#4790 We Need 9 CCs of Confidence, Stat!

Summary

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TBTL #4790 “We Need 9 CCs of Confidence, Stat!”

Date: August 11, 2026
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

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Episode Overview

This episode of TBTL is classic Luke-and-Andrew: a breezy, digressive trip through pop culture nostalgia, hot baseball opinions, and the peculiarities of everyday life. The hosts spend most of the show gleefully sidetracked by deep dives into favorite sports moments and media phenomena, particularly the YouTube channel Jomboy Media and its dissection of baseball drama. The promised discussion on German life-saving toilets is shelved for another day as listeners are instead treated to stories about aging umpires, 25-year-old film reviews, and beloved childhood toys. Along the way, there's a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor, affection for minutiae, and moments of genuine warmth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Naked Gun Nostalgia and Comedy Sequels

[04:03 - 07:00]

• Andrew confesses sacrilege: He prefers the modern Liam Neeson remake of “The Naked Gun” to the Leslie Nielsen originals, citing its updated sensibility and humor.
• Luke reminisces: The original movies had an outsized impact on him as a kid. Scenes like the lavalier microphone in the restroom and Leslie Nielsen’s over-the-top umpire sequence influenced his thinking about sports officials to this day.
  • “There are certain scenes from those movies...that I've thought about on a weekly basis for the last 35 years.” —Luke [06:00]

2. Sports Officiating, Subconscious Bias & Performance

[07:00 - 12:00]

• Luke posits: Referees subconsciously make crowd-pleasing calls, especially in tense, ambiguous moments. Animated calls (drawing on the Naked Gun moonwalking umpire) are performative and may favor the home team for a “more fun experience.”
  • “If in your mind it really could go either way, you want to make the bliss happen.” —Luke [11:18]
• Andrew’s hot take: Baseball umpires, however, often revel in antagonizing crowds and “playing heel,” enjoying the oppositional role.

3. Umpires and the Jomboy Media Deep Dive

[13:09 - 27:39]

• Andrew brings up: A recent incident where pitcher Caleb Ferguson yelled at aging umpire Bill Miller for blocking a play. Jomboy Media’s video essay both gently ribbed and defended the ump.
• Detailed breakdown: Jomboy’s video is praised for tracing Bill Miller’s career, visually showing how age changed his agility and style—moving from nimble field positioning in his 30s to a “turnstile” style in his 50s.
• Quotes from Jomboy (via their playback):
  • “Age comes for us all, Caleb.” [16:15]
  • “I went and found all the times umpires get hit... and it happens a lot. Look at that. That was right to the nuts.” [20:00]

Meta-discussion: The Appeal of Hyper-Niche Sports Content

• Both hosts celebrate how Jomboy’s niche content “is so specific to the person who started doing it.”
• Andrew and Luke also compare Jomboy Media with sports documentarian Jon Bois, praising the unique consumption style of both.

4. Baseball, Mariners, and “Anything Can Happen” Philosophy

[32:00 - 35:51]

• Luke recalls: His deep Mariners fandom in childhood, finding meaning and excitement in their rare moments of glory (“The Detroit Tigers came to the Kingdome... and the lowly Mariners beat them all three games.”)
• Andrew: Shares the magic of baseball’s unpredictability, where even the worst teams can produce “meaningless walk-off” moments that feel personally legendary.
• Luke: “Baseball’s just one of those games where the pitcher can have the magic that night and anything could happen.” [35:47]

5. Listener Emails: "Too Many Daves" & Dave Mania

[36:12 - 41:00]

• A listener shares Dr. Seuss’ “Too Many Daves,” which dovetails with ongoing TBTL jokes about the ubiquity of the name Dave in Valley City and elsewhere.
• The hosts’ take: The poem’s absurd roll call of alternative names delights both, who compare it with pop-culture “Dave” touchstones (“Kids in the Hall,” “Dave’s Not Here”).
  • “There are a lot of Daves.” —Chris [37:44]

6. Retro Media, Childhood Toys, and Safe Nostalgia

[41:00 - 48:46]

• Luke waxes nostalgic: On “Peter and the Wolf” records at his grandma’s, Audubon magazines, and the comfort of old-school narration/music styles.
• Andrew reminisces: About Fisher-Price car garages and racetrack toys, vividly recalling tactile and olfactory details (“the smell of electricity”).
• Boisterous affection for childhood model trains and the generational continuity of hobbies (Luke: “I think he built it to make his grandkids...excited.” [48:44])

7. Coda: Family, Generational Change, and “No Mountain Too Tall”

[49:14 - End]

• The episode closes with Luke and Andrew bantering about personal fears, changing physical abilities, and the safety in being ruled out as an adrenaline-junkie suspect.
• Usual signoff: “No mountain too tall...and good luck to all!”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andrew (on being chosen by aliens for abduction):
  “If an alien abducted me...I would make love to them...that means I was chosen special.” [00:00]
• Luke (about sports umpiring):
  “You don't do 22 episodes of Celebrity Outhouse with Lorena Bovt without learning a few things.” [01:39]
• Luke (on “Naked Gun” umpire moonwalks and influence):
  “I just thought they were the best...that baseball umpire scene—I've thought about weekly for the last 35 years.” [06:00]
• Jomboy (via playback):
  “Stop picking on 60-year-old Bill Miller. He tried his hardest. All right. It’s too bad, really.” [21:13]
• Andrew (on childhood toys):
  “You would know where the one toy was, right? And you would just, like, fixate on it.” [43:20]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00 — Andrew’s alien abduction riff sets the playful tone.
• 04:03 — Naked Gun nostalgia begins (animated umpire discussion).
• 07:00 — Luke’s “crowd-pleasing” umpire theory.
• 13:09 — Entry into Jomboy Media/umpiring story arc.
• 18:27 — (Jomboy playback with explicit language warning)
• 36:12 — Email segment: “Too Many Daves” poem.
• 41:00 — Conversation about childhood records, toys, and Peter and the Wolf.
• 49:01 — Closing banter, show sign-off.

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Summary

This episode is a quintessential TBTL blend: what starts as a promise to discuss life-saving German toilets turns into a sprawling, affectionate meditation on why grown men still care so much about old baseball calls, slapstick comedies, and model train sets. Luke and Andrew’s ability to find joy and meaning in the hyper-specific—whether it's the arc of an aging baseball umpire's career, the dust on a Fisher-Price elevator, or the cadence of a Dr. Seuss poem—shines throughout.

The episode is perfect for long-time listeners and anyone who likes their pop culture and nostalgia with a hefty dose of warmth, wit, and good-hearted rambling.

