#672 Now, You’re Fabio

Summary

Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave! #672 "Now, You’re Fabio" – Detailed Summary

Podcast: Tell 'Em Steve-Dave!
Episode: #672 Now, You’re Fabio
Release Date: April 6, 2026

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode captures classic Tell 'Em Steve-Dave energy—irreverent, candid, and full of banter between the Comic Book Men alums and Q from Impractical Jokers. The crew riff on aging bodies, discuss Q’s upcoming cruise event “Q-West”, debate the meaning of fame and recognition (focusing on the New Jersey Hall of Fame), and, naturally, end up talking about Fabio and sex health statistics—all with typical self-deprecating wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Body Talk: Aging, Health, and Bathroom Habits (00:06–07:19)

• Spring Allergies & Changing Bodies (00:06–02:22):
  • Q’s battling spring allergies, and the guys discuss how allergies come and go every 7 years ("Your body will soon change and you won't be allergic to it anymore." – B, 01:36).
• Hydration & “Breaking the Seal” (02:22–05:04):
  • Classic TESD over-sharing: How many times do they pee daily? Reference to Gidham’s computer stat ("For most adults, urinating six to seven times... is considered normal." – A, 03:34).
  • Humorous musing about weak streams, "name-writing" in snow, and adult diapers for the dog's sake.
• Prostate Health & Frequency (17:32–19:34):
  • They joke about the findings that frequent ejaculation reduces prostate cancer risk.
  • "At least 21 times a month." – A, 17:51
  • "What happens if you don't?" – B, 17:59

Notable Quote:

“I’ve taken to wearing adult diapers because Teddy gets too nervous when I leave his side.”
— B, 04:06

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2. Q-West – The Cruise Event and Beer Pong Rivalry (07:19–13:40)

• Q is excited about Q-West, especially the heavily hyped beer pong tournament rematch with Joe DeRosa.
  • “We’re making banners. I just chose my entrance song today. Yeah, I’m pretty excited.” – C, 07:31
  • Rivalry: "He’s a cruel, condescending, arrogant winner..." – C on DeRosa, 08:48
  • The match is staged, with boxers’ entrances and live cameras.
• Pinball Competitions: Stern Pinball is providing machines, with high scores winning a signed Lego DeLorean.

Notable Quote:

“I would put both you guys in a fucking beer coma with my beer pong.”
— B, 07:46

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3. Pinball Culture and Lacking "Flare" (11:31–15:37)

• The nostalgia of pinball, the “flair” of 70s arcade experts vs. Q’s self-proclaimed lack of skill:
  • “For a guy that owns as many pinball machines as I have, man, I am no good at the game...” – C, 12:59
  • The performative way of slapping the machine, reminiscing about childhood aspirations versus reality.

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4. Impractical Jokers: “Number One!” + Sex & Prostate Health Banter (16:45–21:39)

• Q’s TV show is officially the #1 original cable series, but he downplays the impact.
• Walt and Bryan riff on health: "Masturbate frequently... at least 21 times a month." – A, 17:32–17:52
• The gang debates effectiveness of bunching all ejaculations into one or two days for health, with heavy innuendo and incredulity.

Notable Quote:

“So could you do three times in one day and that counts in the right way?”
— C, 19:11

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5. Fabio as Epitome of Masculinity; Aging & Pop Culture (20:13–26:57)

• The trio reminisce about Fabio, his legendary hair, the infamous “goose to the face” incident, and his romantic icon status.
• Tasteful ribbing about how many women masturbated to Fabio in the 90s.
• Modern-day Fabio: "He looks like he's lost some of his teeth though..." – B, 21:23.
• Fabio’s health-routine and the difference between “Lamborghini” genetics and average mortals:
  • “We weren’t all given the keys to a Lamborghini.” – C, 26:57

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6. Hall of Fame Snubs & The Nature of Recognition (32:13–45:56)

• Mary Beth points out to Bryan that he and Walt were left out of New Jersey Hall of Fame, but Ernie O'Donnell (“Kevin Smith adjacent” carpenter) made it.
• The group launches a classic, escalating bit regarding criteria for fame and recognition in NJ:
  • “I mean, I think having a TV show for 7 years should make you of note.” – A, 38:15
  • Walt speculates: “I don't know if it's a Hall of Fame worthy life...”
• Discussion on how TV fame isn’t as significant as it once was, and how charity work and a “squeaky clean” resume may be more important for institutions like Halls of Fame.

Notable Quotes:

“If there was a Hall of Fame of my heart, that’s the only place I need to be in.”
— C, 42:43

“He keeps beating up the coach, keeps beating up the fans. He's not allowed within 100 yards of a fucking Little League game.”
— C/B, 52:02

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7. On Cats, Bonds, & Pet Rejection (31:57–36:16)

• Bryan vents about his younger cat’s coldness while the older cat is lovingly clingy. Q (the “cat man”) advises Bryan to try catnip and bribery, and jokes that maybe he just needs to get yet another cat.

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8. Live Shows, Awards, and Legacy (60:02–66:43)

• Ideas for the TESD Awards resurface: would they fill the Gramercy Theater or Count Basie?
• Roasting Q for "pricing out" friends at his last live event.
• Jokes about awards, “hologram inductees,” and paying to win recognition at the New Jersey Hall of Fame.
• Plans for Key West trip, with promises to come back with wild stories for the listeners (“ants”).

Notable Quotes:

“What’s greater than fucking only selling 10% of the seats, right?”
— B, 63:13

“You guys gotta come back, too, with some good stories... stories that are gonna knock people for a loop.”
— B, 64:39

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Drool & Pinball:
  “He looks so much different on tv. He doesn’t make those noises.” (15:37)
• Fabio’s Goose Debacle:
  “That was the Fabio who got his nose broken by that bird on the roller coaster.” — A, 20:50–25:38
• NJ Hall of Fame Bit:
  “It’s not a carpentry hall of fame... It’s a hall of fame for Notable Notable Industries.” — A, 41:16
  “But should a whole wing [be] devoted to it in the hall of fame, though, with 16 bronze fucking busts?” — B, 49:45

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Key Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------|--------------| | Aging, pee talk, and health | 00:06–05:43 | | Q-West cruise, beer pong, and pinball | 07:19–13:40 | | Impractical Jokers cable #1, sex humor | 16:45–21:39 | | Fabio: aging, pop culture, and masculinity | 20:13–26:57 | | Pet rejection & cat advice | 31:57–36:16 | | NJ Hall of Fame debate/bit | 32:13–45:56 | | TESD awards, live shows, legacy | 60:02–63:41 | | Concluding, live event plans, signoff | 64:39–66:58 |

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Tone & Language

The episode is rich with classic TSD banter: self-deprecation, quick-witted sarcasm, off-color humor, and a conversational intimacy that feels both confessional and absurd. The jokes shake out organically, often spiraling from a simple question into elaborate hypothetical bits. The interplay of boastful and self-loathing moments keeps the humor relatable and earthy, driven by the trio’s chemistry.

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For New Listeners

• You’ll get a healthy dose of real-life aging humor and bodily squabbles.
• Expect a sprawling, heartfelt discussion on what makes someone “famous” and worthy of recognition.
• The podcast flows through pop culture, obscure trivia, and their own personal gaffes, making the episode as much about middle-aged friendship as anything else.
• All delivered in the distinctly irreverent Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave style.

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Closing Reminder:
Stories from the cruise and Key West event are promised for future episodes. As always, the ants can expect “stories that are gonna knock people for a loop.” (B, 64:40)

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Signature Sign-Off:
“Tell ’Em Steve-Dave!”

Transcript

[A]

I can't say that my stream is the strongest if people really want to know.

[B]

Well, I don't think people do. Oh man, I'm. I'm glad to see that. I'm glad I don't wear jeans.

[A]

No g e n e s.

[B]

Tell him Steve Dave.

[A]

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave. I'm here with Walt here. Walt is here. I'm not here with Q though. Q is far away. A land called Staten Island.

[C]

Yes, yes. The magic of Zoom bringing us together this week.

[A]

Yep. It works. It works.

[C]

It works.

[A]

Nothing.

[C]

Yeah, absolutely. I'm a little stuffy. I have allergies today, so if I sound a little stuffed up. Oh yeah, that's why. Yeah. Sneezing all day.

[B]

What are you allergic to?

[C]

It's just like springtime. Every year I get like, for like a week. I get real sneezy. I don't know what, what pollen it is, but it's some sort of pollen.

