#639: The Hail Mary of Hail Marys

Summary

Podcast Summary

Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! #639: The Hail Mary of Hail Marys
Release Date: June 1, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this unique “best of” installment, the iconic trio (Bryan Johnson, Walt Flanagan, Brian Quinn), along with regulars and friends from the extended TESD universe, present a curated selection of wild, uncensored, and memorable clips from their Patreon library. The episode is a self-aware “clip show” (evoking sitcom nostalgia) designed both as a hilarious nostalgia trip for longtime listeners and as a hearty, not-so-subtle pitch to lure lapsed subscribers and new listeners into diving into the ever-expanding Patreon archive.

The result is two hours of unfiltered camaraderie, roast humor, improbable stories, and absurd digressions—TESD at its unpredictable, self-deprecating best.

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Key Discussions & Highlights

Breaking Down the "Best Of" Format

• The guys joke about the tradition and utility of TV “clip shows,” admitting this one isn’t a cash-saving move:
  • Bryan: “I paid the curator a fee to go through our Patreon Library and compile a Best of clips.” [01:44]
  • Q: “If you disagree, F you, Curator.” [02:22]
• They openly acknowledge exploiting this format as a Patreon recruitment tool:
  • “This is the last gasp. This is the hail Mary of hail Marys.” [112:34]

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CLIP SET 1: The Infamous Four Color Demons Jersey Ad

• The crew reminisces about the only TESD merch ad ever pulled due to heavy self-mockery of their glitzy hockey jerseys (“Liberace wouldn’t be caught dead in these”), blending creative product absurdity with gay icon humor.
  • “Each one is made from a fiber from Baron Von Flanagan’s cape… I would have built that up as something special if I had known they were these… fabulous.” (Bryan, [04:15])
  • Walt: “These are manly as hell.” [05:40]

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CLIP SET 2: Disturbing and Hysterical Side Stories

• Bry Johnson’s wild plot for “Frank 5”:
  • The tale of nearly casting Frank as a gender-swapped, impregnated nursing mother for Baron Von Flanagan’s “spawn.” The resulting awkwardness (and Frank’s sincere panic) is a highlight.
    • “I was like, bro, you’re an actor... It’s not you.” (Bryan, [10:23])
    • “You broke him. That’s all that counts.” (Q, [10:53])
    • Walt: “They’d throw a parade for him.” [11:07]
• Bryan’s Childhood Nickname Trauma:
  • Bryan recounts how, as a kid, he was given an unsavory nickname (“maggot fingers”) by older boys—and how he mistakenly bragged about it to his mom.
    • “I loved it. I was gonna get that on my jersey.” (Bryan, [13:49])
    • Q: “What were you doing with those fingers?” [14:00]

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CLIP SET 3: Behind the Scenes of Comic Book Men

• Tales from Behind the Fake Counter:
  • The group and their old showrunner, Brian Nichelle, reminisce about the behind-the-scenes shenanigans, from hair regrets to razor-sharp banter.
    • “If you play the right magic flute, you might get some protection. (pause) It’s kind of like prison.” (Nichelle, [21:12])
    • “Boy, went to Harvard for four years to write prison rape jokes.” - Q [23:05]
  • Legendary Improv:
    • Laughter erupts over a sex offender joke at Ming’s expense that miraculously made it to air (“I didn’t think Ming was allowed within a thousand feet of any playground.” — Q, [26:00]).
    • Knotty debates about how such off-color jokes survived AMC’s censors.

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CLIP SET 4: TESD Hits the Road

• Broside Attractions:
  • Q and the guys recount field trip misadventures including a failed giant hamburger eating challenge at the Clinton Diner, sparking both ridicule and genuine remorse from Walt.
    • Walt: “I teared up a little bit. I went into the bathroom and I cried a little.” [38:46]
• Renaissance Faire, Storybook Land, and DeLorean Drama:
  • Absurd interactions with puppets, licking a North Pole fixture, and an out-of-place DeLorean at a Jersey car show.
    • “You would be the goat of finding discarded sexual toys on a beach.” (Bryan, [44:51])

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CLIP SET 5: Bride Tries – Hobby Quests and Strange Finds

• From metal detecting mishaps to bottle digging at “Get’em’s Bottle Dump,” the crew embarks on whimsical attempts to find new hobbies, stumbling on bizarre beach debris (double-ended dildos) and exploring niche communities.
  • “Who’s doing double donging on a sandy, nasty beach?” (Bryan, [49:57])
• The Yarn Lady Interview:
  • A hapless, self-effacing discussion with their neighbor “Flo the Yarn Lady,” as Bryan embarrasses himself over questions about goat-sourced cashmere.
    • “Have you ever thought of just getting your own goat and just growing goats?” (Bryan, [54:53])

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CLIP SET 6: Studio Games & Specials

• Radio Theater
  • The troupe stages a script reading with Sunday Jeff as a ‘70s detective, only to break into uncontrollable laughter over sleazy dialogue (“I crave drugs!”—Bryan [67:18]).
• TESD&D (TESD Does Dungeons & Dragons):
  • The baffled, rule-agnostic approach to D&D is a recurring source of meta-jokes and X-rated monsters.
    • Sunday Jeff: “I can summon a seven-foot tall, white gelatinous monster made out of the cement he has collected from his prior lovers.” [73:47]
    • Q: “Was it a setup though?” [75:41]
• Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists:
  • Tim the Record Store Clerk ruthlessly judges the guys’ musical tastes, fending off emotional and even neurological appeals for victory.
    • “If you give it to them for that [autism], all your credibility will be shot.” — Q [86:18]

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CLIP SET 7: The All-New Sunday Jeff Show

• A parade of recurring bits—Sunday’s botched “Carnac” act as Sundak the Flamboyant, food pun pickup lines, and pitch-perfect self-sabotage—unfolds.
  • “Girl, you must work at a Subway, ’cause you’re giving me a footlong.” (Sunday Jeff, [98:01])
  • A melodramatic send-off for Sundak includes a (fake) cancer diagnosis:
    • “After the curtain falls one last time, I’m hanging up my turban.” (Sunday Jeff, [95:51])

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Clip Show Traditions:
  • “They were a staple when we were growing up... But now when you rewatch those old shows and it’s the best of, like, are the flashback episodes, you’re like, what the fuck?” (Q, [01:13])
• On Merch Self-Sabotage:
  • “Liberace wouldn’t be caught dead in these.” (Bryan, [02:51])
• On Genre-Bending Skits:
  • “It was as if I said, well, like, he really thought, like, we were gonna have to have sex to pull this off.” (Bryan, [11:38])
• On Bottled-Up Hopes:
  • “We’re just picking them out of the ground like daisies. It’s exciting, isn’t it?” (Bryan, [64:51])
• On Patreon Recruitment:
  • “If you’ve made it to the end and you’re not on the Patreon, this may be it. This is the last gasp, the hail Mary of hail Marys.” (Bryan, [112:34])
• On Peerless Pickup Lines:
  • “Girl, I’m going to make you a breakfast omelet. As in, I’mma let you suck this dick.” (Sunday Jeff, [117:08])
• On Clique-y Car Shows:
  • Walt: “I took all of it [the prize money] because they were mean to me.” [45:07]
• On Censor-Evading Jokes:
  • “I didn’t think Ming was allowed within a thousand feet of a playground.” (Q, [26:00])
• On Sundak’s Retirement:
  • Sunday Jeff: “I have inoperable brain cancer and only three months to live at most.” [96:06]

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Memorable Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Quote | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:51 | Merch ad self-mockery: “Liberace wouldn’t be caught dead in these.” | | 04:15 | Liberace + Baron Von Flanagan jersey lore | | 10:23-10:53| Bryan’s wild Frank 5 gender-warp plot & aftermath | | 26:00 | “I didn’t think Ming was allowed within 1,000 feet of any playground.” – Q | | 38:46 | Walt, in remorse after failed giant hamburger challenge | | 54:53 | Yarn Lady segment: “Have you ever thought of just getting your own goat and just…” | | 67:18 | Radio Theater: “I crave drugs!” | | 73:47 | TESD&D: “I summon a 7-foot monster made of cement from his lovers.” | | 98:01 | Sunday Jeff’s food pun pickup line: “You must work at Subway…” | | 112:34 | Bryan’s “hail Mary of hail Marys,” Patreon plea | | 117:08 | Top pickup line: “I’mma let you suck this dick.” |

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Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates “Tell ’Em Steve Dave!” in all its anarchic, uncensored glory—serving up inside jokes, awkward nostalgia, gleeful self-sabotage, and affectionate ribbing that only years of friendship can produce. Simultaneously a love letter to Patreon die-hards and an epic recruitment drive for the fence-sitters, it’s a wild, rambling, but undeniably hilarious window into TESD Town’s world.

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For More:
If you enjoyed the insanity, all clips are drawn from the ever-growing TESD Patreon archive—literally hundreds of hours of similarly deranged content await. As Bryan said:

“If you’re listening to this episode and you got to the end and you are not on the Patreon, I don’t know… this is the hail Mary of hail Marys.” [112:34]

Transcript

[Bryan Johnson]

You would be the goat of finding discarded sexual toys on a beach.

[Walt Flanagan]

Thanks for saving me. Nothing sexual happened to me.

[Brian Quinn]

What were you doing with those fingers?

[Walt Flanagan]

What did they make you do?

[Bryan Johnson]

Tell him, Steve Dave.

[Brian Quinn]

Hello, and welcome to this week's unusual edition of Tell him, Steve Dave. Not unusual, because Q's not here. That seems to be the usual now, but different kind of format, would you say, Walt?

[Bryan Johnson]

We've done this before.

[Brian Quinn]

Have we?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, I've done it a couple times.

[Brian Quinn]

All right, so not that unusual.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's like a clip show.

[Brian Quinn]

Little clip show. Best of. Yeah, people love Best of, Right?

[Bryan Johnson]

They were a staple when we were growing up. Every season, almost every show had a best of compilation of this of the season you just watched, Right?

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

And now when you rewatch those old shows and it's the best of, like, are the flashback episodes, you're like, what the fuck?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Like, there would be an episode in the middle of the season where it's like, hey, let's flashback to how we met somebody. And then it's just all clips.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, it was also, I'm sure, a cost saving.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, sure.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Move by the production, you could just reuse old clips. I mean, this didn't save us any money. I paid the curator a fee to go through our Patreon Library and compile a Best of clips.

[Brian Quinn]

All right. And if there's anybody that's gonna do.

[Bryan Johnson]

It correctly, you got to think it's the curator.

[Brian Quinn]

You have to think.

[Bryan Johnson]

I gave him carte blanche. These are his picks.

[Brian Quinn]

All right? So if you disagree.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. If you don't like these clips or you think he didn't do a good job, you know, let him know I see him out and about on social media. So he's out there.

[Brian Quinn]

He'll hear you.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. And he'll let him defend himself once in a while.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Why the fuck should you have to do it? You're not the one who picked the clips. F you, Curator.

[Bryan Johnson]

Up first is an old ad that we pulled because we were terrified that we took the piss out of our own product. And it would tank if we released this ad. It was for the Four Color Demons jerseys that we released on Merch Table. God, it's gotta be going on 10 years now.

[Brian Quinn]

I remember when they were shimmery.

[Bryan Johnson]

They were shimmery. And when I got them, like, in my hands, because I only saw a picture of them. And when I got them in my hands, I was very taken aback by how, you know, I mean, Liberace wouldn't be caught dead in these things. I think this is one of the jokes though, too, in here though. But that's this clip. Without further ado, I present to you the only Tell them Steve Dave merch ad that has ever been pulled from an episode.

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, four color Demon hockey jerseys back in stock, right?

[Brian Quinn]

That's true.

[Bryan Johnson]

They are coming back into stock. If they are not in stock right now there, you can at least, at least order it and there's a date when they will be shipping out, Right. I don't know if they're doing the. The name thing in the back anymore. I don't know. I've got some not very clear cohesive email, but I don't know.

[Brian Quinn]

It's like all day long.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't know. But they look good though. Do you see them?

[Brian Quinn]

They look great.

[Bryan Johnson]

They kind of remind me like as if, like if like they had a whole bunch of Baron Von Flanagan capes and they're like too many of them and they just turned them into four color Demon jerseys. They're so satiny and they have like a luster to them.

[Brian Quinn]

They were supposed to be like the lightweight for summer, not knowing that they're going to come out in September.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, if I had known that they were going to be that glorious and like Liberace looking, I would have said like, these are made from the. Each one is made from a fiber from Baron Von Flanagan's cape. I mean, I would have built that up as something special if I had known they were these. This fabulous.

[Brian Quinn]

The finest silk from the Orient.

[Walt Flanagan]

I mean, these jerseys. Look, boss, I got another one done. They.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, it's as if Liberace and like, and Rip Taylor and Sig Freed and they joined. They made their own hockey team.

[Brian Quinn]

Boomer, we're gonna make some hockey.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't understand. We're now mocking up their own products.

[Eric]

Oh, they're glorious.

[Brian Quinn]

Binary on ice.

[Bryan Johnson]

Was I talking about the right guy? Rip Taylor or.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, Rip Taylor.

[Bryan Johnson]

Rip Taylor. What was he? The confetti? The glitter?

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

And the guy from Match Game. Who is that guy? Nelson. Riley.

[Brian Quinn]

Charles Nelson.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Will you boys bring your jerseys?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, go to.

[Bryan Johnson]

Because I'll go to. Tell them stevedave.com if you want one of those jerseys. Oh, no, serious. I placed a big order. I'm the only kidding.

[Walt Flanagan]

These are manly as hell.

[Brian Quinn]

Perfect for busting. Tight.

[Walt Flanagan]

Silky, sneaky.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Believe me, you'll be busting.

[Bryan Johnson]

Talk about busting nuts. Or puck nuts. That's where you bust a nut in that jersey.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

In a girl, right?

[Brian Quinn]

That's the only way we. After doing gay stereotypes for five minutes. It's like busting nuts and girls. All right, let's be clear on that. You bust your nut wherever you want.

[Walt Flanagan]

You buy a jersey.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. You know, you're right.

[Walt Flanagan]

You.

[Bryan Johnson]

But anywhere you want, anywhere you please.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, you bust your nut on the train tracks.

[Bryan Johnson]

Tell them stevedave.com yeah. Order one now. So I'm not going to. I don't think every single clip needs an intro, but this one may because this one is me telling you about a conversation I had with Frank about wanting to turn him into a woman and having my baby. And he was very upset by that.

[Walt Flanagan]

Frank at 5.

[Bryan Johnson]

Franken 5 or Frank 5. Not Franken 5, but the actor who plays Frank at 5. I told him of my. One of the. One of the funniest text exchanges I've ever had in my life. I was crying and I remember this.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

When I told him like, hey, in episode two, we're going to do this movie. And I thought again, I was going back to Coffin Joe.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

There's a movie that cough. And Joe did. I thought it was dub, but apparently I was wrong. I thought we were going to get the dub version where he is looking to impregnate the. The most beautiful woman. Oh yeah. So he can have a son. Yes, he can have. Pass on to. He wants to sire a son.

[Walt Flanagan]

And I hope Brian doesn't know about.

