#4785 From A To Zwan

Summary

TBTL #4785: From A to Zwan — August 4, 2026

Podcast: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh
Episode Theme: A meandering, funny, and highly characteristic tour through midlife joys, neighborly grievances, candy obsessions, local elections, and nostalgia — all filtered through the world’s most conversational approach to the day's “important” topics.

---

Main Theme Overview

In this episode of TBTL, Luke and Andrew begin by bantering about musical misattributions, the stress of being on live video, and Luke being recognized on the street. The episode then ricochets through a set of delightfully mundane yet relatable topics: Andrew’s ballot dilemmas, neighbor feuds over yard signs, changing candy preferences, the forthcoming Seahawks Hard Knocks series, and a nostalgia-drenched detour into classic public radio stories (and Smashing Pumpkins-related side projects). The show's blend of personal anecdote, feigned expertise, and unselfconscious goofiness is on brilliant display.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Musical Banter & TV Tension

• [00:01-01:25] Luke and Andrew open with confusion over a song and a Paul McCartney/Wings joke, establishing their silly, referential tone.
• Luke shares a story about being recognized on the street, only for Andrew to return fire with a sardonic, faux-jealous retort:

  “Do not put that on the imaginary radio show.” — Andrew (00:41)

2. Air Quality & TV/Podcasting Stress

• [01:25-02:52]
  • The smoky weather in Portland is mentioned.
  • Luke laments the stress of being on camera now that TBTL is a visual show:

    “We’re used to...not being visually observed. But here we are again.” — Luke (01:50)

3. Election Talk & Neighbor Drama

• [02:56-11:03]
  • Andrew celebrates Election Day and asks for Luke's guidance on his ballot, segueing into a discussion about the state bar exam malfunction in WA and how crises like that might be handled more sensibly.
  • Andrew tells a story about his ornery neighbor who rips up roundabout safety and campaign signs:

    “Am I like just a teenager saying it’s a federal offense to mess with my mailbox, bro?” — Andrew (06:39)

  • Luke urges Andrew to escalate, fantasizing about law enforcement confronting the neighbor.
  • Hilarious asides about neighbors selling camping gear online and escaping interminable conversations ensue.

4. Mustaches, Braces, and Old-School Candy

• [11:03-18:22]
  • An extended riff on mustaches in TV/film, including Cesar Romero refusing to shave for the Joker and Superman actor Henry Cavill’s infamous CGI upper lip.
  • The childhood experience of fake and real braces, flavorless wax products, and the gross appeal of wax bottle candies.
  • Luke admits to making fake braces with a paperclip as a kid (“I made braces out of a paper clip…hoping people would think it was real braces.” — Luke, 15:33).

5. Candy Obsessions & Changing Habits

• [18:22-30:04]
  • The hosts divulge their late-night sweet treat strategies, especially Luke’s new love affair with gummies, Nerd clusters, and trying (disastrously) zero sugar snacks.

    “If I break out the gummy nerds at that point, that whole bag’s going down.” — Luke (24:32)

  • Andrew recalls adapting to sugar-free popsicles.
  • Luke describes DIY proto-peanut-butter-cup snacking and Becca’s healthier homemade treats.
  • Milk: essential for chocolatey snacks at night, but never with gummies (“I want water, but I don’t just want some flat water like you drink. I want something bubbly.” — Luke, 32:05).

6. Security Question Paranoia

• [18:06-20:12]
  • Does oversharing on thousands of podcasts make Andrew and Luke vulnerable to being hacked via security questions? Both confess that any listener could probably hack them in thirty seconds with publicly available info.

    “You and I have essentially laid out our lives in such detail...there’s almost probably none of those questions we could answer that the listeners wouldn’t know the answer to.” — Luke (19:51)

7. 'Hard Knocks,' Seahawks, and NFL Coach Charisma

• [32:33-41:25]
  • Building anticipation for HBO’s Seahawks Hard Knocks season — both hosts plan to tune in, but Andrew is skeptical about coach Mike Macdonald’s entertainment value:

    “For a coach who’s obviously so good for our team...I find him so deeply, and almost irritatingly, uninteresting.” — Andrew (36:21)

  • Luke gives a sneak peek from a preview clip, and both discuss the general blandness of NFL coaches.
  • They agree Pete Carroll was “a character,” even if he spoke exclusively in motivator-speak:

    “If you took everything [Carroll] said and put it in a big Tupperware thing...it would weigh nothing.” — Luke (37:16)

8. Portcast: The Podcast That’s Not a Podcast

• [54:40-57:48]
  • Luke introduces “Portcast,” a series of TikTok clips featuring Ron Bennington having gallows-humor sessions with comics while getting chemo. He laments that it isn’t a full podcast and expresses the hunger for longer-form, real-er conversations — “I don’t want the clips to be the show. I want the show to be the show.” (55:21)
  • Andrew observes how the conversational format sets up different expectations than intentionally short-form creators.

9. Podcast Fatigue & This American Life Decline

• [57:48-61:02]
  • Luke reflects on running out of podcast content and being disappointed by a year’s worth of This American Life descriptions:

    “I scrolled through an entire year of them and none of it sounded interesting.” — Luke (58:41)

  • The two explore how the show has shifted from quirky human stories to heavier political fare.

10. Deep-Dive Nostalgia: Public Radio, Melancholy, and Zwan

• [61:02-74:25]
  • The hosts reminisce about legendary This American Life stories: Squirrel Cop, Jack Hitt, David Sedaris, and the saga of the Lies, Sissies & Fiascos CD. An impromptu investigation into whether “Squirrel Cop” is a fable ensues, leading to a delightful tangent where Andrew searches his CD collection for proof while Luke displays a Will Dreher campaign image for the TBTL TV audience.
  • Discussion of the Zwan CD, the Billy Corgan/Smashing Pumpkins side project, offers a meta-reference to the episode title (“From A to Zwan”), with obligatory jokes about aging out of teen angst and the proper spelling of “Melon Collie.”

11. Listener Emails: Neighborhood Narking Is Justified

• [74:30-79:39]
  • Andrew reads a supportive listener email about a near-miss pedestrian incident with an old, reckless taxi driver in New Rochelle. The story validates calling in reckless drivers and spawns a brief discussion of aging drivers and New York suburb geography:

    “I really, as I was placing the phone call...thought, I can’t tell anybody about this. This kind of narc behavior is straight-up embarrassing. But I will say I have heard from so many people who are like, ‘I’m so glad you made that phone call.’” — Andrew (75:44)

---

Notable Quotes

• On oversharing and security:
  “Anyone trying to hack me who listens to the show absolutely could.” — Luke (19:01)
• On late-night snacking:
  “If it’s at night and I get...a little sweet treat. If I break out the gummy nerds at that point, that whole bag’s going down.” — Luke (24:32)
• On coach personality:
  “You could count on one hand, and maybe one finger, the number of NFL coaches who are actually remotely interesting people...” — Luke (36:46)
• On evolving public radio:
  “There was a certain, in a way, lightness to the show. It was sort of meaningless, but in its meaninglessness it kind of meant a lot.” — Luke (60:08)

---

Memorable Segments (with Timestamps)

• Chafing over security questions: [18:06-20:12]
• Candy and fake braces confessions: [13:31-16:09]
• Live mustache forensic analysis (Cesar Romero): [10:23-12:28]
• Hard Knocks & Pete Carroll’s 'weightless' wisdom: [37:16-38:00]
• Nostalgic deep-dive into old TAL CDs and urban fables: [63:31-69:01]
• Will Dreher sign saga & neighbor vendettas: [51:29–52:26]

---

Tone and Language

As always, the episode is pitched in TBTL’s inimitable register: conversational, self-aware, warm, and filled with digressions that loop joyfully from the trivial to the personal to the ponderous and back again.

---

Conclusion

Episode #4785 of TBTL embodies the show’s core strengths: the easy camaraderie and comic timing of Luke and Andrew, their willingness to lay personal habits and neighborhood foibles bare, and a poetic knack for finding meaning (and much laughter) in the minutiae of midlife, pop culture, and civic life.
Show title possibility: "From A to Zwan"

---

No mountain too tall... and good luck to all!

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

First time with the program.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can always spot a newbie.

[Luke Burbank]

It's my fifth year with wings. I guess Paul McCartney's got nothing on me, huh? Love take me down to the streets. It's not a Wings song.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's one of their hits from the 70s.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not sure which one. It's not a.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not.

[Luke Burbank]

It isn't?

[Andrew Walsh]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it might be. That's not.

[Andrew Walsh]

Nobody sings that song. I don't know about that.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll have to Google it.

[Andrew Walsh]

TBTL. Well, well, here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time.

[Luke Burbank]

I got recognized on the street today. Guy had already met me and then forgotten. He met me and then recognized me from TV and then remembered me again.

[Andrew Walsh]

Do not put that on the imaginary radio show.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, you sound like you might be a little bit jealous, babe. No, and I. I know a little something about being jealous. Cause people have been jealous of me my entire life.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel so full of. What's the opposite of shame?

[Luke Burbank]

Pride?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, not that far from shame. Less shame.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Well, all right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Tuesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Hello, CD listeners. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I just want you to be normal. And clearly you're not. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it is real smoky out there.

[Andrew Walsh]

Don't stay in my house if you're

[Luke Burbank]

dark sided, the windows closed and things all kind of bundled up even though it's warm. Because the smoke intrusion is no joke right now, as we've arrived even at episode 4785 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Another edition of tbtl.

[Andrew Walsh]

TV Television is no friend of mine.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. We are filming this and we are putting it on the Internet for certain people to watch and enjoy. This is a thing we're doing this year and I'll be honest with you, it's a lot of stress. A lot of stress for Andrew and I because we're not used to being observed in the world. We're used to being. We're also not used to being heard, but additionally, we're not used to being visually observed. But here we are again. It's episode 4785 in a collector series. Speaking of television, guess what tonight is. There's no whining in football, but every August, football comes to wine country. Hard knocks Seahawks, 9pm West Coast. Tonight on Home Box Office. And I am very excited. I'm also excited for a podcast. Everyone's got a podcast that I keep seeing clips of. Except there's one problem. They haven't actually made it into a podcast and I would like them to. We'll get into that and we will say hello to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's got wrists like he just does.

