DR. ALIZA PRESMAN & ANTIGONE DAVIS: Navigating Today's Digital World

Summary

Podcast Summary: Navigating Today’s Digital World

Podcast: That’s Total Mom Sense
Host: Kanika Chadda Gupta
Guests: Dr. Eliza Pressman (Developmental Psychologist) & Antigone Davis (Meta’s Global Head of Safety)
Date: June 5, 2025
Episode Focus: Guidance for parents raising children in today’s hyper-connected and digital world, balancing safety with trust and connection, and utilizing parental controls and open communication in the age of apps, social media, and online risks.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Kanika Chadda Gupta brings together Dr. Eliza Pressman, a leading developmental psychologist, and Antigone Davis, Meta’s Global Head of Safety, to discuss pressing concerns for parents raising kids in a tech-driven era. The conversation explores how to model healthy online behavior, set boundaries with technology, foster open dialogue, navigate parental controls, and maintain strong relationships with children as they encounter both the opportunities and challenges of the digital world.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Backgrounds and Motivation

• Antigone Davis describes her journey from middle school teacher and lawyer to online safety leader at Meta, highlighting her drive to support youth and families through public policy and tech innovation.
  • “I started working on safety and privacy, and from one thing led to another, I met people at Meta and here I am.” (05:51)
• Dr. Eliza Pressman shares how her family history (grandparents as Holocaust survivors) shaped her fascination with resilience and psychology, leading her to focus on making scientific parenting insights more accessible and manageable for everyone.
  • “Parenting is this beautiful opportunity to figure out what your values are and like how you want to move through the world… because your child is that camera.” (12:40)

2. Parenting Influences and Community Wisdom

• Both guests emphasize that wisdom in parenting comes from community and observation, not just individual role models.
  • Antigone: “I’m a very greedy learner. I steal lessons from every single person in this room.” (09:13)
  • Dr. Pressman: “We all need someone who will lovingly tell us when we have broccoli in our teeth.” (10:13)

3. Modeling Technology Use

• Children mirror their parents’ device habits. Parents are encouraged to model balanced and transparent digital behavior, such as establishing screen-free zones and being clear when using technology.
  • “Our kids watch more than they listen in terms of learning about habits.” – Dr. Pressman (12:40)
  • Kanika shares the term “phubbing” (snubbing someone with your phone) and a relatable moment when her child called her out for it. (13:37)
• Importance of explicit family contracts regarding screen time and zones (e.g., no screens at the dinner table). (13:37)

4. Early, Ongoing Tech Conversations

• Start discussing online safety and values long before age 13. The preteen years are a period of greater receptivity to parental guidance.
  • “If you wait until your child is 13… you’re missing an opportunity.… Before they’re 13, there’s a sponge-like quality.” – Antigone Davis (15:19)
• Incorporate listening as often as teaching, to better understand children’s motivations and feelings.

5. Meta’s Parental Controls & Teen Accounts (The "3 Cs")

• Contacts: Automatic privacy settings for under-18s—private accounts, strict messaging restrictions.
• Content: Sensitive content filters are on the strictest setting by default.
• Context: Notifications are silenced at night; parents are involved if teens under 16 wish to change major settings.
  • “With teen accounts, if you want to change those [restrictions], you have to get your parents’ permission and invite them into our supervisory system.” – Antigone Davis (20:08)
  • Parental dashboard allows parents to see who their child follows, messages, and set time limits—without direct device access. (20:08–22:56)
• Support resources are integrated in dashboards for difficult situations, including expert advice. (22:56)

6. Cyberbullying vs. Typical Kid Behavior

• Dr. Pressman: Distinguishes between serious cyberbullying and kids “just being jerks,” advocating for conversation and emotional attunement over jumping to worst-case assumptions.
  • “The distinction between the bullying versus just like kids being jerks… because the bullying is so serious and so harmful, but everything isn’t that.” (26:01)
• Suggests co-exploration of children’s social media feeds to normalize parental involvement and foster self-awareness about emotional reactions to content. (27:54)

7. Sextortion and Managing Online Crises

• Antigone Davis introduces the “Take It Down” tool, allowing parents/teens to generate a digital fingerprint of a sensitive image to block its further sharing across platforms.
  • “There’s a way… to create a fingerprint… which is then shared with technology companies like ours. If someone tries to upload that image, we can prevent it.” (31:11)
• Emphasizes the importance of non-reactive, supportive responses when children share mistakes or crises:
  • “You need to set up a space for your child to feel safe to come to you… try not to overreact because you want them to come back.” (29:31–31:11)

