Episode #944: We Couldn't Love Almonds Any More

Summary

Podcast Summary: TBTL Episode #944: "We Couldn't Love Almonds Any More"

Release Date: November 3, 2011

Hosts: Luke Burbank and Jen Flash Andrews

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1. Introduction and Show Segments

The episode kicks off with humorous banter as Luke commemorates his deceased cat’s birthday, setting a lighthearted tone. The hosts introduce the day’s segments, including a recap of the previous episode’s Top Chef review and the return of the TBTL Debate Club. They also announce a new segment titled "Stop Making Us Do This," where they reluctantly discuss topics they’d rather avoid.

Luke Burbank [00:00]: "Today is his birthday, and it is a tradition that on his birthday I get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of dessert."

2. Introducing Low-Carb Almonds

Sean Detorre joins the conversation, enthusiastically presenting a new almond product dipped in lime and chili peppers with only two carbs per 28 almonds. The hosts discuss the product’s appeal, debating its health benefits and potential downsides like high MSG content.

Sean Detorre [02:12]: "Well, these are almonds that have been dipped in lime and chili peppers. They only have two carbs for 28 of them."

Luke Burbank [02:42]: "That's amazing. Although, does that have a lot of, like, maybe MSG in it?"

3. Sal and Francis: The Improvised CD

Suzy Burbank, Luke’s mother, shares a creative endeavor where she and a friend emulated the Saturday Night Live characters Sal and Francis to produce an improvised music CD. The segment includes humorous excerpts from their songs, highlighting their playful interaction.

Suzy Burbank [14:31]: "It's Our Lives."

Jen Flash Andrews [15:56]: "I bet you didn't know your pinchers. They have effect on me and my heart."

4. Critique of Soccer and the Sounders Game

Luke and Sean delve into a critical analysis of soccer, particularly focusing on a Sounders match against Salt Lake. Luke expresses his disapproval of the sport’s perceived lack of "manliness" due to tactics like stalling and faking injuries, contrasting it with the integrity seen in football.

Luke Burbank [06:36]: "I don't think soccer is a manly sport."

Sean Detorre [08:31]: "Soccer is not a manly sport, but it is played by men. It is an unmanly sport played by men."

5. Top Chef and Its Impact on Chefs

The hosts transition to a discussion on Top Chef, critiquing how the show may contribute to unrealistic expectations among young chefs. They recount an incident where a contestant was swiftly booted from the competition for mishandling meat preparation, highlighting the show’s stringent standards.

Sean Detorre [24:21]: "Top Chef has turned all these young chefs in America into people who think that they just need to get on Top Chef, and then they deserve their own restaurant."

Luke Burbank [24:32]: "He's using a nail gun at one point to try to put together his amuse bouche."

6. Kardashian Divorce and Kris Jenner’s Controversy

A heated segment addresses Kris Jenner’s use of the offensive phrase “Indian giver” concerning Kim Kardashian’s divorce. The hosts express their disapproval of the term and its cultural insensitivity, debating its implications and the necessity for an apology.

Sean Detorre [29:09]: "Dear Kris Jenner, that phrase is so offensive and so misunderstanding of so many things."

Luke Burbank [30:27]: "But she recorded it for herself. It's like when Sue Sylvester married herself."

7. Debate Club: Laundry Room Etiquette

Listener Alyssa from Milwaukee poses a dilemma about using shared laundry facilities when others have seemingly reserved machines by leaving their laundry baskets. The Debate Club segment sees Luke arguing against Alyssa’s approach, emphasizing social conventions and the importance of respecting shared spaces.

Alyssa’s Issue [35:17]: "Is it okay to use the washing machine even if somebody else has, quote, reserved it?"

Luke Burbank [37:03]: "No, it's not okay. We live in a world that is based on reserving things."

Sean Detorre [39:48]: "It's totally okay to put your laundry in a washing machine, just even if somebody else has reserved it."

8. Survivor’s Ethan Zahn and His Battle with Cancer

The hosts highlight the inspirational story of Ethan Zahn, a Survivor Australia winner and former top-flight soccer player, who is currently battling a recurrence of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. They discuss his positive outlook and the mysterious process of his stem cell transplant, pondering why the matching donor wasn’t disclosed.

Sean Detorre [51:18]: "He's a total warrior kind of guy. So he's facing it with a very positive attitude."

Luke Burbank [52:30]: "Why would you… Why would the doctors not tell him which sibling was the match?"

9. Unearthed Michael Jackson Song on Drug Abuse

A surprising revelation brings forth a previously unnoticed Michael Jackson song addressing drug abuse, specifically mentioning Demerol. The hosts play excerpts of the song, analyzing its lyrical content and discussing its relevance to Jackson’s personal struggles and legal battles.

Sean Detorre [54:35]: "It's a song about Demerol and, and about being addicted to Demerol."

Luke Burbank [56:08]: "If you're able to see the reason that I can never be a songwriter is because I'm too self-critical about that kind of stuff."

10. Chateau St. Michel Wine Tasting Event

Concluding the episode, Luke and Sean promote the Chateau St. Michel wine tasting events happening across the country, detailing the featured wines and encouraging listeners to participate. They also share personal anecdotes about past events and express appreciation for the host venue, Neptune Coffee.

Sean Detorre [49:06]: "The 2008 Columbia Valley Syrah, the 2009 Indian Wells Merlot, and the 2008 Columbia Valley Cabernet."

Luke Burbank [50:16]: "If you have a chance to return the love to Neptune, please do buy a T-shirt, do the whole thing."

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Notable Quotes:

• Luke Burbank [00:12]: "We're actually not allowed to use hurtful language like that in TBTL Debate Club."

• Sean Detorre [05:14]: "I saw that, though, and I thought people who weren't listening back then when I told that story."

• Luke Burbank [37:36]: "You have to be able to spot who the sucker is in the first 15 minutes, you're the sucker."

• Sean Detorre [56:43]: "That's crazy, right? We skipped right over it because I…"

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Conclusion

Episode #944 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a blend of humor, critical discussions, and heartfelt stories. From dissecting the nuances of shared laundry etiquette to exploring the depth of personal battles with illness, the hosts navigate a variety of topics with their characteristic camaraderie and wit. Listeners are treated to engaging conversations, memorable quotes, and insightful commentary, making this episode a rich addition to the daily show’s repertoire.

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Do you know what today is? Tuesday. This is my cat's birthday today.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

I don't see a cat in here.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm sorry. We let it out by accident. No, because he died three months ago. Okay, so now who's the funny guy?

[Jen Flash Andrews]

All right.

[Luke Burbank]

Today is his birthday, and it is a tradition that on his birthday I get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of dessert. Don't worry, bro. Your cat's going to heaven. Yeah, maybe. Maybe he went to heaven. He. He was a little. He could have gone to hell. Hey there, folks. Welcome to a Thursday afternoon edition of tbtl. This right here, this is the show that just might be too Beautiful to live.

[Sean Detorre]

$300 in.

[Luke Burbank]

A photo ID gives him the right to fly through the air like one of the guardian owls of legend. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host. A wagon at 196lbs. Sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun. It's alright. Though. I have managed to at least stay off the coffee for the last two weeks. Oh, yeah, that's something that will count as some kind of a personal victory for me. We've got lots to talk about on this 944th episode in the Collector's series.

[Sean Detorre]

Hi, this is Luke's mom, Suzy. Coming tonight on tbtl, we'll get a.

[Luke Burbank]

Recap of last night's Top Chef Kathy. I can't wait. I have to take a bite of this panini, which I'm assuming was mostly a panini cooking contest. Also, TBTL Debate Club returns. Come on, you douchebags.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

We're all on the same team.

[Luke Burbank]

We're actually not allowed to use hurtful language like that in TBTL Debate Club, but that was the closest thing I could find to a debate like audio drop. And also we have a new segment called Stop making us do this.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Stop it.