[Luke Burbank]

He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. Happy election day. Are we gonna do our usual tradition of you walking me through the ballot,

[Luke Burbank]

which down here in Cowards County, I know you've got questions and I've got answers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, a lot of them. Most of them are statewide. Well, a lot of them are statewide. State Supreme Court. I think every single justice seat is open this time. Who you got?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, all of the usuals. You know that guy and that other lady.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, the ones who went to law school.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what, I honestly think we over index going to law school for being a Supreme Court justice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, do you know that's a thing about the bar? Do you know that a bunch of people who graduated law school here in Washington state were not able to take the bar exam because of a technical difficulty?

[Luke Burbank]

I always say it, sometimes you take the bar, sometimes the bar doesn't take you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you know this story? So now there's a question about whether or not they should be able to practice without actually taking the bar until the next time. Because it's like what, six months or something, I think, or maybe more until they can take it again.

[Luke Burbank]

A couple of questions about this story which was everybody was, listen, you know, I haven't gone to law school, I haven't studied for the bar. It sounds like it's a very intense process and I don't want to diminish that, but people were acting like this was this huge miscarriage of justice, so to speak, and it seemed like it was an Internet problem. Couldn't they just have them take the bar the next week? Why does it have to be on

[Andrew Walsh]

a six month cycle that I don't know. I do know. I mean, I do really feel for the people. I've never taken the bar, but I feel like I've known people who have and like I can just imagine like all of your work and in momentum going up to this moment, like not just the, the actual studying for the bar, which is obviously huge within all the arrangements you have to make because you know, you pro.

[Luke Burbank]

Isn't it dog sitters?

[Andrew Walsh]

Wasn't it in Yakima or something? Isn't that where the, the test was held in Yakima or something? Even though there aren't any law schools there. So anyway, there's all these complications just in life of getting a weekend away to do it, but then all of the insane work you have to put in to take the bar and then suddenly to have just like the, the football. Hey, to tied into your hard knock story, to have the football just yanked away from you at the last minute. I mean I literally win in football,

[Luke Burbank]

but every August football comes to wine country. I totally agree. And again, I, I have not studied for the bar, so I can't fully, sort of, I will never be able to fully understand what this must have felt like to those people. But it seemed like there was a fairly easy solution which was go to a place that has good Internet and do the bar the FR following weekend and make an exception since this was, you know, sort of, you know what, like these were crazy circumstances. They couldn't take it and so we just take it the next week. Has anybody proposed that?

[Andrew Walsh]

Not that I saw the proposal is that maybe they can. Maybe they can, yeah. Practice law. It was unclear to me whether or not they were saying like they just don't need to take the bar at all potentially or just until the next. Because there's some precedent for that too, I think maybe in Covid times or something along the lines of that. But I actually do have a. I do have a ballot related question for you that is more specific than just who you got. Because it's related to me in my life. I know that. And this isn't. Obviously this would not appear on your ballot, but the representative, state rep for District 46, it's either the incumbent, this guy Jerry Pollard, we're not voting for him. But then there's Ron Davis and Will join Drahar. If I'm saying his name right, and they're both kind of similar, I think I would usually lean towards Ron Davis. He's actually a guy I followed on Blue sky for a long time. But Will Drahar is the guy whose sign was pulled out from the roundabout outside.

[Luke Burbank]

And you've actually talked to him, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I emailed that campaign to try to narc on my neighbor for ripping signs out. This is a habit that my neighbor has. But I sort of thought, well, if I. This is, isn't it a federal offense? Am I just making this up? Am I like just a teenager saying it's a federal offense to mess with my mailbox, bro. But, like, you can't just go messing around with campaign signs. If this old crank wants to pull out, like, slow the flock down signs, I don't have a lot of recourse. But once he started messing with campaign signs, I was like, I got them right where I want them. So I wrote you refused to move forward.

[Luke Burbank]

This is what I don't understand. You're leaving. I feel so much, you know, petty cash on the table with this neighbor guy. For people that don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

You think I should have called the actual cops?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, kind of called 911. He's being. No, that's a joke. He's being such an a hole and he's destroying stuff that is. Again, I made the argument. And for people that have just tuned in for our election coverage and aren't familiar with the show, it's called tbtl. I'm Luke Burbank. That's Andrew Walsh, and my friend and colleague Andrew Walsh has a neighbor across the street who is very, very, very triggered by people putting signs in the roundabout that is there to slow people down as they are driving along the street and they get to an intersection. Signs such as, hey, drive like your kids live here and slow down and be careful. Which I would argue those signs, if we think they do any good at all, those are a safety sort of measure. And him removing them makes the place less safe. So that seems like a problem. Also, like you said, it's some kind of crime to remove campaign signs or to deface them or mess with them. And like this, I would honestly have dropped a dime on this guy a long time ago to the actual, like, legitimate, Whether it's the police, whether it's the city, whether it's the, you know, King county campaign office or something. I would give this guy, I would honestly like, I would love nothing more than to see, like, law enforcement people at his door talking to him just to see what that does to him.

[Andrew Walsh]

I did see him outside talking to a cop the other day. He was like, changing a tire on his car. And I looked out the window, and then I saw that a cop had, I guess, stopped just to chat with him. Maybe because he's fixing the tire on his car, kind of like, you know, he's parallel parked outside of his house. I don't think there was any issue with it, but I just look out. And it was one of the rare times of my life where I felt really bad for a cop because I was like, you're Never getting out of this conversation, my friend, are you are stuck there forever. That's one of my favorite things, because he sells a lot of stuff on, like, I don't know if it's ebay or whatever platform he uses. And because I know this from when we were still on speaking terms, he has all this camping gear. He's always like, offloading or whatever. And I like to see the people pull up and then, you know, kind of get the canteen or whatever it is. And then I just, like, start the timer. Just like, how long before they realize there's no polite way out of this? You have to turn your back on this guy and walk away. Otherwise he will never give. He will never cede the rest of his time to you or the rest of your day.

[Luke Burbank]

So, I mean, there are so many ways we can be messing with this guy, including pretend camping gear. Customers figure out where he's posting and just waste hours and days of his time asking questions about cots.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I see. Doing this online, I was picturing myself just slapping a Bob Odenkirk esque mustache on and just walking across the street and saying, I'm here about the cot. That's the voice I use.

[Luke Burbank]

That's much more brick and mortar than I was thinking.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was just thinking the only change in my appearance, by the way, would be a dark mustache placed over top of my beard. Mustache.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, Kind of a Cesar Romero type situation when he was the Joker and he had a mustache, but then he had white paint over the mustache. What was the story on that? Like he was in some other production and he couldn't shave the mustache.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that only.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll only play this role if you don't make me shave the mustache.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought he just liked the mustache. I'm not joking because there is the much later version of that. The guy who played Superman poorly, right? Cavill. They had to digitally remember Cavill? Is it Henry? Yeah. They had to digitally remove his mustache as Superman because he was playing another role in another movie and he needed the mustache for that. Raises the question, is it easier to take away a mustache or add a mustache in post production? But maybe we'll learn that on today's show. But I'm trying to find.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm on a subreddit about Cesar Romero. In the movie 1966, Cesar Romero refused to shave his trademark mustache. So they just painted over it. So it sounds like. I mean, just based on that headline, maybe when Cesar Romero played the Joker, he famously refused to shave his signature mustache. The makeup crew Simply smeared white clown face paint over it, leaving the facial hair visibly outlined beneath the makeup.

[Andrew Walsh]

He just liked it. I just think he liked his mustache. I don't think it was specifically another project like the Cavill thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it sounds. I think you're right. I mean, it's. I guess his calculation must have been. And I'm looking at his Wikipedia page and he has that mustache. Boy, what a handsome devil. Cesar Romero.

[Andrew Walsh]

See, take away the mustache.

[Luke Burbank]

He must have just thought, look, there's, you know, this is an hour out of my week when I'm playing the joker. It's probably more than that. But then he's like, but there's many other hours of the day where I'm out in Los Angeles, presumably having dinner, wining, dining, romancing, and I want to have this sweet mustache. I'm not going to. Here's my sweet stache. Let's freakin party. I'm not going to shave it, you know, because for this show and then have to have no mustache during the rest of the week.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. His other project was life.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what it was. And he needed his mustache. Here's my sweet stash. Let's freaking party. That makes me want some of those sweet stash gummy bears that I bought from, from the Silicon Valley guy.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Have you gone through all of those?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, I bought those. Like, that was like a year ago now.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I'm taking my, I'm taking my, my gummy game to the next level now, which is I saw some. Remember when we were in Ohio and I kept buying those weird like lifesaver gummies and such.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did buy a bag of those. You gave me a couple.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, two days in a row, actually.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I didn't know you bought two bags of those. Yeah, because I kept trying to get the, the, the white one, which I think is pineapple, but I didn't want to go rummaging through your gummies. You know what I mean? Like, you're a gummy rummager. Well, just your hand. Like, I feel like if it's skittles, you can rummage around a little bit more. But like gummies, like, you want to touch them. All right.

[Luke Burbank]

I was totally unfazed by you gummy rummaging. And I, in fact, I believe, found the white one and gave it to

[Andrew Walsh]

you because you put on my tongue like a priest.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm an absolute mensch. But I've been on this whole, like, nerd gummy cluster fruit lifesaver gummy thing. I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's, you know, maybe it's, you know, perio menopause or something. Perio menopause. But, like, I sort of got. My palette is changing for the kinds of things that I want to eat. Like, I really like gummy sweet treats now. And I also bought. When we were in that gas station one of those mornings, I bought some Welches.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, Welches, like the juice people. They also make gummies.

[Andrew Walsh]

What are they shaped like?

