#663: Chinese Food, Chinese Problems

Summary

Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! #663: "Chinese Food, Chinese Problems" (Jan 26, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively, uncensored episode, Walt, Bryan ("Bry"), Q (Brian Quinn), and Get 'Em Steve-Dave revisit the golden age of Chinese buffets, share recent life events including travel tales, a beloved pet’s passing, and explore the ethics and perils of pirated streaming devices. The hosts dive into listener questions, personal quirks, and a hilarious new game revealing Get 'Em’s bizarre hospital conversations. Legal expert "Johnny Law" joins for advice on gray-area entertainment gadgets, and the group debates morality versus temptation—all coated with the usual TESD banter and inside jokes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Announcements and Recommendations (00:00–04:38)

• Walt urges Patreon subscribers to complete their sock size poll for upcoming TESD socks, emphasizing the process and consequences if they don’t.
• Get 'Em highlights “The Devil and Daisy Dirt,” a unique puppet-driven stage show, with both Walt and Get 'Em raving about its creativity, special effects, and atmosphere.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (02:08): “One of the most creative, unique pieces of art I’ve seen in quite some time. It combines spoken word music, like live music.”

2. Health & Therapy Updates – Get 'Em’s Physical Woes (05:45–06:37)

• Get 'Em discusses his minor health regression, physical therapy, and the joy/pain of aging—relatable to all the hosts.
• Briefly details switching from buying coffee at Wawa to brewing his own due to rising health insurance costs.

3. The Yarn Lady’s Departure: Office Scavenging Etiquette (07:40–12:09)

• The group debates the ethics of quickly claiming leftover signage from a long-time tenant’s space.
• Walt sees immediate “vulturing” over the sign as disrespectful; Q and Bry are pragmatic.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (09:21): “Show some fucking level of respect.”

4. Traveling Tales: SeaWorld, Trolleys, and Teachable Moments (13:05–25:21)

• Bry recounts taking his daughter Sage to SeaWorld, including attempts to tempt her into minor theft (“steal a Coke”), which she fervently rejects.
• The discussion segues into parking prices, transportation logistics, and maximizing the “anticipation” of long public transport rides.
• Q details a cheap, short flight on Breeze Airways and their interesting “bid” system for seat upgrades.

5. The Racist Mime at SeaWorld (15:10–19:37)

• Bry describes seeing a new (Black, white-faced) mime at SeaWorld after the original 36-year performer was fired post-altercation with security.
• The hosts defend the old mime, criticize overzealous rule enforcement, and muse on thankless showbiz roles.

6. Jimmy Buffett’s Coral Reefer Band & Tribute Acts (22:41–24:11)

• Q attended the Coral Reefer Band tribute show after Buffett's death, describing the “middle aged white guy heaven” and high ticket prices.
• General discussion on the economic staying power of tribute acts and “dead” celebrity brands.

7. Animal Ethics and SeaWorld’s Reputation (25:03–26:19)

• They discuss whether SeaWorld has recovered from the “Blackfish” controversy.
• Walt cynically notes public attention spans: “People are like, ‘Blackfish? What the hell is that?’”
• Bry recounts being judged for visiting but compares it to other “unethical” lifestyle choices.
• Notable Quote:
  • Q (25:49): “That was a movement I actually agreed with. I was like, yeah, I can get behind this one.”

8. Theme Park Comparisons: Universal vs. Old Universal (27:25–30:38)

• Walt and Q news-share about Universal Orlando expansions, changes in themed lands (Universal Monsters, Harry Potter lands, Super Mario), and prices.
• They conclude that Harry Potter’s enduring pop culture power now dominates multiple park locations.

9. Texas Roadhouse Disaster & Losing Princess Mitch (31:03–37:01)

• Bry shares a story of slow service at Texas Roadhouse, learning his cat Princess Mitch is critically ill.
• The emotional retelling covers the aftermath: attempted insulin treatments, Princess Mitch’s final hours at home, and the unique bond between owner and pet.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Bry (34:43): “Princess Mitch was a really sweet cat with her little black nose. And now I’m starting to get choked up thinking about her...”
  • Q (35:54): “It’s the worst part about owning a fucking pet. A lot of times it’s the only bad part about owning a pet.”

10. TSA Frustrations and Airport Experiences (37:48–40:47)

• Bry laments TSA agents enforcing rules with inflexibility, especially when traveling with Sage.
• Multiple hosts express surprise at Newark’s good reputation with them despite popular scorn.

11. Wallets, Obsessions, and Star Bills (41:03–44:10)

• Product placement for Ridge wallets transitions into get 'Em’s odd hoarding of “star bills”—currency with certain serial numbers.
• The group marvels that his collection and choices are driven by a subtle, but apparent OCD.

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Main Event: Ethics & Scams — The VC Box (61:03–90:13)

Walt’s Acquisition of the VC Box (61:03–68:58)

• Walt unveils his “VC box,” a Chinese-made streaming device giving access to any content worldwide for a one-time fee.
• He muses about becoming a local distributor for side-hustle profit.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (61:51): “This device allows me to view anything on the planet. Any network...it is like Pandora’s literal box.”

Morality and Fear: Piracy vs. Temptation (68:58–75:23)

• Q and Walt spar over whether it’s victimless theft, especially for “dead” shows vs. current content.
• Walt, rationalizing: “Mary Tyler Moore? They’re all dead. I’m not stealing any of the shows that people care about.”

Legal Advice from Johnny Law (68:13–89:56)

• “Johnny Law” confirms that the box itself is legal, but using it for unlicensed (pirated) content is not, especially with subscription or new media.
• Distributors of such devices are at more risk than end-users. Civil penalties are more likely for users than criminal prosecution.
• Major security warning: such Chinese boxes often contain malware that can expose entire home networks and personal info.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Johnny Law (72:01): “A lot of these boxes have malware backdoors...they can steal data from you, redirect your Internet traffic...it is potentially dangerous.”
  • Q (81:21): “If you’re, for example, putting in your banking account credentials...they could monitor your network and even be able to monitor the keystrokes that you make on a computer. That’s scary.”

Group’s Final Judgment

• Walt is warned off distributing or even using the box over security, legal, and ethical concerns.
• Walt is crestfallen, comparing the VC box’s forbidden pleasures to Eden’s apple; the hosts liken his rationalizations to those of an addict. Walt receives legal “approval” (in jest) to pacify his wife but remains addicted to content temptation.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (84:45): “The prospect of me not having [the VC box] is a life I don’t want to live anymore...it was better than drugs.”

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Game Segment: “Get ‘Em’s Gift of Gab” (91:02–127:05)

Game Premise

• Walt presents nine strange hospital conversation “headlines” for the others to guess which three actually happened between Get 'Em and his (young, attractive) nurses.

Highlights of Hedging, Truths, and Laughter

• Absurdities include Get 'Em theorizing the link between “Chinese food consumption” and rare Asian spinal conditions in Caucasians; dietary plans to “go ham” with peanut butter chicken at buffets; quirky cane color woes; and drama over a missing titanium spoon.
• Revelations of self-conscious and inappropriate hospital anecdotes.
• Notable Quote:
  • Q (97:00): “He’s being too obtuse for this.”
• Everyone scores two correct guesses, underscoring how plausible all these odd tales are for Get 'Em.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On picking at the Yarn Lady’s leftovers:
  Walt (09:21): “Show some fucking level of respect.”
• On Sage’s refusal to steal:
  Bry (16:06): “She looks at me like, should we fucking shoot the person and leave? It’s nuts.”
• On animal activism:
  Q (25:49): “That was a movement I actually agreed with. I was like, yeah, I can get behind this one.”
• On pet loss’s cruelty:
  Q (35:54): “It’s the worst part about owning a fucking pet. A lot of times it’s the only bad part about owning a pet.”
• On the VC box’s temptation:
  Walt (84:45): “The prospect of me not having [the VC box] is a life I don’t want to live anymore...it was better than drugs.”
• On unusual hospital talk:
  Q (97:00): “He’s being too obtuse for this.”
• On inside jokes:
  Walt (09:35): “Circling the sign like a vulture.”

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Timestamps for Significant Segments

• [00:00–04:38]: Announcements, “Devil and Daisy Dirt” plug
• [05:45–06:37]: Get 'Em’s health update
• [07:40–12:09]: The Yarn Lady sign scavenging debate
• [13:05–25:21]: SeaWorld trip, parenting, and moral lessons
• [15:10–19:37]: The Racist Mime saga at SeaWorld
• [22:41–24:11]: Jimmy Buffett tribute band concert
• [25:03–26:19]: “Blackfish” discussion and SeaWorld’s image
• [27:25–30:38]: Universal theme park expansions
• [31:03–37:01]: Texas Roadhouse debacle & Princess Mitch’s passing
• [41:03–44:10]: Ridge wallet, star bill collections
• [61:03–90:13]: The VC box: streaming piracy, legal & security implications
• [91:02–127:05]: “Get ‘Em’s Gift of Gab” hospital game
• [127:57–128:27]: Wrap-up and closing remarks

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Tone & Style

• Banter is irreverent, mischievous, with classic TESD self-deprecation and brutal honesty.
• The group riffs, teases, and runs wild with tangents, while always circling back to personal vulnerability and “brotherhood."
• Notable for its blend of the mundane, the bizarre, and the sincere—all in the New Jersey cadence fans expect.

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For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

• Intricate windows into the hosts’ unique obsessions and petty grievances;
• A sincere, heartfelt segment about pet loss resonates deeply amid the comedy;
• A rare honest discussion of digital piracy, tech paranoia, and personal ethics;
• Infectiously weird hospital stories that only TESD (and Get’Em) can deliver.

Perfect for fans of unfiltered, friendship-driven podcasting that never takes itself (or the world) too seriously.

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Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave!
“Chinese Food, Chinese Problems”—An episode as strange, funny, and surprisingly human as the title suggests.

Transcript

[Walt]

Hey, a couple of quick announcements before the show starts. If you are on the $20, $40, $60 and $100 tiers on the Patreon, please, please, please go fill out your size poll for the TESD socks that was sent to your email. If you can't find it in your email, check the junk folder. If you don't see it, please, please find out and you can go to the Patreon and, and find it there.

[Get Him]

The poll, yeah, called Socket to me. The post is called.

[Walt]

Really? Yes. Oh, that was clever. Did you come up with that? No, I didn't because I was like, that's pretty good.

[Get Him]

That'd be stolen power, right? I don't want to be guilty of that.

[Walt]

That's Tommy Lincoln, I think. And please note you must click on the poll and enter the size you want. Leaving a comment on what size you want will not work. You must enter it into the poll and, and when these socks are set to ship out and if you did not vote, you will not be asked for your size like I have in years past. You will instead be sent an alternate gift, most likely from something that shipped from a previous cycle. And finally, friend of the family Will Rogers has asked if we could announce that his buddy Alex Dawson and his stage show the Devil and Daisy Dirt will be showing at the New Brunswick Performing arts Center on February 20th, 21st and 22nd.

[Get Him]

That's going to be five shows over three days, Walt. A show on the 20th, two shows on the 21st and two shows on the 22nd. Now we saw this back in November when it was a sold out performance.

[Walt]

This, this is true.

[Get Him]

We helped sold it out, you and I.

[Walt]

We got tickets about a week before the show was to go on. And I Will told me about the show, he's like, yeah, I got a friend of mine, he does this stage show at the Jersey Devil and then he'd have to say no more. And once I said there's a, there's a devil in it. He goes, there's an eight foot tall puppet devil in it.

[Get Him]

Yeah, I think puppet undersells it, but if they want to go with puppet, then puppet it is. But it is, it's amazing. It's, it goes. It.

[Walt]

Yeah, it's, it's one of those things. One of the most creative, unique pieces of art I've seen in quite some time. It combines spoken word music, like live music.

[Get Him]

There's a live performance guy on stage.

[Walt]

Playing, singing, playing his ass off singing. There's actresses, there's puppets. Like I said, and there's props.

[Get Him]

I think calling a pup is like calling something. Jim Henson does a puppet, it undersells it.

[Walt]

That's a Muppet.

[Get Him]

It's more than a Muppet.

[Walt]

Yeah. This thing is impressive.

[Get Him]

Yeah. So a little bit about special effects. Yeah.

[Walt]

Here's a little bit of bio about The Daisy and Ms. Dirt. No, wait a minute. The Devil and daisy dirt. After 50 sold out performances and barns, breweries and music halls throughout the state, cult sensation the Devil and Daisy Dirt, a folk horror fairy tale about the Jersey Devil with live bluegrass and an eight foot tall puppet comes through the NB Pac for. For five shows in late February.

[Get Him]

That's the New Brunswick Performing Arts Center.

[Walt]

And we paid for our tickets. Yes, I paid for you to. You were my plus one. And I was like, I really want to see the show. And Will offered me free tickets. But I did a little research on it, looked at the photos and everything that came with it. I was like, no, man, I'll pay you to see this. This looks fucking dope. And it was.

[Get Him]

Yeah. I mean, it's an immersive experience. There was fog through the. It was. Yeah, it was. I was blown away. I actually bought merch. That's how blown away I was by it.

[Walt]

I brought a T shirt too. I brought a hoodie.

[Get Him]

I think I bought some pins. Yeah. And pins. And a patch. Can't go wrong with pins in a patch.

[Walt]

Our socks were knocked off. Thank God we're doing TSD socks in a few months because both of our socks were knocked off. We haven't recovered them. We left them in East Brunswick. Yeah, I got a $50 ticket too, after went to that show because I didn't put enough money in the meter. Yeah. So this, that. And I still was. I left happy and still was a great experience, even though I got a $50 parking ticket in East Brunswick. So experience the timeless magic of what audiences are calling New Jersey ET and what Weird New Jersey magazine calls the most original Jersey centric and downright weird presentation in our state's theatrical history. Kevin Smith, Smodcastle Cinemas and Weird New Jersey present the Devil and Daisy Dirt a Garden State Gothic event at the.

[Get Him]

New Brunswick Performing Arts Center February 20th, 21st and 22nd. Get your tickets now.

[Walt]

Visit nbpac.org for details. Dude, I'd love to just fucking sit there and throw chum at you as you walk through.

[Bry]

There's a racist mime at Sea World.

[Q]

Go on. But these are dead ends. These are dead ends. Yeah, I'm pointing that right now. These are Pussy. Dead ends.

[Walt]

Tell Em Steve Dave.

[Bry]

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Em Steve Dave.

[Q]

Hello, Q. Hello, bud.

[Bry]

Hello, Wal. Hello and hello. Giddum.

[Get Him]

How you stankin'?

[Bry]

Yeah, I've been curious. It's one of my notes. How have you been feeling lately? Are you bouncing back? Are you recovering?

[Get Him]

I've been backsliding a little, but yeah, going to physical therapy.

[Walt]

So what way you've been backsliding?

[Get Him]

Just like when I get up, like my legs are stiff again. Like I had a period where like I could just get. I could actually get up without like assistance. But now it's kind of. I need to push off and off, so.

[Q]

Could just be age, buddy. I got to do that too.

[Get Him]

Yeah, but like I said, like every.

[Bry]

Time I stand up. Yes, every time. Yeah, it's like your grandfather, your dad used to make that noise. Like that's every time I get out of the car.

[Get Him]

Yeah, but like two weeks ago, like I was able to get up. I got a bed. Fine, but I'll just all by myself. No pushing off. But then like it like I just backslided a little. So next time I go to the doctor, I'm just gonna ring it up.

[Bry]

All right, well, that's how get him's doing backsliding a little.

[Get Him]

Yeah. But physical therapy is going well.

[Bry]

So we got the lowdown on his new coffee deal. Well, you weren't here, Q. You missed it.

[Q]

I missed a coffee deal?

[Bry]

Yeah, yeah, go on. He's not going to Wawa anymore. He's making his own coffee.

[Walt]

Did it smell like coffee?

[Bry]

Not that simple though.

[Q]

It did not smell like coffee when I came in.

[Walt]

I noticed it immediately.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Get Him]

Yeah, you did.

[Walt]

I was like, oh man, it smells like coffee. Because I like to smell of coffee. I don't like the taste of it. But I thought he had a coffee candle. But then I was informed, no, you're.

[Q]

Not roasting your own beans.

[Walt]

Brewing.

[Get Him]

No, no, no, no. My. The cost of health insurance has gone up, so it's the scanner.

[Walt]

Scanner out in front of.

[Get Him]

I'll just close the door.

[Walt]

Yeah, it's just a. You were like, are you on the lam that you think that?

[Q]

Don't say that again.

[Walt]

The police scanner sent you into a tizzy.

[Q]

No, I was worried about sound of the. You know, the podcast we're doing more than anything.

[Bry]

All right, no more scanner. All right, what do I got this week?

[Q]

Lots of what have you got?

[Bry]

People were interested in. Is there. Walt, do you have any more on the yarn lady? They were very Disappointed that we were like, yeah, the yarn lady left and that was it. I didn't know how much more we could talk about.

[Walt]

I actually do have something I like to bounce off of.

[Q]

There we go.

[Walt]

I want to see what your impressions are of the residents of Airport Plaza.

[Q]

Who.

