Episode Summary: "Loneliness Has Nothing To Do With Being Alone" featuring Heather McFadyen

Podcast: The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
Host: Jenny Ertz
Guest: Heather McFadyen
Episode: 1KHO 416
Release Date: January 17, 2025

In this engaging episode of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast, host Jenny Ertz sits down with Heather McFadyen, the author of Don't Mom Alone and Right Where You Belong. Together, they delve deep into the nuances of motherhood, the pervasive sense of loneliness that many mothers experience, and the importance of establishing authentic connections. The conversation is rich with personal anecdotes, insightful discussions, and practical advice aimed at empowering mothers to embrace their roles without succumbing to overwhelming pressures.

1. Introduction to Heather McFadyen

[00:00] Jenny Ertz: Welcomes Heather McFadyen, highlighting their shared publisher, Baker Revelle. They discuss Heather's books, Don't Mom Alone and Right Where You Belong, and her extensive podcasting history that began in 2013.

Notable Quote:

Heather McFadyen [00:12]: "I lucked out because I had a blogging mastermind group... they helped me get it all set up."

2. Journey into Podcasting and Authorship

Heather recounts her transition from blogging to podcasting, influenced by a mastermind group of digitally savvy women. She emphasizes the role of Serial in popularizing podcasts, making them more accessible to a broader audience.

[01:46] Heather McFadyen: Reflects on how Serial changed people's perception of podcasts, making them more eager to explore the medium.

3. Exploring "Don't Mom Alone"

Heather introduces her second podcast, Sidetracked, a Christian women’s comedy show, and discusses the expansion of Don't Mom Alone into a multifaceted platform addressing various aspects of motherhood.

Notable Quote:

Heather McFadyen [04:19]: "We kind of grew a little posse of people and so now we just launched its own show in the comedy sector."

4. Challenging the Notion of Parental Responsibility

A central theme of the conversation revolves around the misconception that mothers are entirely responsible for their children's outcomes. Heather shares insights from a dinner with Dr. Townsend and Dr. Cloud, authors of Boundaries.

[12:05] Heather McFadyen: Discusses their experiment where both Dr. Townsend and Dr. Cloud concluded that parents are only 30% responsible for their children's development.

Heather McFadyen [12:05]: "They both turned around the whiteboards, and it was 30%. So it's not like I would ever... You can't keep it all."

5. Identity Beyond Motherhood

Heather emphasizes the importance of developing an identity separate from motherhood. She cites Jamie Winship’s Living Fearlessly to illustrate how personal identity should not be solely tied to roles or vocations.

[15:24] Heather McFadyen: Shares Jamie Winship’s story about his son identifying as a "skateboarder for Jesus" and the profound impact it had.

Heather McFadyen [16:22]: "Your identity is not that you're a mom. That's a role. But like, it's not your whole identity."

6. Understanding Loneliness in Motherhood

The discussion shifts to loneliness, redefining it not as being physically alone but feeling disconnected despite being surrounded by people. Heather discusses strategies to overcome this through vulnerability and authentic connections.

Notable Quote:

Heather McFadyen [30:09]: "Loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. It’s the feeling of being alone."

7. The Seven Types of Rest

Heather introduces the concept of the "Seven Types of Rest," inspired by Dr. Sandra Dalton, highlighting how different forms of rest are crucial for overall well-being.

[36:09] Heather McFadyen: Breaks down the seven types:

• Physical Rest
• Mental Rest
• Spiritual Rest
• Emotional Rest
• Social Rest
• Sensory Rest
• Creative Rest

[37:22] Jenny Ertz: Elaborates on creative rest as engaging in activities that rejuvenate the mind and spirit, such as embroidery or crochet.

8. Practical Applications and Personal Anecdotes

Heather shares personal stories, including memories from her childhood spent outdoors, underscoring the importance of nature in development and rest.

Notable Quote:

Heather McFadyen [45:31]: "I grew up on five acres in Indiana, and I was homeschooled. So I played in the woods for hours, hours and hours."

9. Encouraging Authentic Connections

Heather advocates for building genuine relationships where vulnerabilities can be shared without fear of judgment or rejection. She underscores the value of supportive communities in mitigating feelings of loneliness.

[32:33] Heather McFadyen: "It's worth the risk of rejection to pursue vulnerable, authentic connection."

10. Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Jenny and Heather wrap up the discussion by highlighting the critical insights shared:

• Redefining Responsibility: Mothers are not solely responsible for their children's outcomes.
• Identity Separation: Developing an identity beyond motherhood to alleviate undue pressure.
• Variety of Rest: Recognizing and practicing different types of rest to maintain well-being.
• Authentic Connections: Building supportive communities to combat loneliness.

Heather encourages listeners to engage with her books and podcasts for deeper exploration of these topics.

Final Thought

Heather McFadyen’s heartfelt and insightful discussion provides a roadmap for mothers seeking to navigate the complexities of parenting without losing themselves. By fostering authentic relationships, redefining personal identity, and prioritizing various forms of rest, mothers can cultivate a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Favorite Memory from Childhood Outside:
Heather reminisces about sweeping rocks by a creek with her friend, discovering a strawberry shortcake doll named Penny, and building playgrounds with her father. These memories highlight the profound impact of outdoor play and familial bonds on her upbringing.

For more insights and resources, listeners are encouraged to explore Heather McFadyen’s books and her podcasts, Don't Mom Alone and Sidetracked. Engage with these platforms to support your journey in motherhood and beyond.