Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! #663: "Chinese Food, Chinese Problems" (Jan 26, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively, uncensored episode, Walt, Bryan ("Bry"), Q (Brian Quinn), and Get 'Em Steve-Dave revisit the golden age of Chinese buffets, share recent life events including travel tales, a beloved pet’s passing, and explore the ethics and perils of pirated streaming devices. The hosts dive into listener questions, personal quirks, and a hilarious new game revealing Get 'Em’s bizarre hospital conversations. Legal expert "Johnny Law" joins for advice on gray-area entertainment gadgets, and the group debates morality versus temptation—all coated with the usual TESD banter and inside jokes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Announcements and Recommendations (00:00–04:38)

• Walt urges Patreon subscribers to complete their sock size poll for upcoming TESD socks, emphasizing the process and consequences if they don’t.
• Get 'Em highlights “The Devil and Daisy Dirt,” a unique puppet-driven stage show, with both Walt and Get 'Em raving about its creativity, special effects, and atmosphere.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (02:08): “One of the most creative, unique pieces of art I’ve seen in quite some time. It combines spoken word music, like live music.”

2. Health & Therapy Updates – Get 'Em’s Physical Woes (05:45–06:37)

• Get 'Em discusses his minor health regression, physical therapy, and the joy/pain of aging—relatable to all the hosts.
• Briefly details switching from buying coffee at Wawa to brewing his own due to rising health insurance costs.

3. The Yarn Lady’s Departure: Office Scavenging Etiquette (07:40–12:09)

• The group debates the ethics of quickly claiming leftover signage from a long-time tenant’s space.
• Walt sees immediate “vulturing” over the sign as disrespectful; Q and Bry are pragmatic.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (09:21): “Show some fucking level of respect.”

4. Traveling Tales: SeaWorld, Trolleys, and Teachable Moments (13:05–25:21)

• Bry recounts taking his daughter Sage to SeaWorld, including attempts to tempt her into minor theft (“steal a Coke”), which she fervently rejects.
• The discussion segues into parking prices, transportation logistics, and maximizing the “anticipation” of long public transport rides.
• Q details a cheap, short flight on Breeze Airways and their interesting “bid” system for seat upgrades.

5. The Racist Mime at SeaWorld (15:10–19:37)

• Bry describes seeing a new (Black, white-faced) mime at SeaWorld after the original 36-year performer was fired post-altercation with security.
• The hosts defend the old mime, criticize overzealous rule enforcement, and muse on thankless showbiz roles.

6. Jimmy Buffett’s Coral Reefer Band & Tribute Acts (22:41–24:11)

• Q attended the Coral Reefer Band tribute show after Buffett's death, describing the “middle aged white guy heaven” and high ticket prices.
• General discussion on the economic staying power of tribute acts and “dead” celebrity brands.

7. Animal Ethics and SeaWorld’s Reputation (25:03–26:19)

• They discuss whether SeaWorld has recovered from the “Blackfish” controversy.
• Walt cynically notes public attention spans: “People are like, ‘Blackfish? What the hell is that?’”
• Bry recounts being judged for visiting but compares it to other “unethical” lifestyle choices.
• Notable Quote:
  • Q (25:49): “That was a movement I actually agreed with. I was like, yeah, I can get behind this one.”

8. Theme Park Comparisons: Universal vs. Old Universal (27:25–30:38)

• Walt and Q news-share about Universal Orlando expansions, changes in themed lands (Universal Monsters, Harry Potter lands, Super Mario), and prices.
• They conclude that Harry Potter’s enduring pop culture power now dominates multiple park locations.

9. Texas Roadhouse Disaster & Losing Princess Mitch (31:03–37:01)

• Bry shares a story of slow service at Texas Roadhouse, learning his cat Princess Mitch is critically ill.
• The emotional retelling covers the aftermath: attempted insulin treatments, Princess Mitch’s final hours at home, and the unique bond between owner and pet.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Bry (34:43): “Princess Mitch was a really sweet cat with her little black nose. And now I’m starting to get choked up thinking about her...”
  • Q (35:54): “It’s the worst part about owning a fucking pet. A lot of times it’s the only bad part about owning a pet.”

10. TSA Frustrations and Airport Experiences (37:48–40:47)

• Bry laments TSA agents enforcing rules with inflexibility, especially when traveling with Sage.
• Multiple hosts express surprise at Newark’s good reputation with them despite popular scorn.

11. Wallets, Obsessions, and Star Bills (41:03–44:10)

• Product placement for Ridge wallets transitions into get 'Em’s odd hoarding of “star bills”—currency with certain serial numbers.
• The group marvels that his collection and choices are driven by a subtle, but apparent OCD.

Main Event: Ethics & Scams — The VC Box (61:03–90:13)

Walt’s Acquisition of the VC Box (61:03–68:58)

• Walt unveils his “VC box,” a Chinese-made streaming device giving access to any content worldwide for a one-time fee.
• He muses about becoming a local distributor for side-hustle profit.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (61:51): “This device allows me to view anything on the planet. Any network...it is like Pandora’s literal box.”