[Walt]

Immediately upon a longtime tenant leaving, who happens to have a sandwich board type of sign out that she used to put out front.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt]

Like a plastic. Like, it's like that two thing. You fold it out. Yeah, sure. It stands. It's called the sandwich board.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

I can't know the A frame signs. A frame size signs. So apparently there have been residents who are eyeing up her frame sign. A frame sign.

[Q]

She just abandoned it.

[Walt]

She abandoned it. And now there's the time period of when it's acceptable for someone to take that sign and then make it their own.

[Q]

Where is it sitting?

[Walt]

It's sitting in the hallway as you walk in.

[Q]

I think the day after she moves out, you bring it in, you wait a week, see if anybody notices and pop it out.

[Walt]

You don't think it's like, it's absolutely class, but it's not classless for a woman who spent 30 years here, like, within 24 hours. Like, the residents are like, trying to pick the bones of her carcass to take a sign.

[Q]

She sold yarn. She wasn't a fucking doctor or fucking mayor or anything like that.

[Walt]

I think it's so gross. Like, he is so nasty. I'm like, you're like, show some fucking level of respect.

[Q]

No, it means so little to her that she was like, ah, fuck it. Leave it in the hallway. I don't care.

[Walt]

But he's so worried that somebody else is gonna take it. And he's like, I saw somebody else eyeing it up.

[Q]

Well, what's he gonna put on the sign is more my question.

[Bry]

Exactly what are you gonna put?

[Get Him]

I was gonna get a TST thing made.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Get Him]

And put it out there so we can put it, like, out front.

[Walt]

We don't.

[Q]

We don't clean the mess in the fucking office before you tackle that project.

[Walt]

Exactly.

[Q]

Year and a half with this goddamn disaster area.

[Bry]

But think about it. Cleaning that shit up.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Or stealing a sign, which is easier.

[Q]

And then the sign goes on the fucking pile. And now we got a sign in there.

[Bry]

New.

[Walt]

Like, I guess the new piece of artwork that would go on the sign would never get made. And then it would become another thing that just sits there and never has any use for us.

[Q]

Right. And that I agree with.

[Walt]

Right. So I was like, I don't want it in here. First off, we don't want just people just wandering in anyway, though. Anybody who's coming here knows we're here anyway. We don't need a sign.

[Bry]

What are you guys doing here?

[Walt]

Yeah, we've had a couple of those. Yeah, I just thought it was, like, very. It made me feel icky, though, that not only him, but apparently one of the Rons was also eyeing up the sign.

[Bry]

Circling the sign like a vulture.

[Q]

I would let the Ron have it.

[Walt]

Yeah, I would too, But I just also thought it was like, come on, man, she just left. Can you vulture, stop trying to fucking pick out her carcass?

[Bry]

How long has she been gone? She left the beginning of the year, right?

[Get Him]

A week?

[Bry]

January. A week?

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Okay.

[Q]

She left it behind. She don't care.

[Walt]

I know, but it's just, what if she does find.

[Q]

That's why she left it behind. She was like, I hope someone gets use out of this, Dad.

[Walt]

I don't think so.

[Q]

But she left it in the hall.

[Walt]

That's where she always left it, though.

[Bry]

Yeah, but.

[Q]

So she's basically littering.

[Walt]

She might come back for it. How embarrassing is that? If she's like, knock, knock, knock. Oh, excuse me, do you happen to have my sign? And we got a. She, like, call the cops on her.

[Q]

She don't belong here.

[Bry]

Have her trespass.

[Walt]

Yeah, I. I was. I was not keen on trying to, like, pilfer her. Her sign.

[Q]

I thought you were gonna say, how do we feel about moving into her space? Well, I don't know what a space looks like.

[Walt]

There's no window over there either. It would be just like. It would be a move just for the sake of moving it.

[Q]

Sure. Yes. I mean, I don't know.

[Walt]

I think it's smaller, too.

[Get Him]

Possibly it's one giant room as opposed to, like, four smaller rooms.

[Walt]

Yeah, if it had a window, maybe.

[Q]

Right.

[Walt]

All right. But none of the offices in Airport Plaza come with windows. For safety's sake.

[Q]

Who needs egress or ventilation? Safety things can't get in if there's firing.

[Walt]

You can't get out either.

[Get Him]

You'll notice no smoke detectors in here.

[Q]

Oh, yeah, sorry.

[Walt]

If we're grandfathered in, we don't need smoke detectors.

[Q]

Detectors, yeah. Yeah.

[Bry]

Eventually the day's gonna come. Like, do you smell that Next. You know, you're back in the old occupation trying to fight fires.

[Get Him]

This is legally defined as a closet. Can we go back into the City of Basil?

[Walt]

If we come back, do we go back to Red Bank? Do you think they let Us have the, the little mini room back. If we were like, hey, we had a fire. And they're like, your second is a.

[Q]

Kid involved into that episode.

[Walt]

You would get pret though as the fire guy. Fire follows you. If there's a fire here too.

[Get Him]

Well, what if the condition of going back is you have to make a video?

[Bry]

I would do it. I was in Florida myself.

[Q]

Q. Yeah. You went to down the SeaWorld. You went to SeaWorld. I was wondering if you're gonna pop down to Old Key west to meet me.

[Bry]

I would have liked to.

[Q]

You could have.

[Walt]

That's not a papa. That's a.

[Bry]

That's a haul. That's a flight.

[Q]

No, it's a 48 minute flight.

[Bry]

Yeah, I was gonna say that's a flight down.

[Q]

I just, I flew from Key west to Atlanta, visit my parents. I mean it was like, yeah, yeah, the old Breeze Airways. You ever hear Breeze?

[Bry]

No.

[Q]

Yeah, it's pretty nice actually. $53 flight. I was like, this is dope.

[Bry]

Yeah, that's good. Fuck, I wish I'd known. I would have come down and Sage and Mary Beth.

[Get Him]

Is that first class or, or is it.

[Q]

If you want to Upgrade to a first class, you can pay. You can either pay the $60 or you could do they call it the breeze bid, where you. Where you could bid on it and whoever wins the bid gets the first class.

[Bry]

Oh, really?

[Q]

Yeah, up to $60. Because then you could just buy it, right? Yeah. So I put in a breeze bid of $40 and they, they put me up there.

[Bry]

Nice.

[Walt]

Oh, you won.

[Bry]

Well played.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Does it feel like winning at like AC or anything or.

[Q]

It does, because I know I could have just paid the 60. So I was like. So I saved a couple of bones and I got to sit in the front row. Yeah, it was nice. Such a short flight though, that it's like by the time you're already on the way down. Yeah.

[Get Him]

58 planes.

[Walt]

Yeah, 58 planes.

[Q]

Yeah, it was. They were. Look, this isn't a Breeze Airways commercial, but yeah, they really impressed me with what they had.

[Bry]

Went to SeaWorld. It was.

[Walt]

Did any listener come through?

[Bry]

Nobody came through. No. That's okay. Yeah, I didn't expect on such short notice anyway. It's like by the time the episode came out and I went to SeaWorld.

[Walt]

What are the likelihood that there's an employee that somebody works there, TSD at SeaWorld?

[Bry]

Well, unlikely. It seems possible. One, I'd say 40 bucks to park there. That's what really surprised me. That was like almost half the ticket price, that sucks. Yeah, yeah. Like, I remember. I remember. I thought I remembered it being 20. And even at that, I'm like, maybe we'll Uber over there. But then I'm like, ah, fuck it. It's probably going to be almost the same.

[Q]

Yeah, you just got to suck it. I mean, what do you do? What are you doing?

[Walt]

Can you take a trolley?

[Q]

Save fucking.

[Bry]

No trolleys there. You might be able to take a bus.

[Q]

Not deal with the people on the bus. That's what you're doing.

[Walt]

That's part of the experience for Sage.

[Bry]

Though, who wants to deal with trolley people.

[Walt]

But then you're robbing Sage of the experience of taking the trolley too.

[Bry]

I am. I don't know what that means to her. She'd rather get there sooner or have the trolley experience.

[Walt]

It's awesome because it stops everywhere. It takes like a 15 minute drive. Takes about an hour and a half on the trolley. Then the anticipation builds, though. Like, you can't. When you finally get there, you are fucking chomping at the bit.

[Bry]

I can't wait to get off the fuck off this trolley. Wherever I really want to go. Let's see, when we were there, what happened? I tried to get Sage to steal a Coke because I knew she wouldn't do it. This kid has morals that I didn't teach her. I don't know where she learned not to steal, but she got this coke and I was like, oh, that's a lot of money. Let's just take it. Let's just go out. Let's just leave. Like, just fucking around with her. She's like, no data, that's stealing. And I'm like, where'd you learn this? Like, I never taught you.

[Q]

I taught you this.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Steal it from where, though?

[Bry]

Liberating. Like from one of the gift shops. Just a bottle of Coke from one of the gift shops. I was like, we should just take it, right? She looks at me like, I'm like, should we fucking shoot the person and leave? It's nuts.

[Q]

Oh, good. Learn a thing from her.

[Bry]

There was a racist mime at Sea World.

[Q]

Go on, what is it? How'd you do racist? Was it blackface instead of whiteface?

[Bry]

No, it's a black guy in whiteface.

[Q]

Oh, that's the racist.

[Bry]

I count that as racist. Yeah.

[Walt]

I count that as racist because.

[Bry]

They always had the same mime there for, like decades.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

And something happened with them. I'm not quite sure what the story was. Can you look it up? Get him.

[Q]

See what happened to park hours or something like that.

[Bry]

He might have done something up. And I remember it was like, he's gone.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

And then there was this new mime, and he was a black guy with white face.

[Q]

Skinny.

[Bry]

Skinny guy.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah, like a mime. Skinny.

[Walt]

You don't see overweight mimes, do you?

[Q]

That's.

[Walt]

No, No, I don't think so.

[Bry]

Yeah, I don't.

[Q]

Maybe in the Joker's gang or something.

[Bry]

Like that, but that's your world. MIME FIRED AFTER altercation with security 36 years.

[Q]

Yeah, 36 years and he was a heavier guy.

[Bry]

Lynn, the mime from SeaWorld, announced yesterday that after 36 years, he'll no longer be performing at SeaWorld. This is in 2024.

[Q]

Holy shit.

[Bry]

His termin his employment was abruptly terminated after an altercation with SeaWorld security staff member. This dispute started when Lynn was riding his bike into work through the park to his dressing room. This is something he has done for years. This particular security guard, though, is not having it. And told Lynn he could not ride his bike through the park to his dressing room.

[Walt]

It sounds like we got to get him on our hands. He's got a. He just has a badge and a. And a security vest. And he's like, nope, you're not going to ride through my parking lot.

[Bry]

Right.

[Walt]

He's like, even though you've served 36 years for this park.

[Bry]

Right. You made me stop my karate moves. Yeah. Lynn explained during the exchange that he asked for clarification on why he suddenly could not ride his bike. And according to Lynn, he was not given a reason. And he also read the rule book, and there was nothing in there that states he could not ride his bike to the dressing room.

[Get Him]

I didn't make up my own rules.

[Walt]

Yeah, but you enforced them, though, like you were enforcing.

[Get Him]

I enforced the rules because they apply to everybody.

[Walt]

Yeah, but, you know, some rules, you know, have to be. You have to look the other way in certain circumstances. And a guy who served 36 years as your mom got to treat him.

[Bry]

A little bit more.

[Walt]

You got to treat him a little bit more respect than that.

[Q]

Especially since he's.

[Walt]

Mime's getting no respect anywhere. At least let him get it in the fucking park they work in for 36 years.

[Q]

Oh, that sucks.

[Walt]

And think of that, though. He works at SeaWorld. There's not a person walking through those gates that gives a fuck about a mime. All they're there for is to see aquatic fish.

[Bry]

I don't know. People like, if you go to that Clyde and Seymour show, people like that mime. Because he like fucks with the audience and stuff.

[Walt]

Is there a seal on stage two with him? No, he's all by himself.

[Bry]

All by himself. He's out there like directing the audience's attention. Yeah.

[Walt]

He does deserve more respect than he got from the security guard.

[Bry]

I think it's also because like nothing else is going on at the time. So you're just waiting there. He is all sad.

[Walt]

How sad he is too. Yeah, he should be more sad that he was. He worked 36 years as a mime.

[Get Him]

I mean, I had to turn.

[Q]

I don't know about that.

[Bry]

He's not even allowed back on SeaWorld property after one security guard reported him to HR. Look at him balancing that hat on.

[Walt]

That's pretty good though, man. That's a talented mime.

[Bry]

He had over 82,000 TikTok followers. He said there wasn't a rule in SeaWorld handbook prohibiting him from riding his bike on the path.

[Get Him]

I mean, I turned Rob Briggle down at the Super Bowl.

[Walt]

Yeah, I've heard that story many times. Wow. What if it was one of the player? What if it was Peyton Manning? And he's like, I gotta get to the. I gotta get into the uniform. The game starts in five minutes, you gotta let me through.

[Get Him]

No pass, no entry.

[Walt]

Your fucking walk of papers would be fucking served so fast by Roger Goodell. He'd slap you across the fucking face.

[Q]

I fuckin hate guys like you. I hate guys like you. There's something called disappointment. Discretion, you piece of. You exercise discretion. You trash human. You power hungry. I hate guys like that like you. Give them a little bit of power.

[Bry]

That's what the security guard here sounds like. He's giving the M a hard time. And I think the mime was like, look, I have seniority over almost everybody.

[Walt]

Here, including probably the security guard.

[Bry]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Apparently not.

[Walt]

Yeah, he may have been a pain in the ass though. Maybe they wanted him gone.

[Bry]

Yeah, it could have been like, enough with this.

[Q]

36 years.

[Walt]

36. Maybe he was looking a little long in the tooth. Maybe that makeup wasn't hiding all the wrinkles.

[Bry]

Something to say.

[Get Him]

Oh.

[Q]

He was the mind boss. According to his shirt.

[Bry]

There he is.

[Walt]

He's there with his seal though.

[Bry]

With Clyde.

[Walt]

Yeah, but Clyde is the seal.

[Bry]

Klein to see more of the sea lions. Yeah.

[Walt]

Wait a minute. So he does do an act with them?

[Bry]

No, no, no. This is just a picture he's posing for.

[Walt]

How the fuck do you know those seals names then?

[Bry]

Clyde and Seymour? Because it's the Clyde and Seymour. Show.

[Walt]

Did you see it?

[Bry]

Yeah. Oh, of course. I love it.

[Walt]

So they're calling the fucking mime this guy's old name. They're calling him Clyde now.

[Bry]

No, no. Clyde and Seymour are the seals.

[Walt]

Oh. The Clyde was the. Was the mime and Seymour was the seal.

[Bry]

I was just like, wow.

[Walt]

They just replaced them, including his name, man. There's absolutely no respect.

[Bry]

Like you're now Lin m. Oh, yeah. So he got kicked out and replaced him with a new mime. Yeah. There you go. There's a picture with him.

[Walt]

You should take a mime class. Get him, you know, maybe earn a little extra buck.

[Q]

He's a fat mime, I guess. He's a funny one. He's like the buffoonish one.

[Bry]

Fry's daughter set up a gofundme. Could you go just a little bit higher for her father looking to help him to start up his own roadshow company.

[Q]

This was 2024.

[Bry]

Yeah, this wasn't that long ago.

[Get Him]

This seems like family friendly juggalos.

[Bry]

I never saw the two mime show. That's surprising.

[Get Him]

Gotta pay extra for that.

[Bry]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Walt]

Two mimes and a cup.

[Bry]

Got it. What else happened? What else happened?

[Q]

Well, I saw. I saw Jimmy Buffett's Coral Reefer Band play. It's pretty awesome.

[Walt]

Is that like fuzz guitars and.

[Q]

No, it was. It was just his backing band and the guys that wrote the song with them. There was like 10 of them on stage and they. They sang. They. I mean, it was almost 4,000 people there. They sold out the amphitheater and tickets were started at $100. They went up to like 1200.

[Walt]

Jimmy's not even there.

[Q]

Jimmy's not even there.

[Walt]

Well, the backup band and the backup singers are performing.

[Q]

All the same people that performed over the years. The Coral Reefers are. And holy. It was like middle aged white guy heaven. It was just sea of people.

[Bry]

Everybody have their Hawaiian shirts on.

[Q]

Parrot heads. Parrot heads, yeah. Not dancing in sync, but like, I looked over, me and Jiggy were there and we're looking around and I was like, look at how. Look at how everybody's having the best time.

[Walt]

Does Jimmy like we're all a bunch of drunks?

[Bry]

Parrot heads.

[Walt]

You think? Do you think when Jimmy sees this, when he sees the ticket sales and he's like, they sold out without me.

[Q]

I don't think Jimmy.

[Walt]

I like. I know he likes to be like Margaritaville island, but I bet you even. I guarantee he's a human being. He's still dead. Oh, is he dead?

[Q]

S reason they did it.

[Walt]

Oh, okay. I thought he was like, I'm not doing it anymore. And they're like, well, we want to make money, Jimmy. So we're going on tour without you?

[Bry]

No, we got a new Jimmy. He's a black guy.

[Q]

No, it's more like a tribute show than.

[Walt]

Okay, all right. That makes more sense.

[Q]

But it was. It was. I mean, people were having a blast, dude.

[Walt]

And I was Cheeseburger in Paradise.

[Q]

Oh, you know it.

