#4730 Jafar And Away

Summary

TBTL: Too Beautiful to Live

Episode #4730 — "Jafar And Away"

Date: May 19, 2026
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

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Episode Overview

In this playful and meandering Tuesday episode, Luke comes to the show broadcasting from Los Angeles after an unplanned, laptop-less adventure that spiraled into a tale of airport logistics, impulse Amazon purchases, and condiment-based airplane interactions. He and Andrew riff on modern social media, the perils of digital dependence, international listeners, library love, blues-rock clichés, and a classic TBTL theme: the comic absurdities of everyday etiquette. As always, dazzling donors are honored and tangents are embraced with self-deprecating warmth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Case of the Missing Laptop

[02:00–17:11]

• Luke's Travel Mishap: Luke realizes after airport security that he forgot his laptop at home, having accidentally swapped it for a heavy Bruce Lee book by Jeff Chang in his bag.
• Packing Anxiety: The mishap triggers a discussion about generational divides in technology use, especially discomfort with doing “serious” work on phones (see [11:07]).
• Amazon to the Rescue: Luke orders the cheapest Apple MacBook he can find on Amazon, delivered to his hotel in under 24 hours — marveling at the frictionless (yet troubling) efficiency of tech capitalism.
  • “None of this is good, Andrew, except this thing worked out so seamlessly and surprisingly so.” – Luke [14:10]
• Returns & Guilt: Luke plans to return the MacBook after the trip, joking about being “even more petty” by picking on its “unbrushed teeth yellow” color inspired by a Jafar (Aladdin) tooth ([20:21]).
• Comparisons to Jafar's Teeth: Hilarity ensues as Andrew corrects Luke: Jafar's teeth are actually sparkling white save for one gold/yellow one ([22:42–24:11]).

2. Modern Social Media, Anonymity & Feedback

[03:40–06:06]

• BlueSky, NGL & Thin Skin: Andrew describes the NGL “not gonna lie” app enabling anonymous messages, wondering if TBTL should embrace anonymity for listener questions—quickly agreeing that “neither of us has the skin for that.”
  • “Why would we want to let the listeners have anonymity when they ask questions?” – Andrew [05:48]
• Listener Interactions: Luke recounts a recent BlueSky feedback exchange with “Bill in Kingston” about his penchant for playing Pearl Jam on the show.

3. Dazzling Donors: International Edition

[25:17–54:27]

• Marshall in Amsterdam:
  • Reflects on being an American abroad and the value of supporting journalism (“especially local”), echoing a plea from NYT’s Arthur Sulzberger.
  • “For better or for worse, the world is watching the US and needs to be able to continue to do so.” – Marshall [32:45]
• Vicki in Hurstville, Australia:
  • Thanks TBTL for a “PNW voice fix” after moving down under, discusses her work as a librarians to “cure global loneliness” with library programming ([45:06–54:15]).
    • “My job... is trying to cure global loneliness by organizing fun and interesting opportunities for people to meet, be involved and learn new things.” – Vicki [46:24]
  • Calls for listeners to check local libraries, noting “we all get more chances to do more stuff when we have more people.”
  • Both donors spark discussion about libraries as sanctuaries and the changes in TBTL’s output from old radio days to now.

4. Canadian & Dad Blues Rock Tangent

[27:04–31:20]

• Andrew vents about a “blues rock” riff used in a radio ad for British Columbia, mocking “hot blues” clichés and middle-aged dad bands, which launches an extended riff on generic bar music and hats (fedoras in bands).

5. Self-Plagiarism in Comics

[39:14–44:44]

• Andrew’s Newsletter Investigation: Andrew details his TBTL newsletter piece on Gary Larson (The Far Side) using nearly identical gags in strips three years apart, and explores the weirdness (or not) of cartoonists “plagiarizing” themselves.

6. Library Love & Digital Books

[51:39–54:13]

• Public libraries are celebrated as “places where people prize information and learning and inclusion.”
• Guest Geraldine DeRuiter (from another podcast) shares tip: you can get a library card in any city, giving you wide-ranging access to their digital collections.

7. Top Story: The Mustard Incident

[54:44–84:53]

• On the Plane: Luke, now with temporary laptop, is upgraded to first class without pre-ordering food. Next to him a man receives a cheeseburger with a packet of mustard; Luke, recently obsessed with mustard, politely asks if he can have it if it goes unused.
  • “This is a weird question, but were you gonna use your mustard?” – Luke [68:13]
• Awkward Etiquette: The man, friendly, says he will use it — but never does, letting the unopened mustard be cleared away with the trash.
• Games of Politeness: Andrew and Luke dissect the encounter, comparing it to Larry David/Curb Your Enthusiasm-level neuroses.
  • “I would be making such a big deal... I'd get on the phone and have a fake call: ‘Yeah, no, I got the mustard.’” – Andrew [81:07]
• Social Torques: Both hosts ponder whether it’s their own “torqued-up” brains or if non-awkward people simply don’t overthink these microtransactions.
  • “Most people are not as torqued up in their brain as we are, and they're just like—there.” – Luke [83:14]

8. Upcoming: Luke’s Interview With "My Favorite Murder" Podcast Hosts

[85:05–85:53]

• Luke is in L.A. to interview the hosts of "My Favorite Murder" (Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstark) for a CBS story about true crime podcast popularity.
• He jokes he’ll come back a “better and more profitable” podcaster, promising a “refreshed” TBTL tomorrow.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On generational tech use:
  "I can't do anything—breaking out in hives at the very thought of booking a trip on my phone... that speaks directly to me."
  — Andrew [11:07]

• On the mustard ask:
  "He puts his headphones back on. He was very nice... That's a little bit of a—it’s a forward question of someone you don't know and have not spoken to at all on the flight."
  — Luke [68:13]

• On library sanctuaries:
  "You go into a public library, wherever you are, you have found your people."
  — Luke [51:20]

• On modern blues-rock:
  "Come on, Canada. Do better. Remember when Joel Otto sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads?"
  — Luke [28:36]

• On returning the Amazon MacBook:
  "I'm gonna wipe this thing, then run it through a bidet, because, as you know, I think that gets everything clean."
  — Luke [22:29]

• On self-plagiarism:
  "Who was it—Joan Allaire, who was accused of plagiarizing himself? ...Sharing his same observations across various platforms just seems like something people do."
  — Andrew [40:41]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:14 — Luke describes arriving in LA and his computer issues
• 03:40 — BlueSky/NGL anonymity and listener feedback
• 07:32 — The saga of the forgotten laptop
• 12:14 — Generational discomfort with mobile-only work
• 13:32 — Amazon overnight laptop delivery experience
• 20:21 — Jafar’s teeth and laptop color comparison
• 25:17 — Start of Dazzling Donor segment (Marshall in Amsterdam)
• 32:45 — Marshall’s message: support journalism
• 45:06 — Vicki in Hurstville, Australia: libraries & expat life
• 51:20 — Libraries as soul-comforting sanctuaries
• 54:44 — Top Story: Luke’s airline “mustard incident”
• 71:33 — Etiquette, embarrassment, and post-ask awkwardness
• 81:29 — Hypotheses about the airplane man's inner monologue
• 83:14 — “Torqued-up” brain syndrome vs. nonchalant people
• 85:05 — Luke previews interview with MFM podcasters

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Tone & Style

The conversation is marked by TBTL’s unmistakable blend of self-deprecation, wry observational humor, niche cultural references, and long-running in-jokes—creating a camaraderie that draws international donors, celebrates micro-awkwardness, and finds meaning in everyday absurdities. The hosts are open about their own anxieties, quirks, and obsessions, making the show as much about the comic art of living as about any “top story” itself.

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Useful for Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a classic TBTL blend: a travel mishap becomes a reflection on memory, privilege, and Amazon’s dystopian convenience; a mustard packet on a plane reveals the depth of micro-anxiety and politeness that drives TBTL’s unselfconscious brand of humor; and listener messages spark digressions about everything from journalistic responsibility to cartoon self-plagiarism.

Missed the show? This summary delivers every tangent, timestamped, and notable quote—minus the ad breaks and the endless outro jazz hands.

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Power Out

Transcript

[Andrew]

What don't you understand?

[Luke Burbank]

It's crystal clear.

[Andrew]

Ron Donald do's. Okay, the four P's and one B. Politeness, professionalism, perfectionism, Proactive. Be on time. What are you doing? Don't do that. Punctuality. What? No, don't do that. Now it's five P's. No, I already have four P's. That's an rdd. That's a Ron Donald Do. No, Ron Donald don'ts. This is so confusing. Ron tbtl. You're here to make friends. Making Friends is the name of this show.

[Luke Burbank]

What. What podcast are you talk. That's called tbtl. That's what and where Luke sitting. So you mean to tell me that all of those sounds were coming from your body? Yup. This man is a Timberlake and you need to stop treating him like a fatone. When you get there, this is what

[Andrew]

you will see on the screen. And there's a little arrow over there.

[Luke Burbank]

You press it and congratulations, you're listening to a podcast. Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Tuesday edition of tvtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew]

It's embarrassing and it's gross, but at least it's kind of funny.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host, coming to you from Los Angeles, California.

[Andrew]

Why are you wearing a tux? It's after six.

[Luke Burbank]

What am I, a farmer? Looking out on Sunset and Wilcox and in the far background, the Hollywood Hills. It's a beautiful day here as we've arrived at episode 4730 in a collector series.

[Andrew]

Now you have a friend in the diamond business.

[Luke Burbank]

If you know, you know. Hey there, everybody. So glad you're here with us. I made my way down to Los Angeles last night on the airplane and that means, of course, I had an adventure. This one, though, was surprisingly more related to condiments than I guess I would have been expecting, Mustard in particular. So we will talk about that. Also, I've got some. Well, if I sound on the slightest bit on the hesitant side, it's. I am using a computer to broadcast this program that was delivered here to the hotel inside of about 90 minutes ago. I've only had possession of this computer for about 90 minutes, so we're kind of flying a little bit blind here. But thankfully we've got the following dude here to help us. He is the longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships.

[Andrew]

This guy's intense. Big face, big head, big bald head.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew Walsh is His name, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew]

Good morning, Luke. Are you familiar with. I'm wondering if this is just a Blue sky thing and you're not clocking a lot of time on Blue sky these days, are you?

[Luke Burbank]

Blueski I'd say about once a week I log into Blue sky. So I'm not. I haven't completely, you know, removed myself from. And certainly it's not intentional. It just unfortunately, I failed to build a community over there where I think of it as a place I want to go. Hang up. Occasionally, I will pull your move, which is if the Mariners are making me especially frustrated and I feel like I've pumped enough. Enough toxicity into the criminals.