Morality and Fear: Piracy vs. Temptation (68:58–75:23)

• Q and Walt spar over whether it’s victimless theft, especially for “dead” shows vs. current content.
• Walt, rationalizing: “Mary Tyler Moore? They’re all dead. I’m not stealing any of the shows that people care about.”

Legal Advice from Johnny Law (68:13–89:56)

• “Johnny Law” confirms that the box itself is legal, but using it for unlicensed (pirated) content is not, especially with subscription or new media.
• Distributors of such devices are at more risk than end-users. Civil penalties are more likely for users than criminal prosecution.
• Major security warning: such Chinese boxes often contain malware that can expose entire home networks and personal info.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Johnny Law (72:01): “A lot of these boxes have malware backdoors...they can steal data from you, redirect your Internet traffic...it is potentially dangerous.”
  • Q (81:21): “If you’re, for example, putting in your banking account credentials...they could monitor your network and even be able to monitor the keystrokes that you make on a computer. That’s scary.”

Group’s Final Judgment

• Walt is warned off distributing or even using the box over security, legal, and ethical concerns.
• Walt is crestfallen, comparing the VC box’s forbidden pleasures to Eden’s apple; the hosts liken his rationalizations to those of an addict. Walt receives legal “approval” (in jest) to pacify his wife but remains addicted to content temptation.
• Notable Quote:
  • Walt (84:45): “The prospect of me not having [the VC box] is a life I don’t want to live anymore...it was better than drugs.”

Game Segment: “Get ‘Em’s Gift of Gab” (91:02–127:05)

Game Premise

• Walt presents nine strange hospital conversation “headlines” for the others to guess which three actually happened between Get 'Em and his (young, attractive) nurses.

Highlights of Hedging, Truths, and Laughter

• Absurdities include Get 'Em theorizing the link between “Chinese food consumption” and rare Asian spinal conditions in Caucasians; dietary plans to “go ham” with peanut butter chicken at buffets; quirky cane color woes; and drama over a missing titanium spoon.
• Revelations of self-conscious and inappropriate hospital anecdotes.
• Notable Quote:
  • Q (97:00): “He’s being too obtuse for this.”
• Everyone scores two correct guesses, underscoring how plausible all these odd tales are for Get 'Em.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On picking at the Yarn Lady’s leftovers:
  Walt (09:21): “Show some fucking level of respect.”
• On Sage’s refusal to steal:
  Bry (16:06): “She looks at me like, should we fucking shoot the person and leave? It’s nuts.”
• On animal activism:
  Q (25:49): “That was a movement I actually agreed with. I was like, yeah, I can get behind this one.”
• On pet loss’s cruelty:
  Q (35:54): “It’s the worst part about owning a fucking pet. A lot of times it’s the only bad part about owning a pet.”
• On the VC box’s temptation:
  Walt (84:45): “The prospect of me not having [the VC box] is a life I don’t want to live anymore...it was better than drugs.”
• On unusual hospital talk:
  Q (97:00): “He’s being too obtuse for this.”
• On inside jokes:
  Walt (09:35): “Circling the sign like a vulture.”

Timestamps for Significant Segments

• [00:00–04:38]: Announcements, “Devil and Daisy Dirt” plug
• [05:45–06:37]: Get 'Em’s health update
• [07:40–12:09]: The Yarn Lady sign scavenging debate
• [13:05–25:21]: SeaWorld trip, parenting, and moral lessons
• [15:10–19:37]: The Racist Mime saga at SeaWorld
• [22:41–24:11]: Jimmy Buffett tribute band concert
• [25:03–26:19]: “Blackfish” discussion and SeaWorld’s image
• [27:25–30:38]: Universal theme park expansions
• [31:03–37:01]: Texas Roadhouse debacle & Princess Mitch’s passing
• [41:03–44:10]: Ridge wallet, star bill collections
• [61:03–90:13]: The VC box: streaming piracy, legal & security implications
• [91:02–127:05]: “Get ‘Em’s Gift of Gab” hospital game
• [127:57–128:27]: Wrap-up and closing remarks

Tone & Style

• Banter is irreverent, mischievous, with classic TESD self-deprecation and brutal honesty.
• The group riffs, teases, and runs wild with tangents, while always circling back to personal vulnerability and “brotherhood."
• Notable for its blend of the mundane, the bizarre, and the sincere—all in the New Jersey cadence fans expect.

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

• Intricate windows into the hosts’ unique obsessions and petty grievances;
• A sincere, heartfelt segment about pet loss resonates deeply amid the comedy;
• A rare honest discussion of digital piracy, tech paranoia, and personal ethics;
• Infectiously weird hospital stories that only TESD (and Get’Em) can deliver.

Perfect for fans of unfiltered, friendship-driven podcasting that never takes itself (or the world) too seriously.

Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave!
“Chinese Food, Chinese Problems”—An episode as strange, funny, and surprisingly human as the title suggests.