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Transcript

[Andrew]

If an alien abducted me, took time out of his day, his or her day, to beam me up into a spaceship, just me, not anybody else in the neighborhood, I would make love to them that, because that means I was chosen special. They didn't just beam up Sally next door because she was out in her yard working. They beat me up out of my own bed as I'm relaxing, playing Candy Crush. So if they took the time to specifically pick me out of all these other humans that are around me, yes, I'll make love. That shows effort. Unlike these people on Tinder, who the only thing they want to do is scam me and catfish me and extort money from me. You never know. An alien might make such good love to you. You might fall in love with an alien, and I'm not opposed to that.

[Bill]

TBTL.

[Chris]

Well, well, here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time. Dude, the craziest thing happened to me this morning. I got in my car, turned it on, had the radio on the alt station, and the song playing was freaking brabbage angle. I. You not blew my mind.

[Bill]

By the way, I'm a dentist, okay?

[Luke Burbank]

So I read body language very, very well.

[Chris]

If you two dirtbags ever mess with me again, I'll take this to the next level.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't do 22 episodes of celebrity Outhouse with Lorena Bovt without learning a few things.

[Chris]

You believe that?

[Andrew]

I do if you do, but it's absurd.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank.

[Chris]

I'm your host. You're like the Daniel Day Lewis of

[Luke Burbank]

only doing one thing. Just, you know, learning my way around the audio board here. 4790 episodes. Let the fun begin. I was my big plan after I say, you know, my little thing at the top there, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. I was gonna play this meet the next generation of podcast stars, but then it didn't work. And then I panicked. And then I. I played the thing that I was supposed to play after I said my name. I'm your host, Luke Burbank.

[Chris]

You're like the Daniel Day Lewis of

[Luke Burbank]

only doing one thing. And then I say, coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia, I mean, I'm assuming most of you are pretty familiar with how this thing goes. I may be the least familiar person with how to make this whole thing happen. We are at episode 4790, as mentioned, it's going to be a fun one. Fun and also informative because a German company has figured out a way to possibly save your life while you are using the toilet wipes, the potty wipe your body. I know that sounds kind of silly. And also I did find this story in the New York Post, but I think it's actually kind of interesting. And it's not. Doesn't seem like it's complete junk science. So we'll get into that today on the program and we'll also talk to this guy, longest running cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. I guess there was something about, I don't know, maybe the intro tape I played for him yesterday. He seemed salty this morning. This was him down the line when he didn't know I was recording things.

[Bill]

I hate you.

[Chris]

Cause you look different.

[Luke Burbank]

He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Chris]

I didn't mean for you to hear. I didn't mean for you to hear that. I was just.

[Luke Burbank]

You dursted it.

[Chris]

I certainly did.

[Luke Burbank]

You left that lav on.

[Chris]

I certainly did. You know, I was re. Watching the more lighthearted version of that, which is the.

[Luke Burbank]

There's. The more lighthearted version.

[Chris]

There is. There is. It's the first not. Not. Not Police Squad, but Naked Gun movie. You have Leslie Nielsen and he.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, right. Right here.

[Chris]

He's miked up, right? And then he goes into the men's room, he's singing, and it's all being broadcast. And everybody clutches their pearls. I have. I know that you're always on my case. You're like, we need more hot takes for the show. We need more hot takes for the show. People aren't listening. And the only thing that we're going to bring new listeners in with is if you say some, like, really extraordinarily unpopular things. But I left that on when it came on TV the other day. Or maybe it was being suggested to me by an algorithm. And I was watching it and I was like, you know what? I'd rather rewatch for the third time, which I did the newest Naked Gun movie, the Liam Neeson one. Like, you would think my generation. I mean, I would. That would be sacrilege to say that. But honestly, I love the new one so much more. And it just holds up better because it is more modern and there's something so corny. I mean, I know the whole point is that they're all corny, but I Actually think my favorite Naked Gun movie is the Liam Neeson one. Can I please be on subway takes?

[Luke Burbank]

I have not seen the Liam Neeson one. Oh, I know. And again, not because of any, you know, intentional decision. It just. I just didn't go to the movie theater in those couple of weeks. But I heard great things. I know. You and Veeves went, right?

[Chris]

I went twice. I took Veeves and. And then I. And then I took some friends.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I mean, it looks. It looks really funny to me. I did freaking love those Naked Gun movies when I was a kid. When they came out, I just thought they were the best. And it's funny because, like, those movies have. There are certain scenes, including the one that you're talking about, the lavalier mike scene. There are a couple of scenes from those movies that have lived in my head and that I've thought about on a weekly basis for the last 35 years, you know?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What? One of them, as I mentioned, the lavalier, because, you know, for my CBS job, I am often walking around with one of those mics on, completely forgetting it's on when we're in between shoots. And then what are the things you do in between the shoot? You go to the restroom or you mutter under your breath, I killed them. I killed them all.

[Chris]

You know, what you did, you killed them all.

[Luke Burbank]

But. But as far as I know, that hasn't happened to me. The other scene that really, really stuck in my mind was when he is the baseball umpire.

[Chris]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And what he realizes is that the home crowd loves him, just making calls that are advantageous to the home team.

[Chris]

And does he get more and more animated in his strikes?

[Luke Burbank]

He's eventually, like, doing, like, a moonwalk. He's like his. Like, his strikeout calls are just becoming more and more and more and more elaborate and ridiculous. And I think, if I remember right, it's just because he's realized that the crowd loves it when he does this. So I'm also assuming that it meant he's probably, like, probably the visiting team is getting the raw end of the deal on this.

[Chris]

I feel like this also informed how you feel about real life umps, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

It absolutely does. I was going to say that I put that in a criminal's text chain this season.

[Chris]

He just said, strike very gently and the crowd went crazy. Now he's getting into it a little bit more. Nothing like playing the audio for a very visual scene. Here comes the pitch. Lined up in the pitch. Now he's getting into it. Oh, they're playing the Mariners.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I remember being so psyched as a kid.

[Chris]

Wait, don't they play the Mariners in major league as well? Are the Mariners always the foes?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I know they play the Yankees in major league. Oh, there's a guy named Clue Haywood on the Yankees.

[Chris]

Okay, I think I'm probably just confusing this, that this is. But yeah, this is the old Mariner's uniform. Now he's doing the moonwalk. Luke, you couldn't be more right. He's spinning around. You know, I can't make out his face, though. I don't know if it's actually the actor Leslie Nielsen doing that because he's still wearing the mask and he's doing the splits and stuff. It's probably him, though, right?

[Luke Burbank]

He looks like a. He looks very limber for being probably 72.