[Luke Burbank]

I think kind of. I mean, I have them in the house. I could bring them out here, but, like, nothing interesting. It's like a little. It's a little. I mean, I think it has. It's probably vaguely supposed to be like a berry of some kind. Like, imagine a little round thing with kind of some bubbly. Bubbly things on top.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not like an apple or like a banana or anything or a little bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was picturing little bottles of juice or something. Because it's welshes.

[Luke Burbank]

No, that would be cool. I did like that when I was a kid. There was. What was that? It was actually sort of terrible. But it was such a great gimmick. It was like the little wax bottles of things that you could bite the top off and they had some sort of liquid inside.

[Andrew Walsh]

I never had one. I saw. There were certain candies like that that I saw. And. Yeah, I don't know if they appealed to me or not, but I just didn't have the opportunity to have them. So you. It was an actual liquid. And then you'd chew the. And was the rest of it wax? Chew the wax.

[Luke Burbank]

Because you were so unsatisfied with the liquid that was inside. It would be like root beer. And the idea was, it's a little wax, tiny root beer bottle. You bite the top off, you drink the root beer, which, again, it's not carbonated. There's not very much of it. And then you're just chewing flavorless wax

[Andrew Walsh]

that I remember because we would have. Also have things like wax lips or something that you could kind of play with, but then you just start chomping on them. Or. If you were just a total degenerate like me, you would. We weren't allowed to chew gum in school. Right. This is all just flooding back to me now, but did you have braces? You did not have braces. Right? That was a thing.

[Luke Burbank]

I had fake braces.

[Andrew Walsh]

You had fake braces? I had real braces.

[Luke Burbank]

I made braces out of a paper clip. And would Wear them around, hoping people would think it was real braces.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, then you probably needed the brace wax even more than I did. But those of us with, like, legit braces would get, like little packets of wax that you could put on the outside of the braces if they were like sort of aggravating your lip. And I don't know if I ever used that stuff properly, but it would. It would come in a little plastic thing and then it was like you could peel it off almost like those, like you can peel those cheese, you know, those cheese sticks apart. I've never eaten them. But you could peel off a piece of wax.

[Luke Burbank]

You ran a cheese stick.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I don't eat cheese that's not melted.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Right. I mean, I know I sometimes I forget what the exact rules are.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Anyway, I would just rip one of those off and just chew it in class and think that, like, hey, I'm beating the system here. I'm not.

[Luke Burbank]

Flavorless wax.

[Andrew Walsh]

Chewing flavorless wax. But it's not gum. What are you gonna do, Ms. Velardo?

[Luke Burbank]

Did that actually work? Did that reduce the. The friction on your. On your teeth from the braces?

[Andrew Walsh]

Don't know if I ever used it properly. I just. I used it recreationally. It was recreational wax.

[Luke Burbank]

Were there your braces? Super uncomfortable. By the way, I found some of these root beer bottles.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

That they used to make these ones look way better than the ones we had as kids. These are like from a new. Some kind of new candy company. That's like trading in nostalgia, by the way, for people that are. Let's see, people that are curious also who heard the show. I'm trying to remember. We're doing some pre recordings, but I don't know if people have seen the chicken tendons.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, there you go.

[Luke Burbank]

That you were talking about. That was yesterday's show, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think so. That we were. I was talking about the expensive chicken on Aurora Avenue.

[Luke Burbank]

Just going through things that are in our media files.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it did. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

TL tv.

[Andrew Walsh]

I had a technical question about that. I wasn't sure if something that I loaded for yesterday's show would appear in today's show studio. So I'm glad to know that we still have quick access to that janky photo of KFC chicken fingers I love.

[Luke Burbank]

And again, I'm just doing this now for TBTL tv. I love that you put the receipt next to it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was mostly for. Yeah, for scale. Because I don't even think you can see. You can see my full credit card number on that, so that's good. And you can see my. Zoom in my. You can see my mom's maiden name. So that's important. But I don't even think you can

[Luke Burbank]

actually see the price, the name of your first pet.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know, but I just was hungry for chicken and I did what they. I did what they said. Do you find. Hey, can I ask you a quick serious question about that? I was. Oh, you know what it was? I was trying to fill out that new payroll system that we were talking about, I think, on yesterday's show.

[Luke Burbank]

Space Jam.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yes, the website. Not unlike spacejump. Spacejump, the worst website of all time. But anyway, it was asking for security questions. And, you know, it's like this long list of security questions that you can choose from. You gotta choose two. But again, it's a really long list. Do you find yourself looking for questions that you haven't given the answer to on TBTL because we talk so much about our lives for so long? Like, I was like, do people know my first pet's name? Probably not. And I'm not. The thing is, I'm not really legitimately worried about getting hacked. I just don't think it's going to happen. But I feel like I should give some thought to it. Like, let's see here. If it says the road that you were your first road that you lived on as a kid, or someone's like, well, I just did a whole show from my hometown, so that's probably out there. Like, literally every question is something that has come up in one of the thousands upon thousands of episodes we've done.

[Luke Burbank]

I'd never even thought about this. This is the beginning of a social engineering attack. No, I always pick the same questions because I don't trust myself to remember my life in any great detail. So I just use the same two questions when it's one of those kinds of things. And. And yes, anyone trying to hack me who listens to the show absolutely could because. Well, no, you know what? Yes, they could.

[Andrew Walsh]

I had one second to like, at least.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, one of them is like, one of them is the name of my elementary school, which is easy peasy. It's Daniel Bagley Elementary School. And then the other is the street I grew up on. That was the one that I thought might be slightly. That one would be a little bit. I haven't been. I haven't been intentionally trying to keep that from people, but it's just not very interesting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I don't think I would Know it, but. So my retention on these things is a little bit rough.

[Luke Burbank]

And there are people out there who are tracking this stuff so much more closely than you and I are. There's somebody who knows that, but. Yeah. It never even occurred to me that those questions, you and I have essentially laid out our lives in such detail on this program over so many hours that there's almost probably none of those questions we could answer that the listeners wouldn't know the answer to.

[Andrew Walsh]

The weird one that I thought was very specific was, what was the name of the kid whose tooth you broke when you threw a NES controller at him? Him?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Peter Williams.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I actually would have gotten that wrong. I'm a terrible hacker. I thought it was James DeMuth.

[Luke Burbank]

James DeMuth was the guy who I traded a Ken Griffey Jr. Autographed rookie card. I sold it to him so I had money to take Addie's mom to the Puyallup Fair.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, sweet.

[Luke Burbank]

Back in the day. And then later, it worked. I. I traded. I mean, it was a slow burn. Seven years later, it really, really did the trick. But then later on, I traded James DeMuth some kind of. I forget actually what it was, but what I got from him was this boombox that had a television built into it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tony had one of those.

[Luke Burbank]

A TV much smaller than this cellular phone that I'm holding up right now. Right. But I've told the story a million times. But, like, I wasn't allowed to have a tv and my parents did not understand there was a TV in this boombox. And so I would just be sitting down in my room, they thought probably listening to Christian music or something. And I would be watching In Living Color. I would be watching Civil Wars. I would be watching NYPD Blue, one of the network shows with the most Sipowitz butt you were ever gonna see.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

To just finish my fruit snack conversation, I got these Welch's zero sugar. I figured if I'm gonna be just like, housing these gummies as my new thing, I should try. You know, I drink the diet sodas and the zero sugar sodas, which I know are probably lousy for me, but whatever.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are they?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know, I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

What is the downside? I really don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, people love. There's nothing. There's nothing more smug than a person who has decided that they're just going to drink full sugar soda. And that.

[Andrew Walsh]

That.

[Luke Burbank]

That you1 drinking the Diet Coke or the Coke Zero. It has aspartament or do you people love and it's happened to me many times. People love saying, you know, that's worse for you. Okay, you save the calories, but the chemicals they put in that, that's worse for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, well, just so the listeners know, we're not taking emails on that topic. Just so you know, Andrew is.

[Luke Burbank]

No, you want to get an email to me, John? Yes, I just send it to Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've changed my name to [e-mail] but

[Luke Burbank]

I got these zero sugar Welch's gummy things at the gas station. And I was like, oh, this is great, because, like, you know, I. I still, like, if I'm putting down an entire bag of, like, nerd gummy clusters, I do, I do feel a little remorseful afterwards. I'm like, wow, that was as many calories as a Big Mac. You know, it was 360 calories or something. So this is the perfect crime. These are zero sugar Welches fruit gummies, and they taste like absolute crap.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, do they? And I wonder if there's a chance of getting used to it, though, because remember, I did the same thing with popsicles sort of accidentally.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I bought popsicle flavors that I thought, I'm like, ooh, why would I get the normal flavors if I can get, like, lime and, I don't know, banana or whatever? And then I brought them home and I realized, oh, I got the special flavors, but they only come in sugar free. And I was like, ew, these popsicles are sugar free. That's right. I was 49 years old and I said, ew, these popsicles are sugar free. And then by the time I got to the end of the box, I didn't remember what real popsicles tasted like anymore. So I just kept buying sugar free popsicles. Now the problem is, the good news

[Luke Burbank]

is I have three bags of these things.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, good. Used to it.

[Luke Burbank]

Then, yeah, I was like, I want one bag of these, but what if I want another bag? And what if they don't sell these? And what if I can never find them again? So I bought all of the bags, which was three they had at this gas station, and then I took one bite of the first one. I was like, these are garbage.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let me ask you this in all seriousness, and this is not a shame based question at all. I mean, in a certain way, all of my questions are shame based. But like, what is your. When you say you finish a bag, you don't feel great? Like, do you finish a bag in 15 minutes or throughout the course of a day? You're Taking one here and there.

[Luke Burbank]

It depends on the time of day. If it's at night and I get. This is something that has happened to me again. Changing bodies, changing times. Like, I was never a snacker and I was never a sweet treat guy. And I have become a sweet treat guy and a little bit of a snacker. So if it's, let's say 9pm and it's almost time for bed, but I really want a little sweet treat. If I break out the gummy nerds at that point, that whole bag's going down.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm also. If I were to have like maybe a couple in the middle of the day, I wouldn't eat the whole bag. It's a kind of a. It's like when the sun goes down.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I make worse decisions. Oh, I know.