[Get Him]

I got an ad earlier today for a Space Freely show. It's a loving tribute to Ace Freely. I was wondering if you were interested.

[Walt]

I wouldn't mind seeing Space Freely.

[Get Him]

I'll send it to Rob.

[Walt]

Okay.

[Bry]

Oh, man. When we were at one of the shows, it was the Orca show, Shamu show. Every once in, like, they would clap for. You know, they're like. And we're, you know. And today we're welcoming, you know, our military. And, you know, everybody clapped and I started going like, thank you. Thank you. Sage got so pissed. He goes, they're not clapping for you. Like, really? Like, annoyed Valor. Really annoyed at me that I was like, thank you. Thank you, everybody.

[Q]

She's a blast.

[Bry]

Oh, she's fun. Yeah, she's really fun.

[Q]

What's that? I thought Shamu was Persona non grata there.

[Bry]

I guess not. They still got two Shamus there. One Shamu and one whatever their name is.

[Q]

How's the living conditions? I mean, they gotta be like, they can't risk a second of bad press.

[Bry]

They have to be living in paradise. Those whales.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Cheeseburgers in Paradise. And apparently Shmoo. What's his name?

[Bry]

Not in Paradise.

[Walt]

So do you think the park has returned to its heydays of attendance wise, you know, in 2026? Or do you think they're still struggling to get people to go through the turnstiles with all the bad press?

[Bry]

I bet you people are like, what? Blackfish? What the hell is that?

[Walt]

Oh, that's terrible. People are like a day out that's more important than.

[Bry]

Yep.

[Q]

That's too bad, because that was a movement I actually agreed with. I was like, yeah, I can get behind this one.

[Bry]

Yeah. I remember I was doing a show with Kevin down in Florida, and Kevin was like, so you went to SeaWorld, huh? And this was like, on the heels of Blackfish.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

And they're like, oh, you're a piece of shit. You know, like, everybody's booing me and shit. I was like, fuck you. How many of you drove here today in SUVs that are chewing up the Fucking ozone layer like you, dude.

[Walt]

I'd love to just sit there and throw chum at you as you walk through.

[Bry]

Yeah. Style.

[Walt]

It's like, go ahead, enjoy this, you.

[Bry]

Piece of all in my mouth.

[Q]

Leave a bag of clams.

[Bry]

They just chummed me.

[Q]

Drop it on you.

[Bry]

Take this, chumley. Chum me, man. They chum me over in SeaWorld. I smell like fish.

[Get Him]

The blood of Keiko is upon you.

[Q]

You're the fucking fish. Fascist, man.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Did you do anything else there in.

[Bry]

Orlando the next day? No, we were only there for two days. Like, we had one travel day on one end and one travel day on the other end. So we were only there for Tuesday and Wednesday.

[Walt]

How come you only stayed for such a short period of time?

[Bry]

I just want, like, if I stay like three or four days, it just seems too long. So I was like, we're gonna get in there.

[Walt]

You had one day to do things and then one day to go home.

[Bry]

One day at Sea World. The next day, Sage just wanted to swim. So we went to the pool and she swam around and stuff. And thankfully it was like one of the. Like the day that we got really lucky. The day that we went to SeaWorld and the day we went to the pool, we're both like 72 degree days.

[Q]

Okay.

[Bry]

Yeah. And then the day we left, it was 58. The day we arrived, it was 58. And they're like, yeah, we're about to go through a cold snap, which I guess means is going to get even colder than it was.

[Walt]

So to have an interest in going to see the Universal Monster exhibit that's at Universal Studios.

[Bry]

I did, but like, to pay that much for shit that, like, I'm like, I'm not going to go on the rides. Like, I'm not gonna go on these roller coasters or anything.

[Walt]

Well, I don't think they're roller coasters.

[Bry]

Frankenstein is.

[Q]

The Frankenstein's not really. It's one of those where you sit in the chair and, yeah. You hang from it.

[Bry]

Oh.

[Q]

And you go through faces, but it doesn't do loops or anything like that. At worst, it makes you look up at the ceiling and down. It was fine.

[Get Him]

You did it.

[Q]

I went on three times. I told you all about this.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Oh, I thought that. Okay.

[Q]

No, I got the tour, remember?

[Walt]

Yeah, it was. I can't wait to go.

[Q]

It's great.

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Bry]

You're going this summer, right?

[Walt]

I hope to. I'm not certain, but I'd like to go this summer to cross that off my bucket list. To see the Universal monsters, you know, put back into prominence, you know, where they rightfully belong. In that studio. They should be owning that studio.

[Q]

Yeah, I agree. You just gotta be careful because like the, you know, it's five lands. Like, it's five.

[Walt]

Yeah, I know. There's Harry Scooter or whatever his name is.

[Q]

Yeah, Harry Scooter and. And Potter. Su Mario. Su Mario.

[Walt]

Oh, that's. That's new then. I've never seen that. I'm not interested in that either.

[Q]

All of these are new. Every park is new. It's a separate location. It's not. You're not going to the Universal Studios you went to. It's like 10 miles down the road.

[Walt]

Oh, so there's so multiple tickets on, right?

[Q]

No, no, no. Well, all those lands that are with monsters are all one ticket.

[Walt]

We. The last time I was at Universal Studios, I was with get them only a couple of years ago. Where. How come we didn't see any of this stuff?

[Q]

They were building it.

[Walt]

Oh, okay. It's all new.

[Q]

All new. Completely new.

[Walt]

So what happened to the Marvel world?

[Q]

That's still at Universal. That's still at the main. Universal.

[Walt]

Still operating there. It's great.

[Q]

Yeah, they updated the Spider man, right. It's like. It's pretty cool. The graphics are.

[Walt]

So what is the other. So there's Universal monsters.

[Q]

So you walk into. It's called Epic Universe. Epic Universe is the name of the park. You walk in and there's Super Mario Land. Harry Potter Land. How to train your dragon Land.

[Walt]

What's that from?

[Bry]

How to train dragon.

[Walt]

That's a movie.

[Q]

Harry Potter is cool because it's not like the one. It's based on the. It's based on the Fantastic Beasts. So they set it in Paris in the twenties. And the land is. You walk in. I do. It is like walking into Paris. It's insane.

[Walt]

So wait a minute. So this has been there for a while though, right? Harry Potter?

[Q]

Well, no, they just.

[Walt]

Well, there. Was there Harry Potter there before? Well, they're dragging that breeze.

[Bry]

Fire.

[Q]

It's in the other part.

[Bry]

Okay.

[Q]

Yeah, that's.

[Walt]

That look cool too.

[Q]

That's at the diagonal. Something alley. It was cool. It's great. It's all great.

[Walt]

Harry Potter is that popular that it warrants two fucking two parks?

[Q]

There's three. There's three in Orlando alone because you have two in Universal. There's two different Universal parks there.

[Walt]

Okay.

[Q]

And there's a Harry Potter in each of those. And now they have the Epic Universe where they put in another Harry Potter one.

[Walt]

That shit hasn't died down yet.

[Q]

I think it's.

[Walt]

It's just more popular than ever.

[Q]

They're making a new. Hbo is making a new Harry Potter show and stuff like that. Okay.

[Bry]

Wow.

[Walt]

Maybe the monsters aren't as popular as I thought they were.

[Q]

I assure you, they're not as popular as Harry Potter.

[Walt]

They can't make more money off the monsters than Harry Potter.

[Bry]

Remember this guy?

[Q]

I wish they could.

[Bry]

So. So we came home Thursday night. We stopped at Texas Roadhouse for dinner.

[Walt]

It's always a nice spot.

[Bry]

Not always. No, dude.

[Walt]

Orlando.

[Bry]

Well, first.

[Walt]

Texas.

[Bry]

No, this was in Jersey.

[Walt]

Oh, Jersey.

[Bry]

Over in Holmdel.

[Johnny Law]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Okay.

[Bry]

Well, first we had. I found out, like, before we even left, I found out that Princess Mitch had diabetes, so I had to start giving her insulin shots twice a day. And, you know, she's one of these cats that skittish around people she doesn't know, so I can't, like, have somebody watch her or whatever. So we boarded her at this cat place over in. Over in Lincroft. And they only do cats. There's no, like, bark. And it was really. It was really a nice place to. To set your cat. They had, like, these separate cages that were big with cat trees that they could mess around in and all this. So we go to Roadhouse, Texas Roadhouse on the way home. And I know I have a history of having problems with waiters and waitresses, but you like, yeah, me, if you could believe it. But we sit down, and it's 15 minutes before anybody even comes to the table, which is like, an excessive amount of time. So I'm annoyed, but I'm still like, all right, I'm not gonna.

[Walt]

You're just back from vacation. You're not on fucking vacation time.

[Bry]

It's kind of on a high, kind of on a high. But this is. But 15 minutes is taking me a little bit. So the guy comes by, he's like, we order everything at once because now we're ready. I'm not exaggerating. Another 15 minutes goes by. Nothing. No drinks, no food. Mary Beth is like, oh, the vet's call, and I gotta go take this call. So she comes in and she's like. When we. She comes. She goes outside. She comes back in. She's like, she took the call. We have to pick up Princess Mitch tonight. She's not doing that great. Which I did not want to hear, especially on the heels of this fucking dickhead ruining our dinner. So I'm just like, fuck it, we're leaving. And I didn't make a big stink about it. We just left. I didn't talk to, like, I didn't talk to any managers, any shit like that. I was just like, fuck it, let's go. So we go get Princess Mitch and she is not looking good. And they did X rays and she had the same. She was like getting fluid in her lungs and she had the same shit that, like that. That she had when I used to get her. I had to do all those operations for. It's like this weird, like, sinewy stuff that, like, was growing in her. So we're like, all right, it. We'll bring her home. We'll let her spend the night at the. At home. And because it's like 9 o' clock at this point, let her spend the night at home. We'll bring her to the vet the next day. And there was no next day for her.

[Q]

Oh, no, dude.

[Bry]

I was like, no, not Princess Mitch.

[Walt]

Oh, how old was Princess Mitch?

[Bry]

She was 11. So it's like she got on one hand, you know. Mary Beth was trying to console me. She got a lot of years out of.

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Me paying for her to go to the vet and get all those operations.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

But like, she was like. There was a moment like, within the past two months where I'm like, should I hold back on feeding this cat? She is so fat now. She got really heavy, you know, and then suddenly she just started going down, down, like, losing weight. So we brought her to the vet. She's got the diabetes. So we're going to. We're going to give her insulin. And I'm thinking in my mind, I'm like, so what? Cats live to like, 15, 16? So the next fucking. In five, six years, I'm going to be given this cut. Insulin. I was like, I guess that's. I guess that's what it is.

[Q]

I give Chessy fluids twice a week, Right?

[Bry]

Yeah. And then you know, after, you know, after I heard the, the bad news about her, you know, at the vet, I'm like, she's probably not going to make it. I'm like, I would give anything to give her insulin for the next six years. She was such a sweet cat. And I know everybody says that. Like, I don't say that about Salem.

[Q]

Right.

[Bry]

Because he'll scratch you out of nowhere.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

You can be petting him and suddenly he's like, you know, get you little cat. Forget her.

[Walt]

She.

[Bry]

She's like on another planet.

[Q]

She's a maniac.

[Bry]

Yeah. She's crazy. But Princess Mitch was a really Sweet cat with her little black nose. And now I'm starting to get choked up thinking about her. Yeah. Really fucking sucked.

[Q]

So were you with her? Like, did you spend the night with her?

[Bry]

Were you spent the night with her? Yeah, she was on the bed, and she. She didn't die in the bed, thankfully, but she was, like, on the bed, and we were petting her, and she was purring, and we put her on the heating pad for a little while, because she loves the heating pad. And then suddenly she jumped down and she crawled under the bed, because sometimes that's where she goes to sleep. And then the next morning, she was just. She was gone. And I wasn't, like, totally shocked, but it's heartbreaking. Yeah. I was like, God damn it. Because I was also thinking. I'm like, all right, she has that in her lungs or whatever. I'm like, but they do the same thing they did last time. But I'm like, she's also eight years older now, and the way she looked, I'm like, there's no way she can handle it. There's no way she could handle the same kind of, you know, handling that or care that she was getting back then. Yeah. It's like she was like, maybe three or four at that point. Maybe not even that old.

[Q]

Dude, I'm real sorry to hear. It's horrible.

[Bry]

Yeah. It's like, it's the worst part about owning a fucking pet. It's like, a lot of times it's the only bad part about owning a pet. It's like, they bring you so much joy.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

And then, you know, you have to deal with the inevitable.

[Q]

I know, but you know what, dude? Honestly, like, she held on one night. She could have died in that cage without, you know, like, that's. That's a gift.

[Bry]

Yeah. That's what Mary Beth said. She was like, you could have, like, gotten back on top of the waiter being a shithead.

[Q]

Like, she would have died alone. Like, I separated from you guys, wondering what's going on.

[Bry]

Yeah. Like, her last memory, if cats have memories, her last memory is us being like, see you later, dropping her off. Yeah.

[Q]

So you got. Kind of got a gift in a.

[Bry]

Little bit of water. Yeah.

[Walt]

I was thinking the only way you can avoid that, like, that kind of. You know, the worst part of owning a pet is to the next pet you get is, like, a tortoise.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Who outlives me. Yeah. Yeah. Well, dude, that's why I'm like. You know, I said to Mary Beth, I was like, what would you do if I came back with a kitten, you know, like, she'd be like, well, I wouldn't be really mad, but, you know, I would be like, I'm not ready for another cat just yet. Then I started thinking. I'm like, you know, if this cat lives another 11 years, like, I don't know.

[Q]

I do this math all the time. I'm like, how many more cycles of cats do I have left? I'm like, it might only be one.

[Bry]

Yes, I hear you, man. That's what I was thinking. I was like, maybe I shouldn't get a kitten. Like, get an elder cat, you know?

[Get Him]

But then you see those ones that go to, like, 20 years.

[Bry]

20 plus years. Yeah. Benjamin cat was old.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Q]

No, they're getting up. I mean, Chessy's 16 now, you know?

[Bry]

Yeah. Wow.

[Q]

They're all getting up there.

[Get Him]

How's Boris doing?

[Q]

He's great. He's a best. He's awesome. But he's two and a half. I mean, he's coming. He's a maniac still.

[Bry]

Yeah. They're fun when they're maniacs, right.

[Q]

I call them a Torosaurus.

[Bry]

Like, you don't know what they're gonna do next. It's like, one minute that you're petting them, the next minute, they're tearing down the hallway and attacking something.

[Q]

Yeah, he's getting better. Playing catch, too. Like. Like, now it's just like, I have to stop because I'm like, all right. I'm like, I don't want to do this right now.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

Oh, sorry.

[Bry]

TSA agent gave me a bunch of. I was like, like, 99 times out of 100, if I'm flying. Like, I. Like, if I go through the TSA pre check.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Because I have it. So this time, when we go through Zorlando, right, There's Orlando. Yeah. We go through Orlando, and I have the TSA Precheck, but Sage doesn't have it. So I just go through the regular check with her. And when I said, when I got to the. The where you put in your luggage and everything, I said, do I have to take my coat and shoes off? I said, I have TSA pre check. And he's like, this isn't TSA Precheck.

[Q]

Oh.

[Bry]

I was like, okay, you're that guy. You're fucking giddle. I think we have. Yep. And I said. I was like, yeah, I know. I know.

[Q]

They usually give you the blue laminated card to handle process. Right.

[Bry]

I said, but most times, people will just.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

You know, allow for it. And he's like, yeah, but this isn't TSA pre check. And I was like, I don't want to be one of these people on video list. So I'm like, all right.

[Q]

Usually that they're good.

[Bry]

I'll take my fucking coat off. Or my jacket, my sweat jacket, or whatever the fuck I was wearing, you know? But it's like, yeah, it's that kind of guy that's like, everybody else gives you the little blue slip, but not him.

[Q]

That's why the little blue slips exist. That's why they exist.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

It's so stupid.

[Bry]

But he's like. When he's doing it, he's like one of these guys. He's not looking at me when he says it because he's a little pussy boy.

[Get Him]

Yeah. I at least made eye contact.

[Bry]

Yeah. I'm sure I get a staring wriggler right in the eyes.

[Get Him]

No, sir.

[Q]

Get a boner. Growing boner.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Q]

Tells people they can't do something. Wow. Usually the people are. Orlando Airport are. Is. I always strike them as surprisingly, like, always.

[Bry]

All right.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bry]

I find that most times, like, even Newark, like, I never have a problem in New York.

[Q]

I don't know why people complain about.

[Bry]

People hate new work. And I'm just like, every time I go, I sail right through. I don't.

[Q]

I don't know what it is I take. I fly, like, minimum twice a month. I always use Newark. And it's always easy.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

You know, there was that one little stretch of like, a week where it got a bad rep because they're like.

[Q]

Like, they would show the lives shut down. The.

[Walt]

The.

[Q]

The one of the runways was getting resurfaced, and nobody wanted. I don't know why they didn't just say that, but they didn't say that. And, like, people were like, this place sucks.

[Get Him]

Well, they also had the. They moved the air traffic controllers down to Philadelphia. So they were having communication problems between the airport and where the air traffic controllers are. Yeah. So that's why they had to, like, start cutting the flights down 10%. Yeah.