[Mike Zapcic]

This because I can't wait for you.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think he knows about it. But so I said, we're gonna get this movie. It's awesome. I said, and I already got the wraparound footages. The little set up the middle and the end sequences is where at the opening of the movie we're gonna talk about Coffin Joe and how Coffin Joe is a friend of mine, the Baron.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

And then we're going to have. I was going to have Victor play Coffin Joe and Coffin Joe in the middle sequence was going to come in and knock and ring the doorbell of the castle. And he was going to be like, you know, I see you're still not married. You still don't have a son like I do. And like he was going to put it in my face that I haven't sired a son. The Baron hasn't. Doesn't have a spawn yet.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

So I was like, I was going to. So I proclaimed to Captain Death and Frank of five. I was like, you know, we're gonna. We're gonna put out a call to all the most beautiful women in. In the world. To the chance to become, you know, the. The carrier of the barren seed. Sure. I was like, get Elvira on the phone. Get, you know, get all these names. Get Angeli Jolie. And then we're like. We would cut to. Then we would cut to. In the later segment that no one showed up.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yep.

[Bryan Johnson]

And so I was like. And I was real down about it. And Frank and Five would be like, baron, Master, I have an idea. And then we'd cut back to the movie, and at the end of the sequen, he would sit like. We would cut to, like, we're on, like, Captain Death, Captain Oblivion. Captain Oblivion comes into a nursery, and he stops because it's. Franken 5 is sitting in a rocking chair holding a baby, nursing a baby doll.

[Brian Quinn]

And I'm.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm over Franken 5's shoulder as the Baron. And I'm going. I'm cooing to this baby doll. And you're like, what? What happened? And he goes, oh. I go, well, since nobody answered the one ad for, you know, to be the. The mother of my child, I just did a little quick, you know, quick operation on Franken 5. You know, just change a little of the plumbing downstairs and gave him some breasts. And now the Baron. Baron now has a son. I'll change him back. And, you know, as soon as. As soon as the baby's on. On solid food, you know, I'll change it back to, you know, to a male.

[Brian Quinn]

And he'd go for it.

[Bryan Johnson]

And he was horrified. Frank 5 literally was like, I can't do that. I work at a college. And I was like. I thought he was fucking around. And I was like, what are you talking about? Because I can't do that. He goes, I'm. So the insinuation is this, that you fucked me and got me pregnant, and now I'm your. And now I carried your baby to term, and I'm now a woman. I can't do that. He goes. I go, bro, it's a fucking. You're an actor. It's like, yeah, it's not you.

[Brian Quinn]

You're in makeup.

[Bryan Johnson]

I go, what are you talking about? He goes, I'm sorry, I can't do that. And I like, are you kidding me? Are you with me? He goes, no. He goes, that's. I got. I go, I don't have many lines. He goes, but that's one I can't do. He goes, and I was just dying, and I. I eventually talked him into it. I was like, come on. He's like, all right, I guess all right, I'll trust you. I go, I'm telling you, it'll be funny then. We never followed up with it, though. We got to do it. Don't.

[Brian Quinn]

You broke him. That's all that counts, I think now. Yeah, definitely.

[Bryan Johnson]

You gotta do it, right? I mean. I mean, in this world now. I mean, this is 20. What?

[Brian Quinn]

20, 23.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, I think he'd be elevated to the dean of colleges if he.

[Walt Flanagan]

Even thought that he transitioned.

[Bryan Johnson]

Parade for him.

[Brian Quinn]

I mean, you can't support the cause any more than that.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

But, yeah, I just remember just this. I wish I still had the text. I would give them to you. We could put on screen. But when I got a new phone, all those texts disappeared. Yeah. I was like, I don't get rid of any text. But those texts are gone, though.

[Mike Zapcic]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Bryan Johnson]

He was so weirded out.

[Brian Quinn]

I do. I do remember him telling me this. Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

I didn't know.

[Bryan Johnson]

It was as if, like, I said, like. Well, like, he really thought, like, we were gonna have to have sex. Pull this off. I was like. I saw. I would get those, you know, those fake.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Boobs and everything. And I said, well, we'll paint them green. I said, it'll be. It'll be hysterical. I have it. It's gonna be amazing. Yeah. He's like, I can'. I can't believe we're going to release this clip to the general listener base.

[Brian Quinn]

This is not something they've heard before.

[Bryan Johnson]

This is scandalous. This was the reveal of my nickname from the Blue Juice Comics 1 True 3 Championship. I remember well, held in secrecy by all those who were in the room for years. We finally revealed it for moolah on Patreon during the Blue Juice Comics One True Three Invitational. I told a story from the 1977, 78 era about playing football with some older children. And they gave me a nickname while playing because I went out deep for a pass and I caught it, like, a deep pass, and I caught the ball. And they were impressed by that. But it wasn't that catch. You know, they. Then they threw me another. Like, the guy was like, I remember the older kid, like, you know, when you huddle and you go. You go through the plays in the grass.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

He said, okay, you. He didn't know my name. He goes, you go out and you go out to the post, and I don't know what a post was, but just go out to the right and cut, and I'll throw you the ball. And he threw me the Ball. And I had to dive and catch it, and I caught it. And him and the older kids go said because they were calling me this name. And I didn't know what it was before that because I had the album and it begins with F and rhymes with maggot, but I didn't know what that's what they were calling me. And then they go, that maggot has got sticky fingers. And the other kid goes, yeah, he's got maggot fingers. And so then every time I went to a huddle, the kid was like, hey, you maggot fingers, you go this way. And, you know, I didn't know. I was like, I'm maggot fingers for life, bro.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm like, I loved it.

[Bryan Johnson]

I was gonna get that on my jersey.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

So I remember going home and telling my mom that I played with the older boys, and I really impressed them, and I told him the name. My poor mom had to be like, what. What did.

[Brian Quinn]

What were you doing with those fingers?

[Walt Flanagan]

What did they make you do to.

[Bryan Johnson]

Learn the name maggot fingers?

[Sunday Jeff]

Oh, no.

[Brian Quinn]

Isn't that weird world we live in where, like, every single person listening to this knows exactly what you're talking about, but don't say the word.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, I'm not saying it.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, you have them.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right. Who was involved back then?

[Mike Zapcic]

So limbo was number one. That was Ming Lust was two. That was get him, Gluttony three. Also get him.

[Bryan Johnson]

At this point, our universe hasn't grown enough that we have nine separate Lords of Hell.

[Mike Zapcic]

Brian Q must play a Halloween themed game of dyslexia and get every question correct. And this is one of the ones where you guys came at each other, like, the most. This first one, because you also use call it dyslexic as part of the card thing.

[Bryan Johnson]

Wasn't Bob Bruce the dyslexic?

[Mike Zapcic]

No, it was a real guy.

[Walt Flanagan]

His name was like.

[Mike Zapcic]

And he was getting them right, too, because it's so ridiculous that it would actually translate.

[Bryan Johnson]

But the guy was like, curtain back.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, pull it.

[Bryan Johnson]

I told the guy to answer.

[Walt Flanagan]

I was like. I was like, I was getting this. I'd like to make it work.

[Bryan Johnson]

I said, said, I'm just gonna reveal the answers to you beforehand so you get them. So it really frustrates these guys. Yes.

[Mike Zapcic]

That's hilarious. Because everyone was so shocked. It's like, how is he actually getting these?

[Bryan Johnson]

But, like, when I. When I thought it was Rob Bruce, it was because he was working in Comic Book man, and I remember him telling Me, he was dyslexic. And I was like, I wonder if I should use Rob Bruce. And I remember I was like. And then a listener emailed in and said he was. And I was like, you know what? Rob Bruce is harder to work with than a stranger.

[Walt Flanagan]

He'll fuck it up.

[Eric]

Yeah, that's ain't funny.

[Bryan Johnson]

He up and he will, like, he'll. He'll screw it up and reveal that he knew the answers. I trusted a stranger not to that up more than Rob Bruce.

[Mike Zapcic]

That's so funny.

[Bryan Johnson]

Two things I order from Tom.

[Brian Quinn]

I know one of them.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, go ahead, reveal it.

[Sunday Jeff]

One of them is going to be lost in space.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yes. Lost his face on vhs.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. That turned out to be pricey, right?

[Sunday Jeff]

First episode, open. Second episode, open.

[Walt Flanagan]

Third episode, seal. Fourth episode, seal. It's like, this is awesome.

[Brian Quinn]

Terrible.

[Bryan Johnson]

I saw that commercial on tv and I had to convince my wife I'm married at the time to call the number. So. And she's like, how much is it? It's $30 a month.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yes.

[Sunday Jeff]

When VHS was expensive.

[Bryan Johnson]

So she's like, we can't afford 30 hours a month. And we really. You know, realistically, she was probably telling the truth. I mean, I'm not making good money back then. I'm not. You know, I'm working crazy little hours. And so I convinced her again. Nights are rough tantrums, holding my breath and then being like, look, you give me $5 a day for lunch. I said, I'll starve to death. I will cut down on my consumption of lunch over the course of the month, and I'll get it to at least 20 to 25. So all you got to give me is 10 or five more. That's nothing.

[Mike Zapcic]

She.

[Bryan Johnson]

I finally wore her down, and she goes, you better watch them. You better watch these. And when they started piling up unwatched, I was like, just call and cancel it. Just call and cancel it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, look what I did.

[Brian Quinn]

Why'd you let me do this?

[Walt Flanagan]

Stupid, stupid robot. Oh, dear young Flanagan.

[Bryan Johnson]

The other thing I bit the bullet on, and I regret it so badly again, I had to ask my wife to do it.

[Sunday Jeff]

Was gotta put it through Congress.

[Bryan Johnson]

The $6 million man on DVD box set.

[Sunday Jeff]

I have that too, though.

[Bryan Johnson]

Do you remember that? It will never be sold in stores. Those.

[Eric]

Lied.

[Walt Flanagan]

It was in stores in less than a year for half the price I paid for it. Not in that nice box, though.

[Bryan Johnson]

The lenticular box. I didn't need it. I rarely even open when I open it now. That doesn't work. The sound chip broke or the batteries wore out. There was. You know how much you can get the Six Million Dollar man seasons now on DVD cheap? Yeah, like $5. $5. I paid upwards of $300 for that.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh God.

[Brian Quinn]

Is it on Blu Ray now or is it, Is it on Blu Ray now or only?

[Sunday Jeff]

Blu Ray's missing all, all the features though that that box set has.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh really?

[Sunday Jeff]

It's missing a lot of stuff.

[Walt Flanagan]

I didn't even know they released it on Blu.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah, it is, it is on Blu Ray.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't have a Blu Ray player. I guess I do have a Blu Ray player, but I, I would not upgrade.

[Walt Flanagan]

I haven't even watched the episode.

[Sunday Jeff]

Again.

[Walt Flanagan]

He's better off like watching it through that view master.

[Bryan Johnson]

So tails around the fake counter and Brian Michelle. Brian Nichelle was the director, what's it called? Showrunner. And is that, how's that different from a director? It's not, is it?

[Brian Quinn]

It doesn'. No, it seems like they're kind of one and the same.

[Bryan Johnson]

And he was the showrunner on Comic Book Men for seven seasons. And on the Patreon, we decided to do a behind the scenes look at every single episode of Comic Book Men. And we asked Brian Nichelle to be the host because who better than him to give his point of view on how he saw things as opposed to our point of view? You know, he. From a different perspective Michelle could come from. And initially the tales from behind the Fake Counter starred all the Comic Book Men and Brian Nichelle. But much like Chuck from Happy Days, Mike disappeared.

[Brian Quinn]

Never to be heard from again.

[Bryan Johnson]

Never to be heard from again. You don't know who Chuck from Happy Days was. That means you're too young or you don't have Google.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, you're going senile and you lost your memory.

[Guest]

But what we're doing here, my friends, is we are going to peel back the layers of reality show funko and reveal all of the filthy, disgusting and tawdry little secrets that went into making Comic Book Men the most successful late night basic cable television show that ever followed. Repeats of premiere episodes of the Walking Dead. That is our mission and our stated goal. And we will do that for sure.

[Bryan Johnson]

Up next is a clip from one of the standout series on Patreon Tales, behind the Fake counter.

[Brian Quinn]

Sure. Number one show.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's either that or the all new Sunday Jeff show. I don't know.

[Brian Quinn]

People do like all new Sunday Jeff and they like.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's all about Frank oddly enough too, but not because it's Frank because of the format.

[Brian Quinn]

So format strange.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

But Brian Ashell is and has become a podcasting superstar. And here's some clips from Tales behind the Fake Counter. And again, Brian just like, just delivers a great line where I say that, you know, you get this magic flute, and if you play the right tune, this magical dragon will come and protect you from witchy poo.

[Brian Quinn]

And Brian goes, it's kind of like prison.

[Bryan Johnson]

If you play the right magic flute, you might get some protection.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right, right. From which. Yeah.

[Guest]

If you know what he.

[Mike Zapcic]

Right.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, great line. And people are going to be like, there's no way they didn't plan it. There's no way that happened organically. And we're here to tell you it's all organic, man. That's the genius. Yeah. Brian Johnson.

[Sunday Jeff]

That is.

[Mike Zapcic]

That is.

[Brian Quinn]

Of everyone, though. Like, I mean, nobody was told what to say, really, except, like, here's the situation that you got to do.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, but we need. We need what. What they would refer to as the button. And nobody could button it. Nobody had it. Nobody. None of the four of us can button it. Only you can button it. And, you know, that's why you were. No matter how many drugs you did.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. We would drag him in here.

[Walt Flanagan]

And.

[Brian Quinn]

Most of the time he's gay in prison. All right, get him out of here.

[Guest]

Please.

[Bryan Johnson]

Get a PA to go to Elizabeth to get this guy some more.

[Walt Flanagan]

Some more button juice.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, that's the.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, yeah. But I mean, all serious of it. What a great way to end that little banter, though.

[Guest]

Perfect. I mean, you couldn't. Again, you couldn't script it.

[Bryan Johnson]

Nope.

[Guest]

And it just comes from.

[Bryan Johnson]

You could, but it would not be as good as that, though.

[Guest]

It would take a while. You need a writer's room with a bunch of people putting up note cards and.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, a lot of high power, high paid writers would have to come up with that.

[Guest]

Ivy League graduates.

[Bryan Johnson]

AMC got it on the cheap.

[Walt Flanagan]

They sure did.

[Brian Quinn]

Boy, went to Harvard for four years to write prison rape jokes.

[Guest]

It's the right joke for the right situation, Brian, you know what I'm saying? What this calls for here is a prison rape joke.

[Bryan Johnson]

Watching those episodes immediately I ran to the. To the. Get the razor and shaved my. My sideburns off because I could not stand the way it looks.

[Guest]

So glad you didn't watch those episodes.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, my God. I was just. I was like. I was just, like, traumatized. I'm like, oh, my God, my hair is a fucking mess. Because you were like, you can't get a haircut no matter what happens. We started shooting no haircuts from now until we rap. So I couldn't get a haircut. And it is just a fucking horror show, dude.

[Brian Quinn]

Fuck your sideburns. I have matronly bosoms. I look so fucked up from my hair to my tits to my clothes. I am so, like, I'm falling apart and sad and just, like, pathetic. And I just sit there and I'm like, everyone's fucking stupid except me. That's why it works.

[Mike Zapcic]

Your hair, you had this weird, like, King Tut thing.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, you had the mushroom going off like a mushroom.

[Brian Quinn]

Really weird. Like what?

[Walt Flanagan]

Boy King.

