Episode #850

Summary

TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live – Episode #850 Summary

Host/Authors: Luke Burbank and Jen Flash Andrews
Release Date: June 28, 2011
Description: In Episode #850 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live, Luke Burbank and Jen Flash Andrews navigate through a blend of humorous banter, listener interactions, and topical discussions. From debating the intricacies of personal professionalism to delving into the controversy surrounding a provocative children's book, this episode is packed with engaging content.

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1. Opening Banter and The Four P’s Debate (00:00 – 01:20)

The episode kicks off with Luke and Jen embroiled in a light-hearted argument over the "four P's" and an added "B," humorously misnaming them as "Ron Donald Don'ts."

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (00:00): “Ron Donald Don’ts. Okay, the four P's and one B. Politeness, professionalism, perfectionism, Proactive. Be on time.”

This playful exchange sets the comedic tone for the episode, highlighting the hosts' chemistry and penchant for wordplay.

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2. Health Talk: Susie's Sun Damage Concerns (01:20 – 10:24)

The conversation shifts to a more personal topic as Susie, Luke's mother, discusses her recent dermatologist visit due to sun damage.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank (01:20): “There is a controversy brewing, apparently about a new children's book, ... which is really bullshit.”
• Susie (03:04): “Okay, the best case scenario would be take this pill, and it will all go away, preferably with wine.”
• Susie (05:16): “I don't want to hear that.”

The hosts delve into Susie's worries about her skin health, sharing anecdotes and humorous takes on medical procedures like laser treatments and mole removals. Luke empathizes with Susie's fears while injecting his own anxieties about personal health issues, such as his receding hairline and the associated social perceptions.

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3. Book Controversy: "Go the Fuck to Sleep" (12:44 – 22:43)

A significant portion of the episode criticizes media backlash against the children's book "Go the Fuck to Sleep." The hosts defend the book's intended humor and cathartic release for parents, countering arguments that it promotes violence.

Notable Quotes:

• Jen Flash Andrews (13:03): “The cats nestle close to their kittens... Please go the fuck to sleep.”
• Luke Burbank (15:12): “Shut up. You're missing the point.”

They dissect a CNN and Huffington Post commentary that links the book to parental violence, arguing that the majority of buyers are typical parents seeking a humorous outlet rather than endorsing violence. The hosts emphasize the book's role in providing stress relief for parents grappling with bedtime routines.

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4. Sponsor Segment: Chateau St. Michel Wine (22:43 – 24:29)

Luke promotes Chateau St. Michel as the official wine sponsor of TBTL, highlighting listener testimonials and encouraging listeners to try their sparkling wines for events like graduations and parties.

Notable Quote:

• Luke Burbank (22:43): “Save yourself some hassle, grab a bottle of Chateau St. Michel.”

The segment is delivered with enthusiasm, blending seamlessly into the show's narrative while maintaining sponsorship clarity.

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5. Listener Feature: Nathan’s Artistic Roller Skating Journey (24:29 – 43:56)

Listeners are introduced to Nathan from Fort Wayne, Indiana, who shares his passion for artistic roller skating. The hosts explore Nathan's journey from a novice to a competitor, discussing the challenges and humorous aspects of the sport.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank (27:13): “Are you in Fort Wayne yet, or are you in St. Louis still?”
• Nathan (29:26): “I personally can't. I have tried. I can, on a good day, do a single.”
• Susie (38:23): “Now that you've explained the situation, though, I am concerned that you don't have enough rhinestones.”

Nathan elaborates on different categories within artistic roller skating, such as freestyle and dance, and his aspirations to compete at nationals. The conversation is laced with humor, especially when discussing the elaborate and often extravagant outfits required for competition.

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6. Listener Emails and Show Numbering Confusion (45:29 – 51:00)

The hosts address listener emails, primarily focusing on confusion over episode numbering. Susie clarifies that the numbering discrepancy was due to a miscount but reassures listeners that no episodes were missed.

Notable Quotes:

• Susie (49:32): “I forgot what that website was. And so what I did was I went back to June 2nd...”
• Luke Burbank (50:56): “We could be a lot mathier.”

This segment showcases the hosts' responsiveness to their audience and their ability to handle technical hiccups with humor and transparency.

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7. Upcoming Segments and Conclusion (51:00 – End)

Towards the end, Luke and Jen tease upcoming segments, including a conversation with Jenny O and a collaboration with the Sporkful podcast. They also promote their "Call Makers" segment, inviting listeners to participate in future episodes.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank (52:00): “And we'll also try to catch up with our friends from the Sporkful podcast.”
• Susie (52:10): “And good luck to all.”

The episode wraps up with well-wishes and a reminder of the next day's content, maintaining the show's personable and engaging atmosphere.

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Key Takeaways:

• Humor and Authenticity: The hosts consistently use humor to discuss personal and topical issues, making the content relatable and entertaining.

• Listener Engagement: Through segments like the listener feature and addressing emails, TBTL fosters a strong connection with its audience.

• Topical Discussions: The episode navigates through varied topics—from health concerns and controversial books to niche hobbies like artistic roller skating—demonstrating the show's versatility.

Overall, Episode #850 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live exemplifies the show's blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and engaging discussions, making it a valuable listen for both regular and new audience members.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

What don't you understand? It's crystal clear. Ron Donald Do's. Okay, the four P's and one B. Politeness, professionalism, perfectionism, Proactive. Be on time.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

I have a proactive suggestion.

[Luke Burbank]

No, you know what? I think we get the system.

Okay, then what don't you understand? Kyle, what are you doing? Don't do that.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Punctuality.

[Susie]

What?

[Luke Burbank]

No, don't do that. Now it's five P's. No, I already have four P's. That's an rdd. That's a Ron Donald Do. No, Ron Donald Don'ts. This is so confusing.

Ron tbt. Wait till we get started with the ldds. Luke Donald Dos and Luke Donald Don'ts. We're gonna have a heck of a time here on this Tuesday afternoon edition of tbtl, the show that's probably too beautiful to live.

[Listener Nathan]

I can't believe you're still on the air.

[Luke Burbank]

My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. This is episode 850 in a collector series, or at least that's what we're calling it.

[Susie]

We love you. We want you to live.

[Luke Burbank]

If you're scoring at home and you have a different number of show we should be on, ignore your instincts. This is episode 850, gosh darn it. And it's going to be lots of fun.

[Listener Nathan]

Hi.

[Susie]

This is Luke's mom, Susie, coming tonight on tbtl.