8. Positive Family Tech Culture

• Foster enjoyment and connection through tech, not just fear and rules. Participate in your child’s digital life—share and laugh over memes, reels, and group chats together.
  • “If we only focus on [the dangers] and we don’t connect with them in the ways that they are moving through the world… we’re setting up a separation that is really hard to come back from.” – Dr. Pressman (34:19)
  • Both guests attest to the social benefit: lifelong friendship maintenance, pre-college connections, and family closeness. (36:39–37:54)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Modeling:
  “Your children are going to learn by watching what you do online.” – Dr. Pressman (12:40)
• On Rule Setting:
  “When my daughter got a phone… we set a rule: by 9pm phones off. And she said, ‘But you leave your ears on.’” – Antigone Davis (16:46)
• On Safety Tools:
  “With teen accounts… if you’re under 16 and want to change [settings], you have to invite your parent in… to make it simple for parents.” – Antigone Davis (20:08)
• On Relationship Safety Net:
  “If you have a close, connected relationship… if they know they can come to you with the big stuff and the scary stuff… you’re more protected.” – Dr. Pressman (34:19)
• On Crisis Management:
  “No matter what that person tells them, it isn’t the end of the world. You can move past this… companies like ours will try to support them.” – Antigone Davis (32:11)
• Guiding Mantra:
  “All feelings are welcome. All behaviors are not.” – Dr. Eliza Pressman (38:37)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 05:00 — Guests introduce themselves & backgrounds
• 09:13 — Finding parenting mentors and collective wisdom
• 12:40 — Modeling family tech habits & “phubbing” anecdote
• 15:19 — Talking to kids about tech; guidance for preteens
• 20:08 — Details on Meta’s teen account safety controls
• 26:01 — Difference between cyberbullying and ordinary conflicts
• 29:07–31:11 — Sextortion: what to do, safety conversations, and “Take It Down”
• 34:19 — Creating positive, fun digital connections with kids
• 38:37 — Final mantras and words of wisdom

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Takeaways for Parents

• Begin honest conversations about digital life early—don’t wait until your child is a teen.
• Model the online balance you hope to see—kids are always watching.
• Engage in your child’s digital world—show curiosity and share fun, not just rules.
• Leverage available safety tools thoughtfully—understand and use parental controls.
• Keep communication open and your reactions calm—ensure your child feels safe coming to you, in everyday moments and in crises.
• Remember: all feelings are valid; boundaries still matter.

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For more resources, visit familycenter.meta.com and learn about the “Parenting the Digital Age” series.
Stay connected with Kanika and the show at thatstotalmomsense.com and @kanikachaddagupta on Instagram.

Transcript

[Lululemon Announcer]

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[Antigone Davis]

Morning Decisions how about a creamy mocha Frappuccino drink? Or sweet vanilla smooth caramel maybe? Or a white chocolate mo? Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

There is no hood like parenthood. Hi, I'm Kanika Chadha Gupta. I'm a former CNN journalist, mom of three, including twins, and host of that Total Mom Sense, the podcast. Now if I had a dollar every time I heard, gee, you have your hands full. On my show, I interview change makers on their life lessons, legacy and superpower of intuition, which I call our Mom Sense and dad Sense. I had the privilege of working with Mom 2.0, March of Dimes, and the White House and have had some pretty amazing parents on my show.

[Antigone Davis]

Hey, what's up? I'm Kelly Rowland.

[Chelsea Clinton]

Hi.

[Antigone Davis]

This is Chelsea Clinton.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

It's me, Bobby Brown.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Can't wait to share my story.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

That's Total momsense is a production of the evergreen podcast network. Be sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and on YouTube so you never miss an episode. To join my tribe, Visit or that's total momsense.com and follow me on Instagram @kanikachadha Gupta. Now let's dive in to today's episode.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Okay, so I am Kanika. My colleagues and friends call me a media mom of multiples. My kids call me Bruh. I am the official podcast partner of Mom 2.0. And as Laura mentioned, my show is called that's Total momsense and we are in the salon G. So come visit.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

Come visit.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

My team Heather is here. Hi Heather. And we are doing live podcasts IG Lives. We want to meet all the attendees, speakers, brands. So come find me and say hi. I'd love that. I'm so thrilled that Meta is here. So shout out to Meta and the team. We are all Instagram for life, so it's just amazing that they're here this year. And I'm really thrilled to announce that we launched a series called Parenting the Digital Age with a fellow Mom 2.0 friend of mine, Samantha Danielle, who I

