Episode #887

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live – Episode #887

Title: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Host: Luke Burbank and Jen Fleshman
Description: TBTL is a daily show hosted by longtime friends Luke Burbank and Jen Fleshman, navigating through life's quirky moments and engaging discussions.
Episode: #887
Release Date: August 16, 2011

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1. Introduction and Theme of the Day

The episode kicks off with the hosts introducing the day's theme, inspired by a heartfelt letter from listener Sarah in Bothel, penned by her child. This theme delves into the realm of "Kids in Fantasy" and explores the types of letters adults might write to their parents, reflecting on their younger selves.

• Luke Burbank [01:55]: "Based on a hilarious letter that listener Sarah in Bothel submitted to us written by one of her children, we've decided to take a look at kids in fantasy."

Jen shares her experience composing her own letter, effortlessly channeling her inner child to express daily frustrations with her parents.

• Jen Fleshman [01:55]: "I was amazed at how quickly I was in my like 8-year-old body. It was flowing."

2. Copyright Law and Record Labels

A significant portion of the conversation shifts to a pressing issue in the music industry: copyright law changes affecting classic rock hits from artists like Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, and Kenny Rogers.

• Luke Burbank [14:16]: "There's a big story in the New York Times about hit songs from 1978 that are going to probably become the property of the people who wrote them because they've been owned by the record labels."

The hosts discuss how artists are regaining rights to their music, potentially altering the landscape for record labels that have historically owned extensive music catalogs. They humorously speculate on the financial implications for artists and the diminishing control of record labels.

• Jen Fleshman [19:17]: "Michael Jackson's gonna get 'Off the Wall.'"

• Luke Burbank [20:14]: "Sharp Dressed Man is not... they sell 10 million copies. How the fuck did ZZ Top ever get popular?"

3. Sponsor Battle: Chateau St. Michel vs. Northwest Harvest

Luke and Jen engage in a playful rivalry between their sponsor, Chateau St. Michel, and the nonprofit Northwest Harvest. They encourage listeners to vote and donate, highlighting the competitiveness and camaraderie between the brands.

• Luke Burbank [25:45]: "Chateau St. Michel has 1800 votes, and Northwest Harvest is pushing 1700 votes. This is a real nail biter."

Jen emphasizes the importance of community support for both brands.

• Jen Fleshman [25:49]: "You can vote every 24 hours, and you can vote from all your different devices."

4. Listener Letters: Sarah's Letter and Host Compositions

Delving deeper into the theme, the hosts read and discuss listener submissions. Sarah's letter from her son Ed expresses his desire to run away, prompting Jen to share her own experience of childhood rebellion.

• Sarah's Letter [27:16]: "Dear Mom, I would like to tell you that I'm not your son. In two years, you will not see me... Sincerely, Ed."

Jen responds with a heartfelt recount of her own attempts to run away as a child, adding humor and relatability to the discussion.

• Jen Fleshman [29:04]: "I did run away when I was three, and it wasn't that exciting because my grandma lived. We lived in the basement of my grandma's house."

5. Childhood Stories: Running Away and Discipline

The conversation takes a nostalgic turn as both hosts reminisce about their childhood adventures and disciplinary methods. They discuss running away attempts, personal frustrations with parental rules, and their perspectives on spanking as a form of discipline.

• Luke Burbank [33:56]: "Let me ask this. Is it weird that I kind of still believe in spankings? Like, if I have little kids, I'm not going to be crazy with it, but I would swat a kid on the butt."

• Jen Fleshman [37:22]: "If you grew up in a home where spanking was sporadic and always done in love, it wasn't like physical abuse."

6. Day in TBTL History

A segment dedicated to "Day in TBTL History" features a quirky song by Sally Ford and her band. The hosts reflect on past memorable moments and inside jokes related to the show's history.

• Luke Burbank [47:36]: "This is just a night that we fell in love with a lovely young gal on the Internet."

7. Not Random but Unconnected Segment

In this segment, Luke and Jen tackle two distinct topics:

1. Stolen Game of Thrones Scripts: They discuss George R.R. Martin's stolen scripts intended for charity, offering tips to listeners on recognizing and avoiding counterfeit memorabilia.

   • Jen Fleshman [50:35]: "If you see someone trying to sell Game of Thrones scripts, make a citizen's arrest."

2. Modern Family Casting Changes: The hosts express their opinions on the replacement of child actors in the popular TV show "Modern Family," particularly criticizing the decision to use older actors for certain roles.

   • Jen Fleshman [54:06]: "Modern Family has replaced the little girl who plays Lily Mitchell's adopted daughter."

8. Closing Remarks and Technical Jokes

As the episode wraps up, the hosts share light-hearted commentary on technical issues and briefly introduce an upcoming segment. They wrap up with friendly banter and reminders to submit babysitting stories for the next show.

• Luke Burbank [58:36]: "Have a great Tuesday. We'll be back here tomorrow, of course, with much more imaginary radio for you."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Luke Burbank [00:00]: "If they care at all about their children or grandchildren."

• Jen Fleshman [07:54]: "There is no carob in defense."

• Luke Burbank [37:06]: "I seriously feel, though, like... if I ever have little kids again, they're gonna grow up listening to public radio and eating organic and having the most liberal experience... but sometimes they're also gonna get spanked."

• Jen Fleshman [50:37]: "He is asking on his website for people to keep an eye out."

• Luke Burbank [54:06]: "That girl was so cute."

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Conclusion

Episode #887 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions ranging from music industry changes to childhood experiences. Hosts Luke Burbank and Jen Fleshman maintain a playful dynamic, engaging listeners with relatable stories and interactive segments. Whether dissecting copyright law or reminiscing about running away as kids, the episode provides a comprehensive and entertaining listen for both long-time fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

If they care at all about their children or grandchildren.

[Jen Fleshman]

Sometimes I doubt that.

[Luke Burbank]

I think, you know, grandchildren now don't.

[Jen Fleshman]

Write a thank you for the Christmas presents.

[Luke Burbank]

They're walking on their pants or their cap on backwards. Listen to Enema man the Snoopy, Snoopy Poop Dog.

[Jen Fleshman]

And they don't like them.

[Luke Burbank]

Boy, that'll be the day when we can finally book that interview with Eminem and Snoopy Poopy Poop Dog. Until then, we'll just have to try to get by with a Tuesday afternoon edition of tbtl, the show that's probably too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. I don't know what I'm weighing in at today because I've just completely stopped weighing myself. Spock, sabotage the system. It is a form of sabotage that I've just kind of conveniently dropped that little ritual that we had for a long time that there's also another problem with my weight.

[Jen Fleshman]

I call cakes big old cookies.

[Luke Burbank]

And I've been having a lot of them. I've been having a lot of big old cookies, and I don't care who knows it. Hey, this is episode 887 in a collector's series, and we have a lot. Hi, this is Luke Swanseus.

[Jen Fleshman]

Tonight on tbtl.

[Luke Burbank]

Based on a hilarious letter that listener Sarah in Bothel submitted to us written by one of her children, we've decided to take a look at kids in fantasy. Kids and fantasy. And also the kinds of letters we might write to our parents. Wait, is this flash? How does this work? Is this what we would write now if we could go back in time? Is this us trying to get in touch with our six year old selves? What's the conceit here? As you can tell, I've done a lot of prep for today's show. Wait, let's give you a proper I love Jesus, but I drink a little proper introduction. Okay, how is this gonna work?