[Luke Burbank]

But, but, but yeah, in the day, I don't really like. It's not. The sweet treat is very, it's very time dependent for me. It's very much a. Like the. I want to treat myself to something. The day is over. Also, again, the. I think drinking a lot less has like, I kind of want to reward myself with something.

[Andrew Walsh]

And there's less sugar intake, right?

[Luke Burbank]

It is. But also, people say, I mean, I'm not sober, obviously, but people do say that. When?

[Andrew Walsh]

Right now.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I'm not sober.

[Andrew Walsh]

Obvious.

[Luke Burbank]

Did I mention that the nerd gummy clusters are doused in thc? You've always been a dragon, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no, absolutely. You're just fine.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm glad that the listeners can finally see it because of TBTL tv.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. Another law enforcement conference, by the way. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. That's right. It's literally a law enforcement conference.

[Luke Burbank]

What a scene. They're all over the place with Michael Jeter up there giving a speech about Reefer Madness.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, who's Michael Jeter?

[Luke Burbank]

I think his name was Michael Jeter. Right?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. We're both going to our.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, Michael Jeter. He is the actor who. I mean, he was in a bunch of stuff. You know him from Air Bud, obviously.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've never seen Air Bud. I do recognize his face though. He's like a. He's a. Like. Well, I guess probably in his prime. He was like this middle aged white guy with male pattern baldness and a mustache. Like kind of a blonde mustache. Blonde reddish mustache and glasses.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And he is at that law enforcement conference. He's giving this speech about the effects of marijuana on people as Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro are like sitting there, you know, completely out of their minds. I'm actually going to play you a little bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, good, you got it there. Good.

[Luke Burbank]

Welcome to the third National DH Convention

[Andrew Walsh]

on Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.

[Luke Burbank]

And now, without further ado, the man who will define this cancer eating at the heart of America, Dr. L. Ron Bumquist. L. Ron. L. Ron Bumquist. What a name. God, this movie is so good, dude. I didn't believe they were real like this, man. Not hundreds of them.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're actually pretty nice people once you

[Luke Burbank]

get to know all of them. I don't know these people like godamn blood. Don't say that word around here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get them excited. The most efficient way for us.

[Luke Burbank]

Here we go.

[Andrew Walsh]

For each one of us to try and attempt to imagine what it is like inside of the possessed mind of the. For example, a dope fiend refers to the reefer butt as a roach because

[Luke Burbank]

it resembles a cockroach.

[Andrew Walsh]

What the these people are talking about?

[Luke Burbank]

Goddamn. I forgot how much of this scene is actually just Benio Del Toro not liking it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I'm just. I was actually. Because I had. I did not remember the details of that scene. And I was thinking like, is that why they call it a roach? I don't think that's why they call it a roach.

[Luke Burbank]

I think almost everything Del Toro has my back. Yes. He's up there with his just crazy hair and he's just like. He's smoking a cigarette and just like making stuff up. But yes. A law enforcement conference.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. So did I cut you off a fifth time about the gummy situation or did we get.

[Luke Burbank]

No, that was the end of it. I will at night, if I'm in the mood, I will eat an entire. It's. What's now had to happen is Becca is now making me slightly healthier sweet treats. This is what I was doing for a while. I was fully getting out a jar of peanut butter and a chocolate bar that I didn't even like. I bought these chocolate bars called. And the name is insane. I saw them on the Internet. They're supposed to be high protein and I guess a little bit lower cal. But they're called like Horumbles chocolates and they are as horrible as the name would indicate.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

They taste horrible? Yes. And because I bought them off of the Internet, I had to buy like a whole box of them kind of like. And yeah, they taste very weird to me. But anyway, I needed to get through them. And what I was doing was getting out a Horumble chocolate bar. And just putting peanut butter on it and just eating it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like in a commercial where they haven't

[Luke Burbank]

invented peanut butter cups yet.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly. You got your peanut butter on my chocolate.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm seriously. I've been like standing in my kitchen doing that at 9:20 at night.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Looking at tick, like flicking tick tock with one hand and eating a proto peanut butter cup with the other. And Becca makes these incredible. It's chocolate and some kind of peanut butter thing. But it's like, I don't know how she does it, but they're just like, the peanut butter is a little bit better for you than average. And the chocolate is somehow not as sweet, but it's still really yummy. It's a lot better than eating a Reese's peanut butter cup for you. But she just made me a giant batch of them. So now I will also stand over the sink eating those and drinking milk. The other thing about my sweet treat fixation is it has me buying milk again. Because if I'm eating something that's chocolatey or peanut buttery or, you know, a pastry of any kind, anything sweet like that, a cookie, I got to have some milk with it.

[Andrew Walsh]

What about. I was actually going to ask you that because whenever I talk about eating like cookies or brownies or whatever we happen to have in the house, which is usually we don't have a lot of that stuff in the house because I don't trust myself late at night. But like, for example, Genevieve bought some of the. I don't even think she knows this. Right. Right. Yet. But she bought like a little box of those or one of those plastic containers from the bakery section of like mini cupcakes sort of, you know, they're only this big. You don't have to peel them or anything. There's like, maybe they come with like 20 in a box or whatever. Let's tell Genevieve that they only come about five in a box. Because I did some damage last night. Right. As I was passing through popping those

[Luke Burbank]

things like Tic Tacs.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh my God. Like pills. But I do not drink milk. And so like, for me, in that kind of case. And also I'm sort of. I'm not proud of this. But in the case, in the situations where I'm doing that, I'm sort of like, kind of just shame eating them. And so like, I'm not like, I'm not like putting some on a plate and then pouring myself a glass of milk and then sitting in front of a television or something. I'm like, what you Said like I'm standing in the kitchen at the counter. The only light is the dome light over the stoves because I think that God can't see me that way. But anyway. And so I'm probably just drinking water. I always have some sort of a water bottle around with ice water in it. And that's fine for me. Now when you're, you're. You really like to lock in on the milk when you're eating a cookie or something. But when you're sitting down tonight and you're gonna turn on Hard Knocks and you're gonna open up a bag of gummies, I'm talking about just sugar treats here. And you're gonna start eating those. Is that a milk situation or is that a water situation? Is it a sparkling water? Sparkling water.

[Luke Burbank]

Sparkling water situation and not soda because it's too much flavor.

[Andrew Walsh]

So like.

[Luke Burbank]

Cause the gummies are very flavorful or the nerds or whatever. And so I've gotta chase that with something liquid. But it can't be like, like They've got a Dr. Pepper. Zero. Nothing like that. There's too many flavors going on. I want water, but I don't just want some flat water like you drink some lame water. I want something bubbly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Poor man's water, as you call it. I don't know why you call it that, sir.

[Luke Burbank]

Would you like water, poor man's water or carbonated? But yeah, no, that will be a bubble water situation. As I'm polishing off a bag of nerd gummy clusters and watching Hard Knocks, I already think I know the answer. This, which is, are you. Are you unlikely to follow the Seahawks? Hard Knocks, HBO experience? Are you going to watch it?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm likely, I'm very likely to at least watch the first episode. The verb, follow through me there. Because if I know myself, I bet you. I mean, there is not a long season, right? Was it a six episode arc? Eight maybe. Tops. Tops, Right. It's pretty short season, I think. But I'm definitely interested. I don't know. I would like to. Yeah, I might watch it tonight. It's weird that they're not dropping until 9pm West coast, like when you know that they're dropping at 9pm East coast as well. Like why in this day and age is HBO still playing these games? But I don't know if I'll watch it tonight.

[Luke Burbank]

It's practically my bedtime.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's getting a little bit late. Right. But maybe, But I'm interested in definitely, like just seeing. Yeah, I'm interested in seeing The Seahawks, definitely. Also, I'm kind of like, you know, I'm not a super hardcore fan anymore. And so, you know, I watched as many football games last season as possible, but I wasn't like, there for every single one. And because of that, I don't really know the players the way I did back in the super bowl run of 2014s or the mid 20.

[Luke Burbank]

Marshawn lynch was still there.

[Andrew Walsh]

He is still there. Good.

[Luke Burbank]

They don't put him in a lot, but they don't let him roam the sidelines.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like they should put him in more.

[Luke Burbank]

Chucking Skittles at people.

[Andrew Walsh]

But anyway, no. So actually it'll be kind of. With the exception of Barner and a couple of the guys who, like, really stand out, I don't really know a lot of the personalities or the people. So I'm actually just sort of interested in it almost as a little bit of a primer to like, sort of put a little personality to these names I hear about all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

They dropped a little preview clip of it that was quite compelling. And it's the coach. Mike McDonald is like, sitting at his little desk at the VMAC and Nick Iman Warri, who is like a really, really good defensive player for the Seahawks who's got some sort of injury. He's on a scooter and he's asking Mike McDonald. He's like. He goes, I want to go out on the field, but I don't want to the public to see me on this scooter. What should I do? And Mike McDonald gives him kind of a coachy answer. He kind of goes, well, you just do whatever you need to do to get better the fast, as fast as you can. So he's like, if that's go home and sleep, that's what it is. If that's go hang out with your teammates, that's what it is. And basically he says, like, what people think about you doesn't matter. And then he goes on to point out that he's got this little, like, printout or something Mike McDonald does in his office that's like the. The former NFL coach and now commentator Rex Ryan saying that Mike McDonald is a bad coach or something like a long time ago, like this coordinator sucks or whatever. And he's like. And he's like, and now that guy thinks we're the greatest. And I thought. And Mike McDonald's like, you know, I used to care what people said about me, but now I don't. I'm like, well, you kind of care yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

You still have printed out a thing Rex Ryan said.

[Luke Burbank]

It's in your office.

[Andrew Walsh]

That would be.

[Luke Burbank]

That would, to me, indicate a lot of caring.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Also, let me say this.

[Luke Burbank]

You could care less.

[Andrew Walsh]

You literally.