[B]

Your body will soon change and you won't be allergic to it anymore. At some point, I don't know how long, usually every seven years, your body changes, you go through some changes and you are no longer allergic to what you want to are allergic to. It happened to me. I used to be all weepy eyed and swollen and scratchy throat looking like you and

[C]

I don't like the way he said weepy eyed.

[B]

No longer though. It doesn't affect me now.

[C]

Okay. So around the time I'm 57, I should be just fine.

[B]

Well, for me, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going. Yeah, like nothing is affecting me now. So I feel good, like no allergies.

[C]

And you're still drinking a lot of water, right?

[B]

Well, look at this, son. Not much of that water, but I need to, I need to figure out how. Like, like you could put it away, right? Like maybe not water, but like when you drink, you could put it away, right? You have no problem like down in liquid, right? Yeah. I don't know what it is about me. I don't know like if I got a small like spot in my stomach where the liquid goes reservoir. But yeah, I don't see. I don't have that hollow leg.

[C]

You don't, do you, do you break the seal, do you start peeing or you hold it all in like a camel?

[B]

I've never heard that phrase before. Break the seal, I pee.

[C]

You never heard that?

[B]

No. Well, what's a normal urination for a guy in our. In. Well, since we're all in our 50s, now. Now you've joined the club.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How many times you pee a day?

[C]

I don't know. It doesn't seem excessive to me yet I don't think it's remarkable. So I don't really know.

[B]

How many would you guess if you had to take a guess? Like gun to your head, Some psychopath wants to know immediately how many times you pee a day?

[A]

According to Gidham's computer here, a healthy adult, or for most adults, urinating six to seven times in a 24 hour period is considered normal.

[C]

That's interesting. I was gonna say five or six.

[A]

Four to ten times can be healthy.

[B]

I do four, you're four.

[C]

Scheduled quarterly.

[B]

Well, you know what though? But Teddy doesn't let me out of his sight, so sometimes I'll hold it because he gets so nervous when I go, when I leave the room. So sometimes I'm like, I'll just wait till I get home and he's with my wife.

[A]

That's the way it has to be.

[B]

I've taken to wearing adult diapers because Teddy gets to too nervous when I leave his side

[A]

for the good of the dog.

[B]

I think he's gone. Or he froze.

[C]

No, I still have your audio. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, your camera's freezing for some reason, but there you go, you're back now.

[B]

So four to five times. How about you?

[A]

I would say more than that. For me, if I drink like all the water I'm supposed to drink, I would say probably six to eight times. I do not have the healthy prostate that you have. Like I really have to go to the bathroom. How is mine when I gotta go? Well, because didn't you say you got cinched up?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, but yeah, mine was medically repaired.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But yeah, certainly needed. Wasn't healthy on its own.

[A]

I can't say that my stream is the strongest if people really want to know.

[B]

Oh, well, I don't think people do. But. But I'm interested though. How. How would you say, is it like droop along when you shot the bullet out of the gun?

[A]

He was like, the whole barrel just goes limp.

[B]

Hey, Mr. Ricochet. Is this normal? Oh, no. Sunday Jeff.

[A]

I would say that's a good droop

[B]

along for anybody who knows who droop along is.

[A]

I would say probably like I'm probably. It doesn't just dribble, but it is not like it's not a strong struggle. You might have to show Dr. D.C. what she said. Watch this. Dr. G. What do you think of this stream?

[B]

How long would it Take you to write your name in the snow, like a couple days.

[A]

Could be depending on how if the snow is icy or not, you know? What's that?

[B]

Brian? That's my name. Well, it just looks like a line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get to it. That's the line in B.

[A]

Here's the question. Am I letting it dribble down my leg and then riding it with my leg?

[B]

It's that bad, huh?

[A]

Yeah, I would say it's like. It's a noticeable change now.

[B]

Why don't you do those? I see a million commercials. Those infomercials about, you know, fix the stream.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Never seen these commercials.

[B]

Well, you're not watching a lot of me tv.

[A]

Anything I watch has no commercials in it.

[B]

Yeah, so they cater to us guys in our 50s. Yeah.

[A]

I wonder if it works.

[B]

I don't know. There's a lot of drugs on the market now that reportedly for stronger streams.

[A]

There was an episode of Curb youb Enthusiasm where he was having a problem. Larry David was having a problem, and he was taking some sort of medicine that was making him piss like a racehorse. Like it was like a plot point in the show. So I wonder what it was. I should go back and try to figure it out.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I can. I mean, it doesn't really matter that much. It's not like I'm, like, trying to impress people, like when I'm going to the bathroom or whatever. Like, there's nobody there except for me. I'm the only one who knows my secret shame. And everybody listens to it. They can hear it now. So, Q, are you all ready for Q West?

[C]

I can't wait, man. We've been working on it all day. The final touches and stuff like that. It's going to be great, man. I can't wait. I'm so excited about the beer pong with Derosa.

[A]

I could tell. I saw that belt you had made.

[C]

Oh, dude, I can't wait. We're making banners. I just chose my entrance song today. Yeah, I'm pretty excited. Yeah, it's gonna be good, man. I like nothing but. Can't wait to get down there and do this. So.

[B]

I didn't know there was going to be beer pong, man. If you had told me, I might have been a little bit more interested. I would put both you guys in a fucking beer coma with my beer pong.

[C]

But it's not too late. I'll get you down there.

[B]

I can't. Not this week. And baby Oliver's coming down. I'M gonna play some beer pong with him.

[A]

I won the belt, Oliver. What do you think about that? Did you see the belt, Walt?

[B]

No.

[A]

That's a new belt. Do you have it on Instagram? I get him.

[B]

It's not in your office.

[C]

I have it here.

[A]

Oh, do you?

[C]

No, hold on. It's right here. Hold on.

[A]

If you want to see, you can go to Q's Instagram.

[C]

Yeah. So. So. So the story behind it is. Oh, it's like real Deal, you know?

[B]

That's real deal.

[C]

And it says beer pong champion, Universal, undisputed Q West. Yes.

[B]

Who's in a tourney is Brian Johnson, an attorney.

[C]

No, it's.

[B]

It's.

[C]

So the sport behind this is. No, he'd be peeing too much. We, Joe Derosa and I, have played beer pong. He's vicious when you play beer pong with him. He's just. He's. He's a vic. Cruel, condescending, arrogant winner when it comes to it. So I've been trapped in this cycle with him where, like, I'll win every once in a while, but he'll mostly kick my ass. And then in the last Joker's cruise, I beat him rather publicly in a very fun way. And then he beat me at Q West last year. So we're doing the tiebreaker this year.

[B]

Oh, okay. So it's just you versus him.

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

You should pay per view this, man. I've watched this.

[C]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

Yeah, I would like, you know, on my vc, Bob wouldn't pay for it, but I go on my VC box, I tune in, see the highlights.

[C]

It was great. Like, we. We played at poolside at one of the. Beer at one of the bars last year, meet me and Derosa. And it was like. It was like people were going nuts. It was so much fun, and I was losing so badly, and Derosa was just humiliating me. So this year, we moved it to the stage. We have an overhead camera looking down on it so you could see all the action. And we're doing entrance, like, boxers coming in. We're playing music, getting in there. So we're gonna make it a big deal, you know, it's cool. Have some fun.

[B]

Sounds like it would be fun.

[A]

Feel bad for the loser, though. Like, with all that pump and circumstance and shit.

[B]

And then they won't even.

[A]

They won't even care.

[B]

They'll be blind drunk, I imagine, from the loser.

[C]

Well, you know, beer pong's not that much beer. I'd be all right.

[A]

Seems like It's a lot of beer to me.

[C]

Well, they're only quarter cup. They're only like, half cups. You don't fill the cups. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's red solo cups.

[C]

You're definitely buzzed by the end of it. It's great because that's the start of the night, and I have three more shows to go that night. So it's going to be a cruise

[A]

where I'm on space monkeys and just don't show up.

[C]

No, I think, like, after the beer pong, I don't leave the stage until, like, the show's over. Yeah, something like that. It'll be fun. People would be sick of me, but that's all right. But it's gonna be great. Weather's great. The Stern pinball guys have hooked us up. It's gonna be so much fun. I'm giving away. I'm building a DeLorean, a Back to the Future Lego DeLorean. Well, I'm assign it, and whoever gets the highest score on the pinball machine down there is gonna get to get to have that. So we're doing fun shit like that, and we're putting Jimmy the hair guy and probably get him in there to hold down the pinball arcade for certain times.