[Brian Quinn]

But in this first episode.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Or maybe it's the second episode. Yeah. I have a point later on about that hair.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, but my. My hair. Like, I should have gotten a haircut. I don't know why I didn't get a haircut before we started shooting, but, boy, that was the biggest regret was watching that. That this season. Season one and being like, oh, my God, why the fuck didn't I get a haircut? So much so that when we got to that podcast set, Ken was looked at me, was like, you need to wear a hat. And I was like, okay. But I didn't. Obviously he saw the sideburns and the fucking terrible hairdo I had, and he put me in a mustard movies hoodie, which I would never have when that's not my color, man. Mustard is not my color. And I didn't have a hat. So I was like, I need a hat, man. I need a hat. And what happened?

[Mike Zapcic]

I remember you came in my office and I had this pretty cool looking devil's hat in my office that I got. And I think we went to a game and I got at the Devil store, and I was like, this is a great hat. But you came in and was like, hey, can I borrow that hat? I'm like, for the show? Yeah, anything.

[Bryan Johnson]

And I wish I knew what had happened that I had. Man, you know how much I could have fetched for that hat on ebay.

[Mike Zapcic]

Fetch a lot. You lost the hat.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, I lost the hat.

[Mike Zapcic]

I'm never getting that hat back. No, that's all right.

[Yarn Lady]

Any.

[Guest]

Any. Any behind the scenes stories from the.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, I mean, you cannot gloss over what may be the most devastating fucking Daisy cutter of a joke that is dropped in that. In that closing segment when Mike goes to. He's like, talking about. He's talking trash to us, and he goes, you're in my playground now, bitches. And Bri. And I know People watching will be like, there's no way he didn't know that that line was coming. There's no way that he could be that quick and that fast to bust out.

[Brian Quinn]

I didn't think Ming was allowed within a thousand feet of any playground.

[Bryan Johnson]

Fucking sex offender joke. Like Bruce Lee on his best day. As fast as his hands were.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Are not as fast as that man's wit to fucking bust that out. And it is a. It is, like, is the knockout blow of. Of. Of comebacks.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

And the faces, it looks like they had lemons in their face on that. That Unbelievable.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Like, there's no coming back from that. There's no. There's no thing you could say back to. You're a sex offender. You're not allowed around children.

[Guest]

No. I mean, this is a heavyweight gym.

[Bryan Johnson]

Right.

[Walt Flanagan]

I mean, put the belt on.

[Mike Zapcic]

Done.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

And just run around because you won.

[Bryan Johnson]

And you're the be all, end all, and you're the all time champ. Float like a butterfly, sting like a baby.

[Mike Zapcic]

Whatever the it is.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah, that's Tyson. Michael spinks over in 16 seconds. You're not coming back.

[Bryan Johnson]

I know. There's people who are like, there's no way on earth he thought of that that quick.

[Mike Zapcic]

No, I was there. No, he did.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

How does that get through? Because 99 out of 100 times, they kill that joke, right?

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

This is just one of those times where somebody's asleep at AMC is like, yeah, we'll let that go through. Right? Has to be.

[Guest]

I don't know if they're asleep. I heard often I heard back, well, you're on, you know, after 11 or whatever it was. So, you know, we had different rules.

[Bryan Johnson]

Those rules don't apply to fucking calling one of the cast members a sex offender.

[Brian Quinn]

It's also not just saying like, hey, or six. It's like, you've been convicted of it. That's why you're not allowed joke.

[Bryan Johnson]

But it's one of those jokes that I would say 99 out of 100 times, they're like, yeah, that's. That's going too. That's too harsh.

[Guest]

Maybe now, but it was part of Ming's character.

[Mike Zapcic]

You were.

[Walt Flanagan]

You're a sex offender.

[Guest]

I mean, to be called a pedophile.

[Bryan Johnson]

You know what I mean?

[Eric]

A deviant, a sexual animal.

[Walt Flanagan]

But not in those.

[Bryan Johnson]

Not in that way, though. Like, it was devastating, though. It was too. I. I just couldn't believe it. I rewind it four times.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Guest]

No, they were watching. There's A whole department dedicated to making sure we didn't cross some imaginary line. And apparently that wasn't the line.

[Mike Zapcic]

It was funny.

[Bryan Johnson]

It was funny. I'm just like, I don't believe. I don't believe even back then you could put that against the up. Against the people who are making the final decisions on the cut. I think 99 of 100 times it gets. It gets killed. And one time out of 100, it gets Drew. And that was the one time. That is a fucked up joke to say, yeah, he was the one who.

[Walt Flanagan]

Was doing the final cutting. So I think telling you right now.

[Bryan Johnson]

He'S the one those guys that said that I've, like, later on, like, like during, like, like a couple days later, be like, dude, do me a favor. Make sure that joke. Joke doesn't see the light of day.

[Walt Flanagan]

I want that joke getting out there. That's too fucked up.

[Guest]

No, but I don't know if that's the case here. We would often put in several up jokes, knowing that they would pull a couple out.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm shocked that you're not more like astonished that that joke got through. Oh, it fucked up, Joe.

[Brian Quinn]

No, I mean.

[Guest]

But it's not the first time we were allowed to infer or flat out call Ming a pedophile.

[Walt Flanagan]

It happened many times. I don't remember this.

[Brian Quinn]

I don't remember that either.

[Mike Zapcic]

I don't remember this.

[Walt Flanagan]

You don't remember every writing history, I.

[Brian Quinn]

Would have done it a lot more.

[Bryan Johnson]

We.

[Walt Flanagan]

We did do it a lot.

[Bryan Johnson]

We would make sure. We would make. Say he was maybe a little bit. But never you.

[Walt Flanagan]

You implied there was a hot off.

[Guest]

In the basement with Mike.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right. But he's an adult. He's not a child.

[Brian Quinn]

It's consensual.

[Walt Flanagan]

This is a up joke.

[Eric]

No, no, no.

[Guest]

There was another one. Here's another one where.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And he was masturbating on a park bench and.

[Eric]

Right.

[Guest]

He went back and went into the future.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Precedent. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. But I just could not believe it. You come up and you set up the scenario. Like, we got this last frame and we're gonna make it for all the marbles. And you say that. You say to Mike, you know, throw. Throw it. And Mike is not happy.

[Walt Flanagan]

No, he's not. I always die. Do you remember that?

[Brian Quinn]

No.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

There's another guy that I was shocked, wasn't happy as well. You actually, like, somehow you were like in a. You came out of a haze.

[Walt Flanagan]

I like the sound of that, but whatever.

[Bryan Johnson]

And you're like, why is he.

[Walt Flanagan]

Why do we have to lose?

[Brian Quinn]

I remember.

[Bryan Johnson]

And I remember you were like, whatever happens should happen. Why do we have to lose this one? And I was just like. I remember going to Shell. I go, it doesn't matter. I said, it doesn't matter. I go, if he wins, I jump back over to there, and I'm even a bigger dickhead. And it works.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, it worked.

[Guest]

And it was. It was up to the end.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Mike Zapcic]

So it was real.

[Walt Flanagan]

That was real.

[Mike Zapcic]

We knocked on those p. We would.

[Walt Flanagan]

Have won, and I would.

[Bryan Johnson]

I would have came over to us, and you guys could have, like, shunned me, but I would have been like, yes, we did it. I made this happen because I turned. You guys became better bowlers. I would have been like. Like, it's because of me. You guys won. I motivated you.

[Mike Zapcic]

You had all.

[Brian Quinn]

You were prepared.

[Bryan Johnson]

I had it all prepared either way.

[Walt Flanagan]

But that was a real end.

[Mike Zapcic]

We were like, dude, if you knock these, we win. If you don't.

[Bryan Johnson]

And he was mad. As he would be throughout all seven seasons. He would find some reason, be mad.

[Mike Zapcic]

Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

But he was mad at you coming over him and be like, I want to you to throw this match. You know, throw a gutter ball or something. And he was like. He was not having it. He wanted to. He wanted to see if he could win it. Yeah, he didn't.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

So I had to go with, like, you know, like, clerks. Clerks, Clerks, Clerks. See you guys on Monday.

[Guest]

Such a polarizing figure here. I mean, rubbing your faces, being the worst sport ever. You were the worst sport. Win, lose or draw. You were the worst sport ever.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Guest]

Like, a high school gym teacher would.

[Walt Flanagan]

Hate you, chastise you.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. But I thought it was, like. I thought it was good quality tv.

[Guest]

It was, man. It was so much fun.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't even think the Clerks guys.

[Brian Quinn]

Knew what were going on.

[Walt Flanagan]

They had no idea what was happening. I don't even think they knew, like, the ramification of what was going on.

[Guest]

I remember one of them coming up to me at some point and going, maybe it was Ernie going, how are.

[Bryan Johnson]

You gonna cut all this?

[Guest]

What are you gonna do with this? Because when you're shooting scenes like that, we're not shooting an actual bowling game, right? It's like, just throw down and we're collecting shots and kind of. And then we could build the game after. But I remember, I think it was Ernie's being like, what are you gonna do with all this? It just seemed like disparate footage. It was a chore. You know what I mean?

[Brian Quinn]

But it, but it worked.

[Guest]

And boy, to see you dancing out there. See you guys on Monday.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's why I said I didn't want it to end. I wanted to see more footage of them bitching and complaining.

[Mike Zapcic]

Man.

[Brian Quinn]

Plus, we got get him from Collingwood.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's right. Get up. Get him's first appearance in Comic Book man is in episode one.

[Guest]

I did a double take. I really did. Because again, I wasn't at the shoot and I'm like, wait a minute. I know that face.

[Bryan Johnson]

Hey, wait a minute. Where'd you get that hat? That's the hat. That's the hat. Sit down. So he get you on camera.

[Mike Zapcic]

Where'd you get that?

[Eric]

Gave it to me and said it was your hat you wore in season one and to keep it safe.

[Bryan Johnson]

And you kept it safe?

[Yarn Lady]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh my God, I'm gonna cry.

[Brian Quinn]

That's why he's around.

[Guest]

You would just talk. That's the hat you were just talking about.

[Mike Zapcic]

Wait, so he's. He's been wearing it this whole time?

[Bryan Johnson]

No, it's been in my.

[Eric]

I've had it hidden. I'm not gonna tell you where because then you go try to find my other hidden stuff.

[Brian Quinn]

Wow. There it is.

[Guest]

A real artifact.

[Bryan Johnson]

This could be on network tv.

[Walt Flanagan]

This is like, we're back, baby.

[Bryan Johnson]

Wow. Episode could be on. This could be a reunion.

[Guest]

There it is.

[Bryan Johnson]

There it sits.

[Walt Flanagan]

Holy cow.

[Brian Quinn]

Quick little spot here for one of our favorite sponsors, but maybe you know what? I don't want to play favorites, but I'm going to say they're one of our favorites. And that would be meundies. Guys, let's talk about the real MVP of your wardrobe. It's the one thing that should never let you down. Your underwear. And if you're anything like me, cough, cough. It's time for an upgrade. I disagree with that. All I wear is meundies. That's all I have in my drawers. So I'm not upgrading. But you could upgrade your ultra modal ball caddy boxer briefs from Meundies. Ball caddy is really the perfect way to describe how they feel. These game changing briefs are designed for the next level support. No squishing, no sticking, just pure cloud like comfort. The undies has a cut for every guy's butt. With over 10 different styles ranging from boxer briefs, the jockstraps, to the special pouch underwear called ball caddy that keeps you from ever bat winging again. Meundies offers signature softer than soft ultra mica modal fabric which is breathable, stretchy and oh so comfy, making it ideal for all day wear. It's responsibly sourced, problem free philosophy. Not happy with your first pair of undies? It's on Meundies. So slide into the game. Changing comfort with Meundies. Support the show by going to meundies.comtesd and using the code TESD to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping. That's meundies.comtesd code TESD for 20% off plus free shipping. Meundies Comfort from the outside in.

[Bryan Johnson]

So this next set of clips is dedicated to when TST hits the road, focusing on when we have gotten outside of the confines of the studio. And much like, I guess making hay, which people really dug when we got out of the studio, we don't get a chance to do it nearly enough with Q. So we've tried to take advantage of going outside the studio with other members of TESD town, including Frank, on a show called Broside Attractions.

[Brian Quinn]

Haven't done a broside in a while, but there is a very interesting one coming up.

[Bryan Johnson]

I hear Haircutting place.

[Brian Quinn]

Haunted tattoo shop.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, yes. I thought it was a haunted haircutting place. Yes. Broside attractions featuring Frank 5, where we hit the road and interview people at locations. There we.

[Walt Flanagan]

Go.

[Bryan Johnson]

We did one at the Clinton Diner where we had to eat the world's biggest hamburger.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Or at least attempt to.

[Bryan Johnson]

Did you have confidence in our team or were you a little like.

[Walt Flanagan]

I didn't say. Well, you know what? I had confidence in our team until I saw what a 50 pound burger looked like.

[Eric]

Holy shit.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, my God.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Zapcic]

Wow.

[Walt Flanagan]

Look at that monster. And then I was like, I don't know how to measure or weigh anything.

[Bryan Johnson]

Like, Jimmy the hair guy could sleep on that burger.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

In it. And sleep with the bun over him. He looked like.

[Bryan Johnson]

He looked like Stuart Little next to that burger.

[Eric]

You can be Jimmy the meat guy.

[Bryan Johnson]

I tap out.

[Brian Quinn]

You tapped out. Yes.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Zapcic]

Bunny.

[Brian Quinn]

All right, Bunny. Wow, I oversold you.

[Bryan Johnson]

The over under was definitely on you tapping out first. So congratulations.

[Eric]

You beat a teenage girl.

[Brian Quinn]

You don't have any more in you.

[Bryan Johnson]

No more.

[Sunday Jeff]

Wow.

[Bryan Johnson]

Your first inclination as soon as the first person drops out is like, whew.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't know.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't have to try.

[Brian Quinn]

Well, at least I wasn't all full of bluster like Sage where she's like, never give up. I'll never give up. And she's like, I give up.

[Walt Flanagan]

And then I was like, oh, thank God.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm out. Like, Brian, you were next.

[Brian Quinn]

Right after Sage, I went, no, Frank went next.

[Walt Flanagan]

Frank was next. As soon as I saw Sage tap out, I was like, I'm out. I don't want to. I didn't want to tell you this. I didn't want to say this, you know, to anybody else, but I got up and I walked out of that table because I teared up a little bit. I went into the bathroom and I cried a little. Honestly.

[Brian Quinn]

You should have.

[Walt Flanagan]

I let the tears. It cost us fucking $450.

[Brian Quinn]

It was crying on camera. We paid for those tears. It was.

[Walt Flanagan]

It was my idea. It was my doing. I really thought we were going to win, and I let everybody down. I know.

[Bryan Johnson]

Who told you to turn here, Brian?

[Brian Quinn]

Nobody.

[Walt Flanagan]

I thought you did. Somebody did.

[Bryan Johnson]

I was like, why are you turning?

[Walt Flanagan]

I thought you. Somebody told me to turn.

[Bryan Johnson]

Nobody told you to turn. We went to the Renaissance Fair with Frank.

[Walt Flanagan]

Hello. We're here with Schmendrick the magician and Matt the ventriloquist.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yes, that's him.

[Bryan Johnson]

Can. Can Frank put his hand. Can Frank put his hand in Smendrick?

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, gotta be a little careful.

[Bryan Johnson]

Is your hand cold?

[Walt Flanagan]

Because it's wet. What am I doing?

[Bryan Johnson]

Let's see your. Let's point to the camera and do your best ventriloquist, where you don't move your lips. Try.

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, how do you get this mouth open?

[Bryan Johnson]

Open.

[Walt Flanagan]

The rod is over there for his mouth.

[Sunday Jeff]

I'll hold his head.