[Luke Burbank]

There is a controversy brewing, apparently about a new children's book, please go the fuck to Sleep. That has got some people very excited. Other people thinking could lead to some sort of violent acts by parents upon their children, which is, I'll just tell you now, complete bullshit. But we'll. We'll get into that in a moment also. Hey, want to hear the most annoying.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Sound in the world?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I do. And in fact, scientists have identified with the most annoying sounds in the world. And you know what? It's not tbtl. So that's not even a funny joke because we already thought of it, so nobody cares. And we often ask the question, what are you doing here? Well, what one of our listeners, our listener Nathan is doing here is something called artistic roller skating. There's a photo of Nathan in his artistic roller skating costume outfit. It's [e-mail] and we are going to talk to listener Nathan of Fort Wayne, Indiana, about his artistic roller skating, what that looks like, and how it is that he has a wife. No judgments, though. Definitely no judgments over here. I love Jesus, but I drink a little. The longtime producer of the show, Jen Flash Andrews. I'm sorry I said that. I feel like I don't. I love that listener Nathan feels comfortable sharing this side of his life with us. And I don't want to make. I don't want to make fun, make a pun, but it's a little hard not to.

[Susie]

I think he is also going to make a little fun because at the very end of the email that he sent me with the picture, he said, yes, I can't believe I own three of these.

[Luke Burbank]

See? So he kind of.

[Susie]

He definitely.

[Luke Burbank]

But you know what? Like so many things, I think that we all do, he. He sort of understands the inherent maybe dorkiness of it, but he also loves doing it. Yeah, he's probably really good at it. Well, we're going to find out in a little bit when we call listener Nathan in Indiana. Jen, you. You've got to rush out of here right after the show today for a medical situation. What's going on?

[Susie]

Well, I'm going to the dermatologist about my sun damage on my skin.

[Luke Burbank]

You do not have sun damage.

[Susie]

I do. I have a burst capillary that happened in the extreme heat of the summer two summers ago.

[Luke Burbank]

And are you sure that's not from the sunny feeling you get from wine? Because I have a burst capillary on my nose and I can tell you it's from drinking.

[Susie]

I didn't lie to her. I said that I was camping in. In eastern Washington and It was over 100 degrees. And as I have shared on this show, my camping begins with Corona lights at 8am I told her the whole thing. It was all day drinking in 100 plus degree weather. Complete sun exposure though. I mean, we're outside camping the whole time. And she said, yep, that's sun damage. She did not say it was alcohol damage.

[Luke Burbank]

I just didn't know that capillaries can burst from anything other than the consumption of alcohol.

[Susie]

Okay, well, I also have this patch that has discolored on my cheek over here. It's darker than the rest of my skin. She also said it's sun damage. And then I have a gross mole like looking thing on my back.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. I will tell you, Flash, that I have not noticed you to be disfigured at any time, any of our live events, or even here in the broadcast basement.

[Susie]

That's because you see me through a.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful filter called friendship.

[Susie]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

So you're gonna go. They're gonna look at these various things and what would be the best case scenario in your mind?

[Susie]

Okay, the best case scenario would be take this pill, and it will all.

[Luke Burbank]

Go away, preferably with wine.

[Susie]

This is what I'm the most worried about. The worst thing would be if they say, yeah, you're screwed. You did the damage. This is the rest of your life.

[Luke Burbank]

You did the crime.

[Susie]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Now do the time.

[Susie]

Yeah, that would be the worst. Second worst, though, is what I'm really afraid of, which is lasers. I am really afraid of lasers. And I feel like people are constantly like, just. This is what girls say all the time when you're out for drinks and you start talking about something like this. Just have it lasered.

[Luke Burbank]

Just.

[Susie]

Just get it lasered. And I think, I'm not putting lasers on my face. That sounds crazy.

[Luke Burbank]

That is a really good point. Like, as if that's. As if it's not a knife made out of light.

[Susie]

Yes. You know, well, and, you know, I remember when you were getting your tat.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

Lasered off, and it was. You had to take, like, a special painkiller, Lidocaine.

[Luke Burbank]

They shot me up with lidocaine, and.

[Susie]

It looked like crap for a long time.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's not. You wouldn't want that on your face.

[Susie]

No, that's what I'm saying. So my fear is that she's gonna say, oh, yeah, we can take care of that, no problem. It's just a laser. Because then I have to make a decision. And I mean, my decision is, no, I don't want a laser on my face.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, I sort of feel your pain. Cause I have a situation myself, which is that. And I've talked about it, as I call it my top shelf, where. The crown of my head where I'm. I am losing my hair, sadly. But. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't get. Don't get ahead of yourself, iPhone. And I have. I have a gnarly. Gnarly mole up there to the point where Vanessa doesn't ever want to scratch my head. Every time I get my hair cut, at some point, the poor hair person, they hit it with their comb and they go, my God, did I hurt you? And I've been really thinking long and hard about just at some point, just shaving my head once. I just. Once. I don't have. Once. I don't have a sufficient amount of hair on top of my head. I just.

[Susie]

You can't shave your head if you have something gross up there.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's why I have to get it lasered. I have to get. This is what I. So, Okay. I haven't been to the doctor. I haven't been a doctor in probably seven Years, Eight years.

[Susie]

I know you are not a doctor goer.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm not. I'm like a lot of guys, actually, I think, that aren't into that sort of thing. And so I haven't been to the doctor. And it's not. Cause I'm afraid of it. It just. It is the kind of thing I just never. I never want to put it on my schedule. I never get around to it. So what I now have to do though is I have to make an appointment with a doctor, I guess a dermatologist to go in to have them cut something or laser something off of my head so that in a year or two when I shave my head, I won't have a giant gross mole that everyone can see.

[Susie]

Well, now I have had moles removed and that's actually not that big of a deal. Although it's gonna sound like a big deal.

[Luke Burbank]

What do they. They blender it?

[Susie]

They dry ice it?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Susie]

So they touch it with the dry ice and then it just flicks off.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I had that on a wart when I was a little kid and it was living hell.

[Susie]

It's freaky. Although, see, I don't know what's better. Cause somebody else said to me, no, pretty much what everybody always says is just laser it. Just have them laser it. But also people will say things like about the discoloration. Oh, you can just have that bleached. Well, then it's gonna be lighter. Then it's. I mean, well, then you just bleach.

[Luke Burbank]

Your whole face and hands and then you're Michael Jackson.

[Susie]

I'm not doing bleach and I'm not doing lasers. What I am willing to do is like sandblast it off.

[Luke Burbank]

That sounds so much worse than a laser.

[Susie]

No, because I remember from school that you have so many layers of epidermis and so taking off some layers, that's no big deal. There's lots and lots of layers of stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but I think the nerves, you know, the nerves are entwined in those various layers. I don't know. My dad's a sign painter and there's a process in sign painting called sandblasting. And I used to help him with this. You take a big piece of wood, some kind of soft wood, like a redwood, and you have this very thick rubber sort of stencil that goes over it and then you blast the rest of it with sand and it actually just dissolves all of the wood that's not covered by this stencil. And I wouldn't want that on My face. That sounds painful.

