#660: Q Does It Again!

Summary

Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! #660: "Q Does It Again!"

Date: December 8, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Johnson (A), Walt Flanagan (C), Brian "Q" Quinn (B)
Theme: Two Comic Book Men and an Impractical Joker. Uncensored.

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Episode Overview

This episode is quintessential Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave: three longtime friends catching up about family troubles, health woes, the absurdities of modern life, and their off-kilter views on holiday traditions. The gang discusses recent Thanksgivings, updates on mutual friend "Get 'Em" Steve-Dave’s emergency surgery, generational aging, Walt’s lack of an ID, skyrocketing tree prices, the “woke” culture around Christmas trees, weight loss journeys, micro-penises in history and pop culture, and more. The episode is funny, sometimes heartfelt, and maintains the classic TESD irreverence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Thanksgiving Catch-Up & Health Woes

• Q’s Thanksgiving:

  • Q (Brian Quinn) had a miserable Thanksgiving, sick from apparent post-crowding exposure, cared for by his cats.
    • “Miserable... I was sick the whole time. I got sick from the fucking... everybody sneezing and coughing in that room.” (01:20–01:27)
  • He managed a solo, sick meal thanks to a meal delivery service (Factor), but was accompanied by his cats.

• Johnson Family Thanksgiving:

  • Bryan Johnson reports a calm, argument-free holiday, possibly due to family illness and aging issues.
  • His father Edgar is down to 125 lbs from 160, suffering from cancer.
  • Sister needs a knee replacement; Bryan’s had back problems, got an epidural after a partial first attempt.
  • Discussion about the cost and effectiveness of medical treatments, frustrations with health insurance.
    • “I had to go to not only that, but like, when I was under the second time he could... you got too many blood vessels here.” (05:46–06:24)
    • “These things are expensive, man. Even with insurance. It was like 900 bucks. Really? Just for a shot?” (07:40–07:53)
  • Walt recounts his daughter enduring childbirth without epidurals, citing internet-induced fears.

• Walt’s Thanksgiving:

  • Hosted at home, quiet and uneventful. Oliver's first Thanksgiving (no turkey for the baby).

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2. "Get 'Em" Steve-Dave Hospital Saga

• Emergency Surgery:

  • “Get ‘Em” Steve-Dave required unplanned spinal surgery right after Thanksgiving.
  • Walt and his father were listed as contacts for medical updates; Walt anxiously awaited a call that was delayed for hours.
    • “But that call did not come until... 10:30, yeah.” (14:34–14:36)
  • The podcast group discusses the stress of waiting, whether it’s better to have time to prepare for surgery or have it done immediately.
    • “I think forget him. It’s better to, to do it the way it happened because you don’t... give him a chance to argue it, you know?” (13:11–13:15)
  • Walt admits he can’t record a podcast during a friend’s surgery, unlike the others.
    • “I just could not. Like, there's not a chance on the planet I could have been in the right frame of mind to crack jokes while that was going on.” (21:28–21:34)

• Hospital Security & Walt’s Lack of ID:

  • Walt’s notorious for not carrying ID, causing trouble visiting "Get 'Em" in the hospital.
    • “I haven't carried it for decades... I'm terrified I'm going to lose it.” (16:52–17:02)
  • Staff were inconsistent: one let him in, another was annoyed when he finally produced ID.

• Get 'Em’s Recovery, Rehab, and Potential for Personal Change:

  • He’ll need a month-long rehab—no drinking, smaller meal portions—possibly a fresh chance.
    • “Maybe it'll change. I'm telling you, this might be a great opportunity for him to pivot into exciting new directions.” (40:16–40:22)
  • Group humor about whether Get ‘Em’s unhealthy lifestyle contributed to his condition—Walt thinks not.

• Workplace Absence:

  • The office is quieter without Get ‘Em; Q and Bryan express genuine concern about his quality of life and how much his struggles have affected them emotionally.
    • “It did hurt my heart to see him walking around like that, dude... Like, my heart would hurt... Like, if you see a dog limping, you know, holding one paw up... that's kind of like what get him did to me.” (45:52–46:07)

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3. Holiday Observations and "Woke" Christmas

• Portland’s "The Tree" & Outrage:

  • News about Portland’s “The Tree” lighting ceremony—avoiding the term “Christmas tree”—sparks discussion about political correctness, culture wars, and identity.
    • “Portland's woke tree lighting ceremony sparks outrage. They can't even say Christmas tree.” (25:58–26:22)
    • Q: “You're appropriating the Christmas tree then... I have a hard time getting worked up about it at all.” (27:07–27:44)

• Inflation & Fake Christmas Tree Prices:

  • Walt is shocked by triple-figure prices, even $300 for pre-lit fake trees.
    • “Are they crazy, man, it's sticker shock on Christmas trees. Especially fake ones... like triple figures for a Christmas tree.” (30:15–30:32)

• Gift-Giving and Matching Outfits:

  • The crew debates matching family pajamas, with Q refusing due to anticipated ridicule from Bryan.
    • “Because I’m friends with Brian Johnson and there’s no way to get away with behavior like that.” (33:26–33:40)

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4. Generational Aging & Loss

• Grieving & Celebrity Passings:

  • The passing of Kevin Smith’s mother, Grace, is reflected on affectionately.
    • “Very cool lady. Always very friendly. Always happy to see you. Like, she was cool.” (48:17–48:26)
  • Late mention of Ace Frehley’s death and musings on how, as they age, losing icons or loved ones becomes increasingly frequent and surreal.
    • “It sucks, man. It’s just we're getting older, man, and shit, like, this is gonna start happening.” (49:21–49:28)

• Personal Stories:

  • Bryan shares about his grandfather’s fatal fall and ties it to Ace’s rumored accident.

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5. Body Image, Weight Loss, and Ozempic Trends

• Amy Schumer’s Weight Loss & Body Shaming:

  • Brief chat about Schumer’s transformation due to health issues.
  • A viral story of a woman crying after seeing a seatmate’s fat-shaming text on a Delta flight.
    • “I would feel terrible... I would feel like an inch. I would just want to crawl and crawl into the seat and just never come out.” -Walt (54:58–55:14)
    • Q examines both perspectives, then sides with the woman after more details.

• Bryan’s Own Weight Loss Journey:

  • He reveals starting an Ozempic-like weekly injection for weight loss (three weeks in), inspired by Q and wanting to fit into old clothes for an April trip.
    • “It's not Ozempic, but it's an Ozempic, like, drug that I started taking a couple weeks ago.” (58:00)
    • Walt expresses skepticism: “Yeah, I would be terrified to take that.” (59:41–59:43)
    • Bryan’s results: 255 to 251.4 lbs first week, slight gain at Thanksgiving, reporting side effects minimal due to increased water intake.
    • They discuss the social and psychological boost of compliments for weight loss versus the invisibility of being overweight.

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6. Absurd Science, Aging Bodies, and Micro-Penises

• Women’s Farts and Alzheimer’s:

  • Delirious scientific detail: women’s farts have more hydrogen sulfide—smellier but possibly protective against Alzheimer's.
    • “Next time you catch a whiff of your wife's wind, take comfort. That stink could be a sign that she's less likely to develop Alzheimer's.” (69:17)

• Micro-Penis in Crime and Pop Culture:

  • Series of darkly comic anecdotes about criminals with micropenises (Hitler, Golden State Killer, Jeffrey Epstein).
    • “Micropenis, though, is different from like small penis. Micro penis is like... that's a medical community telling you that you're a fucking little, little, little tiny cock boy.” (72:47–72:58)
  • Referencing podcaster "Donkey Lips" (Michael Ray Bauer) talking openly about his own micropenis, speculating on why he disclosed it.

• Handicapped Parking for Micropenis:

  • Joking proposal that micro-penis should qualify for handicapped parking.
    • “I think we could all come together... if you're born with a micro penis, there's no reason you should have to walk all the way in a parking lot.” (75:28–75:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On spending Thanksgiving sick and alone:
  “A nice, little, lonely, sick Thanksgiving was good.” –Q (03:42)

• On not carrying ID:
  "I haven't carried it for decades... I'm terrified I'm going to lose it.” –Walt (16:52–17:02)

• On the price of pain relief:
  “These things are expensive, man. Even with insurance. It was like 900 bucks. Really? Just for a shot?” –Walt & Bryan (07:40–07:53)

• On concern for a friend’s surgery:
  “I just could not... be in the right frame of mind to crack jokes while that was going on. I just couldn't do it.” –Walt (21:28–21:34)

• On the Portland “Tree” debacle:
  “You’re appropriating though the Christmas tree then... I have a hard time getting worked up about it at all.” –Q (27:07–27:44)

• On group empathy:
  “Like, my heart would hurt... Like, if you see a dog limping, you know, holding one paw up... that's kind of like what get him did to me.” –Q (45:52–46:07)

• On the pitfalls of diet soda as hydration:
  “How come Sprite looks like water and it's not good enough? Why can't it just be Sprite?” –Walt (66:14)

• On micro-penis sympathy:
  “If you're born with a micro penis, there's no reason you should have to walk all the way in a parking lot. I agree.” –Bryan (75:26–75:38)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Thanksgiving Recap & Health Issues: 01:11–09:14
• Cost & Effectiveness of Epidurals: 05:00–08:42
• Walt’s Issue Visiting Hospital (No ID): 11:25–18:20
• Get 'Em Steve-Dave’s Emergency Surgery & Recovery: 11:51–47:00 (esp. his status, waiting for the call, post-op issues)
• Portland’s “Tree Lighting” & Holiday Observations: 25:53–32:43
• Body Image & Fat News (Amy Schumer, Plane Story, Bryan’s Ozempic experience): 53:00–64:11
• Absurd Research (Women’s Farts, Benefits): 68:43–71:17
• Micro-Penis in Pop Culture, Sympathy Jokes: 71:33–75:46

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Final Thoughts

This episode is classic TESD, weaving health setbacks, family trials, and social commentary (from Christmas tree outrage in Portland to public weight and body discussions) with their distinctive mix of crass candor, ribbing, empathy, and generational resignation. Whether they’re wrestling with the realities of aging, supporting friends through struggles, or pondering the fate of micro-penis sufferers, the trio never loses sight of their humor or camaraderie.

