Transcript

Walt (0:00)

Hey, a couple of quick announcements before the show starts. If you are on the $20, $40, $60 and $100 tiers on the Patreon, please, please, please go fill out your size poll for the TESD socks that was sent to your email. If you can't find it in your email, check the junk folder. If you don't see it, please, please find out and you can go to the Patreon and, and find it there.

Get Him (0:28)

The poll, yeah, called Socket to me. The post is called.

Walt (0:31)

Really? Yes. Oh, that was clever. Did you come up with that? No, I didn't because I was like, that's pretty good.

Get Him (0:37)

That'd be stolen power, right? I don't want to be guilty of that.

Walt (0:40)

That's Tommy Lincoln, I think. And please note you must click on the poll and enter the size you want. Leaving a comment on what size you want will not work. You must enter it into the poll and, and when these socks are set to ship out and if you did not vote, you will not be asked for your size like I have in years past. You will instead be sent an alternate gift, most likely from something that shipped from a previous cycle. And finally, friend of the family Will Rogers has asked if we could announce that his buddy Alex Dawson and his stage show the Devil and Daisy Dirt will be showing at the New Brunswick Performing arts Center on February 20th, 21st and 22nd.

Get Him (1:29)

That's going to be five shows over three days, Walt. A show on the 20th, two shows on the 21st and two shows on the 22nd. Now we saw this back in November when it was a sold out performance.

Walt (1:39)

This, this is true.

Get Him (1:40)

We helped sold it out, you and I.

Walt (1:42)

We got tickets about a week before the show was to go on. And I Will told me about the show, he's like, yeah, I got a friend of mine, he does this stage show at the Jersey Devil and then he'd have to say no more. And once I said there's a, there's a devil in it. He goes, there's an eight foot tall puppet devil in it.

Get Him (2:00)

Yeah, I think puppet undersells it, but if they want to go with puppet, then puppet it is. But it is, it's amazing. It's, it goes. It.

Walt (2:08)

Yeah, it's, it's one of those things. One of the most creative, unique pieces of art I've seen in quite some time. It combines spoken word music, like live music.

Summary

Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! #663: "Chinese Food, Chinese Problems" (Jan 26, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively, uncensored episode, Walt, Bryan ("Bry"), Q (Brian Quinn), and Get 'Em Steve-Dave revisit the golden age of Chinese buffets, share recent life events including travel tales, a beloved pet’s passing, and explore the ethics and perils of pirated streaming devices. The hosts dive into listener questions, personal quirks, and a hilarious new game revealing Get 'Em’s bizarre hospital conversations. Legal expert "Johnny Law" joins for advice on gray-area entertainment gadgets, and the group debates morality versus temptation—all coated with the usual TESD banter and inside jokes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Announcements and Recommendations (00:00–04:38)

Walt urges Patreon subscribers to complete their sock size poll for upcoming TESD socks, emphasizing the process and consequences if they don’t.
Get 'Em highlights “The Devil and Daisy Dirt,” a unique puppet-driven stage show, with both Walt and Get 'Em raving about its creativity, special effects, and atmosphere.
Notable Quote:
- Walt (02:08): “One of the most creative, unique pieces of art I’ve seen in quite some time. It combines spoken word music, like live music.”

2. Health & Therapy Updates – Get 'Em’s Physical Woes (05:45–06:37)

Get 'Em discusses his minor health regression, physical therapy, and the joy/pain of aging—relatable to all the hosts.
Briefly details switching from buying coffee at Wawa to brewing his own due to rising health insurance costs.

3. The Yarn Lady’s Departure: Office Scavenging Etiquette (07:40–12:09)

The group debates the ethics of quickly claiming leftover signage from a long-time tenant’s space.
Walt sees immediate “vulturing” over the sign as disrespectful; Q and Bry are pragmatic.
Notable Quote:
- Walt (09:21): “Show some fucking level of respect.”