[Q]

Always worked good for me. But I usually go to, like, Orlando or LA or New York Key west or something like that. There's really, like, hubs that they have to have their tight.

[Bry]

You know.

[Q]

Yeah, but whatever, man.

[Bry]

All right, well, let's talk about Ridge.

[Q]

Who?

[Bry]

Ridge.

[Q]

Ridge?

[Bry]

Yes. Yes. I can't show off the products on video. I'm sorry for that, Ridge. But I can make a personal endorsement, have the Ridge wallet right in my pocket right Now I love it.

[Get Him]

You're lucky.

[Bry]

A lot of people are like, hey, you're lucky. You are. Let's see. Upgrade your wallet today. Get 10% off at ridge with code tesd.com tesd ridgepod. All right. This is all stuff I'm supposed to be putting in the description, I think. So here we go. Tell a story about the wallet I had before Ridge. Oh, my God. You don't want to know. The story is so long, Walt, about my former wallet that we don't even have time to tell it today.

[Get Him]

Can I buy that story off you?

[Bry]

Did my back hurt because I was wallet.

[Walt]

Why do they want to hear about another wallet? I would have to think it was a horror show.

[Bry]

They want to hear about a shitty wallet that you had. Like a big. Like your dad's big leather wallet that he used to sit on and he would be crooked and shit.

[Get Him]

Or this thing.

[Bry]

Yeah, like Adam's wallet. Who needs one of them?

[Q]

George Costanza.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Q]

Is that all money?

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Look at this.

[Q]

Now, how much money you got?

[Bry]

Look at this Ridge.

[Get Him]

They're star bills.

[Q]

They're what?

[Get Him]

Star bills.

[Q]

What does that mean?

[Get Him]

They have a little star in the right.

[Q]

But what does that mean?

[Get Him]

I just save them because they have.

[Bry]

A star on them.

[Q]

Yeah, but why do they have a star?

[Bry]

Are they worth more?

[Get Him]

Oh, they have a star on them because that. That run of money was deemed unfit for some reason, so they destroyed it and reissued it. But when they reissue it, they put a star at the end of the serial number. So whenever I get them, I just save them.

[Q]

But you don't save them. You carry around with them every living day of your life. Yeah, so I don't spend saving. What's going on there?

[Get Him]

Yeah, it's. It's. I don't want to spend it because they're star bills.

[Q]

I've had enough.

[Walt]

And I would leave them home, then not take them everywhere you're at in case you have an emergency and you're like, oh, my God, I need my star bill. I gotta use a star bill to buy whatever or.

[Get Him]

Well, it's with my credit card, so.

[Walt]

Okay.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Walt]

I thought you couldn't have a credit card. You were trying to.

[Get Him]

Debit card.

[Walt]

Okay.

[Q]

The fold of the star bills alone is bigger than any wallet I've ever had.

[Bry]

Yeah, you've got a lot of star bills.

[Get Him]

It's definitely bigger than a ridge wallet. Yeah.

[Q]

Wow.

[Bry]

Could you fit that in a Ridge wallet? I wonder. I think you might be able to.

[Get Him]

I'd love to try to find Out.

[Bry]

I got it. You know what? I have a ridge wallet at home. Next week, I'll bring it in, we'll try it out.

[Get Him]

Okay.

[Bry]

All right.

[Q]

What makes you.

[Bry]

I got two.

[Q]

Well, what makes them do that?

[Walt]

Do what? The star.

[Q]

Like that. That looks to me like 100. 100 bills.

[Walt]

Autism.

[Q]

Yeah. Yeah. But what is it? What is inside him? Like, what's the thought process?

[Walt]

It's. It's all about keeping something that he deems rare and he has it. And if it ever comes up, he can show somebody.

[Bry]

I'm like, star bills are gay. And he's like, oh, no, they're not. Check out how many I have.

[Q]

One star bill will do that.

[Walt]

One would suffice. Yeah, but this is a man.

[Bry]

If you ever go.

[Walt]

When you're leaving today and you're getting in your car to drive home, go look. Go look in his Jeep.

[Q]

Oh, I've seen it. Looks like our office.

[Walt]

And then you ask yourself, I'm really worried about his wallet. The state of his wallet. I really think he's got much more bigger issues than the wallet.

[Q]

But you don't see them as issues, though.

[Walt]

No, no, you wouldn't. Not if you're, you know, you can't identify that.

[Q]

But these are pussy dead ends. These are dead ends. Yeah, I'm pointing that right now. These are pussy dead ends. These are. These are in the maze quest, the eternal quest.

[Bry]

First he pulls out the wallet, then he pulls out a star build to impress the girl, and she's like, see ya.

[Walt]

This is really good. I got a new game today. It's exactly. It's perfect. It's called the Gidem's Gift of Gab.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt]

And this comes into. It comes into place so beautifully into, like the mind of a git of Steve G. And how you guys see things so differently than me and him.

[Q]

Okay. All right.

[Bry]

Wow.

[Q]

This is me and him.

[Bry]

We're the ignorant one side. I have a feeling. I have a feeling we're the dumb ones.

[Walt]

You can't understand. You can't even hope to fucking try to digest what's in that fucking noggin.

[Bry]

I'm not going to attempt it. I mean, I'll play the game, but I know I'm going to lose.

[Get Him]

All right.

[Q]

Ridge wallets.

[Bry]

Ridge wallets. Yeah, I think that could be why get him needed his vertebrae replaced. He was sitting on that fucking wallet for so many years. Unique, slim, modern design that holds up to 12 cards plus cash. Made with premium materials like aluminum, titanium, and carbon fiber. Over 50 colors and styles to choose from. And all Ridge products have a lifetime warranty. This is literally the last wallet you'll ever have to buy. And it gives you peace of mind knowing that all Ridge wallets will have RFID blocking technology keeping you safe from digital pickpocketers. Losing your wallet is the worst, but with the Ridge airtag attachment, you'll always know exactly where it is before panic mode kicks in. Ridge isn't just about wallets. They create premium everyday essentials like key cases, suitcases, and rings, all built with the same sleek and durable design. And no matter what Ridge you pick, they have a free shipping, 99 day risk free trial and a lifetime warranty on all their products. So for a limited time, listeners get 10% off at Ridge by using code TESD at checkout. Just head to codridge.com and use code TE-D and you're all set. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them that. Tell them Steve Dave sent you. All right. Is it enough time to talk shit about Ridge? It's not really about Ridge, but it's like they say they have, like, the AirTag attachment one. I bought some airtags because I'm like, I'm gonna put one in Sage's backpack because she gets home at all different times. So if I have one in her backpack, I'll know when she's gonna get home so I can go out there and meet her.

[Q]

Great.

[Walt]

She doesn't have a phone.

[Bry]

She has a phone, but she doesn't use it. I don't know.

[Walt]

Can't you use that to track her?

[Bry]

I guess I probably could. Yeah. Yeah. She's sitting on her bedside table for the past year. Oh, okay.

[Walt]

So she is. Oh, she would have to carry her.

[Bry]

Well, I could put it in her bag. Yeah, I could put her back. That's not a bed.

[Get Him]

Yeah, but then you got to charge it all the time.

[Walt]

Yeah, but the air tags.

[Get Him]

No.

[Q]

Okay.

[Bry]

Yeah, but the air tag. I'm like, I put it in her bag and I'm like, I'm going to know exactly where she is. Not the case. You can only do it if somebody is on, like, the network and their Bluetooth is working the same as your blue. Like, I looked it up and I was like, okay, so this isn't anything. It's not gps. It's not anything.

[Walt]

I thought, oh, then the phone would be far more. Yeah, the phone's a desirable device to use than the airtag.

[Bry]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. I didn't think of the phone, to tell you the truth, because I forget she has one. That's a good idea.

[Walt]

All I'm doing is tracking everybody in my life. It's a disease. It really is. It's a stressing thing.

[Q]

Wow.

[Walt]

I wish. I, like, at times, I'm like. I say to myself, I'm not gonna look and see what's going on because I don't want to worry or anything, because if it's later at night, then.

[Q]

Right.

[Walt]

You know? But yeah, it's one of the. It's like, the best and worst thing.

[Q]

Yeah. My friend's daughter. My friend's daughter's going to college in. In Vegas, and she looks at it. She's like, she's in a tattoo shop on Las Vegas. Just shut it down.

[Walt]

It doesn't mean she was in there, though. It could be like that.

[Q]

She was. It turns out she was in there. Oh, she's 18.

[Walt]

What are you gonna do? Nothing you can do, man. Yeah, but that's that helpless feeling, though. But there are so many times, though, that I. I. I cannot stop myself from just checking. And then inevitably, I'm like, I. I wake my wife up, and I'm like, call her. See what's going on.

[Bry]

Why don't you call? Because they'll be like.

[Walt]

Because then it's like that awkwardness of, like. Like, you know, I want, like. I want my wife to do it. Yeah, yeah. It just works out better.

[Q]

And Deb's on board. She's like, all right, let me call.

[Walt]

Well, then she's like. At first, she's not. She's like, why are you waking me up? And then eventually, I'll just. I'll be like, I'll wake her up enough to have her do it.

[Q]

It. Right.

[Walt]

Yeah. There was one time that. That she said that. They were like. The one time I freaked out completely is that. Said that she was in a hospital. The phone was in a hospital, and I was like, what the. So I wake my wife up, and we're calling, no answer. We're calling, no answer. And then finally she answers, and she's like, I was never in a hospital. So that's why I said it doesn't mean.

[Q]

Oh, it's like the Jones beach thing all over again.

[Walt]

Yeah. I was never in a hospital. She was. I don't know why it said that, but it, like, it. It absolutely showed that she was in hospital. She could have been somewhere next to the hospital, though. But I just. When I. When I zoom in, it's at hospital.

[Q]

Shit, man.

[Bry]

It's interesting at their ages, they're not like, you're not fucking tracking me? Like, I don't want to be tracked at my age.

[Walt]

Well, they track us.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Yeah. They're like, they know what we're doing. Like, why are you here? What are you doing over there? You know, they don't do it in a way that. Like, that we're worried. They're just like, why are you over in Ocean County? Why are you eating at a Roy Rogers in Ocean County?

[Get Him]

I was gonna say it's either Texas Roadhouse here, the post office, or home.

[Walt]

My wife is like, because dad had.

[Bry]

To have mashed potatoes.

[Walt]

We drove an hour and a half to a Roy Rogers.

[Q]

I have one of my friends who I don't. I don't want to. I don't want to say who because I don't want to. I don't want to ruin it, but accidentally shared their location with me. And so every once in a while, like not looking at what they're doing, but I'll look at the map and I'll see where there are. You know, it's just funny to know where your friends are.

[Walt]

Yeah. I mean, at time I didn't. I wondered if you guys were up for all of us sharing our location so we just know where everybody is at all times. Just as a safety feature.

[Get Him]

I'll do it.

[Q]

I don't want get up going where I am.

[Walt]

I don't think you could do it with your phones. With either any of your phones. I don't think would work.

[Get Him]

I have Google, I have an iPhone.

[Walt]

So there's really only two places you could be. Either Debbie's or here. And maybe in April when you go away. But otherwise that is it though.

[Get Him]

Yeah. How about my father's?

[Walt]

Yeah, that's true.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Yeah. If he tracked me, it's the same like you. If you were to look track me, you'd be like, he might have died. He's been in the house. He's in the house so long, we.

[Walt]

Need a welfare check. Guy hasn't moved in two weeks.

[Bry]

He's an elderly man. I'm concerned for him. Yeah, so that's if a ridge. Let's see, what else do I got here? We're going to be calling Johnny Law pretty soon.

[Walt]

Yeah. There was a. Some advice I needed from a lawyer regarding something that has come up and I wanted to get Johnny's thoughts on it. Yeah, it's probably got food in it or something.

[Get Him]

No, that was. That was a gift from Danny the lawyer.

[Q]

But what's inside it, I think the.

[Get Him]

Same thing that was in your bags.

[Walt]

Yes. Thank you, Danny. Lawyer from episode 600. Why is it some wonderful gifts?

[Q]

Why is it in the middle of the floor?

[Walt]

You'd have to ask.

[Get Him]

It wasn't. I think he dragged it over there.

[Walt]

Dragged it from where, though?

[Get Him]

The couch.

[Walt]

Oh, he got up on the couch.

[Get Him]

I think he pulled it off the couch. Yeah.

[Walt]

Oh, I don't. I'm surprised that he could do that.

[Q]

He might not have.

[Get Him]

This is coming.

[Q]

Get him right where it lands.

[Bry]

You want to play the game or you want to talk about more stuff?

[Walt]

Well, I mean, what do you got?

[Bry]

I got. I was fucking annoyed on the plane, but, like, I don't know. How do you fly a lot? You're not always in first class.

[Q]

No.

[Bry]

Sometimes you're a coach guy. What do you. How do you feel about people that put their fucking seats back for that extra fucking three inches of. It's not even relaxing. I guess you could tell how I feel about it. It's not like you kick back the three inches and you're like, ah. All you're doing is robbing the person behind you of three inches of legroom.

[Q]

Yeah, I. I hear you. I don't know. It's. It's a sticky wicket. I don't. I. I usually don't put my seat back right. But I think I have a hard time because the back might hurt. I mean, it's. How long is the flight? You know what I mean?

[Bry]

Like, if that flight's less than two.

[Q]

Hours, I don't know that I would. I think I would feel like someone has a. A right to put their seat.

[Walt]

If the seat goes back.

[Bry]

They have that right. They definitely have the right. But a lot of people consider a common courtesy to not put it back.

[Q]

I don't. I rarely put it back.

[Bry]

Yeah. I never do.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Unless if in a rare occasion, there's nobody behind me. And even then, I usually.

[Q]

Yeah. I don't know. Usually. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think it would bother me. But I understand what you're saying, though. Yeah. It's already tight back there.

[Bry]

Yeah. And hot off the fucking. Tsh. And give me shit. I'm like, this fucking bitch is now gonna.

[Q]

One thing after another.

[Bry]

Yeah. I just wanted to get home. And then I got home, and my fucking cat dying. It was not a good return. But what are you gonna do?

[Q]

Bad reentry.

[Bry]

What are you gonna do? What do I got here? I didn't investigate this, but I'm starting. I Read somewhere that Helen Keller is bullshit. That there was no way you could teach a blind deaf person how to read braille. They said that. What was her name? Annie Sullivan. Ann Sullivan. Was that her name? The lady who shepherded her around?

[Q]

I don't know.

[Bry]

They said it was a money making opportunity.

[Get Him]

Annie Sullivan.

[Bry]

Annie Sullivan, yeah. That she really. It was just like a smoke and mirror stage show.

[Q]

I don't know why.

[Bry]

I know. Like I said, I didn't get to investigate.

[Walt]

What year was this? Would this have been Helen Keller, the.

[Bry]

Greatest liar in American history? This is from 2017.

[Walt]

I know, but what year was Helen Keller alive?

[Bry]

Wasn't it the early 1900s? Get him. Let's find out. Let's see. 1880 to 1968. Damn, she was old.

[Walt]

Wow.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

What makes you believe that article, though?

[Bry]

Because I like seeing shit uncovered. Like stuff that you thought was real.

[Get Him]

Smarter than I am.

[Bry]

Wait a second.

[Walt]

Her IQ is what, 160? Yeah, but at least you could see. You can hear, right?

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

You poned her, did you pone Heller Keller? Heller Keller.

[Bry]

Though she experienced blindness and deafness from infancy, demonstrating extraordinary intellect through her rapid learning of language and earning a college degree proving her exceptional cognitive capacity despite profound sensory impairments.

[Get Him]

So you think it was like facilitated communication?

[Bry]

Like Annie Sullivan was helping her along the way?

[Get Him]

Yeah, like those. You know, it's sad when the parents are deceived, but like, you know, the ones who, like, they. They hold the kid's hand and like type out messages and stuff.

[Q]

But she lived to 87 though, and like she.

[Johnny Law]

She did. She.

[Q]

Yeah, she became an activist.

[Walt]

You. You see that article and you immediately believe that there might be not be an agenda or like, you know, they're, you're. They're taking a stab at an icon.

[Bry]

She is an icon. But if she isn't deserving of it, I want her to get stabbed.

[Walt]

Who's this fucking clown that wrote the article though? Why are you so willing to just.

[Bry]

Jack o', Shea, respected journalist from. What is this? Like a fucking elf? All right. I don't believe it.

[Walt]

Just a little. I mean, he might have an agenda.

[Bry]

I told you I didn't do any. I didn't do any.

[Q]

Sharpening his knives.

[Walt]

And he's going after somebody just to get probably clicks.

[Bry]

You want some clicks?

[Walt]

He's like, who can I go after that? People will click on it. I'll call Helen Keller a sham.

[Bry]

The Helen Keller scammer refers to modern day conspiracy theories often on social media. Like TikTok claiming she faked her Deafness and blindness, or accomplishments rooted in historical ableism that denied people with disabilities could achieve intellectual feats along a separate older plagiarism accusation over her story, the Frost King. Well, why haven't we seen another Helen Keller then? Why have we not seen another blind person who has achieved all this? Blind deaf person who's achieved all this shit. Stevie Wonder's not deaf.

[Walt]

He isn't. I thought he was deaf, dumb and blind.

