#666: Hell Is Empty And All The Devils Are Here

Summary

Tell 'Em Steve-Dave! – Episode #666: "Hell Is Empty And All The Devils Are Here"

Release Date: February 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

Episode #666 is a special, unfiltered celebration of all things devilish, marking the most metal episode number possible. Bryan Johnson, Walt Flanagan, and Brian “Q” Quinn (with familiar voices and recurring guests) dive into religious symbolism, Satanic lore, biblical trivia, wild games, and true(-ish) supernatural stories, all wrapped in the classic irreverent, sharp, and chaotic TESD banter. Special features include the dramatic return of the Baron (Bryan’s bizarre alter ego for random facts), the Overkill Maestro, and a devilishly fun round of "Which Bible is it Anyway?" – plus a high-stakes liar's game about a supposed dance with a demon.

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Key Highlights & Segment Breakdowns

Opening Banter & Setting the Scene

[00:43-05:44]

• Bryan, Walt, and Q begin by riffing on the significance of the number 666, quickly establishing satanic, blasphemous jokes (“You think the Holy Bible is all about cock size and semen load?” – Q, 00:43).
• The return of "the Baron”: Bryan brings the character back, vowing to recite devilish facts every six minutes in true episode 666 style.
• Running joke: With multiple phones dead/charging, Get 'Em (longtime show lackey) fails his “thunder stick” duty to provide sound effects for the Baron’s entrances.

“How the fuck are seven phones dead at the same time? How is that possible?!” – Walt, 04:23

Why 666? The Biblical & Historical Breakdown

[05:57-07:47]

• Baron Fact #1: Bryan explains the 666-Nero connection, with plenty of irreverent commentary:
  • “The number 666 is associated with the devil from Revelation 13:18... interpreted as a code for Emperor Nero.” – Bryan, 05:57
  • Walt and Q riff about Roman decadence, death, and why being emperor (even “orgies every day”) would ever end in suicide.

Game: "Bible or Satanic Bible?"

[09:16-22:37]

• Walt invents a quiz where Bryan and Q must guess if passages are from the Holy Bible or the Satanic Bible.

  • Notable over-the-top verses about “donkey-size genitals and horse emission” turn out to be biblical.
  • The trio laughs at the graphic and bizarre content found in both texts, noting that the real Bible is often more hardcore than the Satanic one.

    “There she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like those of horses.” – Walt, reading Ezekiel 23:20, 15:04

• Baron Fact #2: "Devil’s food" (chocolate cake) explained.

• Riffs on Bible content, hypocrisy, and the surprising commonality of violence and lust.

The Nine Satanic Statements: Agree or Disagree?

[22:31-32:48]

• Walt quizzes the group on Anton LaVey’s “Nine Satanic Statements,” exploring whether any “Satanic” philosophy is actually relatable.

• The gang debates indulgence vs. abstinence, repentance, vengeance, and whether it’s actually Satanic to “only be kind to people who deserve it.”

  • Q makes the case for the “Catholic get-out-of-jail-free card” of confession:

    “You just get to do what you want…and you got this gigantic eraser that makes everything go away if you’re just like, ‘I’m sorry.’” – Q, 25:52

• Ultimately, several “devil’s advocate” points are surprisingly relatable—prompting jokes that maybe the gang are more Satanic than they realized.

Modern Satanic Panic

[34:16–35:16]

• Discussion on current events (Epstein files, Hollywood, Super Bowl, Olympics) being linked to “Satanic” rumors, contrasted unfavorably with “cooler” 1970s Satan, who “just makes kids smoke pot in the woods.”
  • “This rebooted Satan is really harsh.” – Bryan, 35:04

The Overkill Maestro Returns – With a Possessed Nun Story

[49:57–59:57]

• Overkill Maestro Tom brings his best: the infamous 1600s mass possession in Loudun, France, where nuns claimed to be tormented by named demons, and a local priest was tortured and executed.
  • Tom details the sadistic tortures, alleged contracts with the devil (written backwards in Latin), and competing theories: “mass hysteria” vs. conspiracy to silence a progressive priest.
• The crew debates whether mass possession was genuine or a product of hysteria and power struggles.
  • “You know how religious you gotta be to do that?” – Walt, on torturing the priest, 59:11

Game: Devilish Liar’s Club – “Who Danced with the Devil?”

[63:49–126:46]

• Bryan presents three guests (Brian Michelle, Jimmy the Hair Guy, and Rob Rupp), two tasked with bluffing, one with telling their true supernatural story.
  • Premise: 20 years ago, each claimed to have called themselves God and was then tormented by demonic phenomena (haunted TVs, choking, doors slamming, voices, etc.).
  • After thorough, laughter-filled cross-examination, debating the believability of their details, Jimmy is revealed as the real “dancer with the devil.”
  • Notable comedic skepticism:

    “You’re hanging it all on a door slam, TV malfunction, and what sounded to me like a panic attack…” – Q, 120:29

  • Q and Walt deeply dissect who could have concocted what tall tale, with recurring jokes about “making girls come like God” and Staten Island locations.
    • Notable moment: The detective work from the crew as they try to suss out details, motivations, and holes in stories.

Aftermath, Bonus Questions & Quickfire Quizzes

[131:02–142:06]

• Bryan reads off answers from the show’s participants to questions like “What one thing would the devil use to tempt you?” (ranging from “spicy chicken sandwich from Checkers” to “grant me the ability to redo moments of regret”).
• A “devilish” personality quiz: Each guest’s partner describes them as a horny, mischievous, or ornery devil, with much self-deprecating and couple-focused humor.
  • “Right at this current moment, you’re an ornery little devil. But I wish you were a horny little devil.” – Mrs. Jimmy the Hair Guy, 140:04

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “[666]...Is there any more metal number than that?” – Walt Flanagan, 02:03
• “They must be shot, stabbed, burned, smashed, drowned, or rent.” – Walt, reading, 20:10 (practically indistinguishable from normal Old Testament rules)
• “Devil’s food cake: The name originated as a playful, dark contrast to angel food.” – Bryan (Baron Fact #2), 11:38
• “Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.” – Walt, quoting Paradise Lost, 18:24
• “The deal is that was the Baron’s play on words. Tit. Babylon also means tits. The Babylons. She’s got nice Babylons.” – Bryan, 22:02
• “I might be a Satanist.” – Q, jokingly casting his lot for Team Devil, 30:37
• “You just get to do what you want…and you got this gigantic eraser that just makes everything go away if you’re just like, ‘I’m sorry.’” – Q, 25:52
• “[Satan in pop culture]...This new, updated, rebooted Satan is just…with kids and I don’t like that.” – Bryan, 34:49
• “They just want to dance a jig on all of their downfalls.” – Bryan (about Satan returning in the news), 35:38
• “Not a single embellishment or lie. Every word of this is 100% true.” – Jimmy the Hair Guy, 125:44
• “I think you better start going to church, you know…He stepped in for you when you needed Him the most.” – Bryan, closing the show, 142:26

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:43] First “cock size and semen load” joke — setting the episode’s tone
• [05:57] Baron Fact #1: Why 666 is “the devil’s number”
• [09:16] Start of "Bible vs. Satanic Bible" game
• [15:04] Incredibly graphic Bible verse about donkey genitals
• [22:31] The Nine Satanic Statements quiz and philosophical debate
• [34:16] Modern Satanic Panic segment
• [49:57] Overkill Maestro’s possessed nuns story
• [63:49] Kickoff: "Who’s the real dancer with the devil?" game
• [120:29] Q and Walt’s deduction and winner reveal in liar’s club
• [131:02] Quickfire “What would the devil use to tempt you?” game
• [140:48] Wives/partners call in to name their man as devilish (“horny/mischievous/ornery”)
• [142:06] Closing round – Jimmy declared the real “dancer,” lessons learned… or not

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Tone, Style, and Takeaways

TESD #666 is a boisterous, boundary-pushing romp through religious myth, sleazy history, and personal confession, all filtered through a lens of skepticism, blue humor, and quick wit. The hosts push each other’s buttons with gleeful disrespect for all things sacred and profane. Segments are lively and interactive, often devolving into hilarious sidebars, pop culture references, and Staten Island “guy talk.” If you’re a fan of irreverence, meta-jokes, and turns from thoughtful to totally outrageous, this episode is a must-listen.

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Perfect for TESD fans, curious newcomers, or anyone with a devilish sense of humor looking for the show’s most supernaturally charged, blasphemous, and laugh-packed episode ever.

Transcript

[Bryan Johnson]

Just a real quick announcement for Patreon subscribers in the 40, 60 or 100 tiers. If you haven't received your.

[Brian Michelle]

Get him.

[Bryan Johnson]

Steve Dave in action figure, please hit me up at kmewes2gmail, kmuse2mail, and I'll see what the deal is. All right.

[Brian Michelle]

Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

And now TSD666.

[Q]

You think the Holy Bible is all about, like, cock size and semen load?

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, I mean, as a, you know, a cautionary tale, you know, don't always go for the guy with the biggest piece of junk.

[Walt Flanagan]

Conscious pilot. What a jerk.

[Bryan Johnson]

Any questions before Brian Q. Weigh in? Get them.

[Emily Craig]

I think I might. My mate, my mind.

[Bryan Johnson]

There we go.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I think a demon got him.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think he's speaking guitar.

[Walt Flanagan]

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Them Steve Dave. I'm here with bq. Hello, here with Walt.

[Bryan Johnson]

Hello with.

[Walt Flanagan]

Get him.

[Emily Craig]

How you stanking? How you stanking?

[Walt Flanagan]

And we will have more guests soon because this is a very special episode. Walt, as you know, one of Our favorite numbers, 666. Is there any more metal in number than that?

[Q]

There's not, but do you know why I never. I always just heard 6 was the. 666 was the number of the beast.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right.

[Q]

Do we know why he likes.

[Bryan Johnson]

If you want to summon the baron, he can tell you it's one of his facts that he's going to be reciting tonight.

[Q]

Yeah, I'd love to.

[Bryan Johnson]

You want to get right into recite him immediately? Within the first 30 seconds.

[Q]

I mean, people like the Baron.

[Bryan Johnson]

Do you remember the poem? You know how long it's been since the Baron has been on proper tsd?

[Q]

It has been a long, long time. Right? Fiend of fact. Should I do it early? We should wait. Right?

[Bryan Johnson]

You could do it now. We can kick off a fact.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, I wouldn't mind kicking off with a.

[Q]

All right. What's the.

[Bryan Johnson]

You don't remember the poem?

[Q]

I don't remember the poem.

[Bryan Johnson]

Boy, dude, that's really not going to bode well for you at the ants. Yeah, like, they're like, Q's out of touch.

[Rob Rupp]

He can't even remember the barrel.

[Q]

They say that already.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're just proving it.

[Q]

I don't mind. Fiend of fact. What is it? Fiend of fact. Appear before my sight.

[Walt Flanagan]

I got to be honest. Makes two of us. I've heard it many times.

[Q]

Tom, what is it?

[Tom]

Darkness drown out light.

[Q]

Darkness drown out light.

[Tom]

Appear before my sight.

[Q]

Beamed, in fact, appear before my sight

[Bryan Johnson]

now.

[Q]

All right. Boof here. He isn't out of Thomas here, there

[Bryan Johnson]

would have been a thunderclap.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Following that poem.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

But the only thing. The only thing I needed today when I texted earlier, didn't happen. My thunder stick is not on the table. Because apparently 17 phones, not one note can get a text. So hopefully, Declan, maybe you can help us out. If you would be so kind and just put in a sound effect for a thunderclap after that.

[Q]

Are you having phone problems? Get them.

[Emily Craig]

No, I just didn't. Wasn't. My phones are all charging.

[Q]

Oh, so you got the text, you just didn't see it.

[Emily Craig]

Yeah.

[Q]

Oh, I see.

[Walt Flanagan]

I thought somebody was jamming the frequencies at the plaza and that was. That's why.

[Emily Craig]

No, I have. I. I have my phones over there charging, so.

[Walt Flanagan]

Something you should do before work, right?

[Q]

Huh?

[Walt Flanagan]

You should do that before work. So when you get here, message come in and you're ready to go. How the. Are seven phones dead at the same time? How is that possible?

[Q]

It's like an EMP goes out because

[Emily Craig]

I was at the buffet watching Pluto.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Emily Craig]

So that. Yeah, it drains the battery pretty quick.

[Walt Flanagan]

That makes sense.

[Q]

So, wait, but how long were you out of communication? Oh.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, God, who knows? I mean, I texted about two hours ago and didn't look at it till I was here. And I said, where's my thunder stick? And he looked at me with that dumb face.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

What?

[Bryan Johnson]

Thunderstick.

[Q]

No concern that he needed. He had any tasks today, is what you're saying?

[Bryan Johnson]

None.

[Walt Flanagan]

Feet were up, hands behind the head.

[Q]

A feather going up and down.

[Bryan Johnson]

So tonight, since the Baron is back for this very special episode, episode 666, the Baron would not miss episode 666. I'm going to be telling a fact every six minutes in this episode.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wow.

[Q]

All right, that's.

[Bryan Johnson]

Why can one of your phones fucking put a six minute timer on here and let me know when I have to read a fact. Interrupt what anybody is saying. I don't care how important it is, you let me know that I have to recite a fact or your internal soul is at fucking risk. If I don't read a fact every six minutes in this episode.

[Q]

See, that's two things you needed from get him today and he's doing it. That's a what?

[Bryan Johnson]

Putting a timer on his phone?

[Q]

Well, yeah. He needed two things from him. He didn't do one. He's doing the second one. That's a Hall of fame career baseball Buddy. It's Patent 500.

[Bryan Johnson]

To answer your question, Q, my very first fact is the number 666 is associated with the devil because of a passage in the book of Revelation 13:18 which identifies it as the number of a man and a mark required for economic activity. It is widely interpreted by scholars as a numerical code for Emperor Nero, symbolizing Roman persecution of early Christians. While seven is often considered the number of perfection in the Bible, 6 represents human imperfection. Thus, 666 is seen as the triple downfall. A trinity of imperfection. Man, not God.

[Q]

Wow.

[Walt Flanagan]

Holy crap.

[Q]

Nice. So I still don't understand what, like, I mean, a financial thing, like crypto.

[Walt Flanagan]

They were saying you're saying that Nero. Nero would mark people with this or to numerical code.

[Bryan Johnson]

Scholars widely interpreted this as a numerical code for Emperor Nero.

[Q]

Oh, I see. Okay, great. Wow, he's really getting singled out there, Nero, huh?

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, didn't he crucify Jesus with. On his orders?

[Q]

Oh, was he the one? He was like, I don't. I don't know anything, man.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think he would be like, he. We always go after Hitler, but this guy who, you know, who made everything happen and put Christ on the cross,

[Q]

I mean, he really gets his wrath. Yeah, I know, because you really don't want to go on and on about who killed Jesus. You get picked up by the wrong handle. He was today's day and age.

[Walt Flanagan]

Killed himself. It says Nero committed suicide.

[Q]

Yeah, the Emperor of the Roman Empire killed himself.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's what it's saying here. I mean, it's a very long Wikipedia entry, so it's hard to skim it.

[Q]

I mean, how much? How could you not have a better life than being the Emperor of fucking Rome? Like, what. What are you missing? Isn't it anything that you want, you

[Walt Flanagan]

get, like, everything, right? Literally, like orgies and this and that and daily orgies.

[Q]

I mean, it wasn't that one guy in Gladiator trying to fuck his sister the whole time. Yeah, it's like. I mean, it just seems like it's good to be the king no matter

[Walt Flanagan]

who you are, you know, it says here Pontius Pilate.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, that's right.

[Walt Flanagan]

The Roman governor of Judea officially ordered Jesus crucifixion while Roman soldiers carried it out. Pontius Pilate, what a jerk.

[Q]

Hey, man, he's just trying to keep law and order, man. He was getting all reports of this unruly hippie running around town, causing all sorts of problem, doing magic tricks, speaking

[Walt Flanagan]

out against, you know, speaking heresy at the time, I guess, flipping tables at

[Q]

the temple and shit. That's a rabble. Rabble with hookers all day and Night, man. That guy. Yeah. So, you know, you don't. The Romans were just trying to keep things under control. They fucked up their thumb.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

Yeah, they fucked up.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wow. Let's see here. I don't really have. Well, wait, I do have something. I have a game for you guys if you wanted to play it.

[Q]

How many more minutes of the next fact to get him?

[Emily Craig]

2 minutes, 20 seconds.

[Q]

All right, we got 2 minutes, 20 seconds.

[Walt Flanagan]

So I have some passages here.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

And you guys have to guess whether they're from the Holy Bible or the Satanic Bible.

[Q]

Oh, all right.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right. And if you say, in your heart, why have these things come upon me? It is for the greatness of your iniquity that your skirts are lifted up and you are violated.

[Bryan Johnson]

Holy Bible, I'm gonna say.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, could you read it one more time for me?

[Walt Flanagan]

And if you say in your heart, why have these things come upon me? It is for the greatness of your iniquity that your skirts are lifted up and you are violated.

[Q]

So if I say, if I. Charlie Brown, woe is me, I get. Are we getting porked in a dress?

[Bryan Johnson]

No, men wore dresses back in the day.

[Walt Flanagan]

I think they're talking to women and they're like, hey, if.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, no, no.

[Walt Flanagan]

If you're sinful. Well, I looked it up, so.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, man.

[Walt Flanagan]

Can wear dresses if you're sin. It's true.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, they did back in those days.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah.

[Q]

But so do women.

[Walt Flanagan]

They're like, if you're. Because of your iniquity, we're gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna rape you.

[Q]

That sounds like. I don't know. It sounds like the old school Bible, to be honest. I don't know that the Satanic Bible went in that direction. Right?

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, maybe I might have gone in that direction a couple times.

[Q]

All right.

[Walt Flanagan]

But you guys are both right. From the Holy Bible. Jeremiah 13:15 through 16. Mm. All right.

[Q]

Some issues there that Jeremiah's got to work out.

[Bryan Johnson]

The baron is a Bible scholar.

[Walt Flanagan]

I believe it. He didn't even know who crucified Jesus.

[Bryan Johnson]

I was just testing your dumb asses to see if you are worthy of being in his presence.

[Walt Flanagan]

It turns out we're not. I had to Google it.

[Q]

That was the Old Testament, right?

[Walt Flanagan]

That was the Old Testament, yeah. All right.

[Q]

We threw that out, though, right?

[Walt Flanagan]

I think Old Testament is widely regarded as, like. That's a little bit too.