[B]

What does that entail? Holding it down? What does that mean?

[C]

It's just being a gracious host, you know, maybe telling them a little bit about the machines, you know, coaching them a little bit.

[A]

This is gonna love that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, you know, did you send him any information about the machine so he can bone up on the. The. Like, the. The. The machine when it was built, what it was inspired by, who's the artwork by? Anything, Any. Or is he just gonna have to wing it and, like, just make up like a ball and be like. The artist is.

[C]

No, I know. I think I look Knowing Denim, when he gets there and he sees what machines he's working with, he'll. He'll have the full download on him.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. I'm just trusting that he'll. He'll do the right thing.

[A]

Q. When you play pinball, do you try to. Like, whenever I play pinball as a young guy, there was always, like, the instructions on the, like, the left hand corner and under the glass. Yeah, this seems too much to remember. So I was just like, me hit flipper, and that was like, pretty much it. Like, I didn't play for the sake of playing. I just played for, like, you know.

[C]

Yeah. Once you start following, like, the. The storyline and the rules, like, it's actually like a More engaging game because, like, you're. You're progressing through a storyline or the modes get harder as you go, or they do some. You unlock certain modes like that. You can only do if you've been playing for, like, you know, a fucking while.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

It's fun. I like it. I. It's. It. Because I'm a shitty pinball player. For a guy that owns as many pinball machines as I have, man, I got a fucking. I am no good at the game, but I do love doing.

[B]

Do you have any flair? Like, I remember, like, guys when we were growing up in the 70s, they would flip. They would smack. They'd smack the pinball machine, the buttons, like they're slapping a girl's ass. I'd be like, man, I want to be like that fucking dude, dude one day. No, they had Grateful Dead patches on their back and they were slapping that pinball machine around like it was a hussy.

[A]

I remember. I'd rather be the guy that slapped the girl's ass as opposed to the pinball machine.

[B]

We weren't slapping any asses either. Don't let them fool you. We're just sitting there going, wish we could play one.

[A]

Where do I put my quarter up? Get the out of here. That's about how it went. All right, all right. We'll play another time.

[C]

You guys weren't done,

[B]

but you got no fucking flare in those wrists.

[C]

No, not really. I should. I should work on. Develop. I'm telling you, like, I'm not. I've developed no skills. I just sit there like a zombie. And like.

[B]

Well, you're not just smacking, like, the flippers. Like, like.

[C]

No, like. Like both at the same time, like a child.

[B]

You're just smacking them into. Just constantly. Even if the ball's way up at

[C]

popping up and

[B]

like a seal. Clapping. You're not that bad, are you?

[C]

No, no. At least I know how to control shots somewhat. But not. Not well.

[B]

Because, I mean, you know, being the darling of millions and, you know, holding Qs, I can't imagine, like, if, like, you know, being everybody coming down there and then all of a sudden it'd be like, you know, seeing you on the pinball machine, it would change everybody's whole dynamic of you as, like, this cool TV star. If you went up there and went, It'd be hard to shake that.

[A]

That image poking out of the side of his mouth, drool coming down the pinball machine.

[C]

That's him. That's him.

[A]

He looks so much different on tv. He doesn't make those noises.

[C]

Hey, Walt, do you think we could get you to FaceTime in if we could work it out on our end?

[B]

Sure. I don't know how FaceTime works. If you tell me how I do it, I would. I would do it. Do I kind of do it on my iPad?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. That's how you would do it.

[B]

Yeah, sure. All right.

[C]

We'll see if we can figure it out on our.

[B]

Yeah, I'm always around. And at the. Any time of the night, too. If you guys go into the wee hours of the morning, feel free.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

Feel free to reach out. You guys are gonna be having so much fun, though. There's not a chance on the planet, like, if you guys fucking go to the FaceTime. Me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, things.

[A]

We're in trouble. Things are going south. We got Walt Flanagan, everybody. Christ. Cross your fingers. We hope. We got Wal Flanagan. Did you work out this tech cue?

[B]

He just declined the call.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Shit him. Come on out.

[A]

How are those pinball machines doing?

[C]

We got 45 minutes left.

[A]

We should congratulate Q. Walt, I saw online that Impractical Jokers is the number one original cable TV series right now.

[C]

Is it really original?

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Look at that.

[B]

That's something else that is worthy of much. Congratulations.

[A]

A picture of the three guys, all big smiles and shit.

[C]

We're number one happy. Better than you.

[A]

That's what it said on the bottom.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. It's funny how, like, yeah, that's true. But it doesn't. It doesn't feel any different. I don't. What's a hero? What's a hero? What's a hero anyway? You know, what's the hero anyway? No, it doesn't really change much of anything, but it's cool.

[A]

I have some advice for you, Q. Oh. Masturbate frequently.

[C]

Okay. What do they consider frequently or come

[A]

quick or come frequently? You know, you don't have to masturbate. They're saying this is not going to be any problem for a Walt Flanagan type at least 21 times a month.

[C]

21. Okay. So not quite once a day, but pretty close or what?

[A]

Close to it.

[B]

What happens if you don't?

[A]

Well, if you don't, you could be at a higher risk for prostate cancer than those who come more so as if come last year. If you ejaculate 21 or more times per month, you have a 19 to 22% lower risk of prostate cancer than those who came less.

[C]

19? Like almost 20%?

[A]

Yeah. 20. Yeah. 19 to 22%.

[B]

Do they know why?

[A]

I don't know. I don't think so.

[C]

Because you're using it for what it's intended, I guess, right? Like it's keeping it working? Like.

[A]

No, it says prevailing theories suggest that frequent ejaculation may help flush out potential carcinogens, reduce inflammation within the prostate, or even influence gene expression in the normal prostate tissue.

[B]

Oh, shit, man, I'm glad to see that. I'm glad I don't wear jeans.

[A]

No. G E, N E, N e.

[B]

Your jeans are too tight. I thought it was like squeezing your nuts too hard.

[A]

Turn my back on dungarees years ago.

[B]

Wow. Okay, so I guess what.

[C]

So could you do three times in one day and that. That. That counts in the right way?

[A]

I guess so. It says. It says it's focused on ejaculation frequency regardless of the specific activity that leads to it. This could encourage more and earlier prostate cancer screenings, putting patients in a better position to advocate for their health.

[B]

Could you just do it like all in one day, though?

[A]

And then like 21 times in one day?

[B]

Yeah, just get up early.

[C]

Just basically once an hour.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, if you're a younger guy, maybe. Or get him who claims he can bounce back within 20 minutes.

[C]

Yeah, right. What does hour six look like?

[A]

Oh, you're all raw.

[B]

Why? Why does it have to be raw?

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[C]

Fifteen more to go.

[A]

Why does it have to be lotion? Well, I just. I mean, I guess it doesn't have to be, but like, after a little

[B]

while, draw yourself a bath. Maybe an hour six.

[C]

Light some candles.

[B]

Light some candles.

[A]

Any reason?

[B]

Read something erotic. Maybe some. Maybe something with. What's that dude? With who? With the long Fabio.

[A]

Oh, Fabio.

[B]

Fabio fan fiction.

[A]

Fabio still the lady killer that he used to be. Is she still on the covers of novels and shit?

[B]

Probably.

[C]

Probably. Like they probably don't show current Fabio, but, you know, they probably use Fabio.

[B]

Current Fabio probably looks a bit different than the Fabio we remember, right? Much like everybody else.

[A]

Here's the Fabio that we recall from back in the day.

[B]

Yeah, that was a. That was a good looking man.

[A]

That was the Fabio who got his nose broken by that bird on the roller coaster.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that sucked.

[A]

Oh, he's 67 now.

[C]

I bet you he's still doing it.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

Still modeling.

[C]

Yeah, I bet she is.

[A]

Let's see.

[B]

Alexa came on for no reason.

[A]

I mean, if this is him now, he doesn't look that bad.

[C]

He's Fabio, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Almost 70 years old.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. But he looks like. Looks like he's lost some of his teeth, though.

[A]

It does, yeah. His mouth does look pursed.

[C]

He always had that. Has his hair looking. That's the big question.

[B]

Still got all of it?

[A]

Still got it, yeah.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

Good man.

[B]

Probably when all the money went towards, though.