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Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! remains a touchstone for fans who want irreverence, honesty, and the feeling of sitting with lifelong friends through the ups and downs.

Transcript

[A]

All right, well, I gotta get up and go to the bathroom. I'm not just gonna sit here and piss my pants. Well, guess what? I did.

You guys suc.

Walt Flanagan is not a felon. We know this.

[B]

We do know that.

[A]

I'm pretty sure he's not a prostitute.

[C]

Tell him, Steve Dave.

[A]

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Them, Steve Dave. I sit here with two of the handsomest men in podcasting. Walt Flanagan.

[C]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

And bq.

[B]

Hello. Hello. Thank you. You're not so bad looking yourself.

[A]

Why, thank you. Give me that kind of pod, huh?

So. So. It's been a while. We took off for Thanksgiving week. How was your Thanksgiving cue?

[B]

Miserable.

[A]

Oh. What? Don't want to hear that. You were sick. I told you this.

[B]

I was sick the whole time. I got sick from the fucking. Everybody sneezing and coughing in that room. The next day.

[A]

I was like, oh, that's right.

[B]

I said to you. I was like, I'm definitely getting sick. I go, everybody in that room was sick. You know that, right?

[A]

And then Christmas. Oh, yeah.

[C]

And.

[B]

And then two, I was like, there's no way, like, Walt could be sick. Get him was sick. I saw some of the red noses, some of the other guys. I was like, there's no way I'm not getting sick. And I got sick.

[C]

So I was better by Thanksgiving, though. I'm surprised that it staggered. Yeah. I was only down for like two days, and then I felt better.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, it was kind of like a 28 hour tail.

[B]

I had a tail on you, though, because I had to get it. You know what I mean? And then. And you know, my constitution is that of a newborn bunny, so.

[C]

Vitamin regiment. No, you got to get on the fucking GNC, man.

[A]

Quickly approaching 50.

[C]

What was that factor or not factor? What was that? Vitamins we used to push.

[A]

Oh, my God, I can't remember.

[C]

You don't have a cocktail that you take?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Well, not that type of cocktail.

[A]

You think it'd be one of these guys that's like trying to reverse aging and shit like that? That tech billionaire guy.

[C]

His name is Brian, ironically. Brian Johnson.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Couldn't be more opposite. I'm not doing blood infusions and sharing sperm with my son and all kinds of weird shit.

[B]

Oh, bizarre.

[A]

Yeah, that's weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So are you better now? Are you better now?

[B]

I am. I am better now. Yeah. It was about two days ago. I start. I was like, okay. I stopped, like, spitting up green stuff and everything.

[C]

So you didn't have any turkey?

[B]

I had turkey. I had a. What is that? What is that?

Food delivery. I don't remember the name of the service, but I was probably.

[A]

Factor. Factor.

[B]

Yeah, I was able to secure turkey breast and stuffing and cranberry and stuff like that. So I had a.

You know, a nice, little, lonely, sick Thanksgiving was good.

[A]

Giving thanks. For what?

[B]

Yeah, the cats.

[A]

None of them.

[B]

My side. They were all there. Boris was with me the whole time.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it was great.

[B]

But how was yours? How was the Johnson family Thanksgiving?

[A]

Uneventful, man. No arguments, no fighting, just everybody getting along and having a good time.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Enjoying each other's company. I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this picture? Something has to go. Yeah, well, Edgar's still like. Edgar is like, you know, he's sick, so he's. He doesn't have any. Any fight in him anymore. He's down to 125 pounds, man. He told me on Thanksgiving, down from like, 160. That was normally about where he was, about 160.

[C]

That might take the fight out of you.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. All the Johnsons are broken down, man. Like, my sister has. She needs to get her knee replaced. Edgar has cancer. Pam is hunched over like an old woman. Like, you know when it's like, drink your milk or you'll get osteoporosis? That's what she looks like now. She's all hunched over and stuff me with the fucking back. I just got the second epidural, which.

[B]

Seems to be working nice.

[C]

I didn't realize that you can get epidurals and they don't work.

[A]

I didn't realize it either until they told me when I went the first time, they're like, you know, here are the risks, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it might not work. And I was like, really? All right, well, let's go for it anyway. And then it didn't work where? It kind of worked a little bit.

[C]

And so how do you know? How long do you have to wait before you get the second one?

[A]

I waited a couple weeks. I think it was like two weeks, because they say usually it's like two to five days, and then, you know, whether it worked or not. So I went back the other day. Today's. We're recording on Friday. I went on. What did I. Oh, I went yesterday.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I went yesterday. God, it seems so long ago. Yeah, I went yesterday. And within 24 hours, it feels like it's probably working better, right?

[C]

You said you had to get two.

[A]

I had to go to not only that, but like, when I was under the second time he could. He like, he goes in and he's like, oh, you got too many blood vessels here. So, like, he sticks me with the needle to, you know, like, to numb it up. Where's he. Too many blood vessels, like right in my shoulder kinda. He's like, all right, so we're gonna go over to this part. And he's like, he's like, we're gonna try to go into this area right here. All right, you got too many blood vessels here. We could go under a layer. Do you consent to that? Now I'm lying on, like, it looks like I'm getting a massage. I'm lying on like a table with my face on that pillow and I'm like, I guess I don't know what it means really, to like go another layer down, but if that's what's going to work, I guess, yeah, sure.

[C]

So there's certain parts of your body that don't have as many blood vessels in it?

[A]

I guess so. I don't know. Yeah, I was surprised that it's like, because it didn't happen the first time and then it happened twice the second time.

[C]

You know, my daughter, when, you know, she didn't even take the epidural when she was. When she gave birth.

[A]

That's a tough chick.

[C]

Yeah, that's a tough finding us, baby. We're built different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like medicine. Nah. Do you have any buffering? Maybe that should kill the pain.

[C]

She's like, I don't want it. She said she wasn't gonna do it. My wife was like, she'll do it. When, when it, when a push comes to shove and get down the nitty gritty and the pain comes, she goes, she's gonna do it. But you know, she. She didn't do it.

[A]

And why not?

[C]

I guess she had heard some horror stories.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[C]

Yeah. Like, you know, that's what the worst thing about the Internet, you know, is. Now you can look up everything, right? Every little ailment you could look it up. And every, like the worst possible scenario you can, it comes up immediately as the first search result.

[A]

Right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like reading an Amazon review. It's like you can read as number, as many, number one, like five star reviews as you want. But then once you get to those 1 stars, you're like, oh, shit, is this really the deal? Like, why would these people say it if it wasn't really the deal.

But.

[C]

It took this epidural. So now you're just on epidural? Monthly epidurals now?

[A]

No, not monthly. Hopefully it'll last a couple years. It was monthly. I wouldn't be able to afford it. These things are expensive, man. Even with insurance. It was like 900 bucks. Really?

[C]

Just for a shot?

[A]

Just for a shot.

[C]

What's in that shot?

[A]

Must be some kind of magical fucking potion, man. It better be. Or it should have been. Yeah, yeah. It's like Goldschlager. Gold flakes.

[C]

Could it be just a placebo?

[A]

Oh, you think so? They're like, let's just give this sucker some Saline, charge him 900 bucks.

Are you feeling better, doc? Sure you are.

[B]

Look at him.

[A]

You're not feeling good enough. We need another one.

All right, if you think so. You think so, doc?

Yeah. It felt a lot like when I was in Key west with Q. It was like. It was crippling pain. Like I couldn't do shit because of it. Yeah. And now it's like every once in a while, feel a little bit of a tingle in my fingers, but now it's like, mostly, I would say, like, 99% gone.

[C]

Wow. Okay. Well, then all for the epidural, then.

[A]

Yeah, it's kind of worth it. But then I'm just like. With this fucking health insurance, I'm like, what the fuck, man? Like, you know how much you pay every month?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And then on top of it. Yeah. And then I'm like. It's like the only time I feel good is when I go to the pharmacy and I'm like, oh, it's only $1.80 for this prescription. That would normal be 18 bucks? Well, that's good, but, like, meanwhile, you're paying $1,500 a fucking month.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just get fucked, bro, non stop.