[Chris]

He really does.

[Luke Burbank]

You're absolutely right that it also did inform how I think about officials. And in fact, when we were in Ohio, I was putting my theory out with Sklaroff about how I think that there is for certain kinds of calls in certain sports, like particularly basketball, I think that. And maybe this doesn't even apply anymore because everything has instant replay now. All of the major sports have some version of that. But before there was instant replay in basketball or review or whatever they call it if you are the umpire, or, excuse me, if you're the referee, and there's a bang, bang, play like. So let's say it's the Lakers versus the Knicks, and you're in Los Angeles and a New York Knick is drive. Jalen Brunson is driving the lane and he jumps up and he bangs into Bronny James, who I think still plays for the Lakers. And it could either be called an offensive foul, a charge. Which has the coolest. I know we're not on TBTL TV today, Andrew, but do you know what the. Do you know what the signal is for a charge?

[Chris]

You said it's cool. And I don't watch basketball, so I need to make this up as a pounding of your chest.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's this. So if it was a block. So. So if you decided to call it as a block on Bronnie James, so a defensive foul, you'd say this. Block, block.

[Chris]

Okay? Luke is standing up and putting arms akimbo. He's punching his fists into his. Into, like, his pelvis.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, if it's a charge, though, you go. And I gotta have to squat down.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Luke is disrobed. Now Luke is disrobing. I don't know what's going on here.

[Luke Burbank]

I one, I want to look as much like Dick Bavetta as I can. Noted NBA referee. So if it was a charge, it would be this.

[Chris]

Oh, okay, you're slapping the back of your head.

[Luke Burbank]

Back of the head. Like a three stooge.

[Chris]

Yeah. And pointing with your other hand. That's a charge.

[Luke Burbank]

Very demonstrative.

[Chris]

It is, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But anyway, my point is, I am of the theory, and it's probably from the Naked Gun that in some of these plays, okay, you're Dick Bavetta and the New York Knick has just driven the lane, gone up, been hit by the. Or, you know, crashed into the LA Laker. And you could either call it on Jalen Brunson for running into Bronny James, or you call it for Bronnie James for. For blocking, for being in a place he's not supposed to be. If you're in Los Angeles and you call that play offensive foul, hand to the back of the head, arm pointing forward. If you. It's going to erupt. Because that is good for the Lakers. And I think that there is at some point a little bit of subconscious. There was anyway a way of subconsciously wanting to go towards the thing that is a more fun experience. Like if you're going to do something and it's really a coin toss and one thing is going to make everyone boo you and throw crumpled up paper cups at you, et cetera, and one's going to make everyone super duper blissed out. I think if in your mind it really could go either way, you want to make the bliss happen.

[Chris]

Although. And maybe this is more baseball specific and tell me if you think I'm totally wrong here because I'm losing confidence as I'm just leaking it all over the place. As I say this, for me, I feel like the umpires in baseball, we

[Luke Burbank]

need 9ccs of confidence for Andrew, stat.

[Chris]

I don't even want to say this anymore, but I do feel like that there might be with umpires in baseball, like they get turned on by being the heel a little bit though, too,

[Luke Burbank]

which was something that John brought up.

[Chris]

Oh, really?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, well, he brought up in the context.

[Chris]

I was literally falling asleep while you guys were having this conversation. This is when he missed his exit in the car. Right. And I was like, this is exactly snoring. I think I was snoring.

[Luke Burbank]

You were not snoring. You were not snoring. But, but, but, you know, that's a. I mean, you're right. In baseball There is a certain. Amongst, you know, the umpires, there's like a real major league baseball umpires have a real powerful teamsters, like, let's see, live unionized, live theater employees energy.

[Chris]

It's like you can tell very specifically which people you've had who have I worked with, interactions with.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, those major leagues. You're right. Those major league umpires are like, they're not taking any guff from the players. I'm taking any guff from the fans.

[Chris]

They.

[Luke Burbank]

It's kind of the last place they want to be, even though they work there. It's like, you know, it's like the whole thing is on their nerves that it's even having to happen. And like they. I can see some oppositional defiance disorder coming from some of those umps where they're. They're doing the opposite of a Leslie Nielsen.

[Chris]

This is not for the podcast. So listeners, you can just like, if you have something to do, maybe do it now. If you're not.

[Luke Burbank]

Luke, keep scrolling.

[Chris]

I've been meaning to ask you this exactly for weeks now because we mentioned it very, very briefly on the show a couple of weeks ago or a few weeks ago about the pitcher who was Caleb Ferguson. I got a little confused when you mentioned him on the air because I was getting Ferguson and Farrar confused. I was like, that wasn't Farrar. But no, of course it was. Former Mariner Caleb Ferguson was on the mound for. Was it the Angels? I can't remember who he plays for now, but he was playing the Mariners and the Mariners got a hit off of him and he was actually kind of collapsing in a lot of ways. But then he also had some bad luck on his side and there was a hit that came off somebody's bat. You might remember the details more than you.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't remember who got the hit,

[Chris]

and it somehow, like, it could have been fielded by his defense, but instead this older umpire who was, you know, watching second base got in the way of the play and the umpire's part of the field. So basically it bounced off of the. The umpire and I think maybe a run even scored on it.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if it hit the umpire, but I think what happened was our. The, the player for Ferguson's team couldn't get to the ball because of the umpire.

[Chris]

It didn't hit. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Did it hit him?

[Chris]

Maybe. I thought. Well, this kind of answers my question because I was going to ask you this came up briefly on the show. Now have. Did the John Boy breakdown of that afterwards. Okay, then you would remember all the

[Luke Burbank]

other times umpires have been hit by the ball.

[Chris]

Yeah. Because what he decided to do and John Boy, for folks who don't know what he does, is he's a baseball analyst, baseball fan, and he got famous by taking these videos where he will break down. It started with, like, altercations and fights usually. And he can. I don't know if he's actually educated in this, but he apparently can, like, read lips or he confidently feels like he can read lips and he breaks down what people are saying on the field during these moments.

[Luke Burbank]

It's so fascinating to me as a media phenomenon, the John Boy phenomenon, because I don't think he has any formal training. I don't think he was an ASL interpreter. I don't think he has any special training in the art of reading lips. He just realized, you know, if you slow the clip down enough. And like, I think he just kind of. I think he sort of invented this for himself. And it is. It's some of the most illuminating baseball coverage that I see all year now.