[A]

Oh, you think so? Like, all his riches went to keeping his hair.

[B]

I would think so.

[C]

He seated his hair.

[A]

Yeah. And there's no pictures of him bald. There's just pictures of him looking a little bit older, looking ripped.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

That must be such an easy gig, though. Like, we're just going to put you on the COVID of romance novels. So just, like, pose like this. We'll take a picture, then we'll paint it.

[C]

That's it. And now you're Fabio.

[A]

Now you're Fabio.

[C]

Is he married, I guess. Or was he. If you're Fabio, can you get married or you like. I can't. I can't do that.

[B]

At the height of Fabio's popularity with women.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How many American women rubbed one out to him?

[A]

Save herself from cancer, Like.

[B]

Well, like, if I told you, if I had the number, like, like, what number would stun you? Like 100.

[C]

What years? What? What? What year?

[B]

Probably the 90s, I think. He was at his height. Okay, no Internet, too. So the ladies.

[C]

That's what I was about to say.

[B]

Ladies came run to the Internet. So. So, like, how many times was the vapio. The guy that they. I bet you a lot fantasized, too, and pleasured themselves to?

[C]

I mean, those books are big fucking business, man. People like them. I bet you a lot.

[B]

How many, like, as the num. As the years, you know, as we get into the 2000 and twenties. What's that number fall to a day?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

It's not fighting prostate cancer, I'll tell you that much. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, there's a lot of Fabios. Holy.

[B]

A lot of Fabios, like, in the world.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, named Fabio.

[A]

A lot of guys named Fabio.

[B]

Yeah, it's Italian name, right?

[A]

Italian. Famous Italian guys. Let's see if he's married. Doesn't look like it. 6ft 3 inches tall.

[C]

You owe it to yourself in the world to be single if you're Fabio.

[A]

This is what Fabio says. I'd be the biggest hypocrite if I ever said I worked really hard for my career because it was given to me on a silver platter. I can't take any credit. My major focus was sports and going to the gym.

[C]

What a life. What a great life.

[A]

Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah, but.

[B]

Yeah, but you can't have an extra piece of cake. You can, like, you can't, like, oh, I'm feeling hungry. I'm going to run over to McDonald's. You got to have a bit of

[A]

a celery stock, something like that.

[B]

Yeah, that's dip celery and mayonnaise and pretend you like it.

[C]

Yeah, but think of all the benefits.

[B]

What do they dip celery in?

[A]

I don't know, like salt.

[B]

It's like a white. It's like a white cream.

[A]

Oh, ranch. Ranch.

[B]

Ranch.

[A]

Ranch.

[B]

That's it. Yeah, smells like.

[C]

Yeah, but think of the. Think of the benefits of being Fabio, though. Like, it might outweigh a cheeseburger.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. You know, but boy, the discipline.

[A]

So this is. This is the. It was actually a goose that hit him.

[C]

Q. Oh, shit. A goose.

[A]

Goose. And it was especially humiliating, I guess. During a promotional event. Fabio is seated in the front row for the inaugural ride of Apollo's Chariot roller coaster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. He was accompanied by more than 30 women dressed as Greek goddesses. Once the ride had accelerated to 73 miles an hour, Fabio claims a flock of hundreds of geese flew by. One of the geese was sucked into the ride. The goose died, and Fabio disembarked from the ride with blood on his face. The only video that exists from the. That's a sentence. The only video that exists was filmed from the ride entrance. Okay. There was an on ride camera, but lens. But Fabio claims the camera was never found. So we're never gonna see it. We have, like, does that even make. We have the still photo.

[C]

But does it make the news today or people like, who?

[A]

No, I think it makes the news.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Depends who the celebrity is.

[C]

I mean, Fabio.

[B]

Fabio. Today, another goose hits him. Yeah, I think. I think lightning striking twice. I do think that gets picked up.

[C]

No, no, the first goose never happened. The first goose never happened.

[B]

Okay. He's in his 70s. It might not. It might not get picked up.

[A]

I don't know. There's so many, like, there's so many meaningless stories in the news like that. Like to be like, hey, one time, you know, hunk, Fabio got hit in the face with a goose today. People would be like, oh, I gotta fucking check this out. See, I remember Fabio. Let me see what happened. Yeah.

[C]

You know, yeah, maybe, right? Yeah.

[A]

In 2015, he says he goes to the gym for an hour of aerobics and weight training at least four times a week. He also jogs, hikes, takes part in motocross. Enduro. He is known for his strict diet. He abstains from smoking and avoids consuming alcohol, caffeine, soy cheese, most of the time, salt, sweets and recreational drugs and reduces exposure to the sun. He stated that a person should treat their body like a Lamborghini.

[C]

Yeah, well, we don't. We weren't all given the keys to a Lamborghini.

[A]

That's the thing Fabio doesn't get, right. Yeah, yeah, Like I don't care how much I was in the gym, I'm not gonna look like Fabio. My hair is never gonna look like Fabio's.

[C]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't give a fuck about being the best looking Honda on the road. You know what I mean? Like, it's fine. Like it is, you know?

[A]

Let's see here. What time do we got here? Oh, you know what, let me, let me knock this ad out and then I got a complaint. This is for. Oh, come on. Why is this not working? Hold on. Everybody just wait while I find this ad. That's what you want to do, right?

[C]

You got this, buddy.

[A]

Okay, I got it, I got it. Q, I'm going to talk about how annoying it is that all my devices have different charging cords. The phone, the headphones, the watch, the Kindle, all different. It should be illegal. How is it we have AI robots, but we still have to travel with 5 cords all tangled up? Those days are over thanks to Ridge. Just like Ridge revolutionized the wallet, Ridge has now changed the game for portable charging. Ridge's 5 in 1 travel power bank has built in cables and let you charge all your devices at the same time with just one power bank and no extra cables.

[B]

I got one.

[A]

I got one too. Yeah, we both got one.

[C]

I got one.

[A]

You got one.

[C]

I got one.

[B]

I bring it with me everywhere I

[A]

go, bringing it with me to QS so I can charge up when I'm on the go, man.

[C]

I don't want to see you looking all fucking low energy like your pee don't go nowhere.

[A]

Yeah, we got to fight that. That, that image that I now have

[C]

that you've given yourself

[A]

unfairly. Unfairly charged. Magsafe, wireless charging, Apple Watch charger, Lightning, usb, C, everything you need to charge, all in one premium device. There's no more juggling adapters or wall outlets at the airport just to get 20%. With 20 watts of power, it charges your phone as fast as it possibly can. With 10,000 milliamp hours capacity. You've got up to three full phone chargers in your pocket. It has MagSafe compatible wireless charging, so you can keep it magnetically attached to the back of your iPhone if you want some permanent extra juice. And the newest iPhone dropped, so make sure you pair it up with a power bank that actually keeps up.

[B]

IPhone. What. What number is this?

[A]

This would probably be the 17 or something.

[C]

Yeah, we're on 17 now, I believe.

[B]

When did you get your 17Q?

[C]

What's that, brother?

[B]

When did you get your iPhone? 17? When are you doing.

[C]

No, I actually got it because I had the 14. I hadn't upgraded for a few years, so when the 17 came out, I got.

[B]

Oh, so you got the newest phone on the market. Oh, I do. Is it much better than the 14?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it's faster and it takes better pictures, but it's same fucking phone. You know, maybe it was a 15, now it's 14.

[B]

It used to be an event when the new iPhone came out. That has not been the case lately. Huh.

[C]

Well, they haven't. I guess it's the same thing. I mean, the foldable one is coming. That might be. But remember when shit used to be exciting, now everybody's had a phone their entire lives. Nobody.

[A]

Yeah, nobody cares anymore. Like, I'll just get it later. I'm not standing in line for six hours.

[B]

People are still doing that.

[A]

Notice how I'm not gonna do that anymore? Like people.

[B]

Are people still doing that?

[A]

I think some people line up.

[C]

There are, yeah. For 17 for sure.

[A]

Well, they want to buy them so they can turn them and flip them on ebay and shit, you know, in case they run out. I have a 15 still. I couldn't bring myself to get the 17. I like, I don't need it. Like, my phone works fine. And I was like, but that orange one is pretty cool.

[B]

Orange phone.

[A]

Orange phone. Yeah.

[B]

And it does nothing else but be.

[A]

But be orange. Yeah, pretty much.

[B]

You've got a thing for orange. You got an orange towel.

[A]

That's Gideon's towel.