[Andrew]

Oh, then I will.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't. I don't go over there and pump toxicity into Blue sky, but I'm looking for it. I'm searching, you know, latest posts related to the Mariners to see that other people are as mad as I am.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I was going to say yeah, because I don't really. I will say that I. And, you know, I love the man and he's allowed to do this, but I will see Ders do that sometimes. Like when he's. When his rage overfloweth the text chain. Then I'll see him on Blue sky, because I'm usually on both at the same time. And then I'll start seeing him, like, kind of. He didn't get a lot of traction with a screw this team or whatever. Put me in. I'm a better manager than Dan or whatever. Like, if he doesn't get enough traction with that over on our side of things, he'll go public with that on Blue Sky. And not unlike us, there's a lot of people on Blue sky saying, take a breath, Andy. Anyway, all of that is to say there is an app or. I don't know. I don't know how to talk about the Internet anymore. Luke. I'm an old. But there's something called ngl, which I believe stands for in the not gonna lie. In the parlance of the day, not gonna lie. But what it is is a way of asking your followers to send you questions, but they will remain completely anonymous. It's very recognizable. If you're ever scrolling through Blue sky, you'll see this big sort of like red and orange logo with NGL on it. It's anonymous messages. And so the point is, like, if you're somebody who has maybe a bit of a following online, like, more than me, I would say, like, maybe somebody who's Kind of got like, you know, has made a little name for themselves as a sarcasmo on Blue sky or something like that. You can ask your listeners, hey, I'm stuck. Or your, I guess your readers, your followers, you can say, oh, I'm stuck in this airport. Ask me anything. And then using the. Anybody can ask anything and not worry about their identity being revealed. And so I guess the upshot of that is people can say things. They can ask you maybe personal questions without feeling like if they're being a little bit. I don't know, Randy about something, like they're not outing themselves. And I was just seeing this on Blue sky as we were dialing up here, and I was like, oh, maybe you and I should work that into TBTL somehow. And then it occurred to me, no, why would we want to let the listeners have anonymity when they ask questions

[Luke Burbank]

or handle their feedback when they're using their real email address?

[Andrew]

Exactly. Like. Just occurred to me. I'm like, I don't have. I don't know what kind of skin you must need to do something like that, but I will tell you, mine is not that kind of skin. And I believe the word I'm looking for there is thick.

[Luke Burbank]

So I'm gonna need your Social Security number.

[Andrew]

Yeah, Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Before I can take any. And actually, it's interesting you'd mention that because one of my last times I posted on Blue sky was to explain to our friend listener Bill, formerly Bill in Toronto, now Bill in Kingston.

[Andrew]

Yeah, he had some feedback for you.

[Luke Burbank]

He was not a fan of me constantly playing Pearl Jam music out of the blue when the Vetter cup was going on or conversations around it were going on.

[Andrew]

And you can't troll him now because you don't have your real computer.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I was gonna say, Bill, if you're L week.

[Andrew]

Oh, no.

[Luke Burbank]

Luke just found a computer in the hotel lobby. So what happened was I don't have my normal computer with me here. And yesterday I was getting all packed up to come on this trip, and it was one of those things. I don't know if you've done something like this, Andrew, where it's like, I really. I told myself, sort of do not under any circumstances, forget to put your laptop into your computer bag. Now, normally this wouldn't be a big deal for me or something that's hard to remember. But in this particular case, I had packed up my suitcase. What I did that was stupid was I put the computer bag on top of the suitcase. Now there's no chance of Me forgetting the computer bag. There's a better chance, or a worse chance, you might say, of me forgetting the laptop, because I was working away. I was toiling away, burning the candle at many ends, right up until it was time for me to leave for the airport.

[Andrew]

And.

[Luke Burbank]

And so I was sitting in a different part of my living room, typing away on my laptop. And then I just mindlessly placed it down on the kind of edge of my couch. And here's what really threw me. Normally, if I pick up my computer bag and it doesn't have the laptop in it, I can tell based on the weight of the bag that it's missing something. It's some real Indiana Jones shit.

[Andrew]

I was literally gonna interrupt you to say they call it Indiana Jonesing.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. But I had put a book that I am reading for Livewire that is a very thick tome. It's about Bruce Lee.

[Andrew]

You know what I call books? Stupid computers. Because they're doing it.

[Luke Burbank]

How smart is that?

[Andrew]

Right. So you. Oh, no, it's a very.

[Luke Burbank]

Actually, I blame the writer, Jeff Chang, for this because he's written a really interesting book about Bruce Lee and where Bruce Lee fits into the culture and also how that. How that has fit in with certain perceptions and misperceptions about Asian Americans. So it's a wonderful book. But, Andrew, I think it weighs exactly one laptop.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so I picked the bag up and it just, you know, my sense memory, my muscle memory was, yep, this weighs about what this should weigh. And so I get all my stuff together, and I live, like, about 45 minutes from the airport with no traffic. So I get down to the airport, I get through security. My flight is boarding in five minutes or something, maybe 10 minutes. And so I have a little time to pop into the Alaska lounge to grab a couple of snacks, and then I sit down. And what I was going to do was download some transcripts for a CBS story that I'm working on in case there wasn't good WI fi on the plane. And I reach into the bag and there is no laptop computer.

[Andrew]

There's just a.

[Luke Burbank]

And bag of sand just exactly like 10,000 scarabs ran out of. I know that's not the same movie, but let's just say it's in the same neighborhood. And so I was just like, oh, my gosh, what am I going to do? Because, like, the. I was just trying to work through all of the implications of this because I'm here in la. I'm doing an interview later today with the my favorite murder podcasters. Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. I'm doing the story about true crime media and true crime shows and why we're certain people are obsessed with them. So I was like, okay, I don't need a laptop for that. I already kind of have my questions in mind. I've already been researching them. I technically don't have to have the laptop for tbtl, but it's going to be sketchy. I'm then going to be using my phone and trying to plug this microphone into it. It's going to mean that I can't really make a show sheet for. For us to work off of. I'm supposed to write my Bluff the listener for. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Later this week. There's just a lot of computer based stuff that I need to do that is just this week is gonna suck for me if I don't have this computer even. Just stuff like trying to file my CBS expense reports and get into various systems and apps. It's just. I don't actually understand. Maybe it's just people have a different kind of job than me. But there's. And also it's very generational, I think, but I feel like there is a generation that it's very normal for them to do a significant amount of their work and things they need to do on their phones, you know, particularly maybe on their iPhones. Like a lot of the apps, you know, are designed for like, oh, yeah, of course you're gonna be writing this document on your iPhone. Or of course you're gonna be, I don't know, editing this media or stuff. I think that's where I'm not a digital native.

[Andrew]

There's a really great commercial that. I mean, the commercial's fine, but like, they nail this. Exactly. This phenomenon you're talking about now, it's specifically aimed at millennials. They out millennials in it. But it spoke to me as somebody who's older than millennials. But you see some guy and he's kind of freaking out and he's like, maybe in his. Well, he's probably in his late 30s or whatever and he's there with two buddies and he's freaking out because they're trying to get him to book a trip using just his phone. Like the commercial is for one of those apps, right? He's like, I can't. I'm a millennial. I cannot book a trip on my phone. And they're like, no, this makes it easy now. And I was like, oh my God, that is such a Brilliant strategy, because that spe directly to me. Like, I can't do anything breaking out in hives at the very thought trip on my phone. I mean, I can do small things. I can. I can buy a litter picker, upper pincers from Amazon or something like that. I had to buy those from the actual hardware store yesterday, which is why they're on the mine, but you know what I mean? Yeah. The idea of doing any kind of real work or anything important on the phone is not for our generation.

[Luke Burbank]

No. I was imagining myself trying to write my bluff on the iPhone, and it honestly gave me a deeply anxious feeling.

[Andrew]

You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Just like. And in fact, you know, all of yesterday on the airplane, I kept reaching instinctively for my computer bag to get my support, my emotional support laptop. And so, basically, so I cycled through a couple of things. I called my friend Spring, who lives out not super far from me, and basically said, hey, I left my computer at my house. Is there a chance you could grab it and take it to the UPS store?

[Andrew]

Store?

[Luke Burbank]

And she was like, yeah, I think maybe you've missed the shipping deadline for tomorrow. So I called the UPS store, and they were like, yeah, it's 4:30 is the deadline, and the soonest this next one will go out will be tomorrow at 4:30. So, like today. And also the cost of shipping is like a couple of hundred dollars to overnight something to Los Angeles. Not to mention the fact that I'll also be leaving Los Angeles tomorrow. So that would be really sketchy. Like, my real computer is en route, but if it doesn't make it to la, I'm now going to Chicago without it. Like, that just seemed like a bad idea. And so what I did was. And you know, I do not under any circumstances. And in the words of our friend Drill, I wonder how Drill's doing. Is he on blue ski?

[Andrew]

He's got to be on there. Yeah, I think so. Or people screen grab him and repost it on blue ski.

[Luke Burbank]

I need to go back to following him just to kind of get back into that. There was a simpler time when we were all following Wint.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah, there he is. Drill. Yeah, I got him.

[Luke Burbank]

To quote him, you absolutely do not have to give it to them. Yeah, I do not have to give it to Bezos on this one, but it was a pretty incredible moment of all of this integration of systems and technology, kind of doing the thing that we were promised for once, you know, like, most of the time, it's a letdown. And again, the. The. The damage that it does to us globally on so many levels is not something to elide. But in the airport I got on my iPhone and I went on Amazon.com and I looked up laptop computers that could be delivered to my hotel by this morning. And that was a category. And I bought the cheapest Mac that they sold, which by the way is like $500. I don't even understand. That's probably its whole own problem. You should not be able to make a laptop that you can sell me for $500 and someone's making money on it. In fact, multiple people are making and it's being delivered, quote unquote free to my hotel. None of this is good, Andrew, except this thing worked out so seamlessly and surprisingly so. I buy the laptop. I wake up this morning very early. I look, I can see that it is out for delivery. It's 10. It's actually at that point it was just out for delivery. But then as I'm getting ready to go on my jog on Sunset that I like to do, I have a whole playlist I listen to. It starts, it's all built around the NWA song Express Yourself. It often veers into Jurassic 5, which I really enjoy. Anyway, I go out on my jog and it's right as I'm leaving. It says the Leon who's delivering the laptop is 10 stops away. I do my run, I get back, I'm kind of quite sweaty as you might imagine, and I'm like hanging out in the outdoor kind of lobby atrium, whatever entry area of the hotel I see Leon is two stops away. I go get a water from the little water thing in the lobby that's got a bunch of cut up cucumber in it. I drink the water, I sit back down. Leon is one stop away. I kill about 10 more minutes and then Leon just walks up with the laptop. And I said, is that for Luke Burbank? He said, it sure is. And he hands me the box. Bring the box upstairs. That, my friend, was a excellent audio joke.