[Brian Quinn]

Frank, you act like you never held a puppet before.

[Walt Flanagan]

I can't even find the rod. Hello. That's what Mary said. I should never find the rod.

[Bryan Johnson]

Do that again.

[Walt Flanagan]

Do that again. Hello. Hi.

[Bryan Johnson]

Say a sentence.

[Walt Flanagan]

We're here at the Renaissance Festival, and.

[Bryan Johnson]

We'Re gonna see the king.

[Walt Flanagan]

And we're seeing the king in just a few moments. I can't find the hard rod. You know how you do that? Oh, wait, here it is. I found them.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

And they always go, oh, you look beautiful in that dress. And then they walk away and go, oh, my God, look how fat she is. That's how you do it. That's how to do it.

[Brian Quinn]

Smile.

[Walt Flanagan]

I can't believe. Wow. I didn't see either of your lips. No, none of her.

[Bryan Johnson]

I kind of get the feel of. You're in Frank Five mode right now because you're talking. And we get that Frank 5 voice in this clip. We went to storybook land, which is like a much, much watered down version of. I guess I don't want to say Disney World. I think that's not even more watery than that. Yeah, but it's a 1950s. What would you call it? Attractions with rides, and it's all based on storybook characters. And we went there and this is one of my favorite ones.

[Brian Quinn]

You used to go here with your daughters, right? This place?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yes, I used to go here constantly. I can't wait to go back with Oliver.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, the grandson. You're right. You get to go and do everything.

[Bryan Johnson]

Over again to revisit it one last time. Unless I get to make it to.

[Brian Quinn]

A great grandfather, it's not impossible. I was talking to Q about that the other day. I was like, walt could very easily become a great grandfather in our life lifetime.

[Bryan Johnson]

Thought that would be insane. This is Christmas magic right here.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right. It's, you know, it's July, right?

[Bryan Johnson]

That's. That's why it's called magic.

[Brian Quinn]

Okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's what, 80 something degrees, 90 something degrees today?

[Brian Quinn]

Frank, why such a denier?

[Walt Flanagan]

I know you like monster.

[Brian Quinn]

I'm sorry?

[Walt Flanagan]

I know you're a monster. It's magic. It's Matt. Jessica, does anybody ever a la Christmas story, put their tongue. Yeah. Does that gross you out? It does a little bit. If one of us did that, would that gross you out right now? Probably not. But, I mean, like, I would never.

[Bryan Johnson]

In a million years.

[Walt Flanagan]

But go ahead, Frank.

[Bryan Johnson]

Put your. Put your tongue on the. On the pole.

[Walt Flanagan]

You guys could try it.

[Brian Quinn]

It depends on how sensually he does it.

[Bryan Johnson]

There you go. There you go.

[Walt Flanagan]

Salty. Like that should be salty. Awesome.

[Bryan Johnson]

But, Frank, you. You went up there, man, and you put. And you were licking that. Licking the North Pole like a champ. Like it was ice cream.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. Hey, if there's a pole. And Walt's like, hey, episode three, Come on, I'll lick the pole if there's a pole.

[Brian Quinn]

And I've got a tongue.

[Walt Flanagan]

Are you.

[Bryan Johnson]

How are you knowing to do this?

[Walt Flanagan]

It's not saying anything because I have the volume off. Guess who's driving to the next one? You can drive to the next one. Just don't let the six cylinders get to your head.

[Bryan Johnson]

This next clip is when Frank brought his DeLorean to a car show, a New Jersey car show.

[Brian Quinn]

Remember it well.

[Bryan Johnson]

And he was not treated with any sort of hospitality by the New Jersey contestants, who I think were none too happy to see this New Yorker roll in with his fancy schmancy DeLorean.

[Brian Quinn]

His movie car.

[Bryan Johnson]

His movie car with his movie money.

[Brian Quinn]

They seem. They seemed very clicky, those people. Yeah. There wasn't much room for outsiders.

[Bryan Johnson]

And then this clip also Explains how things went even more south as Frank won the 50 50. You gave some toys to some kids. You donated to the autistic kids. You know, you gave some money, and that was cool, and that was really sincere. And that would have set you up to come back again next week and the week after that and the week after that and become a beloved member of that car community until you go and win.

[Walt Flanagan]

We won the 50.

[Brian Quinn]

50, 50. And I wasn't out there, but I hear that, like, when his number was called and he's like, hey, it's me. It was dead silence. Nobody was happy.

[Bryan Johnson]

Me, Alex and my wife. My wife who came and all our wives came for this event because they were so. I don't know why this is the first time they've ever done anything. They're like, we want to see the DeLorean at a car show. How boring is that?

[Brian Quinn]

You can go out to the garage and see the DeLorean.

[Bryan Johnson]

But we all clapped, and it was.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like they were the only ones.

[Bryan Johnson]

The only people clapping. Like, in a football field, you literally hear crickets.

[Walt Flanagan]

You could hear crickets.

[Bryan Johnson]

And how much did you walk away with?

[Walt Flanagan]

I think it was $135.

[Bryan Johnson]

130. I thought it was 130. And I heard that it's commonplace for the winner to donate the money back to the autistic kids, or at least some of it. So how much did you give back to the autistic kids?

[Walt Flanagan]

I took all of it because they were mean to me.

[Brian Quinn]

Not even a percentage.

[Bryan Johnson]

You could have gave back a 50. It just looked like a fucking champ.

[Walt Flanagan]

They call the 5050 number. And then I'm coming up there, and people are starting to clap. And then the guy in the microphone goes up. Here comes the winner up the guy at the DeLorean shirt. And all of a sudden. And that was it. And they just, like. It was like. And the money was just on the table. They were like, here you go. It wasn't even, like, handed to me.

[Bryan Johnson]

It was like, there is uncomfortable. And we don't have it on camera because it got really dark. And we put all the gear away. And we never thought for there was a chance in hell that we would make it to the calling of the 5050 or that any of us would win it or that any of us would keep it. Now, Bry tries is a. Is a show we do on Patreon where Brian tries new hobbies in a search for something that he finds fun to do.

[Brian Quinn]

Some sort of meaning.

[Bryan Johnson]

Some sort of meaning or just some way to pass the time.

[Brian Quinn]

Right. That isn't tv.

[Bryan Johnson]

So here. I don't know. I can't believe the curator has put on here. Bri tries theme song. If it's gotten this bad that one of our best of clips is the theme song, it's not. It's not actually content. It's just a theme song.

[Brian Quinn]

I have to be. I don't think I've ever heard the theme song. I didn't know I had a theme song.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think the theme song was I want to try everything by some sort of female singer. Now, Rob picked this because I. He was. He was hot and heavy. Because I want to use this song and I was like, I don't care.

[Brian Quinn]

Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't even care what it is. Yes, use it. Whatever. It's behind a paywall. So I don't even know if he could play this clip. We'll find out if you. If there's a big old gap and there's just dead air, that means that we had to remove this clip or Declan had to remove this clip. And I don't know why the fuck the Bride Trice theme song would make the cut on a best of compilation.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Like if it were like. Like the Sage and data show where it was specific to the show as opposed to, like you know, just somebody else doing a song. Yeah, it's really weird.

[Walt Flanagan]

Try everything. Try everything. Try everything. Try everything.

[Bryan Johnson]

We've gone metal detecting on Bride tries.

[Brian Quinn]

Will I find something? Will I find some buried doubloons?

[Bryan Johnson]

It was not Matt from what's your company? Matt.

[Sunday Jeff]

Matt with Jersey Shore ring finder.

[Brian Quinn]

Looks like Walt's ready to scoop dog off the beach. Is that what these things are for?

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm ready to do that. To help you find. To help you find the perfect hobby.

[Sunday Jeff]

That's what it's for.

[Brian Quinn]

That's a friend. That is a friend.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's the weirdest thing you've ever found.

[Sunday Jeff]

On the beach, so the weirdest thing. And it was actually just laying on the beach. But I was out metal detecting with a friend that. And we were walking along like the high tide line and there was probably about 15ft behind us a mother and her young daughter walking behind us looking for shells.

[Walt Flanagan]

So as I'm walking, I actually came.

[Sunday Jeff]

Across a huge double ended gilt bag.

[Bryan Johnson]

That has metal in it.

[Walt Flanagan]

It didn't.

[Sunday Jeff]

No, I didn't find it with the machine.

[Walt Flanagan]

It was just laying there. It was just laying there.

[Sunday Jeff]

I actually have found a couple of small, like, pocket rockets, though.

[Bryan Johnson]

Wow. We never would have thought that would be on the beach. Where do you think that came from?

[Sunday Jeff]

People out there having a good time, I guess at night, really good time.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't know, I mean, did you.

[Brian Quinn]

Observe the metal detector's law and pick.

[Walt Flanagan]

It up, throw it away? I did with the scoop.

[Sunday Jeff]

I wasn't touching it with my hands because, you know, I didn't want that mother to have to walk across that with her young daughter while they're looking for else.

[Brian Quinn]

Right. Actually single headed would have been fine.

[Walt Flanagan]

Double headed, like you could have been.

[Bryan Johnson]

Like, you know, that's just a dead hammerhead, little baby shark.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Get away from that eel. That two headed eel.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, that thing was. I, I don't know, man. I'm a little concerned about whoever was using that.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. On the beach. That's really weird.

[Sunday Jeff]

Just in general, because that thing was a monster.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's why I always of them like, who's partaking in that activity on a beach when it gets all sand on it and everything?

[Walt Flanagan]

Who the fuck is, who the fuck.

[Bryan Johnson]

Is, who's doing double donging on a beach? On a sandy, nasty beach though I.

[Brian Quinn]

Personally have not, nor do I know anyone who has ever double donged it on a beach. Not even close.

[Bryan Johnson]

You get those granules in there on it and everything. And especially if you look at, and I assume it's, it's. I don't think it's two girls doing it down there. I don't know why, but in my head I just picture two weirdos down there and you know, they gotta put some lube on it. And once you put lube on it, the sand is gonna stick to it like a magnet and you're never gonna get that sand off.

[Brian Quinn]

Dude, you're so right. That's the leavings of two deviant guys. You're right. There are two women who are like, hey, you know what would be fun?

[Walt Flanagan]

You know what we should do, Teehee?

[Bryan Johnson]

These are two strangers who fucking went on the Internet.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. They were on Grindr and they're like, do you like dildos and sand? Yes, I do, as a matter of fact. That's not what you should ask.

[Bryan Johnson]

Think of the stories though, for the podcast though. You find something as crazy as a double donged dildo, that would be great. Or you could just start planting stuff on the beach, coming back, you know.

[Brian Quinn]

Like those gay guys were back. I found another dildo. That's all I ever found.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, you stop buying metal detectors and start buying silicone detecting equipment.

[Walt Flanagan]

You start putting them over, like over.

[Bryan Johnson]

Your fireplace like a Like a trophy.

[Walt Flanagan]

Head hunting instead of an elephant head.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's like double dung, black dildo found on the beach.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

20, 25. And you have a white one next to it and you got a green one.

[Brian Quinn]

That'd be pretty amazing.

[Bryan Johnson]

You would be the goat of finding discarded sexual toys on a beach.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Like when I'm on that metal detector, like, Reddit thread, people are like, he's either lying or he's crazy or he's.

[Bryan Johnson]

The fucking absolute best.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

At what he does.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. I lost a drill, though. NJ dildo finder.

[Bryan Johnson]

We've talked to the Crochet Lady. Now this is. I'm just reading off curator's list. I don't know if he means the Yarn lady or the crochet. Crochet Lady. Crochet lady and Yarn Lady, I think, were the same thing, weren't they?

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, they were.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. Now, for those who aren't on the Patreon and have heard us talk about the Yarn lady, our neighbor. I don't know if I'm happy about this. I'm giving out this for free. This fucking rare audio with the Yarn lady.

[Brian Quinn]

And it's rather recently too, I'd say, compared to some of the other stuff.

[Bryan Johnson]

But. Yeah. Here you go, my people, you're gonna get a chance to listen to the Yarn lady. At least a clip, a snippet. If you want to hear the whole thing, you have to go sign up.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Listen very carefully. You might be able to hear Scooter, the guinea pig in the background, keeping warm.

[Bryan Johnson]

Really excited to finally introduce to the listeners Flo, the Yarn lady of Airport Plaza.

[Brian Quinn]

Much spoken about.

[Bryan Johnson]

Is crocheting a hobby that you would say is on the. Is it an expensive hobby to get into, or do you think it's more on the.

[Yarn Lady]

It's really inexpensive. These hooks are available in most dollar stores and that kind of thing. And then you can get as expensive as you want if you want fine yarns, cashmeres and. And merino and that kind of stuff.

[Bryan Johnson]

What is the finest of the yarns?

[Yarn Lady]

Cashmere is about the highest that I would go.

[Bryan Johnson]

What's a ball of cashmere go for?

[Yarn Lady]

Yeah, anywhere from 50 to $75, depending on.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, I ignore it.

[Yarn Lady]

On.

[Bryan Johnson]

What's cashmere made out of?

[Yarn Lady]

It's cashmere from a goat. It's wool from a goat.

[Bryan Johnson]

Is it a special kind of goat?

[Eric]

Yeah, must be.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Is yarn's that expensive?

[Yarn Lady]

There are goats that are bred for their fur.

[Bryan Johnson]

I. I just, when I was getting in, going, or I say something so stupid that, you know, she goes. Basically, it's just like. She just basically was like, what an idiot.

[Brian Quinn]

She was like a goat. A special goat, dude. Yeah. I have cashmere sweaters. I didn't know.

[Bryan Johnson]

Am I crazy or is that kind of like. Well, yeah, you know, it's a special kind of goat. But does the common man know that.

[Brian Quinn]

It'S a special goat? I don't think so. I mean, there were two common men right there that they didn't know.

[Bryan Johnson]

You could have told me it came from some sort of, like a unicorn. I'd be like, oh, really?

[Brian Quinn]

Wow, that's pretty cool.

[Bryan Johnson]

Really? Because you think of a goat in a junkyard. You know, they live in junkyards eating cans and cans. No, not these goats.

[Yarn Lady]

Not those goats. There's alpaca, there's marina, which is a sheep.

[Bryan Johnson]

Wool.

[Yarn Lady]

There are a lot of different kinds of sheep. Cheap wool that you can get.

[Bryan Johnson]

Now, dealing in yarn and how much yarn you need. Have you ever thought of just getting your own goat and just. Just growing goats?

[Yarn Lady]

There's a lot of work that goes into it. From the goat onto my.

[Walt Flanagan]

My hook.

[Bryan Johnson]

I just can't shut up now. I'm trying to recover so badly. Now I'm saying something even more stupid, like, why don't you just go get your own goats?

[Brian Quinn]

Are you stupid?

[Bryan Johnson]

Because I'm trying so hard to, like, get back into races. Trying to say something pithy, something that's going to impress her. And I. I just keep it up.

[Yarn Lady]

Big time, you know, you have to clean it, you have to spin it. You have to.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm thinking that when the kids come in, they can. They can pet the goat.

[Brian Quinn]

It's like petting the goat.

[Yarn Lady]

That's true.

[Eric]

That's true.

[Yarn Lady]

I hadn't thought of that. Yeah. Yeah, we could try that somewhere.

[Eric]

How long?

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, you. I know. I've lived in the area for my whole life. I've driven past the plaza. I've seen your sign here for a long time. How long have you been at the Airport Plaza?

[Yarn Lady]

10 and a half years.