[Chris]

And now it used to just be, like, shorter videos that, that he would sort of like, kind of translate and tell you the story of and also tell you what people seem to be saying when he's kind of quote unquote, reading their lips or whatever. But now that he's, like, very famous for doing this and his. His podcast or his video clips are highly sponsored now and stuff, he's doing more and he's like, digging in the tapes more. And so he's looking for historical precedents or context for all these things. This particular video of him talk. So what happens is. I don't think I finished telling exactly what happens. The umpire gets in the way of the play in some way. And Caleb Ferguson, the pitcher on the mound, swears something at him and calls him, like, a fat ass. And it's like, really rude. Like, it's really rude. And he's like, get out of the way, fat ass. And then has some even more salty language for this older and, yes, I guess somewhat heavier ump. And then what John Boy ends up doing is. Oh, and would you have known I'm

[Luke Burbank]

on the John Boy thing a couple of. Okay, they were the. It's the Reds, so we're playing Cincy.

[Chris]

Oh, he plays for the Reds now. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And. And yeah, the. The ump never touched the ball, but the guy couldn't get to the ball because he. Because the ump blocked him.

[Chris]

And so what John Boy does is he's kind of like, he's like kind of taking the pitcher to task for being so rude to this umpire and calling him names in that way. And he's like, listen, age comes for us all. He keeps saying that, like, yeah. Does he have a little bit of a gut now? Well, you will too, someday, Caleb. And then he's like. While he's saying that, he's like. I found all of the instances of when this particular umpire has played this position throughout his career, and didn't it go back, like decades? So when he was like a young guy playing on the other side of the bag and he could get out of the way really quickly and he was just showing him how. He kind of slowed and he wasn't. And by the way, John Boy was not making fun of the ump. He was actually trying to sympathize with the ump, but also did show him age and get bigger over the years and less spry over the years.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that what it was? I thought it was. He shows a clip of him younger and then he goes through all the other times that umps have been hit by the ball in the field of play so as to prove that it's not just Bill Miller.

[Chris]

I think he does that quickly near the end, but I felt like the majority of the video was him. Now, you've already proven me wrong on two facts on this, so I will gladly say if I'm wrong. But a big part of it was he goes back to the beginning of this guy's career because he shows that he used to play this position kind of to the right of the bag. But then as he kind of lost the ability to jump out of the way, he started playing it to the left of the bag.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's play a little bit of this because I've got it. So this is after Caleb Ferguson has yelled at him. And this is this guy from John Boy media, like we said, who's just kind of talking. And then also he's occasionally like. It's almost like drunk history. He's. He's saying what the people on the field are saying to each other because he slowed it down and kind of read their lips and is guessing at what they're saying.

[Chris]

And this won't be beeped, by the way. So if we're doing the lip syncing part, just so you know listeners, this will be the. The full language language alert here.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, here we go.

[Bill]

To me, that's mean that. Time out. Time out. I used to be young like you, Caleb, and I look like you be careful.

[Luke Burbank]

So they're showing a young picture, a picture of a young Bill Miller wearing his best DTF St. Louis. He's got his big, big pads on. And then a young Caleb Ferguson when he was with the Pittsburgh Pirates. So young versions of both of them,

[Bill]

you know, look at me here. People get old. Lori McKenna, she'll tell you all about it.

[Luke Burbank]

So he cut to a picture of a younger Bill Miller umpiring, where he has hands on his knees.

[Bill]

But he did. He did get in the way. He did get put in turnstile. Just had no idea where to go. So the infielder's like, oh, my God. They're still not looking at anyone. Francona's going long neck on him.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it's the greatest. Like this Terry Francona, AKA Tito. He looks like one of the characters from the Land Before Time. That's what long neck is. And it perfectly describes how Terry Francona looks. I know this guy's really good.

[Bill]

Oh, guys. And, you know, he thinks the shortstop's gonna get this ball, so his instinct is to move to the other side of the field because the ball's hit on the shortstop side, but he doesn't have the awareness of the shift. The second baseman's coming, realizes, oh, my God, I'm in his way. Tries to stop, gets in his way even more. And then Ellie had to stop and pause. So it. Yeah, it's not great, but umpires get hit all the time. Look at Adrian Johnson here, right to the leg. I went and found all the times the umpires get hit when they're in the middle, and. And it happens a lot. Look at that. That was right to the nuts. He couldn't get out of the way. Right here. It's ricochet. Double ricochet. Hits the ump. This ump, that's CB Buckner. Right to it.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, CB Buckner probably deserved it.

[Bill]

Part of the game. They're part of the field. Oh, this guy died. That's Gooch. He's a funny ump.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Bill]

If you don't know him, you should know him as one of the funny umps going. Made a catch here.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Bill]

Look how spry I am. Yep. And you probably remember this jumps over McMahon. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You're out, baby.

[Bill]

He loves himself, and I like him. So he didn't die. He just had some fun. But sometimes umpires get hit, and it helps the pitchers. Caleb Ferguson. So, you know, beggars can't be choosers. That could have been a double.

[Luke Burbank]

He's showing plays where the. The. The ball Hitting the umpire actually kept it in the infield instead going down the line and being a double or whatever.

[Chris]

But yeah, this he does go on though. Can you just fast forward just so that it proves that unless we watch different versions, I think it must come after this.

[Andrew]

He.

[Chris]

He shows this umpire age. He shows him throughout the years playing the position and how he changes how he plays the position because, okay, let's

[Luke Burbank]

see, we may be at this part still get hit.

[Bill]

So stop picking on 60 year old bill Miller. He tried his hardest. All right. It's too bad, really. And that's fun.

[Luke Burbank]

You know when he says it's too bad, really, he's quoting Victor Robles, who get the ball. Victor Robles is at first saying to the Reds first baseman, it's too bad, really. That's just John boy being Victor Robles.

[Bill]

Got in your way, could have got out of the inning, still can get an out and end this whole thing. Oh, to get some swing and fuck.

[Chris]

Whoa.

[Bill]

Didn't even cause any harm now. And you're still just yelling at Bill, what did Willie Miller do?

[Luke Burbank]

So what? So basically Ferguson gets the strikeout, the inning's over. So this thing with, with Bill Miller really didn't even affect the ultimate score of the inning. But after Caleb Ferguson strikes out the the Mariner, he turns around and just yells the F word at Bill Miller. Like, it's like, geez, oh, besides get

[Bill]

in the way and extend your inning, Bill Miller's like, all right, dude, I hear you. Geez, I hear you. You should see my tape though. Used to be young, used to be spry. You'll catch up. And I said, let's go find that tape, Bill. Here he is at 31 years old

[Luke Burbank]

and let's see, I didn't watch it this far, so this is actually really

[Chris]

good because I'm just glad I'm not going because I felt a little bit like I was going crazy. But I was like, no, I know.