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

shouted out last year.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

And we bring fresh perspective as black and brown moms of Six kids combined on what it's like to parent our kids in this modern day. And as geriatric millennials, if you will, I want to start with a quick poll. So do stand up if you have kids under 13. Under 13. Wow. Wow. That's, I would say like the majority of the room. All right. I want to say 75% of the room. Okay. What about kids over 13? And of course, they're siblings. So stand again. Kids over 13, that's about 50% of the room. And stay standing if you have lost sleep about all things in this modern day as we're raising our kids who are native to school screens and the Internet and you're just really concerned about it and want to learn.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

Yes.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

That's everybody. That's everybody. Well, today is a session for that and I'm so, so excited for the esteemed guests that are going to be joining me. So I'll share their bios now and then we'll call them out. Dr. Eliza Pressman is a developmental psychologist, New York Times best selling author of the Five Principles of Parenting, which is on my shelf, host of the Raising Good Humans podcast, and co founding director of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center. And Antigone Davis is meta's global head of safety, leading initiatives that ensure online safety for families, working closely with parents, policymakers and experts around the world to find the best way to support our teens online. So let's give it up for Dr. Eliza and Antigone. Come this way. Nice to see you. Welcome, welcome. Thank you.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

Thank you.

[Antigone Davis]

Thank you.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Hi.

[Antigone Davis]

Yep.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Yeah, this is fun. Now we're gonna get comfy and really vulnerable and honest because that's the way to do it. I'm so glad that you're here. So let's start with if you could tell us how you got into this work.

[Antigone Davis]

I'll try to shorten the story. But essentially I had been a middle school teacher and my family moved.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

God bless you.

[Antigone Davis]

And my daughter was off in school and I had been practicing law before that but had left and candidly my the clothes in every everybody's clothes were in color order. My drawers were perfect and I thought I need to get a job done

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

with the finger spacing.

[Antigone Davis]

So literally I volunteered for someone who was running for office and ended up working in the office once he won working on policy and came to work on issues of young people and children working on safety and privacy turned out on the Internet and from one thing led to another. I met people at Meta and here I am.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Wow, that's amazing. And Dr. Lipa.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

The short version I think is my. I grew up in a kind of wacky system. I feel like if you talk to any psychologist and ask them why they got into what they got into, there's always, you know, something. But my grandparents are Holocaust survivors and I was so obsessed with resilience and understanding that. And not just resilience, but also sort of the, the ways in which we think about resilience and our expectations and the categories where something's considered resilient. Someone. So I think I was always kind of fascinated and then different things led me to graduate school and developmental psychology. And then when I left, my field typically stays very academic and I was pregnant and I was kind of like, wait a second, how does anybody else find out about all of this? This was back when there wasn't as much access to information. And then as there's been more and more access, I think I felt more compelled to make sure that the information that's shared turns down the volume of noise a bit to help support parents.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

I love that. And now let's gush about the kids because I think that that's going to give us some context. I have twins, a boy and a girl, Krish and Sahana, who are eight. And my younger one, Shrey is six. And they send me little notes in my handbag which is so, so sweet. Tell us about Uranus.

[Antigone Davis]

Well, first before I do that, I have to tell you that my mom had very similar. I was the first and then two little boys within a year, same thing. I mean there are photos of her

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

where she's like, yeah, oh yeah. I was living under a rock for a very long time.

[Antigone Davis]

I have only one. Maybe that was. I grew up in four, but I have only one. She's 27 now. So it's, I feel like you're just saying behind stage. I'm not really sure I'm allowed to call a child anymore a kid anymore, but. And we've, you know, she's out on her own in New York, Roman phone as they say, and doing really well.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

That's amazing.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

I have an 18 year old who's

[Antigone Davis]

about to graduate from college.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

I mean from high school.

[Chelsea Clinton]

College.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Oh my God.

[Antigone Davis]

Don't go too fast.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Yeah, so that's where I am right now emotionally. And I have a 15 year old daughter and I have a 17 year old stepdaughter and a 14 year old year old stepson. Okay, amazing.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Big Kim, since you both are thought leaders, industry leaders and experts, I think one way to really level the playing field is that you have, you know, mentors and parents that you turn to for support. So who are the role models that you kind of have in your kitchen

[Antigone Davis]

cabinet that you're always asking for help? It's so funny that you say that. So I, as a mom, I think a very greedy learner. So I don't know that I have one role model. I would probably steal lessons from every single person in this room. What I look for is sort of, I'll watch if I see a mom in a difficult situation and kind of watch how they're navigating. I'm like, oh, I love that trick. And I'll pull that. I don't pull that trick. I think from a values perspective, for me, it's really finding the right balance of setting rules and listening and watching any parent who does that. Because that is like the constant thing of being a parent is sort of creating the boundary, but also listening and hearing your child and knowing who they are.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Yes, yes. And the emotional regulation that we have to set for ourselves.