[Luke Burbank]

In which we discuss a topic that we don't want to discuss, but we're forced to. That's why we say, stop making us do this. Right over there. Helping us out with the program, as always, is the longtime producer of the program. I love Jesus, but I drink a little. Jen Flash Andrews. Hi, Jen.

[Sean Detorre]

Hi.

[Luke Burbank]

How are you doing?

[Sean Detorre]

I couldn't be better because of a new food product that I am insane for.

[Luke Burbank]

Do tell.

[Sean Detorre]

Can you hear that?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Sean Detorre]

Well, these are almonds that have been dipped in lime and chili peppers. They only have two carbs for 28 of them, which you could ever even eat that many in a million years. You couldn't eat that many did they.

[Luke Burbank]

Medically extract the carbs?

[Sean Detorre]

They did. I have to assume these are being created in a secret lab somewhere because they're so amazing.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna.

[Sean Detorre]

And this is what's great about them. You have, like, 10 of them. You're full, and then you skip the next meal because you're so full.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God.

[Sean Detorre]

Hello.

[Luke Burbank]

That's amazing. Although, does that have a lot of, like, maybe MSG in it? Because I get that feeling, you know, that feeling in your. In your kind of, like, jaw when you eat something that has a lot of msg.

[Sean Detorre]

Yep. I'm sure it has a lot of that kind of stuff, but what it doesn't have is carbs.

[Suzy Burbank]

They are delicious.

[Luke Burbank]

You know the messed up part? Hey, you know who's right over there? Sean Detorre, Japan's. You're embarrassing me in company. You embarrass yourself. Japan's number one mixer, who we didn't set this up. Brought in his own tin of almond.

[Sean Detorre]

It's really a wasabi and soy sauce.

[Suzy Burbank]

They're the wasabi and soy sauce. They are spicy. Luke, you've got to try some wasabi.

[Luke Burbank]

These ones have 3 grams of carbs.

[Suzy Burbank]

They don't have the two net carbs. Fancy pants lid side by side.

[Luke Burbank]

Just had some of the bold lime, which was delicious. Now I'm gonna have some bold wasabi.

[Suzy Burbank]

I just keep them in my bag to get me through the work day.

[Sean Detorre]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

That'll clear your sinuses right now.

[Suzy Burbank]

I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

[Sean Detorre]

It's on top of you, and it gets you through, like, the next two hours. It's a miracle.

[Luke Burbank]

That is. Well, I'm going to. I'm gonna go buy me a tin of those. Those are delicious.

[Sean Detorre]

Aren't they amazing?

[Suzy Burbank]

Mm.

[Sean Detorre]

Just keep them in your bag.

[Suzy Burbank]

That's what I do.

[Sean Detorre]

Yep, me too. Yeah, I had them in my bag.

[Suzy Burbank]

Nuts and apples.

[Sean Detorre]

I am crazy for these things. I'm, like, driving around town, going to the drugstore that has them on sale. Oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

Which drugstore is that? Because I might need to stop by there.

[Sean Detorre]

It's the one where the elderly folks in me shop. It's been here for over 75 years. Bartels.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah.

[Suzy Burbank]

Mm.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just gonna have. I'm sorry. Need one more shot of.

[Suzy Burbank]

Now, wait a minute. Those are the wasabi Now.

[Sean Detorre]

Are you showing a preference here?

[Luke Burbank]

I just went for whatever. Whatever I could get my hands on, which happened to be Sean's. But they're both.

[Sean Detorre]

But Sean had not tried the lime and chili. You have to admit they're amazing, right?

[Suzy Burbank]

No, I admit it.

[Luke Burbank]

They're a little lime. Little. There's maybe just a little more lime on there than I need.

[Suzy Burbank]

If I can make a recommendation or a suggestion to listeners, AKA Tens, don't buy the smokehouse jalapeno. We were discussing this earlier, Jen. They're crap. They're not spicy, and don't even buy the regular smokehouse. I'm just not a fan of smokehouse.

[Luke Burbank]

The next day you'll know the real meaning of smokehouse jalapeno.

[Sean Detorre]

Just a Minute, Ron.

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, the person whose team name is Just a minute Ron in the TBTL fantasy football league getting killed. Just. Absolutely.

[Sean Detorre]

They have to take a lot of bathroom breaks.

[Luke Burbank]

You know who's destroying it? Bull penises. Just reading the names. Just reading the names of the. Of the fantasy football teams in that league are.

[Sean Detorre]

I know. I saw there was a non goal oriented touching.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, there's. I think it's a. Fantasy football is difficult, I must say, and other such hilarious things.

[Sean Detorre]

I saw that, though, and I thought people who weren't listening back then when I told that story. But that's my. That's my code phrase to Jason when I just want to cuddle and I don't want it to go further, I say, let's do some non goal oriented touching. It's his favorite sentence.

[Luke Burbank]

I bet you can imagine he is psyched. Well, speaking of things that to me seemed non goal oriented, sadly, I went and watched the Sounders match last night. They were playing Salt Lake and I, I couldn't say this on the radio show today because we're like the official radio station of the Sounders. And you never know. You know, we're going to. I don't want to annoy our. Our teammates, if you will, but I. And I'm going to say something that will, I'm sure, hurt the feelings of a lot of our listeners. And I apologize, Johnny, that really hurts. But that's kind of one of my favorite things to do. I just want to make sure you're still listening, which. And, which usually means saying things that I know will probably make you angry. But then when I get the wave of emails, it just gives me feedback. It tells me somebody's out there. So I went to the Sounders game last night and I decided something by the end of the game, I don't think soccer is a manly sport.

[Sean Detorre]

What? Those guys, they're fit as fods.

[Luke Burbank]

They are. They're beautiful men. Yes, they're very Fit. They're definitely the most attractive athletes.

[Sean Detorre]

And they bash into each other and headbutt.

[Luke Burbank]

They don't bash into each other. That's the problem.

[Sean Detorre]

Well, they do in Europe, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Nope, they don't. When they get near each other, one of them falls down and pretends that somebody shot him, like, with an ak. And then they lie around on the turf. And then they get up and they, like, limp to the side. They call for the medic. A guy comes out with a water bottle. What's he gonna do? Pour water on your supposedly broken back? And then they crawl over to the sideline. They're like. They're like. They're like children pretending that they're hurt. It's so obvious. And then they stand up and then they come back. They, like, limp back into the game. Then they're running around. Two seconds later, they're totally fine. The reason I don't think it's a manly sport doesn't have to do with fitness or anything like that, because they're super fit. It is that, number one, you can win a soccer game. As I saw last night, Real Salt Lake had a three goals to none lead in the overall thing, which meant all they had to do to win was just not let The Sounders score three goals. They got to play for 90 minutes. So what's their strategy? Stall. So every time they were supposed to throw it in, they would just, like, walk over, pick up the ball, look around, give it to a different guy, throw it. Every time they got the ball in the field of play, they would just kind of, like, kick it out of bounds. When there was a corner kick, they would walk over to it. They were stalling at every possible turn. I thought, it's not a manly sport when you can win it by walking. In baseball, you can't win the baseball game by walking to the batter's box slowly. Or by pretending that you got hurt in the field of play and lying there on the grass until the medic comes out and then standing on play. This is why this sport will never be a hit in the United States.

[Sean Detorre]

Could I. I have an amendment to what you're saying.

[Luke Burbank]

Please do.

[Sean Detorre]

Because I think that what you're saying is exactly right. It's a systemic problem in the sport. What I would say is, soccer is not a manly sport, but it is played by men. It is an unmanly sport played by men.

[Luke Burbank]

No, they were men.

[Sean Detorre]

What are they supposed to do? That's what their coaches force them to do. That's how you have to Win.