[Luke Burbank]

I saw this at the beginning of the video. He says something like, this is possibly our dumbest deep dive of all time. And I thought that was just referring to like umpires getting hit by balls I didn't know was specifically Bill Miller's evolution of the position, which is just freaking genius.

[Bill]

He's got the feet moving here. This is his second year as an ump. We tried to look for all the same plays. Look, he's way out on the turf, running and busting, and now he's 35 years old. And when a runner's on first, the umpire Is usually on the infield grass and they do this little like banana peel to get in position. Look at that. Oh, did you see that? That ball was right at him. Watch him dive out. Yeah, dodged it. That's a Chris Burman highlight.

[Andrew]

Whoop.

[Bill]

Look at that. 35. Whoop. Five years older than Caleb Ferguson and moving right.

[Luke Burbank]

This is genius too because it great. He's comparing Bill Miller's athleticism at five years older than Caleb today as. As he said already he's really putting. He's putting Caleb Ferguson in the turnstile right now.

[Bill]

Keep going. 35 years old, banana peel. He's all over it. Let's look at him when he's 40 years old on the grass still. Banana peel. Getting into position, didn't stop moving. Look at that. Watching the ball moving, making the call. Here he is, running around. Yep, easy. Here he is. Look on the move. Getting in position. The ball goes, lets the runner through and great job. Way to go. Willie Miller in position. Easy. 45 years old, still moving.

[Luke Burbank]

This is amazing.

[Bill]

Grass getting into position, getting.

[Luke Burbank]

I will say, and I think you already mentioned this, Andrew, it's interesting because you're just watching him get a little bit larger with each decade. And again, you know, we try to be careful about how we talk about bodies on this show and stuff, but it's just kind of like it's an interesting thing to see someone's adult life sort of, sort of visually described in 10 year increments.

[Chris]

Yeah, I think he's going five years, right? 35. 40. 45.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, maybe. So you're just noticing his physicality is just changing, you know, as he a little more poorly.

[Bill]

Oh, but 51 year old Bill Miller. Is it gonna hit him? No, it's not. A little dodgier movement though, you know, it's not that whoop. It's a little more tiptoes and. Oh no, oh no.

[Luke Burbank]

There's a grounder that almost hits him and he. He gets out of the way. But he does it in, in, in a manner that makes us think it could have also very easily hit him. He doesn't. He's not nearly as light on his feet.

[Chris]

Yes, yes. He looks a little bit more like Leslie Nielsen tipping. Tiptoeing out of the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Bill]

So says in 2018, he says, you know what, I'm gonna start playing from

[Luke Burbank]

not on the grass.

[Bill]

The legs aren't what they used to be. So he moves back here and this is when the turnstile starts really coming into play. He's just moving around now. He's in. But oh no, what's going on? See, we're getting. Oh no, this. What a play. I mean, did he make that play happen? Run into the umpire behind the back play. So credit Billy Miller for that one. Look at this. Look at those tiptoes. Great job coming in, watching, ducking. So it's just, it's just a deep dive of how one umpire has.

[Luke Burbank]

What is the search terms when you're searching this up?

[Chris]

He must have access. Does he have. Is he a member of like ESPN now or something? He must have.

[Luke Burbank]

He's got to have access.

[Bill]

But it's like.

[Luke Burbank]

But then also who put that in the metadata? Yeah, like every, like Bill Miller umpire, second base. But only the games. He's the second base umpire. That's where it's relevant. It's like games where Bill Miller was second base umpire.

[Chris]

And that's at the ball came at him.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. But you probably got to start with. Unless they have in the metadata, ball came at Bill.

[Chris]

Well, I mean, I do think that that is sort of why the, the idea of scoring a game is so magic. Right. Like when somebody, you know, catches a pop five, but it's right at the wall, they say put a star next to that. Now that is getting, that's data. That is getting like somehow you can

[Luke Burbank]

just look at the plays too. You could just be like, well, there was a double play, so we know that that ball got near the second base umpire. But what's also funny about this. And boy, it is too bad this isn't the TBTL TB TV episode because we're just like you and I are both delighting over something that's so purely visual. And now I'm describing my feelings about it to a bunch of people who haven't seen it. Yeah, but like it's funny because he's defending Bill Miller and, and I think he's being very funny about it. And I do think that you shouldn't yell mean things even to baseball umpires, like about their bodies and stuff.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

But what is also actually inarguable is that as he has gotten older and as, as he's had to play at a different part of the field so that he is, he doesn't have the mobility to be in the ideal position. So now he's in a non ideal position and, and there's like five clips of him almost interrupting a play. And what you're seeing is like he's being, you know, Jon boy's standing up for him. But it's also.

[Chris]

But he's also pointing out that he is getting worse than that.

[Luke Burbank]

It's kind of evidence of like, not that you should yell mean things to him, but that like, maybe, maybe, you know, it's time to hang it up or something. Because he's definitely in the way a lot now.

[Chris]

Yeah, exactly. And he just doesn't have again, that kind of mobility. And listen, I, I don't want to be insulting anybody. I'm speaking as somebody who gets worse at my job every passing day as well. So that's why I feel comfortable talking about this, but I'm not. So, yeah, I'm not saying hang it up or retire, but he is, while saying nice things and in this kind of humorous way of sort of defending him, he is showing evidence of what the aging does to this in the same way that you can't be a 60 year old MLB player, you know what I mean? But there is a certain physical demand of the job. And I think that he sort of subtly pointing that out too. It's just what a, what a job he has. And it's like, I love, I love content like this that is so specific to the person who started doing it. You know what I mean? This just seemed like such an organic project. And you've watched the Josh Naylor one now, right? I've been telling you forever to watch the one where he's going crazy. He was playing for the Cleveland team at the time and he's like, he was playing.

[Luke Burbank]

That was the. Nobody likes you. No, nobody likes you. It was recent.

[Chris]

That's recent. No, this is the one where I

[Luke Burbank]

need to watch it. I'll watch that today.

[Chris]

That's incredible. I'll send it to you.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the Luke Burbank promise. I will watch it because. Well, the thing is. And of course we were planning on talking about German toilets today, but we've ended up, as we so often do on Jomboy Media. But like, I have to be honest with you, I had never watched a Jomboy Media thing I had heard about. I, you know, it was just a name that all of a sudden started popping up. I'd never watched one. And I saw there was a story in like the New York Times when like, I think when John Boy Media was acquired by who? Whatever big entity kind of like bought the thing. And it was like this guy's from Massachusetts and he's just, he's like a, you know, he was like a mortgage sales guy or something and you know, and, or stockbroker or something and he's Just like a picture of him. He just looks like a kind of a Boston bro. And it's called John Boy Media. And I was just like, whatever this is, it's not for me. And then I started accidentally watching it and it's like, I love it so much. But I, I was a little. I have to admit I was a late adopter because on paper it doesn't seem like a thing I should like.