[Susie]

For some reason, I'm way, way more afraid of lasers than anything else, so I don't know what's gonna happen.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Jen, I would just tell you that I have never noticed you to have sun damage or damage. And if it is any kind of thing that makes you feel anxious, don't do it. Because it's not like you have. You don't have a situation that needs handling.

[Susie]

You don't have a Mikhail Gorbachev.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no, no, no. I mean, you do not have a wine spot, I believe is the technical name for that. I'm not even kidding. So don't, Don't. Don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It's not a situation yet.

[Susie]

Yeah, no, I agree. I am not going to do that.

[Luke Burbank]

But I know these are the kind of things that give you a really a hard time because you don't like any kind of reinforcement from the outside that you are aging, that you are mortal. The eyeglasses, the cracked teeth.

[Susie]

Right. It's like, give me. Give me a pimple. Because that, first of all, shows that I'm young.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

And I'm still producing. I still have oil glands that are producing because at some point they just dry up and you die.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. So Nobody in their 90s with acne.

[Susie]

No. So, you know, give me something like that. That, first of all, shows I'm young and secondly is temporary. But something where they just say, yeah, you were out in the sun too much when you were a kid and too bad. That's. That's. That's the worst. I don't want to hear that.

[Luke Burbank]

I realized I got my hair cut yesterday, and I realized I have a buttload of gray hair now on the sides. I didn't quite see it all before, but when you cut it short, it's very. But I love it. I'm actually considering going in and having them dye all of my hair gray. Would that be weird? Has anyone ever done that?

[Susie]

I'm sure.

[Luke Burbank]

So that I look kind of like Taylor Hicks or Mo Rocca or Mo.

[Susie]

Rocca or George Clooney.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. That's a stretch. I mean, for me. But. But yeah. The reason is because with the whole my hair falling out sitch, when your hair is gray and your hair is falling out, nobody cares. Because what is. Here's what I think is upsetting to the human eye potentially, about a guy losing their hair when their hair is still brown or whatever color it is. You know what I mean? Not gray. That looks like, huh, you're healthy. Right. Your hair says youth. Your hair says I'm fine. And then not having anybody on top of your head says, I'm sick. It's that incongruity of this sort of virile, brown young person hair then with no hair on top. Whereas once your hair is gray, like, you know, your dad's friends or anybody who just has. It's like it looks like. Yeah, that seems about right. You know what I'm saying? Am I making any sense here?

[Susie]

Well, I know what you're saying to some extent, but I also think that the salt and pepper thing, the gradual.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

Is really. I mean, it's very in. It's not like you're. You know. I think for you to go Anderson Cooper right now would be odd.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

I mean, that's what you're saying, like going all gray, like, well, he's white.

[Luke Burbank]

He's a Targaryen.

[Susie]

Okay, well, Phil Donahue, whatever. Do you have someone in your mind?

[Luke Burbank]

Taylor Hicks.

[Susie]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Soul Patrol.

[Susie]

I love that. I think that's great. Did you see that thing on Cheeseburger that somebody put up that you look like Colin Firth?

[Luke Burbank]

No. On. On the website. I can ask Cheeseburger.

[Susie]

Well, I can pull it up for you. I saw it this morning.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what? Somebody told me that at. Wait, wait, don't tell me. I will take it. As I said, I wonder if it's the same person.

[Susie]

You should put that on a shirt. I look just like that.

[Luke Burbank]

Could you imagine what I mean? Even by my standards? That would be. That would be ridiculous. All right, we have a. We have a new segment called Shut up. You're missing the point. Not to be. Not to sound terse here on a Tuesday afternoon.

[Susie]

I wanted it to sound terse, though. I wanted to be like, shut up.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay?

[Susie]

That's how I want it pronounced. Shut up.

[Luke Burbank]

There is a lady. We'll build a drop for that. Don't worry. There is. Okay, so everybody by now probably knows about this. And we're using swears because that's what the kind of charming part of the book is. This guy wrote this book called Go the Fuck to Sleep. It's a children's book. I mean, kind of. It's really for parents.

[Susie]

It's for the parents.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not. I mean, no one's gonn sit down and read it to their young child.

[Susie]

This is not going to replace Goodnight Moon. Everybody calm down.

[Luke Burbank]

The guy wrote this book. He had just spent some ungodly amount of hours trying to get his little kid to go to Sleep. And then he went back to his Facebook page, apparently, and wrote this status update which said, you should all look forward to my next book, which is going to be called Go the Fuck to Sleep. And all his friends were like, that's a great idea. And all of a sudden he had, you know, this little phenomenon on his hand that the pre sales on Amazon have been incredible. Like, I don't know if it's actually out yet, but it wasn't out for a while. It had already was like the bestseller in the, in the, I guess kids book department or the, I don't know, the parents book department. But it's. Here's a little bit of Samuel L. Jackson reading this. Let's see, go over to where it is over here, this little, this little book.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

The cats nestle close to their kittens. The lambs have laid down with the sheep. You're cozy, warm in your bed, my dear. Please go the fuck to sleep. The windows are dark in the town, child. The whales huddle down in the deep. I'll read you one very last book if you swear you'll go the fuck to sleep. The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest. And the creatures who crawl, run and creep. I know you're not thirsty. That's bullshit. Stop lyin'lie. The fuck down, my darling. And sleep.

[Luke Burbank]

Et cetera, et cetera. So there was this commentary on CNN today that then got on Huffington Post and went around and this woman. I actually only read the headline and it made me so annoyed, I just was like. What I wanted to say was. Shut up. You're missing the point. What is this woman saying about this phenomenon?

[Susie]

She says, first of all, it's not funny. That's her headline.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it's great. So I'm sure she knows. What is she.

[Susie]

She seems like.

[Luke Burbank]

What is she, George Carlin?

[Susie]

Yeah, she seems like a real hoot herself. And then she proceeds to interview a prosecuting attorney from some case in Oregon where these parents killed their kid. What about how upsetting it is to have this kind of violent imagery and violent language associated with parents and their children? And then she tries to say, I'm not saying that this book is going to lead. And I'm like, well, yeah, you are. When you interview the prosecuting attorney and talk about violence of, you know, parents against children. And she goes on and on about how for many children, the bully in their life is their parent. And for so many children. And I'm like, the community of people who abuse, neglect, and God forbid, murder their children they're not a reading community. No, these are probably not people who are in line for the Amazon release. Are you kidding me? These are people just like us who are gonna read that book and get a little bit of cathartic release and then put it on a top shelf somewhere. You know what I mean? They're not gonna, this is not gonna become this nighttime ritual where they're cussing out their kids when they put them to sleep. It's a joke to help parents, like release a little of this pressure they feel every night.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that if you were able to create a list of all the people who will actually purchase this book and then you were able to track what percentage of their children had a happy life and went to college, it would be above 90%. That is my guess because there are parents who actually yell, go the fuck to sleep at their kids. And those people, as you said, are not buying books. They don't understand irony. They don't like, they don't go on Facebook, they don't do any of the things that this thing.