[Luke Burbank]

No. Have some integrity. Have some integrity. If you fall down. If you fall down when no one touched you, as I watched happen last night, multiple times, and we weren't right on the field, but we had a TV near us so you could watch the replay and see the really close thing of what happened. If you're running and a guy gets near you and you fall down and you hold your knee on the ground and writhe in pain, you are not a man, sir.

[Suzy Burbank]

I think we need more of that in sports because then it would get the non sort of sporty people like me maybe wanting to play, you know, if there was more fake injury, faking injuries, because I.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what's been keeping you out of the NFL for so long.

[Suzy Burbank]

Yeah. It's just because those injuries are real.

[Sean Detorre]

And you're no one.

[Suzy Burbank]

And I know I can't fake an injury on the football field. I was crappy at sports my whole life. But you know what? If I'm able to fake an injury, maybe I'd be more apt to play some basketball or hoops, as you call it.

[Luke Burbank]

Sure. To throw some hoops, as it were. I just.

[Sean Detorre]

You want to see these guys buck the system and just play their hearts out and not fall for that thing and see how it shakes out.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. I want everyone.

[Sean Detorre]

They're gonna probably lose their jobs for doing it.

[Luke Burbank]

I want everyone to play their hardest for the whole time and not stall. And I want people to. Only now, one guy, like a Sounder dude, he did, like, break his ankle or something. And you know how. You know the injury was real? He got, like, carried off the field and didn't play again.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. So that's. I feel bad for him that that happened, but that's a real thing, you know, Nobody in football. Now, granted, there was an incident this season where some guys faked being hurt to try to mess with the clock. That was not cool. But generally speaking, in football, the reason, like, guys, the way, you know, a guy is hurt is because they wheel him off in the stretcher and he shows back up at the game in a wheelchair. They take him to the hospital, they X ray him. They realize, sir, you'll never walk again. And then you see him for the second half sitting there on the sideline in his wheelchair, rooting on his teammates. That is a manly sport. And so I know that this is going to incense our listeners, I'm sure half of whom were at the Sounders match and who love the Sounders. I'll tell you what I do like about It. They do have the most profane chance you've ever heard. I mean, the whole. The thing.

[Sean Detorre]

That's the Seattle fans.

[Luke Burbank]

Every time I'm gonna say, I swear, guys, every time the other team has a goal kick, the entire crowd yells so loud, you suck, asshole.

[Suzy Burbank]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Sean Detorre]

Oh, my God.

[Luke Burbank]

And I don't know if it's exactly at that moment, but there's another point where everyone flips off the other team. It's pretty rad. And they have all of these, like, I saw someone with a sign that said, the more blood, the better. The irony about this, like, MLS sort of soccer cultures, they want to be hooligans. Like, they want it. They want to sort of have that. And there's all this talk. It's, again, the most. It's the swear.

[Sean Detorre]

You want to pretend they're from Manchester.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the swearingest drunken est crowd. And I don't blame the fans for any of this, by the way, whereas I do blame the fans of Ryan Adams for him being a jerk. The other place where they say, you suck, asshole a lot, but only if you're late by five minutes for the concert. No, it's this weird disconnect between all this, like, bloodthirsty talk and we don't. Like, for instance, when the Portland Timbers came and played. That was the other game I went to this season. There's this rivalry. They wouldn't let the Portland Timbers fans leave until they made them stay in their section for, like, an extra 45 minutes after the match. So that.

[Sean Detorre]

To cheer them on?

[Luke Burbank]

No, so the Sounders fans would be gone because they were worried about fights. But come on, they're not going to really fight.

[Sean Detorre]

The Portland Hipsters vs. The Seattle Hipsters Cafe Press is going to get in there.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. On a fixie fix. Fix your bike sweep right in there. No, but this is what I mean. They. The rhetoric surrounding it and the behavior, it all comes off as this kind of like, you know, we're going to beat the living F out. And then on the field, it's a bunch of really pretty guys writhing around on the ground like they've just sustained the worst injury of all time when everyone knows they haven't. I wish they would fix that, because if they would get rid of that, I would totally be into soccer. I played soccer in high school. I don't. I'm not like, one of these people who think soccer is not inherently an interesting sport, but the way it's played right now, I don't think it's. I don't think it's honorable. You know what? I shouldn't say manly honorable. It's not honorable the way that they're playing it right now. So I was going to say.

[Sean Detorre]

Cause that's one of the things that really stood out about our women's team in the finals is that they didn't do any of those shenanigans.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Sean Detorre]

Nor did Japan.

[Luke Burbank]

I wanted us to start Abby Wamba for the Sounders last night. We could have used some of that Abby Wambaugh magic. We're just past Halloween, and we haven't talked to you, Shani, since that fateful. That All Hallows Eve. And I guess you did this thing with this cd. Can you please explain? You talked about it on the show. I actually assumed it was going to be one of the things that you talked about that never actually came to fruition.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

But this one came to fruition.

[Suzy Burbank]

It came to fruition. Yeah. It was me and a friend of mine, Kristen, we went to. We went and did Halloween as Sal and Francis, Spreaders of Joy.

[Luke Burbank]

And. And so this was the Saturday Night Live characters.

[Suzy Burbank]

So our characters were based on those characters. We weren't actually those characters.

[Sean Detorre]

Distant cousins.

[Suzy Burbank]

Distant, Distant. Distant cousins, yes. And so we dressed appropriately. Wigs and bright clothing. And we had the, you know, the joy within us that we wanted to give out to everybody and spread all over their faces. And so we came into Cairo Studios and we cut a CD because, you know, we're artists. Sal and Francis are.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's give the backstory, too, because the SNL character that was distantly based on. It's Fred Armisen and Kirsten Wiig. And they're. They're singing these songs that. Garth. What is it? Garth and Cat.

[Suzy Burbank]

Garth and Cat. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

They're singing these songs that are clearly made up on the spot. So you guys thought, we're gonna make a CD of songs, we're gonna hand the CD out.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right. And so also at the party, we would sing to people, just improvised songs. So we came into the studio and we cut a CD that turned out to be 35 minutes, all improvised, all one takes. We didn't go back and redo anything.

[Sean Detorre]

The point of the was that if someone was to say, I really like your music, you could hand them a cd.

[Suzy Burbank]

No, because nobody would say that. The point of the CD was that we were just going to say, hey, we're Joy Spreaders. Here's our cd. You know, maybe.

[Sean Detorre]

Whether you like it or not.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right. I made, like, 21 copies, and we gave some out to strangers and some out to fans.

[Luke Burbank]

The webcam people can probably see you keep playing an imaginary guitar. Do you play guitar? I've never seen you play a guitar.

[Sean Detorre]

He plays it just like this. You're seeing it.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you know how to play guitar?

[Suzy Burbank]

I know how to play a few chords, but Kristen, AKA Sal, can really play the ukulele. So on the cd, it's primarily her with the uk and we both sing.

[Sean Detorre]

And you're just doing more of your kind of air bass.

[Suzy Burbank]

I do some of the air bass. I also brought in my axe, AKA the guitar, and lent it to the cd.

[Luke Burbank]

Now, okay, so we're here, a track off of the CD that you handed out at Halloween.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

This is. What's this one called?

[Sean Detorre]

Completely Improvised, no Retake.

[Suzy Burbank]

Completely Improvised, no Retake. And you'll hear Sal drop out for a moment because she's cracking up. Because we're hilarious together.

[Luke Burbank]

Heavy on the air base.

[Suzy Burbank]

This is called Lobster.

[Luke Burbank]

Lobster.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

With your pinchers Pinching your way to my heart.

[Suzy Burbank]

I love your pinchers wrapped in prosciutto. Makes me wanna stay, not go.

[Luke Burbank]

That rhymes.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

I bet you didn't know your pinchers. They have effect on me and my heart.

[Sean Detorre]

And my heart.

[Luke Burbank]

She's really good.

[Suzy Burbank]

I know.