[Andrew]

I, I had that one that I had to send you last week. I was really mad that I didn't have more Pearl Jam.

[Luke Burbank]

Sorry, Bill. That's what you get for giving us feedback.

[Andrew]

Exactly. Any more feedback?

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful.

[Andrew]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

Got it up here, got the computer going like logged in and I mean it's not perfect, but it, I'll tell you what this computer knows. It knows my email stuff. It like populated my emails. It, you know, I was able to redownload the programs that, you know, we play. I Play the audio from and get this like, Riverside thing going. And anyway, all that is to say we're back up and running here and it's. It was. I'm pretty surprised that this all, this whole system is sort of as functional as it is and that we live in a world where I was able to have a laptop computer delivered with that kind of lightning speed and it got here.

[Andrew]

Yeah. You know, you told me last night that you were computer less and that you were working on getting a laptop and maybe having to do the show on your phone or whatever. So I kind of knew this was a thing that we'd find out about in the morning. A concern that I had. And looking back, I guess this was an unfounded concern. But like, when you said you were going to buy the cheapest laptop possible, I just assumed that that would be a PC. And I was a little bit in the back of my head, I'm like, oh, you're going to buy. Because I didn't think that they made Macs that would go for that cheap. And I was like, oh, this is going to be a pretty big learning curve of setting this all up. But with like, in the same way that I've used drivers, like drivers and all that stuff, like, I wouldn't. I, for a brief amount of time had to use a Mac for a different job that I had. And it was like, it was like, it was like, hey, welcome to this new job where you have to learn all these new things, but also you can only write with your left hand now, you know, And I like computers, I like technology, but it's just the way I zip around PC and just know what to look for in these things. I cannot do that on a Mac. And you being on deadline in LA trying to learn the PC language, I thought was going to be a problem.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the thing I thought was at the baseline, because, yes, if there would have been. And maybe I could have looked a little harder if there was like just, you know, the absolute barest of bones PC thing that was like $200 or something, I probably would have considered buying it because at a minimum I just wanted to be able to talk to you. Like we're talking right now into this microphone that I'm holding and not you basically not be trying to use my phone as the, the broadcast device, because I was imagining like you and I are having problems with the technology and I can't call you because I'm using the phone for the technology, stuff like that. So I was like, I just need some Other device, but. So I would have actually probably gone with the PC. This is what populated, and I'm sure probably Amazon in that they're tracking everything about my habits. It was like, we're going to start with showing this guy some Macintosh products or Apple products, really, because. Because that's what he's probably bought other accessories for over the years. But anyway, again, you absolutely do not have to give it to predatory billionaires. But I guess what I'll say is I'll take the small W. We consider this changing the system from the inside. We buy the computer, we use the computer to shit talk Amazon. We return the computer. Andrew, do we return the computer? It's the second that, yes, we do. I'm. I'm. I'm 90% sure it can happen. And why am I. Because as soon as it was delivered and I brought it up here, I logged into my a.m. even before I downloaded the audio software. Andrew, for doing the show with you, I logged into my Amazon account and went through the steps of returning this computer just to see what it would do if it was gonna flag it, if it was gonna be like, are you crazy? You've had it for eight seconds now, by the way. It is. This computer is a weird color. It is. I would call it unbrushed teeth yellow.

[Andrew]

Oh, God. Call it.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, call it. I would call it like, for people that know. There's a scene in the movie Aladdin where a Jafar, the bad guy, I believe, is pretending to be this kind of, like, old coot who's giving Aladdin, I believe, bad advice, and he flashes this grin at Aladdin and his teeth are the color of this laptop. So one of the things I could. I mean, this would make me in real life, kind of a petty person. But I'm being even more petty because I'm misusing this computer. I could return this computer because I'm like, this color is whack. Like, imagine you got this color for your child. Let's say they're 14 and they're excited, they're going to go to school, they're going to use the computer and you buy the wrong color. And they're like, I can't take this computer to school in this color. I'm going through, like, reasons in which someone would return this computer based on, I don't know, silly stuff like that. But anyway, I went through. I said, it's the wrong color. And they said, I have until June 3rd to return it. So it's. It seems to be the case that I can Return. I also. Andrew, I have never opened. You know how I tend to open things like a werewolf. That was a criticism from an ex wife of mine.

[Andrew]

Like, oh. Oh. You open things, like, with so much vigor that you're just sort of ripping the packaging.

[Luke Burbank]

I get easily frustrated with the way things are packaged, and so I don't open things in a delicate, like, oh, this could be re. Resealed or repackaged kind of way. I just have this. I have this tendency to just be overly violent with it and then just kind of, like, create all this, like, debris and destruction. I did not do that with this product. I opened the Amazon box very carefully. I opened the Apple box that was inside the Amazon box. I kept all of the wrapping. I didn't actually even take out the power cable and the power cord, because I have that with me. It's just a USB C. Yeah, that's good. So those are. Those are still, like, wrapped. And in the little, like, everything I am. I'm gonna. I'm gonna wipe this thing, then I'm gonna run it through a bidet, because, as you know, I think that gets everything clean.

[Andrew]

I was gonna ask you about that. I'm really glad that you broug, because I was going to ask about your personal information and making sure that you're going to go through the process of making sure that you're at least logged out from everything. If not, you're going to do a. You're going to do a factory reset, then send it back.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm going to do a factory reset.

[Andrew]

Can I also. I am really sorry to interrupt you here, but I think we need. I don't know if Jafar is a listener or not, but we need to set the record straight on something. Now, I've never seen Aladdin.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that not true?

[Andrew]

Correct me if I'm wrong. Well, here, I'm going to send you a picture. I do believe you type in Jafar teeth, and the first thing you see are these images of him as this old man with this mustache, whatever. And his teeth are jacked up. He's smiling really big. They're really, really jacked up. However, they're sparkling white. The issue with the teeth is not the color. They're just all jacked up. And there's one gold tooth in there. It looks like a replacement tooth, and they're all crooked, and they're all over the place. But honestly, as far as color is concerned, and I'm not saying this to make you feel bad or say you're wrong, Luke, I just don't want to get emails from Jafar or Jafar' family or whatever. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

I think you're right. You know what I think? I think that I just was so. I'm looking at the picture now. You're right. I think I was so focused on the one yellow tooth.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Is that you think? Or is it yellow?

[Luke Burbank]

It might glint in when you're watching it again. This is going back a long time ago for me, but it might even be the case that when he smiles quite kind of troublingly, that yellow tooth or gold tooth or whatever it is, does a little like, kind of a thing somehow. My sense memory of the scene is. Is that he had a mouth full of those teeth. But you're right. You're right. Only one. So this laptop is the color of that one.

[Andrew]

The one tooth. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

One kind of jacked up tooth.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Of Jafar. But not as well. You're right. Let's. You know, let's. We need to be. We need to be honest about what was going on with Jafar in that scene. Yeah. Now I'm looking at it. Is it gold or just very yellow? It does. I do feel like it glints.

[Andrew]

I think it's actually an argument.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that would be an argument for being gold. Which raises a real question, which is like at this point, why.

[Andrew]

Yeah, why replace that one?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, look at those chompers.

[Andrew]

No, that is that one. Now you're. Now you're asking the right question.

[Luke Burbank]

Why. Why that one Jafar. Pretend Jafar guy. Like, like you got. There's nothing good happening in that mouth. There's a lot of issues. We replaced one of these teeth with gold, the most valuable thing available.

[Andrew]

And couldn't you make that one straight? Particular type, like, could you just make that one straight while you're in there, blend in with all the other crooked. What the heck?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, thanks. We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle.

[Andrew]

On your mark.

[Luke Burbank]

On your mark.

[Andrew]

Get set. Get set now. Ready? Ready, Go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle dazzle. All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. If I ever decide to replace one of my janky teeth with a gold tooth.

[Andrew]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

It's going to be essentially thanks to these people. Because this is how we get paid to do this job. This is how we are able to have this be a five day a week enterprise for us. It's due to the donations, the voluntary donations of dough from folks like Marshall Mawson, who's over there In Amsterdam. In North Holland, Netherlands. Amsterdam, North Holland, Netherlands.

[Andrew]

Hey, can you hear me? Do I have to speak a lot? Should I speak louder? Because you're far away. That used to be the case with long distance calling. You know, Luke, I remember that bit on TV shows.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, sure. I remember when Marshall was moving to the Netherlands.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Luke Burbank]

That's how old I am. Yeah, I remember. I believe Marshall might have been in the Bay Area and. And then was heading to the Netherlands. And I'm gonna say that was probably like five years ago now or something. Anyway, Marshall says I didn't fill out my dazzler message from last year, so I can't let you get away with another freebie.

[Andrew]

Make us work.

[Luke Burbank]

One way to look at it, Marshall. Yeah, say something with that great radio voice.

[Andrew]

I was thinking the same thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Marshall says it can be a blessing at times living abroad and watching the US from afar. Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, it must be so bittersweet, right? Like it just thinking about your friends and loved ones and your podcast bros and everybody over here dealing with this country the way it is and yet also being highly relieved that's not your day to day existence.

[Andrew]

Right?

[Luke Burbank]

This is me, not Marshall's message. I'm just thinking about what it's like to watch this from somewhere else.

[Andrew]

This reminds me of something that is a complete. I'm about to derail this dazzling donor message. So hard. Luke. I'm sorry, Marshall, we'll come back to you, but I need to talk sometimes too. Not just you, Marshall. There's this ad that is playing on the radio only. Yes. I've never seen visuals for this, so. But it's playing during some stream of baseball games, I guess. I'm listening through the app and it's geo targeted specifically to Seattleites. And so it is an ad for like British Columbia writ large. Like come visit us over here on the other side of the border or whatever in Canada. And they're like, hey Seattleites, there's a city right over the border that does things a little bit different. The food tastes a little bit different. And then there's some sort of indication that us a different style of food than we have here. The music is in a slightly different key. They just play what like. You know how I have a real bias against this kind of music anyway. Just like the most generic like sort of electric guitar blues rock riff is like, like some sort of pentamic. I am at our blues rock riff and I just feel like a.