[Q]

Yeah, too hard. Christianity is based on the New. The New Testament, Right? Yeah.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

All right.

[Walt Flanagan]

Behold, saith Satan, I am a circle on whose hands stand the 12 kingdoms. Six are the seats of living breath. The rest are sharp as sickles or the horns of death. Therein the creatures of earth are not, except in mine own hands, which sleep and shall rise.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, it's time for a fact. Chocolate is referred to as devil's food due to its decadent, rich and dark nature, which was considered sinfully indulgent in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. The name originated as a playful dark contrast to the light, airy and white angel food cake. All right, back to your.

[Q]

That's a lot of. That's a lot of lip time they're giving Satan. I'm going to go with the Satanic Bible on that one.

[Walt Flanagan]

Satanic Bible on that.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm going to go Holy Bible again.

[Walt Flanagan]

Ready? Keep. Get them.

[Bryan Johnson]

You don't get no thunderclaps.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, I thought it was a thunderclap for everyone. For every. Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, only the Baron gets thunderclaps.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right, what do I get? We get like a fizzle. Like a little electronics, like static or something.

[Bryan Johnson]

Trombone.

[Walt Flanagan]

So wait a second. So Walt, you went holy and Q, you went satanic and Q. You were right.

[Q]

Yeah. I don't remember Satan getting that much mic time in the original. In the. In the original Bible. Like, wasn't he just mainly in the desert tormenting Jesus? And then other than that, he kind of got a lot of.

[Walt Flanagan]

The thing I remember from the children's Bible is him sitting up on this cliff with Jesus. And I don't know if this ever really happened, but he was talking to Jesus and he was like, look at everything in front of you. If you come with me, like, all that you survey is yours.

[Q]

Yeah. It was scaring the shit out of. Right. Because Jesus wasn't drinking or eating for 40 days. Right. Wasn't that the thing? Yeah. And Satan was like, come on, baby. Yeah, but other than that, I don't think he got a lot of more talking other than that. In the Bible.

[Walt Flanagan]

Not that much.

[Bryan Johnson]

Stay tuned for fact three.

[Q]

Oh, this is exciting. Probably only four minutes.

[Bryan Johnson]

Probably going to answer another one of your questions.

[Walt Flanagan]

The earth is utterly broken. The earth is torn asunder. The earth is violently shaken. The earth staggers like a drunkard. It sways like a hut. Its transgression lies heavy upon us.

[Bryan Johnson]

Sounds like Keelan Mardi Gras.

[Walt Flanagan]

It will not rise again. The man staggers like a drunkard and sways like a hut.

[Q]

Shout out to the ants on the parade route who had a Walt Flanagan as the man sign.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, that was great.

[Q]

Came at me out of nowhere, man. Out of the crowd comes this Wolf Flanagan sign.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's wild.

[Q]

It was awesome, man. I'm so excited. I couldn't. I promised him I'd send you photos and I did.

[Bryan Johnson]

You did?

[Q]

I did.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm gonna say that. Satanic.

[Walt Flanagan]

Satanic. The earth is utterly broken. The earth is torn asunder. The earth is violently shaken. The earth staggers like a drunkard. It sways like a hut. Its transgression lies heavy upon it.

[Q]

And it falls again. Jabba the Hut, maybe.

[Walt Flanagan]

I mean, it's been two.

[Q]

Okay, probably not.

[Walt Flanagan]

Jabba.

[Q]

I don't remember anything that cool sounding in the Bible. Bible. So I'm going to say again. Satanic.

[Walt Flanagan]

Satanic.

[Bryan Johnson]

Two Satanics.

[Walt Flanagan]

Two Satanics. This is an apocalyptic vision of the end of the world in Isaiah 24:19 10.

[Q]

Okay, Revel. The book of Revelations. Eh?

[Walt Flanagan]

Isaiah.

[Q]

Isaiah. Okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. I didn't pick from Revelations because it's. It's. It was all too like. This is obvious. All right. Yeah, it seemed very obvious. Let's see. There she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like those out of horses.

[Q]

Horse. That's satanic.

[Walt Flanagan]

Horse emission. There she lusted after her lovers who. Whose genitals were like those of donkeys whose omission.

[Brian Michelle]

Holy.

[Bryan Johnson]

Going holy on that one.

[Walt Flanagan]

Really?

[Q]

You think the Holy Bible is all about like cock size and semen load?

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, I mean, as a, you know, a cautionary tale. You know, don't always go for the guy with the biggest piece of junk because it's so. It always ends up in the same way in a fucking broken dreams and tears.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, I read. I usually read this passage before I have sex with a girl. Just so she knows not to expect too much.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. It may look nice and it may. You think it might get the job done, but not really.

[Walt Flanagan]

Look at what I'm doing. Click. Mr. Eds. So Q, you say Satanic.

[Q]

Satanic.

[Walt Flanagan]

Walt, you say Holy.

[Bryan Johnson]

Holy.

[Walt Flanagan]

Walt. You know your stuff. Ezekiel 23:20.

[Q]

Ezekiel was freaky, huh?

[Walt Flanagan]

Let's see. God can't stop Chariots of Iron. I thought God was all powerful.

[Q]

That's Satanic Bible.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, that's it.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's it.

[Bryan Johnson]

Just of those three words, God can't

[Walt Flanagan]

stop Chariots of Iron. I thought God was all powerful.

[Bryan Johnson]

Holy Bible. He's quoting some dog shit. Who's questioning God's might?

[Walt Flanagan]

You going satanic, Q?

[Q]

I'm gonna go Satanic. That sounds like a guy who needs another Option Q. I'll see you in hell.

[Walt Flanagan]

Walt's getting all these, right?

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Judges 119.

[Q]

Well, he's the Baron. What do you. I mean, what did you expect? What do you think? I was gonna out fact him?

[Walt Flanagan]

That's true. That's a tough one. The gods of wisdom defiled have had their saga and their millennium hath become a reality. Each with his own divine path to paradise hath accused the other of heresies and spiritual indiscretions.

[Q]

Satanic.

[Bryan Johnson]

So the satanic Bible and the Holy Bible, they all speak in these kind of, like, innuendos. They never really get to the point. They never just, like, say it out on Front street or Main Street.

[Walt Flanagan]

They really dance around it so you can't understand.

[Bryan Johnson]

They really make you go, like, ponder what the point is.

[Q]

And when was the Satanic Bible written?

[Bryan Johnson]

20s, right?

[Q]

Yeah. Like last century, right?

[Walt Flanagan]

I thought it was. Yeah, I thought it would. Well, Anton Levay wrote it, so it would have been like the 60s, I thought.

[Q]

So he had a chance to really update it for modern times, but he still chose to write in that flowery language.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm going to say it's Satanic.

[Q]

That's two for satanic. I remember when I was a wee lad in the Staten Island Mall.

[Walt Flanagan]

There we go.

[Bryan Johnson]

Sorry to interrupt you, Q.

[Q]

No, no, no. This is it. I can't wait for fact 3.

[Bryan Johnson]

Now I only have a few. I'm not going to make it to the end of the episode. I thought I was doing one every six minutes, but I didn't think the Baron would be called in that quickly. To the episode.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, right out of the gate.

[Bryan Johnson]

But fact three, Satan's first appearance is in a 1677 poem called Paradise Lost. Up until this point, Satan had no set representation or form that had been established.

[Q]

Wait, Milton invented the concept of Satan.

[Bryan Johnson]

It was in a poem. Satan's first appearance is in a 1677 poem called Paradise Lost.

[Walt Flanagan]

Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.

[Bryan Johnson]

Up until this point, Satan had no set representation or form that had been established.

[Q]

But what about the guy in the desert that was talking to Jesus and being like, hey, man, like, this could all be yours.

[Bryan Johnson]

Move on. Story about you. And when you were we laughed in

[Q]

the garden of Eden. Wasn't that Satan? The Barnes and Noble would carry the satanic Bible in, like, a little, like, pocket version. It was weird. I would just go in there and

[Walt Flanagan]

just, like, check it out, thumb through

[Q]

it to see what it said.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's interesting. I got the nine. I got the nine, tenets of Satanism. Here. The nine satanic statements. And it's not the dumbest religion in the world.

[Q]

I. I've heard worse.

[Walt Flanagan]

Let's see. I can't remember which one I said last. All right, we'll skip that one. Oh, daughter Babylon, you devastated Devastator.

[Q]

Well, what would. What was that?

[Walt Flanagan]

I can't remember what the last.

[Q]

Oh, it was.

[Walt Flanagan]

Was it the Gods of Wisdom Defiled?

[Q]

It was the one after the Chariot. The iron Chariot.

[Walt Flanagan]

The gods of Wisdom defiled have had their saga and their millennium hath become a reality. Each with his own divine path to paradise hath accused the other of heresies and spiritual indiscretions.

[Q]

That Satanic Bible.

[Bryan Johnson]

Satan. Two for Satan.

[Walt Flanagan]

Two for Satan. You boys know your Satanic Bible?

[Q]

Nice.

[Bryan Johnson]

I just know my Bibles.

[Walt Flanagan]

All of them. Huh? In general, to ensure the destruction of an enemy, you must destroy them by proxy. They must be shot, stabbed, burned, smashed, drowned or rent.

[Q]

That's going to be old school Bible. I'm gonna say old school Bible on that one. That sounds like something they that the Bible would say does.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right?

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Say Satanic.

[Walt Flanagan]

Well guys, killing it over here.

[Q]

Getting blown away. Are we even keeping scoring?

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't think so. No, this is just for fun. Let's see. I think I got one more.

[Bryan Johnson]

One more, one more. Then we're going to bring in the Overkill Maestro is here to celebrate episode 666.

[Q]

As it should be. As it should be.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's been over a year for the Overkill Maestro too.

[Q]

Has it really?

[Bryan Johnson]

It's been a year since the Overkill Maestro appeared. Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Really?

[Bryan Johnson]

I think so. Maybe I could be wrong. The Baron's time isn't the same as man's time.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, that's true. Time goes really fast. Man. We were.

[Bryan Johnson]

Everybody has a different pocket watch in this office.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, mine was. I got here at 2:00 clock today because I thought we were going at 2, not 5. 30.

[Q]

Okay, you've been here this whole time?

[Walt Flanagan]

No, no, no.

[Bryan Johnson]

I went back home.

[Walt Flanagan]

It was long enough that I'm like. I'm not going to sit here. Get him. Goes to the buffet this last one. O daughter Babylon, you Devastator. Happy shall they be who pay you back for what you have done to us. Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rocks.

[Q]

Jesus.

[Bryan Johnson]

Babylons. Come on, Q. Babylon's is the key word there.

[Q]

Yeah, that's got to be the original Bible.

[Walt Flanagan]

Psalm 137, 8, 9. Yep. Talking about paying back the harlots and the Sinners and smashing their little kids against rocks. Pretty weird. Pretty.

[Q]

Why would you want to do that? Why would you be like a little

[Walt Flanagan]

kid against a rock? To teach the senators a lesson.

[Q]

Yeah, they value more than their children. You charge for sex. So I'm going to bash your baby's head against a rock. It seems a little like tit for tat. Yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

The deal is that was the Baron's playing words too. Tit. Babylon also means tits. Yeah, the Babylons. She's got nice Babylons.

[Walt Flanagan]

What is that a euphemism? I never heard that one.

[Q]

That's not a euphemism.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's just like you got nice titties.

[Q]

Where do they say that?

[Bryan Johnson]

I don't know. Baron never says it out loud. He only thinks it

[Q]

Babylon. On this.

[Walt Flanagan]

So I have the. The nine satanic statements. We'll see how many of you agree, how many you agree with.

[Q]

All right.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay. Number one. Well, Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think that that is something that the Satanic Bible does advocate for.

[Q]

Yeah, I agree.

[Walt Flanagan]

It does You. You, I mean. But do you agree with the statement? Oh, yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

Like.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like, would you. Would you take indulgence over abstinence? Do you indulge yourself, Q?

[Q]

Yeah, I'd rather do that. I'd rather indulge myself than abstain.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'd rather prove to myself I can abstain.

[Walt Flanagan]

To yourself or anybody else?

[Bryan Johnson]

To everybody.

[Walt Flanagan]

To everybody.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. Look at me.

[Walt Flanagan]

Who knows?

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Look what I'm not doing. Get loaded in.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nothing here to see.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, it's time for a fact. The New Jersey Devils are the only professional sports team with devil in their name. The Tampa Bay Rays dropped the word devil from their name in 2007.

[Q]

Nice.

[Walt Flanagan]

Just for abbreviations or for brevity's sake or do you think they were. They got some.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm sure they had heard enough of. Be like, you guys should change the name in Tampa. Big Bible thumping state, Florida. I don't know if you knew that.

[Q]

I didn't know that.

[Walt Flanagan]

I wasn't aware of that.

[Bryan Johnson]

You didn't know that.

[Walt Flanagan]

There are a lot of old people down there though, so it would make sense.

[Bryan Johnson]

Love Florida.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, we don't go to church when we're there.

[Bryan Johnson]

You know what, can you. Instead of doing it every six minutes, let's change it to every 15 minutes. Now.

[Q]

I don't have enough facts to get once an hour.

[Bryan Johnson]

I really thought I was getting roped in right after Tom.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay, number two, Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe Dreams. So they're saying, live your life. Don't worry about what's coming after, because it ain't coming.

[Q]

Oof.

[Bryan Johnson]

Do we agree with it? Is that what the question is?

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, he's saying, well, yeah, the question is like, which do you agree with? Yeah. Do you agree with any of these satanic statements?

[Bryan Johnson]

I agree with nothing satanic.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nothing.

[Bryan Johnson]

Nothing. It's satanic. It has the word Satan in it.

[Brian Michelle]

Why would anybody agree with that?

[Walt Flanagan]

Some of these make sense, though.

[Q]

What is it again? Because it sounded all right.

[Walt Flanagan]

It represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams.

[Q]

Yeah. I think there's a way to balance both, to be honest. I think there's a third path there. You know, you could still have fun and not cause horrible damage or soul staining behavior. Don't you think?

[Walt Flanagan]

Could, yeah, but I mean, I think what, I think what they're getting at here is that they're like, live your life. Don't worry about how. What's coming.

[Bryan Johnson]

What would you. On the brown spectrum, cue how, how soiled is your, your soul? You think it's like a, like a mauve tan or is it.

[Q]

No, my, my soul's pure white.

[Walt Flanagan]

You ever see that pure white, the living body exhibit where they show the smoker's lungs are all black and shriveled and shit? That's what it's.

[Q]

No, man. You know, that's the thing that you ask for forgiveness and you get it. Your soul is, is washed clean. It's nice. That's the perk of being a Catholic.

[Bryan Johnson]

So you just, you just get to do what you want to do. And you got this gigantic eraser that just makes everything go away. If you're just like, I'm sorry.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

What am I going to do?

[Q]

As I understand it. Yeah, you up the next time. As I've been playing the game.

[Walt Flanagan]

Game.

[Q]

That's how it's. Forget it. Next time, chief.

[Walt Flanagan]

It is a nice get out of jail free card, though.

[Bryan Johnson]

It is.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Go to confession, couple Hail Marys.

[Q]

And I think as you get older, too, like, you start worrying about dying. So you start, so you start like, all right, I'm sorry. I, I, I'll do the straight narrow a little bit more now for me.

[Walt Flanagan]

Turbulence in the plane. You're like, I swear, God, I'll be a better person.

[Q]

Oh, yeah, that turbulence is great for getting you back to Jesus.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay, well, the next couple of months,

[Q]

you can't spend your life telling me that the man loves me and, and forgives me anything. And, you know, I'm, I'M I'm his son and all that stuff and then not, you know, I gotta believe it.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think he. But I think it all comes down to how legitimate the, the I'm sorry is, you know, he knows.

[Q]

Yeah, I certainly am sorry for anything I've done that might cause me trouble.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, why not? Up to and including this moment now your slate's clean.

[Q]

You hear that? That's the sound of a giant eraser racing out all those sins, Walt.

[Walt Flanagan]

Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self deceit. Surely you agree with that.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, not at all.

[Q]

No.

[Bryan Johnson]

No way.

[Walt Flanagan]

You'd rather be guilty of hypocritical self deceit. You don't seem like that kind of guy.

[Q]

Yeah, but.

[Bryan Johnson]

Seems like you like wisdom though, is built on a, a deck of cards though. It's about to collapse though. It's like it's wisdom that you think you're wiser than God. You're wiser than the Bible though. You know, you make, you make your own little. You know, all of a sudden now there's three paths. I don't remember. When was the third path introduced?

[Walt Flanagan]

Come on. What are you doing over there? You doing on God's path? Okay, surely you can agree with this one, Walt. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates. He's saying you can't love everyone.

[Bryan Johnson]

I know, but God.

[Walt Flanagan]

Some of those turkeys.

[Bryan Johnson]

God's message is way more. It's harder, but that makes it more.

[Q]

The people at the post office, for instance.

[Brian Michelle]

Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

I know.

[Q]

You have to love them. You have to love that woman.

[Bryan Johnson]

I do love my one guy, man. He's awesome. I gave him a big chance of

[Q]

giving it to someone who deserves it. That's the Satan. That's the satanic way.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, I think it's. I think it's easier to be kind to people who deserve it than it is to. I think that's the test though. That's the test that he put forth to you. Can you be kind to those who aren't kind to you?

[Walt Flanagan]

Nope.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Well,

[Walt Flanagan]

okay, well, Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek.

[Bryan Johnson]

And we all, we all have that vengeance in our heart and. But that's why we are born with sin though. So it's. Yeah, so then you have somebody telling you, yeah, like, oh yeah, your vengeance is, it's justified and you deserve to get your eye for an eye because you were wronged. Yeah, that's, that's this, that's the serpent with his long slippery Tongue slipping it into your ear and tickling your earlobe.

[Q]

Satan, don't be a pussy. Don't let him get away with it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

What are you, a sucker?

[Walt Flanagan]

A sucker.

[Q]

A sucker.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay, this one won't you cuck. Yeah, I know he's gonna agree with this one. Q. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires who don't answer their phones.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, if.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

What if you're.

[Brian Michelle]

If you're.

[Bryan Johnson]

I can't just single out. Get them. I mean, okay, I'm surrounded by psychic vampires. I have to. I have to try to love them as if they weren't psychic vampires.

[Q]

As if it was your job.

[Bryan Johnson]

They feed off my energy, like relentlessly sucking it away.

[Walt Flanagan]

Devilish mosquito. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those who walk on all fours who because of his divine spiritual development has become the most vicious animal of all.

[Q]

I might be a Satanist.