[Chris]

And the thing that confused me at first because I think I heard about this around the same time I heard about John Boyce B o I s who makes like all kinds of data driven, infographic driven documentaries about baseball that are also just incredibly consumable. I mean, I know it just. I just took something I can't get

[Luke Burbank]

through his Mariners one.

[Chris]

Oh really? Well, it was pandemic time for me. So, I mean, I think that was a big part of it.

[Luke Burbank]

I also couldn't get through the John Boy Media one about Bill Miller.

[Chris]

I didn't know about the whole second half of it.

[Luke Burbank]

So what chance do I have with a giant data represented thing about the Mariner?

[Chris]

But I swear I was even watching part of that with Genevieve during the pandemic. Or that was one where I'd be like washing dishes or literally ironing cloth napkins and like watching that and Tiger King or whatever. And I feel like even Genevieve kind of got into some of the Mariners. Cause it's like, it's not. I'm taking a game of baseball that some people find boring anyway. And now I'm saying, oh yeah, there's this good docu series about it that is basically a visual representation of data. It's basically infographics. Like, that does not sound appealing, especially if you're not into baseball. But somehow they tell this storyline using numbers and graphics and data in such a compelling way. I do think that the best part of that, since it starts at the beginning of the Mariner's story and the most intriguing parts of the Mariner story is not their inception. That might be why you couldn't get through it. You might want to just skip ahead to episode two or three and get into the 90s.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I should give it another try because I mean, on paper that is something I should super like. I also like John Boys. I followed him when I was on Twitter. He's very funny. Yeah, social media contributor and stuff. So I'm sure I like his stuff. I just think part of it too was that I had heard so much hype around this thing of the people, the kind of people I hang out with, you know, and so then when I sat down to watch it, I guess I was expecting one kind of thing, and I was like, this feels like homework or something to me.

[Chris]

But, yeah, I guess because it keeps showing the calendar, right? Of the first year and, like, in the calendar showing the win loss records and how, like, the Mariners just. The Mariners started in a slump, right? And only every now and then, every 20 years, like a cicada, they get out of it.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah. Like, they, They. I mean, they were just absolute dog shit for so many years. In fact, the prime years, the years that I listened to more Mariners games than any other years of my life, were there also their worst seasons. You know, when we were playing the Dodgers a while ago and we were in going into Los Angeles and had no hope, no future, I kept thinking about this early Mariners core Mariners memory that I have that I've referenced on the show probably a few times. And it was. I want to say it was like 1984. So we just moved to Seattle not that long ago. And I'm like, still, I'm eight, I guess. But, like, the Detroit Tigers came to the Kingdome. And the Detroit Tigers, I believe, had won the previous year's World Series and were. So. They were the defending World Series champ, if I have that right. And they were phenomenal. I believe they were coached by Sparky Anderson. Maybe they had Jack Morris on the mound and they came in and the lowly Mariners beat them all three games. And I just remember being a kid and just thinking, like, anything, anything can happen. Like, I was like. And seriously, like.

[Chris]

And they had those T shirts, right? Because our friend Phyllis, she has a T shirt she wore as a kid that the. The Mariners, anything could happen. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Was that the. Oh, I didn't. I thought you were just. I thought you were.

[Chris]

No, it sounded like. Well, when you said that, I mean, that is what I love about baseball, especially when I was first getting into it. You really don't know anything can happen in a game. But I'm sure they're sure, because then Gus wore it when Gus was small enough to fit into it.

[Luke Burbank]

And that's also. That really checks out, because if you think about it, you have a shite baseball team. What can you really say that's factually correct, but sounds exciting, and it's anything can happen.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, I'm looking at it. 1984 Mariners, anything can happen. T shirt. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Incredible. Well, anything did happen with that Detroit Tigers series, which to this day, I was like, you know, I still Think about it. Sometimes when it's kind of like a, I don't know, a series or even just any sporting event where it's like one team is thought to have no chance, I'm like, well, I don't know. The Mariners swept the Tigers at home. Now we still lost 100 games that season. I mean, that's the important thing. We, we were still horrible, but we had for that one shining. For those three shining days. I was listening on my little clock radio and like just, you know, just pretty excited.

[Chris]

Yeah, exactly. And I do think that, that, that sticks with me. A while back on the show we were talking about the miracle on Dirt, which doesn't even need any explanation. Any, any sports fan or even non sports fan understands what the Miracle on dirt is at this point. Where were you when exactly though? Just a little walk off Mariner. A meaningless walk off Mariners moment from a meaningless season. But you and I happen to be listening to that game on the radio during one of our trips. And I think most listeners have heard us talk about it before. But that's the kind of thing where when I started watching the Mariners, there was never any hope of them being any good at all. Getting to a.500 season was good. So me coming. And again, I'm a full ass adult here. I'm in my 30s, but I'm a baseball newbie. And I think the attraction was even for a team that just bottoms out all the time, literally anything can happen on any given game. You know, I mean, an incredible pitcher can absolutely implode or vice versa, you know, and so that is, and I feel, you know, I don't watch a lot of sports, so maybe that is, maybe that applies to all sports, but it feels more baseball to me.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I think because, because a pitcher can just, all of us just have the magic that night. You could have, you know, a, you could have a team that's not nearly as good on paper, but that pitcher is just dealing that night and then that can effectively shut down the other team's offense. You just can't have one linebacker just personally shut down the entire other teams. He might make some nice tackles, but like, I think baseball's is one of those games that, particularly when it comes to pitchers, if a pitcher is having just an unhittable night, I mean, that's the game potentially.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Anything could happen.

[Bill]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week I hope that it's from a female.

[Chris]

Oh man. It's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, maybe we'll Talk German toilets tomorrow because it's a toilet that could save your life. But, Andrew, I had. I'm sorry, I don't mean to drive the curriculum here, but I had kind of a. Had an email that's been in my inbox for a while.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

That I was wondering if I could share with you on the subject of lots of people being named Dave.

[Chris]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if you saw this email when it came in from listener Jew. I don't know where Jew is checking in from. It doesn't seem to show their exact location.

[Chris]

Maybe Ju's in Seattle, but I could be wrong.

[Luke Burbank]

So Ju says, thanks, bizboys, for the TBTL A thon casting. I really enjoyed it. I regret that I didn't send this Dr. Seuss poem to you in time. It's called Too Many Daves.

