#4760 That's Oystertainment!

Summary

TBTL Episode #4760 "That’s Oystertainment!" — Summary and Highlights
Airdate: June 30, 2026 | Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

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Episode Overview

In this lively and introspective episode of TBTL, hosts Luke and Andrew travel from comedic fake news intros to nostalgic tales about college-era drama, career humiliations, and the highs and lows of public event appearances. They discuss the pitfalls of "bunk journalism" after an accidental NPR story about Justice Samuel Alito’s retirement and squeeze in enjoyable detours about airline announcements, the economics of in-flight credit card pitches, and a bizarre "Minions" singing competition. As always, their friendship and openness drive the show, blending gags with personal reflections.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Canine Chronicles & Family Complications

• Luke recounts how he had to banish his poodles from his studio due to distracting barking.
  • "Every time... some little delivery truck or thing would go down one of the driveways... DJ would just start barking like crazy. And I just felt like it was going to make me feel anxious during the show." (03:42)
• Andrew expresses how much he enjoys the dogs’ presence on the show.
• The hosts clarify the ownership and complicated custody of Gigi, a family dog, leading to confusion among listeners and family alike.
• Andrew proposes that breaking bad news via podcast absolves them of sitting through uncomfortable reactions:
  • "When we have really bad news to break to people, we do it on the podcast. Then send them the podcast." (06:41)
  • "If they don't hear it, it makes them a bad friend because they weren't listening to our show." (06:58)

2. College Loves, Drama, and The Hormonal Years

• Andrew shares an awkward story about being asked to read a college girlfriend’s diary entry about their relationship—a deeply uncomfortable expression of young love and emotional communication.
  • "I wrote about us, and I want you to read it. And I think she was in the room... am I freaking doing this?" (09:47)
• Both hosts reflect on the intensity and drama of young relationships, feeling grateful (if a bit nostalgic) that time and age have mellowed them.
  • "There was just something about being that age... you're having all these big feelings and you're not quite really an adult yet." (12:13)
• Luke discusses his own romantic past, his self-perpetuated "legend" of youthful hard-partying, and the changing nature of self-perception as he ages.
  • "I used to have a lot more get up and go. I used to have a lot more vim and vigor... I'm relieved that that's not me. But also it's like, yeah, but I used to have..." (17:17)

3. Event Anxiety: From Bookstore Success to Oyster Olympics Humiliation

Andrew’s Book Event

• Andrew describes his nervousness in preparing to host a Q&A for his friend Eric Moskowitz's new book, The Hardest, Longest Race, and the relief when it turns out to be a well-attended, smoothly-run affair.
  • "There were a bunch of tens who came out, which was nice... they had to bring out extra chairs." (20:27)
  • Notable quote: "The best possible outcome is I didn’t screw it up... I’m just walking away like, whew, that was a near miss." (49:45)
• Alyssa, a TBTL listener, playfully heckles Andrew: "She leaned over, and... hissed in my ear, 'I'm here to watch you crash and burn.'" (23:18)

Luke’s Oyster Olympics Debacle

• Luke recalls entering the "Oyster Olympics" as a KUOW "celebrity" at 21 and the mortification of being unrecognized, underprepared (never having tried an oyster before), and overlooked—despite his attempt at "oystertainment" with swim goggles.
  • "From KUOW, Luke Burbank. And I'm, like, putting on these swim goggles to try to be funny, and it's like, just crickets." (35:11)
  • "After oyster number one, I just wanted to disappear... nobody cares about my goggles. I don't like oysters. I’m not famous. Get me out of here." (38:35)
• Andrew researches and finds period coverage confirming the existence—and weirdness—of the "Oyster Olympics," noting the tradition of requiring "oystertainment" (39:20–42:31).

4. NPR’s Accidental Alito Retirement Article (Bunk Journalism Watch)

• The hosts break down NPR’s retracted story falsely announcing Justice Samuel Alito’s resignation. They discuss how newsrooms often pre-write stories for big figures’ deaths or retirements, and how a simple clerical error can fuel media distrust.
  • "This is very obviously just something where somebody at NPR hit publish on the wrong article." (54:00)
  • "That's why you can trust the media. At least you can trust npr because they immediately identified the error, took it down and apologized for it." (62:48)
• Both express frustration that serious journalistic standards mean NPR gets "punished" for honest mistakes, while less-credible outlets face less scrutiny.

5. Airline Announcements: Required, Annoying, and Financially Motivated

• Listener Mark the Pilot calls in to clarify what airline announcements are required by regulation (seat belt/advisory, descent announcement) vs. those motivated by corporate/financial incentives (credit card pitches).
  • "The only one that we have to make... is that after we turn the seatbelt sign off for the first time, we have to say... keep your seatbelt fastened." (69:27)
  • "As for the credit card announcements, absolutely everybody hates those... but the flight attendants get a financial kickback for every person they get to sign up for one." (73:20)
• The hosts bond over mutual dislike for inescapable in-flight entertainment, forced fun, and viral "let the kid sing on the intercom" moments.

6. Minions Singing Contest: Oystertainment That Pays Off

• Luke describes stumbling upon a viral LA event where young women compete in singing classics in Minions "banana language," surprisingly, with polish and sincerity.
  • "They all had phenomenal singing voices... it seems very entertaining. The crowd really liked it." (82:29–83:09)
• The hosts agree that while most "forced fun" events flop, this one surprisingly works.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• Luke, on breaking news via podcast:
  "We break the news on the podcast where we don’t have to actually sit with the person and hold space as they're getting the information." (06:58)

• Andrew, on youthful crushes:
  "If you have cute hair, I'm gonna tell you, girl, you got cute hair." (09:10)

• Luke, on college romance drama:
  "My college girlfriend... it was mostly sitting in cars having like three hour conversations about the relationship..." (12:01)

• Andrew, on the anxiety of public events:
  "I'm glad it went well... but the best possible outcome is I didn't screw it up." (49:12)

• Luke, on his Oyster Olympics humiliation:
  "Nobody cares about my goggles. I don't like oysters. I'm not famous. Get me out of here." (38:35)

• Mark the Pilot, on airline finances:
  "We joke that we're not so much an airline as a bank that flies airplanes sometimes." (73:20)

• Andrew, on forced airline entertainment:
  "That is why when I see a viral video of, like, they let some kids sing or rap on the overhead announcer... shut it down." (75:25)

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• 00:32–02:39 — Podcast opens with dog-related banter and studio setup.
• 06:41–07:29 — "Bad news by podcast" as a family management strategy.
• 08:24–12:34 — College love/diary stories and reflections on emotional change.
• 19:09–26:06 — Andrew’s anxiety and experience hosting author Q&A event.
• 28:23–38:35 — Luke’s detailed and embarrassing retelling of the Oyster Olympics.
• 51:05–63:08 — Deep dive into NPR’s Supreme Court mistake and media trust.
• 69:25–73:20 — Mark the Pilot’s airline announcement explainer voice memo.
• 77:58–83:09 — Minions singing contest: the rare successful "forced fun" event.

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Memorable Moments

• Luke’s proud (and possibly spurious) claim to have invented "oystertainment" (40:53, 46:10).
• Alyssa’s (playfully) menacing attendance at Andrew’s reading:
  "She leaned over, and... hissed in my ear, 'I'm here to watch you crash and burn.'" (23:18)
• Mark the Pilot’s killer sign-off:
  "We apologize for the inconvenience and we hope to have you on the ground shortly." (73:20)
• Andrew and Luke’s mutual loathing of "trapped audience" airplane entertainment (75:25–77:01).
• Luke discovers real "oystertainment" existed all along—the world has once again lapped TBTL.

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Closing Thoughts

A classic TBTL ride: heart, humor, and a healthy dose of cringe. Whether the topic is nostalgia, the agony of being an unknown “celebrity,” or the perils of modern media trust, Luke and Andrew balance candor and comedy, reminding listeners why enduring embarrassment is sometimes the price of living—and podcasting—out loud.

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Power Out!

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

You're watching Channel 36's Power News Live at 5.

[Andrew Walsh]

We've got the most high school sports,

[Luke Burbank]

the most lottery numbers, and the most

[Andrew Walsh]

weather in the dry swamp area. It's news time.

[Luke Burbank]

Good evening.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm Brenda Rose. And I'm Slade Austin. Two prisoners have escaped from the Coral Palm Sheriff's Station in a daring daylight jailbreak. The sheriff's office is coordinating their search with local and state police. If you're watching, Greg and Larry, and I know you are, my men and I will not rest until we find you. Strong words.

[Luke Burbank]

And moving on, what if you were going through a drive through and a puppy dog took your order?

[Andrew Walsh]

TBTL. Did you enjoy my broadcast? What makes you think I listen to it, Doctor? If I hated a program as much

[Luke Burbank]

as you hate mine, I'd probably listen out of sheer malicious spite. Are you on the computer? Yes, I am, but I'm having trouble with my computer.

[Andrew Walsh]

I had a computer for 10 years

[Luke Burbank]

and enjoyed it, but it died.

[Mark the Pilot]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I just want to say it was a beautiful service, but you and I both know you wouldn't have gotten those laughs if you weren't a pastor.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry. Oh, it's no big deal.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't care. I'm just saying you're not actually funny, so don't feel proud about today. People grieve in their own waistline. No, no, I just want to say a beautiful service.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

I hope you don't think you deserve any of those laughs.

[Mark the Pilot]

No, I just told him.

[Luke Burbank]

I just told him it's the worst

[Andrew Walsh]

kind of hack there is. Beautiful service, though.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful.

[Andrew Walsh]

What do you say we go out

[Luke Burbank]

and get some Carvel?

[Andrew Walsh]

I got the time if you got the diaper.

[Mark the Pilot]

All right.

[Luke Burbank]

Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you sure? Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

The guy is a nut bar.

[Luke Burbank]

A nut bar. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia on a cloud. Foggy day.

[Andrew Walsh]

Cloud, fog.

[Luke Burbank]

I was, like, almost tempted to turn on the pellet stove this morning, which doesn't seem right. Sorry, but that just doesn't seem right. Here on the last day of June, June 30, we've still got the poodles hanging out here in Southern Washington with us.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll say what's up, Doke?

