The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast

Episode: 1KHO 562: The Rulebook for a High-Tech World
Guest: Dr. Jean Twenge
Theme: 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World
Air Date: September 2, 2025

Overview

This episode features Dr. Jean Twenge, psychologist and author of 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World, in conversation with the host of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast. The discussion centers on the urgent challenges families face as technology and screens come to dominate childhood—and practical, research-backed rules parents can use to help their children grow into healthy, independent adults. The episode draws from Dr. Twenge’s extensive generational research, her new book, and her personal experiences raising three teenagers. Listeners will find frank talk, practical ideas, memorable analogies, and encouragement for parents to take back charge in an overly digital age.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why This Book? The Ubiquity of Tech Questions

• Dr. Twenge describes that no matter what topic she speaks on, parents always ask: “What about my kids and technology use?” (02:20)
• Surge in technology-related child mental health concerns since 2012 is deeply concerning.
• Quote – Dr. Twenge:

  “Depression among teens doubled between 2011 and 2019... that's when everybody started to get a smartphone.” (04:48)

• Modern childhood decisions around tech have massive long-term consequences—parents feel both individually and collectively powerless.

2. Unintended Consequences of Early Tech Adoption

• Technology presents as a convenient solution (connection, boredom) but undermines independence, focus, and social development.
• Kids who receive smartphones early often lose interest in previous hobbies, become less active, and withdraw from family/social life.
  Quote – Host reading Twenge example:

  "Suddenly novels were promptly cast aside... she danced less, she laughed less, she was quieter...” (05:27)

• Early, constant device use correlates with the dramatic drop in sustained attention, independent decision-making, and emotional resilience in teens.

3. Parenting Styles & Setting Concrete Boundaries

• Dr. Twenge advocates for authoritative (“dolphin”) parenting: warm but firm, with clear rules and empathy, not authoritarian or permissive. (09:53)
• Analogies to societal age restrictions (driving, drinking, voting) make the case for steadfast tech “rules of the road” over “it depends on the kid” ambiguity. Quote – Dr. Twenge:

  “I think it is much more helpful to pick an age and stick with it. Just like we have done as a society for driving, for drinking alcohol, for voting...” (06:50)

• Empowers parents:

  “You are the parent. You can do that.” (09:53)

4. Overprotection in the Real World, Underprotection Online

• Modern parents underprotect children online (where risks are vast and abstract) but overprotect in the real world (where physical risks are vanishingly rare). Memorable quote – Dr. Twenge:

  “It’s become acceptable to hand a 10-year-old a smartphone... but unacceptable to have that 10-year-old play in your front yard.” (25:14)

• Real world “boredom” and spend-time-outside strategies are core to development and cure boredom better than screens.

  “Device use doesn’t cure boredom, it actually makes it worse.” (23:49)

5. Fostering Independence & Real-World Competence

• Children need unstructured outdoor play and daily responsibilities (laundry, meals) for independence—tech eats up time that used to build these life skills.
• Pickup games and child-driven activities teach negotiation, compromise, social skills—rare in adult-organized events or screen time. (16:31)
• Notable quote – Dr. Twenge:

  “You’re not raising children, you’re raising adults.” (14:13)

6. Sleep, Tech, and Mental Health

• Rule: No electronics in bedrooms overnight. This is the most important rule for family tech use. (44:49)
• Teens need more sleep than adults (nine hours) but devices, early school starts, and social expectations have cut sleep dramatically. Quote – Dr. Twenge:

  “A 15-year-old needs to be asleep by 9:30 if they need to wake at 6:30. Most aren’t.” (46:50)

• Sleep deprivation is linked to depression and anxiety.

  “Teens whose parents let them stay up until midnight are 24% more likely to suffer from depression, 20% more likely to have suicidal thoughts.” (48:19)

7. The Importance of Books, Sustained Attention, and "Deep Work"

• Kids and teens are reading fewer books—impacting not just academic success, but empathy, critical thinking, and satisfaction.
• Schools are assigning fewer books; many smart students arrive in college unable to focus for more than a few minutes or read long texts. (28:03, 29:46)
• Generational shifts: 40% of high schoolers haven’t read a non-assigned book in the last year. (33:27)
• Tech erodes deep focus—attention spans shrink, making long-form reading and in-depth learning rare.