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, when I sat down to write mine, I was amazed at how quickly I was in my like 8 year old body. It was flowing. I mean, it was just like I knew I could remember vividly all the things that were injustices. So that was kind of how I. The way I went.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so we're going to. But we're.

[Jen Fleshman]

I think you pick the year that you were the most ready to run away.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, I can. Well, I actually did run away once, so I can even at a rest stop and hid in the woods, which we could talk about. I'll come up here in A few moments. Also, there's a kind of interesting story having to do with copyright law. No, seriously. So you got my money? That's actual tape of Bruce Springsteen talking to his record label about getting the rights to Darkness on the Edge of Town back.

[Jen Fleshman]

The whole Jersey thing is just a show. It's just a stage for you. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Part of a character that Bruce Springsteen plays. When I was a kid, I used to watch this show called Square1 on PBS. It was like a math show, which was so much less boring than it sounds. But I remember they had a character, a fictional character, a singer named Steve Stringbean. And I was so sheltered. I don't think I knew there was a Bruce Springsteen until I was probably 10. But I knew about a Steve Stringbean. Just thought I'd sort of mention that. So, yeah, here we are. It's, as I've already said, episode 887. We just want to start out by reminding everybody that tomorrow this is going to be one of our specially produced shows, one of our thematic shows. Each week on our show we pick a theme, tell you a variety of stories on that theme. It's a really sad hourglass. Hey, you know, I shouldn't say this because I'm sure I'll jinx the living shit out of it because this is what always happens. But supposedly I'm going to have a piece on this American Life next week.

[Jen Fleshman]

Oh, it's that done?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Well, they could air it when I get done writing it tonight. It'll be that done. Okay. I've also had, I think, three pieces that have been scheduled to air that have all been killed at the last minute. So this could join that list. But theoretically I'm supposed to have a piece on next week. If, as if, Lord willing and the.

[Jen Fleshman]

Creeks don't rise, when will you, like, is there? Do you find out on Friday? And when do you find out?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the last time I had done this whole extensive kind of conversation interview with Ira Glass, which we recorded the week of the. It was actually a story about, like, I think I want to say, revenge or something. And it was about when I got back at our old principal, Mr. Overman one time when I worked at KVI and he wanted me to get Michael Medved to sign a book blurb of his and I was all excited. It supposedly went well. And then Saturday morning I tuned in and it wasn't on. So that was how I found out last time. So I'm sure I probably shouldn't even. Like I said, I shouldn't Even bring it up, because I will likely jinx the whole thing. But anyway, why did I bring that up, by the way?

[Jen Fleshman]

Because you were talking about our special theme show tomorrow.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah. Because I was doing a really lousy hourglass impression. So tomorrow is going to be our version of each week on our show. We pick a theme, and it's about bad babysitting. And, Jen, have these submissions been pouring in? Have they been trickling in?

[Jen Fleshman]

They have been pouring in. And it's interesting how they seem to fit in several categories, which is an explosion of poop or vomit happens and they're too young to really know how to deal with it or somebody gets injured on the playground. You know what I mean? They kind of fit into categories of what can go wrong when you're.

[Luke Burbank]

Baby. What was the again? What was the impetus for this?

[Jen Fleshman]

Our listener Amy wrote in when we were talking about MTV to talk about her experience of being so excited for the Thriller premiere. And then it coincided. It was the same night she made.

[Luke Burbank]

Little children watch Thriller videos.

[Jen Fleshman]

She tried to put them in another room, but they wandered out right at the zombie part. The Vincent Price people crawling out of their graves part.

[Luke Burbank]

I was babysitting some kids a few weeks ago, and I was watching that Filipino prisoners do the Thriller dance. And the kids wandered out and they were scarred for totally different reasons. So that can still happen. Watch for that. So, yeah, we're collecting your stories of terrible babysitting that you did at some point in your life.

[Jen Fleshman]

The thing that I did, just for a teaser.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Please tease away.

[Jen Fleshman]

It involves Farrah Fawcett. Yep. That's. I mean, you can't even imagine where that's gonna go. You'll be surprised.

[Luke Burbank]

That was really abrupt, what I just did on the thing. Did you hear that, too? I. Sorry. I don't know why that happened. That done happening now. Oh, by the way, we're coming to you from. From the palatial Cairo Broadcast center today. So I would say. So we're going to have some technical challenges, but you know what happened the other day? I was really. I have to say I was hurt by Bruce and Lake Stevens because we were talking to. Who was it? Oh, Ben. Huh? From Cheeseburger. And his phone crapped out. It was his phone. We didn't do anything wrong. That's the one thing that kind of works reliably now is the phone system. Right. It's much better than it used to be. And Bruce, Lake Stevens. I think I'll blame him. Just writes in the Stickam chat function TBTL Tech wouldn't be TBTL without these tech problems. And I was like, his phone died. And then we called Ben back. He was like, I'm sorry, that was my phone.

[Jen Fleshman]

I wondered if you were hurt at the Chicago Live show when you said so. We didn't have one of the chords we needed and everyone just burst into, like, hysterical laughter.

[Luke Burbank]

I was hurt by that. Luckily, I was taking a lot of medicine on stage, so I was able to get past it. So anyway, it's not too late for people to get their stories in. What's the cutoff point for the Bad Babysitter Show?

[Jen Fleshman]

I would say by this evening, by 8:00 tonight, because I'm going to be compiling and a lot of the stories, people sent in audio of them telling the stories and they need music. I'm gonna American life it up a little bit.

[Luke Burbank]

Whoa.

[Jen Fleshman]

So I need to have this stuff by 8:00 tonight. And remember, if you included your phone number, you might be receiving a call tomorrow.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay. Well, this sounds very exciting. I love this show. I should start listening to it. You really come up with some really good ideas.

[Jen Fleshman]

Good stuff is happening.

[Luke Burbank]

Longtime producer, Jen Fleshens. Longtime producer and now, let's just call it what it is. Emerging radio star. I don't know why we glossed over this yesterday, but you filled in on Friday for me on the real radio side of. Although, actually we have to call TBTL real radio because we're also on the weekends. We're just dominating the Seattle broadcast scene these days. But anyway, you were on the other radio show and Jen, the feedback was so positive. The producer, Andrew Walsh said that. And this hurt me. I'm not going to lie to you. Said that he had never gotten so much positive feedback about anything that we've done on that show. They loved you. They really, really loved you. They've already signed you up. Did you know this? You and Tom Tangney are filling in for.

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, I didn't hear that. It's for sure.

[Luke Burbank]

There's no problem. Yeah, it's locked in. I'm your agent, so I'm gonna be taking a cut.

[Jen Fleshman]

I can tell you exactly what happened on Friday, which was, if you think back to high school when the substitute teacher showed up and they said, you don't have to do any school today. You get to watch Red Dawn. That was exactly what it was like because, I mean, I did nothing serious. There was no.

[Luke Burbank]

I heard you and Dave danced in the studio.

[Jen Fleshman]

We did the cha cha. And actually we're both pretty good at it.

[Luke Burbank]

I have been asking him for years if we could please dance on air more. And he's spurned my request.

[Jen Fleshman]

I was shocked because I said to him, well, first I said, I wish I hadn't taken that GD sexual harassment video because I would a, like to talk about how sexy your stubble is. And I would b, love to ask you to cha cha. And then Dave said, I don't care about that video. Let's do it. I couldn't have been more shocked.