[B]

You're just getting fucked nonstop, dude.

[A]

Yeah. Give me some more epidurals.

[B]

Give it to me.

[A]

Ryan, what about your Thanksgiving? What would you do?

[C]

It was good. It was at my house. Everybody was there. And Oliver's first Thanksgiving.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Didn't have any. Didn't have any turkey, though. Still on milk. But it was good. It was a nice, quiet Thanksgiving.

[A]

Yeah. No stories to come from any of this stuff.

[C]

No, no stories came out of Thanksgiving. No.

[A]

Yeah, I got none. It's usually a fight. Usually. You know, like these last couple years, I've been very tame, very relaxed.

[C]

How'd your sister hurt her knee?

[A]

I don't know. I think it's just, like, gradual arthritis. Kind of like mine was.

[C]

And she's going to get it replaced?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Jesus.

[A]

She had to lose a certain amount of weight until they would do it, and now she's getting it done sometime in the middle of January.

It's not a small deal either. I know a lady who got her knee replaced. Same deal as your sister. It's like they offered her the oxy. She's like, nah, it's okay. I'll just take Tylenol. And I'm like, I remember that pain. Like when. I remember I was telling Mary Beth when. The first. When I got my knee done the first night, I was like, all right, well, I gotta get up and go to the bathroom. I'm not just gonna sit here and piss my pants. Well, guess what I did because I couldn't get up. I could not get up. Yeah. Like, I even had my walker and stuff. But, like, wait a minute.

[C]

They didn't. Did you plan for that?

[A]

Well, a catheter afterwards or whatever it was.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait.

[A]

They didn't plan for it? No. What? Because I pissed my pants.

[C]

So you pissed your pants. You went back to the doctor and like, doc, I need a catheter. Look at me.

[A]

No, no, no. I told them. I told them that I was like, you know, I can't get up to go to the bathroom. And then I think that's when they did it.

[C]

Were you in the hospital?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you didn't call the nurse?

[A]

No, I did. I mean, I didn't want to call the nurse to be like, I got to go to the bathroom. But then I was like, oh, shit, now I can't. There's nothing to be done about it.

[C]

It like, oh, you crossed the path of no return.

[A]

Yeah, I had to go really bad. And I was just like, I could probably make it to the bathroom. I can do this.

[C]

I can't do this.

[A]

Yeah, like, one leg. My good leg is out. I'm like, I'm not doing this.

But speaking of hospitals, I know Walt Flanagan is not a felon. We know this.

[B]

We do know that.

[A]

I'm pretty sure he's not a prostitute, so I can't think of another reason why this guy would not carry an ID on him. I was talking to Gidham yesterday. Gidham's in the hospital. I went to see him and he said that, like, Walt is, and you're his go to guy. You're on his list. On his list.

[C]

Oh, his doctor called me after his operation. Well, yeah, get him. Went into the hospital, for those who don't know, right after Thanksgiving. That's why we couldn't have Black Friday at the general store. And.

He didn't even know he was going to have his surgery. I mean it was. He went to a doctor and they were like, you got to go for surgery now. Like you can't wait. So it was like it was all done within 24 hours because of what, whatever he's dealing with, with his, with his spine and everything. And.

So it's kind of like took everybody like I thought he might have to get surgery. I was pretty confident he would have to get surgery the way he's been hobbled lately. But I thought it would be like in January or something. I was, I was pretty, pretty shocked when they were like, we gotta do it like asap. Like there is no waiting, we gotta do it now. Usually that's fucked up when you get like you don't even have time to prep. I don't know if that's worse or better. Cause when I had surgery a couple years ago, right around the same time Ginham had.

Was a 30 day wait. And that 30 days is excruciating. As you just again you go to the Google searches, you go to all like, what could go wrong? I don't know if it's better or worse to be like we're going to do it like in an hour.

[B]

I think forget him. It's better to, to do it the way that it happened because you don't.

[A]

Give him a chance to argue it, you know?

[B]

Yeah, there's no, there's no coming up with a billion reasons why he shouldn't do it that make no sense to anybody but him. Like, you know, when the doctor even a fucking dense motherfucker, like get him. When the doctor's like no, no, no, you got to go to the hospital now.

He listens. I don't have faith in him sitting on a month and going through the fucking maze that is his mind, you know?

[C]

Yeah. So he, he's in the hospital. I went to see him the night before the surgery and he said he was going to put me down as his. Me and his dad were going to be the people, the person, his other dad, the person the doctor was going to call when the surgery was over.

I was going to get a call when the surgery is over for an update on his condition.

And.

He had to go in at. His surgery was scheduled for 2pm and Gidem said it would be over in four hours. So in my mind I'm not expecting the doctor to call at 6. I know that like, you know Know it's probably going to be between 6:30 and 7, I thought. But that call did not come until.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's 10:30. 10:30, yeah.

[C]

So I was getting pretty. I was bouncing off the walls and I was like. I told my wife, I was like, he can't be in surgery this long, right? I guess they just forgot to call me. Or they just were like. Or they looked and it's like, oh, that's his father. Who's this other fucking clown we gotta call? Why do we gotta call him?

[A]

Oh, it's his buddy. It's his boss. Yeah, it's gotta call his boss. What is he.

[C]

What is he worried that he's gonna get docked? Hey, why the fuck are we calling this fucking moron? So I call. My wife was like, just call the hospital. So I called at 8:30 and I asked, you know, what if I could get an update on. I didn't call him, get him, but. And had to remind myself, don't call him, get him. And the lady on the phone just go like, I'm surprised she just gave me this information because she didn't ask me my name or anything. She didn't know I. Like, he had given me as a contact. But she. He said. She said, he's still on the table at 8:30. So that went to like, all the worst things. I'm like, why the fuck is he still on the table? Why is this taking so long? What the fuck must have happened?

And you know, those hours just kept crawling and crawling. And then finally the doctor called.

And it was so short. Just like, is this Walter Flanagan? I go, yes. And goes, I'm calling for blank. Blank. Operation went fine. He'll be waking up soon. Good night.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait.

[A]

He's like, I don't know why I'm on the phone with you at all.

[C]

He goes, yes. I'm like, he'll be back to work.

All I said was thank you.

[A]

I don't know why I wanted him.

[C]

To wait, but I just. Oh, well, thank you, doctor. I said thank you. And. But so then that night, though, and I went to see him before the surgery, I didn't. Yeah, I had a very difficult time getting to the hospital because I didn't have any id.

[A]

Right. Yeah. That's what this all comes down to is Walt does not drive with the drivers. Whenever I watch these cop camps and I see people pulled over and like, do you have your license? Like, no. I'm like, who doesn't carry their license when they drive? Who?

[C]

I haven't carried it for decades.

[A]

I know. But last time we got into trouble, we tried to go to that micro midget wrestling league. And you couldn't get in. Almost.

[C]

Because I'm terrified I'm going to lose it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Because I lose everything.

[A]

So I'm like, why don't you take a picture of it on your phone? Because you had to call your wife to get a picture, right?

[C]

No, I was going to. Like, the lady at the front counter was pretty cool, but she was giving me a little bit of a hard time at first. I told her. I was like, can I just call my wife and she'll text you a picture or text me a picture of it? And she kind of was just like.

Broke protocol and let me go up. But the next day, I did have my license. I saw him the next day or the day after the surgery, and I gave the license to a different lady. And she goes, were you in the building before? I was like, yes. She goes, why didn't you tell me? I go, I don't know. I had to tell you. I was here earlier or a couple days ago. She goes, she was so mad that this time I had to license. It was bizarre. It was just a bitch who was just. No, not the same lady. Just somebody who was looking for a reason to be annoyed. It really, really felt like that. And she goes, well, now you have a license. Before, you didn't have a license. She goes. And she's just shaking her head like something's not right. And I'm going, well, I just forgot it. I said the. You know, she let me go through, and I just said, like, she was in a different room. So I was like, she. I go, I don't know where I'm going. And she throws her hands up, so.

[B]

Animated, like, oh, my God.

[C]

And I'm like, you work at the front desk. Isn't this, like, don't you.

[A]

Reasonable question.

[C]

This is not something I would think would be uncommon if there's somebody where they have to go. She pulls out a little map and she goes, this is where you got to go. And so the looks of it, I'm like, it's all one, and I just got to walk straight and make one turn. So I was like, okay, so I never have to get on an escalator. She goes, hon, if you want to ride the escalator, go for it, but you're not going to get there.

Oh, my God.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

Wow.

[C]

Yeah. She was not happy, but he's doing well. Seemingly, he's in A bit of pain, but it's like the doctor said the operation went fine.

[A]

Yeah, well, they always lie when, like, if you're at a doctor's office, you're in a hospital. Like, when we went to see him, me and Mary Beth dropped by, and we were like, he's not in the room. So we're like, you know, we went to the desk and we're, you know, and we're like, where is he? You know, and she's like, oh, he went for a CT scan. And I said, well, how long does that take? She's like, ah, he'll be back in less than 20 minutes. An hour later, I'm like, I'm not waiting around anymore for this guy. And then he finally fucking turns the corner and he's in a chair and there's. They're rolling him around and shit.