[Luke Burbank]

But not here in the studio today. I had them out here for the show, was doing some work, getting ready for things, but someone Named dj, couldn't be trusted to not continuously bark at anybody who was driving nearby. And so they had to go in the house. I'm out here, though. That's the good news. I'm out here by the microphone, ready to bring you episode 4760 in a collector series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

There was a story briefly published by NPR this morning on their website, which was wildly incorrect. It said, Samuel Alito, the Supreme Court justice, was stepping down.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'd like to point out to anybody

[Luke Burbank]

watching, this is really bunk journalism. And while that would have been big news, it was apparently not the case. And we'll try to figure out how exactly that happened here on a show that never, ever brings you bunk journalism. Only. Only the most un. Bunk of journalism. And a guy who's a big part of that is this dude. Longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's got one question on this Taco Tuesday.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it too early to get a fish sandwich?

[Luke Burbank]

He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. I don't know if I agree with your policy decision. I think a little. Listen, the payoff of having a dog or two in the studio versus, you know, and if they have a bar, a little barking here and there, does that really ruin the experience? See, look, you play the great. You know, I mean, there's.

[Luke Burbank]

There's an irony to that. But see, I control that button. I have to say, yesterday I was. It was. At some point, it made me feel. It made me feel a little stressed. I know what you mean. It's a theater of the mind. It's also, critically, it's fun for you because you and I are looking at each other on a video link and you could see these cute dogs kind of doing their thing in here. But I did. I literally had them out here at like from like 9 to 10. And I was getting ready and everything. And every time, you know, because I kind of live in this sort of quasi cul de sac, every time some little delivery truck or thing would go down one of the driveways towards someone's house, DJ would just start barking like crazy. And I just felt like it was going to make me feel anxious during the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I totally understand that. I really do totally understand that. But I. I miss seeing those doggos. Now, is this the. Is today your last day with them?

[Luke Burbank]

When are they going back? They're going down to Portland tomorrow, and then they're going to be Going. I don't know how exactly they're getting from Portland to Salem, but. But eventually maybe they're just turning them loose, but they're pinning notes to them. I mean, Becca is going to pin. Pin their home address to the back of their collars and give them a little bindle and just send them south.

[Andrew Walsh]

I like that. I like that. Any reaction to yesterday's story and the breathtaking photo of the dog on a roof.

[Luke Burbank]

How my. I'll just call him brother in law Jeff and sister in law Darcy. It was how they learned that one of the dogs jumped off.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay. See, I was a little confused about that when you said Jeff and Darcy yesterday. It wasn't their dog though, right? Wasn't it? Wasn't it? That was out. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I understand why it's confusing. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, so. So they know. But what about the actual. Like this is Becca's parents dog who

[Luke Burbank]

is Becca's mom's dog. And I think we're, I think we've all decided that there's no reason that Sudel needs to know about.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I was asking yesterday. Not about. Not about. I mean, okay, the family knows now, but I wanted to know how the people who actually are the caregivers.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, because here's what can I. Can we further complicate?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, please.

[Luke Burbank]

Gigi lives with Jeff and Darcy primarily is living in a retirement.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I didn't realize that. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And that's not really a dog friendly place. So it's technically it's her dog, but. But in the way that Bubbles is technically my cat but doesn't live with me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah. I mean families are.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a village.

[Andrew Walsh]

Families are complicated. You know, I like the modern world. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Luke Burbank]

But for Jeff and Darcy, who I consider to be sort of de facto Gigi's parents now because they're the ones. Gigi lives with them most of the time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

They found out about Gigi jumping off the roof from this podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, yes. And their reaction was Jeff sent me

[Luke Burbank]

a text at 10:16pm that was the most crazy dog story ever made for quite the podcast episode.

[Andrew Walsh]

It really was interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

But I was like, thank God he wasn't like, hey, could you tell me next time you almost kill my dog?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right. Instead of just like complimenting the programming. I like that. That's great. This Luke, this Bell. Where's Bell? Here's Belle.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, I got one.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is our idea. When we have to break. It's not going to Earn us any money. But it's going to save us some emotional capital and relationship capital. When we have really bad news to break to people, we do it on the podcast. Then send them the podcast. If they're not regular listeners.

[Luke Burbank]

No, we don't send it to them. And this is, this is, this is why it's the perfect, the perfect crime. We break the news on the podcast where we don't have to actually sit with the person and hold space as they're getting the information. And then if they don't hear it, it makes them a bad friend because they weren't listening to our show.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And then you can say so like

[Luke Burbank]

years later, they're like, how did I not hear that the dog just you. That you. You made the dog go full moon door on it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's like, what do you mean? I told you. When did you tell me on the show that I work on five days a week O see who doesn't listen to the podcast?

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess you're not listening to the podcast. I thought we were building something here.

[Luke Burbank]

I like, suddenly they're in trouble for not hearing the bad news.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did I ever tell you? I don't think I did because it's a little bit sensitive. But like, who am I protecting? I won't use her name and nobody would ever figure it out. But. So you know that I was not exactly a man with a lot of experience and love in college. Right. And I had a couple of short term. I don't even know if you would call them girlfriends. I dated a couple of girl here and there for short periods of time until then. After college, I met Genevieve and just locked it in for 25 years. We had mentioned that on the show recently. It's going okay. But one of these girls I had a big crush on and somehow she found out and she was interested as well. The problem was she had a boyfriend back home. I don't think I've ever told you this.

[Luke Burbank]

This is some real.

[Andrew Walsh]

But we followed our hearts anyway and I knew about the boyfriend or whatever. And so that's not something. I'm not super proud of that whole thing. I think eventually, whatever. I'm sure it all work.

[Luke Burbank]

Tend to think like freshman year relationship.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

College stuff when there's like, you know, I think that kind of stuff is fairly standard. You know, you got the somebody back home who you kind of have a. Something going on with from maybe high school. But like, what really are the levels of, you know, fidelity that we, that

[Andrew Walsh]

we require from people yeah. And of course, you know, somehow you. When you're in that situation, you can sort of demonize him somehow. I don't know how I have any standing there, but whatever all of that is to say, I mean, the fact that I even told you that part, it's really not even relevant to the story, other than it was just a weird.

[Luke Burbank]

And by the way, it worked.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, is that a flex? I don't feel great about it, to be honest with you. But I liked this girl. She had really cute hair. And if you have cute hair, I'm gonna tell you, girl, you got cute hair. And I liked her, but as kind of, you know, continue to liaise on. I realized that her way of kind of dealing with emotions, like somebody who was really wanted to be in touch with our feelings and stuff, but maybe didn't feel comfortable expressing them. And so she had a diary, if I ever told you this. And she would sometimes make me, or at least once I say, sometimes I feel like it was more than once, but it was kind of like, I

[Luke Burbank]

think once might be more than enough.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I wrote. I wrote about us, and I want you to read it. And I think she was in the room. I'm just like, am I freaking doing this? Am I reading a diary entry you wrote about us in front of you? Because this is how you want to express. And again, we were freshmen in college. Like, whatever. It was the 90s. Like, I'm just like, we're. Little old.

[Luke Burbank]

Daria was the number one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's actually the perfect. We're all alt kids. Like, it is what it is. But, like, I just. Like, for the rest of my life, I'm just like, yeah, here I wrote about my feelings about us and where we are. And now I want you to read it as my way of expressing it to you. That was not. It was not a comfortable way of communicating with me.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that seems like that would be. That would be very intense. I wonder if there's something about. There just would have to be something about being that age, too, where the drama, which doesn't need to be so high, is so high. I remember my. My college girlfriend, who I had started dating, like, kind of shortly after the birth of my kid, who I told her, I was like, hey, I'm interested in you. We met at church, and I was like, I'm very interested in you, but

[Andrew Walsh]

my seed is strong.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, seriously. And also, I mean, we were Christian kids, so in that particular relationship, there was no danger. There was no danger of Any of any unplanned pregnancies. But. But I just remember saying, I have to tell you I have this huge crush on you. But I also have to tell you that I'm going to be having or either I just had a baby five days ago or I'm going to be having a baby in five days. And she rolled with that and we dated for a few years or a couple of years. It was a very serious relationship in my mind. But when I think about it, and I have to this day, a tremendous amount of affection for this person. I mean, she's just a really, really good person in the world and somebody who I'm a great admirer of. But if I think about that relationship, it was mostly sitting in cars having like three hour conversations about the relationship or sitting in dorm rooms having three hour conversations. Like what I associate with that relationship the most is watch like a movie being over, a DVD being over and then the DVD screensaver bouncing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh my God.

[Luke Burbank]

As we're like in hour 2.5 of some circular relationship based conversation that's never going to be resolved. Like that just seemed to be. And I want to say this person is not like a high drama individual or somebody who's emotionally like broken or anything. I mean, if anything she's was a lot, was a lot more, and remains a lot more stable than I am. There was just something about being that age, I think, where you're just having all these big feelings and you, you're not quite really an adult yet, but you kind of feel like you are. And I just associated with a lot of long drawn out relationship based conversation.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's funny, I might be conflating this, but in my memory this time where I was supposed to read her diary was after we had gotten done watching Forrest Gump on her tiny little television in the dorm room. And by the way, still the only time I've seen Forrest Gump I had no interest in it before then I watched it, I didn't think it was that great, but again was watching it with her probably just a little distracted. And I don't mean mean that in a horny way. I just sort of mean like, you know, whatever. We're watching this thing, probably talking about stuff and then I feel like that movie ended. We didn't have the DVD bouncing around. Cause I think it was a VHS tape. And then I'm pretty sure that's when she wanted me to like kind of read a page from her diary to kind of get a better understanding of where we were. Vis a vis her feelings towards me and fella back home, wherever that was,

[Luke Burbank]

was that kind of. Was that the. The beginning of the end of the liaising? Was that kind of like in your mind where you're like, okay, I'm gonna do this, but I'm going to read this diary, but then I'm going to start to sort of formulate an exit plan.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. You know, I can't answer that honestly. It was just a long time ago. And I just remember there were just various things, and there was something about her that was very. And again, I mean, I doubt she. I assume that she's lost track of me. I mean, there's a chance that she's like a secret listener or something.