[Walt Flanagan]

I think I'm a Satanist.

[Q]

Yeah. It's possible. I'm a Satanist.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

Wow.

[Walt Flanagan]

You see how awful people become when they get too religious?

[Q]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.

[Walt Flanagan]

What do you think, Walt? We're just another animal who's made probably worse than the rest of the animals.

[Bryan Johnson]

Are we just another animal?

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's worse than the other animals made

[Bryan Johnson]

us in his image, though. Why would he. We're not just another animal. He granted us free will. He granted us way more than. What other animals?

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, we took it from them. The other animals. Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

Why?

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, we use them for food. We use them for. Well, they were clothing.

[Bryan Johnson]

They were put there for a reason, though.

[Walt Flanagan]

Is that what it says in the Bible?

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Q]

I think it does, actually. Don't they say, like yourself or something? Yeah, like give you dominion over the ass and the. Yeah, Ass.

[Walt Flanagan]

Ass.

[Bryan Johnson]

Master

[Q]

to the brown. It's in the Bible.

[Bryan Johnson]

Look at those Babylons.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right, I'm talking to you, Q, mate. Satan represents all of the so called sins as they all lead to physical, mental or emotional gratification.

[Q]

Oh, I don't know that every sin leads to good things. That's kind of nuts. Murder. I don't even want to hurt anybody. I don't even like lying. I don't like. Yeah, I don't think I. I don't like deceiving.

[Walt Flanagan]

Do you like coveting your neighbor's ass? Which.

[Q]

Yeah, that. I do. That. That part I like.

[Walt Flanagan]

Sometimes it's translated to neighbor's wife. But neighbor's ass, I think was the og.

[Q]

I mean, there have been times where it's Been the neighbor's wife, but not for a long time and not anymore. But I was, you know, I was out in the warm weather recently, walking around. And everybody in LA dresses very.

[Walt Flanagan]

Dress like it's warm.

[Q]

Yeah, they dress like it's warm. And it was. It was wonderful to sit there and.

[Walt Flanagan]

And covet that man.

[Q]

I'm just sitting there.

[Walt Flanagan]

You can't abide by every single. All ten commandments.

[Q]

I mean, I'm not trying to do it. I'm not going up to him. I'm, you know, he's just like, hey there.

[Walt Flanagan]

From a distance.

[Q]

That's all.

[Walt Flanagan]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[Q]

I'm an old man.

[Walt Flanagan]

Give it to us.

[Q]

Just let it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Just let it fly.

[Q]

What are you doing? I'm not even saying anything. I'm just sitting there behind sunglasses so nobody could see my eyes. Not hurting anybody.

[Bryan Johnson]

They can see your mouth, though, wide open like flies flying in and out of it.

[Q]

What are they looking at me for? How come they're allowed to look at me, but I'm not allowed to look at anybody else?

[Walt Flanagan]

Let's see. Last one. Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years.

[Q]

I mean, you do need a good nemesis.

[Walt Flanagan]

Got to have them. There can be no evil without good and vice versa.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's the only compliment I'll give the devil. Yeah, he's the ultimate nemesis, but there is no finer villain.

[Q]

But isn't it all God's plan? It's got to be all God's plan. He's infallible. So Satan rebelling and doing all the shenanigans have got to be part of the plan. So why does Satan get in a bad rap? He's just fulfilling a. A role that he was setting.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, it's beyond our ability to comprehend. You can't even begin to question the. The grand plan.

[Q]

No, I wasn't questioning. I had faith. I have faith in the grand plan. I'm like, that's. It's all part of the grand plan.

[Bryan Johnson]

Now Satan's back in a big, bad way. In current news, I mean, everything I read about Epstein's files, it's like there's like everybody's in a satanic pedophile ring in Hollywood.

[Walt Flanagan]

And not only that, they're like the Super Bowl. The halftime shows are evidently like.

[Bryan Johnson]

The Olympics had satanic imagery in it too. Not this. Not this, not this. I don't know about this previous one in the summer. The summer Olympics. So he is back in the news. I gotta be honest with you.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Satan from the 70s, way cooler. This. This version of Satan is just. It's just like with kids and I don't like that.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

This is not the Satan I was like, that I got into and want to rock out to.

[Q]

Oh, you want the guy with the clove feet and you know he's making some kids smoke pot in the woods.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, like, that's this, this new updated, rebooted Satan is. Is really harsh.

[Q]

Yeah, it's up, man. Or is it. No one's getting arrested.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, Prince Allen just got arrested today.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, yeah. Prince Andrew got arrested.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Andrew.

[Q]

I mean, yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Really?

[Q]

They got evidence against him. They got like. They nail him to the wall. Oh, good. Let's start getting some people in fucking here in the States. Like, has anybody in the United States that's coming? Good.

[Bryan Johnson]

Once. Once you get a royal after anybody, you would thought they were untouchable.

[Q]

Good. Fuck it. Bring them all down. Agree them all down.

[Bryan Johnson]

Baron will dance a jig on all of their downfalls.

[Q]

All of them.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nice.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm gonna knock these ads out so that we.

[Q]

It is funny that I heard that, like, Whoopi Goldberg's mentioned in it once, like, something. Some. I don't know, some charity thing. Like, it wasn't like she wasn't like

[Walt Flanagan]

she was at the island.

[Q]

She wasn't like that. It was literally like something. And her name was mentioned in an

[Walt Flanagan]

email, which is great because all they did was talk about the Epstein list and who was on at the View.

[Q]

Ladies.

[Walt Flanagan]

And then she's on.

[Q]

It's so hard to believe. I like Whoopi, man.

[Walt Flanagan]

I drank the joke. Man's on it too.

[Q]

Is he really?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, I guess. He. He had dinner with him one time and then he sent to Jackie, sent him an email saying, like, hey, would you. He didn't know about his. I don't think he knew about his past. He said, hey, would you like to invest in a comedy club in Las Vegas? I'm thinking about starting.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't think he ever answered. It's not like they had direct contact or whatever. Let's see. I'm going to knock out these ads. Harry's.

[Q]

Why?

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm obsessed with Harry's. Everything in my life has leveled up. My phone is a supercomputer. My car parks itself. Headphones cancel noise like magic. But your razor Q still flimsy, still overpriced, still stuck in 2008.

[Q]

I haven't shaved since 2008. So I guess I wouldn't Know I

[Walt Flanagan]

shave a little bit on my cheeks and when I do, it's Harry's.

[Emily Craig]

Looks amazing.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, thank you.

[Q]

Nice and smooth.

[Emily Craig]

Yeah, I can see it from here.

[Q]

Yeah? Yeah. Maybe I gotta start lining up my cheek a little bit more. I think my beard isn't it. I think my beard is in need of a.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's a little quaffing.

[Q]

Yeah, a little makeover sorts. I really been hacking at it lately.

[Emily Craig]

You get like a beard shaper. What is that like a special guide

[Walt Flanagan]

put on your face?

[Emily Craig]

Yeah.

[Q]

What do you mean? It's like a little mask you put on?

[Emily Craig]

No, it's like a little guide. You just shave along the guide. I got one. I'll give it to you in a minute.

[Bryan Johnson]

Let's go to the barber. Let him do it up. You get a hot towel.

[Q]

I know when you go to the barber, it's like it's a hole to do. I want to talk to you.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, okay. Just tell them put the hot towel in your mouth too. He said like just put on my mouth. My tongue's a little dry. So you don't have to talk.

[Q]

It would be nice.

[Emily Craig]

Pretend you're Joe's words.

[Walt Flanagan]

Stuffy. He can barely breathe, but it's worth it.

[Emily Craig]

Do you saw that thing that talks to you through your phone? Just have that to the talking?

[Q]

Yeah. I don't know. And the one guy that I do go to that I actually like talking to is like an hour and a half away. Yeah, it's brutal.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. My guy is Italian. Speaks in a very heavy Italian accent. Plus the music's cranking. He talks. I'm like, I can't understand a word he's saying. Every once in a while I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. Oh yeah.

[Emily Craig]

Soccer playing on tv.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Q]

My plan was to lose enough weight that I could shave the beard for a new season.

[Walt Flanagan]

Really?

[Q]

So far it has not.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're gonna go baby faced?

[Q]

I would. I would have liked to, but the clock's really running out on that time. Before you know it slides. Camera action. So I don't know if I can do it anymore.

[Bryan Johnson]

You would probably look 18.

[Q]

Yeah, I think so.

[Walt Flanagan]

You think, huh?

[Bryan Johnson]

I think I really do. I'm not around. You would look like. You would look like. Like a time travele. Like, you know, season one Q just came out of nowhere.

[Q]

Do you think I can lose like £20 in a month?

[Brian Michelle]

Sure.

[Walt Flanagan]

You could do that. Oh, you could. Really? If you. If you go on.

[Bryan Johnson]

You know anybody who sells heroin crash diet?

[Q]

I do, yeah. What's that heroin?

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, yeah.

[Emily Craig]

If you're interested in keto, I know someone who talks about it just as much as their vasectomy.

[Q]

Oh, okay. All right. Great.

[Walt Flanagan]

Harry's plus has an advanced pivoting system to reach every corner of your face with refined blade tech for a closer, closer, smoother shave and weighted metal handle. Harry's heaviest handle yet for added control and comfort. Feels like an expensive shave, but it isn't. Refills are still cheaper than the other guys. It's designed with progressive blades for less tug and pull. With Harry's plus, you get a barbershop quality shave with German engineered blaze.

[Q]

You know what Harry should do? Hire me a personal trainer.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right.

[Q]

Get me to lose the weight and then I use that. Then I'll do a commercial where it's like Harry's blade. Oh, here we go.

[Bryan Johnson]

I forgot the phrase angel in the kitchen. Devil in the bedroom refers to the toxic Madonna whore complex. The concept where woman is expected to be pure and nurturing in one aspect of her life, yet a sexually voracious imp in another.

[Q]

What's wrong with that?

[Walt Flanagan]

Lady in the streets freaking the sheets.

[Q]

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

[Walt Flanagan]

That's in the Bible. That's in the Bible.

[Bryan Johnson]

Because it's toxic.

[Q]

How's it toxic?

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, you gotta be Martha Stewart when you're out in the kitchen, but you gotta be some sort of porno star when you're in the bedroom with me.

[Q]

Yeah. What's the problem here? I legitimately don't understand.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's not calculated.

[Q]

It sounds like wife material right there.

[Walt Flanagan]

No, wife her up.

[Q]

Yeah, put a ring on that. I mean, what's the alternative? Like someone who can't cook, doesn't want to cook and also sucks in bed. Like, why would I. Why would I celebrate that at all?

[Bryan Johnson]

But she's had a great personality, though.

[Walt Flanagan]

She does great.

[Q]

We could fucking text each other, I think. Look, I think it goes the other way again. I think if a woman was to say, like, I want a guy that knows how to cook and is great in bed, I wouldn't be like, that's toxic.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, yeah. Like, where's this Prince Charming at? Then I'd say that he's all. He beats all.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Putting his hand up.

[Q]

They're out there.

[Emily Craig]

Can I show you my cyst again?

[Bryan Johnson]

Sorry to interrupt that Harry's commercial.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's okay. Harry's understanding.

[Bryan Johnson]

Make it the next one. 20 minutes. We're going to go for Q tonight. Goal is to get to 6 hours and 66 minutes.

[Q]

This episode 7 hours and 6 minutes.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're going to get home around 5am tonight.

[Walt Flanagan]

We just gotta, we gotta vamp for five hours. Let's see. Harry's owns their own world class blade factory in Germany. There's no outsourcing, no middlemen. The same facility has been perfecting blade making for over 100 years. And because they control the entire process from steel to shelf, they keep costs low. Harry's has launched their most advanced razor ever. And if you don't love your shave, Harry's will make it right. No questions asked, risk free trial makes means. There's zero downside to giving it a shot. Let's see, for a limited time our listeners can get the Harry's plus trial set for only 10 bucks at Harrys.com Tesd this set contains the all new Harry's plus razor, one refined five blade cartridge, a two ounce foaming shave gel and a travel cover to protect your blades on the go. Just head to Harrys.com Tesd to claim this offer and after you purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Okay, it's one down.

[Q]

Nice.

[Walt Flanagan]

Let's see the next one. Perfect. Jeans, jeans, jeans.

[Q]

Have we done these guys before?

[Bryan Johnson]

We've never had jeans before. Yeah, thank God. I haven't brought a pair of jeans since I had those Sassoons in sixth grade.

[Q]

Yeah, you need them.

[Bryan Johnson]

I know.

[Walt Flanagan]

Quickly get them. Is there a, is there a baron fact to interrupt them shitting on jeans?

[Bryan Johnson]

No, I didn't on it.

[Q]

He needs one, he wants it.

[Bryan Johnson]

I haven't worn a good pair of jeans since my Sassoons and my Jordache.

[Walt Flanagan]

Well, okay, this is a great first question for you then. What do you hate about jeans? Because you don't wear them.

[Bryan Johnson]

What do you, what do I hate about them? The how they, they, they constrict my leg movements. I feel like I'm wearing a denim straight jacket at times.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Q]

I don't like how tight they go around my waist, but I think that's more of a me problem.

[Walt Flanagan]

Let's see, are there any pain points ordering jeans online? Sure there are. You never know if like you know

[Q]

they're gonna fit, you know you gotta return them.

[Walt Flanagan]

Do they fit? Like a glove and already broken in out of the box.

[Q]

Do they take returns? Sometimes. I've ordered jeans and they're like, sorry, we don't do returns. These are on sale returns.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, they're perfect.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, perfect, yeah. Let's see when. Why did you decide to try the perfect gene. And I can be honest because they paid me to try them.

[Q]

Did they send this any.

[Walt Flanagan]

They sent me a pair. Your pairs are still on the way,

[Q]

I swear to Christ. But how do they even know what size I am?

[Walt Flanagan]

Because I. I have to send you the thing. The. The. I just got them the page that tells you your size. All right, I'll send it to Helen.

[Q]

Send it down.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Q]

She's. She's on top of everything.

[Walt Flanagan]

Did I look good? Good in them? Did my wife compliment my assets? She did. I gotta be honest. I gotta keep it real.

[Bryan Johnson]

The ozempic took away your. One of the. One of your better features, though.

[Q]

Your plump booty.

[Bryan Johnson]

Your hind was hot.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm losing weight everywhere. But

[Emily Craig]

she was too distracted singing songs about norm.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. Oh, dude, it's non stop. It's non stop. I don't know how much longer it can take it. And the thing about these genes are they have a stretch to them, so they're not gonna constrict you.

[Q]

Wall love it.

[Walt Flanagan]

I love the, like, the straight jackets.

[Q]

The rise of the stretch jeans is one of the best parts of modern civilization.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. I've got a couple pairs and they. They. I know what wall's talking about. That heavy denim dungaree feeling.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Bunches up.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Not with. Not with perfect jeans. And what price would you typically pay now? Ming Chen's gonna pay for 400 bucks or something.

[Q]

He's getting custom lined pockets. He's getting.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's crazy. What. He's over there.

[Q]

It's out there.

[Walt Flanagan]

The perfect gene is good. A great value at only $79.99. And we wholeheartedly and authentically recommend the perfect jean. These jeans are made from the softest denim brand. When you want to be a couch potato. Stylish enough to impress your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, blind date at an overpriced, crowded, fancy restaurant on Valentine's day. And stretchy enough to handle your touchdown. Celebratory dance and emotional stacking. When the other team scores, do they.

[Q]

Do they come in bell bottoms?

[Walt Flanagan]

Hold on a second. I'll let you know. Not sure.

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay, unlikely.

[Walt Flanagan]

Unlikely. They have bell bottoms or low rise. The other one. I want low rise jeans to come back.

[Q]

Oh, I thought they were coming back.

[Walt Flanagan]

Are they coming back?

[Q]

I thought, like, in the 90s are bad.

[Walt Flanagan]

What's that one?

[Bryan Johnson]

How many hips anymore? How are you gonna keep your low rises up? You got nothing here. You're like a pole right down here. You look like one of those old men on America's Funniest Home Videos. Dancing at a wedding.

[Walt Flanagan]

How'd that happen?

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, my perfect jeans fell again.

[Emily Craig]

Honey,

[Walt Flanagan]

help me with my being old. Yeah, I'm on the ground. Help me. Oh, how did this happen to me? How did I get here?

[Q]

Woe is me. Whoa. Woe is me.

[Walt Flanagan]

Perfect Gene is the official uniform for men who have already accepted that their New Year's resolutions quietly died by January 17, but still want to upgrade their style effortlessly. Let's see, you can pair them with buttery soft tees and polos that hug your arms and chest while hiding any remaining extra holiday weight. They're all about trying to make you look thin. That's great because we all know nobody really wants to look happy as much as they say it. As much as the fat acceptance and all that other shit.

[Q]

Oh, body positivity's out, isn't it? I thought it was over.

[Walt Flanagan]

I hope so.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Shouldn't be positive about that.

[Q]

I'm certainly not positive about my body. Why the fuck should anybody else be positive about theirs?

[Walt Flanagan]

Really? Like, if you can maintain a realistic view of, like, how you look, why can't you maintain that same realistic view of how other people look?

[Q]

I don't know. I don't think you can.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, sure.

[Q]

Who's gonna stop it?

[Walt Flanagan]

Do it. Let's call people fat.

[Emily Craig]

Why Someone call.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't know.

[Bryan Johnson]

You guys literally Want to go? 6 hours and 66 minutes,

[Walt Flanagan]

our listeners get 15% off their first order, plus free shipping at ThePerfectGene NYC or Google the Perfect Gene and use code TESD15 for 15% off. And now I just have one more very quick one. And you guys are gonna know what this is already. You're not gonna be upset by this one. It's bluechew. Fellas, you already know what time it is. It's time to level up. And Bluechew just dropped something crazy. We're talking next level championship belt gold plated energy. Blue chew Gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. This ain't your grandpa's little blue pill. This is the four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking two main ingredients to keep blood flow and keep that rocket pumping mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body.

[Q]

Can they put Advil in there

[Walt Flanagan]

for my ache in the knees after I'm done? Bluetooth gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Elevation without hesitation. This is peak passion and peak performance in a single tablet. Next time she sends you a U up, text Q. Yep. Just answer with a picture of blue chip.

[Q]

Who is this?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, why are you contacting me so late? Yeah, like the after midnight booty call. That, that's got to be a thing of the past, right? For me, yeah.

[Q]

Oh, yeah, that's the thing of the past. I, I, I, you know, I had my fun with that. Yeah. I don't know that it's over forever, but I'm definitely.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's going to take somebody special to answer that call, right?