[Q]

No, he's not deaf.

[Bry]

He's just blind.

[Walt]

Yeah, but what does it mean to.

[Bry]

Call Helen Keller a fraud?

[Walt]

But they're not stories that anybody cares about anymore. You know what gets more clicks? Saying Helen Keller is a sham over the next Helen Keller. That's way more clickable story because it's negative. And it's like you're tearing down something that people hailed as a phenomenal achievement.

[Bry]

Right, like the moon landing. Yeah, people like to tear it down. I just. I have a hard time believing it too.

[Walt]

I'm worried about you and getting older and on the Internet, man, you just like, immediately, you're not. You're like, helen Keller was a sham and I'm not taking any more medicine.

[Bry]

Yeah. Devil's potion, you know? Yeah, I don't know. Could be. I just want to know. Like, since 1968, we have not seen another Helen Keller come down the pike.

[Q]

Yeah, but you don't want to know because you've done no research.

[Bry]

Not that I've heard of any.

[Walt]

But there might be another extraordinary person who has. Who is blind and deaf or whatever, or mute or whatever, and has achieved anything. But you wouldn't know because it's not a story that that's going to make the rounds. That's a story that's too much of a good story.

[Bry]

I don't see why. Like, Helen Keller, too. Like, how is it? Like, that should be a movie.

[Walt]

What are the. What are the things, though, that she can do or he could do in a post Helen Keller world now, I don't think there's a lot of injustices or.

[Bry]

Oh, you're saying that the ableism doesn't exist.

[Walt]

I think people care more and are more understanding and more compassionate than they were back in the 1800s. For somebody who dealt with what she was going through.

[Bry]

Sure.

[Walt]

So there's no real big battle to fight anymore. People now, as a society, are more than willing to do whatever it takes to help those people try to live as normal a life as possible.

[Bry]

Does it make the deaf, dumb and blind lazy then? If us able people are catering to their Every need so they don't have to learn.

[Walt]

Like you could ever call somebody who's dealing what they're dealing with, but now.

[Q]

You'Re on Helen Keller's side.

[Walt]

Their eyes don't. Their eyes don't. Their eyes don't work because they fucking closed them and took a nap. They don't work because they just don't work.

[Q]

This space freely. Guy looks a lot like Monster Magnet.

[Bry]

He does. Yeah. He really does.

[Q]

For a second, I thought it was him.

[Walt]

That's gotta be AI right. I don't think so.

[Q]

You think so? Why?

[Get Him]

I said I don't think.

[Walt]

It just looks, Looks too perfect, though.

[Get Him]

I don't think that looks perfect.

[Q]

That guy looks perfect.

[Walt]

I think it looked like the thumbs out of focus. Like his skin is, is so smooth.

[Bry]

Yeah, he definitely filters on his face.

[Q]

You should slap a filter on that, right?

[Bry]

Surrounded by aces.

[Q]

So I got ripped off in Key West.

[Bry]

What happened? The mayor of Key west got ripped off.

[Q]

I couldn't believe it. I bought sunglasses. My sunglasses broke, so I went in to buy sunglasses. I had a nice chat with the lady. She sells me these sunglasses. 100 bucks, polarized. I'm like, all right, well, whatever, let's take it. I go on, I fucking get on the plane, I get on the breeze. The breeze flight, it falls off. I step on it, I break the arm. I'm like, ah. But I liked it when we go on Amazon and order 40 bucks on Amazon.

[Walt]

Really? Yeah.

[Q]

Taken like a pigeon plucked.

[Bry]

That was your first class seat on Breeze. 60 bucks, you got ripped off.

[Q]

You know, and I know the shop and I know the lady. We had a nice conversation. But I guess, like, really? Yeah.

[Bry]

Saw this pigeon coming up the fucking.

[Q]

Walk, coming down the block and took me for over 100%.

[Bry]

Yeah. Really? It was like 40. She quick fucking crossed 10.

[Q]

I got fucking boned. Oh, I was so unhappy.

[Bry]

I hate to hear that kind of shit because, like, that would bother me for days.

[Q]

It, yeah, it didn't bother me. Like, I was just like, all right, you got me.

[Get Him]

What are you.

[Q]

That's what I get for just fucking walking in, like, on the mayo there.

[Bry]

For these.

[Get Him]

I remember that happened. I was, I was working at a gas station and some guy came in. Oh, I, I, I, I sell Oakley's and I got these Oakleys. I can let you have them for like 20, $40.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Get Him]

I was like, oh, hell yeah.

[Q]

They were.

[Walt]

So.

[Bry]

Please. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Q]

Yes. Oh, man. I don't know what to do about it. There's nothing.

[Bry]

Yeah, go back with the broken arm glass and be like, hey, man, let the buyer be.

[Q]

I did the polka on them and the breeze.

[Bry]

You were annoyed.

[Q]

But yeah, I mean. But let the buyer beware, right? I'm the only one responsible for that. I could have done a quick Internet search.

[Walt]

I have come into possession of something that has catapulted within a matter of hours of owning it to become my most prized possession.

[Q]

Whoa, what's that?

[Walt]

It is something called.

[Bry]

He has it with him.

[Walt]

A VC box.

[Q]

A VC box. Smart media player.

[Bry]

S E E box.

[Q]

Where did you get this?

[Walt]

I cannot say where I got this.

[Bry]

I know where you got it.

[Walt]

You cannot.

[Bry]

I'm not gonna say, but I can't believe I haven't gotten one yet. And you're listening, motherfucker.

[Walt]

This device.

[Q]

Yes.

[Walt]

Allows me to view anything on the planet.

[Q]

Okay. Okay.

[Walt]

Any network.

[Q]

It's like a cracked code, broke like.

[Bry]

A fire stick, except better.

[Walt]

I don't even know how to describe the wonders.

[Q]

Do they have to.

[Walt]

This box has. When you open this box, it is like Pandora's literal box. You. There's no.

[Bry]

It's lost for days, right?

[Walt]

Oh, my God. There's nothing inside of it.

[Q]

I just want to see what the box clean. Is it doing its intended purpose or. This is jailbroken.

[Walt]

And we don't want to. We don't like to talk in terms like jailbroken.

[Q]

Yeah, but there's a program on this that gives you access to everything.

[Walt]

There is a program that gives me access to almost every piece of media that exists on the planet.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Live sports.

[Get Him]

Except Beretta.

[Walt]

Except. Yeah. The only thing I can't find, the TV show Beretta. But Robert Blake, that was the first thing I couldn't find when I searched it. But it is a wonder. It is like the greatest invention since fire.

[Q]

But it's stealing.

[Bry]

Some people would call it that.

[Walt]

That's why I want to liberate it to Johnny Law. I want to get his. Because I have an opportunity to become the only licensed VC box sales agent in the Monmouth and Ocean county area.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt]

Where I could be selling these boxes to people I know. For the low, low price of $299.

[Q]

Let me ask you something.

[Bry]

That seems worth it.

[Walt]

Yeah. For a lot. But I'm worried, though.

[Q]

Is it new stuff? Like as. As HBO airs a new Game of Thrones? It's pot. It pops up on this.

[Walt]

Yes. It also has stuff that hasn't even been in theaters yet.

[Q]

I have family members that have something like this.

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Q]

I don't like it. Why is it stealing?

[Walt]

It's not stealing.

[Q]

Of course it is.

[Walt]

It's not stealing. Well, what if I don't utilize those aspects of the box though? Because all I've been doing so I've been staying up. This is a dangerous device right here.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt]

Because I'm staying up till like 6 o' clock in the morning, you know, watching shows that I haven't seen in, in decades. Like Mary Tyler Moore. I'm like, I think I went three days without sleep watching Mary Tyler Moore. And I have it. Like I could watch that Neil diamond movie.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

But I don't watch it because I'm like, you're right. I'm like, I'm not. I mean, I don't want to like steal.

[Q]

It's a cable box all over again.

[Walt]

Yeah, it is. Yeah. My wife is terrified of this. She thinks this is a serpent, you know, that's going to bite us.

[Q]

I know a lot of people that have it and the serpent hasn't come for them.

[Walt]

But I also worry that I only paid a one time fee for it. And at some point someone's going to turn the faucet off.

[Q]

It's going to get bricked. Yeah, but what is the purpose of this thing without the illegal aspect of it?

[Bry]

What?

[Walt]

It has everything I want.

[Q]

No, but that's not what. They can't sell it with that purpose. Like what is the purpose of the.

[Walt]

Well, you can add whatever you want to it, then that's up to you to load it up with what you're like.

[Bry]

We're just providing the box.

[Walt]

Yeah, we provide you the technology. It's how you use it.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

That's why it's not illegal to have this box. That's how I tell my wife.

[Q]

But.

[Walt]

There is. I could make a lot of money selling these around here, man. I could go up and down this plaza and be rolling in it.

[Bry]

You're gonna be like the Oakley's guy. People like what, $300?

[Walt]

But I'm worried though though. Then if I start selling them though, when they eventually the faucet gets turned off, they're gonna come looking for me.

[Bry]

They want their money back. Monmouth County?

[Q]

Could be.

[Walt]

Yeah. That's what I don't wanna do. I want to talk to Johnny about the cause. I think this is the definition of a victimless crime.

[Bry]

Right? Q's face so perplexed.

[Walt]

How is that this is the absolute leg of victimless crime?

[Q]

I don't see it that way.

[Walt]

Why was it not? Who's the victim here? Disney.

[Q]

All the people that are making the show that you're stealing for free.

[Walt]

What? Mary Tyler Moore? They're all dead. They're all dead.

[Get Him]

There's no.

[Walt]

I'm not stealing any of the shows that people care about. Like, I'm not stealing, like, the new shit.

[Q]

Yeah, but people are.

[Walt]

People are.

[Q]

Yeah, but because of stuff like this.

[Walt]

But if they were to take my device and confiscate it and then, like, open up the guts, they'd be like, he has a stolen.

[Q]

Well, you said sports.

[Walt]

I haven't really watched any of the sports.

[Q]

I don't know about this. You got to be honest with Johnny Lowell. You can't be shuffling shot like I see you doing right now. Trying to get out of being wrong.

[Walt]

Well, let's call him and see where I.

[Get Him]

You can't be like me at the doctor. I only have three beers a night.

[Walt]

I'm telling you, though, I think I could clean up.

[Q]

You probably could. Yeah, but you're right. Like, what if you sell 10 of them and then the next day they brick them all?

[Bry]

Yeah, well, let Bayer beware. Buyer beware. Just like you said. Caveat emptor business.

[Q]

They're breaking the law. They're criminals.

[Get Him]

The Baron does say caveat emptor.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Is it going to hold up on some of them by his throat? There you go.

[Get Him]

You sell it as the Baron.

[Q]

I mean, maybe if you just like, look, this could get. I don't know.

[Walt]

Oh, we got to put our things on.

[Bry]

I don't know if how much that would increase his credibility to dress as the Baron himself.

[Get Him]

No, he can call it the Baron the way by box.

[Bry]

Good.

[Walt]

Ooh, I like that. The Baron box. I could sell them to listeners.

[Bry]

Yeah, listeners would definitely.

[Walt]

They would almost, like, be gleeful if it was like, it got bricked and I was like, hey, caveat emptor.

[Get Him]

They. They come signed.

[Walt]

Yeah, with a sticker on it.

[Bry]

Would you sign a queue or is that against your princess?

[Q]

What's that? Sorry.

[Walt]

I'm gonna start selling them to listeners and.

[Bry]

And signing it.

[Q]

I'll do that.

[Walt]

Did you call him?

[Bry]

I'll call. Okay.

[Walt]

I'm telling you, man, it has been. All I do is think about it, though. I worry when I'm here. I'm like, when I get home, is it still going to work? Is it still.

[Bry]

Am I still.

[Walt]

My show is still going to be available to watch.

[Get Him]

He tracks his doors.

[Q]

You got it for free.

[Walt]

No, $240. But I'm going to sell them for 300 when I start become a VC. Licensed distributor in Mammoth in Ocean County.

[Q]

Johnny Law.

[Bry]

Johnny Law. What's up, baby?

[Johnny Law]

Doing great, Doing great.

[Bry]

Sounds good.

[Walt]

So, Johnny, we wanted to talk to you to get a legal, kind of in a murky situation here, I have this, not surprising, this box called the VC box. And you hook it up to your TV and it comes with this remote control that basically allows you to watch TV in Russia and Israel, all over the world. There's nothing I can't watch. And I'm like, well, why am I being deprived of this? Why? This is. Why do my governments want me not to be able to watch what's going on?

[Q]

This is a spin that I didn't hear, I didn't hear about Israeli television. He's explaining it to me a couple minutes ago.

[Walt]

But Q is kind of harsh on my buzz and he's not on board because he thinks it's stealing. And I told him I believe this is the definition of victimless crime, the VC box.

[Johnny Law]

Really?

[Walt]

Do you say.

[Bry]

Well.

[Johnny Law]

You know, here's the thing. I think Q is probably right here. So I don't know that it's illegal for you to get access to Russian television or Israeli television, but I think that's probably fine as long as they're not subscription based. But when you're talking about a box that allows you to access subscription based content, the box itself is legal. There's like a technical loophole there where the actual box is legal. But if you access subscription based or unlicensed, I should say unlicensed content, then that is illegal.

[Walt]

And what kind of. What are the ramifications if I were to be caught?

[Q]

This is all he cares about.

[Walt]

So, yeah, of course, if I were to be caught, but with the box, using it to watch something other than Happy Days.

[Bry]

So.

[Johnny Law]

Potentially there's two things that could happen, right? The first is very unlikely. The first would be criminal charges, right. Since it would be contrary to federal law. So likely criminal charges would be levied against not the user, but. But the distributor. So as a user, it's very unlikely that you would face actual criminal charges. What's a little bit more likely would be civil penalties. And it's possible that if there was a lawsuit, you could have to pay damages based on the unlicensed access of that content. Now, I will say there is a big exception here, and that is a huge exception. And I think you guys will be pleasantly surprised about this one. Now, if we're talking about someone trying to access Patreon content, no, that's a required jail sentence. So, you know, Anyone out there that's trying to access that, I would strongly suggest they stop.

[Walt]

You know what? There's no way that this box has Patreon content on it.

[Johnny Law]

No.

[Bry]

No.

[Johnny Law]

So.

[Walt]

But you know what? Then again, I haven't looked for it, though.

[Bry]

Can't remember that you can find the Sunday Jeff show. You know what, though, Walt?

[Johnny Law]

The bigger problem here for the user isn't so much the legality, but a lot of these boxes have malware backdoors, which means that they can gain access to your devices, your network, the computer systems that you have, and they can steal data from you, they can redirect, you know, where your Internet traffic is going, stuff like that. So it is potentially dangerous for the user. Most of these companies are Chinese.

[Walt]

Yeah, but I had Gitam hook it up for me. So he told me, checked it out.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Johnny Law]

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was.

[Bry]

You didn't realize I had the GIDEM seal of approval. You're good.

[Walt]

Gidem hooked it up. He told me that, like, I have something called the vpn.

[Johnny Law]

You said that you have a virtual public network.

[Walt]

Yeah, I have. Yeah. I have that on this box, though. Would that help?

[Johnny Law]

It could, yeah, it definitely will help, but I don't know enough to say for sure.

[Bry]

I would.

[Johnny Law]

You know what? If Gidham says you're good, then go with Vaughn. That's what I think.

[Bry]

Well, do you think Walt could also make the argument that since Gidham set it up, he should be the one to go to jail?

[Johnny Law]

I think that's. I think that's right on. Any username should be in Getums.

[Q]

I argue that, like, it actually hurts because for somebody to air Mary Tyler Moore, they had to pay for the license to air it. And you're circumventing that now. These poor people have put their faith in Mary Tyler Moore. They're like, people will watch it. She is still popular. The old gal still got it. And then by circumventing that, you're taking away the value of. You're devaluing the Mary Tyler Moore show.

[Bry]

How dare you do that to multi.

[Q]

Billion dollar people who believe in it and are like, we're willing to pay for it to air it on what if.

[Walt]

What if I own the box set of DVDs though I already bought it already. I'm just watching it a different way.

[Johnny Law]

That's a full defense.

[Q]

Okay. I actually could. I could buy that one. I could buy that one.

[Walt]

I could show you proof. I have the box.

[Q]

I believe you. I never know when you like?

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Johnny Law]

Q's, right, though. I mean, like, you know, I don't know that it's the Mary Tyler Moore generation that's going to be, you know, utilizing these, like, backdoor streaming services. But, yeah, I mean, you're. It puts a chilling effect on going out and licensing stuff probably. You know, it definitely eats into their profits.

[Bry]

Have you watched Jokers at all on this VC box?

[Walt]

I have not.

[Q]

Definitely there, I'm sure. Yeah, sure.

[Walt]

Well, yeah, I think that the channels are there, right? Normally, yeah.

[Q]

I mean, this. There's a lot of different ways to look at it, I guess, but to me, it's just like it does instantly, like, if you do it and 10,000 other people do it, it does. It does make it worth less to the people who paid for the license. So it does. But, you know, if somebody said to me, hey, I bought all the Joker seasons that are available on dvd, but I stream it through this box, you know, what are you gonna do? I kind of see that angle a little bit.

[Walt]

So, Johnny, do you want to buy a box?