[Luke Burbank]

I would say, yeah, this is the perfect place. Because if she's not listening, that's on her.

[Andrew Walsh]

What? How did I already forget my whole

[Luke Burbank]

perfect place for you to air any and all grievances?

[Andrew Walsh]

She was. And again, this could have to do with age. It could have to do with. Maybe she's still like this. I don't know. But she was a very. She was kind of a. I don't know, man. I want to say dramatic, but then that literally implies high drama. I guess she was just a little dramatic. But it was also, like you said, like, it was also the age of this stuff. Like, that is part of it. Like, I know we've said this on the show before, but when I think about the hormones that were going through my body, then I'm scared. I think if somebody came up to me right now with a vial and a syringe and said, these are the hormones that you had when you were 20 years old or whatever. It was 19. I'm gonna inject these in you. I'd be like, don't. I cannot handle that right now. I will just shoot to the moon.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. I mean, honestly, not to make this. Not to sort of root this conversation in the current day or make it, like, more serious than it needs to be or also more geriatric than it needs to be. But I think about that kind of a lot lately, which is just, like, how different I am in the world as a man who is 50 and definitely has decreasing testosterone and libido and just, like. You know what I mean? Just.

[Andrew Walsh]

But it's not just. But it's also. I just want to say this. I think you agree we're not just talking about sex. We're not talking about sex drive. We're just how you just. The emotions, the ping Ponging of emotions all over the place.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. And it's, you know, even with like Becca. I try. Well, here's the other thing. You know, the kind of like, if I can say lore of me, which is actually being pretty sort of self aggrandizing. But the lore around my life, at least as I saw it and as I repeated it often to people in my like 20s and 30s, and pretty much my 20s and 30s, I think it started to peter out in my 40s, but it was like, guy who drinks insane amounts of alcohol, gets into bar fights. Like, is very sort of like a real Elvis Mitchell. Yeah, precisely. Kind of just like a lot of just. And I think that I. First of all, I think that those were. Back then it was bad and a bad idea and something that I should have worked on harder, but instead I tried to sort of in a way integrate it into my. The legend as somebody I used to date. We called it Leyende de Begoti Burbo. The legend of Burbank Mustache.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wonder who that was.

[Luke Burbank]

I wonder. Yeah, well, careful listeners might be able to deduce.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I did not know that, by the way. That's funny.

[Luke Burbank]

But what's funny is I still will sometimes kind of either describe myself that way or reference it. And the people who have only known me for the last five years of my life cannot picture that because it's not who I am anymore. And I can't just like, I'm both glad that that's not who I am. I'm glad that I'm not trying to fight people in bars and. And fight bowling alley managers. Like, I'm. I'm relieved that that's not me. But also it's like, yeah, but I used to have a lot more get up and go. I used to have a lot more vim and vigor. Just generally speaking. Again, this is not all. Listen, it's fine in the bedroom. I don't want anyone getting any ideas. Oh, but.

[Andrew Walsh]

And guys, she'll like it too.

[Luke Burbank]

But like, I've got to have a lion growl sound effect around here. Cyber, which I feel like it's really the.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't even know if I was doing all. I have law tigers for milk.

[Luke Burbank]

I just have a goat sound effect. That's as close we're gonna get.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't even know if I was doing a men's clinic ad there or the law tigers.

[Luke Burbank]

It's all part of the same. It's all part of the same. But you know what I mean? It's like When I. When I. What I basically need to understand is that I'm not that person anymore who was fighting people outside the Mandarin gate. And. And that's okay. Even though it's. In a way, it's. It means that I'm kind of. I don't want to say losing part of myself, but it's just. That's what happens in life. We change, we progress. Again, this is. Nature is taking care of this progression for me a little bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But, like, I got. Basically, I got to stop telling those stories because they. They seem like I'm just making shit up. Like, if you are somebody who. If you're somebody who works on Livewire, okay. And you hear me talking about, like, duking it out in the Mandarin gate, you'd be like, this guy is a compulsive liar. It would be impossible for them to square the concept of me as they know me, and a person who would behave the way that I used to behave.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you also have photos of you with a broken nose. So. Although that was not from a fight, I guess that's a little bit of

[Luke Burbank]

a misnomer that was from.

[Andrew Walsh]

But it represented the whole point.

[Luke Burbank]

It very much did. I mentioned at the top of the show that we're gonna do a bunk journalism check. Although I don't wanna overstate it. We're gonna do a journalism check regarding npr. But there was some unbunk journalism that was going on, as I understand it, last night in Redmond at Brick and Mortar, a bookshop where you were interviewing your friend Eric Moskowitz about his new book. And you had a certain amount of anxiety, but then also a heavy dose of preparation going in.

[Andrew Walsh]

How did it all go well? And also, I'd really appreciate it. There were a bunch of tens who came out, which was nice. I was trying to do the math before you see them as readers, really,

[Luke Burbank]

some of our listeners enjoy yours.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's why they were there. They're like, just tell me the story of the book so I don't have to read it. I said, hey, hey, you're speaking my language now. But no, it went really well. I think I maybe said this to you on the show. Maybe it was off air, so I'll repeat it. But it really helped that this book was really good. And I'm not. You know me, I'm not like a salesman. I. I'm trying to think, was I saying this to you recently? Or maybe I said in the newsletter, like, I am not somebody who goes around advertising. My friends work. If I don't think it deserves anything. I literally don't have it in me.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what I mean? I've tried to kind of silence all of my Livewire stuff. You've gone around taking down our flyers when we're coming to Seattle. Like, I find that actually kind of hurtful.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, you have your street teams, I have mine.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't have to like the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're at war.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't have to like the show. But I think making it harder for us to draw a crowd I think is kind of uncool.

[Andrew Walsh]

I saw a Rachel Bell poster in the Rudy's Barbershop the other day. Speaking of street teams by the in fact, I texted her a photo and she did not respond to me. Is she too big for me now?

[Luke Burbank]

Boo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, boo hoo for me? No. But it did go really well last night, and I think I count. So first of all, it was a decent sized crowd. Like, they had to bring out extra chairs. Not good at counting the numbers. I also found myself looking more to my side while I was talking to Eric about his book. And I wasn't looking out as much, but I think somebody estimated at 30 to 40 people, which is like a really good turnout for that.

[Luke Burbank]

The book great Monday night at a bookstore.

[Andrew Walsh]

And the person who was running it, this person named Rachel, was telling us that they had to bring out extra chairs. And Rachel said that this is a bigger crowd than we hardly ever get or whatever. And so I do think that that speaks to the book. I'm not obviously taking credit for that. It speaks to a lot of different things. But Eric is a natural talker about this stuff. He's so passionate. He researched this book for five years, so there's plenty to talk about. And I think I was starting to say that I told you at one point some of my nervous energy went away with a couple of things. First of all, finishing the book, I was just really nervous that I wouldn't get because I'm such a slow reader and there's just a lot going on in my life right now. I was just like, I just need to get this thing done. When I actually got to the last page, I was like, okay, I've read it all. There's not going to be anything that surprises me. And I also really enjoyed it. So when I got done with the end of it, I'm like, I could talk to him for three hours about this, just over beers. So that was my attitude. The other big thing for me, that was a bit of a stressor leading into it. Was. Was I going to have to do an introduction? Like, was I going to have to be the person to say, hey, welcome, everybody. This is Eric, and his book is about this and give a bio or something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Almost the most stressful part of it, particularly in a room that size, is like, getting everyone's attention.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Whenever I do an event where I'm emceeing it and there's, like, a crowd and they're supposed to come to their tables and everything, I always try to make someone else do that part of it and then introduce me, because I hate standing up there just trying to tap dance while people are just kind of focusing up.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And so I wrote to Rachel, the person who. And I don't think they own the bookstore or anything, but I think they're running this event. And Rachel said, no, I'll do that. I'll introduce you both. We sent in bios and everything. And so that was exactly what I needed. So all I needed was somebody to hand the baton, and then I can say, hey, Eric, wonderful book. Let's start talking about it. You know what I mean? And so that took off a lot of stress. Like I said, I was talking to you off air. We've had some other stressors in our life regarding basement projects and just various things going on that also just sort of distracted me the past few days and sort of made me more stressed out about other aspects of my life. So that sort of helped a little bit. And also, Eric and his family picked me up, and we all drove there together. So it's kind of nice just to be with him and them in the car. And it wasn't like walking into this place cold by myself. And then as soon as I was there, I saw listener. Alyssa was there. She brought me a little bag of goldfish. I thought that was really sweet.

[Luke Burbank]

Finally. Did she have a couple of Fig Newtons with her, too?

[Andrew Walsh]

No. And I was like, oh, thanks for being here. And she leaned over, and she kind of, like, almost hissed in my ear, I'm here to watch you crash and burn. And I was like, wow, that is a really cool.

[Luke Burbank]

Challenge accepted.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I also took it as I get that. Put a chip on my shoulder for me. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm not going to

[Luke Burbank]

give it locker room material.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

You went back into the lock.

[Andrew Walsh]

Bulletin board material, right? Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

There you go. Bulletin.

[Andrew Walsh]

And. And I said, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna fail in front of Lissa. I'm not gonna give her what she Wants. And so. And so I just did my damnedest. No, of course she. It was actually, I'm. I'm saying that because it didn't occur to me what I wanted going into that room, but it really was so nice to see a friendly face. Right away I went in, I sat down my paperwork and my little computer. I don't think I use my computer, but set down some papers that I had printed out, very Luke Burbanky style. I wasn't going to, you know, trust the computer now, so I thought it'd

[Luke Burbank]

be nice to not pull no Jason Bateman bullshit. You're trying to read off your iPhone. You can't open the PDF.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so professionals. And so. And then Alyssa was right there. And so I was able just like for the. I don't know, 15 minutes, half, 20 minutes, whatever it was before it started, I wasn't just milling about somewhere in the corner of the bookstore, getting in my head or whatever. So, all joking aside, I did appreciate seeing her and everybody there who showed up. And again, I was trying to do some math. I think maybe at least six people came up to me and said hello. And I knew him from TBTL land or whatever. And the whole thing, it went really well. And again, I'll just say the name of the book again. It's called the Hardest Longest Race. And talking to Eric afterwards, the state of publishing is so ridiculous. These authors have to do to try, especially post Pandemic, like, he's just getting, like, zero support from, like, any kind of publicity arm or whatever. In fact, in some cases, and this is a major imprint, you know, this is a major publisher. I think this is Macmillan or something. And so the fact that they're actually almost getting in the way of some things that he had set up personally, he has to just do this all by himself. So while I know that I express a little, like, a little bit of like, like, you know, anxiety and hesitation and when this first kind of was a possibility on my radar and I was really hoping that he would find somebody else to do it, I'm glad I did it. It was a really good experience. It doesn't. Somebody said maybe it was Rachel at the bookstore, like, oh, your first one is in, like, as if I have a thirst to do more of these, I don't feel that way because I feel like every time you do something that was actually going to be like, it's not like I have a thirst for it or that I think I'm particularly good at it. I was just glad that it wasn't a bureau town hall disaster that 10 years ago.

