we’re a minute into the show.” (06:16)

• Luke acknowledges the complexity Andrew manages behind the scenes, giving him credit for juggling the show’s soundscape.

  Luke: "You're doing a lot over there... I should be able to board the plane first." (07:33)

3. Airline Customer Service Grind (Main Story)

• Luke’s Dilemma: Trying to get his girlfriend, Becca, seated next to him on an Alaska Airlines flight turns into a case study of modern airline policies refusing even minor favors—despite his elite (“titanium”) status.
  • Luke: “Why do I have to pay extra money to have my girlfriend next to me in coach class, when I spent so many hours of my life on these Alaska Airlines branded jets?” (10:22)
  • Attempts at charm and “working the system” (politely) fail; even invoking a personal acquaintance in the company as a last-ditch, mildly embarrassing flex falls flat.
  • Their discussion unpacks the frustrations of customer 'loyalty' losing its value when money-saving policies override individual discretion.

  • “It was an impotent and veiled flex with no real endgame in mind... it didn’t do anything. It didn’t get me the upgrade.” (23:44)

Notable Quote

• Andrew (on airline power imbalance):

  “They have the airplanes. This is why it's so asymmetric... at the end of the day, they’re in some way always going to win.” (28:29)

• The conversation expands into the general sense of powerlessness as a consumer and the skewed economics of air travel, even for “valued” frequent flyers.

  • Andrew: “The CEO of Alaska Airlines earned between eight and a half and $9.9 million in 2025... it looks like you’re squeezed as an industry, but you're not.” (27:52)

4. Mystery Speeding Ticket: A Domestic Investigation

• Mid-show, real-time intrigue as Andrew and his partner, Genevieve, try to decipher a $145 school-zone speeding ticket received in the mail for a location and time neither remembers being present.
  • Detailed calendar and photo sleuthing ensues, reconstructing their whereabouts with digital timestamps and texts.
  • Possible exoneration gives way to the realization it may have, after all, been Genevieve on her way to buy a dog bed.
  • Luke, ever the helpful "attorney," lays out the (shaky) legal defense:

    “The fact that she may have been operating the vehicle in no way means she was guilty of speeding through the school zone as far as the law can prove, Andrew...” (45:34)

  • Andrew: “And this is a horrible instinct… But I’m relieved to know that it definitely wasn’t me.” (45:56)

5. Dog Parenting and Used Gear Wisdom

• Genevieve’s dog accessory shopping leads to a new household aphorism:

  Genevieve (quoted): “Buying new things for dogs is a sucker’s game.” (42:19)

• Luke and Andrew agree dogs care little about newness, making thrifted finds practical and guilt-free.

6. The Tool Purchase Parallels

• Luke draws a parallel between Andrew and Genevieve’s spending dynamic and his parents’ debates over his father’s tool purchases, giving the episode its title (“American Band Saw”) and a gentle generational callback.
  • Luke: “My mom couldn’t tell you the difference between a band saw and American Bandstand… whatever my dad spent on it, it was too much and not necessary.” (47:02)
  • Andrew: "Buying new tools is a sucker’s game." (48:04, lampooning Genevieve’s quote)

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Listener Shoutouts & Community Moments

7. Dazzling Donors & Listener Businesses

• Shout-outs to recurring listeners and supporters:
  • Stephanie Broad (Portland, OR): Updates include family anecdotes, mention of her husband Jake’s web company (johnsonwebwizards.com), and her favorite books of 2025, including recommendations and asides about magical realism and graphic novels.
  • Ryan Driscoll (Nampa, ID): Proprietor of Pre Funk Beer Bar; reflects on the importance of community and asks for fan-favorite audio "agent Mort" bits.
    • Side-tangent: Origins of the word "pre-funk," with a mini-digression into Seattle regional slang.

      Andrew: “Pre-funk originated in Seattle during the late 1970s as a regional slang term for drinking before going out.” (64:44)

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Highlighted Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Luke (on corporate policy):
  “...I wanted this in the record, right? So she... was like, you think you want this in the record? I really want this in the record.” (22:20)

• Andrew (on spending in relationships):
  “Genevieve lives very large in my head before I make any kind of a semi large purchase.” (47:02)

• Genevieve (quoted):
  “Buying new things for dogs is a suckers game.” (42:19)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• 01:13 – 02:34: Luke geek-outs about his “broadcasting Mount Rushmore.”
• 03:04 – 04:06: Introduction to main topics—iconic ad director Joe Sedelmeier and Vetter Cup Day.
• 07:33 – 08:01: Audio board mishaps, tech panic, and boarding planes.
• 08:25 – 15:46: Deep dive into airline customer service woes, loyalty status, and attempts at negotiation.
• 30:41 – 45:56: Real-time $145 school-zone speeding ticket investigation.
• 42:19: “Buying new things for dogs is a suckers game.”
• 47:02: Tool-purchasing skepticism as a time-honored household tradition.
• 55:32 – 56:46: Luke puzzles over how many times he was picked up by a listener in a hot dog costume.
• 59:03 – 59:54: Stephanie’s favorite books of 2025 and graphic novel discussion.
• 66:40 – 71:50: Listener-requested airplay of "Mort" (Luke’s mythical agent) voicemails.
• 76:35 – 78:01: Email from listener Sarah about Wikipedia editing customs.
• 81:02 – 81:18: Final thoughts and comedic wrap-up on the school-zone ticket case.

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Tone & Style

True to TBTL form, the episode is relaxed, meandering, and affable, oversharing stories with a self-deprecating humor. Luke and Andrew’s banter feels lived-in, gently poking fun at themselves, each other, and the absurdities of modern adult life.

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Takeaways for the Uninitiated

• Airline loyalty is often illusory—even “titanium” members are at the mercy of policy.
• In the age of digital footprints, little mysteries (like traffic tickets) can become joint spousal investigations.
• Secondhand shopping for dogs (and tools!) is practical—and more emotionally loaded—than you’d think.
• Community, in-person and virtual, is a grounding force in a weird world—a theme wound tightly through TBTL.
• Even after 4,700+ episodes, TBTL remains a comfy virtual hangout—where the stakes are low, the stories are personal, and even the grievances are funny.

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Power Out

Mort (Luke’s "agent"):
"From the bridge of the nose up, you are stunning, my friend. And it’s time you get paid for it..." (82:03)

Power Out.

Transcript

[Andrew]

AM radio is a viable and modern source for news and entertainment.

[Luke Burbank]

Totally.

[Andrew]

I used to be number one in this town, but people don't listen to AM like they used to. Seems like it's more about FM and color tv.

[Luke Burbank]

That's stupid.

[Andrew]

It sure is, Kevin. In fact, I've got a tattoo here that fully illustrates my point. It's of this rebellious young man, and

[Luke Burbank]

he's urinating on an FM radio.

[Andrew]

TBTM

[Luke Burbank]

asks your.

[Andrew]

Well, possibly.

[Luke Burbank]

What the hell am I doing here?

[Mort]

Is that the question?

[Luke Burbank]

What was the question, sir? Get the.

[Mort]

Get out.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you gonna get out there on. You're gonna get out there for what?

[Andrew]

Like, just. Yeah, it's quite pungent. Oh, yeah, It's a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils in a good way. Where am I? The bit of despair? Don't even think. Don't even think about trying to escape.

[Mort]

Things are going to start happening to me now.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of TBT all, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. You want showmanship? You got it. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I hate podcasting. It's just ruined my life. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. I think I just said that. It's all right. We're fine. It's the end of the week. We're running out of gas. Sometimes maybe we need. We need a reminder that I'm your host, Luke Burbank, coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it's a sort of a kind of a gray cloud. Foggy day.

[Andrew]

Cloud. Fog.

[Luke Burbank]

I also realized something. You know, what happened there.

[Mort]

The.

[Luke Burbank]

The reason I got off to such a repetitive start was because as I was activating the first three audio drops of the show, I realized that what I'm playing here are, in a way, sort of my. My Mount Rushmore, my holy trinity of broadcasters that I tend to listen, to look up, to, enjoy. It starts with Conan o'. Brien. You want showmanship? You got it. It rolls into Howie Stern. I hate podcasting. It's just ruined my life. And then we get a little dollop of one Stephen Colbert.

[Andrew]

Cloud, fog.

[Luke Burbank]

That's like a. Honestly, like. That's like if we were playing three card poker, I would call that a straight flush, right? And that happened completely organically, completely accidentally,

[Andrew]

but there we are.

[Luke Burbank]

And as I was thinking about that in my mind, I forgot that I'd already said, my name is Luke Burbank. I'M your host. So that's just, that's a little view into my world, into what's going on here mentally for me as we've made it to episode 4728 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. A guy named Joe Settlemeyer has passed away in Chicago. You might not know the name, but you know his advertising work. Who are the ad wizards who came

[Andrew]

up with this one?

[Luke Burbank]

We'll tell you the iconic TV ads, particularly. Now, there's the ad that he's most well known for. But then there's the ones that, if you grew up in Seattle in the era that I did, are absolutely still burned in my brain. Also this Friday, we want to, we want to basically offer a, a hearty celebration and we want to say happy Vetter Cup Day to all who celebrate. Yes, it's that most special time of the year that also just came, like three weeks ago where Seattle's playing their natural rivals, the San Diego Padres. And that'll be happening this weekend starting tonight. And there's no way getting, there's no way of getting around it. It will be discussed on the show probably by this guy, longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Hey there, Fireball. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew]

Good morning. It was also my fault that you were a little out of sorts at the beginning of the show. I'm sorry for the audio hiccup there. It didn't even sound as bad on your end as it probably did to the audience. There's a little something I've never told you about my audio board, Luke, and I'm willing to open up about it today when I record this show with you. Picture to the listeners. Picture your kind of classic little radio style audio board with sliders that go up and down. And when the slider is up, it's louder. When the slider is down, it's quieter. When Luke starts talking, I take the slider that has the music playing on it, this one here, and I slide it up and down. I slide it down under your voice. But when, when I am recording my weekly podcast with Genevieve, for reasons we don't have to get into, the purpose of those two pots are reversed. Those sliders are reversed. And so on those days, on those Tuesday evenings when we record, I got to remember to switch up my routine. But something must have happened today where my wires got crossed and I started fading your voice down while the music remained very loud. At the beginning. And you probably picked up on some of that and that probably got in your head a little bit. And my apologies to you and to the listener.