[Q]

Yeah, it would have to be.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't know.

[Q]

It's so late.

[Walt Flanagan]

Why can't you just come over here?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Q]

Having a lunch, a nice early brunch.

[Walt Flanagan]

If your bed could talk after this, it would be asking for a break. So make life easier by getting harder and discovering your [e-mail] and here's the special deal for listeners. Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code TE-. That's promo code TESD. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast.

[Q]

Nice.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right, now the. The maestro come and sit with us now that we've got to. Not through all our stuff.

[Bryan Johnson]

Now in the past, and I've been guilty of it too. One of the things I read a lot, though is I think Tom has this great. Comes in with these great things, but then he maybe stretches a little bit too long and he goes on too long. So he's only telling one overkill fact tonight.

[Q]

Okay.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

So I told him to pick his best devilish overkill effect, but it's 6 hours and 66 minutes long to tell it.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yes.

[Tom]

Hello, fellas. How you doing?

[Q]

How you doing, bud?

[Tom]

Oh, wonderful.

[Bryan Johnson]

You were on.

[Emily Craig]

Oh, yeah, it's Tom.

[Tom]

I actually looked it up for overkill. It was October 7th, 2024.

[Bryan Johnson]

Whoa.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like a year almost. How the is that possible? It seems like it was just like a month or two ago.

[Tom]

Guys got lots of stuff. Well, you see me on the Sunday Jeff show.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

[Tom]

Now it's been over a year.

[Q]

Have you been. Has it gone that long? Have you been pitching Walt on Overkill ideas? Have you been trying to get things through and not getting them through? Or have you just been waiting by the phone?

[Tom]

Waiting by the phone? Now we have so many other, like,

[Q]

Patreon things that you took on a big responsibility. If I were you, I'd be like, maybe presenting a. You know, presenting I. And I. I love you, but I'm not saying this is criticism. I'm just saying, like, maybe you should be more proactive about overkill.

[Tom]

Oh, I'm proactive. I have like 4 other games for the regular des day. But as far as overkill, he doesn't really want to hear him all that.

[Q]

But what's your overkill title?

[Tom]

The Maestro.

[Q]

That's what I'm saying.

[Tom]

I don't get to just pick when I get to come in, though.

[Q]

You haven't even tried. Like, you got it. You gotta be like, I got ideas. I got. I got overkill ideas.

[Tom]

I've shot him a couple.

[Q]

Oh, so you have?

[Tom]

Yes.

[Q]

Oh, okay.

[Tom]

I was kidding about the twain by the guy.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

So, well, why have you been killing his ideas?

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, if no one remembers the last time I was even on. So I don't know if it really matters if we're like, oh, it's been like, oh, it must be less than a year. And we're like, oh, it's been a year. And really no one was like, hey, where's Tom been?

[Walt Flanagan]

Right. I do see calls for overkill, but not specifically mentioning Tom.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think I may open up the. And make it a more of a biannual title. Okay, Open up the tournament again so other people can compete for the overkill Maestro title, like every other year. Like, you only hold it for so long. Like, it's like a championship belt.

[Tom]

Oh, I have to, like, come back and defend it. Do I get, like, pushed to the. The finals already? Do I get high at least?

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay, now what about people who have lost in the past, like Will Rogers? Is he allowed to try again or.

[Bryan Johnson]

It's open to anybody who really want to come in.

[Emily Craig]

Takes on all comers.

[Q]

Right. But part of it, I would like to be like, a plan for going forward. Like, I think we should add that in. Like, they got to have some vision for overkill.

[Bryan Johnson]

Five year plan from the guy who's like, we can never schedule anything as a cube when coming in. Like, and then. So it's so hard to schedule Tom because you never know when you're going

[Brian Michelle]

to be to come in.

[Tom]

He goes, but we don't know when Q's coming. So literally a half hour ago, before

[Q]

you got you name, you name the last time you've been like, I need. I need a date that I haven't gotten you a date.

[Bryan Johnson]

This is true. But for when the. Like. Kind of like a normal episode where I don't, like. I don't want to harass you. Like, you need dates. Need dates.

[Q]

Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

I only do this for episodes that are satanic in nature or celebratory numbers.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Otherwise I'm the one who goes after him. For the normal episodes.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah. I never text you for a normal episode. I don't even answer when Brian's like, hey, boys, when we gonna get together? I'm just like, when Q answers that, I'll answer.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's what I figured.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm not even weighing in, because it don't matter.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

But.

[Tom]

But you.

[Bryan Johnson]

But the time is here now. The maestro is here, and I'm willing whenever conduct a symphony of sinister, devilish. Well, just one fact.

[Tom]

Let's hope.

[Q]

Yes.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right. This one.

[Tom]

This one has a lot, though. It's got sex, debauchery, the devil, everything you ask for. In 1632, in the quiet walled town of Lodun, France, something began screaming behind the covenant doors. The Ursuline nun said it started with whispers in the dark, footsteps and empty corridors, presence at the edge of the bed. Then the dreams. Sister Agnes, the prioress, claimed that at night a shadow entered her chamber. Not just a faceless spirit, but a man she recognized. The local priest, Urban Grandiere. Except it wasn't him. He was accompanied by demons. And the demons had names. Asmodeus, Zebulon, Isaac, Aron. All demons of lust and deception. They said these entities tormented them at night, climbing into their beds, pressing on their bodies, whispering obscenities in their ear. They described invisible hands touching them all over their bodies. They said they woke breathless, pinned by something they could not see. And it didn't stop in the private. During prayer, the nuns began to convulse. One would arch backwards unnaturally. One would drop to the floor, writhing in pain. Witnesses described eye rolling, white teeth grinding, limbs jerking violently. They howled. They barked like animals. They hissed at the priests. Then came the voices. In deep, guttural tones that didn't sound like their own. They screamed blasphemy in the chapels. They screamed explicit accusations. They cried out that Grandiere had sent the demons and that he made a pact with hell. Exorcisms followed, and they became public spectacles. Crowds packed in. Priests held up crucifixes and shouted Latin prayers. And the nuns screamed back at them, some toward their habits. Some expose themselves. Habits?

[Bryan Johnson]

No, tort. What does that mean? Tort?

[Tom]

Oh, tour. Oh, tort.

[Brian Michelle]

Yes.

[Tom]

Some expose themselves in the chaos.

[Walt Flanagan]

Witnesses wrote those Babylons.

[Tom]

Witnesses Wrote that they made obscene gestures during their rights. Thrusting their hips, mocking the clergy, contorting violently. Authority.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, I thought you were done. The maestro is just reading a Wikipedia article.

[Brian Michelle]

No, no.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's longer than the perfect genes.

[Tom]

Trying to make my voice count, so I only get once a year.

[Bryan Johnson]

But you're like, all right, I'll tell you. Kind of like. I thought you'd be a little bit more charismatic and kind of like when you, like, you're. You're the nun.

[Walt Flanagan]

I do.

[Tom]

Oh, you want me to start humping the table?

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, no, just like, you know, telling a story.

[Tom]

All right, I'll wrap it up a little bit faster.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom]

So what happened was they started performing more exorcisms. And as they proceeded, they convinced themselves that this priest made a deal with the devil. And they actually. They forced confessions out of the nuns. And there was actually a contract that was written between the. The priest and the devil that he would get virgin women, these nuns, for the rest of his lives. So what they did is they tortured the priest until he confessed, which he never did. The other inquisitors of the church.

[Bryan Johnson]

The Vatican.

[Brian Michelle]

Yes.

[Q]

What year was this?

[Tom]

1632.

[Bryan Johnson]

The Vatican has weighed in on this. And they say this actually happened?

[Tom]

Yes, Plenty of accounts of this. So what they did is they actually. They tortured him in the worst possible way they could in France, which was they put his feet in wooden stocks and they would put blocks in between them, crushing his femur and his ankles and everything until all the bones inside of it snapped. But he never once said that he made this deal with the devil. They convicted him, he was burned at the stake. The possessions kept happening for about a year or two, until finally they quieted down. Get him. Did you want to show a picture with the contract? So while during one of the exorcisms, they actually got drawings of what the contract looked like.

[Q]

Whoa.

[Tom]

Written backwards in Latin. And if anyone's looking for it, it's the Luden.

[Q]

What is it?

[Tom]

Ludin exercise.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think get him needs a loot and he's coughing all over the story.

[Q]

Are you two. Are you two fighting? Get him. Has not looked at you. You have not?

[Bryan Johnson]

Because I called that the. He didn't have the thunder stick.

[Tom]

So as you can see, it's written in backwards and in Latin with various symbols that were drawn during the exorcism.

[Q]

And those are demon signatures.

[Tom]

Yes, I. One of them is Absalon. I think it's the one at the bottom. And then the other ones are just various demons that Possessed the women and

[Bryan Johnson]

had sex with them.

[Q]

It's funny that demons have emojis.

[Tom]

Yeah, right, Almost.

[Bryan Johnson]

Where do you stand, maestro? Well, do you believe this story, or do you believe it to be a big mass hysteria?

[Tom]

Interestingly enough, there's another overkill part to it that's conspiracy.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, please. We don't have time for this.

[Tom]

No, no, it's quick.

[Q]

He's gonna get here.

[Bryan Johnson]

Like, he's got the mic. He's not giving it up easy.

[Tom]

We didn't even get to another bear.

[Bryan Johnson]

In fact, the clock hasn't even hit 20 yet.

[Tom]

This particular priest had spoken against celibacy in the church and was actually advocating for priests to be able to have sex and was actually starting to gain momentum. So people said that all this possession was actually not true and that they tortured and killed him just to keep the relationship.

[Q]

Just to stop themselves from getting laid.

[Tom]

Yes. They didn't like it.

[Walt Flanagan]

You know how religious you got to be to do that?

[Tom]

Well, because the whole thing is that, like, don't get married and that you have to. Anything you have gets donated to the church. So they don't want you to get.

[Bryan Johnson]

How can we keep them in line? How do we keep them in line? I know.

[Q]

Take away pussy.

[Walt Flanagan]

What else are they going to do?

[Tom]

Nothing bad could come of that.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wow. Thoughts, Brian, about this? Well, I heard of a nun hysteria before, so I quickly googled it, and there are several different instances of it. So I think that. I mean, I believe it.

[Tom]

You believe it?

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, yeah. I mean, do I believe that there was real demon possession that. Probably not. Do I believe there was mass hysteria? Oh, yeah.

[Tom]

Especially in the 1600s. It was right around one of the ends of the plague in. In France. So I'm sure a lot of craziness kind of seeped into everything.

[Walt Flanagan]

And that was back in the day when people really, like, got off. Like, their entertainment was watching other people get tortured or killed or maimed or whatever the.

[Tom]

And they definitely did. They said you could hear the cracks down the street of. As they put the pieces of wood in the slats that would break the bones.

[Q]

In all of his life, wild man,

[Walt Flanagan]

they never made it really fair to. Like, when. When you're, like, admitting something like the dunking in Salem, like when they used to dunk witches, it's like, well, she drowns. She's a witch. She doesn't. Or if she doesn't drown, she's a witch. If she drowns, I guess she's all right. Yeah, damned if you do.

[Brian Michelle]

Damn if you don't.

[Tom]

Situation on that one.

[Q]

Yeah. It takes a special up person to be able to torture another person. Especially so brutally.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. For something that you're like, look, if somebody did something to Sage and I, like, have this guy tied up in my basement.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Who knows what's going to happen?

[Q]

I mean, I still think you wouldn't be like, I want to get my hand, like, but a shot to the brain. Yeah, like. But like, you want to sit there and fucking torture a human? Like, I don't know, man. I don't know.

[Walt Flanagan]

You know what I do? That old. That old, like, Persian torture where they would, like, put a guy's feet in stock to put salt all over the soles of his feet. Then they would let goats lick his feet until all the skin came off. You could see bone.

[Q]

Jesus Christ.

[Walt Flanagan]

People are really creative when it comes to.

[Tom]

Yeah, there's one where they feed you honey and put you in a boat until, like, you eventually, like, throw up on yourself. And then the bugs would come and eat you inside out.

[Q]

Oh, shit.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, just in time.

[Bryan Johnson]

Led Zeppelin. Stairway to Heaven is perhaps the most infamous song to feature satanic backwards masking. It is alleged to contain backward messages praising Satan.

[Q]

What do you mean alleged? Can't we just. Can't we just play it back?

[Bryan Johnson]

People hear different things, you know? You know, the people interpret the backwards masking as, like. Some people are like, oh, my God, they just pray Satan. And you hear like. Like. And you're like, I don't hear that.

[Walt Flanagan]

I remember playing that record backwards. And here, at least I thought I heard it like, sweet. My sweet Satan. Yeah, but, like, once they tell you what it says, it's much easier to be. Oh, yeah, that is what it says.

[Bryan Johnson]

Holy shit. Power of suggestion.

[Q]

Are there any albums that it's, like, confirmed that it's. That they're like, yeah, we did back.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, yeah, they did it on purpose.

[Q]

Yeah, we did it. Didn't we do it on the vinyl? Yeah. Okay. What did it say when you went backwards? I forget.

[Bryan Johnson]

TSD is the shark. Maybe I don't remember.

[Walt Flanagan]

Huh.

[Bryan Johnson]

Should have been TSD as the shark.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

So this is the back masking of Stairway to Heaven. Here's to my sweet Satan.

[Bryan Johnson]

Are we certain that's legitimate? That it's not just something made to make to get views on YouTube, though?

[Q]

Wow.

[Walt Flanagan]

Who knew?

[Bryan Johnson]

Sounds pretty close to what the lyrics.

[Q]

Yeah, it was pretty dead on video. But think about the trouble you got to go through to write something that would also backwards.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, but think of the impact it has on Teenagers who are like, I must have that album.

[Q]

Yeah, I know.

[Walt Flanagan]

I dug it more because.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Okay, maestro, you're done.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's it.

[Bryan Johnson]

You could stick around. We're gonna have. We're going to play a very satanic game, and I'm about to read something to the fellas here. Okay, let's play a game. What's. Is that a fact or is that the game?

[Emily Craig]

I just thought it would give some punches.

[Bryan Johnson]

The devil you think you know. I am going to bring in three men who claim to have been tormented by a demon for over a month 20 years ago. For reasons they will go into, they started referring to themselves as God. Soon after this, they were haunted and attacked by a demonic presence. Several incidents include TVs turning on by themselves with only static screens, pictures moving, doors slamming, hearing voices, and being choked into unconsciousness. These attacks only stopped after they begged God for help and they pronounced that they were not God. Your task will be to ask questions of each person I bring in and pick who really danced with the devil.

[Walt Flanagan]

The segment is called Two Regular Guys and One Wacko.

[Brian Michelle]

Q.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're playing for Kevin Pinault on Twitter.

[Q]

All right, Kevin, I got you.

[Bryan Johnson]

Brian Johnson is playing for Emily Craig on Twitter. And we will announce what they win. Whoever. Which one of you guesses correctly?

[Q]

Sure.

[Bryan Johnson]

If you both guess correctly, they both are going to win a prize. But to bring in our dancers with the devil. Okay, the devil dancers just came from

[Q]

a strip club, so this is three people plus Tom.

[Bryan Johnson]

Tom is here. He can. He could weigh in, but he's not really playing. If he has a great line, he

[Q]

wants to spit in a zinger.

[Bryan Johnson]

The maestro is at is more than capable of dropping some funny bombs.

[Q]

Yes, sir.

[Bryan Johnson]

No matter what.

[Tom]

I'm waiting for my 10th year anniversary in Droplet.

[Q]

No matter what.

[Walt Flanagan]

We can while we're waiting.

[Q]

Yeah, what do we got? Another. Another commercial?

[Walt Flanagan]

No, not another commercial, but something going back to what Tom was talking about. Historical key cases involving nuns. Like crazy nuns. There was the meowing nuns of France. In a medieval French convent, one nun began meowing like a cat, leading others to join in for hours. The behavior only ceased when soldiers threatened them with a whipping. Now, there's a. There's a thread of this kind of shit with the nuns. The biting mania. In the 15th century, a nun in Germany started biting other sisters, spreading the mania to other convents in Germany, the Netherlands, and Rome. The behavior was eventually stopped through threats of floggings.

[Q]

I mean, it just seems like the only way to keep Society in line is by fucking whip their ass.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. Everybody gets a whipping once in a while. The devils of London. An entire convent in France reportedly exhibited signs of demonic possession. A case famously analyzed in literature. Oh, not London. Luden. Sorry. Or Loudon. I don't know how you pronounce that.

[Tom]

Loudon was the one that I was talking about.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, that's the one you were talking about?

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay. And then the last one is the all girls school in Lilly somewhere. 50 to 95 students were believed devils were flying around their heads and confessed to witchcraft. Like, can you imagine? Like you go back to Salem like we were talking about, you know, you're one of these people who got gets accused by little girls being like, which.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

And a lot of it they say was like. Because it's like they wanted to get other people's property and you know, or they had like something against the person. Or the person was just a little bit weird. Like it was like some old hag.

[Q]

It was the early version of cancel culture. They're just like, he did this.

[Walt Flanagan]

And then everybody was like, let's get

[Q]

him, let's get him.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Emily Craig]

No evidence, Forks.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Pitchforks and torches, man.

[Tom]

No, because like Brian said, the evidence is either if you are a witch, you drown or you don't drown and then they do something else to you. Or you're not a witch and you're drowned. You're like, oh, I guess she wasn't a witch. It's such a horrible. And you can't imagine how many times it happened.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, I went to. I've been to Salem several times and I took a tour of like the underground jail that they used to have. And they're like, if you have money, you have a decent sized cell. Now when I say decent, it's probably like about today's cells, you know, for jails. And that's like. If you had some money, it was like a slightly smaller cell, but if you had no money, they had what was called a coffin cell. And you literally stood up in what was about the size of a coffin. You couldn't even sit down. You couldn't. Unless you were like pretty tiny. If you were a tiny person, I guess you could another way in there. As long as they. As long as they felt like you needed to be in there, like sometimes months, you're just.

[Tom]

You're just wishing for death at that point.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

You know.

[Tom]

Yeah. The drowning's nothing.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nobody's here.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, you guys ready?

[Q]

Ready.

[Walt Flanagan]

Ready.

[Bryan Johnson]

So our first alleged dancer with the devil. Please welcome to the table, Brian. Michelle.

[Q]

Oh, yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Brian.

[Q]

Yes, sir.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right.

[Q]

Happy to see this. This gentleman, always good to see you. Hard time believing he's danced with. With demons.