[Luke Burbank]

Some. Some hot dad blues it just sounds

[Andrew]

like, yeah, and just a quick little riff of it.

[Luke Burbank]

Cold brews and hot blues.

[Andrew]

And I'm just like, yeah. Ooh, Canada. Birthplace of. Birthplace of blues rock. Like we do things a little bit different over here. And then it's just like dad rock riff. And I'm just like, come on Canada, do better.

[Luke Burbank]

Remember when Joel Otto sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads, please.

[Andrew]

I'm going to see if I can

[Luke Burbank]

find this crossroads of Lagner and Richmond, bc.

[Andrew]

Right, exactly, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Peace and love. Peace and love to our Canadian listeners.

[Andrew]

Under the peace arch, I believe. Anyway, yeah, I'm sorry, I was just thinking about people looking at our culture from afar and I guess that wasn't quite afar enough.

[Luke Burbank]

Also, just. Also, just. It's funny how much of this show has involved afar and also Jafar a weird amount of those letters. But no, it's just the idea too. And this is less Canada related and more just kind of like, I don't know, this seems to be the kind of stuff that will be in the television imaging for let's say like casinos that want you to come stay and play and like other things where other events or maybe you know, cities that are saying, you know, come visit such and such. It's like the idea that, that kind of like blues, like extremely predictable sort of blues that again, a lot of like would seem white people of a certain age would seem to like when that's presented as like hot blues. Yeah, it's just like there's just nothing hotter. And I don't even hate that music. I mean I was obsessed with blues music when I was in high school. I took a blues guitar class and like there's something about, you know, some, some BB King or some Muddy Waters. I like that stuff. I don't mind it at all. I don't mind the genre. But when it's when like you know, some sort of. Again, when a, when a real kind of middle aged dad band is playing at the Swinomish Casino is playing dad blues. It just, it's. It's totally fine for what it is, but it's not rockin Summer nights for me.

[Andrew]

Yeah, right, exactly. Whenever I hear that music, I think of this one specific like bar in Concord, New Hampshire that was like directly across the street from the State House. And it was, you know, it's a very, very white state. It's very white area. And there would always be like the, it'd be like, oh, it's live music tonight and I'm blanking on the name

[Luke Burbank]

of JT and the Tail Draggers are coming tonight.

[Andrew]

Exactly. There is always.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, there is one person in the band is Dolphin Ely wearing a fedora. And I know making fun of fedoras is a pretty tired comedic premise. I don't even mean it that way. I'm just saying literally, there will be a guy in a fedora, probably the bassist, but maybe the guitar player. It's just like, that's gonna be the energy. And again, there's nothing wrong with that energy if that's fun and somebody wants to do it. To me, it's when it's presented as somehow edgy, that's where I kind of like. That's where it sort of disconnects for me.

[Andrew]

Hold on. I want to see what. I remember the name of the bar. I want to see what is upcoming here. Oh, they have traditional Irish session music on May. That's tonight, so that's pretty good. Not too late for me to make it upcoming event. Not a lot. There's some. Okay. Bee Lounge. Okay. There's a lot of trivia night going on. I'm not making my point here. Maybe they're not doing as much blues rock as they were at the time.

[Luke Burbank]

Marshall says I can bury my head in the sand when I want to. However, when I can bring myself to engage with news from the US it's really clear how critical good journalism is to maintaining some shred of democracy and holding people to account. The job of a journalist is hard at the best of times and made so much harder by the current administration. So here's my ask to the tens after making your TBTL donation. Thank you, Marshall. Please subscribe or donate to some journalistic institution if you don't already, especially if you've been thinking about it, but you haven't pulled the trigger. For better or for worse, the world is watching the US and needs to be able to continue to do so. To the biz, boys, thank you for all you do. You help me get through these times. It's interesting that Marshall would mention that. There is a really. I think. I think it's kind of fascinating ad, if you will, or, I don't know, psa, something in between that's running. When I listen to my New York Times audio stuff now, you know, I listen to the Daily and I listen to the Ezra Klein show and you know, I listen to articles sometimes when they produce them up when they're not using the AI voice. And now before some of those audio products, when I'm listening on the New York Times app. It's Arthur Sulzberger, the, I don't know, 29th or something. He was like the current, I guess, you know, publisher of the New York Times. You know, it's been in his family for many years. And I thought this was actually kind of compelling. He basically says, hey, you know, it's Art Sulzberger. And usually this is when I would ask you to subscribe to the New York Times, but here's what I'm asking you to do. Subscribe to anything that's doing original journalism, you know, which, hey, I think that's a, I, I, I think that's actually a pretty cool thing. I mean, they're basically saying, look, we, anything that's making journalism and that's doing original reporting needs your help right now. And if it's not going to be the New York Times, please let it be something.

[Andrew]

Yeah, that's good.

[Luke Burbank]

And, you know, I, I support that, definitely. So, anyway, to Marshall's point, yeah, anything you can do to help support journalism, please do it. We don't, this isn't journalism, but this is something that people seem to like. So we appreciate the support as well. But, yeah, if you, if you can, if you can locate and identify something, particularly local stuff, I think that's, that's, you know, that was, did you hear yesterday, the whole announcement that NPR is offering buyouts to 300 people?

[Andrew]

No, I did not.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, actually, listen, I'll give NPR some credit. They had Dave Falcon Flick on All Things Considered talking about the cuts that NPR was making and why they're doing cuts when they just got a donation from. Is it Connie Ballmer of like $100 million or something? Like, they've, they've been getting all this money, and yet they're still offering buyouts and trying to reduce some, you know, some staff and, and one of the things that they were talking about was trying to support local journalism. More like NPR at some level, is trying to support local journalism through how they're reorganizing things and reallocating funds and, and who knows if, if that's really going to happen or not. But it would be good if it did, because it's one thing, you know, to have national reporting, that's important, but local reporting is huge. And that seems to be, for some reason, the most endangered of all of this.

[Andrew]

Yes, agreed.

[Luke Burbank]

So thanks for the reminder. Marshall, from all over there in Amsterdam, North Holland, Netherlands. Appreciate you, maestro.

[Andrew]

On your mark.

[Luke Burbank]

On your mark.

[Andrew]

Get set, get set now. Ready? Ready, Go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody. RATTLES Dazzle It's Vicky Foggin, who's in Hertzville, New South Wales, Australia. Andrew, this is an international dazzling donor duo today.

[Andrew]

This is a. That's a total coincidence. I did not grab these two messages based on their international appeal. Now I will ask you, though, Luke, is there any chance we can pronounce Vicki's name without getting pg13 in the description of how to say it?

[Luke Burbank]

We can't and we won't because this is one of the greatest pronouncers I think we've ever had, and I'll not erase it. I'll not omit it. Vicky Foggin says. Foggin. Like when you're making out in the car and you're fogging up the windows.

[Andrew]

Ooh, I blushed.

[Luke Burbank]

I love. Boy, it's been a long time since I fogged up any windows, man.

[Andrew]

I didn't do a lot of making out in cars. I think that car making out is if you're making out in an age where you, you know, you're still living with your parents or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a young person's game.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I wasn't kissing a lot of girls during that, that era of my life.

[Luke Burbank]

I wasn't overly amorous. Let's. I don't want to overstate it, but there, you know, there were some, there was some car make out sessions because of that exact thing. Because of having, you know, limited other places where I never got the. Never had the, like 1950s, you know, the police officer is knocking on the window with their flashlight.

[Andrew]

Sure, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Never got to that point with it, but did have a few, did have a few Vicky Foggin sessions. Andrew.

[Andrew]

Well, don't call him that. There's a line from both 30 Rock and Kimmy Schmidt that has been going through my head constantly lately. And I think I've been saying it out loud because now Genevieve is saying it a lot. And I don't know exactly why. I think it's because when I'm playing with Lucy the puppy, like with her toys or whatever, she's always bringing me a toy and then she's like, trying to get me to take it out of her mouth, but she wants to play tug of war a little bit. And so I find myself, without really thinking about it, just like entering into conversation with her, like, I'll just be like, well, no, no, this is my chicken lady. We have a little dog toy that looks like a chicken lady. I'm like, no, no. And I'll have like this whole on conversation, like, no, no, this was. I have one that looks just like Yours, Lucy. This one is mine. Like, and I'm like, you know, just like, I love doing this for hours and hours. You just. You don't even realize you're doing it.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I love deploying that on toddlers.

[Andrew]

Oh, sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, they'll have a toy. And it's the exact same premise. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, this is mine. I have one that's exactly like the same thing you're using. So I can see why you would be confused.

[Andrew]

Yeah, exactly. And then I think yours is around the corner. And anyway, so I must. There must be something about those conversations that triggers me to be saying, well, if you want to kiss so bad, why don't you kiss a potato? Like, if you need a kiss so

[Luke Burbank]

bad, why don't you kiss a potato like the rest of us?

[Andrew]

That's the one from 30 Rock. And then Tina Fey, I think, used the same joke in Kimmy Schmidt. One, his lips are softer than the baked potato I practice on. But just like that potato, he turned

[Luke Burbank]

out to be rotten.

[Andrew]

So I don't know why, but I've always saying out loud lately, especially, if you want to kiss so bad, why don't you kiss a potato like the rest of us?

[Luke Burbank]

It's interesting that Tina Fey and the writing team would allow. I mean, I love both of those jokes. And actually, I think there's enough extra. There's enough value add to the Kimmy Schmidt one that it differentiates it enough. But I bet you that there was a high sensitivity around jokes and premises that existed in 30 Rock and on Kimmy Schmidt because there's so much shared DNA. And the people who love 30 Rock love Kimmy Schmidt.

[Andrew]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, you know, so I would think that they would. There must have, like, the whole process of writing Kimmy Schmidt must have been the writers going, ah, we did that on 30 Rock. Oh, we can't. That's too close to what we did on 30 Rock, potentially.

[Andrew]

I don't mind talking about this now. We will get to Vicky's message here in a moment, but did you?

[Luke Burbank]

We're fogging up the podcast.

[Andrew]

We certainly are with my hot air, as usual. But can I assume correctly that you did not dig deep into this week's investigative report in the TBTL newsletter?

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't, Andrew, and I apologize. I worked hard on it. I know you were excited about it, and I saw the email and I really said to myself, oh, I need to read that, because I'm interested and also because of my colleague working hard on it. And Then I didn't get back to it and I apologize.

[Andrew]

That's not why I bring it up.

[Luke Burbank]

Did I tell you I lost my computer this week?