[Luke Burbank]

I picked up on the music not going quiet as it quickly. But I didn't know that you were also trying to silence me.

[Andrew]

I was trying to silence you because

[Luke Burbank]

this talk is simply too hot and you were not ready for it. And you were like, ah, let me turn Luke down a little bit.

[Andrew]

Things had finally cooled down from yesterday's show and all of the hot talk that you were spitting. Then I was like, I'm not ready for this. So I did try to silence you. And as the listeners may or may not know, and I'm assuming they don't, I don't know if this bit of tedium has come up on the show before. I feel like it must have at some point. But also there's a setting on my board, a little button. It's called pre fade, post fade. We don't have to get into why

[Luke Burbank]

it's called that or listeners don't generally unaware of that.

[Andrew]

Well, we actually spent about a week on the show talking about how a new audio board for me did not end up working because of a pre fade post.

[Luke Burbank]

I do remember that actually. So, yeah, you know what? What I might know.

[Andrew]

Give me less credit, Luke, is what I'm saying. If you possibly can give me less credit. Yes, we do talk about these things. But sometimes Bingo the cat gets up on my audio board and steps on that thing. And so everything will sound normal to

[Luke Burbank]

me at the beginning of getting a new cat who doesn't step on your pre fade post.

[Andrew]

Watch your tongue. I'm very defensive of him these days. He's not getting the attention he used to get Luke. And he's such a sweet boy. And I try to remind him as much as possible that he is my favorite sweet little boy. But I do have to keep him in the basement a little bit more than we used to because sometimes Lucy gets a little bit rambunctious. But anyway, Bingo will sometimes step on my board and hit this button. And we don't even know until like we are, you know, a minute into the show, you start talking, you're ready to do your intro, and then the music on your end just sounds like it never fades down. And you're like yelling over the music and then you have to stop. You say, andrew, I think the board is doing that thing again. Then I have to apologize and we start over. So I imagine that that lives in your head a Little bit every time we start the show. Like, when I start talking, is that music going to go away or at least slide underneath me a little bit? And if it doesn't, how far do I go before I have to stop? Andrew? Right there must be a little bit of that, like, hesitation every single show. And that's totally on me.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you're doing a lot over there. You know what I mean? Like, I'm reminded of this when we. When we get together to do the show in person is. And, you know, there's a lot of. A lot of audio kind of elements that you're controlling of playing this from over there and then, you know, dialing this up and turning me down and stuff. So, first of all, thank you for your service. And it's a lot.

[Andrew]

I should be able to board the plane first. But whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

That is where I draw the line because, you know, I put in a lot of miles. Oh, man. I had a regrettable moment the other day. No, it's not that. It was kind of regrettable. I was.

[Andrew]

I wish I had a song for a big entitlement.

[Luke Burbank]

Is there any big weekend plan? Hey, Andrew, do you have any big weekend plan? I've got some.

[Andrew]

Well, I do have some plans that I'll tell you about. But first, my first big weekend plan is to hear the rest of this story about something you did.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, my big weekend plan is to feel a little less than great about it. It didn't go to 11, but next week I'm gonna be in Chicago for some of the week. I'm gonna be doing. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Becca is actually coming out. It is the final Wait, wait episode featuring Bill Curtis as the announcer. Kind of a big week for the show. And so we're going to be on Saturday. Becca and I will be flying back from Chicago to Portland after the show and some ceremonies honoring Bill on Friday night. And the ticket. My ticket was purchased by national public radio. Becca's ticket was purchased by my airline miles. Because those are two different reservations, we can't really sit together. And it's not that we can't. It's that we were not. I'm not able to place us right next to each other because it allows me to choose seats on the plane because I am Luke Burbank, titanium member that it will not allow me to choose for Becca because she does not have the same status unless I pay 69 more dollars. In other words, for Becca and I to sit together in coach. The only seats that are available are in like, premium class of coach, which means allegedly. Slightly more legroom, but I can put myself up there, let's say, in row nine. I cannot put her next to me in row nine unless I pay $70 to move her up next to me. And this somehow seems like it's just another. Another example of this society slouching towards Gomorrah. This is the destruction of the nuclear family that you've heard so much about. I cannot put my girlfriend next to me on the airplane. I mean, it's Luke and Becca, not Adam and Steve. Okay. Why do I have to pay extra money to have my.

[Andrew]

Like, I'm all for your homophobic rant. I'm just having trouble following it. It's really like, I am here.

[Luke Burbank]

I tried to lay it out as clearly as possible. Why do I have to pay extra money? Why do I have to pay extra money to see my girlfriend next to me on the airplane in coach class when I spent so many hours of my life on these Alaska Airlines branded jets? This was what was in my mind when I called them and asked, hey, is there a possibility.

[Andrew]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you just slug the mic?

[Andrew]

I'm just getting worked up over here, man. It's a good start. Talk. Yeah, exactly. You got me all hot again.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm basically just trying to. I'm basically trying to make it. So we're sitting together on the airplane, and by the way, not in first class. That's obviously, like, there's a reason why that would cost more. Yeah, this is just. And. And by the way, we. I would put us together in crummy seats. That is the only place where there was two seats was up in what's considered to be premium. So I call the airline, and I get the agent, and I say, hey, I'm wondering if you could do me a favor. I'm flying from Chicago to Portland on Saturday, and I'm trying to see if I could have my girlfriend sit near me. It's a middle seat, row nine. Again, we're not talking about. We're not talking about fancy town at all. And I said, is there any chance that I might be able to seat her next to me at no charge? I know there's technically a charge, but I fly a lot with you guys. I'm a very loyal customer, and I'm just wondering if you could kind of cut me some sort of a break here. And the person says, no, because the reservations aren't together. You're gonna have to pay for that. Now, here's the thing. They've done this for me before I know that in fact, it is something that can be done.

[Andrew]

They can literally do anything.

[Luke Burbank]

Precisely. It is just that there is a policy that is in place and if you get a person who is a careful follower of the policy, which is absolutely their right as an employee there, then they're not gonna cut you. They're not gonna cut you any slack. And so I said, is there any chance, could I talk to like, maybe a supervisor or somebody about this? And she said, sure. And it was actually very cordial. It wasn't one of those, like, I can I see your manager?

[Andrew]

You're not. There isn't like ice behind your voice.

[Luke Burbank]

No.

[Andrew]

Really, like, smooth. And this is something that, like, admire is too strong. No, but I mean, like, I can't. When I get into a situation like this, I 100% lack the ability to be just kind of smooth and chummy because I'm already. Even if I'm. Even if I know that's the goal going in, I'm already a little bit keyed up and I'm going to have a little bit of. I'm already. I'm already ready for the no. And therefore I can't just like kind of, you know, just smooth people over and kind of get what you want with honey. And I feel like that is your. That is your special skill. It's not 100%, you know, it doesn't work 100% of the time, just like that drop we played in the intro. But like, that is how you find yourself backstage, side stage, on stage, like, whatever your entire life that I've known you. Like, you're good at. You're good at working these situations.

[Luke Burbank]

And because it is something that is a go to for me. Yeah, I'm pretty used to it. I'm pretty comfortable with it. I feel like with you, you don't ask for a lot of special accommodation. You tend to follow the rules and you tend to say, here's the ticket I paid for, here's the ticket I didn't pay for. So when you find yourself in the situation, my sense of it is that you're already fairly activated at the beginning of the conversation because you just don't go into things going like, well, what's the most I can, you know, how can I weasel my way through this situation? Whereas unfortunately or fortunately, that is my

[Andrew]

default setting, I will say, like, the only time I've kind of tried to do this or assume that they might cut me a little bit of a break is when my mom was dying And I thought there would be a special consideration for that because I was a thing too. I mean, she was, you know, she was still alive. And I had a ticket already booked to go see her. But then we realized things are moving faster than we thought I needed to. And I. So, like, it was one of those things with. Where within an hour or two of, I think it was a Saturday, I was like, oh, I gotta get there, like tomorrow, right? And so I called Alaska and just knowing that they have a good reputation, and again, it's one of the brands I'm very loyal to. And I just thought, like, they're gonna understand that, like, hey, like, things are changing, you know, I didn't go into elaborate detail, but I just said, hey, you know, my mom is pass away and things are moving faster. I need to get on an earlier flight. And the woman was very nice to me and very perfunctory, but basically said, yeah, and there's like $150 charge for that. And I'm like, yeah, but like, is there any way we can work around that? And she said no. And I didn't get icy with her.

[Luke Burbank]

Boy, if there was a time.

[Andrew]

But when she basically just said, no, yeah, we can't do that. I offered no extra syllables for the rest of that conversation. I was just like, fine. I didn't fight it. I didn't ask.

[Luke Burbank]

I would have offered a lot of extra syllables.