[Walt Flanagan]

I know about this guy, though, because he's too.

[Bryan Johnson]

He's got a lot of demons.

[Q]

He's too normal. He's too.

[Walt Flanagan]

What was that?

[Q]

Well put together. Yeah, very good, man.

[Bryan Johnson]

There's a guy who smashed up something on a comic book show.

[Brian Michelle]

Appreciate your image of me, bro.

[Q]

Yeah, man. I mean, did you bring up Iron Man?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

Oh, wow.

[Walt Flanagan]

Busting it out.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Our second dancer with the devil, Jimmy the hair guy.

[Q]

Oh, boy. Jimmy. Jimmy the hair guy. Back so soon. We see him.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're in the second chair.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah, this one.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Short one.

[Q]

All right.

[Bryan Johnson]

And our third dancer with the devil, Mr. Brian. Rupert.

[Q]

Oh, yeah, Rob's here.

[Walt Flanagan]

Dancer with the Devil Dogs.

[Q]

Yeah, baby. So one of these guys, despite knowing them all for years, nine decades, some of them I've never heard a demon story from, they've been holding it inside.

[Bryan Johnson]

I am here to tell you I'm. My only involvement with this is. I asked him, please don't lie to me. Just to just, you know, please, this has to be legitimate. And they came to me with tears in her eyes to tell me this story. Okay, So I picked my guy. But you guys are going to get questions.

[Q]

Tears, you say?

[Bryan Johnson]

To ask each individual to determine which of these men called themselves God 20 years ago and paid almost a horrific price if not for our Lord and Savior, Jesus coming down and saving them.

[Q]

Okay, two Jews. Is everybody here a Lord and savior?

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, if he saves your ass until you around and almost found out,

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I

[Bryan Johnson]

don't think it matters if you're Jewish anymore. All right, Brian, you want to kick off the questions?

[Walt Flanagan]

Can you. Can you read it one more time? What happened to these guys?

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay, so the three men sitting in front of us, they claim to have been tormented by a demon for over a month. One of them is telling the truth. Twenty years ago, for reasons they will go into, they started referring to themselves as God. Soon after this, they were haunted and attacked by a demonic presence or entity. Several incidents include TVs turning on by themselves with only static screens, pictures moving doors, slamming, hearing voices, and finally being choked into unconsciousness. These attacks only stopped after begging God for help and pronouncing they were not God. Your task is to ask questions of each person and then pick who really danced with the devil.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't know. Slamming doors and choking people into unconsciousness. I feel like I might be a devil like I might be possessed.

[Bryan Johnson]

You guys need any help? Okay, I don't give. Only if you want to use them.

[Q]

Well, my first question, all three would be, why did you proclaim yourself to be God? Right. Like we kind of got to know that base level, like how petty is man transgression?

[Walt Flanagan]

All right, so that's 20 years ago.

[Bryan Johnson]

Each dancer.

[Q]

Yes.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah, I'm 38.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay, so you were 18, you were 17 and you would have been 30. Roughly 30.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah. But this was not exactly 20 years ago.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Q]

Okay. So why, why to all of you did you proclaim yourself God?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Who do you want to go first? So this was about 2010, so, you know, a little under 30 years ago.

[Bryan Johnson]

TSD just fucking kicked off that year, didn't it?

[Q]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Right around then.

[Q]

Coincidence.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think there are no coincidences when it comes to the devil.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So, you know, I kind of had no direction. I was going nowhere in life. I always struggled with self confidence. And I was like, I was in a bit of a dry spell with the ladies and I was like, okay, I have no confidence. The only thing I could do, you know, dumb 20 year old thinking to boost myself is I have to throw it all the self hatred in the complete opposite direction. And if I keep gassing myself up to the ultimate degree, eventually I'll believe it and it will work and I'll get self confidence again. And it did work.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah. Calling yourself God worked.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah, I completely.

[Q]

Like, even though a demon came and messed with you eventually.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

When I recanted, it all crumbled. But legit, everything was going my way. Especially with the ladies. When I started doing that, just by

[Q]

claiming you were God, I just had

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

so much self confidence. I wasn't doubting myself. Like I was playing everything great, playing

[Bryan Johnson]

with Babylons every night of the week.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nice work.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I was in a nice stretch there.

[Q]

Right.

[Walt Flanagan]

Just so you guys know, Babylons is a euphemism for tits.

[Bryan Johnson]

You've never heard anybody call tits Babylons?

[Q]

No.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh my God, neither have I. I don't think anyone. I think you made it up.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, I didn't. I've heard it before. I think Ali G said it.

[Emily Craig]

Yeah,

[Bryan Johnson]

Jimmy.

[Rob Rupp]

Well, okay, so, yeah, 20, around 20 years ago, I fucked this super hot chick. Way out of my league.

[Walt Flanagan]

Story's bullshit already.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Isn't that every night for you?

[Q]

He's doing that now.

[Rob Rupp]

And super fucking hot. And she told me that nobody had ever made her orgasm like I had before. She becomes like, not. Not just in love with me, like obsessed with me, like, like like, really, like, following my every move. Like, wants me. Like, so I end up her friend and, like, you know, figured, you know, we're not really. We're not together, you know, I mean, we're just hooking up. Whatever.

[Walt Flanagan]

She.

[Rob Rupp]

She wants me all to her self. Like, she, like, threatens to cut my dick off.

[Q]

Like, what about the friend? She didn't threaten the friend.

[Bryan Johnson]

No.

[Rob Rupp]

Threaten me. And so I'm like, all right. Like, it. Like, we could be together. Like, call me God. Like, you know, start refer to me as God, like, almost like a daddy thing. And. And she did. And then it kind of got to my head a little bit, and I started having my friends call me God, and it turned into a little bit of a thing. And eventually, shit went.

[Q]

Who are these friends that agreed to call you God?

[Rob Rupp]

They didn't really, but I told. I wanted them to. Like, I. I started referring myself in the third person and, like, it was. It was a bad scene.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

And the show.

[Q]

Okay, here we go.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'll tell you.

[Brian Michelle]

I'll tell you exactly when this happened. It was.

[Q]

Yeah. Why did you call yourself God? What's going on?

[Brian Michelle]

It was all April 27th. April 27th, 2011, and I was running storm chasers, and I was out chasing what turned out to be called the super outbreak of 2011, which was the largest tornado outbreak ever recorded.

[Q]

You were there?

[Brian Michelle]

I was there.

[Q]

Wow.

[Brian Michelle]

Yes.

[Q]

Was that scary?

[Brian Michelle]

It was scary as hell, right? And this was like our first week of chasing. So, like, I'm a kid from Jersey. I'm like, okay, I'm a little scared going on this show. Like, tornadoes.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Brian Michelle]

I'd only seen him in movies, right? Turns out our first week of chasing turns into what, three days that became the largest tornado outbreak in recorded history.

[Q]

How close were you?

[Brian Michelle]

Very close in the bands. And that's where the story comes from. I mean, that day, there was four EF5s. People could chase tornadoes their entire lives and never see one EF5. I was face to face with four that day.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Wow.

[Brian Michelle]

And at some point, we get, you know, trapped. You just. They were just too big. So you think you have an out route wherever you're going, you're trying to get as close to the storm chasers on camera as possible. But at some point, we got boxed in, basically. We couldn't move, and we were stuck there with them. And the storm chasers communicate over the radio with us. So they're like, guys, brace yourselves. This is going to hit us.

[Q]

Jesus.

[Brian Michelle]

Right? So we. And we don't know if it's like the center of it. The outer bands. It turns out it's the outer band. So for about, I don't even know, 30 seconds.

[Q]

The most dangerous part, the outer.

[Brian Michelle]

No, thank God. The outer band is out. Right. Is the outer edges of it. So of an EF5 that's swirling at over 300 miles an hour.

[Q]

Jesus.

[Brian Michelle]

So they tell us, brace yourselves, this is going to hit us. And there's nothing you could do except put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye. So it is the loudest thing you could ever imagine. You know, it's like, how many people in the car? Four people in my car. And we're like, the chase.

[Q]

All dudes.

[Brian Michelle]

All dudes.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Brian Michelle]

We're in a Suburban, Chevy Suburban. And the big Dominator is in front of us, you know, the big chase car. And they. And they anchor down. They send spikes into the ground.

[Q]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Michelle]

To not get moved. It looks like a big turtle shell.

[Q]

They didn't share that with you?

[Brian Michelle]

No. That was some. We didn't get that tech.

[Q]

We got the Chevy Enterprise and got a service.

[Tom]

Exactly.

[Brian Michelle]

And so they tell us to. To brace ourselves. And it sounds like a million. A million freight trains are coming at you. The loudest thing you've ever heard. And your ears start popping. And we're in it now, and it's sliding the Suburban all over the road. And it's probably, I don't know, 30 seconds. That feels like a million minutes. Sliding, sliding, sliding. And your ears pop and your mouth is so dry.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

It's just.

[Brian Michelle]

You're in zero pressure. We're in it. Okay? We. It passes. Those guys hop out. They're stoked. The storm chasers, they love their first rodeo. They loved it. You know what I mean? We all pop out, and the first thing Reed Timmer says to me, he goes, you guys just joined the zero miles club. I'm like, what's that? He's like, you were zero miles away from that tornado. You were in it. And when my adrenaline just started, like, doing crazy things, I didn't know if I was going to pass out or what. And I raise my hands in the air, and I go, I'm a fucking God. And the guys start cracking up. And from then on the rest of the shoot, when they called me in the car on the walkies, it was God. It would be like, you know, quinn the God. Quinn the God.

[Q]

Right.

[Brian Michelle]

It just became a big thing. And then I started referring to myself as God in the third person. I said, listen, God needs you guys. To go here and there. And what's so funny is that Eric Duncan wasn't even on that show. Eric Duncan, who was on Comic Book with me. But he knew about it, so he started calling me God during cbm. And I'm like, don't do it. Don't do it. Because the whole thing had happened. So he was like, yo, what's up, God? Or he'd say on the walkie talkie Dunkin for God. And I'll be like, dude, don't do it. And he never knew why I was getting so mad at him. Because that thing came back to haunt me. Literally.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

Three stories, Brian, of varying believability.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, More questions, right? We got lots of questions.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, I gave you a little cheat sheet in case you can't come up with any.

[Q]

So what was the first. So back down. Back down the line. What was the first couple of incidents. What was the one that made you realize that this was a demon in play? Give us the build up to that incident and the one where you were like, oh, man, I. I have a demon issue.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Okay, So I got to be clear. I can't confirm that.

[Bryan Johnson]

You know, hold on a second. Sorry, guys.

[Q]

Every 20 minutes.

[Bryan Johnson]

20 minutes. I had to tell a barren fact, but it's the last one. The Devil Went down to Georgia by the Charlie's Daniels Band is the highest charted, quote, unquote, devil song ever recorded, peaking at number three on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1979. Continue.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So I can't confirm that it was a demon. I have spoken to father Lance since, and he believes it was a demon, but I have no proof. The only thing I could tell you is these are my experiences, and this is what happened.

[Q]

Okay.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

You know, and I understand that it does make you seem crazy talking about this, because it's really just my perspective on what happened. There's no way to talk about this and not seem crazy.

[Q]

Sure. But all three of you are facing that, so don't worry about it.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So just the first incident was I was filming, like, a little skit in my basement with Steve, my. My friend and partner.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, no, no. It's just a skit. It's a funny little bit.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Also made Brian and Steve.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's cool.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So we're getting ready to film, and

[Q]

Adam and Steve, you mean?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

No.

[Q]

Okay, now I got it. Gotta get it.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So we're getting ready to film, and I do have this on tape.

[Walt Flanagan]

Your first name's Brian.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

We just get the smell. There's no other way to put it, but like, the smell of death. Like something died, wafts into the room at this point, and we're like, what the fuck is that? Like, it smells like death.

[Q]

Was. He was.

[Walt Flanagan]

He was.

[Q]

Who was calling you God at this point?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Just me. I'm guessing myself. No one's referring to me as God.

[Q]

But you're for this. This guy. What's his name?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Steve.

[Q]

Steve. You in that basement are like, I am God.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah. He knows my.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're doing it.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Does he know you've been calling yourself God?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

He ever. Everyone knows my deal at this point. All my friends, like, you know, Brian's being weird, but, you know, it's worker for him. He's, you know, confident, and things are going. Yeah. So we're filming this thing, and out of nowhere, we get the smell of death. And we're like, holy fuck. Like, that's weird. Maybe something died in your walls. So I was living at my mother's house at the time. We go upstairs and we tell her to come down, and it's gone. The smell is completely gone. That was the first thing. And we're like, huh, that was weird. And Steve's like. I was like, maybe it was like an angel. He's like, angels don't smell like that, dude. I was like, okay, so what did

[Q]

Steve have for lunch that day?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So then the next incident was. It was late at night. I was coming home. It's like, you know, three, four in the morning, and I'm still doing my thing. I walk. I'm walking up the stairs to the top floor to go to my bedroom. And in my house, down the hallway is my mother's room, my room. And the other room is like, a den with, like, a shitty tv. We really don't go in there. I take a step onto the top level. The TV turns onto static in the other room. The picture next to me on the wall turns, like, crooked, and I'm not near it. I get a chill up my spine. And I just hear a voice go like, brian. Like that. Swear to God, I'm like. And I stop dead in my tracks. I'm like, what the. And I'm listening. I'm quiet. And I'm like, mom, did you call me? Dead silent. I don't know what's wrong in your throat?

[Emily Craig]

Yeah.

[Q]

What was the picture that went sideways?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

It was a picture that my father had gotten years ago of the army taking the Ramegan Bridgehead in World War II that we just had for years up there. And that turned. I go into my room. I go to bed that day. Nothing of it. I keep let you know, living my life sometime later I'm getting home, it's like six in the morning. My mother leaves for work. I'm going to bed. I put on Saved by the Bell on TV just to watch it before I fall asleep. TBS would like run in the morning as God does.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

You know Kelly Kapowski?

[Q]

Yeah. It's just funny that this is what threatened God so much that he was like, we have to send some demons to get this sorted. He's making videos with his friend Space and watching Saved by the bell at 10:00am, still Himself. God, that's a threat.

[Walt Flanagan]

So.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So it's just me in the house, no one else is there. And the door from the garage to the house is like this big, heavy metal steel door. And I turn the TV off to finally go to sleep. And the door just starts slamming super loud. Like unmistakable loud noise, just banging from there. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm listening to it and I have the TV off and it goes, you know, it's banging. I turn the TV on, the noise stops. I'm like, this is fucking weird. And I test it. I keep testing it. Every time I turn the TV off, boom, boom, boom. I'm like, okay, I'm just leaving the TV on. Put the TV on, it stops. I go to sleep.

[Q]

Yeah, wait, the door slammed every time the TV was off?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Every time I turned the TV off

[Q]

and you went to bed, it was

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

6am I was in my bed. I wasn't going downstairs to investigate.

[Q]

Are you still referring to yourself in the third person at this point? Are you like, who's in this house with God?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

No, I was like, what's that, yo? Like, it's silent and I'm just hearing boom, boom.

[Q]

So you're like, I must be fine. I just went to bed. You didn't go down and look at the door?

[Emily Craig]

I'll take care of.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I was like, if I go down,

[Q]

God's gonna fuck someone up.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

It's gonna get me. Whatever's there is gonna get me. I'm like, put a phone up here.

[Q]

I could sleep just fine.

[Walt Flanagan]

It's a good thing. Real God isn't as big of a pussy as he is.

[Emily Craig]

As long as he's under the blanket, he's safe.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah, yeah, that. I was just like, I'll stay in bed when the TV is on. It's not fucking with me.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So sometime later, I'm on my computer and behind me on the shelf I have like, you know, Deodorant, cologne, stuff like that. And I'm on my computer, and the thing goes.

[Q]

How old are you?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

2010. I'm maybe 23.

[Q]

About what cologne did you wear at 23?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I think I had, like, curfew, and I had Gucci.

[Bryan Johnson]

Gucci.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Guilty.

[Q]

Of course you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So I had those, and they were like. It was. It slammed into my door, and I can't describe it, but there's no way, if it's not thrown, it could crash into my door the way it is, like this, like, shelf piece. So it smashes into the door. I'm like, holy. I picked up everything up, I put it there, and then I go to bed.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, no, this was.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

This was like, midday. So the last incident was I went to sleep one night, and I wake up in the middle of the night and my arms are pinned down like this. Like, Steve.

[Rob Rupp]

No,

[Bryan Johnson]

this gets done. At least let me flip over.

[Walt Flanagan]

Don't take me missionary.

[Q]

It's like being back on set, right.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

And my arms are pinned down and something is choking my throat. And, like, I know how to grapple. I could fight, you know, I know what I'm doing, and I just.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wrestler, right?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah. I physically am incapable of moving at this moment. And I know people say sleep paralysis is a thing, but I had all these other things, and I'm just being choked. I'm trying to scream for help, and I can't. And eventually, I lose conscious and wake up. I lose conscious and pass out. Eventually when I wake up, I'm, like, rattled. And I'm like. I talk to my mom. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck to do about this. And she's like, have you, like, you know, you're calling yourself God all the time?

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, your mom knew?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

My mom. My mom knew, yeah. I tell my mom everything. She doesn't care. But she's like, you know, maybe you should stop. And she told me to pray and apologize. I did, and everything stopped. Now, I've never been a believer in, like, any one thing. I'm still not. I know there's things I can't explain in the world, but that's what happened.

[Walt Flanagan]

I was involved.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Emily Craig]

So what name did you specifically call yourself?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

God.

[Emily Craig]

Jimmy. Same question.

[Rob Rupp]

God.

[Emily Craig]

Michelle? Same question.

[Brian Michelle]

God.

[Bryan Johnson]

What were you hoping to gain from that? Colombo?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Say, like, Jesus.

[Emily Craig]

No, Hashem.

[Brian Michelle]

Yahweh.

[Emily Craig]

Hashem, the name.

[Bryan Johnson]

Tom wants to say something. Go ahead. And Mike, though.

[Tom]

Why would that matter? What was the difference?

[Emily Craig]

Two are Jews. Jews call him Hashem.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah, but we're like American Jews who don't even know what you're talking about.

[Tom]

This one's favorite holiday is Christmas. We've already established all these things.

[Emily Craig]

Asking questions.

[Bryan Johnson]

Do you want to hear Jimmy's experiences with it?

[Q]

With.

[Bryan Johnson]

With the demon tormenting?

[Q]

I have to. Yeah. I want to win this. This game.