[Chris]

Oh, I did see this. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Growing up, I heard this poem repeatedly on a Dr. Seuss album that my family had. I found a YouTube of this recording. Here's the poem below. I was unfamiliar with it because, you know, we talking about how everybody was named Dave in Valley City, and I'm just going to.

[Chris]

Frogs were named Dave too. Do you know that was the craziest part.

[Luke Burbank]

That was. Now, that was weird to me. That was like, okay, where's the cameras? Are we being punked?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So this is too many Daves. I think it's interesting that there is the kids in the hall. Dave's. I. Dave's. I know. Or Dave's. I've known.

[Chris]

These are the days. I know, I know.

[Luke Burbank]

And then, like, I. I swear to God, I did not remember that kids in the hall thing.

[Chris]

Well, you weren't a huge kids in the hall person, though. I was a bunch.

[Luke Burbank]

I wasn't.

[Chris]

I was big kids in the hall.

[Luke Burbank]

So I didn't know that. And then I certainly was unfamiliar with this Dr. Seuss poem. I. You know, we just all kind of were like, wow, there's a lot of people named Dave. It's just funny how many times this has been cited in pop culture.

[Chris]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

There are a lot of Dave. Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah. No, I'm totally unfamiliar with this Dr. Seuss thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Even we even notice when Dave isn't in a place.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Such as Dave's not here. Man.

[Chris]

I never got.

[Luke Burbank]

This is Too many Daves by Dr. Seuss. Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCabe had 23 sons and she named them all Dave? Well, she did. And that wasn't a smart thing to do. You see, when she wants One and calls out, yoo hoo. Come into the house, Dave. She doesn't get one. All 23 Daves of her come in on the run. This makes things quite difficult at the McCabes, as you can imagine, with so many Daves. And often she wishes that when they were born, she'd named one of them Bodkin Van Horn, and one of them Hoosfoose, and one of them Snim, and one of them Hotshot, and one sun and one of them Shadrach, and one of them Blinky, and one of them Stuffy, and one of them Stinky. Another one Putt Putt, another one Moonface, another1 Marvin O' Gravel balloon face and one of them Ziggy and Soggy Muff and Buffalo Bill and one Biffalo Buff and one of them Sneepy, and one of them Weepy Weed. And one of them Paris Garters, and one of them Harris Tweed. And one of them Sir Michael Carmichael Zutt. And one of them Oliver Bolivar Butt. And one of them zanzibar Buck. Buck McFate. But she didn't do that. And now it's too late. That's a pretty cute poem, for sure.

[Chris]

It is pretty cute.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, if you were a kid and you heard that.

[Chris]

I was surprised that you were going with the Luke Burbank reading of that, by the way. I tried to find some Dr. Seuss video on the fly or audio.

[Luke Burbank]

I scanned the email and I didn't realize that there was just a link to it.

[Chris]

Should we hear if yours was better than the per list here?

[Luke Burbank]

I think we know that. The other.

[Chris]

Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCabe had 23 sons, though? Do you remember this? This style of voice from kids?

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. Here's my question. Is this. This is not Theodore Geisel, right? This is not.

[Chris]

No, I don't think so. No. No.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. This person. I wonder who. I wonder who that. Because, yes, that voice is.

[Chris]

It's Marvin Miller. It says so I have. So this must be from a record because there's a conductor and composer credit, recording engineers are credited and vocals by Marvin Miller. But like, I've never heard this particular thing before. But I just know this voice. I don't know if it's from Dr. Seuss, TV specials of the time, or if Marvin Miller did a whole bunch of stuff like this, but this makes me feel so safe and cozy. Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCabe had 23 sons and she named them all Dave? Well, she did, and that wasn't a smart thing.

[Andrew]

To do.

[Chris]

You see, when she wants one and

[Bill]

calls out, yoo hoo, come into the

[Chris]

house, Dave, she doesn't get one. All 23 Daves of hers come on the run. And we've already heard the, the best version of this, so I don't have to keep. I just want to.

[Luke Burbank]

I want to point out he got to pre read it.

[Chris]

Oh, sure. No, absolutely. I'm not, I'm not setting you up for failure here. I was just curious what it sounded like. I wasn't sure if it was somebody EL from today's day and age just reading it, but no, I love that. That is from a classic album.

[Luke Burbank]

Here's my reaction to that. Wait, sorry. Oh my gosh. I was trying to play. I was trying to play a sad party horn, but I still had music going. No, I'm with you. That, that, that sort of style of narration and then the music behind it is just it. My version of that and this came up a bunch when we were putting together the TBTL greatest hits album. Although we didn't end up going in this direction. But my obsession and my sort of like, I don't know, my little nostalgic safe place is the Peter and the Wolf.

[Chris]

Oh yeah, sure.

[Luke Burbank]

The vinyl record that is. I believe it's Tchaikovsky, but it's. Is it Burl Ives? I forget. But it's like somebody who is basically explaining there's one. I think there's a version with David Bowie actually doing it where it's like explaining what the different instruments are that are going to represent the different characters in the story. And just. Oh my gosh. That, that's. That's what I need to start listening to. Instead of a white noise machine, I swear to God, that would put me in such a safe, calm place that I'd be out like a light.

[Chris]

Soon his grandpapa falls fast asleep and Peter escapes out of the cabin, across the snow and into the dark forest. Now you. I needle dropped as you probably wanted to hear the beginning where they're sort of setting up all of the.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, come on. My grandma had this record at her condo in Bellevue.

[Chris]

Isn't it amazing the things that you remember that was at your grandparents house when you would go there. Like there was this. I don't know if it was for Hot Wheels specifically or Matchbox, but there was like some sort of car toy that was a garage. And I saw somebody. I follow a lot of things on Reddit that are kind of like retro toys or retro food or whatever. And I saw somebody post this thing And I immediately, I could smell it. I could hear the bell. It was like a little garage for toy cars that had a car elevator in it as well. It might have been Fisher Pry, I don't remember. But you would pull the little. You go, vroom, vroom, vroom. You would make the noise with your mouth, vroom, vroom, vroom. Then the car goes right into the garage elevator, and that's all you did. And then you would go. You would crank this thing, and the elevator would go all the way to the top. And when it got to the top, a bell would ring and. And the floor of the elevator would kick up a little bit, so the car would automatically come racing out of the elevator, and then it would be on the top floor of the parking structure.

[Luke Burbank]

And, like, one of your grandparents just had that for the kids to play with.