4. Traveling Tales: SeaWorld, Trolleys, and Teachable Moments (13:05–25:21)

Bry recounts taking his daughter Sage to SeaWorld, including attempts to tempt her into minor theft (“steal a Coke”), which she fervently rejects.
The discussion segues into parking prices, transportation logistics, and maximizing the “anticipation” of long public transport rides.
Q details a cheap, short flight on Breeze Airways and their interesting “bid” system for seat upgrades.

5. The Racist Mime at SeaWorld (15:10–19:37)

Bry describes seeing a new (Black, white-faced) mime at SeaWorld after the original 36-year performer was fired post-altercation with security.
The hosts defend the old mime, criticize overzealous rule enforcement, and muse on thankless showbiz roles.

6. Jimmy Buffett’s Coral Reefer Band & Tribute Acts (22:41–24:11)

Q attended the Coral Reefer Band tribute show after Buffett's death, describing the “middle aged white guy heaven” and high ticket prices.
General discussion on the economic staying power of tribute acts and “dead” celebrity brands.

7. Animal Ethics and SeaWorld’s Reputation (25:03–26:19)

They discuss whether SeaWorld has recovered from the “Blackfish” controversy.
Walt cynically notes public attention spans: “People are like, ‘Blackfish? What the hell is that?’”
Bry recounts being judged for visiting but compares it to other “unethical” lifestyle choices.
Notable Quote:
- Q (25:49): “That was a movement I actually agreed with. I was like, yeah, I can get behind this one.”

8. Theme Park Comparisons: Universal vs. Old Universal (27:25–30:38)

Walt and Q news-share about Universal Orlando expansions, changes in themed lands (Universal Monsters, Harry Potter lands, Super Mario), and prices.
They conclude that Harry Potter’s enduring pop culture power now dominates multiple park locations.

9. Texas Roadhouse Disaster & Losing Princess Mitch (31:03–37:01)

Bry shares a story of slow service at Texas Roadhouse, learning his cat Princess Mitch is critically ill.
The emotional retelling covers the aftermath: attempted insulin treatments, Princess Mitch’s final hours at home, and the unique bond between owner and pet.
Notable Quotes:
- Bry (34:43): “Princess Mitch was a really sweet cat with her little black nose. And now I’m starting to get choked up thinking about her...”
- Q (35:54): “It’s the worst part about owning a fucking pet. A lot of times it’s the only bad part about owning a pet.”

10. TSA Frustrations and Airport Experiences (37:48–40:47)

Bry laments TSA agents enforcing rules with inflexibility, especially when traveling with Sage.
Multiple hosts express surprise at Newark’s good reputation with them despite popular scorn.

11. Wallets, Obsessions, and Star Bills (41:03–44:10)

Product placement for Ridge wallets transitions into get 'Em’s odd hoarding of “star bills”—currency with certain serial numbers.
The group marvels that his collection and choices are driven by a subtle, but apparent OCD.

Main Event: Ethics & Scams — The VC Box (61:03–90:13)

Walt’s Acquisition of the VC Box (61:03–68:58)

Walt unveils his “VC box,” a Chinese-made streaming device giving access to any content worldwide for a one-time fee.
He muses about becoming a local distributor for side-hustle profit.
Notable Quote:
- Walt (61:51): “This device allows me to view anything on the planet. Any network...it is like Pandora’s literal box.”

Morality and Fear: Piracy vs. Temptation (68:58–75:23)

Q and Walt spar over whether it’s victimless theft, especially for “dead” shows vs. current content.
Walt, rationalizing: “Mary Tyler Moore? They’re all dead. I’m not stealing any of the shows that people care about.”

Legal Advice from Johnny Law (68:13–89:56)

“Johnny Law” confirms that the box itself is legal, but using it for unlicensed (pirated) content is not, especially with subscription or new media.
Distributors of such devices are at more risk than end-users. Civil penalties are more likely for users than criminal prosecution.
Major security warning: such Chinese boxes often contain malware that can expose entire home networks and personal info.
Notable Quotes:
- Johnny Law (72:01): “A lot of these boxes have malware backdoors...they can steal data from you, redirect your Internet traffic...it is potentially dangerous.”
- Q (81:21): “If you’re, for example, putting in your banking account credentials...they could monitor your network and even be able to monitor the keystrokes that you make on a computer. That’s scary.”