[Rob Rupp]

All right, so it's abroad.

[Q]

Making this girl come, like, constantly deep in his.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah. So shit's going good for a while. She's like, buying me, like.

[Q]

This is after you agreed to be with her. This is after you fucked a friend. She threatened to cut your dick off. Yeah. And you were like, God will stay with you alone.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Q]

Okay.

[Rob Rupp]

So she's like, buying me gifts, like, left and right. Like, she's doing, like, everything.

[Q]

What sort of gifts?

[Rob Rupp]

What sort of, like sneakers, action figures,

[Q]

fucking comic books, like the good stuff.

[Brian Michelle]

And.

[Rob Rupp]

And shit's going well for a little while. And then, like, you know, I lived alone in a fucking one bedroom apartment in Worcester at the time. And like.

[Q]

Did you call it a temple?

[Rob Rupp]

I probably should.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Rob Rupp]

And, you know, I. I hear a door slam. Ah, whatever. You know, maybe the wind blew.

[Bryan Johnson]

Whatever, like.

[Q]

Yeah, you know, but there's only one door in the apartment. What door was slamming?

[Rob Rupp]

Well, I had a bathroom door.

[Q]

Okay. Okay, got you. Well, it was. But. Okay, got it.

[Rob Rupp]

I had two TVs. I'd be in the bedroom.

[Bryan Johnson]

You think, God, have more.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I know.

[Q]

I thought you said you had a studio apartment.

[Brian Michelle]

No, one bedroom.

[Q]

Oh, okay. Got it. That's. I missed that. Okay, my apologies.

[Rob Rupp]

But I'd be in the bedroom, and then like, the. The TV in the living room would come on and be stacky. Well, maybe I just left the TV on. Whatever, you know, happens. I didn't really get much thought. And then I got into a car accident coming back from the gathering with this chick.

[Bryan Johnson]

Another chick or the same?

[Rob Rupp]

No, the chick.

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay.

[Rob Rupp]

And I was like a minute from my house and a dude ran right into me.

[Q]

Steve,

[Walt Flanagan]

what are you doing here? And saucy little thing.

[Rob Rupp]

So now I'm like, all right, like, you know, this. This sucks, but whatever, you know, it's. Yeah, I'm not really making the connection.

[Q]

You didn't get hurt.

[Rob Rupp]

No, I did, but. But, you know, I was fine, but I'm not. I'm still not making the connection. And then one night we decide to.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, you're counting that the car accident as a demonic.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Q]

This was.

[Rob Rupp]

This is all going on at the same time.

[Q]

How much did you have to drink at the G. Some demon hit my

[Walt Flanagan]

car door with a shopping cart recently. Never forgive him.

[Rob Rupp]

So then we. We decide to, you know, film ourselves one night. And I'm. I'm. I'm telling her in the video, you know, call me God. Call me God. And she's like, you know, do you

[Q]

still have this video?

[Rob Rupp]

No, Damn it. I know, but she's like, you know,

[Q]

talk about a Patreon.

[Rob Rupp]

No one wants to see that.

[Q]

You're wrong about that, my friend.

[Rob Rupp]

She's like, screaming like, me, God. Me, God. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, you know, and.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, yeah, that's what God says. Yeah.

[Rob Rupp]

And we. We finish and we go to sleep, and I wake up and I. I feel like I'm having a heart attack. Like, I can't fucking breathe. Like, I'm laying there, like. Like I can't move. I can't breathe. And finally I, like, managed to, like, get out of bed, and I'm on the fucking floor.

[Q]

She's in bed.

[Rob Rupp]

She's in bed. I'm totally naked, and I just.

[Tom]

I'm like.

[Rob Rupp]

I make the connection. I just start screaming like, I'm sorry, God. I'm sorry, God.

[Brian Michelle]

I won't.

[Rob Rupp]

I won't call myself God anymore. I'm sorry. Please stop.

[Q]

Wait. I'm sorry. What. What was the inciting incident on this?

[Rob Rupp]

I was, like, having, like, a heart attack. I couldn't breathe. Like, I'm laying in bed next to her and I see, like. Like my whole body, like, froze up and I, like, forced myself out of bed. I just fucking lost it. Totally lost it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Sounds like a panic attack. Gave up your God status for a panic attack.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah, well, she. She didn't take too kindly to it. She pretty much lost all interest in me after that.

[Bryan Johnson]

Once you said, don't call me.

[Brian Michelle]

Gotcha.

[Bryan Johnson]

Like, I'm out of here. I'm only with you because you're deluded.

[Rob Rupp]

She ended up cheating on me and taking all those gifts back.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

And.

[Bryan Johnson]

My shoes.

[Rob Rupp]

She probably sold them all.

[Q]

Yeah. Like, oh, God. So I. But what was demonic about it? What in this entire story? I'm not understanding.

[Bryan Johnson]

The TV came on by itself. Yeah, he got hit by some guy on the way home from a gathering.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah. Doors were slamming.

[Bryan Johnson]

He was being choked and having a heart attack after, you know, pleasuring his woman.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Come the hardest you've ever come.

[Bryan Johnson]

He pleaded for God to help him, and he said he would stop calling himself God. And his heart attack just stopped.

[Q]

And you believe that that was a demon?

[Rob Rupp]

What the hell else could it have been?

[Emily Craig]

Confused. So you made the girl and her best friend come the hardest they've ever come.

[Rob Rupp]

The girl, the best friend didn't say that. The girl said that.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Okay.

[Q]

Did her eyes roll back in the head during sex? Like. Like maybe there was some demon?

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah, I honestly didn't notice.

[Q]

All right.

[Emily Craig]

Kind of succubus.

[Q]

Wow.

[Bryan Johnson]

Jimmy the succubus.

[Q]

Yeah. All right.

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay.

[Q]

Sir.

[Brian Michelle]

Yes.

[Q]

Could you give us the incidents leading up to when you believed it was a demon?

[Brian Michelle]

Yes, sir.

[Q]

All right, thank you.

[Brian Michelle]

So have the tornado outbreak, it ends that day. It's over, I think the next day. Could it.

[Emily Craig]

What year was it again?

[Brian Michelle]

2011.

[Emily Craig]

2011?

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah, I think it was. It could have been the next day or the day after we get on the road. We're going to keep filming now. There's debris everywhere, right? Everything's been fucked up. Our goal is to go to Birmingham, Alabama, and we're going to shoot with The Task Force 1, Search and Rescue people as they go through the rubble and try to find body parts.

[Q]

I mean, this. As a producer, you must have been like, yeah, oh, it was my first day and there's already lives getting ruined and we're here to fucking film it.

[Walt Flanagan]

All right.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

You know, you know where I'm coming from.

[Tom]

So it was out.

[Q]

I was afraid everything was going to be okay.

[Brian Michelle]

Flying in Blackhawks over debris sites. It's unreal, right? So we're on our way to Birmingham. We stop along the way. We're filming with some other smaller crews on some cleanup.

[Q]

Everybody's calling you God at this point.

[Brian Michelle]

Everyone's calling me God over, over the walkie now. And it's really. It's like, hey, God, can we turn off here and go, you know. So anyway, our goal is. Is Birmingham. But I'm in the same Suburban with the same four guys. And we are in Jackson, Mississippi, and we're driving in the far left lane of a six lane highway doing about 90. And we get hit in. In our front.

[Bryan Johnson]

Steve, what are you doing here? Are you doing here? Kentucky or the Mississippi?

[Brian Michelle]

Jackson, Mississippi. We get hit, we hit the divider, we start spinning across six lanes of traffic. And it truly is going in slow motion, right? And as we're going, the shit's real. You're seeing your life. You're seeing people from your life. But I'm also seeing, like flashes of my face looking weird and distorted, like when you look in like a fun house mirror. And I. I just remember also vividly

[Q]

for me, it's just a mirro and

[Brian Michelle]

like, holy, I'm about to die. Like that. It's. That was really my thought. I'm about to die.

[Q]

Sorry.

[Brian Michelle]

It's all right.

[Q]

We're making ourselves laugh over here. It's funny. Yeah.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

And.

[Q]

All right.

[Brian Michelle]

Sorry, but I'll never forget that it was just a weird part.

[Q]

So you stop spinning?

[Brian Michelle]

No, no, no. We spin and we hit an embankment and we go up in the air and we roll the car.

[Q]

Holy shit.

[Brian Michelle]

Like three or four times. Crunching. There's a demon.

[Q]

Or not. That part of the story's 100, 100 true.

[Walt Flanagan]

Part of the.

[Brian Michelle]

It's part of the behind the scenes special.

[Q]

This is the second day of shooting.

[Brian Michelle]

This is in the first week.

[Q]

Oh, okay. Wow.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah. So we were like the lead car at this point. Everyone behind us said they thought we were dead.

[Q]

Sure.

[Brian Michelle]

It was crazy. So it's spinning around. Spinning around. When we land, I think I'm up. We finally land. I think I'm upside down. And I literally have a thought that I'm dead and I'm in hell because I'm, like, kind of claustrophobic. I was more so at the time. And I couldn't. I had my seatbelt on. And I start punching the window. And in my mind I'm like, I'm fucking dead and I'm in hell. And that is my thought. And all of a sudden, I hear somebody go. The door's open. So then, I don't know, I got my wits. I leave. The driver's fucked up. Like, ambulance comes for him. The other two guys are kind of up. Nothing major. I don't have a scratch on me. I get out of the car. I can't believe it. I mean, the car. I. I can show you guys pictures. The car is up.

[Q]

I mean, Jesus.

[Brian Michelle]

Long story short, those three guys end up in the hospital. I don't even get checked out. I get checked out on EMS on the site.

[Q]

God's fine all over me. Yeah, of course they are.

[Brian Michelle]

I'm more convinced than ever that I'm God.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

More convinced that. How. How am I not God at this point?

[Q]

Right?

[Walt Flanagan]

Aren't the other three guys Gods too?

[Q]

No, they went to the hospital, they got damaged.

[Brian Michelle]

They were. They were bleeding.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, okay.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

I had nothing.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nothing.

[Tom]

No.

[Brian Michelle]

Oh. Not only that, Our. Our Suburban was full of gear and shit. It was flying all over the place. All the airbags were deployed, and I fucking walked out. I'm God at this point, right? So I feel bad. We go to the hospital. We're actually filming in the Hospital with the guys. Like, we're doing the whole thing.

[Q]

You don't waste a scene. Listen, get it all at the end of this.

[Walt Flanagan]

Sort of.

[Brian Michelle]

The one guy, I'm like, listen, you're gonna go to the hospital, right? We're gonna get. We're. Give the other guy your camera. So it's. It's Abby. Later that night. It's a very long night. I go back, we stay in these shitty little roadside motels, and the weird stuff started happening that night.

[Q]

What happened?

[Brian Michelle]

So I get in that hotel, and the hotel is disgusting. I lay down, exhausted, okay? I take a shower. I lay down. And as soon as I lay down, someone's pounding on my. My door. Which wasn't uncommon on storm.

[Bryan Johnson]

Hey, Steve.

[Walt Flanagan]

Welcome.

[Brian Michelle]

Pounding. So my heart. And. And. But that happened a lot at these rows of motels. I jump up, I open the door. Nobody's there.

[Walt Flanagan]

What the fuck?

[Brian Michelle]

I lay back down. Like, please, just let me sleep. I lay down, I start dozing off, pounding at my door again. I open the door and I yell out, stop with me.

[Emily Craig]

Okay?

[Brian Michelle]

I go, yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

No, I mean, watch the pounding on the table.

[Brian Michelle]

I go. I go back in. I start to fall asleep. And I'm hearing. Now I'm hearing things. I'm hearing the sounds of the tornadoes. I'm hearing. And I'm just like, okay, I have ptsd, and I'm up from this whole experience, right? It's just like I'm processing it, adrenaline's pumping. But I'm hearing my name, and I'm going, what? What? And I'm hearing, like, tornado rumble, car crash, rumble. And in it, I'm hearing my name. I don't. In a creepy voice. And I'm laying there half asleep, and I'm going, what? All right. I go to the bathroom to put water on my face. I shit you not. I turn it on, and it looks like blood to me. Not the first time. Not the first time I turned on a faucet on storm chasers. That it wasn't like, rust, dirt, motel stuff coming out. But this was red blood. So I turned on.

[Bryan Johnson]

And it's red blood shining and shit.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah. And when I turn the faucet, I see the blood. I go to put it on my face, I go. And I stop, and I look at it, and it's clear water. And I'm like, okay, it was probably the brown water that comes out, right?

[Bryan Johnson]

Don't drink the brown water.

[Brian Michelle]

I wash my face. I get back into bed. I'm laying there. Television goes on. I didn't even take the remote control over to my bedside table.

[Walt Flanagan]

Demons love turning TVs on and off, huh?

[Bryan Johnson]

It's one of the easier things they can do.

[Brian Michelle]

I shut the TV off.

[Walt Flanagan]

This.

[Brian Michelle]

I mean, this is all in like, half an hour.

[Q]

I can't even turn on my TV without two remotes and not know what the Going on. What input is supposed to be on. Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

Just of a VC box.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

Is the sound bar working today? I don't know. What's.

[Brian Michelle]

Is that?

[Emily Craig]

Certified demon free, demons.

[Brian Michelle]

Satan knows how to work the remote. And TV goes on. I shut it off. I go back to the bed, dozing off. TV goes on again. I shut it off. I go back to bed. TV goes on, and it's just static. I'm like, this is fucked up. I lay down, I'm hearing shit all night. I get no sleep. I wake up in the morning. This happens now. We're on the. We're on the road now.

[Walt Flanagan]

All.

[Brian Michelle]

All is quiet. We got our huge outbreak. But then on a show like stor Chasers, you go like, weeks without a tornado, and you're like, we're. Yeah, like, we got to just make

[Q]

up scenes at diners, start flipping cars and stuff like that.

[Brian Michelle]

So whatever it takes, Brian.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

So this is happening in every hotel room, and I'm not saying a word to anybody. So I'm there for, like, another three weeks, and it's happening every night.

[Q]

The knocks on the door, knocks on the door.

[Emily Craig]

Tv, Steve calling out, michelle, Michelle, the

[Q]

blood in the sink.

[Brian Michelle]

The blood in the sink. Never happened again.

[Q]

Okay?

[Brian Michelle]

Then I go home, and I'm not saying anything to my wife. I'm like, something's weird here. It's just because of the accident and everything, you know?

[Q]

Are you telling her that you're new?

[Brian Michelle]

I didn't tell her. I didn't tell her. That was like a production thing. I didn't tell her anything. I get home, and it's the first night I'm home, and wouldn't you know it? I walk past the television in the living room on my way to the kitchen, and it fucking turns on. It wasn't on, and then it turned on. All right? Then I go in the kitchen, whatever I did in there, I got a drink or something. I come back, I go up the stairs. As I'm walking up the stairs, it turns on again.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right?

[Brian Michelle]

I get, no, no, no. So what really happened that. That sent me over the edge was my wife would take off her engagement ring sometimes, okay? So. And she put it in this Little thing. So she took it off. She was doing whatever she was doing. Like she makes artwork for the kids or whatever. And then she took a shower. And then she comes in and she's like, where's my ring? I'm like, I don't know where your ring is. It's right there.

[Tom]

Whatever.

[Brian Michelle]

And she's not there. So now she thinks I'm playing a big prank, accusing me of taking the ring. And then she's getting mad, like, give to me. I'm like, it's not there. She's like, you're making me think I'm crazy because I know I put it there. I'm like, I didn't take the ring.

[Q]

She's like, this is your fault.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right?

[Brian Michelle]

So this is going on where she really goes to bed mad at me because I'm not admitting that I take the ring.

[Q]

And you're the one that bought the ring.

[Brian Michelle]

I bought that fucking ring, so you should be pissed.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

She loves it. Watched it. Yeah, Try telling her that.

[Brian Michelle]

Guys, I'm playing an elaborate prank on her now. And she knows nothing about God or Satan or anything that I'm talking that I'm dealing with.

[Tom]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Michelle]

So this is freaking me out. And she doesn't know why it's freaking me out so much.

[Q]

And at this point, you're suspecting satanic or devilish or demon incursion?

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah, because I was never really a big believer in, you know, Satan, but I was a big believer in ghosts and spirits.

[Q]

Okay?

[Brian Michelle]

Still am. And so is my wife. Anyway, that night she. We go to bed. She's a little mad at me, and I'm. I'm trying to plead my case that I'm not playing a prank, you know? That night I go to bed and I'm hearing the voices again. I'm hearing the rumbling. And I'm like, so mad that this has followed me from the road into my house now.

[Q]

And. No. Does anyone in your house hear besides you or just you? Okay.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

No.

[Brian Michelle]

She's sound asleep next to me, ringless. And it's going and it's going and it's going in my head. I. I'm getting so mad and I'm fucking cursing God. I'm saying, fucking stop. I can't fucking live this. Get out of my head. Stop it. And then I can't say anything. And I can't even think because I can't breathe anymore. And I feel my throat being compressed and tears are coming out of my eyes and I can't say a Word. And in my head, though, over and over, I'm going, I'm not a God, I'm not a God, I'm not a God, I'm not a God. Over and over. And it released. Woke up that morning, the ring was right where she left it. Wow. Never happened again. I got back on the road a week later and I made an announcement on the walkie. I said, nobody call me God ever again.

[Emily Craig]

And tons of tornadoes showed up.

[Brian Michelle]

And that was it. And I was so mad when Eric Duncan called me God on the set of cbn boy, I was like, dude, you don't know what you're with.

[Walt Flanagan]

I gotta pause. I gotta run to the bathroom real fast.

[Bryan Johnson]

We'll do it later.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Forget it.

[Q]

All right, we discussed in the bathroom.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Let's talk about Steve.

[Bryan Johnson]

I just really want to get, you get your stories right. You want to get straight?

[Q]

Yeah, I, I, I do have one question, but briefly. Have you ever thought, any of you, in 45 seconds or less,

[Walt Flanagan]

ever thought

[Q]

an alternative to a demon? You ever try and figure out what it might be if it wasn't the demons invading your life? Did you ever come up with an alternative?

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah, right, Okay. I did. I was always on the fence about it and I thought that I was suffering from the, you know, Concussion. Car accident.

[Q]

Yeah, right.

[Bryan Johnson]

A concussion.

[Q]

Okay.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah, I, I was never death in my life.

[Walt Flanagan]

Sure. If it's a concussion you thought you

[Brian Michelle]

saw, I had nothing. I had no damage whatsoever.

[Q]

Ptsd, though, was a mental scar.