[Susie]

They don't pre order books on Amazon. I mean, this lady is totally missing the point. I mean, it's so frustrating.

[Luke Burbank]

In fact, I feel like this is a really, I mean, you know, I will say. And one of the reasons that we got a lot of people emailing us the existence of this book is because it's a little bit in the my child, my enemy category, right? Which is my parenting book that I'm gonna write. Because my point, and for those of you that are tired of hearing this, suck it. But my point is that the problem is that too many people, they regard, they regard their kids as like, when they get married and then they have a kid, they're in love with the kid and then they kind of lose sight of being married and liking the other mate. They just go into this survival mode where they're sort of obsessed with the children. And really what it should be is the mom and dad are on the same team and the kids are the enemy. My child, my enemy. Because what's gonna happen is you're gonna have an awesome relationship. Your kids are gonna be fine because you're gonna obviously still love them, but there. But they should know from day one that they're on your last nerve. And so go the go the fuck to sleep is very much in that. In fact, I actually don't even think it would be that damaging if you read this to your kid. Like, if you had a kid that had a funny sense of humor and they were 10 years old and you read them this book. I actually don't think it would like bring. Break their brain.

[Susie]

No. But it is interesting because this whole phenomenon of bedtime, I feel like is fascinating because all of my friends, I mean, they sit around and talk about how long bedtime is, like how long the ritual takes. And some people say like three hours.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep.

[Susie]

I mean, I remember vividly one night the Towering Inferno was being shown on television and my parents were gonna let me and Corey, which is DJ Tuna's brother, we got to stay up to watch it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

So Tuna and my sister got sent to bed. And what my parents said to them was, we're watching a movie, you go to bed, you are not to come downstairs unless the house is on fire. And that was it. Nobody walked them up there, nobody read them a book. They went up there in their little PJs. They were up there for about a half an hour and we could hear them at the top of the stairs. And then they came shuffling down in their pajamas and came to the doorway and my dad hollered, I don't smell smoke. And they came in and I could tell that it had taken them about 30 minutes to come up with this. But they actually said, we can't sleep because our toenails are too long. That's what their little six year old bodies took a half an hour to come up with. And I'm pretty sure there was an expletive at that point, Go the fuck to sleep. And I can remember coming upstairs. I remember coming upstairs several times after I'd been sent to bed with stories about how like the Holy Spirit told me I needed to get up or Satan was oppressing me. Like I was always trying to bring religious imagery into it, which my parents also didn't buy. And they didn't even like take me back downstairs and say a little prayer over me. It was just like, go to sleep.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

You know, the only.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, the only thing that ever got me out of bed was about once every year I would go up to. I would. My parents put me to bed. I would be lying in bed and I would be thinking of all the bad things I had done, but money I'd stolen, you know, just whatever. And then I would think, I'm going to go to sleep and I'm going to die in my sleep and I'm going to go to hell. So I would go upstairs and I would like sit down with mom, dad and I would admit everything bad I had done and I would cry and Feel very repentant. And then, then I would go back to sleep. But that was the only thing that would be. Make it allowable for me to be not in bed.

[Susie]

Well, if you're going to do a full on confession, that's worth their time, I would think.

[Luke Burbank]

Totally. So I got, you know, that was, but that was like once a year. The rest of the time it was like, go down there, get in bed. I got, I did. My dad would come downstairs and like pray with me, but he would just sit on the bed and he would, you know, say this little prayer and then he would leave and that was it. That was like, you're right. This whole.

[Susie]

This is why they need this book though is what I'm saying, is that they're going through hellish bedtimes.

[Luke Burbank]

I hadn't really, I hadn't even really thought of it. But you're totally right. Like people putting their kids to sleep now is like a multi hour process. Like, I don't know, I mean, I haven't had a little kid in a long time, so it's kind of hard for me to. I don't want to, I don't want to seem like I'm not, I'm not giving people the benefit of the doubt. But even with my kid, it was like, you know, I'm putting this Little Mermaid audio tape on and I'm putting these headphones on you that I stole from the NPR station. And I swear to God, if you come out of that pack and play, it's gonna be real trouble. I mean, I was one of the worst parents in history. In my defense, I was 17, but I would put, you know, just line up the bottles of apple juice on the windowsill so that in the middle of the night she could just get more juice. I mean, it's amazing she has any teeth. That's the kind of stuff that's really destructive for a young person's dental work.

[Susie]

But no, I was bad too. I mean, babysitting. I remember one time I was babysitting my niece Molly, and she kept getting out of bed and so I would just go in, I would pick her up, I would put her back in the bed and say, go to sleep. And then I would leave and shut the door and then I would hear her at the door. This went on like six times and I just wouldn't even think about it. I would just go in, pick her up, put her back in the bed, go to sleep, leave. When her parents came to pick her up, it was so embarrassing. They went to the door, and they couldn't open the door, and they finally shoved it, and she had fallen asleep, like, against the door, like, with her little hands up. Like, she'd been, like, trying to crawl her way out of the door. I was like, oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

Two fingernails lodged in the wood.

[Susie]

She tried to, like, claw her way out of the room, and she fell asleep that way up against the door.

[Luke Burbank]

Was she the girl from the ring? That sounds terrifying.

[Susie]

I was so embarrassed.

[Luke Burbank]

Should avoid that girl. So we say that. We say to this lady on cnn, shut up. You're missing the point. And we say to all of you, because we have a lot of people with kids who listen to the show, if you want to buy the book, buy the book and enjoy it. And it does not make you a bad parent, in our opinion. And in fact, I think it probably means that you're getting a welcome stress release.

[Susie]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Because that's what makes you crazy. Being a parent is if you can't ever actually admit that your kids are on your last nerve. Yep. All right. Sweet berry wine. Sweet berry wine is never on my last nerve. And thanks to Chateau St Michel, we've got an ample supply here. They're the official wine sponsor of tbtl. We got this email from Gillian in Calgary. It's a little hard to find sweet berry wine up here, but we did. I picked up quite a few of Chateau St. Michel's amazing sparkling wines for my hubby's grad party. I even emailed the good folks over at the winery, and they emailed me back. Wow. Jillian, thank you very much. If you've got some kind of event you're going to and you're like me, and you don't really know from wine, and you're at the grocery store trying to figure out what to do, save yourself some hassle, grab a bottle of Chateau St. Michel. Jen, what is it you drink, like, every day? You drink at least one glass of. What is it?