[Luke Burbank]

That would suck for anybody. Yeah, Like, I don't think that was you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't even remember. Do you know that I might. I don't even remember what I'm embarrassed about. About that anymore. I'm just embarrassed about it. This is a town for folks who don't know what I'm talking about. The reason I hesitate for these things was I was working at Cairo, and somebody asked Dave Ross to, like, this, like, you know, household name in the Pacific Northwest. As far as a man who knows, like, kind of. Of politics and local politics, the man that you would want to host your candidate forum, he was not able to host a Burean candidate forum. So they asked me, his producer, or maybe I was hosting the nighttime show at the time. I was like, I guess this is what people who host radio shows do. I can handle a Burean town hall. And it turns out, narrator. He couldn't. So I remember just being. First of all, that's so much harder.

[Luke Burbank]

That was so much harder than doing a town hall involving the two national presidential candidates or the Seattle mayoral thing. It's because, like, there is the news that if you're working in the news biz, there's the news that you're generally steeping in and the people that you generally know. Let's say it was a debate between Katie Wilson and Bruce Harrell or something. That's gonna be so much easier than the Burean city council or whatever's going on in bureau, because first of all, you don't know all the issues. You're trying to learn the Burian issues. You don't know the candidates. You don't know their personalities. You don't know the things that. It's just like. That's just so much for you to try to have an understanding of and then go down there and then kind of traffic cop it and whatever. I mean, that's just. That would suck for anybody. Do you know what my. And you're talking about how you don't even remember what happened. You just have a feeling of embarrassment when you think about it. You know what my version of that is, Is to this day, and I know that I've told this story before, but when I worked as the intern at kuow, there was a fax that came through that was put together by a group that I think was called Puget Sound Keepers, which, interestingly enough, I think Sound Keepers was a kind of a sort of a loose nationwide organization of basically groups that worked to preserve of marine life and marine habitat. I think RFK Jr was big on. On it was big in this. Back in the day, like, you know, he had a moment where his whole thing, oh, he was river keepers.

[Andrew Walsh]

He was a river keeper.

[Luke Burbank]

This was sound keepers. But I do think there was some association between these groups that wanted to keep, you know, marine areas, you know, healthy. And it was advertising something called. I think it was called Oyster Fest. And it was at like, you know, that Daniel's broiler that we went to once. That was when you found out that you were gonna be filling in on Ron and Don, I believe. I think it was some. Before it was at Daniel's, it was some other place just like that, but it was more like seafood oriented or something. So basically this thing was like Oysterfest, and it's a big fundraiser for sound keepers, but it's a bunch of local celebrities coming down and taking part in an oyster eating contest.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And so it was like, you know,

[Andrew Walsh]

so far, this seems very much up your alley, but you're very young.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm 21 and I'm the work study student at KUOW. I'm not even, like, I'm not even occasionally on the air. I am. I could not be more anonymous like, you know, at that place. And in Gen in. In the world of Seattle, there is literally no one who is. Has heard of this media personality that is Luke Burbank. Because I was not a media personality yet, but because my. Because I had the confidence of a much younger woman. I ripped that thing off the whatever. And I'm like, is anybody going to do this? And Steve, I think it's like, Steve share or something goes. I don't know. You could do it. Why don't you tell them you'll do it? And I was like, okay, so I tell them that I'll do it. So they don't know who you know. And by the way, because they're like a kind of a environmental organization, they probably were KUOW listeners. If there was any group that would have a vague sense of K, they were. They were hoping for a Steve share.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure. Yeah, of course. It's so funny that you just even have the. That you would want to do that. That is the fundamental difference between you and I. Like, I would just be like, no, I don't. Why would I want to. Why would I want to throw myself into this situation?

[Luke Burbank]

I think I craved the spotlight in those days, or I craved being near it. I craved, like, feeling like I was somehow. Yes, Like I was a somebody. Like I was some kind of a media.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I. I was very sense. It's not. I'm not trying to say like you're in the wrong. I'm just saying that how we were fundamentally different. I mean, it still drives you. Like if you say you wanted to be in the spotlight. Spotlight those days. Well, you still do are in the spotlight.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to be in it less now.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think that is true because you're in it so much that you don't realize.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, yeah, okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's normalized for you.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. I guess my feeling around it is. I'm. Yes. I think then I had this, like, voracious appetite for having attention paid to me. And then I somehow managed to create a life where there's fair amount of attention being paid to me over the course of, you know, 20 years. And now it feels to me, and I know we've talked about this not that long ago, if that attention went away, I don't know how I would feel if you asked me right now, I would say I don't actually need any more attention. I'm okay with no attention. But I haven't tested that theory. I will test that theory someday when none of these jobs exist and there's no attention on me. And then I guess I'll find out how I really feel about it. But back in these days, I was like, oh, okay. They're looking for, like a celebrity from Kuow to come be part of the oyster fest. So I show up and what it was, was they had. Had laid out, you know, that there was like, I don't know, five or six of us, and there's like just a big thing of ice in front of each person and just like a ton of oysters first. I've also never had an oyster at this point in my life. And by an oyster, I mean, you know, like a raw oyster, half shell. Yeah, I've never even had.

[Andrew Walsh]

That sounds so good right now. Now I wouldn't want to do it. Is this an eating contest? Did you say?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

That's an eating contest.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would. That seems like a terrible oyster eating contest. However, if you and I were just chilling right now at a. At a place like this, and we had like a dozen of those between us. That sounds amazing.

[Luke Burbank]

I think my. I do like oysters, but I think what I really like is the mignonette sauce. I really love that little sauce that comes with it. And really the oyster is a way for me to get more of that mignonette stuff. Or I'll go with a cocktail sauce too. I don't care. I'm not fancy. But here was the other kicker, I believe that, that you couldn't use your hands. So I think the bit was because they were all laid out. Imagine this is like a big thing of ice. The oysters are in it. And I think, if I remember right, I think you had to go down and like kind of pick up the shell somehow with your mouth and try to. There was some other.

[Andrew Walsh]

How undignified this is. You know what I mean? For something. For like that. It seems like kind of a stand up organization. Yes, it seems so. I mean, even when it was just an eating contest, that sort of seems undignified. But it's like also like a pie eating contest with your hands tied behind your back, only with oysters. And also you're eating the creatures that you're saving. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

That part I think is really questionable. I'm with you. I think they were trying to create a media. I think they were trying to get some earned media. I think that their hope was we'll get Mayor Norm Rice, we'll get, you know, we'll get, you know, Lori Matsukawa from tv, we'll get Steve Scher from kuow, we'll get John Keister from Almost Live. We'll get a whole, you know, assembling of local media or just locally notable people. The, the local media will show up, they'll film it and more people will hear about our organization or whatever. Like, but I'm with you. It's weird to eat the animals that are in the ocean if you're trying

[Andrew Walsh]

to preserve the ocean, especially in an eating contest kind of way. Because there's something so obscene about that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. So what I do remember was, and this is again where I'm ultimately going with this story, Andrew, is I feel like exactly the way about Oysterfest as you do about the Burian City Council or whatever it was, the bureau in candidate forum because it was so pathetic because I was so, you know, nobody knew who I was. Nobody cared that I was there. Nobody was excited that I was there. But I also still had this little spark of being like, I have to bring some flair to this. So I must have gotten a heads up that like it's going to be an oyster eating contest. What I remember is that I brought swim goggles.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

So like I, I had a bit, you know what I mean? Like it's. And they're introducing all the other people And I. I remember specifically the guy that won was named Tall Paul. He was from a country station.

[Andrew Walsh]

Huh.

[Luke Burbank]

So it was like. It was like Tall Paul. It was like, it might have been somebody from Evening Magazine. It was like other people that were legit, kind of like, again, local media, celebrities, like, they got some people to show up that when they announce them, like, from Kicking country, it's Tall Paul. And everyone's like, yeah. And it's like. And it's, you know, from. From Evening Magazine. Penny. Penny Legate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yay.

[Luke Burbank]

They're going down the list of. They're just, like, from K uow. Luke Burbank. And I'm, like, putting on these swim goggles to try to be funny, and it's like, just crickets, you know, When

[Andrew Walsh]

I said, why would you sign up for this? I kind of misunderstood. And I'm sorry. I was making a really dumb assumption, but I just want to clean this up. I thought they were looking for somebody to be the emcee of this only because of, like, the stories of me telling Birion. And last night, I thought that, like, you were signing up to be the master of ceremonies, but you were not. You were signing up to be, which I understand a little bit more. I could see myself being like, oh, okay. That's kind of a fun, weird thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I was signing up to be one of the celebrity oyster eaters.

[Andrew Walsh]

That makes sense. I don't know why.

[Luke Burbank]

The problem being I was not a celebrity. And, like. And I. When I got there, I realized pretty quickly, like, what a mistake this was, because it was just kind of like. And by that, I just mean I realized that there was going to be a moment where they were gonna say my name and nobody in the room was going to know who I was. And that's the kind of thing that kills me. I'm okay with, like, not being famous as long as no one's ever trying to introduce me as a famous person. In fact, that even happens now sometimes in, like, a lesson public way. But, like, sometimes somebody who's a big, you know, Livewire fan, I'll be somewhere and they'll be introducing me to people as if just any old person just knows immediately, oh, that's Luke Burbank from Livewire. Which is, depending on the room, probably unlikely. So there's something about me. It's something about me being presented either by my own decisions, like, as in me calling up sound keepers and going, hey, can I be the celebrity from kow? Or other people doing it, where there's. There's this expectation that people know who I am, but then they don't know who I am. That is particularly crushing for me. There's the fact that I brought these goggles because I was thinking that would be a funny bit. And I don't think anyone cared or noticed the fact that I realized one oyster in. I hate this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you hadn't even tried. And so you.