[Luke Burbank]

And that prosciutto, oink, oink.

[Suzy Burbank]

Made me stay, not go.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

I bet you didn't know what you did that night. Oh, lobster and prosciutto. I'm gonna stay.

[Suzy Burbank]

So you know.

[Luke Burbank]

That's beautiful, Sean.

[Suzy Burbank]

I'm just telling you I have a few copies of that CD still left over, so. SeanBtl.net, i can mail you a CD. 35 Minutes of Joy.

[Sean Detorre]

Wonderful.

[Luke Burbank]

You need to sell those. Sean. Don't give away the milk for free, brother. Don't give away the pinchers for free, I think. Or the prosciutto, which made me stay, not go.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

I think you. What were some of the other. What were some of the other songs that you guys played on there?

[Suzy Burbank]

There's another one called near the Beach. There's another. We did a rap. We did an improvised rap. We also had one called Five Years Old. And then I didn't have time to really isolate 22 minutes of song. So it's just a. It's Our Lives.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it's a concept album, so you have to listen to it front to back. If you stop at any point or if you try to jump ahead, you're missing out on the overall musical journey.

[Suzy Burbank]

Yeah, it's pretty much one of the better CDs of the 20th century.

[Luke Burbank]

Did anybody actually pop it into a CD player?

[Suzy Burbank]

Sal and I did when we were at the party. We popped it in and we didn't tell anyone. We just kind of turned it up slowly as to not sort of bring attention to ourselves, because that's not what joy spreaders do. It's more about you or you listen.

[Sean Detorre]

To the cd, really.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right. So people. People enjoyed it.

[Luke Burbank]

They did. How long did it take them to figure out that something really special was happening on that stereo?

[Suzy Burbank]

Oh, probably 32 minutes in.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna tell a story now that Jen's gonna hate. I apologize. And Sean's gonna like it. And there's a problem is this encourages Sean to talk about things that we shouldn't talk about on the show. But it's so. It's so germane that I have to just mention it. One time I was at this party with Kamaro Kev. And. Well, I guess they're called JD And Thunder on Stack of Dimes. But it was. We somehow ended up in this kind of small, like, upper room with a bunch of people who were real kind of snotty Capitol Hill hipsters. And there was a part of. It was they were, like, from cool hipster Christian bands, some of them. The tie in was they weren't all Christian people. But anyway, we were hanging around. Everybody was. Just seemed to be like, they were so much cooler than us. And they were having these really cool conversations and we weren't cool. And they were these huge video screens and they were playing some kind of an abstract video of coolness. And it happened that one of those guys, I won't say which one, one of them happened to have an adult film in their car on dvd. And we, like, crawled on our hands and knees up to the DVD player and snuck it in and push it in and just hit play. And then just waited to see the looks on the faces as it dawned on people that their cool art film had been replaced by hardcore pornography. And it was only on for, like, five seconds because it suits. But to see, like, nobody knew what to do. People were running in different directions. Girls turned into, like, fainting. It was kind of amazing. And then. And it was only the. It was only the menu. It didn't even get into the movie. But that was the good part. So it wasn't really that bad. It was just the thing that says, this is a porno. And here's the menu options. Because we didn't think that we forgot that the menu was gonna be the first screen that popped up. But it was honestly one of the more fun pranks I've been a part of. I wouldn't. I wouldn't encourage it. I wish there was something we could have put on that would have been a little bit less inappropriate, Something in between what they were watching and what we put on, because that was maybe too much.

[Suzy Burbank]

Maybe, like, Maury some.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe something like that. Maybe something just a little, like, a little bit inappropriate for the scene. But not wildly inappropriate, but anyway, I just don't ever. Don't ever talk about that kind of stuff. Sean. I'm the only one who's allowed to talk about inappropriate stuff, and Jen's the only one who's allowed to talk about Top Chef because she is the one who watched it last night, even though I think I threatened to. Was last night?

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Was last night the debut?

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

How was it?

[Sean Detorre]

Weird. Really weird.

[Luke Burbank]

What happened? A lot of lobster with prosciutto with a backdrop of hardcore pornography.

[Sean Detorre]

It was so crazy because there was a gazillion. There's probably over 35 chefs. And so everybody's looking around. And then basically, they divided them into teams and said, you have to cook for your spot. And so then they would bring them in in groups. And so the first group that they brought in, they just had these huge pieces of pork. And so they each had to, like, pick a piece, and then you had to, like, butcher it yourself. The pork was, like, cut into 10 pieces. And so this one guy who was like, I'm gonna beat everybody. I'm the best one here, and I'm half their age. I'm amazing. Like, he just did this amazing interview about how awesome he was. So he's like, I'll do it. So he picks up this huge side of a pig and takes it over and just, like, looks at it and goes, I've never done it before, but I'm the best one here. And he just picks up this huge hatchet and starts hacking at it, and then he realizes he can't get it to cut. So then he goes and gets a hacksaw and comes back and is sawing on it. So he's sitting there doing that, like, acting like that's perfectly appropriate. So Tom Colicchio walks in and comes up to him and says, oh, man, what are you doing? And he goes, oh, I'm trying to, you know, cut. I'm gonna do pork chops. And Tom goes, if you went into a butcher shop and saw any of what you've done here, would you buy any of that? And he goes, no, but I'm not a butcher. I'm a chef. And Tom goes, no, you're not. Pack your bitten knives and go.

[Luke Burbank]

Whoa.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Whoa.

[Luke Burbank]

Really awesome.

[Sean Detorre]

It was so shocking. And it kind of went on like that. When people made a kind of big, you know, flagrant mistake, it was like, go.

[Suzy Burbank]

So that's unprecedented for this show, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Sean Detorre]

I mean, usually they get there and they're the contestants. Right now, everyone was cooking for their spot.

[Luke Burbank]

And Colicchio justice is swift.

[Sean Detorre]

It was. And I had tweeted before the show, like, a break from Padme and Gale is one thing, but I need my Colicchio fix.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right.

[Sean Detorre]

Take that, Ilia. That's my hashtag. Take that, Ilia.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, wait, wait. So. Oh. Cause Padma's. Is she.

[Sean Detorre]

No, I'm just saying I've had this long break from them all, but I haven't really missed Padma or Dale.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Sean Detorre]

But I've missed my colleague.

[Luke Burbank]

What about James Osland from Savoir? Oh, really? Interesting.

[Sean Detorre]

So anyway, it was super tense, and it also. They never even got to. They didn't even get through all the teams yet. They only got to. There's still, like, another whole 18 people who have to cook for the last six slots or whatever, so. Because they already gave out some.

[Suzy Burbank]

How many slots are there available?

[Sean Detorre]

They say 16. They have 16 chef's jackets sitting there. And so when you get through, they give you one. And so they put through, like, 11, I think lots. There's not even that many left. And there's a lot of chefs left to cook, so it was just kind of shocking because they've never been like that. And Tom was being like, hard ass, which was really turning me on.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Because he is like, Tom Colicio doesn't take any crap, but he's also. He's not. He's not unfair. He's not one of these, like, Hell's Kitchen kind of guys where it's like, he's. He thinks that a big part of his job is to be a jerk to people. Like, he does. He just. He just doesn't suffer fools.

[Suzy Burbank]

You could say that he's got colechio vision. That's like Colecov.

[Luke Burbank]

Colecovision. Sure. Donkey Kong. Like Pitfall. Smurfs play. Pitfall, anyone? Pitfall.

[Suzy Burbank]

I've been sitting on that. I had to get it out. I'm sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

Another almond.

[Sean Detorre]

There was this big article in Time magazine this week written by this foodie who was talking about how Top Chef has ruined restaurants in America. And his. I disagree with him. His basic idea was that Top Chef has turned all these young chefs in America into people who think that they just need to get on Top Chef, and then they deserve their own restaurant. They don't think anymore that they have to pay their dues. They just want to get on Top Chef and make it. This guy was a perfect example of that being like, I'm awesome. And he's, like, 24 years old, and he's never even cooked in a restaurant before or been cooking school.