[Luke Burbank]

He's full of surprises, that Dave Ross. Well, anyway, good job on that, Jen.

[Jen Fleshman]

Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

And, I mean, it comes as no surprise to any of the TBTL listeners, but what was really, I think, kind of charming, so I heard from Andrew, was that, you know, you had all these people calling and saying, who is this? And he thought at first maybe they were angry. It's like, who is this lady? And then he would say, her name's Jen. She works on tbtl. Do you listen to tbtl? No, I do not. Well, what would you like to say? She is sublime. So good job.

[Jen Fleshman]

And I was so nervous because you got me the gig. And so I'm like, well, I didn't.

[Luke Burbank]

Get you the gig, but it was a little turnabout. Well, since you got me the job of hosting tbtl, which to this day, I think Rod Arquette really regrets not having me have an auditionary period.

[Jen Fleshman]

I remember Rod Arquette calling me into his office the day before we went on air and saying, could you just tell me even the name of it or maybe what it's about?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't even understand why they didn't ask me to just try out, like, what was I gonna say?

[Jen Fleshman]

Even write out a paragraph about what the show was about.

[Luke Burbank]

They hired me. We had breakfast at the. At the Fairmount, at the Five Spot.

[Jen Fleshman]

That was your private breakfast?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Private breakfast. A breakfast for money. Oh, yeah. First we had lunch.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. You and me and Rod.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And then. And then from there, I. We had breakfast. You know what I was wearing? Lucky gingham shirt. And then. I mean, I've told the story many times on the show, and it's not even an interesting story. So that's strike two. Burbank. But I was in LA visiting Vanessa just because I wanted to go to la and I had kind of quit my job in New York in a flurry. But I think they got it in their head that I was this hotshot and that I was in LA having meetings. I was having meetings with Bay City's deli in Santa Monica, where I was having amazing sandwiches. But the. They kind of got it in their mind that, like, oh, this guy's hot property. You were probably spinning them a whole yarn up here in Seattle. They, like, locked it down. You really got to lock that down. Meanwhile, no one else was trying to lock it down. And had they said, hey, we're interested in having you do the night show, you should audition for a couple of weeks, I would have said, sure. I mean, what el. What was I going to say, right? Absolutely not. I'll stay down here in LA eating my sandwiches. So anyway, in trying to find this.

[Jen Fleshman]

Day in TVTL history, today, I stumbled upon one of our shows that I cannot believe either of us thought was a good idea, which was a montage of the most hated interviews. And it literally. That was what the show. You said you all hated these interviews, so we're gonna air them again. It was like some guy who was suing Pineapple Express for using his T shirt and so.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, the shark T shirt.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. And then.

[Luke Burbank]

Was that a terrible interview?

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, people didn't like him.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Jen Fleshman]

It wasn't that they were bad interviews. It was that people didn't like the actual people being interviewed. They didn't think they were likable. And then the other one was the guy that wouldn't let you order your coffee the way you liked it because he had an opinion about how you order lattes and stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, the guy from, like, DC or something. Dc, Right. I think Nikki with two Ks turned us on to him.

[Jen Fleshman]

And so you basically said, none of you guys like these guys, so we're gonna air them again and see if you turn around on it.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow. How did you turn off on that idea? You probably had your mind on other things or something, because that's a terrible idea. Well, I mean, the precedent that was set the first hour of TBTL was, I believe, if memory serves, I played all of my worst radio moments, which, as I've also mentioned on the show many times, what happens when you play terrible radio? As an example of what terrible radio is, you then just create terrible radio anew.

[Jen Fleshman]

We have hits and misses. We don't lie about that.

[Luke Burbank]

No, we don't. We're not proud here. Not proud at all. All right, let's. So, yeah, so get your submissions in for this bad babysitter Club show. It's gonna be real fun tomorrow. And that's what we're gonna say about that. Okay. There is a surprisingly interesting story related to a copyright law, which I know doesn't Seem like it would lend itself to such things. But there's this a big story in the New York Times, I think it was over the weekend, about all of these hit songs from 1978 that are going to probably anyway become the property of the people who wrote them because they've been owned by the record labels. Like, we're talking like Bruce Springsteen's album Darkness on the Edge of Town. Double Vision by Foreigner, Steve Miller's greatest hits.

[Jen Fleshman]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

Which, as I said on the radio show today, is bad news for the local casinos because it means if Steve Miller gets the publishing rights back to his greatest hits, he's not coming to Snoqualmie. He's gonna be.

[Jen Fleshman]

They're gonna be so rich all of a sudden.

[Luke Burbank]

I know, because that's where all of the money is. Also one of my favorite songs, a little Tom Petty, American Girl, this song written in 1977. Tom Petty is one of the artists who's actually filed the paperwork to get his publishing rights back. So here's what happened. In the 70s, Congress was taking a look again at copyright law. And what they basically said was this. They said there is a way in which artists can get the rights to their work back, but the soonest they can do it is January 1st of 2013. And it must have just felt like at that time, like, that'll never happen, you know, like, is that even a real date?

[Jen Fleshman]

Terminator will have blown up the planet.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. It's like 35 years from now. Okay, but somewhere Tom Petty and Bruce Springsteen wrote that down. They wrote it on a post it note, like Christian Bale and the Machinist. And by the way, you know what I watched as a palette cleanser after all of that, after Winter's Bone and the Machinist, I watched Exit through the gift shop, which is.

[Jen Fleshman]

It's great, isn't it?

[Luke Burbank]

So good. So, so good.

[Jen Fleshman]

Did you, by the way, see that about Shepard Fairy getting beaten up? Beat up? What? Beat up over the weekend in Copenhagen.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Jen Fleshman]

Because of some, like somebody spread some rumor that he was there to do street art, but he was actually had been hired by the government to do pro government propaganda, which was completely not true. But it like spread like wildfire. And some thugs beat him up.

[Luke Burbank]

Danish thugs. I didn't even know that was a thing. Well, so anyway, Congress passes this law, essentially, or they rewrite the copyright law or whatever they did, technically speaking. And so now it's almost January 1st of 2013. And the rule is that if you want to get your song back from the Record label, you have to file the paperwork two years in advance.

[Jen Fleshman]

Per song.

[Luke Burbank]

Per song. Maybe you can do an overarching thing with the album, I don't know. But basically if you want to get your stuff back. So like if you filed your. If you were Bruce Springsteen and you filed your thing today, you couldn't. You wouldn't get the rights back for two years. But they all apparently filed the paperwork. Yeah. Because of their post it. They filed the paperwork or their people did. Here's the one of the weird parts about this story. The New York Times reporter was like trying to find out from whatever the, the copyright office is, which, you know, musicians have actually filed the paperwork. And the copyright office was like, it's a kind of a handwritten situation. So we don't really know. We have an incomplete list. It's not even computerized, apparently. So they don't actually know who. I mean, they have a few of the names. Like for instance, Tom Petty is on the list. But like they don't apparently don't really know if Bruce Springsteen has done it or not. So now the record industry is really freaking out about this because basically all of the new music, your Beyonce, your Chris Brown, your, your Drake, your Drake's, that's all being stolen all the time on the Internet. So there's not actually that much money. The money that those guys make is like touring and stuff. The, the, the sort of being the record label for modern music is apparently this is all according to the New York Times. It's not as profitable to them as owning the catalog to all of this old stuff because you can license it. Because like our dads don't know how to steal music on the Internet. As Seth Meyers said, when the Beatles finally made their music available on itunes, that's why his dad kept asking him to drive him to the itunes store. So this is like pretty much the last thing that the record labels have in terms of recorded music that's really still valuable are all of these old catalogs of music which every single year, I mean, the list is like. I mean it's. The list is every song that's ever been written. Right. But the notable list is like, you know, the best of Earth, Wind and Fire, Volume 1 that sold 5 million copies. Earth, Wind and Fire, the Baileys, I think there's. Are they all surviving anyway, The Baileys, whichever Baileys are still alive will get that. The Cars are going to get back the Cars in 2013. That album. Kenny Rogers is going to get back the Gambler.