[Andrew]

I was just like, you know, I just like, kind of shut. That's what I do of shut off. And I'm just like, fine, you know. And again, there's 150 bucks. I'm in a position where I can. Or whatever it was, and I'm in a position where I can take that. And it's a. I had other, you know, I had other issues on my mind. So I'm not going to like, kind of let. Let that be the story of the day, but come on, man. I guess the other come on, man would be, yeah, every. Everybody who wants to change their flight calls in with a sad sack story and claims that it's life or death. And so maybe that that's why they can't accommodate. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a tough one. Because, yes, I know that people believe it or not, that's not a card that I've ever tried to play in terms of, like, fibbing, because I feel like that would be the worst karma.

[Andrew]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

That I could ever, you know, And I'm a person who has a fairly. Let's just Say arm's length relationship with the truth, but that's one that I would never ever lie about, because I can't.

[Andrew]

You say that Dr. Burbank.

[Luke Burbank]

That's Reverend Dr. Burbank, Esquire. Put some respect on my pretend names.

[Andrew]

Well, to come back to your story though, I, I, you know, I was gonna like, like kind of kidding on the square say. Do you say, hey, this is a television's Luke Burbank. Like, you do have some non fib cards you could try to play. Although I don't play it anyway. I don't. I don't know that they'd really work and they're. That'd be a little cringe, I assume.

[Luke Burbank]

I assume you'd be hugely cringe. But. So I asked the first person, hey, could I maybe talk to like a supervisor or something? She said, okay, sure. And then. And then. Anyway, we continued chatting because she still needed some more information from me about Becca's reservation versus my reservation. And then I was on hold for a little while and I fully expected for the first person that I talked to to come back on the line to say, because this is literally how something like this has. Some version of this has played out before where I called with the same kind of request. The person put me on hold for kind of a long time and they came back and they said, I just, I put you guys next to each other. Like, it's all fine. I was fully expecting that. And instead I got, hi, this is so. And so I'm the manager in Boise. And I went into my spiel and I said, and I did my whole, you know, kind of like, hey, I'm wondering if you could do me like a huge favor. I know there's technically a service fee for this, but like, I spend years of my life. I think I started by just saying, you know, I, I fly Alaska religiously and I'm whatever, titanium. And I was just wondering if you could kind of do me a favor. And she sort of paused and she goes, well, because the reservations being separate, she was, oh, I do see that seat 9E is available. I was like, okay, this is good. I see that seat 9e is available. And for $69 I can put her there. Which is like, I guess that's probably the management training, some sort of mental jujitsu where what you're supposed to present the what? The frustrated customer. You're supposed to present them with a solution. So she's presenting me with the solution of putting Becca next to me, but with the caveat that I'm going to have to pay the money for it, which was the entire issue that I had called about in the first place. I'm capable of moving her up there for 69 myself, thank you very much.

[Andrew]

Yeah, and the thing, here's why, I get that this is why I was already like kind of, as you tell this story, kind of getting my hackles up a little bit about the manager jumping on the line because you, you're now losing ground in this because here's how I see it going down and I could be totally wrong. This person, you, you that you first talked to, you told them the situation. They said, yeah, no, I can't do that for you. I can't just give you a free $70, whatever, you know what we would charge somebody else. And so what they've done now is they've put you on hold and they've told their supervisor or whoever the next person is, your entire story. This person who's coming on the phone with you the second, you know, the second time already knows your story and is there for one thing to tell you, no, they already know the story. Like the first person who answered the phone, they're like, I don't know, I'm going to see this is somebody who needs some kind of help. And I don't know what it is now, but I already feel like they've teamed up, you know what I mean? Like, the second person knows what your story is. So they're just going to sit there patiently for them to say, yeah, no, I'm not going to accommodate this. And they're already ready for that as the enter the conversation.

[Luke Burbank]

I have had it happen though, that the manager who's supposed to have, and I, I say this advisedly, the 30,000 foot view of things. And I think sometimes managers in various situations are authorized to sort of like fix the ux, fix the customer experience in a way where I could understand if the first, if the first person I talk to is not allowed to just hand out free $69 upgrades, willy nilly. But maybe the manager will go, you know, I'm, I'm here to, I'm, I'm the, you know, I'm the CFO of Customer Delight.

[Andrew]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolute bullshit terminology where it's kind of like, okay, and in fact, I have heard this because of what a weasel I am. I have heard this so many times in my life. Andrew, I'll go ahead and do this for you this time.

[Andrew]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

And which is a kind of a, like, you know, next Time, it's good. You'll have to pay the upgrade, but I'll go ahead and do this for you this time because we appreciate your loyalty.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, and so that's what I was kind of hoping for. That is not what I got. And when I sort of realized, again, there was something about the way that the manager presented. Presented it to me by starting with saying, well, I see that seat 90 is available, and so I can move her up there. And I was thinking, okay, okay, I like where this is going. For the cost of $69. Then I just became frustrated, and again, I realized that it was not this supervisor's fault, per se. It certainly wasn't the first person's fault. This is what they're now being instructed to do. What is very clearly in my mind happened is at the managerial level, I mean, the C suite level of this airline, which has been just Mulaney Danger, and I'm not proud of it. What has happened is this airline, which lost a significant amount of money last quarter, which I just see reported in the Seattle Times because of jet fuel cost and because of this, that and the other somebody somewhere said, we've got to rein in cost wherever we can, and that includes giving people free upgrades like this. And so I just said to. Well, the first thing I said to the. The person that I was talking to, the supervisor was I said. I said, what? She said, you can do it for $69. I said, I go. I go, I. I know that I'm just a little frustrated because I spend. And then I said, and this is all being recorded, right? And she goes with more enthusiasm in her voice than I wanted. It sure is. As if, like, she was. What she was saying subtly was, I'm actually glad this is being recorded. Like, you think you're glad this is being recorded, sir, I'm more glad than you that this is. Which is a power play, which is like, sir, you are more in the wrong than I am. There is absolutely nothing for me to fear from this being recorded. And I didn't mean. By the way, I didn't mean she was doing her job badly. What I meant was, I want this to end up on the desk of whoever the CEO of Alaska Airlines is. I was like, I want this in the record, right? So she. But she sort of was like, you think you want this in the record? I really want this in the record. I'm more glad it's being recorded. And so I said, I just. I go, I absolutely know that this is not your call. This isn't your colleague's call. I know this has nothing to do with you all. It's the policy. But I go, I think it's just a really bad policy because the whole reason. And I said something like, I spend a lot of my time sitting on Alaska Airlines jets and by the way, in waiting areas for Alaska Airlines flights when they're delayed, when there's no crew, when we miss connections. And this seems to me like a very small benefit of all of that is that I'd be able to have my girlfriend sit next to me and not pay the $69. And then this is the part that I'm not proud of. I said, so I'll just go ahead and pay the fee, I guess, and I'll just have to mention this to my friend. And I. And I named somebody who I know who is fairly high up at the airline. And then I just. I. I said thank you and hung up. What I'm embarrassed about is I name checked my friend who has nothing to do with any of this. I just wanted to flex. I just wanted to be like, stick

[Andrew]

around to find out what the. What the reaction was.

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't hang up, like, angrily. I just said, thanks, you know, thanks very much. And then I ended the conversation from my end. But I didn't. I don't even know what I wanted. I didn't expect them to go, oh, that person. Well, let me. Well, that's a whole other matter, sir. Let's escort you to the front of the line. I just. I guess my hope was that because I felt what happened was I felt powerless in the face of corporate greed. And this person was not. They didn't make the. Well, they kind of maybe made the decision on a granular level, but they didn't make the larger corporate decision about this thing. But I wanted them, I guess, to. After I hung up, I wanted them to Google the person who I name checked and see where they were on the org chart and be like, huh, yeah, maybe we should have been nicer to that guy because he knows people in high places. Yeah, it's a veiled. I don't even know what it was. It was. Again, it was a. It was an impotent and veiled flex with no real end game in mind. For me, it was just me feeling kind of mad and triggered and I didn't get my way and huffy. But also, again, I was being. I was being. Because we had already established this was being recorded. I was being very careful about how I sounded. I wasn't losing it. I was being nice, but bummed, but also not missing the opportunity to mention that like one of my friends is, is high up in the organization, you know, and. But it wasn't my finest moment. I wish I wouldn't have said the last part because it didn't do anything. It didn't get me the upgrade. It didn't. I, I'm not trying to strike fear in this person's heart. I guess maybe I am. I wasn't like I want to. I was going to tell on them to this person. I guess I was just, I was just trying to say, like, I'm also an important person in the world.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You should know that.

[Andrew]

I wonder, like what. I wonder, I wonder what would have been a. More like if in that man. I'm not saying this is the right instinct, but if in that moment your point was to maybe make that person feel like I've made a mistake here by not giving this guy the $69.