[Antigone Davis]

I used to take time outs on my daughter.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Yeah, it's like, mommy, who needs a timeout.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Yes. Oh, I agree. I feel like I just take. I have the privilege of speaking with mothers in particular a lot. So I'm always snagging wisdom. And in general, my mentor in graduate school said that we all need someone who will lovingly tell us when we have broccoli in our teeth. And so any mom friend of mine, like, that is just gold. And I'm in a particularly vulnerable position because I remember when my kids were little and I was on a play date, and one of my. The moms there, who's a very close friend of mine, said, oh, I wouldn't have known that that's how you're supposed to handle that. The interaction that had happened with my child. And I was like, you're not. That was not me as a professional. That was me blowing it big time. Please don't copy that in any way, shape, or form. But, like, it was just that moment where I was just, oh, my God. The expectation is that I know what I'm doing. But actually, I'm a mom who sometimes, like, some things are easier for me if they're, like, procedural. Like, fine potty training was probably easier for me. But it's all, you know, we're human. And so I find it fascinating now, but at the time, I was like, oh, now I have to be self conscious that every time I blow it as a mom, it's like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

They're there to call you out.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

It's okay.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

It's all out of love. Okay, I want to share some stats. Teens today use more than 40 apps regularly. And Pew research shows that nearly half of children ages. Half of children age 0 to 2 already interact with smartphones.

[Antigone Davis]

And we've seen it.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

I mean, a one year old knows how to swipe. So how do you advise parents to engage with different apps and devices and technology that is the modern day in a healthy way?

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Is that for me?

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

Yeah.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

I wanted to also offer water, cuz I see it's all next to me.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Would you like some water?

[Lululemon Announcer]

Yeah.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Oh, you're so sweet.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Okay. Just a little water break. Okay.

[Antigone Davis]

Thank you.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

So moms always look out. That's why it's like the best conference ever.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Okay, where were we?

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

So, yeah, how do we, how do we create this healthy balance? Because technology is everywhere, you know, and it's like, when can we, when should we use it? When should we dial it back?

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

I mean, as a general matter, our kids watch more than they listen in terms of learning about habits. And so in many ways, parenting is this beautiful opportunity to figure out what your values are and like how you want to move through the world when you imagine that there's a camera watching you. Cause your child is that camera. And so I would say pay attention to what you're doing and how you're spending your time online and your children are going to learn by watching that. So when they're younger especially, I think separating your use on devices with your time with your kids is more important. Or be super clear about it. Like what you're doing versus, for example, you know, texting under the table as if you're not on your phone.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

Right?

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Yeah, that's good, good advice. I remember like, you know, at the dinner table, we try to have discussions even though we have like a peanut gallery. But we shared how in this New York Times article, there was a new word called phubbing, which is basically snubbing someone with your phone. And at drop off, I was frantically sending an email and Trey, my youngest, was like, mom, you're flubbing me. So we have to be really mindful that it's like, okay, this is something that we abide by as well. And I know when we're, we have our older, when the kids get older, we do want to enact a family contract and say that this is screen free zones, like the kitchen screen free zone, bedrooms too. And abide by this is how many hours you're getting to, to Spend online. And then there's ramifications when you don't do that. And same goes for us. I like that. Now let's talk about just the elephant in the room, which is a lot of the dangers that lurk online. And there's just so much around that I'm sure many of you have seen the viral series Adolescents show of hands.

[Chelsea Clinton]

Okay.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

And then you're not sleeping the next day because there's that. But I think we're all just hyper aware of what can go wrong. But there's ways to preempt and that's what parents need to focus on. So let's start there. How do we like help create these parental controls for our kids because they do live online?