[C]

Yeah, he's going to be out of commission for probably till January. Q. Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe you could come down and, like, kind of put in a couple hours.

[A]

The office coach, wear your uniform.

[B]

Well, I cannot come down and do a couple hours. And the effect would be the same as to whether Gideon was there or not.

Let's not pretend that he, you know, is a model employee. But I. I thought it was very sweet that. Because originally we were supposed to record on.

[C]

Or.

[B]

Or I was able to record on Wednesday.

And you did. Well, you were. You were saying you. You don't feel comfortable recording while he's in surgery.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You. You're like, I don't want to record Wednesday. I don't want to do it while he's in surgery. And it was a real, like, moment for me where I was like.

Is there something wrong with me? That, like, I was like. Because I was just like. I even said in the text here, I was like, wow, that's not something that would have occurred to me. But, yeah, no problem. We'll do it another day. And I've been thinking about it all week, and I'm like, is there something wrong with me? I don't think so. I don't know.

[A]

It didn't occur to me either. I got to be honest with you. It didn't occur to me. In fact, like, when I was texting you guys back, I almost was, like, reticent to be like, once she said he was okay, I'm like, oh, cool, he's okay. So tomorrow.

[C]

Yeah. I'm not saying. When I said that I didn't want to record, I didn't mean that you guys couldn't get together. And record. I just meant my headspace was not in a.

In a right frame of mind to record, because especially the whole time I'd be thinking, I'd be looking at my watch and be going, like, oh, my God, we're podcasting. And he's. He split open and, you know, he's. I can't.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I just could not. Like, there's not a chance on the planet I could have been.

In. In the right frame of mind to crack jokes while that was going on. I just couldn't do it, you know? It was so weird. I know you guys are gonna fucking make fun of me, but the whole time that, like, as soon as that clock hit, I knew he was in there. My neck hurt.

And I kept, like. I kept, like, having these bad pains in my neck.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[C]

And I was like, oh, my God. Like, is this what he's feeling right now is like. Is there some sort of symbiotic.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Like, connection going on?

[A]

So you didn't think, like, it's like, stress or anxiety. You're like, oh, my God, we're mind melding.

I will take your pain. Get on. It's like at the end of the Exorcist when it's like, come into me.

[B]

We share everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I didn't mean for it to come off as like, you guys shouldn't pot or do whatever you guys want to do. I just meant for me personally, I was like, I can't do it. I just can't. And it would have been the same way. If it was anybody else. It would have been the same way. I just don't have the kind of ability to put it to the side and not kind of.

Stress and dwell on it. Yeah. I don't have. I don't have a lot of coping skills that way. I feel like.

At a certain point, like a couple year deck, like me about a decade ago, it just became impossible for me to not, like, worry, you know, maybe I need a little bit of that fucking.

Some of that.

[A]

A little bit of the volcano.

I'll hook you up.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't think. I didn't think anything was wrong with it. Like, I wasn't like, what a fucking pussy. What's up with this guy? I was literally like, because I'll show.

[A]

You a text contradicts that.

[B]

And I was. And. But I literally was like. I took stock of myself, and what it came down to for me wasn't like, I'm callous and I don't give a fuck. I was like, oh, I just assume he's. Everything's going to go fine.

[A]

Like, yeah, that's kind of the way I feel, is like, yeah, he's in surgery.

[C]

This is major surgery, though.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, they're gonna fix him up, and he'll be fine. Yeah. Like, it doesn't occur to me that it's gonna, like, kill him, that it's gonna go wrong. Yeah. Or he's gonna be paralyzed or something. I mean, he was practically paralyzed before he went in.

[C]

I know, but.

There was no. Excuse me. There was no way I was gonna be able to. I'm not breaking up either.

[A]

He's getting emotional.

[B]

We shouldn't have podcasted today either.

[C]

I just would have been focused on the time. Like, I definitely would have been looking at that clock going like, this is wrong. This is weird. Like, this. We can't be making jokes about this right now. It's just not. It's not how I could roll. I couldn't do it.

[A]

Yeah. But there's always something going on in the world, you know?

[C]

Not my world.

[A]

That's true. Yeah. If you're talking about your own personal.

[C]

That's really the only world that I can focus on. I can't focus on the rest of the world.

[A]

It's impossible. All the shit that people got going on, man, it's like, I don't want to join in on that.

Let's see, what else do we got here? Sunday Jeff. Sunday Jeff texts me every holiday. And I didn't think it was a Sunday Jeff thing, but he used a turkey emoji when he said happy Thanksgiving. I'm like, Sunday Jeff doesn't seem to be the type of guy that would be able to search it out and figure out how to put a turkey emoji on there.

[C]

I think somebody sent that to him.

[A]

Oh, he copy and paste that.

[C]

He just copy and pasted to everybody else.

[B]

Like, again, it would never occur to me to text anybody Happy Thanksgiving. Like, I. It would. I can't imagine me being like, let me text someone happy. I got that. I got to let them know that I hope they have a Happy Thanksgiving.

You know, I would just be like, people are with their family, doing their thing. Why the fuck do they want to. Another text. An unnecessary text from this clown with, like, a turkey emoji. It wouldn't occur to me.

[A]

You sitting home grousing. I'm not sending any Thanksgiving text to anybody.

Fucking humbug.

This made me think of you, Walt, because I know you're a big Christmas guy.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Love Christmas in Portland. Thank God you don't live there. Because in Portland they had a Christmas tree lighting. But Portland's woke tree lighting ceremony sparks outrage. They can't even say Christmas tree. Portland has sparked outrage after stripping its Christmas tree of its name, referring only to it as the tree during the lighting ceremony.

These fucking people, man.

Who are they trying to be nice to? Who are they trying to be sensitive to that you can't say fucking Christmas tree.

[C]

What? What is it that. Yeah, like I wonder. I know that. I know in their hearts they think they're doing a good thing. I just would need to hear. Yeah. If you could explain it eloquently why you feel it's better to call it the tree.

And I might listen. I might listen.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is it because Christ probably.

[A]

Yeah, probably. They don't want to offend anybody who is not a Christian. But it sounds really. Well, go ahead, Kim.

[B]

You're appropriating though the Christmas tree then. Like it's a. Like you're just taking it from that culture.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And using it anyway and changing it. I thought we had just all learned through the previous most fun decade. We've all lived through that you're not supposed to do that anymore. So it's funny. But at the end of the day, you know what's so funny is how little I care. I don't give a fuck. Call it Christmas tree, call it the tree. Call. Don't put a Christmas tree up. It doesn't. Like I have a hard time getting worked up about it at all.

[C]

It sounds people, though, that want to call it that, though they shouldn't get Christmas often or they shouldn't get a paid holiday done.

[A]

I don't think they are, by the looks of them in this article.

They have to have Christmas off.

You know.

[C]

I know, like they don't want to call a Christmas tree or the day Christmas, but yet they sure want to get that fucking sweet holiday pay, you know, a paid day off. But that's okay. Then. Then all of a sudden they're okay with it, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, definitely. If it benefits them somehow.

[C]

Yeah, they should get that day not comped in. Their. Their paycheck should reflect that. Then that's when I know they really stand, you know, on their beliefs.

[A]

Well, it sounds like it was a ball. The festive occasion was kicked off with a woman from the Confederated Tribe of Warm Springs thanking everyone in the crowd for coming out on Native American Heritage Day, not Thanksgiving. She. I mean, Christmas or whatever. She introduced two young Members of the tribe who referred to the celebration only as the tree lighting before handing the microphone to another featured speaker. Draped in a Palestinian flag, the woman used her stage time to lead the crowd in a Free Palestine chant. This is the perfect time to bring it up. There's a lot of genocides going on, she said, moments into the Christmas tree lighting. Can I get into the tree lighting ceremony? Can I get a free, free Palestine? And some members of the crowd were heard obliging. Then she led the crowd in the Strong Woman song, performing alongside two young children and another woman, noting it felt appropriate since we're representing our matriarchs up here.

[B]

Dude, I gotta be honest with you. I'm not in the room, I'm zooming in today. Like, are you just making this up? Because this sounds like a fucking parody of how people like, are you making this up just to fucking see what we say? Because this is so fucking.

[A]

I wish I was. I wish I was. I don't think I could make up something like, it's just so fucking nuts that like, this is. This is what Christmas is now. It's like a Free Palestine chant and Native Americans and everybody being like, you guys suck. If you like Christmas.

[C]

Well, I know. Well, this has given me some ideas for next year's TSD Christmas special though. At least now I know I have.

[A]

A direction I can go in.

Yeah, we're woke here.

[C]

Did you see some of the prices on the Christmas trees lately?

[A]

No, I have a fake tree now, so I don't even look at the prices.

[C]

Are they crazy, man, it's sticker shock on Christmas trees. Especially fake ones.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. I don't know what they're making them out of now. I mean, titanium.