[Get Him]

It's signed.

[Walt]

What would you say, like, just as some legal advice, would you say yay or nay to the prospect of me ordering 100 boxes and then trying to flip them at a profit?

[Johnny Law]

I would say nay.

[Walt]

Nay.

[Johnny Law]

Okay.

[Walt]

All right. Because I was good.

[Johnny Law]

I would definitely say nay day.

[Bry]

But I remember, like, you could be the guy, man. Because I remember, like, my mother, like, she worked at Monmouth Medical Center Hospital. She knew somebody there whose son would sell cable boxes just like you had. I remember going over to his house. It was like this little apartment, and it was like a hundred bucks. And he sold me a cable box that he had. He had a ton of them.

[Walt]

Did it work?

[Bry]

It worked. It worked perfectly.

[Walt]

Until eventually stopped working.

[Bry]

Till eventually stopped working. Sure.

[Get Him]

Could we rent the yarn lady's old store?

[Walt]

Oh, yeah.

[Bry]

Like, I have a storefront.

[Walt]

Flanagan's VC boxes and more and more.

[Get Him]

We can use the sun downstairs.

[Johnny Law]

So now. Yeah, you know, Walt, if you start selling, here's the big problem. You're going from a user to potentially a distributor.

[Walt]

Right?

[Johnny Law]

And that could carry, you know, criminal penalties.

[Walt]

It could, but it also could carry big fat fucking wallet that even Ridge can't fucking sustain the money. That's.

[Bry]

That's saying a lot that I'd be bringing it in.

[Johnny Law]

Can't you do a bonus episode or something?

[Q]

But let's do the math. If you sell it for 300 bucks a pop and you sell how many.

[Bry]

What are you buying for?

[Walt]

240 240.

[Bry]

So it's 60 bucks. So you can make six grand.

[Walt]

Yeah, six grand. And, you know, there's tax free. Yeah. That's nuts. They'll be coming in by the boatload once the word gets out then that the yarn lady's old studio is now selling hot boxes.

[Q]

I just don't think it's worth it, man. No.

[Walt]

All right.

[Johnny Law]

No.

[Walt]

So I should. So you're saying, though, Q has put the. Has guilted me into thinking I should pull the plug on my VC box.

[Johnny Law]

If it were me. I don't know that. I think the combination of what Q said and the combination of just not being 100% sure about the security of it would make me pull the plug.

[Walt]

Really?

[Johnny Law]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Now, would you say the same for, like, these fire sticks that get jailbroken.

[Johnny Law]

So. Not necessarily, because the boxes usually come delivered with a malware backdoor already. It's not like it's getting infected or when you start it up, there's already an entry into that system built in. And so that's why I think there's a big difference there.

[Walt]

But I'm not.

[Johnny Law]

I'm not a security professional, but I would stay away.

[Bry]

I'm looking at Walt's boxer. It looks professional as hell. They have their own website.

[Johnny Law]

Listen, for all we know, these are mostly all Chinese companies. For all we know, this is the Chinese government that's. That's, you know, behind.

[Bry]

They're trying to steal our information, trying.

[Johnny Law]

To steal IP and stuff like that. So you just don't know.

[Bry]

Trump's gonna have to plan VC bucks.

[Johnny Law]

I would bet, Walt, that if you want to get in contact with customer service, it would basically be impossible.

[Walt]

Yeah, you're probably right.

[Johnny Law]

Yeah.

[Walt]

But, my God, to give it up now would be devastating.

[Bry]

You already spent the money.

[Johnny Law]

You got a taste.

[Walt]

I know. Yeah. Because. No, I got it. It's not the money so much as that. Like, the joy it brought me for these last seven days where I was just like.

[Bry]

Bust out the DVDs.

[Walt]

Yeah, it was just like, I would type in the most crazy old show and it would show up, and I would be like. If you told my child self this in 1977, that one day I would own something that would allow me to watch anything at any time on any continent. I would be like, dude, life is so fucking well.

[Q]

The only thing you have to add to that is and not pay for it, because everybody has that. It's called an Apple tv. You're just talking about not paying for it.

[Walt]

I did pay for it. 240 bucks, but I know.

[Q]

Well, get him. Did you do a search for VC box malware?

[Walt]

Oh, my God. He was giving me all the horror stories, trying to harsh my buzz, just like you. Instead of being supported.

[Q]

I have friends and I have family members that have the fire stick one or whatever it is. And I, you know, they've offered it to me and I have tell them I don't. I don't want it on principle, but I don't judge them for it. I just like stupid.

[Walt]

I know you. I know you will, though. Even if you're not.

[Q]

I'll think it's a little. It's a little. It's a little chink in your. In your moral armor. That's the only thing.

[Walt]

If it didn't have.

[Bry]

That's all you need.

[Walt]

If it didn't have.

[Q]

Mary brings down an army.

[Walt]

Yeah, that's. My wife said it's the. It's the serpent on the tree limb offering the apple. Am I going to take a bite?

[Get Him]

The apple is married.

[Q]

Sounds like you've been chewing for seven days. Take a bite.

[Bry]

He's gone through an orchard.

[Q]

Let's have an apple pie.

[Walt]

It's just too good to be true.

[Q]

What's the worst that malware can do to this? You're not putting in your personal information or anything like that?

[Walt]

Like.

[Get Him]

Well, it can inject software into your network and look at your network usage and packets and stuff going through your network.

[Q]

But how do you fight against that?

[Get Him]

You have to put it on its own network that's, you know, segregated, firewalled from.

[Q]

Once that's in your network, how do you get it out?

[Get Him]

That's the tough part.

[Q]

Right. What's the answer?

[Get Him]

I probably just have to tear it down and reinstall everything from the.

[Walt]

You mean the house?

[Get Him]

The computer network.

[Q]

Yeah, but he doesn't have a. Gotta.

[Bry]

Give you a new roof.

[Q]

But his computer network is most likely John. Just the modem from the local.

[Walt]

Well, I have a desktop and all.

[Get Him]

His phones that use WI fi.

[Johnny Law]

Right. That connect to WI fi. So if you're, for example, putting in your banking account credentials, you're logging in, it's possible that they could, you know, be monitoring your network and even be able to like, kind of monitor the keystrokes that you make on a computer.

[Q]

That's fucking scary.

[Johnny Law]

Yeah.

[Bry]

If he's doing it from home. If he's doing it from the wifi on his phone, on his WI fi. Right, Gotcha.

[Walt]

It's scary, but it's not as scary as not being able to Watch Mary Tyler more whenever I want.

[Get Him]

At 6am.

[Bry]

Would you say it's 6am.

[Get Him]

So. So the next time you ask for someone's location at the checkup, if your wife just goes, why don't you watch Mary Tyler Moore?

[Walt]

It feels like. It just feels like I only got it. It. I only got to taste paradise for such a short period of time. For me, I don't really rip it out. I was really hoping you could just tell, you know, tell me something. I could tell my wife that she could just stop like you know, fretting about it and just tell her it's, it's cool and everything's going to be awesome.

[Q]

You can tell her that. It's just.

[Johnny Law]

You can tell her that.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

Total lie.

[Walt]

But you just told me that like it could infect if I tell. If I go home and tell her. It can infect if I use the word infect.

[Bry]

Right.

[Q]

You're done.

[Walt]

I'll never watch TV again. Oh my God. This is. I really thought this was not going to go that way.

[Q]

Can you get a, can you get a refund?

[Walt]

No, I can't get a refund. No, it's not, it's not the initial investment that bums me out. It's the prospect of losing something that absolutely just was just an, an absolute rush. It was better than drugs. Yeah, just.

[Bry]

We could debate that.

[Q]

What about like 2B? You can't just go on Tubi and like find there.

[Bry]

This shit's commercial free, right? You're just watching episodes.

[Q]

Yeah, but that's again like to be. Does this is what I'm saying. Like, like Tubi is successful because it will be like nobody's airing Mary Tyler Moore or that elk. I'll put it on there. We'll pay for the license, we'll get it up there. The only thing is you got to sit through some commercials. Like that's a fair. Yeah, that's a fair trade.

[Walt]

But then it's also got the NFL to be. Don't have the NFL. Well, I hear you.

[Q]

I hear you.

[Walt]

I type in NFL all the time on tubi.

[Bry]

There's no matches.

[Q]

I hear you.

[Johnny Law]

What you could do also is like I have Roku and you can just do. There's a general search function on Roku where I can search anything and it's probably going to be on one of the channels and you can just do, you know, do one of those seven day trials or whatever on, on any of these like subscription based thing. You watch a show and then you.

[Q]

Cancel it, you know.

[Bry]

That sounds like a lot more work than just seeing.

[Johnny Law]

Maybe you just put it away for like a week.

[Bry]

For.

[Johnny Law]

For.

[Q]

And then just break it up.

[Johnny Law]

One week a year.

[Bry]

You don't understand Johnny Law.

[Q]

I mean, this conversation.

[Get Him]

This is like when Starsky was hooked on the junk.

[Q]

This conversation moves then into, like, how do you prevent malware from infecting your system? Or how do you get it off? That, to me, is, Couldn't it do.

[Bry]

It even without the VC box?

[Q]

Yeah, if you can nail this. If you can nail that, then you.

[Johnny Law]

I bet if. I bet if you just had a completely separate network that you only used for.

[Q]

Yeah, we needed an IT answer.

[Johnny Law]

Yeah, we need an IT answer.

[Walt]

The curator can help me.

[Bry]

Curator's an IT guy.

[Walt]

I'll give you a box. Curator. Free bucks. Please curate. You got to help me. I'm. Like, the prospect of me not having. This is a life I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to live in a world where I don't have this anymore. I love this. This is the greatest thing that I've ever come across. I don't care what you guys say, I'm keeping it.

[Bry]

Hey, I'm all for it.

[Q]

I bet you Tommy Lincoln can help. He's a computer whiz.

[Walt]

Yeah, that's right.

[Q]

Yeah. I think if you can answer that.

[Walt]

Question, I'm going to ask Tommy.

[Bry]

There's anybody within a thousand miles I could help Walt.

[Walt]

All right, so your suggestions are. Don't use the word infected when I talk to my wife later. If I say I talked to a lawyer.

[Johnny Law]

Exactly.

[Walt]

You did say it's fine. We won't probably ever face any real repercussions from the law.

[Q]

This is something.

[Johnny Law]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Walt]

John. Like, it would be a sharp on the wrist.

[Q]

This is like you with the pills. This is the exact same shit that we went through.

[Bry]

Yeah, well, let me.

[Q]

Twisted logic.

[Bry]

Twisted logic. Rationalizing. Justifying.

[Johnny Law]

Walt, I'll write you a letter on my letterhead that you can give to your wife telling you it's okay to use it.

[Bry]

Awesome.

[Walt]

That's all I need.

[Bry]

You got to put a wax seal on it or something so she knows it's legit.

[Johnny Law]

Exactly.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Okay.

[Q]

You're gonna bring us all down. He's gonna get disbarred. We're all gonna get.

[Johnny Law]

We're all going to prison.

[Walt]

You know, my wife brought up a story. Now, I know you. You listened to tsd. John.

[Johnny Law]

Yes.

[Walt]

Before. You know, before you came on. On tsd. Do you remember that? I had a cable Box story.

[Johnny Law]

You did. I. And it was given to you by one of your relatives.

[Walt]

My brother in law and my wife, you know, went over the story again. Do you remember how much I strike this family went through because of your obsession with.

[Johnny Law]

That's right.

[Walt]

Getting free cable.

[Q]

And I was like.

[Bry]

There isn't a history there.

[Walt]

This is something I've always chased is the cable cops.

[Johnny Law]

The cable cops may come again.

[Walt]

Right? So she told me something about that story that a new revelation that I didn't even know about. So like a little, a little quick retell them, Steve, Dave segment here. Years ago, my brother in law worked for a cable company and gave me a loaded box, they called it. And it was magnificent. Didn't have it for that long. One morning I'm getting ready to go to work and I look outside and put my shoes on and two guys in suits and long trench coats get out of a car. And I go to myself, oh, where these guys are going, you know, because. And I go, they don't. They look too professional to be down here. And then I see him start to come up my stairs and I'm like, what the do these clowns want? I open a door and they say who they're with, the cable provider they're with. And I'm like, are they trying to get me to upgrade to like HBO and Cinemax? Why are they here? And they finally like, hey, we know you have a cheater box and we know who gave it to you and we want it. And I slammed the door in their face. I told them I didn't have that box. I ran upstairs, got that box that I did have and put it in my bag and went to work at the stash in a panic. Tried to call my wife and told her that, you know, like, you know.

[Q]

Put it in Mike's backpack.

[Get Him]

Strap it to a cinder block, throw it off the bridge.

[Walt]

She's working in school, she's in class. And I get her out of class to tell her that like, you know, it's over, like we're going down and we gotta make our. We gotta get tickets to Mexico immediately and we're on the next flight. But I told her and she kind of was like, she couldn't really talk about it. She hung up on me. I got to work and I'm in a panic. And then all of a sudden the relative walks through with the same two guys through the stash doors and is like, he all very. He's in a state of humiliation and shock and he's like, hey, do you have the box with you? If you do, I need it. And the jig was up. I knew I had to give him the box, but that. The revelation that I don't think I told in your story, maybe I did, was. He was set up.

[Bry]

Get out of here. Whoa.

[Walt]

Well, he was actually not set up. He was. He. It was. Somebody narcked on him. Somebody who worked in the company narcked on him and got the information from his ex wife.

[Bry]

Oh, no.

[Walt]

She wants. She wanted to make. Make him feel some pain. And that's. And she went and told this guy.

[Bry]

And then he told women.

[Walt]

Powers that be.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

Wicked web.

[Bry]

Damn.

[Get Him]

Was there a reward? You know.

[Walt]

So she tried to tell me that and to try to, like, be like you. We don't need that in our life again. I was like, shut up. It's not gonna happen again. There's no way that can happen.

[Get Him]

You know, some people. Some people search for this, for the Holy Grail. Some people search for the Sorcerer Stone. You just want free cable. Yeah.

[Walt]

That's all I wanted out of life.

[Q]

Which is funny, cuz, like, you could have it. All you gotta do is pay like 10 bucks a month.

[Walt]

Oh, no, it's not. Cable is so expensive.

[Q]

Yeah, I know, I know.

[Walt]

It's hypocritical too, because, you know, other people are out there right now going like, I'll go steal that TSD Patreon shit.

[Q]

I just made the add ons for like 10 bucks a month. You're already paying for cable.

[Walt]

Not anymore. I got this sucker. I canceled that. I canceled that the next day. Did you really?

[Q]

Oh, my God. So Deb has to use that if she wants to watch something. You are drawing her in.

[Walt]

Yeah, if she wants to watch something. Yeah, she's got to. She's got to sit on that fucking couch.

[Get Him]

Couch.

[Walt]

The. The devil couch. And here, take a bite of this apple. It tastes good, don't it? Oh, yummy.

[Q]

Track your location. It's gonna be in hell. This is evil.

[Walt]

All right, do you. Real quick, John, you want to play a game?

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

That we came up with called the get him you and get him. No. Get him. You actually came up with it. It was his idea.

[Get Him]

Don't say that.

[Walt]

I'm in. So. And you. You guys.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Okay, so Bryke and Q. And you will write down what you think is a real conversation that Gidem had with his nurses during his hospital stay.

[Bry]

That's good.

[Walt]

All right, so there's three of them that are real out of nine, so there's six that are not real, and there are three that are real. You can ask Gitum. I'm just gonna give you the headline of what the conversation was. You then can ask Gidem a question about that headline to see if you feel like, yeah, this is something this motherfucker would definitely say to one of his nurses.

[Bry]

Okay.

[Walt]

All right. Are you ready, John?

[Bry]

I'm ready.

[Walt]

All right.

[Q]

I don't have a pen.

[Walt]

I thought I gave you a pen.

[Bry]

They gave me.

[Walt]

Oh, here you go. There we go, brother.

[Q]

Thank you.

[Walt]

The gift of Gidham's gift of gab, number one. Did he talk to his nurses about the mystery of Gidham's physical issues being mostly prevalent in Asians and the possibility, the endless hours of eating at the China Buffet being a possible answer to this medical mystery? You want to ask Ghetto anything about that?

[Bry]

So he goes. So his symptoms are mostly found in Asians.

[Walt]

What he's dealing with is mostly found in Asian men and women, Asian men and women, elderly Asian men.

[Bry]

And he suspects that going to the China Buffet or the Chinese buffet could have possibly.

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Contributed to that.

[Get Him]

The massive ingestion of Chinese spices and.

[Walt]

Oh, really? I thought maybe it was like MSG and shit.

[Get Him]

Yeah, yeah.

[Walt]

Like, it was like hair. Like hair or saliva dropped into the buffet or something from the.

[Get Him]

No. 1 of the buffet with me.

[Walt]

You tell me all the time you're picking hair out of your teeth when you eat there.

[Bry]

Yeah. What is it called again? It's called China Buffet. Yeah, because I saw something about. On. On. On t. About China buffet. They had 177 violations. Holy. I doubt it's the one you went. But I was like, holy shit.

[Q]

Is that even possible?

[Bry]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Walt]

So where was this at?

[Bry]

I don't know. I missed where it was. Oh, it came halfway. Yeah, it was on tv. Oh, it probably wasn't.