[Bryan Johnson]

10 and a half years. It's great. I'm just trying to impress her and say anything. Like. Like, you lavish her with praise.

[Brian Quinn]

You really are trying to get in her good graces. Is this too much?

[Walt Flanagan]

This is too much.

[Bryan Johnson]

If you can see my legs underneath the table, they're just going a million miles an hour.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like a dog, like a duck.

[Bryan Johnson]

Trying so hard to recover from the fucking. The faux pas of saying, like, is it a special kind of goat?

[Brian Quinn]

Right?

[Bryan Johnson]

Like, where's it. Where's cashmere come from? It was just, oh.

[Brian Quinn]

Your answer was like, well, why don't you get your own special kind of coat then?

[Bryan Johnson]

It's so fucking embarrassing. Do the needle. What are they called? The needle hooks. Do they like, you seem like you have like a very high end one.

[Yarn Lady]

No, this is not high end.

[Bryan Johnson]

Do they come like, is there a better hook than other hooks?

[Yarn Lady]

There are some. But everything when you're talking about knitting or crochet is personal preference. What you like and what works for you. I like this.

[Sunday Jeff]

That's what.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's his problem. If he does anything, he immediately goes out. He has to have the best and the most expensive version of it.

[Brian Quinn]

He turns on his boy.

[Walt Flanagan]

Definitely. He's an I'm not cool.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's exactly what I did. I'm not proud of it, but I was like it.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm going to try to and make you look bad and make me rise.

[Bryan Johnson]

Myself up and where's the bus?

[Brian Quinn]

Come on, Brian. Right under it.

[Yarn Lady]

I'm not going to make a million dollars over it. But you know, there's a fair amount if you have a really good pattern.

[Brian Quinn]

And it like if you get on Etsy and you can sell it.

[Bryan Johnson]

Right, right.

[Yarn Lady]

That pattern actually is one I got from Etsy, so.

[Bryan Johnson]

And. But then someone will have to pay you for the pattern.

[Yarn Lady]

Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's not like, like where the Internet just steals it. Right. Because that's what they do to us. No one's stealing our content.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm just trying to make ourselves look important to flow.

[Brian Quinn]

We're victims, you understand? We don't want it to happen to you too. That's what people do to us.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't know why I said that.

[Bryan Johnson]

I have no idea why I said that. I just try to make it seem like we're big time.

[Brian Quinn]

I'm not sure it works.

[Bryan Johnson]

I apologize. I don't know why I said that.

[Brian Quinn]

Start complaining to her. What do you know about copyright laws, by the way? Can you help us?

[Bryan Johnson]

Now this next clip. I can't believe it took us decades to finally get here. But on this episode of Bride Tries, we have gone out to get him. Steve Davis bottle dump. And I'm ashamed that it's. It escaped me that it took us like, why haven't we go sooner?

[Brian Quinn]

Like we were asking the same questions when we were there. It's like, yeah, what took us so long?

[Bryan Johnson]

A golden opportunity. And for some reason it took years to finally get us out there. But I think this is, this has got to be the clip that's going to make people go, if you're not on the Patreon, you're definitely signing up after this clip. So we traveled all the way out to Burlington and met James Tickle.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

And today we're here with James, who is a renowned bottle collector. And we're talking about bottles. Yes, sir. This is a hobby of yours? Yes.

[Bryan Johnson]

I've been doing this for about eight years now.

[Brian Quinn]

Do you find that you like to do it solo, or do you have a partner?

[Bryan Johnson]

No, I always try to have a digging buddy. Like, I see my friend. I bought my friend here. He's been with me countless times where he has always got my back, you know, just for instance, I was down in a well and it caved in, so he pulled me, you know, really? And yeah, he. So I always have a digging buddy. If you're in a dump, you know, a wall could collapse. It's not shored up right. It could collapse. Is a dangerous hobby. It could be. Technically, there is. There is very safe ways you could do it.

[Brian Quinn]

You know, that's the way I went looking for bottles in a well.

[Bryan Johnson]

Could you imagine that? Like, you need a buddy to go look for bottles.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Like, I feel like my bench is not that deep as far as digging buddies go.

[Bryan Johnson]

You call up Q, you're like, you know, want to go out, be my bottle?

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. I'm like, what are you doing today? He's like, just sitting around being rich. I'm like, hey, I got a better idea. Let's go to some privy pits.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're my bottle buddy.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

In case a fucking wall caves in on me. I need you.

[Bryan Johnson]

And he's like, he never goes out solo.

[Brian Quinn]

No.

[Bryan Johnson]

Again, I think, yes. He doesn't go out solo, but I think he's digging in places where he could get arrested.

[Walt Flanagan]

Maybe in someone's garage.

[Brian Quinn]

By digging, I mean, breaking and entering. I usually have a buddy watch my back. And by my back, I mean the coast. Make sure it's clear.

[Bryan Johnson]

Poor James Tickle. We're going to go somewhere that has been talked about for seemingly over a decade. Get him, Steve. Dave's bottle Dump.

[Brian Quinn]

It's almost as if, like, it's like mystic. Like you're not even sure if it really exists. It's only been talked about by him, not seen by human eyes.

[Bryan Johnson]

I tell you, I've built it up in my head. It's like bottles, like, just sticking out of the ground from all across of a field. Like, you can't see them for miles. Just little bottles. Just like, hanging out about like this.

[Brian Quinn]

Like somebody planted seeds for.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, you could just pluck them right out like carrots.

[Brian Quinn]

Does this give you like, a standby me vibe?

[Bryan Johnson]

A little bit.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. Right?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Brian Quinn]

Walking along the train tracks, hanging out.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, thank God it wasn't up high, like, you know, over, like, some water or something.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, right, right. Oh. So we had to, like, run when the train came and. Yeah.

[Eric]

And here we.

[Brian Quinn]

Gotta say, I was expecting more of a wait, but this is it.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

What?

[Brian Quinn]

So I'm starting to dig randomly.

[Bryan Johnson]

This is what we've been hurt. Oh, wait a minute. What's that? Yeah, see, that just popped up out of nowhere.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Get a shot of that. Get a close up of that.

[Brian Quinn]

Two seconds ago. You're shitting on it. You're like, whoa. Wait a second.

[Walt Flanagan]

Did you plant that?

[Bryan Johnson]

Did you come out here last night and put that out there?

[Brian Quinn]

No.

[Eric]

You can see.

[Mike Zapcic]

Holy.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Can I hold it?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

So what do you think this is? How old do you think this bottle is?

[Walt Flanagan]

Here's another one.

[Eric]

This is an old cola bottle.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, it's broken.

[Eric]

Yeah, well, not everything is pristine out here.

[Bryan Johnson]

Look, man, it's like, how old do you place that at hundreds of years? Don't know. I'm trying to. Just trying to. So we're standing at the bottle dump right now.

[Eric]

Yes, this is.

[Bryan Johnson]

This is sacred ground in TSD town right here. I mean, my heart is pounding. I know you can't see it, but it's like a jackhammer.

[Brian Quinn]

Mine was until we arrived. And then I was like, wait, this is it. I expected to see, like, glinting.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like sun glinting off for miles around.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Eric]

You know, it's covered by, like, you know, like James said, you got to dig down and, you know, find the treasure.

[Brian Quinn]

All right, so we got to dig down.

[Bryan Johnson]

Let's start seeing some. Whatever you want us to do. Get him.

[Eric]

I'm just trying to. Right now. I'm just trying to figure out.

[Bryan Johnson]

Look at him. He's like a shaming now.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, he's, like, feeling the earth.

[Bryan Johnson]

He's trying to feel for the glass.

[Brian Quinn]

The boy of the earth talks, too. I don't want to gloss over how much other shit was around here, because it's always like, oh, that's an old blah, blah, blah. But it's like there were, like, stoves and car doors and stuff that you're like, this is not. This is not an easily accessible area. So you're like, how did they get this shit here? And why?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, we never got Answers. Why is all this crap back here? I think it was maybe because he said there was a train.

[Brian Quinn]

It was a train. They'd go by and they would, like, dump off garbage and stuff, but I would understand bottles and, like, stuff that, like, they were using on the train, but they weren't using stoves and car doors and stuff like that.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, it was like, you know, going to take a. A train ride down the shore. Let's bring that old stove that doesn't work anymore so we can get somewhere to dump it. Look like Safi Loren with those arm gloves, those long arm gloves.

[Brian Quinn]

Man can get lonely out in the woods.

[Eric]

You just whistle. You got to whistle, don't you? Oh.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh.

[Bryan Johnson]

What is it? Oh, a bottle.

[Eric]

Nice cap, too.

[Bryan Johnson]

Look at this.

[Brian Quinn]

Perfume bottle.

[Bryan Johnson]

Can Brian have that? Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

All right, bring it home. Clean it up.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yep.

[Eric]

Give it to Mary Beth.

[Bryan Johnson]

Bring it to the podcast table.

[Brian Quinn]

All right.

[Eric]

You know, they say birds will give other birds, like a sharp, a shiny pebble, to show their affection.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm just. We're just picking them out of the ground like daisies. It's exciting, isn't it?

[Brian Quinn]

It's. I mean, no.

[Bryan Johnson]

Wow, look at that. That's a real bottle. This next segment is dedicated to in studio production, specials and games. And up first is a one off, a one shot. I'd hoped it would become a regular series.

[Brian Quinn]

The Radio Theater.

[Bryan Johnson]

The Will Rogers Radio Theater. But that meant that somebody was gonna have to write a radio play. And I remember giving the task to Jimmy. I want you to write the next one.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't know if he ever did it. It, you know.

[Brian Quinn]

Well, he hasn't mentioned it.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, he may have. I don't want to. I don't want to throw him under the bus. I don't want to check him under the bus completely. I could hear or I see in my memories of a text exchange where he said he had given a story to Will Rogers, but Will Rogers probably threw it out.

[Brian Quinn]

Fuck this shit.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. But this particular radio Theater episode is the only one in existence, and it. It took a story that I had written or a radio play that I had written. With Sunday Jeff acting the role of a TV 70s detective. And we assembled a table of actors and we decided we would try to bring it to life via audio only. This script.

[Walt Flanagan]

This is the TESD Sunday night mystery.

[Sunday Jeff]

He had nothing on my little brother Skip. Dad and I found him on a hike in the woods and raised him like he was our own. He may have been simple, but he looked up to me. And I took care of him as best as I could.

[Brian Quinn]

Found him in the woods.

[Walt Flanagan]

Found him in the woods.

[Brian Quinn]

I guess we'll adopt him.

[Sunday Jeff]

Sleeping on a bunch of bottles.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. Some lady comes back to her campsite.

[Brian Quinn]

And her baby's missing. I. I don't remember.

[Bryan Johnson]

I forgot it. Been so long since I read this.

[Walt Flanagan]

That I forgot that I. I ever. Did you do this or was this us? I can't remember.

[Brian Quinn]

I was about to ask you.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't remember anymore.

[Bryan Johnson]

They just found him.

[Walt Flanagan]

I have to admit, I haven't looked at this since you and I agreed.

[Eric]

It's done.

[Brian Quinn]

I have no idea.

[Sunday Jeff]

That was then and this is now. And I crave.

[Brian Quinn]

I can't tell you. When I went to rehab, I can't tell you how many stories were exactly like this where people are just yelling, I crave drugs. At other people.

[Walt Flanagan]

I crave drugs. I crave drugs.

[Brian Quinn]

No, just kidding. No one ever said that. I crave drugs, too.

[Walt Flanagan]

Me too.

[Brian Quinn]

I can't believe we all have this in common.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wow.

[Eric]

I know you do, Sonny. But now it's my turn to take care of you. I'm gonna get you clean and ready. Skip is gonna get you cleaner.

[Brian Quinn]

My God, I don't think you can read that line without it, like, fading to black. And everybody's like.

[Sunday Jeff]

I won't clean it as good as I did the chief's toilet bowl.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, it'll look like a gumdrop. Fade off later.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.

[Sunday Jeff]

It brought a tear to my eye.

[Walt Flanagan]

That I was really good. Couldn't agree more.

[Brian Quinn]

Couldn't agree more.

[Bryan Johnson]

Go ahead.

[Eric]

I know you do, Sonny. But now it's my turn to take care of you. I'm gonna get you clean and ready. Skip's gonna get you clean and ready.

[Sunday Jeff]

At least he got it. He got.

[Eric]

He got.

[Walt Flanagan]

He got it.

[Sunday Jeff]

The line.

[Brian Quinn]

Everything's weird about it. Everything. We're stepping into a different reality. Candyman.

[Walt Flanagan]

What?

[Brian Quinn]

I don't think we're worried about anything else.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's a new village. And, ah, really good. Can you do it again?

[Brian Quinn]

He just wants to hear it.

[Walt Flanagan]

But say Walt this time.

[Brian Quinn]

No, no.

[Eric]

I know you do, Sonny. But now it's my turn to take care of you. I'm gonna get you clean and ready.

[Sunday Jeff]

At least you had a clean one the first time.

[Brian Quinn]

I'm gonna catch you. We're in the bathroom now. The working tit. The working title of this piece is Clean and Ready for sure. Sunny is in the bath while Skip gives him A scrub.

[Sunday Jeff]

Under the balls. Under the balls.

[Brian Quinn]

This the thing. Remember, you're like, can we shoot in your bathroom? There's something I want to shoot.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, my God. This kind of. See, it was Walt.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, my God. I remember you asking me this, like years ago.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, I thought they could wear their shorts and we would shoot like from the outside.

[Brian Quinn]

I mean, I definitely have a big enough bathroom now. Let's do it.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, these next set of clips from a show called tesdnd, which I have to say, it didn't start off with its own show initially. It was something we did on the all new Sunday Jeff show where we had a TSD and D1 off with just a one shot episode. And people adored it. People demanded it. I will sign up to higher tiers if you make this a regular show. And so we did.

[Brian Quinn]

That's one of those ones that mystifies me because it looks like as we're playing it, I'm like, this is so boring. How do people play this game?

[Bryan Johnson]

You mean or the regular D and D content?

[Brian Quinn]

The regular game.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't think we're playing it properly, though.

[Brian Quinn]

You don't think so?

[Bryan Johnson]

From all the complaints that I read.

[Brian Quinn]

From real players, yeah, I think it's.

[Bryan Johnson]

The fact that we're just not playing it properly. But yeah, for whatever reason, people demanded TSD and D and we gave it to them. And then once they got it, they were like, please end it. But here are some of the best moments of TESD and D. And I'm sure that weeping sound is Tom, our dungeon master, realizing that that show is probably not coming back.

[Brian Quinn]

You think? I can hear it a little bit. Yeah, I hear weep.

[Mike Zapcic]

Wandering Baron.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yes.

[Mike Zapcic]

I need you to come with me. Your future is in danger.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, pardner, I'm gonna need a little bit more information if you want the wandering Baron to accompany you.

[Brian Quinn]

Would you like a glass of lemon.

[Walt Flanagan]

Maybe?

[Eric]

Perhaps a min.

[Mike Zapcic]

To gold, 21 herbs and spices.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's a good recipe.

[Sunday Jeff]

It's not making a lot of sense to me.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'll say. I'll say extra, which way we going?

[Eric]

But I say, what?

[Sunday Jeff]

North? South?

[Mike Zapcic]

I don't have the time to explain. Time is of the essence. We have many stops we have to make. I just need you to trust me. My name is Sargell1 and I come from the future.

[Bryan Johnson]

That is all you needed to say, Son. I once knew a Sargel called Sargelli.

