Episode #1038: It’s A TBTL Sausage Fest With Andy Haynes!

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #1038 – “It’s A TBTL Sausage Fest With Andy Haynes!”

Podcast Information:

• Title: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
• Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
• Description: TBTL is a daily show hosted by two longtime friends goofing their way through the world the best they can.
• Episode: #1038: It’s A TBTL Sausage Fest With Andy Haynes!
• Release Date: March 15, 2012

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1. Introduction and Banter

The episode kicks off with Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh introducing themselves and setting a light-hearted tone. Luke’s mom, Susie Burbank, makes an appearance, adding to the dynamic of the show. The hosts joke about working out and fitness, immediately establishing their camaraderie and humorous rapport.

• Luke Burbank: “This is episode 1038 in a collector series.” [01:20]

2. Introducing “Come on, You Douchebag” Segment

Luke introduces a new segment titled “Come on, you douchebag,” where they delve into amusing and bizarre stories. In this episode, they discuss the case of Americo Lopez from New Jersey, who was part of a lotto pool with construction workers. Americo allegedly went silent after claiming he needed foot surgery, only to later reveal he had won $34 million independently.

• Luke Burbank: “...this guy in New Jersey was in this lotto pool... he buried the lead that he had won $34 million, but was hoping they'd never figure out they did.” [01:35]

3. Gout and Gluten-Free Discussions

A significant portion of the episode revolves around health topics, specifically gout and gluten allergies. The hosts share personal anecdotes and listener emails, highlighting the increasing prevalence of gluten-free lifestyles and the frustrations associated with gout.

• Andrew Walsh: “I wear diapers, but I mean, I thought everybody did that.” [09:11]
• Luke Burbank: “I’ve been shitting my brains out for years.” [08:16]

They critique the commercialization and misunderstanding of these health issues, expressing skepticism about the motivations behind gluten-free trends and the effectiveness of medications for gout.

• Andrew Walsh: “It’s like my sister has a gluten allergy, but she also has chronic fatigue syndrome.” [09:35]

4. Critique of Medical Commercials

The hosts delve deeper into their disdain for certain medical commercials, particularly those related to gout. They mock the depiction of individuals carrying vials of urine as a representation of uric acid build-up, questioning the authenticity and educational value of such advertisements.

• Luke Burbank: “That’s a really ineffective commercial... I think it’s legally sort of controlled.” [10:46]
• Andy Haynes: “Man, a lot of people have been doing that lately.” [37:07]

5. Gym Experiences and Fitness Philosophy

A recurring theme in the episode is the discussion about gym culture. Susie Burbank shares her aversion to working out in groups, citing personal discomfort and negative experiences. The hosts debate the merits of solo workouts versus group fitness, often returning to humorously label their sessions as a “sausage fest.”

• Susie Burbank: “I am not going to the gym with you.” [15:48]
• Andrew Walsh: “Never again.” [16:02]

6. Career Struggles and Life in LA

Andrew Walsh opens up about his experiences living in Los Angeles, juggling temp jobs, and striving to make it in the comedy scene. He discusses the challenges of balancing creative ambitions with the instability of freelance work.

• Andrew Walsh: “Temp jobs are great because you’re like a stranger in the office for the day.” [23:20]
• Luke Burbank: “How are you liking LA, two months in?” [28:24]

The conversation touches upon the unpredictability of show business and the contrast between commercial success and personal fulfillment.

7. Experiences with Acting and Commercials

Luke recounts his stint in a beer commercial shot in Canada, highlighting the awkwardness and challenges of acting without formal training. His inability to convincingly portray awe while filming the Northern Lights led to humorous frustrations on set.

• Luke Burbank: “I realized that... I have the most nervous... I couldn't stop every part of my face from contracting and twitching.” [43:18]

8. Musical Interlude: Bright Futures

A brief musical interlude features the band Bright Futures, formerly known as Natalie Portman's Shaved Head. The hosts encourage listeners to support the band at South By Southwest, showcasing their integration of local music into the show.

• Luke Burbank: “This is from the band Bright Futures... You may know them because they used to be called Natalie Portman's Shaved Head.” [29:32]

9. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

As the episode nears its end, Andy Haynes discusses his upcoming performances at the Comedy Underground in Tacoma, inviting listeners to attend. The hosts wrap up by teasing future segments and events, maintaining their signature humorous tone.

• Andy Haynes: “I’m doing comedy for them... I’m at the Underground there tomorrow night.” [33:07]
• Luke Burbank: “We could go on missions... Let me.” [48:02]

Notable Quotes

• Luke Burbank: “It’s the ADHD of...” [09:12]
• Andrew Walsh: “I could probably say, congratulations on reaching just the vial.” [11:53]
• Andrew Walsh: “You could seriously just walk... But because you’re putting up like probably over 60 pounds.” [18:05]
• Luke Burbank: “I’ve been shitting my brains out for years.” [08:16]

Conclusion

Episode #1038 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live encapsulates the hosts' trademark humor and candid discussions on everyday topics. From health trends and gym culture to the struggles of pursuing a career in comedy, Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh provide an engaging and relatable narrative. Their interaction with guest Andy Haynes adds an extra layer of entertainment, making this episode a memorable installment for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Note: This summary aims to provide a comprehensive overview of the episode's content, capturing the essence of the hosts' conversations and the humorous undertones that define TBTL.

Transcript

[Chaim Progat]

I. I love to make people laugh. And I've been doing it since, you know, school. People ask me, were you, you know, were you. You must have been the class clown. And I say, no, I wasn't. But I sat beside the class clown and I, I studied him and, and saw how he made people laugh. And. And so I picked some things up and, you know, and at parties and family functions, I have to say I love, you know, breaking people up. So there's a thing that I think I got an entertaining bug from my grandfather, Chaim Progat, who was very, very big in the Yiddish theater back in New York. He was in the very, the sardonically irreverent Dybbuk Schmibic. I said, more ham.

[Unknown]

TBTM.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey there, folks. Welcome to a Thursday afternoon edition of tbtl. This here, this is the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew Walsh]

As soon as we get the kinks.