[Antigone Davis]

Well, I'm going to go back for a second to what I said spoken about a minute ago, which is about listening. So I think what's really important for parents is probably most of you know, or hope you know, that children for apps like Instagram are not really supposed to be on until they're 13. It's made for people who are 13 and above. And the settings are privacy settings, the security settings, et cetera, are for people who are 13 and above. But like anything else, if you wait until Your child is 13, 13 to talk to them about technology, first of all, they're already using it. But second of all, you're missing an opportunity. I don't know how many of you have older children, but I can tell you that by the time they're 13, they are rolling their eyes at you. They're much more looking outward to figure things out, how the world around them works. But before they're 13, they're really, I mean they do it always, but there's a sponge like quality to what happens before they're 13. And so there are real opportunities in there to establish what your values are about using technology to talk to them about what they're doing, even just taking an interest. What do you like about this? What do you, you know, why are, when you, when they first start asking about wanting a phone, why are you so interested in a phone? And they'll probably tell you because everybody has one already. And I don't, but it's. But oh really?

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

With who?

[Antigone Davis]

And so I think there are just a lot of, there's that listening is really important. I also think setting boundaries. So this goes back to boundaries and setting and listening. When my daughter was, was got a phone, she. I noticed in the night, the light from the room. I tell this all the time and I think okay, that's not. I don't. That's not okay. I'm worried about her sleeping, et cetera. And so I. We set a rule. I think. I can't remember if it was 9 or 10 because she was maybe 9pm phones off, they're not in the room. You turn off. And she, without missing a beat, turned to me and said, but you leave your ears on. And so they learn back to hello, remodel. Yeah, so the phone went down and that was that. The other thing I would like to just say the parents, on the safety side of things is that aside from what you do as a parent, I want you to know that at Meta, we're thinking about it too. Our goal is to really set up our apps in a way that we're supporting parents and families. We want to make sure that we put in place the right safeguards for families and that we're inviting parents in and giving them controls. So at some point in this conversation, I'll talk a little bit about teen accounts. But what I want people to know about teen accounts is that they have safeguards for teens that are under the age of 16 and if your teen wants to change those, they have to invite you in and get your permission. And that's designed to try to really support parents and make them a part of their teens online lives as easily

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

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[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

I'd love to get into that because in my interaction with the Meta team, I know that there's three Cs, the contacts that you have, the content that the kids are watching, and then the context, why. So, yeah, can you kind of deep dive into that, like, and all the, all the controls? Because another thing is I think there's going to be the parents that are already like, especially the content creators here who have millions of followers, they already know how to use the app and they're just like, I've got this. So once my 13 year old is ready to start their own account, like, I know what to do. But then there are those who don't have the tech fluency, like, my husband's not on social and it reminds me of when my dad, when he needed to have my younger sister reprogram the vcr, like, he was just like, love him, but he was like a Luddite. Like, he just didn't know how to do it. So there are certain parents that are like, I actually don't have the tech fluency to manage all the apps that my kids on, and I want to, like, spare them and keep them safe from the predators, the groomers, all the toxicity, the cyberbullying that's out there. So how do we actually, like, yeah,

[Antigone Davis]

and I don't even think it's so muddy. I mean, the way this tech moves, it moves so quickly that even parents who are very adept at the tech are likely to be a little bit a step behind their child because their child is kind of coming in where it's at the same level that they're at. So what people should know about teen accounts in particular are they are designed to basically manage three of the top concerns for parents, and it turns out, actually for teens too. So who are your teens connecting with? The stranger danger worry? What's the content that they're engaging with? So is it appropriate? Does it signal something that I need to be worried about? And candidly, just how much time they're spending and do they. Are they managing their time well? And so with teen accounts, if you come on, you're under the age of 18, you're automatically put into a private account. With our strictest messaging restrictions, you are automatically set into our strict. We have something called a content control, sensitive content control. It's at the strictest setting. So that's above and beyond what are our policies that you may know about. It's stricter. And then in addition, the notifications are turned off at night. And this to me actually was one of the most important ones because between 10 o' clock and 7 in the morning, they're not getting notifications, which slows down their use. And the person who's trying to reach out is getting a message. This is nighttime. So it just enables them to turn off. It really supports them turning it off. And then the key here, I think, is that if you're under the age of 16 and you want to change those, you have to go get your parents permission and you have to invite them into our supervisory system. And why that's important is it enables a parent to see who the team is following without taking the phone, by the way, who the team is following, who's following the team. It enables them to see who they're messaging with. It enables them to set time restrictions. So if you want to set a time restriction, no phone, you said at dinner, for example, you can do that. You don't even have to worry about everybody putting a phone into the basket in the center of the table. You can actually make that happen right from your phone. The idea here is to make it really simple for parents. Our lives are complex enough for me. When we move from paper in the backpack to everything coming into my phone,

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

I was like, I can't do this.