[Luke Burbank]

And maybe that was, maybe that was in my kind of like the back of my, my subconscious because I think

[Andrew]

about some of my worst instincts and not something I've done for a while. But like, I do know that sometimes I've had the instinct of being like, well, you're going to regret this because I'm going to live in your head. Like, that's the best thing I can do right now is I can live in your head. Like somebody cuts me off in traffic. And again, I do not do this anymore. But when I was much more hot headed and didn't really consider it as much, I'd be like, well, this person who just cut me off, they're going to, they're going to spend some time driving wondering if they just cut off the wrong guy. Like, I don't know exactly what that looks like, but like this car has been following me for a while now. I'm not enjoying this ride as much. Maybe I should have just waited to let that person zipper merge or whatever, you know, I mean, and like, and again I'm, I'm admitting my literal worst moments and embarrassed to say it, but I'm so. To go back to your situation here. Maybe something you were kind of like, oh, well, I'm going to tell so and so about this. And it's like, well, they're going to think about that, but they're, they're not. Maybe, maybe what I would have done. And again, I don't think you should have done this, but maybe living in the head is just making, just ending the call by making sure you have all of the information about the person you spoke with and not letting them know what you're going to do with that information. I don't mean in a threatening way, but I mean in a professional way like okay, well I just for my own records, I need to know badge number. I just need to know like who because I'm going to, I'm going to be, I'm going to make some more phone calls and I just want to know like who I'm talking. So could you give me your name again? Something like that. And again, I'm not saying you should have done that, but I could see that maybe living, but even that I don't think it works. They just deal with so many hot headed people. So many people. I mean the thing is airlines are shitty and so you probably have a job answering phones, talking to people who are angry because airlines who you're forking a lot of money and time over to have almost zero repercussions as to how they treat their customers. And just a reminder, I just looked it up. The CEO, I like to bring this up every time stuff like this comes up. The CEO of Alaska Airlines earned between eight and a half and $9.9 million in 2025. Most of that is in bonuses and stock. The company itself had a net income of $395 million for the 2023, 24 financial year. They make it sound like, hey listen, we are strapped. We are squeezed as an industry. And the thing is you're not squeezed as an industry because. Because you just again have people who don't understand what it would be like to earn less than $7 million in a calendar year.

[Luke Burbank]

And as I've always said, they have the airplanes. This is why it's so asymmetric because we still need to go places, generally speaking, and we don't have airplanes and they do. So at the end of the day when there is a dispute between you and the airline, they're in some way always going to win because they have the airplanes and we don't have the airplanes. And it's like that's a thing. Now I've gotten around a lot of that by like obsessively traveling on this one airline so that I have achieved some sort of protected person status within the. And in fact, by the way, this is come in handy so many times where it really is kind of like a, you know, like Obi Wan does when it's the. These are not the droids you're looking for. Where he just moves his hand or whatever. Like, I. I've had that happen with this airline a number of times, where one time I was trying to check a bag that was slightly too large and the person at the gate was kind of looking askance at me. And I. I said this, not even in a snippy way, but they said, well, you know, and I said, would it make any difference? Does I go something like, does my status of titanium actually make any difference? And I was really asking. I wasn't being like, you know, would you say that to Tom Petty? Like, I was like, legit kind of asking. And it was crazy, though, because I was like, I go, does it. Does it matter at all, like, my titanium status? And the lady literally said, like, oh, you should have told me that. And immediately the whole conversation changed. You know, I have the little pass to the lounge. I've done all this stuff to try to give my. To try to, like, raise my status with these people so that I have at least a little bit of, like, negotiating power. And I've gotten used to that. And so when that negotiating power proves to not sort of exist or be helpful in a particular scenario, it throws me for a loop now because I guess I had forgotten for a while that they have the planes.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, because I'd been able to sort of, like, flex my status enough to feel almost like this was. We were on equal footing. And I was reminded the other day that, no, we're not on equal footing at all. They get to decide what's going on, and I have to like it or lump it or, you know, switch, you know, what airline I use.

[Andrew]

So, Luke, I don't know how much you're looking at your screen as we're having this conversation. I think I'm usually looking at you with, Good. Okay. Yeah. So I apologize that I've been even worse with eye contact for the past several minutes than I even usually am. And this time, though, it's with reason. And I think you will find this intriguing because a mystery, Another, oh, motor vehicle related mystery just dropped right into my inbox. And I hope it's okay by Genevieve for me to share a text that I received exactly 10 minutes ago, 1049, from the Love of my life, Genevieve Aaron has.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the first I've learned. Genevieve's middle name. Yeah, G, E, H. Mother's maiden name and first pet nickname, if you don't mind.

[Andrew]

We were talking about some. I'm not even going to repeat what it was, but we were talking about Something on the show the other day in which we were grabbing some

[Luke Burbank]

thank

[Andrew]

you for the drop personal documents on the show. And we got a very concerned email from a listener who says, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Stop sharing that information on the show. Like, that is exactly how hackers operate. But I can't imagine any hackers having good enough taste to listen to tbt. I'll listen to this text message that I just got now, 11 minutes ago, from Genevieve. Quote, WTF. What a great show. When was it canceled? No, it says, WTF question mark. We just got a $145 ticket for speeding in a school zone on a Friday in April in Lake Forest Park.

[Luke Burbank]

Boy.

[Andrew]

The photo of our license plate is not clear at all, but it's also not that far from where we live. Lake Forest park. You. We don't live that far. LFP camera district want me to challenge it? She wrote, now you're telling this story. I'm on the edge of my seat with your story of customer service. So I just write back quickly, what's the date? And she's given me the date here. I'm trying to think, is there any reason why I should be up in

[Luke Burbank]

front of me Me?

[Andrew]

That's the first thing I did. So she says, got you. April 24, 5:37pm that's the day I met Sean in the park with Lucy. And I think we might have mentioned that. That Genevieve. I forgot that that was on a Friday, but. But I am now, like, literally the last 10 minutes. I was paying attention to your story, but I also thought you might be interested in this. I went to my calendar to see what was going on in my life on that day. It was a day where Hannah and I had to record a spotless. So it would have been a Friday where I did TBTL with you. Probably got some newsletter stuff done. Although that might have been a day where the newsletter went out early because Lucy was getting us up especially early then. And then I recorded Spotless in the afternoon. I think feel like I would have been recording with Hannah around that time. And Genevieve had walked to the local park, so neither one of us would have been in the car. So then I'm like, okay, well, let me see what photos I took on that day. Right? I wanted to see. Like, there's a lot. We have such digital footprints, Luke. I don't know if I'm the first person to open that.

[Luke Burbank]

See, if only you had a ring cam, you could have, like, just rewound it and see yourself coming home at the Time of the ticket.

[Andrew]

Why am I undressing? What the hell is weird going on? I've only take. I only took 1, 3, 4. Let's see. I have nine images on my phone from April 24th. One is. I'm going to share this one with you. This one is of Bingo the cat sleeping on a chair. Okay, so that doesn't. That. I don't know if that's admissible in court. Another one is a video of Lucy chomping on grass in the backyard. You can see that.

[Luke Burbank]

See that? Then some nice little POV kind of get down there.

[Andrew]

Yeah, down on the grass. There are artistic three screen grabs of a top secret TBTL project. You and I are.

[Luke Burbank]

And these all have timestamps on them, which is helpful.

[Andrew]

Now there are. And this does get me in some trouble with the law. There are three photos of a license plate that I took in the car. So I was in the car at some point on Friday. But wait, I remember where I was.

[Luke Burbank]

Your license plate?

[Andrew]

Not my license plate. I was driving. But then I remember this. I know exactly where I was. I was stopped at a red light on the. Let's see, I was heading east on. I was about to get onto 105th. Let's see, I was like on the. Holman Road, 105th, right at Greenwood. I'm at that intersection heading east home. I had just gone to the grocery store. The grocery store, though, on Holman Road, not Lake Forest Park. Exactly. And I took a picture of a license plate of the truck in front of me. Because the truck had a license plate frame that said WSU cougars. The license plate itself. You've seen this before.

[Luke Burbank]

This made it onto the criminals.

[Andrew]

I took a photo of this because then the plate itself is a red wazoo themed. The specialty plate with the WSU logo there. And then the license plate number itself. And I won't give the whole thing out, starts with wazoo, W, A, Z, Z, U. And then there's a number following it. And so. So I took three photos of this truck as I sat at this red light just in case none of them. You know, you always want to take three and then pick the best. And I sent it to the fun loving criminals chain and said. I said, ders, I think I'm behind you in traffic. Of course, it wasn't him, but he is a proud graduate of wsu. And then the last thing I have is a screen cap of an email sent to us from our friend Harriet talking about her opening night, saying, tonight's the first time I die on stage in this play, parenthetically. So those are the only photos. It does prove that I was in a car, probably around. Let's see, what time is this timestamp? But I was nowhere near Lake Forest Park. No, that's the thing now.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, this is ridiculous. And also, by definition, if you had the car. Genevieve did not have the car that day.

[Andrew]

Yes. So that time, at that time. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Was Genevieve.

[Andrew]

Let's see.

[Luke Burbank]

FH that day, she was.

[Andrew]

Wow. Yeah, I believe so. And then when she knocked off work, she went to meet. Or she might have even had a vacation day. I think. I think. You know what? It doesn't matter, but I think she had a vacation day. This day. She was supposed to go on a camping trip, and the camping trip got canceled, so she just had a day at home. And I think she hung out with Sean. Now, this. This is where I'm getting a little bit nervous. This photo that I took. And I do remember which intersection I was at when I took. It was at 3:13pm and so I'm. I know this intersection. I'm there all the time, and I know which direction I'm facing. So I feel like I'm heading home now. I'm coming home with Grocer from the qfc, but I do a lot of running around. Is there any chance that I ended up hooking a left green there, went up to LFP for any reason? I could have seen myself taking a left there and then heading up to, like, the 130th area where there's a sprouts and a pet Smart. Or maybe it's a pets mart and my new favorite.

[Luke Burbank]

But that's on Aurora.

[Andrew]

That's on Aurora.

[Luke Burbank]

That's not la Near Lake Forest Park. You've got to go way over towards, like, Lake Washington? Really? Like, you would have to. You would have to veer wildly east and northeast from the. From the intersections that you are describing. This makes no sense. I think that this is. I think this is a wrongful. A wrongful conviction. Well, you haven't been convicted yet, but there's no way that your car was over there. And also, I don't see you speeding through a school zone.

[Andrew]

I don't either. Now, I am looking at text messages that Genevieve and I were exchanging that day. I see at noon, Lucy was in her crate. I got a photo that Genevieve sent me of Lucy in her crate with

[Luke Burbank]

remind me of the timestamp of the progress.