[Tom]

Yeah, right.

[Q]

Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

About you, Jimmy.

[Rob Rupp]

No, sir.

[Q]

You are, you're just in your mind, a demon.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yes.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah, I've thought like, was I going crazy or losing my mind or something, but like everything else was, you know, always exactly the same. And I still don't know for sure if it's a demon. I know it was something. I can't tell you what for sure, but there was something fucking with me. And then it stopped.

[Q]

And then the question that we were discussing in the bathroom, and you kind of added this because I do believe that people would bang on hotel doors in the middle of night. Even the crew members.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yes.

[Q]

So there's an explanation there. But the two of you, especially a one bedroom apartment with only two doors in it. Doors start a slamming left and right and none of you, you just roll over and go to sleep. You just, you just like, whatever.

[Bryan Johnson]

They're young guys, gotta get their sleep.

[Emily Craig]

He's got his mother in the house. Like, wouldn't he be worried?

[Q]

She went to work.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

She went to work. It's like 6:37 in the morning at this point. I gotta go to sleep so I can get up at three to go wait tables.

[Q]

But, But a slamming door is a signal of, like, intrusion. You guys are just. No, it had to be five feet away from you when the door slammed, no matter where you are in the apartment.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah. I didn't hear footsteps.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't know.

[Q]

But that's what I'm saying. Like, you, a door slams, you don't go out there and.

[Walt Flanagan]

No, I don't know.

[Q]

Okay.

[Emily Craig]

It's an apartment, though, so there could be a draft. It could be from other. The sound from another apartment is what I was thinking.

[Q]

It's possible.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like the one above and below him.

[Emily Craig]

Yeah, yeah. So he could dismiss it.

[Q]

But was a door open that or closed that was previously opened?

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah.

[Q]

So there you go. There goes that theory.

[Walt Flanagan]

You know, here's my question, and you don't have to answer it, but if you don't answer it, we're gonna know. Were any of you on psychotropic drugs at the time?

[Rob Rupp]

No, no, no.

[Brian Michelle]

I was taking a lot of Ambien.

[Walt Flanagan]

A lot of Ambien, huh? Yeah.

[Q]

Okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Q]

He swallowed that engagement ring. I had to wait for it to come out.

[Emily Craig]

You said you had just gotten back from the gathering.

[Tom]

True.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Rob Rupp]

What is, what was the word? Psycho.

[Walt Flanagan]

Psychotropic.

[Rob Rupp]

What does that mean?

[Q]

Hallucinogenic drugs. Mushrooms, weed even.

[Walt Flanagan]

I, I, I mean, like Wellbutrin or anything that.

[Rob Rupp]

Wellbutrin, I think I was off of at that point. I was definitely smoking weed.

[Q]

You could see stuff on Wellbutrin.

[Emily Craig]

Oh, it gives you, like, up dreams, at least did to me.

[Q]

I've been on it for fucking 20.

[Walt Flanagan]

I think that's just the whole class is like anything that with your head is psychotropic.

[Q]

Oh, I see.

[Brian Michelle]

Ambien's a hypnotic, really.

[Walt Flanagan]

I figured out, thanks to an aunt. I figured out one time I had written this email to somebody at amc and I read it during the live Gramercy show. And I said, I have absolutely zero recollection of writing this long email to an executive amc. And it wasn't a good email. It was one that could have got me in trouble. And somebody was like, well, were you taking ambulance at the time? And I was. And they're like, that's your answer?

[Q]

Wow.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Q]

You didn't send it, though?

[Walt Flanagan]

No, I sent it. I sent that. They just never answered.

[Bryan Johnson]

Can I ask a question?

[Walt Flanagan]

I can see why to all you

[Bryan Johnson]

guys just, just, you know, not too in depth. What do you guys think? Would have happened. What would the outcome possibly have been if God didn't step in and rescue you guys?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I think maybe possessions on the table and then who knows, like maybe my body does something terrible like, you know,

[Bryan Johnson]

you know, use a crucifix to have an orgasm.

[Emily Craig]

Goes out.

[Bryan Johnson]

Jim.

[Rob Rupp]

I think I'd be dead. I. I thought I was on my way to die. Yeah. It freaked me the out, man. Like I thought. I thought like I had one foot in the grave.

[Walt Flanagan]

Grave.

[Rob Rupp]

Like I was like this. Like I am so done with this.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah. I think I could have ended up in a psych ward or killing someone.

[Bryan Johnson]

Killing someone.

[Walt Flanagan]

I feel like this is a show without

[Q]

right now.

[Brian Michelle]

Eventually all that inward pain would be unleashed on somebody.

[Q]

Okay, wow. Well, I have an opinion.

[Bryan Johnson]

Can I ask one more then?

[Q]

Please? Oh, please.

[Bryan Johnson]

Have you told your current. Well, your wife about this, this past.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah, yeah, I've told her reaction since. She gets creeped out by this stuff and you know, she's like, don't talk about. She's a Disney lady.

[Walt Flanagan]

She don't want to hear this shit.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

She doesn't want to hear anything paranormal. That happened to me.

[Rob Rupp]

No, Jim, no. But she's gonna hear it now.

[Bryan Johnson]

You didn't tell her this?

[Rob Rupp]

No, no.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Why?

[Rob Rupp]

I mean, look how it ended up.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't make her come hard.

[Bryan Johnson]

You could have been like. This is why I'm not you as much. I don't want to go down that path again. It's for our own good. I'm not fucking you. I'm doing you a favor. All right. Now for a. For all of you again, just real quick, why do you think this happens? And neither. I don't know if any of you. Maybe I'm wrong though, but neither of you seem to have become believers or lived your life any differently than you would with such a. An insane event in your life. I think it would be. It would be altering your life and you would become a little bit more a God fearing man. And maybe I'm wrong. Are you a God fearing man? Do you live like. Do you. Do you think you've changed and become religious after this?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

No, I'm definitely not religious. I'm an agnostic.

[Bryan Johnson]

What does that mean?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I believe there's something. I can't tell you what. And it's kind of based on this because, you know, it's a non committal.

[Walt Flanagan]

So it's like. I'm not going to say you're not real God, so that way in case you are. Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean, what more has to Happen, though.

[Q]

Yeah. Like, what sort of evidence do you need? What more?

[Bryan Johnson]

Because the ultimate slacker attitude.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I prayed to God generically, like, please make this stop. I'm not God. I acknowledge this. God answered, which God, though?

[Bryan Johnson]

Was it Jesus?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Was it because I'm Jewish? Like, there's so many other questions. Like, so what is the thing that I'm supposed to follow? Ultimately, I decided, you know, I'm not God, be a good person the best I can.

[Walt Flanagan]

That I like, all he was trying to do is feel good about himself.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Demons are like, we'll see about that.

[Q]

Gemini, do you. I have one more. Where's Steve today?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

My best friend.

[Walt Flanagan]

He's on reviewing history.

[Bryan Johnson]

Can tell tell.

[Q]

Oh, that's Steve.

[Bryan Johnson]

How much a believer Steve is, though?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Steve now is like, ultra Catholic within the past.

[Bryan Johnson]

Because of this, right?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I don't think it's because of this. I know. I think it's definitely like the leading question.

[Bryan Johnson]

Proof.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

He'll cite this as proof. He, you know, he's trying to get me to become Catholic all the time,

[Bryan Johnson]

but I'm like, he's not like, hey, he saved your life.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

He'll say that. It's like, what more proof do you need? I'm like, I don't know. If I prayed, you know, Jesus Christ come and then it stopped, maybe that'd be something else. But I just said generic God, so.

[Q]

Right.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Have any of you thought about repeating it and calling yourself God to see if, like, the same results?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I'm good.

[Bryan Johnson]

Did your ability to make girls come, like, like, with that diamond dick, did that leave after you stop calling yourself God?

[Rob Rupp]

I think I still have the ability.

[Bryan Johnson]

You think now and then it pops up. Not every time.

[Rob Rupp]

It does come up. It does come up.

[Bryan Johnson]

4 out of 10. 4 out of 10.

[Q]

It's just funny if, like, if, if. If I had a girlfriend who was on a podcast and part of her story was like, I fucked him so good. I fucked him. Like, I made him come so hard. I made him come so hard. I fucking rocked his world.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like, these unnecessary details.

[Q]

I would be like, huh? Like, did you have to. Why'd that be part of the story? Like, do you anticipate any problems when this episode is released?

[Rob Rupp]

I anticipate problems every time I do anything.

[Q]

Fair enough.

[Bryan Johnson]

And, Nash, how come you haven't become a little bit more of a God fearing man?

[Brian Michelle]

No, no, I did, I did. I was very humbled by the whole thing. I didn't tell my wife until I got home from the final shoot. I didn't Want to talk about it? Like, you know, when I was home and it stopped. Then I went back on the road, but I didn't tell her about it because. And I mainly told her about it because she was still asking me about the ring.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right.

[Brian Michelle]

You know, she still, to this day will occasionally bring it up, like, did you take it or was it that thing?

[Walt Flanagan]

Thing.

[Q]

Huh.

[Brian Michelle]

So I told her. But I did get. I did. I talked to God more now. Ever since then.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, me too. And I'm like, God damn it. Yeah.

[Brian Michelle]

Any.

[Bryan Johnson]

Any questions before Brian Q. Weigh in? Get him?

[Emily Craig]

I think I might. My mate, my mind.

[Bryan Johnson]

There we go.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I think a demon got him.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think he's speaking good to.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's all, folks.

[Bryan Johnson]

Tom, anything you want to ask the three men?

[Tom]

No, I. I had. The last question you asked was the one I was waiting for, which was,

[Walt Flanagan]

did these demons have vasectomies?

[Tom]

I get a deal every time I.

[Walt Flanagan]

I get that done.

[Bryan Johnson]

You know, the devil. God wants you to cut your balls. That's how you get closer to him. All right, Bry for Emily. Who are you saying is our dancer with the devil? The real dancer with the devil?

[Walt Flanagan]

Real dance with the devil. I don't think it's Jimmy. I think his stuff is kind of easily explainable. The. The door slamming. Who knows? The TV's turning on. That again. That seems very, very generic sort of symptom of being infested with demons.

[Bryan Johnson]

But doesn't he sound like the type of guy that would be like. Like he wants to, like, kind of

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

like, I can't watch any of the bullshit.

[Bryan Johnson]

I want to watch, like something that, like a young Jimmy would do would be like, to get off. Call me God.

[Walt Flanagan]

Definitely. I can actually. Can see any of these three guys doing it. Like when Michelle's like, I got out of that car and I was like, I'm God. Like, I 100% believe he did that. No doubt. He's that guy.

[Q]

I love the idea of somebody getting loaded in an ambulance. Ambulance behind them.

[Bryan Johnson]

Who are you?

[Walt Flanagan]

Who the are you?

[Brian Michelle]

I mean, who's in the ambulance and who's hopping around directing a shoot still?

[Walt Flanagan]

And I do believe you said something key in the bathroom Q when we were talking about it.

[Q]

Call me Steve.

[Bryan Johnson]

Don't get it.

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't want to be Steve.

[Bryan Johnson]

Don't get it on my face.

[Walt Flanagan]

Brian the shell crying.

[Q]

Yeah, that was it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Unless he. It's tears of. Of pure rage. Yeah, I don't.

[Q]

I don't see Brian or crocodile tears. If he won an Emmy or something.

[Walt Flanagan]

Like that. Right.

[Q]

Seemed like, humble. Yeah. I just don't see him as a crier crying to his wife. This guy, not him. I don't see it.

[Walt Flanagan]

Most alpha guy I know he is.

[Q]

He is the alpha.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Alpha.

[Bryan Johnson]

Hello.

[Walt Flanagan]

I was surprised to look over and you're not crying right now. So I, I gotta lean towards Rupp. He had so many details. He was so passionate about it. And the only thing that doesn't figure is, like, after all that, him being like, I don't know if I believe because it would make a believer out of me if all that shit happened.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, yeah. I think, I think most people would be, not be so say savoir faire about the whole situation. I think it would be a bit more, it would carry a little bit more weight, I would think.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. I, I, I just feel I, I just lean towards Rob.

[Bryan Johnson]

Rob.

[Walt Flanagan]

All good, all good stories, though, man.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Q.

[Bryan Johnson]

And before we reveal it, I'm also going to add. But get him and Tom what they think. Sure. But before we hear who the real dancer is, I mean.

[Q]

Yeah, the crying thing was just, I was like, not my guy, not my man.

[Walt Flanagan]

If we find out you cried.

[Bryan Johnson]

So not even a demon in his mist, he's not allowed to cry.

[Q]

He's allowed to. I don't think you would, really. Yeah, I don't think you would. I just think if anybody's crying in that scenario, it's the demon

[Walt Flanagan]

with the devil.

[Q]

That's just how I, that's how much I respect you, sir. Jimmy. I love the story, bud. I love the story. Nothing you said sounded particularly demon like to me. You threw a car accident in there,

[Walt Flanagan]

you know, and you didn't even, like, survive it like a man. Like Michelle did. Like his car spinning around through six lanes. Somebody. You had a fender bender?

[Q]

Yeah, kind of. You were hanging it all on a door slam, TV malfunction, and what sounded to me like a panic attack of some sort. So I, I'm gonna go with Rob as well. Yeah. I believe he's the one. Because he was really into it. And I mean, the hardest thing all the reason I believe, I hope it's not true is him calling himself God to make him so feel better is so sad.

[Walt Flanagan]

Right.

[Q]

And depressing.

[Walt Flanagan]

You don't want to think of him.

[Q]

I don't want to be in that love. Like, just, just trying like that, that he's trying anything, you know?

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm feeling so down. I'm gonna go the complete extreme opposite.

[Q]

Yeah. I like him. I, I feel bad thinking about him in Such dire straits.

[Walt Flanagan]

But.

[Q]

Yeah, but he has Steve, you know, and that's beautiful. They're still together today. So. Yeah, I'm gonna say, Rob, I'm gonna

[Bryan Johnson]

go, Jimmy, how come

[Emily Craig]

I've heard the Steve Rupp religion debates and never has that been brought up? That story also reminds me of the bachelor party story. Some of the aspects that remind me of the bachelor party story I've heard you tell.

[Walt Flanagan]

So you have previous information that we didn't have?

[Emily Craig]

No. He went to a bachelor party at some haunted house, and some of the stuff sounded like what I remember him saying happened there. But I also think if doors start slamming, you're going to go check it out.

[Q]

Yeah, but they all said that.

[Emily Craig]

Yeah, but he said it kept happening, I think, like, he'd go down and at least make sure it's locked.

[Q]

Yeah, yeah.

[Emily Craig]

Nichelle was just very, very detailed. But then I remembered his Christmas story that went on for a half hour after I left.

[Bryan Johnson]

And all of a sudden, now you want to edit stories from other people. Well, calls your cane,

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

but.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah, we've heard you. You go on for an hour and a half about the black cane and the green cane.

[Emily Craig]

It was mentioned that his. He was very detailed, but he's given details for fake stories before and even brought in props for fake stories before for the story's sake.

[Walt Flanagan]

We did have this.

[Emily Craig]

He is a storyteller.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, we just had that conversation in the bathroom. Like, he is a producer and a storyteller. So he's.

[Bryan Johnson]

How long were you guys in the bathroom? You had this big, long conversation.

[Walt Flanagan]

I was sitting on his lap while he's taking a

[Tom]

time.

[Emily Craig]

Time goes different.

[Walt Flanagan]

The airport Plaza bathroom and.

[Emily Craig]

And just the. Almost like what you. Exact opposite of what you said. Like, the things that could be passed off, he fixated on, which is, I think, makes me think it was.

[Q]

So you think it's Jimmy?

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Q]

All right.

[Tom]

I don't think it's Nichelle. I agree with G. I. I think Michelle is such a good storyteller that. And everything he says is true, except for probably the demonic part of it.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

It.

[Tom]

It's the same thing. Like when he brought in the props and everything else. I don't think it's happened to Michelle. I also don't think. Why wouldn't you tell your wife that this happened at all? Like, if all of these crazy things happened, you went to bed that night and didn't tell her. It.

[Walt Flanagan]

It seems odd.

[Brian Michelle]

No, no, I didn't want to talk about it, and I didn't want to freak her out because she really believes in ghosts.

[Q]

That's the sort of stoic manliness that I. That I am applying to you. Yeah. Yeah, that's.

[Tom]

That's why Jimmy, he's not pleasuring multiple women. Short periods of time. I don't believe it.

[Walt Flanagan]

That's what got you in the story.

[Tom]

That's exactly what I'm like, nope, not happening.

[Q]

That was the least you tell your story.

[Tom]

Hey, Brian called me the pussy master once.

[Emily Craig]

I'm giving Jimmy that.

[Tom]

And I think it's rough for no other reason. Like to pull back a curtain is it seems like if rough would be the one to text you and be like, it's episode 666. I have a story about demonic possession. And then this game came from that. So that would be my guess on why it's rump.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, the real dancer with the devil stand up.

[Q]

This is exciting.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

It's me.

[Q]

You can't stand up.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wow.

[Emily Craig]

Yeah.

[Q]

So you believe this?

[Walt Flanagan]

We're like demon hunters almost. We can let fucking figure it out.

[Q]

You, Brian, you feel he. He tangled with a demon or you still think there's another explanation for all this?

[Walt Flanagan]

I don't know. There was a lot of demonic type activity, so I don't know. Maybe he did. I watched all the conjurings. It seems it's this kind of.

[Q]

Yeah, but nobody in the conjuring just rolls over supine the moment a demon attacks him or eat cereal and watch his screech.

[Walt Flanagan]

If your question is, do I think there's an alternate explanation?

[Q]

Yeah, okay. That's what I was getting at.

[Bryan Johnson]

Okay, but you swore to me, you swore on multiple people's lives that this is a true story. And I was like, dude, just don't fake up a story to come on TSD.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Every word of this is 100% true.

[Q]

The voice, everything.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

The photo, every word. Not a single embellishment or lie.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wow.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

This is all exactly as I remember it.

[Emily Craig]

So your father has a picture of

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

a beach storming the Ramegan Bridgehead. Yes. I could take a picture in my mother's house. Yeah, he got it like this army base was like putting it in their trash. They were getting rid of it. And like he drove by and saw it was like, hey, that's cool. Can I take it? And like, yeah, sure. And he took it and it was in the house for years, so.

[Q]

Until I got pop up.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, I remember it well now when

[Bryan Johnson]

I told you, Brian and Jimmy, that they were gonna have to tell this story and like, it was their own. And I wouldn't tell them that it. Like, who. Who was the real dancer with the devil. Both of them were like, who the Is this maniac sitting next to us? You have to realize you sound like you're crazy.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

There's no way to talk about this without seeming like you're nuts.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. So.