[Luke Burbank]

And I say that advisedly.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, I. So first of all, I thought it would be funny if the coach just, like, turns. Broke the fourth wall and turned to the camera and said to Imawari, like, well, I think they're going to see you on the scooter. Like, there's a camera right here. But that goes to my point of him. Like, I'm also interested in seeing if this series can make me like Mike McDonald, because for a coach who obviously, so good for our team and just such a good coach and does the right things that a coach needs to do, I find him so deeply and almost irritatingly uninteresting. And how can somebody be irritatingly uninteresting? I'm not sure. But he is. When I. Because I hear his little hits on the Brock and Salk show, I'm sure they call, like, the coach's Corner the Mike McDonald show or something like that. And like. Like, he just. Again, he says everything. He says everything that a coach should say. Like, he just is, like, kind of down the middle, like, whatever. And that's fine. That's what the coach should do. But, like, also, I don't need to be hearing from that coach then just let the players hear from that coach. Like, I just find him to be. I would hate to have to have dinner with him for some reason and not for any, like, toxic reason.

[Luke Burbank]

There are, like, you can count on one hand and maybe one finger the number of NFL coaches who are actually remotely interesting people outside of the question of football.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And speaking of Mike's. I think it's Mike McDaniel Daniel, who's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now. He's not the head coach.

[Luke Burbank]

Jim Harbaugh's assistant coach, I think, for the Chargers, maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

He is a fascinating character, but he is one of one, because the rest of these.

[Andrew Walsh]

Carroll was. I think I was spoiled by Pete Carroll for so long.

[Luke Burbank]

I found Pete Carroll deeply annoying, as I always talked about.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, he was kind of annoying, but he definitely was a character. Like, you didn't like. I mean, he was a character, but

[Luke Burbank]

to me, he just. Nothing he ever said. If you took everything he said and you put it into a big Tupperware thing and you put it on a scale, it would weigh nothing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

To quote LeBatard, the words mean nothing.

[Andrew Walsh]

But, like, what the coaches Tell the media never means anything. They're always just sort of like just saying the same cliches, whatever. But he said it with a certain vigor or just a recklessness that really. It made for better. And again, the job of a coach is not to entertain me on a Monday morning recap segment on the Brock and Salk Show. That is not the. That is not the priority of a coach. But from a listening standpoint, I would take Pete Carroll any day over Mike McDonald's.

[Luke Burbank]

There was this other. By the way, I've texted my buddy Steve, who's the sound guy working on Hard Knocks, and I've asked him, what's it like working with Mike McDonald? So maybe we'll get an update by, like, tomorrow's show from the inside to find out what he's really like. Another thing, apparently, is that Mike McDonald is. This actually is kind of charming. He describes himself as the most awkward person in the room, typically. And there were some other. I don't know if this is a clip. I read a description of this, but they were talking to some other players, I think Seahawk players, who said, yeah, he's really awkward. He'll just come into, like, a coaches meeting, you know, with like, a particular part of the team. Let's say it's the receivers meeting. He'll just come and then he'll just stand around and be weird, and then he'll go, like, is it awkward in here? And we'll go, yeah, because you're making it awkward.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's really interesting that. See, that's what I'm saying. Like, I actually hope that this show does introduce me to another side of him. Like, if he's actually. If. I mean, one of the reasons. One thing I noticed. I'm getting too deep on this, but I guess. I guess we're talking about Hard Knocks, and so this is where it's going to lead. But the one thing I noticed about him doing these regular hits on the local sports radio station every Monday or whatever, this is something that. This is an agreement between the radio station and the team, and they were doing it with the previous coach, Pete Carroll, and it's kind of a pretty standard type of thing in this kind of media. And one thing I noticed is when Mike McDonald started doing it, he always started bringing somebody else from the team with him. Like the. Oh, brought the strength trainer with me today. Or it feels like it's always the strength trainer, but it's always. But you know what I mean? Like, somebody who's just like, if I'm not interested in hearing what the head coach has to say. I'm certainly not interested in hearing what this person has to say, like the day after a win or a loss. But I think that that maybe does play into it. Like, he's knowing that there's just a little bit of insecurity there and it's not just like pure, just like muscle head kind of bro iness. I do find that interesting, and maybe that'll be my journey with Hard Knocks.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, he seems like a pretty mild mannered dude as opposed to like a Sean McVeigh. I actually found Sean McVeigh quite humanizing when they did a Hard Knocks Rams because he was, I think, feeling insecure about his bald spot, which he had never noticed until he started seeing it on Hard Knocks. And I believe he talked about it. And I was like, all right, don't make me like Sean McVeigh. Those are our sworn rivals. But I was like, okay, I can kind of identify with that sort of insecurity.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here's what I want you to do. I don't assume that you'll be drinking on a Tuesday night during Hard Knocks when you should be in bed, but

[Luke Burbank]

I will be drinking five root beer

[Andrew Walsh]

wax bottles every time he says, let's rock or let's rock and roll. This is Mike McDonald. Then you got to eat one of your gummies. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Oh, that's. You know what? That's great. I'll probably get the whole. Finish the whole bag.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right, you will.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you feel. Is that a thing that you know him to say, or does it just sound like the kind of thing he would say?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that's like his thing, the way, like, Russell Wilson would be like, go Hawks or whatever. Like, I just feel like he's always saying, let's rock, let's rock and roll. And like, I think that, you know, I have a bias against that, and it's just like, it just irritates me.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you've long said there's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll.

[Andrew Walsh]

I. I have said that in, in song.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm. I'm glad that you're at least up for watching part of it because again, I think it's. I think it'll be kind of. It's getting me a little. A little hyped, a little excited.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, me too.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a. It's a weird not to turn this into a no point, but it's, It's. It's very odd to be in the position of having won the super bowl and being considered not even in the top 10 best teams in the NFL. I know, like, you know, not to get all. I don't know, chip on our shoulder about it, because it's very fun to win the super bowl, and that's awesome. I'm glad we did it. But, like, Like, I guess I understand us and maybe not being the prohibitive favorite because you've got the Rams and stuff, but, like, we didn't lose anybody significant. We have the whole team back that won the super bowl. And, like, it's strange. I'm hoping that that leads. You know, I hope that that. That sort of puts a little. A little gas in the engine for us, I guess.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It just sort of seems like, again, the little bits and pieces I hear during baseball season, I actually sort of resent football coverage. I mean, now we're getting pretty close to. I mean, training camp has already begun. Obviously, they're deep into training camp. So we're getting. We're getting pretty close to actual football season now. So it doesn't really bother me necessarily, but leading up to, like, this time of year, like in June or whatever, when they're talking about, you know, football stuff on the radio, I get kind of irritated by it, but I don't remember I started that sentence with a point and I.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, just the fact that we're. That. That. That in the national media, nobody is even talking about the stocks a little bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's just rants, like a good team. Y. Yeah. It's just that they're. They're ready to just crown the Rams. It's very weird.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, it's like, hello, human fly here. Hello, super bowl champs here. Like, you don't think we're going to win it, but when you're talking about teams that could win it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like we should be in the conversation, but having just won it with a. By the way, Sam Darnold, our quarterback, is freakishly young for being. For having been around the league for what feels like 10 years.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And having mono.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. I didn't realize that he's young. I always think of him as. As. Yeah. Being like this sort of journeyman this. And so I. And thus, I think of him as older than he is, but he's actually

[Luke Burbank]

younger than I was, 29 years old. Okay. He's not freakishly young, but he's. He's the same age as. I can't. I saw this graphic the other day. There are a number of other quarterbacks oh, like Joe Burrow or like he's. He's as young as other quarterbacks that are seen as being kind of relatively young and just entering their prime college.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really. I want to play a game with you. Just out of curiosity, do you think Lamar Jackson is older or younger than that?

[Luke Burbank]

Do I think Lamar Jackson is older or younger than 29? I think he's younger. I think he's 28.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's actually 29 too. And for some reason that surprises me, but I don't know why.

[Luke Burbank]

Because he feels like he's been in the league for a million years in a certain way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, I. I guess I looked him up first because I just try to think of, like, who's a very, like, relev. Interesting quarterback. Right. And so I do think of him as being very relevant and interesting, but also. And so maybe I was expecting him to be younger, but then as I thought about it, it's like, God, we've been talking about Lamar Jackson for a long time, so I don't even really know.

[Luke Burbank]

We've been talking about Jackson ever since the fire went out.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a song lyric.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a song lyric. That's a Johnny Cash song. Oh, we've been talking about Jackson ever since the fire went out. I'm going to Jackson. Oh, you turn a loose of my coat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm going to Jackson. Goodbye. That's. She wrote. Yeah. So maybe tomorrow we'll have a little. I'm also just looking forward to some real amazing Vos from Hard Knocks. What are they gonna say about Renton?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's a really. Oh, that's a really good point. Well, yeah, I will try to watch tonight. Like I say nine o'. Clock. I'm not, like, going to bed at nine o', clock, but I could definitely see waking up too. I can see myself deep into some sort of project where I don't want to, like, stop and think about football, but. So I'll try to if. Are you definitely. You're, like, committed to watch. Watching it tonight?

[Luke Burbank]

I think I'm pretty excited about it. I'm going to be. I think I'll just be getting home at 9 because I'm. You know what I'm going to this evening in Portland is a fundraiser for Coach Ben's. I'm still unclear on it. Cousin who's running for Congress out of Montana, Sam Forstag.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, right. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a fundraiser for him in Portland. I guess they're coming over to get that. That sweet, sweet Portland Moolah. To help fund the. Of course. It was one of those things where Becca was like, oh, we should go to this fundraiser for him. And I was like, yeah, that's gonna cost money. She goes, no, it's free. I go, it's not gonna be free.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's not how fundraisers work.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a hundred dollars a person to find out where it is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow. Are they doing like.

[Luke Burbank]

And then I paid it and it's at a community center. It's like, come on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, that's interesting. Is it. Was they. They built in some sort of intrigue? Sort of. So it'd be like almost speakeasy esque. Was that the idea?