[Jen Fleshman]

Oh, that Is you. I can't believe he hasn't been making money off that all these years.

[Luke Burbank]

He is going to get. He's going to celebrate with some really troubling plastic surgery. That's how Kenny Rogers celebrates. Why did. Why did he do that? He was a handsome. He was a handsome man.

[Jen Fleshman]

I know. It's because he married a 25 year old. I really think that's why people make those decisions. Because they feel bad looking at their young, beautiful wife. Man, he's freakish.

[Luke Burbank]

He is a weird looking fellow, but he's gonna be rich again.

[Jen Fleshman]

I'm gonna have to start. Whenever there's a song in a commercial or in a movie, I'm always like, I'm sure the artist didn't license that. It's probably the. You know. But now it really will be them.

[Luke Burbank]

Right? Exactly. Now you'll know that to blame. To blame them. ACDC is gonna get back in black back in 2015. Michael Jackson's gonna get off the wall.

[Jen Fleshman]

Michael's gonna get that back just in time.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, someone will. I don't know. Blanket.

[Jen Fleshman]

That's the one. I was gonna mention.

[Luke Burbank]

Prince or Blanket.

[Jen Fleshman]

I just saw the movie Megamind. Oh, yeah, I just saw it over the weekend.

[Luke Burbank]

How was it?

[Jen Fleshman]

It was actually really funny and I really enjoyed it. But the end is like this huge. Like the whole city dances because they beat evil and they dance to the actual Michael Jackson bad. Like it's not a cartoon version. It's really his version. And I wondered if Blanket was involved with that.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, the list goes on. ZZ Top is gonna get back Eliminator in 2018. You know what? I don't think they're even gonna fight for that one.

[Jen Fleshman]

Sharp Dressed Man.

[Luke Burbank]

Sharp Dressed man is not. Sharp Dressed man is not. Oh, you're right. It's the album.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

That sold 10 million copies.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah, I was gonna say that. Sharp Dressed Man.

[Luke Burbank]

That probably would also include legs.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yep, it sure would. Anything with that car?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna swear.

[Jen Fleshman]

Which was the Eliminator?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna swear here. How the fuck did ZZ Top ever get popular? I mean, those are some of the worst songs of all time. And don't. Please guitar heads don't email us and go, oh. What you don't realize is that those guys really had a whole. They were playing Texas roots guitar in an era nobody cares. They were old men. They were like elderly men with beards who drove around a PT Cruiser, showing up at places where dudes had to work for overbearing shoe salesman female bosses. And then we're rescued by the ladies. You know, now that I say it out loud, that was pretty awesome.

[Jen Fleshman]

They were. They actually. It was so made for the beginning of mtv because it didn't have to be that good, but just their, like matching beards and the car and the weird looking spacey girl.

[Luke Burbank]

And it worked. The spinning of the spinning of the car and the. And they did like the arm thing.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. And they did it right in time.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, they did, they did. That took a lot of time.

[Jen Fleshman]

Paula Abdul takes.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. So they're going to be getting. They're going to be getting Eliminator back. Anyway. Here's what the record industry is. Is saying about this. They're trying to argue, you want to hear some.

[Jen Fleshman]

The breakdown is best.

[Luke Burbank]

This is better than me talking. When you're sitting at the table, there'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done. You got. So anyway, what the record industry is saying and like, seriously, this. If the record industry wasn't already about to go under, I think this might be like the final nail in their coffin. They're saying, no, no, no, no, no. These people are employees of the record of our company and they wrote these songs while they worked for us. So we own them like forever. Which apparently is not gonna probably stand up in court because all of these musicians were basically independent contractors. Like, they actually had to pay for the studio time a lot of times. So they get an advance from the label, but then that's on them to like rent the studio time. They didn't get health care from them. It was a very, you know, it was. It was about the furthest thing from. Just like you work at a. At a factory. You go in and.

[Jen Fleshman]

So this isn't actually. They're still fighting it, the record companies. Like, they haven't.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Jen Fleshman]

Given up yet.

[Luke Burbank]

No. There. And there's apparently all of this disagreement within the record industry as to if they should try to cut a deal, if they should just like, spend, you know, endless amounts of money in court trying to fight it, which would be probably the last of their reserves of money they have. So, I mean, I guess the question also is, like, why do we even really need a record label anymore? Why do we need record labels? I mean, is that. I guess there's a certain. Like. Cause a lot of that stuff that labels did has now been. I don't really know the music business that well, but, like, my sense is a lot of the stuff that labels used to do is just been sort of broken down into smaller like, there's management companies, there's people that do pr.

[Jen Fleshman]

They're, you know, you can just hire a tour promoter.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. You just like. And I mean, somebody who probably works for a label, listens to the show and could explain to us what exactly labels do. But anyway, they're apparently in big trouble because they are no longer going to be the proud owners of Minute by Minute by the Doobie Brothers. Sorry, guys.

[Jen Fleshman]

Oh, the 70s.

[Luke Burbank]

So we have ourselves, Jen, a real dog fight on our hands with. With the good people over at Northwest Harvest. I speak, of course, of the Puget Sound Business Journal, by the way. Puget Sound Business Journal. They're making out. They're making out like a bandit in all of this. They're getting all kinds of free promotion on TBTL for their battle of the brands. They're having this thing. It's kind of like trying to figure out by popular acclaim what the most popular brand in the Northwest is. And we, of course, would humbly submit that that is Chateau St Michel, the official wine sponsor and more importantly, money sponsor of our show here on tbtl. Anyway, they're in this thing. They've already defeated Starbucks. They've already defeated Perkins Coie, a law firm, and now they find themselves head to head with Northwest Harvest. Northwest Harvest is a very worthy organization. Right. They are a nonprofit that goes out and gets food for people that can't afford it, which is great. But let me tell you something. Northwest Harvest, do not try to come into the world of battle of the brands with Chateau Saint Michel because you are entering a world of pain. That's actually not true. Because what the tens are doing is if they're voting for Chateau St. Michel, a lot of them are then kicking a couple of bucks Northwest Harvest way, which is then being matched by Chateau St. Michel. It's just like it's turning into that Pepsi commercial when they teach the world to sing and all the people come walking over the hillside and they're holding hands. It's that of commercial situations, of voting. But here's the other thing. Northwest Harvest is really, really giving Chateau St. Michel a run for its money. Chateau St. Michel, because of you, the tens of listeners, and more importantly, the tens of voters. You. You guys have been totally dominating the competition. But now, as I look at it, Chateau St. Michelle has 1800 votes, and Northwest Harvest is pushing 1700 votes. This is a real nail biter.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah, this is really. I want to remind people that you can vote every 24 hours.

[Luke Burbank]

Really?

[Jen Fleshman]

Yes. You can vote every 24 hours, and you can vote from all your different devices.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh.