[Walt Flanagan]

No, I didn't. Why can't I do that?

[Mike Zapcic]

Because that would be in the present. You were from the 1800 would be in the now.

[Walt Flanagan]

Time doesn't exist yet. Doesn't exist yet?

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah, it wouldn't exist yet. You're in the wild.

[Brian Quinn]

All right.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, boy. Give me one good reason I should trust you. All right, barman. I'll give you one good reason why I should trust you.

[Mike Zapcic]

There's injustice that needs to be justified.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, I'll come.

[Mike Zapcic]

We see Frank the fool tied to a sex swing with a ball gag in his mouth.

[Eric]

Yes.

[Walt Flanagan]

I love this game. My favorite game of all time.

[Eric]

I wonder who's St Christopher Cross. A sex swing.

[Mike Zapcic]

Sex wing.

[Eric]

Yes.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah, you know, like his arm, like his arms are tied like this. His legs are spread apart.

[Eric]

I thought they got the sacrifice cross.

[Mike Zapcic]

Well, I'm not really sure. I don't know that. But I know a sex swing and probably confirmed. That's pretty much what it is, right?

[Brian Quinn]

Yep.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Mike Zapcic]

Arms are across, tied to a door, ball gag in his mouth.

[Walt Flanagan]

I want to break that wishbone.

[Brian Quinn]

He doesn't like it.

[Eric]

Actually.

[Mike Zapcic]

Read what you want to do.

[Sunday Jeff]

The monster deck.

[Mike Zapcic]

What is the monster deck?

[Sunday Jeff]

I can. I can summon a seven foot tall, white gelatinous monster made out of the cement he has collected from his prior lovers.

[Mike Zapcic]

Roll your D20 on the camera monster.

[Eric]

When you question that.

[Walt Flanagan]

Look.

[Eric]

Yeah, look at the camera 4.

[Mike Zapcic]

Roll your D20 for damage 19.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, nice.

[Mike Zapcic]

How does the monster dick want to kill Ubaku? Nothing on your paper. You just described it.

[Sunday Jeff]

Oh, shit, man. I put that shit right in his mouth and I'll blow him like right.

[Brian Quinn]

Through the back of his.

[Walt Flanagan]

He is asleep.

[Sunday Jeff]

It's gonna look like a tsunami of cum.

[Walt Flanagan]

I checked for breath for like 15.

[Eric]

Minutes, said, oh, okay, now I know what I'm doing.

[Walt Flanagan]

I know what I gotta do now.

[Bryan Johnson]

Bry, open it up.

[Mike Zapcic]

All right, you're gonna take both your hands because it's a full almost as large of a man. And open it up. And inside filled to the brims with gold coins overflowing. You go to stick your hand in.

[Brian Quinn]

In.

[Sunday Jeff]

He said he opened it. He didn't want to put his hand in it.

[Mike Zapcic]

Oh, no, that's. He put his hand in, but you're.

[Bryan Johnson]

Making him put his hand in.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, he just open it, right?

[Bryan Johnson]

I didn't tell him to put his hands in.

[Walt Flanagan]

He didn't want to open it. You told him. This is your fault. Where'd your accent go? I mean, you up, pal?

[Brian Quinn]

He just wants to agree us to agree to everything that's going to make his dungeon mastering smoother.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nope.

[Brian Quinn]

Yep.

[Mike Zapcic]

All right.

[Brian Quinn]

I just want to look. What?

[Mike Zapcic]

What do you want to do? It's just filled with gold coins.

[Walt Flanagan]

Hands in there now.

[Sunday Jeff]

What's going.

[Brian Quinn]

Close it down and leave it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Leave it. You holding your hand out.

[Eric]

Why did this story go anywhere? We look around. It's not enough to do anything.

[Bryan Johnson]

I know.

[Mike Zapcic]

We twied of what's beneath that gold.

[Walt Flanagan]

Could have had a hand coming grab.

[Bryan Johnson]

Was it a setup though?

[Sunday Jeff]

Yes.

[Walt Flanagan]

Don't know.

[Eric]

The only way to find out.

[Walt Flanagan]

Your elbow.

[Brian Quinn]

He's trying to set me up. All right.

[Mike Zapcic]

What do you guys want to do?

[Bryan Johnson]

What do you want to do, Brian?

[Brian Quinn]

I guess it seems like I have to put.

[Mike Zapcic]

No, no, no. You guys are free. This is your world.

[Bryan Johnson]

I can animate a dead body.

[Eric]

I can make that goblin go put his hand in there.

[Sunday Jeff]

Dm.

[Walt Flanagan]

You didn't expect that, did you? What do I do now? Let me take a five minute break.

[Sunday Jeff]

Do some rewrites.

[Walt Flanagan]

Hold on. I'll be fair.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm so.

[Walt Flanagan]

Roll a d. Something.

[Mike Zapcic]

Roll your D20. Let's see if you animate him.

[Bryan Johnson]

He could we. Can we just enlist him to become a permanent member of the. Of the party?

[Mike Zapcic]

No, but what I've been telling you guys.

[Eric]

He.

[Mike Zapcic]

He thinks outside of the box. Instead of putting his hand in, he takes his goblin and does that. That's exactly what I want you guys to do.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, did you want to be.

[Mike Zapcic]

I don't need to think about it. You guys have to think about it. That's the point. I come up with hundreds of scenarios, you guys.

[Bryan Johnson]

Hundreds.

[Walt Flanagan]

Look how fucking full of himself he is.

[Brian Quinn]

Looking for a raise. Is he enjoying the sex swing? What if he doesn't want to be rescued?

[Sunday Jeff]

Based in his head, you don't want to know.

[Brian Quinn]

With what.

[Walt Flanagan]

Almost done.

[Mike Zapcic]

How would you like to attack Crumpy? He's little. You have a pair of knives. What do you want to do?

[Eric]

I would like to go for a center match.

[Bryan Johnson]

Give him the Mexican bow tie.

[Brian Quinn]

Or the Columbia necktie. Whichever comes easiest to you.

[Bryan Johnson]

Dude.

[Mike Zapcic]

Justy trombone to him instead. All right. Cleveland Steel. You're going to try to make it like X Men style across his chest.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Mike Zapcic]

The other cage.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're obsessed with kids, bro.

[Brian Quinn]

There's a lot of little kids stuff going on.

[Walt Flanagan]

And then they're in cages maybe.

[Brian Quinn]

And then they got no pants on.

[Mike Zapcic]

Because somebody has a strong moral compass. And you assholes won't save anyone.

[Walt Flanagan]

I drive an ice SK on the weekends. Otherwise you'd be like it. Let's kill him. Just kill him.

[Mike Zapcic]

I thought maybe if it's a kid, it has a chance of living and telling a story. That's why we have kids. If you promise not to kill everyone.

[Walt Flanagan]

We don't want to be on Dateline.

[Eric]

There is no Dateline in this universe.

[Mike Zapcic]

All right.

[Walt Flanagan]

Hey, guys, thanks for saving me. Nothing sexual happened to me, I swear. We don't believe you. You're so full of his head looks already on me. Head looks like a glazed donut.

[Brian Quinn]

You can see by the look in his eye something happened. Psycho sexy head is away with him.

[Mike Zapcic]

No. What happened to you? Nothing sexual happened to me.

[Bryan Johnson]

Nothing.

[Walt Flanagan]

Not a thing I said.

[Sunday Jeff]

Now you know.

[Bryan Johnson]

Why is that important?

[Mike Zapcic]

It's not.

[Eric]

Okay, but you said it three times.

[Walt Flanagan]

So Frank agrees to come back.

[Mike Zapcic]

We didn't rape him, tie him to a ball gag and just leave him on a sex swing.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, so let's, I guess, unchain him.

[Mike Zapcic]

All right, who wants to attack?

[Bryan Johnson]

Nice try.

[Mike Zapcic]

Roll the Cannonball.

[Eric]

37.

[Walt Flanagan]

Has to be a kill shot.

[Eric]

Tuck your penis between your legs.

[Guest]

Wow.

[Walt Flanagan]

Amazing.

[Mike Zapcic]

Roll your D20 and we'll see what the object is.

[Eric]

20.

[Bryan Johnson]

Or natty 20?

[Mike Zapcic]

Those two tentacles are completely dead.

[Brian Quinn]

Destroyed.

[Mike Zapcic]

They're gone. Wandering Baron. 14. What is your ace say?

[Bryan Johnson]

14.

[Mike Zapcic]

Are you awake?

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, I was just thinking. I was like, this could be the last dude, this could be the last episode. I just fear the.

[Yarn Lady]

The.

[Bryan Johnson]

The response.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like, look, this.

[Brian Quinn]

This.

[Mike Zapcic]

Was.

[Bryan Johnson]

And you decided to go combine rock.

[Walt Flanagan]

And roll all night podcast every day with the the two shows that are perfect match up. I thought you join me in the license to Po. It's a pod graveyard.

[Mike Zapcic]

I thought you were gonna be so on the edge of your seat waiting for the next thing to go when you were like, kiss my favorite thing in the world. All right, let's go. I'm gonna play this game to the ma.

[Bryan Johnson]

Sorry again. I was just thinking about what was.

[Walt Flanagan]

Going to replace the show.

[Bryan Johnson]

Go ahead, tell me.

[Walt Flanagan]

Isn't it the pink watching Pink dry podcast? Isn't it next?

[Mike Zapcic]

No, it's your top five light bulbs.

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, it's caddy now. Let's see how much you like better light bulbs are this.

[Mike Zapcic]

I don't know how else I can engage you guys. I literally have brought back your kiss.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, don't go unreded after this.

[Walt Flanagan]

Episode comes out promising you won't. It's not going to be be good.

[Eric]

Now he's going to know how will felt.

[Walt Flanagan]

You.

[Eric]

You were basket after. Will the world have overkill to fall back on?

[Mike Zapcic]

And as you guys all circle around Crumpy to check, Frank the fool accidentally steps onto his pupi, hilariously rolls down a hill and is lost into a ravine.

[Brian Quinn]

See ya.

[Walt Flanagan]

There really was sex down there.

[Bryan Johnson]

They were my prisoners.

[Walt Flanagan]

I made them me. Why'd you have to kill them? You guys lose.

[Eric]

They weren't stuck in here with me. I was stuck in here with them. Another guy's old friend. Live Love, laugh.

[Walt Flanagan]

What'd that guy say? Who cares?

[Eric]

Dance like no one's watching.

[Walt Flanagan]

So, Frank the Fool, as your parting.

[Mike Zapcic]

Words, as you're rolling down the hill, what would you like to say?

[Sunday Jeff]

Those more puke punches.

[Walt Flanagan]

Sex was great.

[Eric]

It's all about friends. Available on Patreon.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wait. It's about the dusted. The journey, not the destination. Always remember to rewind a super long R.A. falling down into that's comedian.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah.

[Mike Zapcic]

Roll the D20. Let's see what you guys find.

[Eric]

18.

[Brian Quinn]

18, 18.

[Mike Zapcic]

That's a prize.

[Bryan Johnson]

Guys, please. I know earlier you did it too. Please don't say what the dice says. That is his job. And he winces every time I see it.

[Walt Flanagan]

He gets so upset when people yell.

[Bryan Johnson]

Out what the dice is because that's his.

[Eric]

I don't know why it's not on camera. And Victor puts the role that's on camera, so that way he knows what the role is.

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah, but what's the difference what he says that you say it?

[Eric]

It's a more uniform voice.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's OCDQ in its highest form.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's not narrating. Okay.

[Eric]

I have so little in my life.

[Sunday Jeff]

I understand, I understand, I understand.

[Eric]

I can't talk on tst, but this year I can.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, you're right, you're right. I understand.

[Brian Quinn]

Get him. I'm sorry, I can't see what the dice says.

[Eric]

18.

[Brian Quinn]

Thank you.

[Mike Zapcic]

Nice. All right, good job.

[Bryan Johnson]

Now, there was a show called Purveyors, Posers and Playlists that came out of the Patreon. And it was a show where Tim the record store clerk would judge our music tastes. And it was one of the more fun shows to do. And recently someone asked me, would Purveyors, Posers and playlists continue on now? You know, with Tim's health issues? Right. And I said, I don't think it's possible and I would not want to. And I don't think out of respect, I don't think that anybody should fill the role of the record store clerk. I believe that show has to retire before it, you know, to bring it back, I think would be disrespectful.

[Brian Quinn]

Not to mention, we only know One record store clerk.

[Bryan Johnson]

So, yeah, that, that also plays a factor. But you get the other OG Jack.

[Brian Quinn]

We could. Yeah. Can you imagine?

[Bryan Johnson]

But no, I don't think it's proper. I think that Purveyors, Posers and Playlist was Tim's show, and it will live on forever on the Patreon. And so if you're, if that has piqued your interest and you want to subscribe just to hear the Purveyors, Posers and playlist library, that alone, too, is just worth the subscription. Just that show alone is worth the price of admission, I think.

[Brian Quinn]

Wasn't the last one, like Father Lance battling Troy in hair metal? Yeah, like, that's fun. Yeah, that's fun to listen to.

[Bryan Johnson]

But this clip is when Gidham used his autism to try to gain points or sympathy from Tim.

[Brian Quinn]

Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

And that's why Tim was so beloved in the role of the record store clerk, is he was like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, your picks suck.

[Eric]

You lost.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah. He was always very honest with stuff. Like, even if it was an unpopular opinion.

[Walt Flanagan]

You know, the songs are stronger on Brian and Eric's side.

[Bryan Johnson]

What about the argument?

[Walt Flanagan]

The argument is stronger on get him and Walt's side.

[Mike Zapcic]

But for.

[Brian Quinn]

How is that possible? It's just because if you're talking about.

[Walt Flanagan]

Pure argument, I'm talking about the tenacity of the argument.

[Brian Quinn]

That doesn't mean it's stronger.

[Walt Flanagan]

I, I, he was.

[Brian Quinn]

It means it's more intense. It doesn't mean it's stronger.

[Guest]

Charting all over the place.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's not.

[Bryan Johnson]

What do you mean? Charting is significant.

[Guest]

It shows that it can be marketed. That's all it shows.

[Walt Flanagan]

And then when you play the, the autism card, it's.

[Brian Quinn]

If you give it to them for that. I want, I want to acknowledge it as a win. If you're like, because they told me he's autistic with no proof, just like the 22,000 productions. I'm gonna let him win. Tim, you can't do it. All your credibility will be shot. It stands up.

[Eric]

It's on IMDb. It stands up.

[Bryan Johnson]

Don't. I know you're. I know you're gonna feel bad, but. Because you feel like. But we didn't really mean to play that card to make you feel really.

[Walt Flanagan]

But you did play the card.

[Bryan Johnson]

I know, but.

[Walt Flanagan]

And your intent was to make me feel bad.

[Brian Quinn]

It was so.

[Walt Flanagan]

This was tough, but I think Brian wins.

[Bryan Johnson]

Brian.

[Walt Flanagan]

Brian wasn't playing Brian and Eric 1.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

I'll accept the win. Thank you.

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, it's it's feels like.

[Bryan Johnson]

Like Brian won then. Okay.

[Brian Quinn]

Feels like Brian spirit misspoke.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's the Johnson family really says everything.

[Bryan Johnson]

Brian won.

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, because I have Brian written first. I have Brian and Eric, and I have Walter.

[Bryan Johnson]

The only reason he's taking this long.

[Guest]

To deliberate is because you told him he had automatic.

[Brian Quinn]

Otherwise, she would have.