[Susie Burbank]

Worked out here, I'm sure it's gonna.

[Luke Burbank]

Be a great, great show. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm the host, weighing in at 190 pounds.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

This is episode 1038 in a collector series.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hi.

[Luke Burbank]

This is Luke's mom, Susie, coming tonight on tbtl. Is working out by yourself really the only way to get the proper results?

[Andrew Walsh]

Really, I'm trying to.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just trying to get my fitness on, trying to build my beef castle. We will ask that question. Also, we'll introduce a new segment called Come on, you douchebag.

[Andy Haynes]

Come on, you douchebag.

[Luke Burbank]

In which we talk about a guy in New Jersey who was in a lotto pool with his construction worker buddies. And then one day he just announced he was going to be out for a long time for foot surgery. Oh, and he buried the lead that he had won $34 million, but was hoping they'd never figure out they did. And we'll talk about it. Also, the hilarious Andy Haynes is here. Jokes are really difficult, I must say. And we'll talk to him who Andy will be performing at the Comedy Underground in Tacoma this weekend, so make sure you go check him out down there. Right behind me. Located in what I would consider my radio blind spot producer, Andrew Walsh.

[Unknown]

Well, some chairs make weird noises.

[Luke Burbank]

We're still auditioning Andrew's permanent intro sound. What do you think about that one? That's pretty good since you sent that one to me like six months ago. Was that from Freaks and Geeks?

[Susie Burbank]

I didn't send that to you.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought you sent that to me.

[Susie Burbank]

Is there another Andrew in your life?

[Luke Burbank]

I could also. New Hampshire. I could also do that one located at. I guess you'd say about 11 o'clock. If this were a clock, would be Shonda Torre, Japan's number one mixer. You're embarrassing me in company. You embarrass yourself. Hi, Shani.

[Andy Haynes]

Hey. Where'd you get the recording of me and my dad?

[Luke Burbank]

Right over there is Andy Haynes himself. What causes diarrhea? It is one of the greatest mysteries in the scientific world. Hey, buddy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey. How are you?

[Luke Burbank]

Good. This is really, really a sausage fest.

[Susie Burbank]

Don't miss the sausage fest.

[Luke Burbank]

This is just a bunch of dudes in a small room.

[Susie Burbank]

No girls allowed.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's weird that we have our shirts off.

[Andy Haynes]

That is weird.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's uncomfortable, but it's weird.

[Luke Burbank]

That makes one of us. I almost didn't get the show on the air today because somebody committed the most high crime you can at a radio station. Sean, for the block. Can you name what the. What's the. What's the most. What's the most jerk move somebody can do to somebody else at a radio station when it comes to one of these production.

[Andy Haynes]

Okay, I've got two. I've got. You eat something really, really stinky like tuna, or you continuously fart and hope that nobody smells it.

[Luke Burbank]

Those are both terrible. And as I hear tell somebody at this radio station, nobody in this room but a former employee of the radio station had to get a talk from HR about farting in the studios.

[Andy Haynes]

Whoa.

[Luke Burbank]

No, that is a real thing. That's not what somebody did, though. They took the little adapter for the headphone for these studio headphones. They can either be an 8th inch or a quarter inch, and they have this little sleeve that slides on them, and somebody took that off. And the problem is if you. If you're missing that, you can't plug the headphones in.

[Andrew Walsh]

Was it Copper Bandits?

[Luke Burbank]

The world's least ambitious meth heads? Hey, man, should we go tear up that new condo project that's going. Nah, but I know where I can get it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's go to broadcasting school.

[Andy Haynes]

That means the Longest from Mars. They were after the copper. The aliens came to Earth in search of copper.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, that could be. That could be exactly what's going on. I'm glad to tell you, though, that we're overcoming the odds and bringing you another edition of tbtl. Quick reminder that we will be at Emerald City Comic Con next Friday. Sean, you want to go to Emerald City Comic Con next Friday?

[Andy Haynes]

What time is it?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not sure the exact time. Can you send the proper HR paperwork to see if you can get next Friday off.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

This is how we find out about things on TVTL. It's gonna be March 30th. We'll be at Emerald City Comic Con doing some kind of a little live TBTL type of thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Lots of guys in sweatpants looking at you guys.

[Luke Burbank]

It'll remind me of being here. Hopefully the shirts will be on. Will be firmly on. At Emerald City Comic Con, I'm gonna.

[Andrew Walsh]

Have my shirt off so my centaur outfit looks more realistic.

[Luke Burbank]

How'd that surgery go, by the way? Worth it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I can run super fast.

[Susie Burbank]

You are committed to Sean.

[Luke Burbank]

Weren't you talking? Weren't you or. No, I think it was the mummy. I apologize for mixing you up. That's one of the worst insults anyone can go. Like, misremember if it was you or the mummy.

[Andy Haynes]

No, I've always wanted to be taller.

[Luke Burbank]

The mummy was talking about how he thought the problem with centaurs was that the. He thought that it should be a human legs and like a horse top. I was like, that's the worst idea I've ever heard. First of all, you would just be slow and you'd have like these non functioning hoofy kind of arms.

[Andrew Walsh]

Super duper top heavy.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I would be the. I was like, how could you even think that for a minute? You're talking. The centaur is the. Is the absolute best of both worlds.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's like the mermaid with the fish head and the lady bottom.

[Luke Burbank]

That was actually how the conversation started.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

That was what he. That was what he was proposing. But he was proposing a dude because he's in this banjo band that he and his buddy started called the Merman. And so it got him started on how mermaids were the wrong half and also centaurs, for that matter.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think they got it right.

[Luke Burbank]

I do, too. I'm saying, you know, dance with who.

[Andy Haynes]

First time around, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Like, I think I'm happy with the human top.

[Andy Haynes]

Yeah, me too.

[Susie Burbank]

God, don't make no mistakes.

[Luke Burbank]

So we were talking a couple days ago on the show about the fact that. And it was me mostly. I don't want to get Andrew in trouble with people, but I was saying how I find it weird how no one can eat gluten anymore and everyone has gout. I don't feel like that represents a tremendous amount of medical progress.

[Andrew Walsh]

I actually have gluten.