[Jen Fleshman]

So, you know, hit all your computers and your iPhone and whatever, and you've got. Right now on our website, it's under the banner choose or lose. There's a place to click to vote, and there's a place to click to donate to Northwest House Harvest. Please do the voting if you can do the donating. But we really want to see Chateau San Michelle pull this out. We're in the final four, which they weren't even supposed to get out of the first round. Come on.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow. It's a Cinderella story.

[Jen Fleshman]

See it through to the end. Come on.

[Luke Burbank]

So anyway, big thanks to Chateau San Michelle, as always, for sponsoring the show, and a big thanks to you guys for motivating and helping them. I don't know what they went. I mean, it's like. I mean, I guess they just can put it on their business cards or something.

[Jen Fleshman]

I don't know about any of that, but it makes us look great.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Jen Fleshman]

To our sponsor.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly.

[Jen Fleshman]

Because we don't always look great.

[Luke Burbank]

No. In fact, we often don't look great. Okay, let's talk about these letters. This letter, I should say, that's [e-mail] did listener Sarah just mail this out of the blue flash?

[Jen Fleshman]

She brought them to our book club. And Jason took pictures at the book club.

[Luke Burbank]

And do we know how old this is from her son, Ed.

[Jen Fleshman]

I do not know how old he is.

[Luke Burbank]

How awesome would it be if he was 23? That would actually make this a really different kind of letter. Should I just read what's on the letter? Is there any other backstory that needs backstorying?

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, I'll tell you the after you read it because there's a kind of funny next day story.

[Luke Burbank]

This is the letter. It's written on both sides of this piece of paper and, you know, in kid handwriting.

[Jen Fleshman]

And there are a lot of interesting grammar decisions.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it actually is kind of written not unlike a text message. He kind of moves back and forth between numerals and letters. Dear Mom, I would like to tell you that I'm not your son.

[Jen Fleshman]

Exclamation point.

[Luke Burbank]

In two years, you will not see me. And I kind of can't read the bottom part. Can you see what that's. You will not see me. And then there's one something. Oh, it says, see back. Like, turn the page over. And then on the other side, it says, I'm leaving because I disobey too much and I don't want to annoy you. Sincerely, Ed.

[Jen Fleshman]

So the next day apparently, they worked out their troubles and he.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, they did. That wasn't. I. I assumed that would be the end of the relationship.

[Jen Fleshman]

And he's very distraught because he feels like he does have to leave home in two years because he's. He put it in writing. Yeah, in two years.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's legally binding.

[Jen Fleshman]

And he's very concerned about it and basically started crying because he didn't want to have to leave home.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that. I mean, you know, sorry, kid.

[Jen Fleshman]

Sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

Them's the breaks. So then, Jen, you had the idea to compose a letter of your own.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. Well, first of all, I did run away when I was three, and it wasn't that exciting because my grandma lived. We lived in the basement of my grandma's house, and I ran away to my grandma's house. But I did pack pennies and crackers, so I was gonna pay my own way. Obviously, I wasn't a free.

[Luke Burbank]

No, you weren't.

[Jen Fleshman]

But I didn't leave a note because I was really little. But there were many times that I wanted to run away, and I had a lot to say.

[Luke Burbank]

It's interesting, a lot of people who put comments up at the website and emailed us about this, a lot of it came back to the bindle. You know, that's the technical name for the little handkerchief tied over the stick.

[Jen Fleshman]

There's a technical name.

[Luke Burbank]

It's called a bindle. A bindle. And it's like people were saying they couldn't run away because they didn't have a bindle. That seemed to be a recurring theme. We all wanted to leave, but we wanted to leave in the style that we'd been taught through, like, cartoons and posters. You're supposed to leave. That's right. Which always involved a bindle. And so that was what kept a lot of kids living at home, at least as far as our listeners go.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah, I hadn't thought of that. That kept families together. Lack of bindle.

[Luke Burbank]

So. Okay, so we have actually some. We have a little bit of music here.

[Jen Fleshman]

I actually. I wrote this. Just a plug. I wrote this on a pretty snarky card.

[Luke Burbank]

You did?

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. At prettysnarky.com, you can actually buy TBTL themed cards. And so I chose Bacon is Good for Me because I felt like Lil Bacon. He was also running away. He did.

[Luke Burbank]

He had his little suitcase that he packed up. I should have. That's the audio that I should have played today.

[Jen Fleshman]

Remember that? We called him Little Bacon. Tiny suitcase was his government. So I used my Bacon is good for me card. And this is what I wrote.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, here we go.

[Jen Fleshman]

Dear Mom, I am running away for the following reasons. Number one, food. I want to eat Wonder Bread. And I want to eat sugar cereal. And I hate carob. Number two, I do not want to wear homemade clothes from Grandma Loretta. Number three, I resent a 7:30 bedtime on weeknights. I miss all the good shows. Number four, I should not have to take a bath every day. Underlined. And number five, in all caps, I hate dusting. I don't know when you'll ever see me again. Please feed Toni and Kathy and Terry for me. Your daughter, Jennifer. All that came to me like in one minute. Like, it was amazing how easily I was able to remember all the reasons that I was angry at my parents on a daily basis.

[Luke Burbank]

See, I don't know if this is because you're you or because you're a lady, but it's like I can't think of the specific reasons I was mad. I was just, you know, occasionally I would get fed up. And as I, as I mentioned, I. I ran away once when I was probably about 5 and I went to the end of the block and I just leaned against a fire hydrant like a little tuffy.

[Jen Fleshman]

And did you think they were gonna come and get you and, you know, make it right? Whatever Was the.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I mean, I had these fantasies of them just being so sorry. Like, first of all, it felt like I stood out there for about two or three days, probably was about eight minutes. And it was also weird because it was night, it was dark, and cars kept driving by and kind of kept slowing down. Cause they saw a five year old with his arms crossed leaning against a fire hydrant. And I was trying to just send them a message with my eyes that said, I got this under control, okay, I'm running away. I don't need your help. I don't need your pity. Just carry on with your life. I'm in the middle of a situation here. And then once when I was much older actually, well, thankfully, I mean, I wasn't like 20 because that would have also been very bizarre. But I remember being on this family vacation and ending up we were in like Oregon somewhere and we had this like crappy trailer that we were like dragging behind the van. And anyway, something happened and I got in trouble and my dad was going to spank me. And I was right at the age my dad was not a big spanker. Like, I mean, it was a part of the. It was part of growing up in my house, you Got spanked. But he wasn't like, one of those guys who would go crazy. Like, he would send me to his room and then I've told the story. He would, like. I would then just stall him when he got there till he wasn't mad anymore.

[Jen Fleshman]

Just talk it out.

[Luke Burbank]

And then the spanking would become very much pro forma. He'd be like, oh, yeah, I gotta do this spank thing. They kind of give me this, like, very minor little swat on my backside. So. But this was like, I was at the age now where, like, I was. I was right at the age where it was like, I was kind of too big to get spanked, as evidenced by the fact that I could almost beat him up.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And so it was like he wanted to get. He wanted to spank me. And I wasn't into it. So I basically ran into the woods. And I have to say, I really missed my calling as an Indian Scout or a Last of the Mohicans.

[Jen Fleshman]

Because you know how to read trail.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I was like. I remember hiding out in the woods at this rest stop. And actually, you know how, like, it never works out the way you want it to, but this time it kind of did because I could kind of see what was going on. They couldn't find me, but I could see them and hear them. And everyone was getting really mad at my dad because, like, they wanted to leave, but then they couldn't leave. And then, like, why were you. My mom was like, walter. And it was so. It was delicious.