[Susie]

The Indian Wells Cabernet?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. If you want to be like Jen, that's what you'll get your hands on. But anyway, you can pick it up. It's sold all over the country. You can also order online by going to tbt.net and then clicking on their link. You can, like, follow them on Facebook. You can join the vintage reserve club. There's all kinds of cool stuff that you can do regarding Chateau San Michelle. Again, the official sweet berry wine of tbtl. Okay, let's take a quick. Let's take a quick music break. Yeah, you live with that Jeez Louise. I just started playing the. The Chicago show from Saturday night for reasons I don't understand. I gotta get my act together over here. But anyway, we're gonna play a little music, then we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk to listener Nathan about his. What does he call it? Flash.

[Susie]

Artistic roller skating.

[Luke Burbank]

About his artistic roller skating endeavors. Very exciting. If you want to see a photo of listener Nathan, you can take a [e-mail] where we've got a picture of him in his. His roller skating tuxedo. In the spirit of roller skating, here's the old 97s doing roller skate skinny. Back in a moment.

[Musical Guest]

How can you have everything and nothing to lose? You and nobody see eye to eye. You're gonna wake up with a ghost instead of a guy. Bulletin board on the wall of a church soaking up a city from a top step perch. You're gonna break down on a midnight day. You're gonna curse this town you're gonna run late. The pretty as a penny the roller skate is skinny. The pretty as a penny roller skate skimming. Do you want to meet up at the pequot bowl? We could knock nine down and leave a one in the hole. Wouldn't be here if the athenia hadn't sunk or if dear old dad hadn't got so drunk. Every here's a kick and a shin every other day. It's like the day just wins. You make them all right. You make em okay. You make me sort of glad now to wait until today. You're pretty as a penny roller skate skinny. You're pretty as a penny roller skate sk. Jenny.

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Welcome back to tbtl, the show that's probably too beautiful to live. My name is Luke burbank. We are here five days a week coming your way, usually at around 2 o'clock West coast time. Flanked as always by Jen flash Andrews, the longtime producer of the program and now joining us from. From Fort Wayne, Indiana, which is why we've got to bring in the Fort Wayne update music. Did you know Nathan when you were in Fort Wayne, Flash? Listener Nathan?

[Listener Nathan]

No.

[Susie]

He's. The nationals are gonna be in Fort Wayne. Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

So he doesn't live in Fort Wayne.

[Susie]

Nathan gets to go to Fort Wayne because he has qualified.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought you said there wasn't anything cool happening in Fort Wayne. And I find out that the roller dancing roller skating finals are there. My Goodness Gracious.

[Susie]

In St. Louis.

[Luke Burbank]

Ah. Okay. Well, let's bring listener Nathan up on the line from. Are you in Fort Wayne yet, or are you in St. Louis still?

[Listener Nathan]

I am still in St. Louis. The Nationals are the end of this month, beginning of August.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, let's see. Jen, would you kind of set up how Nathan alerted us as to this part of his life?

[Susie]

Well, I couldn't have been more surprised because I didn't know artistic roller skating was real. And because Nathan has emailed me many times about all sorts of. You know. Have you noticed this article? I'm renovating my. Like, one thing he's doing is he's doing this huge renovation of his house. And so what he decided to do is go back and listen to all of TBTL from, like, the very beginning.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, Nathan, I'm sorry.

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah, I'm in kind of a rough spot right now where, like, I don't care about the TBTL Prom or the iPhone that came out three years ago or the presidential election.

[Luke Burbank]

It's kind of rough. Get used to it, buddy. Once you catch up with the normal show, it's equally sucky.

[Listener Nathan]

I'm listening to the normal show, too.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a lot of tbtl.

[Susie]

But then he sent me this picture. Oh. Because he said, I'm so sad you're not in Fort Wayne. I'm going there because I'm in the nationals. And he sent me this picture. And I just thought, I think we need to talk about this.

[Luke Burbank]

So we've got this picture [e-mail], nathan, this is you in your artistic roller skating uniform. I guess I would describe it as a sort of a tuxedo. It's very bedazzled. And you have an interesting look on your face, which is like. It's like pride signation. It's pride and resignation.

[Listener Nathan]

I think that's a great way to phrase it. Yeah. This is actually one of many bedazzled outfits that I have.

[Susie]

Do you do the bedazzling?

[Listener Nathan]

No, I did the bow tie. But a friend of mine in the skating club enjoys doing it, so she did that.

[Luke Burbank]

Tell us about artistic roller skating. How does that work?

[Listener Nathan]

It's basically anything that you see figure skaters do on ice. There exists in the world of artistic roller skating.

[Luke Burbank]

So you can do a salchow.

[Listener Nathan]

I personally can't. I have tried. I can, on a good day, do a single.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Susie]

Can you do a camel spin?

[Listener Nathan]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you?

[Listener Nathan]

But there are people that can, because.

[Luke Burbank]

That outfit looks a little tight in the junk.

[Listener Nathan]

Well, some of my other outfits are. The top is a leotard that has snaps in the crotch, and then you wear pants over it, it's one of those things they don't tell you about the outfits when you sign up. That's. You start doing it like, oh, this is fun. Then six months later, they're like, oh, well, you have to wear rhinestones.

[Susie]

So you were just like doing Shoot the Duck.

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Susie]

And you got recruited.

[Listener Nathan]

My wife, she was, my girlfriend at the time, was like, hey, this local rink is doing roller skating lessons. We should do this. And I was like, okay, I'd like to spend time with you, so I'll go do this ridiculous thing.

[Luke Burbank]

And roller skating is super fun.

[Listener Nathan]

It is. So that's what happened the first night I went. I was like, what is this? Because it was me and like a bunch of 8 to 12 year old girls in a class where, I kid you not, the name of the class is the Roller Cadets. So I was like, what is this? But the more I did it, the more I enjoyed it. And then it's like, oh, well, you should come to the advanced class. And that's like, oh, well, you should. Yeah, yeah. And then they're like, oh, well, you should join the club. And it's like, each time you're like, okay. And then they're like, oh, well, now you have to wear rhinestones. And at that point you bought in.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And also it sounds like you have a real knack for this though. I mean, I can't even skate backwards. It sounds like you're probably doing a lot of.

[Susie]

They're moving you up.

[Luke Burbank]

Pretty complicated stuff. Have you always been really good at roller skating?

[Listener Nathan]

No, I played roller hockey back in high school, but I had never even had like the quad roller skates on until a couple of years ago when I started.

[Luke Burbank]

So you're like the DB Sweeney, like the cutting edge. You're the converted roller hockey player now? Roller dancing.

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah, exactly. And I will say I accelerated quickly at first to kind of the level I'm at now. And then it's like you see these kids doing jumps and it's like, I'm not going to do that because I'll fall and hurt myself.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's the thing that's so interesting. Nathan, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

[Listener Nathan]

29.