[Antigone Davis]

The paper worked for me.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

I know we're still in worksheets, but I know Google Classroom is like, on the way. Yeah, no, that's. That's so interesting. And so what does, like, I guess even the dashboard, like, what can we expect when we're in there? Like when you set a screen time limit or hidden words, like, what does the parent see? What does the child see or the teen see?

[Antigone Davis]

So first of all, I believe you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe there's actually maybe in the other room a place where you can go see how teen accounts work. And I strongly suggest you do it. It's designed to be very simple. So if your teen invites you into our supervisory tools, you'll basically get a notification or you can actually ask them to do it too. And then they have to. They have to say yes. And the only reason for that is because we don't know who their parent is without that team telling us, which is part of why we've developed it this the way we have. But then you'll get, basically, you'll have a dashboard. It'll show you what the settings are, how to change it. If your team wants to change that setting, you're basically going to get a notification that your team would like to change that setting. Some information. I think what's also really important to know is that the dashboard has a display additional resources for parents. So that if you're having a more challenging issue, you see, for example, someone that your teen is messaging with and you don't know who that person is, and it makes you concerned. There are resources in there about how to talk to your teen, how to approach the issue done by experts. And so it's all designed to try to support parents in what is generally hard. Parenting is hard, hard.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

And you know, the team does so much behind the scenes. There's a whole screen smart series too, that you're going to different cities if you want to share that.

[Antigone Davis]

Well, that's a little bit of what we're up to today. So across the country, we are doing this screen smart series where we're introducing people to teen accounts, where we're engaging with parents from all over the country. And in particular, honestly, I'd like to give a huge thank you to the parents who are here because many of you, because you are creators and you have huge followings, are sharing that information. We literally made a decision to tap directly into the parent network, which is huge, it turns out way bigger than when I was doing this, without the world of creators that now exists and using that network to share that information.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Yeah, it's wonderful. And even Family center is an amazing resource. So familycenter.meta.com

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

of course.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

I know.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

I got you.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

I got you. Because even the series that Samantha and I are hosting, Parenting in the Digital Age, is going to live on Family center and on the podcast. And it's just meant to be like, we're real world moms. But we are making sure that we're doing our due diligence to understand what the platforms are so that we don't hit any roadblocks and we don't face any, like, circumstances we don't want to be in. It's really the onus is on us. And now I want to talk about cyberbullying, because that's something that, you know, it just hits close to home. I'm sure parents, they might have had a child who's been there or friends. And in your line of work, you're seeing kids all the time, so how often do they come to you for bullying online specifically?

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

So I see parents, I don't see kids. But I would say one of the things that we have to figure out is the distinction between the bullying versus just like kids being jerks. Yeah, this is a very large room for me to have used that word. I'm not thrilled about it. And so because the bullying is so serious and so, so painful and so harmful, but everything isn't that. And so making sure that you can distinguish and really understand, which goes to what Antigone's saying about all of the technology that's now put in place to kind of take some work off the parents is so important. And also some of this isn't about technology with cyberbullying, it's about really deeply focusing on your relationship with your kids to make sure that you understand what's happening so that you can be there to protect them beyond the technology. And part of that is also when this isn't in the. When this isn't happening, looking at what's going on? Sitting with them and looking at their social media and seeing what people are saying and asking them what it means and asking them about how it feels. Feels. And let's hope most of the time it's lovely stuff or it's funny stuff or, you know, they're spamming, you know, great. Like, you know, they like to make 7,000 comments about how awesome everybody is. But even that when you're looking through it, you're setting up in the relationship that then they're going to be able to say they're used to you looking at it with them so that when there's a flag, they're talking about it and not just one with. About them. But it's often easier when you're looking at other people's accounts with them and looking at their. For your page and looking at. Is it called for you?

[Antigone Davis]

Yeah.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Explore for your. And really asking them about how different things make them feel inside, how it actually makes your stomach feel or your nervous system so that they get into the habit of paying attention to that. So you can say to them, if there's a comment or you see something where you have even a moment where your gut is saying, like, was that. Did that mean what I think it meant? That's important. Let's pay attention to that so that we can block it and get rid of it. And then beyond that, if it gets to a point where there is cyberbullying going on, that's a time to take a break from the technology completely and be there to support our kids. And know the difference between saying sometimes we have to set limits that they don't want, that they say they don't want and that they might be screaming and crying about, but actually they're desperate for us to do.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Yes, yes. No, it's so true. We need to be loving and firm, not loving and permissive.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Yeah.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Yeah. Dr. Daniel Raymond said that I want to just paint a scenario about

[Antigone Davis]

sextortion

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

because that's also something that's plaguing the Internet and our kids are really vulnerable. Let's say, if my daughter comes to me and says I sent a nude and what do I do? What's the damage control there?