[Jen Fleshman]

And you're getting to enjoy it because.

[Luke Burbank]

I was in the woods. And I was like, this is exactly what I was going for. I wanted him to be in trouble for this whole situation. But then I also realized at some point that I was hiding in the woods by a rest stop in Oregon. I lived in Seattle. And then my dad was doing this thing where he was like, well, then I guess we're just gonna have to leave. But he was saying it really loud. Then I was like, he wouldn't, would he? And so eventually, I emerged from the woods. Those were my. I think my two. Those were my two most vivid running away stories.

[Jen Fleshman]

When I got to that age, it was right after my 12th birthday. It didn't happen on my 12th birthday because that would have been mean and weird. But, like, right around there, my dad, like, I can't remember if we went out somewhere, but he kind of made it a ceremony. But he basically told me that now I was too old to get a spankin. I wouldn't be getting Spankins anymore. And now we were moving into this new phase of grounding. And I was like, yeah, whatever. And then we went to a wedding that had. It was actually Tuna's step somebody, rather Tuna was there. She knows all about it. It had a bar and there was. People were leaving, like, half drunk, alcohol around. And I started going around and drinking the alcohol out of all these cups early.

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew's dieting.

[Jen Fleshman]

And I got really, really drunk. And I ended up doing really embarrassing things at this wedding in Lake Forest Park.

[Luke Burbank]

How you were like 12 or 13, right in there.

[Jen Fleshman]

I did really embarrassing things in front of my sister and DJ Tuna. And I got in huge trouble. And when I got sobered up and stopped throwing up, my dad said to me, you're grounded. And I said, well, what do you mean? And he said, you are not allowed to go anywhere besides school or I don't know if church was in it, but you can't go anywhere until you attend a wedding and don't get drunk there.

[Luke Burbank]

Whoa.

[Jen Fleshman]

I mean, when was the next wedding gonna be? Who knew? And I was begging. I was crying inside the room.

[Luke Burbank]

That sounds like an awesome plot of a movie. Cause then you've gotta, like, make two people fall in love.

[Jen Fleshman]

It is a good plot.

[Luke Burbank]

You've gotta play Cupid so you can be ungrounded.

[Jen Fleshman]

So I remember that I was crying and begging him to give me a spankin. Like, please give me a spankin. He's like, nope, I told you, we don't do that.

[Luke Burbank]

I like how spankin doesn't have a G in the Bronson parlance.

[Jen Fleshman]

Please give me a spanking.

[Luke Burbank]

Please.

[Jen Fleshman]

Nope. So I. So it was a long groundation.

[Luke Burbank]

Let me ask. Let me ask this. Is it. Is it weird that I kind of still believe in spankings? Like, if I have little kids, I'm not going to be, like, crazy with it, but I would swat a kid on the butt.

[Jen Fleshman]

I see. I feel the same way. But I think it's like if you grew up in a home where spanking was pretty sporadic and it was always done in love, it wasn't like physical abuse.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, you know, you'd hear those kids would be like, you know, my dad, you know, spanked me 85 times. Like, that's just like beating your child.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. Or like, I remember Oprah when she confronted Michael Jackson's dad, which was super tense because, you know, she was beaten as a child. And he kept saying, you know, it was just. It was just a spanking. She said, no, it wasn't, because a Spanking doesn't leave a mark. And I remember thinking that I never, you know, never left a mark. It was never that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I was always, like, wearing my pants. It wasn't a thing where, you know, there's no dis. No disrobing.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. It was more. The worst part was the whole, I'm disappointed in you. You've really let the whole family down. Like, that was way worse. The emotional torture.

[Luke Burbank]

I seriously feel, though, like. Like, if I ever. If I ever have, like, little kids again, they're gonna grow up listening to public radio and, you know, eating organic and having the most, like, liberal experience. But sometimes they're also gonna get spanked. And it's gonna. I mean, their friends, I'm probably. Someone's gonna call CPS on me. But I feel like that's part of why little kids are assholes sometimes. Because, I mean, I didn't get spanked very often. And again, it wasn't like it was this crazy. It wasn't like, bring me a switch. I can't overstate that. You know, I mean, it wasn't that kind of a thing. And yet it was the. The thing that was in the back of my mind as far as, like, regulating my behavior.

[Jen Fleshman]

Didn't want to spankin'did.

[Luke Burbank]

Not want to get a spankin'and. As sort of wild as I was, I was a pretty wild kid at times. There was, for me, some point at which I, you know, at which I would stop my wildness because I was like, yeah, I really don't wanna get spanked.

[Jen Fleshman]

You know, the interesting thing about this letter to my mom is that I. I was joking around with her on the phone, and I said, you can expect it in the mail. And she goes, well, what are you gonna say? And I said, well, for instance, I resent the amount of carob I had to eat. I just wanted some chocolate. She immediately starts in on the carob defense. I couldn't believe it.

[Luke Burbank]

She's like, you know, what's her defense of carob?

[Jen Fleshman]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

She's like, there is no carob is in defense.

[Jen Fleshman]

70S were getting too much sugar. And we all knew it. And that's why we were giving you carob. Because chocolate was just sugar, sugar, sugar. And she goes, and yeah, now with all these studies about dark chocolate, whatever, we didn't have that back. She was getting. And I was getting mad too. And I thought, I guess we can't talk about carob in our family.

[Luke Burbank]

My problem, we had carob. My problem was it was inconsistent in my family. It wasn't like. Like, I would have to eat bee pollen sometimes, but in other times it'd be like, here's a Twinkie. You know what I mean? Or like carob. Sometimes it would be like we'd be eating carob and I'd be, this is horrible. This is not chocolate. And. But then a different time it would be like, here's a Hershey's Kiss. You know what I mean? That's what.

[Jen Fleshman]

No, my parents were very consistent.

[Luke Burbank]

See, well, that's. That's better parenting than what I grew up with. I used to have to eat these. Do you ever have those sesame snacks? They were like, sesame. Those actually kind of sound good to me now as an adult. But as a kid I was like, this is the worst treat ever. I think what happened was there was a natural food store that opened near my house and I think that they were kind of like trying to get customers. So everything was cheap. That was the thing with my mom. My mom would feed me nuclear waste if it was on sale. I mean, just like, whatever was. Whatever was affordable and whatever was, you know, whatever there was, was, was a deal. Then it was, you know, that's what we were eating for a while.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I remember once she got like, like 25 sacks of like dehydrated scalloped potatoes.

[Jen Fleshman]

Oh.

[Luke Burbank]

But she didn't really know how to like rehydrate them properly. My dad shattered one of his teeth on one of them because they were like cooked and we're eating them and like most of them were cooked and then one wasn't. We're eating those for like years.

[Jen Fleshman]

That was the problem with all that stuff. It came in bulk and so it wasn't like a one time mistake.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. That was lingered. That was the other thing. And maybe there's. I'm not really raising a family, so maybe there's a good reason for this. But I feel like those co ops were total bullshit too. We used to go to those like, you know, everything was in a barrel.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. Or those bins where you. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And they were. I don't know if they were getting a great deal on. On Millet or Bulgar. On Bulgar. But I'll take Whole Foods. All right, quick musical break and then we are going to return and we're going to play you this day in TBTL history and do a couple of other little things. This is a. I'm obsessed. I'll just say it flash. I'm obsessed with this song. I know I've played on the show before, but I don't care. It's by this gal, Sally Ford, and her band is called Sally Ford and the sound outside they're playing a bumber shoot. This song is called Danger. Back with more TBTL in one moment.