[Andrew]

That's not why I bring it up. Not to make you feel bad, I just wanted to know for a starting point, a jumping off point on this, whether or not you knew what I was talking about. Because I know that we have more listeners than we do have newsletter subscribers. Although if you want to sign up, you could. If you go to tbtl.net, just click on the little link that says newsletter. But that's not why I bring this up. The reason I bring this up is because I think you might find it somewhat interesting. It was an investigative report into Gary Larson, author of the Far side and cartoonist behind the Far side, kind of plagiarizing himself, which is a phrase I don't like. Who was it? Who is it? My buddy Joan Allaire. Joan Allaire, who was accused of plagiarizing himself, which of all the things people sort of of gotchaed him on. I was always a little bit leery on that particular accusation. Him sharing his, his same observations across various platforms just sort of seems like something that people do in this day and age.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's not okay. I've got some explaining to do that

[Andrew]

was go, you know how Gawker would just like they'd be like a dog with a bone. Like once they kind of put a target on you, then everything sort of fits. Anyway, all that is to say, Gary Larson and I noticed this because whoever put together the Page A Day calendar, which is just like, you know, like kind a randomized, random seeming compendium of Far side cartoons, whoever put those together put two cartoons about one week apart that I identified as essentially the same exact joke. Luke. And I'm going to tell you right now, the first one as it came across my transom in the calendar is a classic that you might remember. It is a man posing next to a space alien who apparently is visiting Earth in his spaceship of some sort. And his wife is holding a camera and she's about to take a photo of this man posing with this alien in front of the spaceship. And the wife is saying in the caption, yes, Harold, or I think it's Warren. Yes, Warren, there is film in the camera. But the problem is we see that she's checking this by opening the back of the camera up.

[Luke Burbank]

Ah, sure. Thus exposing the film.

[Andrew]

And this, as I said in the newsletter, this stuck in my head because I was like, this is a Cartoon that will be absolutely indecipherable to anybody who was born like, let's say, today forward. You know what I mean? Like, there are very few people who will understand the concept of film having to remain dark, otherwise it's exposed. Like, you know, everybody just does digital photography now, which makes a lot of sense. So that's why it's stuck in my head. And then the next week, I'm peeling away another cartoon, and then I see one, and it's a boy in his dark room. He's created a dark room at home and he's holding like a dripping print up in the dark room. And he's saying, yes, I got it. Evidence of a UFO taken in with my own camera in my own dark room in my own. And then he cuts himself off because we see his mom is entering the dark room, opening the door with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk and letting light into the room. That is the same joke. That is the same exact joke. It was published. I looked it up three years apart, and I still do not know if Gary Larson knows he was doing that or if anybody ever brought it up to him later, if that's why he essentially went into hiding. We have no answers to any of these questions as of right now, I will say.

[Luke Burbank]

So you can actually tell when these were published, you know, in the. In the papers in the original days, and you said they were about three years apart?

[Andrew]

Yes, that's why I had to delve into that huge encyclopedia of far side cartoons that listeners Dan sent me, because they're arranged by actual publication date in there, so I was able to cross reference it.

[Luke Burbank]

That's so cool that you were able to go to the microfiche.

[Andrew]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

I will tell you to go to the source material. That's actually. That's actually pretty cool.

[Andrew]

I will say that the newsletter itself I'm actually not very proud of. I'm totally fine with you not reading that one. I didn't think it was actually that interesting. And it was super, super long. And then I found another example in my beloved Nancy cartoons of the same exact thing where this time I'm pretty sure Bush Miller was actually kind of doing a cover version of his own comic. I won't get into all of that because I've already ruined Vicki's message. How did I get to talking about that other than it must have been leaking out? I wanted to say.

[Luke Burbank]

Had to do with fogging up the windows, I'm pretty sure. By the way, it's funny. That you were thinking about the Far side. I was listening to the Far side on my jog today.

[Andrew]

Oh, that's right. You mentioned at the beginning of the show, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's. It's that I started with this N.W.A song, Express Yourself, which for whatever reason put. For whatever reason puts the. I start a radio station, as they call it, based on that, on Spotify. And. And it tends to lead down a good road for jogging, but it involves, you know, the Far side and the like. All right, here's one thing about Vicki's. We're not even into Vicki's message yet.

[Andrew]

Go ahead and read it over top of this. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Literally, the track, it was. I love it. It's probably their. Probably their most popular song, I would imagine.

[Andrew]

Right. Love it. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Vicki says that she's in Hertsville, New South Wales, Australia, now. Vicki says Hurtsville. Like Laurel Hurst in Portland last year. Luke said Hertz, so it's Hurstville.

[Andrew]

Oh, there it is. Hurstville. Yeah. Yeah. You did it again.

[Luke Burbank]

I did it again.

[Andrew]

Okay, Gotcha.

[Luke Burbank]

This is how I get Vicki to donate. Every year, Vicki has to come up with a new way to try to explain to me, I am not a person who is dyslexic. Andrew. But that is a word that for some reason, my eyes want to, like, sort of swap out where the T and the R and the S should be. It's Hurstville. It's like our friend on the text chain who I've taken the mantle of being the most negative criminal from. I mean, this is the thing, and this is. And this is a veteran move by me. If I am just absolutely toxic and sour on there, then it doesn't leave Andy anywhere to go, and then he has to become positive. So that's what I've been doing the last few weeks.

[Andrew]

Anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

It's Hurstville. Vicki, I am sorry, but if you're.

[Andrew]

If you're gonna beat somebody up in, like, Dave Thomas arenas, we called the parking lot where everybody fought in high school.

[Luke Burbank]

Taking them to Hertzville.

[Andrew]

You're taking them to Hertzville. That's different, but also useful.

[Luke Burbank]

Heading straight to Hertzville. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Vicki says, I started listening to TBTL in the radio days when feeling homesick for the Pacific Northwest voices and vibes after moving to Australia. Wow. So Vicky's been in Australia for a minute.

[Andrew]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

His whole show's been around for a bit.

[Andrew]

Yeah. And both of these messages, not just coming from overseas, but from expats, I think that's notable as well.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, absolutely. I absolutely miss having 3 hours of content every weekday, but I am totally appreciative that I can still listen to my familiar friends nattering on while I'm puttering public, transporting, or playing my disassociation game. Dreamlight Valley. I identify as an Andrew. Have you heard of Dreamlight Valley?

[Andrew]

I know I'm Googling it right now. Right now.

[Luke Burbank]

This is. Now, here's something that I'm wondering about. Yes, we were doing three hours of shows on the radio, but also a significant portion of those hours were commercials and news breaks and Frank Shires. So I'm wondering, what do you think the actual. I would guess that we were putting out tops, an hour 45 of content,

[Andrew]

and we were reading this at one point. Yeah, because I knew the clock. Because then I was like. I think I was at some time chopping up the shows and turning them to weekend content for the radio or whatever. And so I feel like it was. It was like that three hours was closer to 90 minutes. So there's a chance that you and I are on some days putting out more content on a random weekday than you guys actually did on the radio. But you're right that. But there's something. You know, unless you start hearing the same commercials over and over and it becomes, like, really repetitive, just hearing an update from Frank Shires or whatever it is, followed by a mattress commercial.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew]

Sleep Factory or whatever, like, it still just putters away the day differently.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, you know, you're right. I guess I forgot that probably. We probably left in a lot of stuff. I don't think Sean was, like, going in and resecting, you know, all the breaks and stuff. That would be a lot to do.

[Andrew]

You mean for the podcast? No. Yeah, no, he would have. There would not been any commercials. There would not have been any.

[Luke Burbank]

It's also possible, but it's also possible that Vicki was just streaming the show.

[Andrew]

That's what I was sort of thinking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. No, I think you're right. I think. I think you're right. And I think what was happening was Vicki was streaming the show, which, again, if you're homesick and you want to kind of hear the pnw, that's a way better way to do it. Right. For the reasons you were talking about. Like, like hearing the priceless granite commercials and the slab jacking and Frank Shires and, you know, and Jeff Pojula when we would let him on the air.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Just like all of that kind of.

[Andrew]

We're going to. I'm looking at just a random episode May 29th. Let's see here. May 29th, 2008. I think I have to hit play on the beginning of of hour one just to see how long it ends up being. I don't know how much of this

[Luke Burbank]

you want to hear.

[Andrew]

He's too beautiful to live. That's you, right? Cairo. Back here live at the Waterfront Village with my friend the zombie Jonathan. You're looking good, Jonathan. Just got an awesome face paint job. What do you think?

[Luke Burbank]

I like turtles.

[Andrew]

Love it. Okay, so now let me skip to the end of this file and I will tell you how long our one more than others.

[Luke Burbank]

Clearly Sean and I more than the norm. All right, that does it for this hour of TBT out. We'll do some awesome not awesome after this new and talk about George Clooney's new ex girlfriend and what that means for her. It's all coming up on TBTL. Stay with us.

[Andrew]

That hour one was exactly 35 minutes and 30 seconds. Luke. So that means you were right. 90 minutes a show about But I

[Luke Burbank]

think Vicki's point stands, which I had so totally missed, which was if Vicki was, you know, if we were Australia's number one morning show for her, it's the time difference, much like we were in Japan. You know, that would have been a three hour experience. Anyway. Vicky says I am totally appreciative. I can still listen to my familiar friends nattering on while I'm puttering. Yada yada yada. I identify as an Andrew. I am a public librarian. I'd like to use the rest of my message to promote library programs. My whole job as a programs librarian is trying to cure global loneliness by organizing fun and interesting opportunities for people to meet, be involved and learn new things. Your friendly local public library will have the same opportunities and we all get more chances to do more stuff when we have more people. So go see what yours has on. Lastly, any tens visiting Sydney, please drop me a line and I can show you the sites. I am Vicky Reed Foggin on Facebook and that's F O G G I N by the way, power out. I just signed up for a for a library card down in my local close town of Calama, Washington, Andrew. And let me tell you, I went into that library and I immediately felt a decompression in my spirit because like so much of living in red America is just a compression of my spirit. It's like going to town to get something at the Home Depot and like seeing a truck in the parking lot and then shadow boxing with the person who owns the truck for, like. Like, the next three hours. In my mind, et cetera. You go into a public library, wherever you are, you have found your people. You know what I mean? The librarians, the content. It just felt like, oh, yeah, this is. This is also part of America. This is where people prize information and learning and inclusion and all of that stuff. It just really was good for my freaking soul.

[Andrew]

I think what I'm about to say is a good thing for libraries. If I'm wrong, I. Apologies. My apologies to everybody, especially the librarians out there.