[Antigone Davis]

Well, first of all, I would be thrilled for your daughter to come to you.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Exactly.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

The thing that I think is really

[Antigone Davis]

important and this context for parents is. And I just want to take one second because this is a really serious issue. If you start to set. You need to set up a space for your child to feel safe, to come to you, if you can do it, it's really hard. Trust me. There were some times when my daughter came to me, I was like, what? And you try not to overreact because you want them to come back. So giving your child space. Kids do things, they make mistakes. You want them to feel safe to come to you and say, I just did this thing. I just shared a nude, which is hugely embarrassing. And I can tell you this because I had to have one of my daughter's friends, who was a boy, come to tell me this. You cannot imagine how hard that must have been for him. So that's the first and most important, important thing. But well, before sort of creating that, getting to that place, I think it's important to make your children aware of this issue and to have some sense of what it is. So I'm just going to take a second to tell people. These are people who are online who are going to pretend that they're somebody else. They're going to try to trick your child into developing a trusting relationship with them. And then they're going to try to trick your child into sharing an image. And then when they share that image, they're going to try to extort money from your child or other things. It's a terrible crime. I want you to understand it really simply and clearly, because once you understand it, you can explain it to your child. You can let them know that people make mistakes and to come to you. But let's say it's already happened, which

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

is really what your question is. I love that you gave the backstory that's so helpful.

[Antigone Davis]

So if your child is in a situation like that, or by the way, it does happen in to adults, too, if you are in that situation or your child. There is something called take it down that we worked on with the national center for Missing and Exploited Children. They have a website. You should go to it. If you type in take it down, you're going to find it. Basically, when you go there, there's a way within the system for you to download technology onto your software, onto your phone that will take the image that your child shared, create a fingerprint of it, a digital fingerprint of it. That digital fingerprint is shared with the national center for Missing and displayed children. It's not the image, it's a fingerprint. That's important because it can be hard if you think you have to share the image. That fingerprint is then shared with technology companies like ours. And if someone tries to upload that image and do something terrible to your child, we can prevent it.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

Wow.

[Antigone Davis]

So that's really important for parents to know. And I think what I want kids to know and you should share with your kids is no matter what that person tells them, it isn't the end of the world. You can move past this. You can take some control over the image. Companies like ours will try to support them. There is also legal action and to be followed up on.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

That's great. And Liza actually was telling me backstage about how teen accounts is going to actually screen for when new.

[Antigone Davis]

There's a few things that we're doing as well. So one thing is huge. We have something that we basically call an on device nudity control. Your teen can turn it on. One of the things that these people do is they'll try to send you an image. It isn't really an image of them to trust to get your team to set an image. This nudity control blurs those images. It's a good red flag and it gives them an opportunity like hey, here you might want to think about this and offers resources so that they become aware. In addition, what I want parents to know when I said about strictest messaging restrictions, we don't enable people who are unconnected from your teen to message your team. And knowing your team's privacy setting is really, really important. One of the things about our supervisory tools, for example, is you can see who your team is messaging with as well. So these things are all designed to try to help protect. In this instance, another thing that we've been doing is one of the things that they'll do is they'll pretend that they know your child. Oh, I live down near a lot of them generally don't often are from other parts of the world will indicate to you this message is from another country just to give you information so that you're in a position to have that spidey sense.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