[Luke Burbank]

I've never even had an oyster, by the way. No mignonette.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah. And, but. And you didn't think to yourself like, well, I should try an oyster before I go?

[Luke Burbank]

No. Yeah, no, no. Not a forward thinking kind of guy at age 21. Or let's be honest, at age 50, I get Andrew, I get to the first oyster. Now just imagine the first time in your life you've tasted a raw oyster is in this environment. And again, there's no sauce on there. There's no, like, you can't. You're not doing the thing where you got the tiny fork and you, or you. Even better, you pour a little bit of the sauce over the whole thing and you slurp it down. It's none of that, that it's just oysters shucked oysters that I'm just supposed to be going down on. And after the first one, I was like, oh my God, this is horrible. So what I had to do was pretend eat oysters for the next three minutes or however long the thing was. And I'm just hearing everyone chatting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, go, go.

[Luke Burbank]

And tall Paul is on like his like 14th oyster. I'm just pretending to eat oyster number two. Cause I'm like, this is gross. Like any part of this. I just wanted to be. I just wanted to be out of there so badly. Like I just. After oyster number one, I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to click my heels together and wake up back in Kansas because I realized I'm here. Nobody cares about my goggles. I don't like oysters. I'm not famous. Get me out of here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, so I was looking for some music to accompany this, but I can't find any on the fly. So I'm just gonna read this cold. But, but pardon me. I had to clear my throat for this. This is not a write up of the one that you were at. I think it's too late. Cause it's from 2006 and I don't think that would be your timeline much later.

[Luke Burbank]

Mine would have been a decade before this.

[Andrew Walsh]

But this is gonna give you some really interesting, give the listeners, I think, some interesting context that backs up what you've said about this event. I also love the way this is written, so give me some time here. This is from a. It looks like a blog called Westside Seattle, again published in 2006. And the headline is the Call of the Oysters 17th Oyster Olympics. Does this ring the bell? Yes, it's called the Oyster Olympics. I thought there was a. That's why I was pretty confident going into this.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, it was called the Oyster Olympics. Thank you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm not going to read this whole thing, but I'm going to read a big chunk of it. Here's the opening graph. Whether oysters make you salivate or gag, laugh, smile or get amorous, all you have to do is attend the Anthony's Oyster Olympics.

[Luke Burbank]

Anthony's. That's where it was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wants to know that oysters are just good clean fun. Okay, so that's a little Setup. Paragraph. The 17th Annual Oyster Olympics hosted by Anthony's home port restaurant on Shilsho Bay on March 21, raised almost $40,000 for Puget Sound Keeper Alliance. See, this is how I got here. Okay, so that's. Attendees enjoyed an outrageous celebrity oyster slurping contest, action packed competitions between some 20 restaurants, et cetera. Now let's get to this oyster. It gives background on the alliance. They list who the celebs were, some of them here. So I'm skipping ahead to. Anthony's home port has been home to every Oyster Olympics since the event's inception in 1990. So that definitely.

[Luke Burbank]

So that's where I was. I probably wasn't at the Daniels. I was probably at this Anthony's over on Schill show which is more like Ballard area.

[Andrew Walsh]

It evolved from the Anthony Chains annual Oyster March Festival. I'm trying to get to the good stuff. Part of every Oyster Olympics is the celebrity slurp, notorious as the longest eight second competition on earth. Because before the slurping begins, each of the celebrity participants must present to the crowd with some sort of oystertainment. Does this ring a bell to you?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think they had oystertainment in the one that I was in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Thankfully that's oyster tamer.

[Luke Burbank]

I tried to bring. You know what? That's oystertainment. Andrew, it's possible I invented the idea

[Andrew Walsh]

of oystertainment with your goggles because nobody

[Luke Burbank]

else had a bit. I know that. No one else had a bit. There was no oystertainment when I did it other than what I brought to the table.

[Andrew Walsh]

It says oystertainment comes in the form of little ditties, the odd. And I do Mean odd poem, country, hip hop or blues song, and even the Evergreen State College's Geoduck fight song. Did I say Geoduck? Right?

[Luke Burbank]

It's Gooey Duck.

[Andrew Walsh]

Gooey Duck. I knew it was no reason for

[Luke Burbank]

you to know that.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I do. That's what bugs me. I do know it, but when I see the word, I can't remember how it's pronounced because it like gooey duck. Let's see here. Cairo TV's Penny Legate was in Africa this year, but she didn't want to give up her coveted slurp spot, so she sent her husband, Mike Williams, to fill in for her in drag. And of course, sure about that. Sure about that. That's why.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure about that. Why you want to do that.

[Andrew Walsh]

And of course, there was Seattle PI Columnist Susan Painter, who I think Susan

[Luke Burbank]

Painter was in the Oyster Olympics. I was in.

[Andrew Walsh]

She graced the crowd with her 2006 revisiting of the Willie Nelson classic adapted for the event called Mamas don't let your cowboys grow up to eat oysters. KCPQ TV's Christine Chen. Do you know.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, that was a little after my time. I'm guessing an anchor on channel 13.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was at channel 13. I wasn't sure what that was. Won the slurp by downing 10 oysters without the use of her hands. You were right about that. In 8.75 seconds, last year's win.

[Luke Burbank]

Ten oysters in eight. That's insane.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's insane. Greg Copeland won last year of Northwest Cable News. He had a disappointing night this time, though. He was still able to brag about winning the Nationals in Chicago last October. So, anyway, I thought you'd enjoy hearing the celebrities. It verifies a lot of what you said.

[Luke Burbank]

I have a surprising amount of what. But all of which is to say, like, when I think about that much like you're thinking about the Burian thing, I am just filled with this. Just kind of. Just a pit of embarrassment in my stomach because I just imagine myself there. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, all the stuff I already said, it's just like. It's funny how we have those things that you just kind of like when you think about them. It's not even a specific. It's not a specific memory of any one moment from it. It's just a generalized feeling of like, ugh, God, I wish I wouldn't have. Sure wouldn't have done that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I mean, the weird thing is, speaking of people making you read their own diaries, like, I know somewhere in the TBTL Archives. There are specifics about why I'm so upset about that Murian event. You know, it wasn't until I was just telling you right now that I was like, oh, I don't remember why I'm upset about that anymore or why it's so cringe, which is actually a very sweet thing. Like, maybe I can let it go now. But I know that I was upset for years and years, and I could have pointed out to you the moments of embarrassment that night. But here's one thing. I was thinking about this event that I did last night with Eric. Like, I'm really glad it went well. It's not like it unlocks something in me where I now want to be Mr. Bookstore Interviewer. I don't know. People were nice to me. I don't know if it went. If my participation went particularly smoothly or not. I felt relatively comfortable up there. I was interested in the content. Eric's a great talker. All I had to do was set him up a couple of times and let him go. You know, so it wasn't like a. Kind of a huge deal in that way. But one thing, and this is a really bad lesson for me to learn, whether it was in Bureau or just other events that. That I may be hesitant to go to, and I think they're not gonna be a good time. There was a time in my life where if I was hesitant to do something, whether it was for fun or for work or something, at the end of the day, I might be really stressed about it, but it would always be worth it. Be like, I'm glad I did that. Like, that worked out. I'm glad I didn't just stay home, or I'm glad I didn't. But then I've just had too many events. I don't know, Just kind of like, God, I wish I'd stayed home. Or. I mean, it's not the majority of things, but again, to go to the Burian thing on this is kind of like, what is the upshot of me exposing myself to something that could potentially rightfully or wrongfully, and it's probably wrongfully, live in my head for decades to come and only give me moments of embarrassment when I'm just washing dishes at the sink, and suddenly Genevieve says, do you know that you made the noise again? And I said, what noise? And she says, you just did that? And I'm like, oh, that's because I was just reliving something from 10 years ago. You know what I mean? What is the upshot of me? Well, you know, that's me putting myself out there.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Because, of course, the conventional wisdom, the thing that people tell themselves is, like, you miss all of the shots you don't take, and it's better to be out there in the world and experiencing life than it is to be not. And also, I would say that in my experience, for me personally, there are many, many times where I end up doing something, whether it's professional or just going and hanging out with people or just doing things. Things that I'm like, ultimately like, well, I'm glad I did that. But the differences for us is in our wiring and the fact that for you, something that doesn't. Like, for instance, I'm not making that sound about the Oyster Olympics while I'm doing dishes. You know?

[Andrew Walsh]

You will. Now,

[Luke Burbank]

first of all, I. I've just learned that I invented oyster, so.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, no idea. I mean, all you did was wear goggles. You did. You didn't perform. You didn't have a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

It was the seed of the idea. No one else had a dick.

[Andrew Walsh]

You didn't even know about oystertainment 10 minutes ago, and now you are already crowning yourself.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm actually updating my Wikipedia page.

[Andrew Walsh]

Famous Albanians who've invented Albanians.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, Inventor of oystertainment.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, they don't know how to categorize it. They're now categorizing you under oystertainment.

[Luke Burbank]

What was the other one? Other. That was mostly convicts and mobsters. But seriously, for you, it sounds like the downside of something not going well is that it could quite literally live in your head for the rest of your natural life. And the upside of something going well is that. Oh, that just kind of felt good. And I'm happy it went okay. But like, you will again. I don't know. I guess I'm asking, will you? Is there another side to the coin? So that one side of the coin is the Burian thing that, you know every once in a while still jolts you with just kind of a feeling of a bad feeling. Is the other side of that coin that you'll just get a flood of good feelings about this event with your friend Eric?