[Luke Burbank]

And so I knew by talking about it, the emails would come in and sure enough, they did. So Doug says, I have been recently Diagnosed with celiac disease, I had very mild symptoms. Stomach discomfort that I lived with for five years before seeing a doctor. Like Andrew said, I think a lot of people may have just lived with it before the awareness of gluten allergies arose. I don't know. But I sure am glad there's now 10 brands of crappy gluten free cookies to choose from instead of just the two from five years ago. So that's the gluten free contingent weighing in. Youyou're a vegetarian, Andy?

[Andrew Walsh]

Kinda. I eat fish.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. How are you on the gluten?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't notice any problems, but I always. I mean, I don't really know what the symptoms are. Do you?

[Luke Burbank]

I've been shitting my brains out for years. I was never able to isolate.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wear diapers, but I mean, I thought everybody did that.

[Luke Burbank]

Shani, how about you? Because we actually had a doctor phone in once to try to diagnose you. And the repeats.

[Andy Haynes]

Yeah. Right. And I still to this day have the repeats. And my stomach problems have been progressively, I think, getting worse to where I'll eat a sandwich, you know, lots of sand, a little bit of which.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably one of the major problems with that.

[Andy Haynes]

No, it's just a regular, you know, regular sandwich. And my stomach will hurt really, really bad. And I don't quite get it.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you tried going Gluten Free since 93?

[Andy Haynes]

No, I haven't.

[Luke Burbank]

You might look into it. I don't know. This is.

[Andy Haynes]

That's what people have been telling me, and I think that I should do that because it could be a simple solution.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's one of those things that I constantly just want to not appreciate. You know what I mean? When somebody's like, I have a gluten allergy.

[Luke Burbank]

I know.

[Andrew Walsh]

Shut up.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. It's like I have an inherent skepticism about it. What I said on the show the other day was it's sort of the. It's the ADHD of. Because, you know, in the 70s or the 80s or whatever, everybody was hypoglycemic. And then apparently I've never heard anyone say they're hypoglycemic in the last 10 years. So apparently no one has that anymore. Then it was like, I'm so addicted.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Now I feel like everyone's got a gluten allergy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It's like my sister has a gluten allergy, but she also has chronic. What's the one where you're always tired? Chronic fatigue syndrome.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I need to nap.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm so Glad that she listens to this podcast, because I feel like that you're speaking truth into her life.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like this is my olive branch.

[Luke Burbank]

We also got an email from somebody who has gout.

[Andrew Walsh]

A sailor. That was Captain Ivor.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the thing that. Call me Ishmael. That's the thing that blew me away and blows me away about all of these commercials where the guy's carrying a beaker full of what looks to be human urine. That's his uric acid that's built up, and he's on the subway with it, and everyone's like, it's a very upsetting commercial. Really.

[Susie Burbank]

And also in that commercial, all the medicine does is make the thing he's carrying around slightly smaller.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, that's a really good point. It doesn't even get really so right. You are so right. Yeah. It still looks awful. At the end of the commercial, he just has a little bit smaller vial of his own urine, and he's riding.

[Susie Burbank]

The subway like, life is good.

[Luke Burbank]

I had seen that commercial, and I think I kind of had that thought. But you're exactly right. That is a really ineffective commercial. And I'm sure it's legally. It's legally sort of controlled, because whenever there's a prescription drug ad, there are a million rules. Obviously, because you're selling people this thing, they're gonna take in their body. So I wonder if the Food and Drug Administration, or whoever it is who sort of is in charge of it, said you're not allowed to show him with no vial of urine, because strictly speaking from the test, you don't eliminate it with this. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, that's. Cause otherwise, why on earth would they still have him holding a vial?

[Andrew Walsh]

I love that somebody made that commercial. And they're like, yeah, he's still gonna have a thing of urine at the end.

[Luke Burbank]

But I'm saying, I think it's probably the government said to them, you can't show him without the urine because that represents him having no gout in there.

[Andy Haynes]

I want to see that in real life. Like, I want to see a dude with gout on the subway just carrying a bottle of urine.

[Luke Burbank]

No, you don't.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think you can go to New York.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andy Haynes]

Every week I see him, it'll get smaller and smaller. And I could. Then I could say, congratulations on reaching just the vial.

[Andrew Walsh]

Congot ulations.

[Luke Burbank]

David said, I heard you talking about the gout for a couple minutes. I wanted to say I had the same exact opinion until a few days ago. I'm 36 and in decent shape. But as I went into the ER on Saturday thinking my toe was broken, instead it turns out I had the gout. Of course I thought it was a broken toe because no way could it be the gout. Right? I totally thought the gout was just for old people. Or the guy that drinks 1012 packs of beer a night and is literally £350 or is trying to reenact Henry V in his own home. Then he does. I don't get that reference. But he says open design kitchen with him sitting on his ebay found royal throne that's parked next to his gas fireplace with a shag red carpet runner from Ikea leading directly from his chair to the island in the kitchen. I guess Henry V must have had.

[Andy Haynes]

Gout or and an island.

[Andrew Walsh]

Weird kitchen.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, a non imaginative kitchen design. But sadly no. Luke, I am proof that it could happen to you. Good news is I think that it has more to do with the fact that I just returned from a year long deployment a month ago and and have been all about the booze, juice and eating all the things I couldn't have. I really think I just put my system into a tailspin and it couldn't deal with and my body gave me the middle finger. It's so painful though. I really hope you never have to deal with it as I will never again be anything less than completely sympathetic to anyone dealing with the gout.

[Andrew Walsh]

Jesus.

[Susie Burbank]

So you can get the gout in a month?

[Luke Burbank]

Apparently listener David did and then does it.

[Susie Burbank]

I always thought once you have that, you have that but also keys carrying.

[Andrew Walsh]

Around a giant thing of urine. Yeah, so that's some of it spills.