[Andrew]

The speeding is in the. In the early evening of, like, 5:40 something according to this. 5:37, it says.

[Luke Burbank]

And like, also, I don't see. Excuse me, I don't see either of you driving at that hour because I'm not saying.

[Andrew]

You know what? Hold on. I don't know if I did stop at that QFC grocery store, but what I'm remembering now is I said I might run out at 2pm and go to the clinic and then back to record with Hannah at 4. So still, I know this is good. The clinic is my. Where I get my blood drawn. By the way, the bad. What's his.

[Luke Burbank]

Phlebotomist.

[Andrew]

Phlebotomist. I got the bad phlebotomist. And he was so rude to me. And I said to him, I see you in the grocery store all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that an Alice Cooper?

[Andrew]

I think so. Anyway, I remember this day. So I had to record with Hannah. I know I was not in the car at 5:47 because I was coming back from phlebotomy and a stop at the grocery store. And then I came home. And so now I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

And there's no way Genevieve was driving at that.

[Andrew]

Well, now. No, I think we're in trouble here. Oh, no, I think we're in trouble. I'm seeing. It says on cereal. We're all. She says, we're all set at the park. I'm leaving at 5pm to go get the dog bed. She bought it. Where was the dog?

[Luke Burbank]

Dog bed.

[Andrew]

Can you give me 20 in cash so I can pay that way? And I said, yes, you can have $20, but it comes with a price. Oh, well, I'm not gonna.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no, let's not. Please turn this music up.

[Andrew]

Oh, no.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so we've got Veeves in the car.

[Andrew]

Yes. Oh, Genevieve just made the same realization. She just texted me. Now, I don't think she knows. Hold on one second here. Genevieve, if you're down here, you should probably just come in the studio.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if she's in the house.

[Andrew]

I don't even know if she's down here. Yeah, I think that she's back at the house, but she might just be upstairs. She wrote. So at the time of the ticket, I was in the car, but I was on my way to Woodinville to pick up the dog bed. Is there any reason. Would you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you could. Here's what the. Here's what the ways could. Or whatever mapping software you use could route you through Lake Forest park to get to Woodinville. If the freeways were too jam packed, it might Take you along Lake City Way. It might run you through Lake Forest park and then around over to kind of like the greater Woodinville area. That is a. The possibility.

[Andrew]

Like a possibility. She says she is gonna challenge.

[Luke Burbank]

She says I would still no brainer.

[Andrew]

Let's see here. She does say. I told her I'm talking about this Mr. NTBTL. I hope that's okay. You can join if you want. She says there's no reason I would have been on the road where the ticket was issued. I was only on highways to get to Woodinville. I'm going to challenge it. She says she needs to run out. She's taking Lucy on some adventures right now, in fact. And she has more, I believe. I don't think I told you this on the show. Genevieve had just a quote of a lifetime the other day. She's been buying a lot of used dog things. Like, Lucy is going through harnesses like crazy. Right? So I think we maybe bought her first harness brand new for $30 or whatever. But then since then, Genevieve's been going to Goodwill and getting different sized harnesses for her and just various dog things. Because dogs grow out of things so quickly that there's a lot of good used dog supplies out there to get. And I heard Genevieve, she loves. She loves tracking this stuff down. One of the things she's going to get today is like a dog, A bigger baby gate for the dog. Because Lucy can now just barge right through the whole baby gate.

[Luke Burbank]

Never. Yes.

[Andrew]

But Genevieve was just like excited about her purchases the other day and she just.

[Luke Burbank]

There's like a whole new world for Genevieve to, like, get deals in.

[Andrew]

And she just. This was a quote that I just. It lives in my head. I just thought, it's so funny. She's like, buying new things for dogs is a suckers game. And I don't even think she was saying it to me. I think she was just saying it to the universe. And I just keep on hearing her say, I just love that phrase. It's a suckers game.

[Luke Burbank]

It's actually sort of the perfect thing because, like, a dog doesn't know, right?

[Andrew]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, that's the thing. Like the dog. There's no. Dogs have almost no conversations about that new car smell. Like, they have nothing tied up in this question of like, in fact, they might like him more if it's got some other dog's mojo on it.

[Andrew]

Right? Exactly. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

So it's like, it's the perfect crime. Whereas, like, if, you know, if you buy a Loved one a new shacket, but it's not new. It's from Goodwill. Maybe they would have feelings about that. But the dogs are never going to judge you for getting them a secondhand baby gate.

[Andrew]

And actually, I'm even on board with that, too, because, well, with the harness as a first. Because I was just like, let's just get her a harness. And the first harness we did get her in her first leash and everything was, you know, that was kind of special, Veeves. And I'll always remember.

[Luke Burbank]

You're bronzing it, I assume.

[Andrew]

Well, we bronzed her paws. Is that a problem?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

But no, that is a special memory that I have of we beef. After we knew we were adopting her, but before we had brought her home, Veeves and I on a Saturday went to a pet store and picked out, like, leashes and her first toys, and we even got her little name, Lucy, on a little dog bone. But Genevieve wouldn't tell anybody what the name was at that point, so it was like her little.

[Luke Burbank]

I would have gone with Ophelia, but.

[Andrew]

Okay, do you know what was. I didn't even want to tell you this at the time because I didn't want to extend that narrative. Do you know that while we were in that pet store buying those things, Genevieve said, listen, and what song was playing on the overhead, but the song Ophelia by Taylor Swift. I had never heard this even a dog. And also, though, in our puppy kindergarten class, there is a different dog totally unrelated to that name, whose name is Ophelia. Yeah. So anyway, it's in. It's in the Zeitgeist. But yeah, I. We need that. We need to. I think we might want to get Genevieve on the show on Monday. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, absolutely. Because I have some. I don't have a lot of real world experience with getting a photo ticket for being in the bus lane, but I've got a lot of experience with these kinds of photo tickets with either not coming to a complete stop or even speeding. And they are very, very fightable. They are very get out of a bull. But we are going to have to use what I would call semi extreme tactics.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Around what people would call the truth.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Here's. You know what. And. Well, maybe I. Maybe I shouldn't say more on the show. Genevieve is looking at some maps now, and she's starting to lose confidence in her. Listen, she's starting to lose some confidence in her version of events. Let's just put it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, when I heard Woodinville. When I heard 5pm Friday, Woodinville, Lake Forest park started to enter. Started to enter the picture.

[Andrew]

Yeah, yeah, there it is.

[Luke Burbank]

It started to make a lot more sense. But here's what I'm here to tell you as your attorney.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

The fact that she may have been operating the vehicle in no way means she was guilty of speeding through the school zone as far as the law can prove, Andrew. And that, that's, that's what I really want you guys to think about this weekend. How willing are you to lie your asses off?

[Andrew]

Well, let's hope that this podcast get out of one $45 ticket in court. Let's just say. Let's just say that maybe I've, maybe I've already said too much, but. Well, I will tell you this, and this is, this is a horrible instinct. This is a horrible instinct. But I'm relieved to know that it definitely wasn't me. You know what I mean? Because here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'm not mad at Genevieve about this. I really don't.

[Luke Burbank]

Life.

[Andrew]

I don't care. But I think Genevieve would be more annoyed at me if this were me doing this. I could be wrong. She might, she might contest that. She might challenge that in court as well. But I do feel when it comes to, when it comes, especially when there are finances involved, Genevieve can go out and I think does buy whatever she wants. And I literally have never had a feeling about it. I know that that is not a mutual. That is not a mutual feeling. I know that, like, Genevieve lives very large in my head before I make any kind of a semi large purchase.

[Luke Burbank]

This is exactly like the dynamic between my mom and dad, actually, which is not. My mom also doesn't really spend money sort of willy nilly, but she has a lot of opinions about things that my dad buys, including tools for his work. Like my mom, you know, couldn't, you know, couldn't tell you the difference between a band saw and American Bandstand. And my dad, you know, my dad buys his tools used. He buys them on Facebook, Marketplace. He fixes them repeatedly over time. Like literally, like if a motor burns out, he'll replace the motor. I mean, my dad is not, you know, profligate with any of this stuff, but, but occasionally he's like, well, we've reached the point where I actually have to buy a replacement for this. And if my mom hears that, she will be so suspicious of his thought process, even though she doesn't know what the tool is what its application is like what a good price for the tool is. Whatever my dad spent on it, it was too much and it was not necessary.

[Andrew]

Well, as I've famously said many times before, buying new tools is a suckers game.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. That's honestly like kind of your catchphrase. That's like your Jimmy Walker Dynamite. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right man. Razzle dazzle.

[Andrew]

On your mark.

[Mort]

On your mark.

[Andrew]

Get set, get set now.

[Luke Burbank]

Ready, Ready.

[Andrew]

Go everybody.

[Luke Burbank]

Razzle dazzle. All right. If Andrew and Genevieve were going to be able to afford my expensive retainer as their. As their new. Is it pro se when the person representing you is also not an attorney? What's the term for having your friend who is also not an attorney represent you? If you're gonna be able to afford my retainer, it's not gonna be cheap. And it's gonna be thanks to the support of the listeners who again make this a job for Andrew and John and myself. That's how this whole thing works. It's 100% listener supported podcast. And it's thanks to folks like Stephanie Broad who is in Portland, Oregon. We know Stephanie so well and appreciate Stephanie. Stephanie says hello friendos. Thank you as always for being a fun, consistent part of my day. I play the podcart for August when we are in the car together. But he likes to talk over you guys so he isn't a 10 yet. Really? August? After all the holding of August I did at the beach, at the bracelet party and other places, you'd think August would just would show a little bit of respect.

[Andrew]

Come on, August. We'll get there. You'll get there.