[B]

You're like, your face would it.

[A]

You got these orange straps over here. I don't want to wipe on my face. I was wiping my iPad sweaty. Now let me clean off my iPad.

[B]

Are you claiming you don't like orange?

[A]

No, I do.

[B]

I know you do.

[A]

Yeah, I do. I'm just saying. I'm not the fucking pumpkin you're trying to make me out to be. Like, everything Ridge makes, it's built to last. With free shipping, 99 day free risk free trial and lifetime warranty. This is the last power bank you will ever need. They look badass. Available in Matte olive base, camp orange. Ooh, Hyper lime dark harbor and matte black. A design that doesn't scream I bought this at the airport. They come with LED charge status indicator. It's got an integrated kickstand for effortless hands free viewing. And if you don't already own a Ridge wallet, you should slim modern, RFID blocking and built to last, it's the last wallet you'll ever buy. Right now, Ridge is having their once a year anniversary sale. Head to ridge.com and get 40% off. That's up to 40% [e-mail]. r, I D G E. After you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them. So make sure you tell them that. Tell them Steve Dave sent you. All right. That's it. Well, I've won this week. Only one spot. Q. I had to ask your advice on this. Walt, you can weigh into.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That little. That kitten that I got about a year and a half ago, I kind of don't like her.

[C]

Oh, why?

[A]

She's so fucking nasty to me for no reason. I've never been anything but, like, sweet and nice to this cat every time. Like, I have, like, you know, if I get a breakfast sandwich, I have a little bacon. I'll give her a little bacon. I give Salem a little bacon. I have chicken. Like, I always share. I always share whatever I'm eating. But, like, yesterday I went to. Like, she's constantly running from me. And Marybeth is like, oh, she's playing. I'm like, I don't think she's playing. Like, when a cat gets down all low and is, like, looking all over the fucking place for an escape route, like, that to me, is not playing.

[B]

Yeah, you're the cat man. Kia. What would he.

[A]

What do I do here?

[B]

You and Peter Chris, cat man. But what would you do in this instance?

[C]

Well, thank you.

[A]

I find myself presenting her.

[C]

Well, what else is going on? Is she. Does she not let you pet her ever? Is it? Is it? She doesn't sleep on the bed with you.

[A]

She sleeps on the bed with Marybeth on her side. She lets Mary Beth rough her up. She lets Mary Beth pet her. She sits on Mary Beth's lap. Loves Mary Beth. That's not. That's not a problem. Me, though, no matter what I do, she doesn't like me. I. I went to. I was like, hey, little cat. And I went and I pet her yesterday. Like, she was like on the cat tree looking up.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

A big hiss and a swipe my way. And I Was like, you little. And then runs away. Runs away. I'm like, how do I get this cat to like me?

[C]

You're intimidating. You're a big guy, man. You know what I mean? Like, I've try and look at it from this poor little cat's perspective. Like this lumbering giant is like constantly pet you.

[A]

Like me on pinball machine. Exactly,

[C]

man. I don't know what to do. It's like I kind of think you're just fucked.

[A]

I've never had this problem before.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. That's not what we expected.

[A]

I didn't just give up.

[C]

Well, what are you going to do? I mean, you could try like, how much do you do, like, catnip with her?

[B]

Yes. You know, put some catnip behind your ears, spread it in behind your.

[A]

Let me hit that catnip.

[C]

But like, have you. Have you done that? Have you laid out some catnip and got her in that euphoric state?

[A]

No, I haven't. I should though, right?

[C]

Try that. Try bribery. What's worked on every other woman. Baby gifts.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[C]

Bring gifts, baby.

[A]

Get her high.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I feel like I'm gonna have to, man. I've got no choice.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, maybe get another cat.

[A]

Well, I got two now. Get another one. Get another one that just. That likes me, you mean?

[C]

Yeah, like get your cat, ignore the other cat.

[A]

Yeah, well, I have the cat that likes me. He won't leave me alone now, though. Like, he's in. He's an older cat now. He's like 11, almost 12. And he will not stop, like, if I try to read, like when I read, like, especially if it's a heavier book, I'll sit on my couch, spread my legs out, like, put legs out straight. Then I have like a little lap desk and a pillow that I put the book on. It just makes it easier to read so I don't have to hold the book the whole time. Yeah, he takes that as an invitation to come sit on the pillow the entire time I'm trying to read and purr. Just purr at me, which I can't stop. I'm not going to stop him from doing it, you know, So I just sit there and I scrunch up my. Myself and I. And I hold the book like I want. Don't want to. And I just read while he sits there. So he's my buddy.

[C]

I do this with this. This is my life. It's sleeping position is dictated by cats, sitting position dictated by cats reading. You know, enjoy us I mean, what, do you need every cat in the house to love you? He sounds like you got more than you can handle.

[A]

I just need him to like me a little bit. Like, not come after me, you know? That would be nice.

[C]

Try the catnip. His catnip might help. Catnip and treats. Just stop bribing the shit out of that girl.

[A]

Yeah, I'll give it a try. I thought that the food would, like, you know, anytime I have shrimp or chicken or a little bit of bacon, like, she gets some. And then yesterday, I was just like, you know what? No more for you. No more.

[C]

So it's like. It's so funny because, like, you're. You're a cognate. Like, you're a human. You're like spiting a cat.

[A]

I know. I felt no more for you. I felt stupid feeling that way, but I'm like, fuck her. Little piece of shit.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

All right. I'm gonna try the catnip. That's not a bad idea.

[C]

Try the catnip, see what happens. But I think another cat's the answer.

[A]

Mm. I would. I think if I got another cat, I would get an older one, you know, one that's gonna last. Not as long as me, you know?

[C]

Yeah, I understand.

[A]

Yeah. An older cat that needs. Needs a home. Like, you know, it's like somebody's somebody. Like. Like Walt got Tenny because the wife or the. The mass. The mistress died.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's his mistress, right? Not his master. It's his mistress.

[B]

That's what they call it.

[A]

I think so. Right?

[B]

I think I. I would.

[C]

I think it's still master. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, I don't. I'm not bumping against mistress. Go for a bit.

[A]

Yeah. I'm gonna say. Doesn't like it. Can off.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

We still got some residual anger from that little cat.

[C]

What do you got planned for space monkeys? We bring games down or anything like that? What do you think?

[A]

Don't have any games. I have a. A ton of conversation starters. Banter, topics.

[C]

Bantering.

[A]

Scenarios.

[C]

Scenarios. Okay.

[A]

Very good stuff that, like, would appeal to you and a Joe derosa type.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

Yeah. So I figure the first night, we're gonna have, like. We'll have Derosa, we'll have a couple other people, and then second nights. Tell them Steve. Dave night.

[C]

Sure. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. We get Jimmy in there. We'll get.

[A]

We got. We got. We got Ming.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Maverick.

[C]

We got the Mavericks there.

[A]

We're pretty set. I have a lot. I have pages and pages and pages of Stuff.

[C]

Great. All right. Sweet. Cool.

[A]

So it should be fun. Should be fun. Oh, I was going to say I was raging a little bit earlier today, Walt, on both our behalfs. Mary Beth showed me this thing. It's called New Jersey Review or something like that. It's some kind of like online New Jersey magazine. And there's the New Jersey hall of Fame and there's all the familiar faces that you expect to see. You know, Bruce. Bruce Bon Jovi, Kirsten Dunst, Kevin And Jay.

[B]

Louis DeVito.

[A]

Yeah, Louis DeVito. You and I were not on there. We're not in the hall of Fame. It doesn't matter that we had a fucking TV show for seven years. We're not in the hall of Fame. But you know who is somehow? Ernie o' Donnell is in the hall of Fame. Donald Ernie o'. Donnell. Now, look, I like the guy, right? But to be placed in the hall of Fame above us.

[B]

Well, what was his category for making it?

[A]

Producer. Works with Kevin on films, that kind of stuff.

[B]

Okay, all right. I mean,

[A]

on screen talent for seven

[B]

years, you got to get on there. You got to get on their radar.

[A]

First of all, I should be on the radar anyway if they're going to look up people like famous New Jerseyans or people who note, at least at one time, not now, that's a little lofty. People have note. I mean, I think. I think having a TV show for seven years should make you of note. Maybe not for fucking ten years after. But if they're looking up people that were like, you know, I don't know

[B]

if you are the candidate, like, of our caliber of entry that the hall of Fame is looking for. You have a bit of a. You got a bit of a rough side also.