Group’s Final Judgment

Walt is warned off distributing or even using the box over security, legal, and ethical concerns.
Walt is crestfallen, comparing the VC box’s forbidden pleasures to Eden’s apple; the hosts liken his rationalizations to those of an addict. Walt receives legal “approval” (in jest) to pacify his wife but remains addicted to content temptation.
Notable Quote:
- Walt (84:45): “The prospect of me not having [the VC box] is a life I don’t want to live anymore...it was better than drugs.”

Game Segment: “Get ‘Em’s Gift of Gab” (91:02–127:05)

Game Premise

Walt presents nine strange hospital conversation “headlines” for the others to guess which three actually happened between Get 'Em and his (young, attractive) nurses.

Highlights of Hedging, Truths, and Laughter

Absurdities include Get 'Em theorizing the link between “Chinese food consumption” and rare Asian spinal conditions in Caucasians; dietary plans to “go ham” with peanut butter chicken at buffets; quirky cane color woes; and drama over a missing titanium spoon.
Revelations of self-conscious and inappropriate hospital anecdotes.
Notable Quote:
- Q (97:00): “He’s being too obtuse for this.”
Everyone scores two correct guesses, underscoring how plausible all these odd tales are for Get 'Em.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On picking at the Yarn Lady’s leftovers:
Walt (09:21): “Show some fucking level of respect.”
On Sage’s refusal to steal:
Bry (16:06): “She looks at me like, should we fucking shoot the person and leave? It’s nuts.”
On animal activism:
Q (25:49): “That was a movement I actually agreed with. I was like, yeah, I can get behind this one.”
On pet loss’s cruelty:
Q (35:54): “It’s the worst part about owning a fucking pet. A lot of times it’s the only bad part about owning a pet.”
On the VC box’s temptation:
Walt (84:45): “The prospect of me not having [the VC box] is a life I don’t want to live anymore...it was better than drugs.”
On unusual hospital talk:
Q (97:00): “He’s being too obtuse for this.”
On inside jokes:
Walt (09:35): “Circling the sign like a vulture.”

Timestamps for Significant Segments

[00:00–04:38]: Announcements, “Devil and Daisy Dirt” plug
[05:45–06:37]: Get 'Em’s health update
[07:40–12:09]: The Yarn Lady sign scavenging debate
[13:05–25:21]: SeaWorld trip, parenting, and moral lessons
[15:10–19:37]: The Racist Mime saga at SeaWorld
[22:41–24:11]: Jimmy Buffett tribute band concert
[25:03–26:19]: “Blackfish” discussion and SeaWorld’s image
[27:25–30:38]: Universal theme park expansions
[31:03–37:01]: Texas Roadhouse debacle & Princess Mitch’s passing
[41:03–44:10]: Ridge wallet, star bill collections
[61:03–90:13]: The VC box: streaming piracy, legal & security implications
[91:02–127:05]: “Get ‘Em’s Gift of Gab” hospital game
[127:57–128:27]: Wrap-up and closing remarks

Tone & Style

Banter is irreverent, mischievous, with classic TESD self-deprecation and brutal honesty.
The group riffs, teases, and runs wild with tangents, while always circling back to personal vulnerability and “brotherhood."
Notable for its blend of the mundane, the bizarre, and the sincere—all in the New Jersey cadence fans expect.

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

Intricate windows into the hosts’ unique obsessions and petty grievances;
A sincere, heartfelt segment about pet loss resonates deeply amid the comedy;
A rare honest discussion of digital piracy, tech paranoia, and personal ethics;
Infectiously weird hospital stories that only TESD (and Get’Em) can deliver.

Perfect for fans of unfiltered, friendship-driven podcasting that never takes itself (or the world) too seriously.

Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave!
“Chinese Food, Chinese Problems”—An episode as strange, funny, and surprisingly human as the title suggests.

wavePod

#663: Chinese Food, Chinese Problems