[Luke Burbank]

But he did do a lot of construction, which is why he felt comfortable around a power saw and other implements which were not. He was using a nail gun at one point to try to put together his amuse bouche.

[Sean Detorre]

But I think that when I was reading this article, I thought to myself, I think that what Top Chef is so great for is, I'm sure that it's not great as a chef in America because it's probably really annoying, but it's so great for us who love food, because it's made me so much more interested in food. It's made me more knowledgeable about food. I love going to restaurants now and asking, like, is the chef on the. Like, I'll call and say, is the chef on the premises actually making the food? Because that makes me enjoy it more.

[Luke Burbank]

It's crazy, though. It's crazy, though, that it works as a concept, because you can't taste the food. It seems like it wouldn't work because when you're talking about Project Runway, you can see what the clothing looks like. But the essential experience you need to have with food to know if you like it is, of course, lacking with a television show, and yet it totally works as a TV show well.

[Sean Detorre]

And it reminded me of Project Runway. I was thinking about Project Runway also, because I'm continuing to get quite a lot of feedback on the few minutes that I spoke about it the other day. And one of the people who emailed me is one of our listeners, and she is a couture seamstress. And she was infuriated that Anya won and that I thought that was good. And she was saying to me that.

[Luke Burbank]

You didn't know what the national language of Trinidad was.

[Sean Detorre]

So she was very frustrated, and she was basically saying, you know, Project Runway makes people think that, like, what we sweat and bleed over is as easy as 1, 2, 3. And so I think that that's the thing, that Project Runway is great for you and me because it makes us appreciate design more, all that kind of stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

We know that there's something called tools.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah. And ombre and all sorts of words that I've learned. But I think that for the people who are actually in the profession of either cooking or design, I think these shows are really frustrating. So I bet that that it was really fun to watch this guy get booted, like, in two minutes. He'd literally been in the room two minutes, and Tom's like, take your knives and go. And he was like, what? Take? Really? Like, he didn't believe it. Tom's like, go. You're out.

[Luke Burbank]

I hope that that's on demand super fast. I did not TiVo it, but I want to go home and watch that. Just so if I'm having a tough day, in fact, maybe I'll just edit that into, like, a 20 second clip. I'll just keep it on my phone. Anytime I'm having a bad day, I'll just watch that and be like, okay, it's not going as badly as it could. All right, let's jump right to our next segment, which is a new segment on the show, which we're calling Stop making us do this.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Stop it.

[Luke Burbank]

This is not the show where we usually would spend very much time talking about Kardashians, other than to mention, as I may have yesterday on the show, that I saw a tweet from Weird Al Yankovic where he said there's a new unit of measurement for something that takes 72 days. It's called a Kardash.

[Sean Detorre]

Didn't you retweet that or something? I feel like I did retweet it.

[Luke Burbank]

I did retweet it. But there are still some listeners. It's hard to believe that. Don't follow me on Twitter. Despite my plaque, which I have, by the way, kind of casually at my place right now. So I've got the best Twitter personality and the best podcast thing. Just kind of like sitting, but in such a way that if you came in, it'd be hard to miss. But also, like, it's not. It looks kind of. Oh, I put that there.

[Sean Detorre]

I'm not gonna tell you about it, but if you happen to notice, but.

[Luke Burbank]

I have a couple of things sitting on it, but they're not very large. Like, I have, like, some gummy pizzas. Don't ask.

[Suzy Burbank]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

My friend brought him over to watch the football game. He was like, I brought gummy pizzas.

[Suzy Burbank]

Are the size gummy pizzas?

[Luke Burbank]

No, they're tiny.

[Suzy Burbank]

Oh, wait, you said don't ask.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, exactly. Sean, please broke the direction, but I've got a few things on there. But just like, you can still kind of see what it says. Anyway, in case people weren't following me on Twitter. Yeah, I do retweet some pretty sweet stuff from we're all Yankovic, so not to brag, but we don't usually talk about the Kardashians and that kind of thing on this show, other than to usually have a meta conversation where we say something like, you know, Britney Spears is having what appears to be an actual meltdown as a person, not as a famous person, not as a celebutante, but as just a human being who. Who is in over their head. That's usually what we say about stuff like this. But Jen has been forced into a corner on this whole thing by a statement that her mom, Kris Jenner, made. Which brings us to.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Stop it.

[Luke Burbank]

Stop making us do this.

[Sean Detorre]

She did not want to have to talk about this Kardashian divorce, but did not want to have to do it. But she's forcing me.

[Luke Burbank]

What happened?

[Sean Detorre]

So the question has now come up about what is Kim gonna do about the ring? It's an enormous engagement ring that Kris Humphries gave her.

[Luke Burbank]

I assume it is the ring from Loder too. Is that what it looked like? One ring to rule them all.

[Sean Detorre]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Did he have to fight Gollum for it?

[Sean Detorre]

It was made by the elves in the old days.

[Luke Burbank]

Just wanna make sure we're thinking of the same ring.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah, it's enormous. I mean, it's huge. So they asked her mother, Kris Jenner, what is gonna happen about the ring? And she said, I hate an Indian giver. It's a gift, you know?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, my God. Where do you begin on that one?

[Sean Detorre]

I know.

[Luke Burbank]

Where do you even begin?

[Sean Detorre]

Dear Kris Jenner, that phrase.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Stop it.

[Sean Detorre]

Stop it. Seriously, that phrase is so offensive and so misunderstanding of so many things. It's like, I have to even, like, step away from the ring issue just to the fact that she's using that phrase.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like, are we living on a reservation right now that the Indians said should be called Seattle, but then they made it back into a reservation? Is that what happened? Because it seems like it might be kind of the opposite situation where maybe a lot of the Native Americans in this country are living on tiny little drops of land that were supposed to be way bigger before we came here and took it all away and then promised them one thing and then gave them smallpox.

[Sean Detorre]

I mean, it's like you can just go on and on and on and on. Don't use that phrase, especially in this kind of a scenario. It's unbelievable to Me.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you heard the Kris Jenner I Love my friends song? Yeah, I saw it on how can you be surprised? How can you be surprised that a woman who recorded this video. Do we even know what the point of it was for?

[Sean Detorre]

It was for like her 35th birthday.

[Luke Burbank]

But she recorded it for herself.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah, it's like when Sue Sylvester married herself. She's just celebrating herself November 5th, and.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Now I'm 30, riding down my highway with my friends at my side. My life without them wouldn't be complete. They are my joy and pride.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautifully. Nailed it.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

I've learned a lot from all my good friends about turning 30.

[Sean Detorre]

It's great that you can tell that she's going to go on to raise children who become famous for nothing.

[Suzy Burbank]

This is also built around I love.

[Sean Detorre]

La, she loves her friends.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Stop it, stop it, stop. It.

[Luke Burbank]

Also involves an appearance from Arenthal James Simpson. Quite a piece of work. So I guess based on this song and video, I guess we can't be surprised that Kris Jenner has a kind of. Has a seemingly tenuous grasp on United States history.

[Sean Detorre]

Right. And what I really should actually do is, and as I quote all the time, Toni Morrison, when you know better, you do better. And that's the fact. I mean, a lot of literally don't even know. And so maybe I should just assume that she's never thought about the phrase, what it actually means and, you know, oh, yeah, give her the benefit of the doubt.

[Suzy Burbank]

It's definitely not the phrase that pays. And I think, Jen, that you. I think that you need to email her because I don't know if anyone's paying as close of attention to this phrase as you. I think that you need to shoot her an email and say, chris, do you happen to know sort of what's going on with this?

[Sean Detorre]

I actually, it's a headline that she said it and I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing an apology.