[Luke Burbank]

So you're, you know, in terms of, you know. Yeah. Jumping up in the air over a hardwood surface and maybe not coming down exactly how you're hoping that could be pretty dangerous to you. You're not like an 11 year old kid who's still pretty limber.

[Listener Nathan]

Right, right, exactly. So there, if I can do some more. Explain there. There are different events in the world of artistic roller skating. So there's freestyle, which is like what you'd see at the Olympics. And they do all the jumps and the spins. And there are a few people in my club who do that.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Listener Nathan]

Then there's something called dance, which is basically like ice dancing. So you have these patterns that you do. Yeah, and I do that. And that's actually what this outfit that I'm wearing is for. You have to wear.

[Susie]

So is that a pair?

[Luke Burbank]

Do you have a partner?

[Listener Nathan]

There is solo and pairs. And after nationals, I'm going to start doing pairs with my wife. We're going to compete together.

[Luke Burbank]

That's cute.

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah. We're hoping we can leverage that into some good scores.

[Luke Burbank]

But right now you're solo.

[Listener Nathan]

Yes.

[Susie]

And you're going to nationals. And how long have you been doing this?

[Listener Nathan]

Two years.

[Susie]

That's kind of amazing. I mean, you're already at the national level. Is there a world championship?

[Listener Nathan]

There is. The event like the level that I compete at doesn't go to world. You have to kind of compete at the top level at nationals to then go to world.

[Luke Burbank]

What's your song?

[Listener Nathan]

So the music is actually chosen for you, and it's organ music of the hits of the 60s and 70s. So if you can imagine, like sometimes at movie theaters they'll have like the old timey organ music or like a baseball game. Yeah, imagine that playing like the Moody Blues. That's what you're doing. And actually the event that I'm going to nationals for is called figures, which is where the name figure skating came from. Where there are these figure eights drawn on the ground and you have to like trace those incredibly well.

[Luke Burbank]

So that's what you're doing. You're not actually. You're not roll bouncing out there. You're not like.

[Listener Nathan]

I would have. I actually didn't qualify in dance for nationals. I was beat, of all things, by a deaf girl. So I didn't make it.

[Susie]

You were beat by someone who couldn't even hear the rhythm.

[Listener Nathan]

I know. Is that important?

[Luke Burbank]

You probably actually feel the bass. I'm not being sarcastic. I would imagine. Right. Because in order to.

[Listener Nathan]

She's in my club, so she's a friend of mine. She. She can. But that's actually a problem because the bass is behind. So. Stupid me. I actually found. They make a watch that vibrates. And so she sets that and she knows. So it's kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

You helped her beat you.

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

So. So now let me again just to get back to the outfit for a second. There are rules about it, but. But are you trying to, like, is what we're looking at on the website what you're wearing? We're talking to listener Nathan, who's an artistic roller skater. Professionally, I assume. Right. There's a lot of money in this.

[Listener Nathan]

My best friend is my agent. He hasn't gotten me anything in two years, so I'm waiting on that.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, but is this outfit. Is this basically the most. Is this the least embarrassing outfit that you can. That you can come up with that will still be legal for the competition?

[Listener Nathan]

It is about as simple as you could possibly get. Yes.

[Susie]

But the look on your face. At first I thought perhaps Al Qaeda was out of the screen pointing guns at you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Listener Nathan]

Well, so you can't really see, but the pants are up real high and really making me suck in. So it's pretty uncomfortable. And, I mean, even though it's as simple as possible, it's still pretty ridiculous. I think we can all agree.

[Luke Burbank]

So there's something in the rules that says you must have a certain amount of flair or bedazzlement on there.

[Listener Nathan]

No. And actually, this is interesting. Apparently, until a few years ago, men couldn't even have that on their outfit.

[Susie]

That's wrong.

[Listener Nathan]

And then they changed it, I think, because a large percentage of the male skaters are gay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Listener Nathan]

And so they wear fabulous outfits.

[Luke Burbank]

I can imagine.

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah. So a lot of the judging is like, oh, that person catches my eye. So you kind of have to play along. Or they're just going to ignore you. Like, oh, he's not taking this seriously.

[Luke Burbank]

So you were doing figures in St. Louis at this competition to get to nationals, Right.

[Listener Nathan]

It was actually in Jefferson City, Missouri.

[Luke Burbank]

You traveled to Jefferson City, Missouri. You're doing your figures. How many people did you have to beat out?

[Listener Nathan]

There were only four in that event, but I did come in first.

[Luke Burbank]

That's great. And were you really feeling it that that night? Were you. Are you. Were you. I mean, did you have a great skate?

[Listener Nathan]

No. I get super nervous, actually, because it's really intense because it's just you and the judges are standing there, like, staring at you, and you have to stay on this line.

[Luke Burbank]

And are you doing that thing where you, like. Are you. Are you crossing over to stay on the line? Do you have it so that you're like. Skates are going. Your toes are pointing opposite of each other, and you're just kind of gliding? Like, what's your physical posture while you're doing this figure?

[Listener Nathan]

It's like you're standing on one leg and with your. So one leg is on the line and the other leg is pointed behind you. And then about halfway through the figure, you move it in front. I'm oversimplifying this. It gets into like, people do turns, so they turn around front to back and stuff. But basically just imagine standing with your arms out on one leg and that's the position.

[Susie]

So balance is the key.

[Listener Nathan]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, what are you expecting from the nationals? I mean, is it like a packed house and is there a big crowd? I'm curious. The scene.

[Listener Nathan]

Well, I made it last year to nationals also, and I did terribly. My nerves got the best of me and I went like three feet outside the line. So I'm hoping to do better than that.

[Susie]

I've seen the roller rink in Fort Wayne. It's not enormous.

[Listener Nathan]

Well, it's actually at the Fort Wayne War Coliseum. Oh, yeah.

[Susie]

Oh.

[Listener Nathan]

So last year the crowd, those stands were not crowded. For some of the bigger events, like where people do jumps and stuff, the stands do fill up. But I don't know, there will be several hundred people there watching, including my family, which is like the worst because they're just sitting there staring at you and you're like, well, I don't want to disappoint them. They've come all the way to, you know, Fort Wayne, Indiana for this.

[Luke Burbank]

You sound, Nathan, like you have really mixed feelings about this whole thing about, I don't know, just about. About being involved in this, about dragging your family up there. But obviously you must get some enjoyment out of it because it's. To accomplish something, you know, is always really rewarding and fun and to be good at something and to be, you know, the best of this thing in St. Louis or whatever, you obviously enjoy it, right?

[Listener Nathan]

Oh, I do, I do. But you're right, there is a element of what am I doing? And how do I explain this to people?

[Susie]

Now that you've explained the situation, though, about the outfit, I am concerned that you don't have enough rhinestones.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, okay.

