The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
Episode: 1KHO 498: How to Develop Brains That Are Capable of Enjoying Success
Guests: Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
Release Date: June 9, 2025

Introduction

In this pivotal episode of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast, host Ginny Urich welcomes back two esteemed guests, Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. They delve into the profound topic of raising children whose brains are not only primed for success but are also capable of genuinely enjoying that success. This conversation is enriched with actionable insights, notable quotes, and practical tools aimed at fostering a healthy, happy, and resilient next generation.

1. Being a Non-Anxious Presence

Ginny Urich opens the discussion by highlighting the concept of being a "non-anxious presence" and its critical role in child development. She poses a poignant question to the guests:

“Can you talk about what messages kids are getting when we have an anxious presence?” ([04:24])

Dr. William Stixrud responds thoughtfully, emphasizing that excessive parental anxiety inadvertently teaches children to fear the world:

“When we were working on this book, Jenny, it seemed to us that given the incredible levels of anxiety in young people, that they must be getting the message to be very afraid...The world is a much more dangerous place than it really is.” ([04:39])

He underscores the importance of conveying calmness and courage, rather than fear, to help children navigate a world that is, statistically, safer than ever.

2. Communication Strategies with Kids

Ned Johnson shares personal experiences underscoring the detrimental effects of hypervigilance and constant monitoring:

“One of the most powerful things that my wife and I did for our daughter was to just say... it’s okay if your life, your grades, your room is a mess. I love you even though you’re messy.” ([07:00])

This approach fosters unconditional love and reassurance, allowing children to feel supported without the pressure of perfection. Dr. Stixrud adds that managing parental anxiety is paramount to being a supportive and non-controlling figure in a child’s life.

3. School Pressure and the Scarcity Mindset

The conversation shifts to the educational system's role in perpetuating anxiety:

“Schools pit students against one another for top achievement awards and emphasize acceptance to the best colleges, as if only the top students who go to the most elite colleges will be able to create meaningful lives.” ([12:56])

Ned Johnson critiques the performance-based childhood, where extracurricular activities are no longer sources of joy but additional stressors aimed at enhancing college applications. This mindset undermines the development of essential life skills and genuine happiness.

4. Developing Independent Adults

Both guests agree on the necessity of fostering independence in children:

“As parents, we want to rescue our kids. It’s in our wiring. And yet it’s in their wiring that they need to rescue themselves.” ([61:52])

They advocate for allowing children to solve their own problems, which builds resilience and confidence. Dr. Stixrud emphasizes that independence enables children to manage their lives effectively, reducing the risk of chronic anxiety and depression.

5. The Importance of Happiness in Child Development

Dr. Stixrud introduces the PERMA model from positive psychology to elucidate the components of a happy and well-lived life:

• Positive Emotion
• Engagement
• Relationships
• Meaning
• Accomplishment

“Happiness begets success, not success begets happiness.” ([54:03])

This model highlights that happiness is foundational to success, challenging the common misconception that achievement leads to happiness.

6. Building Healthy Relationships

The guests discuss the paramount importance of relationships in determining lifelong happiness:

“The single strongest predictor of people's happiness was the quality of their relationship...happy marriages lead to healthier, happier lives.” ([55:54])

They stress that nurturing meaningful relationships during childhood sets the stage for well-being in adulthood.

7. Positive Psychology and the PERMA Model

Dr. Stixrud elaborates on the PERMA model, advocating for its application in parenting:

• Positive Emotion: Cultivating optimism and gratitude can significantly reduce teenage depression ([45:45]).
• Engagement: Encouraging deep engagement in activities promotes a sense of flow and satisfaction.
• Relationships: Building strong, supportive relationships is crucial for emotional well-being.
• Meaning: Helping children find purpose and significance in their actions fosters resilience.
• Accomplishment: Celebrating genuine achievements reinforces self-worth without the accompanying stress of perfectionism.

8. Overcoming Modern Challenges: Screens and Materialism

The episode addresses the pitfalls of screen time and materialism:

“Research is very clear that kids need to play in self-directed ways. Screen time too often replaces this process.” ([54:03])

The guests argue that excessive screen time detracts from meaningful play and engagement, leading to issues like FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and materialistic values. They advocate for conscious choices about what activities children engage in, emphasizing quality over quantity.

9. Conclusion

Ginny Urich wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of the discussed strategies in nurturing happy, resilient, and successful children. She praises the actionable advice from "What Do You Say?" and encourages parents to adopt these communication techniques to foster a supportive and non-anxious environment.

“Depression and hopelessness have no respect for accomplishment. As the temps start rising, I feel that familiar urge to refresh my closet. But I’m not wasting money on pieces I’ll only wear once...” ([54:10])

The episode concludes on an uplifting note, celebrating the profound impact of positive, intentional parenting on children's ability to enjoy their successes and lead fulfilling lives.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. William Stixrud (04:39): “When we tell them we’re really worried about you...that the world is a much more dangerous place than it really is.”

• Ned Johnson (07:00): “We think about unconditional love. What can be more powerful for any person, particularly young person, to say, you're right, in my book, you're in my book.”

• Dr. William Stixrud (12:56): “Schools pit students against one another for top achievement awards...only the top students who go to the most elite colleges will create meaningful lives.”

• Ned Johnson (61:52): “As parents, we want to rescue our kids...we have to sit on our hands and let them solve their own problems.”

• Dr. William Stixrud (54:03): “Happiness begets success, not success begets happiness.”

Key Takeaways:

1. Manage Parental Anxiety: Parents' emotional states significantly influence children's mental health. Maintaining a calm and supportive presence helps alleviate children's fears and anxieties.

2. Effective Communication: Utilizing non-coercive language and offering suggestions rather than directives fosters autonomy and mutual respect.

3. Rethink Education Pressure: The current educational system's emphasis on competition and elite college admissions contributes to unnecessary stress and undermines genuine learning and happiness.

4. Foster Independence: Allowing children to navigate challenges independently builds resilience and confidence, essential traits for long-term success and happiness.

5. Prioritize Relationships and Happiness: Strong, meaningful relationships and a focus on happiness are more indicative of future well-being than academic or material achievements.

6. Limit Screen Time: Excessive reliance on screens hinders self-directed play and engagement, which are crucial for cognitive and emotional development.

7. Cultivate Optimism and Gratitude: Encouraging positive emotions and gratitude can significantly enhance children's mental health and overall satisfaction with life.

Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a compelling guide for parents seeking to raise well-rounded, happy, and successful children. By embracing non-anxious parenting, fostering meaningful communication, and prioritizing happiness over mere achievement, parents can significantly influence their children's ability to enjoy their successes and lead fulfilling lives.