[A]

You think I'm banned from the.

[B]

Not banned. I just think you're like, like if you were to be brought up, like as a giving given. Not. What's it called when you're given the opportunity or they're going to review your career as a New Jersey and your accomplishments and some of the things you've said and admitted to. I don't know if it's a Hall of Fame worthy life. You've like.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You've not led a Hall of Fame worthy life from. No, no, no.

[A]

During the years of Comic Book man,

[B]

it's your whole life. It's not just you keep.

[C]

He's saying you're a bad person.

[A]

Hall of Fame life, his whole life. Get the fuck out of here.

[B]

He beat heroin.

[A]

I beat oxy.

[B]

It's not the same.

[A]

It is. It is the same. It's heroin in a pill form. Don't give me that. I should at least get a notable like a mention, an honorable mention at the end of the list, don't you think, for kicking oxy.

[B]

Okay, yeah, maybe you get a pin, but I don't know if you get. I don't know if you get a bust in the hall of fame though.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

No, you get half price entry on Tuesdays.

[B]

You keep pointing to this eight year span. That should negate the other 50 some years of, you know, why not.

[A]

What the was doing that was so great. He was a fucking carpenter, for Christ's sakes.

[B]

Yeah, but it was a damn good one, man. He built the shelves of my fucking car.

[A]

I know. He is a great carpenter.

[B]

If he was just going on that, if they're like, hey, you know what, you know, what do you think? Does he got your vote? I'd be like, I'd look at those shelves like, you know what? Those fucking shelves never sagged.

[A]

It's not a carpentry hall of fame.

[B]

So much fucking weight I put on my omnibuses, right?

[A]

It's not a Marvel Masterworks hall of fame. It's a hall of fame for Notable Notable Industries.

[B]

I'm sorry, if there are like, you know, only one gets in Brian Johnson

[A]

or Ernie, you piece of crap. Oh my God. I can't even count on your vote, huh? All right. Hey, man, I think he weaseled his way in a little bit.

[B]

How?

[A]

I, I think he probably was. He was rubbing elbows with some of the hall of fame people like Ming

[B]

the Maverick, you know, I'm going to ask him if he'll. Come on. Tell him, Steve Dave.

[A]

And defend his position.

[B]

Talk about his, his award and his. The honor of getting into the New Jersey hall of Fame.

[A]

Okay, we'll see how he did it.

[B]

See how he did it and maybe see if there's any chance for. I don't want it. I wouldn't even. I would be aghast.

[A]

Oh, I'm going to nominate you.

[B]

Don't do it. I won't show up. I wouldn't get in. But yeah, you need to. Do. You need to make more of a positive impact? I think, you know, you need to have fucking put. Yeah, you need to.

[A]

Maybe I'll start dancing on Instagram. I'll fucking get everybody on my side.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Right? Am I wrong? Q.

[C]

What was. What's that?

[B]

Am I wrong?

[C]

You know, I will say this. If there was a Hall of fame of my heart.

[A]

That's the only place I need to be in. That's my hall of Fame. I'll accept that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Don't you think that Not. And I'm not putting down any of the other esteemed hall of Famers that you mentioned, but don't you ever think of that quote that Groucho Marx said where he's like, I don't want to be part of anything that would have me.

[A]

Oh, have me as a member. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And you're like, it's just such a good. It's a pretty good line. Yeah. What do you want to be there in that fucking rarefied air with that crew?

[A]

Not anymore.

[B]

Oh, he used to.

[A]

Earlier today, I did.

[B]

He'd be there in a heartbeat if he got the fucking email that they were gonna give him an order from

[A]

being honored alongside with the industry giants like Ernie o' Donnell and I like Ernie. I don't mean to break his balls about this, but Christ almighty, you're on TV for seven years and they're not even like, a notable mention.

[B]

Again, you keep pointing to this, like. Like tv.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, that is not.

[A]

We're still on some.

[B]

It doesn't mean as much as it used to in the 50s, 60s, and 70s.

[A]

Oh, sure it does.

[B]

No, it does.

[A]

Yeah, it does. Being on TV is better than being in the movies. No, you're in people's houses all the time.

[B]

I don't care.

[A]

Ask Quinn.

[B]

There's.

[A]

Look at this guy. You can't get away from him, right?

[B]

But there's a billion channels now.

[A]

Every time I turn around, there's Q.

[C]

I don't like it any more than you do, buddy.

[B]

If I had to be honest, I'm gonna. If I had to just guess. I do think, much like the maverick Ming, I think he kind of, you know, just a teeny bit. I want to take it away from him. But he probably rode in on the wake of Kevin's, like, getting the award. And they're like, how about Ernie Chu?

[A]

Ah, sure. Why not? Why not? There's nobody else that's worthy, right? Nobody else. You know, they're fucking Kevin Smith adjacent, for Christ's sakes. They should. If they did the research, they should have at least seen that, right?

[B]

What?

[A]

That were Kevin Smith adjacent. Like, with comic book men and shit. Like, they should be like, oh, here are guys that were on TV for seven years, which is not common. How many other people besides the people that were on that show do you know? And Q and those guys, Right?

[B]

So you Feel that just being. Having that show is.

[A]

Should put you in the hall.

[B]

Should make you a first ballot hall of Famer.

[A]

Maybe not first ballot. Maybe not on the level of like a Danny DeVito or a Bon Jovi or. Springsteen sucks now anyway, so who cares about him?

[C]

But what about, like. But by your logic, right, the Jersey Shore crew could get in there. Some of them. The ones that were from Jersey.

[A]

Sure, why not? Why not have Snooki in there?

[C]

Right, but that's what I'm saying. If. If the bar to entry allows for this. This net of people. Like, you know, I don't have anything against Snooki, but I'm just saying, like, I'm talking about you and the way you look at life like, is. That's the. What you want to be in there with.

[A]

Are you saying I don't belong?

[C]

No, I'm saying. I'm saying you're better than it.

[A]

Oh, that I like, I'm saying you're better than. All right.

[C]

I'm actually kind of shocked that you give a shit at all, because I. I think the Cooler play is being like, ah, that shit's lame. I wouldn't do that.

[A]

So even if they try to put me in now, I'm gonna refuse it.

[C]

Yeah, well, you don't need that shit. Who's that for?

[A]

That the night that honors.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

I'm not showing up. I should see Walt's face.

[C]

He just kept.

[B]

Q is dancing and pedaling and doing everything you can to fucking try to make it feel like you shouldn't want to be in there.

[A]

I agree with him. Fuck that shit. I'm all turned around now.

[C]

Yeah, I wouldn't take it.

[B]

This is really awkward because Teddy was just been nominated to be in the New Jersey hall of Fame because of his appearance on the lottery.

[A]

All right? And I can get behind.

[B]

He always. He's only lived in New Jersey for

[A]

two years, but I know he's already eclipsed me. God damn it. I'll never be on a lottery ticket. I know that much.

[C]

You could do the TikTok dances, though.

[A]

Yeah, I think I have to start doing TikTok dances. They seem to be a crowd pleaser. Fuck. What was I just going to say? Oh, when are those tickets coming out? Because I'm really tired of trying to answer the question, when are the tickets coming out?

[B]

The lottery tickets.

[A]

The lottery tickets.

[B]

I believe I have a press conference that I have to. I must attend with Teddy at the end of the month in the state capitol.

[A]

Get out of here.

[B]

Yeah, this is Big like we have a. We have security that's going to be, you know, ushering us into the Capitol building.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And we're going to be Secret Service for Teddy.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

We're going to be like unveiling the. The ticket and I'm sure it's going to be picked up by all the local news. I don't know if the national media cares.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. I bet you New Jersey, it's probably, probably.

[B]

I can't imagine CNN is going to be covering it, but you never know. News 12.

[A]

News 12 will get it.

[B]

News 12 will get it.

[A]

But Star Ledger maybe.

[B]

I believe that after the news conference, I believe that's announcing it to the war, all to New Jersey. And then I imagine next week, the next week after that, it'll be available in all stores. Yeah.

[A]

My God, does Mary Beth want to scratch a teddy ticket?

[B]

Yeah. Constantly asking me, God, imagine if there's like a million dollar winner on a teddy ticket.

[A]

That'd be great.

[B]

And. And the person who bought it only bought it for. Because it was a Teddy.