[Susie]

Now that I'm thinking about, like really fabulous outfits, yours is not going to.

[Luke Burbank]

Grab Liberace get ups.

[Listener Nathan]

So I do. I have mentioned that perhaps it does need a little bit more. My idea was on the back to have some sort of like flaming bird or something, but no one else seemed to go for that. So I'm open for suggestions for some way to kind of, you know, give it some more spice. Because you're right, it is. If you would see some of these other things, they're wearing, you'd be like, well, he could walk down the street in that. No one even notice if he was next to that guy.

[Luke Burbank]

What's the craziest outfit that you've seen?

[Listener Nathan]

Oh, I mean, there. I guess there are some really bright colors, like lime green with just amazing patterns. Thousands and thousands of rhinestones on them. And you went with navy. It's actually black. Oh, it's black, and you can't tell. It's like a stretchy material, kind of like spandexy. But a lot of the guys wear velvet. But I had to draw the line there.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you watched the movie Strictly Ballroom?

[Listener Nathan]

I have not.

[Luke Burbank]

You should watch that to get pumped up, because it's like, seriously, this movie is very inspirational, and you'll skate the skate of your life. Now, what do you think is a realistic goal going into Fort Wayne for you?

[Listener Nathan]

Well, last year I came in 17th out of 25 at nationals. And they take, like, the top 10 into finals. So there's eliminations and then finals. And I'd really like to make finals this year. And at that point, it's kind of like anything after that is. Is gravy.

[Susie]

Is your wife competing as well?

[Listener Nathan]

She's not. She took a year off because she's finishing up school. So.

[Luke Burbank]

So. So do you feel confident going into this because. Do you feel like you've been having good practices? Do you feel like you, like, just. Is it really just a matter of nerves? Is a matter of your sort of muscles being built up sufficiently? I'm curious, what would make you stay on the line or go off the line?

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah, it's a lot nerves. You basically have to just hold this perfect edge, which is a perfect lean, kind of. But there are a hundred other things to think about. So it's kind of just. Have you gotten your muscle memory to the point where your body will just do it?

[Susie]

Now they got rid of the figures in ice skating. Do you think that that will happen in roller skating?

[Listener Nathan]

I don't think so. I think it's actually one of the things that roller skating prides itself on. We kept these, and it's pretty popular, actually. So I personally enjoy it quite a lot. It's kind of. You get into this Zen place where you're just on the line, but it can be a little boring to watch, which is part of the reason I feel guilty about my family coming.

[Susie]

Well, they're gonna just be able to enjoy you in that outfit. I mean, doesn't even matter what you're doing.

[Listener Nathan]

My figure outfit is actually Slightly different. It's like a purple and black kind of Superman V shaped outfit with more rhinestones on it.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you make that yourself?

[Listener Nathan]

No, no. There's a guy in Chicago who makes these.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow.

[Susie]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

Nathan, this is not a small undertaking on your part. And I assume also it's, you know, the cost adds up, right? Traveling and buying skates. Oh, my God.

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah. So I only have one pair of skates, but ideally I should have two. And those are like.

[Luke Burbank]

Are they Rydell's?

[Listener Nathan]

Mine are, but there's actually, like, more expensive ones that. It's just insane. So you're right. You travel. That outfit that you see was with the rhinestones. It was close to $400.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God. You could have. Oh, my God, a Ludlow suit at Banana Republic.

[Listener Nathan]

Yes. Another thing they don't tell you. It's like, oh, you're gonna have to spend tons of money on rhinestone outfits that you'll wear twice a year.

[Susie]

Now, are you still taking classes or do you have a private coach?

[Listener Nathan]

I have a coach. She coaches our whole club, which is about 10 of us. So I skate about 10 hours a week on the weekends. Saturday and Sunday morning and then Wednesday nights.

[Luke Burbank]

Man, oh, man. Well, Nathan, I mean, congratulations, first of all, for getting to the nationals second year in a row. I have a feeling you're going to. You're going to do well this year. Just because now that you've been there once, I bet you that you'll be less nervous. I mean, it's always. Once you've had a little experience with something, it's easier to kind of, like, calm down, right?

[Listener Nathan]

Yeah, I think so. That's what everyone's been telling me. So.

[Luke Burbank]

So I think you're gonna do great. When is it?

[Listener Nathan]

Ice skate? August 6th.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Will you please let. Oh, is there gonna be video?

[Listener Nathan]

There is actually. There will be an online stream.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm pretty busy on. I just think what I'm wondering is later, will there be, I don't know, of, like, on YouTube or can someone in your family videotape it?

[Listener Nathan]

I can possibly try and make that happen.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, no pressure. I know you'll have a lot on your mind, but it would be awesome if we could have some video of this, because then we'll put it up on the website and everybody can kind of see the. And if you, you know, heaven forbid, if you had a bad. A bad skate and you didn't want to do it, we wouldn't put it up. But, I mean, I think you're gonna do great. And I think it would be really fun if we can kind of show people what exactly it is you're doing.

[Listener Nathan]

All right, well, I will make my wife do that, then.

[Luke Burbank]

Perfect. Well, Nathan, thank you for sharing your. Your adventure with us, and. And good luck. Okay.

[Listener Nathan]

All right. Thank you so much. It's been a real pleasure.

[Luke Burbank]

There goes listener Nathan in St. Louis with his artistic. He didn't sound nervous talking to us.

[Susie]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

I guess that tells you how little we're not nationals. He sounded very poised, very calm. I kind of know how that is. Well, I don't personally know how that is, but I guess what I mean is, I've observed, like, here's what people like, here's what humans like being good at something, whatever it is. Because, like, you see these parents who are like, my kid is. You know, it's like, drill team mom. And they're like, their kids super into drill team, and they take them to all of these different events and do all, like, spend all this money. And what it is is that drill team was just a thing their kid happened to be pretty good at. So now they're, like, drill team obsessed. Or it could be softball, or it could be swimming, or it could be anything. If there's anything that you. That we and I that we show mastery in or that we have some kind of mastery in, then we become like, I'm ultimate frisbee. I'm, you know, I'm an ultimate frisbee mom or whatever it is.

[Susie]

Oh, I know. My sister showed a little bit of skill at tetherball.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

And next thing I know, we had a tetherball one of the. In our backyard.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, I totally. I completely understand. Nathan's kind of sounds like his. His, his. His, like, mixed feelings, because it's really fun to be good at something and have people say, you're awesome at this. Whatever that endeavor is. But then, you know, there comes the point where you're strapping on the rhinestone tuxedo. You're wondering if maybe this is how you want to spend $400. So good luck to listener Nathan. We'll definitely update you on how. How that goes. Okay, we are just about done here, but not before.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female.

[Susie]

Oh, man.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not from a female. We got a couple of emails to get to before we get done, and the first one is from a female from listener Caitlin, who's got some. You say Jen has some interesting gossip From Africa.