[Luke Burbank]

He's only 2, so I'll survive feeling grateful for my little family. August is a cutie wild boy and Jake is a super great dad and husband and coder now. Nice Jake. Try to stay one step ahead of the machines on that one. Jake has started his own business making websites. Johnson Web Wizards. That's a great name.

[Andrew]

It's a very fun website too. I'm on it right now.

[Luke Burbank]

And by the way, the website is johnsonwebwizards.com I'm going to be on it too. Oh my gosh.

[Andrew]

It says Johnson Web Wizards. How can we help with your web presence today? This is very funny.

[Luke Burbank]

This is really smart actually. This is a really, really clever way to do this. It's a very intentional nod to the web of yesteryour.

[Andrew]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

But obviously put together by somebody who understands Web 5.0. What. What point o. Are we of web at this point?

[Andrew]

Like 17. 17.

[Luke Burbank]

Jake is in web 18 for all of you. So go to johnsonwebwizards.com if you need any web services. If you're in the need, please consider using the man who saw that Luke was his next Uber or Lyft pickup up and chose to make him wait so he could get into his hot dog costume before picking him up while I was sweating, worried Luke would cancel the ride. So, yes, johnsonweb wizards.com for your website needs.

[Andrew]

So I don't know. I. I don't ask you this. I want to ask you this, but I don't ask you this. Was this also the time you might have been a little bit into your cups? And so you were. You were a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I was after my cups.

[Andrew]

I have a. I have two different.

[Luke Burbank]

I have two memories, which is like. Well, no, I have one memory and that doesn't involve the hot dog costume, which.

[Andrew]

I'm sorry I brought it up. You think this is the. This is the time?

[Luke Burbank]

No, that's just the. Said you didn't do this to me. I did this to me. This is just me trying to piece through puzzle through my feelings about all of this, which is that there was a time. There was a time when we heed a certain call. That's. So basically I was. I was. We haven't even. Honestly, we haven't spent even one moment by myself. 10 seconds today, with apologies to Bill and Kingston.

[Andrew]

Oh, what a Friday.

[Luke Burbank]

Basically, there was a time where I was picked up. I think I was ubering back to my car from where I lived. I think I had been kind of on one, as they say, and. And I think. I mean the night before. And I think I was pretty. Still, let's just say pretty bleary. And I think a 10. I feel like in that. Again, it was. My memory was. My memory is very faulty. Just generally it was very faulty about this ride. And I feel like either maybe in the vehicle towards the end of the ride, the person identified themselves as a 10 or later. I got an email from someone that said, my husband or boyfriend and picked you up the other day. And I've always associated that with Jake. I've always associated that with Stephanie's husband picking me up. And I've always been very chagrined about it because I've thought God knows what I looked like, sounded like and smelled like. You know what I mean? Like, it's just not the way that I want Anyone to be experiencing me, let alone people who are kind of in the orbit of the show. It's always been one of my worst fears is that I'm just at a very vulnerable moment through my own doing that overlaps with someone who's aware of my life, let's say on tbtl. Now, the hot dog costume is a whole other thing because I don't remember the person in this instance being in a hot dog costume. So what it means is apparently allegedly there was a whole other time I

[Andrew]

was picked up by someone who was.

[Luke Burbank]

And I've now just memory hold that ride.

[Andrew]

But you don't think there's a chance that in your state and especially in your memory, you have focused so much on your. On your embarrassment that you've just sort of forgotten about the hot dog aspect of it?

[Luke Burbank]

That would be. Andrew. Shocking. That would be. That would. I'm not saying it's not possible. I'm saying if this story that I remember and I remember where I was picked up, I still lived at the yard. I remember where I was picked up in the ride that I'm thinking of. I remember being picked up. I can't exactly remember where I was going God knows where. Probably some misbegotten overnight poker location. Could have been in a. Could have been in a bar, could have been in a home, could have been anywhere. Maybe where my car was, maybe where it wasn't. God knows what was going on. What I don't remember about that event was the driver being dressed as a hot dog. And if the driver was dressed as a hot dog as a TBTL joke and I missed that, that is. That makes this even more insane. There was a second ride.

[Andrew]

What is, what is your guess right now?

[Luke Burbank]

My guess is that there were two different rides. And I'm conflating and confusing the two different rides there. There maybe was a ride where I was picked up and someone was in a hot dog costume. It would. Sounds like it would have been Jake. And that. And that that happened and that I actually literally have forgotten that that happened, which again is insane. And then there was a different ride from someone else who was. Who was. Knew about the show. And that was the ride from my apartment, the yard that I've always kind of associated with this kind of slightly bad memory. Right. So I think the most likely scenario is there have. There were two rides. There were two rides that I regret. And there was. And all then on the beach there was only one set of tire prints and that was when one carried me.

[Andrew]

Either way, you have forgotten about a hot dog costume, which. That is the, that is the hardest thing for you to believe. But we do know that whether it was one of it or two, you don't remember. And do you notice, by the way, ON JOHNSON Web wizards.com, do you see the little illustrated portrayal of Josh and.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew]

Jake. Jake. As I was saying that, I was like, that's not right.

[Luke Burbank]

Literally, who's forgetting things now?

[Andrew]

I'm literally looking at the word Jake. And I said, josh, Jake, I'm so sorry. What is wrong with me? Anyway, he has drawn himself or somebody has drawn him in a little hot dog costume. So this is, this is part of the brand. Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's cute.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What you've realized is that. Yes, I have somehow, and I'm going to keep saying memory hold because somehow it sounds better than forgot. It sounds more intentional. I have somehow forgotten about a hot dog costume on one of these rides or maybe the ride in question. Somehow. That part I don't remember. And it's just, the whole thing is just shocking to me.

[Andrew]

Let's. I think, I think, I think it's. I bet you it's the same. I bet you it's the same event. I, And I say that because I think it's going to make you feel better. I think either way, you forgot about the hot dog costume. Why not just make yourself feel better and feel like you only had one of these experiences.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but like, maybe there was two rides with Jake. Maybe the second one was. Maybe, maybe, maybe the second one was in a hot dog costume and I, and maybe I clocked it in the moment. Jake, get at me. Get on the, get on the Internet, get on the web portal, the web blog and, and message me, will you please? Or Stephanie, could somebody remind me of the. How many rides there were with Jake? Which one involved the hot do cost. The hot dog costume where I was picked up so that I could, I don't know, have a little bit of sort of clarity around this. Anyway, back to Stephanie's message. Favorite books of 2025. Let's focus on the positive here. Stephanie is still reading books and we love that. I'm gonna go from number five to number one. Number five. Oh, the House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende. A classic.

[Andrew]

Oh, you know this book? I don't know this book.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, it's been around for. Been around for many years and is a. Is a wonderful tome of magical realism. The House of the Spirits number four, You Glow in the Dark by Liliana Kalanzi. Not Familiar with the book, but the title, you Glow in the Dark, is intriguing to be sure.

[Andrew]

Do you think that you have to stand by a lamp for a long time, though, if you want to glow, like really strong?

[Luke Burbank]

That I can't tell you because I have not read the book yet, but it's possible.

[Andrew]

Short stories number three, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. A book of short stories. Thank you. On the calculation of volume one and two by Solvage Baye.

[Andrew]

Okay, sounds petty, I see. You know what? I was. I was confused there. I thought it was volume one and volume two, but it's on the calculation

[Luke Burbank]

of volume volume one and volume two, right?

[Andrew]

No, it's on the calculation of volume vol, books one, one and two. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you heard of a comma.

[Andrew]

So that's on me, though. Seven novel series, six volumes have been published in the original Danish. I see. So the. On the calculation of volume is a. Is a seven novel series and she read or is recommended.

[Luke Burbank]

Volume one and two.

[Andrew]

Okay, gotcha. Great.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a lot. It's two more volumes than I've read this year did in 2025. Number two, the cancer journals by Audre Lorde.

[Andrew]

Okay. Are you familiar with.

[Luke Burbank]

I've not read that, but Audre Lorde, well, Audre Lorde's a fabulous writer of a variety of styles of work. So I'm imagining the cancer journals are similar. And then number one from 2025, Stephanie's favorite books, Beirut Won't Die by Mazen Kurbaj. Again, another book that is unfamiliar to me, but I will take Stephanie.

[Andrew]

Stephanie's recommendation I'm seeing published by Fantagraphic. So there's a local connection here or a regional.

[Luke Burbank]

So is it a graphic?

[Andrew]

I'm guessing. I'm guessing this is a graphic novel. Yes. Which is. I'm looking at it now. I'm finding this very intriguing. A diary of the 2006 war in Lebanon told in drawings, comics and prose. And Fantagraphics being a Seattle based publishing house for graphic novel. So that's.

[Luke Burbank]

That is our friend Megan Kelso put out a book through them. Right?

[Andrew]

Yeah. Several, I believe. And I want to. Or yeah. Maybe it's just who will make the pancakes. I don't know how many she's released through them, but I did have a thought, which I've now, well. Oh, you know what I've spent this dazzling donor message doing is I've been looking, I thought, Stephanie, do they call it BookTube when people like, kind of read books and then talk about books on YouTube? And host shows. I swear Stephanie used to have one of those. And I'm Googling around. I noticed she is not. I feel like she maybe is still doing it, but doesn't want to shine the light too much on herself. And so I was gonna see if I shine the light on her, but I'm having trouble finding it too much. So maybe. Maybe it's not an ongoing project, But I do remember seeing her videos in the past, and they're just absolutely delightful because Stephanie is delightful. For real.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. Stephanie, thank you so much. Jake, thank you. And really, most of all, August, thank you for talking over the parts of the show that are unlistenable. That's a real service that you provide. In the vehicle, in the car.

[Andrew]

You know what, August? Only one person talks over Luke, and that's me.