[Suzy Burbank]

Oh, it is a headline.

[Luke Burbank]

The other thing. Okay, since we've now opened this. Open this portal, if you will. Let me just say really quickly about the Kardashian thing, I don't think it was a sham. First of all, who cares what I think, right? But, like, just for what it's worth, I don't think they got married just to make the money. I'm sure that in their own kind of bizarre way, she and her husband were like, you know, thinking this is going to be a love, or she had misgivings and then she didn't know how to stop the train. Okay, fine. But there was a quote from her the other day where she said, I can't believe this is after all. She said, I can't believe I have to explain to people that this was real. And I can believe that. I don't think it was a fake. But what I don't understand is her sense of surprise that when anyone who.

[Sean Detorre]

Watches that show knows that it's produced half of it scripted, the producers come up with, like, wacky scenarios that they find themselves in. Like when Kris tried to give her husband Bruce Jenner Viagra, but she accidentally put it in her son Rob's drink and he got a five hour erection and the whole family had to go to the error. No one believes that's a real story that was concocted.

[Luke Burbank]

Right? And so it's like, I don't think you made up the wedding. I don't think you faked marrying someone to make money. I just don't think that you're that craven. But I also understand where people would have a question about the validity of your wedding for you to just be kind of like, how could you if you lived in Indiana and were not famous and you married your high school sweetheart and 72 days later you broke and your guys, your wedding reception was at a Hampton inn, and then 72 days later you broke up and everyone was like, oh, it was a fake wedding. That would be a person who could legitimately say, I can't believe I have to explain to you this was a real wedding. Here's your salad shooter. Thank you. I appreciate it. We didn't take it out of the box. Those people, people that have normal lives, they could say, I can't believe I have to explain this was real. Kim Kardashian should believe that. She has to explain it was real. Which I believe her on.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. That's all I wanted to say about that. How about. How would you guys feel about getting into a little bit of TBTL debate club featuring new theme. It's seven minutes longer than this crossfire. You'll get caught up in it.

[Suzy Burbank]

I love it.

[Luke Burbank]

You're about to get caught up in the crossfire. Okay, what do we. What do we got? Flash.

[Sean Detorre]

Okay, this comes from Alyssa in Milwaukee.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, Sean, you're the official timekeeper.

[Suzy Burbank]

All right?

[Sean Detorre]

She and her boyfriend live in an apartment complex which has 30 apartments and two shared washers and two shared dryers in the basement. She said that what often happens is people come in and they put. So somebody's using the washing machine. So somebody comes in and they put their laundry Basket on top of the washing machine. And then they leave, you know, intending, like, I'll come back. And when this person's done, mine goes in next. Well, what happens is Alyssa just sits there with her book. So when it's done, she just goes ahead and puts hers in. She circumvents the laundry basket thing because that person's not there. So she just puts her laundry in and continues doing her laundry because she's willing to sit there and not miss any moments.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Sean Detorre]

Her boyfriend says that is incredibly rude. She says he is the likable one in the relationship. She says, absolutely not. I'm the one willing to sit there all night long to make sure my laundry gets done. And if they're not there, I should be able to use the washing machine. So her question is, which one of us is right? Is it okay to use the washing machine even if somebody else has, quote, unquote, reserved it?

[Luke Burbank]

Now, this is a good one because this. I think there are very legitimate arguments on both sides as opposed to the ones I've lost recently, which were rigged from the get. Okay, so we've got our mini disk that we flip traditionally. Thank God no one ever cleans the studio. Heads is. Yes. So yes would mean it's okay. Yes, it's okay. And then so the other side would be, no, it's not okay.

[Sean Detorre]

Right. Respect the system.

[Luke Burbank]

And I think we flipped it for you last time, Jens. We'll flip this one for me. So whatever comes out on, that's the side I have to argue. Sean.

[Suzy Burbank]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

No.

[Sean Detorre]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's not okay. And then I had to go first last time. I had to go first. You want me to go first again, though?

[Sean Detorre]

Yes, I want you to go first.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm gonna have some.

[Suzy Burbank]

How long are these? One minute each on each side?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I'm gonna have a couple almonds for.

[Sean Detorre]

I think we decided 45 seconds.

[Suzy Burbank]

45.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah. We felt like an hour. We were. I mean, a minute. We were stretching, which is so sad.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Stop it.

[Luke Burbank]

All right.

[Sean Detorre]

You can get caught up in the crossfire.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, Jen. Jen, you're really getting caught up in the crossfire right now.

[Sean Detorre]

Okay?

[Luke Burbank]

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't get so caught up in the crossfire. So wait, I'm arguing that. No, it's not okay.

[Sean Detorre]

It's not okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, this is great. This is great. I like this because I think you're. I think you're on the side you don't want to be on. Delicious. That was pretty creepy. Okay. No, it's not okay to do that. Okay. Starting now, it's not okay to just sit there putting your laundry in whenever it's time for the next cycle, despite other people putting the reservation in. Because we live in a world that is based on reserving things. When you go to some kind of seating area and it's really packed and you guys get your table, but then you have to get up to go to the bathroom, you leave your coat on your seat. Because we. We need to be able to come back and sit down at the place where we wait in a long line to get there. If we start to assume that laundry baskets or coats or these other little markers in our society that we leave about in order to. Our picnic blanket, for instance, our beach blanket. These are things that we rely on as a society to keep some sort of order. And I know you want to sit there reading a book or listening to TBTL all night, Alyssa, but you're breaking down the social fabric.

[Sean Detorre]

Okay?

[Luke Burbank]

By the way, Social fabric, which should be washed on delicate and cold.

[Sean Detorre]

All right, Are we ready?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm ready to get caught in the crossfire.

[Suzy Burbank]

Go. Crossfire.

[Sean Detorre]

Yes, it is totally okay to put your laundry in a washing machine, just. Even if somebody else has reserved it. The reason for that is because this is a completely made up social convention. There's no. It's not in the Constitution. It's not even in the Seattle or the Milwaukee bylaws. I've checked. This is something that has just been made up so that people can go about their business and expect other people to be inconvenienced while they, like, go watch TV or talk on the phone or do the Facebook or whatever. You're willing to sit there all night long for whatever's going on in your personal life that you're avoiding. I'm not getting into that, Alissa. I'm saying you're willing to sit in that room all night long, so you should have first dibs. That just should always be the rule. Because you're willing to sit there. It's fine if you want to put your stuff on top of the washing machine. Shoot.

[Luke Burbank]

That wasn't bad. That was not bad at all. Let's. Let's. Let's turn to the wisdom of the Stens, the people watching us on each team. By the way, I was able to ban our friend who came in and was talking about washing his clothes in semen. That guy's been banned. He's out of there.

[Suzy Burbank]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

So I was a little distracted. The only thing that's swifter than Colicchio. Justice is Burbank justice. Okay, righty. Let's see here, guys. Carrying me votes Luke. Sirik says Luke wins. Kokomo says Luke. I vote Luke. Wow, Jen, this is unfair because I.

[Sean Detorre]

Think people are just happy I kicked off.

[Luke Burbank]

They're just happy I kicked off. The guy who was talking about masturbation.

[Sean Detorre]

No, I think everybody thinks you're on the right side. I think.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what, Honestly, I agree with your side of it, to be honest with you, because I feel like if you're sitting there, because the person could never come back. I mean, here's the problem. I was learning this in Europe because we were traveling with a bunch of Germans and we'd go out to the pool and there would be every. It'd be like nine in the morning and every single good beach chair would be reserved with a towel and there was no one around. And the German friends who were awesome would say Germans. Because the Germans would all get up at 7:30, go up there, lay their towels out so they were set. That's. That doesn't make the world a better place, I don't think. And so, like, there's something probably in between letting any kind of like reservation, like a laundry mask or something stand forever and barging past everyone. And I'm sure that that's probably what Alyssa does. She probably sits there. If the person came back before their cycle was done. Yeah, it's. But if they're not there, I wonder what kind of looks she gets though, if, like, they come back downstairs and.