[Luke Burbank]

In his mouth every once in a while. See, that's why I find that commercial so upsetting because the implication is, as they say on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it's the implication is that he's going to spill urine either in his mouth or in someone else's mouth.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can we call them gauchos from now on? Yes, I think that's appropriate.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. We can. There was a guy who wrote a column in Gawker about working out and his point is that. I'll just read you a little bit here. People like to work out in groups. They like to go to classes. They like to do Zumba and pilates and yoga and aerobics with a bunch of like minded peers. They like to go to Saturday night dance party workouts for singles who want to sweat and mingle. These people are wrong. Wrong how? Just wrong. Hardcoreness is not achieved in groups. Hardcore ness is achieved via a journey and into the sweating, painful depths of yourself. Hardcore ness is achieved alone. Therefore, you should work out alone. Do you know who works out in groups? Jerks, mostly. He goes on to break down the average. This is a breakdown of the time the average person spends at the gym with a workout buddy. 21% of it is spent getting changed, 13% discussing the plan for today's workout, 18% spotting your workout buddy unnecessarily, 18% working out, and 30% talking to each other while sitting on a bench that someone else who wants to actually lift something is waiting for.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did he do the math on that? I'm pretty sure that's in the 115th percentile by now.

[Luke Burbank]

You and your workout buddy are not creating fitness energy. You two are carrying on like the cast of Perfect Strangers while monopolizing valuable workout real estate, et cetera, et cetera. So I guess my question was going to be, is there any truth to that at all? Do you guys. Andrew, you kind of go to the gym.

[Susie Burbank]

Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

I like how you're sort of bowing your shoulders right now, like, just being like, I just blasted my shit.

[Susie Burbank]

I'm gonna put my shirt on if you don't stop making fun of me.

[Luke Burbank]

You don't stop hollering at me.

[Susie Burbank]

Don't miss the sausage fest. Yeah, I do not like going to the gym with other people. I mean, when I first started going to the gym years ago, I couldn't even believe that I was setting foot into a gym. Like, it was just so against my nature. And I was gonna say antithetical, but I think I'm pronouncing it wrong.

[Andrew Walsh]

Antithetical.

[Luke Burbank]

There's just missing a T. Andrewthetical.

[Susie Burbank]

Andrew. So I certainly did not want to show up with somebody who would, like, see me at my worst and, like, a pair of sweatpants. Like, you guys will never see me in a pair of sweatpants. I'm never going to the gym with you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Never again.

[Susie Burbank]

Comic Con will be the last time. And then.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie Burbank]

So, yeah. No. Hell no. Did I. And I wouldn't want. If I saw people at the gym who I knew I would just avoid them and avert.

[Luke Burbank]

No. Someone had literally had a heart attack at your gym, and you didn't even get off the treadmill.

[Susie Burbank]

That is true. That is true. I. First of all, Lil Wayne has a lot of sirens in his songs. And so when you're listening to Lil wayne on the StairMaster and you don't and you wonder why people are running around. You had no idea that actually you took off your headphones. People are.

[Luke Burbank]

But the guy was sprawled out. And you just kept working away on.

[Susie Burbank]

Your find out until later. I saw people were running around and I figured it was some sort of health thing. Somebody might have been dead. I wasn't exactly sure I could have gotten off a machine and gone around the corner.

[Andy Haynes]

But you were just breaking sweat.

[Susie Burbank]

Kinda.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you gotta finish your circuit.

[Susie Burbank]

And also I was just kind of like, well, like I'm just not at the gym to have any kind of interaction with anybody alive or dead. Alive or dead. I'm just weird about it. Like, I'm in, I'm out. Like, just put the headphones on and don't make eye contact.

[Luke Burbank]

You just described, you just described coitus for me. Exactly.

[Andy Haynes]

Are you outlet gout?

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. I like that. You looked at Andy. You were like, he's a professional comedian. No, but like he's the, he's the Randy Jackson of jokes.

[Andy Haynes]

People say that I'm out. Like out.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Haynes]

Thanks, Andy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, thanks. I always say that.

[Luke Burbank]

Shawnie, you don't, you don't have a traditional, you don't, you don't have a traditional gym membership or plan. What do you do you ride bikes? You do, you do some free weights at your house?

[Andy Haynes]

Yeah, I do. I have a pull up bar that you can affix to your, to your door frame.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andy Haynes]

That I bought at bartels for like 20 bucks. It works super, super great. Push ups. And then I go running every once in a while. But I used to go to the gym in high school up until college. But I enjoyed it. But I would go by myself. I wouldn't go with a group. In high school I learned that it's good to have spotters because you could break your effing neck on the bench press.

[Luke Burbank]

But especially me because I'm putting up like probably over 60 pounds.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So yeah, I try to, you know, I need people there.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's impressive. Last week when you got those 10 pound weights on the bar.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, like that. Yeah.

[Andy Haynes]

But I enjoy the gym. When I go, maybe if I went with a group of people, it would be different because it would be some conversing and then it's like, okay, guys, we have to break up. Enough of enough sausage talk.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, it can never be enough sausage talk.

[Susie Burbank]

Don't miss the sausage fest.

[Andy Haynes]

Have you ever, did you ever used to go to the gym? Have you ever worked out because you.

[Luke Burbank]

Look Like I'm the member. I look like a piece of. Well, as. As someone said, my ass likes. My ass looks like 200 pounds of chewed bubble gum. So that's good. I. I am a member of a hoity toity gym that I never go to. And if I did the math on how much it costs me per day.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was going to ask you to use one of your guest passes.

[Luke Burbank]

Actually, I don't have any, but they don't give them to me anymore. Because $160 doesn't entitle you to a GD guest pass.

[Andrew Walsh]

You brought too many. You brought too many people off the street.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, no, but you can just walk in there. See, that's the thing about fancy gyms. They also, and particularly, as you say in your act, you look like a senator's son. So, I mean, would you stop this man from walking into just about anywhere? You could walk in and probably start doing surgery.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, it helps that I walk in topless every time, ready to rip.

[Luke Burbank]

You could seriously just walk. The only downside would be you would have difficulty getting a locker because. But I could give you my locker key that.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, your gym was like when I was die to the story. When I was a senior, we went in the day before our senior party there and we hid like three gallons of vodka.