[Andrew Walsh]

No. Over the years. That's what I'm saying. And again, not. It went well, and I am glad I did it. But the only. The only upside of this for me was I'm glad I was able to be there for a friend who needed me to be there. Oh, you know what? I. I don't know if I'm supposed to say this, but I just will I think there was some talk early on that he might have been able to get Daniel K. Brown to the guy who wrote the Boys in the Book. I think I am getting.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, the boys in the boat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Boys in the boat. Sorry. The Boys in the Book. I think that there was some talk originally about having him be the in conversation guy with Eric at this. Because he lives in Redmond and I don't know where, you know, I don't know how far down. And so the fact that I was. I was Plan B is pretty incredible. You know, that guy alone. That guy alone.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you wrote the Boys in the Basement.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wrote the Boys in the Book, as I've. I think I called it that yesterday.

[Luke Burbank]

You wrote about the guys who overcame the odds to play darts.

[Andrew Walsh]

I did, yeah. The boy. The Boy Mine is called the Boy in the Basement. Yeah. And it's actually kind of. It's. It's a dark comedy. Emphasis of the dark. But so anyway, like, because I don't have anything in me that is a payoff of. I mean, this is just the difference. Like, I don't have something in me that drives me to be on stage in front of people. When we do it for tbtl, it's fun. It's because I do love my job. I like working with you. You do the heavy lifting. I never have to worry about being the first voice on anything. That's a huge part of this. And we go and then we meet people and it's fun. But, yes, I'm anxious about it. And then the best possible outcome is I didn't screw it up. You know, I don't leave feeling like, God, you know, like, I don't do karaoke. And it's not because I'm scared to. So many people are like, don't be scared. It's like, no, I don't have the drive to do it. I don't have the desire. That's not one of the things that motivates me in my life. And so for something like this, I am glad I did it because I was able to be there for a friend who needed somebody to do this, especially understanding even more now about, like, all of the pavement pounding that he's had to do to, like, kind of make these events successful. I am very happy that they had to bring out extra chairs, that this event was bigger than they were expecting. I'm happy for Eric. I'm not taking credit for that, but, like, that gives me a really good feeling. But it's not like, yeah, now I can't wait to do this other thing because I'm not. I'm not walking away with, like, a jolt of, like, energy. I'm just walking away of just like, who has a near miss. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like bungee jumping. If you're afraid of high, like, you're relieved that you didn't die, but you're not just, like, looking for the next opportunity to terrify yourself.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. And it's my understanding I could be wrong about this. It's my understanding that, like, are we now under two weeks before we get on a plane and head to a frog jump competition in Ohio that I have not really given enough consideration to because this event has been living in my head a little bit? Yes. So now is sort of like I'm taking today to kind of breathe a little bit, and then like, I need to really start drilling down on what the hell we need to make this is successful thon in Ohio.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know what that is?

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain that misses eating

[Luke Burbank]

all them big fat problems.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, maybe it was good. I mean, maybe it was good that, like, maybe I don't need to obsess over the, you know, whatever. We'll. Well, we'll see.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll be the first person to talk during the thought.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, yeah, but I mean, we'll pressure. Well, well, my thing about the thon is, like, will you have anybody to talk to? Like, will we be streaming to anybody?

[Luke Burbank]

Will everything work?

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember everything.

[Luke Burbank]

That's not nothing. But I'm very confident in your abilities for that. So we'll see.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

That's not the drop I was trying to.

[Andrew Walsh]

I kind of like it. It seemed appropriate. Hello and welcome to Top story.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Andrew, when I threw this into the Top Stories, I think, by the way, you and I were discussing before the show this story about this NPR article that went up, up, and you and I had sort of different intel on it. And I kind of realized why. By the way, you're absolutely right. This was published sort of accidentally on the NPR website this morning and then retracted very quickly. The New York Times article has been updated. They've added some info to it since I read it this morning at like, you know, I don't know, 7am or something. And it was very scant. It was kind of like NPR Politics put out an article by Nina Totenberg on its website saying that Samuel Alito, Supreme Court justice, was stepping down, and then they immediately retracted it and apologized. That was pretty much the whole all of the all of the info and I. What I thought I could bring to the table when we talked about it was more context for how I think this happened or why I think it happened. And now they've updated the article and it's basically. It's not saying it exactly, but it's more or less saying what I thought was the case.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's even more here now than I read it about an hour ago.

[Luke Burbank]

Ago. Yeah, yeah. So they've added the New York Times. This was, let's see here. This was Benjamin Mullen writing in the New York Times. NPR on Tuesday retracted an article that said that Samuel Alito, Associate Justice, Supreme Court, had retired. The article written by veteran Supreme Court reporter Nina Totenberg, said that Justice Alito had announced his retirement. That right there alone. Because I think of Nina as being one of the most trusted voices on NPR and one of the most reliable. Yeah. Reporters and journalists in America. Saying that it was a piece written by her is both true, but also, I think misleading because I know exactly what happened here and because Nina Totenberg is a dutiful and organized and forward looking, unlike me signing up to be a celebrity oyster slurper. Nina does look down the road a bit and kind of, you know, anticipate things. She just has a piece that's written for when Samuel Alito steps down.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, like an opening.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably just an obit for his job because this one is that he retired. So, yeah, he's probably got an obit for all of them and they retired for all of them. Although I do feel like maybe she doesn't have them for like Katanji, Brown, Jackson or some of the younger ones because it's like, you know, act from an actuarial standpoint. We've got the Clarence Thomases of the world, we got the Alitos of the world, you know, who are, are, let's just say less young. But I just. Right when I saw this article, I thought I was almost a little bit annoyed with how the New York Times initially framed it because it made it seem like. And maybe I'm not helping by playing our bunk journalism sound effect. It's just because that was the only audio I had that seemed relevant. But like, this is very obviously just something where somebody at NPR hit publish on the wrong article.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think so too. That's.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's not a case of like, like, it's not a case of, you know, the lying media or like. And that's the other reason that it kind of bothers me because it's like this Will on some level somewhere just go into the larger narrative that like, you know, certain people have that you can't believe npr, you can't believe the New York Times. And I mean, this is just literally a case. And I almost feel like the New York Times, if anyone would know that, because guess what? The New York Times probably has the Samuel Alito steps down piece pre written. And then what you do, if you're not familiar is with this kind of thing. What major news organizations, the Associated Press, npr, the New York Times, places like that do, is they have a lot of these sort of pieces pre written without the specific details at the top of like exactly when and under what circumstances somebody might have passed away or somebody might have stepped down from their position. And then when it's announced, you can quickly update the very top of the piece piece and then you've got something that you can run that's ready to go. This is pretty standard procedure and this is clearly just, they just published the wrong article. But this kind of headline that like NPR retracts, you know, article about Samuel Alito. Apparently Nina's going to go on ATC today to explain what happened.

[Andrew Walsh]

And his article, his numbers are great, by the way. I mean, isn't that in a certain way, like, I haven't had an appointment listening for All Things Considered in a long time. I mean, this is almost like the this American Life where they had Mike Daisy on one week who lied his head off and then a little bit later did a whole show about how they made a mistake and like had everybody. It was like the best ratings the show had in years.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably somebody from npr, whoever the latest, I guess Thomas Evans is the new. I say new. Everybody at NPR except Nina is like new in my opinion, because they weren't there when I was there. Thomas Evans said in a statement that Ms. Totenberg would appear on the radio program All Things Considered Tuesday afternoon to explain what had happened and that she had reached out to Justice Alito to apologize. Alito needs to apologize for his wife harassing those people in their neighborhood, if you ask me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

But I mean, that's the thing. Amongst other things, I know that like this is like where I just like I swear, as my mom used to say, we can't win for losing. Like here you got, here you got Nina Totenberg, who is, I think again, one of the most fair and down the middle reporters on this note, not in my, in my opinion, putting her thumb on any kind of a scale around the Supreme Court. Even this current Supreme Court That I think is just constantly. And when I say this Supreme Court, I mean the Republican majority, it's just constantly siding with. With really maligned forces and just doing really awful shit and then like. And harassing people in their neighborhood about their. Whatever it was. What was it, like a pride flag or something?

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought it was about people. I thought there was. Wasn't there a Trump. Trump flag that people wanted them to take? I can't remember. Flags were definitely involved. It was a flag.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. It was like Samuel Alito's wife was like, mean mugging someone in their neighborhood who had like a trans rights flag up or some kind of a thing. And then they got into a yelling match and it was like. And it was just all colored by the fact that like, yo, your husband is a Supreme Court justice. Like, let's just try to keep this whole thing, like, dignified. But. And then it just feels like. And now suddenly we have Nina Totenberg having to apologize to Sam Alito over like a keystroke issue that I don't even think. I would be shocked if. We're leaving it to Nina Totenberg to publish her pieces on the NPR website. That's gotta be somebody else's job.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was an anti Trump flag or anti Trump lawn signs. It looks like anti Trump lawn signs. I knew it had something to do with Trump.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but I think what had happened was.

[Andrew Walsh]

But then she like verbally assaulted the neighbors.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, and I also think. I think that there was. I think Sam Alito's wife was flying like a weird, like right wing Catholic flag or something. That's where I think the flag. I think the Alito's had a flag up.

[Andrew Walsh]

That rings a bell too.

[Luke Burbank]

And Samuel Alito. And Samuel Alito's defense of it was. I don't know, that's my wife's deal.

[Andrew Walsh]

They might have been. Somebody was flying an upside down flag too.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's also the distress flag.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's see here. Alito has cited that the neighborhood dispute as the context for the upside down amendment American flag that flew in front of his home in Northern Virginia the day in the days after the Capitol riot. So anyway, yeah, that gets into the distress signals of the upside down American flag or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

We don't have to relitigate a heaven flag. This is the issue.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

They had something called the appeal to heaven flag outside of their house, which is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, there it is.

[Luke Burbank]

It's associated with Christian nationalism and election denial. It was spotted on the couple's New Jersey beach house. So Sam Alito and his wife had this, what is now very much Christian nationally coded flag flying in front of their house, their beach house. And when a justice for the US Supreme Court was asked, hey, how about that Christian nationalist flag? He was like, yeah, I don't know, you gotta talk to my wife about that. That's her deal.