[Chris]

I don't even know if they had any cars or. We would bring our own cars. Because you remember, like you said, I don't know if your parents were the same way, but it'd be like, okay, you can bring one toy to grandma's house or whatever. Like, okay, I'm bringing my Matchbox car. That's how I talked when I was a little kid. And then you would. Maybe grandma and grandpa had a car or two, but it was like they didn't. Even though they had five children, adults at this point, and I believe 17 grandchildren, they didn't have a. They were, you know, adults in their 60s. They didn't have a house full of toys. But you would know where the one toy was, right? And you would just, like, fixate on it.

[Luke Burbank]

My grandma had this probably pretty small condo in Bellevue. But I just remember this is much less fun. But it was like, she got Audubon magazine. So it'd be like, smarter than me,

[Chris]

Is that what you're saying?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, so I'd be like. And yeah, so I remember she had that. She had that Peter and the Wolf album. I remember there was a lot of Audubon magazine there. And I remember she did have good treats. She wasn't really like, this is my dad's mom. This is Virginia Burbank. She wasn't like the grandma who had just like, fresh baked cookies when you came over and she was pulling them out of the oven with her apple cheeks. She was more like, we have every kind of cookie they sell at the Safeway in Bellevue if you would like one of them. Which was ultimately her downfall towards the end of her life. She ultimately had diabetes. And, like, my dad's main Job was just like trying to limit her Oreo intake, really. I mean, not in a terrible way. Like, you know, she was. People, we get old and our bodies change and we, you know, we're not. None of us are going to be here forever. But I just remember my dad always. I was like, how's grandma doing? Sorry, she's still on those Oreos. That could be worse. She could be. She could be putting down a fifth of gin and smoking some Virginia Slims, which would be on brand since her name was Virginia.

[Chris]

Can I. I'm going to show. I'm going to show this to you and I will make it maybe the show pick today. It was a Fisher Price elevator, but can I text this to you? Is that the best way of reaching you right now?

[Luke Burbank]

You could put it up in Riverside.

[Chris]

Oh, it's on the wrong computer. I'd have to kind of shift it over to the other computer. But it was a Fisher Price car garage elevator thing. And it was just the right size for Matchbox cars and stuff like that. And I can. And you can tell this is the one that's probably from, I want to say the 1970s or maybe early 80s. As I'm trying to find your address here. What's your phone number?

[Luke Burbank]

Never.

[Bill]

I.

[Luke Burbank]

It's. I was never that into like Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars because I didn't have the accessories. I didn't have something like this that you're describing or even like the track. But what I was really obsessed with, what I really wanted was. Oh, dude, this is so cool. I actually remember seeing this.

[Chris]

Yeah. I was gonna say you probably had a friend or somebody had a little gas price. Yeah. That's why I said Fisher Price. Yeah. So it wasn't made for Matchbox or whatever, but it fisher fit those cars. And then there was a little roundabout on the top you could put your car on and spin it around.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. This is so cool. Yeah. You know what I was really obsessed with were like, basically like, it's not radio controlled, but because it's not, it's on a track but you know, like the race car track that had a current running.

[Chris]

I had one of those. Yeah, it was amazing.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like. We had a, you know, as you might imagine, like a fairly rudimentary one that my dad was always having to sand the contact points.

[Chris]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Because they wouldn't really.

[Andrew]

And then.

[Luke Burbank]

And then, of course, you know, you start, you're watching TV and they got ones doing six loops.

[Chris]

Yeah, they're doing all the loops. The Loops.

[Luke Burbank]

But I still like that. Like that. What do you call that?

[Chris]

Because.

[Luke Burbank]

Not radio control.

[Chris]

No, you're right, it wasn't radio control, but it was like a racetrack. And I had a little Feel the controller. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

A pistol grip.

[Chris]

Can you feel that thing kind of when you pull it? Like, it smells a little bit and

[Luke Burbank]

kind of the smell of like, I don't know, electricity. I know it's the brushes in the car or the copper. The smell of kind of like hot copper.

[Chris]

Yeah, it was like electricity. It smelled like electricity. Right. And then you. Or I might be confusing this with my. With my model train tracks, which we had a really old used thing that my dad got from somewhere that we set it up in our basement. But you would clean that with rubbing alcohol. And that was my. And boy, I guess I was always just a cleaner. That was like for me some.

[Luke Burbank]

For the track.

[Chris]

I guess I was always an alcoholic. That's what I meant to say. But no, I just always loved puttering. I loved taking those tracks apart and then wiping them down. The smell of cleaning those tracks with the rubbing alcohol. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I think my dad has like a huge train set now that he might have taken down so we could do the TBTL a thon from their basement that year. I know. I wish I would have told him, leave it up. We'll have a lot of fun with that.

[Chris]

It's so fun. Yeah. So like, just later in life, your dad just got into model train college.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it might have. I could. I'd ask. I would have to ask him, but I have a weird feeling it might have been his. His dad's. My granddad, Farnum Burbank. He and my grandma Virginia got divorced before I was ever born. But he might have got. They're all. They've. They've reconnected in the afterlife.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

But I think.

[Chris]

I don't.

[Luke Burbank]

I think he might have gotten it from. From like, you know, when. When my granddad Farnham passed away. Maybe it was in his stuff or who knows where he got it from. But like, yeah, he's. It's pretty. I think it's pretty active. You know what I think he did? I think he built it to make his grandkids, Jack and Abe, excited.

[Chris]

Oh, sure. Yeah. Now they're.

[Luke Burbank]

Now they've kind of grown up now that Abe is doing backflips off of like 20 foot high platforms into the Columbia River. I just got this like group text from my sister Liz. Abe's gotten over his fear of backflips. I was like.

[Chris]

And how can we not do that?

[Luke Burbank]

Abe, He's. It's like.

[Chris]

It's like parkour. Oh, no, I don't. Like. Where was he a few weeks ago when those folks jumped off of the Space Needle? Oh, my gosh.

[Luke Burbank]

That was edgy.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Literally.

[Chris]

Yeah. Yeah. All right, well, we know they were

[Luke Burbank]

able to rule you out immediately as a suspect.

[Chris]

I know. Can you imagine?

[Luke Burbank]

See, that was the good news. That's the least suspected you'll ever be.

[Chris]

Exactly. Was this you who climbed? I'm like, sir, I can't even get to the top of the Space Needle without having.

[Luke Burbank]

Sir, let me present a photo of me lying down on Luke's roof. I know I look chill, but it's because I need to have the most of my body, the most interesting.

[Chris]

That's a true story.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, that's gonna do it for today's episode, but we'll be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio, so we will see you then. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday, everybody stay safe. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Chris]

And good luck to all. Power out.