[Eric]

Said.

[Brian Quinn]

I gotta stop on the lower part.

[Bryan Johnson]

I can't believe it.

[Brian Quinn]

Can I tell you a little factoid? I hope it doesn't embarrass Eric too much, but as long as we're talking about autism, when he was young, like first grade, he was diagnosed with a learning disability because he was doing poorly in school. Pam and Avery went up to the school, talked to the teacher, got him in a different program. Look at them now. So it's only because you were lazy and your parents didn't love you, though. You're not a doctor.

[Eric]

That's why they gave me up. I'm adopted, by the way.

[Guest]

Really?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yes. He is too.

[Brian Quinn]

I never should have brought that up.

[Walt Flanagan]

You can change it.

[Brian Quinn]

His mom tried to smother him. That doesn't mean his songs define the 90s, though. And you know that. You know that.

[Walt Flanagan]

But I'm a monster if I don't a little bit.

[Bryan Johnson]

You change it now and then.

[Brian Quinn]

No, you cannot. He's just saying that so he can win.

[Mike Zapcic]

I.

[Bryan Johnson]

It would be unprecedent.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, but it would be.

[Sunday Jeff]

It would go against.

[Walt Flanagan]

Would go against the oath that I took as the judge.

[Brian Quinn]

I mean, I can't even imagine what Jack would think of him.

[Eric]

I'm surprised he said we only had one card. You played. You played it.

[Bryan Johnson]

You never said we only had one card.

[Walt Flanagan]

No, you had. It seems like you had a whole deck.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

The most shitty Now I feel.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like a complete piece of now. More than usual.

[Brian Quinn]

148.

[Walt Flanagan]

I. I just.

[Sunday Jeff]

Ah.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, Eric, you're moving on. How do you feel?

[Walt Flanagan]

I mean, I feel pretty good.

[Guest]

I'm not.

[Walt Flanagan]

Do you feel good about doing what.

[Bryan Johnson]

You did here tonight?

[Eric]

I beat an overweight, autistic, almost murdered adopted person.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, his house just would have meant.

[Eric]

To him to just.

[Mike Zapcic]

What?

[Brian Quinn]

Up in flames?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Did I mention that to you? I didn't mention that to you because I wanted you to come correct.

[Bryan Johnson]

And you know he has no possessions. What he owns is right here on his body. He could own this tonight.

[Brian Quinn]

No, he would have nowhere to put the trophy, so don't even worry about it.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm.

[Walt Flanagan]

I. I feel terrible.

[Brian Quinn]

Hey, you know what? That's what comes along with being the judge, though. You have to make the right call.

[Walt Flanagan]

I did it on the facts.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're like, you're like you said, they're like a judge. Sometimes you feel bad for the people you convict, but you still got to convict them.

[Brian Quinn]

You got to be Simon Cowell up in this month.

[Bryan Johnson]

He's the most hated man, right?

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. So are you after this?

[Brian Quinn]

I do not want to look at the comments after this one. Who the is this? I know.

[Eric]

The other half of me like, I hate. Right. Said Fred.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Now, I mentioned the all new Sunday Jeff show as. As being one of the two jewels in the TSD Patreon crown. It's the longest running Patreon show. It started right out of the gate. We did the all new Sunday Jeff show. It's got to be over.

[Brian Quinn]

I remember your pitch was, I want to give a talk show to a guy who least deserves a talk show. I was like, that sounds pretty good.

[Bryan Johnson]

Kind of grown into the hosting role, though. I believe he's much more polished now. He's much more natural. But here are some all new Sunday Jeff show clips. And if you're not on the Patreon, I do believe that the all new Sunday Jeff show is worth the $5 tier alone. If you're just getting that, it would be worth your subscription. You're getting so much more than that.

[Brian Quinn]

This, along with behind the fake Counter are my two favorite shows that we do. I really like the all new Sunday Jeff show. It's always.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, we're gonna let you lead off to 70 since this is your first decade that you're able to partake in 70s.

[Eric]

I'm gonna say Star Wars.

[Walt Flanagan]

You took Star wars on Sunday show. You took Star Wars. That's right, you piece of the show.

[Brian Quinn]

I applaud it.

[Eric]

Then he should have gone first.

[Brian Quinn]

He's gonna have to go Battlestar Galactica or Logan's Run.

[Eric]

We've gone two decades and he hasn't gone first, even though he's the star of the show.

[Sunday Jeff]

There's other films.

[Brian Quinn]

There's other films.

[Eric]

Why can't we pick the same film?

[Sunday Jeff]

I could.

[Walt Flanagan]

It doesn't.

[Bryan Johnson]

It doesn't spark any conversation to keep saying the same movie four times over.

[Walt Flanagan]

But I love Star Wars.

[Brian Quinn]

We all say Star wars like Star Wars.

[Sunday Jeff]

Star wars is definitely the 70s of the deck. No, the decade.

[Walt Flanagan]

What's wrong with you, though?

[Bryan Johnson]

You know he's gonna say Star Wars.

[Sunday Jeff]

I'm gonna say something different now.

[Brian Quinn]

You literally could.

[Sunday Jeff]

I'm gonna throw it all off. I didn't Like Star Wars.

[Walt Flanagan]

This whole time has been.

[Eric]

Thanks for entertaining, Ray, but you know you're lying, though.

[Sunday Jeff]

All right, so I'll say maybe my second movie of the seventies.

[Walt Flanagan]

No.

[Bryan Johnson]

What was.

[Brian Quinn]

Nobody will hear this, will they?

[Sunday Jeff]

It would be Jaws.

[Brian Quinn]

Did I just say that?

[Walt Flanagan]

You son of a. Oh, so now I said his.

[Brian Quinn]

Son of a bitch.

[Eric]

You know, he is the star of the show. That's. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for another visit from the Duke of Devilish Doings, the Baron of Black Arts, the Count of Conjurers, and the Marquis of Mumbo Jumbo, as well as Mike Zapsik's personal stylist, Sundak the Flamboyant. I don't even.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't know why that's funny, but.

[Walt Flanagan]

It'S just this, right?

[Brian Quinn]

I was looking at her thinking the same thing, and then I was like, no, I like it. I don't know why I like it.

[Eric]

Welcome, O Marble Mouth Mage.

[Sunday Jeff]

Thank you. Thank you. Giddum. May the old goat who made out with the regular goat after the super bowl be caught spraying his batch of craft Miracle Whip on the face of a human trafficking victim.

[Eric]

Oh, Sundak.

[Bryan Johnson]

Timely.

[Eric]

Sundak, you say what everyone is thinking. I hold in my hand envelopes. These envelopes have been stored undisturbed since 1994 in the Flanagan family spice rack. Are you ready for the first envelope?

[Sunday Jeff]

Yes. I need absolute science. I need absolute science. I said science.

[Brian Quinn]

Science.

[Sunday Jeff]

I mean silence.

[Eric]

How about both?

[Sunday Jeff]

Silence. I said, yes, this is science. Answer.

[Walt Flanagan]

Was that written?

[Bryan Johnson]

Did you write that? Silence. A science instead of silence.

[Sunday Jeff]

No, it says silence.

[Brian Quinn]

No, it. No, I need absolute silence was perverted into. I need absolutely science.

[Sunday Jeff]

I'm gonna need science for this.

[Brian Quinn]

I mean, absolutely Sundacta incomprehensible.

[Eric]

He's been blinded by science, so he needs silence.

[Sunday Jeff]

It's very difficult to see with these gold beads in front of my face. I need absolute silence.

[Eric]

Are you saying the balls are obstructing your vision?

[Sunday Jeff]

Yes, they are obstructing my vision.

[Eric]

The balls are obstructing his vision.

[Sunday Jeff]

Brass balls are obstructing my vision.

[Eric]

Sundak, the first envelope.

[Sunday Jeff]

Thank you. Izzy Strandland.

[Brian Quinn]

Izzy Stradlin.

[Bryan Johnson]

Is he straddling?

[Sunday Jeff]

Is he straddling the question Debbie Chen already knows the answer to when Ming is hanging out with Mike.

[Eric]

Wow. Mike and Ming are certainly taking it on the chin tonight, aren't they? Sunday.

[Sunday Jeff]

I understand that Ming's cousin Chin took on Mike last night, and now Ming's jealous.

[Eric]

Wow. Lemony Snicket himself couldn't conceive of a more unfortunate series of events. Sundak, the second envelope I will hand to you with my hand.

[Sunday Jeff]

Thank you. Well, let me tell what it is first. Home address. Home address.

[Eric]

Home address.

[Sunday Jeff]

Where Ming hasn't been in the past month and what he wore for Mike on their anniversary.

[Walt Flanagan]

Jeez. Whoa.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

My gosh.

[Sunday Jeff]

May an overly hydrated R. Kelly happen upon your young daughter.

[Eric]

Oh, now, that's timely. And now it's with a very heavy heart that I must announce this final envelope you will be divining tonight or any other night.

[Brian Quinn]

Whoa. Really?

[Bryan Johnson]

What? This is.

[Brian Quinn]

This is the final Sunday you're retiring, son. I guess so.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, I. I don't. I mean, it's true. Coming on the heels of the jokes, I mean, you may have been forced into retirement, so maybe it's better that.

[Brian Quinn]

You go, hella getting good. Yeah, it's true.

[Mike Zapcic]

True.

[Sunday Jeff]

After the curtain falls one last time, I'm hanging up my turban.

[Brian Quinn]

Why, thank you for your service, Sundeck.

[Eric]

I heard that you're retiring to pursue a life of sailing around the world, painting sunsets. Sounds like a dream.

[Sunday Jeff]

I have inoperable brain cancer and only three months to live at most.

[Eric]

Wow.

[Sunday Jeff]

Hush puppy.

[Bryan Johnson]

Ooh.

[Brian Quinn]

Hush puppy.

[Sunday Jeff]

Hush puppy.

[Eric]

Here, Jeff, let me hand you the envelope so that you can hold it to your head and divine the answer.

[Brian Quinn]

He's going out at the top of his game. It's from across the room.

[Bryan Johnson]

Hush puppy.

[Brian Quinn]

Hush puppy.

[Eric]

Hush puppy.

[Sunday Jeff]

Hush puppy.

[Brian Quinn]

Poor Sunduck's final envelope. What a moment this is.

[Bryan Johnson]

Let's treasure this last.

[Eric]

Luckily, we have it on video.

[Brian Quinn]

Treasure line. As you're. As you're. As you're supposed to be. You're reading as you're opening that. Forget it.

[Sunday Jeff]

All right.

[Brian Quinn]

Okay. Hush puppy.

[Sunday Jeff]

Hush puppy. The command Ming gives his dog when sneaking Mike out of the house at 3:00am.

[Eric]

Ladies and gentlemen, Sundak the Flamboyance.

[Sunday Jeff]

There's so much I wish I got.

[Brian Quinn]

Top 10 list is a top 10 list.

[Bryan Johnson]

Top 10 list. But it's the top 10 best come onlines that feature food. Oh. So picture Sunday. Jeff in the club.

[Brian Quinn]

He's up in the club.

[Bryan Johnson]

He's. He's a hottie.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, right.

[Eric]

A shoddy.

[Brian Quinn]

He dances up to her.

[Bryan Johnson]

And these are the top 10 lines that include food in the line.

[Brian Quinn]

All right.

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay. So go.

[Walt Flanagan]

Ready?

[Bryan Johnson]

Right.

[Sunday Jeff]

All right.

[Bryan Johnson]

The middle line.

[Brian Quinn]

Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay. This.

[Sunday Jeff]

Number 10.

[Bryan Johnson]

Number 10.

[Sunday Jeff]

Number 10. Girl, you must say it. Can't even go.

[Walt Flanagan]

Can't even do it.

[Brian Quinn]

It's only because it's so good.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm worried.

[Eric]

This is why. This isn't your wingman.

[Walt Flanagan]

This is because the way you said it was perfect.

[Bryan Johnson]

I didn't mean to laugh over.

[Brian Quinn]

That's exactly what he wants.

[Sunday Jeff]

You.

[Brian Quinn]

That's exactly.

[Sunday Jeff]

That's why he's laughing. If I said it any different, it would be in trouble. He'd be like, what the hell's the matter with you?

[Eric]

No, that's. Sure that. That was a confident delivery.

[Sunday Jeff]

It's like, all right, number 10. Listen, girl, you must work at a subway. Cause you're giving me a footlong.

[Bryan Johnson]

Jeff, you will play the role of Sunday Jeffrey Dahmer. You are playing. You are in a gay club because that's where Jeffrey Dahmer. That's where he perused and got all his victims. Your. Your wingman is the notorious killer gtk. Okay? And you are in a competition to see which serial killer has the better luring technique. So the setting is in the late 80s at a gay club. As I said before, both of you are trying best to lure a hot young dancer back to your place to murder them. Oh, well, hello, Buzz.

[Sunday Jeff]

Man, where were you in the 80s?

[Eric]

Well, hey, sailor, you know, that shirt looks a little tight. Like a noose around your neck. You should open it up a little, you know, display that meat.

[Brian Quinn]

You don't have a girlfriend, right? You don't have a girlfriend.

[Walt Flanagan]

Just walk out the door.

[Sunday Jeff]

Change my mind. Maybe I shouldn't be a serial killer anymore.

[Brian Quinn]

I had to give him a one for death because it seems imminent. Come on, why don't you whip out some of that tit meat?

[Sunday Jeff]

How you digging this music? I like this culture Club.

[Eric]

What a nice little hairy chest hair. You know, you should take a nice little razor to it. You know, smooth it up.

[Bryan Johnson]

Do either of your hunks want to buy me a drink?

[Sunday Jeff]

Sure. Sex on the beach.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's to die for.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, nice one.

[Eric]

Me, I prefer a slow, comfortable street screw. You ever have one?

[Sunday Jeff]

Let me get you a drink.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'll be back.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, God.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well done.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, my God.

[Walt Flanagan]

You're on a roll Sunday. Don't stop now.

[Eric]

Wow.

[Brian Quinn]

Look, I'll continue tonight at the Roll Bar.

[Eric]

Now, you open up that shirt a little more. You're really cut. I mean, I could do some. Some cocaine off those abs of yours.

[Bryan Johnson]

Would any of your hunks like to buy cheap Chad a drink? A foreign exchange student don't you know.

[Eric]

Oh, so nobody knows you're in America?

[Brian Quinn]

I got to give him that one.

[Walt Flanagan]

That was one that he may have used at one point.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, like Maybe even last night. I didn't see him go home.

[Bryan Johnson]

A. I am a foreign exchange student. I'm coming to America like Freddie Murphy.

[Sunday Jeff]

Oh, here's your drink, sir Chad. How you doing? Oh, hold on a second. My favorite Prince song's on.

[Walt Flanagan]

I would die for you. Ooh, ooh, well done, Sunday.

[Eric]

Oh, please, I tumble for you.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's not a. I'll die for you.

[Sunday Jeff]

Let me just suck his dick.

[Walt Flanagan]

What are you doing? Which one are you? You really belong in a club.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, that G doesn't stand. Forget him. I feel like you're going to win.

[Bryan Johnson]

Let's. Let's put some ambiance maybe, you know, think about, like. Yeah, there you go. You got your saddle up at the bar. He's delivered line number nine.

[Sunday Jeff]

He's just, like, dancing. It's like, baby, do you sell hot dogs? Because you know how to make a wiener stand.

[Brian Quinn]

I know. I'm going to want to hear all 10 delivered in rapid fire to the same woman, like, before she can get away.