[Sean Detorre]

This was a really good one, Alyssa.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you for saying that.

[Suzy Burbank]

And it's also the same situation, like if you walk down into the laundry room and the dryer has stopped, both of them are full with clothes that are not yours. Do you take the clothes out and move your wet ones in? It's like the same sort of debate. What do you do?

[Luke Burbank]

You have to. That's the law of the jungle. I just. I'm just. I have to tell you, one of the major upgrades in my life has been. It's been a few years since I've lived in a communal laundry situation. Man, that is. That is. Takes up more of your time more waiting around time more going into scary basements. Has there ever been a laundry room in the basement of an apartment building that didn't seem like a murder scene?

[Sean Detorre]

They're usually pretty dangerous.

[Luke Burbank]

There's always like a weird, like, torn up pair of underwear. Like in the corner, there's a bunch of lint balls that people pulled out but couldn't find the garbage can. It's like a one fluorescent light that's going. I mean, they're the creepiest places on the planet. I would at this point gladly live in a crappy apartment that had a washer and dryer. Like that's all I would actually ask.

[Suzy Burbank]

In unit.

[Luke Burbank]

You mean in unit. That's all I would care about. And they'd say, you know, there are roaches. I don't care. Do you have an in unit washer and dryer, please? Although at a place I lived once, the lady downstairs wouldn't let me do the laundry after 7:00 at night. She said it was too loud.

[Sean Detorre]

We have quiet rules in my building.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's 10pm that means no laundry.

[Sean Detorre]

No laundry after 10pm wow.

[Luke Burbank]

Overnight laundry is the best.

[Sean Detorre]

Not if you live in an apartment building because you have to hear the person's dryer thumping over your building.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe you shouldn't be able to dry sneakers after 10pM Maybe you shouldn't have.

[Suzy Burbank]

Picked the apartment above the laundry room. Jen.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, that's debate club. Thank you. I win. Now it's Gen 2. Luke 1. Yeah. To the victor goes the spoil of this music break. We're going to come back and we're going to. We're going to tell you the latest on the Chateau St. Michel tasting that we're doing, which is just coming together swimmingly. And we'll get into a whole bunch of other fun stuff. First, a little music from. My goodness, they're playing Numos this Saturday. This song is called Come on Doll. Take a listen. We'll be back with more TBTL in just a moment.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

Spent a long night I've been drowning in the covers she was a whole. Suddenly I'm gonna wanna wanna be one of the weather I see her head she's got nothing to say it.

[Luke Burbank]

On.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

The corner scour do you wish I was open? Maybe I'll be your ideal guy I keep it going through the summer.

[Luke Burbank]

Welcome back to TBTL show that's probably too beautiful to live. That's my goodness. Playing Numos this Saturday night here in Seattle, Washington. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm here with my dear friends Jen, Flash Andrews and also Shonda Torre, Japan's number one mixer.

[Suzy Burbank]

Sup?

[Luke Burbank]

And that was awesome, dude. That should be your new. Your new salutation on the show. Sup?

[Suzy Burbank]

Sup?

[Luke Burbank]

I like it, player. We're doing this little kind of fun thing like sounds just like that. That's not true. Here's actually what it sounds like sweet berry wine, only slightly less jarring. We're doing a little tie in with our friends at Chateau St. Michel. You know, they're the official wine sponsor of the program, and we're having a tasting going on all over the country. And Jen just put a list of a bunch of the things that are going on up [e-mail] and it is growing by leaps and bounds. Jen, this was kind of your brainchild. Has it turned into a bigger thing than you expected?

[Sean Detorre]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

I can't believe I'm looking at this. Seattle 10s are doing a thing at Neptune. Chicago, Northern California, Denver, Minneapolis, Iowa, New York City. If you want to see the inside of Grace's apartment in New York City, this is your one chance, probably.

[Sean Detorre]

Or if you're in Northern California, the inside of Alyssa's. Or if you're in Iowa, the inside of Kristin's. People are being very lovely about it.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I just say, please don't murder anybody, guys, because I think we're probably liable for that. Yeah, just everyone.

[Sean Detorre]

I'm sure we'll never get over that.

[Luke Burbank]

Everyone, please. If you murder someone that you met through this thing, we'll cancel the show. So if you like the show, don't. And also, don't overstay your welcome. Somebody once said the like, the like, the most important thing about going to a party is knowing when to leave. Let's all just practice that.

[Sean Detorre]

Those little truisms, they really stick with you, too. Because I remember when I was leaving for college, somebody who was at my, like, going away party who had already been to college said, remember, if no one in your class is driving you crazy, you're the one driving everyone else crazy. And that really stuck with me all the way through college because I would all of a sudden realize, like, oh, I'm being the know it all, or I'm being the person who makes class go long or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Right? That's a poker thing, too. If you can't spot who the sucker is in the first 15 minutes, you're the sucker. I think the poker great Ed Norton said that in the movie Rounders. So what are the three wines again, Jen, that we're going to be tasting? By the way, all the results are going to be, well, you send them in to us, and then we will tabulate them and then we will announce the selection. The wine that you guys have in a blind taste test said you like the most on November 15th. What are the wines again?

[Sean Detorre]

The 2008 Columbia Valley Syrah. The 2009 Indian Wells Merlot and the 2008 Columbia Valley Cabernet.

[Luke Burbank]

And those are all under 20 bucks. And so. And they're widely available, so check them out. Find somebody in your area. Also, if you need to do a tasting at your own house with you and your pets, that's completely okay. A lot of people that are fires eligible, we have a lot of fire spotters who listen to the show. They're in those raised cabin things thousands of miles from any other people. So, I mean, if it's like you want to have a tasting with a blue jay that's perched outside of your fire spotting station, that's fine, too. You can send in the results and they will be counted equally.

[Sean Detorre]

This is very quickly about the Seattle tasting. They're having it at Neptune's and Neptune Coffee. They are using a banquet license, so they're going to go out and buy the wine and bring it in for everybody to be able to taste. And so they're very much asking. So it's a $5 per person charge, and they're asking everyone to please be sure in rsvp. I have the link up on the site. RSVP how many people you're bringing. Everybody's welcome. They just want to know how many. So they're sure they have enough wine there. So please do that if you're coming.

[Luke Burbank]

These are our dearest friends, Dan and Deborah, who run Neptune Coffee. We've had a bunch of events there. They have awesome trivia nights there. If you were ever in Greenwood, it's the only place to get coffee. They also have beer and other things, so you can just hang out there and. And have a fun time. They're like the TBTL of coffee shops and they send us free coffee. And they are hosting this thing where they're going out and picking up the wine in advance. So if you have a chance to return the love to Neptune, please do buy a T shirt, do the whole thing, because they are totally rad people.

[Sean Detorre]

And I'll be going to that tasting.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, really?

[Sean Detorre]

I'm looking forward to that.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it Saturday night?

[Sean Detorre]

It's next. It's a week from Saturday in the afternoon.

[Suzy Burbank]

So it's November 12th.

[Sean Detorre]

Yes. Wow. Got an internal calendar.

[Suzy Burbank]

Yeah, I've got some things going on.

[Luke Burbank]

He has to go to a different pornography festival that weekend. So just trying to keep them all straight.

[Suzy Burbank]

Yeah. Get it straight.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the hard part for him. Okay, we've got a couple of more things to get through here, and then we are going to have to get done because we're about to lose our reservation on this studio. We have a segment called not random but unrelated. And this is a really interesting story about this guy, Ethan Zahn. He was the dude who won Survivor. He was a top flight soccer player. I believe in college he went to Brown or somewhere really good and then was in Survivor Australia. Won.