[Luke Burbank]

I think they didn't want people just showing up who didn't pay. It was like, so you had to buy your ticket. And then upon buy. And usually, in my experience, these kinds of things are usually at someone's very nice home, yet someone's house that can hold a couple of hundred people. And I was like, okay, cool. We're gonna go to. We'll go to Lake Oswego, which is a very fancy neighborhood. We'll go to some fancy person's house. I'll steal some deviled eggs. I mean, by steal, I mean, yeah, I'll steal some deviled eggs. And then when it's time for them to ask for money, we will yoink out the back door. But no, had to buy the tickets up front. And then they just told us it's at a community center, which felt like a real letdown.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And also. And there will be more opportunities to help fund the campaign when you're there. Right. I assume, like there's built in. Is it a Act Blue?

[Luke Burbank]

Do you know what Act Blue is?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, yes.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like a. I mean, that is. Listen, I mean, the Democrats are unfortunately at the national level, are very underfunded right now. And you know, obviously there's a way in which donating to the right people and causes can move the needle. So I'm not dissuading people from doing that, but man, ActBlue is like. Is such.

[Andrew Walsh]

It is.

[Luke Burbank]

The sales pitch is so harsh. Like, you know, Becca's mom, who's a Democrat, you know, I don't want to say made the mistake, but you know, she gets those texts. She gets those frantic texts from Act Blue that are like, you are going to make the difference of preserving reproductive rights in Alabama. Again, sort of partially true, but like, very scary for an 81 year old progressive woman to get as a text on her phone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Having all that pressure suddenly put on her. And while she's.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, she is the person responsible to preserve reproductive rights in Alabama.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

So what does she do? She supports them. And what is her Reward for that? 100 more texts from ActBlue.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And then. So that's who's running this. And so after I buy these tickets, which, again, I'm happy to support Sam Forstag, and I would like him to win in Montana, and I'm happy to, you know, help coach Ben's general family structure, but after we buy the tickets. After I buy the tickets, it's then, do you want to tip? Do you want to tip? Act blue. Literally, it was like an iPad screen where they're like, do you want to tip us? And I was like, like, tip you for what? And who. What.

[Andrew Walsh]

What service have you. What service have you provided me $200

[Luke Burbank]

to stand around in a conference room in lo.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, tell me if this matches your experience. So, like I mentioned, of course, and no joking, today is, you know, primary day here, and I have gotten so many text messages. Not fundraising text messages, just text messages from all kinds of campaigns regarding, you know, specific to what's on my ballot. And I've never had that before. I've gotten, like, one or two in the past, but then suddenly, this year, the floodgates open. I probably get, I don't know, five a day from somebody saying, hey, you know, I'm running for this or I'm running for that. Did you see a significant uptick this year?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I'm not getting any of that down here. I'm getting random things from the Democratic Party, like the. You know, and, like, again, appeals for money, but it doesn't seem to be, like, it's not attached to a specific candidate that I can tell, or candidates in, like, my area who need my support.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wonder if my. My number got caught in a updraft or something. I can't figure out why there's such a huge change cycle over cycle for me.

[Luke Burbank]

You'd think they'd really. I mean, you are. No offense, but you being a generally progressive voter in Seattle, you're a dime a dozen, my friend. But me, out here in Red America, you'd think that the Dems out here would be, like, I don't know, power, like, war dialing me. Because there's, like, five of us.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, this is a primary, though, so it's like, kind of, you know, it's a bunch of progressives, you know, like, specifically that. That Delhar campaign or however you say it. That I'm talking about, like, that is one that I literally am. Like, I will not.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you gonna vote for him because of the sign?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that. That was my question. I literally. I think I might, because, like, I'm on the razor's edge with these two candidates. Like, one of them was Delhar, I believe. And again, I. I'm. Oh, first of all, it's Drehar, not Delhar. If I. I'm gonna write in, Delhar just has a certain vibe to it. But I know that Drehar actually was a prosecutor, but somebody who also prosecuted the January 6th or January 5th, as you like to say, rioters. Also, you know, like, I think was a Supreme Court clerk and stuff. Anyway, like, I spelled the last name D R E H E R. Will Drahar. Will Dreher, if I'm. If I'm saying that correctly, which, again, I do not know. And then Ron Davis is just like, you're straight up Seattle pro density, urbanist. Like, they're both pretty pro density, pro urbanist. And I think that maybe Ron Davis would usually be where I would probably vote. But it's. Honestly, I'm sort of leaning towards Drayhar because I had to replace his sign so many times because my a hole neighbor ripped it up. And I was mostly doing it because I was mad at my neighbor and I wanted to annoy him, so I kept putting it back. It wasn't out of any kind of loyalty to the Draehar campaign, but now I do. I'm not even joking. I feel sort of a bond. I feel like I need to. I feel like I need to vote for him.

[Luke Burbank]

That's retail politics for you.

[Andrew Walsh]

It really is.

[Luke Burbank]

Also, he's endorsed by the Stranger. Although, did you see this? I saw this pop up on my tick tock that, like, there's a. There's. The people that used to do the Stranger voting guide now are doing their own one because they think that the. The actual Stranger voting guide has been corrupted or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. That's been going on for a while because they ousted the editor there, and there's a lot of mistrust around the. Which is a real bummer for me because I always trusted the Stranger editorial board. I was. I would always check out their cheat sheet. I wasn't totally in lockstep with them, but I was mostly in lockstep with them. And then I would sort of, like, read some other. I mean, really. The thing is, if the Seattle Times endorses somebody, just go the other way. Like that's one. But, but unfortunately the, in this race that I'm talking about, the Times endorsed the, the more like centrist polit guy. So I'm definitely not going for him. But yeah, there's some other cheat sheets out there that I'm going to be. Well, yeah. Who are you voting for? Want to tell me about your ballot again?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm voting for. I'm voting for the centrist right down the line. That's, that's my party.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

I have been like saying this thing a bunch in our little meetings and stuff about like the clips are the show, which is. I see so many clips of podcasts on, on like TikTok and stuff. And my thought about like when we put a clip of TBTL up on the Internet, John put something on Instagram or whatever, it's like, oh well, people will watch that clip and then they'll go, maybe find out what TBTL is like an advertisement for the show. But what I've increasingly figured out, at least as, as far as for me what it is, is it's just now a show of 30 second clips of Stavros Halkness being funny with his friends. And I never even go find the real show. I just watch it and that's how I appreciate the content. But I'm having the opposite problem with this thing called Portcast. Did you ever hear about something called the Ron and Fez Show a million years ago? It was kind of at the time when I was also really into the Don and Mike show. There was a couple of. This was back when there were still a couple of national like FM talk shows that were kind of being, you know, being simulcasted across the country out of like wjfk. That's where the Don and Mike show was coming from. But it played in Seattle and then there was this Ron and Fez show that was out of New York or something, but it would also play in Seattle. And I, I thought it was pretty entertaining. One of the guys from that show named Ron Bennington, he has been diagnosed with I think fairly serious cancer that I don't know if it's considered curable or not. Well, they're giving him chemo. And this is what the show is. It's called the Portcast. Because what he's doing is he's having his comedian friends who are great. It's like Dave Attell. It's like all these comedians that I really like, they just hang out with him while he's getting his chemo wow. And they just like talk and joke and it's the clips that I see of it, it's so funny and it's so like, it's. I mean, it's a very compelling backdrop for one of these shows. It's. It's literally like Subway takes in that they're holding. It's got the thing where the microphone is taped to a little. It's not a subway card, obviously. I don't know what it is, if it's his hospital ID or something, but they're literally kind of doing that. But it is while he is hooked up to his chemo port. And every clip that I see of it, I just find it totally intriguing. Again, the stakes are very high. This is a person who's going through something intense. He's really funny. He has a lot of really funny friends. The thing is, it's not a podcast. It's just like, it's just 20 second clips of this, I guess. And I've been Googling like Portcast once a week for the last, like, I don't know, month, trying to figure out when are they gonna actually make this a show that I can listen to. And there's reddits going, is this a show? And the answer is no. It's just, I guess I get to see Dave Attell make a funny joke and that's the show. And there's not enough of it for me. It's like, I don't want the clips to be the show. I want the show to be the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's interesting, like your expectation, because there's. I was unfamiliar with this until you just told me about it a second ago. But it's interesting that like, like your expectation is different for this because it's kind of conversational, I think, because I. You and I follow all kinds of people on TikTok that only do TikToks. Right. Like that do short form. Now, whether that's somebody actually sort of like doing. Yes, exactly. Whether it's that somebody just like talking into their phone and trying out a comedy bit, or somebody actually like trying to do like a. Some sort of sketch comedy or whatever. But there's something about this format that is more conversational. So it feels to you like there needs to be or should be a longer podcast behind it. Right. It sets a different expectation.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I mean, I guess I just think I would be really interested to hear the. Yeah. The longer form version of this. I want to hear how this guy's processing, you know, what he's going through. I want to hear kind of like how much of it is comedic and how much of it is kind of heartfelt because of. Again, these are friends of his were coming. There's a comedian named Ian. I don't know how to say his last name if it's f Dance or Fi Dance. But he. He shows up. It's him. I think it's him and Davitel. And Ian has. He's like, I didn't know what to bring. So he brings him like two edible arrangements and then brings him, like, from Smith and Wolinsky's like a big lobster and some other stuff, like a cooked lobster, I think, like a steamed lobster. He never. He's just got this Smith and Wolinsky's bag. And it's clear that, like, Ron Bennington can't eat, like, anything, right? Like, there's a lot of stuff he can't eat. So then you can see that Ian Fadanza is kind of like, damn, I spent like a hundred bucks on this lobster. Can I take the lobster home? Like, no one's gonna eat the lobster. So you could see that he kind of like. And it's something else. It was like a lobster and some. Some other high end. I don't know, it was caviar or whatever. And you could see the wheels spinning of like, I kind of bought this for a bit, but now no one's gonna eat it. But I don't wanna waste the money on it. Can I take it home? I feel like there's a lot of interesting things being raised in the podcast that I'm not getting the full fleshed out kind of version of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I don't know. This is all new to me. I am. I'm on the same Reddit thread that you were on. It said that somebody says that somebody's working on the full episode.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know. But, I mean, that's some rando on Reddit. Like, who knows? I'm new to this world, so I don't know, maybe there'll. In the. In the future, but.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I hope so. I hope so. It's rare. I mean, I. Boy, I gotta tell you, I was thinking of you the other day because I. I feel like for all the podcasts, there are. And there are so many. So, so many. I feel like the other day I hit the wall. I was like, all right. What it was was I didn't feel like I had any of my podcasts to listen to. I'd burned through all of them because it's like Chris's show, Ezra Klein, Pod Save America, the, the, the political, the opinions, whatever in the New York Times and like a couple of other. And I felt others, I felt like I'd listen all of them and what I thought was like, you know what I haven't listened to in like a year plus this American Life.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like, all excited because I was like, you know, that's going to be like, they do a new episode or rerun a new episode of rerun. I was like, oh, this is great. I'm. I'm going to have so many of this American Lifes I can listen to. And I scrolled through an entire year of them and none of it sounded interesting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, really? Just by description, based on the description, it's kind of like, think about that all the time.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I don't.

