Podcast Summary

Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! #639: The Hail Mary of Hail Marys
Release Date: June 1, 2025

Episode Overview

In this unique “best of” installment, the iconic trio (Bryan Johnson, Walt Flanagan, Brian Quinn), along with regulars and friends from the extended TESD universe, present a curated selection of wild, uncensored, and memorable clips from their Patreon library. The episode is a self-aware “clip show” (evoking sitcom nostalgia) designed both as a hilarious nostalgia trip for longtime listeners and as a hearty, not-so-subtle pitch to lure lapsed subscribers and new listeners into diving into the ever-expanding Patreon archive.

The result is two hours of unfiltered camaraderie, roast humor, improbable stories, and absurd digressions—TESD at its unpredictable, self-deprecating best.

Key Discussions & Highlights

Breaking Down the "Best Of" Format

• The guys joke about the tradition and utility of TV “clip shows,” admitting this one isn’t a cash-saving move:
  • Bryan: “I paid the curator a fee to go through our Patreon Library and compile a Best of clips.” [01:44]
  • Q: “If you disagree, F you, Curator.” [02:22]
• They openly acknowledge exploiting this format as a Patreon recruitment tool:
  • “This is the last gasp. This is the hail Mary of hail Marys.” [112:34]

CLIP SET 1: The Infamous Four Color Demons Jersey Ad

• The crew reminisces about the only TESD merch ad ever pulled due to heavy self-mockery of their glitzy hockey jerseys (“Liberace wouldn’t be caught dead in these”), blending creative product absurdity with gay icon humor.
  • “Each one is made from a fiber from Baron Von Flanagan’s cape… I would have built that up as something special if I had known they were these… fabulous.” (Bryan, [04:15])
  • Walt: “These are manly as hell.” [05:40]

CLIP SET 2: Disturbing and Hysterical Side Stories

• Bry Johnson’s wild plot for “Frank 5”:
  • The tale of nearly casting Frank as a gender-swapped, impregnated nursing mother for Baron Von Flanagan’s “spawn.” The resulting awkwardness (and Frank’s sincere panic) is a highlight.
    • “I was like, bro, you’re an actor... It’s not you.” (Bryan, [10:23])
    • “You broke him. That’s all that counts.” (Q, [10:53])
    • Walt: “They’d throw a parade for him.” [11:07]
• Bryan’s Childhood Nickname Trauma:
  • Bryan recounts how, as a kid, he was given an unsavory nickname (“maggot fingers”) by older boys—and how he mistakenly bragged about it to his mom.
    • “I loved it. I was gonna get that on my jersey.” (Bryan, [13:49])
    • Q: “What were you doing with those fingers?” [14:00]

CLIP SET 3: Behind the Scenes of Comic Book Men

• Tales from Behind the Fake Counter:
  • The group and their old showrunner, Brian Nichelle, reminisce about the behind-the-scenes shenanigans, from hair regrets to razor-sharp banter.
    • “If you play the right magic flute, you might get some protection. (pause) It’s kind of like prison.” (Nichelle, [21:12])
    • “Boy, went to Harvard for four years to write prison rape jokes.” - Q [23:05]
  • Legendary Improv:
    • Laughter erupts over a sex offender joke at Ming’s expense that miraculously made it to air (“I didn’t think Ming was allowed within a thousand feet of any playground.” — Q, [26:00]).
    • Knotty debates about how such off-color jokes survived AMC’s censors.

CLIP SET 4: TESD Hits the Road

• Broside Attractions:
  • Q and the guys recount field trip misadventures including a failed giant hamburger eating challenge at the Clinton Diner, sparking both ridicule and genuine remorse from Walt.
    • Walt: “I teared up a little bit. I went into the bathroom and I cried a little.” [38:46]
• Renaissance Faire, Storybook Land, and DeLorean Drama:
  • Absurd interactions with puppets, licking a North Pole fixture, and an out-of-place DeLorean at a Jersey car show.
    • “You would be the goat of finding discarded sexual toys on a beach.” (Bryan, [44:51])

CLIP SET 5: Bride Tries – Hobby Quests and Strange Finds

• From metal detecting mishaps to bottle digging at “Get’em’s Bottle Dump,” the crew embarks on whimsical attempts to find new hobbies, stumbling on bizarre beach debris (double-ended dildos) and exploring niche communities.
  • “Who’s doing double donging on a sandy, nasty beach?” (Bryan, [49:57])
• The Yarn Lady Interview:
  • A hapless, self-effacing discussion with their neighbor “Flo the Yarn Lady,” as Bryan embarrasses himself over questions about goat-sourced cashmere.
    • “Have you ever thought of just getting your own goat and just growing goats?” (Bryan, [54:53])