[Sean Detorre]

It was amazing, by the way, because he won it without any manipulation, without ever being mean to a soul. Like just the kindest guy in the world.

[Luke Burbank]

Found out he had cancer, was able to get the cancer sort of taken care of. Didn't he marry somebody else?

[Sean Detorre]

Jenna Marasco, who won her year also. And so he's been cancer free for years and years. He had non Hodgkin's lymphoma and he was cancer free and he just found out that it's back and he's like a total warrior kind of guy. So he's facing it with a very positive attitude. And one of the things he said in the article that I thought was so interesting was that he's going to be going through a stem cell transplant from one of his relatives, one of his brothers. One of them was a match but the doctors won't tell him or anyone in the family which one was the match. And I just think that's fascinating. Like, why would you. What was this?

[Luke Burbank]

Why does it have to be blind?

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah. Don't you think that's interesting? Like would somehow if you had certain feelings about one of them, would that affect how you take the transplant?

[Luke Burbank]

I've never heard of such a thing because commonly if you need any kind of transplant, they'll test a bunch of people and they'll figure out a match. I've never heard of that match then not being revealed.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah, I thought that was a good question.

[Luke Burbank]

What could the upside be? I bet you one of our listeners who's a doctor or works in the medical field or has access to Google, so third would include more people might be able to tell us because I've never heard of that. What would the. I could kind of understand if there was like something where like you needed a heart transplant. Right. And they tested everyone in your family and they found, they found like, you know, one of your family members matched you for a heart transplant, but in getting the transplant, they were going to have to die. And so then the doctor said, I'm kind of also.

[Sean Detorre]

Wow, that's becoming an amazing story.

[Luke Burbank]

It's turning into the movie Untamed Heart really quickly. Isn't that the one where Christian Slater has a baboon heart or something. It's getting weird. But my point is that if there was some kind of a thing where for some reason for them to. Basically for them to give you the transplant would be. Would be harmful to them, maybe they wouldn't want you to even know that information because they wouldn't want it to be a Sophie's Choice, you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to just think of a scenario where it would be useful to not let the person know who the one. But for non Hodgkin's lymphoma, I assume it's a bone marrow transplant, Right?

[Sean Detorre]

Stem cell transplant.

[Luke Burbank]

Stem cells. Okay. I think those are harvested probably through a spinal tap, which probably hurts really bad.

[Sean Detorre]

Well, but I think they already got em. They got em from everybody and then did the testing. So it's already been done. And so nobody knows which sibling was the match.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it because they worry that he will then become their slave if he survives?

[Sean Detorre]

Well, he said, I guess they're worried I'll treat one differently than the other. But I assume that's a joke. I can't imagine that's like, why does a doctor care how you treat one of your brothers?

[Luke Burbank]

You know, that's strange. Well, maybe we'll find out the answer to that and maybe we won't. Speaking of medical things.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

There is a recently unearthed Michael Jackson song about a medical situation.

[Sean Detorre]

I think it's. It's not recently unearthed as much as nobody cared about it because it was like this vinyl track on the floor which was like remixes and stuff. It didn't sell very well. Like nobody paid any attention to this album. But now that of course he died from a drug overdose and it might have been the doctor and he's on trial now people are talking about it. And so they did this whole segment on it last night on cnn. And I just want to play you guys some of this song. It's kind of amazing.

[Luke Burbank]

This is Michael Jackson. Is he saying Demerol? Demerol?

[Suzy Burbank]

Is this real?

[Sean Detorre]

Yes, it's a song about Demerol and, and about being.

[Suzy Burbank]

I wonder if that is weird about.

[Sean Detorre]

Being addicted to Demerol.

[Luke Burbank]

But I. But it sounds like. But it sounds like he's saying, oh God, he's taking Demerol. Like he's pretty saying that people were overly worried about his taking of Demerol.

[Sean Detorre]

No, I think that he's actually like telling. I think in the lyrics he's telling stories about people like abusing it and how it's ruining their lives. And then he comes to this refrain. Oh, God, they're taking Demerol. Like it's a warning. Like it's a sad song about drug abuse.

[Suzy Burbank]

That's really weird that it's so specific too, you know.

[Sean Detorre]

Oh, my God, they're taking Benadryl.

[Suzy Burbank]

I mean, Benadryl, you know, it's. All right.

[Luke Burbank]

That's bizarre. So that is.

[Sean Detorre]

They're taking Cialis.

[Luke Burbank]

That's okay.

[Suzy Burbank]

Luke, it's your turn.

[Sean Detorre]

Call your doctor.

[Luke Burbank]

If the boner doesn't go away in four hours.

[Sean Detorre]

Oh, God, they're taking Lunestra. Oh, my God, they're taking Advil.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, that's good. Yeah, we really.

[Sean Detorre]

We're like a pharmacy in here.

[Luke Burbank]

Knock the stuffing out of that one. So that was actually on an album, but just an album nobody cared about. And then, as in, like, as an aside, CNN was talking about it. So basically the story here is Michael Jackson, years ago, recorded a song that has those lyrics in it. And we're just now the larger culture finding out about it.

[Sean Detorre]

That's crazy, right? We skipped right over it because I.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I guess that's the. That's okay. Michael Jackson, I would argue, is a pretty genius songwriter, but I guess maybe.

[Sean Detorre]

It can't all be hits.

[Luke Burbank]

They can't all be hits. Right? Right.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

If you're able to see the reason that I can never be a songwriter is because I'm too self critical about that kind of stuff. Anything I would think of, I'd be like, oh, no, that's dumb. I can't write, for instance, like a lobster song like Sean did with his friend.

[Suzy Burbank]

Right. Lobster and prosciutto.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Suzy Burbank]

I can't rewrite that.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. So. But I guess if you're Michael Jackson, you have to open yourself up to every single cuckoo idea that comes in your head. And some of them are smooth, criminal, and totally awesome, and some of them are Demirov.

[Sean Detorre]

Oh, God, he's taking Demirov.

[Luke Burbank]

That's nuts. I wish we had more. We should get that entire song and then we'll play it. We'll play it as our. As our ending music some. Some week.

[Sean Detorre]

I know. Sadly, that was all they played on CNN last night.

[Suzy Burbank]

That's it.

[Sean Detorre]

Yeah. And then they had a big, long discussion about how this is gonna play into the trial because he's clearly taking an anti drug stance in this song. So I think their idea is somehow this points more blame toward the doctor who's trying to say that Michael was. Michael was the one demanding the drugs. So maybe it'll play in. I don't know.

[Suzy Burbank]

They'll find a way to work that in. They'll shoehorn it in.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, you know what? We're gonna go out with a little MJ today. I didn't miss anything, did I?

[Sean Detorre]

No flash.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, that's good. Sean, thanks for being here. Hey, it was real fun. Thanks for bringing the almonds.

[Suzy Burbank]

Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks, Jen, for bringing your lime almonds.

[Sean Detorre]

Sure, sure.

[Luke Burbank]

Anytime you wanna swing by with delicious.

[Suzy Burbank]

Three carb almonds and improvised songs. I'm welcome.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely. Jen, thank you, too. As always, we're gonna be back here tomorrow with much more imaginary radio for you. Thanks to all of you for listening. By the way, until we see you again, please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Sean Detorre]

Good luck to all.

[Jen Flash Andrews]

As I turn up a color board My favorite winter cold this wind is blowing my mind I see the kids in the street but not enough to eat who am I to be blind? Pretending not to see them eat? I saw us disregard A broken bottle top and one man so they follow each other on the wind, you know? Cause they got nowhere to go that's the one I want you to know I'm starting with the man in the mirror I'm asking him to change his ways and no message gonna bend any climb if you wanna make the world a better place Take a look at yourself and then make the night I've been a victim of love I smelt this kind of love it's time that I realize There is love with love could it be pretending.