[Andrew Walsh]

All the podcasts that I do this with you and ATM with Genevieve and what have you. Like, I always write, or I guess Genevieve writes the descriptions for after these messages. But sometimes we'll be like, oh, this show was more popular than another show. And you just cannot figure out why was one show more popular than another. And I think there's no way it's based on the description. Right. People are just hitting play on these things. But I mean, I guess there is something to be said for making your description more intriguing. I mean, I always try to. I'm not phoning it in, but.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, this is the problem. And I hate myself for saying this, but I, you know, I said it off air to Becca, so I'm responsible to you and listeners to say it on air here and on TBTL tv, which is. It has gotten. The show has become very political and not just political, but like, very much, you know, covering these are real and important issues, but, like, you know, some. And this, again, I. I don't even like saying this out loud because I don't know if I like the person that this makes me, but it's like, stay in your lane, this American Life. No, it's like, you know, there were just. Their stories were so joyful and so kind of like there were just so many stories that were unexpected and kind of quirky and odd. And I think of things like the Fiasco show about the production of Peter Pan that goes wildly off the rails that Jack Hitt did, or the couple of cops who show up to try to get a squirrel out of someone's house, and the squirrel runs into the fireplace, catches on fire and then catches the couch on fire. Like, you know, there was a Certain, in a way, lightness to the show. And it was sort of meaningless, but in its meaninglessness, it kind of meant a lot, you know, about the human experience. And I think that they at some point decided that, look, our mission, we have this huge megaphone. And I don't fault them for this, but we have this huge megaphone. And if we just keep talking about lousy productions of Peter Pan, we're not really doing all that we can. And so it's. You know, it's like stories are mostly about ice or about what's going on in Gaza. And, like, these are important topics. But it's just like when I'm about to go on a jog and I. I kind of want to hear about a squirrel catching on fire. I'm just scrolling. I'm, like, looking for an episode that's gonna scratch that itch for me with this American Life. And they don't have any. That's not what they do anymore.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I think that's totally fair because clearly your setup for this makes it very clear that you're not, like, only looking for escapism. You're not, like, avoiding anything of substance or that it plugs you into the real world. But then when you are in the mood for something that is escapism. And, you know, like, I think of the ultimate this American Life, like the summer camp episode. And I mean, we're so old. This is, like, more than that episode. Must be more than 20 years old now. Right? But I still think of that as, like, peak this American Life, where they're just like, okay, this whole episode, we're all just. I'm gonna go to. I can't remember who the. Is it. Is it Julie who takes the microphone and goes to the girls camp for a week, and Ira goes to the boys camp for a week. And then they intersperse it with, like, people's stories of summer camp when they were kids or whatever. Like, you know, the usual authors and essayists or whatever. And it was just this montage of, like, you said, a lot of joyfulness. And then every now and then, I mean, we'll certainly would hit you in the feels on some stuff, but then also would maybe do an episode that is more based on something that's going on, maybe in the headlines or the news, but then move on. It was just always a good pasty or like a potpourri is maybe the word I'm looking for of things. That's what I loved about it. It truly was maybe like a literary magazine where. Yeah, you open up a Harper's, you're gonna get some laughs. You're gonna have to think about some serious things or whatever. And I'm with you. I understand what you said, too, about the producers saying, hey, listen, and we're living in an incredibly important time, and we have this incredibly, I guess, effective megaphone, to use your words, way of reaching people right now. We're not in a place where we just want to go back and do burning Squirrel stories or whatever, which, by the way, do you know my conspiracy theory on that? We talked about it. We talked about this years ago. I don't even know if I was

[Luke Burbank]

a regular on the show Squirrel Story.

[Andrew Walsh]

So you mentioned that episode fiasco. And that Squirrel story was included on a this American Life greatest hit cd. That was a, I think, like a thank you gift for, you know, stations to give away for donating, like, again 20 years ago. And the name. I don't know if you can look this up on the fly, but I actually probably can reach almost to my CD case and grab it off of there. But this CD was called Something Fiascos and something. And it included the squirrel story and the cops trying to catch this squirrel in a house and catching everything on fire. And it is described. This is a conspiracy that goes back to the 90s for me, early 2000s.

[Luke Burbank]

Lies, sissies and fiascos.

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe that is the CD. And if you read the back of it, I don't know if you have access to that. It refers to the Squirrel story as a fable. And I've always thought that that might have been like. And if they're calling it a fable themselves because they were playing around with the genre. I thought that because it's. That story is presented in, like, kind of a first person, almost interview sort of style format by one of the cops involved. Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Mm.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you seeing.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm looking. So I'm. I'm looking at. Well, you know what's interesting is I'm looking at Lies, Sissies and Fiascos, the best of this American Life. And I don't see.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it not on there.

[Luke Burbank]

Squirrel Story on here? The Fiasco reference is the jackass hit Peter Pan story. Okay, You've got David Sedaris, you've got old dishwasher Pete. You got Sandra Singh Low.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

God, what a blast from the past. We love her. You got some Scott Carrier. You've got your David Rack off. But at least I'm just looking at the Wikipedia listing for this. I'm not seeing that one. But that would be. Well, that would really break my heart if that was, if that, if that was. If that was a fable, if somebody invented that story and made it up, that would really rock my world.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, listen to this. I need to backtrack and beep, beep, beep. I need to issue an apology because I swear that came from that cd. But I'm looking at the actual website for this episode which aired. Oh, I see. It aired in 2020, I guess as probably a rerun or something. But it says in this description a true story. It says squirrel Cop. The first day on the job inevitably means mistakes, mishaps, and sometimes fiascos. A true story. A true story told by a former rookie cop. And it's 13 minutes long. So maybe I'm just totally wrong about that.

[Luke Burbank]

You really scared me there, sir.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is there any chance. Only because I'm kind of curious as to what I saw that said fable. Is there anything that you can hold court on for about 45 seconds while I just walk to the other side of my desk? And more importantly, can I get up from this chair without people seeing me wearing shorts?

[Luke Burbank]

It's TBTL tv, my friends. This is why you pay extra. This is why you donate to the show. So you can see Andrew's plumber's crack while he gets up that he was fixing. I don't know if he can hear me right now because he doesn't have his headphones on. So I could just say anything at all that I wanted to. You know what I could do since Andrew is away? I could, um. Let's put this up and see if I can get to this before he comes back. I'm trying to find. Oh, here we go. Let's see here. I'm going to put up Andrew's new favorite candidate for the city council. See if he notices when he comes back. Will Dreher, Democrat, state rep. 46th position, numero uno. Did you find it?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, but just to make that worthwhile, I just grabbed my Zwan CD instead. This was the building Corgan project after oh no Pumpkins. Yeah, I think it might have been Everybody but Darcy. I don't. I don't know. But I just thought that was funny because the thing is I keep whatever, like non music spoken word stuff at the very end of my collection. So my collection of alphabetized, you know, by band or whatever, musician. But then at the end, if I had stuff like that, like I had a Car Talk cd, I didn't see that over there. I was also trying to be as quick as possible. I love how out of breath I am from going to the other side of a table. So I was looking for spoken word stuff, and then the last music CD was Zwan, so I figured I'd grab that to make you laugh. But I'm sorry that I wasn't able

[Luke Burbank]

to track listing here. I mean, I've got the track listing of this. This American Life cd, I believe. And let's see, which might be a fable, not the Peter Pan story from Jack Hit. I'll go ahead and take Will Dreher down now, since.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, thanks. Yeah. What did you. Were you playing Drops or were you just reading his bio?

[Luke Burbank]

I was just putting his picture up because it's TBTL tv. Just trying to. Trying to make you laugh when you got back. Peter Pan by Jack Hitt. We know that's a true story. Drama Bug by David Sedaris. I think I remember him saying something from that essay. He's talking about kind of when he found his tribe, when he found a bunch of kind of theater kids at some point, maybe even when he was at summer camp. And I remember he says something like, we were a string of light bulbs left on. He sort of described their energy in that way that's always stuck with me. I wonder if that's from. From the Drama Bug essay. Something called Letterman Cookies by dishwasher Pete. Mr. Lowe's not afraid to be Naked. That's Sandra Singlow talking, presumably about her dad. Teen Getaway by Cheryl Treiku. I don't know that story. Shooting dad by Sarah Val. This is kind of interesting. They put the Ms. Cheryl Tricu, Ms. Sarah Val, and Mr. Ira Glass and Mr. Jack Hitt. But then somebody named Rob Bindler who did Hands on a Hard Body. Doesn't get the honorific. Doesn't get the mystery.

[Andrew Walsh]

Huh? I wonder why. Boy, this is a. This is a real trip down memory lane, man. All these stories remember Hands on a Hard. Oh, very much so, yeah. And then they didn't. Somebody made a documentary about it after the radio documentary, right? Somebody made a film.