[C]

Yeah. And then didn't scratch it because he wanted to preserve it. So he just kept it in a draw for 10 years until it ran out of time.

[B]

Consideration. That was the word I was looking for. Oh, when you're, you know. Yeah. When the, when the, The Forum or the Council or whatever, they put you up for consideration, you've got to have more than just. He was on TV for eight years on a basic cable show.

[A]

He's been in movies.

[B]

Right. But he's. They already got the big guy who made the movies there.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, they got the, the guy who made the movies, wrote the movies, directed the movies, you know, so it's like, where do you draw the line? And does the Truly's gum guy get in?

[A]

Sure, why not?

[C]

He draw it right after Ernie o',

[B]

Donnell, You know, does the. Does one of the, like nameless customers and clerks so the get in.

[A]

Okay. So they're the same as being on TV for seven years.

[B]

Well, again, they got the star of the show who was, you know, like, does the whole cast deserve to get in? Was it that worthy of a show you have to fuck?

[A]

Yeah. No, that was a great show.

[B]

It was. It was a nice show. It was a fun show. But like, should a whole wing to be devoted to it in the hall of fame, though, with 16 bronze fucking buffs.

[A]

I mean, like, come on, you're only, you're only in. Including two more people too.

[B]

Like the customers.

[A]

The customers don't get in? No, no.

[B]

They weren't here multiple times.

[A]

Not as many times as we did. Do you think it's crazy? Q. Now, I really. I. Honestly, if I'm being totally honest, I don't give a if I'm in or not. But is it crazy to think that being on TV for seven years, they would at least look in your direction?

[B]

How do you know they haven't?

[A]

And they just. And they decided no, you're saying he's.

[B]

He's still a young man. Let's. Let's look at his resume. Maybe in 10 years, see if he's done anything.

[A]

They're saying I'm a young man Relative to what?

[B]

They got to play the PC game.

[A]

Okay. They don't want ageism,

[B]

but they gotta look. Let's take a look back at Brian Johnson in 10 years and see if he's padded the resume a little bit more.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. A little bit of charity work.

[A]

Oh, come on. Oh, charity work.

[B]

See that look? That is not the look that. You see that reaction when I said charity work? That is not the reaction of a guy who deserves to be in the hall of Fame.

[C]

It was like you threw holy water on a demon. He just recoiled. Kevin did a lot of charity stuff, and I bet you Ernie helped with that and Jay.

[A]

Oh, you think so? So that's it? Just charity work?

[B]

It's not just. It's not just charity work. It's not just tv. It's not just one thing. It's an encompassing body of work.

[A]

Like Ernie.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. But you know what Ernie does on Ernie? I know. I don't know what he does, but I.

[C]

What if he had a bet? But what if he is like a Little League team that he coaches or something like that? You know, it's about giving to the community and stuff like that.

[B]

Yeah. They won't let Brian coach Little League, though.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not even allowed to attend the games.

[C]

He keeps beating up the coach, keeps beating up the fans.

[A]

He won't stop complaining about his cat. He's beating up the kids.

[B]

He's not allowed within 100 yards of a fucking Little League game.

[A]

Yeah. I have to watch it with binoculars. And even then, it's dicey.

[C]

They just see you muttering angrily to yourself over a hill.

[B]

I could coach that team.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I could make that team score a touchdown.

[A]

Yeah, why not? Why not me? Wait, what are they playing? Oh, it Then.

[C]

Looks like a bunch of gay kids to me.

[B]

Get out of here, Junior. You're too gay. For my team.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

I was gonna hit the bat like a femme.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't know I was gonna be coaching a bunch of gay wads.

[C]

He's back, Coach. He's. He's hovering around the third base.

[A]

We gotta get him out of here. All right, time out. Time out. Why? What's wrong?

[B]

Let me tell you, kids. Back when I was on Oxy and I beat it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Make sure you're not gonna find shout

[A]

out on major Jersey review.

[B]

Make sure you tell your parents I beat oxy.

[A]

Yeah. You know, it's just like everyone. What's oxy? Don't worry about it. Just tell them.

[B]

Harder to beat than heroin.

[A]

Yeah. Pill form. Heroin and pill form. Kids.

[B]

I beat it.

[A]

Don't let these know. Nothing's like Flannigan. Tell you different.

[B]

I took it down.

[C]

I think that's the guy that sold me the sling. TV in a park.

[A]

He was. Yeah. There was an opportunity for me to purchase a VC box, but after your lukewarm review, I was like, I don't know. I don't think.

[B]

What do you mean? I gave it a great review.

[A]

I thought you said, like, it's only good if you like sports.

[B]

I didn't. It's really great if you like sports.

[A]

And then you started singing the praises of plex.

[B]

Yeah, I have been on my plex more than I have been on the VC box. But that's because I'm in between seasons, though.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, hockey's ending, so if it

[A]

was more sports oriented, you would be on the VC box.

[B]

I'll be on the VC box a hell of a lot more frequently once football and hockey start up again.

[A]

All right, maybe I'll rethink it then.

[B]

See, but.

[A]

But then I gotta get a whole.

[B]

You can't, though. If you want. If you want to be eligible for a nomination to the New Jersey hall of Fame, you cannot be on I

[A]

can't liberate you can't fucking go programs from their overseers.

[C]

You gotta.

[B]

You've got to walk the straight and narrow if you want to get into the hall of Fame.

[A]

Oh, man. All right, so walk the straight and narrow. Charity work. Gotta do something.

[B]

You know, you've got to be a little bit more choosy about what you reveal on the POD at this point. Yeah, I know that genie's out of

[A]

the bottle, but I'm telling you, I

[B]

bet you they may have. I bet you they're right. Shine in your bust and everything, I think. Yeah. Then they're like, oh, my God. He just went to a sex club and they had to be like, oh, you know what? Call Ernie.

[A]

I didn't go to a sex club. At least not as far as we know. He. He hasn't coped to it.

[B]

Yeah. It is probably defined about if anybody. Like, there's got to be somebody on the council that's like, well, here's the reasons why he should be in. But then there's another guy who's like,

[A]

here's 50 scandals as to why he shouldn't be.

[B]

Yes. Here's the cons.

[A]

There's a lot of them.

[B]

All right, what was the pros again? Eight years on television.

[A]

Oh, what else? Well, he did balk a charity work, but then said he might consider it.

[C]

He's currently in a feud with a cat.

[A]

His own cat. Oh, boy.

[C]

Wow. Wow. Who told you that? Who told you about the hall of Fame stuff?

[A]

Mary Beth saw it on Facebook. See, this is why I don't go to Facebook and shit.

[C]

Because, I don't know, I'm being upset.

[B]

You.

[A]

I know I'm being burned.

[B]

That upset you,

[A]

but I gotta say, I did question, like, why is Ernie and not us? That's so strange.

[B]

God damn it. Why didn't you record that?

[A]

It might be recorded. We were in the car. It might be recorded. I'll check.

[C]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

I want to see the real reaction.

[A]

All right.

[B]

To the.

[C]

Oh, that's probably hearing the news.

[B]

Talk about the Oscar snubs. Yeah, forget the Oscar snubs.

[A]

Grammys, indeed. What about the New Jersey hall of Fame?

[B]

You might have to pay a feto to even be eligible. You know how, like, I like to

[A]

start, like, the Walk of Fame, Hollywood for that star?

[B]

You might have to pay for it. But, like, what's a. What's a cost that would be palatable to a Brian Johnson to get that

[A]

award to be in the hall of fame?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

20 bucks.

[B]

Oh, it's more than that.

[A]

More than 20.

[B]

$20 doesn't even buy a dinner anymore.

[A]

I know it doesn't, does it?

[B]

I was thinking more like a thousand.

[A]

I bet you I gotta give a thousand to be in that shitty hall of Fame.

[B]

Now it's shitty.

[C]

Where is the hall of Fame?

[B]

It's at the. You know the mall that. That Xanadu where the Brendan Byrne arena used to be?

[C]

Yes, that's where. The Mall of America.

[B]

Yes. No, it's not the Mall of America. That's in Minnesota.

[C]

American Dream.

[B]

That's it. Yes, it's in there.

[C]

Oh, all right.

[B]

Yeah. They're Gonna have holograms of all the inductees.

[A]

Now I want to be in again,

[C]

so I could go there and I could see a hologram of Jay.

[B]

No, Ernie.

[A]

Yeah, you can see it'd be.

[C]

Oh, I thought you said Muse is in it.