8. Developmental Stages & Tech Readiness

• The difference between ages 13 and 16 is enormous; maturity blooms late in adolescence. Neither tech companies nor society considered this when allowing social media at 13. (40:58) Memorable quote – Dr. Twenge:

  “What developmental expert ever said 13 is the perfect age for social media? No one.” (40:58)

• Dr. Twenge suggests phones and social media should not come before the driver’s license (16); some parents tie it to the child’s ability to earn and buy their own device. (42:40)
• Issues like bullying, anxiety, quantifiable social popularity are magnified by screens in early teen years.

9. Rules > Conversations

• Parental education and open discussion about tech dangers are critical, but NOT enough on their own. Rules are still needed. (53:22) Quote – Dr. Twenge:

  “You’re going to expect them to put that phone down and cheerfully go to bed at 9pm?... Left to their own devices, that’s what they’re going to do—spend seven hours on the iPad.” (53:22)

Practical Tips & Memorable Moments

• Pick a phone/social media age and stick with it—treat it like driver’s licenses/buying alcohol. (06:50, 42:40)
• Give kids stock phrases to deflect tech peer pressure:
  “I can’t text you back right away because I go to bed at 10.” or “My parents make us put our phones away during dinner.” (36:22, 37:50)
• Expect boundary testing—including lying/sneaking devices. Persevere anyway; don’t give up. (49:19, 52:42)
• Identify 25 fun, screen-free activities your family loves—and do them. (38:50)
• Push for sleep: no devices in bedrooms, stick to a consistent bedtime. (44:49, 48:19)

Inspiring & Notable Quotes

• Dr. Twenge (on giving kids a smartphone)

  “If your 13-year-old wants to drive a car, there’s no question, there’s a law. We need the same for tech.” (06:50)

• On the shifts in parenting:

  “We’re a little softer. We say, ‘Eh, everybody else is doing it.’ But our parents would have laughed in our faces.” (09:53)

• On boredom and devices:

  “Device use doesn’t cure boredom, it actually makes it worse.” (23:49)

• On the most important tech rule:

  “If there’s only one rule you follow, the rule is do not put electronic devices in kids’ bedrooms overnight. No electronic devices.” (44:49)

• On independence:

  “You’re not raising children, you’re raising adults.” (14:13)

• On the necessity of rules:

  “Do not let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” (49:50)

• On why conversations aren’t enough:

  “You should absolutely talk to your kids about online dangers... but if you expect that to be enough, it’s just not going to happen.” (53:22)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 02:20 — Why Dr. Twenge wrote this book: every group asks about kids and tech
• 05:27 — “Screen wedded to her palm”: real-world effects of tech on home life
• 06:50 — Societal analogies for age restrictions and why concrete rules matter
• 09:53 — Authoritative (“dolphin”) parenting: loving and firm
• 14:13 — “You’re not raising children, you’re raising adults”
• 16:31–17:23 — Real world play and competence: what’s lost to screens and structured activities
• 23:49–25:14 — Boredom and device use: research says more screen time, more boredom
• 25:14 — Overprotected outside, underprotected online – the great inversion
• 28:03, 29:46 — Reading’s decline, impact on focus and academic success
• 40:58 — “No one ever said 13 was the right age for social media”; the developmental perspective
• 44:49 — “No devices in bedrooms overnight”—the most fundamental rule
• 48:19 — Sleep, tech, and mental health: concrete statistics
• 53:22 — Why discussions are not enough—rules are essential
• 56:29 — The book's goal: the intersection of research and real parenting experience

Final Thoughts

Dr. Twenge’s “10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World” is a pragmatic, research-driven, and parent-tested antidote to the chaos of modern digital life. The episode leaves listeners with empowering takeaways:

• Parents must reclaim their authority—rules are not only allowed, but essential.
• Filtering or discussing tech use alone is insufficient to safeguard mental health, social skills, and family life.
• Delaying tech, requiring outdoor and real-world interaction, upholding sleep rules, and encouraging reading are key.
• If you choose only one rule: no devices in the bedroom overnight.
• You are not alone in this struggle. Perseverance over perfection will yield lasting good—for families, communities, and the next generation.

Recommended Reading:

• 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World by Dr. Jean Twenge
• Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy
• Generations and iGen by Dr. Twenge

Listen to this episode for more practical examples, heartfelt stories, and evidence-backed guidance on reclaiming childhood from screens—and raising capable, confident adults in a world of rapid technological change.