[Bryan Johnson]

Or you're on. Were you on drugs?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

No, I'm like, straight edge. Like, I never drink, ever smoked. I've done it, like, such a handful of times in my life, and at that point, I was already not doing it. Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Were you on any kind of, like, medication?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

No, I'm never meditating.

[Tom]

No.

[Walt Flanagan]

I mean, I was some cough syrup.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Just depressed and hated myself.

[Q]

Do you live near a cemetery or an Indian burial ground of some sort?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I'm not too far from the Blazing Star cemetery on.

[Emily Craig]

It's.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

It's down Bloomingdale Road by those giant gas tanks on Staten Island. Like, I'm right off that.

[Q]

You're right off there. Yeah. Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

Huh.

[Walt Flanagan]

You know what I like? How when Staten island guys get together, they always know where the other person is talking about.

[Brian Michelle]

Oh, yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Without fail.

[Q]

Yeah. Small island, bro. So can I turn my attention to Jimmy the hair guy? How much of your story was true?

[Rob Rupp]

Oh, none of it. I don't.

[Bryan Johnson]

I. Me and him last night were texting back and forth. I gave him this story, Okay. I don't know where the fuck a car accident came from, because that's the fucking thing. Like, we never talked about a car accident. That's the one thing they took from. It was like, why are you saying that? Car accident. What are you going wrong?

[Rob Rupp]

I didn't think I had enough.

[Q]

The very first episode. He's like, I got him to 20, Al. And he's like, did I tell you to go to 20?

[Bryan Johnson]

We never mentioned a car accident.

[Rob Rupp]

Well, these guys will have spoke for 20 minutes. I had two minutes. I told you to start adding to us.

[Bryan Johnson]

I told you to tell about making girls come. I said, just keep.

[Walt Flanagan]

That was all you.

[Bryan Johnson]

That was all you.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

That was your line.

[Brian Michelle]

That's all.

[Bryan Johnson]

If your girl gives you any hard time, just say that. You know, I'll show her the text.

[Rob Rupp]

Show her the text.

[Emily Craig]

Yes.

[Walt Flanagan]

Wow.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So have you ever made a girl come?

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah, I am actually quite successful.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Emily Craig]

That's what I mean.

[Q]

Like, you.

[Rob Rupp]

You.

[Walt Flanagan]

You don't.

[Q]

You don't want to put into doubt your. Your manly credentials, right?

[Bryan Johnson]

You do that better than you work at the post office.

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, yeah.

[Q]

Okay.

[Brian Michelle]

There we go.

[Q]

Well, you'd have to. My brother who worked in the Brother who worked in the Post office about 20 years ago, listened to the episode and he goes. He goes, listen to that guy Jimmy. He goes, sounds like the post office is exactly the way I left it.

[Emily Craig]

It's hilarious. How many people were saying it was not the post office is not that way?

[Q]

No, my brother Danny was like, yeah, no, that's how it was.

[Bryan Johnson]

So originally, Rupp was trying to help me land an expert on the Jersey Devil. Some sort of professor from some. From Princeton, I believe. Yeah, he bailed on us. So then he came to me, was like, I got this story I never told anybody. Never been on Mike. And I was like, all right. And I'm gonna have to find two people to come in, do it to Tell the Truth kind of segment. And I knew I wanted Jimmy, and I knew I wanted Brian Nichelle because of his Christmas story. Yeah, he was a master at storytelling and. And kind of like, making you do things. He corrected himself in the story, which I applauded. You're like, no, actually, you went back and it was a masterclass of, like, correcting yourself in the story to make it seem like you were like, it actually happened.

[Brian Michelle]

Oh, I remember doing that. I just get into my, like, liar zone. What the fuck's coming out of my mouth?

[Bryan Johnson]

Are you a good liar? Like, have you been a good liar in your life?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

He's a TV producer.

[Brian Michelle]

So what do you say? To quote Christopher Walken in True Romance? The best.

[Emily Craig]

Your dates were off that, huh?

[Brian Michelle]

My dates weren't off.

[Emily Craig]

Yes, they were.

[Brian Michelle]

No, it wasn't. The super outbreak was April.

[Emily Craig]

He said it, but he said it was the first. He said it was the first season of Storm Chasers.

[Brian Michelle]

No, I didn't say it was the first season. It was my first.

[Emily Craig]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

Look at him trying to.

[Walt Flanagan]

Trying to get you.

[Brian Michelle]

That whole story. That whole story is true.

[Q]

The crying.

[Brian Michelle]

No, I didn't even tell my wife.

[Walt Flanagan]

Let me tell you. I'll give you.

[Brian Michelle]

I'll take it one further. I didn't even tell my wife from the road. Like, I called her, you know, I had to check in with her every day. How you doing? Yeah, it's all good.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

You didn't even tell her about the accident?

[Brian Michelle]

I didn't tell her about the accident, but what I forgot was I gave her brother a job back in the office, the original media office. And then she called me a couple of days later. She goes, you were in a car accident. I was like, how would you know? She goes, my brother's working in the office. He's Looking at the footage.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

It's fine.

[Q]

That's. That's. That's what I expected.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's Brian the shot.

[Q]

That's what I expected from him.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

Not weeping.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

I'm real quick. Before we end it, though, I do have a very, very quick, fun game about these guys.

[Q]

Well, what did they win? What did we.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, they both. You.

[Q]

Yeah, we both won, Emily.

[Bryan Johnson]

And who was your guy again?

[Walt Flanagan]

I had to go Emily.

[Bryan Johnson]

Emily. Both are gonna get, I think, a free digital download of War of the Undead audiobook.

[Q]

Wow.

[Bryan Johnson]

A very satanic.

[Q]

Yes.

[Bryan Johnson]

Prize for this very satanic episode.

[Q]

Very nice.

[Bryan Johnson]

But I asked these men all the same questions, and I want you guys to figure out just. It'll be really quick. Who said which answer to this question. I have, like, four questions. I asked all four men. Now we know the devil used the temptation of an apple to entice Eve. What is the one thing the devil would use to lure or tempt you? Just tell me who said this. A spicy chicken sandwich from checkers.

[Q]

Oh, that's.

[Walt Flanagan]

I'm gonna say Tom, simply because, like, there's no checkers around here, and these guys kind of live around this area.

[Q]

There is a checkers on Staten Island. That was the first thing I went to as well.

[Walt Flanagan]

Could have been Rip.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right. It was. Oh, I'll go. Go back. And somebody else said, eternal victories. Everything I do results in success or victory.

[Q]

Well, that's.

[Emily Craig]

I think that's rough.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Grant me the ability to redo moments of regret.

[Walt Flanagan]

Also sounds like Michelle.

[Emily Craig]

That sounds like Michelle.

[Q]

I don't think he's the type, man that. That focuses on his regrets.

[Walt Flanagan]

Nah.

[Bryan Johnson]

And this one, this guy.

[Q]

Throw a real into the game, always forward.

[Bryan Johnson]

This one. This one's gonna really fuck your head up. You're like, who. Who the fuck said this? The promise that the Cartoon Network hotel would reopen and still be within Dr.

[Emily Craig]

That's easy.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's worth his eternal soul and all of ours, apparently. What the. What is up with the Cartoon Network hotel?

[Rob Rupp]

I've been really depressed since it closed.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah.

[Q]

Where was the Cartoon Network?

[Rob Rupp]

It was in Lancaster. We spent New Year's Eve there, and it was last night, the very last night.

[Q]

Was it officially license?

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yes.

[Rob Rupp]

And we stayed in the Ben 10 suite. We're the final, final people to stay in the Ben 10 suite. And I'm really depressed about it.

[Q]

There he goes. How long was that open?

[Brian Michelle]

Five years.

[Q]

How many times did you stay there?

[Walt Flanagan]

Twice.

[Q]

Wow. Did you. One of those Powerpuff Girls.

[Bryan Johnson]

I mean.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Don't you realize what's at stake here that you're giving?

[Rob Rupp]

I guess I didn't really think about it. I was. I was very upset, and I was like, God, what I would do to have that back.

[Bryan Johnson]

You know, like, you know what happens to you in hell, right?

[Q]

It's not only your ass is real, buddy.

[Rob Rupp]

I just didn't think that much about it.

[Bryan Johnson]

All right, I asked these guys, what's the last thing? Oh, I'm sorry. Who said checkers sandwich was Tom?

[Q]

Oh, I didn't realize Tom was in on it. I'm sorry. I thought it was Easter three.

[Bryan Johnson]

No, it's these four.

[Q]

Okay, I misunderstood.

[Bryan Johnson]

RUP was Eternal victories.

[Q]

Yeah. All right.

[Bryan Johnson]

And Nash, Regret.

[Q]

Wow. All right. Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

I asked these guys, what's the last thing you did that upset the misses Enough that you wished you could have used the excuse? The devil made me do it to escape a scolding. Somebody said, punched the door, scaring everyone in the house.

[Q]

Did you hurt your hand, Barry?

[Brian Michelle]

Really bad.

[Bryan Johnson]

How'd you guys know?

[Q]

This is aggression. It's manliness. Man,

[Brian Michelle]

I wish I could have, like, some video of Brian's Johnson's eyes just turning to me like a possessed dollar.

[Walt Flanagan]

I know who.

[Bryan Johnson]

Ate her leftovers. Without asking her, why do you put who?

[Emily Craig]

No, I might say Jimmy.

[Bryan Johnson]

Who was ate the leftovers? It was Tom. Drove away, leaving a 700 item in a parking lot. I drove around the entire next morning. I couldn't find it. She still hasn't forgiven me, even after buying a replacement.

[Q]

That's rough. That's rough.

[Bryan Johnson]

That's rough. All right, well, I mean, who's gonna guess this one? Then when I brought something when I was already in debt from Christmas and I was asked not to spend money for like a month, I started buying things again within the week and borrowing money from apps. And she got mad because my impulsivity and seemingly lack of thought or concern about her or our future. Who could that be?

[Walt Flanagan]

Our upcoming wedding?

[Bryan Johnson]

I have no idea what is going on.

[Emily Craig]

What was the item?

[Bryan Johnson]

What are you doing that you stopped? That you immediately stopped. You promised her you weren't gonna buy anything. It was autism Bargain.

[Rob Rupp]

This was a while ago. This was. It was probably that Master P jersey,

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

honestly, back in December.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah, this was months ago. It feels like it was months ago.

[Bryan Johnson]

So you borrow money from cash apps? Yeah.

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

How do you do that? Like a payday loan or something?

[Rob Rupp]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

700% interest. And finally, what was the. What was the. Tell us the item.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

So that was rough. Yeah, I Was out with both my kids, and I had this $700 double stroller. I put both kids in the car, and I drove home, you know, went to bed. And the next morning, I went to look for the stroller, and I was like, oh, fuck. And, you know, I left in Chili's, and someone.

[Walt Flanagan]

Somebody stole it.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah, I went.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

But I went into Chili's. All those restaurants there, every star. Like, did anybody turn in a stroller? I called the Lost and found nothing.

[Emily Craig]

Chevron, Chili's, check the.

[Q]

Probably the Dumpster, Right? Like, because they cleaned the parking lot every night. There was like, you up?

[Bryan Johnson]

And finally.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, you're probably right.

[Bryan Johnson]

I. We got the answers from all their ladies.

[Q]

Oh, this is cool.

[Bryan Johnson]

I asked their ladies, what type of devil is your man? A horny devil. A mischievous devil, or an ornery devil? What did Tom's wife say?

[Tom]

That's straight.

[Bryan Johnson]

There's only three choices.

[Emily Craig]

Oh, okay.

[Walt Flanagan]

Okay.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

So you could. All of them could be horny?

[Brian Michelle]

Well, no,

[Bryan Johnson]

all of them could be mischievous or all of them could be.

[Q]

I mean, only one man that I know of here got his ball snip so he could unimpeded his Tom. So I'm gonna say the horny ones

[Bryan Johnson]

over there, horny devil is Tom.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Mrs. Tom said, if my only choices are those, I guess horny. What do you think?

[Walt Flanagan]

Mrs. Rub said, no, it's horny.

[Bryan Johnson]

Horny. It could be horny. It could be ornery. Or it could be mischievous.

[Walt Flanagan]

Mischievous. I'm gonna go horny for rup, too.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, his two kids. I'm working on a third, but doesn't he.

[Tom]

And wrap it up in boxes all the time too?

[Q]

What does that have to do with anything?

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, okay.

[Q]

All right.

[Bryan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Q]

I don't know.

[Bryan Johnson]

Nothing.

[Q]

I thought that had to do with

[Bryan Johnson]

him, like, his wife being like, not tonight.

[Emily Craig]

You.

[Bryan Johnson]

You gifted someone. I got a headache.

[Emily Craig]

You didn't wash your hands.

[Q]

I'm gonna go. I'll go. Horny. Sure.

[Walt Flanagan]

Why not?

[Q]

Staten island boy, let's get that dick working.

[Emily Craig]

I'm gonna say ornery.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're gonna say ornery? Mrs. Rupp said mischievous.

[Walt Flanagan]

Mischievous, huh? That's cute.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I'm always, you know, popping out, scaring her, the kids fucking around.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Q]

All right.

[Walt Flanagan]

Jimmy the hair guy, we know it's not horny, so we're down to mischievous or orny.

[Bryan Johnson]

Ornery?

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Ornery means, like, you know, angry.

[Q]

Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

You're quick to lose your temper, right?

[Walt Flanagan]

Oh, I know. Called it once or twice in my life. I'M gonna have to go mischievous with. With Jimmy.

[Q]

I agree, too.

[Walt Flanagan]

Doesn't seem pissy.

[Q]

He doesn't have. He has a sunny outlook. Seems to enjoy things that I could never.

[Walt Flanagan]

And I don't think his. His lady would tolerate that. If he was, like, pissy and ornery. I don't think his lady would be,

[Q]

like, straight up, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you, especially. Yeah, I go, I'm with you. I'm with Michigan.

[Emily Craig]

What she considers, like, going. Like he said, when they fight, he just disappears.

[Q]

It's not really ornery, though.

[Bryan Johnson]

Jimmy, reveal what Mrs. Harris said.

[Rob Rupp]

I'll read you her exact response. I mean, right at this current moment, you're an ornery little devil, But I wish you were a horny little devil.

[Walt Flanagan]

Jimmy.

[Q]

Jimmy.

[Bryan Johnson]

So you gotta turn that frown upside down then, I guess so.

[Walt Flanagan]

What are you warning me about?

[Emily Craig]

He's gonna turn upside down.

[Rob Rupp]

I don't know.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Know.

[Rob Rupp]

I don't know if we were fighting at the moment. I have no idea what the hell I was ornery about. I didn't even know what that word meant at the time.

[Bryan Johnson]

Oh, he's the bastard.

[Q]

What did you do for Valentine's Day? Did you lay. Did you lay it down? Did you?

[Walt Flanagan]

I took her to see.

[Rob Rupp]

Send help, baby. And then I laid it down.

[Bryan Johnson]

You.

[Q]

Did you. Yeah, you gave her.

[Rob Rupp]

I took her to see Sam Raimi. I took her to dinner, and then

[Q]

I laid her down. Yeah, all right, all right.

[Walt Flanagan]

Send help is good, right?

[Rob Rupp]

Send help.

[Q]

Oh, you saw her love it. Yeah.

[Bryan Johnson]

Now we've got Mr. Nash as our final devil. Is he ornery, is he mischievous, or is he horny?

[Walt Flanagan]

Now, from the stories I've been told about in the shell, there seems to be a lot of, like, stalking around the house and lecturing.

[Q]

Okay.

[Bryan Johnson]

So much.

[Brian Michelle]

When. Since the kids are gone. We're nesters now. Keep that in mind, too. We're empty nesters.

[Q]

How long you been married?

[Brian Michelle]

Married 25 years in June.

[Bryan Johnson]

What year did you get married?

[Q]

I might take more.

[Walt Flanagan]

Anymore. Yeah, 25 years.

[Q]

25 years is a long time to keep them. Fires are burning on a level that you would be described as. As.

[Bryan Johnson]

As a horny. He did bust the door down.

[Q]

No, I have no doubt that would

[Bryan Johnson]

put him in the ornery category. Yeah, that would be like. I wouldn't be like, oh, my God, look at that horny devil. I'd be like, motherfucker's crazy.

[Q]

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

[Walt Flanagan]

Or, yeah, that's what I would lean towards, too.

[Brian Michelle]

And Mr. Nash, well, she Said without hesitation, she goes, oh, horny.

[Q]

Yeah. All right.

[Brian Michelle]

But then she said, if they asked me 10 years ago, ornery.

[Q]

Okay.

[Brian Michelle]

Yeah, I've softened.

[Q]

I should have. I should have.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Just.

[Walt Flanagan]

Haven't we all? Yeah, haven't we all?

[Bryan Johnson]

Ironically, horny devil softened

[Brian Michelle]

in all the right places.

[Bryan Johnson]

Well, that is it for.

[Walt Flanagan]

For 666.

[Bryan Johnson]

666. How long did we hit the 6 hour and 66 minute mark?

[Walt Flanagan]

We hit the 2 hour and 25 minute mark.

[Bryan Johnson]

If we keep the bathroom break in, do we get us.

[Walt Flanagan]

We're still not gonna make the time. No, unfortunately not.

[Bryan Johnson]

Thank you all.

[Q]

Yeah. Nice work, guys.

[Bryan Johnson]

Maestro.

[Brian Michelle]

Fun.

[Walt Flanagan]

Thank you for having me, Rob.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

Thanks for having me.

[Bryan Johnson]

I think you better start going to church, you know, and start wearing a Catholic cross, you know, because, you know, he stepped in for you when he needed you the most. When you needed him the most. And Father Lance didn't tell you to start going back to church.

[Jimmy the Hair Guy]

I mean, I'm a Jew and he still hooked me up, so I really

[Bryan Johnson]

don't have to do anything, I guess. Jimmy, thank you.

[Rob Rupp]

This means the world to me, boys. I can't thank you enough.

[Bryan Johnson]

Thanks for having me, Brian, Michelle, thank you for your wonderful contributions.

[Q]

Absolutely.

[Walt Flanagan]

Yeah. I love that these guys come in and they just put it all out. Know, hey man, I got a vasectomy. Hey man, I don't like to fuck

[Q]

hey man, I got a vasectomy.

[Bryan Johnson]

Tell them, Satan.