[Luke Burbank]

Use the bathroom.

[Andrew]

No, what I was going to say was, when I was on the KoW podcast a few weeks ago with Geraldine Deruder, who I adore. We've shouted her out on the show before as well. She was another guest on the show.

[Luke Burbank]

Honestly, she needs to shout us out. She's much more famous than we are.

[Andrew]

She's much more famous, but just absolutely delightful person, and we always have a good time. Anyway, the topic of libraries came up or something, and. Oh, you know why? It was like a kicker story about somebody who had, like, found books that were 35 years overdue or something. You know, those stories sort of pop up every now and then. They return them to the library, blah, blah, blah. But that just got us talking about renting books from the library. And I brought to the table a conversation that you and I had had, I think, just like the day before, which was, I'm a slow reader, and then I'm borrowing these books digitally from the library. But the moment somebody else says, oh, I want this book that Andre already has checked out, they can put themselves on a wait list, and then I can't renew it if I re. You know what I mean? It'll say, you know, this is on your phone for people, or. Yeah, exactly. Or, you know, other devices as well. But for me, it's on my phone. And so it's not like the old days where you can just, like, keep a book as long as you want and then say, yeah, I'll pay the five cents a day because it's worth it to me. Or just keep renewing it and renewing it, because if somebody's waiting for it, it's a digital book, they just yank it right back. Right. And Geraldine says, well, you know, one thing you can do is because you can get a library card in every city you visit, you don't have to live in the cities. You don't need to show residency. You just apply for a library card. So if you get a library card when you're in New York, in Los Angeles, where you are, Luke, right now, every grand city in this country of ours, you can get access to all of their digital libraries. You can find that book somewhere else if it gets zoinked out of your account out.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that is good for libraries because I think what Vicki is saying is that the more engagement there is with each library, the better it is, I'm sure in a way that drives funding and also just, you know, it's sort of evidence as to the importance of these places. And so I would imagine that most libraries would love to have more people sign up for library cards, you know, or to be members of that library in whatever way they are. Even if they're just a drifter like you are trying to get three more weeks out of that Elmore Leonard slow reading drifters.

[Andrew]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you so much, Vicki, for supporting the show from over there in Australia. And I promise next year I will probably also call it Hertzville.

[Andrew]

But that's still after that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, you will. And you know what? There's not a jury in the land that would convict Vicki on this because I've clearly earned it since. So thanks, Vicki. Appreciate you. Couldn't do this without you.

[Andrew]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, Quick Stop Story. That is generated by my travels, which is so often the case on this program. I promise. Andrew, I don't like. I'm not trying to create events or moments or stories when I am traveling around the country. I'm just trying to get from point A to point B. I'm just a lonely drifter trying to extend that Irma Bombeck rental from the library. I've got to come all the way down here to Los Angeles to get to extend my reading of if life is a bowl of Cherries, why am I always in the pits? Oh, I'm sorry. No, I'm mixing up my Erma Bombeck books. I was actually Libby is just trying to take back the Grass is always greener over the other septic tank.

[Andrew]

I take it you spent some time with these books.

[Luke Burbank]

We had so many. Irma, are you familiar or are you

[Andrew]

aware of you only from the humorist. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like there was a humorous.

[Andrew]

Yeah, the Dave and we. Barry.

[Luke Burbank]

Dave Barry, but more like a. Kind of like a Dave Barry, but like sort of Dave Barry's female equivalent. But I would say maybe even the humor being even more gentle, if you would. And we just. I think my mom. I don't know if my mom ever read any of them. But there were a lot of Irma Bombeck books that were flying around the various garage sales and freebies. And so we just ended up with a bunch of them. And I read them because we didn't have television. There was nothing else to do. I remember this one is talking about her moving to the suburbs. I think that was. The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

[Andrew]

Okay. Yeah, I'm looking at that. That was from 1976, in case you're curious.

[Luke Burbank]

And I think. I think that one is about her moving to the suburbs. And there I remember. And I just had no context for this stuff. But there's part of the book where she's talking about the model home that she thought she and her husband were going to live in. And it would have these grand, you know, sort of pillars. And it was good by the. This tells you when it was as well. She was comparing it to, like, Tara from Gone with the Wind, which is the, like, estate of Scarlet o', Hara, which I don't think we really look at as a great thing these days. But she was like, you know, and she's writing about how she was never going to be hungry again or she was going to yell Tara when she got there or something. And then they show up to the actual build, and it's. The pillars are the size of cigarette butts or something. I just. This is all like, weird information that my brain has hung on to from the Irma Bombeck stuff. Anyway, that's not what we're here to talk about.

[Andrew]

Yes, it is, because I have some more. Show some more book titles I want to share with you. All right, lay him on my bomback. When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. That's a 1991 entry. Let's see here. 1983's motherhood. The second oldest profession you got here.

[Luke Burbank]

It's actually not bad. That's kind of funny and edgy fogging up the windows.

[Andrew]

Yeah, right. A marriage made in heaven or too tired for an affair. 1993. What do you think about it? And then all I know about animal. All I know about animal behavior I learned in Lehman's dressing room. That was in 1995. Am I saying Lehman's right? L, O, E, H, M, A, N,

[Luke Burbank]

N, S. I don't know if I'm familiar with that. It's spelled L O. How you spell it?

[Andrew]

L, O, E, H, M, A, double N, S. I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't grow up with that, with that department store. So I would be totally guessing at how that is pronounced.

[Andrew]

Anyway, now we can move on to your mustard.

[Luke Burbank]

So I get on the airplane yesterday and I'm again, I'm in a bit of a tizzy because I'm computerless. But what I did have going for me was I was lucky enough to get moved up to the front of the airplane. And so I'm sitting up there and I go with my typical order of something to eat, which is the fruit and cheese box. But I've been on this thing lately where I've really been getting into mustard and putting it on things that I don't even wouldn't normally like. I'll put it on cheese now. Just like a piece of cheese with mustard on it. I've still got like all of this really high quality mustard at my house from when I went to the mustard museum in Wisconsin. Like I bought a bunch of stuff from the gift shop and had it shipped to my house. And it turns out that even if you're eating a fair amount of mustard, as a person who lives alone most of the time. Excuse me, just getting some late breaking news here via the email. Did you hear that?

[Andrew]

I did, yeah. I thought it was me for a second.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that was you sending me tomorrow's dazzling donors.

[Andrew]

Oh, no. Oh my God. I can do the thing. I can do the thing. I can do the thing. I can do the thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Stop doing the thing.

[Andrew]

They used to do this. I'd levitard all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

Bob's burger's voice. Don't do the thing.

[Andrew]

Gene, you're supposed to have. Oh, by the way, I heard Eugene on Comedy Bang Bang this week. It sounds like he's doing all right. He still does not know what exactly happened when his car isn't that crazy. Have you been following the follow ups to that?

[Luke Burbank]

I've been, I've been following it a bit and I saw him doing a different interview where he said he has no memory of the crash other than I think, what, maybe being pulled out of the car or something. Or maybe not even that much of it. Like, yeah, he doesn't know what happened, right?

[Andrew]

He says he does. It could have been something mechanical like the car wouldn't stop accelerating and then he got into an accident and then he can't remember what happened. Or it could have been something health related with him. He might have lost consciousness before the accident. We mentioned this on the show when it happened several weeks ago. Eugene Mirman was in a really, really bad Accident, I want to say, in Maine or some New England state, at a toll booth where his car did not slow down at all and just crashed, flipped, I think, and caught fire. And he sounds like he's doing pretty well now as far as, like, health stuff is concerned. But it was like, you know, you think like, well, what are you doing? And you're really hoping, like, you know, that drugs or alcohol aren't involved or something like that. Because, like, why would. Why would you be going so quickly at this phase of the drive?

[Luke Burbank]

And it was a Tesla, too, I

[Andrew]

believe, right, That I didn't remember, or

[Luke Burbank]

I think it was a Tesla, which, by the way, would. Or some EV. But I'm 90% sure was. Because the other weird element of the story, the way this story unfolded, if you remember, was was it the. Like, the lieutenant governor of Maine or the governor, some governmental official. It was like. Like governmental officials detail pulls man from burning wreckage at tollbooth. That was the first wave of this story as I experienced it. And then through the grapevine, it was like it was Eugene Merman in there. What?

[Andrew]

See, I think I knew it was Eugene by the time you might have broke this story to me on the show, but I thought it was the governor. And I typed in Governor, Maine, Eugene Mirman, just to see what the headlines were, are. But the AI Overview helpfully says comedian and Bob's Burgers voice actor Eugene Mirman is not a governor. The current governor is Janet Mills. Thank you. No, it was actually the governor herself, I believe, and her and her detail that was. That happened to be passing through the toll booths at the same time.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I'll tell you what. Eugene Merman, if that was. If his vehicle, which what I can say about it was it's a very new car because I saw the burning wreckage. If that thing went into some kind of overdrive and refused to turn off, he's got a. He's got a lawsuit on his hands and all that. All that data. Well, I guess it raises the question, if the car is incinerated, is the data going to the cloud? I'm always surprised at how much information now can be gotten from a vehicle when there's a crash. It's almost like, you know, the black box of the airplane or whatever, where, like, they can figure out, like. Like, was the person accelerating at the time of the incident? You know, how long were. How hard did they brake? When did they start braking? There's just so much data from the vehicle. And if this thing just decided to go haywire, obviously, That's a huge issue for the car maker and that should be trackable, except when the car is turned into, as we used to call it, car B Q When I was a traffic reporter.

[Andrew]

Oh, really? Oh, that's pretty. That's pretty.

[Luke Burbank]

When I worked at Metro Traffic, there would occasionally be. I don't even know if it was an email. It might have been a fax that would go around between the different Metro traffics in the different cities that were like, hey, are you tired? Tired of calling it a car fire? We're calling it a car bq. Like, it was literally like a little bit insensitive. Ways to kind of is actually, if you think about it, like. But it was, it was basically like, that's just the one that I remember. But it was kind of like ways to describe things when you're doing these traffic reports because you're doing 10 of them an hour and it's all the same stuff.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, what do you. What's a new way to. What's a new way to describe this thing? You know, because you just like spend so much time talking about a slowdown. What do we do? Does anybody have a new cool way to say slow down?

[Andrew]

Yeah. By the way, I want to. You know, I was a little bit harsh on AI there for not giving me a more useful answer, but I was, I was assuming it was Maine. And my problem is it was New Hampshire and it was actually Governor Kelly Aott. And it says here that the governor left her vehicle and retrieved a fire extinguisher to help out. Yeah. Credit to Governor Aott.