[C]

You are such a mystery when you are next to me you drive me crazy you have me since the minute you strong even though you gold you make me you make me one more you met me one more day. I know you could be a danger a me want only a stranger.

[Luke Burbank]

And.

[C]

I got in my skill.

[Jen Fleshman]

I know.

[C]

I should but I want to add you here.

[Luke Burbank]

Now All I want to.

[C]

Do is hold your hand and tell everyone that you're my man you like the he who fell and now I'm all I do and I don't know why I know you could be it danger I got to me want only a stranger now. God who's but in my skin I know but I want to let you be. You made me got more. You made me one more, you made one more.

[Luke Burbank]

Welcome back to tbtl. This is the show that's probably, you know, I'm going to do it in this mic.

[Jen Fleshman]

That was so funny.

[Luke Burbank]

I was like, something is not computing. Well, here's the thing. In this broadcast room that we're in. This officially, the mic I should be using is called Mic 1, but it is at the most cockamamie angle, such that you can't talk to anyone else. Like, you have to be facing away from everyone else in the room to talk into the mic properly. And you know how I learned this lesson was we did an interview. I think it was Garfunkel and Oates, and they were sitting there so cute and lovely, and I'm using mic one and I'm like wanting to. That sounds creepy. What? I just didn't want to be rude and have my back to them. So I kept doing this thing where I was like, talking, you know, like trying to talk off the mic like this. And then I go back and listen to the interview and it's disaster because.

[Jen Fleshman]

No Microphone one is really for the radio host with crippling shyness. And you're already in the wrong business. You've already failed.

[Luke Burbank]

It's such a. It's. I mean, it's such a crap design. It's weird because the people who put together all of this stuff have also never in their life tried to host a radio thing. So it's like, I mean, the quote unquote, master control or what. Not master control, but the room where we do, like, the radio shows and stuff where we used to TBTL from. It's like every single possible way that it could be not useful in its design. It is because of the fact. I mean, there was a goddamn, like, hole in the carpet like the size of the Grand Canyon for like, for like two years, for the entire time we did tbtl. And that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it would be a thing where you'd be trying to roll forward to, like, look at the computer screen and the chair would tip over because it would get caught in the, like, carpet maw. And what I felt like if they made all of the engineers who are generally nice people here, I have to actually say one of them, the one that looks like Boris Yeltsin is a little standoffish, but the other one is the best. And even the Boris Yeltsin one is pretty. Is pretty cool once you.

[Jen Fleshman]

He comes around.

[Luke Burbank]

He always comes around. So they're good guys. But I do feel like there should be a job share. And, you know, it could go both ways. Right. Like, we could have to be engineers for a week. Because I bet you there's a ton that I don't know about that. That is. I would find myself very annoyed with the. With the, you know, the on air people.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

So maybe it's, you know.

[Jen Fleshman]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe. Maybe we'll look into that. I'll send an email. Actually, I probably won't do that. All right, let's really quickly, let's do this day in TBTL history. Wait, did I or did I not? I know that I brought that over. I know that I dragged that into its rightful place. Well, anyway, I'll just. Let's see. I'll probably be able to play it from here, Methinks this day in TBTL history. This is when we look back at something that we did on this date. Is there any. Any. Any setup necessary for this flash?

[Jen Fleshman]

This is just a night that we fell in love with a lovely young gal on the Internet.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, well, let's take a listen to this day in TBTL history. You know what you need to do? You need to go into your closet and you need to pigo your last.

[C]

We need to pink, yellow, green, or orangeitize yourself.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, she's got some helpful tips for the gals. This day in TBTL history. Oh, pygo pie, go your life.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yellow, green, orangetizer.

[Luke Burbank]

People also may not know that that's. That's the lady responsible for the cute hair drop.

[Jen Fleshman]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Whatever happened to Her. We should look her up.

[Jen Fleshman]

The problem is that you can't look her up by Pigo, because that's the only way I know her. If you've got cute hair, I'm gonna.

[C]

Say, damn, girl, you got some cute hair.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that was fun.

[Jen Fleshman]

She was just like a 15 year old girl sitting in front of her computer, just giving advice on fashion and all sorts of things.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, man. She was like, really? She was very animated about it. Okay, we have. We are gonna get booted from this room in T minus 9 minutes by Tom Tangney. And I think we both know he's kind of a jerk. So we need to speed through the last few minutes of the program here. So should we try to do our new segment or should we. Okay, we can do this. It's a new segment. It's called not random but unconnected. Yes, I like that.

[Jen Fleshman]

We're really trying to use random correctly.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you for that. We're really trying to spread the gospel of not describing things as, oh my God, so random. We're trying to get people to stop doing that because it's almost never used correctly and it's almost always overused and it's a scourge on our nation. So, okay, these are not random, but they are unconnected. What are the topics?

[Jen Fleshman]

The first one is that George R.R. martin put out on his website this week that some scripts for Game of Thrones were stolen. And it's kind of a weird situation. A charity sent him the scripts to have him sign them so they could auction them off for charity. Signed Game of Thrones scripts. And the package arrived at his home and it had like that stamp that the US Post Office puts on it where it says, we're sorry that your package was damaged. Well, not only was the package damaged, but it had been opened on the top. The scripts were gone, but the letter from the charity was still inside. So somebody maybe with the post office service, they don't know, but somebody.

[Luke Burbank]

See, I like how you. I like how you're really loathe to blame the people who are in control of this item. Although good for them for knowing they're George R.R. martin, because clearly someone saw who it was coming to and was like, ooh, this could be. This could be something interesting.

[Jen Fleshman]

So he is asking on his website for people to keep an eye out. And I just thought that actually in our audience, there's probably a lot of people who do buy stuff like that and maybe might come across it on craigslist or ebay or somebody trying to sell game of Thrones scripts.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, this is for the HBO show.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

I see.

[Jen Fleshman]

So he's. And so anyway, his website is grrm.lifejournal.com so if anybody in our one day.

[Luke Burbank]

He'Ll be able to afford an actual URL.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah. So I thought I would help the cause if anybody out there.

[Luke Burbank]

So if you see someone trying to sell a contraband, now, let me ask you this, Flash. If the person just stole it because they just love him so much and they kind of want to read it, they're not trying to profit off of it, is that any. Is that any less. Is it any less terrible?

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, I think it is probably a little less terrible. And also the people, if they didn't take the time to read the letter, they probably didn't know that it was for charity either, because they left the letter in.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, right, right. Yeah. Okay. That's another thing. That's another benefit.

[Jen Fleshman]

He was gonna raise money and he was saying he's like, it's not that I think it's gonna raise that much, but another script that he did apparently raised 1200 bucks, which is great for this Emergency Medical services, you know, that provides medical service for people who can't afford it. So it's like, let's find the scripts.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. If you see that script, Make a citizen's arrest.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I just realized yesterday because I was driving somewhere, I was driving the wrong way. It was like nighttime and I was driving like in a bank, drive through, drive up, thing the wrong direction. And a guy came walking around. And what went through my mind was, is he gonna Citizens arrest me? It was like a Wells Fargo. It was at 10:00 at night. The guy could not. I mean, the guy could not have cared less what I was doing. But what went through my mind was, is he going to citizens arrest me? And then what I realize is I've never made a citizen's arrest. Does that even work?