[Luke Burbank]

Really?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And so they like, we just. Everybody was hanging out in the men's locker room because my friend's dad had a membership, so we just had a locker full of bar stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Every time I go to that gym with somebody else, I will say I get less working out done. Because if it's a girl, I don't want to look like a complete shit. If I was in shape, if I was really, really fit, then I would probably work out hard because I would be like impressing her. But it's more. She would see that after 20 minutes on the treadmill, I'm like, you know, I look like Jeff Garland from Curb youb Enthusiasm with a wilted piece of lettuce on his head. Other than that, it's a good look for me. So I. The few times I have gone recently, I try to go alone because I just want it to be. I just want it to be between me and my shame.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what's fun is those 24 hour gyms. Because if you go like, I used to be a member of Anytime Fitness in Fremont and that doesn't even have anybody watching it during the middle of the night. And man, do you see a Laundromat you see some characters that are allergic to light.

[Susie Burbank]

I belong to one of those 24 hour ones. And yeah, actually one time we were hanging out with the mummy at the. At the sbk, which is right around the corner. The karaoke place. Right. And we just realized we didn't have enough mixers, so we just like strolled into the gym drunk as skunks.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Susie Burbank]

And. And just like kind of bought. Bought a bunch of like, stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Gatorade from the vending machine.

[Susie Burbank]

Exactly. And I never felt. I felt so naughty. I was just like, I should not be in here in this state of mind.

[Luke Burbank]

Who was the weirdest person? You sighed. I always wonder what the deal is with those Anytime fitnesses. I've seen them around, so they don't even have. There's no attendant on duty at night.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I think at night there's actually also like little alarms to pull so in case somebody creepy comes in or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Because that seems. Yeah, that seems like. Again, good gym, though. Great gym.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just they do raise the prospect of a rape gang entering point.

[Luke Burbank]

When would you go in there? Would you go in there, like late at night?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I'm a regular person. I would just go in usually. But I mean, sometimes, you know, if you're bored and angry.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know who I feel more sad for when I. It's like a, you know, like a Saturday night and it's like 11 o'clock at night and I'm driving somewhere, you know, fun with my friends and you can just see one of those 24 hour fitnesses or one of those places are open late and there's like one person who's just on the treadmill. I honestly don't know. Am I the pathetic one because I'm just getting fatter and drunker or. Or are they the pathetic one because they're working out by themselves at 11 o'clock at night on a Saturday.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's weird. I'd say that. I think the saddest people are the people that are like the big. Like when I was a member of Crunch in New York, what gyms haven't you belonged to? Crunch Gym. They brought me into this one room at the end of the tour and they're like, you're gonna love this. And it was like a disco with bikes in it.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, like, you know, spinning.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

But like a guy gets in there and like they're playing like heavy, like house music and he's like, yeah, feel it. And you're like, I think that's the saddest. People.

[Luke Burbank]

The music's too loud to hear you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Crying.

[Luke Burbank]

But for a long time, you didn't need to be a member of a gym because you were a mover, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, I was. I was a poor person. Poor people don't join gyms. They just work.

[Luke Burbank]

Speaking of being a poor person, how's LA going?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, it's great. It's. I'm back in the moving game.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you really?

[Andrew Walsh]

I got an office job through a moving company. But, yeah, it's good. I've only been there for two months doing a little temping, stuff like that.

[Luke Burbank]

I saw you posted something on, I guess it was Facebook or Twitter or something about your temp job. How do you like the temp job?

[Andrew Walsh]

Temp jobs are great because you're like a stranger in the office for the day. And I've never actually had a temp job where they wanted me to do work. It's always just like, hey, so and so's gone, so we need to fill this seat. And so you just sit there for the whole day. I was in the mail room the last time. Actually, no, the last time I temped, I was in one of those construction sites next to the freeway, which was pretty interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

What were you ostensibly.

[Andrew Walsh]

What was your into their health screenings?

[Luke Burbank]

Do you have, like, a strategy down or a way of being. When you, like, show up in an office and you don't have any real work to do, but you're going to have to be there for eight hours and it's like, five people you've never met before, and, like, how involved do you get in, like, talking to them in anything?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, a real good one is to take the crossword puzzle, go into the copy room, and demagnify it down to a very small level so that you can put it in your hand and constantly be working on the crossword. Another one is to transpose your Sudoku puzzles into an Excel spreadsheet.

[Luke Burbank]

You really do that?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't do those as much anymore because I just do them like, once or twice a week. I do do the crossword thing. I fold the crossword up to. It's just the crossword.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you have any.

[Andrew Walsh]

I hide a lot. I do a lot of hiding because, you know, they have, like, those file rooms where the files are on those.

[Luke Burbank]

Roller decks, you know, hey, where's that temp Randy? It was weird. He was here, like, two minutes ago.

[Andrew Walsh]

Who lit a campfire in the bathroom?

[Luke Burbank]

How do you. How do you kind of. I don't want to get, like, I don't want to get too real, but how do you kind of like deal with the fact that on a given night you might be playing a stand up comedy show for a really big crowd or hanging out with, you know, your, your, your sort of cohorts, you know who a lot of them are, you know, famous comedians and stuff. And then you're checking people in for their health screening. Like, does your brain scramble because the moving thing seems like you had it down to kind of a system between the moving and the comedy, but now it's like you're talking about something that you have no connection to, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think it's, you know, I definitely, I get bummed out about it for sure because I'm like, why? What did I do? And then I like look back and I'm like, senior year, deciding to move to Lake Tahoe to ski instead of go to a good college was definitely no. You know, like, it's just like that's.

[Luke Burbank]

Not even relevant to your, that's not even relevant to your career because you could have a degree from Harvard and it wouldn't affect that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would be moving if I had a degree from Harvard.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, how would a Harvard grad who's doing comedy and has a lot of success at comedy but is still make waiting maybe for the final piece of like, this is going to be my full time, all the time living. And for people that somehow don't know you, even though you're on the show almost every day, tbt, all that is once a day. You've been on Fallon, you've performed at the Just for Laughs festival in Montreal, which is a huge industry thing. And you have, your management is the same management that Will Ferrell has.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, you have like all this tremendous success. I mean, how would you be doing it differently other than just making your living at comedy?