[Luke Burbank]

A. So I get on the airplane and I. The guy comes by. There's always, it's very funny, there's so many levels to getting upgraded and also being in first class and then also being kind of like, I, I wouldn't say shamed, but like, like, if you. I've never been, I've never just purchased. That's not true. I've rarely in my life purchased a first class airplane ticket. It's always been the case that I just like am allowed to go sit in the crumbs of the front of the airplane when nobody else buys a first class ticket or they don't completely sell out. And the difference between buying the ticket and being kind of last minute like I am, is if you buy the ticket, then you can go online and you can order the food that you want. You can. And, and then they come around, they go, oh, you ordered the cheeseburger or you ordered the whatever and, and, but for Me, because I was always alerted that I'm gonna get to be in first class. Five minutes ago, they come up and they go, you didn't put a food order in? And I'm like, well, yeah, because I. I just found out about this. Okay, please don't blow my cover with the person next to me. I want them to think I'm fancy and I bought this ticket.

[Andrew]

Now hold on one second here though, because I do not fly first class, but I know that even in coach you can pre order your meals as well. So is it that you have an expand there?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, there are depending on the like distance of the flight and I guess a little bit the time of day. Yeah, there's like, usually there's like a cheeseburger that people can get. Although the airplane doesn't seem. Even if I ate more cheeseburgers, the airplane wouldn't be where I would go for that. The. You know, then they've got a variety of other little things. Some of it looks pretty good. Some of the vegetarian stuff is actually pretty edible. I just typically.

[Andrew]

But the cheese plate that you get, I think is the. It's. Is it a different one than the one that Genevieve gets? It's got some grapes in there, some cheese. So you could pre order that, then it doesn't matter where you're sitting.

[Luke Burbank]

I could pre order it in coach, but when I get up to first class, then when they're coming around, well, yeah, it's. It's free. And also in this case, like I said, when in doubt, I just go with the. I had not ordered it for coach. I don't even know if I thought I was going to eat on the plane or not. So the guy comes up, I was like, yeah, could I get a. The little cheese thing? Because they still had them. Also, weirdly, in first class, those are kind of like. That's one of the things they run out quickly. Run. Run out of quickly for some reason. So I was, I was excited because they had the fruit and cheese plate. So I got that. But I had this weird hankering in the middle of. Because I. I eat this fruit and cheese stuff like on almost a weekly basis. I thought, you know what would be incredible on this because I've been doing this at Becca's house also. She'll make me a little snack plate of things and stuff. And like, because I'm always hungry and she's never hungry, so I'm always like, do you have anything to eat? And she just has only healthy food. So she started keeping a little Bit of food around that. I like some little cheeses and cashews and things like that. And she'll put like a dollop of like stone ground mustard on there. And I'll like, put that on a cashew and it'll be. Or like, yeah, like a cashew. And it'll be like, oh, my God. Everything is better with a little bit of mustard on it. I'm realizing. Do you have this experience? Do you like. You're a mustard guy?

[Andrew]

I like mustard a lot. Growing up, I did not like mustard. Now I like it a lot. And. And the mustard that I use is very situational. One of my favorites is that really. I don't know how to describe flavor sort of, but it's that English mustard, Coleman's, that. I remember you and I were working together once, and I had to try something that's like very. It kind of clears your.

[Luke Burbank]

Spicy.

[Andrew]

Yeah, kind of spicy in that way. Oh, my God, Luke. I don't know what just happened to me in the past 20 minutes or so. I feel like my brain has really, really stopped working. But what do you put on sushi? The gre. Wasabi. It's almost got that wasabi kind of, you know, kind of clear your head out kind of feeling. I really like that stuff. I also like that beaver mustard, which is like kind of a sweeter mustard. Also a little spicy in there. Yellow mustard on a hot dog, maybe. Anyway, yeah, so I'm a mustard guy, but not to the extent you're talking about. I'm putting it usually on pretty standard fare, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Anything savory.

[Andrew]

I.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, if I have mustard, I will put it on there because it just improves the experience. I'm really, really enjoying it. And I'm sitting there and I'm looking at my cheese and my crackers, and I'm looking over at the guy's plate next to me, and he got a cheeseburger. And the cheeseburger comes with all these packets of stuff. Comes with a packet of mayo, a packet of ketchup, a packet of mustard. And I realize I see his packet of mustard and I think. Think that would. I would love to put some mustard on this cheese that would. Or even just on this cracker that would really. That would really soup up this experience for me or jazz it up. And I watch, and he's preparing his burger. He's taken the lid off. He's taken the. Also known as the bun, and he's put the mayo on there, and he's put the lettuce back on and the. Like, I don't know if there's a pickle, but he's kind of reassembled the burger. He's restacked the burger. And I decide to make a bowl play. And I just ask him, hey, this is a weird question, but were you gonna use your mustard? Were you gonna use your mustard? And he looks at me, kind of pauses, and he goes, I. Yeah, I think I'm going to. I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. I go, I. I swooped in too early. I didn't know if you were going to put it on your burger. He goes, no, yeah, I'm gonna use it. I love mustard. And I was like, oh, I do, too. I go, actually, I went to, like, a mustard museum in Wisconsin, and, like, you know, so I'm really into mustards. And he goes, okay, okay, yeah, yeah. And then he puts his headphones back on. He was very nice, by the way. Like, really smiley. Like, not, you know, didn't seem perturbed. And that is a little bit of a. Like a. It's a forward question of someone you don't know and have not spoken to at all on the flight. But again, he smiled, and he wasn't weird about it at all. And so I kind of went back to my little thing and watch intermittently watching the Mariners game, as long as the WI fi would cooperate. And Andrew, I watched the guy. I look back over, I watch him eat the rest of his burger, the potato chips that came with it. I think he might have gotten a cookie, too. He's drinking his Coca Cola. He never at any point opened the mustard, and it made me insane. Once I realized that he had not torn open the mustard packet, I became obsessed with waiting for the point at which he was going to use this mustard. Was he going to put it on the potato chips? Was he going to put it on the outside of the bun? The reason that I thought that maybe he wasn't going to use it was because he had dressed his burger right. He had done all the stuff to his burger and reassembled it without the mustard. And that's why I felt comfortable asking him, oh, hey, were you going to use that mustard? He said, yes, I am, again, very nicely. And then he proceeded to not open the mustard or use it at all. What the actual heck?

[Andrew]

Okay, here's the deal. I'm shocked about something else in this story, because when you first started telling this story, I thought, oh, he's gonna. I had a feeling this might be the story. This is a very Larry David sort of story, Right? I was like, oh, yeah, Luke's gonna ask for the mustard, and the guy's not gon. I like, I just had a feeling. But I was like, wait, no, no, that's not my Luki. Luke would never do that. Especially in first class, where you just mentioned a moment ago that you don't want to seem like. Like you don't belong there or something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I see. Ultimate power move.

[Andrew]

I thought for sure you were going to look and see him not using the mustard. I was like, well, you're not the type of guy who's going to want somebody's leftover mustard anyway. What you're. I thought the story was going to be you. Then ask the flight attendant, hey, I see you guys have condiment packages. Could I get my own condiment package so that I could get some of that muscy and mustard? And you did, huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I don't like that, by the way.

[Andrew]

Nor do I, actually. I hated it coming out of my mouth.

[Luke Burbank]

Fogging up some windows.

[Andrew]

I hated it coming out of my mouth.

[Luke Burbank]

I. Well, I don't know if this is a more interesting detail of the story or not, but the. The flight attendant did come by, and I did say. I did ask. I said, oh, hey, do you have any extra packets of mustard back there that I could have? And he looked at me. The flight attendant looked at me with great confusion. He cocked his head, not unlike that dog in the RCA commercials. And he kind of like. Because he's looking at I have a cheese thing. He's like. He's trying to figure out why I even want mustard. He's clearly not in the club. He's not a mustard guy. And he says, oh, I'm so sorry. We don't have. They just. We just get a packet with the meal. In other words, the cheeseburger comes with the mustard. They don't have. They don't have a drawer of mustard packets back there.

[Andrew]

That's exactly what I see. That's the story that I thought it was going to be. I thought that you were going to say, hey, can I have some mustard? They were going to say, we can't. It only comes in a package with the other things. And you have to get the relish and the ketchup and the burger too, or something like that. So that was a side story. I'm just real. I am more surprised that you were just, like, ready and you were sort of saying this before this, that you feel like you're comfortable up there, it's like almost a power move to ask for somebody's leftover mustard. But I thought that you would be too shy to do that.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm, you know, Andrew, I contain multitudes. I am both embarrassed when it's clear that I didn't pre order the food because I didn't know I was going to be in first class and yet also feel like I'm up there all the. All the time because I fly so much and because I do get upgraded a lot, that I also feel like a regular. And so maybe as it relates somehow to the other passengers, kind of like, for instance, there'll be a time where somebody won't know how to pull out the. You know, the tray up there is very complicated. It's like inside the arm of the chair.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not just coming down from the seat in front of you. It's this whole other kind of armature. And sometimes people won't know how to do that. And I'll be like, oh, here's how you do it.

[Andrew]

You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm like, I'm up here all the time, so I kind of know I got to know how it all goes up here. So I'm weird about that. Like, some things make me embarrassed, but for some reason, I. I didn't feel embarrassed to ask about the mustard because I genuinely thought he wasn't going to use it. Then I felt really embarrassed when he said he was going to use it, and I was like, oh.

[Andrew]

And then you're trying to, like, tell the story about the mustard museum and kind of light.

[Luke Burbank]

Totally.

[Andrew]

I totally get that. I get all that. Now let's examine this. Because I took it in a weird place. I was just sort of shocked that that is what the story was. But now I want to examine it from the perspective of this fella. What do you think was going on and what do you think you. I do think that there's something that sometimes people are a little protective of something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

You know what? I'm going to make an analogy here, and then I might retract it later. It's like when you are. This is a terrible thing. I think I've admitted this before, and I know I'm not alone in this, but it's such a terrible, terrible, terrible personality trait. But sometimes when you get in your car and you see that a car is waiting behind you to pull into your space instead of moving quickly to get out of there for them, sometimes I find myself slowing down a little bit. Like, you're just gonna sit down.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't like feeling rushed?