[Jen Fleshman]

I don't think it generally works, although it is binding, like you, you are allowed to do.

[Luke Burbank]

Because remember, as a kid, wasn't Citizens Arrest a big thing? Like in, like you thought, I'll definitely need to use that probably 10 to 15 times in my life.

[Jen Fleshman]

Certainly I needed it a lot on the playground.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Jen Fleshman]

People were doing it constantly.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, what would someone's reaction be if you just said citizens Arrest?

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, you know, there was just a story in the news about a couple that tried to do a citizen's arrest on this guy who had like run into the grocery store to get lunch, but he left his dog in the car. And it was a hot day.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Jen Fleshman]

And this couple got really.

[Luke Burbank]

That's called a citizens bash. That guy's window in. Really?

[Jen Fleshman]

Right. But he had only been inside for five minutes. So the dog wasn't actually in danger. But the couple was really upset when he got back to the car and they attempted to citizens arrest him. And he's like, no. And he just got in his car and drove.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's what I was gonna say. I think what citizens arrest really comes down to is, are you good at fighting? Yeah, right.

[Jen Fleshman]

Like, because if you're like a, you know, in your 60s, you and your husband and you try to citizens arrest somebody, I don't think anybody's gonna go for that.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. But they will if you pin them on the ground and make them stay there until the cops. Which again, at that point, the citizen's arrest is just. It's a. It's like, don't even bother saying citizen's arrest. Just tackle the person and call the cops. Or don't tackle them, because it's not like they're gonna be like, I want to leave, but I've been citizens arrested.

[Jen Fleshman]

But don't you think that's the fun for us, though, is to say, you're under citizens arrest, asshole.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Jen Fleshman]

You know what I mean? Like, that's what I've been waiting to do my whole life.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like I haven't even thought about that as an option in the last 10 years of my life. And I've really missed out on some opportunities. The guy who wanted to fight me outside the Mandarin gate could have citizens arrested him.

[Jen Fleshman]

Although that's a whole other issue. And it's just kind of fighting.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, yeah, I mean, that was the resting. Huh. That might not have been a great example. But anyway, that's what you should do if you see the George R.R. martin script Floating around. All right, and then the other thing that's not random but unconnected.

[Jen Fleshman]

And this is always really controversial when we talk about this, but Modern Family has replaced the little girl who plays Lily Mitchell's adopted daughter.

[Luke Burbank]

That girl was so cute.

[Jen Fleshman]

She's the best part. Her, like, complete stoic reaction. Like, nothing gets to her.

[Luke Burbank]

I am not just saying this. She is the only decent child actor on that show.

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, this is super bad news for you because the reason they replaced her is they wanted to go with an older kid so the older kid could talk, which I think is a huge.

[Luke Burbank]

Disappointment because we've said this. Well, I've said I don't Know, if you really agree with me, I don't think you hate the kid acting on Modern Family as much as I do. I think you tolerate it. Right. Describe it.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah, I tolerate it. No, I do. There's one that I really, really don't like.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it Manny? Yeah, I know. Like, I'm sorry.

[Jen Fleshman]

I feel bad cause he's overweight, but I really don't.

[Luke Burbank]

He might be a sweet guy, but, like, I can't believe that that was because, for instance, the kids on Parenthood can totally act. So it's not like you couldn't find someone who is 11 years old to do funny dialogue or supposedly funny dialogue. That's like that Manny character. Every single thing that that kid does, you see, coming from six miles away, it's so boring already.

[Jen Fleshman]

Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Also, the show should be called the Dunphys and should just be about Phil Dunphy. But I have often thought, though, okay, the one kid on this show that I can tolerate is that little baby.

[Jen Fleshman]

And it was such a great combination, too, because Mitchell and Cam are just such huge characters. And there was something about her never reacting to anything they did.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. She was like this sort of sentry, right? This silent witness to all of their bullcrap.

[Jen Fleshman]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

That was so much better than a little Olsen twin going, I fought it.

[Jen Fleshman]

Hey, dude.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. Hang loose, dude. You know what I mean?

[Jen Fleshman]

Like, so now we have another, like, precocious talking kid coming to tv. It's too bad.

[Luke Burbank]

A show that already clearly doesn't really know how to handle that particular type of casting. Well, that's a real bummer.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yep, that's a bummer.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, well, are we gonna end on that note?

[Jen Fleshman]

Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, well, that's good. What we do know is that it wasn't random. They just were not connected, those stories. All right, so we do have to get out of here, because Tangy's gonna raise hell. And also, we're ready to go home tomorrow babysitting. Bad babysitting stories. So please still you can submit them until this evening.

[Jen Fleshman]

One of the ideas that I had is that we could absolve each person as they go.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that's good.

[Jen Fleshman]

And I was thinking we could do it by the power vested in us. And we could use the name of the girl in Adventures, Babysitting and Karate Kid.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Elizabeth Shue.

[Jen Fleshman]

Elizabeth Shue. So it'll be like, by the power vested in us by Elizabeth Shue, you're absolved. So that each person can, like, feel like they can put it behind them. Now there's a lot of babysitter shame out there is what I'm finding out.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you ever. Have you ever heard the scene from Hamlet 2 when he meets Elizabeth Shue? Have you seen Hamlet 2?

[Jen Fleshman]

No, I've just seen all the clips on YouTube. I haven't ever watched.

[Luke Burbank]

This is when he, like, meets Elizabeth Shue. She's working as a nurse in Phoenix. Scooter, I'm sorry to be so forward, but you look a lot like my favorite actress of all time, Elizabeth Shue.

[Jen Fleshman]

Yeah, I. I am her.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, but you. You really look like her.

[Jen Fleshman]

Well, that's because I am her.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God. I knew it in my heart soul.

[Jen Fleshman]

Oh, my God, I am freaking out.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm freaking out. You were wonderful in leaving Las Vegas.

[Jen Fleshman]

Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

So fabulously funny and adventurous and babysitting. Not forgetting Cocktail with Tom Cruise. What is he like? He seems totally great. What are you doing in Tucson? Oh, my God, I'm freaking out.

[Jen Fleshman]

I'm actually a nurse now. I just, you know, got kind of sick of the business, you know, sick of all the horrible people and it's all about being a celebrity now. Anyway, there's a real shortage of nurses out there, and I like taking care of people.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God. I didn't hear anything you just said because I'm too excited. Seriously, you guys, if you have not seen Hamlet 2, it's. I can't believe that it hasn't. Like, it isn't in the pantheon of like a waiting for government. I feel like it's so good. And Steve Coogan is so funny.

[Jen Fleshman]

Oh, definitely. That's awesome scene.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, so that's all happening tomorrow. Anything else we need to say before we get on out of here? Flash?

[Jen Fleshman]

I don't think so. Vote for. Oh, yeah, Seriously, pick up your TV show greeting cards@pretty snarky.com.

[Luke Burbank]

All of those things.

[Jen Fleshman]

That's all you need to know. Really?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Have a great Tuesday. We'll be back here tomorrow, of course, with much more imaginary radio for you. Until then, please remember, no mountain too.

[Jen Fleshman]

Tall and good luck to all.

[Luke Burbank]

There's a little flaming lips after I turn the thing back on.

[C]

It's like I never had to Seeing your eyes on feeling I could tell when you smile it's like it's love I didn't too much I could tell.

[Luke Burbank]

Ra.