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess I think that I would have, you know, stand up is what I really focused on. And I didn't really try to diversify or like, because the, the sad thing about, I think everybody realizes this because you guys are all in kind of creative departments that you really have to just do like the stupid classes and you know, like just this like grunt work. You have to do that work where it's like you do have to take like an acting on camera class and you have to take like a sitcom writing class and you have to like write and write and write and write. And so I'm just in that now. It's like all that stuff that I kind of was Like, I don't need to do that when I was like 22. Now it's like, no, you have to do that stuff and learn these things. But I think that, you know, I think that it's just finding that right niche. I'm very like add. I don't think that that's helped me with my career stuff, but I really want to write for TV or do some hosting stuff. I like that I have to. I think that I have to be like a little more gregarious or something or like outgoing, you know.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like there's a lot of work for non. Like I feel like the guys who are on TV who are. Daniel Tosh is not particularly gregarious, is he? Joel McHale? I think there's a kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think I have an awkwardness, but I'm not like an awkward guy, so to speak. You know, like there's like awkwardness now because like a lot of people can get away with being like, you know, like that's like the whole. There's like nerds, you know, and that's like really popular now to be like kind of awkward and self reflective.

[Luke Burbank]

Right, right.

[Andrew Walsh]

But my whole thing is like I'm awkward and kind of like unselfconfident. But I look like I bullied all of you, you know what I mean? It's like I like to say that I was the bully in high school that a lot of people probably still have like a grudge with. But now if they went to like find me, they'd learn a lot about themselves.

[Luke Burbank]

How are you liking la two months in?

[Andrew Walsh]

I love it. I think it's an amazing city. I really like. It's not a city. That's one thing. That's weird. There's no cultural center. But it's great. It's everything I wanted.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. So I'm. Cause New York, everybody really like looks up to New York and everybody shits on LA except me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Well, I think nobody realizes that Sex and the city ruined New York. And New York is not the fantasy that they think it is. It's not. Paris is burning Interesting. You know, like freaks and stuff like that. Now it's like a lot of people who are like, you know, I saw sex in the city and I love Jamba Juice and once a month I'll eat a cupcake and I'm getting married.

[Luke Burbank]

I used to live in that exact neighborhood of New York. Alright, let's listen to some music here. This is from the band Bright Futures. These guys are playing at South By Southwest right now. I don't mean literally at this minute, but they are playing. You may know them because they used to be called Natalie Portman's Shaved Head. One of the most unfortunate band names of all time. You had them on some kind of a thing, right? Didn't you interview them? Weren't they. Did you do some bumber shoot thing one time? They were here hanging around the radio station.

[Andy Haynes]

No. No.

[Andrew Walsh]

Did you guys interview him at Sasquatch?

[Andy Haynes]

I never interviewed them, but I like their song Beard Lust.

[Andrew Walsh]

Those guys used to do Laugh Hole when I was starting out in Seattle.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, they're nice. They're nice kids.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're awesome kids. Yeah, they're great. And I don't think they're kids anymore.

[Luke Burbank]

Hopefully they're not, but they're.

[Andrew Walsh]

How did they beat time?

[Luke Burbank]

They're down at south by Southwest. So go. If you're in the Austin area and you're hearing this, go. Go find them and tell them. Hi from tbtl. We'll be back with more in just a moment.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A soft shot on a summer night. It'll be the kind of music that everyone likes. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it a club we cannot dance till we don't give a shit what it's about. Make it a bomb song so we can sing along, sing along make it perfect we can up dance you we don't give a what it's about make it a wild song so we can sing along, sing along. We're rocking more boogette children, kids battle suit and make 100 million. I bought a helicopter just so I can make it rain. You're in your car with your bffs. The future's bright this is something that Here comes the sun make it a clubhead we can all dance till we don't Give us what it's about. Make it a pop song so we can sing along, sing along make it a perfect we can all dance till we don't give a shit what it's about. Make it a pop song so we can sing along. So sing along. You'll be the leader of the black walls always at your back. Ride your silver sl. What it's about make it a bar song so we can sing along, sing along make it a good hit. We cannot dance till middle.

[Luke Burbank]

Welcome back to tbtl. This is the show that just might be too beautiful to live. That's Bright Futures. Luke burbank here with Mr. Andy Haynes. He'll be at the Comedy Underground in Tacoma. Are you doing a thing tonight?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I'm doing a fundraiser.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

For my summer camp that I worked at.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really? Okay. So is it. Is it two shows, one show Tonight?

[Andrew Walsh]

Tonight is just. It's not really comedy. I mean, I'm doing comedy for them, but it's like kind of a, you know, it's like an inside.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, I see.

[Andrew Walsh]

So it's not that type of event.

[Luke Burbank]

I see. So it's. Is it a thing that you want people to go to?

[Andrew Walsh]

I want people to give money to it.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, but don't come.

[Andrew Walsh]

But don't come to it.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

I. I do want people to come to Tacoma. If you're in Tacoma and you feel stuck and, you know, I. And you want to come to a good comedy show. I'm going to be at the Underground there tomorrow night at 8:30 and 8:30 and 10:30 on Saturday nights. So please come out because all the friendly fire would be welcome. Instead of the regular riff raff that come down from the line dancing bar. The club is below asking me about career earlier. I am performing beneath a line dancing bar if you want to know how I feel about things.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know what? Just today, I think they started a Tacoma 10s Facebook page.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And I believe it has one member. So you're in like Flynn.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just remember, no shirts.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm going to post something on there in a little bit reminding everybody that you're going to be down there. All right, let's see. Next on the list of things. Oh, right. New segment called. Come on, you douchebags. Oh, this is the only sound effect we have. So they say it a little bit, a little bit different here. It almost sounds like a song by Bright Futures.

[Andy Haynes]

Come on, you douchebags.