[B]

Oh, just the inductees. He's already been in there already.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I want to see that hologram, man. I'll go see an Ernie hologram. Are you kidding me? I'd buy a little one in the gift shop.

[A]

If they had Ernie holograms, I would go see it too. I'm like, that's fucking crazy.

[B]

That's why.

[C]

Oh, like. And they do one of the ones that, like, talk and shit like that that they use in shows. So, like, Ernie comes out and he gives a little talk on his contributions to viewers.

[A]

You want to hear about my charity work?

[C]

Yeah, and some shelving that I did produced.

[A]

Yeah, and some awesome shelving that I built for Walt.

[B]

Oh, I know he's done some work for you too, and you're conveniently forgetting it.

[A]

He put my door up. That's true. He put more than one door up.

[B]

Yeah, he probably already even told me. You know that door I put up for Johnson?

[A]

He broke it down again.

[B]

He tore it down in anger. That's why I put a new door up.

[A]

That's true. It's true.

[C]

I mean, it sounds like Ernie is one of the last guys doing all the manly work in New Jersey.

[B]

What? Podcasting isn't manly?

[C]

You know what? You know what I'm saying? You know? You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Like, he turned his back on construction and carpentry.

[B]

Well, his knees went bad.

[C]

Yeah. He gave his body to the craft.

[B]

He literally broke his body.

[A]

Yeah, he did. Tell me about his knees.

[B]

Yeah, I know. Your knees are bad too.

[A]

I got two bad knees, so I can't get in.

[B]

Tell me again how they went bad. Was it because of all the.

[A]

It wasn't because all the work carpet

[B]

laying you were doing.

[A]

I think it's my jeans. My blue jeans. Yeah, my jeans are on too tight to squeeze my knees. Pressurize them.

[C]

He's back, Coach. His jeans are even tighter.

[A]

Those have to be his wife's jeans. There's no way. Hey, boys.

[C]

It looks like he's giving himself a trophy. Is that. Oh, that's just sad, man.

[A]

This year's winner, I'm proud to present Brian Johnson hall of Fame.

[B]

We were supposed to do a TESD Awards.

[C]

Okay. That's right.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure you're. You'd pick up a few there.

[A]

I have to, right?

[B]

Yeah. There's no doubt you'd go home. You'd go home with your arm's full of TESDY awards.

[A]

If I don't make it into the TESDI hall of Fame, there's something really wrong. Something

[B]

you're definitely gonna get. I don't know about first ballot, though.

[A]

I haven't proven myself.

[C]

Let's talk in 10 more years.

[A]

I really apply myself.

[C]

I need a producer for the TED Z Awards. I need. I need one of the guys to

[B]

ask curator if he was interested.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What'd he say? He never answered.

[B]

No testing.

[A]

Yeah, we haven't seen any testing words. I guess that answers my question.

[B]

He.

[C]

Doesn't he live down south somewhere?

[B]

He lives down in Georgia. And I asked him, I was like, hey, would you like to cultivate the categories and, you know, and basically do a lot of work for the Chesdis? And he. I thought he would be super excited about it. He kind of was like, you know, kind of like, you know, like, kind of like you're giving bride the pep to, like, kind of convince him. Try to convince. He's trying to convince me. Yeah, that would be fun. Wow, that's a lot of work, huh? And. Yeah. You know, and other things probably got in the way, but. Yeah, I asked him if he'd come up with a whole bunch of separate categories. And we were going to have a red carpet event at the bowling alley. The bowling alley, since that time is closed down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm sure there's other venues. We could hold it, but it would take a lot of work, though.

[C]

Yeah, we could do the Gramercy Theater.

[B]

Where's that?

[C]

That's New York.

[A]

That time we did the two show.

[B]

I remember I almost got into a car accident when I drove up there that time.

[A]

I remember that, too. That way.

[C]

What.

[B]

What about Count Basie? Is that too big a value?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's like five. Gramercy's like.

[C]

Yeah, Gramercy is like 400 seats for the test.

[B]

The awards.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't. We can't move five. Five. Is it really 5000? There's no way.

[A]

I think it's like 12,000.

[B]

Yeah, we could do 1200.

[C]

No, it's got to be more than 1200.

[A]

You think so? I'll look it up real fast.

[B]

You know what, in the Tesla tradition, though, in TESD fashion, what's greater than fucking only selling 10% of the seats, right?

[C]

Well, not. Well, you still have to pay to rent A theater. So that. Where's that coming from, then?

[B]

Well, everybody who's nominated has to pay double for their ticket. Right. You know, rope. Ruff, ruff. You're getting an award. We need. We need three grand for that award. That's how. Oh, just like the Jersey hall of Fame. Anybody who gets an award has to pay for it.

[A]

Yeah. 1,568.

[B]

That's fucking.

[C]

Oh, wow, man.

[B]

Nothing. It's nothing we did.

[A]

I mean, how many is in the Gramercy, Rob? Can you look that up? Because I think it's around 500 or 400.

[C]

Yeah, it's like 400 and change.

[A]

And we. We sold that out twice in one night. So if you were to combine those people, that's almost 800. Okay, 900. All we need to do is get

[B]

another 600 people, episode 700.

[A]

And we're not going to price people out like Q did for the roast.

[B]

What roast?

[C]

The roast that he just was in.

[A]

Remember? He was just in that roast down to the Calbasi.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It was too expensive for us to go because Q had his greedy hands out.

[C]

I had you on a list. I. It was for the best. You guys didn't come. Don't worry about it.

[A]

How many is gramercy?

[B]

Gramercy is 650 standing.

[A]

650?

[C]

Yeah. We didn't do standing. That's. I mean, when you. When you put the seats down, I think it's like, 400 and change.

[B]

What do you think if we. If we. What's. What episode are we up to now? 660?

[A]

No, like, six.

[B]

Yeah, we're doing them. We're going on a clip. That's way too fast, because even if we don't do this for episode 700, we're already encroaching on 700 way faster than I thought we would.

[A]

Yeah, that's what happens when we do it.

[B]

We're recording it every other day. It feels like.

[A]

Yeah, well, I got next week off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I got to alert everyone that will be in Key west, so there will be.

[B]

You guys gotta come back, too, with some.

[A]

Some good stories.

[B]

Conquer stories.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Some stories that are gonna knock this, like, people for loop.

[C]

All right, well, what type of thing would that be? I don't.

[B]

I don't know. I mean, you know. You know, what a great story.

[C]

Well, there'll be some. Look, we're gonna have Jimmy the Hair guy down there, you know, right away, guaranteed stories. Something's gonna happen, right?

[A]

Always.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. So we'll come back with stories.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that would be. That would be pathetic. We came back with nothing. Okay. That'd be sad.

[B]

Okay. All right, well, when do you guys leave?

[A]

We leave. I leave Wednesday, I think. You leave tomorrow, right? Saturday?

[C]

Yeah, I leave tomorrow for Florida.

[B]

Driving?

[C]

No, no, flying down. I'm going down for Easter with my parents first.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you guys do on Easter? Do you guys. Big meal?

[C]

Yeah, big meal. Big Italian, you know, meal. Some slight religious overtones for this. My mom will probably cook. I think Easter is like a home. You know, she's Italian. She doesn't want to. She just doesn't want to go out. I mean, she's getting like, you know, getting to an age where she appreciates eating out more than cooking at home. But I imagine that we're. I'd feel ripped off if I went all the way down to Florida and get a home cooked meal.

[A]

You have Fridays?

[C]

Yeah, like, that would be. That would be upsetting to me. Hoping for that. Coming down to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. The least I could do is get a bowl of spaghetti.

[B]

Well, like, Fridays wouldn't be good enough for Mr. Quinn. Happy? Yeah, Easter. Just tell him to put on an Italian accent for you. They're in their red and they're red and black striped shirts.

[A]

Manja. Manja. Mr. Quinn. Yeah.

[B]

All right. Well, have fun.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We will have.

[C]

We'll be back with stories.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's the least we could do for you, Walt. Oh, yeah.

[B]

No, not for me. For the show. For the ants.

[A]

For the good of the ants.

[B]

For the ants. They want to hear. They want. For those who can't attend and who are bummed they can't. At least maybe they can live vicariously through some great stories.

[A]

Yeah, we'll make it sound awesome. So they really feel like they missed out. Yeah.

[C]

Fuck you guys.

[B]

Tell them, Steve, Dave.