[Andrew Walsh]

But they also did fly the American flag upside down. The Alitos did after, you know, after January 6th. But it wasn't a protest of the January 6th. Right. It was in support of what they saw as a national, or what she saw, I should say as a national crisis. Because nobody had stopped. Nobody had stopped Biden from taking office, I believe. Yeah, just like a lot of. A lot of nasty shit. And I mean. And we're worthy. I'm not trying to. You know, it's funny how you were like really leaning on the fact that Totenberg is so down the middle because she was taking some slings and arrows. I mean, I can't remember when she was close. She was close to more justices than just Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but she was really close to her. And then she talked about it a lot after she died and wrote a book about it. And then a lot of people are like, wait, you're covering these people? But I guess, yeah, you wrote a whole memoir. But I'm with you. I think that she actually is an old school journalist who does a very good job of reporting the news. But it's worth just kind of mentioning that as well.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. Yeah. I guess my point would. My response to that would be, which, much like oystertainment is something I've only learned about two minutes ago, which would be like pushback on her friendship with Ruth Bader Ginsburg or whatever. I guess what I would say is it's one thing for her to be friends with her when it gets down to just like, what did the Supreme Court say? What did the justices say about this particular case that's in front of her? In front of them, rather. It just always seemed like, Nina, this is before they had recordings in the courtroom, of course. And it would just be Nina going. Justice Thomas, why did you say that? Justice Rehnquist? I don't know. It was just, it seemed like to me, her coverage of specific events within the Supreme Court were so like, there's almost no way to spin it. It's just saying this is what the. These were the, this is what the decision was from, or this is, you know, what the Supreme Court decided on this. Although actually that's kind of off because they usually have the hearing, and then they issue their ruling, like, way down the road. In fact, they're issuing rulings, like, left and right today.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, this always happens, right? I've noticed this. That always happens right before the Fourth of July because it always makes me feel not patriotic.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, doesn't seem like much is making you feel patriotic these days, which I understand that being a perspective, but I

[Andrew Walsh]

just mean, like, it's just. It always seems like the. The darkest news comes out, like, the week before we celebrate this country.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, he still has to pay. Eugene. Carol. So, you know, there's a glimmer of light in there somewhere. But I don't know, just something to me about this idea that, like, somehow we're always we. We.

[Andrew Walsh]

The.

[Luke Burbank]

Like. Like, you know, the. And again, if I'm lumping Nina Tomberg in with the left, then I'm obviously saying she has a political point of view. But it just seems like if I'm going to just kind of group together this big thing that I call our team. And again, I don't know, I'm not the arbiter of what our team is. The idea that somehow our team is having to apologize or has the headline that we've got to retract this article. It just, like, annoys me that it happened because there are so many other places, whether it's Fox News or myriad other outlets on the right, that are actively misleading day and night and are not retracting because it's like they don't hold themselves to the standards that everybody else does or that, you know, the more legitimate mainstream media does. It's just like. It's like the punishment for taking the idea of journalism seriously is that you then have to constantly apologize if the journalism gets screwed up for one reason

[Andrew Walsh]

or another, when other people are just shitting and all over journalism or using journalism in just most irresponsible ways under the. The guises of journalism. I mean, the state of journalism right now, or what people consider journalism is just so unbelievably debased that when you see somebody who actually takes this stuff very seriously in an organization that takes this stuff seriously, has to overly apologize, I think is kind of what's irking you.

[Luke Burbank]

But yes, and then that it's also. Now it goes onto the list of, like, well, you can't trust the media. It's like, no, you can trust. This is an example of why you can trust the media.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because.

[Luke Burbank]

Because somebody accidentally hit publish on the wrong file. And then immediately they took it down and said, oh, that was our bad. That's why you can trust the media. At least you can trust npr because they immediately identified the error, took it down and apologized for it. But it's gonna somehow go on the side of the ledger of, well, they had to retract that story about Alito. Now it does.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's more of almost a clerical error of having it go out. And by the way, one other thing. I just wanted to verify this before I said it because I thought I'd seen screen caps too. People had screen capped it. And another clue early on that it was just like a kind of a boilerplate ready to go is some of the days were wrong. Like the caption in the photo said that he retired Friday. Other parts of the article said Tuesday. Like those are the parts that you go in and you, you punch in the updated information on it.

[Luke Burbank]

Does, however, Andrew, maybe reignite my great. My idea for the next great American novel, which I did try to write many years ago. See, this was back when I had vim and vigor and I would enter novel writing contests. I entered a Labor Day weekend novel writing contest when I was probably like 24, 25, maybe even earlier than that. I think I've told you this story, so I'll keep it brief, but it was. The premise of the book was there's a guy, his name is Bob Sinclair, and he's like a corporate raider. He's like a very sort of hated guy. He's like, like known for going in and like, you know, hostilely taking over companies and then firing everyone and then selling, you know, the parts off or whatever. And on the day that Frank Sinatra dies, the Associated Press accidentally publishes Bob Sinclair's obit. And it goes out to all the news because he's famous enough that he has a pre written obit. And Frank Sinatra is famous enough, of course, that he has a pre written obituary bit. And on the day that Frank Sinatra dies, because Sinclair is the next alphabetical name on their list, somebody hits the wrong thing at the AP and they publish sort of like a reverse It's a Wonderful Life. It's like, you know, in the sense that George Bailey finds out that if he were never born, the world would be a worse place. This guy finds out that when they publish his obituary, no one is very sad. There is like almost no. And so he has a whole day. This book suffers from the issue of. Of we now have cell phones. So it couldn't really. I mean, there'd be no way for this misunderstanding about this guy's death to Persist. But in my little book, he basically, like, he realizes that people are basically stoked that he's dead and he can't prove that he's who he is and that he's alive. And he has a whole day of trying to prove this. And of course at the end he has a about face. He sees the error of his ways. The problem with the novel was I also decided that I was going to smoke a pipe while doing this. That seemed very writerly to me.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're wear go goggles.

[Luke Burbank]

I literally got a pipe. Actually. I might have been kind of trying to get into a pipe smoking phase because I just thought it was some affect that I decided I was going to maybe adopt. But I'm really bad with tobacco. Like, I get. I feel really, like, I feel real nauseous real easily because I've just never been a cigarette smoker and a pipe is like a real lot of tobacco. So I just remember. But it also felt like, what a writer. I just remember sitting in my apartment on Capitol Hill, like settling in for this three day writing sesh, smoking this pipe and feeling kind of queasy and then getting trapped for like 40 pages somehow. It was like he was for this guy. Bob Sinclair grew up in North Carolina. His mom worked at this diner. I'm like, we're like doing 30 or 40 pages on the diner and on the okra that they used to have. The diner. Just like all the stuff that an editor, if you had one, would be like, this is not helping the flow of this book. This is like, either don't include this or this could be one page. But I had no sense of like, I just didn't know how to do this at all.

[Andrew Walsh]

I still don't think Eric last night at the book event was talking about his process of writing the book or something. I think this was from an audience question. I can't remember exactly what the question was, but he was talking about how when he finally did land the project, his editor said, okay, well you got to write the first three chapters and send them to me. And so he did that. And he had just been doing so much research. Eric loves research. And there's so much historical research into this book that takes place in 1909. And he said, so I sent him the first three chapters. And it was like the first three chapters were something like 30,000 words. And I hadn't even gotten to the starting line of the race yet. And the editor said, said, no, this is not, this is not how this works. And Eric said, you Know, to the joke. Yes. And as Eric said, you know, he's a journalist, so he takes that kind of feed. You know, he's been edited his whole professional life, so he takes that stuff well and can take instruction well. And then came back with, you know, the. The proper first chapters of the book, and they're like, yes, this is the book that I greenlit here, you know,

[Luke Burbank]

And I will say, even a guy who's written other books, I presume, and has been.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, this is his first book.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think adds to him, really prove himself. But. And it is funny because the book does have a really good pace. I think that's one of. You know, it's like, literally, it's about cars traveling across the country. So, like, it. It has pace built into. You know what I mean? Yeah, definitely.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Do we have an email?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I actually heard some voice. Oh, there's one that I think you'll be specifically interested in. I'll play a voicemail for you.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, here we go. Him.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

All righty. Emails or emails.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. You were. I mean, I was gonna say talking, but let's just be honest. You were complaining the other day.

[Luke Burbank]

Entertaining. I was. Enter. I was complaining.

[Mark the Pilot]

You were.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were.

[Luke Burbank]

That's when I complain in an entertaining way. I meant your planing.

[Andrew Walsh]

You were Oyster the other day. Another thing I invented about the announcements on airplanes, right. And you and I both bonded over specifically. You're trapped there. You can't leave your seat. You have this squawking speaker over you. And some of the stuff, as you acknowledge, some of it's legal. You have to give the pilots and flight attendants and the flight crew have to give certain announcements, but also they spend five minutes trying to sell you a credit card, and you can't. You can't turn off that commercial that's blasting in your ears above your head from that speaker. So anyway, we got this voice memo from listener Mark, who, as you may remember, is an airline pilot.

[Luke Burbank]

Master of transport.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Mark the Pilot]

Hey, friendos, it's your buddy Mark the pilot, calling in. Because I was just listening to last week's episode in which you were talking about airplane announcements and how annoying they are. I will say, from a pilot perspective, I also find them generally annoying. I used to quite commute for work and have to try to get a little bit of sleep on my way to Chicago and The announcements did not help. There's only one that we have to make, and the one that is required by the FAA is that after we turn the seatbelt sign off for the first time, we have to say that when you're seated, you should keep your seatbelt fastened in case we encounter any unexpected rough air. Everything else is not strictly necessary, although the welcome aboard announcement and the we're beginning our descent announcement are usually company policy. As for the flight attendants, I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I jump in here and say the beginning descent? I would consider that one that I want to hear. I mean, you kind of need to, like, know, like, okay, the flight attendants are going to start telling you to, like, wrap up your laptop and, you know, put your chairs.