[Walt]

It probably wasn't the one.

[Bry]

Oh, no, no. Probably not the one. Get him. Goes to.

[Q]

You understand that American Chinese food is nothing like Chinese Chinese food.

[Get Him]

It's. Everyone there is Chinese, so.

[Q]

No, I know, but it's Americanized Chinese food.

[Bry]

I went to a real Chinese restaurant with Cubans. It looked. It was disgusting. The stuff. They're like duck eyeballs and, like, all kinds of nasty shit that, like, you would never consider eating even for the. I went to.

[Johnny Law]

Yeah, I went to China for about a month, and I gotta say, you know, I. It was definitely not the same. I felt like I was gonna get, like, Chinese malware. Yes. I definitely Lost weight.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Do you want to ask anything about that, John?

[Johnny Law]

Yeah, so I know that.

[Q]

I know that.

[Johnny Law]

I think on the last episode, you had said you had caught some kind of. You had gotten something that was, you know, related to Chinese people. What was the specific issue that you thought was linked to you eating at the buffet?

[Get Him]

Well, it's the. The opll, which is ossification of some ligament in my spinal column which presses on the spinal cord, is primarily. It's a genetic condition found primarily in Asian people, but now it's being elderly Asian people. Elderly Asian men and women now has been starting to be found in Caucasians.

[Johnny Law]

So you think that eating at the Chinese buffet may have changed your genetics?

[Get Him]

Yeah, it may have activated a dormant gene that normally isn't active.

[Walt]

He's a mutant. He's going to Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Children this semester, which is.

[Get Him]

Which is why it's being found more in Caucasian people.

[Q]

I have a question.

[Get Him]

He.

[Q]

He has. When we ask him questions, he has to tell us the truth or he's trying to trick us.

[Walt]

No, these are. He has to tell the truth. He's telling the truth right now.

[Q]

So you seriously didn't know that American Chinese food, you, a genius, didn't know that American Chinese food isn't like Chinese food? Are you saying that for a joke?

[Get Him]

Well, I'm saying is that they.

[Q]

That's a yes or no question.

[Get Him]

It is different. Yes.

[Q]

You know that?

[Get Him]

Yes.

[Q]

Okay. Okay.

[Get Him]

But the spices and such aren't different.

[Q]

Yes, of course they are.

[Get Him]

Well, you think they use a different kind of pepper?

[Q]

No, I think that the way that they prepare the food is different from the way they prepared food there. So they would be using different spices. Of course. Pepper used the world. Right. You don't think Chinese pepper is different from American pepper?

[Get Him]

No.

[Q]

So that pepper would have nothing to do with this then.

[Get Him]

But in the combination.

[Q]

You're saying Chinese spices. I'm saying what Chinese spices?

[Get Him]

Yes, the combination of that.

[Q]

Them. You think the level of pepper and salt somehow.

[Get Him]

No, the different. Like. Like if they use star anise or they use Majoram, but Americans use that. But not in the combinations that they possibly use them in. In the Chinese food.

[Q]

But it's American Chinese. But it's American Chinese food.

[Get Him]

But the prevalence.

[Q]

But it's American Chinese food. It's not the same type of food.

[Get Him]

Just like, remember in the original Batman, it wasn't that you used the deodorant, it was that you use a deodorant in combination with mouthwash.

[Q]

I Understand your point, but what I'm saying is they don't use those mixtures in China. They don't. That's the whole point.

[Get Him]

I don't know.

[Q]

They don't serve the fucking food there. So they wouldn't use the same amount of spices because they're not serving the food.

[Get Him]

But it's the spices that they're used to, so they. They use wouldn't.

[Walt]

The fact that they're used.

[Q]

How many of these are fake, these stories?

[Walt]

Six.

[Bry]

Six are fake. Furious.

[Q]

Yeah, he's being too obtuse for this.

[Walt]

What about the water, though?

[Q]

He doesn't want to answer the fucking question.

[Walt]

Since it's American water, would that play a factor?

[Q]

I actually, I don't know enough about Chinese water to answer that.

[Walt]

Right. You don't think it was like, you know, like.

[Q]

But what, are they importing water from China here? Are they putting spices in the water in Jersey?

[Walt]

I'm saying it's like Montezuma's revenge, though. Like, you know, or what's it called? Osteoptosis revenge that you got going on.

[Q]

This proves my point. They're using American water. Those things are not in issue here.

[Walt]

Okay, all right. Yeah, let's go on to number two. That he created a game for a podcast.

[Q]

Hold on. Yes, because the problem is it's so frustrating that I would think in a normal person it can't be true, but because it's him, it fucking can be true.

[Bry]

And it sounds like you had the conversation, by the way he's talking about it.

[Q]

Like, no, to me, it sounds like he's trying to fucking cover up and lie and not answer my question.

[Bry]

He was smiling.

[Q]

Yeah, that's why. Yeah, all right, all right.

[Walt]

Gift of gab. Option two, that he created a game for a podcast called gidemtration. You can ask Gatim questions. Why he would even. Why would this even come up?

[Q]

That's what I believe is true.

[Bry]

For a second I was like, yeah, that's true. I was like, oh, wait, he's telling a nurse this. That's right.

[Walt]

He's bragging to his nurses about it. These conversation topics are. Did he actually have these conversations while in the hospital?

[Q]

Okay, so the answer to me and to me is not the question of the question is do I think that Gidham would bring up two nurses that he created a game on a podcast?

[Johnny Law]

Cute nurses. Q. Cute nurses. Right.

[Walt]

To me, the answer, these are 20 something year old hottie nurses.

[Q]

I don't even need to ask him a question. Of course he would.

[Walt]

I Went to visit him, it looked like I was like, these. These are only fans, Mom.

[Get Him]

These aren't nurses.

[Q]

Like, I don't even need to ask him how it came up, because I know how it came up. It was came up. He just brought up within the first.

[Johnny Law]

Yeah, within the first five minutes of coming out. He was talking about it.

[Bry]

Yeah, he was talking about a podcast. The podcast he was on. And then. Yo. And sometimes I develop games for him.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Johnny Law]

I don't know if you're a fan of Impractical Jokers, but I actually know. You know, I do a podcast with them.

[Q]

Yeah, I got four texts about it.

[Get Him]

Don't let him chew on that.

[Walt]

Please don't let him show him what.

[Get Him]

Piece of the chair.

[Walt]

So, Teddy, naughty dog. Got it?

[Q]

Yeah.

[Get Him]

Good.

[Walt]

All right, all right. Option. Or get him gab. 3. Did he tell his nurses or talk about him having a black walking cane but really wanting a green one and how he solved the problem while he.

[Q]

Was in the hospital?

[Walt]

While he was in the hospital.

[Q]

Did you have a cane while you were in the hospital or did you get it after the hospital?

[Get Him]

I got it after the hospital, but while I was still in rehab.

[Q]

So it's not while you were in the hospital then?

[Walt]

It was after rehab.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Q]

I considered trying to find the.

[Walt]

You know, it was in Riverview Hospital.

[Q]

Okay, got you.

[Johnny Law]

Now, had you given your cane, the original cane, to your father already?

[Get Him]

No, not at the time when you.

[Johnny Law]

Were in the rehab?

[Get Him]

No, not at that point.

[Walt]

Well, that you've given away. That you've let the cat out of the bag, Johnny. That's how he solved this fucking snafu with the. This major problem was giving the cane away, giving the black cane to his father. Is this rise to the level of a conversation to have with another human.

[Bry]

Being sees, like, all this shit, knowing him. Yeah, yeah. Like, all of it could be a yes. Like, I can't believe that six of them are fake.

[Johnny Law]

Get him.

[Q]

How many?

[Johnny Law]

How many? How many? How many times when you got out of the hospital, did you tell that story, do you think?

[Get Him]

Oh, I told it to Jeff yesterday.

[Q]

Did you tell someone the story before you told the nurse or was a nurse the very first?

[Get Him]

These were things I told. There was a prompt to them being told. I just didn't come out of the blue and say them.

[Q]

What was the prompt on this one?

[Get Him]

The prompt on that one was they commented on the color of the cane.

[Q]

Which at the time was.

[Get Him]

It was green. I had them both at the same time.

[Johnny Law]

The prompt was.

[Q]

Hello. Okay.

[Walt]

Number four, how someone threw out his special spoon.

[Q]

What's the special spoon story?

[Walt]

Okay, tell it.

[Get Him]

I ordered a set of titanium spoons, like, back in 2019. And while I was gone, it was on the table here. And it mysteriously disappeared after he wanted.

[Walt]

Me to bring it to him, and I couldn't find it.

[Get Him]

Yeah, after someone recorded an episode of their. Their Christmas special. Here.

[Walt]

Chuck.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

When was the last time you saw these spoons?

[Get Him]

It was before I. He left.

[Q]

And you. You were using them constantly? They were in.

[Get Him]

Yes, it's. Yeah, it's my. That's cutlery that I use instead of plastic. Titanium.

[Bry]

Where do you think it possibly could have gone?

[Get Him]

I think it went to the trash.

[Bry]

You think they threw it away on you?

[Get Him]

Yeah. Just like our missing SD card.

[Bry]

Mm.

[Walt]

I think it was an accident. Of course. I think they were cleaning up after they recorded, and they were like, what's this dirty spoon doing here?

[Bry]

Right.

[Walt]

Let's do Walt a favor and get rid of this stinky spoon and threw it out.

[Bry]

Let's do Walter favor and get him a disservice.

[Q]

So the story is true. It's just a question of whether he told the nurses it or not. Okay, I get it.

[Johnny Law]

The story's definitely true. Cause he brought this up. He brought this up in some text messages. So I can definitely confirm the story is true.

[Walt]

That's why this game is hard. I'm not going to give you any easy ones.

[Q]

Yeah, okay. All right. I'm developing an opinion.

[Walt]

All right. Okay. Number five. If not for his dribbling little giddum and passing gas, he might not have ever gone to the emergency room. You know what that means, right? I know. I have to be a little bit more graphic. The dribble and get him.

[Q]

Yeah. He pisses pants.

[Walt]

Well, just leaking a little bit of leakage.

[Bry]

So this is leaking just like as you're sitting there or after going to the bathroom.

[Get Him]

This would be getting up and on.

[Bry]

The way to the bathroom, standing up.

[Q]

Okay. And when you told the nurses this, was it in a medical. Like, you're listing your symptoms or did you just. Or is the idea that you just.

[Walt]

This was small talk.

[Q]

Because you would have had to tell them as part of the medical student. So we know this one's true because you would have had to tell them.

[Bry]

Unless that's not the reason he went. The reason that he went was because of the symptoms that he showed, and the reason he went was because of that.

[Q]

Okay, so I was confused. I thought the stories.

[Walt]

No, no.

[Q]

The story can be Fake. As well as whether he told.

[Walt]

No, the only. I think the only thing that is fake about this is did he actually use this as a topic of conversation while the pretty nurses came in?

[Bry]

Right.

[Walt]

So it's. If not for his dribbling wee wee and passing gas, he might not have ever gone to the emergency room.

[Johnny Law]

That's not something you want to volunteer.

[Bry]

Gather round. Gather round, ladies.

[Walt]

Yeah, listen to this.

[Bry]

That's the reason I went to the hospital.

[Walt]

Number 6 asked if there are any limitations on the amount of peanut butter chicken he can consume the next time he goes to the china buffet. Because he's not going until he could, quote, unquote, go ham.

[Bry]

I guess my first question is going ham. What does that mean exactly?

[Get Him]

Like going all out hard as a motherfucker. Yeah.

[Bry]

Oh, hard as a motherfucker. I never heard that before.

[Walt]

He's a gentleman, though. He didn't use. He went. He used the word ham. The.

[Bry]

To the ladies.

[Walt]

To the ladies.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

I'm sure would be like, what does that mean?

[Get Him]

Oh, you don't know?

[Walt]

When's the last time you did anything, ham?

[Get Him]

Last time I went to the buffet.

[Johnny Law]

I just met the cutest patient.

[Get Him]

He told me he.

[Q]

Fell in love with one of my patients.

[Get Him]

I believe they call that the Nightingale syndrome.

[Walt]

Any questions for the man about going ham?

[Q]

What was your answer?

[Get Him]

Yes, I'm on no dietary restrictions.

[Q]

You. You can go ham.

[Walt]

They didn't advise against it.

[Get Him]

No.

[Walt]

Really? You're just getting out. You want to pop a staple from eating too much peanut butter chicken?

[Bry]

Yeah, he's like, I pinned down since I've been here. I got to get back to the buffet.

[Get Him]

I've been encouraged to get as much protein as I can.

[Walt]

Peanut butter chicken's high in protein.

[Get Him]

Yeah, it's chicken. Yeah.

[Walt]

Okay.

[Get Him]

Consuming this as well.

[Walt]

The peanut butter doesn't negate the protein. Just like make it like a non.

[Bry]

Like peanut butter's protein in it.

[Walt]

Yeah, it's a double dose of protein.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Walt]

You should be on all peanut butter chicken diet then.

[Get Him]

I wish.

[Walt]

And peanut butter flavored fluids too.

[Bry]

I mean, this is a good liquefied peanut butter.

[Q]

I see him saying all of these things.

[Walt]

All right, number seven, did he talk to his nurses about how hard he pwned his mailbox headed friend Tom for assuming he had diabetes?

[Johnny Law]

I think this might be a slam dunk.

[Q]

I agree, because it puts him in a positive light.

[Bry]

And I've also heard him refer to Tom as mailbox head for some reason. Where does that come from? Chuck is also mailbox head.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Bry]

And Lindsay, why is that?

[Get Him]

Because they all thought I had diabetes.

[Bry]

But what's a mailbox head? I never heard that term.

[Get Him]

It's from a C lab.

[Bry]

Okay.

[Get Him]

Yeah, I just like the term.

[Walt]

Now, if you are in a position where you're. You're laid up and you have six or seven young nurses just cater, not catering, but caring for you.

[Bry]

Right.

[Walt]

Are any of these topics, any go to's or anything that you guys would have went with if you.

[Bry]

I don't bring up one of them?

[Johnny Law]

Nope.

[Walt]

No, not a one of them, John.

[Bry]

No.

[Get Him]

No.

[Q]

The only one so far that I could even see being possible is the cane story. Because at least it's relating to treatment and not embarrassing.

[Walt]

And what is a 20 something year old. What is the. Like why are you telling me about that? You gave your dad a cane and.

[Bry]

Now you have or even show the mildest interest in his cane. Like she sees canes all fucking day. Suddenly this cane stands out.

[Walt]

Green ones, red ones. I don't think the color is going to be something that she's gonna even notice.

[Johnny Law]

She's gonna be looking, right?

[Walt]

Go ahead.

[Johnny Law]

It's not a Corvette. Ghetto.

[Get Him]

Oh, this is the Corvette of canes.

[Q]

When you referred to Tom as a male box head, what did the nurse say?

[Walt]

She giggled.

[Bry]

Right.

[Walt]

I was there when you did it.

[Get Him]

She just kind of like. Just like.

[Q]

Like Japanese school girls.

[Bry]

Cute.

[Walt]

Last 20 something year olds, dude.

[Bry]

Like.

[Walt]

Oh, she just.

[Get Him]

She just kind of nodded her head just.

[Bry]

So green. You said.

[Q]

Fanning her face.

[Walt]

Is it about time for you to go Ham.

[Bry]

To lay down in the bed next to him? She was overtaken.

[Q]

This is no pussy. Dead end.

[Get Him]

You had me at going ham.

[Q]

You didn't have to explain what a mailbox head was to the nurses.

[Bry]

No, she didn't ask. She was not as interested as I was.

[Walt]

Any questions about mailbox heads? Okay, number eight. Only eight and nine left. With the yarn lady having moved out of Airport Plaza, the thermostat is no longer controlled by a hamster any longer.

[Bry]

Hamster, scooter. Scooter, yeah, the guinea pig.

[Walt]

That's why the plate. That's why the temperature was so hot in here. Because her hamster needed. Oh, he would die if it wasn't at 90. Right. And ours was at like a, you know, a balmy 110, I think at times.

[Q]

When would you, when would you have told them this story?

[Get Him]

When I had found out, like I was getting updates and I was checking Facebook. She announced the. Because Walt told me about the closing sale. That she was having out in the hallway here. And then I went and checked Facebook and she announced that that was going to be the end of the. More yarn.

[Q]

How'd that come up with the nurses?

[Get Him]

Just in conversation. Because, like, they would come in, they're like, oh, it's really chilly in here.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Get Him]

Because I had had the. Because the first thing I did when I got in there is had the thermostat turned down to cold.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Get Him]

And I had made sure I was by there because it was. I kept me cool. I don't like.

[Q]

So they were like, it's chilly in here. And you're like.

[Bry]

You're like, yeah, that's because I'm not a guinea pig. Yeah.

[Get Him]

Well, I told them that. I told them that I liked it cold. And like I said, we have this problem at the office because we have a person in the office in a space next door to us who has a guinea pig. And because of that, we have to keep the temperature really high. And because she keeps her door open, I can't sneak over there and turn the thermostat down. I have to wait till she walks by and goes to the bathroom.

[Q]

I see it. I see it. Marry me.

[Walt]

Which one?