[Mike Zapcic]

All right, so we're going to first play a game called Herd around the yard. Players are given a prison slang term, term. If not guessed correctly, Walt will use it in a sentence.

[Bryan Johnson]

There is a whole different world in prison. Can you believe my. They gave my ass the big bitch just for killing that clerk.

[Brian Quinn]

Perfect.

[Bryan Johnson]

Dante.

[Brian Quinn]

Nooch.

[Eric]

Oh, so not supposed to be here today, motherfucker.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yo, motherfucker, watch. Are you walking? You almost stepped in my Kung Fu Joes, son.

[Walt Flanagan]

Kill you off, Dante.

[Bryan Johnson]

Can you believe they're gonna send my ass to the ding wing just because I'm seeing pink elephants and little gremlins?

[Brian Quinn]

Your guy is always on edge, isn't he?

[Walt Flanagan]

Regardless of the situation, every time we.

[Mike Zapcic]

Play one of these games comes out, every.

[Eric]

He's the same.

[Walt Flanagan]

So really it's the same voice, though. Every time. Every time.

[Sunday Jeff]

It doesn't matter who he's playing.

[Brian Quinn]

Tough guy voice.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's always the same thing. Same exact thing. It's like one.

[Sunday Jeff]

One straight voice.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm not like you. I don't have a million voices.

[Eric]

Your is like Ed Norton playing Swatty river.

[Brian Quinn]

Before.

[Eric]

He plays every song.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's how he gets in a character.

[Mike Zapcic]

That's how he prepares himself.

[Eric]

Every time this famous person said.

[Sunday Jeff]

Hey.

[Brian Quinn]

Sexy, look at the camera you're addressing.

[Sunday Jeff]

He'S like, hey, sexy, do you like Pizza Hut? Cuz, I'd like to stuff your crust.

[Walt Flanagan]

What does that even mean?

[Eric]

Yeah, doesn't have to mean anything.

[Walt Flanagan]

Crust.

[Sunday Jeff]

Crusted peach. You never heard of a Pizza Hut?

[Mike Zapcic]

Had that I have heard of that, but what is.

[Brian Quinn]

What is the equivalent of a woman's crust?

[Eric]

They are getting lost in his bedroom.

[Brian Quinn]

Part of the body is the crust.

[Bryan Johnson]

We might have to stop down here for a second.

[Brian Quinn]

I hunger for fear. This planet will have to suffice for now. Set course for the planet Morons. Is that planet comma Morons? Okay. I hunger for fear. This planet will have to suffice for now. Set course for the planet Morons. I'll be in my chambers.

[Sunday Jeff]

Master sounded displeased with us.

[Brian Quinn]

Indeed.

[Mike Zapcic]

Why don't you please the master while.

[Eric]

I set course for the planet and mind the ship.

[Walt Flanagan]

Fuck that.

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't like how Master looks at me.

[Sunday Jeff]

And that laugh after he's done.

[Mike Zapcic]

It is your turn after all.

[Walt Flanagan]

I please Master the last time.

[Bryan Johnson]

Are you inferring that. That the master gets.

[Brian Quinn]

No, he's not implying anything by the aliens.

[Eric]

He's just saying are they jail buds?

[Brian Quinn]

At first I thought it was like a funny like phrasing that he didn't intend. But then as it goes on to see how each of them are victimized Weinstein style. Kinda like, where's the potted plant?

[Bryan Johnson]

Dude, what has happened to you? Look at the camera. Remember number six, talking to a lady?

[Walt Flanagan]

It's hard to look.

[Brian Quinn]

We're talking to all the 13 percenters out there. You're trying to. You're trying to woo them. I don't know if that's like Dr. Evil.

[Sunday Jeff]

That's this.

[Eric]

It's a different figure.

[Brian Quinn]

$1 billion.

[Sunday Jeff]

It's like, damn, did you sit in sugar girl? Cause you got a sweet ass.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yes, master.

[Brian Quinn]

What are you looking at? You want seconds?

[Walt Flanagan]

No, master.

[Brian Quinn]

Carry on then.

[Bryan Johnson]

I never would have dreamed.

[Walt Flanagan]

Are you laughing?

[Bryan Johnson]

Are you laughing that this is what you like?

[Brian Quinn]

You want to get raped again?

[Walt Flanagan]

That's right.

[Brian Quinn]

You want to get really weird. I would not occurred to me to write something like that.

[Eric]

I mean like you want another black eye? Then do the dishes.

[Sunday Jeff]

I got to throw in something in there.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, why not? Sexual ass.

[Brian Quinn]

It doesn't have to be multiple rapes.

[Sunday Jeff]

You know, like I. I figured like in Aliens in Space no one can hear you spring scream. Well, you know, here this anything goes.

[Brian Quinn]

No one can hear you report a sexual assault to the police.

[Eric]

Well, the only one to report it to is the master, so.

[Bryan Johnson]

Wow.

[Brian Quinn]

I happen to be the police sergeant as well.

[Sunday Jeff]

Do you like Wendy's? Cuz I bet you're going to like Wendy's ball slap on your chin. I would have said it differently. Said Wendy's Ball slap.

[Brian Quinn]

I'm sorry. In the history of that line, that was the best. At that minimum, that line resulted in a file being like a report being filed.

[Mike Zapcic]

All right, get him. You got one minute. So you're gonna come up to us.

[Sunday Jeff]

Hey, shanking.

[Mike Zapcic]

Like you're walking up first day in the yard. You wanna join our gang? All right, go.

[Eric]

Yo, guys, what's up?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yo, yo, yo, step back, bitch.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Brian Quinn]

Oh, sorry.

[Eric]

I don't want to get on your Kung Fu Joes.

[Bryan Johnson]

Look at this Duck Dynasty motherfucker.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, little meth mouth. I don't know what he's got that's gonna be easy to get burned.

[Mike Zapcic]

Yo, it's gonna slide right in there.

[Walt Flanagan]

No, it. It ain't.

[Eric]

Trust me, it ain't. It's gonna get snagged on these snags.

[Bryan Johnson]

What you want, holmes?

[Eric]

I want. I want to join up with you. I'm in here for a day and a night.

[Walt Flanagan]

He's dropping it.

[Eric]

Yeah, I'm in here for a day and a night, and I got my girls out there with a Jody. And I need someone who can us.

[Bryan Johnson]

To kill your Jody.

[Eric]

Look, if you can get him slapped outside the wall, I'd be down for it. I. I'm a man who can do many things.

[Bryan Johnson]

How can you pay us? What could you do? What could you supply us?

[Eric]

I pay you an intellect. That's it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, that's it. All right.

[Mike Zapcic]

Pay us with your intellect.

[Eric]

Stinger.

[Mike Zapcic]

Last question. What's your prison gang name?

[Eric]

What?

[Mike Zapcic]

What's your prison gang going to prison?

[Bryan Johnson]

What? Your nickname.

[Mike Zapcic]

What's your nickname going to be?

[Eric]

148. That's also.

[Mike Zapcic]

Like murder, Death, kill.

[Sunday Jeff]

All right, let's. Let's try number three. Your legs are like peanut butter, girl. Smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.

[Eric]

Well, thankfully he didn't say chunky.

[Brian Quinn]

Easy to spread. But you're already. So your pickup line is I know you're a. And I'm gonna liken you.

[Sunday Jeff]

Did I say Jeff?

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, it's Jif. Here comes Jeff. What?

[Brian Quinn]

You put peanut butter on your balls for your dog, Mr. Peanut. Wait, no, no, no, no.

[Sunday Jeff]

Come in like cuz I turn. Okay. Now he obviously the. The other aliens coming in from pleasing the master.

[Bryan Johnson]

He comes into scene wiping his mouth.

[Eric]

What the blow jobs.

[Bryan Johnson]

I understand. It's like a real dark, sinister side.

[Sunday Jeff]

It's a dark, sinister person.

[Brian Quinn]

Are there. Who are the aliens? Are they. Did you. Who did you think of?

[Walt Flanagan]

Who were your. Well, again, just say it.

[Brian Quinn]

You know who.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's not true.

[Brian Quinn]

You know they're not.

[Walt Flanagan]

Don't say Mike and Ming.

[Brian Quinn]

I didn't say Mike on the voices, so I did not say Mike and Ming. You did so.

[Bryan Johnson]

Wait.

[Walt Flanagan]

Which you're talking about.

[Sunday Jeff]

I hope Master is happy now.

[Bryan Johnson]

You want it. You came to me, you were like, I want to do a Hanukkah special. You never. You neglected to say. They were like, yeah, I got this real, like, great idea about, like, how we're gonna have a whole bunch of fucking sexual.

[Brian Quinn]

I was inspired while watching Death Wish to write this Hanukkah special.

[Eric]

You know, ranking and bass weren't rapey enough for me. I thought there was a lot of chances on the island of Misfit Toys. Really good. They could be bagging each other.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's what I wanted to do.

[Mike Zapcic]

Hermey never walked around with his mouth.

[Brian Quinn]

He's like, there's a reason he took.

[Eric]

The bumble's teeth out. And I know what it is.

[Bryan Johnson]

Plus, never got serviced by the elves.

[Brian Quinn]

Never know.

[Walt Flanagan]

Ho, ho, ho.

[Brian Quinn]

He's like, imagine if Year Without a Santa Claus met, oh, I don't know.

[Bryan Johnson]

50 shades of gray.

[Brian Quinn]

Irreversible, because I think they pussied out with only two rapes in that movie.

[Eric]

Or Requiem from a Dream.

[Brian Quinn]

Yeah, Some Clockwork Orange. Ass to ass. Master.

[Bryan Johnson]

It appears that is the end of the clips. The episode has come to an end.

[Brian Quinn]

That's it. Hope you liked it.

[Bryan Johnson]

Hope that.

[Brian Quinn]

And hope it drives you over to Patreon.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's really what this whole episode was about, was trying to drive the numbers up. If you. If you're on the fence or you. Maybe you haven't been a member in a couple years. I see when I look at some people, you know, when I'm looking for contestants, that's another thing we do on the Patreon is always looking for contestants to be represented in games. Sure to win sweet prizes. But I'll see a lot of people who haven't been a member since 2023 or 2022. So at one time they thought it was good enough.

[Brian Quinn]

I thought it was worth it.

[Bryan Johnson]

They thought it was worth it. So.

[Brian Quinn]

And I mean, it's a lot of material that comes out every week.

[Bryan Johnson]

Is. It's like Netflix now. It's a Netflix library. It's got. From 2018 to now, there's at least 52 entries added every year. But there's more than 52 because there's some weeks where more than one show is added.

[Brian Quinn]

Safe to say there's over 300 shows in the library at this point.

[Bryan Johnson]

And you can sample it all for five bucks a month.

[Brian Quinn]

Almost as cheap as a cup of coffee.

[Bryan Johnson]

So where do you go to sign up for that Patreon Bry?

[Brian Quinn]

You can go to patreon.com tellemsteivedave or patreon.com tesd I think we have that vanity URL and sign up. Like Walt said, It's $5. If it's for you, it's for you. You give it a try. If it's not for you, understandable, but I don't think that's gonna happen.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, if you're listening to this, how is it not for you?

[Brian Quinn]

It has to be for you.

[Bryan Johnson]

If you're listening to this episode and you got to the end, because I'm sure some people are like, I already heard all these clips. This is a skip episode. But if you've made it to the end and you are not on the Patreon, I don't know if this may be it. This is the last gasp. This is the hail Mary of hail Marys. If this episode hasn't convinced you, but then again, I don't know, I'm a little suspect of curators clips. I'll always blame him then if that doesn't move the needle, you know, get more subscribers, I'm going to blame curator.

[Brian Quinn]

That bride tries theme song. That could have. That could have been the. The linchpin that it all up.

[Bryan Johnson]

Tell him, Steve Dave.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yo, JSON, got me a beat, son.

[Eric]

Hey there ants across every nation. Getumcdev here with some information. Y' all know my IQ may be 148, but this tale even Reddit can't debate. So listen good and listen well to the drunk story I'm about to tell one day at the Stash Sunday set. I feel so sexy like right Sand Fred? Then he clapped his hands and slid his hips. I never thought Jeff could move like this. If walk comes in, there might be trouble. Nah, no way. It's just a Sunday Jeff shuffle. I said it's a Sunday Jeff shuffle.

[Walt Flanagan]

Ants do the wild dancers at night.

[Sunday Jeff]

In town it even burned an indigo kosty brown. It's this is bad.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't want to be wrong.

[Sunday Jeff]

Make your feet flutter to this funky song? It's a groovy dance that you really dig?

[Walt Flanagan]

You won't have to be intimate with a thing.

[Sunday Jeff]

Actually this and actually that Sunday Jeff show is where it's at. It's the Sunday Jeff shuffle.

[Brian Quinn]

My name's Brian. I came to the stash to bust some balls and kick some ass. I saw these fools Starting to dance and sing I thought for sure had to be Mike and me the way he was moving I do declare he almost made my diggies, Ted. With a slide to the left and a slide to the right this Jewish white boy was out of sight I swallowed my pride and I joined my crew Started getting down with this groovy Hebrew I may have come here for a verbal tussle But I'm on my car for the Sunday Jeff Shuffle I said it's the Sunday Jeff Shuffle.

[Mike Zapcic]

Rolled.

[Bryan Johnson]

Up to the stash and heard a sound so funky Groove was shaking the ground 148 said, oh, hey, there's Walt. Please don't fire me, it's not my fault. No, I'm not trying to sound like a jerk, but why isn't anyone doing any work if you're gonna goof off? Let's play again. One that will mystify every ant sprain. What's on the menu? 1, 2, 3. Then suddenly Jeff shuffled up to me My feathers weren't out of place or even ruffled we all clocked out for the Sunday Jeff Shuffle it's the Sunday.

[Sunday Jeff]

Jeff Shuffle Ants, little wild dancers down in the town it even burned a.

[Walt Flanagan]

Minute course to the ground I'm S.

[Sunday Jeff]

U N D A Y J E double F I tell you no lie if life's got you feeling low there's only one dance you'll need to know so clap your hands and flex a muscle ever and do the Sunday Jeff.

[Walt Flanagan]

Shuffle.

[Sunday Jeff]

It'S the Sunday Jeff Shuffle that.

[Bryan Johnson]

Was a train wreck.

[Sunday Jeff]

And the number one best food related pickup line of all time.

[Eric]

All time.

[Bryan Johnson]

This is the one in the guys out there. This is just not for the ladies. They could use this, right?

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah, this one's a good one. Girl, I'm gonna make you a breakfast omelette, as in omelet. You sucked in this diet.

[Walt Flanagan]

The number 1 1.

[Sunday Jeff]

I messed up. I wanted to get it so right, too. All right, I tried it again.

[Eric]

Didn't we all?

[Sunday Jeff]

Girl, I'm gonna make you breakfast.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Quinn]

I'll be right back. You ever see the episode of Only Sunny when they're trying to hit on the girls?

[Sunday Jeff]

Yeah, right there.

[Brian Quinn]

Blow the whistle like Frank blows the whistle.

[Sunday Jeff]

I'm getting it. Girl, I'm going to make you a breakfast omelette. As in, I'm let you suck this dick. I'mma let you suck this dick. There we go. There you go.

[Brian Quinn]

Nice work.

[Sunday Jeff]

That's a long top 10.

[Brian Quinn]

I remember when Letterman did it. Took about as long at least he.

[Sunday Jeff]

Had some pencils to throw.