[Susie]

Yes. Caitlin is interesting. At the same exact time we had two tens.

[Luke Burbank]

Is she not the one we were trying to call?

[Susie]

No, that's Leanne, but they're both students, like, doing grad work from California in South Africa.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow.

[Susie]

Which is crazy odds.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

But she sent me this great email with all sorts of interesting things, but the thing that really stood out to me, but it's super gossip, and so I'm not gonna tell you who it is.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Susie]

So she met a bunch of people from the Wire who are for some reason. But not David Simon, because she was like, I would have absolutely stalked him for you as the South Africa stalking desk.

[Luke Burbank]

How radical would it be if he got stalked in South Africa?

[Susie]

I just love the idea that we have people poised all over the world to stalk him if necessary. Okay. So she met up with a bunch of people involved with the Wire, and they were all talking and having a good time. And as they all kept kind of loosening up, they started telling her about one of the actors from the Wire who loves Cape Town, and he visits there all the time, but he doesn't like their weed so much. So he has his weed FedExed from New York. And the way he does it is they put the packages inside peanut butter canisters.

[Luke Burbank]

So that the dogs can't smell it. Right.

[Susie]

It's inside if, like, a full thing of Skippy or whatever, Jif squished down in there. And that's how he got his.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I've heard something about that before. Not about that specific person from the Wire, but just that, like, that's a way to get drugs. So she meets people from the Wire in South Africa and then picks up drug smuggling tips from them.

[Susie]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

That's amazing. Yeah.

[Susie]

Oh, she had. I mean, she was also at this huge, like, wine festival, which involved it was that you basically get there in the morning, they give you a wine glass, and then you spend the whole day having it refilled. But there's no. There's no spittoons anywhere. Like, that's not a part of it. So it's just.

[Luke Burbank]

So it's the way that we treat Taste Washington.

[Susie]

Right. But she runs into a friend of our show, Judy Muller's nephew there.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Susie]

And they start connecting over tbtl and they end up, like, Africa.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Susie]

And they're like, what is going on with, like, all these people partying in Africa? They end up partying together all day at this wine festival. And then he invited her to come and stay with all of his folks who had, like, a great place where they were staying where she had, like, a soggy tent.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Susie]

So she ended up going and staying with this group of people that she met at this wine festival. She's having the best time in Africa.

[Luke Burbank]

Boy, who knew?

[Susie]

I know.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I'm dying to know. Caitlin, let me know who the actor from the Wire is who's smuggling weed into Africa, because I want to have them arrested.

[Susie]

That's just one of the services we provide.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. This whole podcast is actually a sting operation. I'm the Donnie Brasco of podcastery. Okay, what else?

[Susie]

Well.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, this show numbering thing.

[Susie]

Okay, first of all, it's absolutely my fault. I just don't know where I went wrong. That's what I want to tell people, because every day now, I'm getting two to three emails from people saying the numbering of the show is off. Did I miss an episode? Did you guys can an episode and not share it with us? Is there a hidden, secret episode? Is there? No, none of that is happening.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm looking. Okay, look, there is a website that one of the listeners made.

[Susie]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

That it just automatically updates every single day. It tells you what episode we're supposed to be on. We never have a day go by that we don't do an episode, even if sometimes we put up a best of or whatever. So theoretically, we should be. I mean, we never have a weekday that goes by we don't have an episode. So theoretically, we should always be on the number that's on this website.

[Susie]

Well, here's the thing.

[Luke Burbank]

The number today says 850. We're saying 850, and we're saying 850. Where did we miss days?

[Susie]

Okay, so when I got back to Seattle, I took over writing up the show sheet, and that includes putting the show number at the top. And I had forgotten. What is tbtl? I'd forgotten the website, which, by the.

[Luke Burbank]

Way, all of you can also visit if you ever would like to know. It's just, in fact, you probably have to put all that stuff in.

[Susie]

Just do what? Tbtl.net.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, if you type that in, you will get to a page that just every day tells us what number we're supposed to be on.

[Susie]

So I forgot what that website was. And so what I did was I went back to June 2nd and I looked at what the number was on June 2nd, and then I counted on my calendar. So either June 2nd was off or my counting is bad. And it really honestly could be either of those. But somehow I did some wrong numbers a couple weeks ago. And it got us off. But now we're back. Right? And I just want to assure everyone there's no missing shows. It's just the numbering got wacky for a minute.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, but we're, but, but, but we're on, we're on 850 and everything is a.

[Susie]

Okay, yes, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Excellent. And like I would say, if you, if you hear a show number and it's not what we should be, just go with it. Ignore the real math of the situation and just believe in our weird parallel universe.

[Susie]

As one of our listeners recently said, we could be mathier. It's true. We could be.

[Luke Burbank]

We could be a lot mathier. Okay, so, and then, oh, last but not least, we want to remind everybody that tomorrow is going to be another edition of Callmakers. Kind of could have done Call Makers today. I mean, we could have called this Call Makers because it was kind of call makery. But that's right, but, but that's, that's all right. I like what a good. What are you doing here? But anyway, tomorrow we will be calling one of you, the tens of listeners, Ahoy hoy. And we just ask that you. That you stand by your telephone and when it rings, you answer ahoy hoy. And then we'll chit chat about whatever it is you would like to talk about. If you would like to get your name on the list to potentially be the recipient of a callmaker's call, just email me. And Jen, it's lukebtl.net or jennbtl.net and just put callmakers in the subject line and what you're supposed to write is your name, what you want to talk about briefly, and then your phone number. The phone number. I can't overstate how important that is because people commonly forget to include that in. So make sure you make sure you include that and then you can have all of the fun that previous Callmakers folks have had. Anything else I'm forgetting, Flash?

[Susie]

I don't think so.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, excellent. Okay, let's see. Also, this week I think we're going to. We'll play you a little conversation with Jenny O, who's been the. She wasn't the highest vote getter of the song of the summer, but we think of her as being the real TBTL winner. We chatted with her earlier today. She was a sweetheart. We'll play that conversation and we'll also try to catch up with our friends from the Sporkful podcast. Remember that bagel heading photograph that you put up, Jennifer? It gives me a headache looking at that photo. Right?

[Susie]

It only lasts for the night.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the physical. I mean, that's the physical, like, representation of what your head feels like when you have a terrible headache. Right?

[Susie]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, Dan Pashman and Mark Garrison, who did this really awesome video and podcast, video and audio podcast called the Sporkful, they are going to come on the show this week and give us some other fashion uses for bagels that don't have to be subdermal. Second dermis reference on today's show. Amazing. All right, thanks for listening, everybody. Have a great Tuesday. We'll be back here tomorrow. In the meantime, no mountain too tall.

[Susie]

And good luck to all. Take it away.