[Bry]

Don't you see? I know everybody. Every single one of them could be real.

[Q]

Honestly, just. Just the first one.

[Walt]

What was the first one again?

[Q]

With the Chinese spices. I hope he's not that dumb.

[Walt]

All right. And the final gift of gab. Get him, Steve. Dave's. Get him. Get him, Steve. Dave's gift of gab is how he plans on turning his X rays of his neck into his next year's Christmas card.

[Get Him]

Card.

[Walt]

You do know he loves to create his own Christmas card.

[Bry]

I know.

[Walt]

It was Christmas while he was in there getting close to the season.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Yeah. You didn't make a card this year, did you?

[Walt]

Nurse. Nurse. Can I get your address? Next year I want to send you a. A Christmas card of my spinal cord.

[Bry]

Yeah, give me your phone number too, just in case you. How did she react?

[Get Him]

Not Tee hee.

[Bry]

Yeah. It's going around the hospital. If you just say tee hee and walk out, he'll be fine.

[Get Him]

Rsv, the flu, the tes.

[Q]

This story aside, do you think you'll do that? That's actually a pretty fun idea.

[Get Him]

You think you're going to do that? Yeah.

[Walt]

Any questions? John.

[Johnny Law]

What prompted you to talk about the Christmas card?

[Get Him]

Because I was finding out how I could get more high res versions of the scans. Because the MyChart app gives you like a basic. Like a very Low resolution when I tried to print them and like it was. Gave me the warning that it was low resolution. So I was trying to get an imaging copy. I'm not sure.

[Bry]

Seems like the person asked for that.

[Get Him]

Well, I was, I was finding out who to. Who do I reach out to? Who do I email to do this? Yeah.

[Bry]

Still. How the fuck would I know?

[Get Him]

Well, they can ask.

[Walt]

And they did.

[Get Him]

They did, yeah.

[Walt]

And you're like, well, I'm gonna make a Christmas card. And she was like, oh, Tee.

[Get Him]

You'Re so clever.

[Q]

Highly trained medical professionals.

[Get Him]

You're so quirky.

[Johnny Law]

What is your motivation, for example, for. Is your motivation literally I just want high res pictures or are you trying to show them that you're like creative and funny?

[Get Him]

I just wanted high res. I wanted high res versions of the scans that I believe that you're not. That aren't as much.

[Walt]

He's not a roundabout guy. He's just like. Yeah, it's very straightforward.

[Get Him]

I'm not sure if you remember the pictures in the group chat of me getting my imaging cd.

[Johnny Law]

I do, yeah.

[Get Him]

I do, yeah.

[Walt]

All right, Johnny, how do you feel? You've been invited to a very exclusive club with that group chat between Chuck, Tom, Brad, Rupp, Jimmy. It's Jimmy.

[Johnny Law]

Constant Entertainment. Yeah, it's constant.

[Walt]

I hear there's. I hear there's days go on end that you don't even answer any of the texts though.

[Q]

That's true.

[Walt]

You gotta stop doing that because you might get. You might get.

[Bry]

I might get bumped.

[Walt]

Yeah.

[Bry]

I might get bumped, yeah.

[Walt]

Brian, any questions before you weigh in on what you think the three real conversations were?

[Bry]

I don't think so. I think I got it down. I mean, if I get any of them right, it's 100% luck because these could all be, aside from, like Q said, the number one Chinese spice one, which I expect you would know. I would not be surprised at any of these if you brought them up.

[Walt]

Q. Any last.

[Q]

No, I haven't locked in. Honestly, all my focus is still on the first one, the Chinese food. Because I was so frustrated in a way that he could only get due to me.

[Get Him]

Me.

[Q]

So it might be true.

[Walt]

Can I pull the curtain back and be real for a second, please? I would never assume that Chinese food created in America is not the same food I would be eating in China.

[Q]

Yeah, but you're not a genius.

[Walt]

True. But I would think that's not legal then to call it Chinese food. If it's not Chinese food, then like, that's false advertising then, right?

[Q]

Well, yeah, maybe.

[Walt]

So what makes it American food because it's prepared on American soil?

[Q]

No, no, it's just the actual dishes are, like.

[Walt]

The ingredients are different.

[Bry]

I think. I think they're, like, almost watered down for American palates. Right?

[Q]

Yeah, it's like a totally different ballgame. Like, Italians are like, look, here's our sauce. Eat it. Chinese are like, you're not going to eat an eel fucking intestine, so we gotta make noodles.

[Bry]

Right.

[Walt]

But if you want peanut butter.

[Q]

Something like that.

[Walt]

But if you want peanut butter chicken in China, doesn't it t taste exactly the same as peanut butter chicken in America?

[Q]

I don't even. I. My theory is they don't even have peanut butter chicken in China.

[Johnny Law]

I didn't see it.

[Walt]

Do you subscribe to that? Get them. They don't offer peanut butter chicken in.

[Get Him]

China because I think peanut butter sauce is, like, common in Thailand and places like that, so I could.

[Q]

So not China.

[Get Him]

It spills over, though. It's. It's.

[Bry]

Sure.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Q]

Okay. All right.

[Walt]

It dribbles over. Yeah, much like your little. Get them.

[Get Him]

Much like Mexican's known for its tacos.

[Q]

I could be completely, completely wrong.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Yeah. I. I don't know. Yeah, I would never have assumed that what I was eating, like, so my. The pizza that I have doesn't taste like pizza in Italy. You know what happened in America? No.

[Bry]

I mean, the water's different with the crust and everything.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah.

[Walt]

Okay. You learn something new.

[Q]

Yeah. All right.

[Bry]

Or Reddit will be like, kill you.

[Q]

I'll never know.

[Bry]

Peanut butter chicken's the national scream into the void.

[Q]

People Scream into the void.

[Walt]

Johnny, any last questions about any of the nine stories?

[Johnny Law]

No, I think I'm locked in. I think I've got what I.

[Walt]

Okay, so I'm gonna go with Bry first. Okay, I'm gonna go. I need your pen, though, Bri. Or a key pen, if you guys are done. All right, so, Bry, which numbers. Which stories do you think are true?

[Bry]

The stories I had for true were 3, 5, and 7.

[Walt]

3, 5, and 7. Three being. Having. Wanting the black cane, wanting a green cane. The high stress dilemma that came with that and how he eventually came upon a solution by giving the black cane to his father.

[Bry]

Yeah, I think that's something that's easy to talk about. Maybe she showed some interest in the cane. It's an unusually colored cane.

[Walt]

Out of all the stories that we talked about for this segment, easily I have heard the Cain story told and recounted at least 10 times. 10 times at a minimum.

[Q]

I remember that.

[Walt]

All right. And the other one you said was five. Five was the dribbling and the farting. He might not have never gone to the emergency room if not for those two. So we'll say farts and dribbles. And seven, how hard he pwned his mailbox headed friend mailbox. All right, Q.

[Q]

Okay. I have the real stories that I have.

[Walt]

Yes.

[Q]

I have two. The podcast game. I believe he would have. He'd be proud of that and want to present himself in a positive light.

[Walt]

Would he mention how it went over like an absolute lead balloon?

[Q]

No, but that wasn't part of the story that I was getting. Like, if he said it like it went like he killed at a podcast game, that would be a lie. Well, he might tell that anyway. But if he's talking about. If he's talking about me, which we know he did, his connection to me. Besides, now we're friends. But, like, was a podcast, and that's the end to that. Now not only am I on a podcast, but also I'm a creator on the podcast.

[Walt]

I'm creating content for this clown on tv.

[Bry]

Exactly.

[Walt]

Like, this guy needs me.

[Q]

Might as well put my hand up his ass. Yes, yes, I believe that. I believe is very possible.

[Bry]

All right.

[Q]

I had to say that 3. The cane story was true because I heard it twice.

[Walt]

Lucky you. You want to hear eight more?

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Q]

And then I went with six. I believe. The peanut chicken. I believe that would be on the top of his mind. When can I go ham on peanut chicken?

[Johnny Law]

Six.

[Walt]

Ham.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Okay. Johnny, you ever heard that?

[Q]

Hard as a mother. Oh, I love it. I use it.

[Bry]

So.

[Johnny Law]

I'm thinking that the Kane story might be a red herring here since we've heard so much about this Cain situation.

[Q]

It's a clever move.

[Johnny Law]

I think it might be one. Chinese food. Chinese problems.

[Get Him]

It's the episode title.

[Bry]

Yeah, definitely.

[Johnny Law]

I think. I think Q is dead on with the second one, you know? Really? This is. How can I tell you that I know Q? So I think number two, the podcast game. And then I. I think the last one's a slam dunk. I think. No diabetes. Mailbox head number seven.

[Q]

Wow. Now, Johnny Law does have a. A leg over a set. He's that group, Brian.

[Bry]

Like, I can.

[Johnny Law]

I can tell you, Q. Yeah. Almost every single one of these has been brought up within that group chat. So I am at the same disadvantage.

[Q]

We never got to the bottom of the titanium fork. We still don't know where it is.

[Get Him]

It's gone.

[Johnny Law]

Yeah, it's Gone, as far as we know.

[Get Him]

RUP replaced it, though.

[Q]

You should get copper silverware, because isn't that the. That kills germs and stuff? Isn't copper like antiseptic?

[Get Him]

Yeah, but I have a thing for titanium.

[Q]

I see.

[Get Him]

So come on. Titanium ring.

[Q]

I just figured if you're just gonna eat on it, then leave it on our table for a week. You might want the thing that kills. But no titanium.

[Get Him]

My vertebrae is titanium.

[Q]

Of course.

[Walt]

All right, so the refresh. Bry says canes. He says the. The farting and dribbling. And mailbox Q has the podcast, the cane and ham. Johnny, number one Chinese food, Chinese problems. The podcast and mailbox head. Correct.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bry]

Lock it in.

[Walt]

Whoever gets the most, we'll get to.

[Q]

Hear the DC Box.

[Walt]

No, I thought whoever. Well, I mean, I don't know. Johnny's already in, but I thought you could get an invite to the. To the text chat.

[Bry]

The group.

[Walt]

The Yenta group.

[Bry]

I don't think they want us. No, they don't want.

[Walt]

They want to be able to talk bad about me. That's what they want to do.

[Bry]

Slave driving.

[Get Him]

That's Jimmy. About Chuck.

[Walt]

All right, reveal number. Reveal the first story that was true. Get him.

[Get Him]

Okay. It was Get Him Tration.

[Q]

The game.

[Walt]

The game.

[Get Him]

Yes.

[Bry]

Did you get it?

[Q]

Okay, I got that one. Yes.

[Get Him]

But what actually happened was I had shown them a video of Game Night to show how I was in June being able to dance around and everything. And the nurse was like, oh, wow. I really love old, classic 70s game shows. Like, Classic Concentration. And I was like, well, I actually created a game for a.

[Q]

Wait, what were you wearing in that when you were dancing around?

[Get Him]

The brown suit.

[Q]

Okay. Not the green screen.

[Get Him]

And I said, I created a game called Get Him Tracion, which was just like, with the. With the, you know, revealing the pieces and solving the puzzle. I said, but it did not go over as well as.

[Walt]

So he did. He did cop to the fact that it didn't go over well.

[Get Him]

And then I brought up Alex Trebek's subtle racism in. Because whenever he would say Suzuki Sidekick, he put on, like, a Japanese accent. So. And the nurse said that next time she watched, she would pay attention for that.

[Q]

Okay, now, this was the.

[Walt]

One of the young hotties cares about concentration.

[Get Him]

She says she likes classic 70s shows.

[Walt]

Wow, that's unusual.

[Q]

Some bedside manner.

[Bry]

I would not think that.

[Walt]

So who got a point for that? BQ gets a point.

[Q]

I'm the only one.

[Walt]

No. And Johnny Law also gets a point. Brian.

[Bry]

No points.

[Walt]

No points yet.

[Q]

So The Chinese food one was fake?

[Walt]

No, we don't know yet.

[Q]

The first one. Well, he skipped it. He went to two. Said the first real one is.

[Walt]

Yeah, yeah, it was fake.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt]

Yeah, the Chinese.

[Get Him]

I did speculate that it was the buffet as well as knowing Ming.

[Q]

Okay.

[Get Him]

So.

[Walt]

Unless you slept with them.

[Bry]

Yeah, really, I don't know how you.

[Walt]

Could have thought that it would change your DNA.

[Bry]

Did you to the hospital over Christmas?

[Walt]

Both you guys are. Both you guys. Guys are going ham on each other and wound up in a hospital.

[Get Him]

So either I got it from Ming or all at the buffet.

[Walt]

I want to give a shout out to Tom since I'm not privy to all these insights since I'm not involved in the group chat. I was like, hey, Tom, I'm coming up with this game. I said, give me some of the inane things that Gidem has spoken about in the last couple of weeks that I could use for this game. And he just went off his text list and he just rattled him off.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt]

That's why. That's why it was so hard to decipher.

[Q]

Gotcha, Gotcha. All right, great.

[Walt]

All right, get him. Reveal the real conversation starter.

[Get Him]

The second one about how I accidentally ordered a black cane, but.

[Q]

He's gonna let that go to waste. He's trying to a nurse here.

[Bry]

I can't help but notice your cane, old man.

[Get Him]

But again, this. This was prompted by bringing up how interesting. How interesting the color was. Yes, yes, and yes. And how unusual it was.

[Q]

It's very interesting. Green.

[Bry]

Yes. Yeah, it's green.

[Q]

She must get wet over Kermit.

[Get Him]

Unfortunately.

[Walt]

Certainly.

[Q]

I'm two for two. I'm starting to worry about myself.

[Walt]

Dude, bq, you got another one.

[Q]

I spent too much time thinking about. Get him.

[Walt]

Bry's got one.

[Bry]

I'm on the board.

[Walt]

Johnny Loyd. No points in round two.

[Johnny Law]

Oh, it's rough.

[Walt]

How come you didn't think the Kane story, John?

[Johnny Law]

I just thought it was told too many times.

[Walt]

A story that good can never be told that many times.

[Bry]

That's.

[Q]

Supposed to be a lawyer, Johnny.

[Johnny Law]

It's just like I would stay so far away from that, talking to a cute nurse. You know what I mean?

[Q]

That's why you have a wife and a child.

[Get Him]

But it shows how compassionate I am giving a cane to my father that I was just going to illegally return to Amazon.

[Q]

Oh, boy. All right, if I go three for three, I'm killing myself. I'm going to tell you right now.

[Bry]

That would be astounding.

[Q]

Hang myself.

[Bry]

Amazing.

[Q]

Please don't be the peanut. Peanut Chicken.

[Get Him]

And the last one was how hard I pwn mailbox head to.

[Bry]

All right, what number was that?

[Walt]

That was number seven. And that means it is an absolute dead tie.

[Bry]

Wow.

[Walt]

All right, Everybody has two points.

[Get Him]

A triple dead heat. Wow.

[Walt]

Is there a story, Something they can guess to try to break the tie? A little tiebreaker here you could come up with on the fly?

[Get Him]

No, no.

[Bry]

Can I tell the cane story again?

[Walt]

All right. Well, I guess so.

[Get Him]

This came up in, like, you know, they asked me, like, what did people speculate it was? And so I said someone speculated that it was diabetes and that it was neuropathy.

[Q]

And you used the word mailbox.

[Get Him]

Mailbox head.

[Bry]

Yes.

[Get Him]

And then I also managed to disparage Tom's MRI plate as well.

[Q]

Wow. Tom's your friend.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Walt]

But you've componed somebody. Friend or foe?

[Q]

Oh, I'm with you.

[Walt]

You got a pwn.

[Q]

And hey, I believe mailbox head is. Look, I like how he said foam face. Like anything could be an insult. Mailbox head works for me. I get it. I get it.

[Walt]

All right. Wow.

[Q]

Guys, I'm proud of us.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

You guys know your friend, man. You guys know him better than you think you did.

[Get Him]

Yeah.

[Bry]

So all of us are in on the group chat now.

[Q]

I'll pass. I'm gonna pass on that.

[Walt]

You can give a johnny thank you for give spending some time with us and answering those legal questions. Those pesky legal questions. Anytime you get something good, the law always wants to stick their nose in it, trying to take it away.

[Bry]

You got it.

[Johnny Law]

Happy to be here.

[Q]

Is this a billable hour?

[Bry]

Yeah, I'll.

[Johnny Law]

And I'll see you guys at Q West. I'm looking forward to it.

[Q]

All right, buddy. We're gonna have a blast, pal.

[Bry]

See you soon, bud.

[Walt]

Bye, John.

[Johnny Law]

Bye, now. Bye.

[Walt]

All right.

[Q]

Nice. Wow. Always good.

[Walt]

Yeah. It's nice to. To hear from John.

[Bry]

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, that's it. What an episode.

[Q]

Yes.

[Walt]

Packed to the gills, starting off 20, 26 strong.

[Q]

Here we go.

[Bry]

We already missed an episode.

[Walt]

I don't think that means that we're not coming out strong. I'd rather come out with two strong episodes than come out with, like, you know, just to shit one out. Just for. To shit for shit's sake, you know?

[Q]

Yeah, I agree.

[Bry]

Yeah.

[Walt]

Quality. Quality over.

[Q]

Thank you, West. I agree.

[Walt]

Tell him, Steve. Dave.