That's great. And Dr. Liza, how do parents and how do you help parents cultivate like fun around technology? You know, I know we're going to just shift gears and then bring it home.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Well, one thing to remember is all of this. The overarching message is if you have a close and connected relationship with your child, if they know that they can come to you with the big stuff, the scary stuff and that you're not going to have a huge reaction because you're going to be there to receive that information. By the way, if your kids are younger, that means with the stuff that seems really small but is big at the time somebody hit them at the playground or whatever, that we can have these modified reactions so that they keep coming to us. Keep coming to us. And also that we have fun with them with these things so that it doesn't turn into this is all evil. It's the same thing with video games. Like, if you hear that, if you're told by the adults in your life that video games are destroying your brain and they're terrible, then you're going to not connect over that at all. And then it's just a battle. So I'd rather you say, like, show me what's so fun about this. And same thing. So, like, my teenagers send me ridiculous, you know, I just sent something to my daughter that I thought would make her laugh, and she sent me back, you know, like, I don't even know what they're called. Memes. Whatever. Reels sent me a reel. Oh, my God, sent me a reel. And like, we do that enough that. I'm not saying this is all. This is society's evil. And don't go anywhere near it. And therefore you should sneak it and not have anything fun happening around it. I think it's also fun to just remember to laugh with your kids and to go through the things that are funny, because there's really great stuff. It's just that if we only focus on. First of all, we have to focus on it, and we have to make sure that they understand what's out there. But if we only focus on that and we don't connect with them in the ways that they are moving through the world and connecting in the world, we're setting up, like, a separation that is really hard to come back from. And then if something goes wrong, if you're already like this, what they're waiting for is for you to say, I told you this was evil. I told you this was all wrong. And so nobody wants to go talk to someone who's going to be like, I told you so. So I think fun is important for fun. And it's also important to feel safe and have a close relationship so that you're more protected.

[Antigone Davis]

I do think this tech does create a level of connection that we probably all, at this point take for granted and don't realize. I mean, I can't imagine the number of chat threads that I have that have all these memes in them when we're laughing, where I get to laugh with someone that is across the country from me, who I would maybe in the past not have even been connected to except on a random phone call. Just sort of changed our world. Probably the most poignant example I can give for me is, you know, when I was in school, you went from. And people are going to think you sound like you're 100 years old, but you went from grammar school. I know people call it elementary. I still call it grammar school. From elementary school to middle school to high school. And at each of those places, I lost friends because you switched from a different location. And I really lost them. And my daughter, to this day, because of the ability to connect in this way, is friends with her kindergarten friends. They come and sleep over at her house in New York. Still, I mean, that's just not a thing that I got to have. And I do think that is a large part because of the way my we are now so connected.

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

Yeah, I just. It's been really sweet. My daughter has been connecting with people

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

she's about to go to college with,

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

and they're, like, creating all of these fun opportunities together. So I think. And I'm saying to her, and of course she's making sure that it's true, and there are ways to make sure that it's not just somebody saying, like, that's where, you know, I'll be in school with you. But I'm not. I'm not spending most of my time saying, like, make sure it's not a, you know, terrible person that's pretending they're going to school with you. I'm aware and I trust. And we've gotten to the point where I know she's paying attention to all the signs to know about the safety, and now I can just enjoy her joy. That's amazing.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

And as we close, do you have just a mantra or a credo that we could just all rally around before, you know, through the rest of this conference to share with all the creators here?

[Dr. Eliza Pressman]

I mean, I say this all the time. I think it's relevant here, too. All feelings are welcome. All behaviors are. Or not.

[Antigone Davis]

I'm going to steal yours. Which is, I think, for parents, regardless of whether you're online or offline, the most important thing is to. When you need to be still and listen to your inner voice and your

[Kanika Chadha Gupta (Moderator/Host)]

inner voice, your mom sense. Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Elisa and Antigone. Thank you so much.

[Kanika Chadha Gupta]

Thanks for listening to this episode of that's Total Mom Sense. You can listen to the audio version wherever you get your podcasts. Just search for thatstotalmomsense. You can learn more about my guests by logging on to www.thatstotalmomsense.com. be sure to follow me on Instagram, where I'm most active on social media. My handle is anikachupta, and if you have ideas for show topics or guests you can't wait to have on the show, write to me@thatstotalmomsense mail.com and lastly, please rate, review and subscribe to that Stone momsense if you haven't already. Thanks for being in my tribe.

[Chelsea Clinton]

Hello and welcome to Newbies, the podcast created for new moms navigating the first year of motherhood. Each episode is a safe and supportive space where we talk honestly about postpartum recovery, newborn care, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, mental health, identity shifts, and all the moments nobody fully prepares you for. I'm your host, Keeley Garcia, and as a new mom myself, I know firsthand how emotional and life changing the season can be. That's why Newbies is your go to podcast. It's to bring moms together through real conversations, shared experiences, practical advice, and reassurance that you're not the only one feeling this way on the show. You'll hear candid stories from fellow moms, expert insights, tips for navigating postpartum life, and conversations about everything. Subscribe to Newbies for New Episodes every Thursday, and if you want even more support, join our Patreon, where you can listen to episodes early and ad free and be a part of our grow community of moms.