CLIP SET 6: Studio Games & Specials

• Radio Theater
  • The troupe stages a script reading with Sunday Jeff as a ‘70s detective, only to break into uncontrollable laughter over sleazy dialogue (“I crave drugs!”—Bryan [67:18]).
• TESD&D (TESD Does Dungeons & Dragons):
  • The baffled, rule-agnostic approach to D&D is a recurring source of meta-jokes and X-rated monsters.
    • Sunday Jeff: “I can summon a seven-foot tall, white gelatinous monster made out of the cement he has collected from his prior lovers.” [73:47]
    • Q: “Was it a setup though?” [75:41]
• Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists:
  • Tim the Record Store Clerk ruthlessly judges the guys’ musical tastes, fending off emotional and even neurological appeals for victory.
    • “If you give it to them for that [autism], all your credibility will be shot.” — Q [86:18]

CLIP SET 7: The All-New Sunday Jeff Show

• A parade of recurring bits—Sunday’s botched “Carnac” act as Sundak the Flamboyant, food pun pickup lines, and pitch-perfect self-sabotage—unfolds.
  • “Girl, you must work at a Subway, ’cause you’re giving me a footlong.” (Sunday Jeff, [98:01])
  • A melodramatic send-off for Sundak includes a (fake) cancer diagnosis:
    • “After the curtain falls one last time, I’m hanging up my turban.” (Sunday Jeff, [95:51])

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Clip Show Traditions:
  • “They were a staple when we were growing up... But now when you rewatch those old shows and it’s the best of, like, are the flashback episodes, you’re like, what the fuck?” (Q, [01:13])
• On Merch Self-Sabotage:
  • “Liberace wouldn’t be caught dead in these.” (Bryan, [02:51])
• On Genre-Bending Skits:
  • “It was as if I said, well, like, he really thought, like, we were gonna have to have sex to pull this off.” (Bryan, [11:38])
• On Bottled-Up Hopes:
  • “We’re just picking them out of the ground like daisies. It’s exciting, isn’t it?” (Bryan, [64:51])
• On Patreon Recruitment:
  • “If you’ve made it to the end and you’re not on the Patreon, this may be it. This is the last gasp, the hail Mary of hail Marys.” (Bryan, [112:34])
• On Peerless Pickup Lines:
  • “Girl, I’m going to make you a breakfast omelet. As in, I’mma let you suck this dick.” (Sunday Jeff, [117:08])
• On Clique-y Car Shows:
  • Walt: “I took all of it [the prize money] because they were mean to me.” [45:07]
• On Censor-Evading Jokes:
  • “I didn’t think Ming was allowed within a thousand feet of a playground.” (Q, [26:00])
• On Sundak’s Retirement:
  • Sunday Jeff: “I have inoperable brain cancer and only three months to live at most.” [96:06]

Memorable Segment Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Quote | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:51 | Merch ad self-mockery: “Liberace wouldn’t be caught dead in these.” | | 04:15 | Liberace + Baron Von Flanagan jersey lore | | 10:23-10:53| Bryan’s wild Frank 5 gender-warp plot & aftermath | | 26:00 | “I didn’t think Ming was allowed within 1,000 feet of any playground.” – Q | | 38:46 | Walt, in remorse after failed giant hamburger challenge | | 54:53 | Yarn Lady segment: “Have you ever thought of just getting your own goat and just…” | | 67:18 | Radio Theater: “I crave drugs!” | | 73:47 | TESD&D: “I summon a 7-foot monster made of cement from his lovers.” | | 98:01 | Sunday Jeff’s food pun pickup line: “You must work at Subway…” | | 112:34 | Bryan’s “hail Mary of hail Marys,” Patreon plea | | 117:08 | Top pickup line: “I’mma let you suck this dick.” |

Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates “Tell ’Em Steve Dave!” in all its anarchic, uncensored glory—serving up inside jokes, awkward nostalgia, gleeful self-sabotage, and affectionate ribbing that only years of friendship can produce. Simultaneously a love letter to Patreon die-hards and an epic recruitment drive for the fence-sitters, it’s a wild, rambling, but undeniably hilarious window into TESD Town’s world.

For More:
If you enjoyed the insanity, all clips are drawn from the ever-growing TESD Patreon archive—literally hundreds of hours of similarly deranged content await. As Bryan said:

“If you’re listening to this episode and you got to the end and you are not on the Patreon, I don’t know… this is the hail Mary of hail Marys.” [112:34]