[Luke Burbank]

Was that the order of events? I assumed it went the other direction.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, maybe. Maybe I'm. Maybe I'm wrong. I. I thought. Well, my point of reference for that was that this American Life Story first. But that might have.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I saw that documentary at the Grand Illusion on 45th. Like it had been out for a long time. They were just, like, showing it. And I remember going to the Grand Illusion and watching Hands on a Hard Body with if people don't Know, the film version of it was this doc about a contest in like Texas, I think Longview, Texas maybe, where it's one of those car dealership things where, you know, they pick some names, the radio station picks some names and you gotta come and you put your hands on this car and the last person with their hand on the vehicle wins the vehicle. And it's just following these people as they torture themselves to try to win this thing. And it's shockingly compelling.

[Andrew Walsh]

I need to let this go because I'm looking at the listeners saw how blind I am. I had to take off my glasses and lean towards my other computer because I swear I saw that description on a CD that was some sort of a compendium of this American life stories. But I'm looking at the art on the CD online here and it doesn't have the kind of descriptions I was thinking of. So I don't know where. I just remember reading somewhere, some story on Tal that I thought was a real story. And then I saw it described in their own material somewhere as a fable or like something like a real life fable or something. It was sort of confusing like that. So I always harbored this conspiracy theory that it was like something that sounded true but was actually them just putting on kind of their version of a radio drama. But I can find zero evidence of that and I need to back off of this. The question is, have you been googling

[Luke Burbank]

this American life fable?

[Andrew Walsh]

I did. I just found one thing that I don't know if you did that as well. I found one story, some holiday related story that says fable from Maine or something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

It's another Jack hit piece by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

And what is it?

[Luke Burbank]

Do you have shed his grace on thee? Give the people what they want. A 13 minute audio piece exploring how America's got the Americas got their name.

[Andrew Walsh]

See. Yeah, that's not.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's not detail how explorer Amerigo Vespucci successfully stamped his name across the map of the Western hemisphere.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I don't recall that one at all.

[Luke Burbank]

Something like Shalom Oslander might have written. He wrote, he wrote a lot of. Did a lot of stuff for the show where it was kind of like sort of, you know. Yeah, like a fable. He's very into the Bible and biblical stuff and kind of writing these, these fables that are. Are sort of Bible esque and stuff.

[Andrew Walsh]

And did he write stories from the perspective of animals or was that Rakoff?

[Luke Burbank]

I think that was Rakoff.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Yeah. Anyway, so I need to. But for real and this is a real thing. I don't trust that the next time this comes up in two or three years, that I'm gonna remember this conversation where I needed to back off of that. And I'm just gonna start another conversation

[Luke Burbank]

about, like, you're gonna go, do you

[Andrew Walsh]

know that Squirrel Cop is bullshit?

[Luke Burbank]

And you're gonna go to your CD rack.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. Here, I'm gonna leave myself a note in this Zwan cd. Dear Future Andrew, I know what mission you're on.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God. This is like the compelling version of Memento Ever.

[Andrew Walsh]

I still have the original stickers. Stickers. I have the original stickers that came with a Zwan cd. Who knew that this was in there? Nice.

[Luke Burbank]

I did not know that Billy Court, Billy Corrigan, was releasing side project music under a band that was not Smashing Pumpkin.

[Andrew Walsh]

And he had Jimmy Chamberlain on drums. So that's like, you know, what is that, two thirds of Smashing Pumpkins? I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

Was it all just to get rid of Darcy?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't. You know, I didn't really follow that thing quickly, but I. Or closely, rather. But, you know. Yeah. Well, you know what I learned a few years ago when, like, there was some. There was some, like, kind of expose about whatever went on between those two is, I read it, I still didn't fully understand it. And all I learned was, like, these are two complicated people who have a lot of toxic energy between each other. And I don't need to. I don't need to understand it. It just left me feeling, like, empty and sad, which is very. I think that's one of the songs off of Infinite Sadness, actually.

[Luke Burbank]

Aya Mellon Collie. Yes, I was today years old. No, it was not that long ago that I learned that it's not melancholy, the traditional spelling.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I never. It never occurred to me.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not like melancholy, you know, it's not like the emotional state. It's like melon and then collie. Two words.

[Andrew Walsh]

Why two would end two. It's funny because, I mean, I. That album, like, I was just such a mopey, morose, lovelorn, like, teenager or, like, you know, young adult in college. And I can't tell you how. I mean, I just listened to that over and over and over. But it's also bloated, you know, I mean, there's a double disc and it's like very, you know, kind of self involved or whatever. But I guess I was just the right age and the right era for that. But it's funny that I don't know that I would have known that melancholy is spelled a funky way. And I mean, I literally sat with that CD in my old man chair in my college dorm while I just listened to it for the thousandth time, scraping my bowl.

[Luke Burbank]

That was like me and Zwan.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you are a big swan head. You know me from A to Zwan show title, maybe. Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man, it's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

Alrighty. Do you have any emails or vmails that are striking your fancy today?

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what? Yes. I need to share something with you that I didn't have fully prepared, but this is good. I think I found it here. I wanted to tell you that I have been getting a lot of support for a story I told on the show recently about how I saw a van, a work van, driving very erratically in a residential neighborhood or kind of quasi residential neighborhood, I'll say. And I. The number of the cleaning company was on the outside of the van. So I called and left them a voicemail saying, hey, listen, somebody in one of your vans is driving really recklessly around this neighborhood. And then I played for you the voicemail that I received back from them saying, hey, thanks for letting us know. We are definitely going to address this. And they said, we're going to have a talk with this person or more. And you and I were like, or more like, what have I done to this guy's life? And. And so I had. I really, as I was placing the phone call, I was like, I can't tell anybody about this. Like, this kind of narc behavior is like straight up embarrassing. But I will say that I have heard from so many people who are like, I'm so glad you made that phone call. Like, that sounds like very dangerous behavior. Would have done the same thing. You should have done the same thing. And I really appreciate that because I. It was not an act. I felt. I felt pretty weird, to say the least, about placing that narci phone call.

[Luke Burbank]

But I with the listeners too.

[Andrew Walsh]

I.

[Luke Burbank]

100%.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So anyway, David in New Rochelle wrote in to say, you know, like, I'm totally with you. You did the right thing there. And if I can offer a brief related story. When my daughter was about two months old, I was pushing her stroller through a crosswalk. There was a driver to my right who stopped at a red light and a taxi behind him. I could see the taxi driver was honking and waving his arms because he wanted the driver in front of him to turn right on red, but the driver was yielding to us in the crosswalk. The taxi driver tore out, pulling around him into the oncoming lane and nearly directly into us before he slammed on his brakes. I was too frozen to do anything but get to the sidewalk, but my wife got a picture of the taxi number since he immediately needed to stop at the next red light. Anyway, she, she witnessed two other incidents of aggressive driving from the same driver because she works from home and has a good view of our neighborhood. By the way, I love this rear window vibe. So she called the company and the owner said something really non committal like, yeah, he's getting pretty old and should probably retire soon. But nothing happened with this driver. Fast forward to a few months ago and I see on the local news that the same taxi driver made a turn through a crosswalk, hitting a pedestrian and swerving into a restaurant which was fortunately closed and injuring his two passengers. It seems that everyone was ultimately okay, but it could have ended much worse. And we wish the taxi company had taken our phone call as seriously as it sounds like the cleaning company took yours.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is crazy.

[Luke Burbank]

It. That doesn't scan with the way that I tend to think about people driving as they get older.

[Andrew Walsh]

Older.

[Luke Burbank]

Feels like as we get older, I feel like we drive more slowly, we're a little more tentative. I know I am. And like that's, that's a really bad outcome if someone is both kind of, maybe not as the reflexes are slower, their eyesight might not be as great and they want to drive more aggressively.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let me see this. What is the, I mean, because what is the proximity of New Rochelle to actual New York City? Because like, this feels like an old school New York City taxi driver, right? Who's just kind of like one of the characters in those movies I watched in the 80s where they're just like very aggressive drivers and they're honking and yelling at everybody and this is just what he knows and it's all he ever wants to know.

[Luke Burbank]

It looks, you know, they're a bit north of the Bronx. They're sort of like, let's see, you could say it looks like it's, you know, it's definitely not in like the city. It's not in one of the boroughs. But it's also, if I was guessing, I would say it's probably like a 30 minute drive maybe from the Bronx.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it is like, you know, it's in the mix. In other words, you could see it's in the mixtape.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not in, like, it's not up in, you know, Albany or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So, yeah, maybe that was just a. Maybe that cab driver just lived up in New Rochelle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And was like a New York City cab driver, but when he was driving home back to New Rochelle, he was putting people in danger. We've also. I feel like we've had listeners. Didn't we have another listener check in from New York where they got into it with somebody who was driving and endangering their kid, and then they became friendly. And then they became friendly friends.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. Not best friends, but yeah. Yeah. I can't remember all the detail. It was definitely in a David Rakoff book.

[Luke Burbank]

We should start describing what we're saying as a fable, because then. Then if we get stuff wrong, it's fine.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, we didn't. We didn't say this was real life. We said this was. This whole thing is a fable.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can we just put something at the beginning of every show? This is sort of maybe a disclaimer. Yes. It adds intrigue to it.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. I think we've probably done enough podcasting. Unlike Portcast, this is a real show where we go on and on about things, and I think we've gone on enough.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was it yesterday that we went. We went over two. We went just over two hours yesterday, right? We did.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, we did. I don't know if people liked it or not, but it was noted. I believe our own Instagram feed noted

[Andrew Walsh]

that we had two hours.

[Luke Burbank]

Sklaroff, who listens to the show as one of his professional responsibilities, probably has mixed feelings when he seasons two hours.

[Andrew Walsh]

What Zwan song do we go out with, do you suppose? Or should we just stick with this?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, dealer's choice. I just think that's really funny. Zwan song. He was in his. That was his Zwan song.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess so, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, that's gonna do it for today's episode, but we will be back tomorrow with more imaginary radio, so please swing on by for that. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday, everybody. Take care of yourselves. Go, Mariners. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.