[Mort]

Me.

[Luke Burbank]

Maestro.

[Andrew]

On your mark.

[Mort]

On your mark.

[Andrew]

Get set, get set now.

[Luke Burbank]

Ready? Ready.

[Andrew]

Go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle D. It's Ryan Driscoll in Nampa, Idaho. Nampa. Know how, as I probably have said every year that we've read Ryan's message. Never gets old to me. Ryan says, hola, friendos. Ryan from Pre Funk beer bar out here in Nampa, Idaho. That is a great name. That is such a good name with,

[Andrew]

again, I believe, Seattle connections. Right. I learned that Pre Funk came from originally with students at, I want to say, Seattle University. Is that the one on Capitol Hill?

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. Well, first Hill. The Red. The red. The Red Storm. The Red Hawk.

[Andrew]

Isn't it. Isn't it right on capital?

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe it's the cd. Maybe it's the cd.

[Mort]

It's right.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like I don't.

[Andrew]

You.

[Luke Burbank]

You call that Capitol Hill?

[Andrew]

It's north of Blick. It's north of Pine, I believe. Is it not? Isn't it. Isn't it right up against.

[Luke Burbank]

North of Blick? Is that Blick Art Supply.

[Andrew]

Art Supply. What a weird thing that I just said. Isn't it by. Isn't it like, right. Isn't Cal Anderson basically its backyard? Or am I thinking of the wrong school? Let's.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't. I mean, you know what? It's been too long since I also. I'm the worst person. This Seattle University neighborhood, it's. It's like it's south of 12th with. I think of. I think of that as the cut off of Capitol Hill, don't you think? Not south of 12th, but south of Madison.

[Andrew]

It is almost all the way down to.

[Luke Burbank]

It's pretty well south of Madison, right?

[Andrew]

It's just north of Cherry. So that is more. You're Right. And Swedish is right across that is First Hill. What if the. What is the campus? I'm thinking of that a Butts Kale Anderson almost. Do we have any idea here? I am ruining this show. I am absolutely ruining the show. But I'm looking at. I'm looking at photos of this. It's the Mitchell Activity Center.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, oh, you mean Seattle Central.

[Andrew]

That's Seattle Central. I'm getting Seattle Central confused with Seattle University. I knew.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, that makes a ton.

[Andrew]

So I mean, it's like. It's like a Butts the park. Like, I knew that would be 100% something wrong there. Okay, great. Okay. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

They probably call it Seattle Central College now too, right? I think they've generally dropped. Haven't they dropped community from a lot of things?

[Mort]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Because I think I had, like, kind of a bad connotation. I dislike that. I actually like community colleges.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. You know. Yeah. Community colleges are doing great work, honestly out there. And I was about to go into a story about it, but I will defer to the privacy of a person who might be staying at my own house right now.

[Andrew]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

My own daughter. And let's just say Whatcom Community college was an extremely great time in Adelaide's life to refocus her academic efforts and get back on course to go back to Western Washington University. And we will leave that there. We'll continue with our message from Brian.

[Andrew]

Give me a win, though, here. And I'm not associating with a specific college yet, but there is a lot written about how pre funk. It says the birth of pre funk. Look at Seattle's first real citywide Mardi Gras. I believe that the term does have regional roots here.

[Luke Burbank]

Nice. Oh, you're saying like, literally the word prefunk, I believe. I thought you meant there was like another pub with the name or something. No, no, no.

[Andrew]

That got.

[Luke Burbank]

Dude, I believe I'm starstruck by that. Well, my favorite words.

[Andrew]

I don't. I don't know if we want to trust AI, but when you type, it says pre funk or pre function. This is why I was. I thought pre funk meant, hey, we're going to get funky later on tonight, but we're going to get pre funky now. That's what I always thought it meant. And then I learned when I moved to Seattle that no, it was. It means pre the function that you're going for.

[Luke Burbank]

The function.

[Andrew]

Funk originated in Seattle during the late 1970s as a regional slang term for drinking before going out. That's AI saying that, but it Looks like it's pointing back to Seattle magazine.

[Luke Burbank]

That's freaking cool. Because I, you know. Yeah, I've said Pre Funk for my adult life. I assumed that was just a thing people said. I had no idea it had Seattle roots. For me, Pre Funk was like, like, okay, we are going to be medical grade drunk tonight because Pre Funk is. We're actually. Before we get to the thing where drinking is the endeavor, we're going to do some drinking before.

[Andrew]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

We get to the place where the focal point is alcohol consumption.

[Andrew]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And that was often a. That was a recipe for me not remembering a guy in a hot dog outfit driving me around.

[Andrew]

Andrew, good.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Hands down, the best craft beer in the Treasure Valley. Nestled comfortably in the historical downtown of what we lovingly call the Namtons.

[Andrew]

I like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Also a great name.

[Andrew]

That's great.

[Luke Burbank]

Pre Funk recently celebrated its 11th year out here. And every day is a constant reminder to me and my business partner, that's my wife, how important community is to our mental health and well being. That being said, thank you Cobros so much for another year of friendship and camaraderie. With things as rough as they are in the world, it's reassuring at the end of the day to be able to put on your slippers and sweater and turn on the imaginary radio and know it can always be a beautiful day in the neighborhood. My only request is, could y' all play one of the recorded messages from Luki B's agent, Mort? It's been a while and they always crack me up. Well, Andrew, it just so happens that I'm here looking at my. My selection of audio files and I've got a number of things that say Mort on the them. Mort, of course, my. What's the term for that?

[Andrew]

Is your agent.

[Luke Burbank]

My agent, but also my. Not my mythical agent, but my sort of legendary. My legendary agent who back in the day. This all started because me and a buddy of mine, Chris Cashman, were. We were cast in. We were booked, I should say, in this, what ended up being a truly soul crushing kind of acting assignment. We were told we were going to be in kind of a short film. It ended up being more. We were handing out 3D glasses in a hallway in San Diego in puffy shirts. And in the midst of all of this kind of ego busting activity, we started riffing about like how our agent, because we had the same agent at the time, had presented the gig to us versus what the reality of it was was. And Chris just started doing this guy we were calling Mort. And this is just how we were sort of passing the time slash making ourselves feel better. And this, of course, then grew into him leaving messages as my agent, Mort. Now I've got something called Mort promo message. That's pretty short. That's seven seconds. I've got Mort message number four. I've got Mort Chicago message. I've got a few other Morts. What do you. What are you feeling it for? What would you like to go? I've got something called mortgage Mort Herpes message. That's pretty long. Let's just hear it. Let's just listen to it for a little while. Mort Herpes message from my manager, Mort.

[Mort]

Hello, Luke. Yours truly, Mort Agent Kill the Northwest Stars. Yes, the very same agent who just signed exclusive representation deal with the one and only Seahawks star Richard Sherman's brother, Branson Sherman. Very exciting news. News, very exciting. But. But not as excited as I am about you. Back to you. Look, I am looking at an offer right here. National commercial TV campaign. And I have convinced them that you are the guy. I said look no further. I've got the guy's headshot right here in front of me, which we should update, by the way, because I still have the one from high school where you got the lettering jacket, you know, in the basketball under your arm and the tennis racket on your shoulder. And besides, that little half month test thing you had going, it doesn't work. Anyway, look, the point is, this is a huge commercial campaign, but it will require some committed acting, which I know you possess. We're talking about rock climbing. It says here, have you ever rock climbed? Would you be willing to hang, you know, without the carabiners and all? You'll be saying, what about river kayaking? We got to have white water. It's going to be rough out there and I apologize. Hang on for a second, Luki. I got another call coming in. Hang tight here. The uncomfortable sounds of Jesus Jones coming to Broadway starring Daniel Radcliffe. I was honored when they called me with this offer. The opportunity of a lifetime. And it's all in the lyrics, isn't it? You know, right here, right now, there is no place that I would rather be. And I think that I can bring something to the role that no one else can bring and. Hi, Luki, I'm back.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I just mention that Chris is doing this in real time? Do you understand? This is Chris and a cellular phone where he is somehow just like. I think he might have two phones. But like what I learned after he'd been doing this for a While was like the hold stuff, he's just doing this all in real time. Like there's no post production on it. It's a minor miracle.

[Andrew]

I had no idea that that is the case.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, when he would like. Here, let me just play this other one really quickly. I think he might put me on hold on this one too, which is

[Mort]

kind of blue key B. Hello, your agent here. Sorry to bother you. Hope you don't mind if I make your day. Quick question for you. What is your favorite Natalie Imbruglia song? Now I asked you because all the event organizers want to know what song to play when you walk out on stage at the opening act for the one and only Natalie Imbruglia male impersonator Natalie Imbruglia. That's right. Rated the second most popular Imbrugia impersonator in northern Canada. So clear your schedule. The event last weekend of the month and. Hang on for a second, guys. Sorry, Loki, I got another call. Let me click over and did some here for. For you. Okay, I'm back. The pot just got sweetened. You ready for this? You better sit down. I'll wait. Okay. Hope you don't mind sharing the stage and your dressing room with American Idol runner up David Archuleta's brother Ricky. Confirmed. Call me.

[Luke Burbank]

What was that?

[Andrew]

What was that music? I couldn't.

[Luke Burbank]

That was Natalie Imbruglia's song.

[Andrew]

Oh, that was torn. I couldn't quite.

[Luke Burbank]

Torn.

[Andrew]

Of course it was. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

God, what an absolute genius. Yeah, Chris Cashman. What a genius. We love him and we love Ryan Driscoll out there in the Namptons for supporting the show. Ryan, thank you very much, everybody. If you're passing through anywhere near Nampa, Idaho into Pre Funk Beer Bar and say hello to Ryan and tell him that TBTL sent you.