[B]

It's the tariffs, bro. It's fucking Trump's tariffs.

[C]

Maybe, but yeah, I don't know how anybody can even afford a tree.

[A]

What kind of prices you looking at?

[C]

Like triple figures for a Christmas tree.

[A]

That's not surprising. I think last year I took a look and they were like about a buck 25.

[C]

Oh no, like 300.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Holy shit.

[C]

Yeah, but they're already pre lit though, so maybe I'm just looking at the high end models in, not Rickles.

[A]

Is Rickles still around? No, Rickles hasn't been around. Sometimes Lowe's or Home Depot. Home Depot, yeah.

[C]

Did I just have a stroke? I thought it was 1984 and Rickles was still around in Channel.

[A]

Channel, yeah, that was one. I couldn't remember the name of it. All right, Q. Christmas is coming.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

It's right around the corner. Some people don't want to acknowledge that by calling it a tree, but Christmas is right around the corner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm going to talk some real talk to you, not that Portland shit. Has anyone else realized that gift giving season is already here? If you haven't even started your list yet, don't panic. Meundies has your back and your butt. Meundies is making it ridiculously easy to win the holidays this year. Whether you're shopping for a partner bestie or just treating yourself, their holiday and Match Me collections make it simple to give a gift that actually fits, literally and emotionally. There's something weirdly magical about matching outfits during the holidays. And Meundies has taken that to the next level with their Match Me collection. Now, I gotta say, I don't like to usually contradict or be contrarian when it comes to meundies, but I do not like the matching outfits. I think they're corny. I think they're corny, but some people love them. So what are we going to do?

[B]

Well, we've. We've. This discussion for you and me goes back fucking 25 years.

When I was. When I was infatuated Walt. With a lady.

And Brian found out that she had a Christmas tradition of her whole family.

Got dressed in matching pajamas and spent the day in matching pajamas on Christmas. He delighted in the idea of me wearing those pajamas.

[A]

You're gonna do it. I know you're gonna do it.

[B]

I never did. No, I never did.

[A]

Never did happen.

[B]

Yeah, but it was a hot topic for like a year.

Back in the late 90s.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Now why? Why so hung up, though? Why? Why someone willing just to let your hair down and wear a matching outfit?

[B]

Why is it worth such mockery?

[C]

Yeah, well, like, why can't. Why can't you just, like, let go, Let it go and let go of your inhibitions and just go, you know what? I'm just gonna relax and put on these PJs and have some hot.

[A]

Throw it to the wind. Fuck it, right? Just fuck it. I'm gonna do it.

Go ahead, Kyo.

[B]

No, I have an answer for that. And the answer is because I'm friends with Brian Johnson and there's no way to get away with behavior like that.

Because if he finds out about it, his eyes are gonna light up and then I'm never gonna fucking hear the end of it.

[A]

Ever.

[B]

It's self preservation.

[A]

You were back in 1999. You're saying you.

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[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

The final ad.

[C]

What the fuck?

[A]

The final ad. Don't worry.

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[C]

This is a unique decision to do three straight.

[A]

All right, we knocked him out though, and now we can start talking again.

[C]

Why didn't you stagger him.

[A]

I just want to be done with him. Talk about Portland some more.

[C]

I'm going to see. Get him after we record.

[A]

Oh, are you. Oh, nice.

[C]

Yeah. I have to bring him some things he needs from the office. He's got to go into rehab for about. Could be up to a month.

[B]

Jeez, man, I wonder. I wonder if this will turn him on a healthier path because they're not going to overfeed him and he's not going to be drinking every goddamn night for a month.

[C]

Well, yeah, I mean, he's obviously. He's not going to be able to get any natties in him for quite some time.

[A]

Yeah. With Q, like, I wonder if it'll be like, you know what? I feel better. I feel better not drinking all the natty, and I feel better not being slogged down with all this liquid and being wasted every night.

[C]

Yeah. I have to think, like, Q's correct, though. You can't.

He's not going to be eating the same dishes that he would have if he wasn't in the hospital. There are much more smaller portions and I guess, healthier.

Plates then. Yeah. Than the butter. What is it called? Do you usually get the peanut butter? Fried chicken.

[A]

Oh, chicken, yeah. Yeah. Good.

[C]

But, yeah, that's a long time. And he's gonna be in. He could be in there on Christmas Day. How sad is that?

[A]

That's not good. But, I mean, where else would he be?

[C]

I mean, he would be with his dad and his. His side, you know, I don't know.

[A]

How much he can. Like, how ambulatory he is, though. Like, can he walk around?

[C]

Well, they want him to start walking already, huh? Yeah, yeah. He said. They said that, like, he has to go for 3, 21 hours of therapy a week at a minimum. And he was like, I don't even do 21 hours of real work at my job a week. He said to the doctor.

So. He said he'll be working way harder at rehab than he does in real life.

[B]

Maybe it'll change. I'm telling you, this might be a great opportunity for him to pivot into exciting new directions.

[C]

I hope so. You know, he. He does take solace and know that what. What ailed him was not.

Was not caused by his bad behavior.

It wasn't because of the drinking. It wasn't because of eating like shit. It was like it was just gonna happen.

[B]

Okay, so there was.

[A]

It was just. He, like, genetically, this is.

[C]

Well, I mean, you don't know. You don't know what happened. It could have Been he could have had. He wonders if it was when he fell out of that canoe, did something.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's what he mentioned. Yeah, he mentioned that canoe thing.

[C]

So there's.

[A]

He. I don't know what.

[B]

Like.

I can't. I find it very hard to believe that his extremely unhealthy weight, his extreme. Like, you don't just fall out of a canoe and that what happens happened.

[A]

Like, like a crush a vertebrae or something or.

[B]

Yeah, I would rather hear this from a doctor before I heard it from. Get him. That his fucking morbidly obese lifestyle did not affect this at all. That seems crazy because all that weight compresses, you know, I don't.

[C]

Honestly, I don't think it had any factor in what ailed him and what he had, what had to be done. I think it was.

Unavoidable.

Like, he couldn't have avoided it. I guess. Like, it just, like, was an accidental thing, like a freak thing. I don't think it had anything to do with his lifestyle choices. I really don't. I don't think he. Yeah, I just don't think if he was like, okay, I'm eating no natties and straight all factor meals, you know, it still would have happened. I think it still would have happened, though.

[B]

Yeah, I am. You know, I'm sure this goes without saying, but, like, I was enormously relieved to hear that it went so well. That was a nice.

[C]

Fine. It went fine. The doctor said he didn't use the word so well. He said the word's fine. It went fine.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Hopefully it does fine.

[B]

It was good.

[C]

It took up to a year, though, for him to get back full range of what he had before. This was ailing him, though.

[A]

He said that his biggest problem is he may not be able to look up that well.

[C]

Yeah. I told him looking up is overrated. Looking down is way more important.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I looked.

[C]

Look at the floor because you don't want. You don't want to trip on anything. You know, the only reason you look up is, you know, if something. You feel something hit your head, you.

[A]

Know, bird shoot or something.

[C]

That's really the only time I ever look up.

[A]

If you think you got shit.

[B]

Oh, man, I hate to do this. Go ahead, Q. I said, I'm going to miss him for a month. Like, I. You know.

[A]

Yes, I said. Even today when I walked in, it was weird that he's not here.

[C]

Yeah, the office is quiet. You know, there's been no rambling.

Ramble free zone, non sequitur. Stories just flying left and right, you know?

[A]

Yeah. When I saw him yesterday, he seemed to be in good spirits and he did seem to be like. He was like. He wasn't really in pain. He was like. He seemed normal, you know?

[C]

Yeah, I think that. I think that wore off, I think. Oh, yeah, I think he had. The pain started to kick in last night.

[A]

That sucks.

[C]

He told me he was freaking out, though, after the operation because they wouldn't give miss phones.

[A]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[C]

He said that he made such a fucking stink that eventually they had to go get the phones to fucking calm him down because he want. He wanted to make sure that his father had heard the news.

[A]

I did hear him at one point for some reason, like when they were in the hallway before he came in the room. He didn't know we were in there, so he was talking to the people and then he reminded somebody that he was on the spectrum.

I don't know what it was about, but I just heard him say that. I was like, yep, let's get him.

[B]

But I'm sure that.

[C]

I'm sure his dad was fucking going bonkers, you know, because you hear four hours and then, you know, it's 10 o' clock and you still haven't heard anything. That's just excruciating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Man, I wish we lived in a world where we could get the surgeon on this show to talk about it.

[C]

Well.

He said that he could smell his own. He said that he felt his doctor was high on the spectrum as well. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he said that, like, he won't look at him. The doctor won't look him in the eye.

[A]

He said.

[C]

And then he texted me, like, right, surgery's at 2:00'.

[A]

Clock.

[C]

He texts me at 1:50. He goes, I'm still not down there. And he goes. And I said, well, I'm sure the doctor, you know, is just getting ready. I go, I wouldn't worry about it. He goes, oh, no, no. I'm glad that he's taken his time. I don't want him to rush through things. He goes.