[Luke Burbank]

I can live with that. I can live.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. But to me, that really is like, okay, now I know where we are. Like, literally, like, how much time we have in this flight. Usually about what, like 20 minutes after that. Right. So anyway, go ahead, Mark the we're

[Mark the Pilot]

beginning our descent announcement are usually company policy. As for the flight attendants, I don't know what they're required to do outside of their emergency equipment demonstration. Which reminds me of your point about the not hearing people say much about your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device anymore. That is because airplanes are categorized by how far over water or away from land they can go. Those categories are based on the kind of equipment that on board and the airplane that has the most restrictions uses as a flotation device, the seat cushion. So those planes are really only used when you're flying mostly over land, where the chance of landing in water is pretty remote, say when you're going from Chicago to New York and you might land in a great lake or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

So do you follow that? That's almost counterintuitive. So it sort of sounds like the planes that are flying over large bodies of water or near that are going to have other flotation devices and it's not going to be your seat seat. So you don't get that announcement. But the ones that are mostly over land, they just have the smaller flotation devices, which is your seat. And that's why you hear that seat

[Luke Burbank]

cushion is really not the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Probably the ideal.

[Luke Burbank]

The ideal. And so if you're going to Hawaii from Seattle and you're going to go majorly over water, there's something else in there. So they don't need to announce it because who knows what? But then even over land, and maybe it's only if you're on an overland flight that is also going to cover some amount of water.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And probably almost every flight covers a river or something like that. So probably the ones that aren't, like, specifically over large bodies of water, those are the ones, ironically, that are going to have the flotation seats. So you're going to hear that announcement. So. All right, I'm going to let Mark take over.

[Mark the Pilot]

When you're going from Chicago to New York and you might land in a great lake or something. Anyway, any other plane that goes further away from land needs life vests on it. And most airlines these days are equipping their planes to do that since they'd like to use them for more than just domestic travel, whether it be to the Caribbean or to Hawaii or across the water up to Alaska or what have you. As far as the credit card announcements, absolutely everybody hates those, but the flight attendants get a financial kickback for every person they get to sign up for one. So they're kind of motivated by that because they don't really get paid that well otherwise. The finances of airlines in general are heavily dependent on the credit cards and the mileage programs and all that. So much so that we joke that we're not so much an airline as a bank that flies airplanes sometimes. At any rate, we apologize for the inconvenience and we hope to have you on the ground shortly.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is a great power.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a person who's done that a couple of times. And see, Mark, I mean, I agree with those things, you know, or I concede that. Letting people know, hey, we're going to, you know, be landing pretty soon. And like, hey, can you leave your seatbelt on in case we get turbulence? All that stuff seems reasonable to me. It's just, for me, it's almost more so than the pilots. It's when occasionally you get somebody who is on the. You know, one of the flight attendants who. Who you can just tell they really enjoy being on the mic. And again, I don't want to douse their enthusiasm for the job or anything, but it's just like. It's, you know, for me, it's just really the actual volume of the speakers. Now I'm about to play a TikTok that I texted myself that. I can't figure out if it's the TikTok that I'm trying to play or not, but it's muted. I think this might be relevant to what we were talking about. I think it's. I think it's. I'm trying to play one that someone else complaining about this very thing, which is just random, that I saw this this week. Any videos of that Norwegian soccer player? Oh, no. This is about Earling Holland, which, by

[Andrew Walsh]

the way, I was about to bring that up. I just saw that somebody posted. I'm sad to see that Earling scored a goal or something. So I don't know what's. I haven't been following the word.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know about that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think it's your guy.

[Luke Burbank]

I think. Well, he's the guy that I'm terrified of. I think. I think this person is just saying that she's also terrified of Erling Holland. So let me just. I can't watch any videos of that Norwegian soccer player. I can't watch them.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's so scary. He's so scary.

[Luke Burbank]

That just made me feel. Seen that someone else is terrified of Erling Holland, who, again, for the record, seems like a sweet dude. This is not his fault. I've seen him interviewed and he actually seems like a really good guy. He's just. I just feel like he might step on me and not realize it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And that would kill me.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I am just a little ant and he's a big, giant man who could kill me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Without meaning to going back to these airplane announcement things. This also goes back to something that you and I have talked about on the show before, and it might be a little bit on the edge because some people might enjoy this stuff, like, oh, we're bringing more light into the world or whatever. But, like, that is why when I see a viral video of, like, like, they let some kids sing or rap on the overhead announcer. I don't know, you know, like, what? Anything like that, like, shut it down. Yeah, shut that down. That is. We don't need that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I, I. Well, yeah, I think. I. Not that I can speak for you. I. My sense of it, though, is that, like, anytime you're trapped in an environment and expected to have a reaction to something that that's pretty. That sets off some pretty uncomfortable feelings for you. I have the same reaction. I think it's not as pronounced, but, like, definitely.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What was that video of the kid, like, singing, like, Frozen or something?

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, I was gonna say some Disney song. Yeah, yeah. Not only that, but it's also just annoying. Like, I don't want to hear, like, I'm glad that you love your kid and your kid is talented and that you have this thing, but, like, just subjecting that to. I don't know how many hundred people are on a plane you know, I don't know. Whatever. Just, like, just assuming that everybody is just assuming that. How many souls are on this plane, Mark?

[Luke Burbank]

That makes me uncomfortable, too, by the way, don't call my ass a soul.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, how is that fair to anybody else? Like, it's just. It seems like. And you. And again, because you're trapped. Like, for me, it's almost like, I don't care. Nobody's looking at me for a reaction in that case. And if they do, I'll give them the finger. I don't know. Like, I don't really care. Like, yeah, I'll probably get him, but. But it's just like, I can't move. Like, this is so not right.

[Mark the Pilot]

Wait.

[Luke Burbank]

Speaking of performances, of musical performances, I don't know if this is going to work for me to play this, but maybe this is how we can kind of wrap things up. Today there was an event that happened in Los Angeles that has been living absolutely not rent free in a bad way. It's just been. I can't stop thinking about it. It was the premiere, I think, of the new Minions movie, which is called, like. Like, Minions and Monsters or something. And what they did was. And I'm. What I'm trying to do is find a good video online that presents. Let's see. That presents some evidence of this. One of the things that they had was a singing competition before the movie premiered where they had people, a number of young women singing songs that we know from popular culture in Minions language.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's so awesome. It is so freaking amazing. And I really want to find this one particular one of this young woman singing the Jackson 5 song. I'll be there as a Minion.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Because it's, like, so. Okay, this is. I think this is just kind of a super cut. So I want to apologize if this is a little hard to follow. And again, I'm playing it off of Facebook, so. So I've done a lot of prep for this, but just imagine, I think it's like four or five young women. They're all kind of looked to be in their late teens or, like, early 20s. They're all dressed very elegantly in sort of like, ball gowns, and they're all. Part of. What's great is they're all taking it very seriously and performing this music. They all have incredible singing voices, but they're singing these famous songs in Minion's voice. Okay, let's see. Let's see here. Oh, golly. What's the deal with Facebook? Oh, it. You have to hit play and then

[Andrew Walsh]

play and then mute. It's so.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, this is going to be both.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, wait.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry. Why would they. Why would you make a video, Andrew, that says these are the Minions performers? And then you would include one second of each song to where the person watching could get absolutely no sense of what the songs are? I'm going to try. Let's see. Minion singing contest.

[Andrew Walsh]

While you Google this, can I buy you a little bit of time? Now I'm going to question. I can slow it down a little bit, buy you some more time. But is it your understanding that the Minions actually have a language like Klingon that fans can learn? Or is it they just talk in a goofy way that people are just sort of riffing here and making sounds like what they're talking about?

[Luke Burbank]

I've heard. I learned this today, Andrew, and I apologies to our listeners who are much more immersed in the sort of Minions world if I'm getting some of this wrong. But I think they're calling it like banana language because it's just made up. But there are some words in there that you can recognize, and banana is one of them. Okay, so I think I have Bangladesh. Yeah, I think. Yeah, it's exactly. So it's like you. Every once in a while, you'll hear a word that is kind of. Oh, it's familiar.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But then the rest of it is just kind of like.

[Andrew Walsh]

But it's just riffing, though.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, it's kind of riffing. So I believe this is the. The woman who won singing I'll Be There in Minions language. Again, I'm playing this off of Instagram, so who knows how this is going to go, but we're going to try it here. Let's see. Okay, stop it. What's the story? Is Instagram the same way? I have to hit play any meta

[Andrew Walsh]

thing, anything that is YouTube, I'm going

[Luke Burbank]

to be singing I'll Be There by the Jacksons. Okay, so this is the woman who ended up winning, Sa.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sakur. The clapping is not on that. The clap. They're messing up the clapping and it's driving me crazy.

[Luke Burbank]

Also, you have like the other perform the other competitors standing with their hands over their hearts. They were like, totally in support of each. Each other. And again, they all got the memo that the move was to go up and to be hyper serious about the. About the event. And. And all, again, they all had, like, phenomenal singing voices. I know that that was kind of a long climb For a short slide.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I really enjoyed that. I liked it. I'm just mad at the people clapping. They were kind of ruining it because they weren't clapping on beat and it was very sloppy clapping. Who invited you to. To interrupt that?

[Luke Burbank]

It's what I liked about it is unlike when I was in the Oyster Olympics, it was like a stunt that actually worked. You know what I mean? Somebody had the idea, okay, we're going to do. We're gonna do this big premiere for this Minions movie. What could be kind of fun. And this is like, oh, I should mention it's in the movie theater before the movie airs. So they're up on stage, I think this was in la, somewhere in Southern California. So they're up on stage before the movie starts. It's like a packed house. And then they bring them out and they do this song contest. And it was actually, it seems very entertaining. The crowd really liked it. And of course, it's getting tons of play on the Internet now. So like a lot of times this kind of stuff is sort of, sort of, you know, I don't know, kind of tedious or doesn't work. But in this case, I think it was actually very effective for marketing the film.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think so too. And it's different than, you know, they weren't doing that on an airplane. You know what I mean? People showing up for this. They knew.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

They were doing it for people.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, precisely.

[Andrew Walsh]

So, all right, what do you say now?

[Luke Burbank]

Will we get pulled down for having played? We get pulled down by, I don't know, Motown, who has. Who has the rights to. I'll be there.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're going to be a pull down for everything. Don't worry about it. We can't. We can't worry about.

[Luke Burbank]

Actually, we can't kill what's already dead. So now we should be able to just play anything.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's absolutely right. You remember your Game of Thrones lessons? Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, thanks for listening, everybody. We are all done for today, but we are going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. So we will see you then, hopefully. The meantime, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember to mount Too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to Banana. I tried. That was good.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you for committing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out.