[Mort]

Here I go once again with the email every week. I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man. It's not from a female. All right.

[Luke Burbank]

We didn't get to Joe Settle Meyer talk, but that's actually probably okay because two things. One, he was the guy who did where's the Beef, which is pretty interesting. He was the director of the where's the Beef ads, which he was famous for. But then in reading about his career, I realized he was also the guy who directed these iconic Alaska Airlines commercials from the 80s. Now, here's the thing. We've already given enough airtime to the concept of Alaska Air today. And I don't know how much they really translated. They translate as audio, but. But are these The Lewis ones? No, no, no, those were radio, These were, these were TV and they were like again, I'm gonna send you the super cut of them Andrew, just in case like you're out with Lucy and you wanna look at something on your phone. They are, they really are art. Like they are, they're really like sort of film art. Just the specificity of the casting, the way that the, it's like the one that's so iconic, which again does not translate at all to audio is. It's Alaska Airlines talking about the ways that other airlines are trying to basically like. Well the funny part is the ads actually sort of like foreshadow real stuff. Like at one point people are waiting in this line to check their bags and it's a robot, it's like a robot voice that's like, like thank you for. They're like handing, putting their bags into this like vacuum kind of tube thing that's like taking their bags and it's like welcome to the robot 5000. The idea is too many things are being automated and then it takes one guy's entire outfit off of him because it's like sucking it in.

[Andrew]

Uh huh.

[Luke Burbank]

There was one where the bathrooms on the airplane are pay bathrooms. They're quarters. And this guy goes up and he's just this kind of like older gentleman who's kind of a little stooped over, got these big thick glasses and he's looking at the pay bathrooms and he looks into his wallet and he doesn't have any change and he's going down the aisle, he's going, he starts off going excuse me sir. He's like leaning over someone, he's going, excuse me sir, do you have four quarters for $1? And then you. He's like, excuse me sir. He's like, cuts to the next guy. Do you have four quarters for $2? Excuse me sir, do you have two quarters for $2? Like he's, he's basically like the, the cost of getting his quarters is going up and up and up as he's doing this. I have to pee jig in the aisle of.

[Andrew]

The irony that this is the commercial that comes up on the day where it's like, I mean it is, it's, it's, it's so galling.

[Luke Burbank]

It's totally galling because exactly. It predicted exactly what we're now dealing with. With. But these. I almost. Like I said, I'm just going to send you the ads because they're so incredible. The casting, the acting, the editing. I mean it harkens back to a different time for so many reasons. Anyway, that's the Joe Settlemeyer story. But what we're here to do is some emails or V mails before we wrap up on this Friday because I should go, you should go hang out with your Lucy, and I should go hang out with my human daughter.

[Andrew]

Yes. And also, by the way, look at this. Do you see this thing here? Do you see this biggest book in the world that I'm holding.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Thick, thick tome.

[Andrew]

That is because I am working on the TBTL newsletter and I have an exclusive expose that I am working on right now. That is what I will be doing. I skipped the newsletter last week. I wanted to write about this, but I ended up literally falling asleep in the most uncomfortable, uncomfortable position. Is that deck? This is Luke, this book that I'm holding right here. I mean, it's super heavy. This is one of two volumes that came in a gift from Listener Dan several years ago. The absolute complete archives of the Far side. Yes, this is a Far side related expose. And I will tell you, Gary Larson is never going to be so happy that he has dropped out of the spotlight because I am. I'm not going to hold my punches on this expose. It is going to be really something. So that's what I'll be doing this afternoon. Look for that in your inboxes later this afternoon or evening. In the meantime though, Listener Sarah wanted to weigh in on our conversations regarding Wikipedia and how one is able to represent themselves on Wikipedia without breaking the rules.

[Sarah]

Hey, it's Listener Sarah. I'm leaving this message really quick while I edit root scans for science and hoping no one walks into this lab while I'm leaving this voicemail. But I was listening to Monday's episode and you guys are just kind of launching into talking about Wikipedia and how Andrew doesn't have a Wikipedia page. And it reminded me of this really funny story. A few years ago I read this really great book by this author, Emily St. John Mandel. Oh yes, I was googling her after I finished it and was reading her Wikipedia page and discovered this really funny loophole that she had to do where she had been divorced and was seeing someone new and she wanted her Wikipedia page to reflect that she was no longer married to the first person she was married to. But the criteria was that there had to be an article for Wikipedia to reference. And so she like called up someone and was like, I need you to interview me and specifically asked me a question about my marriage so that I can say I'm divorced. So that my Wikipedia page can be accurate, which I just thought was really interesting and really funny. And so, Andrew, if you want a Wikipedia page, maybe you just need to get a friend to profile you and then you can have your presence on the Internet. Okay, you know what? You do have a great day. Happy Friday. Bye.

[Luke Burbank]

You know our friend, friend of the show and friend of me, Stacey Sledge.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah. Up there in Bellingham.

[Luke Burbank]

Up there in Bellingham. Good memory. Stacy wrote a profile of us and me and the show. It was, I will say to this day, the. Actually the most accurate profile of me that's ever been written. And it just helps if you listen to TBT day in and day in out. I bet you anything Stacy would write a profile of you. And that is legit.

[Andrew]

Does it have to be just about? Because of course our friend Harriet wrote it quite a long article about TBTL and our involvement in it.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, okay, maybe the work's already done.

[Andrew]

And then the people over at, at the current, the public radio newspaper wrote about us when we went independent. Thanks to John for sort of beating the bushes and yeah, a little promotion. So I do feel like.

[Luke Burbank]

So there's. It's out there. Wikipedia. Get a clue. And also this is very useful for me as somebody who cycles in and out of relationships, how what I need to do to make sure that my status is updated on there accurately. Did I tell you that at some point it was something got updated about my sort of relationship history? That was funny to me because it seemed to me that it could have only been the person I had been in a relationship with who could have, I mean, many years ago, who could have gone in and kind of updated it or would have cared about updating it. I mean, maybe there's some completist out there who, who sort of, you know, who would be tracking my life that closely. But it was just funny because basically what happened was, I think it was like my. My first ex wife was suddenly added to my, like, history, like years and years and years later, like, well after the fact. And so it was either her. By the way, I'm very friendly with this person. Like we text. We text on, you know, on a couple times a year basis. It's a very cordial relationship. Everything's cool. But it was like either somebody went in and decided to be very, very official about my particular marital history, or literally the person in question was like, hey, if we're going to be having a Wikipedia page, we're going to be having all of the information on there, which was just. Very funny. Let's just say 15 to 20 years after the first fact.

[Andrew]

Well, I'm on your Wikipedia page now. And according to this, you are dating the girl that you kissed on the roller coaster at the Washington State Fair. No. That was. Didn't. Wasn't your first kiss at an amusement park or a fair of some sort?

[Luke Burbank]

Close. It was at an ice skating rink.

[Andrew]

Oh, not. Not. No.

[Luke Burbank]

During that Christian music skate night.

[Andrew]

But I do know that the mummy was there. Am I right about that?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely right.

[Andrew]

I mean, I was sitting next to.

[Luke Burbank]

To the mummy.

[Andrew]

It's probably badger many things. Yeah, about your.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, you were. And. And you know what? We're still waiting for you to get

[Andrew]

that first kiss to Andrew, and it's gonna be great. And it's probably going to be from Lucy. Oh, that's already happened, buddy.

[Luke Burbank]

I witnessed it during our TBTB meeting the other day.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Picked her up for one second, and she was so in your biz.

[Andrew]

I love her. We have a pretty good relationship, me and that puppy. We had a really, really fun day day yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it possible she was driving the car at a high rate of speed?

[Andrew]

Probably. It looks like. It looks like we've totally. It looks like we went from being like, WTF to yeah, we've completely rolled over and are asking for punishment from the law at this point. I have.

[Luke Burbank]

I've been there, man, so many times where I'm just like, this is an outrage. I was framed. And then you look and you're like, actually, I think I was there again, as your agent, Mort. As your attorney, Mort, let me just tell you that doesn't have to mean that you have to pay this ticket just because you were. Genevieve was possibly the person driving. So maybe we'll talk about it on. On Monday. All right, that's gonna do it for today's episode and bring us to the end of our broadcast week. Thank you, everyone, for listening, for hanging out with us. We really do love and appreciate getting to do this for our jobs. We'll be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio. In the meantime, have a great weekend, everybody. Stay safe. Go Mariners. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew]

And good luck to all.

[Mort]

Hello. No one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone. Hello, Luki B. It's your agent, Mort calling. Pick up, pick up, pick up. You know, you always got to give people a few seconds to turn off the answering machine, but it sounds like you're out. Listen. Hey. Wondering if you had a chance to consider that audition. I fought to get you to be the face of N95, max. Or at least, you know, the N94. They're basically the same thing. Look, I know we don't want to wear them again, but if things get ugly, we want you to be the face of COVID my friend. And I'm not just saying this because I am your agent and I stand to make 20% from the campaign. But from the bridge of the nose up, you are stunning, my friend. And it's time you get paid for it. Okay? Okay, so call me. I want to grab a buffet. Soon we can talk about your next move and. Oh, hang on. I think I got another call coming in.

[Sarah]

Hang on.

[Mort]

Thank you for continuing to hold. In the meantime, have you finished this week's cyber training yet? Complete the latest two hour course for a 20% off coupon to Carvana the Musical coming. Okay, Lord Burbank, I'm back. Listen, gotta run, but call me so we can talk about the future, okay? The page me. Let's make like Dr. Jones and go. Indie pendant, that sort of climber. Feel free to use that on your radio Pod.

[Andrew]

Power out.