[B]

Oh, man, I love get him. I'm glad he's. I'm glad he's. He's. He got that taken care of.

[C]

Yeah. Like I said, hopefully, yeah, now it's a much more easier existence for him.

[B]

Yeah, it did. It did hurt my heart to see him walking around like that, dude.

[A]

Like, I. He was so unbalanced.

[B]

Yeah. And he was just, like, feeling out every step. Like I'd be. I'd be driving home from. From the studio.

[A]

And I'd.

[B]

I'd just be thinking about him and be like, it. I'm not even fucking around. I'm not even saying it for effect. Like, I'd be driving home, and it would. Like, my heart would hurt. It would be like, if you see a dog, like, limping, you know, holding one paw up and you're like, I just want to help that poor creature. That's kind of like what get him did to me. And, like, I'm really happy that he. That he took care of.

[C]

I know what a big motivation for him is, is that he wants to be able to be.

You know, walking and handle Key West. He said, oh, great.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

That's his goal.

[C]

Yeah. He mentioned it twice to me that, like, he wants to. He wants to make sure that he's all better by April.

[A]

Is it? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, April. April 10th. Wow. Okay, so I've done it again. I've inspired and lifted.

[A]

People.

Gotta put a picture of you up.

[C]

On one of the wings. Like, they're gonna name it the Brian Quinn wing of the hospital for all your efforts.

[A]

There's a picture of you where it says, I did it again.

[C]

He texted me before I was leaving. I asked him, like, you want me to bring you anything? You want a snack or anything? And he goes. He goes, are you gonna bring Teddy? I'm like, what the fuck? Are you insane? I go, I'm not gonna try to bring a dog into a hospital.

[A]

Barely go him into a movie theater.

[C]

I go, what the fuck? No, I'm not bringing Teddy. And you know what? I'm leaving the other night there. And sure enough, some. Some fucking person is. Is bringing a dog in the heather dog. And it wasn't no service dog. Way more misbehaved than Teddy could ever be, really. This dog is bouncing everywhere like a little poodle puppy. I was like, what the fuck, man? I couldn't believe that this lady was bringing a dog into the hospital.

[A]

Meanwhile, like, with you, they're like, license. Oh, you have it. Fuck you.

[B]

Go ride the escalator.

[A]

Jump.

[C]

That kid's back on the escalator. Oh, yeah. We'd be remiss if we didn't mention, you know, on bad news of Kev's mom passing away.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Grace is no longer with us. Very cool lady. Always very friendly. Always happy to see you. Like, she was cool.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

Yeah, you know, go ahead. No, I was just gonna say, like, I would see Grace, you know, when I worked for Kevin directly, like, she was always very nice to me. But then, like, you know, there would be periods where I didn't see Grace for four years. You know what I mean? That I'd run into her at Comic Con or whatever, and always so kind and always so concerned with how I was doing. And, like, she really was like, a really, really great, great lady. I. I was sad to hear that she. She passed on.

[C]

I mean, he was.

Always good to his mom, and, you know, that's. She was. She. I mean, his job was to make his mama proud. He did it because she was so proud of him and all that he. He accomplished.

[A]

She told me privately that she wasn't really that one time. This is a long time ago.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It sucks, man.

[C]

It does, man. It's just we're getting older, man, and shit, like, this is gonna start happening.

[A]

Yeah. Like, people, you know, start dropping off. You're like, yeah, yeah. All right, let's think of something happier.

[C]

There was one. I mean, I did get an email from somebody wanting to know why I didn't mention Ace Fraley's passing on the pod.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

Yeah. The only reason I didn't mention it was because probably it happened. He passed away during a week we didn't record, and then it was the Halloween episode, and then you're three weeks removed and you didn't mention it, and you kind of forgot. But, yeah, Ace Frehley, the spaceman.

[A]

So what words have you come up with since then to make up for it?

[C]

Go buy his solo album from 1978. It is the best Kiss album ever.

[A]

Agreed. And I was on a Kiss POD for many years.

[C]

That is the greatest Kiss album. And it's all by one guy. I mean, it showed you how talented he was. He was probably the most talented of all four members.

But, yeah, the. It sucks, but we're getting to that age where you're going to start losing these. These guys. You loved these artists and that you. From your childhood.

[A]

But with him, it was like. It was almost like, not preventable, but, like, he just bumped his head.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I mean, no, that's how he died.

[C]

I think he had a fall in his studio.

[A]

Yeah, he fell down in the studio and bumped his head. And then it was like a couple days later. Right. Like, didn't he go into the hospital a couple days later?

[C]

I'm not sure sure the timeline, but I don't even know if that's accurate. I did hear that rumor, too, that it was from a fall in the studio, but.

I mean, you just never know what it's going to be. Man, whoever thinks it's going to be fucking, you know, just hitting your head, right?

[A]

Yeah. That's how my grandfather died. He. He was my mom's Pam's dad. He was our age. He was, like, 57. And he fell off a ladder when he was, like, working on something outdoors. Fell backwards, hit his head, didn't go to the hospital. Next day, he died. You know, who knows if it could have been prevented?

[C]

Ace did go to the hospital, and they still couldn't prevent it. So, you know.

[A]

Everybody dying. Well, you know what, Walt? I got one more, Ed, if you want to. No, I do. What? I do. I missed it.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Just.

[C]

To war. The end.

[A]

Ed, this is the audiobook. Yeah, we keep forgetting to talk about it. Q. But there is an audiobook out there which is available both on Audio Audible and tell them stevedave.com it's the war of the Undead radio play with all kinds of different voice talents, people you've never heard of.

[C]

It's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And there's a great podcast or a couple great podcasts, as well as the audio reading. It's well worth your 6.99 on. Tell them SteveDave.com or whatever the price may be on Audible.

[A]

That's pretty inexpensive, which is a little.

[C]

Bit, which is a lot more on Audible. But I guess you get the ease of Audible. If you have some free credits, you could use it towards that.

[A]

Right. And we also have the Christmas pod coming up, so we'll be here next week with a regular pod, and then the next week will be Christmas.

[C]

Yeah, I'm going to take two weeks off after, you know, Christmas, and then we'll come back after.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We always come back after New Year's. Yeah, there's always a couple weeks off.

[C]

I need to recharge those batteries.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Done, done, done.

[B]

Yeah, I'm looking at my calendar now. So you're saying next week, the week of the 8th, we're doing an episode, then the Christmas episode, then two weeks off.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

All right.

[A]

So that's pretty. It's a pretty long stretch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But until then, gotta talk about some FAT news.

[B]

Oh, BO.

News. Oh, chicken.

[A]

I'm not sure if you've seen Amy Schumer lately.

[B]

I have not. I, I, I. Oh, no, that's not true. I saw a picture of her.

[A]

She's like, she's in a red dress.

[B]

I don't know what picture I saw, but I was really happy for her. She looks like, like, way healthier, right?

[A]

Like, she's a Lot healthier, a lot thinner. Yeah, I guess she had some kind of disease. I can't remember what it was. I don't know if that was somebody like one of her fence. Every once in a while you hear these stories about there'll be a person, like a famous person, and they're like, on stage or they're on TV or they're in a movie and somebody will be like, hey, I noticed this puffiness around your eyes. It could be this. Or I noticed this. And I think somebody said that to her. They're like, I noticed one of her fans was like, I have the same affliction, whatever it was, that would make her face all puffy and shit and fat.

So I guess somebody turned her on to that. Now she's.

[B]

Oh, wow. How the fuck do you get as far as she does and as rich as she is and not have a doctor pick up on that? Oh, wow.

[A]

But anyway, she's skinny now. There was a. No, this is. I was talking to Troy about this. There's a lady that was on a Delta flight. Okay. Delta passenger cries after catching glimpse of seatmate's body. Shaming text. I feel like a prisoner now. This is a passenger on a Delta Airlines flight silently cried ahead of a two hour flight after she saw her seatmate send a demeaning text complaining about being wedged next to a huge woman.

[C]

I would feel terrible, like, if she got. If I texted that to somebody and then that lady saw it. Oh, I would feel. I would just be. I would feel like an inch. I would just want to crawl and crawl into the seat and just never come out.

[A]

Yeah. So this lady said, we've taken off and I can't stop crying. The man next to me sends one text. Erg, huge woman sat next to me. I saw because wrong with.

[C]

I mean, you can't, like, if you're gonna send texts like that, make sure that you don't fucking. You're not showing your phone to everybody.

[A]

It can't be like our text where like the. The font is so big that anybody can see it from the back row, even if you're in first class.

[C]

Yeah, you have. Oh, that's horrible.

[A]

She.

[C]

I bet you the dude too is probably not even like, like mortified. I bet you he's just like, whatever.

She'S fine.

[B]

Well, I mean, look, let's just the devil's advocate. What devil's advocate here. Like, I mean, I've been on flights sat next to a great big person and it's not comfortable. Like, you are Victimized a little bit. Like, if he hadn't sent that text, all my sympathies would be with him.