[Luke Burbank]

This guy in New Jersey was in this. He works for a construction company. His name is Americo Lopez and he's in this lotto pool. They have this deal where they're gonna pool their money. They've been doing it for years. They've been doing it since like 2007. And they put their money in the hat, they go buy the lotto tickets, and then if they win, they split the money. And one day this guy comes to work and I guess it was his job to buy the lotto tickets. That week brings a lot of tickets. They don't have any winners. Hmm, how sad. And then I imagine anyway that he just slowly backed out of the construction site and just like said to them, and this actually was his story, that he needed a foot surgery. He may have had the gout. And so he's like, I'm gonna get foot surgery. No one sees him for a long time, and then he never comes back. And one day, he. For some random reason, he calls one of the guys who was in the lottery pack, just kind of, like shooting the shit, and mentions offhandedly, oh, on a different lotto ticket that I had bought for myself, not the group ticket, but this other one that I had bought, I won $34 million.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure. Yeah. I think what the giveaway was, was he got that golden foot surgery. He shouldn't have got golden feet if he wanted his secret kept. It's like Goodfellas.

[Luke Burbank]

One calf is so, so jacked now from just lifting that 40 pound golden foot everywhere. So the other guy was like, wait, that's weird, because we were in this whole lotto pact. And so they took him to court, and they actually just won. And each one of them is gonna get $4 million of this money.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good, good.

[Luke Burbank]

This.

[Andrew Walsh]

The Bon Jovi's gonna stay in business, guys.

[Luke Burbank]

Slippery when wet. The reason that I say, come on, you douche, to this guy Americo Lopez is not just because it appears that he tried to completely swindle these guys out of the pot. It's because he also. After he'd collected the lotto money, he went on to collect unemployment from the state of New Jersey.

[Andrew Walsh]

What?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Somehow they didn't do the paperwork and figure out that they were paying unemployment to a guy who had just taken in $17 million after taxes from this lottery.

[Andy Haynes]

Man, a lot of people have been doing that lately. Like, winning lotto and then, you know, claiming unemployment, thinking that it's cool.

[Luke Burbank]

Really? Is that going on?

[Andy Haynes]

I heard that just earlier this week or late last week, another woman. A woman somewhere in the United States of America.

[Luke Burbank]

I've heard of it.

[Andy Haynes]

Won the lottery and then claimed unemployment.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's the biggest scam and show business. Do you guys know about this? Like, if you're an actor and you book something and it pays you, like, $50,000, literally, and then you just don't have anything for the next six months or something, you're allowed to collect unemployment even though you made tons of money.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, even if you're on, like, a sitcom, if your sitcom gets canceled, you can get unemployment.

[Andy Haynes]

Wow. Like, even if you were on a sitcom for, like, three years or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, totally. You could probably get more unemployment because you were on a sitcom for.

[Susie Burbank]

Yeah, because unemployment is based on how much you made, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep. It's just that you don't have a anymore. And so like, there's tons of people. All you have to make, I guess, is like, you know, $10,000 quarterly and you apply for six months following that quarter.

[Luke Burbank]

You know that famously there was a photo taken of Dustin Hoffman after he'd made the Graduate where he was in line at the unemployment office in New York City.

[Andy Haynes]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

And like a pop. An early, early paparazzo got a picture of him there because he hadn't been paid much for the movie or like they hadn't given him the check or they didn't know it was going to be a big hit. And that's the thing people don't realize is for some of those things. And this almost goes back a little bit to the conversation we were having previously about comedy and a career and trying to make a living with it is like, there are some things in show business that pay way more than they should. Right. Like you're a person who walks through the background of an aspirin commercial and then you're getting residuals for the rest of your life. But on the other hand, you could do some kind of very high profile thing and get paid a day rate of $5,000 less than that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, it's way less to do like a live stand up thing. But then if you're like one day do like a. Like my fiance. I'm not gonna rat her out on this, but she's a commercial actress.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And she makes more than my parents. And she's worked like five days this last year.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. But she's good. And I always pause the TV when she's on and I make everyone watch Creepy.

[Andy Haynes]

And then he zooms in.

[Andrew Walsh]

No shirts.

[Luke Burbank]

I put. No. Pause the tv. Put my pants on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Will you stop texting my fiance? No shirts.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's no Shirt Thursday.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's true.

[Luke Burbank]

No, she's in the one right now where somebody's on a bus and they're doing Laughing.

[Andrew Walsh]

She's laughing.

[Luke Burbank]

She's laughing at a book I can.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tell you guys to look out for her at. And T LensCrafters, Maxwell House, Budweiser. And this week booked a BMW commercial.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

What's she doing in the BMW commercial? Caressing the rich. Rich Corinthian leather.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's like an indie thing. And there's all these black guys with no shirts on.

[Andy Haynes]

And he said that it's not going to be.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's just going to be on the Internet.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

She just said that it was. She had to go away for a couple days. You've Volunteer work.

[Susie Burbank]

I guess.

[Luke Burbank]

That is the most that must be for you also, obviously, you know, you're very happy for her success. But that's the most. If you're in, particularly if you live in LA and if you're trying to make a living in the entertainment world, be it acting, comedy, whatever that is. The most crazy making thing. Right. Is how capricious the universe of commercial casting is.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's insane because she's like upset because she wants to be a stand up and she's a good stand up, but she's still like making a name for herself. So she can't get booked as often. And I can get booked not like every night, but I can get a lot of shows that I want.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then she makes $30,000 on a commercial.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I don't, I'm not. I just can't be sympathetic because I'm like. I applied at a job last week to clean prisons, so I'm not really worried about your stage time. Why don't you go get in your golden bicycle car with your golden feet. Yeah. Why don't you go on your private freeway that you and the Mr. Burns live on.

[Andy Haynes]

Could you get into commercials if you wanted? Have you tried to. Have you do.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm trying to, yeah. I'm trying to get into that world. But it's just one of those things that you got to do a lot. So until I get steady that it's. I'm always gonna be like, you know, it's gonna be an audition every six.

[Andy Haynes]

Months until you get steady with your stand up or just steady the auditioning.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I should take.

[Luke Burbank]

Or his line dancing.

[Andy Haynes]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Because after the early show he goes upstairs, teaches a couple of.

[Andy Haynes]

So even though you have an in, I don't know if it's an in with your fiance. That doesn't quite work that way.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I mean I'm like seeking representation right now.