[Andrew]

Well, I don't like feeling rushed. I think it's also some snobbiness I have about, like, I am not somebody who fights for a parking spot that's closer, you know, I mean, and maybe, whatever, I'll acknowledge that maybe there's some privilege in there because I'm healthy enough to be able to walk. But, like, the idea, maybe it's because, like, when I'm driving a car around town, it already feels like such a massive indulgence. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't have to walk to the bus stop, I didn't have to walk here. You know what I mean? Like, so the idea. I find it so gauche to sit behind somebody and wait for a spot when there's clearly spots all around, but you just want to be like a tiny bit closer to the door of the QFC or whatever. I don't know what it.

[Luke Burbank]

It is.

[Andrew]

It doesn't paint me in a good light. And so I guess what I'm doing here is I'm trying to sort of defend or explain myself when really there's no defense or explanation. We live in a society. If you see that your neighbor in a neighbor writ large, you know, in the world is behind you, waiting to pull in, help your neighbor out, get out, you know, just pull out. But there's something I find a little bit annoying about it. And I move, I move slightly slower and I just wonder if there's something going on with that mustard leg. He's like, oh, well, I'm not sure if I'm going to use this mustard yet. But I. But I'm not ready to give it up yet to this stranger. Like, I don't know, I'm just putting myself a little bit in his shoes. I'm trying to figure out if I can. If I can have the feelings that he had to then because he must have felt self conscious. If I were in his seat, I would be thinking about that mustard the rest of the flight too.

[Luke Burbank]

I think you're probably right. The interesting thing was he was very pleasant. He didn't have, you know, he didn't. He wasn't sort of like scowling at me or he didn't give me any indication of, like, that was a weird question or how dare you or something. It was like, he was so. He was so kind of friendly about it. And then after I mentioned the mustard museum, he said something like, yeah, I love mustard. Oh, I just love it on everything or Something like he was kind of going with me on this whole, like, yeah. His love of mustard. Which maybe at that point he. Now maybe he felt kind of trapped. Like, he had to really. He had to really, like, so as to justify. And by the way, he didn't need to justify anything, but so as to, like, justify not giving me his mustard, he had to then really overstate his fandom of mustard. Because if he kind of said, like, yeah, I could take it or leave it, and that's like, well, then leave it and I'll have it. But instead he had to be like, I built the Mustard Museum in Wisconsin. That's how much I love mustard. That's why I can't give you this mustard.

[Andrew]

Yeah, it's named after me. They have a whole wing that's named after me. Let me ask you this, and maybe you said this, and I'm sorry if I didn't recall it, but. Or that I don't recall it, but is it a fancy mustard, it a nice mustard, or is it just like a little crummy little pack of Heinz

[Luke Burbank]

crummy little pack of, like, yellow mustard? It's not even. It ain't no. Coleman's wasn't even like any. In fact, that was part of it. I was, I was going back and forth in my mind as if, as to. If yellow mustard would improve the situation of what I was eating. Whereas, like, if it had been, you know, Dijon or Stone Ground or that Coleman you're talking about, I mean, 100%, that would have been an upgrade. I'm not even sure if that yellow mustard would have improved things, but I was willing to give it a try. And again we, after this, we never spoke. He wasn't. Again, he wasn't like, he was not unpleasant or scowly or anything, but he put his sort of big, you know, noise canceling headphones back on. And then, you know, sometimes, like, this happens, whether you're in coach or first class or anywhere. And I've talked about it a lot, but there's that kind of moment where, like, the plane lands hands and there's this kind of relief that rolls through the cabin where everyone starts chatting a little bit. Maybe because we made it safely, maybe because we're all a little bit closer to our destination and also because we know that we're not trapped with these people for two more hours.

[Andrew]

It's like, yeah, at worst, this is 10 minutes, you know, Exactly. Yes. I think that's.

[Luke Burbank]

There's kind of that little pressure release of like. And you just Hear people chatting on the plane all of a sudden who weren't chatting or whatever. And kind of a friendly. Whatever. None of that, that he didn't like chat me up. And then the other thing was, he was on the aisle, I was on the window. So I had my computer bag. My computerless computer bag.

[Andrew]

I would say you have your book bag. Let's just call it your book bag.

[Luke Burbank]

My book bag. You know what? That's what it's called. That's what it is. It was a book bag. I had my book bag up, you know, in the overhead. Because when you're. I was up in the very front row of, of first class. And when you're up there, they don't let you have. It's the weirdest rule. There's nowhere for you to put. There's not a seat in front of you. So you can't put your bag under the seat in front of you.

[Andrew]

You.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe it's a safety hazard. They think if, if the plane does something crazy, the bags will start. Yeah, you're not allowed to have, you're not allowed to have your bag out there. So because of that, my bag was actually in the overhead. And what sometimes happens in this scenario is because he also had his backpack in there. And people will open that thing and they'll take out their bag and then they'll figure, oh, this has got to be this dude's bag. They'll take out the bag and hand it to you kind of thing. Just to be nice. Yeah, none of that. Again, no scowls, nothing. He didn't do anything overt. But we didn't have any more interactions after that. And I'm just wondering, is he on his podcast right now talking about this mustard? Because that was a surprising way for that whole thing to go down for me.

[Andrew]

Well, the other thing that I'm thinking about again from his perspective on this thing is like you and I see human beings navigating the world every single day. Day, who don't have our hang ups and they seem like aliens to us. Like, how was he able to just sit there, not think about the mustard at all anymore? Like if, if I were him, I could see myself being like, you know, I don't know if I'm going to use that mustard or not. So I don't want to give it to this stranger on the plane. That's fine. Like you said, that's his prerogative. But then the rest of the flight, I mean, I would be, I would.

[Luke Burbank]

So I'd be putting it on My ice cream.

[Andrew]

Or if I didn't want it on the plane, I would take the mustard. I'd make a big deal about putting it in my bag. I'd get on the phone and have a fake phone call with him and be like, yeah, no, I got the mustard. Yeah, did you clear some space on the shelf? Yeah, it's the good stuff. You know what I mean? Like, I would be making such a big deal of like, okay, I ended up not wanting this on the plane, but I'm very self conscious about it now, so I gotta. Or I would like do something that would like maybe get it all.

[Luke Burbank]

Honey, I'm bringing home some mustard for our child who has a medical condition.

[Andrew]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Mustard to stay alive.

[Andrew]

Just holding it up into the light. Just saying, she's going to live. She's going to live. But like, in reality, I would, I would certainly like get it off my tray table, right? I would scoop up a bunch of stuff and I'd maybe put it in my bag or something. So at least it would be like, oh, the plausible, the plausible thing here is maybe I do want that because I'm staying at a hotel and I don't know what the condiment situation is going to be be when I get the munchies at midnight in the daisy. Hello, you know, front desk.

[Luke Burbank]

Is this the no mustard? Is this the no mustard days in, In Burbank? I just, I'm calling to make sure my reservation is in the system.

[Andrew]

Right, right. DJ Mustard. Yes, I will be there. And I have secured the package. So anyway, I'm just saying that, like, I would do something kind of subtle where it's like, I wouldn't throw it away. I wouldn't just leave it in the pile of garbage that the flight attendant takes away or something. Like, I would do something with it. Do you know, like, do you know where it ended up? Did you see, did you see it?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Where did I pick up?

[Luke Burbank]

I did. It just went. Well, it's a tray and then there's a plate, I think on the tray. Is there a plate? Basically the flight attendant picked up his entire tray, which had whatever he didn't finish from his burger and his bag of potato chips and his cookie and whatever. And the mustard was just there on the plate, on the tray. Just went back up with everything.

[Andrew]

It was cleared. So you saw it cleared. See, that's one thing. Like, I got eyes on it all kidding aside. Like, I wouldn't make a huge deal of it. Like we were joking, but, like, I wouldn't let it just be cleared and throw. Thrown away in front of you. I would be way too self conscious for that. I would slip it into one of my totes or something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Totally. And again, I think you've also, I think you've. You've landed on something interesting, which is that most people are not as torqued up in their brain as we are and they're just like, there. He's probably not on his podcast right now talking about the mustard, but thank God my brain is torqued up this way, Andrew, because what else would we have discussed?

[Andrew]

What he might be calling into Judge John Hodgman though for a ruling or wait, no, I guess you need the other person. If you get an invite to Judge John Hodgman about the mustard incident, that would be very interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

That would be great. That'd be a real full circle. I'd love to get some clarity on, on, on, on what was going on because again, I don't, I don't believe it or not, I don't judge the guy. Like the story. This story for me is not like I'm. I'm so miffed at the dude. Like he, he had every right to, you know, have everything that was on his plate for him and he wasn't rude about it. I just. I'm just a little on the confused side. And I'd love to. I'd love to hear his thought process. I mean, that would be really interesting.

[Andrew]

Do you understand why I think this is such a Larry David thing? Like, yes, totally George Costanza, but it could be arrested. I'm sorry, not Arrested Development. Curb. Curb your enthusiasm. Like you could just see day. At the end of the flight. The, the, the food and garbage is taken away and Larry just watches it go. And then he said, cascus something. Can I ask you something? You said you wanted them. You know, like it's such an.

[Luke Burbank]

Let me do my tuba impression.

[Andrew]

Wow, your tuba impression is way better than my Larry David impression. I'll give you that for sure. But it's such. I mean, I almost. I hope they reboot the franchise just so they can. We can see this episode. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. If they haven't, if they haven't done this, it's honestly, they're leaving money on the table because it's so straight out of Curb youb Enthusiast. All right, sir, we wrapped up there.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

I was just pausing because I wasn't

[Andrew]

sure what we were doing. So I was just.

[Luke Burbank]

I think we should. I've got to head over to the studios to exactly right. Media. Andrew I'm going to see how the other half lives. I am going to go interview some podcasters who have a whole podcast empire called Exactly Right Media, which primarily flows from the My Favorite Murder Podcast podcast. But I'm gonna interview the host of that show, as I've mentioned. But I'm gonna go over to the facilities.

[Andrew]

Oh, nice.

[Luke Burbank]

Gonna see them. I'm gonna interview them and then later, I think we're gonna get some B roll of them recording their show. So I'm gonna get some tips and tricks of how a really successful podcast does it. And tomorrow, Andrew, I am going to come back just absolutely guns ablazing.

[Andrew]

Is the show going to be better tomorrow and going forward, better and more profitable? Oh, that's. I like that.

[Luke Burbank]

That. Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah, everybody should really tune in tomorrow because I'm going to be. I'm going to be a whole new podcaster. So please, if you can join us for that. In the meantime, thanks for listening, everybody. Have a great rest of your Tuesday. We'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. But before then, and until then, please remember, no Mountain Too tall.

[Andrew]

And good luck to all. Power out.