[A]

He would be suffering silently.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, I don't think he. You know, I don't. I wish he hadn't seen that text. But he didn't turn to her and be like, yo, fatty, keep your flab on the. On the other side of the thing. Like, he was complaining to his wife or something about the fact that this person is so fucking big that, like, she's taken up half his seat. Which has happened to me. And it's like, motherfucker, you know, like, why aren't you buying two seats? Like, so there's two sides, I guess, to every story. But, yeah, you know, I feel bad for. I do feel bad for the lady.

[A]

Nobody wants that. Well, she says that the man seemed to realize that his text was rude and quickly started to send a series of empty texts to push the body shaming message farther up his screen until it was out of sight. I mean, how much is she looking at this guy's phone?

[C]

Why not just put the phone away?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you're about to take off, probably. She explained that she didn't need two seats, and the man was actually spilling more into her seat. Whoa. She. Since she posted the NOW viral video, it's garnered more than a million views and 121,000 likes. And she said that she had already lost £60, and that's why it was difficult to hear, because she's on a weight loss journey, as they say.

[B]

Well, well, well, now I'm on her side. Now this guy's taken up two seats and this woman's doing something to improve his health, and she's getting shit from this guy. Yeah, no, I'm with her now.

[A]

So some people criticized her for seemingly snooping over her seatmate's shoulder.

[B]

That's a scumbag move. Yes. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. But the biggest fat news, if you guys are ready to hear it, is that it's not Ozempic, but it's an Ozempic, like, drug that I started taking a couple weeks ago.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Get out of here.

[A]

Yeah, I'm shooting for Q West. Be back in shape.

[B]

I've done it again. I've done it again.

[A]

Inspired me.

[C]

I wouldn't raise my arms yet, but.

[A]

It'S all because of Q. I mean.

[C]

You went to a doctor and they were like, you. You qualify because you're. You're not. You're not in that stratosphere. I would think that you would Be like, well, yeah, you're.

[A]

You're obese.

[C]

You're. You qualify to. For a drug rather than just hard work?

[A]

Well, they. I mean, I think it's a little. They're a little bit looser with it than they were in the beginning now. So it's like you send in, like, photos of your body from different angles, and then I guess they try to, like, estimate your bmi. They take your height and your weight and all that other shit, and then they manufacture. They concoct this drug that it makes you not hungry, I'll tell you that much. It does work with that you're not.

[C]

Worried that it's too new on the market and that there could be a fallout of this in a couple years. And you're like.

I did think of.

[A]

That, but then I was like, I really want to fit into my clothes in Q West. Really?

[C]

For who, though?

[A]

For myself.

[C]

That you're.

[A]

Yeah, just like, I have so many cool, like, clothes for summer, and I can't fit in.

[C]

You can't let them out? You can't get them let out?

[A]

No, not as much as they would need to be let out because I bought them when I was, like, at my prime. Like when I was, like, right before I got married, I was like, 198 pounds.

[C]

Okay. I thought you were like, you're like, your prime. Like, I brought him at Chess King in 1987.

[B]

Chess King.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah, I would be terrified to take that.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

[C]

I'm just like, yeah, that's. That's. That's fucking. That's alien tech and shit. Like, now, all of a sudden, there's. There's a pill that, like, doesn't require you to exercise now. That's weird.

[A]

Well, no, they say diet and exercise, too. They're not like, this is not a miracle drug that's just going to take the weight off if you just take this.

[C]

How long you been on it?

[A]

About three weeks.

[C]

And what are some of the side effects that could happen? I'm not saying they did happen, but.

[A]

What are the things I warned you? Nausea, constipation. Constipation. I haven't had any of that because I've been drinking a fuck ton of water. So I think that helps a lot.

[C]

What does water help with, though?

[A]

The constipation, in case you get it, you know, it just. It like, lubricates your intestines and keeps everything flowing freely. Because I remember, like, when I. When I had. When I was taking opiates, they Contribute to constipation. I was not drinking a lot of water then, and. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Not fun.

[C]

That's. That's the. That's the. That's the silver bullet, right? That's the. That's what everybody in Hollywood's taken, right?

[A]

The Ozempic stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what Amy Schumer. There was a revolt against her because she was so into, like, the fat body positivity and shit, and now they.

[C]

Assumed she was on that.

[A]

They turned on her. Yep. Turned on her.

[B]

Yeah. But she looks great.

[A]

Yeah, it wasn't. But she does look so much. Let me tell you something, as being a guy who has been fat and has been thin. Nobody ever comes up to you and tells you you look great when you're fat, but when you lose weight and you're thin, people are like, hey, you're looking good. You're looking better. You look like you lost weight.

[C]

Okay. I mean. I mean, there's a. Hopefully, you know, it goes great, though.

[A]

It's my vanity, Walt. It's my vanity that's at play here. I need to be great. Looking at 58.

Already married, no reason to keep going, I'm telling you.

[B]

Are you.

[C]

You don't have to. Here's. Maybe get off these weird drugs and just go buy yourself some fucking just for men.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's proof.

[B]

It does.

[C]

It's not going to hurt you.

[A]

You know, it's been.

[C]

It's a proven quality. FDA has approved it. And you don't got to worry about, you know, any of these weird side effects coming out, like, 10 years later or you got like a. A third butthole or something.

[A]

But there are. There are some side effects that I heard, like, ozempic face. It's like people's like, if you use it too much, your jaws get very, like, angular and skeletal and shit.

[C]

You can. You can overuse it. Like, take more than you need to.

[A]

I think so. Yeah. I think. I think it can be abused.

[C]

Jesus.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And how much do you take a day?

[A]

I only take it once a week. It's once a week. It's a self.

[B]

It's a shot.

[A]

Yeah, it's a shot. And the needle is like. That's. That's what. Like, at first I was like, I don't know. I'm not sure if I can do this.

[C]

Dude, you're getting shots left and right. You're like a pincushion epidurals.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, had to stick me three times for the epidural. Now. Now, the Ozempic stuff? Yeah, but I like to make the same doctor. No, no, no. It's not the same doctor. No. This stuff. I did it all online. The. The Ozavic type stuff.

[C]

Who's administering the needle?

[A]

Me. Oh, my God. It's so small, though. You don't even feel it.

[C]

Do you have needles now for this?

[A]

Well, I always have because, like, the testosterone, like, that's a needle, but that's a different kind. It's like you just push it against your skin, and then it fills up the tube, empties. You don't even feel it.

[C]

You don't have to find a vein or anything?

[A]

No, no, nothing like that. Nothing like that. It's all, like, subcutaneous.

Just, like, under your skin. Like, just under the. Just under the skin. So we'll see how that goes. I'll keep everybody updated.

[C]

How many months you on it?

[A]

Just three weeks now. Three weeks? Yeah.

[B]

Have you seen benefits? Like, are you.

[A]

I started at 255, went down to 251.4 the first week. Then it was Thanksgiving, so I went back up to 251.8, and now I'll see this one.

[C]

Oh, did you curtail your Thanksgiving?

[A]

Not as much as I should have, evidently, because I gained half a pound.

[C]

I mean, half a pound. I mean. But did you. Were you, like, cognizant of, like, I gotta make sure, you know, I don't.

[A]

I don't eat too much. Yeah.

[C]

Like, I don't get, like, is turkey.

[A]

Turkey's pretty good. Yeah. No, no, no, turkey's great. Yeah, it's the stuffing and the potatoes and the desserts and all that shit. Those are, like. The desserts are my weakness. That's where I falter, is the sweets. I got a sweet tooth. Sweet tea.

[B]

What about. What about as a. As a fellow volcano user? Like, what about when you get high and you're like, all right, time to stuff my fucking face and enjoy myself for once?

[A]

It is so difficult to not do it.

[B]

It's still difficult.

[A]

It's super difficult to not eat. Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't cure the munchies.

[A]

No.

But I have to maintain because I'm like, am I going to feel better eating this shit food that, like, some kind of donut or some kind of snack food? Or am I going to feel better when it's April and I'm like, oh, my shirt fits. That's what I have to keep telling myself, you know, while fucking downing all this fucking water. I was talking to Walt about it, like, I'm also on a hydration kick because I.

Even though. Yeah, I think I talked about this, where I went.

[B]

Yeah, we spoke about this.

[A]

Yeah. I went to get my blood drawn and they're like, you're dehydrated. So I've been drinking 100 ounces of water a day. It's a lot. Yeah, it's a real lot.

[C]

Now, has that been recommended, 100 ounces by your doctor or are you just going.

Always do this. Remember you're going to pump iron, right?

[A]

Yeah, and then I'm in the hospital. Yeah.

[C]

Like, are you drinking too much now?

[A]

It's like that wee for a wee, where I'm like, what was it called? Hypoxia or something?

[C]

Like you're gonna have a dry drowning and you fall asleep and shit.

[A]

No, I went online and it's like, as a person with my height, my weight, here's how much water you should drink.

[C]

100 ounces.

[A]

100 ounces? Yeah. Which is short of a gallon. A lot of people drink like a gallon or two a day. It's nuts. Your wife's a big water drinker, isn't she?

[C]

You know what? She used to be, but I have to scold her every once in a. Yeah, I have to tell her, like, don't you fucking worry about my water intake. I haven't seen you drink any water in the last few hours.