[Andy Haynes]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I think it should work out that I, I'm just not. She's an actress, you know, like she knows what she's doing. She's done it for years.

[Andy Haynes]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I've done acting, but I'm not trained at all and I don't know where to look and I don't know method.

[Luke Burbank]

It's actually, it's so much more. I've been in a couple of TV commercials and the first one I got in, I had no experience acting. I still have no experience acting. But there was a scene in, it was this beer commercial and the idea the mummy was in It. The idea was we're supposed to be these American kids driving up into the Great north to explore Canada. It was when Molson Beer wanted to try to position themselves in the US as this, like, import beer, kind of like Heineken or something. As opposed to the Budweiser of Canada, which is what they are.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Not that it's bad, but it's just like they were thinking the way we can get people in America to really be into us is to sort of rebrand ourselves. The whole point of the commercial is. And we shot in Canada, we're driving around in these, like, Land Rovers and these old Land Rovers. It was crazy. Was to end in this scene where we're looking at the northern lights.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, wow.

[Luke Burbank]

And we weren't really looking at the northern lights. They weren't really there, but they literally. The point of the whole commercial was a shot of our faces looking up at the northern lights in this kind of amazement. I realize when it gets to this part, after two weeks of them filming this and the rest of it, we didn't have any lines, no one any dialogue. We would just seriously go to bars and drink, and they would film it, and then we'd, like. We'd run around. We just do normal shit. And they would film it, and then they would. On different kinds of cameras. That's how, you know commercials. Artsy. Because, like, half of it's in Super 8, half of it's in film, half of it's in digital video.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And they got the camera right up on my face, and I'm supposed to be looking at these northern lights. And I realized that, like, I have the most nervous. I'm so nervous about not looking at the pretend northern lights properly that I can't stop every part of my face from contracting and twitching. And, like. And it's like, involuntary, like. And they. So they're like, okay, well, let's film some other. They'd go down the line. Everyone else would just be like, oh, like, perfect. And they come back to me, and I'd be like. And then they'd be like, okay. And they were trying to be really supportive about it, but they never used the shot in the commercial. I think I ruined the entire commercial.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. You shouldn't have taken those experimental painkillers.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I was in Canada. One or the other. I knew it was one direction or the other. No, but the point is something that would seem as simple as look up in the sky while someone films you and pretend you're looking at something that seems so easy but the first few times you do it, or in my case, every time you will ever try to do it in your life, it somehow overwhelms you with nervousness and weird feelings.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think it must have been Canada. Were you in Alberta at that point?

[Luke Burbank]

I believe we were, yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a. I've done comedy in Calgary to negative laughter where they're like, what.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you talking about, Eh? Get out of our country.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what they say. I don't know. Sorry about that last part where I did that bad Canadian accent.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, we're going to get out of here. First, I just want to pass along a little scientific information for people. There was a study that we read about this morning that found that women and men were more likely to vote for would be political candidates if they had a deeper voice. If the candidate had a deeper voice. And so we decided to do a little study on the radio show this morning to try to figure out, like, if that would work. So this is my radio partner, Dave Ross. I urge you to vote for me this November. And then we lowered it down to see if this sounded like somebody you'd be more inclined to want to vote. I urge you to vote for me this November. It's kind of upsetting. This is mine here. I urge you to vote for me this November. And then lower. This is apparently the more electable version of I urge you to vote for me this November. And then if you take it down one more octave, it just gets. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

[Andy Haynes]

I was hoping you were going there.

[Luke Burbank]

So anyway, great big fat person. Wow, that's a pretty good Buffalo Bill.

[Susie Burbank]

It is.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that second Dave one should be called the story keeper.

[Luke Burbank]

I urge you to vote for me this November. Why couldn't he hold the nothing back? These look like good hands. I urge you to vote for me this November. That's great. All right, so that's all. We have to go now, but Andy, thank you so much for coming, guys.

[Andrew Walsh]

I love the sausage fest.

[Luke Burbank]

Damn it. I'm not near that drop. Not near that piece of tape anymore. We'll fix it in post. And Shawnee, good to see you. Mixtape this Friday. What's on. What's on deck?

[Andy Haynes]

I interviewed this band called Plants and Animals who are playing the Crocodile next Thursday. And if you go there to mynorthwest.com mixtape now, I interviewed this. This person called Bachelorette who's playing.

[Luke Burbank]

Ah, we played her yesterday. I am mildly obsessed. She's playing with the magnetic fields on Tuesday.

[Andy Haynes]

I'm gonna be at that show.

[Luke Burbank]

You interviewed her? I'm gonna be at that show, dude.

[Andy Haynes]

I'm gonna be there before you.

[Luke Burbank]

You interviewed her? Was she nice? Yes.

[Andy Haynes]

Yes. And she told this awesome joke. I don't. I've looked her up on the Internet. I took my shirt off first.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andy Haynes]

And she's pretty cute, but yeah, I interviewed her.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tell me more.

[Andy Haynes]

She was a great big frat person.

[Luke Burbank]

Easy. Storykeeper, I urge you to vote for me this November.

[Andrew Walsh]

Storykeeper for congress.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that's great. You know what? Screw it. We're going. I'll write it and we'll do it live. We're gonna go out with another. We're gonna go with bachelorette again. Second day in a row. In honor of the fact that you had her on the mixtape, dude.

[Andy Haynes]

And it's a 22 minute interview of pure silver, which turns to gold at the end.

[Luke Burbank]

Wonderful. Andrew Walsh, thank you for being here.

[Susie Burbank]

See ya.

[Luke Burbank]

Appreciate it. All right, that's it. We're back tomorrow. Hey, Jen. Flash Andrews will be here. Who? Jen Andrews will be back tomorrow telling us how she's been doing and breaking up the sausage fest, thankfully. So we'll see you then. Until we meet again, please remember, no mountain too tall and good luck to all.

[Unknown]

We could go on missions Missions in the Falcon to the coast we just keep on cruising around. Why don't we hang out? I want to be a girlfriend. I want to hear about your childhood how your teenage is a homeless. We can make recordings recorded to a boy. We could make out on the mixing dance me right now. Let me.