[A]

Just imagine in the 30 years you've been married, you've never spoken to her once like that. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. It's definitely not that tone, but I'll definitely not. But in my head it is, right?

[A]

Yeah.

I might say quiet in my head, but.

[C]

But you know what? You know what boggles my mind? Because I even told the doctor, I was like, how come Sprite looks like water and it's not good enough? Like, why can't it just be Sprite? It just has bubbles, right? It looks just like water. I told a doctor. Why can't it just be Sprite?

[B]

So does arsenic.

It doesn't mean anything because I'm just.

[C]

Like, man, I can fucking do 100 ounces of Sprite, no problem. Lickety split, you know, in my sleep, I could do. I could do Sprite. But the water, man, Holy shit.

[A]

Yeah, I agree with you because I went to Chili's the other day and I drank. I had a, you know, a couple Diet Cokes and I'm like, but I can't count this because I remember you saying that, like, the doctor said, don't count soda, right? So I'm like, but this is like, this is like almost, you know, after probably 20 ounce soda. So I'm like, that would have been 40 ounces for the day. I would have knocked out. But it doesn't count.

[C]

I'm not even worried so much about the calories and the sugar or anything. I'm just talking about the water benefits. It looks like water, it feels like water. Doesn't taste like water.

[A]

Doesn't taste like water.

[C]

Isn't that good enough, Doc on a Sprite regimen.

[A]

All Sprite diet.

[B]

Did you guys, speaking of old businesses like Chess King and Rickles.

[C]

Did you have those out in Staten Island?

[B]

We didn't have a Rickles. We had Chess King was, was in the Staten island mall.

[C]

So what was your hardware? What was your hardware supplier. But before there was.

[B]

We had. We're covered in Ace hardwares on Staten Island.

[C]

Okay. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

And, and we have a lot of independent actually hardware shops on Staten Island. But I don't know if you guys were partial to Chi Chi's back in the day.

[A]

The restaurant. Yeah, yeah, I remember because I seen.

[C]

It on the side of the road.

[B]

I loved. There was a Chi Cheese on Staten island that like when I was a, you know, I mean I was a kid, you know, loved it and I just read that chi cheese is coming back after 21 years.

[A]

Really? Yeah, I was years ago and went to a Chi Cheese and liked it, so. But there's not, there's never been any around here.

[B]

Yeah, it was one on Staten island that was fucking dope as fuck. And I, and I was sad they went out of business because they had like a company wide listeria thing where they like people were dying and they just folded 21 years ago. And somebody was like, we're bringing them back. So they're, they're starting open them up again. So I'm excited to go to Chichi's.

[C]

Was that like Mexican food? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's why fried ice cream like that.

[C]

Inside of Chi Cheese.

[B]

Yeah. All right. No, I'm excited.

[A]

I got all kinds of stories here. Well, women's farts smell worse than men's. How to make yourself poop regularly in the morning.

[C]

Why did smell worse than men?

[A]

You want to know that? Is it because there's science to back.

[C]

It up because of their.

Some sort of breakdown in their digestive tracts? Like do they not?

[A]

Well, it's. Farts come out of it. It's not good for us. It's not good for guys. On average, humans fart up to 23 times a day. But not all those twos are created equal. The women's gas smells worse than men's, and there's a scientific reason why. But next time you catch a whiff of your wife's wind, take comfort. That stink could be a sign that she's less likely to develop Alzheimer's.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. They recruited 16 healthy adults with no history of gastrointestinal issues, and each had them strap on a flat chest collection system, which was essentially a rectal tube connected to a bag. And then they chowed down on pinto beans and took a laxative. Jesus, can you imagine being a part.

[B]

Of this fucking freak show, man? Somebody was jerking off during that whole fucking thing.

[A]

Yeah. Sounds very kinky, doesn't it?

[B]

Yeah, it sure does.

[A]

They put samples to a sniff test they were brought in from. Yeah.

[C]

Who's taking that test? Who's taking that sniff test? Like they're going to pay somebody to.

[A]

Be like it says. The doctor and his colleagues ran a gas chromatograph, mass spectroscopic analysis to break down exactly what was in those bags. Oh, so they don't sniff it. The sniff test is done by a computer, I guess.

Oh, no. Two judges are brought in to rate each fart on a scale of 0 to 8 with aping variofits. And they were unaware they were smelling human flatulence.

[C]

Oh, that's how they get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

They don't tell the poor schmucks what they're smelling because nobody signed up. Well, I guess they would have people sign up for it, but you don't.

[A]

Want those people in your building.

Well, it says here's the reason. Men tended to pass larger volumes of gas, but female flatulence contain a significantly higher concentration of hydrogen sulfate.

And they had a greater odor intensity than men's. And that's why women get more embarrassed about their farts.

Yeah. So I guess, yeah. It says while hydrogen sulfide is highly toxic in large amounts, small doses like those found abundantly in women's gas may help protect aging brain cells against Alzheimer's disease. So that's the whole reason. Because they have more hydrogen sulfide. But it's good for them and bad for us, guys.

[C]

So, guys, it doesn't matter how much we fart, it's still not going to really affect our brains.

[A]

Yeah, I guess not. We're fucked. Every way you look, Q, you're fucked.

[C]

Women got it so easy.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Fucked, coming, fucked going.

[A]

Just fucked.

[B]

Just fucked over and over again.

[A]

I don't know, guys.

[B]

I don't know anymore.

[A]

There's all kinds of stuff.

[C]

Nothing else going on.

[A]

Oh, you can talk about micro penises if you want. This is a big week for like, we were talking about.

We were talking about Hitler having the micropene. And since then I found out that the Golden State Killer.

You remember him?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He may only have been caught because of his micropenis, because, I guess because he was also known as the East Bay Rapist before he was the Golden State Killer. And a lot of women were like, yeah, it's not much there. The women that he raped.

So he got busted with a micropene.

[B]

Because it does something. Of course, to me, it's not surprising that there's a forelimbic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like if you got a micro penis, that there's going to be psychological ramifications, know. Yeah, I get it. I, I, you know, I've said on this show many, many times, it's, everybody knows how important dicks are to dudes. You know, a lot of your identity gets wrapped up in that bad boy.

[C]

Yeah. But most people just go buy a nice sports car. They don't terrorize the community for decades.

[A]

Murdering and raping their way through the East Bay.

[B]

Micropenis, though, is different from like small penis. Micro penis is like, micro's bad. That's a medical community telling you that you're a fucking little, little, little tiny cock boy.

[A]

Yeah, you know, that's, We've all agreed on this. This length.

[B]

Science is telling you that you, sir, have the smallest penis around. I might snap and start killing people then too.

[A]

Yeah, you don't know. Could affect.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jeffrey Epstein, victim described Jeffrey Epstein's penis as extremely deformed, small and lemon shaped. Ew.

Now lemons normally are like, sort of oblong.

[C]

I've never had a lemon. I never even held a lemon. I don't think.

[B]

I'm going to break out lemon.

[A]

I'm sure you'd break out if you held a lemon. Break out in something.

And also, I'm not sure if you guys are familiar with Michael Ray Bauer, who's Donkey Lips from Salute youe Shorts. Do you remember that show? Q.

[B]

No, I never saw it.

[A]

Okay. It was an early 90s nickelodeon show that he was on.

[B]

Yeah, I remember it. I just never saw it.

[A]

And he has a podcast and I caught part of it the other day and he was just like, I just want everybody to know I have a micropenis. He has like a real heavy lisp and he's like, was this a joke.

[C]

Or is it a revelation?

[A]

No, it was just a Revelation, I guess, that he was.

[C]

What's the impetus for telling this to the world?

[A]

My theory would be clicks. Sympathy, sympathy and clicks. Yeah. There's no. Because Mary Beth was there when I was listening to it. She's like. Turns me. She's like, why would anybody say that unprompted? Like, why would anybody be like, oh, by the way, guys, I have a microphone. Yeah.

[B]

I have a theory. I think because it's, like, getting in front of it, you know, like, he already feels whatever he feels. I don't want to say the word shame, but, like, he already feels something, you know, about the fact that he has a micro penis. So, like, if you get ahead of it a little bit and then, like, you have sex with a woman that has heard that you have a micro penis, there's no, you know, there's no reveal and shame. It's like, hey, you knew you were getting into.

[A]

Yeah, but this woman would have to listen to his podcast, which I think most people probably don't.

[B]

Sure, I guess.

[A]

Unless it spreads somehow throughout Hollywood.

[B]

I mean, it's spreading right now. I mean, aren't we doing our part?

[A]

We are. You're right.

[C]

Do you think that would qualify you for, like, maybe, like, to get, like, handicap plates.

For your car? So, like, you know, would that. Would that.

[A]

It should.

[B]

I think it should. It really should.

[A]

Yeah. I think we could all come together and be like, guys, if you're born with a micro penis, there's no reason you should have to walk all the way in a parking lot. I agree.

[B]

Like, life's been shitty enough to.

[A]

You.

Park nice and close at the mall.

[C]

Tell them, Steve.

[A]

Dave.